I Hate You I Love You
by TheLyricsAreMyStory
Summary: In the following months after their split, can Carla and Nick forget about each other? Maybe, until Carla receives some devastating news which could bring them back together.
1. Chapter 1

_"Nick? Nick are you there? Listen, it's Carla, please don't hang up. I need you to come to Devon, it's important... It's to see our baby, our baby girl..."_

 **June 2016**

 _Feeling used but I'm still missing you._

Call. Delete. Call. Delete. Call.

"Delete." I hear Leanne's voice in my head, the voice which once meant everything and now meant nothing. Now another voice was the one I longed to hear, but it's the one I also hated.

 _I can't see the end of this, just want to feel your kiss_

Your kiss, the one which electrified me.

 _Against my lips._

She's not you.

 _Against my lips._

See to me first, I've missed you.

 _Against my lips._

I thought we were happy?

"We are, I meant someone else."

We were.

I meant someone else.

Someone else.

But not me.

 **July 2016:**

 _All this time is passing by._

Tick. Tick. Tick.

I swear this clock would be a lot quieter if I wasn't here alone. Devon. Of all the places I could be. If you had asked me five years ago, when I was strutting around my factory, walking easily in high heels down the cobbled streets of Manchester, I'd have said no way.

But I had no choice.

Here with Nick would have been heaven. Here by myself was a place which seemed alienated to me.

 _But I still can't seem to tell you why._

Why I did it. Why I didn't tell you. If I had told you straight away, maybe we could still be here, living the fantasy which was once reality; our future. Why did I feel the need to sleep with someone who meant nothing, when I had everything right before my eyes, for the first time in my life.

 _It hurts me every time I see you._

The last time I saw you, it broke my heart. You were running again, running like you told me you were when you first saw me. You stopped again, to look at me, this time not with wonder, but with hatred and memories and hurt and then you carried on running. You carried on running out of my life.

 _I realise how much I need you._

I want you, I need you, so badly. You were the best thing that happened to me, Nick. Everything I touch breaks, everyone I love hurts, I was cursed. I told you, I would hurt you in the end. Problem is, I used all my chances.

I look out of the window and see nothing. A lonely cottage, dull green fields, the sea a murky brown colour, all alone.

"Imagine us; our little cottage, green fields, the sea just in the distance, us pottering in the garden. Just the two of us... Maybe three of us. Nick we've not got forever."

We didn't have forever. We had so much less than forever.

 **August 2016:**

 _I hate you, I love you, I hate that I love you._

Shut up. It's been almost three months. My head was fucking around, worse than it ever had before, except this was different, this was worse. I'd never been so incapable of thinking. Two juxtaposing emotions were colliding again and again and it made my head ache.

"Look, this is crazy." I turn to Leanne, the words falling out of my mouth in a rush to clear my head of these thoughts. She turns, her face conveying a look of confusion. It wasn't the same, but it was something. Something to cling onto. "Let me take you out."

 _Don't want to, but I can't put, nobody else above you._

I didn't want to take her out, but I had to try and replace Carla, even if I couldn't put anybody else above her. She responds in a friendly manner, a manner which insinuates she has not picked up on what I am meaning to propose.

"No, properly take you out." I sigh, trying to focus my feelings on her. Trying to fall back in love with someone I had forgotten about, just by looking at her, remembering what we had... A second best relationship. Well that's what I could have again. I was once her second choice, when Peter wanted Carla. Now I wanted Carla, but Leanne was my second choice. A silver medal might not be as good as a gold, but at least it gives me something to work towards.

 **September 2016**

I stroke my thumb over my tummy, feeling a soft kick which had only begun a few days prior to this moment. I listen to the dial tone from the mobile I was holding in my other hand, wishing it was Nick's, longing to tell him but hating myself for it. Would he care? Course he would. But would he want to hear it? Probably not.

"Carla? Is that you?" I hear Michelle's voice and snap back to reality.

"Hi, sorry, yeah." I blurt out, nerves shooting through me. "I need to tell you something."

"So do I." She sounds elated, a lot happier than how I was feeling. I knew exactly what it was going to be, exactly the same news as I had to give her. Except hers was less shocking and a lot more welcomed.

"I'm pregnant." I squeeze out, before she can say the same thing, and there's a silence at the other end of the phone.

"...That's my line." She says, warily, clearly a bit disappointed at the same time.

"And mine." I confess and there's another long pause. "...Congratulations, I bet Steve is chuffed."

"He's not, actually." She mumbles and this surprises me. A few weeks ago she was telling me how excited the pair of them were. "I found out I was pregnant and he started telling me he had changed his mind. Before I could even tell him, may I add."

"So does he know?" I ask, kind of annoyed I hadn't had a proper chance to vent at my best friend about my current situation. I glance at the scan photo which lay on the coffee table.

"Yeah, he knows." She replies, harshness in her voice. "And now he's pretending to be totally alright with it because he knows he can't undo the baby making part... I mean, why didn't he just say so in the first place? I asked him if he was absolutely sure and he said yes, he was all up for it. Two years ago he was heartbroken when he thought I might be and I wasn't. What's changed?"

"Well... A lot but-" I begin.

"I mean, most married couples have kids, don't they? I mean granted, you and Paul didn't, or you and Tony, or you and Peter... Sorry." She stops herself and a lump forms in my throat as she says it. This was part of the reason I was so nervous; the miscarriage, it couldn't happen again. "And I know you and Nick didn't have time to have children, but if you had-"

"Nick and I are having a child, except he knows nothing about it and he lives four hundred miles down the road." I finish her sentence in an appropriate manner and she falls silent again, processing what I had said.

"It's Nick's?" She tries to hide the shock in her voice, as if surprised I hadn't been sleeping around in the party central location of Devon. "What... How? When?"

"Did you bypass the part where I said I was pregnant?" I dig, a sharpness to my tone which she picks up on. "Yeah, it's Nick's... What the fuck do I do?"

"When did you find out?" She coughs slightly.

"About a week ago, I fainted in the shower and kept feeling weird bubbly sensations in my stomach for about a week, so I went to the doctor." I explain. "Then that's where I found out. I had a scan yesterday, twenty two weeks and I didn't even bloody realise-"

"Twenty two weeks?" Michelle splutters down the phone. "How did you not realise? Carla!"

"Because I haven't slept with anyone since May, have I?" I remind her. "It isn't really the first thing that came into my head."

"But... Twenty two weeks? Are you sure?" Michelle stammers. "That means you got pregnant in, what? April? You were pregnant before it all blew up with Nick, you could've saved your marriage."

"You think I don't know that?" I snap. "It's all that's been going through my head for the past week. Anyway, I'm gonna call Nick, is his number still-"

"Woah." She stops me. "You can't call Nick, what?"

"Why can't I?" I persist, annoyed at her lack of support. "It's his kid! I don't have much time to decide what I'm gonna do with it, I need him to know!"

"Carla..." She trails off, softly. "Nick's back with Leanne."

The words hit me hard. Of course he was back with Leanne. As soon as I was out of town, he would be straight back to the rebound. Their relationship was built on rebounds and second options. Leanne couldn't have Peter, so she had Nick. Nick couldn't have me, so he had Leanne. I don't know why I was so shocked, he hated me, he'd never want to get back with me, no matter what. I should have known that.

 _You want her, you need her._

"She's pregnant as well Carla..." She continues, being urged on by the silence I had created. "With some guy called Scott, it's not his." Wow, well wasn't that reassuring? "But he's agreed to raise it with her..."

"...Oh." Is all I can muster. I felt genuinely crushed, and Michelle could hear the disappointment in my voice, the heartbreak. I really thought maybe, just maybe, this would give us a second chance. A baby, it's what he had wanted more than anything. Instead he was settling with raising someone else's. "Well... Fair enough."

"I'm really sorry Car." She whispers, as I place my hand back on my stomach, feeling the soft kicks. The soft kicks of the baby I was going to raise myself, because I fucked up and now he had run back to Leanne.

 _And I will never be her._

 **October 2016**

 _I miss you when I can't sleep._

I glance across at Leanne, who was sleeping heavily in the bed next to me. The alarm clock read four in the morning. Six months ago I had been lying here next to my fiancé, now I was lying here next to my ex wife. No matter how much I tried to kid myself, the memories struck at this point at night, when I could never sleep and my worries of the Bistro, Leanne's baby and how David was coping had slipped away, it always came back to her; Carla.

I roll over, debating whether to try and go back to sleep, but my head was pounding and I knew any attempted efforts would just frustrate me. I get up, quietly pulling a T-shirt on and leaving the room. I brew the kettle, leaning up against the work surface in my apartment. Sometimes I wish I still had her coffee machine; Carla never knew how to work it but I picked it up quickly.

 _Or right after coffee, or right when I can't eat._

I try munching on a prawn cracker which I pull from the stray bag we had left on the surface, abandoning them after our Chinese take-away last night. It tastes of nothing and the edges have softened in their mission to go stale.

Stale. Like Leanne's relationship with me. It was old, it was outdated, it was a past trying to be moulded into a future. She would be gone by now, if I hadn't have climbed onto that bus and begged her to stay. Why? I didn't know. What I did know is why I begged Carla to stay. Climbing into the front seat of her car, watching her listen and understand. Not realising that there would be a many adventures in that car a few months down the line. Like when we went to buy our Christmas tree together or went to look at wedding venues, none of which compared to the Bistro.

 _I miss you in my front seat._

I missed that. I missed the casual conversations and I missed the serious ones. I missed the flirting and I missed the deep love. I missed the sexual tension, I even missed the rows. The rows which would be resolved in minutes. I remember fighting over restaurant premises in Devon. Disagreeing and bickering over who was the better business person. But it was quickly over with, once we went down to the beach, just as the sun was setting and the soft orange beams were cast over the ocean. I remember sitting down, her laying her head on my shoulder and talking about our future there, the two of us, maybe even three of us.

I remember her telling me that day, as the sand rippled through her interlinked fingers, that I had changed her. Never in a million years would she have thought she would be sitting on a beach in the south, ready to start a life and family there. It was because of me, I had made her a better person and she had made me a better person all the same.

 _Still got sand in my sweaters from nights we don't remember._

I remember the jumper I was wearing that night; a deep burgundy colour, one of her favourites. I remember her turning to me and biting her lip, the way she always did which set butterflies free in the pit of my stomach. I remember how beautiful she looked and how lucky I was to find someone who I fall in love with more every single day. I remember the strands of her hair, lit up and almost blonde in the evening sun, the few stars that began appearing above us, that I could only see when she gently pushed me back onto the sand, so she could lie on my chest. Not caring about the sand in her hair, or in her pockets, or in her shoes, for once, she didn't care, as long as we were together.

 _Do you miss me like I miss you?_

Do you? Do you still stand there day after day? Looking out at the beach and remembering that moment? Those few hours? Where we both agreed we were the happiest we've ever been? Or have you completely forgotten about it? Maybe moved on, found someone knew, thinking about all the same things we did back then, but with someone else?

 **November 2016**

 _All alone I watch you watch her._

I think about them together, as I stare out at the beach. The beach where Nick and I once sat, talking about our future, laughing, genuinely laughing, something I rarely did and hadn't done since. Since he left me.

But now he was with someone else, and he probably wasn't thinking about me. He was looking forward to his future with Leanne, their family, her baby which wasn't his but would be. He could have a baby with me that was his and still would be. But he didn't want that, because it was with me.

 _Like she's the only thing you ever see._

She's the only person you'll ever love. The person you fall back on. The person who's always there when you need her. I tried to be that person and for a while I thought I was. But now she's the only thing you ever see. You'll probably never see me again, you've probably completely forgotten about me now. Because your life is there and mine is here and that's how it has to be.

 **December 2016**

I pace the empty Bistro, making no attempts to tidy away the broken bottles that I had smashed on the floor. It was silent, it was empty, it was dark.

Just as it had been a year previous to this, on this exact day, at this exact time.

 **"The answer's yes by the way."**

 **"What was the question?"**

What was the question? I wish I could go back to the day when there was only one question. I would kill for that right now. When I'm pacing the restaurant with so many different questions flying through my head.

 _You don't care you never did._

Did you ever think about me? When you were sleeping with him? Were you actually too drunk to realise? Or were you just drunk on self pity? Did you regret it straight away? Or did you just want the stability?

 _Did you ever care? Really?_

These were all questions I could never ask her, because she was gone and she was never coming back and now I had to survive a life without Carla Connor.

 _You don't give a damn about me._

If you did, you'd come back. You'd walk through the doors right now and you'd say, 'I remember the question'. But you don't, do you? You've forgotten everything, you've forgotten me.

 **January 2017**

 _I hate you, I love you._

Pick up, don't pick up, pick up. The words replay in my head.

Did I want to talk to him? Did I want to tell him? Would he want to talk to me?

 _I hate that I love you._

I loved him, I still did. It had been a year since I fucked it all up, but nothing had changed. Not on my behalf. Not emotionally. But at the same time, everything had changed and that part was my fault.

 _You want her, you need her._

He wouldn't answer, surely, he had Leanne and the baby. He didn't care about me anymore. I was nothing but a distant memory.

"Hello?" The voice picks up. The voice I had longed to hear for so long. I freeze. It was exactly the same, except more expecting. He didn't know my new number, he had no idea it was me. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

Shit. I had to talk, he was going to hang up and I would miss my chance.

It all comes out in one big mess. In my panic and urgency to get him to listen.

"Nick? Nick are you there? Listen, it's Carla, please don't hang up. I need you to come to Devon, it's important... It's to see our baby, our baby girl..."

I wait with bated breath. Why did he need to see our baby when he had one with someone he genuinely loved? Leanne had never pushed him away. She had never ruined him, or broken him or properly hurt him. I envied her for that. I envied everything about her. I wanted to be her, more than anything right now.

 _But I will never be her._

* * *

 _ **Please leave a review and let me know what you think and if you'd like me to continue this!x**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

 _ **So here's a very delayed update, I've been so busy with work and things so haven't had a chance till Christmas to get anything written. I wrote the first half of this months ago, in fact I started writing this chapter in September so when I came back to it the other day, a lot of it doesn't add up so I've had to go and edit some of it. I will be incorporating the upcoming Michelle and Steve storyline somehow, but as you can imagine it's caused lots of changes to be made to this. Hope you enjoy and leave a review to let me know what you think. P.S. Happy birthday Carla Connor (3rd January)!**_

* * *

Tears cling to my cheeks as I desperately twist and coil in pain. My fingers dig into the mattress that was below me, as I give in and release a deep and pleading groan, that makes me sound incredibly weak, which I hate. I needed a hand to hold, something to cling onto. Someone to keep telling me it would be alright and I was doing amazing. But all I had was two midwives, one with a look of dismay as she knelt by my shaking legs at the end of the bed. Where the hell was Michelle?

It had been five hours since I called her, granted she needed to get a babysitter for Amy and someone to cover her shift, but I was desperate. Desperate for someone to be here with me.

My crying escalates and I allow it to dissolve into a high pitched wailing noise as I grip the mattress harder. I had no motivation to push, not like most mothers, I wanted to die, right here and now. I had nothing left to live for.

"Help me, please." I beg the midwife who was at my side, holding back my leg. She holds out a hand and I do nothing but grab it, digging my nails in which doesn't seem to faze her at all.

"Carla, I need you to push now, we can't delay any longer." The woman at the base of the bed tells me as sweat lines my forehead. "I'm going to count down from ten in a minute and then you need to push for that duration."

"I want her to stay in." I cry, feeling the wet of my hair on my neck, soaked in sweat. "She's safe there."

"I know darling, but you can't." The midwife at my side tells me, a sympathetic look on her face and I let out another loud wail as a wave of pain overcomes me. I feel a sudden harsh stretch, as if something was ripping me.

"Push Carla, 10... 9... 8..." I screw my face up, stuck in a position of wanting this to be over and wanting this to go back in time. I bite down on my lip, feeling a burst of salty blood flood into my mouth, which was the least of my worries.

"Please..." I release the word as just a breath, as I keel over, moaning in pain as I feel a tugging between my legs. I try to close them but the midwife jerks my leg back, forcing me to bear down and scream as the other midwife reaches the number one. "I can't... I can't, I'm sorry... It's too hard... It hurts too much... I can't..."

"Carla?" A familiar voice sounds, panicked as I turn my head towards the entrance of the private room.

"Chelle... Please." I murmur and she rushes over to me, trying to avoid anything but my face. My eyes fall straight to her bump and I momentarily question why she is here. It was heartbreaking enough for me to see her pregnant tummy for the first time, a happy baby inside. Painful memories flash back to when she was pregnant with Ryan, just a little girl, confused and scared. It's exactly what I felt like now.

"Carla!" The midwife's demands snap me back to reality as a searing pain swells inside of me. I feel a sharp pulling sensation as I grab Michelle's hand and bear down hard, a flood of what feels like liquid being released as I suddenly feel scarily empty. My head falls back onto the pillow, my eyes heavy with tears. I don't dare breathe, for a good ten seconds. The longest ten seconds ever, ten seconds where, against all odds, all the definitive outcomes, I prayed to hear the sound which up until this moment I could stand.

Now I would do anything to hear the sound of my baby cry.

But there was nothing, just like I had been told.

* * *

"I just don't understand." I pace the room, with Leanne stood, lifeless in the corner, as if trying to understand it herself. "Why? Why now? When we're about to bring our little boy into the world?"

"But Nick..." Leanne's voice cracks and I know what she's going to say. I pray for her not to but I can already tell my the daring tone. "It's not your baby."

"I know!" I shout, the words already prepared. "You don't think I know that?"

"Sometimes I don't." She practically whispers. "Because you seem to get yourself so caught up in it. Choosing outfits, crying in scans, playing dad. I begin to wonder whether you actually believe you could be..."

"That's because I want to believe it!" I yell, silencing her for a few seconds. "Steve McDonald didn't want anything to do with it. So why couldn't I? You know, I longed so long for a baby. I had a chance. But every single time I blow it, don't I? So I just thought, even if it's tainted, even if there isn't the slightest chance it could be mine. Everyone else would think it was, and that was good enough for me. Because if everyone else believes it, I'd believe it too."

"It wouldn't last." Leanne shakes her head, a tear rolling down her cheek. "As soon as you looked into that baby's eyes you'd have known. Every time you did that, even if we kept pretending for years, you'd know. You can't kid yourself when deep down you know Nick."

"And neither can Peter Barlow!" I clench my fist and release it. "What, he's gonna be better at pretending isn't he? After a few shots of vodka maybe. Is it just so you can get revenge? Make him understand what it's been like to bring Simon up, always knowing? Huh? You see Simon as a son, yes? Well that's how I saw our little boy. As a son, Leanne."

"I'm sorry..." She trails off and I can't bear to look at her.

"And so was Steve." I finalise. "And now Michelle's left with another mess he's made. Yeah they've survived a lot as a couple but not this. She's still oblivious, she could have gone through with that abortion. But you didn't tell her. Why? Because you were too scared? Or because deep down you wanted to pretend too?" I pause, taking a long breath and waiting to see if she rolls out another excuse. But she doesn't, she continues to stand there, no begging, no justifications, no nothing. "Go and run back to him then, go back to Peter like you always do. Even when he sleeps around or drinks himself into oblivion. You stick by him, you and your little family."

"Take care, Nick." She murmurs, shortly before leaving the apartment. I can hardly wait for her to go before I am bent over the kitchen counter, forcing my fist into my forehead and giving in to restraining tears. I don't know how long I stand there, just thinking. Thinking about what I could have had, the times I had been so close, almost touching it and then it was ripped away from me. Leanne, Erica, Carla.

I am startled suddenly as my phone begins to vibrate, the screen flashing urgently. I vote to ignore it for a few seconds, before reaching for it and seeing an unknown number pop up on the screen.

"Hello?" I put on my strongest voice down the phone.

"Nick? Nick are you there?" A familiar voice makes my heart vibrate suddenly, it couldn't be... I'd blocked that voice out for what seemed like forever. "Listen, it's Carla, please don't hang up. I need you to come to Devon, it's important... It's to see our baby, our baby girl..."

I struggle to open my mouth, the clamminess welded it together like cement. I breathe in a long awaited breath of what feels like sawdust, burning the sensitive skin in my nostrils.

"Carla?" My voice is quivering so much I can't even make out the word myself. The word I had forbidden myself from saying for six months. I hear her breathe a sigh of relief and I find myself doing the same. I hate myself for it, but I have to. It feels so bad but so good, like when Simon challenges me to who can hold their breath the longest, and I always give in, after practically turning blue in the face, I know I've lost, but letting the breath out feels so good, all of that just melts away. Everything was just melting away.

* * *

A rush of emotion hits me with the simple buzz of the doorbell. I wonder how long it has taken him to pluck up the courage to actually press it. I hesitantly lower my glass onto the kitchen surface, not bothering to check in the mirror. I look like pure shit, it would just make me feel worse about myself.

I see his silhouette in the glass frame of the door and he can see mine. We can both see each other standing nervously either side and when I open the door we both act as if we hadn't. I lean up against the wall in the hallway, watching the blank expression on his face. No smile, no tears. Yet it all comes rushing back to me, even without any emotion to cling onto. I wasn't waving and he wasn't running. We were just us, standing either side of the door.

"Hi." I manage, weakly, because I felt like I owed it to him for some reason. I felt like otherwise he would just shrug his shoulders and get back in the Bistro van that was parked on my drive. Even though I knew he wouldn't, he wouldn't be here otherwise.

"Hi." He responds and he manages a small smile. However genuine it was I didn't know, but it was a smile at least. "You gonna leave me standing here all day?"

I force a smile as well, although even I wasn't sure how forced it actually was, as I step to the side, letting him glide past me. He immediately turns his attention to the house. He'd been here once in completely opposing circumstances. I watch his gaze move to the wall parallel to the stairs, where pictures were hanging of the people I loved. The very few, as I'd never had the opportunity to have any taken with Johnny, Aidan or Kate. So instead it was mainly Michelle and Roy, with a small one of me and Rob in corner, as if trying to make itself invisible to any memories or hurt. I'd purposefully taken the action to remove the one of Paul, Liam and I at a party just before we moved to Weatherfield, just because I'd felt inclined to. In a way it felt better this way, maybe it would feel better without any memories on the wall at all.

"It's exactly how I thought you'd decorate it." Nick pipes up and I snap out of my trance, noticing he was already examining the living room. I patter over to him, my bare feet making minimal noise on the wooden flooring and before I can reach it, he turns, spotting the half empty glass of whiskey lying on the kitchen surface. Half full or half empty? I guess it would always be the pessimistic option if you were drinking it at eleven o'clock in the morning.

"Traffic alright?" I swiftly pour it down the sink, rinsing the glass and leaving it on the drying rack. He gazes at me momentarily, taking in my pale skin, the bags like suitcases under my eyes, my lifeless hair that was thrown back into a messy ponytail, the oversized sweatshirt I only ever wore when something really bad had happened. I guess he was one of the only people who knew that, and that's why he was staring at me so curiously.

"Where is she? Upstairs?" He asks in an artificially upbeat tone, which causes a bolt of pain to go through me. I don't dare look at him, I just stare at the imperfections in the marble surface my sweating palms were resting on. "Is she sleeping?"

I blink back his words, pretending they didn't mean as much as they do, they didn't hurt as much as they killed me.

"Yeah, she's sleeping." I raise my head, smiling weakly at him. I force back any wavers in my tone and compel myself to finish the sentence. "She's at the hospital, can you drive? I think we both know I shouldn't."

* * *

The drive to the hospital was quiet, with just the sat-nav to accompany the awkwardness. I'd have asked Carla to direct us but her mournful seeming aura dared me to do otherwise. I guess I should have assumed there wouldn't be hospitals scattered everywhere in Devon, I'd seen about two convenience stores and a few ice cream stands that were closed for the winter. I was still amazed at the fact Carla Connor was optionally living here, although she didn't seem best pleased about it. I was still struggling to understand why she hadn't stayed at the hospital with her daughter, and more importantly, why she was taking the opportunity to intoxicate herself with alcohol.

When we reach the hospital however, she seems pretty confident with her sense of direction. I guess she's been here for scans and perhaps some classes but it was as if she knew it as well as Weatherfield general.

"Carla." I hear a woman greet her as we enter another corridor. It wasn't the cheery tone I was expecting, lacking in warmth and more sympathetic. "You must be Nick."

I find myself nodding and I know straight away in her eyes why I was here. I knew because I hadn't managed to look at Carla's because they'd been avoiding me. But once she meets my gaze and I see the empathy, the sensitivity, that's when it confirms it all.

I should feel angry at Carla for not telling me, for not telling me the reason behind the whiskey glass or the way to the hospital or the oversized sweater she only ever wore when something really bad had happened. But I don't, I don't feel angry at all. I just feel a the same heart wrenching feeling I'd had to bear too many times before. When she had sat down opposite me at the Bistro table and talked about the same heart wrenching feeling, in our two completely different circumstances, that never related to one another until now.

"Do you want to see you daughter?" The woman asks me and I hesitate, dragging my heavy eyes from the floor to look back at her. I glance at Carla, who has her arms folded around her tummy insecurely. Part of me wants so desperately to wrap her in a hug like I would have done so many times before. But I can't, because I'm nodding, I'm nodding and not taking my eyes off her and before I know it I'm being lead into a different room.

"I'll give you a minute. Just tell me when you're ready." The nurse nods at me, closing the door and I force myself to turn around, a beautiful crib stood alone in the small room. My legs feel like jelly and I force tears back, putting one foot in front of another until I can kneel down next to it. I gasp, letting down the barricade that was preventing me from crying and tears roll down my cheeks. She was so beautiful, she was so perfect.

* * *

I have to pressure myself to turn around with such velocity that I feel I might collapse against the glass. I peer in through the small window, unbearably watching him stumble over to the crib. I cover my mouth with my shaking hand, I try to steady, but my lack of power gives in. I just watch, knowing that yesterday he was sat at home with Leanne, probably finishing a take-away on the sofa, a hand on her bump, whispering to it all the things they were going to do, all the things he was going to say, as if nothing could ever go wrong again.

Then I come along, and do what I do best; ruin everything.

I clench my other fist and dig it into the peeling wallpaper just below the window ledge. It cuts into my knuckle, which gives me a sense of relief as I'm trying so hard to keep the tears in. I want to drag myself away but I can't, I knew I could never get away from this.

It's not until I see Nick place a kiss on her head that I burst into tears and he pauses momentarily before standing and rushing out. I turn away, sobbing up against the wall, feeling so alone, until I feel a pair of arms around me and I'm pulled into Nick's chest, his head resting on top of mine, tears soaking my hair.

* * *

"Do you want a brew or anything?" She practically whispers, and it's the first thing she has said in what feels like forever. She paces the kitchen, as if unsure where anything is kept for a few seconds.

"I'll have a glass of that whiskey." I reply, hoarsely, and a flicker of guilt flashes in her eyes. I didn't know why, she had every right and that was made obvious now. She opens the cupboard, pulling two glasses from it and placing them down on the surface with such unexpected force they teeter slightly. She just watches them, mumbling about where the whiskey is kept as if she is sleep walking, completely out of it. I wonder how much sleep she's actually had these past few days, and then I wonder why I even asked myself that question, before wondering why I wasn't helping her out.

"Here, I'll do it." I take a glass from her as she reaches for it and my hand falls awkwardly on top of hers. She pulls it away before nodding and taking a seat on the sofa.

"I'm sorry for not telling you." She pipes up and I hesitate, trying to formulate a response as I hand her a glass and sit down opposite her. "I tried, I really did."

"It's ok." I shake my head, reassurance in my voice and she finally dares to look at me. I can see the sorrow in her eyes, the plain sadness. It was something I hoped I'd never see again after Tracy revealed the truth about Maddie and Kal. It was what motivated me to make her happy every single day. Until she waved at me in the street, and just seeing it now makes me feel pure insanity for continuing to run off down the street.

"I'd have told you about the pregnancy, I wanted to." She admits, opening up slightly. "But Michelle told me about Leanne, I didn't want to ruin it for you... But I couldn't live with you not knowing, not after... This." As the words roll off her tongue I realise how little I now have. The life I built around Leanne and my whole pretend daddy facade was what kept my mind off Carla and off my brain injury. Alongside taking it all out on Peter Barlow, I suddenly felt extremely lost without any of that to depend on. "Congratulations, by the way. You really deserve it, Nick. I didn't... Evidently..."

"It's not like that." I blurt out, trying to keep my voice calm but there's still surprise in her expression. Until I walked into that hospital room I'd have relished in her believing the lies, even if it was just for a short while. But now I felt cruel for even debating it, now I felt like we had completely equalised. "It's not my baby."

"...What? I don't..." She trails off, frowning, trying to grasp what I was on about.

"Leanne's baby, it's not mine." I admit and another twinge of pain tugs at me, but nowhere near as much as this, so I continue. "It's Steve McDonald's. You may as well know, Michelle's going to find out soon enough anyway. We just pretended it was mine, I don't even know why, so I could have something I never had I guess, something I never will have."

"...I'm... I'm sorry." She shuffles uncomfortably in her seat, taking a long gulp from her glass. "You could still have it you know? There's loads of women out there who would kill to have a man like you, you've got time on your side."

"I don't know..." I sigh, weakly. "I think I've had enough signs, I'm not strong enough to go through any more of it."

"Life can lead us to so many different places." Carla recites and I catch her gaze. "It's us who choose the journey, just see what happens."

I can hear the pain in her voice, the self-destruction mode dawning. So I give up toying with a reply and divert the topic instead.

"When did you last eat? You've got to be hungry?" I ask and she looks confused at the sudden topic change, before just shrugging her shoulders in response. I debate the risk of dragging up memories, but on the off chance of making her smile I will myself to do so. "I think Robert left some chocolate berry torte in the back of the van, I'll go get it."

* * *

I listen to the quiet blaring of the TV, completely zoned out as I watch the fire flicker in the corner of the room. My eyes fall back to Carla's sleeping frame, next to me on the sofa. So peaceful as if nothing had ever beaten her down, as if she never had any demons. I just watch her, the muffled sound of her balanced breathing, the gentle rise and fall of her chest, the tight grip she had on the cushion tucked away in her arms.

"Hey, you should go to bed." I say, without thinking, too busy caught up in trying not to feel anything for her all over again. She muffles something, pointing to the blanket that was scrunched up on the other sofa and I smile, wondering whether to tell her she'll do her back in, because I know she won't listen to me either way. I pick it up, shaking it out before neatly tucking her underneath it.

"You can leave the telly on and all." She murmurs, the slight drowsy croak to her voice that I had missed so badly.

"I know." I smile, without stopping myself and I don't even care when I bend down, resting my head inches away from hers and whispering; "you're drooling on a cushion, it'll be our secret.

I see the corners of her mouth turn up slightly, as if everything the past two years had been forgotten, as if it was all brand new.

"Goodnight." I whisper, holding my gaze for a few more seconds, before exhaling and standing back up. I make my way towards the living room door and glance at her one more time, before turning out the light.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

My ears adjust to the sound of saucepans being moved around in the kitchen, my nose catching on a few seconds later and detecting the heavenly smell of cooked breakfast. I open my eyes a fraction and see Nick, tea towel slung over his right shoulder, facing away from me at the sink. For a short while I feel so comfortable, as if it was a year ago. When opening my eyes to see him cooking in the kitchen would have been the same old every day occurrence, the same old every day occurrence I couldn't have valued more, that I would never have given up.

But then reality sets in and my head begins to pulsate with a dull ache. I catch sight of the two glasses balanced on the table in front of me, with the empty whiskey bottle stood behind them. I wriggle, trying to get rid of the knot in my back. I should have listened to Nick, he always had warned me about sleeping on the sofa, but let me do it anyway.

I sit myself up, pushing the partially soaked cushion off the sofa and groaning slightly. I half expect Nick to turn around, cheeky grin on his face, muttering something about how he told me so, before coming over to kiss the top of my head. But obviously he doesn't. He turns, looking quite surprised to see me awake, removing the tea towel and screwing it up on the kitchen counter. She flashes me an awkward smile, before pushing the plate forwards.

"I made breakfast." He informs me, as if I wasn't aware. "I thought I'd throw you something together as well."

"Thanks." My voice comes out in a hoarse croak. Standing up and letting my hair fall over my shoulders, before pulling it back into a ponytail. I patter over to the kitchen counter, hesitantly pulling myself on to one of the seats. When I was faced with the meal in front of me, it didn't seem quite as heavenly as it initially did; my stomach was churning, whether or was the awkwardness or the upcoming day I didn't know, but a sour feeling was brewing inside of me and it wasn't pleasant.

"So... Have you had any thoughts about funeral arrangements?" His words hit me, cold and hard, despite the soft, sensitive tone to his voice. I pause before putting my fork back down again.

"Funeral arrangements?" I frown at my plate, trying everything in my power to avoid his gaze. It was a subject matter that had briefly crossed my mind and was instantly dismissed, and I wanted to keep it that way.

"Yeah, I mean... We're gonna do something, right?" He questions, and I swallow, unsure of what to respond with.

"Did you sleep well?" The words slip out of my mouth and I tilt my head to look at him. He looks confused for a second, staring at me as if it was going to give him some kind of explanation to answer his question.

"Yeah, I did thank you." His face softens slightly, sympathetically which I hated. He watches with sullen eyes as I nod, before using my fork to stir the contents of my plate unappealingly.

"Have you told Gail?" I continue to avoid the subject, by asking him an equally uncomfortable question.

"No." He finalises.

"Sarah then?" I guess, assuming he must have told someone.

"Bethany's just come out of hospital, I didn't want to trouble her with it." He shakes his head, deliberately not elaborating on the subject. "And I'm guessing you heard about Kylie?"

A pound of guilt strikes me and I immediately stop playing with my food, looking up at him.

"Yes, I did... I'm so sorry." I blurt out, and he looks surprised at my sudden change of heart. "I completely forgot to ask... How are you all?"

"It's ok, you've had bigger things on your mind." He smiles warmly and it almost makes me angry, that he's being so nice, when he should hate me. It was either out of sympathy or long lost feelings, and to be frank, I didn't need either of those right now. There's a long silence and he lowers his fork, chewing the contents of his mouth slowly, fixating on my lowered head. "I'll do whatever you want to do."

His words echo in my ears and I feel a burning sensation in my throat. As if I was back in the Victoria Court fire, carbon monoxide perishing in my chest. But it wasn't, this time it was guilt, guilt this time which came before reality could even set in. "Thank you." I muster, selfishly, because I was a selfish person and right now I didn't have the strength to be anything else.

* * *

"I'm really grateful." I shake her hand appreciatively. "I think she just needs some time, you know. I'll be in touch in a few days, let it just sink in a bit."

"We completely understand." She flashes me a sympathetic smile. "It's a tough time for you both. You and your wife just need to pull together, find the best coping method for both of you. We're always here if you need us."

"Uh..." I freeze at the word she used, confused. Wife? Why would she assume Carla was my wife? I am about to correct her when she hands me a folder from her bag.

"You don't have to look at these, yet, but it's all the certificates you need." She explains. "Lauren's footprints and handprints are in there too."

"Lauren..." I sigh gently, my heart acquiring a sharp ache at the word. She knew I liked that name, when we used to discuss our future and our cottage and our two children, the little white wooden swing outside hanging above the daisy patches. "She called her Lauren?"

"I'm sorry." She frowns awkwardly. "I thought you knew that... I've got to get off now. Send my love to your wife."

"Yeah..." I trail off, waving at her as she heads back to her car. I close the door behind her, heading into the kitchen and placing the folder down on the worktop. I glance over at where Carla's fragile body was fast asleep on the sofa. My 'wife'. I pause, before turning around and gently pulling open the folder, sighing upon understanding.

 **Birth Certificate**

 _ **This certifies that**_

Lauren Hayley Tilsley

 _ **Sex**_

Female

 _ **Was born to**_

Carla Tilsley and Nicholas Paul Tilsley

 _ **On**_

27th December 2016

 _ **At**_

03:47pm

 _ **Weight**_

7lbs 2oz

 _ **Location**_

The Royal Devon and Exeter Hospital

 _ **City**_

Exeter

 _ **Signed**_

 _C. Tilsley_

(Mother)

Carla Tilsley. She'd kept my surname, that's why the midwives had assumed she was still married to me. I hesitate, lowering the certificate onto the surface, before quietly pattering over to where she was sleeping. I carefully move the blanket back to reveal her ring finger and am shocked to see the same engagement and wedding ring I recognised so hurtfully, entwined together on her finger. As if they hadn't moved since I placed them on there. I was beginning to think maybe they hadn't, and I was beginning to think maybe she wanted me to know that.

* * *

I take a sip of my wine, the same lukewarm half empty glass that had been sat on the coffee table for probably days now. I was surprised Nick hadn't tidied it up, he seemed to be desperate to find anything he could mess with or clean so that he was up doing something. I know he meant well, maybe it was his way of coping, but it made me want to claw at my own skin. It was making me very on edge and I was concerned about the amount of tension that had been brewing inside of me, which I hadn't had the energy to release as of yet.

"You know, you don't have to stay." The words slide off my tongue more harshly than anticipated, and he stops flicking through the magazine from November that he was stood in the corner pretending to read. "If you don't want to."

"Do you want me to go?" His face softens slightly and I remember that half hurt, half self-pitying tone that he always disguised so well.

"No." I put, bluntly and I didn't even know whether it was true or not. "But do you want to go?"

"No." He shakes his head and it aggravates me slightly. "We need to sort some things anyway."

"What things?" I persist, feeling a tiny bit of strength inside of me for the first time in days, just enough to answer him back. We hadn't even managed to have a proper conversation yet, it had all consisted of blunt responses and awkward gestures.

"Well firstly we need to sort out where Lauren is going to go." He phrases the sentence gently, as unsure as I was about how to word the plans for our daughter. Where she was going to go. It sounded so heartless, so insensitive, but that's what it came down to, and it really hurt me. I hesitate, before clocking on to realisation, raising my head cautiously.

"How did you know I called her Lauren?" I practically whisper and he meets my gaze, as if he had nothing to hide, unlike me.

"The midwife dropped her certificates off this morning, alongside footprints and things..." He explains, a mixture of so many emotions in his voice.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I snap at him and he looks suddenly taken aback.

"You've just woken up, I was going to!" He holds his hands out, as if I was mad, as if I was about to attack him. Maybe I was, maybe I really, really wanted to, because if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be in this mess. I'd probably be in a bigger one, probably lying at the bottom of the quarry, but I'd give anything to be in any other mess than this one right now. "They're on the side over there."

"Why did you look at them?" I continue to retort, heading over to them and stuffing the paperwork into the folder, before clutching it against my chest.

"It's my name on the birth certificate too Carla." He raises his voice slightly but manages to remain calm.

"Yeah and for what reason?" I vent, letting a tear freely fall down my cheek. "You weren't here, not when she was growing inside me, you didn't feel her kick or move, you didn't flick through the baby magazines or watch her grow bigger and bigger every day, stronger, closer. You weren't there, when I had to bring her into the world, a world she never even knew, she'll never understand. You weren't there to be told your own baby is dead. Your little baby girl, who you couldn't do anything for. You were never there."

"Because I didn't know!" Nick yells at me, tossing the newspaper onto the floor. "You didn't tell me. No one told me, Carla. I just had to carry on pretending Leanne was growing my baby inside of her. Playing dad to a son who was never even mine, when I was playing ghost to the child who actually was!"

"Well then go home and carry on pretending!" I scream at him, hating him, hating every single inch of him, everything about him.

"What like you're pretending?" He raises his eyebrows, anger wavering in his voice. "Pretending to be my wife?"

The words hit me hard and for a second his voice is ringing so loudly in my ears it's like trying to make out a reflection in stormy waters. I use my index finger to harshly push the rings off my other finger, hoping they'd fall into the pocket of my oversized cardigan. But they don't, they fall straight on to the stone tiles below, transposing to a loud tinkly clatter, which echoes and wavers until they stop spinning and lie flat on the floor.

"There was no need to do that I already noticed them as well." He breaks the silence, his voice still all of a sudden.

"I just didn't want to feel so alone." I admit, without even stopping myself, because I'd shown more weakness to him than I'd ever shown anyone and I was fed up of trying to hold back. He's looking at me with what would have been sympathy if it was anyone else, but he knew I loathed that, so instead his eyes were full of understanding and it made my heartbreak a little bit more. "I just feel so alone." I carry on, tears bouncing down my cheeks as I clutch the folder in my chest. I see him forcing back tears, as if not wanting to break in front of me, because one of us had to at least pretend to be strong. "I've lost everything and I don't know what to do." My voice was becoming weaker as my throat gives way to sorrow, feeling so empty, so numb like every other part of my body. "I just want her back, I want her here with me, like she was supposed to be. She was my last chance Nick, she was my tiny bit of hope, the reason I carried on after I lost you. I just want to hold her, to love her. But I can't... Why can't I? Please, I want her back, I want her back."

I crumble, dropping the folder beneath me and bursting into tears. I prepare for the cold shock of the floor as I hit it, but instead I'm pulled up, guided towards warmth as Nick catches me, placing a kiss into my hair as I grab a handful of his t-shirt, sobbing into it. His hands are shaking as he strokes my hair, a low 'shhh' emitting from his lips, calming me, rocking me, protecting me.

* * *

I trace my finger over the outline of Lauren's footprints. It gave me some comfort, knowing they were hers, as if they were her first steps; toddling across the piece of paper I held in my hand, the other still massaging Carla's scalp, as she cuddled into my chest. We had been curled up on the sofa, the fire roaring for about an hour and a half. Both never wanting it to change, both never admitting it.

"You know, all the questions I've been asking myself are the stupid kind of ones, the really irrelevant ones." Carla whispers, looking down at the picture. "What colour eyes she'd have had, what stuffed toy would have been her favourite, what her favourite colour was..."

"Pink." I smile, and she tilts her head to look up at me. "Every little girl's favourite colour is pink... And her eyes would have been green, just like yours... They're not stupid questions."

"I never liked pink." She scrunches her nose up slightly, in the pouty expression I had missed so much it hurt. I think that maybe for the first time in ages she felt the slightest bit content. "Grey was my favourite colour as a kid."

"Grey? As a three year old girl?" I chuckle, raising my eyebrows. "You were one of a kind I suppose, still are."

"Hey." She nudges me gently, the corners of her mouth creasing the tiniest bit, before dissipating again. I almost feel too comfortable, I felt like this was so wrong but so right. I felt like maybe I was giving mixed signals but I didn't even know how mixed they were myself. I felt like after months of recovering from heartbreak, when I was just on the cusp of moving on, I'd given in and gone back to square one. It was like relapsing on a drug, except this time it had been prescribed to make me feel better. I gaze at the soft look she is giving me momentarily, before feeling my stomach churn. I vowed I'd never feel this way about her again, but I did and I didn't know how to stop it.

"I'm starving." I move abruptly, making her jump. "Shall I order a Chinese?"

"Please just stay." She begs me, in a soft murmur and I freeze in my place. I wanted to be sick, I wanted to cry, I wanted to kiss her, I just didn't know which was right or which I'd regret.

I feel her warm hand softly graze mine, hot chills running down my spine, prickly, making all my hairs stand up and relax at the same time. I dare myself to look at her, the slightly panicked but slightly endearing look on her face that I was so used to; when I didn't know when she was going to crack a joke or burst into tears. I feel my fingers hug hers in turn, I feel the warmth of her body moving closer to mine, her head on her shoulder, settling for comfort over pushing me too far. But I'm the one who places a finger under her chin, who gently raises her eyes to look at mine, the hurt and the sorrow and the damage all reflect in her eyes, but she doesn't hide it, she lets me in, like she'd never let anyone in before. I can't refrain from touching my forehead against hers, the warmth colliding with mine, her soft hair tickling my cheek.

"You'll regret it." She whispers.

"Yeah well, regrets are pointless." I murmur, feeling her sigh softly into my skin. "I used to tell you that all the time."

And before I can stop myself, I'm very softly kissing her lower lip and she's very gently kissing mine and I feel like I've given in to everything I ever knew, but it felt so good. It felt so right.

* * *

 _ **Please leave a review if you have the time, it would mean a lot to let me know what you think!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

I feel his fingertips softly graze my back, his other hand in my hair, his lips soft and warm against my own. I pull at his t-shirt, relieved if anything, relieved that I finally felt the slightest bit alive again. I felt as if the past eight months never existed, as if we were kissing on the sofa in our honeymoon suite, as if we had never thought anything different, anything other than normal about it.

But this was everything other than normal, or at least it should be. It should be strange that I'd spent so long without him, like I'd been on a diet and finally earned the right to cave in for one day, tasting salt and sugar on my tongue, all things bad for you, that tasted so good and even better in fact because I had been craving them for so long. I felt like my broken self, the part of me that had been missing for eight months had finally been found. I felt human again for the first time in what felt like forever. I felt alive when a few days ago, I really thought I'd never be again.

I tug at him harder, wanting, needing an urge to push me over the edge, desperate for something to make me feel something at last. I needed him, I craved him. His kiss becomes more passionate, more intense, his breath warm on my skin. I dig my nails into his back, clawing at him to stop him from leaving, to make him stay because now he was here I couldn't let him go again. I pull him up off the sofa, hoping he'd just spin me round and fall to the floor, rolling me over and working his way down my body, ripping my clothes off, as desperate as I was to feel intimacy.

But he doesn't.

He pulls away.

He leaves me stood panting, lustful at just an arms length away.

I try to pull him in again but he holds me there, looking at me softly.

"No." He whispers, not in a harsh way, not in a stern or angry or upset way. It was in a soft and gentle manner, and that's maybe what annoys me more than the fact I hate that word so much.

"What do you mean no?" I practically spit, feeling my heart pulsating in my chest, hair strewn over my face. I felt rejected, turned down, used. Maybe this was some kind of sick punishment he had planned. "Because one minute ago you weren't saying no."

"Carla." He murmurs, breathing heavily himself. "I can't."

"So you're turning me down?" I snap at him, ready to break, full of anger and frustration and hurt again and prepared to release it for the second time today. "You lead me on, then turn me down. You know, of all the chances, now really isn't the time to do that, Nick."

"I'm not turning you down." He half smiles at me, a jokey tone to his voice and I'm surprised my eyes don't set on fire I'm looking at him with such fury. "Just not now."

"But I want it now." I demand, sounding like a spoiled child; a psychotic, deranged, desperate spoiled child.

"No you don't." He shakes his head. "You just think you do, you'll regret it afterwards."

"I won't, I haven't had a drink all day!" I point out, as if that was what he was implying. "In fact I'm the most sober I think I've ever been."

"I know but you're not in the right place." He tells me, softly. "Neither of us are, it wouldn't be right."

"I just need to feel something." I lower my voice, hating myself for how needy and merciful I sound. I was begging my ex to have sex with me, this was one of my lowest moments. But he didn't even mind, it didn't even faze him. He didn't look at me in a way that made me feel stupid or pathetic or embarrassed. He didn't even look at me with sympathy. He looked at me with feeling, with care, with protection. The way he used to look at me when he thought I wasn't looking, when he told me he loved me. That look that implied he felt so lucky, as if he couldn't believe he was stood in front of me. I didn't know why; I was a mess, I was a walking disaster. But somehow he saw past that, somehow he always had.

"You want to feel something?" He asks me, gently, as if he never even held a grudge. He felt so safe, so comforting. He steps towards me slowly, reaching out and pulling me into his chest. He wraps his arms around me tightly and kisses my hair, before placing his chin on the top of my head. He sways slightly and I begin to calm, closing my eyes momentarily and just feeling him wrapped around me. He was right, as he always was; this felt real, existent, right. This felt like proper love, not revenge or hurt or desperation. "I'm never going to let you get hurt again." He whispers into my hair and I genuinely can't believe I'm hearing him say these words.

I begin to wonder whether I'm dreaming, whether I'll just wake up and he'll be back in the kitchen, or worse, he wouldn't be here at all. I can't believe that in a day we've gone from an awkward conversation over breakfast to this. It all feels too surreal, too fast, but I wasn't going to let go of any of it. This is what I had been missing for months, what I had punched the walls about, kicked the door, hated myself for, something I never ever thought I'd get a second chance at. But somehow I had been given one and I wasn't about to fuck it up again.

* * *

The phone rings so sharply it makes me jump as I'm just finishing off the rota. I've signed myself off for the week, which I'm sure will rise a lot of questions, but I don't care right now, my main priority was making sure Carla was alright. I send the email before glancing up the corridor to see if Carla was planning on answering the phone. She was in her study, working through some paperwork which she was adamant she wanted to do to keep herself busy. Making the decision she wasn't going to come, I take the liberty of answering the call myself.

"Hello?" I greet.

"Hello is Mr or Mrs Tilsley there please?" A woman responds.

"Speaking." I reply, bluntly.

"Oh hello this is Rachel McFarley from The Royal Devon and Exeter hospital." She explains and I close my eyes briefly. There was no getting away from this. Every second I tried to think about something else, it always came bouncing back. "I hate to press you at such a difficult time but I was just wondering whether you have made any arrangements for your daughter? She's currently at Moorstreet Chapel but usually the body would be released for cremation of burial within the next day."

I can tell she's trying to be sensitive, but her words seemed so matter-of-fact and her tone infuriated me.

"We're still thinking over our plans." I tell her, trying to control the anger wavering in my voice.

"I understand that, but they have limited space at the moment, as do we." She elaborates. "It's just that-"

"Limited space?" I repeat, raising my voice slightly. "She's a tiny baby, she's hardly taking up much space is he?"

"We can offer support and guidance as to how to plan your goodbyes, sir." She tries to reason with me.

"Right, can you now?" I snap. "So I guess you know all about it, I'm assuming you're in this same situation then, and you're being told you have to say goodbye to your daughter. Your daughter who you never got to meet, never got the chance to look after or care for? You never even got the chance to hear her cry? I'm guessing you've been through all this then, you know what it feels like?"

"Well no but..." She trails off, sounding rather stunned and I'm about to reply before a hand entwines mine and pulls the phone from my grip. I turn to see Carla, an understanding look on her face as she raises the phone to her ear.

"Carla Connor speaking. Uh... Yeah, Tilsley." She says in a low tone, listening to the woman on the other end of the line as I just watch in agony. "I understand, tomorrow is fine. Thank you. I'll give you a call back tomorrow morning to confirm everything. Ok, thanks. Goodbye."

"How do you stay so calm?" I ask her, bewildered as she puts the phone down on the kitchen surface.

"Because what's the use in being angry?" She shrugs. "Why rage at the world and hate on everything? It's not gonna change things, if anything it'll just make them worse."

"I hate this." I admit and I hate even more that I'm breaking in front of her. I can feel it, I try to force back any emotion because I'm supposed to be the strong one, I'm supposed to look after her. But it aches, it hurts when I try. I brush away a river of tears that is forming in my eyes before it overflows. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise." She shakes her head, wrapping her arms around my neck immediately.

"But it's not fair for me to be like this." I grip her shoulders, feeling pathetic. "After everything I said to you."

"Why?" She whispers. "You're human, Nick. We both are. We both have a right to emotions, feelings, we're both allowed to feel heartbroken, it doesn't have to work one way."

"I just miss her." I whimper, sorrowfully. "I miss her when I never even got to meet her, I never even knew her."

"You do know her." She pulls away, meeting my gaze. "You'll always know her, and she'll always know you." She taps the left side of my chest. "In here."

"I'm so sorry." I pull her in and she rests her head in her chest. "I'll always remember her, you know? I just wish there was a way of showing her that?"

She pauses for a second and I feel her grip loosen slightly before she responds with; "I have an idea."

* * *

"I never thought I'd see the day; Carla Connor doing gardening." He grins, as I tap the soil down with a shovel. "You've got dirt in your nails."

"Some people are worth letting your guard down for." I admit, standing back as he puts his arm around me. We both stare at the white rose buds which we have just planted in the pot. "We can come up with a little poem or message, I'll get it typed up on a plaque and order it so we can put it on the front here. We can spread her ashes in the soil, then when spring comes and these start to blossom properly, it'll feel like she's growing with us. If that's what you want to do?"

"It's a beautiful idea." He smiles, kissing me on the side of the head. "Much better than anything I could come up with."

"Well nothing's new there then." I grin and we both turn to look at the plant pot lovingly.

* * *

"Sleep well?" Carla smiles as I enter the room, she bites her lip slightly at the sight of me in my pyjamas.

"Yeah, thank you." I reply, pouring myself a coffee from the pot on the side. "Did you?"

"I'm getting there." She shrugs, nursing her coffee between her hands. "Slowly.

"Are you nervous?" I dare to ask but it doesn't seem to faze her. "About today?"

"Not really." She sighs. "We'll be fine, won't we? As long as we stick together."

"Yeah." I smile, sitting down next to her on the sofa and she leans her head on my shoulder. "As long as we stick together."

As long as we've got each other.

* * *

I hold back as Nick unsteadily paces over to the coffin in the centre of the room. He stares down at it for a few seconds, before placing a gentle kiss on Lauren's forehead. I just watch, glued to the spot, unable to move my feet for fear of falling to the floor. This was it, this was the last we got, the only thing we got.

He looks at me, sadness and sorrow in his eyes, and reaches out his hand. I look at it for a few seconds, amazed at how quickly things can change in a matter of days, moving my eyes back up to his. I fixate on him, and suddenly my legs don't feel as wobbly anymore, my body doesn't feel as empty and one step at a time, I glide over to where he is standing.

I exhale all the hurt, all the pain, all the misunderstanding as I look down into her face. She looks so peaceful, as if nothing ever hurt her. A tear falls without my consent and rolls down my cheek, splashing on to the side of the coffin. The tiny coffin, which seemed so big and so wrong.

"You're lucky, sweetheart." I dare to whisper, my voice shaking. "Because you'll never have to live in a world which is so cruel. You'll never have to cry, or hurt, or see what's out here; those things that make the news everyday, the things that you think 'oh that's awful, but it would ever happen to me'. Because they never will happen to you, you're safe now. I'll take all your pain and carry it for you, I'd have done anything for you. I'd have given you my heart if it meant saving you, because that's what... Mummy's do. They sacrifice everything they have to keep you safe, and I'm sorry I never had the chance to do that darling." I fight through tears. "I'm sorry you never got to see my smile, or feel my kisses on your forehead, my hands wiping your tears away when you grazed your knees. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, but I'll always love you. I promise you that, I... We..." I glance at Nick and he squeezes my hand. "We will never ever forget you."

I bend down, feeling the softness of her skin on my own as I plant a loving kiss on her forehead. The first, and last kiss I'd ever be able to give her. I wanted to scoop her up and run away, take her somewhere I can keep her with me forever. I gently graze my thumb against her cheek, her long eyelashes carefully resting just above. Then I pull back, turning and crying in to Nick's shoulder. Because I just wanted to be together as a family, even if it was only for a matter of minutes, when it should have been a lifetime.

* * *

"Red wine?" Nick smiles at me as we enter the pub, pulling his card out of his pocket and I nod appreciatively, sitting down at the table in the window. It doesn't take him long to bring it over to me, taking up the seat opposite with a glass of double whiskey. "You were really brave today."

"As were you." I respond, trying to drain the affection from my words as I glance out of the window at the beach. It was pretty deserted, just a few dog walkers and an elderly couple ambling along the sands. I wonder how long they've been in love and how crazy it is that people can see each other in that way for such a long span of time. I wonder whether if Liam hadn't have died, or Peter hadn't have cheated, maybe we'd still be in love. Maybe we'd have had a baby, a little family, perhaps a cocker spaniel to walk along one of the many beaches that line this country. Maybe we'd have grown old together, when the children had flown the nest and the dog was nothing but ashes, walking along the shore, hand in hand.

But my life was full of what if's and I was still sat in a pub, drinking a glass of red wine, no ring on my finger or children in a pushchair. Exactly as I knew I'd have been at the age of fifteen, when Kimberly Doyle used to wind me up about being unloved forever in science. I suppose she was right, despite all the times I tried, I'd still ended up with nothing.

"I'm proud of you." Nick's soft words seem so sharp as I snap out of my trance, turning to look him straight in the eyes. Looking at my third time lucky, because let's be honest; Paul was just my ticket out of poverty, Tony was a psychopath and Frank was even worse.

"What is this?" I suddenly question, in a more harsh tone than expected. "Are you just trying to soften me up before you head off home to your precious Bistro and mother, forgetting all about this?"

"Huh?" He frowns, shocked at my sudden change in mood, taking a big gulp of whiskey.

"Well what's the point, you're going in a few days, then it'll just go back to how it was. For days I've been talking as if this'll last forever, but it won't. Nothing ever does." I snap at him and he looks taken aback, trying to figure out why I had now flown off the handle out of nowhere. It was like I was testing him, when it should be the other way around. He continues to look at me confused, so I just slam my wine glass down on the side and storm out of the pub, heading towards the house further up which was 'mine'. The house that apparently was my home, even though it felt lonely and pointless and empty.

* * *

I arrive shortly after her. I know this because she's still got a fairly full glass of wine on the kitchen counter and I was quick to exit the pub after she had left.

"What is going on?" I sigh, taking my coat off and draping it over one of the dining chairs. "Where's all this come from now?"

"From you messing with my head!" She replies, panic in her voice. I felt drained of this constant process, the yelling and the calm, over and over. "I get it; I called you here, you were in shock, you felt like you had to support me. But now it's all over, you'll head off home and never look back. Forget all about this, have a baby with someone decent who isn't so 'dysfunctional', and don't deny that because you said it yourself once."

"Actually you said you were dysfunctional." I tell her, with a slight smile on my lips which angers her further. "I just agreed with you."

"You said I was dysfunctional, amongst other things." She reminds me and I nod, remembering our conversation in the Bistro.

"Those other things being kind, genuine, funny, beautiful..." I admit to her and it shuts her up for a few seconds, I dare to take a step closer and I can see her calming slightly.

"So why say all this? Hm?" Her voice cracks, weakly, as if running out of energy to argue with me. "Why tell me these things, if in a few days you'll be back in Weatherfield?"

"Because the only way I'm going back to Weatherfield, is if I'm with you." The words fall off my tongue and I see her exhale softly, as if releasing a whole load of frustration and giving in, her eyes sunken but not quite believing it at the same time. Exactly the same look she gave me that night on her sofa, just before we kissed, or outside Victoria Court when she knew I was staying. It was that look of reassurance, and that's what she needed more than anything.

I felt so relieved, after saying those words. As if I'd finally come to terms with how I felt.

"I thought I'd lost everything I had with you." I whisper. "As much as I hated the mistakes you made, I never hated you, Carla. Every cloud has a silver lining, and perhaps this is what Lauren wanted, perhaps this was her, bringing us back here. Well it's worked, because I can't deny the fact that I'm still in love with you. The second I walked through that door, I knew it never changed. I'm completely in love with you, Carla, and maybe that's wrong but it feels so right. It feels like that's what was supposed to happen. This... This is what Lauren would have wanted."

She looks at me, with pure affection in her eyes, something that I was sure must be love, because it's how she used to look at me, back when everything was perfect.

"I will hurt you in the end, you know." She whispers, tears brimming in her eyes, a faint smile on her lips.

"I'll take my chances." I swallow, tears falling down my own face, as they do her's. She walks towards me slowly and I kiss her on the forehead before she folds in to me, head on my shoulder, the softness of her hair tickling my cheek, as we sway back and forth for what feels like forever.

And I wouldn't change a minute of it.

* * *

"I thought you hated me." I mumble into his chest. "With every right to do so, I don't understand why you don't."

"Believe me, these past few months I've been wishing I did." He responds with, still swaying me gently. "I've tried and I've tried but sometimes, when you love someone, it's impossible to let go. Sometimes the world tries to tell you the same, however brutal it might show it. Sometimes, no matter what the mistake you just can't let someone go, not when you know it's meant to feel like this, and I believe it was a mistake."

"It was." I feel wet tears soak his t-shirt, because it was all I'd wanted to hear, it's the words I'd play out in my head when I lay awake at night, dreaming of how it could have ended. "I promise you it was, I'm just a disaster, I hate myself for it. I will never, ever make that mistake again. No matter how drunk or hurt or angry I am."

"Then that's all I need." Nick finalises, even though I don't quite know what he means. "And I can stay for as long as we feel is right, we can just take things really slow, at our pace."

"What about your family?" I dare to ask, feeling the sharp sting of Gail's slap on my cheek as I say it.

"...They're right here." He whispers, and I can't help but smile contently, closing my eyes and letting myself trust him as I sink into his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

 _ **The timings for Michelle going down to Devon don't match the timing in this but just imagine it does! I didn't manage to write the second half of this until recently so sorry it's all really in the past now!**_

 **February 2017:**

I stand in the window, nursing a cup of coffee and looking over to the beach to where the sun is rising above the sea. I jump at the feeling of stubble against my skin, a soft kiss being placed on my neck. A pair of arms gather around my waist, swaying me gently, as we both stand admiring the view. In this moment, I feel as if nothing bad had ever happened or could ever happen. Everything felt so perfect.

Until the phone sounds, sharp and brass, knocking me out of my trance. Nick's arms loosen and he pads over to the phone.

"Who's that at this time?" Nick's voice is hoarse and tired, something which makes me smile and just appreciate that I got given a second chance. "Hello? Oh hi Michelle, it's a bit early for... Yes she's here, I'll pass you on."

"What does she want?" I mouth and he shrugs. I check the clock, six fifty five. I take the phone from him and hold it to my ear. "Hi Chelle, you okay?"

"Carla..." I hear her broken sounding voice and I shoot Nick a look of worry. "He's dead."

"...Who, who's dead?" I ask her gently and Nick comes over, placing a hand on my shoulder. My first thoughts go to Barry; Michelle didn't need to lose anymore family but that would be the most understandable.

"I can't... I can't believe it." She cries, down the phone. "I don't know what to do."

"Okay Chelle, take your time." I reassure her, my thoughts drifting. She sounded too shocked and panicked for it to be someone as obvious. My heart suddenly skips a beat, Steve.

"My little boy." She whimpers and my heart begins to race again.

"Ryan." I panic, looking at Nick's wide eyes. "Is it drugs?" I know I'm not helping but I'm suddenly desperate for details.

"No..." She exhales, softly and weakly. "It's not Ryan. It's Ruari."

"Who's Ruari?" I frown, before piecing two and two together. "...Oh God." I breathe heavily and Nick has to hold me up as the memories come flooding back. "No, please no, Chelle."

I can tell Nick knows, without another word being said, as he fastens his arms protectively around me, his face frozen in a numb expression. I can hear Michelle's sobs down the phone and I want to stay strong. I want to put a brave face on and give her useful advice, but I felt physically weak. How could life be this cruel?

 **April 2017:**

I lean up against the patio door, glass of red wine in my hand, just looking at her and thinking how lucky I was. She was sat reading a magazine, feet up on a sun lounger, shades on.

"Your wine, miss." I hand it to her and she jumps slightly before dipping her sunglasses so my eyes meet hers.

"Ooh, it's almost as if you own a wine bar." She smiles, accepting it gratefully and my heart melts slightly. "I hope you give Michelle this service when she arrives."

"What if she hates me?" I swallow, wondering who's side she would take if it did come to a shouting match; her best friend since primary school, or the man who binned her off and made her leave the city in shame.

"Of course she won't, you were as much a victim in Steve McDonald's vindictive plan as she was." She tries to console me.

"Except I knew." I point out. "I could have told her and I didn't."

"This is Michelle we're talking about, she doesn't hold massive grudges, well..." I cut off. "Not against people I like anyway."

"Just like?" I grin and she rolls her eyes.

"Love." Carla says the word with such meaning the corners of my mouth crease up a little more. "Now go and get out of those pyjamas, it's ten o' clock Nicholas."

I bend down and give her a light kiss on the lips, which she sighs into slightly, before walking away and hearing her warm giggle sound from behind me.

* * *

The bell rings softly and I jump up, practically skipping over to the door in my cosy socks, hair flowing down my back. I'm so full of excitement to see my best friend again, that I almost forget how she might be feeling. But when I open the door, she's stood on the doorstep, beaming back at me, suitcase in hand. I could see behind the cracks though, I could see the pain and the stress she was under. So I just reach out, pulling her in and hugging her tightly for what felt like forever.

* * *

"So... Where's Nick?" Michelle dares to ask, cup of tea in hand as she sits curled up in the armchair. "I never saw that reunion coming."

"Well neither did I." I smile at her, trying my hardest to hide the uncontrollable grin that begs to cross my face at the mention of his name. "He's getting some supplies, he'll be back soon... He's worried you hate him."

"Hate him? Why?" She frowns, scoffing slightly as she sips from her mug.

"Well... Because of... You know; the Steve situation." I phrase it tenderly and she merely coughs as she stares at my white fluffy rug for a few seconds.

"There were only two people to blame in that, Car." She shakes her head. "And they're the two that betrayed me."

"How are you coping?" I ask, automatically and then wince at the fact I've even said it. "Wow, you know what? That's such a stupid question. That's the question I loathed when people asked me... Then again, I didn't really have many people to ask me anything."

"Alright considering." She answers, perhaps automatically as well. "Maria's been amazing, letting me crash out at her place."

"How is Maria? Out of prison I take it." I assume, despite the fact the two of us never really got on, she was like that little sister you bicker with all the time but still have to look out for.

"She's really good actually, spending a lot of time with the Platt's." She fills me in and I pull a face.

"Oh God, don't tell me she's gonna marry David." I laugh slightly. "We'll be sister-in-laws all over again."

"Funny you should say that actually-" She begins as the front door slams and we both look in the direction of where Nick is carrying some paper bags through the door. He dumps them on the kitchen counter and briefly observes the situation before taking the chance to greet Michelle.

"Michelle, hello." He waves, stupidly and she shoots me a grin.

"Hey Nick. I expected you to be back in Weatherfield weeks ago." She flicks her hair back off her shoulder. "Did something hold you up?"

"Just something little." He hesitates before smiling, sitting down on the arm of the sofa and placing a kiss into my hair. It doesn't seem to faze Michelle, in fact she almost looks grateful, then again, she was the only one who knew how happy Nick had made me, aside from the fact it was written all over my face. "Uh... I'm sorry about... Everything."

"It's fine." She shakes her head and I squeeze his hand, distinguishing the awkward tone to his voice. It wasn't an easy matter for either of them, they'd both lost their babies and had to watch their ex's raise their own together. I actually felt a little shut out; I hadn't been in Weatherfield to witness any of this, it was like a series I'd only watched the first and last episode of, and just heard the rest be talked about.

"I thought we'd take Chelle to meet Frankie tonight." I turn to Nick, immediately desperate to divert the subject. "He's going out to that bar we were looking at."

"Frankie?" Michelle frowns. "You're not trying to set me up already?"

"Don't even try." Nick smirks. "Carla's already been knocked back."

"Did I heck!" I slap him on the arm lightly.

"I'm confused." She frowns, her eyes darting between us.

"He's gay." I laugh. "But still pretty good material for making Steve jealous."

"I'm not playing games." She rolls her eyes a slight smirk on her lips.

"He's attractive." I try to persuade her and Nick shoots me a look, nudging me slightly.

"...Well I guess one drink won't hurt." She shrugs and I grin victoriously as she throws a cushion in my face, giggling, and it makes me think it's the first time she's laughed in a while.

* * *

"Two glasses of red and a pint of beer." Frankie places them down on the table, pulling up a chair next to Michelle.

"Thank you." Michelle smiles appreciatively and he nods.

"So how's everything back home?" Nick questions her. "I mean, aside from everything..."

"He means how are his family?" I fill in for him, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Oh, they're alright I think." Michelle responds. "Although last I heard, and I was about to tell you this earlier Car; David was hooking up with Maria."

"What?" Nick almost spits his drink out.

"Maria and David?" I raise my eyebrows. "Wow, she does like a toy boy."

"You're one to talk!" Michelle points at me, winking at Nick and I pull my phone out from in my jacket pocket.

"Yeah well, you can bag yourself one while you're at it." I open the camera and aim it at both her and Frankie. "Shuffle up both of you and smile."

I take a few photos before Michelle giggles and Nick throws his arm around my shoulders, sending a ton of sparks down my spine warmly. I flick back through the photos, selecting two and uploading them to Friend Connect without asking her. I knew otherwise she would talk me out of it, but this called for desperate measures.

"And done." I grin, seeing Michelle frown at me curiously, before reading my mind and grabbing her phone from off the table.

"Carla!" She yells, with a slight smile on her lips.

"You'll thank me later." I hold my hands up, falling back against my chair. "Just think of Steve's face when he sees that."

"I guess." She gives me a defeated look and I peer over her phone. "Why do you still know my login for Friend Connect?"

"Why is your profile picture still one of you and Steve?" I raise my eyebrows, snatching her phone before she can stop me.

"Set it as one of me and you then." She shrugs, opening her camera roll and scrolling up. "Ah that's a nice one."

"Done." I grin, clinking my glass against hers. "Cheers."

"Here's to the new me." She smiles, raising her glass as everyone follows suit.

* * *

"Well that was a wild night." I laugh as I watch Carla drunkly fall against the wall. I grab her waist before she collapses into the pile of clean washing on the floor. Who'd have thought Carla Connor would have the carpet anything other than spotless?

She looks straight into my eyes, as they close briefly, her eyelashes folding out perfectly before reopening them again. The same way they did when we kissed on the street, that very drunken night, all those drunken nights ago. When neither of us had any idea why it happened, or why it ended.

"I love you." Her words sound in what could barely pass as a whisper, and my fingers find her hair, entangling the tangles which have formed through stumbles and laughter throughout the night. I am just about to open my mouth to say the identical, before her lips meet mine, the softest lips I have ever kissed, the creases in hers partnering mine, making them invisible.

She begins to kiss me more intensely, her hands moving to my hair, where her nails softly graze my scalp, tickling and taunting my nerves, sending a rush of sparks down my body. She moves down and begins ripping at my shirt, clenching the material in her hands and sighing into our kiss, which immediately makes me tingle all over, as I pull at her top, pulling it up over her head, which breaks our kiss momentarily before we are connected once again.

She pushes me only gently but with such force that I fall back onto the bed, her body falling upon mine, hair softly grazing my cheek and I break the kiss again, briefly, to admire her face and realise how lucky I was, kicking myself for ever forgetting that, before we collide again, melting into passion.

* * *

 **Please leave a review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

 **May 2017:**

My heart is pumping in my chest as we pull around the corner of Victoria Street. My eyes immediately fall to the flats, where I used to spend hours crying outside, and crying inside. I was surprised I didn't still feel the same pang of guilt, just looking at them, even though I knew I should feel angry and betrayed.

Instead, I just feel nostalgic. It was actually giving me a rather uneasy sense of nausea, and I glance across to see whether the door was an easy access one, in case I did have to greet the cobbles again at last with my regurgitated salmon omelette Nick had made me eat at breakfast.

The taxi pulls to a halt and I'm half expecting Nick to jump up, I'd been selfish really, tearing him away from his family for such a long time. I don't think I've ever known him be this far from them, since he waltzed into my factory years ago; blonde highlights in his hair, and a slightly cocky look on his face, the same he still holds from time to time when he knows he's right but I won't back down. But adversely, he turns to me, grabbing my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, which tears my eyes away from where I'm staring at The Rovers with a perplexed expression, half expecting Michelle to run out of there before forgetting it's no longer her home.

"You alright?" His voice is soft and it soothes me. I feel as if I'm in a completely new environment, but at least he makes me realise I'm not alone.

"Yeah just... Taking it all in." I nod slowly and he picks my bag up for me, as if the sudden sense of reality is going to make me flimsy and frail. "It feels so strange."

"Do you want to face the world?" He smiles, that same old smile I feel he only ever offers to me. The kind when you can tell there's love soaked right into it. It melts my heart slightly, which inclines me to nod my head again, as he opens the taxi door.

"Uncle Nick!" Max and Lily seem to appear out of nowhere, throwing themselves at him as he laughs. I watch on, he's just so good with children, much better than I'd ever imagined being. Yet he could have had his own, several times, but every time it just...

I feel panicked all of a sudden, feeling out of place and lost and almost close to tears. I actually felt scared, scared of the place that had been my home for the best part of ten years.

"Carla!" Max wraps his arms around my legs and it makes me jump, but at the same time, consoles me a tiny bit. I pat his head in the most affectionate way possible, as Lily joins him, laying her head into the side of my leg. I look down at her and have to fight the tears away, as I feel Nick's hand find mine, knowing he was feeling exactly the same. I'd almost isolated myself from the thought of children, through the fact that I hadn't needed to come into contact with any since Lauren died. Now I had, now we both had, I think it was a reality shock for the pair of us.

"Lily, what did I tell you about running off?" I hear David and my head whips round to where he is approaching from the salon. Sarah is behind him, carrying baby Harry, shortly followed by a small dog, which looks like the most annoying creature I'd ever set eyes on, and no, I didn't mean Gail.

"David are you going to control David, because I'm certainly not chasing after him when he runs off up the ginnel!" Sarah shouts after him and I exchange a confused glance with Nick. "Hi you two, how are you?"

"Alright, it's good to see you again." Nick pulls her into a hug, kissing her on the cheek and I'm surprised they all seem so chill about me being back. I thought they'd all still hold grudges; not all Platt's we're as forgiving as Nick. Then again, I hadn't reunited with the more stubborn in-laws yet.

"You ok Carla?" Sarah smiles, warmly, before holding up Harry's hand to wave. "Is that your Godmother?" She cooes in a baby-like voice and a shiver runs down my spine. Shit, I was a Godparent, I completely forgot about that. I'm still in awe as Sarah dumps the baby in my arms, after answering a phone call and walking about two meters away, to argue with Gary. I stare down, finding that I seemed to have a fairly good grip on the child, before feeling Nick's gaze on the pair of us.

"Uh... I can take him, if you need?" David offers, holding his arms out awkwardly, to which I hesitate before shaking my head. He clearly knew then; I was trying to work out who Nick would have told, and who he'd have missed off the list. Sarah seemed to have no clue, but then again she struck me as the kind of person to completely pass it by in a situation like this.

"It's ok." I smile down at Harry, as he wraps his hand around my finger, gazing up at me with big blue eyes. "Um... David, I'm so, so sorry about Kylie."

"Oh. Thank you." He nods, politely and I immediately feel like a bitch for even mentioning it and bringing it up, but then I'd probably have felt the same if I hadn't. "You're good with him."

"You're having a laugh aren't ya?" I force a smile, jigging Harry up and down on my hip slightly.

"Sorry about that." Sarah rolls her eyes, coming back over to us and I voluntarily pass Harry back to her. "Apparently I made Gary the wrong sandwiches, he wanted ham and cheese today."

"Go and ask Norris if you can stick that on his breaking news poster outside the shop." David responds, in a bored tone.

"Where's Bethany?" Nick scans the area briefly and Sarah's expression falls slightly.

"Uh... She's with her boyfriend." Sarah tries to say it in a cheery tone, but it's obvious something's up.

"Oh, she has a boyfriend?" Nick raises his eyebrows. "Hey, I'll be teasing her about that later."

"You probably won't see her later, or at all, really." Sarah mumbles and my eyes narrow. "She kinda lives with him now."

"Lives with him?" Nick frowns. "What's wrong with here?"

"Well..." David begins and I almost laugh, because this place might feel weird, but at least I understand some of its history.

"It's a long story... I didn't really approve and so she went ahead and moved out. Says there's nothing I can do, which is true really." Sarah shrugs, sadly.

"Why didn't you approve?" Nick questions. "He's not a drug dealer?"

"Um... No." Sarah shakes her head, strapping Harry into the pushchair. "He's in his thirties though, he owns a tanning salon, seems fairly minted. She's besotted with him."

"In his thirties?" Nick splutters, and even I'm surprised at this, with my track record. "You'll be telling me they're engaged next!"

Sarah exchanges an awkward look with David and I cough slightly, wanting to leave this situation before it got anymore heated.

"No way..." Nick shakes his head.

"So who's this?" I point to the dog in David's arms, trying to change the subject, before I spot a man in a grey coat out of the corner of my eye.

I hesitate for a few seconds, before running at him like a little kid. I almost knock him over with my excitement and he wraps his arms around me, slightly less awkwardly than what I remember.

"I've missed you so much Roy." I whisper, not wanting to break away from the hug.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, in the same old well pronounced tone he always had.

"Thought I'd come and surprise you." I give him a playful punch in the arm and I almost see a hint of a smile on his face.

* * *

"Can I book a hair appointment?" I grin, and Maria spins around as I enter the salon.

"Carla?" She says in a shocked tone. I was surprised David hadn't informed her of our little visit, or perhaps he didn't know I'd be accompanying Nick on his travels. "What are you doing back?"

"Visiting." I shrug. "How are you doing, I heard you got yourself into a bit of bother."

"A bit?" She raises her eyebrows, pulling up the hem of her trousers so I could see the tag wrapped around her ankle. "This thing explains it all."

"Tut tut." I shake my head mischievously, before getting to the topic at hand. "Hey, is Michelle out? I tried ringing the doorbell of your flat several times and there was no response."

"Oh, she doesn't live there anymore." She tells me, matter-of-factly.

"Oh... Why where does she live then?" I frown. "Don't tell me she's back with Steve."

"No!" She scoffs. "She's moved in with Robert, I thought she'd have told you that."

"Why would she be living with Robert?" I look at her, confused.

"Because they're..." She stops, eyeing me up cautiously. "You mean... You don't know?"

"Don't know... What?" I hesitate, already knowing what was coming but daring to ask anyway.

"Michelle and Robert... They're together." She pauses. "I'm sorry, I completely forgot about you and him with-"

I don't hear the end of her sentence, because I've stormed out and I'm heading up the street towards Victoria Court flats, anger brewing in my veins.

* * *

"So... You just let her go ahead and move in with him?" I sip my tea, slurping it especially loud to emphasise my frustration.

"What was I to do?" Sarah flaps at me, trying to sit Harry down in his high chair, orange slop flying everywhere. "Chain her to the bed? Phone the police?"

"Yes, yes that's exactly what you were supposed to do!" I raise my voice a tad, before restraining myself again.

"And what would they have done, Nick?" She rolls her eyes. "This is Coronation Street. They've dealt with fires, tram crashes and mass murders. I don't think a sixteen year old girl moving in with her boyfriend is going to be the top of their priority list."

"Well surely it's against some kind of law?" I persist.

"I doubt it. At the end of the day she is of the legal age." She shakes her head. "Trust me, I've tried everything, plus if I did contact the police, she'd hate me forever, and she'd probably get involved in a whole investigation if it did go any further. This family has seen enough court rooms, I don't think we need anymore reasons to get a taxi there, do you?"

"You seem very chill with it." I narrow my eyes, even though she was holding a bowl of baby food in one hand, her mobile in the other and a thermometer in her mouth.

"Yeah well I'm not." She sighs. "But I'm just hoping time will heal. If I let her think I'm cool with it, maybe she'll get fed up."

"Or she'll just go more off the rails." I mutter, slurping my tea again and slouching against the hot pink throw that used to be Kylie's.

* * *

I give a harsh triple knock on the door. Somehow, the building still had the same pin code, so I didn't have to worry about buzzing up, and there would be no excuses not to let me in. I wait a few seconds, all the questions I'd practiced in my head, bouncing into one very confused jumble. The door opens, and Robert is stood there, in a dressing gown, hair ruffled. The sight of him still makes me feel sick with guilt, and it was one I never wanted to see again after leaving this place.

"I thought you'd be working today." I barge past him into a very classy living room, which I still hated at the same time.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asks in a rude tone, but with an element of surprise to my voice. "Are you making a habit of inviting yourself into my room now?"

"Don't get cocky with me." I spin around, on my heel, pointing a finger in his face.

"Robert? Who was it?" I turn again, to see Michelle emerge from the bedroom, still in a skimpy nightdress and a thong. She had her bra unclipped, hanging loosely around her waist line. "Carla? Oh..."

"Sorry I interrupted." I practically shout at her. "But I've just been talking to Maria."

"Ah..." She hesitates, pulling the bra off and throwing it behind the bedroom door as if I hadn't already latched on to the antics that were occurring before I arrived. "I was going to tell you."

"You don't have to explain yourself to her." Robert stops her and she flashes him an awkward smile.

"You know, what a cheating, manipulating, animal he is." I point behind me.

"Excuse me." Robert laughs bitterly.

"He blackmailed me into giving him my fiancé's business!" I yell. "He's cruel."

"I know but-" Michelle starts.

"Excuse me." Robert repeats.

"He's really helped me Carla, through all the stuff with Steve." She explains. "He's been there for me."

"Oh yeah, I bet he has." I scoff and I feel Robert's hands on my shoulders.

"Right, that's enough." He tries to direct me towards the door before I spin around and slap him clean across the face. He looks taken aback, raising a hand to his cheek as Michelle looks equally as shocked. "I'm not being funny." He lowers his hand, talking in a tone which implies he is. "But you have no right to call me a cheater. You're the one who cheated, not me, I don't see how I've come off as the bad guy here."

"Carla... We love each other." Michelle murmurs and I force back tears, feeling betrayed even though I hated to admit that they were both right. I had cheated, I had no excuses for that. I immediately regret storming in and mouthing off, but it was what I was best at; kicking off when something or someone hurt me.

"Sorry." I manage to stammer, before practically running out of his apartment.

"Stop acting like a stupid child." I hear Robert shout after me. "Everyone's over it but you."

I can imagine he'd have probably carried on, had Michelle not stopped him. It was this place, I felt like I had so many times before; after the fire, after Frank, after Peter decided to stay when we were supposed to be moving away. Each cobble was tainted with a memory which had ended sourly. Most of the people here knew too much about my past for me to ever feel sane.

I hear Robert's words echoing in my head, and find myself heading towards the Rovers. I needed a drink, and I wasn't going to risk the Bistro, so instead I'd go to Michelle's lying, cheating ex instead, but I guess I'd fit in there.

"Glass of red, large." I order to the red headed barmaid I'd never seen before. "And a vodka shot."

"Bad day?" She looks at me, concerned, as if she had a right to.

"As always." I shrug, pulling my credit card out of my handbag. "You're new."

"I could say the same to you." She replies, a slight smile on her lips, which I feel I could grow to like. "Toyah Battersby." She flashes me a smile, in exchange for a handshake, and I groan slightly. Maybe we wouldn't be friends after all; Battersby. I guess she wasn't so new to this place as I'd thought.

"It's a bit forward to give your name out to customers don't you think." I take a sharp gulp of wine, downing the shot in one. "I'd have thought you'd make a fake name... Like your sister did."

"Sorry?" She frowns, Leanne used to talk about Toyah all the time, so I was aware of who she was.

"Carla Connor." I look her dead in the eyes and the look of realisation doesn't surprise me. I'd have expected my name to come up in conversation, and most likely not friendly ones.

"Oh." She puts, bluntly, but she doesn't have time to make further awkward conversation, because Steve has appeared from around the corner, and his eyes have fallen straight on me.

"Hello." He greets, lack of expression in his voice.

"Hello." I respond, restraining myself from kicking off again. Instead, I flash him a sarcastic smile, before taking the longest swig from my glass, as if to imply that I will be staying put, despite the circumstances.

"I didn't know you were coming back." He coughs, awkwardly.

"Not many people did." I shake my head. "I wouldn't expect you to."

"Back for good?" He picks up a cocktail stick, nibbling on it as if trying to make himself look more casual.

"You're kidding aren't you? You don't know what it took to drag me back here." I scoff, finishing off my wine and pushing my glass towards Toyah to indicate I need a refill. I swallow my pride and finally look at Steve with sympathy. "I'm sorry about your baby." My voice cracks slightly, before bitterly and unnecessarily adding "one of them."

"Thanks." He nods, bluntly, before hesitantly adding. "You too." I hear Toyah let out a quiet and sympathetic 'oh' sound, before giving me a warm smile and placing my topped up glass on the bar. "I uh, just need to... Yeah." Steve awkwardly points at the back room, fiddling with his shirt a bit before coughing again and heading out the back. I watch him go, before diverting my eyes back to Toyah. I am about to make small talk once again, before I hear a very familiar and over-joyous voice from behind.

"Mrs Connor!" I turn to face Sally, bright smile on her face, followed closely by Sean, Sinead, Izzy and Fiz.

"Hi Mrs C!" Grins Sean, coming straight up to hug me, which I put very little effort into before pushing him off. "We didn't know you were coming back."

"Well it doesn't have to be printed all over Manchester News, does it?" I practically snap, sick of everyone making out they should have been informed I'd be returning. I see his slightly hurt expression and sigh, softening a little. "How are you all?"

"Worked to the bone but fabulous as ever." He beams, everyone else nodding in unison. "How are you and Nick? Michelle told us you were back together. In unfortunate circumstances however, I'm very sorry."

"Thanks..." I mutter, taking another long sip from my glass. "Yeah he's just visiting family and then we'll be out of here once again."

"Oh you're not stopping then?" Sally questions, surprised.

"No." I firmly respond. "No way, absolutely no chance. We've agreed we're staying in Devon for good I think, so it's just a flying visit I'm afraid."

* * *

"So what have you been up to, Nick lovely?" Audrey sets a brew down in front of me.

"Yes how is the lovely Carla?" Gail inquires, bitterly, with a disapproving look on her face.

"Oh Gail." Audrey shakes her head, before looking back to me. "Ignore her, she can hold grudges against anyone for the tiniest of things."

"Yes but this wasn't a tiny thing, was it?" Gail points out, sourly with her lips pursed. "She cheated on you, Nick and then decided to humiliate you at the alter."

"I don't think she was trying to humiliate me." I roll my eyes, a hint of a smile on my face.

"Save you then." She cuts in before I can say anything further.

"Haha..." I hesitate, annoyance brewing inside of me. "I didn't come here for a lecture. I'm a big boy now, mum, I can make decisions for myself."

"Yes well, you haven't got my blessing." She looks off into the distance, like a moody teenager.

"Oh stop pouting will you?" Audrey sighs, clearly as tired as I was of her stubbornness. "At least you're back! Just visiting? Or can we expect to see a little bit more of you around here?"

"Well since you asked..." I pause, dwelling on whether to tell them or not, in the fear Gail would go and ruin the surprise. "The sale for the flat went through last week, I haven't told her yet, but I've been to have a look at 10b, down the road, I was thinking of maybe placing an offer and surprising her. We're staying in the flat for the time being, until the new residents move in, but, I mean, Devon's lovely but it's really not her, it's not either of us."

"I can't imagine a family house is really her thing either." Gail shoots me a look.

"Oh well I'll just box her up and ship her to Russia then, shall I?" I roll my eyes.

"Well... If you're offering." She mopes, and I cross my legs, as if making an impact.

"Well tough, because she's staying." I retort. "We're both staying."

* * *

"I think you may need to slow down." Eva folds her arms, disapprovingly and I shoot her a glare. Judgemental cow; how did I put up with her as my PA for years?

"Yeah, I think that's your last glass." Toyah puts her hand down over my glass and tries to move it away, before I tear it off her.

"And I think I'm the customer." I argue, feeling more judgemental stares from the underworld squad behind me. "So I'd like another glass of red wine please."

"I'll call Steve." Eva interferes, before walking centimetres away and shouting out his name, attracting the attention of the minority who weren't already staring at us.

"I don't think you need Steve." Toyah mutters, staring behind me, before letting out an awkward. "Hi."

"Hi." Nick's voice is just as shallow to them, but warm to me as I turn around to face him. He reaches out a hand over my shoulder and pushes the wine glass back towards Toyah, to which I don't react. "Come on, let's get you home."

"But our home is miles away." I slur, falling against his chest and his hands are soft against my back.

"Well, our old home then." I can feel him smiling despite the humiliation of having me drunkly showing him up again. First impressions and all that; I bet he's really pleased he's back together with me.

"I'm sorry." I groan, not only to him but everyone in the pub. Steve appears, and I see him and Nick exchange a cold look, before I am scooped into Nick's arms and directed my way towards the entrance.

It was safe to say; I don't think Nick will want to stay here much longer either...

* * *

 **Please leave a review!**


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: I'm picking this up from a while ago, still set back in May so apologies if some things don't add up and some things are adapted, enjoy!**_

 **Chapter 7:**

 **Carla**

I wake up with an unpleasant but familiar feeling, of my body aching, head pounding and stomach churning. The stream of light invading the room through the crack in the door was already making me feel nauseous, and I turn over, hoping to see Nick in order to apologise to him, but to my surprise, the bed was empty.

"Nick?" I manage to muster, unsatisfied with the eerie quietness of the flat. I groan, pulling myself out of bed and noticing I was still dressed in last nights clothes. I grab Nick's dressing gown that was hung up on the edge of the wardrobe, another thing he left here in his rush to get down to Devon all those months ago. Wrapping it around me, I open the door of the bedroom and head straight over to the kitchen, where conveniently, there stands a bottle of wine on the counter. I hesitate before pulling a glass from the cupboard and unscrewing the top.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I jump out of my skin, spinning around to see Michelle sat in the armchair, staring back at me.

"How the hell did you get in?" I snap at her, quick to start another argument.

"Nick." She tells me, folding her arms defensively. Something told me she wasn't here to grovel, then again, she was almost as stubborn as me. "He's gone to the Bistro, by the way."

"Why?" I frown, bypassing the wine with great regret and putting the kettle on instead. "It's not like he works there anymore."

"He still part owns the place. Or maybe he just wanted a coffee." Michelle shrugs, standing up and coming over to me. I give her a sour look, leaning back against the kitchen counter. "You look awful."

"Thanks." I bluntly reply, shooting her a look. She, on the other hand, looked glowing. I guess our similar tragedies could go one of two ways; you pull yourself together, or just hit rock bottom. "So, you've got it all worked out then."

"You could say that." She muses. "I've lost my baby, my husband cheated on me and my best friend now hates me. But apart from that, it's all tickity-boo."

"Did you even think about me?" I come straight out with it, seeing her face soften slightly. "Before you dived into bed with him, I mean."

"Carla, of course I did." She sighs, taking her jacket off and hanging it off the stool that stood next to her. "I felt guilty for days."

"Ah well." I force a smile. "You managed to get over that quickly though."

"He's been really good to me." She excuses. "You know of all people that we can't choose who we fall in love with. It's not like you haven't been in that situation before."

"Ohh." I shake my head. "Leanne wasn't my best friend... And neither was Maria."

"It's not like I stole him from you." She raises her voice, knowing neither of us were going to back down anytime soon.

"He ruined my life!" I shout, slamming my hand down on the table.

"No Carla! You ruined your life. No one forced you to sleep with him!" Michelle retorts, before taking a step back, realising what she's said. We stand, staring at each other in shock, our breath rapid. "This was a mistake." She suddenly grabs her jacket, heading towards the door, before turning back to look at me, her expression apologetic. I watch her open her mouth to say something, before giving up and slamming the door behind her.

I stand, frozen for a few seconds, before turning around to see the empty glass on the side. Reluctantly, I fill it with the poisonous, red liquid, raising it to my lips and taking a long gulp, causing my head to pound even more.

 **Nick**

"Looks like everything is going well here." I pick at a bowl of olives, eyeing up Zeedan and Kate's joyful expressions.

"You could say that." Kate shrugs, topping my glass up. "Hey, I haven't caught Carla yet, I need to find time to see her today."

"Yeah well, it might be a while before she drags herself out of bed." I confess, checking my phone in the unlikely case there would be any response.

"Yeah, I heard it was a pretty eventful evening for her last night." Zeedan recalls.

"Were you there?" I frown, not remembering apologising to him amongst the other witnesses.

"Oh, no." He shakes his head. "But Sean told Alya, who told Rana, who told me."

"News spreads fast here." I raise my eyebrows, noticing a voicemail from the estate agents. "That's something I haven't missed." I dial the number for voicemail, before holding the phone to my ear. "Excuse me."

"Hello Mr Tilsley. It's Jane here from Weatherfield Estate Agents. I tried to contact you about your viewing later today; I was wondering if we could push it forwards to eleven o'clock. If you can get back to me before then that would be great, if not, I'll see you at three. Kind regards." I check my watch, calling her back without hesitation. I wave to Kate and Zeedan briefly, before exiting the Bistro, unluckily, just as Robert was entering it.

"Oh gosh, sorry." Robert apologises, professionally, before looking up and seeing me staring back at him. "Nick."

"Hello." I hesitate, hanging up the call and quickly sending Jane a text 'eleven is fine, see you in a min', before looking back at Robert's awkward expression. "You're sort of in my way." I point out. I had no desire for pleasantries. I thought I'd got off lightly, managing to spend half an hour here without having to face him.

"No need to be so rude." He holds his hands up, stepping aside. We had made up briefly before I'd taken off to go to Devon, but it didn't mean I liked him any more. In fact, I'd built up more of a dislike towards his cocky attitude and slimy persona since Carla and I had got back together.

"Excuse me, I've got things to do." I push past him, before he stops me in my tracks.

"You're back with Carla then?" He calls, after me, warning in his tone, which makes me want to punch him clean across the face. "Risky move."

"You want to talk about risks?" I retort, turning to face his arrogant expression.

"You're more gullible than I thought." He grins, and it takes all I've got to restrain myself. "I wouldn't go near that slag again if someone paid me."

"Don't you dare talk about Carla like that." I step closer to him, shoving my finger in his face.

"Ok calm down." He holds his hands up, taking a step back. "All I'm saying is that I'd steer clear if it was me."

"Well we can't all be like you." I lower my voice, moving backwards. "Can we, Robert?" I flash him a sarcastic smile before walking away, heading in the direction of the property I was due to view in about ten minutes.

 **Carla**

I'm wishing I was invisible as I pace along the cobbles, the unwanted familiarity of the rocky-ness beneath my feet. I couldn't sit seething in that flat any longer, else it wouldn't just be the drinking I'd regret; there was a readily charged up laptop right next to my purse and it was taking all the strength I had not to use it. I head towards the Bistro, pushing the doors open to the classy tinkly music that felt annoyingly homely. The face I wanted to see was replaced by the least pleasing person, as Robert looks up from the bar at my arrival.

"Large glass of red is it?" He calls over to me, as if twisting the knife in already. "Although you prefer a bottle, don't you?"

"Have you seen Nick?" I ignore his jibes, scanning the place for any sign of him.

"Earlier on, yeah." Robert replies, as I approach him, sitting down at the bar, for a reason I didn't know. "Did you want that drink?"

"Best not." I respond, in a surprisingly casual tone. "You make Michelle happy." The words slip out of my mouth without any warning and he looks shocked at my confession. "It's nice to see her happy."

"Not what you were saying yesterday." He points out, looking down as he squeezes lemons on his worktop behind the bar.

"Yeah well." I shrug, refraining from apologising, because I didn't owe Robert Preston anything. "I guess I went a bit over the top."

"Just a little." He says, bluntly and I glance over to where Anna and Kevin were sat, eating a light lunch by candlelight. It was the simple things like that which made me feel so strange; it was as if I had never left, but as if something was missing at the same time. Watching everybody getting on with their lives as if they'd been frozen whilst I was away. "You two made up then?"

"No." I place particular emphasis on the word, knowing he would just relay what I said to Michelle later on.

"Do you have any plans to?" He questions, as if he was actually interested in my life, knowing it was just Michelle's best interests he had at heart.

"I think the intention was there earlier." I tell him, assuming he'd have known about Michelle's motive of coming round this morning.

"Yeah well get a move on, the pair of you." He insists, looking me in the eyes for the first time. "I don't care what you do Carla, all I want is for Michelle to be happy. I care about her, whether you like it or not, and I know how much you mean to her as well. So if that's what it takes to put a smile on her face, pull yourselves together."

I look at him with a perplexed expression, hesitating before getting up and pulling a straw from the pot on the bar top.

"Force of habit." I point out, before leaving, heading to the next place I could imagine Nick being. I ring the bell for number eight, hoping it would be Nick or David, but just my luck, it wasn't.

"What are you doing here?" Gail's sour expression welcomes me as usual.

"Hi Gail, how are you?" I try to paint a smile on to my face, as if it was any use.

"I was fine." She tells me, in a cold tone. "Until I saw you."

"Uh, is Nick here?" I divert the subject, knowing a cosy catch up was out of the question.

"You know, you could ruin any man's life, any at all. But it had to be him, didn't it?" She begins to lecture me and I immediately regret coming here. "The most loving, genuine, caring man you could ever meet, he had to fall for you. What did he do to deserve having his heart broken, Carla? How cruel can you be?"

"Well you know I didn't intend to do that." I try to excuse myself, bitterness in my tone.

"Oh no, of course you didn't. Because you never do, do you?" She digs at me. "You know? I actually liked you. After I got over the shock of your engagement, I began to think you might be good for him. Well moor fool me, I guess you are just a home wrecker after all, just as everybody else says."

"Right, I'll see you later, Gail." I lower my head, beginning to walk away.

"Do the right thing for once Carla and leave him alone." I hear her shout after me, and I try to block out the insults as I head back towards Victoria Court.

 **Nick**

I am bursting with joy as I open the door to the flat, so content with life that I surprised myself. I close the door behind me, raising my head to see Carla, sipping a glass of wine against the kitchen counter. She had been crying, and upon noticing this, my happiness dissipates.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask, calmly, going over and removing the wine glass from her hand, which she clutches at reluctantly before letting go.

"What's wrong?" She looks at me with blotchy eyes. "I've been looking for you all day."

"It's only four o'clock." I point out. "Sorry I've been taking care of some business. I thought I could take you for dinner at the Bistro."

"What and have Robert and Michelle wait on us?" She reminds me, her tone croaky. "No thanks."

"How did your chat with Michelle go earlier?" I ask, gliding a hand down her arm as a comfort.

"Oh brilliant yeah." She responds, sarcastically. "Just made things worse than they were already... And then I bumped into your mother."

"Oh no." I wince, piecing together the jigsaw that answers my questions. "What has she said?"

"Ooh, let's see." She narrows her eyes, sniffing back tears before they fall again. "That I've ruined your life. That you deserve so much better than me. That I should just give up now before I break your heart again."

"Carla, I am so sorry." I whisper, putting my arms around her and pulling her in to my chest.

"Hey, it's not your fault." She muffles into my shirt. "She's right, I'm a train wreck, if I were you I'd walk away now."

"Yes well I'm not going to do that, am I?" I take a step back, cupping her face in my hands so she looks up at me. "Because I love you, and I don't care what anybody else says about it."

"Nick, I'm really struggling." She admits to me, and I can hear the weakness in her voice. "I've stopped myself from opening that laptop all day." She points to it and I immediately know what she means, and that sends alarm bells out to me. "I'm so sorry, I want you to know the truth. But I haven't, I've just been close."

"Carla, you can't start gambling again." I shake my head, worry in my voice, before taking her hand and leading her over to the sofa. I sit her down, kneeling before her and move the loose hair out of her face. "Listen, what do you want to do? Do you want to go back to Devon for a bit?"

"A bit?" She frowns.

"Well yeah, until you feel more able to face the music here?" I reason with her, but she doesn't seem to understand.

"I don't want to face the music here." She says, looking determined. "We're only here for a few days, then back to Devon... Aren't we?"

"Well... We've got family here, friends, businesses." I remind her and she shakes her head in realisation. "You've got Underworld."

"Nick no." She begs me. "I thought this was just a visit."

"I thought when you got back here, you'd warm to the idea of staying." I tell her and she dips her head, close to tears. "Carla? Carla, look at me."

"I can't do it Nick." She cries, looking up at me pleadingly. "If this is what you want, this can't work, because I don't think I'm strong enough to stay here."

"Hey." I wipe away her tears, placing a hand reassuringly on her knee. "Carla, you could want to camp out in a rubbish dump, and I wouldn't give a stuff as long as I was with you. If you want to go back to Devon, that's what we'll do. Ok? Please, please don't talk like that. You come first, before anything else, I thought you knew that."

"It's unfair on you." She whispers, lightly grazing her thumb across my cheek and it sends a tingle down my spine. I can't help but smile lovingly at her. She really didn't realise how much she meant to me.

"I don't care." I murmur, tilting my forehead against hers and her hand moves to the back of my head, where her fingers play with my hair. "So, chippy or Chinese take-away."

 **Carla**

I lie so contently in his chest, entwining our fingers and listening to his steady heartbeat that comforted me. He's every so often placing kisses into my hair, twirling strands around his finger with his spare hand. The television is blaring quietly behind the two half-eaten boxes of fish and chips on the coffee table, accompanied by two empty wine glasses. I feel so safe, so happy for the first time since arriving back here. I feel my eyes flutter closed momentarily, the warmth of the fire and the gentle movements of his fingers on my scalp making me feel sleepy.

"Nick?" I mumble, clutching at his shirt and breathing in his comforting scent.

"Yeah?" He whispers, placing another kiss onto my head.

"Did I embarrass you last night?" I find something to ask him, so that I don't fall asleep, because I wanted this moment to last forever.

"Of course not." He chuckles, lightly. "You put on quite a show though."

"...You know, you're the most amazing man I've ever met." I tell him, and I meant it. "Most people would have run a mile, or screwed me over by now. Not you, you're perfect."

"Well, thank you." He laughs, and I shift so that I can tilt my head to look up at him. His calming eyes, greying hair, everything about him made me feel so protected and safe. He brushes a lock of hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear, before kissing me lightly on the lips. "You can fall asleep, you know?" He whispers, looking at me with the same loving look which made me feel so indescribably special, something I'd very rarely felt before I'd met him. "You don't have to be scared. I'll still be here when you wake up."

"I don't want to lose you again." I confess to him, meaningfully.

"You won't." He reassures me, squeezing my hand as I lie back in his chest, closing my eyes and letting the tiredness wash over me. "I promise."

* * *

 _ **Please leave a review :)**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

 **Nick**

"Ugh my neck aches." Carla groans, appearing from the bedroom dressed in her usual all black attire. "That is the last time I sleep on the sofa, I mean it this time."

"How do you think I feel? You were lying on my dead leg all night." I smile, beckoning her over. "Come here." I move her hair to the side, gently massaging her neck and she sighs at the soft contact. "Kate said she wanted to see you yesterday."

"I know I feel awful." She moans, before turning around as I hold my arms out to her. "I haven't even been to Underworld yet... Haven't seen Tracy either."

"Yeah well keep out of her way." I prompt her, wrapping my arms around her back and she looks up at me.

"I'm sure she's going to have a lot to say." She mutters, playing with the buttons on my shirt.

"Don't give her the satisfaction." I assure her, tilting my forehead against hers. "And I meant what I said; we'll do whatever you want, so have a think, ok?"

"Mm." She nods. "Why do you have to be so nice?"

"Come on, you." I smile, spinning her around and opening the front door as she grabs her bag. I slap her bum lightly as she leaves, causing her to giggle and I follow after her. I take her hand as soon as we exit Victoria Court, out onto the damp cobbles and we head towards Coronation Street.

"Oh I don't believe this." I hear a shrill voice as we round the corner, Tracy approaching us from number one, eccles' lead in one hand. "So it is true then?"

"Just ignore her." I tell Carla and she dips her head, blanking Tracy as we walk past.

"Nick, you're even more of a mug than I thought." She persists, following after us. I can see Carla stiffening, awkwardly, just like she did on our wedding day when Tracy broke in to say her piece. She was worried anything she said was going to change my mind, even though I knew the truth.

"Nick, please." Carla mutters, trying to pull me away. "Can we just go?"

"Hold on, let her say her piece." I turn, looking at Tracy with a sharp look, before putting my arm around Carla to make a point.

"Are you stupid?" Tracy stands, gawping at me.

"Probably." I shrug. "But why don't you get your own life, instead of trying to dictate how other people should live theirs."

"Nick." Carla prompts me, under her breath.

"Where is Robert, by the way?" I stick the knife in further. "Oh that's right, he left you, didn't he? And now he's hooked up with Michelle. Seems like that plan backfired on you, didn't it?"

"Yeah well, at least he didn't sleep with someone behind my back." She shoots Carla a look and I feel her freeze. "And lie to me for months."

"Stay away from us, Tracy." I warn her, before taking Carla's hand again and leading her off down the street.

"Nick." She says, a bit louder and I stop, turning to look at her. Her eyes were sunken and she can barely look at me..

"Hey, it's alright." I reassure her. "We've said, we're going to be honest with each other from now on, that's all that matters."

"But-" She begins, but I kiss her on the lips to cut her off.

"Remember dinner in the Bistro today." I remind her, giving her another kiss before parting. "I'll see you later."

"See you." I hear her repeat after me, quietly and I flash her a smile before entering the Bistro.

 **Carla**

It felt strange hearing the whir of machines and lively chatter I used to take for granted everyday. Upon entering Underworld, Kirk is the first to notice my appearance, and clearly hadn't been one of the crew that had seen me show myself up the other night.

"Mrs Connor." Kirk waves the pair of scissors in his hand, a friendly grin on his face.

"Hi Kirk." I return, and a sea of faces look up at me. Some more unimpressed than others.

"How are you feeling now, Mrs C?" Sean asks, clearly referring to the other night.

"Fine thank you Sean." I reply, trying to hide the embarrassment from my voice. I walk over to the nearest basket; Beth's, and pick up a pair of knickers she had recently been stitching. "This the new design?"

"Jennings." Beth nods, looking modest about her work.

"They're good." I smile at her, and she shoots me an appreciative look. "Looks like everything's doing well here."

"Ah well thanks for dropping in." I hear a warm voice from behind me and spin around to see Aidan in the doorway, grinning at me.

"Aidan." I greet, going over to him and wrapping him in a hug. "How have you been?"

"Never mind me, I didn't know you were visiting." He relays the same statement that was sick of hearing, but didn't mind it as much when it was coming from him. "Kate told me you were back yesterday."

"Yes well..." I begin, noting the silence behind me and I flick my head around to see everybody listening in. "Shall we go into the office?"

"Good idea." He nods and I walk past him, swinging the door open. "On with your work, all of you."

"Carla." Johnny stands, greeting me with open arms, and I can't help still feeling a small amount of awkwardness when I hug him. "It's good to see you, you look well."

"Yeah well I don't feel it." I admit, sitting down in Aidan's chair, whilst he perches on the desktop. "I've just had a run in with Tracy."

"Yeah well she's not in the best of mindsets at the moment." Johnny informs me. "I wouldn't take it personally."

"Why, what's she done now?" I smirk. "Staved another person's head in?"

"Well she's all over the place from Rob's arrest." Johnny begins, before being elbowed by Aidan, which immediately shuts him up.

"Rob?" I frown. "My Rob? But that was ages ago."

"He doesn't know what he's talking about." Aidan chuckles, awkwardly. "One too many brandy's in the office this morning."

"What's going on?" I persist, folding my arms to make a point and Johnny opens his mouth briefly, before closing it again.

"We didn't want to tell you because you had a lot on your mind." Aidan starts. "We didn't want to give you another problem to worry over."

"I said, what's going on?" I snap, louder, hating that something was being kept from me.

"...Rob escaped from prison, a few months back." Aidan confesses, looking at me apologetically.

"Escaped? What do you mean escaped?" I demand, as if it wasn't a self-explanatory question.

"I mean, we don't know a lot but he was hiding somewhere in the street, Tracy was helping him out with things." Johnny explains, calmly. "And then they went on the run with Amy."

"Well..." I try to process what I've just heard. "They don't make these prisons very safe, do they? I learnt that the hard way."

"He's back in prison now." Aidan tells me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "For an even longer time, I assume."

"Great." I clap my hands sarcastically. "This just gets better and better. I should have stayed in Devon, saved myself from all the secrets and lies going on behind my back."

"We would have told you." Aidan sighs.

"Evidently." I point out, before composing myself. "Anyway, doesn't matter now, what's done is done. So you going to show me some of the new orders?"

"Carla, are you ok?" Johnny asks, gently.

"Absolutely fine." I lie, before opening up the computer in front of me, and trying to type the password in multiple times before Aidan stops me.

"It's been changed." He tells me, typing it into the box.

"Right, so what's the new one?" I persist..

"Well we can't really share that information with anybody." He jokes, but it winds me up further. "Don't want random strangers getting into the accounts, do we?"

"Haha." I narrow my eyes, smiling sarcastically as I scan down the spreadsheets in front of me. "Wow, this all looks really good."

"Thank you." Aidan preens and I almost feel downhearted at how well they had coped without me. I hated to admit it, but it almost looked better than when I'd been here. It seemed nowhere or no one had really missed me, or at least thought about me whilst I'd been gone.

 **Nick**

"Ah, hello." I greet, as Carla enters the Bistro, taking a seat on one of the stools. I automatically pour her a glass of red wine, placing it on the counter in front of her. "So how has your morning been?"

"Interesting." She nods, taking a sip of her wine. "I found out uh, Rob escaped from prison whilst we were away."

"What?" I splutter, leaning forwards to lower my voice. "As in your Rob?"

"Mmm... Tracy helped him out apparently." She tells me, moving her fingers forwards so they were entwining with mine on the bar top. "Seems like I've missed a lot of action."

"He's back in prison now though?" I clasp her hand in mine, looking into her eyes.

"Oh yes." She forces a smile. "That's it for baby brother, he won't be making any more comebacks until he's a pensioner probably. Stupid boy."

"So how's things at Underworld?" I try to change the subject, seeing she was getting upset about it.

"Fine." She relays, taking another sip of her wine. "The books look really good actually, they've pulled that place off, I'll admit that much."

"Good." I smile, noticing a couple waiting for table service. "I'll be back in a second babe." I approach the customers, a warm smile on my face. "Table for two?"

"Please." The woman nods and I grab two menus before leading them over to a spare table. "Take a seat, your waitress will be right over." I go back over to the bar, before opening the kitchen door. "Kate, number 9 please." I hesitate, glancing at Carla. "And your sister is here."

"Carla?" Kate appears out of the kitchen, notepad in hand, she runs over to her, wrapping her in a big hug. "Oh I've missed you."

"You know you're the first person who's said that?" Carla smiles, running a hand through Kate's hair. "You're looking well. I'm sorry about Caz."

"Oh don't be." She shrugs. "The only thing I'm sorry about is not seeing her true colours sooner. So, this is good news isn't it?" She points to me and Nick, before her face falls slightly. "I'm really sorry about the circumstances though, I know you probably don't want to talk about it..."

"Thank you." Carla looks at her, appreciatively and Kate looks hesitant to say something else.

"You'd have been a brilliant mum, Carla." Kate lowers her voice, squeezing her hand and I can see Carla's eyes glazing over as she looks touched at Kate's words, pulling her in for a hug again. I have to swallow my emotions, otherwise I was worried I'd start crying too and that wouldn't look good to the customers. "But at least you two are happy again. You make her a lot less grumpy, Nick."

"Oi you." Carla grins, punching her in the arm. "Now go and wait some tables." Kate heads off towards table nine, and Carla pauses before turning to look at me. I can tell she's trying everything not to cry, it meant a lot coming from Kate of all people; Carla used to mother her quite a bit when they were growing up and Kate's mum wasn't around.. She takes a big gulp of her wine to try and wash away her feelings, before pushing the almost empty glass away.

"Are you alright?" I whisper, taking her hand again and she nods, trying to avoid my gaze so she didn't weaken. "Do you want a hug?"

"Isn't that unprofessional?" I can hear the weakness in her voice and I tilt my head to the side, sharing her pain.

I don't hesitate before walking around the bar and pulling her towards me, stroking her hair comfortingly. "Hey, why don't we have that lunch now?"

 **Carla**

"I was gutted!" Nick laughs, draining his glass with a big smile on his face. "I genuinely thought it'd be an all nighter."

"Oh well I do apologise for falling asleep on the sofa." I reminisce. "Must show I was comfortable around you though, even back then."

"Do you reckon we'd have got together then?" Nick asks me, a glint in his eye and I look up a him. "You know, had Erica not dropped the bombshell on me?"

"That's why I came to the Bistro in the first place." I admit, blushing as I play with his fingers, and he looks at me with a content smile on his face. "After Michelle had wound me up about it.. I was all set to come over here and ask you out... You never know, if we had, the fire probably wouldn't have happened, which means I wouldn't have blamed myself, the Connor's would have never come to save me and I wouldn't know Johnny was my dad, so I wouldn't have... Everything would have been different."

"Everything happens for a reason." He reminds me, placing a finger under my chin and raising my head upwards. "It's made us stronger."

"I still wish elements of it hadn't." I sigh.

"Yes well regrets are pointless." He tells me and I raise an eyebrow, which makes him chuckle.

"Oh no." I moan, seeing Leanne walk through the door with a pram, I was beginning to find that the pair of us had a lot more enemies on this street than friends.

"What?" Nick frowns, looking worried. "Are you okay?"

"No it's not me." I calm him, pointing towards the door and he turns, watching his face fall. Leanne immediately notices him, trying to smile and hold up a hand to wave, before Nick turns his head back around to look at me.

"We're going to bump into everybody at some point aren't we?" He dismisses, but I continue to look on, staring at the pram and the tiny baby inside it.

"Let's have another baby." The words tumble out of my mouth and I immediately hate myself for saying it. I squeeze my eyes shut, somehow there wasn't a filter on some of my thoughts anymore. I see Nick's shocked reaction and try to gather an excuse, or comeback, or just to laugh it off, despite it not being very appropriate to do so, I needed to do something.

"Sorry?" Nick exhales, that same half smile he always does when I randomly ask something that he, for some strange reason, finds endearing. "Carla..."

"No don't..." I stop him, putting my head on top of our hands. "I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry..."

"I thought we were taking things slowly." He reminds me and I'm so frustrated with myself I have to withhold from kicking the table. Why did I always have to ruin everything?

"I know, exactly. I just..." I begin to try and explain myself, when David appears, grabbing a chair and sitting down at the table in between us.

"You eaten yet?" David picks up a menu from the table next to us and we both look at him, bemused that the most important conversation we've probably had in months, has been invaded.

"Hello." Nick bluntly alerts him, and he looks up from the menu.

"Oh, hi." He smiles his usual cheeky smile. "Nick could you get me a beer?"

"I'm on my lunch break." He replies, irritated. "And we were having a private conversation, just in case you didn't realise."

"You do work here though, and I can't see anybody else who's going to serve me." He looks around and Nick hesitates before reluctantly getting up, squeezing my hand and exchanging a look with me before heading over to the bar.

"So how you finding things back here?" David tries to make conversation, although he's clearly not interested. I pick Nick's phone up, since I'd left mine at the factory, in order to look like I was actually doing something rather than sitting awkwardly.

"Put it this way." I scroll through Nick's phone casually. "I'd rather slam my tongue in a car door."

"Descriptive." David drones, scanning the menu before putting it down. I frown, opening a message that Nick sent yesterday.

 _Recipient: Jane:_

 _Eleven is fine, see you in a min._

 _Sent at 10:44am yesterday._

I try to scan my thoughts. Jane, Nick had never mentioned a Jane before. Neither had he told me he'd met up with her, or anybody for that matter at eleven o'clock yesterday morning. I glance at David, who looks perplexed at my expression, a sickening feeling in my stomach. Ok, don't jump to conclusions Carla.

"Here you go." Nick puts the pint down on the table in front of David with my force than intended, and I lay Nick's phone back down on the table.

"Who's Jane?" I suddenly ask. Great, subtle as always.

"Jane?" Nick frowns, clearly not recalling his little meet up with her yesterday.

"You sent a text to her yesterday." I point at his phone. "Eleven o'clock, ring any bells?"

"I'm just going to uh..." David finally takes the hint, pointing to the bar and going over to sit with Leanne, as realisation dawns on Nick's face.

"Is this payback?" I hiss, lowering my tone and he looks hurt at this, which makes me immediately feel guilty for even proposing the idea. Of course it wasn't, Nick wasn't like me, Nick wasn't like any man I'd ever been with.

"Carla how could you even say that?" He sits back in his chair and my face softens.

"I didn't mean it, I'm sorry." I apologise and he sighs exasperatedly.

"Look, if you must know, Jane is an estate agent." He tells me and I frown. "She's been helping me look at a property.."

"Oh." I respond, feeling bad for reacting the way I did. "Why? What property?"

"One up the road." He admits. "But listen, I stand by what I said last night; we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. It was just an idea, that's all."

I debate arguing with him, asking why he had to keep it from me in the first place, but I knew it would do no good. I glance around the Bistro, sighing. I was such a selfish person, taking him away from all of this. Calling all the shots when in fact I was the one who owed him. I betrayed him and yet he let me have everything I wanted, I didn't realise anybody could be so forgiving, so loving and generous. And beyond all, I didn't realise anybody like that could end up with me. But they had, and I felt so lucky for it.

"Well..." I pause, a smile appearing on my face. "Are you gonna show me it then or what?"

 **Nick**

"You can be honest." I smirk as we walk through the Rovers door, sitting down in one of the booths.

"No, I did like it." She muses. "I'll have some nuts as well please."

"Oh will you now." I nod, heading over to the bar.

"What can I get you?" Sarah mutters, looking down at her phone from behind the bar.

"Service with a frown, I like it." I prompt her and she puts her phone down.

"Sorry, it's Bethany." Sarah tells me. "Red wine is it?"

"Two please and uh, some nuts." I smile, pulling my wallet out of my pocket. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just missing her." She admits, putting the glasses down on the bar.

"She'll come to her senses soon." I reassure her, taking the nuts and handing her a ten pound note.

"Things can't be that bad in the Bistro." Sarah hands me the change, a smug look on her face. "Drinking with the competition."

"Lady's choice." I point to Carla. "We've done the Bistro, needed a change of scenery."

"I wish we could all slack off like you." Sarah teases and I give her a look before going to sit down. I place the wine and nuts in front of Carla, before putting my arm around her.

"You've got an appetite today." I say, indicating to the packet she was opening, as the door swings open and Roy enters, causing Carla's eyes to immediately light up. "Oh Roy, come and sit down.."

"I was actually looking for Steve." Roy informs us in his well pronounced tone. "It seems his daughter has been defacing my property. I have found her name carved into the toilet roll holder in the café."

"Amy?" Carla frowns. "That's unlike her, even if she has got Tracy for a mother."

"Well yes, that is why I came looking for the lesser of two evils." Roy continues, approaching the bar and Carla giggles slightly as she curls into my side, which makes my heart melt a bit. "Ah, Sarah, I was wondering if I could converse with Steve?"

"See, it's not so bad here." I whisper into her hair and she looks up at me, a hint of a smile still on her face. "Once you get used to it."

"Suppose it has some perks." She shrugs, running her fingers down my tie, playfully. Roy turns back towards us, hesitating before sitting down.

"Uh, may I?" Roy asks, politely.

"Of course, Roy." Carla smiles, indicating to the seat. "No luck then?"

"He appears to be at Freshco's." He explains. "I can wait."

"Must be important." Carla grins, before nudging me. "Nick get him a drink."

"Oh, yes boss." I reply, obediently.

"Oh no, really I am very alright." Roy assures us. "Thank you."

"Roy, what are you having?" I insist.

"I couldn't possibly..." He tries again and Carla cuts him off.

"Roy, I haven't had a proper catch up yet.." She persists. "So what are you having?"

"Oh well, just an orange juice will be suffice." He gives in. "You're very kind."

"An orange juice it is." I nod and Carla smiles up at me, I kiss her lightly on the lips before heading back towards the bar.

Carla

"So, I heard you and Cathy didn't work out?" I phrase the question carefully, not wanting to cause any offence.

"It wasn't meant to be." Roy nods, curtly, and I lean in across the table.

"As long as you're happy." I whisper and he looks at me with an appreciative look.

"Forgive me for jumping to assumptions." Roy says. "But you seem to be more content, than when I spoke to you on the phone a few months ago."

"I am." I murmur, a dreamy smile on my face. "I just can't believe it happened really. I never in a million years thought he'd give me a second chance."

"Your happiness is everything." Roy conveys and I feel myself close to tears again. "We all make mistakes, and we learn from them. You both deserve a future together, and I am glad he recognised that."

"Thank you, Roy." I whisper, as Nick puts a glass down on the table in front of him, slipping into the booth beside me.

"What are you two talking about?" Nick questions.

"Orange juice." I bite my lip, winding him up and it's then I realise how happy I am for the first time in months. As if it was back to Autumn 2015, when everything was perfect, before anything went wrong.

 **Nick**

"So, what were you really talking about?" I kiss the top of her head as we stroll along the cobbles towards Victoria Court.

"Happiness." She admits.

"Oh right." I smile, squeezing her tighter as if I'd lose her if I didn't. "Who's?"

"I think you can guess." She grins, and I stop her, turning her body gently so she was facing mine. I can see her shivering in the cold of the night, trying to hide it through the content smile on her face. I don't hesitate before taking my coat off, resting it over her shoulders and kissing her on the forehead. "You'll be cold."

"Are you happy?" I avoid her statement, knowing as well as she did I wouldn't be putting that coat back on. Her eyes conveyed everything to me; the pain, the relief, the love.

"You know I'd never been happy." I can see tears forming in her eyes, pronouncing the sentence with such meaning it made me shiver, which she giggles at, so endearingly. "Until I met you."

"You had been happy." I scoff, as she runs her hand through my hair, placing her thump briefly in the dimple on my chin as she always did when she was being playful.

"No." She shakes her head, a serious look overcoming her. "Not like this."

"Can I ask you something?" I pause, and she nods, biting her lip as she smiles, which was something I always fell for.. "Earlier, in the Bistro..."

"I'm so sorry." She winces, knowing the end of the sentence. "I just... I saw Leanne and her baby and it just got me thinking; that could have been me. That could have been me, wheeling the pram into the Bistro to see their daddy." I hear her voice crack with weakness, joining my hands around her back as if to steady her from breaking. She was so fragile, all I wanted was to make her strong again. "Whichever way it happened, that's all I ever wanted with you... And trust me, I have never wanted that with anybody else. Not once have I looked at a man and thought, yeah, maybe I am softening. Maybe I do want a three bedroomed house in the countryside, or stretch marks or to be subject to a life of cleaning and cooking. It would have been my idea of hell in the past, but with you, it's different. You've made me the person I never thought I could be; happy." She hesitates and I wipe a tear that is rolling down her cheek.

"Will you marry me?" I suddenly blurt out and her content swiftly turns to shock. She frowns, trying to work out if I was joking before closing her eyes momentarily.

"Well, Nicholas." She grins again. "In case you'd forgotten, we're already married."

"I know but... Well I want to do it properly." I tell her.

"It was proper!" She insists, feeling somewhat guilty at the same time. Every time the wedding was mentioned, it brought back that same memory; the guilt, the pain. I didn't want her to remember it like that, I didn't want her to have to tell our children that's how it ended.

"How come you aren't wearing your wedding ring then?" I point out.

"How come you aren't wearing yours?" She retaliates, a more serious look on her face. "Because I was wearing mine for months after you went."

I pause before producing my wedding ring from my pocket, sliding it on to my ring finger, before using that hand to move the hair out of her face.

"Just say you'll think about it?" I smile, kissing her lovingly and she doesn't let me go, pulling me back in and causing me to tingle, the way she always did, the way nobody else had.

"I love you." She whispers, breaking away and looking at me; the same eyes I missed when she wasn't with me, the curled up corners of her lips which were always so tempting to kiss again.

"I love you too." I return, before picking her up and spinning her around, causing her to let out an excited and surprised giggle, before landing her back down and pulling her into my side as we head back towards Victoria Court.

* * *

 _ **If you have time to leave a review it would be much appreciated x**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

 **Carla**

"Morning, morning." I greet, entering the Underworld office and putting my coffee down on Aidan's desk.

"Ah you got me a coffee." Aidan winks at me. "Thank you very much."

"Call it more marking my territory." I respond, nudging him playfully. "This is my old desk, yours is over there."

"Uh, in case you hadn't noticed, we've been running this place without you for a year." Aidan scoffs.

"And in case you hadn't noticed; me and Johnny still technically own this place." I point out, and the cocky look on his face vanishes. "Off you go."

"So what does this mean then?" Aidan reluctantly gets up, rolling his eyes like a stroppy teenager. "You're gonna be sticking around for a little longer, or are you just throwing your weight around because you can?"

"I don't know yet." I respond, not knowing the answer to that question myself. "Where's Johnny?"

"Out at a client." He fills me in, sitting down in Johnny's seat instead, so he was sat facing me. I pick my cup up, chewing it like I usually did when I was stressed, nervous or hungry. Right now it was a combination of all three.

"Which client?" I ask, peering briefly at the orders on the screen in front of me.

"Matthew Singh." He tells me, looking impressed with himself. Which he should be; Matthew Singh was a hard client to convince.

"I thought Matthew Singh was your 'gig'." I quote him. "Surely you haven't just handed him over like that, when you and him had 'such a special bond'."

"Yeah well I've got to go and see Sonya Webb this afternoon and between you and me, she's sort of into me." He leans forward, a cheeky smile on his face. "So we figured it'd be best to swap for today."

"You think everyone's into you." I sigh, exasperatedly. I suppose the vanity ran in the genes, although I really hoped I'd mellowed over the years. I sit back in my chair, chewing on my cup again, feeling relaxed in the place which was practically my home for ten years. The long chats with Michelle, the drunken nights I'd passed out in this chair, the place I'd come to hide if I wanted to escape the outside world. This factory was my one achievement, the one thing I could be recognised for on this street, and now I was back, I realised I'd missed it like mad.

"Hey." I hear Nick's voice and spin myself around slightly to face the door, my whole body warming at the sight of him. He actually made me feel excited, like it was still the honeymoon stage where butterflies circulate every time he walked through the door. That was something that I knew was special, something I only ever had with Nick.

"Hello stranger." I smile, and I notice Aidan groan at my sudden change in attitude.

"Why can't I make her smile like that?" Aidan sulks, tipping his head back so it was resting against his chair. "She's been a grumpy git all morning."

"Hmm, is it because she hasn't eaten?" Nick teases me, leaning down to kiss me on the lips, before producing a bag from behind his back and placing it down on the table, alongside another coffee. "Zeedan's chicken Caesar salad and chocolate brownie."

"Yum thank you." I open the bag up, pulling out the two containers from inside, along with a plastic knife and fork.

"You're spoilt rotten." Aidan shakes his head, a slight grin on his face. "There's a shop next door."

"I know." I agree, rubbing my hand up Nick's arm as a sign of thanks. "Not my fault I have the best fella in the world though, is it?"

"Uh well hold that note, because this is for you." Nick stops me, taking another bag from his pocket, this time, a lot more classy looking. My eyes instantly light up as I take it from him.

"What's this?" I ask, untying the ribbon and pulling a black leather box out of it. I open it up to see a gorgeous silver bracelet, and let out a gasp as I carefully pull it from the box. "Nick..."

"Do you like it?" He smiles, looking pleased with himself.

"Ah sweetheart you shouldn't have." I wrap it around my wrist, trying to fasten it before he steps in, clipping it into position for me. "Like it? I love it, it's beautiful."

"Wow, it gets approval." Aidan comments, still shaking his head at me, but with a surprisingly pleased expression on his face; he could tell I was happy, and I knew how that made him feel.

"I needed to go into the precinct to get some toiletries and I walked past the jewellery shop." Nick explains, admiring it. "Saw it in the window and thought 'that belongs on my... Wife'." He phrases the word carefully and tingles emit down my spine, biting my lip at the sound of the word.

"Ah thank you so much." I stand, throwing my arms around his neck and just holding him for a few seconds before Aidan coughs awkwardly. I break away, watching it glint in the aesthetic light of the office, before turning to Aidan. "See, take notes."

"I've got to get back but I'll see you later." Nick tells me, stroking my hair briefly before waving at Aidan.

"See you later." I return, and he looks reluctant to go for a few seconds. "I love you."

"I love you too." He whispers before leaving and I stare after him for a moment, unable to wipe the smile off my face..

"You are so smitten." Aidan grins and I spin my chair back around to face him.

"I know and I can't believe it." I confess, suddenly sounding all serious. "I mean, it just never goes away. I feel like a teenager all the time... I'm just so glad I got a second chance Aidan... Because I don't know what I'd do without him now."

"Yeah well, I'm glad you got a second chance too." He admits, quickly snatching a piece of chicken off my salad and popping it in his mouth, and I move my salad away from him playfully. "Because if somebody can make my sister this happy, they can stick around for as long as they like."

 **Nick**

I find myself in an upbeat mood following visiting Carla, even if it did mean watching Norris pick apart each individual olive out of the bowl, from across the Bistro counter. Reluctantly, I pour out a vodka and tonic, and a scotch, before delivering them over to where Norris and Mary were sitting.

"Uh, yes, Nick." Norris raises his hand slightly, as if he was in a school classroom. "When will the food be arriving, you see, I'm on a rather tight schedule."

"Oh, um I can check for you." I reply, having to maintain a professional attitude despite the fact I hated that question. As Robert used to say; quality food can't be rushed. "How long have you been waiting?"

"It's only been fifteen minutes." Mary assures me. "Ignore him, he's just in a bad mood."

"When is he not?" I mumble before walking away and heading into the kitchen. "What's the wait time on table five please?"

"Uh probably another ten minutes." Zeedan tells me. "Why?"

"Are you taking care of it?" I ask, checking my watch.

"No, Robert." He informs me, he's just popped out back to get some more leeks.

"Well can you make it as quick as possible tell him?" I urge, before Robert walks out of the storeroom, immediately spotting me.

"Oh, Nick." He calls over. "I was wondering if we could have a word?"

"Yeah not right now though." I throw him off. "Table five are waiting for their food."

"Right." Robert nods, understandingly before turning and going back to work. I exit the kitchen to see my mum sitting at the bar, a wine list in her hand.

"Oh hello Nick, lovely." She greets me, putting the wine list down. "I'll just have a water please."

"Then why were you looking at the wine list?" I point out, chuckling before getting her a glass of water.

"I wanted something to read." She tells me and I frown, letting it bypass me. "I came in to talk to you actually."

"Well I didn't imagine it was to wash the dishes." I joke. "So what was it?"

"You look very settled." Gail observes, scanning the restaurant before looking back at me.

"I guess so." I nod, knowing what was coming next.

"So what's the plan then?" She asks outright. "When are you going back to Devon?"

"Can't wait to get rid of me?" I question.. "Or is it just Carla you want to get rid of?"

"Well if I could have the best of both worlds, that would be great." She shrugs her shoulders. "You could always stay here if she went back."

"Not gonna happen." I shake my head, firmly, before looking her in the eye. "Mum, I love Carla. We're not gonna make the mistake of losing each other again, trust me."

"I think she's the one who made the mistake." She tries to justify, sourly.

"Well nobody's an angel." I remind her. "We all make mistakes, you know that as well as I do." I pause, sighing at her slightly offended reaction. "Look, I didn't take this decision lightly. When I went down to Devon, I didn't for a second think this would happen. But the minute I saw her mum, and when I saw her with our baby girl. It just told me everything I needed to know. I know what she did was wrong, and she knows that as well. But when something feels this right, when somebody makes you feel this way, you've got to take a chance. She makes me feel the happiest I've ever felt. What's the point in throwing all of that away?"

"I'll think about it." She finishes off her water, getting up to leave, before turning back around. "You never answered my question; when are you going back to Devon?"

"I don't know mum." I answer her. "I don't know whether we'll be going back at all."

"Nick can I talk to you now?" Robert interrupts me, and I wave mum off, a big victorious smile on her face, before turning around to Robert.

"You're supposed to be working." I remind him, as if he didn't realise.

"Yes well I've done table five's order like you asked." Robert points towards Norris' table. "It won't take long."

"Look if this is about the business." I begin. "There's not much point in asking me, I mean I haven't been here for months."

"It's not about the business." He stops me. "Look, I don't really like you all that much Nick-"

"Brilliant." I nod. "So is this about losing your job?"

"Hear me out." He sighs. "And I don't much like Carla either. But I do love Michelle and I know how upset she is at the moment; not having Carla around. It's killing her, and I'm sure it is for Carla as well. So could you try and talk to her? Just try and get them to sort things out? I mean, we're all adults here, aren't we? This isn't the school playground anymore. Those two need each other, and we've got to do something about it. Please?"

 **Carla**

"Wow, what's this?" Nick looks surprised as he walks through the door to the flat, to see the laid out candles and hot food ready on the kitchen counter.

"Well, you brought me lunch so I made you dinner." I greet him, throwing a tea towel over my shoulder.

"Oh no... You cooked?" He winces and I slap him lightly with the tea towel, before kissing him passionately.

"Ok maybe not _cooked_." I wrap the tea towel around his neck, pulling him in. "But I paid for it to be delivered, and then put it on these plates all by myself."

"Sounds more like it." He nods, smiling into another kiss, as I run my fingers through his hair. His thumb softly grazes my cheek whilst his lips warmly massage mine, flicking his tongue which sends a rush of sparks through my body. I grab his jacket, spinning him around so that I'm balancing on the edge of the sofa, him holding me so that I don't fall backwards, not worrying for a second that I will. I pull his jacket off his shoulders, feeling the silky material slide through my fingers, and he momentarily lets go of of me with each arm in turn, allowing it to fall to the floor with a soft thud. His fingers fasten underneath my hair, massaging my scalp briefly and it makes me giggle softly, as I feel him smile again, still kissing me with so much meaning. Our breathing becomes rapid, and he starts to pull at my top, running his hand down my leg which forces me bite my lip. We break momentarily before moving in again, more intense this time, allowing the passion to build, before he breaks it off, causing me to sigh with a mixture of surprise and lust and staring back at him, my eyes needy. He leans in, kissing me gently on the nose which causes me to exhale again, my heart beating fast, as we just stare at each other in awe for a few moments. He looks at me like I'm the only person he's ever fallen in love with, like he can't quite believe we're here right now and it makes me feel special as we try to catch our breath. "Can dinner wait a while?" He whispers and I swallow at the sound of his voice, desire and vulnerability woven into my expression. I just nod, hair falling softly over my face and he smiles again, pulling me in gently and scooping me up with ease, kissing me as I wrap my legs around his body. I feel his supportive arms around me, carrying me into the bedroom, as he kicks the door closed behind us.

 **Nick**

I can't help but stare at her as she pushes her fork around her plate, sat cross legged on the stool opposite me and wearing the shirt that I'd been wearing one hour previous to this moment. Her hair was loosely hanging around her shoulders, shadowing her face and she takes another mouthful of food, chewing it slowly as she looks up at me, noticing my stare.

"What?" She blushes, emphasising the word and looking slightly embarrassed at her realisation.

"Nothing." I shake my head and she lowers her knife and fork, before leaning on the counter, her arms folded. "You look beautiful."

"Careful Tilsley." She smiles, biting her lip. "You'll be getting round two in a minute if you carry on like that."

"Hm." I murmur, as she takes a sip from her wine glass, keeping her eyes focused on me. "Thank you for dinner."

"You're welcome." She replies, placing her wine glass down carefully and moving her fingers forward so they balance on mine. "Sorry I didn't make it myself."

"I'm kind of glad about that." I chuckle and she prods my hand defensively.

"You don't know what kind of skills I picked up in Devon." She sulks. "I even took a cookery class."

"You did not!" I exclaim, bursting into laughter at the idea.

"Uh! What's so funny?" She strops, looking at me with a sour expression which makes me laugh more. "I made a lemon meringue pie... And then never went back."

"No way." I shake my head and her face suddenly softens, to the extend where I think I've actually offended her. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." She denies, taking another sip of her wine and finding my hand again.

"Carla?" I lower my voice, and her eyes are glistening when she meets my gaze.

"Honestly, I went because I wanted to learn how to cook..." She trails off. "So I could cook proper meals for Lauren." My heart sinks, breath catching in my throat and I watch her try to fight tears back, clinging onto her wine glass with her spare hand. "Well I didn't want to be ordering take-outs forever did I?" She tries to brighten her tone, melting when she meets my eyes again. "I'm sorry, I ruined the moment."

"Come here." I whisper and she gets up, sitting down on my lap, and I wrap my arms around her back. "Listen to me, ok? You're a brilliant mum."

"Would have been." She corrects me, a tear rolling down her cheek which I wipe away gently.

"No, you are." I assure her. "Because she would have been the luckiest little girl in the world... Both of them would... To have you. And I don't care whether or not you can cook a lasagne or hoover the carpet without shouting at the vacuum." My eyes start to glaze over with tears and she lets out a weak laugh, as I move a lock of hair out of her eyes. "I, and they love you for who you are. So don't listen to your past, or what anybody else says about you, please, because you're perfect."

"Nick..." She whispers, leaning forwards so her forehead touches mine, breathing into me for a few seconds. I can feel the steady beat of her heart as she wraps her arms around my neck, her tears silently staining my t-shirt and I run my fingers through her hair, soothing her. "Thank you."

"Hey, I mean it." I gently move her away so I can look into her eyes.

"You've made me all soft." She sniffs, punching my arm lightly and I laugh, kissing her forehead. "Thanks for that."

"Yeah well I kind of like it." I admit, twirling a lock of her hair around my finger and pushing it behind her ear.

"I guess maybe I do too." She tells me, observing me for a moment, before linking her little finger with mine. "But only you get to know that, ok?"

"Ok." I smile, pulling her in again and feeling her breathing steady against my shoulder. I wanted to make her feel special and keep her safe, never let her get hurt again, and that's what I intended to do, for the rest of our lives.

 **Carla**

"I've got something to tell you." I pipe up, as the advert break comes on the television and I see him look at me with inquisition. "It's a biggie."

"Go on." Nick looks slightly worried.

"It's a good thing." I reassure him and he relaxes a bit, moving his leg from underneath me on the sofa so it was in a more comfortable position. "I think."

"Well get on with it then." He laughs, playfully nudging me.

"I mean this all depends on what you think and want to do." I explain, stressing that he would have changed his mind. "But how would you feel about maybe... Staying here... For good?"

"You're serious?" Nick checks, a smile appearing on his face.

"Yeah." I nod slowly. "What do you think?"

"Well, I think my mum will be happy." He replies and I pull a face.

"Mummy's boy." I tease him.

"What made you come to this conclusion?" He asks me, knowing it wasn't the influence of Tracy Barlow or his mother.

"Well... We've got everything here haven't we?" I contemplate. "And I mean, I've been burned here many times, to the extent I've tried to end it all. But, at the same time, I've got some amazing memories here... And in a way, they outdo all the bad stuff."

"Yes well." He nods. "That bad stuff is all in the past, because it's only upwards from here."

"Mm, kittens and candy-floss, hey." I quote him and he smiles at my recollection.

"All the way." He finishes, playing with the buttons on his shirt that I'd stolen off the bedroom floor to cover myself up with. "Hey, I've got something to tell you, actually. I was talking to Robert earlier."

"Oh." I groan, freezing slightly in fear of what was coming next. He really did know how to kill a moment.

"He says Michelle's really missing you." He tells me and I avoid his gaze, identifying the patterns on the carpet.

"So you and Robert are all pally now then?" I ask him, trying not to sound overly bothered by this.

"No, but he was concerned about Michelle." He says, his voice insistent to diffuse starting an argument. "I mean, she is your best friend Carla, and if you're serious about sticking around here, you can't avoid her forever."

"I am serious." I tell him, sighing at the fact he was once again right and I'd have to try and entertain this without it seeming too obvious.

"So, you need all the friends you can get at the moment." He reminds me and I glare at him, childishly.

"Oh cheers." I strop and he bites his lip to hold back laughter at my reaction.

"Please, for me?" He begs me, with that look on his face that I can't resist.

"...I suppose." I give in and he gives a little cheer, lifting me up off the sofa briefly which makes my heart skip a beat.

"I win." He winds me up and I raise an eyebrow at him.

"You do not win." I warn him.

"I just won." He rubs it in further and I roll my eyes, grabbing the nearby cushion and throwing it at him, which he catches easily, before grabbing my arms and pulling me on top of him playfully. I lie in his chest, as he grazes his finger along my back, making patterns which relaxes me. "So, no time like the present."

"Ugh, Nick I'm tired." I whine, not wanting to move from the comfy position I was in.

"If you go and talk to Michelle, I'll tidy up." He compromises and I sit up, glancing at the mess we'd left on the kitchen counter.

"Deal." I sigh, reluctantly. "But don't wait up, this could take a while."

"You might need to get changed first." He points out and I give him a look, getting up and heading towards the bedroom.

"No, this is the new fashion statement." I joke. "It's in Vogue and everything."

"Ah well I like it." Nick grins, looking me up and down before getting up and heading over to the counter, as I shut the bedroom door behind me.

* * *

I hesitate before knocking three times on the door I'd grown to dislike, despite it looking the same as all the others. It opens almost instantly, which was a good sign I suppose, that I hadn't interrupted anything.

"Carla." Robert answers, his voice blunt and I force myself to look at him.

"Michelle in?" I ask and I see a look of understanding flash across his face. It seemed like him and Nick had been cooking this plan up all day, which didn't best please me, but at least it showed they cared.

"Chelle?" Robert calls behind him, leaving the door open and allowing me to enter. I stand awkwardly in his living room, as Michelle appears from the bathroom in her pyjamas.

"Oh hi... Carla." She sounds surprised, clearly Robert hadn't informed her about their little mission, or perhaps it was just me who was supposed to do the grovelling.

"Right I've got to nip out." Robert grabs his coat. "We're out of milk."

"There's some in the fridge." Michelle tells him, looking confused.

"Yeah well, you can never have too much milk." He shrugs, leaving the flat swiftly, which leaves me and Michelle looking at each other awkwardly.

"Can I get you a drink?" She offers.

"Shot of vodka." I joke and I see the faintest smile appear on her face, before heading towards the cabinet to pour me a glass of wine.

"So why are you here?" She asks, handing me the glass and indicating to the sofa, taking a seat in the armchair next to it.

"Uh well because apparently I'm a bit of a cow." I begin, not expecting her to deny it. "And our boyfriends have been saying that apparently we need to kiss and make-up."

"Right." She nods. "And is that what you want?"

"...Well I don't really want to chuck away forty odd years of friendship over a bloke." I admit. "I mean we had enough fall outs over that in our teens, you'd have thought we'd have grown up by now."

"I do love him Carla." Michelle tells me and I meet her gaze for the first time.

"I know you do." I accept. "And you know your happiness always comes first. I mean, I warned you to stay away from Dean but I love Ryan with all my heart, so maybe sometimes I'm not always right.." I pause, studying my best friend, the same person who'd always been there for me, who would be the first to know any of my secrets. "It's just, you're like my sister, you know that. I just get irrational when I'm worried something might destroy that."

"I would never do anything to jeopardise that." Michelle reminds me. "I hate arguing with you more than anybody else. I know you don't like Robert but he's sorry for everything that happened and it wasn't him who ruined it for you Carla, it was Tracy... And in the end it all pieced back together didn't it? What's there really to hold grudges over?"

"Yeah except losing my baby caused it to piece back together." I murmur and I see her shiver, instantly feeling bad for bringing it up. "Sorry."

"At least losing your baby didn't mean your relationship fell apart." She points out and I feel a bitter taste in my throat at the thought. "Besides, you and Nick were always going to get back together."

"You reckon?" I question, feeding off somebody else's approval.

"Of course, I'm not stupid Carla, anybody could see how madly in love you both were." She admits. "That's why I supported you not telling him in the first place, because I didn't want you to lose him. It was the first time you'd genuinely been happy, no strings, I don't even think you were like that with Paul; where you had nothing to worry about. And the same goes for Nick, you make each other so unbelievably happy, don't you?"

"Yes." I answer, so meaningfully I'm worried I'm going to well up again.

"And it's the best feeling in the world, isn't it?" She continues.

"Yes." I respond again.

"Well that's how I feel with Robert." She tells me and I sigh, feeling guilty for ever kicking off about it in the first place. "Except less PDA."

"We're not that bad." I argue, smiling at the thought.

"Yeah right, you can never keep your hands off each other!" She exclaims and I laugh, relaxing slightly as I see her raise her eyebrows at my realisation.

"I've missed you." I whisper, moving closer and taking her hand. "And I'm sorry, for everything."

"I'm sorry too." She replies. "I just want my best mate back."

"Yeah well, it seems like your best mate is going to be sticking around for good." I reveal and she looks confused for a moment before understanding. "So get used to it."

"Oh Carla that's brilliant news!" She cries, jumping up and hugging me. It doesn't feel awkward, it doesn't feel forced, it feels warm and happy, like old times and piece by piece, I realise I'm getting my life back on track.

 **Nick**

I'm just about to doze off, when I hear the sound of keys in the lock, the usual clink of them being put down on the kitchen surface. I wait a few minutes, hearing the bathroom light turn on and Carla brushing her teeth. The bedroom door opens quietly and a beam of light casts over the room as I hear soft footsteps coming towards me.

"You don't need to try and be quiet." I announce, making her jump in the darkness. "You already woke me up."

"Ah, I'm sorry." She apologises, quickly getting ready for bed before climbing in and pulling the covers over us. I turn the lamp on and she cuddles into me. I hold out an arm which she rests her head on top of and I pull her closer to me.

"You took your time." I tell her, taking it as a good sign, whilst placing kisses into her hair.

"Yes well, lets just say your little plan worked, Tilsley." She says and I chuckle, knowing she hated to admit I was right.

"So, all is well with the world then." I reminisce.

"Well I wouldn't go that far." She yawns. "I've still got the small matter of your mum to please."

"Ah, she'll come round." I assure her. I feel something cold and hard against my chest and pull her arm out of the duvet to notice she was still wearing the bracelet I'd given her earlier today. "How come you're still wearing this?"

"Because it's too pretty to take off." She admits, turning her head away shyly and I tickle her, causing her to turn back around, letting out a fit of laughter. "Hey! Don't do that!"

"You put your rings back on." I notice them on her other hand.

"Yeah, is that a problem?" She questions, admiring them, herself.

"No." I respond, observing how they fit perfectly on her finger. "Far from it." She moves my spare arm from playing with her hair, to see my wedding ring still on my finger from the other night.. She makes a satisfied noise, snuggling into me and entwining our hands so that the rings were next to each other. "Do you like it this way?"

"Of course." She whispers, tilting her head to look at me and I kiss her, before running my thumb up and down her arm..

"Ok well we have one of two options." I pipe up and she looks confused at my proposition. "If we're staying here."

"What do you mean?" She frowns.

"Well, we could buy another flat here." I suggest. "I mean, those buyers are moving into this place in a month or two, but there's a flat on the floor above which is available."

"Ugh, I don't much fancy living next to Johnny." She pulls a face. "I see enough of him at work."

"Ok, or I've put an offer down on that house on Coronation Street." I reveal, causing her to express a look of surprise. "It's been accepted, it can be ours if we want it."

"Really?" She exclaims, excitedly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well I didn't know what you wanted to do then, did I?" I point out. "So what's the verdict?"

"Well, as much as I love these flats." She hesitates, watching me as if working out whether to say something or not. "...They wouldn't be much good for a kid would they?" It takes me a few seconds to figure out what she means, before sighing, trying to hide the smile that's creeping across my face. "A house; you know, three bedrooms, a garden to put a little swing in." She imagines and as she says it, it's as if I'm falling in love with her even more. "Mind you, we'd need some of them stair gate thingy's. You can work out how to fit those though-"

I immediately kiss her, pulling her in and feeling her shock melt away as I run my hands through her hair, meaning every movement my lips make against hers, before pulling back.

"I was talking then." She whispers, not being able to keep up her stroppy facade for long when she sees my face. "I mean it, Nick. We haven't got long have we? But we could still do it, if that's what you want?"

"That's everything I want." I conclude, and she smiles, swallowing a mixture of fear and excitement. She yawns again and I click the lamp off, wrapping my arms around her as she falls asleep in my chest.

* * *

 **Review :) xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

 **September**

 **Nick**

"Please tell me this is the last of it." Carla whines, carrying a cardboard box of pillows up the road. "These heels weren't made for carrying heavy boxes around."

"Heavy?" I retort. "Want to swap? Besides, you wait until that moving van comes, they'll need an entire lorry just for your wardrobe."

"You're not kidding." She agrees, dumping the box outside of our new place and unlocking the door with her new set of keys. "You do realise you're sorting all of this out, don't you?"

"You wish." I pull a face at the stacks of boxes that surrounded the living room, and these were just from my flat. Carla's things from Devon were arriving later on, which meant a lot of space needed to be cleared before it did.

"Oh..." She groans. "There's so much that needs to be done..."

"Some people would say that's the fun part." I shrug, pacing around and noting the labels on some of the boxes.

"Yeah, those women who are used to domestic bliss." She points out, tying her hair up in a ponytail. "I meanwhile, I have a business to run."

"Which Johnny and Aidan have agreed they're very happy to take care of for the next for days." I grin at her sour reaction, she worked day in day out at the factory, putting everything into it, but when it came to household chores, she was the first to say no. "So, get unpacking."

"Maybe I could get Kirk to do it." She contemplates. "I mean he packs boxes for a living, I'm sure he can unpack them and all. Then again, it is Kirk."

"Oh come on, half of the furnitures already been done for you." I point to where my sofa and coffee table were already in place, having been moved over a few days ago.

"Technically this is all your stuff." She reminds me.

"Right okay so I'll leave you to sort all of yours out alone then." I suggest and she hesitates, before heading over to a nearby box and pulling the flaps open.

"What the hell is this?" She scrunches her nose up, pulling a yellowing, misshapen teapot out of the box.

"Oh, mum made me that." I tell her and she raises her eyebrows, holding it at arms length. "It can go under the bed."

"Yes it can." She agrees, putting it back in the box before there's a knock on the door. I head over to it, opening it up to see Michelle stood on the doorstep.

"Hiya, came to see how you were getting along?" She smiles, as I welcome her in, closing the door behind her and heading back over to Carla.

"Ah, good it's nearly break time." Carla checks the clock on the wall. "Fancy a drink in the pub?"

"Uh, no you don't." I grab her waist, wrapping my arms around her so she can't get free. "We haven't even started yet Michelle, all thanks to this ones complaining."

"Well I brought you this." She hands me a bottle of prosecco and I inspect the label.

"Is this from the Bistro?" I ask and Carla laughs at Michelle's reaction. "So technically you're just giving me my own prosecco?"

"No, I put the money in the till don't worry." She assures me.

"Well, thank you." I smile and Carla takes it from me.

"Honestly Chelle, if you're gonna take his booze, at least take the good stuff." She mutters, reading the label.

"Oi!" Michelle exclaims. "It's nice that!"

"Fancy helping us wade through boxes of teapots and books Nick's never even read?" She asks, placing it down on the coffee table next to us and clasping my hands, that were still wrapped around her waist, in hers.

"Ah now I would love to." She grimaces. "But I've got to cover your husbands shift so..."

"Lucky you." Carla grins, as Michelle heads back over to the door.

"I'll see you later." She smiles, opening the door and letting herself out. "Have fun."

"See you." I wave her off, as the door closes. "Right come on then, the sooner we start, the sooner we finish."

 **Carla**

"Hey you know what we could do?" I suggest, flicking through my magazine whilst Nick hangs clothes away in his wardrobe. "We could put my bed in here as well and have one big massive bed."

"Why?" Nick chuckles, closing the wardrobe doors.

"You finished already?" I frown, looking at the pile of boxes scattered around the room.

"No, but I'm running you a bath." He tells me, heading towards the landing. "Because I am taking you for dinner."

"Ah well in that case, why don't you join me?" I put my magazine down, walking towards him and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"What, for dinner?" He asks as I run my hands through his hair.

"No, for a bath." I bite my lip, causing him to gulp at the thought.

"Well... I've got to unpack my clothes." He murmurs, temptation in his eyes, as I run my finger up and down his thigh.

"Are you really turning me down?" I ask, innocently, my lips so close to his I can feel the heat emanating, the lust rising.

"Never." He whispers, before moving forwards, kissing me and pushing me towards the bathroom. Unpacking could wait.

Nick

"Two glasses of red wine, please Michelle.." I order as we enter the Bistro.

"Oh no, just a sparkling water for me." Carla inserts and I look at her with surprise.

"Huh?" I raise my eyebrows, wondering why Carla Tilsley had turned down a glass of red wine.

"I've got a bit of a head ache." She tells me, rubbing her head and I put my arm around her waist.

"Hey, if you don't feel up to it?" I ask her, but she shakes her head, adamant she wanted to stay here.

"No, I want that new duck thing you were telling me about!" She argues and I kiss her on the forehead, pointing to a table which Carla obediently goes and sits down at.

"Is she okay?" Michelle asks, staring after her as she hands me the two drinks.

"Yeah, just tired I reckon." I return, before heading over to our table. "Your sparkling water, miss."

"Ah thank you." She takes a sip. "Sorry I'm just really thirsty."

"I have no complaints." I shrug. "Cheaper for me."

"Tight wad." She teases, flicking her hair backwards off her shoulder, picking up a menu.

"I thought you wanted that duck dish?" I remind her.

"Yeah doesn't stop me looking, does it?" She smiles, looking up from her menu and seeing me gazing at her. "Do you reckon my stuff will be delivered while we're here?"

"I've told mum to let me know if it is." I tell her, checking my phone to make sure she hadn't contacted me. "We need to do a food shop tomorrow, so we've actually got something edible in."

"Ugh a food shop?" She pulls a face, putting the menu down. "I don't think I've done a food shop for about three years, just pick things up from Dev's now and again."

"Yeah well you need to get used to it." I tell her.

"Oh no." She shakes her head, winding me up with a grin on her face. "Nicholas I love you, but turning me into one of those house wives? I don't think so."

"We've still got to eat." I chuckle, as she looks over to where Kate is approaching us.

"Speaking of which..." She greets Kate. "Hiya."

"Hello, may I take your order." Kate addresses us in a polite tone.

"Ooh, very professional." Carla nods, turning to me. "This one's a keeper."

"Already sick of your new set up?" Kate raises her eyebrows.

"No, just sick of unpacking everything." Carla groans, taking a sip of her water.

"What are you doing drinking that?" Kate frowns, looking at me confused.

"Ah, just got a bit of a..." She points to her head, coughing before scanning the menu again. "Right, I will have that duck thing, what's it called Nick?"

"Duck a l'orange." I recite and she looks impressed.

"Wow very posh." She marvels, folding her menu up and giving it back to Kate.

"I'll have the same." I shrug, not bothered about the food, as Kate nods before walking away. "Hey, are you sure you're ok?"

"Nick I'm fine." She reassures me. "Stop worrying, yeah?"

 **Carla**

"Well, you were right about that." I push my plate away, sitting back in my chair and looking at Nick's victorious expression.

"Thought I would be." He puts his knife and fork down, studying me. "You were well enough to finish it off though."

"Yes well, works up an appetite doesn't it?" I point out. "Lifting boxes, moving furniture around."

"Uh, excuse me!" Nick exclaims. "You sat there flicking through Grazia for most of it!"

"I did not!" I argue and he laughs at my stroppy expression. "You getting dessert?"

"You're still hungry?" Nick questions, looking surprised. "Okay then, what do you want?"

"Oh I don't know." I shake my head, standing up. "You decide for me, you passed that test for my main course. I'm just going to the little girl's room." I squeeze his shoulder as I walk past, feeling his gaze on me as I round the corner, pushing the door open to the toilets and seeing Michelle, sitting on the platform that holds the row of sinks. "Oh hello, don't you have a staff toilet in this place?"

"I didn't come to use the toilet." Michelle jumps up, coming over to me with a concerned look on her face. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing?" I frown. I was sensing I was in for a lecture about something I had no idea about, from her expression. "I just came to use the toilet."

"Why aren't you drinking?" She asks and I nod in realisation, of course Michelle would have picked up on that, she always picked up on everything I did.

"I told you, I didn't feel very well!" I insist. "Why can't anybody understand that? Hey, I mean I know I like my wine but it doesn't have to be printed across the gazette if I choose to have a soft drink for a change!" I finish, looking at Michelle's amused expression. "What?"

"You're pregnant." She states, so bluntly that I almost don't register it.

"I'm sorry?" I force a laugh, freezing in the position I was standing in.

"I'm not stupid Carla." She shakes her head.

"And _I'm_ not pregnant." I retort, trying to walk around her but she stops me. "Excuse me, I need the loo!"

"Carla, you don't have to pretend." She says, softly, which infuriates me even more. She might be my best friend, but it didn't mean she knew me better than I knew myself. Although sometimes I felt that was true.

"I'm not pretending." I argue, adamantly.

"Look, ok?" She sighs, letting go of my shoulders and stepping back. "I clock off in fifteen minutes, Robert's here until it closes... I'll be at the flat all evening if you want to talk."

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary." I sharply respond, avoiding her gaze. "Now can I please?"

"Yep." Michelle nods, sounding annoyed and she steps aside, hesitating before leaving. I wait until she is gone, before sighing, leaning up against the sinks and staring at my reflection. I search in my bag for my lipstick, feeling the corner of a box and pausing before pulling out a pregnancy test. I close my eyes, momentarily, tapping it against the sinks, nerves making my heart rate quicken. I jump as the door opens, stuffing it back into my bag as Sophie Webster enters, shooting me a smile and heading into one of the cubicles. I pause before putting my bag back over my shoulder and exiting the toilets, noticing Michelle looking at me as I pass the bar, heading towards Nick.

"Hey, you took a while." He greets and I force a smile, feeling Michelle's gaze burning into me. "I ordered you the chocolate-"

"Yeah, can we go?" I ask him, urgently and he looks up at me, worried.

"Go?" He frowns. "I thought you wanted..."

"Yeah, I really don't feel well." I lie, putting my hand on my head to be dramatic. "I've just been sick, I think I'm coming down with something."

"Oh, ok I'll just cancel the dessert and pay." He nods, obediently, standing up and placing a hand on my cheek. "You are quite hot."

"Mm." I nod, following him over to the bar.

"Michelle, could you cancel my last order?" Nick asks, and she paints a smile on her face. "We're gonna have to go, Carla's not well."

" _Really_." Michelle inserts and I glare at her. "Yep, sure, that's just £38.60 then."

"Keep the change." He hands her two twenty pound notes.

"Well it is your business." Michelle shrugs, filing them into the till. "Hope you feel better soon Carla."

"Thanks." I mutter, following Nick out.

"I got a call from the removal company." He tells me when we get out into the street. "Your things aren't going to be delivered until tomorrow, they say there's been a hold up."

"Great, just what we need." I snap, and he looks taken-aback.

"Well you've managed ok until now." He calms me, taking my hand in his as we walk towards our new house. "Besides, would you really want to be unpacking everything tonight?"

"No, sorry." I murmur, as he unlocks the front door, pushing it open and allowing me to enter first. "I'm just... Migraine."

"Well then, why don't you put your tracksuit bottoms on, take your make-up off, chuck your hair up..." He suggests. "And I will try and get this TV working."

"You know that nobody can ever know I do that behind closed doors, right?" I warn him and he nods, knowingly. "And I've seen you try to fix my laptop, Tilsley, don't break that television too." I pause, watching him as he goes over to sort it out. "Actually we haven't got any tea bags. I better pop to Dev's."

"Well I can do that." He turns grabbing his coat again. "You sit down and rest."

"No really, I could do with the fresh air.." I assure him, approaching the door. "I won't be long, you make sure that's working for when I get back."

"Ok." He nods, still looking concerned. "I love you."

"I love you too." I smile, opening the door and beginning to walk up the cobbled street towards Victoria Court. "Oh God sorry!" I suddenly bump into someone, looking up to see Ken, brushing hair out of my face. "Ken, sorry."

"Carla, are you alright?" Ken returns, concern in his expression. I look down at Eccles momentarily, before looking back at him.

"Fine, yeah." I lie. "Sorry."

"Stop apologising." He smiles. "It's really ok."

"Sorry..." I say again, flustered before walking past him. I can see him turning to look at me out of the corner of my eye, but continue walking towards the familiar block of flats. I type in the code, knowing it off by heart, before pulling the glass door open and heading up the stairs. I hesitate, holding my fist centimetres away from Robert's flat, before softly knocking on it. The door opens almost instantly and Michelle is stood with a glass of wine, eyebrows raised as if knowing that I'd give in and come over.

"So what was your excuse?" She asks, as I welcome myself in of my own accord, flopping down on the sofa.

"I've gone to get tea bags." I inform her, pulling my phone out of my bag and being distracted again by the pregnancy test that is resting between all of the clutter. "I'd better text him actually. Michelle having breakdown, back in half an hour."

"Oh cheers." Michelle exclaims. "What am I supposed to do when he asks me about that?"

"I'll just say it was a girlie issue." I shrug and she stares at me intently, before picking two wine glasses up from the side, one with red wine and one with orange juice and placing them both down in front of me.

"And is it?" She stands back, arms folded and I stare up at her, exhaling sharply, before taking a sip of the orange juice. She picks the wine glass up, putting it back on the kitchen surface, and I stare after it longingly. "You'd better get used to that."

"I've done it once." I mutter. "Twice..."

"You taken a test?" Michelle questions, sitting down in the arm chair that faces me.

"No." I reply, before picking my bag up and pulling the test out of it, slamming it down on the coffee table.

"Carla, I thought this was what you wanted?" She sighs, picking the test up and reading the instructions, as if neither of us had done this before. Multiple times.

"It is! I just, I don't know..." I groan, leaning my head in my hands. "It's all so soon, I didn't realise it'd happen this fast."

"You been trying?" She puts the test back down.

"No." I shake my head, which was always the case.

"You been using protection?" She continues and I give her a look.

"Who are you? My mum?" I snap. "No."

"Well, no offence love." She says in a matter-of-fact tone. "But you're not getting any younger, you haven't got a lot of time to make up your mind."

"Ah thank you." I nod, annoyed, taking a harsh gulp of my orange juice to prove a point. "I feel a million times better now."

"Does Nick want a baby?" She continues to interrogate me.

"Well of course but..." I trail off.

"But what?" She narrows her eyes.

"But I don't think he expected one this quickly." I explain, relaxing slightly as I lean back against the sofa cushions. "I mean, Michelle, we've just bought a house together. Half the stuff isn't even unpacked yet, this wasn't supposed to happen for a good few months."

"Well sometimes Carla." She begins and I roll my eyes, knowing I was going to receive some sort of sarcastic comment. "Things don't always work out the way you planned."

"Yes and don't I know it?" I point out, watching her take a sip of her wine, practically feeling it trickle down my throat.

"You could be stressing over nothing." She taps the pregnancy test. "And you know how to find out."

"...I'm scared, Chelle." I finally admit and her look softens. "Twice, twice this had happened... Still no baby. What if it's my body trying to tell me something? Hey? What if my instincts were right all along and I'm not supposed to be a mother? I mean, biology backs me up there, doesn't it?"

"Sweetheart, you can't keep thinking this way." She sighs, care in her voice.

"Well you can hardly blame me!" I confide.. "I mean if I didn't think it the first time, I do now... And if it didn't work out again... I couldn't do it to Nick, Chelle. It'd break his heart. I don't think he'd be able to take another one, it'd probably break us. I don't know whether I'm prepared to have that taken away from me again-"

"Woah, okay steady on." She calms me and I stop fretting. "You don't even know if you are pregnant yet, do you? And if you are, you need to stop jumping to these conclusions. I mean, look at you; you've practically convinced yourself you'll lose it again... What good is that going to do? For you and the baby?" She pauses, and I pick the test up, flipping it over and over through my fingers. "You and Nick deserve this, Carla. No matter what your head is saying, this, this could be your happily ever after."

"I've never really done happily ever afters." I mumble.

"So give yourself a chance." Michelle whispers, reaching over and squeezing my hand. I look up, smiling at her, taking a deep breath before getting up and heading towards the bathroom. "I'm here if you need anything." I turn, nodding appreciatively before closing the bathroom door.

* * *

I pace around the bathroom, the test sitting on the side by the sink, looking at my washed out reflection in the mirror. There is a soft knock on the door and I jump, almost knocking a collection of shampoos onto the floor.

"Michelle you scared me!" I exclaim, hearing the nerves wavering in my tone.

"Have you done it yet?" She persists and I close my eyes, wishing I'd never come round in the first place. I'd have her on my back now, every day until I pulled the courage together to tell Nick..

"I'm just waiting." I snap, sitting down on the edge of the bath and watching my legs shaking, my heels clacking against the bathroom tiles. There is silence, and I know she's walked away again. I swallow, clenching my fist and staring at the test, before taking a deep breath and grabbing it off the side.

Negative.

I immediately want to cry, feeling overwhelmed with emotion I didn't realise I'd have. I look back at the test, just to make sure, my heart sinking at the sight of it. Pull yourself together Carla, this is what you wanted. Isn't it?

Of course it wasn't. I could kid myself all I liked, but a future with Nick was all I wanted and it didn't seem right without a baby in it. Without him bringing home teddies and baby-grows that would make me cry, blaming it on my hormones. Or hearing him singing lullabies through the crack in the door of the spare bedroom, a mobile tinkling in unison.

"Carla?" I snap out of my thoughts, Michelle's voice was softer this time and I sigh, feeling a pang of sadness as I stand, composing myself in the mirror and unlocking the bathroom door. "Well?"

"I'm not pregnant." I cut to the chase, and I see her face fall, just like mine did, because truthfully, we both knew what we wanted the outcome to be. I hand her the test and she takes it from me, cautiously. "See for yourself."

"...Right, so." She tries to brighten her tone. "All that stressing over nothing. Hey? Just like I said."

"Yeah, I guess so." I nod, forcing a smile as I go over to grab my bag.

"Why don't you stay for a drink?" She begs me, knowing I wasn't in a fit state to go back to Nick. "Hey, you can have that glass of wine now."

"Got any vodka?" I crack a laugh, as she hands me the glass that I wouldn't have dared to drink out of fifteen minutes ago. "Thanks."

"So, are you going to tell Nick?" She asks, gently, wrapping the test in kitchen roll before throwing it away, just so Robert wouldn't get any ideas.

"What's the point?" I shake my head, taking a gulp of my wine, making the most of it.

"Well because I thought you weren't going to have any secrets this time around." She reminds me.

"Yes well, it's hardly as bad as the last one, is it?" I remark, and she shrugs in agreement. "Besides, it'll just arise a load of questions and what if's..." My phone vibrates and I glance down at the screen. Three missed calls and two messages from Nick. "Look, I'd better go Chelle. He's wondering where I am." I get up, draining my glass and heading over to the door.

"Carla." She stops me, before I leave, holding her arms out and I sigh, walking into them and wrapping my arms around her. She kisses me on the cheek before pulling back. "Everything will work out. Okay?"

"I'll take your word for that." I wink, squeezing her hand before leaving. She closes the door and I sigh, leaning up against it, longing after something I never had.

* * *

"Hey, where did you get to?" Nick puts his phone down as I enter the house, distress in his face and I immediately feel bad. "I was worried."

"Sorry, sweetheart, I got held up." I lie, putting my bag down and taking my coat off.

"Is Michelle alright?" He frets.

"She's fine." I nod.

"And how are you feeling?" He continues to stress and I can't help but feel loved, cared for.

"A bit better." I admit, turning my head to where the television was blaring.

"I got it working." He announces, looking impressed with himself. "Suppose I'm not all useless."

"Useless?" I repeat the word, surprised it had left his mouth. It was a word that never came into context when I thought about Nick; he'd saved me, he loved me, he made me feel special. That made him far from useless. "You could never be useless."

"I was only messing around." He reassures me, looking at my serious expression. "Come and sit down, look." He guides me over to the sofa and disappears into the kitchen before reappearing with two plates of chocolate berry torte. "You said you wanted dessert, so I thought... If you didn't want it at the Bistro, maybe you'd want it here?" He hands me a plate and I stare down at it, it looked exactly the same as the night we first bonded, first opened up to each other; no secrets. He sits down next to me, turning to face the television and I gaze at him for a few seconds, the side of his face; the creases by his eyes, his greying hair, his smile full of meaning and compassion.

"I need to tell you something." I murmur, shaking as I place my plate down on the coffee table and he turns to look at me, doing the same. He can see I'm worried, and he takes my hand in his, steadying it.

"Ok." He says, quietly, reassuringly. "Don't get upset."

"Nick I..." I trail off, my voice cracking and his eyes search my face, waiting for me to speak again. "I didn't go to the shop... I went to Michelle's."

"I know, you texted me." He reminds me, softly. "Remember?"

"Yes but, I didn't go because she was having a meltdown." I confess, my gaze meeting his. "I went because I was... I thought I was pregnant."

"Oh." He gasps, and I can hear the hope in his voice and it makes me cry, the thought of not being able to make that hope real. I feel tears sliding down my cheeks and my hand starts to shake more. "Hey, Carla it's okay." He reassures me, beginning to realise in my reaction what the outcome was. I can feel his disappointment, and it makes me cry more. "Hey, don't cry, please don't be upset. It's alright."

"I'm sorry." I whimper, as he exhales, pulling me in and wrapping his arms around me. "I didn't realise how upset I would be until after I took the test."

"That's why you said you weren't feeling well?" He pieces it together, stroking my hair, comforting me when technically I was in the wrong. He wasn't mad at me for not telling him, or lying about where I was going. He didn't care about any of that, he just cared that I was alright. "And why you weren't drinking?"

"Mm." I nod, pulling back and feeling his thumbs softly guide the tears away.

"Don't be upset about it darling." He whispers, placing a finger under my chin and raising my head. "We weren't even trying, were we? It'll happen, just give it time."

"What if it doesn't?" I dare to ask, and I see him refrain from wincing at the question.

"If it doesn't, it doesn't." He smiles, running his fingers through my hair, lovingly. "You'll still have me."

"What, even if you can't have a baby?" I breathe, the word still tender. "When you could have one with a younger, prettier, more together, mumsy, fertile woman who can actually carry a baby to full term?"

"...Never, in a million years." He promises me, looking so serious about his answer. "I don't want anybody else but you, ok? Do you understand that?" I force myself to nod, believing him, feeling guilty that he was stuck with me. "You are beautiful, how could I ever want anybody else?"

"I guess I'm not boring." I sniff and he laughs, weakness in his eyes as he stares back at me.

"No, you're not boring. I'll give you that one." He admits. "Listen, no matter what happens, we'll have each other okay? Don't doubt that, please."

"I love you." I whisper and he kisses my forehead, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"I love you too." He replies, his words so genuine and I smile, resting my head on his shoulder, breathing in his comforting scent and wondering how I ever got so lucky.

* * *

 _ **Let me know what you think so far if you have the chance :)**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

 **Nick**

"So everything's sorted now then?" Michelle asks me, knowing we had finally waded through all of Carla's things that had been moved over. The only thing we hadn't sorted was Lauren's pot, which was currently resting in the living room, as we hadn't found a spot for it in our small, compact garden yet, and wanted to do it together.

"Yeah." I nod, scribbling data down on a notepad, trying to work out a sum and failing drastically, clutching my head. "Ah, what's eight times seven?"

"Fifty six." Michelle works out almost immediately, and I envy the fact that I used to be able to do multiplication with the snap of my fingers. "Why don't you use a calculator."

"There's not much to do." I sigh, placing the pen down and she observes me, clearly noting that something was up.

"Everything alright?" She checks, putting down the napkins she was folding.

"Yeah." I nod, turning my head to look at her. "Thank you for being there for Carla the other night."

"Sorry?" She frowns, clearly having no recollection of me knowing.

"Last week." I prompt her. "Carla, pregnancy test."

"Oh." She looks surprised and it dawns on me that she assumed Carla wouldn't have told me. "That's ok..." She trails off, careful of what she's saying in case she spills something she shouldn't do.

"Don't worry, she told me everything." I assure her and she flashes me an apologetic smile.

"...I think she wanted it to be positive." She inserts, as if not knowing whether to continue the conversation on this subject or not. "Got herself quite wound up beforehand though."

"Yes well, that's Carla for you, isn't it?" I point out, jumping at the sound of her voice.

"What's me?" She sits down on one of the stools in front of us.

"I didn't hear you come in." I exclaim, her inquisitive gaze switching between me and Michelle. "The factory, I was saying how hard you're working yourself."

"Well those orders aren't going to come reeling in by themselves." She points out.

"Well no, but you've got Johnny and Aidan there to help with that." Michelle reminds me. "Haven't you?"

"So if you ever need a break, I'm sure they'd be understanding." I add and she continues to glance at the pair of us.

"You know, I don't know whether I like you two working together." She narrows her eyes as I pour her a glass of wine, placing it in front of her.

"Uh, why?" Michelle retorts. "At least we get on!"

"Yeah but what if you become best mates, and I feel left out?" She jokes. "Or have a steamy affair? Hmm?"

"Damn, she's cracked us." Michelle winds her up, nudging me and I laugh slightly, not taking my eyes off Carla.

"Anyway, you can get your boyfriend to rustle me up some tapas." She orders Michelle, who raises her eyebrows. "Need to eat something on my dinner break."

"Coming right up." She replies, heading into the kitchen.

"Don't work yourself too hard, will you?" I ask her, doing that look I do that always talks her round.

"I've worked in a lot more stressful situations than this!" She reminds me, taking a sip of her wine. "Oh, the gas man called, wanted to ask some questions about our updated records."

"Is this what our lives have come to?" I contemplate. "Having lunchtime conversations over the 'gas man'."

"Apparently so." She agrees, dipping her head and typing something out on her phone.

"Who's that?" I ask.

"Aidan." She replies. "Wants to know how many units there are in the Hanlen order."

"Well can't he ask somebody else?" I question, protectively. "You're supposed to be on your dinner break."

"Ah right on cue." Carla grins as Michelle emerges from the kitchen, putting a plate down on the bar in front of her and she puts her phone back into her bag.

"This looks good." She tucks in, picking up an olive on a cocktail stick and shoving it in my mouth before I can object.

"Oi, I'm not supposed to eat on shift!" I argue, swallowing it anyway.

"Well I don't like olives." She reminds me, like a stroppy teenager.

"Well just leave them then." I chuckle, looking down at my notepad and groaning.

"Do you want me to get you a calculator?" Michelle sighs and Carla latches on to what was going on.

"Let's have a look." She spins the notepad around, reaching up with her other hand to run her fingers through my hair, soothingly. She writes some numbers down underneath my messy sums, before turning it back around to face me. "Better?"

"Thank you." I feel slightly embarrassed, but she looks at me with a loving look, as if my flaws actually made me more attractive to her.

"And you say I work too hard." She shrugs. "You struggling today?"

"No." I deny, and she gazes at me with a knowing look.

"Nick?" She prompts me, care in her tone.

"Not overly, I promise." I admit, putting the pen back down and pointing to Michelle. "I usually give her all the academic jobs, but she's on napkin duty today."

"And having the time of my life." Michelle flashes me a sarcastic smile.

"Right I'd better go." Carla hears her phone beep again, checking it and getting up. "I'll see you later." She leans over the bar, kissing me gently, pulling away and turning to Michelle. "Make sure he takes it easy."

"I will." Michelle promises as she leaves, looking at me for a few seconds. "Get folding napkins, you. I'll do that."

"Ugh..." I moan, swapping places and reluctantly picking a napkin up, as she laughs at my reaction.

 **Carla**

"So that's two hundred pairs Mr Jenkins?" I put on my usual professional, flirtatious voice down the phone, bypassing Aidan's smirks from the other side of the desk. "That's brilliant, the samples will be ready for you on Monday." The door flies open and Nick enters, nodding at Aidan as a greeting. "I'm sure you will Mr Jenkins. Looking forward to seeing you too. Ok, bye bye now." I put the phone down. "Sleazy pig."

"I did warn you." Aidan gloats, turning to look at his computer. "Two hundred was that?"

"Indeed." I reply, as he quickly types out some figures on his computer. "One hundred navy, fifty white and fifty pink." I change my tone, acknowledging Nick. "Hiya sweetie, two secs."

"Coral or magenta?" He frowns at the screen, as I input the number on my notepad onto my computer.

"Oh sorry, coral." I correct myself. "Can you imagine if I got that mixed up?"

"Carla?" Nick prompts me and I hold my finger up, dialling the number into the phone.

"Sorry." I whisper, hearing Mr Hanlen's voice on the other end of the phone. "Hiya Mr Hanlen, it's Carla Tilsley. Yes, I'm just checking that order is with you..."

"You not working?" Aidan makes conversation with Nick.

"That's brilliant news." I giggle flirtatiously and see Nick lean up against the door exasperatedly. "Ah yes, well reliability is our strong point, I won't argue with that... Yes you will see me soon, that's great Mr Hanlen... Thank you, bye." I hang up, putting it down again and marking the order as received on the computer.

"All go to plan I take it?" Aidan guesses and I nod, scanning the figures on the computer, as the printer makes a noise.

"Oh are you printing those designs?" I ask him and he holds them up once they've printed. "Wonderful, make sure they start with the navy."

"Carla!" Nick exclaims, as Aidan sits down, scribbling something onto the sheets he has just printed.

"Sorry, what's the matter?" I address him, whilst filing in details to the output column on my spreadsheet.

"I've got the afternoon off." He tells me. "I need to talk to you."

"Ah I'm really busy Nick." I reply, frowning. "Aidan what was the output figure for McKnees last week? It went out on Thursday I think."

"Uh..." Aidan mutters, pulling something up on his computer. "Ah I needed to clarify that with Kirk, shall I call him in?"

"If you could." I respond, as Aidan begins tapping on the keyboard viciously. "Or I'll do it." I stand up, kissing Nick briefly before opening the office door. "Kirk, could you come here please?"

"Carla, can I talk to you, please?" Nick insists and I sigh, turning to face him.

"Is it important?" I question, urgency in my tone. "Because I'm really busy, can't you see?"

"Kind of, yeah." He reminds me. "So if you've got a second-"

"Yes Mrs Connor?" Kirk enters, clipboard in hand.

"Tilsley." I correct him and Nick rolls his eyes.

"Sorry, I'm not very good with names." Kirk chuckles to himself. "Hi Nick."

"Hi." Nick responds, irritated.

"Do you have the output figures for the McKnees order?" I demand and Kirk checks his clipboard, flicking back a few pages.

"I thought I gave it to Mr Connor." Kirk frowns and I glance at Aidan. "Oh sorry, Mr Connor senior."

"Oh great." I groan, going over to Johnny's desk.

"Ah actually, I bet I know where that is then." Aidan pulls open one of the drawers in the filing cabinet, searching through and producing a sheet, handing it to me.

"Thank you." I cheer, sitting back down in my chair and inputting the numbers to the spreadsheet.

"So is that a no then?" Nick persists and I exhale sharply to make a point.

"Yes Nick, that's a no." I finalise. "As I've said twice already. We'll talk later, ok?"

"Right." He mutters, and I can see him getting frustrated out of the corner of my eye. "Sorry for bothering you."

"You could call that gas man though if you've got nothing to do." I prompt him, noticing Kirk was still lingering. "Kirk haven't you got boxes to pack? Come on."

"Sorry Mrs Connor." Kirk apologises, obediently.

"Tilsley!" I exclaim. "How hard is it to get a name right?"

"Well, it does change every five minutes." Aidan smirks and I shoot him a look.

"I'll go by myself then." Nick mutters.

"Ah, I needed to call Matthew Singh." I remember, pulling the post it note off the bottom of my screen.

"I'll do it." Aidan offers.

"Bye then." Nick suddenly leaves, and my attention is diverted for a second as I watch him go, before handing Aidan the post-it note.

"You know, you can go and talk to him if you want to." Aidan offers. "I can take care of things here."

"I think it's too late now." I grimace, feeling slightly guilty as the phone rings again. "Hello Underworld." I answer, hearing Michelle's voice on the other end of the phone.

"Carla, it's Michelle." She answers.

"Chelle why are you calling my work number?" I frown, pulling a face at Aidan and pointing at the post it note.

"Because you wouldn't answer your mobile." She replies, bluntly. "Hasn't Nick arrived there yet?"

"Arrived? What is he, a parcel?" I joke, half-heartedly, holding the phone between my ear and my shoulder so I can type out an email. "Yeah he was here for about ten minutes, muttering and moaning."

"Yeah I told him to take the afternoon off." Michelle tells me and I grab the post-it note off Aidan briefly, tapping out the reference number in the subject box. "Didn't he tell you?"

"He said something about it yeah." I drone, attaching the photos I had taken earlier of the samples.

"So where is he now?" Michelle interrogates me and I give up with the email, sighing exasperatedly.

"Michelle is this going to take long because I've got stuff to do." I snap down the phone and she goes silent for a second.

"Carla, Audrey's in hospital." Michelle tells me and I push my chair back from the desk, turning my full attention to the phone. "Nick's just found out, it sounds pretty serious."

"Oh God." I wince, immediately feeling terrible and Aidan looks at me, concerned. "Has he gone there now?"

"Well that was the plan." She replies. "He came to get you and was going to go straight there."

"Right thank you Michelle." I sigh. "I'll go and find him now."

"What's going on?" Aidan frowns, as I put the phone down, gathering my things.

"Stupid, ignorant, self-centred cow!" I shout, watching Aidan's bewildered expression.

"Who? Michelle?" He questions.

"No me." I admit. "Audrey's in hospital, that's what Nick wanted to tell me."

"Oh dear." Aidan winces. "Look I'll be fine here, you go. Don't worry about coming back."

"Cheers." I mutter, before opening the door with such force it rebounds against the wall, storming out of the factory with a sea of faces staring after me.

 **Nick**

"Anybody want a coffee?" I ask mum, David, Sarah and Ken, who were all sat around deep in thought.

"May as well." David shrugs and I get up, going over to the machine and entering some coins from my pocket. I collect the drinks, handing them out individually, placing mum's on the floor as she was completely zoned out.

"Look, I'm sure she'll be ok." Sarah reassures mum, her arm around her shoulders, whilst Harry sits on her lap. "She's pulled through before, hadn't she?"

"Yes but it only takes one, doesn't it?" She stresses and I exchange a look with David.

"No Carla?" David asks me.

"She had to work." I mumble, taking a prolonged sip of my coffee.

"Glad she's got her priorities straight." Mum croaks, sourly and I hear the sound of heels clacking towards our waiting room. The door opens slowly and Carla enters, looking shifty. "Speaking of the devil."

"Hi." Carla addresses, awkwardly, looking straight at me with an apologetic gaze. "Nick could I talk to you for a second?"

"I thought you were busy." I remind her, childishly, and she glances around the room.

"I..." She trails off, noticing Gail's glare and begins to walk over in my direction, sitting down on the chair next to me. "I'm sorry." She whispers, trying to make it quiet enough so nobody else could hear, but because it was so silent and eerie, even the quietest words echoed.

"Forget it." I shrug, pulling some change out of my pocket and handing it to her. "Get yourself a coffee, we could be here a while."

"I don't want a coffee." She hisses, through gritted teeth, despite the fact everybody was looking at her.

"And I don't want you here." Gail retorts and Carla looks up at her. "But here you are anyway."

"Mum." I warn her and I can see Carla is close to tears. I sigh, getting up and beckoning her out into the corridor. "What?"

"Nick, I am so sorry." She pleads and I raise my eyebrows. "I'm a heartless bitch."

"Shh..." I prompt her. "They can probably still hear you from in there."

"Yeah well I'll scream it from the rooftops if I have to." Carla insists.

"Yes well there's a time and a place." I scold and she looks down at the floor, ashamed. "Don't worry about it, ok? All I care about now is that gran is alright."

"What happened?" Her face softens.

"Heart attack." I inform her. "Again. I got the phone call and came straight to the factory. Did you drive here?"

"Yes." She responds, guiltily. "Nick-"

"Good because I got a cab." I tell her. "Saves us a few quid at least."

"Come here." She holds her arms out, and I hesitate, before walking into them, feeling them wrap around me. "It'll be ok."

"You a doctor now?" I muse, pulling away. "Because you were definitely a factory manager half an hour ago."

"I'll make it up to you." She promises and I shake my head.

"Don't worry about it." I assure her, hearing footsteps and seeing a nurse walking towards us.

"Are you Audrey Robert's family?" She inquires in a professional tone.

"Uh, yeah." I inform her, opening the door to the waiting room. "Come through." I sit down on the nearest seat, Carla accompanying me, and she takes my hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Is she alright?" Mum worries, standing up to address the nurse.

"Well she's stable." The nurse nods and I feel myself relax slightly. "There was a blockage of blood clots building up around the artery, and that's what most likely caused the heart attack, but we've managed to remove the majority of these. She's still under sedation so it's just a waiting game now."

"So she is going to be ok?" David asks, taking Harry from Sarah as she gets up to pace around.

"Well it's too early to say for definite but she's in the best possible hands." The nurse explains.

"Any idea when we'll be able to see her?" I question.

"I think maybe just one person for tonight." She checks her clipboard and I glance at mum.

"Mum, you go." I tell her and she gets up instantly, I wait for her to leave before addressing the others. "David you'd better get off, Max and Lily will need picking up soon, and you Sarah. I'll stay and wait for mum."

"Will you contact us if there's any news?" Sarah asks, standing up and gathering her things.

"Nick, you get yourself off as well." Ken smiles. "You've all got things to do, I can wait here for Gail."

"It's ok, I don't mind." I offer.

"I insist." He orders me, gently. "The only thing I'm missing out on is walking the dog and watching Countdown. I can get Tracy to record it for me."

"Ok well if you're sure." I hesitate before standing, Carla following suit. "I'll pop in to yours and ask Tracy to record it if you like?"

"That would be great." Ken chuckles, watching us all leave.

"You alright?" I ask Sarah and she nods, as I put my arm around her.

"Yeah I mean, she's in the best place isn't she?" She points out, searching in her bag for her car keys, holding Harry on her hip.

"Are you gonna be ok driving?" I worry, and she groans, struggling to find her keys with one hand, before turning and handing Harry to Carla.

"Sorry Carla, have him." She passes him over and I watch Carla take him awkwardly. "Where are my keys?"

"Look like a natural." I turn to look at Carla, who is being poked in the face with Harry's tiny fingers. She looks up at me, longingly for a few moments, before tending to him again.

"Well he is my Godson." Carla reminds me, unsure of how to phrase the word. It was the most responsibility she'd ever been given over a baby, probably since Ryan was born and she'd only have been a teenager herself then. "Wouldn't say a natural though." She mutters and I drop back, so I'm next to her, tickling Harry under the chin so he giggles and placing a kiss on the side of Carla's head. I look up to see David watching us, a surprisingly meaningful look on his face, winking at me.

"Got them." Sarah finally cheers, victoriously.

"You need to clear that bag out." David rolls his eyes, and Carla hands Harry back to Sarah when we reach reception.

"Right if there's anything you need, let us know." I tell the pair of them and they nod, waving us off before walking off in the other direction. It is quiet for a few minutes, walking back to the car and it's not until we get inside that Carla says anything.

"Nick... I'm so, so sorry." She apologises, leaning across the drivers seat and putting a finger under my chin to turn my head to look at her. "If I'd have realised it was because of this, I'd have been straight up and out of there."

"Yes well, I didn't feel like blurting it out to your whole workforce." I admit, calmly and I can see she's beating herself up about it. "It's fine though."

"No, it's not fine." She insists, guiltily. "If that had been me you'd have dropped everything straight away."

"You did look pretty busy." I shrug and she sighs, staring at me momentarily.

"Why are you so nice to me?" She asks, quietly and I meet her gaze. "Any other guy I've been with would kick off, shout at me, guilt-trip me... Hit me... Worse."

"Well I'm not any other guy, am I?" I remind her, meeting her gaze and pushing the hair that was covering her face behind her ear. "Have you met me? Nick, Nick Tilsley."

"Yeah and have you met me? Carla; the one who can't stop screwing up." She persists and I manage a slight smile. "She's going to be ok, you heard the nurse."

"I suppose." I nod, playing with her fingers on the gear stick. "Then again, I've learnt not to get my hopes up over time."

"Tell that head of yours to stop stressing." She taps my forehead, lightly. "You know stress doesn't help you; it's the worst thing for it, the doctor said."

"I know." I acknowledge, not afraid of looking weak in front of her.

"Hey look..." She grins, searching in her bag suddenly and pulling out a ball, handing it to me.

"What is this?" I frown.

"A stress ball!" She exclaims, looking chuffed with herself and I laugh, squeezing it between my fingers. "I got it on the way back from my dinner... Thought it might be useful."

"I'm not that stressed." I assure her. "Some days are just better than others, but thank you."

"You know I'm always here for you." She lowers her tone, meaningfully and I put the stress ball in my pocket, meeting her gaze.

"I know." I smile and she sits up, turning on the engine and beginning to drive away. "Let's go home."

 **Carla**

"Ah I meant to call in to Ken's." Nick groans, as he sits down on the sofa.

"Well I'll do that." I tell him, putting my coat back on. "You sit down. Do you want me to go and pick us something up for dinner?"

"We need to do that food shop." He reminds me and I pull a face. "Don't try and prolong it!"

"Ok, ok but we can do it tomorrow." I roll my eyes, going over to him. "I'll be ten minutes, I promise." I kiss him on the top of his head, before leaving, pulling up my hood to stop the drizzle messing my hair up. I bang harshly on number one, wondering why I was actually putting in the effort of asking Tracy to record a TV program. I wait a good few seconds, before the door opens and Peter comes face to face with me.

"Oh... Hello." He greets, forcing a smile on to his face.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, more harshly than anticipated.

"Um, Simon and Amy?" He indicates. "Dad had to go to the hospital."

"Right." I nod and we stand in an awkward silence for a moment.

"Did you want something?" He coughs, and I mentally kick myself.

"Oh, yeah." I splutter. "Ken wanted me to ask Tracy to record Countdown for him."

"That's why you came over?" He frowns and I search for another made up excuse, to make me look less stupid.

"Yes..." I drone, bluntly, knowing I had nothing up my sleeve. "And he probably won't be back for a few hours, he's staying with Gail."

"How is Audrey?" Peter questions.

"She's stable, yeah." I nod, shuffling my feet and aching to move away so I didn't have to seethe in this awkward tension that was building around us. "Anyway, I'm gonna go."

"Right, ok." He smiles again, that smile I hated so much, that smile that was so fake but so believable, that I'd fallen for countless times.

"Don't forget to record that program." I add, before walking off and he watches me go as I pace up the street towards Dev's.

"Evening Carla." Dev greets as I enter the shop and I pull my hood down, surprised he could recognise me with it up.

"Hiya Dev." I smile, having no clue what I was looking for on the shelves. This was usually Nick's area of expertise, the only items I ever purchased from here were wine and milk.

"Looking for anything in particular?" He tries to make conversation.

"Something for dinner." I mumble, feeling stupid as I say it and scanning the tins of spaghetti and baked beans. Beans on toast? Surely I could manage that. "Got any bread?" I ask, grabbing a tin and he points over to the other side of the shop. I go over, pulling a loaf of bread off the shelf and being side tracked by the nappies and baby food that were next to them. I feel my heart beat faster, looking at the different labels; newborn, six to twelve months, twelve to eighteen months...

"Are they for your Godson?" Dev suddenly asks and I snap my head around, startled.

"Sorry?" I manage to muster.

"The nappies." He looks confused, pointing to the shelf I had been identifying. "Are they for Harry?"

"Oh... Well." I stammer, failing again to think of another excuse. "I was just looking..."

"Are you ok?" He frowns, staring at me, concerned.

"Yes." I finalise, emphasising the word and grabbing a basket to distract myself, chucking whatever came into my eye line into it. Cheese, toilet roll, laundry detergent, a multipack bag of chocolate chips. "Bottle of red as well, actually make that two."

"You take it steady tonight." He warns, taking two bottles off the shelf and placing them down on the counter. I freeze, immediately annoyed that he had the audacity to tell me what I could or couldn't do. He didn't even know me, he didn't know what I'd been through, or how I felt.

"Sorry?" I snap, my words sharp and he is quick to scan the items through the till, bagging them up for me and handing me the card machine. I pause, giving him a dark look before pulling my card out of my purse and tapping it on the sensor.

"Have a good night." He tries to sound bright and friendly, and I grab the bags, spinning around and storming out of the shop.

"Ah, well look who it is." Tracy's voice booms over the cobbles and I close my eyes, leaning up against the cold brick wall. Just what I needed. "Wow, stocking up for the winter?"

"Do one Tracy." I order, trying to push past her.

"Uh, you don't have to be so rude to me." She plays the victim, a sickly smile on her face.

"And you didn't have to ruin my life." I point out, sourly. "But you still did."

"Oh you got everything you wanted in the end." She rolls her eyes, bitterness in her tone. "As you always do, it always works out for you. Doesn't it?"

"Everything I wanted?" I lower my tone, practically hissing at her. "I didn't want to have to move to Devon. I didn't want everybody to hate me, including my own mother-in-law, who will never forgive me. I didn't want to lose my baby girl! So no, I didn't get everything I wanted."

"Oh well that was hardly my fault." Tracy shakes her head, her tone so severe I shudder at her words. "You always knew yourself you weren't fit to raise a child."

"What?" I raise my head to look at her and she just shrugs, bitchily, a glint in her eye as if she was actually desperate to find something to beat me down about. "How dare you."

"Hey, I'm just stating the facts!" She insists and I dump the bag of shopping on the floor, slapping her clean around the face. "Oh you've done it now." She runs at me, grabbing at my hair and I claw at her coat, trying to push her down on to the floor.

"Woah!" I hear a male voice, possibly Kevin or Pat Phelan, but I didn't care. I push her down with such force she lies on her back, panting before I am pulled backwards by two arms. I watch Tracy get up, glaring at me before running at me again, despite me being held back.

"Carla?" Michelle's voice comes into earshot and I see her running out of the Bistro, towards me, as Tracy's fist collides harshly with my cheek, my right ear suddenly ringing and everything going blurry.

"That's enough!" The voice behind me shouts and I turn dizzily to see that it is Kevin holding me back, letting me go to stand between us, Gemma and Jenny gawping at us from across the street. I look up at Tracy, dazed, everything swimming in front of me, my ears ringing louder and louder, before everything goes black.

 **Nick**

"I don't understand, why would she be fighting Tracy?" I try to get my head around the situation, continuing to stare at a lifeless Carla, who we had managed to get onto the sofa with the help of Kevin and Tyrone.

"Well she probably wound her up again." Michelle paces the room, annoyed. "I don't know, most days I get the urge to swing for her. Wouldn't have the bottle to do it though."

"Well now we know the consequences." I point to Carla. "You know we could report this to the police."

"What and drag her down to the station when she wakes up? Yeah she'd love that." Michelle sighs, rubbing her forehead and sitting down in the armchair. "Besides, Kevin said Carla started it, slapped her apparently."

"Do you think I should take her to hospital?" I worry, looking at the bruise on her cheek.

"Nick she blacked out." Michelle puts a hand on my shoulder. "You've already got one family member in there at the moment, just wait and see if she comes round."

"She said she was only going out to get something for dinner." I shake my head, softly rubbing my thumb across her cheek.

"Oh which reminds me." Michelle places some shopping bags down in front of me. "They were left on the street."

"You're very calm." I point out and she sits back down.

"Yes well I grew up with her remember." She tells me. "The amount of fights she had weekly on our estate, you get used to it after a while. The hospital was her second home."

"Still probably is." I sigh, watching her breathe steadily, as her eyelids begin to flutter slightly. "Carla? Carla it's me." I whisper, squeezing her hand gently and her eyes open momentarily before closing them again.

"Nick..." She murmurs, wincing as she tries to speak. "Ah..."

"Don't try to talk." I tell her, as her eyes open and she blinks to adjust her vision. "Can you see alright?"

"Nick you just told her not to speak." Michelle laughs and the corners of Carla's mouth twitch upwards.

"He's worrying again..." Carla mumbles, the same croaky, adorable tone she usually has when she wakes up. "Chelle... Is he worrying?"

"Yes." Michelle admits, a grin on her face as she looks at me. "At least you know he loves you though."

"Mm..." She exhales, her brow furrowing before trying to sit up. "What happened?"

"You had a run in with Tracy." Michelle explains, as I put a cushion behind her, still holding her hand. "I came out of the Bistro to see you both at each other's throats, Kevin had to hold you back."

"Uh..." She groans, closing her eyes momentarily and raising a hand to her cheek. "I feel like my jaw is broken."

"Maybe we should take you to the hospital." Nick stresses and I adjust my gaze so I can look at him.

"Nick, I was joking." She reassures me. "I wouldn't be able to talk if it was."

"Tracy punched you in the face, you went all weird for a second and then blacked out." Michelle finishes off the story and a look of embarrassment washes over her face.

"Oh no..." She moans, pushing the hair out of her face and trying to compose herself, still not seeming fully conscious. "Not again, I don't half like to make a drama, do I?"

"You said it yourself." I shrug. "Can I get you anything?"

"Some ice?" She suggests and I get up, going to the freezer and wrapping it in a few tea towels, before going back and gently placing it against her cheek. She winces, jumping and I move it backwards as she places her hand over mine, pressing it against her skin.

"Sorry." I smile, and she manages to return one. "That's the last time I send you out to get something for dinner."

"I don't even know what I bought." She points to the bag, frowning as if trying to remember. "Some chocolate chips I think..."

"Nutritious." I nod, raising my eyebrows at her.

"I'll get Robert to make you something before he clocks off." Michelle pulls her phone out, sending a message to him, as a look of recognition flashes over Carla's face.

"Oh... Audrey, how is she?" Carla suddenly remembers. "Have you heard?"

"Yeah she's come round." I tell her and Carla relaxes. "Mum's still with her. Sounds like everything's ok though."

"Ah good." Carla sighs. "See, what did I tell you?"

"Yeah except now I've got another casualty on my hands." I point out and she looks at me apologetically.

"I'm so sorry." She whispers, pulling the ice away from her cheek.

"What did she do? To make you hit her?" Michelle asks, softly.

"She was making digs at me... About..." She trails off, looking at the pot in the corner of the room. "How I'd be a rubbish mum... I think anyway, it's hard to tell with her."

"That cow." Michelle shakes her head, fury on her face, which I mirror. I wasn't surprised Carla had slapped her, because hearing that made me want to storm over there now and do a lot worse.

"Mm..." Carla mumbles, painfully. "Well I needed to do something to wipe the smile off her face."

"It doesn't help that you had two bottles of wine in that bag." Michelle points to it.

"I wasn't going to drink them both!" She insists and Michelle smiles at her, standing up and gathering her things.

"I'd better go, I was only supposed to be on a fifteen minute break." She tells us, placing a kiss on Carla's forehead. "You stay out of trouble, missy."

"I'm sure Nick will make sure I do." She teases me, reaching out and grazing her finger down my cheek.

"I'll drop that dinner round in a bit." Michelle squeezes my shoulder and I nod.

"Yeah, thank you Michelle." I stand up, opening the door to see her out. "See you in a bit."

"Bye Chelle." Carla calls weakly from the sofa and I close the door behind her, turning to look at Carla's hard done by expression, which I can't help but chuckle at.

"Are you gonna milk this now?" I ask her, smiling as I approach where she is still lying, propped up against the cushions.

"No." She shakes her head. "A hug would be nice though."

"Don't go scaring me like that again." I wrap my arms around her, her breath soft against my cheek. We sit there for what feels like forever, listening to the clock ticking the seconds away, knowing we were making the most of every single one of them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12:**

 _ **A/N: A bit of a pointless chapter really to just tie up the loose ends before I carry it on.**_

 **Carla**

"How's the patient?" I hear Johnny's voice as Nick opens the door and I debate hiding behind the sofa.

"Johnny, I'm not dying. I got punched in the face." I groan as he enters, eyeing up the bruise on my cheek. "There's no need for grapes."

"Well I didn't bring you any grapes, but I did bring you some wine." He offers and my eyes light up, taking it from him. "Anyway, I just came to tell you that me and Aidan are taking care of the factory for the day, so take the day off."

"I think I'll decide when I take leave thank you." I place the wine down, getting up to get dressed.

"Hey, maybe he's right?" Nick stops me. "You don't really want to be surrounded by gossiping workforce all day do you?"

"I had the day off yesterday!" I exclaim. "And the day before, you know I can't stay bed ridden for too long, I get all fidgety."

"So, we'll go out for the day?" He offers. "Go shopping?"

"Nicholas, you hate shopping." I point out and he shrugs.

"Yeah, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make." He debates, holding his arms out for me to walk into. "If it means stopping you from working too hard." He links his arms around my waist and I switch my gaze between me and Johnny, thinking about the idea. "I'll take you to that new wine bar in town?"

"Oh don't..." I whine, knowing he was swaying me. "Fine, but Johnny the O'Driscoll's order has to go out today. Make sure Kirk counts the order correctly because last time they got four hundred hot pink bras instead of six dozen white lace thongs."

"Right." Johnny calculates, looking slightly embarrassed despite the fact he works in a knicker factory. "I'll make a note of that... Enjoy your day."

"See you." Nick waves him off as he leaves, before turning to me.

"How are you feeling?" He studies me with that same look that insinuates pure love and care, and I almost melt under his gaze.

"Alright, really." I smile and he kisses me gently, running his fingers through my hair as he does so.

"Mm." I murmur as he pulls away and I pull him in again for another kiss, hearing him laugh lightly as we part again.

"Go and get dressed then." He orders, spinning me around gently and pointing to the stairs.

"Yes boss." I salute him, playfully before disappearing up the staircase.

 **Nick**

"When you said shopping... I didn't realise you meant this." Carla screws her nose up at the sight of the supermarket, and I grab a trolley, inserting a pound before wheeling it towards the automatic doors.

"Well I've promised we'll go 'real shopping' afterwards." I remind her, heading towards the first aisle.

"So how does this even work?" She questions, looking unpleasantly at the fruit and vegetables aisle we were heading up.

"Well sweetheart, you pick things up off these things, which are called shelves, and put them into this thing called a trolley, and then pay for it." I explain, sarcastically, and she raises her eyebrows.

"Ok sarcy." She sasses me, taking a pile of things off the shelves and placing them in the trolley.

"Why do we need baby corn and lychees?" I read the labels of the products she's thrown into the trolley. "When are we ever going to eat these things?"

"I don't know, when are we going to eat anything from here, really?" She grins, pointing at the next aisle. "Ooh the alcoholic drinks aisle, yes please."

"Hold on!" I call after her, finding it quite amusing that she was childishly strutting around the place, as if she had no cares in the world. "Do we need some apples?"

"Yes." She nods, studying the different bags.

"Red or green?" I ask.

"Both." She shrugs.

"I'm not a millionaire." I scoff, as she puts three different bags of apples into the trolley.

"No Nicholas, but we have just bought a house that was way bellow our budget." She points out. "So I'm sure a few bags of apples won't break the bank." I follow after her, as she loads two bottles of wine into the trolley, heading towards the cereal aisle. "You wanted some more of that muesli, didn't you? The one with the berries in?" She questions and I just nod, fixating on her happiness, soaking it up.

"See this is kind of fun, isn't it?" I ask her, watching her pile the trolley up with pointless things I knew would just end up going way past their sell by dates in our cupboards. But I didn't care, she was happy, that was all that mattered.

 **Carla**

"I need a drink after all of that." I head towards the Bistro, excitedly, shopping bags in hand.

"You need a drink?" Nick practically splutters. "My wallet is crying."

"Ah, well I'll buy then." I link my spare arm with his and he holds the door open for me, before approaching the bar.

"Flipping heck, you have been busy." Michelle exclaims, her eyes widening as I pile the shopping bags on to the bar top.

"Mm and spoilt rotten." I smile, leaning my head on Nick's shoulder.

"Red wine is it?" Michelle guesses.

"Large." Nick orders, groaning at the sight of all the bags.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad." I nudge him, moving so my chin was resting on his shoulder, looking up at his tired expression.

"You spent an hour in a shop you didn't even buy anything in!" He cries and I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing.

"You know we'd do this at least once a week after work when I worked at the factory?" Michelle places the glasses down on the counter and I offer her my card, which she scans on the sensor, handing it back to me. "Retail therapy."

"There's nothing therapeutic about it." Nick shakes his head, milking it for all he was worth, which I was enjoying watching. "I'll never understand how women can actually enjoy that."

"Did you get anything for yourself?" She asks, clearly bored as she leans up against the bar.

"Well, this one picked me out some t-shirts, and I paid for them." He declares and Michelle gapes at me.

"Ahh, you didn't treat him?" She scolds me.

"Uh, I bought lunch!" I interject.

"It's true, she did buy lunch." Nick nods in agreement. "But then we went to a posh wine bar afterwards at my expense."

"Oh yeah, drinking with the competition?" Michelle interrogates him, her eyebrows raised.

"Oh no it could never compare to here." Nick lies and I scoff, before he hits me lightly on the arm, causing me to laugh.

"It's nice seeing you both happy." Michelle's tone becomes serious but genuine and I turn back to her, feeling Nick's arm wrap around my waist. I smile at her, appreciatively, enjoying the moment before the door flies open and it's ruined.

"Brilliant." Michelle sighs as Tracy saunters over to the bar, sitting down on a stool. "I wouldn't get comfortable if I were you."

"Sorry?" Tracy frowns, innocently.

"You can go and drink somewhere else Tracy." Michelle demands, taking the menu out of her hands as Tracy looks over at me. I sink into Nick and he wraps his arm around me tighter, protectively.

"You're actually turning me away?" She gasps, as if she was some sort of celebrity who's custom should be respected wherever she went.

"Uh, yep." Michelle replies matter-of-factly and Tracy looks back at me, fury in her eyes.

"You do know I used to own this place?" Tracy reminds her.

"Oh yes and why was that again?" Michelle plays her, as if trying to recall Tracy's schemes from last year. I hated any talk of this, any talk of the past and especially when Nick was around. "Because you blackmailed and conned it off my best mate?"

"Yeah because that slapper was sleeping with the chef!" Tracy raises her voice victoriously and I put my head in my hands, tired of hearing my mistakes being replayed over and over again.

"Oh just shut up Tracy." Nick practically spits. "It's old news, so take your sad and pathetic schemes somewhere else. We don't want to hear it."

"Tracy, just because you're miserable, doesn't mean you have to do the same to everybody else." Michelle persists and I try to cover my ears, trying to block the words and the truth and the past out. "Maybe if you didn't screw every bloke over that you've ever been with, you wouldn't be drinking alone."

"Or maybe it's just because I don't get second chances like some." Tracy shoots at me, bitterly. "Enjoy your drinks. I hope your cheek doesn't hurt too much Carla."

"She is pushing the boundaries." Nick mutters when she's left and I finally muster the strength to look up, clenching my fist before releasing it.

"You know this is exactly why I wanted to leave in the first place." I plead with myself, weakness in my voice. "Because this follows me wherever I go. I can't start a fresh or forget about anything. There's always something, someone there reminding me of how I've screwed up in the past."

"Look, forget about it, ok?" Nick tries to soothe me, running his fingers up and down my back. "She's gone, don't let this spoil your day."

"...No you're right." I sigh, forcing myself to calm down, draining my glass and pushing it towards Michelle for a refill. "If I've got to live on the same street as her, I'll have to start ignoring her snide comments sooner or later."

 **Nick**

Mum's face lights up as she opens the door to number eight, seeing me standing on the doorstep.

"Nick!" She smiles, standing aside. "Come on in."

"Evening." I walk past her into the living room, where I see gran sitting with Bethany on the sofa.

"Would you like a piece of cake?" She offers and I shake my head. "No Carla? What a shame."

"How are you gran?" I ignore mum's remarks, sitting down in the arm chair.

"Oh I'm ok lovely." Audrey assures me, pressing the off button on the TV remote.

"Hey, I was watching that!" Bethany exclaims.

"Bethany, say hello to your uncle Nick." Gran tells her.

"Hello uncle Nick." Bethany drones, getting her phone out.

"How are you doing?" I ask her, concerned. "After the trial I mean?"

"Fine." She puts, bluntly and I take the hint that she doesn't want to talk about it.

"Hi uncle Nick!" Max practically jumps on me and I ruffle his hair playfully.

"Do you want a brew?" Mum questions me.

"No I can't stop." I insist. "Just came to see how gran is."

"Oh don't stop on my account." She tells me.

"Got to get back to Carla, have you?" Mum digs at me and I roll my eyes. "I heard about her scrap in the street the other day."

"I bet you did." I nod my head. "I'm surprised you didn't print it on the front page of the gazette."

"Well it's hardly breaking news." Gail lectures me, raising her voice. "It's not like she hasn't done it before, is it?"

"Gail, now that's enough." Gran scolds.

"No mum, he needs to be warned!" She continues and I close my eyes momentarily, refraining from lashing out.

"Warned?" I'm careful with my tone, trying not to scare Max. "I'm a grown man mother, I can make my own decisions, and quite frankly who I fall in love with is none of your business."

"I'm just saying that you could do so much better! She's a liar, a cheater, she drinks far too much!" Gail shrieks at me and I stand up, turning and jumping as my eyes set straight on Carla.

"Carla?" I say, gently, praying she hadn't heard any of the conversation but knowing she had. "I thought you were staying at home?"

"You forgot this." She hands me the present I was supposed to bring for gran, clearly trying to hold back tears. "I did knock on the door but nobody answered... I'm just gonna... Go."

"No wait, I'm coming now." I try to stop her but she's already disappeared. I turn around to mum, furious, handing gran the present in the process. "Maybe next time when you try to lecture me on my love life, you should take a look at yours. See you gran." I storm out, heading up the street and opening the door to our house, walking in to see Carla pouring herself a glass of wine.

"How much did you hear?" I ask, gently and she avoids my gaze as she sits down on the sofa.

"Enough." She responds. "I mean, if I didn't already know your mum couldn't stand the sight of me... I do now."

"She's very protective." I try to negotiate with her.

"Yep." Carla nods, staring off into space. "Bet she wouldn't give me her earrings to wear now though, would she?"

"She'll come around." I reassure her, sitting down in the chair next to the sofa. "In time."

"Time." Carla scoffs, under her breath, taking a long gulp of her wine. "That's something I haven't got much of, for anything."

"She's hardly a role model of goodwill and respect herself, is she?" I point out.

"No." She shakes her head, still staring at the wall in front of her. "But you are."

"I'm not an angel, Carla." I remind her. "Even in her eyes; I've ran away from home enough times for her to realise that."

"But no woman will ever be good enough for you." She drains her glass, slamming it back down on the coffee table with such force I'm worried it'll smash. "Not Maria, not Leanne and especially not me."

"I don't care what anybody else thinks!" I raise my voice slightly and she snaps her head around to look at me. "I love you and I want a future with you. That's all that matters!"

"I know you do." Her voice cracks and I can tell she's forcing back tears as she looks around the room. "But everybody likes you Nick; I'm not a likeable person. I've made more enemies than I've had glasses of wine. I've listened to so many people talk about me behind my back, but I don't care what they say, it's just that I have to hear them. Like Gail proved earlier; everybody knows what I've done, the mistakes I've made and I just feel like everywhere I go, everything I do, all of that just follows after me. I feel like everybody just knows me for that, like they've already got their opinion of me and it's something I can never change."

"Right, so what then?" I shrug, deciding to go for the tough love approach. "So, we're gonna move back to Devon? Move everything back over, cancel the sale of the house over there and sell this one all over again? Go back to those memories, all of that bad stuff that we'll be constantly reminded of? Everywhere you go, the past will always follow you. I mean, I moved to Canada, and couldn't escape it! It's not about running away, it's about fighting your demons and facing up to them. Because the Carla Connor I know is tougher than that, isn't she?"

"Tilsley." She corrects me, and we both try to keep a straight face, failing when we see each other's reactions. "Says on my drivers license and all." She rummages in her bag and shows me her license, proudly.

"Hey, you got it back." I take it from her, looking at the updated name and address. "See you are officially now a Tilsley."

"Mm..." She mumbles, as I hand it back to her. "Not part of the family yet though."

"So we'll make our own family." I tell her and she smiles, appreciatively.

"I've never been good at family." She opens up, sadly. "Not one I can be proud of, anyway. Nobody who's not an alcoholic druggie or prisoner."

"You've got Johnny, Aidan, Kate." I remind her. "Michelle."

"Oh yeah sorry I forget about them sometimes, you know?" She mutters. "You know, after the forty odd years of prolonged DNA results."

"Stop beating yourself up." I whisper, putting my hand over hers. "And smile, because you deserve to, and I'm gonna prove that to you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13:**

 **November**

 **Nick**

"You look gorgeous." I say, in a matter-of-fact tone, as if I took her beauty for granted. She has dark curls loosely bouncing off her shoulders, and is wearing a tight red dress with gold embroidery laced onto it.

"Ah, thank you." She kisses me, a smile on her face as she walks past, picking up her lipstick from the side and applying it before putting it into her clutch bag. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"You ready to go?" I ask and she nods, checking her reflection once more before I grab her hand and pull her towards the door, causing her to giggle lightly. "I said you look beautiful; believe me." I shut the front door behind us linking my hand with hers again as we walk down the street. "You'll upstage the bride at this rate."

"Easy with the compliments Tilsley, you don't want me getting too vain." She points out, walking effortlessly in her gold heels along the cobbles. "Quite nice to be sat in the audience for a change though."

"The audience?" I chuckle, as we approach street cars. "I don't think that's what you call it at a wedding, is it?"

"Usually is when it's one of mine." She shrugs and I laugh again, holding the door open for her to enter the taxi firm. "I can drive, I probably won't drink much today anyway."

"Uh Eileen we need a taxi to St Mary's church please." I inquire, shaking my head at Carla. "You won't be saying that when you get there."

"Oh of course, it's the wedding!" Eileen remembers, guessing from how dressed up we are. "Nick you must be very proud."

"Not really." I drone, putting my arm around Carla's waist. "At least _your_ son made the last one entertaining for us, and little bro."

"Nick." Carla slaps me lightly on the arm, trying to keep a straight face.

"Steve can take you." Eileen tells us, putting her head set on and Carla groans slightly. "Steve, I've got Carla and Nick here, they want to go to the church. Ok, I'll send them out."

"Cheers." I smile, following Carla out as she opens the door to the taxi, climbing into it. "Hi Steve."

"Hello." He drones, awkwardly, deciding not to make pointless conversation before pulling away. It wasn't a long drive to the church, and I can already see people milling around in fancy hats as we pull onto the street. "Five twenty then please."

"Keep the change." I hand him a ten pound note and Carla looks at me impressively.

"Big tip." She nudges me as we get out of the taxi, watching Steve drive off.

"Yeah well, he was hardly a bundle of joy as ever was he?" I shrug, taking her hand as we approach the church. "Wouldn't want to stay in his company for much longer."

"Hello!" Gran instantly approaches us and Carla flashes me an uncomfortable look. I was grateful she was putting in the effort for today, she could have easily decided she didn't want to come.

"Hiya Audrey." She smiles, warmly and Audrey pats her hand.

"Oh Carla you look stunning." She tells her and Carla looks pleasantly surprised. "Doesn't she look stunning, Nick?"

"Don't worry, he's already earned those good points for today." Carla assures her, squeezing my hand.

"You must come over and see little Jake in his suit." Audrey beckons us, leading the way. "He looks ever so sweet."

"You do look stunning though." I whisper into her hair and she gives me a loving look for a few moments.

"Where's Bethany and Lily?" I ask gran, as we reach the large group of family and friends.

"Oh they're coming with Sarah." She informs me. "Their bridesmaids dresses are beautiful as well though."

"Uncle Nick!" Max greets me. "Do you think I look smart?"

"You'll be getting all the girls you will." Carla smiles at him, and he suddenly hugs her around her waist. She looks taken aback for a few seconds, before patting his head and I look on, a smile on my face. "Oh, what was that for?"

"Because David says that you make my uncle really happy." He tells her and I see her face soften. "And I think you do too. He never smiles like that when he's not with you." He points to me and she turns her head, taking in my expression.

"Well, I hope so." She nods with such meaning and I slip my arm around her waist. I watch as Max is called over to join David, full of excitement and anticipation. "Your delightful mother not here yet?"

"Probably coming with Sarah as well." I tell her and she pulls a face. "Gotta be the centre of attention."

"Ooh that'll be tough competition with her and Sarah." Carla retorts, flicking her hair back off her shoulder.

"Oh Mrs Tilsley!" I hear a piercingly familiar squeal and Carla turns around to see Sally, latching on to Tim's arm as she approaches us.

"What relation has she got to either Gary or Sarah?" I mumble, under my breath.

"Never misses a wedding, our Sally." She nudges me, begrudgingly greeting her. "Hello Sally..."

"I didn't realise you'd be here." She beams an over-excited grin, pulling a reluctant Tim along.

"Well my husband _is_ Sarah's brother." She points out in a blunt and sarcastic tone that makes me hold back laughter. "Who did your invite arrive from?"

"Oh well, we came with Sophie, who came with Kevin who came with Anna obviously because she's Gary's mum." She explains.

" _Obviously_." I emphasise, and Carla has to bury her head in my shoulder to stop herself from laughing.

"And our Faye was almost a bridesmaid." Sally adds, elbowing Tim who nods, unenthusiastically. "But she was otherwise engaged in a pre-organised social gathering."

"She decided to get drunk in a field instead." Tim informs us and I raise my eyebrows as Sally hits him hard on the arm.

"Tim." Sally scolds, and I kiss the top of Carla's head, which is resting on my shoulder. "Anyway, we must go and mingle."

"Ok." Carla nods, lightening her tone at her departure. "I bet she could relate herself to Norris if given the chance."

"Could we all make our way into the church please?" Billy greets the crowd which we begin to head towards and I notice a posh car pulling up, knowing it was Sarah.

"Max?" David calls, ushering him into the church and I lead Carla in the same direction.

"Ooh isn't this exciting?" Gran claps her hands.

"Ok gran, it's not the first wedding you've been to." I point out, trying to calm her down.

"Oh no, far from it." She pats me on the shoulder, walking into the church.

 **Carla**

"Does anybody know of any lawful impediment as to why this man and this woman shouldn't be joined together in matrimony?" Billy recites and David turns to me and Nick, an excited look on his face as if he actually wanted this wedding to fail.

"I love this bit." David grins, nudging me. "You always see their faces search the room, looking for that person they never had the secret affair with, but still seem to think it'll be confessed anyway." I freeze up, feeling Nick squeeze my hand. David on the other hand, doesn't show any recognition of his mistake. "Don't you always debate standing up and shouting something out just to put a spanner in the works?"

"Can't say I do, no." Nick drones, turning back to where Sarah and Gary are stood at the front of the church.

"Brilliant." Billy smiles, winking at Sarah in the process. "So we'll continue with the rings. Gary, repeat after me..."

"Good job you didn't burn her wedding dress this time round then." Nick reminds David and a smug smile creeps across his cheeks.

"When does this finish?" Max pulls on David's suit from the other side of him.

"When do we get to eat?" Lily chips in, sitting next to Max and I stare down the row at the pair of them.

"Didn't you eat before you came here?" David asks Bethany and Lily.

"Gail bought these lobster pancake things." Bethany screws her face up at the thought. "And mum was too busy drinking prosecco."

"Fantastic..." David sighs, putting his arm around Max. "It'll be finished soon with any luck mate."

"Here you go." Nick passes a sharing bag of Malteasers down the row and I raise my eyebrows at him.

"Nick!" I hiss, as Bethany's eyes light up, taking them from him. "It's a wedding not a theatre show."

"Debatable." David mutters and I try to stop myself from smiling.

"David will you shut up!" Sarah snaps, quietly and he continues to grin. "I'm trying to say my vows here and all I can hear is you yapping on."

"Where's your dog?" Nick asks, quieter now that Sarah's attention has diverted back to Gary.

"Outside." David mumbles. "Had to tie it to the gate, Sarah wouldn't let it in. He's coming to the reception though."

"Oh yeah, he your plus one?" Nick teases and I practically splutter a laugh, attracting the attention of Gail who was in the opposite pugh, giving me evils and bouncing Harry on her knee. Nick shushes me, putting a hand over my mouth and I bite my lip. The last thing I needed was to be even more hated for ruining princess Sarah's wedding.

"Throughout this ceremony, Sarah and Gary have vowed, in the presence of you all, to be trustworthy and loving towards each other." Billy recites. "They have formalised the existence of the bond between them with words spoken and with the giving and receiving of rings."

"Does anybody even understand what that means?" David turns to us and I shrug, shaking my head.

"Therefore, it is my pleasure to now pronounce them husband and wife." Billy smiles and I feel Nick and David sigh with relief from either side of me. "You may now kiss the bride."

"Ew." Bethany pulls a face, looking away, as Lily stands up on the seats to clap, followed by Max and everybody else. I watch Gail cheering and think about how she was cursing rather than celebrating when me and Nick got married, despite the fact she didn't much like Gary either. Nick begins to file out of the pew and I follow behind him, leading a crowd of people out of the doors and standing in two lines. I notice Mary handing out confetti to everybody from outside the church, and was grateful it was her and not Tracy who had been sent.

 **Nick**

"Do you have to work?" Carla asks me as we enter the Bistro, the tables rearranged with buffet food and decorated with flowers and fairy lights.

"I hope not." I scoff, waving to Michelle and Daniel who were behind the bar. "I'm sure they can manage."

"Oh wasn't that a lovely ceremony?" Gran approaches us again.

"About the same as usual really." I input, going over to the bar and picking up two champagne flutes. "Uh what is this?"

"Prosecco." Michelle reassures me.

"I was going to say, don't go blowing the expensive stuff." I tell her, passing one to Carla.

"I'm not thirsty." She puts it back on the bar and I raise an eyebrow at her, causing her to pick it back up and obediently take a sip as I look away.

"I like the fact there's no sit down meal." I point out, scanning the buffet food.

"Ah well that's the good thing about being a wedding planner and the manager of the reception." Michelle says, proudly. "Especially when you can use all the cheap stuff and make it look expensive, courtesy of Daniel here."

"Well done you." I raise my glass to her.

"Chelle, can we eat yet?" Carla demands, like a little kid.

"You're worse than Max and Lily." I laugh.

"Yeah well I didn't eat breakfast." She reminds me, before pondering the thought. "Then again when do I ever eat breakfast?"

"Here you go." Michelle produces a bowl of crisps from under the bar and Carla smells them, pulling a face. "What? They're salt and vinegar."

"I can tell." She scrunches her nose up, in a kind of adorable way and I wrap my arms around her waist.

"You like salt and vinegar!" Michelle exclaims. "They're your favourite."

"Not today I don't." She mutters and I frown at her, moving a lock of hair out of her face. "I want a sandwich."

"Well go and get one then." I prompt her. "It's my restaurant."

"Yeah and what will Gail say if she sees me tucking into the food before Sarah's even arrived?" She points out and I walk behind the bar, watching her confused reaction. "Hey, you said you weren't gonna work?"

"I'm not!" I reply, defensively. "I'm making you a sandwich."

"Oh." She softens, smiling at my actions. "Ahh."

 **Carla**

"Oi missy!" Michelle hisses once Nick has disappeared into the kitchen. "Got anything to tell me?"

"...No." I reply, bluntly. "Have _you_ got anything to tell me?"

"Are you pregnant?" She persists and I roll my eyes.

"Ugh, you're like a dog with a bone, you." I groan, picking my prosecco up to make a point and I take a sip from it, holding the liquid in my mouth for a few seconds before she looks away briefly to see what Daniel is doing. I spit it back out into my glass, discreetly, covering it up as she looks back at me. "See?"

"Hmm." She narrows her eyes, giving up and I decide I've got away with it, as Nick reappears from the kitchen.

"There you go." He places it down on the bar and I inspect it. "It's ham and cheese."

"Thank you." I pick it up, eagerly taking a bite and notice Michelle is still watching me with an inquisitive gaze. Why did she always have to try and figure everything out before anybody else, including myself?

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Gail runs into the room, excitedly. "The bride and groom have arrived." There is an eruption of applause and I put my sandwich down momentarily to clap, as Sarah and Gary enter the Bistro, with Bethany and Lily following behind. Music starts playing and Audrey comes over to us, Harry in her arms.

"Doesn't she look lovely?" Audrey coos and I see Nick roll his eyes. Family parties clearly weren't his thing.

"She does, yes." I agree, just for Audrey's satisfaction. "Want me to hold him so you can go and tell her that... Again?"

"Oh would you? What a love." She passes me Harry, who I was now warming to and I jig him up and down on my hip. "She's a keeper Nick."

"Thank you for the advice, gran." Nick drones, sarcastically as she walks off towards Sarah.

"Oh lighten up Nicholas, it's a wedding." I stick my tongue out at him, turning to Harry. "Uncle Nick should really try to smile, shouldn't he?"

"Did you just do one of those baby voices?" Michelle's eyes are wide when I look back at her.

"No, I didn't did I?" I groan. "I'm supposed to be a cold hearted cow, I can't be dealing with that."

"You're going soft, you." Michelle teases me and I shoot her a look, as I feel Harry wrap his hand around my finger and I try and force back the rush of butterflies that tingle inside of me.

"Mama." He suddenly says and I freeze in shock, glancing at Nick, half hoping he hadn't heard. But the look of love and surprise says otherwise. I cough awkwardly, actually grateful that Gail had stepped forward with a microphone, clinking her glass as she does so. I feel Nick's warm fingers on my back and notice he has left the bar to come and stand next to me.

"Speech!" Gail shrieks and I wince at the tone of her voice. "Since the father of the bride couldn't be with us today, I thought it was my duty to make a speech. But Sarah, your dad would be really proud of you, and Nick, and I'm sure he's up there wishing you and Gary all the best of luck." I squeeze Nick's hand supportively, looking up at him and kissing him on the cheek. "And I'm sure he, like me and everybody else here, can see that you two have got a long and happy future together. Gary, I can see how happy you make Sarah and I honestly couldn't thank you more for that." She pauses and I lean my head on Nick's shoulder, Harry still balanced on my other hip. "So if you'd all join me in raising a glass to the newly weds; Gary and Sarah."

"Gary and Sarah." Everybody choruses, before the music begins playing again.

"Well that was short and sweet." Nick says, thankfully and I realise Sarah is approaching me, quickly trying to pretend I know what I'm doing with her child before she can reach me.

"Hey." She smiles. "You're really good with him."

"I don't know what I'm doing really." I decide to be honest.

"Well, does any mum?" She points out and I hesitate, because I wouldn't know, but I feel this wouldn't be a very appropriate response for such a happy event.

"Congratulations." I suddenly blurt out, trying to divert the subject and she nods appreciatively.

"Mama." Harry cries again, reaching up for my face and my eyes widen.

"Okay, that's enough prosecco for you." I mumble, trying to muster a joke to hide my awkwardness but then realising it probably wasn't the right thing to say at all. Sarah seems to find it funny though, as I hand him back to her and I can feel Nick laughing into my hair.

"Ahh, that's _Carla_ , your godmother." Sarah coos at him, pointing towards me and I shoot Michelle a look to say 'help me'. "Can you say 'Carla'?"

"Uh..." Michelle clinks her glass suddenly and everybody turns to look at her. She freezes for a few moments and I feel bad, getting her to bail me out. "Food's... Ready..." She announces hesitantly and everybody begins heading over to the buffet.

"See you in a bit." Sarah smiles at me and I nod, watching her go.

"You know, you don't need to worry." Nick suddenly whispers in my ear and it makes me jump. "You do great with him every time, if Sarah says so, it definitely means it."

"Yes well... My maternal instincts are overloaded enough for one day." I respond, turning to face him and putting on a bright tone. "I might go and get some fresh air, I've got a bit of a migraine coming on."

"Oh ok." Nick studies me, concerned, placing a hand on my forehead gently. "Well I'll come with you."

"No it's fine." I assure him. "You stay here and enjoy your party, I'll only be five minutes, grab some paracetamol from Dev's."

"Ok if you're sure?" Nick checks, kissing me softly. "But you text me if you need anything?"

"I promise." I smile, squeezing his hand again before heading towards the exit.

The air is cool and refreshing when I get out on to the street and the light is already dipping with the transfer between Autumn and Winter. I lean up against the cold walls of the Bistro, glancing around before walking towards Dev's. I was praying it wouldn't be him serving, as I'd managed to avoid him since my episode a few months back, but just my luck, it was. I approach the counter shiftily, eyeing up the medication behind the till.

"Hi Dev." I greet, brightly and he nods, luckily engrossed in a newspaper article. "Can I have some paracetamol, please?"

"Yep, sorry." He puts the newspaper down and pulls me a pack off the shelf, laying it on the counter. "The wedding made you that nauseous?"

"Yes." I reply, bluntly, which was the truth, despite the fact it wasn't the wedding that had triggered it. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and hand him a few coins from my purse, pulling out the tray of tablets and popping two out into my palm. I am about to take them before hesitating, turning the packet over as he continues to irritatingly stare at me, as if checking I was going to suddenly tear his shop to pieces.

 _Take precautions if pregnant or breastfeeding; consult doctor if symptoms persist._

"Ugh..." I groan, scanning the writing again and debating whether to risk it.

"It says take two tablets if-" Dev begins.

"I know." I cut him off and he immediately shuts up. I hesitate, holding his gaze momentarily before sighing and storming over to the shelf by the door, taking a pregnancy test off it, going back to slam it down onto the counter.

"Oh, ok." He looks shocked and I roll my eyes.

"Not a word of this to anyone." I snap at him and he nods obediently.

"Think of this place like a spiritual temple." He explains as I hand him a ten pound note. "You can confess your sins in here and they don't leave that door."

"Yeah well I'm not religious." I mutter, cramming the tablets and pregnancy test into my clutch bag. I take the top off the water, taking a long swig of it, before placing it back on the counter and walking out.

 **Nick**

"Hey." I greet Carla, noticing her coming towards me from the entrance of the Bistro. "I missed you. How are you feeling?"

"A bit better." She nods, still looking a bit out of sorts and I hesitate before pushing her hair back, kissing her passionately for a few seconds and massaging her scalp as I do so. "Mm, what was that for?"

"Do I need a reason?" I frown and she shakes her head, an amused and lustful expression on her face. "Come and dance?"

"Nicholas, I don't dance." She reminds me, as I hold out my hand to her. "You know that."

"Ah please?" I beg her. "Even gran is dancing with Ken."

"I'm a rubbish dancer!" She argues, a tempted smile on her face all the same.

"You can just follow me?" I plead, as _Photograph_ comes on and I point at her. "It's a sign."

"It's not a sign." She shakes her head, playfully, knowing full well what this song meant to us. It had been playing the night she told me she loved me, after she'd found out about Tracy and the fire and I'd actually seen her happy for the first time in months. We said it would have been our first dance song, had we got that far... I can see her listening to the lyrics, before she wraps her arms around my neck, kissing me softly, before pulling away. I take her hand, leading her over to where everybody was dancing and she rests her head in my chest, swaying as I wrap my arms around her, protectively.

"I thought you said there was no dance floor in here?" She reminds me and I laugh, thinking back to what seems like forever.

"And I thought you said..." I trail off, trying to remember her quote.

"When you're living it right, Nicky boy, the whole world's a dance floor." She finishes my sentence and I exhale happily into her hair, breathing in the comforting smell of her shampoo.

"I told you before." I whisper. "Don't call me Nicky."

"I'll call you whatever I like." She grins, a glint in her eye. "You're my husband."

"And don't you forget it." I tell her, running my fingers through her hair, her face suddenly going serious.

"I won't." She promises, her eyes meaningful as she looks up at me, still swaying gently. "Nick, you make me so happy. I'm never, ever going to jeopardise that again, I swear."

"Good." I kiss her forehead, relishing the words I loved to hear and I close my eyes momentarily as I feel her relax into me.

 **Carla**

I'm pacing the bathroom for what feels like forever, trying everything not to get my hopes up. I couldn't go through that disappointment again, I needed to convince myself it would be bad news; whatever bad news was. I keep the shower running for a little longer, in order to keep up my excuse for as long as possible. I stare into the mirror, practically recognising the nerves in my reflection.

We could just keep trying, and if nothing happens, I guess that was mother nature's sign that my mum well and truly gifted me with her genes.

Everything happens for a reason. I repeat Nick's quote over and over in my head, because I knew that's what he would tell me if he could see the pregnancy test now. I exhale my anxiety, trying to force my hand to steady so I can turn off the shower. I had never been this nervous, not before Liam's funeral, not before Frank's trial, not even before I was about to jump off the edge of the quarry. I bite my lip so sharply I can taste a salty liquid seep into my mouth. I sit on the edge of the bath, clenching and unclenching my fist before finally finding a wave of courage and grabbing it off the side.

I open my eyes, forcing them to fixate on the test and the result finally comes into view.

* * *

 _ **Leave a review if you have the chance! Thank you for reading and for all the lovely comments I've had so far, it makes my day!:)**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

 **Carla**

I feel my heart beat faster, my breath catches in my throat and I sink down the side of the bath, onto the floor, clenching the test in my hand. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. I sit there for a moment, processing the result, before shakily unlocking the bathroom door.

"Ok, so it was either this, or stale buffet food that's been sitting out all night." Nick's cheerful voice suddenly comes into earshot and I can see him in the kitchen, picking up two plates of freshly cooked pie and coming towards me to place them down on the coffee table. He hands me a glass of red wine, which I accept but hold at arms length for a few seconds, as his expression switches from happiness to sincerity. "Carla? You look white as a sheet? Are you still not feeling well?" He takes the glass from me, placing it on the side table and holding me as if I could fall at any second, which I wouldn't be surprised if I did. "Carla? Talk to me, please? You're scaring me." I move my gaze slowly to look at him, and he is staring at me with such a caring expression, it gives me the confidence to release the words out of my mouth.

"I'm pregnant." I murmur, hardly loud enough for me to hear and I feel him tense up, not knowing whether he heard me correctly.

"What?" He stammers, trying not to get his hopes up and I lift the hand which the test is in, feeling myself return to reality. I swallow, moving closer to him.

"I'm pregnant." I confess, louder and he stares at me in shock for a few seconds. I begin to panic, thinking he's changed his mind or realising when it actually comes down to it, he doesn't want a child with me after all. I see him exhale, breathing heavily as the corners of his mouth turn up and I begin to relax. He takes the test from me, daring himself to look at it and his eyes immediately mist over, as he balances it between his shaking fingers, trying to work out if this was reality or not. I can't stop myself from laughing, a scarily nervous, excited, shocked laugh that comes out more of an overwhelmed bleat and I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks, watching as they do the same on his.

"Oh... What..." He stammers, looking back at me finally, shock written into his expression which is slowly being taken over by sheer happiness.

"Is that... a good thing?" I stupidly ask, my voice wavering so much I have to gulp half way through the sentence. "I don't... Know what to do." My breathing is so rapid I struggle to calm myself down and his eyes relax, staring back at me with such love and such meaning, it makes me cry more. This is all he's ever wanted, this is what he's been waiting for and I could actually give that to him. I could actually make his life complete.

He takes my hand, before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in gently. I can feel how fast his heart is beating and it mirrors mine, as I gulp, trying to swallow my anxiety as he cradles me back and forth, both crying into each other. He eventually pulls back, tipping his forehead against mine and breathing into my skin for a moment.

"How do you feel?" He whispers, his voice still quivering and he wipes the tears from my cheeks.

"...Pregnant." I try to summarise and he laughs, nervously, happily, in disbelief. I begin to laugh too, and he hesitates before leading me over to the sofa to sit down.

"Did you just find out?" He questions and I nod, unable to speak. "I was going to ask why your hair wasn't wet from the shower."

"I thought it was going to be negative." I tell him. "I literally convinced myself it would be, I think that's why I'm so shocked."

"Any idea how far along?" He asks, I knew he had so many questions but didn't know how to ask them.

"No." I gulp. "I might buy one of those tests that tell you that. I just got the first one I could find from Dev's. I've been thinking I might be for a few days, because I missed my period again but tried to put it out of my head because I didn't want to get my hopes up. But then I felt to nauseous today, I had to, I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Hey, don't apologise for anything." He assures me, softly grazing his thumb up and down my arm. "You've just made me the happiest man alive, you've got nothing to be sorry for... So that's why you offered to drive to the wedding? And why you didn't want prosecco?"

"And why I didn't want salt and vinegar crisps." I add and recognition flashes across his face. "The smell made me want to heave... Oh God... And I love salt and vinegar crisps... It's gonna be like this for nine months?"

"You're gonna do amazing." He reassures me, before pulling me into a hug. "I promise you, I'm going to do everything possible to keep you and this baby safe." He pulls away, hesitating before placing his hand on my tummy, for the first time and my eyes glaze over. I feel a rush of butterflies at the sensation of his touch, the touch I longed for so badly when I was pregnant with Lauren. The touch that made me feel safe and made it feel real. "Our baby is in there?"

"I guess so." I nod, not caring for a second that I was showing so much weakness at this point in time. He made me feel so safe, so happy, he made me feel like I could do this all over again when it was the most scary feeling in the world.

 **Nick**

I can't stop the smile on my face as I heat up our dinner in the microwave. I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind and feel Carla's chin on my shoulder, the smell of her perfume still lingering, despite her changing into a sweatshirt and leggings.

"What are you smiling at?" She whispers against my skin, sending shivers down my spine.

"Have a guess." I turn around, wrapping my arms around her as she looks up at me, contently. We stare into each other's eyes for a moment before the microwave beeps, making her jump and I laugh softly, scooping her hair back out of her face. I let her go, opening the microwave and taking one plate out, popping the other one in, before pouring her glass of wine down the sink.

"Uhh..." Carla shudders. "That is a sight I did not want to see... Guess I need to get used to it."

"I'll buy you that non-alcoholic stuff." I offer, laughing at her reaction.

"Not quite the same though is it?" She groans, as I empty my glass into the sink. "Why are you chucking yours away?"

"Because if you can't drink, I don't want to drink." I tell her and her face softens. "I prefer orange juice anyway."

"Yeah right." She scoffs, opening the fridge and putting a bottle of orange juice down on the kitchen surface. She grabs two glasses from the cupboard and pours it before handing it to me.

"Here, you have this one." I hand her the plate that's already been heated. "You're probably hungry."

"Why because I'm eating for two?" She teases me, a look of realisation flashing across her face. "Or three... Oh..."

"Sunk in yet?" I question, taking my plate out of the microwave and following her over to the dining table.

"No." She replies. "But it probably will have done in nine months time... With any luck."

"It will have done when you're screaming at me in that delivery room." I comment and I see her face fall, briefly, her eyes momentarily drifting to the pot in the corner. "Everything is gonna be okay, you know?"

"I hope so." She sighs, trailing her fork around her plate. "I couldn't go through it again, Nick..."

"Hey, hey look at me." I lower my voice and she raises her head, staring at me sullenly across the dinner table. "Nothing's gonna go wrong."

"You've said that before." She reminds me and I smile at her recollection.

"You've got me this time, for the long haul." I promise her and she blushes slightly, looking down and letting the hair fall across her face. "I'm going to look after you. Both of you."

"I love you." She whispers, meeting my gaze. "Thank you."

* * *

 **Carla**

"Wow, what's going on here?" I ask Sean, entering the Rovers and observing the festivity going on around me. "It's only just half way through November, what's with the tinsel?"

"Ah yes but Christmas is getting earlier every year." Sean winks at me. "Ooh, I love the festive spirit, I do."

"Where is everybody?" I ask, approaching the bar hesitantly and taking note that the pub was dead.

"Katy's funeral." He reminds me and I pull a face.

"Oh of course." I wince, immediately regretting asking.

"Didn't Nick go?" Sean asks me, leaving the decorations to tend to the bar. "I thought I saw him outside by the hearse earlier on."

"Yeah, probably my head is all over the place today." I explain. "I slept in this morning, he went out at eight, that would make sense."

"Having a lie in Mrs T?" Sean scolds me, excitedly. "Get you. Glass of red is it?"

"Oh no, just an orange juice." I tell him and he pours it obediently, a surprised look on his face. "I might go and get some work done at the factory."

"Working on a Sunday?" He looks impressed. "You do put in the hours, don't you? Even if you do stay in bed until late."

"Yes well that stays between us." I warn him, sipping my drink as the door opens and I turn to see Michelle.

"Sean, are Toyah or Peter in?" Michelle asks, a sense of urgency in her tone..

"Uh, hello to you too." I nudge her and she finally acknowledges me, running a hand down my back.

"Hi sweetheart." She quickly greets me, before turning back to Sean. "So, Toyah? Peter?"

"Oh, they've gone to meet that surrogate woman." He tells her and she sighs, exasperatedly.

"Why what's up?" I try to calm her down.

"There's been a mix up with deliveries." Michelle groans, pulling a note pad out of her pocket. "We've had three dozen scotch eggs and two hundred packets of nuts, I didn't know whether they were supposed to be yours."

"Hey, sell them off yourself? Make the most of it." I suggest and she gives me a stressed out look. "Have a drink with me?"

"I don't think Nick would be too pleased if we started selling scotch eggs, do you?" She raises her eyebrows. "And anyway, I can't, I'm working."

"I'm bored." I whine, feeling lost without anyone or anything to do.

"Well come over to the Bistro then." She shrugs.

"Is it as dead as in here?" I scan the pub, before cringing. "Sorry, poor choice of words."

"Come on, you can help me sort through this delivery." She links her arm with mine as I drain my glass and she pulls me out of the pub.

"No thanks." I pull a face, as we get out on to the street, heading towards the Bistro. "But I'll sit and drink your profits while I watch you do it."

"Aren't you kind?" She says, sarcastically, holding the door open for me. "Red wine?"

"Nah, I'm gonna go over to the factory in a bit." I lie, which she seems to luckily fall for. "I'll stick to orange juice."

"Fair enough." She responds, walking around the bar as I sit myself on one of the stools.

"So got any gossip?" I pick out a straw, putting it in my mouth as I always do and chewing the end of it, as Michelle hands me my drink.

"Well, your husband has left me in the lurch." She stresses, tying her hair back and piling up boxes in the corner of the bar. "And Robert is doing my head in."

"Hey? How come?" I frown, immediately interested. "What's he done?"

"Oh he's just so snappy all the time." She huffs, grabbing a stack of glasses and laying them out on the counter. "And now Daniel has gone awhile, so I've got to organise this wake by myself."

"Oh the wake is here?" I bite my lip, worrying for her. "Right, what do you want me to do then?" I take my jacket off, hanging it over the stool.

"I thought you said you just wanted to 'sit and drink the profits'." She sasses me.

"Do you want my help or not, sarcy cow?" I retort and she nods, a desperate expression on her face.

"Yes, please." She begs me and I reluctantly head around to her side of the bar, picking up a box, which is heavier than I was expecting.

"What's in here?" I question, chucking it onto the pile.

"God knows." She sighs, as I pick up another box. "Probably knicker elastic; we'll have your deliveries at this rate as well."

"Um what are you doing?" I spin around at the sound of a familiar voice and see Nick approaching us from the doorway, his eyes fixated on the box I was carrying. "Put that down."

"Ok Nick, she's not a dog." Michelle scoffs. "She's only helping me out."

"Yeah I'm only helping her out." I repeat, lowering the box, compliantly.

"Yes, well." He mutters, awkwardly. "It's her day off, she should be relaxing."

"Sorry." I apologise and he gives me a concerned look when Michelle isn't looking.

"I thought you said you weren't going to run any risks?" He hisses, as I sit back down and he places a hand on my back.

"I didn't think! I'm not used to relaxing!" I exclaim, quietly, deciding to divert the subject to get me out of trouble. "How was the funeral?"

"Harrowing." He sighs, looking wiped out and I raise my hand to his head, massaging his scalp comfortingly. "You were spark out this morning when I left.."

"I know I was tired!" I yawn at the thought. "Sorry I should have woken up."

"No, no." He smiles. "I'm glad you got some rest."

"Nick, a hand?" Michelle frets, impatiently. "If you won't let your wife do it."

"Duty calls." Nick groans, kissing me briefly before heading behind the bar.

"So when is everyone gonna be arriving?" I ask, wondering when to dampen my mood to match the atmosphere, because I was in surprisingly high spirits today.

"I don't know, I headed straight back here after the service." Nick tells me, shifting the rest of the boxes and checking the label. "Scotch eggs and nuts?"

"Yes, exactly!" Michelle rolls her eyes. "I've tried to clear it with the Rovers but only Sean's in and he's got no clue."

"I could murder a scotch egg, if you've got one going?" I shrug and Michelle gives me a look.

"A scotch egg?" She frowns. "What has gotten into you?"

"You may as well." Nick takes one out of the box, handing it to me and winking discreetly.

"Ah could you put it on a plate darling?" I ask and he rolls his eyes. "I'm not quite resorting to finger food yet."

"Would you like a knife and fork with that as well?" He sarcastically muses and I actually contemplate the idea.

"Yeah, if you've got some to hand." I respond, and he chuckles slightly before handing a pair over to me.

"Did you uh... Manage to do that quiz?" He coughs, aware of Michelle's presence and I narrow my eyes in confusion. "You know... That test thing, that came in the post?"

"What quiz?" Michelle questions. "Should I have got one and all?"

"Oh!" I catch on, realising what he was referring to. "No I meant to uh... Pick it up from the... Post office. I still haven't got round to it."

"Ey?" Michelle frowns, wrapping cling film over a tray of sandwiches, as Nick goes to tend to a table.

"This survey thing." I lie, chewing on my food to prolong thinking of an excuse. "Norris is doing this neighbourhood watch survey and it got undelivered to our address..."

"And you're bothered about that, why?" She coaxes, continuing to look puzzled.

"...I like to do my bit for the community." I muster as Nick approaches us again, luckily causing her to forget about the subject at hand.

"I'm trying to move that table on." Nick hisses to Michelle under his breath.. "How long have they been here?"

"Almost two hours." She informs him. "I thought they'd be done ages ago, that's why I booked them in. They're gonna have to go before the wake though."

"Yeah which should be ready now." Nick checks his watch, panicking. "People will start arriving in a minute."

"Well we can hardly tell them to leave, can we?" Michelle frets and they both stare over at them, searching for ideas.

"Ugh..." I groan, standing up and strutting over to the break glass sensor by the door, not hesitating before taking my shoe off and smashing the heel into it. The room immediately erupts in noise and the table full of reluctant to leave guests suddenly get up, looking around, panicked. "Sorry, I thought I saw a fire." I mutter, as the customers begin to file out and I turn to stare at Nick, who is looking at me as if I was mad, which perhaps I was.

"Carla, they hadn't paid!" Michelle exclaims and I quickly stop a bloke on his way out.

"Contactless?" I grab the card machine and he nods, bewildered as he pulls his card out of his wallet, tapping it on the sensor. "Have a great day."

"Well you never fail to amaze me." Nick shakes his head, looking in the direction that the door was now closing behind the customers. He leaves the bar, heading out the back and eventually the bell stops ringing when he has managed to turn it off. "And now I need to get that repaired."

"At least you can sort the wake out now." I shrug, sitting back down on my stool and finishing off my scotch egg, watching Michelle stare at me in shock as Nick reappears. "Hey that doesn't automatically call the fire brigade, does it?"

"Luckily not." Nick sighs, trying to prevent the look of amusement passing over his face.

"How come there's a group of people outside saying there's a fire?" Kevin and Tyrone enter, as if prepared to take action.

"Who knows?" Nick shrugs, raising his eyebrows at me. "Uh anyway, come in, we'll have the food ready in just a sec."

"Brilliant." Kevin relaxes, going to sit down in a booth as more people flood in, most of which I'm sure never even knew Katy and were probably just here for the food.

"You're welcome." I whisper to Nick, as he comes to stand next to me, looking down at me fondly.

"Have I ever told you; that I love you, Carla Tilsley?" He asks, meaningfully and I bite my lip to stop my smile broadening.

"Yes, but you can say it as much as you like." I assure him and he leans down to kiss me.

"Right I'd better go and clean that glass up then." He mumbles and I give him an apologetic look, which he just smiles at.

"I literally cannot get hold of Robert." Michelle stresses, slamming her phone down on the bar top, aggressively, once Nick has walked off.

"Okay." I try to reason with her, calmness in my tone. "Well where would he usually be on a Saturday afternoon, on his day off?"

"Well that's exactly it, he's not supposed to be off." She huffs. "He was supposed to making the food for this wake, I've had to get Daniel to knock up some sandwiches. I'm hoping they're edible."

"Right so... Have you tried the flat?" I suggest, before reluctantly adding; "...or the casino?"

"If he's there I'll flamin' well kill him." She curses and I pull a face.

"Well I'm glad I wasn't in a relationship with you two years ago." I dare to insert and she gives me a death stare. "Hey just chill out, have a drink. The hard work is over now, you can relax."

"I'm working." She reminds me.

"Yeah but, these are our friends." I point out. "They're not gonna mind if you have one drink."

"I suppose." She ponders, glancing around the room before giving in and grabbing two wine glasses, pouring the all too familiar red liquid in to them.

"Oh, no thank you." I reply, as she hands me a glass.

"Oh come on, you're not realistically gonna go to the factory now." She protests, taking a long swig from her glass. "You've been wanting to have a drink with me, so there you go."

"...Ok." I murmur, drumming my fingers on the base of the wine glass and glancing over at Nick for help. He finishes sweeping the glass up and turns around, noticing the glass of red wine in front of me, before clocking on to my expression.

"Ah Carla?" Nick calls, coming over to me. "Before you start drinking, you've got to drive me to the bank later, remember?"

"The bank?" Michelle frowns. "It's a Sunday."

"Yes... But I mean the cash point." He bluffs, failing to make up an excuse.

"Well can't you just take cash from the till?" She persists and I groan under my breath, why was she so good at catching us out?

"No." He replies, bluntly. "Hey, why don't you put some of those scotch eggs out?"

"Because they might be Toyah and Peter's." She reminds him.

"So? Their loss." Nick shrugs, heading past me with the brush and dustpan to dispose of the broken glass.

"Shame that." I push the glass away, internally cheering at our teamwork. "I guess you'll have to have two."

"Looks that way." She agrees, staring off into space before beginning to load a tray with scotch eggs.

 **Nick**

"Hi." I cautiously approach Izzy, and Anna as they enter, their expressions mournful. "Uh, I just wanted to offer my condolences and say, take as long as you like... I've closed the Bistro off privately for the night".

"Thank you Nick." Anna smiles, appreciatively. "Means a lot."

"Chesney and Owen not coming?" I ask, gently, knowing Owen had made the trip back for the funeral.

"Dad's just taking a few minutes." Izzy tells me. "And Ches has gone to settle Joseph for a bit at home, he'll be over soon."

"No worries." I reply, hesitating before going back over to the bar, where Carla was looking on at them. "Must be tough."

"Izzy?" Carla calls and Izzy makes her way over to us. "I'm really sorry, you know? And, take tomorrow off if you need. Tell Sinead she can too."

"Thanks Mrs Tilsley." Izzy nods gratefully.

"Oh no, it's Carla, for today." She corrects her gently, causing Izzy to smile before heading off to where Sarah and Gary are sitting.

"How can you always put a smile on someone's face?" I whisper to her, and she looks up at me from where she is sat on the stool.

"I don't!" She retorts, fidgeting with the bracelet I'd bought her months ago that she was wearing on her wrist. "It's usually a frown."

"Want me to get you any food?" I offer, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head.

"I'm alright." She shakes her head. "You could get me another orange juice though. I'm already bored of it."

"We've got pineapple juice?" I suggest and she contemplates it for a few seconds.

"I can see how I go." She shrugs and I laugh slightly, pouring her a glass.

"How are you feeling today?" I ask, handing her the drink and leaning with my arms folded on the bar, opposite her.

"Really good, yeah." She says, brightly with an element of surprise in her tone. "No sickness as of yet."

"Start as you mean to go on." I tease and she raises her eyebrows.

"We can dream." She scoffs, taking a sip of her drink and I narrow my eyes in anticipation. "Pineapple juice, check."

"Good." I smile, moving my fingers forward to intwine them with hers and lowering my voice. "So you still don't know how far along then?"

"Five weeks." She responds and I'm surprised for a moment. "I just didn't know how to say in front of Michelle."

"Really?" I exclaim, a smile creeping over my face. "Oh that's brilliant, so it's all definite then."

"I guess so." She shrugs and I pause before coming around to her side of the bar, wrapping her in a hug and pulling away to see her expression full of happiness.

"Five weeks?" I murmur. "Don't you think it's mad how we've had no idea?"

"Yes but it's still early days, isn't it?" She prompts me. "So let's just keep it under wraps for a bit."

"Of course." I assure her, squeezing her hand. "We can take as long as you like, I promise."

"Maybe until after the first scan?" She suggests and I nod. "That is if Michelle doesn't guess... Could be a detective that one."

"You could say you're on antibiotics?" I advise.

"She'd know." Carla groans. "If anything that'd just put her on the right trail."

"Well then we'll just try to keep it from her, and if she guesses, just tell her to keep it to herself?" I shrug and she ponders the thought.

"I guess it's worth a shot." She replies and I look up to where the door has opened and Owen, Chesney and Joseph are entering. "Are you going to go and say your piece?"

"What is there to say, really?" I murmur, letting go of her hand. "I can't make it any easier for them, can I?"

"I suppose not." She sighs. "I remember when everybody kept coming up to me at Hayley's funeral, all saying the same thing... But it just seems like empty words, even if they are full of meaning... Just, nothing matters."

"Hayley would be so proud of you." I paint a smile on my face, lifting her chin gently with my finger.

"Hmm I doubt it." She mumbles and I give her an insistent look. "That reminds me actually, I need to go and see Roy at some point. I haven't been over there in weeks... Oh..."

"It's alright, you've had a lot on your mind." I assure her, kissing her on the lips and causing her to let out a satisfied mumble. "I tell you what, I'll take you for breakfast before work tomorrow, you'll have a chance to see him then."

"That sounds like a good plan." She agrees, kissing me again and I smile into the kiss as I feel her pull me closer, reluctant to let go.

 **Carla**

"Katy was such a lovely girl..." Michelle slurs, and I turn to look at her, tearing my gaze away from where the Armstrong and Windass family were sitting in a large circle, around a table. She was leant up against the bar, a freshly poured glass of wine in her hand. "So young... You know she lived with us for a while, when her and Ryan got together?"

"Chelle maybe you should stop drinking?" I suggest, gently. I wasn't used to the tables being turned; usually it was her giving me the mature advice whilst I was smashed off my face.

"No." She frowns, as if confused that I even suggested the idea. "It's a celebration, we need to drink at a celebration."

"Michelle, it's-" I hiss, trying to quieten her and glancing over at the table. "It's not a celebration."

"Yeah." She corrects me, waving her glass around. "A celebration of a life."

"Hi Michelle." Fiz approaches the bar. "Could we have another bottle of white wine?"

"Yep, coming up." Michelle tries to act sober, looking under the bar and banging her head in the process. "Here you go."

"Chelle that's red." I prompt her, flashing an awkward smile at Fiz and searching the Bistro for any sign of Nick.

"Is it?" She squints at the label and I roll my eyes, getting up and walking behind the bar. "Hey, only staff are allowed back here, thank you."

"Yes well, I'm sleeping with the boss." I respond, grabbing a bottle of white wine from the fridge and handing it to Fiz.

"Well so am I?" Michelle argues. "If he ever returns."

"Do you need any glasses?" I ignore Michelle and Fiz shakes her head, as if in shock that her boss was now serving her drinks .

"We'll be alright, thanks Carla." She replies. "How much is that?"

"Oh just take it." I tell her, waving my hand. "Don't worry about that."

"Oh, well thank you." Fiz looks surprised, nodding before heading back towards Tyrone, Luke and Alya.

"Where's Nick?" I sigh, exasperatedly, reaching over and grabbing my phone from the other side of the bar. I dial his mobile number, listening to it ring out.

"Hi you've reached Nick, leave me a message and I'll-" I cut the voicemail off, groaning before searching for Kate in my phone.

"Carla?" Kate picks up and her voice is music to my ears.

"Kate hi, what are you doing now?" I ask, desperately and there is a short silence.

"Um... Nothing." She replies. "Why do I feel like you're gonna ask me to work?"

"Would you mind?" I beg, glancing at Michelle. "Chelle's drunk, Nick's disappeared, Robert's God knows where and it's Katy's wake... I'll get Nick to pay you double?"

"Fine, I'll be over in five." She reluctantly agrees.

"Yes, thank you sweetheart." I cheer down the phone. "I'll buy you a drink later, ok?"

"Deal, see you in a sec." She hangs up the phone and I grab Michelle by the shoulders, steering her towards one of the stools at the other side of the bar.

"Right, Kate is coming to help out." I tell her, sitting her down and she takes another sip of her wine.

"Ah I like Kate." She babbles. "But I tell you what; I could get Nick to tell you off for giving away free booze."

"And I could get Nick to sack you for drinking free booze." I remind her and she gives me a look. "On shift."

"Oi!" She cries, attracting the attention of a few people and I hiss at her to quieten. "You told me to have a drink!"

Yes, _a_ drink." I emphasise. "One. Not the whole flamin' wine bar."

"Oh I've had two glasses..." She trails off, thinking for a moment. "Or four... Three..."

"You summoned me?" Kate taps me on the back and I spin around, hugging her gratefully.

"Hi." I smile. "I'm so sorry about this."

"What if he's in trouble?" Michelle worries, swaying her glass from side to side.

"Who?" Kate frowns, taking her coat off and heading behind the bar.

"Robert." I tell her, before diverting my attention back to Michelle. "And he won't have, worst case scenario; he's having an affair." I joke, but she immediately looks panicked. "I'm joking! You'll get home tonight and he'll have made you dinner to apologise for getting held up somewhere."

"Can I get you a drink of water?" Kate offers.

"I think that's a good idea." I nod, watching as she hands one to Michelle, who eyes it up and down distastefully.

"Uh, Carla?" I hear Sarah's voice and turn my head to look at her. "Do you know where Nick is?"

"No clue." I reply. "I thought you might have an idea."

"I was going to ask a favour..." She trails off. "You don't have to say yes."

"Well I need to know what the favour is first." I point out, a queasy feeling in my tummy, this could never be good.

"I was going to see if the pair of you could babysit Harry tomorrow night?" She asks. "Gary's got us tickets for this gig and I've just realised mum is out with gran as well. We'd ask Anna but with everything that's happened today..."

"Can't you ask David?" I remind her, the idea not appealing to me.

"Well we're not on great terms at the moment." She answers honestly. "I mean, if you don't want to do it I'll get Bethany to, but she's been through quite a bit recently and I didn't know whether you'd be interested? You seem really good with him, I didn't know if you'd like to spend some more time together. But if not-"

"No." I stop her, quickly contemplating the idea. "No, that would be nice."

"Really?" She looks surprised, and I nod before I can change my mind.

"Yeah, I mean, can't be that hard can it?" I respond, knowing it would be useful to get some practice in.

"Ah that's brilliant." She beams, producing a piece of paper from her pocket.. "Well here you go; if you get to ours at five, his bedtime is at seven. Spare nappies and wipes are all in his box that I'll leave out for you, make sure you apply cream if he soils because he can get sore. Oh, and if you cut some banana up he really likes that at the moment, just be careful with acidic fruits like oranges because they tend to give him a rash, it's harmless but I'm sure you could do without it. I'll leave a note of what you can do if that happens though, and he likes to have three teddies at bed time, I'll make sure they're ready in his cot, just check he doesn't suck on the ear of the blue one because it's a bit of a choking hazard... Ah and keep note that now he's walking around a lot, he can fall and bang his head, so just steer clear of the coffee table or that unit that the television is on because he bumped his head on that once and the bump was raised for weeks, I was debating taking him to the doctors."

"...Right." I swallow, completely frazzled by what had just been thrown at me, taking the sheet from her reluctantly. "So not much to remember then?"

"Well that's just the basics, I'll leave you a notepad with anything else you need to know in." She tells me, matter-of-factly and I already feel stressed out thinking about it. "Thank you so much for doing this though, he's gonna love having you two babysit."

"Brilliant." I grimace, forcing a smile as she practically skips off, back over to Gary.

"You're gonna babysit?" Michelle slurs, overhearing the conversation. "You? Babysitting?"

"I can babysit!" I retort, hearing the door swing open behind me. "It'll be easy, you know; changing nappies... Yay."

"Who's changing nappies?" I hear Nick's voice and spin around.

"Oh, hello." I suddenly blurt out, putting the notes down on the bar top, and he lowers his head to read it. "Uh... Sarah's asked if we'd babysit Harry tomorrow night."

"What?" He practically splutters, amused and I glare at him. "And you agreed?"

"And she's really excited!" Michelle exclaims sarcastically, sloshing her water around and Nick studies her for a second.

"Are you drunk?" He accuses.

"Ah, yeah, where have you been?" I ask, putting a hand on his arm. "I've had to call in Kate to cover."

"She said you'd pay me double." Kate announces, before carrying a tray off to a table.

"Yeah, we were kind of desperate." I tell him. "Sorry."

"Ugh..." He groans, meeting my gaze tiredly. "No it's not your fault, sorry, I got held up at mum's, her boiler had broken."

"Oh, did you get it working again?" I try to distract him from being annoyed at Michelle.

"Yeah it's all sorted." He nods. "See, I'm a man of many talents."

"I know that." I lower my voice, seductively and he smirks slightly for a second, before turning back to Michelle.

"So, what's your excuse?" He walks around me, taking her wine glass and moving it to the other end of the bar.

"She doesn't know where Robert is." I inform him and he rolls his eyes.

"Michelle, go home." He offers, his voice softer than I expected and I notice the door open, watching as Robert walks in.

"She might not need to." I point out and both Nick and Michelle look in the same direction I was, to see Robert's guilty expression staring back at us.

"Where do you think you've been?" Nick approaches him, annoyed. "Look it doesn't matter, just take her home."

"I've been trying to call you!" Michelle raises her voice and I take note of the sea of faces that stare over at us.

"Chelle, not here babe." I whisper, guiding her over to Robert. "Go home, yeah?" She acknowledges the surroundings, nodding in agreement and I move my gaze to look at Robert. "Good luck."

"Thanks." He mutters, taking Michelle from me and holding her up as he practically carries her out of the Bistro. I watch them go, turning back to Nick.

"Honestly I leave for thirty minutes and it's chaos." Nick sighs exasperatedly.

"Just shows." I point out, weariness wavering in my tone. "This place would fall apart without you."

"You sound tired." He wraps his arms around me, picking up on it. "Why don't you go and get your head down?"

"I slept in this morning, I don't know why I'm so shattered." I yawn, resting my head in his chest.

"Hmm I might have a few ideas." He reminds me and I look up at him, as he places a kiss on my forehead. "Go on, I won't be long now."

"Are you sure?" I check, picking up my bag and jacket.

"Of course." He nods lovingly. "See you in a bit."

"I love you." I tell him, kissing him on the cheek before heading over to the door and hearing him returning the words back to me as I leave.

 **Nick**

"It's a good job you called Kate." I announce, as I open the front door, before noticing Carla isn't in the living room. I frown, scanning the kitchen before heading upstairs and into the bedroom. I immediately stop, relaxing when I see her lying, flat out in bed, hair falling across her face. She has one of my t-shirts on to cover herself up, and has wrapped the duvet around herself, a hand resting on her tummy. I quietly sit down on the edge of the bed, smiling down at her and gently moving the hair out of her face, wrapping it behind her ear. I can hear her soft breathing, eyelashes resting on top of one another. I lean down, planting a kiss on the side of her head, breathing in the scent of her hair and placing a hand on top of hers. Knowing that my baby was growing inside of her and realising that I would never stop feeling grateful for finding her again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

 **Nick**

"I didn't want to wake you!" I argue, nudging her as we walk along the cobbles towards Roy's Rolls. "You looked sweet."

"Ew, no I did not." She scrunches her nose up, batting me over the head with her hand. "You know, I don't even remember falling asleep..."

"You must have been tired." I comment, holding the door open for her and she walks past me.

"Roy, hi." She greets him, leaning on the counter and Roy immediately looks up, a surprised but pleased expression on his face. "Sorry I haven't managed to catch you in a while."

"I made the assumption you had a lot on your mind." Roy replies, as I wrap my arm around Carla's waist. "Not to worry."

"How are things going here?" She makes conversation. "Any news?"

"Nothing of great importance." He tells us. "And the factory?"

"Oh yeah that's busy as ever." Carla replies, looking back at me.

"What do you want, gorgeous?" I ask, indicating to the menu and she scans the counter, weighing up her options.

"Uh... Roy what's that." She points through the glass.

"That would be a cheese and tomato croissant." Roy informs her and she hesitates, pulling a face and taking the menu from me.

"Yeah I'll have a full English." She shrugs, handing the menu back to me. "And an orange juice and a coffee... Oh..." She pauses, her shoulders dropping at the thought. "Actually scrap that just an orange juice."

"That's why you can't stay awake." I chuckle, patting her bum softly as she goes to sit down at a table.

"Is she alright?" Roy asks me, concerned.

"Yeah, just in one of those moods." I cover up. "So that's two full English's, two orange juices and a blueberry muffin, please Roy."

"I'll bring them over." He nods, curtly. "Here's your muffin." He hands it to me on a plate and I place the menu back, going to sit down opposite Carla, who was checking her phone.

"Here you go." I put the plate down in front of her and she looks up at me, before lowering her phone. "Saw you looking over at it."

"Nick, I'm gonna be the size of a house!" She exclaims and then winces as she backtracks. "Oh wait, I actually am... Ugh..."

"Hey, smile." I poke her hand playfully and she begins to pick at her muffin. "Busy day ahead?"

"Aidan's out at a conference overnight, I've got to put up with Johnny all day long." She groans, pointing at her phone. "That was Aidan, he's on his way to Bristol now."

"How come you didn't go?" I ask, watching her decapitate the muffin in front of her and I can't help but smile.

"Because three hours in a taxi didn't appeal to me." She pulls a face at the thought. "Just to sit and have clients stare at my chest the whole time? No thank you. At least with Aidan, they get straight to the point."

"Probably doesn't sweeten the deal quite the same though." I point out and her eyes dart up to look at me, a slight dirty smile on her cheeks. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Full English." Roy approaches us, putting our plates down and Carla pushes the muffin away, eyeing it up excitedly. "And two orange juices."

"Thanks Roy." I return, as Carla digs in to her breakfast, pushing the black pudding away with a distasteful look.

"So, how are you going to punish Michelle then?" She questions me. "Surely you must have something in mind?"

"She your best friend!" I remind her. "And you want her to have payback?"

"No, but she hasn't responded to any of my texts all night." She shrugs.. "...I hope she's ok, actually."

"She'll be fine." I assure her, taking the black pudding off her plate and slipping it onto mine, which she doesn't object to. "They'll have had a row and kissed and made up. It's Robert I'm more annoyed with; leaving us in the lurch."

"Leaving your pregnant wife to do hard labour." She points out, whilst scoffing her face and I shush her, scanning the café to check nobody heard. "Your face." She smirks at me. "I could admit to a murder and nobody would even pick up on it."

"Uh, you were the one who said you wanted to wait." I point out. "Not that I want to go shouting it from the rooftops either."

"You gonna eat your sausage?" She interrupts me and I shake my head, exasperatedly.

"Well I was, but your needs come first." I offer, sarcastically and she stabs it with her fork, putting it on to her plate, along with a rasher of bacon. "Oh well next time I won't order anything."

"What would I do without you, ey?" She asks, sweetly and I narrow my eyes, not caring in the slightest whether I ate or not.

 **Carla**

"I need to run through the Dolman's order with you actually." I remember, pointing at Johnny as it crosses my mind. "And Sally."

"Oh don't call Sally in." Johnny winces, as I stand up, opening the door.

"Sal? A word?" I call and I see her face immediately light up, making everybody aware of her apparent importance.

"Yes Mrs Tilsley?" She greets me, welcoming herself into the office and sitting down in Aidan's empty chair.

"The Dolman's order, Johnny is the contract drawn up?" I scan my to-do list on the computer in front of me.

"Uh, yeah it's right here." He produces it from the drawer and I take it from him, reading it over.

"Right ok." I scribble some notes on a piece of paper before handing it to Sally, pulling up the tab with the order on and printing several copies.

"Sal can you get the girls on this one as soon as the McKnees order is finished?" I check, as she files the notes away on her clipboard.

"Of course." She agrees, obediently.

"McKnees should nearly be done, correct?" I inquire, inputting some data into the spreadsheet as I say it. "It needs to go out at two today."

"Yes there's only a few more to do." She tells me and I narrow my eyes at her.

"How many more? Because that order needs to go out on time." I demand, finding a post it note that has fallen off the computer and groaning, handing it to Johnny. "Can you call them and confirm that meeting for Wednesday?"

"Wouldn't they rather you do it?" Johnny suggests. "They always ask for you when I phone them up."

"Yes well you need to step up to the plate then, don't you?" I point out, noticing Sally peering over his shoulder. "Sal, the order?"

"Oh yes, it will be out on time Mrs Tilsley." She answers. "Rest assured."

"Good make sure Kirk's on the ball then." I tell her, picking up the phone. "Don't let me down."

"I won't." She beams and I hesitate for a moment, wondering if she is going to take the hint and go of her own accord.

"You can go then, Sal." I prompt her and she stands up. "Oh and take those designs from the printers, I want them started by this afternoon."

"You don't ask for much." Johnny drones, still reading the information on the post it note.

"Yes well, I didn't build this place up by sitting around all day." I subtly dig at him. "Call them."

"Oh alright..." He moans and my phone suddenly beeps. I check it, seeing a text from Michelle; _'need to talk to you, Rovers in 10?'_. "Hello is that Paul Dockerson? Yes it's Johnny Connor here from Underworld... Yes, Carla is here." He stupidly tells them, before muting the line and looking at me. "He wants to talk to you."

"What's new?" I roll my eyes, sighing before taking the phone from him. "Hiya Mr Dockerson, it's Carla Tilsley here." I glance at Johnny's interested expression. "Yes Wednesday at three o'clock that's right, so that's all confirmed then? Excellent, I look forward to seeing you as always. Bye bye now." I put the phone down, raising my eyebrows at him. "See, not that hard, is it?"

"You always sound so natural on the phone." He argues. "And flirtatious, I can't do that."

"Years of practice, Johnny. You'll get used to it." I tell him, before slipping my bag over my shoulder and standing up. "I'm taking an early lunch, you'll work through that paperwork won't you?"

"But..." He begins and I wave, briefly before leaving and heading out of the factory towards the Rovers.

"Hey, drinking at lunch time?" I greet Michelle, seeing her sat in the first booth, red wine in hand. "Thought you'd be hungover from yesterday?"

"Yes well after years of practice you begin to get used to it." She mutters, staring off into space and I take the liberty of sitting down opposite her.

"Sounds like me talking, that does." I tell her, realising how much I had rubbed off on her over the years. "So come on, what's he done? I'm assuming that's why I'm here."

"Can I get you a drink Carla?" Sarah offers, approaching the table.

"Ooh table service." I admire, impressed. "That's something you don't usually get in here, just a sparkling water please."

"Ok." She nods. "Oh and are you still alright to babysit tonight?"

"Ah, thought there might be a catch." I tease her. "Yes don't worry, we will be around at five."

"Brilliant." She beams, walking off and I turn back to Michelle.

"You're glowing." Michelle observes, annoyance in her voice as she drums her fingers on the base of her glass.

"And you're not." I retort, studying her worriedly for a moment. "Michelle what _is_ the matter?"

"It's Robert." She sighs as if I hadn't already guessed.

"Right... So where was he yesterday?" I prompt, feeling like I was struggling to get blood out of a stone. "Boozing? Gambling? Ooh sounds like my CV..."

"He was buying an engagement ring." She finally announces and I pause, wondering if I'd absorbed the words correctly.

"Oh." I reply, bluntly. "Well... You don't look as pleased as you should be."

"And then he proposed." She groans. "Last night, made me a nice meal and everything, ready for when I got back."

"And yet you still have a face like a wet weekend?" I persist and she finally meets my gaze. "I take it you said no then, because you don't exactly seem to be picking bridesmaids outfits out."

"I said yes." She tells me. "But that's exactly the thing... I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, I was drunk. I was just glad he hadn't ended up in somebody else's bed or in a gutter somewhere... I just, I don't know."

"Well, Michelle you could do a lot worse than Robert." I admit and she raises her eyebrows. "Yeah and that's coming from me... But I mean, he makes you happy doesn't he? He's stable, good business, decent looking. There's nothing to complain about."

"Yes but does that mean I have to marry him?" Michelle sighs. "I mean, he might be stable but is he too stable? I just... Don't want to get bored."

"Well, no of course it doesn't, and you shouldn't marry him if you don't think it's right." I say as Sarah puts my drink down, walking off. "And that's coming from the woman who's been engaged to murderers, alcoholics and rapists..." I trail off and she reaches out her hand to squeeze mine. "That's the thing, you see, I kept going for the bad guys because I thought they were exciting. And yeah, I had my doubts when me and Nick got engaged, you know that, but look how happy I am now? Ey?"

"So you think I should go ahead with it?" She mumbles.

" _No_ , I think you should do whatever you want to do." I correct her. "I'm not the one who's got to spend the rest of my life with him, luckily."

"But he doesn't make me laugh..." She contemplates. "Well he does but, it's a different kind, a more serious kind."

"Unlike Steve you mean?" The words slip out of my mouth and I can tell it's exactly what she's thinking.

"I don't..." She pauses, before exhaling, pushing her glass back. "Well they're two completely different people, aren't they? You can't really get much more polar opposite."

"Well we both know Chelle, you haven't really got a type." I point out. "Dean, Steve, Ciaran, Robert. They don't bear many similarities."

"Dean was a bad boy." She recalls. "Ciaran and Robert aren't that different I suppose."

"And you agreed to marry him." I remind her. "Look, Chelle why don't you sleep on it with a sober mindset? Hey, then just see how it goes?"

"I do love him." She confesses, meeting my gaze. "I guess it's all just fast... Unexpected."

"Babe, you just do whatever you feel is right, ok?" I squeeze her hand. "Put yourself first for once, you deserve it."

 **Nick**

"Kate, can you check on the order for table three please?" I demand, looking over at them stressfully, as I open the till. "Daniel I asked you to clean up table nine."

"I was on my break!" He objects.

"Yes well now you're not." I point out. "So can you go and clean it please?"

"Nick, are you alright?" Robert's voice sounds behind me and I turn to see he has left the kitchen.

"Well I would be if you were in there." I snap. "There's no surprise there's a delay on food if you're just wandering around."

"Flipping heck, I was only checking you were ok." He huffs. "No need to be so rude about it."

"I'm not being rude, I'm just up to here with tasks." I indicate, seeing his put-out reaction. "Maybe it wouldn't be so difficult if you had turned up for your shift yesterday.."

"Yes well, I had things to do." He responds, which angers me slightly.

"Haven't we all?" I raise my eyebrows, trying to conceal the irritation in my tone. "So come on then, what was so important that you couldn't turn up for work?"

"I was buying an engagement ring." He tells me and I instantly wish I hadn't even asked the question, because the answer was even more dumb than I anticipated. I'd have actually preferred for him to say he was down the pub, drowning his sorrows over a row with Michelle.

"Buying an engagement ring?" I repeat, exasperatedly. "You needed time off work to 'buy an engagement ring'? Why couldn't you do that on your day off?"

"Oh and she said yes by the way!" Robert retorts, annoyance expressed in his uptight body language. "Thanks for your congratulations, don't worry, I'll wait to crack open the champagne."

"Ugh..." I groan, refraining from arguing back, knowing it would just end up worse than it already was. "Just get back in the kitchen."

"I do own a share in this place, you know?" He raises his voice. "Maybe you should remember that next time you try to order me around." He slams the kitchen door behind him and I dip my head on the counter, closing my eyes momentarily and seeing nothing but black. It felt soothing, if I could try to drown out the noise, just darkness, quietness.

"Penny for 'em." I hear a familiar voice which is music to my ears and immediately raise my head, seeing Carla propped up on the stool opposite, straw in her mouth as usual.

"Huh?" I frown, still slightly zoned out and she looks confused at my reaction.

"Your thoughts..." She prompts me, taking the straw out of her mouth and waving it around as if it was a magic wand. "Oh dear... Why do I get the feeling grumpy chops is back in the building?"

"Everyone's just getting on my nerves." I admit, rearranging the straws automatically as an effect of my mild OCD and she watches me do so, a pained expression on her face. She hated it when I did that; lined all the tins up in the cupboard neatly, folded my shirts so they all matched symmetrically. But not once did she make a point of saying so, she accepted it, just like everything else.

"Charmin'." She replies with a sarcastic tone to her voice and I stop what I am doing, staring at her.

"Not you." I assure her, unable to look away for a few seconds because her eyes were so beautiful; the way they were sparkling in the light. "Daniel, Robert. Your sister is the only one pulling her weight around here today."

"I take it Robert's told you his side of the story." Carla guesses, twiddling the straw between her fingers. "You got any olives?"

"You don't like olives." I remind her, as if she didn't know that already.

"Yes well I fancy some now." She replies, sharply but in a jokey manner. I hesitate, stopping the slight smile that threatens to crawl across my face before picking up a bowl from under the bar and piling some olives into it. "Thank you."

"And to answer your earlier question, yes, the news did come up.." I tell her. "I take it you've spoken to Michelle."

"Mm..." She nods, prodding the olives with a cocktail stick and I debate whether she even planned to eat them in the first place or just play around with them, like her muffin at breakfast. Either way, I leave her to it because I didn't want to start a pointless argument, despite the fact it was bugging me. "Between you and me, I think she's already got cold feet."

"Well Robert seemed very up for it." I lower my voice. "Asked me to crack open the champagne and all, the cheek of it."

"Yeah I reckon she'll come around." She shrugs. "Just all very fast, isn't it?"

"Well our engagement wasn't exactly slow moving, was it?" I point out and she bites her lip, smiling at the thought. "Then again, that was down to you."

"Yes but we _knew_ we were made for each other." She prods my hand playfully and I quietly observe her stir the olives around the bowl, trying not to wince.

"Are you even going to eat those?" I finally ask, unable to contain it any longer.

"I don't know, maybe." She grins, but it fades slightly when she looks at me. "Oi, stressy, just calm it, ok?"

"Alright Carla, I'm not that bad!" I retort, loudly, hating myself for raising my voice when I'd tried so hard not to. She sighs once I've finished, pushing the bowl away and taking a five pound note out of her purse, slapping it down on the counter.

"Here, no money wasted, hey?" She says, bitterly, but trying not to lose her temper. "I'm sorry that I asked for them in the first place."

"Oh don't be so stupid." I return, not meaning for it to come out as sour as it sounded and she pauses, standing up and watching me for a moment. "Look, sit down."

"I need to get back." She blatantly lies. "I'll see you later."

"Carla..." I sigh and she leans across the counter to kiss me roughly on the cheek before turning and leaving without looking back. I hear the door swing closed and debate going after her, but I knew if I did it would probably do more harm than good. So instead I lean my head back on my folded arms and close my eyes again.

"And you say I'm doing nothing?" Robert snipes and I have to bite my tongue when I raise my head to stop myself from losing it with him.

"Look, your job is to cook the food." I try to calmly reason with him. "So get back in the kitchen."

"Maybe so, but my job is also to run this place." He argues, irritating me further. "Unlike you're doing now."

"You've got a twenty percent share, Robert." I snap at him. "It hardly makes you Alan Sugar, does it?"

"You really need to work on your people skills." He raises his voice. "Hey, there's that training course I could book you on. Are you free on Thursday?"

"You'll be free everyday in a minute if you don't get out of my sight." I retort, loudly, feeling anger beginning to pulsate through my body.

"What is the matter with you?" He continues, in that patronising tone that makes me want to wipe the cocky look off his face; the one which makes him seem like he has the upper hand. I clench my fist, trying to stop the urge to punch him.

"Oh just shut up!" I shout, causing a few tables to turn and stare at us. I take the deepest sigh, exhaling sharply, closing my eyes to relieve all the tension that has built up and finally releasing my fist.. I storm past him, heading into the kitchen and out of the back door. It slams shut behind me and I feel a release as it does so, feeling the cold air hit my face, cooling and calming me down. I take some deep breaths, leaning against the bin, eyes squeezed shut, fighting to regain sanity.

 **Carla**

Every click of the keyboard seemed so natural, effortless, I guess I'd become immune to the rapid tap of hard work. I sign the email, reading over it briefly before pressing send and leaning back in my chair. I stare out at the empty shop floor; no whirring of machines, no constant chatter from the staff, just silence. I place a hand lightly on my tummy, my fingers grazing over the soft chiffon of my top, drawing circles and patterns over the exterior of where my baby was beginning to form.

My baby. Wow, that felt strange.

After Lauren I'd have had no idea I'd be having another baby, especially not with Nick and especially not this fast. The whole idea had seemed insane to me, alienated, as if that was the end and I'd never get another chance. I never ever thought I could love anyone as much as I loved that baby, but I guess love could be split, equally, but no less, when you have more than one person to love. I suppose that was something I wasn't used to; feeling love, feeling loved.

"Still working?" Michelle's voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I immediately remove my hand from my tummy, sitting up in my chair nonchalantly.

"Yeah well, I thought may as well get some of this done." I point to the small pile of paperwork in front of me, blowing my cover. "It's only half five."

"Anyway, I just came to tell you that I've made my decision." She tells me and I wait for her to finish the sentence.

"Well?" I prompt her. "Come on Chelle, this isn't the X Factor."

"I'm gonna marry him." She decides and I nod, painting a smile on my face for her sake. "I mean he's a brilliant bloke, like you say, stable doesn't have to be boring, does it? And he really thinks the world of me, I can't ask for more than that, yeah?"

"Hey, don't look at me for justification, lady." I hold my hands up. "No but I'm dead chuffed for you."

"Thanks." She beams. "So uh, we're having a bit of a do tomorrow, at our flat, just a low key sort of engagement party. If you and Nick wanted to come?"

"Yeah sounds good." I respond. "That is if Nick is out of the bad mood he's been in all day."

"Oh... About that..." She trails off and I look up at her, immediately interested in her change of heart. "I spoke to Robert earlier, he said that Nick's been really on edge this afternoon. Apparently he really lost his tempter at him in front of the customers."

"Oh no." I sigh, letting my head fall into my hands. "I shouldn't have left him at lunchtime, I knew he was in a state... He just kept snapping at me, I wanted to remove myself from the situation."

"That's unlike him." She frowns, concerned.

"Ah he didn't mean it maliciously." I assure her. "He never does, it's just his injury... Really messes with him some days, you know?"

"Can't have it easy you, can you?" Michelle sounds sympathetic, despite the fact her comment unnerves me slightly.

"Well, nobody's perfect, are they?" I point out, softening at the thought. "Nick's perfect for me though, despite all his flaws, I take it in my stride because I love him so much and they make him the man he is. I wouldn't change any of it, any of him for the world."

"Good." Michelle smiles, looking on at me happily, before checking the clock and hesitating. "Hey, what time were you supposed to be babysitting?"

* * *

"I am so, so sorry." I announce as I enter the Platt's house, noticing that Gail was sat on the sofa with Harry on her lap. "Honestly I've been snowed under today, you haven't missed your gig, have you?"

"No, don't worry." Sarah assures me, painting lipstick onto her lips in the mirror. "But, no harm done anyway. Gran's ill so mum said she'd look after Harry, if you're busy?"

"Ah..." I hesitate, my gaze darting from Sarah to Harry as I contemplate the idea. "Actually I do need to talk to Nick..."

"Of course you do." Gail mutters under her breath and I decide to avoid her comment.

"He's uh... He's been in a bit of a funny mood today." I explain. "I mean, if you still need us we can talk whilst we're here but-"

"No you get off." Sarah tells me, as there is a knock on the door and Gary enters. "Honestly, don't worry about it."

"I will make it up to you." I promise her. "Maybe we can have him next week one evening? We'll have Bethany too, maybe take them out for a meal."

"Ah, yeah that'd be nice." Sarah smiles and I realise I am warming to her slowly. She reminded me a bit of myself, back in the day, except perhaps a bit more ditsy and maternal.

"Uh, Carla?" Gail raises her voice as I go to leave and I try to refrain from groaning at the sound of her beckoning call. "It's nothing to worry about, is it? With Nick, I mean?"

"No, everything's fine." I tell her, not knowing if it was the truth or not. "I'll see you all soon."

"See you." Sarah waves as I exit the house, sighing as I head towards our place. I actually found myself feeling a bit gutted; I couldn't lie, I'd thought about me and Nick laughing as we attempted to change a nappy, him gazing at me as I badly sang Harry a lullaby. But I suppose we would have years of this stuff... Fingers crossed, anyway.

"You forgot about babysitting then?" I enter the flat to see Nick sitting by the fire, a glass of wine in his hand and he turns to look at me, realisation in his face.

"Oh God... Sorry." He gets up and I stand in his way, indicating for him to sit back down again.

"It's ok, Sarah's sorted it, she doesn't need us after all." I explain and he relaxes, sitting back down. "I won't lie, I almost forgot as well."

"Oh well, night to ourselves then." He shrugs, turning the television down and seeming in a better mood now that he was home from work. I study him for a few moments, before lowering my bag and taking my coat off.

"The no drinking thing went out of the door I see." I point to his glass, sitting down on the sofa next to the stool he was sat on.

"Oh... Sorry." He stammers again, putting it down on the coffee table. "That slipped my mind as well."

"Nick darling, just relax." I soothe, my tone calm and he sighs, looking at me. "You enjoy your glass of wine, honestly." I pick it up, placing it back in his hand. "Then maybe we can talk about what happened earlier."

"Yeah I'm really sorry about that." He apologises, sincerity in his voice. "I didn't mean to snap at you, I just had a rough morning that's all."

"Hmm yeah well that's the last time I play with my food.." I assure him, a slight smile on my face, reaching over to run my fingers through his hair. "If it winds you up that much."

"It doesn't." He tries to backtrack. "I actually really like it when you do that, it's alluring."

"Alluring? Ooh." I look at him, impressed. "That's a new word."

"I'm not stupid." He responds, shortly and I pause, watching as he retracts, closing his eyes, as if trying to clear his head.

"You know, I never said you were." I point out, deciding to dig a little deeper. "So that's all it was, was it? Just your little moment with me and the olives?"

"Yes, that's all it was." He tells me, as if he almost believes it himself and I internally sink. He was lying to me about his mental state again, either out of embarrassment or protection and I bite my lip as he takes a sip from his glass, eyes fixated on the television.

"So how come Chelle told me you lost it with Robert?" I dare to ask and I see him freeze up at my words, pausing before clicking the television off.

"Carla-" He tries to defend himself.

"Don't try to protect me again, Nick." I warn him, softly. "I might be pregnant but it doesn't mean I'm any less capable of knowing the truth than I was before."

"I..." He trails off, putting his glass back down and finally meeting my gaze. He looks so innocent, so fragile and it makes me just want to wrap him in a hug and hold him, make all the difficulty and unneeded stress disappear. "He just kept going on at me all day. I asked him to stay in the kitchen, I kept calm for a while, I really did. But everything he said wound me up even more and he just seemed so patronising..."

"So, what?" I prompt him.

"So I just snapped." He admits, sounding ashamed. "Yeah I shouted at him, and I wanted to hit him as well, but I didn't. I stopped myself."

"Ok." I nod, understandingly, trying to weigh up how to resolve the situation, before noticing the broken look in his expression, and I kneel down beside him. "Hey, it's ok." I reassure him, tracing a finger over his face, outlining all the features, all the cracks that made him so perfect.

"I hate myself for it." He practically whispers, looking down at the floor. "But I can't stop it, you know? I'll never be able to stop it."

"...You said you wanted to hit him?" I recall, being careful with how I manage the question. "Do you reckon you could have?"

"I..." He hesitates, meeting my gaze. I knew what he was doing; he'd done it before. He didn't want to admit it in case it scared me off. "I don't know... I had an escape, I knew I needed to leave and just... Get some air."

"Well that's good." I speak softly, my eyes searching his face, my hand moving up to gently massage his scalp. "That's a step in the right direction."

"Why are you with me?" He breathes, and the question doesn't scare me because I had a feeling it would be coming.

"For the same reason you tell me, when I ask you that." I respond. "Because I love you. I love you like I've never loved anybody else."

"I'm a liability." He shudders, his tone wavering and I know he is close to tears.

"So am I." I remind him. "What a pair, ey?"

"I... I just... I..." He tries to stutter, but I already know what he means. "I just don't want to-"

"You won't." I cut him off. "Nick you're a good man, ok? How many times have you told me you're going to stop me from getting hurt? Hmm?" I remind him, tapping my tummy lightly. "And this little one."

"I never want to hurt you." He whispers. "I can't... I..."

"Nick, look at my past relationships." I tell him, my voice a bit more insistent. "Yeah, and now look at you. See the difference? Because I do. You need to stop worrying. Dr Farmer says that's the worst thing you can do; avoid stress at all costs, remember?"

"I'm sorry." He whispers, his face cracking as a tear rolls down his cheek, and I softly graze my thumb over it to wipe it away. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Hey..." I murmur, placing a kiss on his forehead. "I love you. Ok? Just remember that, whenever you feel on edge or stressed out. I'm a phone call away... Or literally ten metres if you're at work and I'm at the factory." I remind him, shifting so that I'm sat cross legged, and he moves down onto the floor, next to me, placing his head in my chest and I plant another kiss into his hair. "Come here, it's ok. Shh..."

 **Nick**

"She's gonna win it, I bet you now." Carla points to the television.

"You don't even watch this show." I remind her, trying to keep my voice soft as I play with her hair, wrapping her chestnut locks around my finger and then releasing them.

"Maybe not." She shrugs. "But I've spent enough time with Roy to know what a good lemon drizzle looks like and that's one of them."

"...I'm really sorry, you know?" I whisper, immediately regretting saying it as soon as the words escape my mouth.

"I know." She shifts her body so she's lying against my chest, her chin resting on my collarbone as she looks into my eyes. "You've said that three times in the past ten minutes."

"I mean it though." I tell her.

"I know you do darling." She sighs, pressing her thumb into the dimple on my chin. "You've done nothing wrong though.. Hey, you're confessing to a crime you didn't commit."

"Yes but I was unnecessarily offhand with you and you didn't deserve it." I recite and she frowns, a waver of laughter emitting her lips.

"You're beginning to sound like Roy." She teases me. "Look, I've taken things out on you more than too many times, ok? And as for Robert, I never stop shouting at my workforce; they get over it, he will too."

"Suppose." I mutter, watching my fingers dance around her scalp.

"Actually, that reminds me." She ponders and I automatically feel like I won't like the end of this sentence. "Michelle and Robert are having an engagement party tomorrow, at their flat. Perfect opportunity to kiss and make up, yes?"

"Ugh..." I groan at the thought and she returns my moan..

"Oh please." She whines, like a stroppy teenager. "I want to go out and have some fun, with you, with Michelle... Because come nine months, that's all going to go out of the window."

"...Oh alright." I give in, smiling at her victorious expression. "You can take the afternoon off work tomorrow though and go shopping for a gift. It's the least I can do for them after today."

"Is that an order, Tilsley?" She looks surprised at my assertiveness. "Well I suppose Aidan will be back tomorrow afternoon..."

"Good that's all sorted then." I lightly tap her nose and she bites her lip, a cheeky expression on her face.

"I like it when you're all dominant and masculine." She whispers, seductively and I feel a wave of arousal overcome me, staring back into her eyes.

"Yeah?" I ask, my voice smooth and she nods, not removing her eyes from mine until I pull her head in to kiss her, gliding my tongue against hers lustfully. I pull her on top of me gently, my hands grasping her hair tighter and she clicks the light off, allowing us to slip into passionate darkness.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:**

 ** _A/N: I wanted to work on Carla and Kate's relationship a bit in this chapter as well, so hope you enjoy._**

 **Nick**

My eyes flutter open before the alarm sounds and I tilt my head to look at the alarm clock by our bed. 7:23, we still had seven minutes until it was time to face the day. I shift my body to realise Carla is still fast asleep, the gentle rise and fall of her breath, soft against the pillow. I move closer to her, wrapping my arm around her frame so that my fingers coincidentally rested on her tummy. She smelt so familiar, so comforting, a mix of posh shower gel and homeliness, which I craved for when I wasn't with her. I suddenly feel her fingers tighten slightly around mine and a quiet mumble escapes her lips.

"What time is it?" She murmurs, so quietly I could barely hear her.

"Nearly half seven." I feel a pound of regret telling her, and I can tell it's not the news she wants to hear.

"Mm..." She groans in the usual croaky, adorable tone she always carried for about ten minutes prior to waking up in the mornings. One which made me feel like I fell in love with her even more, even though I knew that wasn't possible. "Can't we stay here forever?"

"You say the word." I smile into her hair and she hesitates for a second, as if debating calling the factory to say she wasn't going in.

"Mm... Don't want the novelty to wear off." She mumbles, a small smile creeping over her lips.

"Oh charming." I laugh, kissing her hair again and her smile suddenly fades, an unpleasant expression passing over her face. "What? Are you ok?"

"Oh no..." She suddenly groans, regretfully pulling the bed sheets back and jumping out of bed, grabbing her dressing gown on the way out. I immediately knew where she's gone and I can't help but feel relieved for a few seconds. On the bright side, it makes it easier for me to get out of bed and I exit through the open bedroom door, passing by the bathroom momentarily.

"You ok?" I ask, just to check she was alright and I expect a sarcy response.

"Mm..." She moans quietly from inside and I chuckle to myself, heading over to the toaster and popping two slices into it. I click the kettle on and it's not long before I hear the bathroom door creak and I turn to see her leaning against the door frame.

"And so it begins?" I question and she stares at me with a sulky expression. "Toast or cereal?"

"Oh give it a minute." She winces, wrapping her dressing gown around her further before walking towards me. I wrap my arms around her and she rests her head in my chest momentarily. "Least it wasn't at the factory, having all the workers questioning me about spending all morning in the toilets... Then again I probably just tempted fate."

"Just think how happy you make me." I remind her. "Every time it happens."

"Oh well I'm glad it amuses you." She retorts, slapping me lightly on the arm. "I want eggs."

"Eggs?" I sigh, checking the clock. "We're gonna be late."

"Well I want eggs!" She persists and I have to bite my lip to stop myself laughing at her stroppy reaction.

"Ok eggs it is." I give in, turning to take the frying pan out of the drawer and feeling her gaze on me as she pulls herself on to the stool.

"How are you feeling this morning?" She asks quietly and I try to keep myself busy, taking the eggs out of the fridge. "Nick?"

"Fine, yeah." I try to sound casual, cracking an egg into the saucepan.

"Look at me please." She raises her voice slightly.

"I thought you wanted me to make eggs." I remind her, trying to put off the conversation.

"Yes well this is more important." She demands. "Nick, can you look at me, please?"

"What?" I snap, turning around and seeing her staring back at me, concerned.

"Listen to me." She sighs, getting up and walking over. She balances her hands either side of my face, gently bowing my head so it was in line with hers. "If you feel like you're at breaking point, you get out ok? And then you call me, or come to the factory."

"I'm surprised you're letting me go to work." I tell her.

"Well there'd be no point in trying to stop you, would there?" She points out. "You can't keep away from that place, and you haven't forgotten we're going to Robert and Michelle's later?"

"I can't contain my excitement." I reply, sarcastically.

"You look after yourself." She orders, letting go of my face. "Unlike those eggs you're cooking."

"Oh!" I exclaim and she lets me go, as I try to salvage them, giving up and throwing them in the bin. "That's your fault... Go and get dressed and I'll make some fresh."

"Hey?" She calls to me, as she begins to walk off and I turn my head to look at her. "I love you."

"I love you too." I promise, waiting until she has gone into the bedroom to lower the frying pan, tightening and releasing my grip on the handle. I take a deep breath, taking another egg out of the box and cracking it into the pan, turning up the heat and watching it sizzle.

 **Carla**

"Hey, how did it go?" I stand up to greet Aidan when I see him walking towards the office door.

"Well four bottles of top quality free champagne and a king size bed for one." Aidan grins, putting his briefcase down on his desk. "But no it was brilliant, liaised with some really interesting clients so, with any luck they should be bringing business our way."

"Right so none of them ended up in your hotel room then?" I ask him and he shakes his head, hesitantly. "Because Windley's phoned; said one of their representatives, Cindy had left a silk scarf in your room, wondered if you'd seen it."

"Oh, Aidan." Johnny groans, disapprovingly.

"Yes... Well we're already in partnership with Windley's." He points out, trying to justify himself. "So it doesn't matter."

"Just as well they arranged a meeting for Friday then." I shrug, a displeased expression on my face. "So if prostituting yourself into getting us business is how you want to play it, knock yourself out."

"I wasn't prostituting myself!" He argues and I smirk slightly at his annoyance; he was very easy to wind up. "I've met Cindy before, a few times."

"Ah, taking it slow were we?" I tease. "Anyway, they've asked for you to attend the meeting on Friday and 'Cindy' is going along so I hope you left it on good terms."

"Ugh..." Aidan groans and I flash him a smile, sitting down at my desk.

"Oh and Aidan?" I stop him before he leaves and he turns, annoyed. "Don't forget to take her scarf."

"I wish I was still in Bristol." He huffs, exiting the office and I grin, noticing Johnny shaking his head at me with a smile on his face. I knew what he was thinking; sibling rivalry. He'd never dare say it though, none of us would.

"You going to this engagement party later?" He tries to make conversation as I chew on the pen that's in my mouth. I tended to chew on things that weren't edible; made me feel like I was eating but without the calories.

"Yeah, looking forward to it." I reply. "All quite short notice though."

"I didn't even realise they were engaged until this morning." Johnny tells me and I can't help thinking about Michelle; one second she's having doubts and the next she's planning a party for a few hours later.

"Mm, think it was all quite under wraps." I respond, pulling the pen out of my mouth and doodling on the notepad in front of me. "I don't think she was expecting it either."

"Decent bloke though; Robert." He ponders, before realising and looking at me. "I mean, not with everything he did to you."

"Yeah well I've began to realise; it wasn't really his fault was it? Any of it. More Tracy, digging her claws in as ever." I tell him. "We're all adults, aren't we, we can all be mature... Except maybe Tracy."

"And how's Nick?" Johnny questions and I hesitate, wishing I could just smile and nod and not have a tonne of questions come my way.

"He's... Alright." I say, obvious doubt in my tone. "He's just going through a bit of a rocky patch at the minute."

"What, with you?" Johnny worries.

"No, with his you know... Injury and things." I admit, lowering my tone in case there were any workers lurking about outside the office. "He's just a bit stressed."

"Stressed?" He frowns, and I immediately regret telling him anything in the first place, knowing I was in for a lecture. "Last time this happened you had the wedding coming up, there's nothing to stress about now, surely."

"Well we _have_ recently lost our daughter, Johnny." I respond, more bitterly than intended and he suddenly looks apologetic.

"I know, sorry." He nods, understandingly and we sit in an awkward silence for a moment. I knew that wasn't the full truth, but it was as close as I could get at the moment without announcing the pregnancy, despite the fact Johnny was very good at keeping secrets. I knew that from experience. "You've got a lot on your minds right now, I understand."

"No it... It's ok." I sigh, turning my head to stare out of the window. "I mean we're coping a lot better with it now than..." I trail off, narrowing my eyes. "What the..." I get up, opening the door to the office and Kirk immediately turns around, dressed up in a giant bee costume, whilst Beth is dressed up as a flower. "Kirk and Beth Sutherland, what the hell do you think you're playing at?"

"Oh Mrs Tilsley!" Beth exclaims. "We're just racking up some support, you know, for Kirky's campaign."

"What in working hours?" I snap, letting the door slam shut behind me and Aidan reappears at the sound of my voice. "This is a knicker factory, not a circus, take them off now! You can work over and all tonight to make up the time you've wasted."

"But Mrs Tilsley-" Beth begins, looking annoyed at my reaction.

"No Beth! I don't want to hear it." I shout.

"Carla!" Aidan pipes up, trying to reason with me and I furiously snap my head around to look at him. "It's their dinner break."

"What?" I retort, before looking at the clock. Brilliant, I'd lost track of time again. "Oh."

"God there's no need to be so aggressive." Beth simpers and I have to hold back from snapping again, feeling slightly embarrassed at my showdown.

"Well you can still go and do this elsewhere." I tell them, firmly. "If a client walks in now they'd walk straight back out again."

"Don't forget to vote!" I hear Kirk cheer after me as I storm back into the office, slumping down in my chair.

"...Are you alright?" Johnny stupidly asks me and my eyes flit up briefly from the paperwork I am staring at.

"Tickety-boo." I lie, in a sarcastic tone, continuing to doodle to pretend I was doing something.

"I'm sorry if me bringing up Nick was a bad idea." He apologises and I avoid his gaze, shaking my head

"It's fine, Johnny." I sigh. "You couldn't get me a brew, could you?"

"I thought you drank coffee?" He questions.

"Yes well I don't want coffee." I bluff, despite the fact I was craving it so badly. I was limiting myself to one cup a day, if that, because I didn't want to run any risks. It was slowly killing me; I felt tired all the time and I had to have my tea black because the thought of milk made me want to heave. "I asked for tea, no milk, no sugar."

"So just black?" He checks and I raise my head slightly in approval, before he leaves the office, staring back at me for what felt like forever.

 **Nick**

"No I didn't order the stuffed olives." I snap, down the phone. "I've told you before, it's the olives soaked in oil and herbs."

"The olives soaked in what oil?" The supplier drones down the phone, as if she really didn't care.

"Well I don't know; olive oil?" I retort, sarcastically and I look up to see Carla leaving the factory. "Look just make sure that order isn't messed up." I tell them, as she notices me. "Else we'll be getting our supplies from elsewhere.. Thank you."

"Well I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that phone call." Carla observes, as she comes closer to me. "Supply and demand hey, I'm usually the person on the other end."

"Yes well hopefully you're not as boring as they are." I slip my phone back into my pocket.

"Hopefully not." She agrees, tilting her head to the side slightly. "How's your morning been?"

"Alright." I nod, running my hand through her hair briefly. "Any more sickness?"

"Thankfully no." She replies, studying me for a moment. "I've been a bit stressed this morning actually..."

"Yeah?" I ask, softly, now worrying that she's worrying. "How come?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "Hormones maybe, or perhaps just Johnny going on and on down my ear all morning. Kind of gets to you after a while. Anyway, I had a go at Beth and Kirk for not working, only to then realise they were already on their dinner break."

"Did you apologise?" I raise my eyebrows, already knowing what the answer was.

"No." She sulks and I chuckle slightly. "I just shouted at them more... Was a bit embarrassed really."

"Well, I'll let you off." I smile. "You on your dinner?"

"No because somebody told me to take the afternoon off." She reminds me. "So I'm actually on my way to the precinct. I'm meeting Kate for dinner because she needs to get Chelle a gift too."

"Oh I see." I nod. "Well I'm late back to work, so, we can't all swan off and enjoy ourselves like you."

"Oi." She slaps my arm lightly, before kissing me. "Don't work too hard, I'll see you later."

"See you." I watch her go, managing to tear my eyes away when I hear Michelle's voice.

"Nick, are you planning on coming back to work?" She shouts, from the entrance of the Bistro and I head towards her. "Yeah sorry, had to make a call about the olives."

"Hm yeah and that involved your wife, did it?" She indicates to where Carla is heading up the street. "What did they say, anyway?"

"Oh they had no idea." I tell her as we hit the bustling atmosphere of my restaurant. "Asked me what oil they were in."

"We'll surely that's pretty self explanatory." Michelle frowns, heading behind the bar.

"Well you'd think." I reply. "Anyway I'm gonna start look for a new supplier this afternoon. They've messed up more than once now."

"And what are we going to do about all these stuffed ones that have been delivered?" She questions, studying the boxes behind the bar.

"Give them to Toyah and Peter." I joke. "Who, by the way are on my back about those scotch eggs."

"Well I did warn you." She replies, hesitating before opening her mouth again. "Have you and Robert settled your differences yet?"

"There are no differences to settle." I tell her, firmly and she continues to calculate something on the notepad in front of her. "Besides it's his day off, haven't had chance to talk to him have I?"

"You're still coming later though?" She prompts me.

"Yes don't worry." I assure her, a hint of sarcasm in my tone. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Good." She grins, picking up the notepad and taking it into the kitchen, tapping my shoulder as she walks past.

 **Carla**

"This is dead posh." Kate admires as we sit down at a table in my favourite Italian restaurant in the precinct. "A step up from the Bistro... Oh, don't tell Nick I said that."

"My lips are sealed." I tell her as she picks up a menu, wincing at the price.

"Uh..." She begins.

"Don't worry, I'm paying." I assure her and she opens her mouth to object. "No, I'm allowed to treat my little sister once in a while. Enjoy yourself."

"Oh well in that case, I'll have a cocktail." She winks, scanning the menu and I'm drawn to her constant upbeat mindset. She could always make me smile, I guess that was something she must get from her mum. She looks up at me and I pretend I haven't been staring at her the whole time. "Ok I won't have a cocktail then."

"Uh no, you'll have whatever you want to have!" I order, taking the menu from her and pointing to the most expensive one. "There, have the Long Island ice tea."

"Ok Carla I don't want to be drunk before the party." She scoffs. "Which one are you having?"

"Oh, I'm just gonna have a pineapple juice." I respond, almost forgetting that I couldn't have a drink.

"No, I thought we were coming to enjoy ourselves." She tries to persuade me. "You're having a cocktail."

"No I'm not!" I laugh, sitting back in my chair..

"Yeah, I'm gonna order one for you." She insists and I try to think of an excuse.

"Kate, I'm cutting out drinking at lunch time." I tell her.

"Well you're not going back to work this afternoon." She reminds me and I mentally kick myself.

"I tell you what, you can tell you and Michelle are related." I say, trying to throw her off. "You're both very persistent."

"Can I get both you ladies a drink?" The waiter comes over, blatantly eyeing Kate up and I smirk to myself. Rookie mistake; I bet she had warned countless men off in the past few years.

"Yes we will both have a passion fruit margarita." She orders, reciting it from the menu.

"Kate." I cut in, before turning to the waiter. "You know what, can I just have a water?"

"And the other two drinks, I'll persuade her." She flicks her hair back, flirting with him and I raise my eyebrows at her as he walks off.

"What was _that_?" I question her. "You're a lesbian."

"Yeah, no harm in trying to sweeten them up though." She shrugs and I shake my head at her, a smile on my face. "Please have a drink with me."

"Kate I can't." I insist, my voice serious all of a sudden and she looks at me concerned.

"Are you ill?" She questions me, worriedly. "Like is it a medical reason?"

"No, don't be silly." I promise her. "I'm not ill, ok? I just don't want a drink."

"Ok, I'm sorry." She backs off. "It's just unlike you, that's all. You usually love a drink."

"I know." I laugh, realising she still looks worried. "I promise you, I'm fine though." She smiles back at me, pulling the menu back up and reading it for a moment before lowering it again. Oh great, just when I thought I'd got away with it.

"Are you pregnant?" She suddenly asks and I sigh, debating whether to lie to her or just confess. The silence explains it all and I notice her eyes light up. "Carla? Are you?"

"Kate!" I lower my voice, trying to quieten her. I pause, searching the room and trying to prevent the smile from crossing my face.

"Oh my God." She claps her hands excitedly.

"Right, listen to me." I hiss and she calms, listening in to what I have to say. "Nobody knows, ok? Not even Michelle. It's very early days, we didn't want to tell anybody until after the first scan."

"Are you being serious?" She grins, her voice low in obedience.

"Well I'm not gonna joke about it am I?" I pat her hand lightly and there's a silence whilst she processes the information. "Not a word, to anybody. Not Aidan, not Johnny, not Michelle, nobody."

"I swear." She holds her hands up. "I'll keep my lips sealed, I promise."

"Your drinks." The waiter puts them down on the table and Kate pulls a face at them, awkwardly.

"More for me?" She shrugs, pulling my glass towards her and she takes a long sip from the straw, watching me as she does so.

"So can I drink my water now?" I ask her and she nods in agreement.

"I'm gonna be an auntie." She whispers, excitedly and I can't help but worry about what Nick will say when I tell him. I could cover it up and tell Kate not to let on, but the last thing I wanted to do was lie to him. "Do you think Nick will be annoyed that I found out?" She reads my mind, and I snap out of my trance.

"Hopefully not." I bite my lip. "If I tell him that you cornered me into telling."

"Just say I guessed." She shrugs.

"You did guess!" I remind her. "That's the problem with being such a big wine drinker, everyone clocks on. I'm surprised Michelle hasn't guessed it this time around."

"This time around?" She narrows her eyes.

"Yeah... I thought I was pregnant a few months back." I open up to her. "Took a test and I wasn't but Michelle convinced herself I was. I think that's why it was more devastating."

"You know you're gonna be the best mum." She assures me and it almost brings tears to my eyes hearing the words, especially coming from her. I reach out and squeeze her hand, smiling appreciatively. She pauses, watching me closely before opening her mouth and closing it again.. "...Can I tell you something?"

"Of course sweetheart." I nod and I can tell from her expression it isn't something which she's shared with anybody else. "I won't tell anyone."

"...You know Rana?" She murmurs, looking shifty and I nod, despite the fact I hadn't really met the woman. "Uh..."

"You've got feelings for her?" I guess, trying to make the situation easier for her. "But she's with Zeedan and she's straight so it could never happen?"

"...Not quite." She finalises and I frown, I'm usually never wrong with these assumptions. "The first bit, yes... But she's not straight... She's got feelings for me too."

"Wow." My eyes widen. "That is a biggie."

"And we've slept together..." She hesitates. "Behind Zeedan's back and I hate myself for it."

"Ah..." I nod in realisation.

"I have to work with him every day and he's so lovely, we get on so well..." She sighs, biting her lip at the thought. "And honestly, it's just not me. I tried so, so hard to tell her no, to tell her to break it off with him if that's what she wanted. But it's one of those things that just... Happened."

"Yeah I know." I remind her, gently. "Been there before."

"She keeps saying she wants to be with me but at the same time, telling Zeedan the same thing." She explains. "And she's scared, I can tell that. I mean, it was hard enough for me to come out but in her culture... I want to help her but she won't let me and then she wants me and then she doesn't want anybody to know... But I can't keep... Ugh..."

"Well, you know the easiest thing to do would be to just cut all ties." I respond. "But I know from experience that that's not what you want to do deep down, because you can't just switch your feelings off, especially when they feel the same way."

"She's gonna be there tonight as well." She stresses. "Robert will have invited Zeedan."

"Could always play hard to get." I shrug and she looks interested for a moment. "I shouldn't be encouraging you to play games though. Have you told her exactly how you feel?"

"Sort of..." She trails off. "I'm just scared that if I do, and I let my guard down, she'll just completely misuse my trust. I mean, if the truth comes out and she tells Zeedan what I've said, then I'm the one who's gonna be kicked down."

"Well you won't because if anybody tries to hurt you, they've got me to answer to." I reply defensively and she looks touched at my protectiveness. "But you need to be honest with her, and you need to tell her that she can't keep messing you around Kate, you don't deserve that."

"Ok." She nods, looking more confident about the situation. "Thank you."

"Hey, your secret is safe with me too." I promise her. "I won't even tell Nick."

"You can tell Nick." She smiles. "You've just told me to be honest, you have to be too. Just as long as he doesn't tell anyone else."

"Ooh look at us exchanging secrets." I grin, as she takes a sip from both of her cocktails in turn. "It'll be alright, I promise you."

 **Nick**

"Come on." I call up the stairs and she finally emerges, spraying perfume as she heads down towards me. "You got the present?"

"Yes, it's by the door." She points to it, putting her perfume down on the side. "Right a few ground rules." She grabs my shoulders and I groan, which she raises her eyebrows at. "I am not drinking because I have to be up early in the morning for a meeting in Salford."

"And Aidan and Johnny know this, do they?" I point out, already trying to flaw her plan.

"No I've genuinely got a meeting in Salford in the morning." She tells me. "You tell me if you want to come home-"

"Carla I'm not a child." I suddenly snap and she looks taken-aback, which I hate myself for. She lets go of my shoulders, staring at me in slight shock.

"Nick." She says, calmly and I try and force myself out of the mood I am stuck in. I feel trapped in my own mind, trapped in a wrath of anger and stress and frustration. I didn't even know why this was happening. I was worried about the baby, I was upset about Lauren, yes, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't pull myself back up. "You need to just calm down."

"I can't calm down!" I shout, my anger building.. "I can't calm down, don't you understand that?" I finish, my breathing rapid and I see the shock in her eyes, my heart sinks, my whole body sinks. Why couldn't I just take a deep breath and think about what I was saying before I said it? She continues to stare at me, as if weighing up whether to come closer or back away. I squeeze my eyes shut and hear the sound of her grabbing her jacket, the rustle of the bag she was picking up and the slam of the door. I clench my fist, releasing it, before collapsing on the sofa, my head in my hands. I punch the sofa cushion, hard, so hard that my fist tingles. I do it again, and again, and again, over and over until I am panting for breath and I have to fall back against the arm of the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. I was going to ruin everything if I carried on like this.

 **Carla**

"Hi!" Michelle greets me as she opens the door and I can hear music playing from inside the flat.

"Hiya." I force a smile onto my face, handing her the bag I was holding. "Congratulations, again."

"Ah Carla you shouldn't have, thank you." She puts it down, welcoming me in and looking behind me. "Where's Nick?"

"Uh he didn't feel well." I lie and she narrows her eyes. "He's been throwing up since he got back from work, really hot and everything."

"Oh... Well you can go back to him if you want to?" She offers.

"No." I reply, firmly. "I said I'd be here and here I am." I peer behind her and see Kate standing awkwardly in the corner, whilst Aidan was blatantly flirting with a woman I had never seen before in my life.

"Want a drink?" She automatically hands me a glass of champagne and I stare down at it, temptation seeping through me. I could virtually taste the bubbles on my tongue, the rich liquid in my throat. She turns around to get something out of the oven and I hear a familiar voice in my ear.

"Hey." Kate smiles, taking the glass out of my hand subtly, swapping it for her empty one.

"Thank you." I squeeze her shoulder, appreciatively. "Hey who's that woman that Aidan's talking to?"

"Oh I don't know." She rolls her eyes. "Robert's cousin or something."

"Poor woman, doesn't know what she's letting herself in for." I scoff.

"Where's Nick?" She asks, and I take a carton of orange juice off the side, pouring it into Kate's empty glass and taking a sip.

"He's not well." I continue to keep up my excuse and she freezes slightly as the door opens and Zeedan and Rana enter. Robert heads over to them, patting Zeedan on the back and I notice Rana make awkward eye contact with Kate momentarily, before looking away. "You just stick with me, kidda."

"How can she even do that? I'd feel so guilty, I _do_ feel so guilty. I just don't understand how she can cheat on him and carry on as normal." She pauses, realising what she's said. "Sorry... I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"No you're right." I assure her and she relaxes slightly. "I've learnt from it; lying only makes things worse."

"Yes well she's lying to him, to me, to her family, even herself." She sighs. "Can't be easy."

"Do you want to sit down?" I ask and she nods, following me over to the sofa and as I bend to sit down I feel a painful twinge in my stomach. I immediately feel sick, fear coursing through me at the tiniest thing. It was the tiniest thing, I'm sure it happened all the time to most women.

"Are you ok?" Kate lowers her voice, observing how pale my face has suddenly gone.

"Mh-hm." I nod, biting down on my lip and hoping it wouldn't come back. But it did, a few seconds later and this time it was stronger than before. "No."

"Sorry?" She frowns and I can't help but place a hand on my stomach.

"We need to go to the hospital, now." I tell her, quietly and a look of panic crosses her face. "Can you drive?"

"I haven't passed my test." She admits. "I'm still on provisional."

"But you can drive?" I ask her and she nods, as I weigh up the situation, realising it wouldn't work. "...You wouldn't be insured on my car though."

"Look I'll call a taxi." She tells me. "Can you walk?"

"I'll manage." I reply, getting up and she scans the room, as if working out how to discreetly leave the party.

"Hey, where are you going?" Michelle stops us as we approach the door.

"I've forgotten to lock the door of the flat." She lies, and I'm surprised at how natural she is at doing so. "Carla said she'd come with me because it's dark, we won't be long."

"Ok well make sure you're not." She scolds us and I fake a smile as we head past her. As soon as we're out in the corridor we begin picking up the pace.

"I take it it's the baby?" She asks me, under her breath.

"I don't know Kate..." I try to stop myself from worrying, it was the worst thing to do, I'd learnt that. I feel another sharp pain and stop suddenly, bending over and feeling the urge to be sick in the street. "Something's not right."

"Look I'll go and get a taxi, ok?" She tells me.. "Streetcars is literally there, I'll be two seconds." She races up the street and I feel a drop of rain fall onto my forehead and begin to roll down my face. I swallow, this couldn't be happening again. This wasn't fair. I clutch my tummy, keeping my hand pressed against it, as if willing my baby to keep fighting. I stare down the street to our house, where there's no lights on. I debate going down to knock on it, but I know Nick isn't there, I know there would be no point. He would be out for a run and I didn't dare move, not now. I see a car rolling towards me, the high beam hurting my eyes, and Kate gets out as it approaches us, beckoning me.

"Thank you." I whisper and she finds my hand in the darkness as we begin to pull away.

"Everything's going to be alright." She murmurs.. "I promise."

* * *

"So tell me the sort of pain you're experiencing." The nurse asks and I glance at Kate, who is sat on a chair in the corner of the cubicle. "How intense is it?"

"It just keeps coming and going." I admit. "...Like contractions but weaker."

"You've been pregnant before?" She then assumes and I close my eyes momentarily.

"Twice." I release the word from my mouth.

"And they're both happy and healthy?" She checks her clipboard and I feel a lump form in my throat. Kate gets up, coming over to me and sitting on the edge of the bed I was balancing on.

"No." I manage to muster, the word feeling sour and harsh. "They could have been."

"Oh..." The nurse trails off and I almost want to throw something at her, or scream, or something. 'Oh', is that all she could say? I was on the edge of sanity here, all I wanted was to hear the words I'd never been able to hear before. "On a scale of one to ten, how strong-"

"About a six, maybe seven." I automatically answer, knowing the question from experience. I can see Kate's white as a sheet out of the corner of my eye, still clasping my hand in hers. She was an angel; dropping everything, making up excuses, telling the taxi driver I was dizzy and thought I was going to faint again as a reason for going to hospital..

"Right I'll be back in two moments." She scribbles something down. "Make yourself comfortable."

"Is she being serious?" I raise my voice, hopefully so she can hear as she walks away.

"Shh..." Kate soothes me. "Don't worry about her, just focus on you, ok?"

"Thank you so much for coming." I sigh, my spare hand dancing around the papery bed sheets, not being able to settle properly.

"Carla, it's not a drink in the pub." She manages to crack a laugh and it almost makes me too. "You're my sister, don't even mention it."

"...I'm so scared." I admit to her, and it's the first time I've properly opened up to her. I stare her straight in the face and her eyes mirror mine, searching my expression, trying to erase the pain. For the first time, I can properly see me in her. I can see the innocence I used to have, the naivety. I can see how much she genuinely cared about me, not because she had to, but because she wanted to.

"You don't have to be scared." She whispers. "Whatever happens, you've got us. You've got me and Aidan and Michelle, you've got Dad and Nick."

"Nick." I suddenly remember and she automatically searches for my phone in my bag, without needing to ask her.

"Carla, hello." Another woman approaches me. "I'm Doctor Koleano. I just need to run a few tests if that's ok?"

"You sound calm." I point out, in desperation to cling on to any ounce of hope.

"If you lie back on the bed, I can just begin a brief examination." She explains. "It'll just indicate to us what the problem might be."

"Am I going to lose it?" I suddenly ask, and her expression conveys nothing to me. "Am I going to lose my baby, please just tell me?"

"Mrs Tilsley, I don't know yet." She answers, honestly. "We can't know anything for sure until we've done the examination."

"Carla, I'm just going to call Nick." Kate holds my phone up, flashing me a reassuring smile. "I'll be outside."

"The passcode is two zero, zero eight." I tell her, reciting the date me and Nick first got together and she nods, pausing before coming over to me and planting a kiss on my forehead.

"I'll just be outside." She whispers and I feel a tear roll down my cheek as I watch her go.

 **Nick**

I am aching for breath when I get back to the house, opening the door and the sound of my mobile phone ringing immediately fills my ears. I go over to it, looking down and seeing that Carla is calling me. I didn't want to talk to her over the phone, I wanted to see her, I wanted to hold her.. I wanted to look at her and tell her how sorry I was. How happy I was that she hadn't given up on me or our baby.

But I pick up the call, on the last ring, because I couldn't bear to leave it like this any longer.

"Carla, can you come home, please? I need to talk to you properly. I need you to know that I love you and our baby so much." I say, down the phone, so much meaning in my voice.

"Nick, it's Kate." Kate's voice fills my ears and I am instantly confused, wondering why she was calling me off Carla's phone and regretting confessing all my emotions to her little sister. "Listen, can you come to the hospital now?"

"The hospital?" I repeat, a sick, overwhelming feeling surging through me. I don't even wait for a response. I grab my keys and slam the door behind me. I mentally add up how many drinks I've had today, before realising I didn't care, and I put the phone on speaker, attaching it to the phone holder in my car. "Kate what's going on?"

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about..." I can hear the panic she is trying to conceal in her voice and I start the car up, hearing the rush of the tyres as I race up Coronation Street. "She had some pain and so we thought we'd come here, just to get it checked out." I don't even bother asking Kate if she knew about the pregnancy, because the answer was pretty self-explanatory. I hate myself, I hate the fact I had let her walk away, I hate the fact I hadn't been there for her. I hate the fact that once again she was in danger and I wasn't there to help her.

"Kate is she going to be ok?" I have to ask, even though she wouldn't know the answer to that question.

"Nick... I." She stammers and I can hear the faint bustle of nurses in the background, the screeching of the wheels on the hard floor, the beeping that never stopped until you left the building, even in reception. I didn't care. I didn't care about any of those noises, I just cared that Carla was alright. "I don't know Nick... I hope so."

"Right I'm nearly here." I tell her as I pull into the street that the hospital was on.

"It's maternity." She confirms, and I drive straight into a parking space, not bothering to get a ticket. "I'll come out and meet you so you know where you're going." It's seconds before I see her emerge from the hospital, lowering the phone in her hand as she sees me and I run towards her.

"I'm so sorry." I immediately break into apologies and I follow her along the corridor.

"Hey don't apologise." She shakes her head, clearly trying to pretend she was feeling stronger than she was. "Carla will be pleased to see you."

"Will she?" I worry.

"She hasn't shut up about you the whole time we've been here." She tells me and I feel a pang of guilt. We round a corner and I am introduced to another waiting room, before Kate points to a door. "She's in that one, I don't know whether you can go in though."

"I'll take my chances." I whisper, opening the door and seeing a woman look up, surprised.

"Uh excuse me?" She raises her voice.

"No that's my husband." I hear Carla and pull back the curtain to see her lying on the bed, hospital gown wrapped around her shoulders.

"Oh... Oh God..." I stammer, going over to her and sitting down in the chair beside her bed.

"Right I'll be back in a few minutes." The woman informs us, before walking off.

"What's going on? What's happened?" I can't help but blurt out a load of questions.

"I don't know I just kept getting this sharp pain repetitively." She admits and I squeeze my eyes shut, lowering my head on to her tummy. I take her hand in mine, gently moving the hair out of her face. "I came straight here."

"I am so, so sorry." I tell her, tears in my eyes and she moves her gaze to look at me. She raises her other hand and places it on the side of my face, her index finger softly gliding across my cheekbone.

"It's ok." She replies, her voice hoarse and scared.

"No, no it's not. Listen to me; I love you so much. I completely understand everything you've said to me, honestly. You only care, I know that, it's just that in the moment I can't stop myself. But I promise you, I promise you now I will never, ever hurt you or that baby." I recite, exhaling sharply at the final word and she squeezes her eyes shut. "I promise you I'm going to be better.. I'll learn from it, I'll go back to therapy, I'll do anything. I'll listen to you, I won't make stupid jokes or try to avoid the subject. I'll make you eggs every morning for breakfast. Please just please..."

"Nick, I love you." She emphasises and I bite down hard on my lip, moving my hand to sit lightly on her stomach. Her eyes begin to brim with tears, falling down her cheeks and I try to steady myself from shaking. "I can't... I can't lose it I can't, not again... Please, please don't let this happen again, I'm begging you."

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, dipping my forehead against hers. "It'll be ok, it'll be ok." I repeat over and over, looking into her eyes and I feel the faintest shake of her head, my hope clinging on inside of me.

"Mr and Mrs Tilsley." A voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look up at her, squeezing Carla's hand. This was our last chance. I knew it deep down. I knew secretly that if we lost it now, that would be it. Carla would give up, time would slip away, everything we ever dreamed of together would be gone. I hated myself for thinking like this, but it was the truth and I knew Carla was thinking it too.

"We've had your test results back." She announces, checking her clipboard and I can't help but feel frustrated. This was our future she was revealing to us right now and it didn't seem to bother her in the slightest. "We've found no cause for concern for the pain you've been experiencing." She recites and a rush of tension is released as I exhale, seeing Carla close her eyes, her grip tightening on my hand. "It can be quite common in pregnancy, and the scan has confirmed that there is a healthy heartbeat, so really there's nothing to worry about."

"So I'm still pregnant?" Carla checks, tears spilling down her cheeks and it's then I realise how much she honestly wants this baby.

"Yes, you're still pregnant." She confirms. "Try not to worry; your baby is healthy, stress can be a huge factor towards minor complications in pregnancy."

"Sorry I uh..." Carla pauses, trying to catch her breath in disbelief. "I've had a miscarriage and a still birth, before I... It's just hard to... I'm sorry if I wasted your time."

"No not at all." The nurse reassures her. "You did the right thing, if you ever have any doubts, you can always come to us. It's natural for you to worry, especially given your past, but try to enjoy it. This is the best time, make the most of it."

"Thank you." I smile and she nods, a pleased look on her face.

"I'll let you get yourself ready, you're free to go home whenever." She informs us, before walking off and I turn to Carla, who is staring at the wall opposite, still in disbelief.

"You know..." She whispers. "I really thought..."

"I know." I finish her sentence. "But everything is fine. Look at me." I tilt her head gently so she's looking into my eyes. "Everything's going to be ok, yeah? Our little miracle baby."

"Nick I need you." She murmurs and I pull myself closer to her, so her head can rest in my chest and I kiss the top of her head.

"You've got me." I promise her. "No matter what."

 **Carla**

I feel guilty as soon as I see Kate's agonised expression when we leave the hospital room.

"Everything's fine." I assure her and the relief in her face demonstrates just how much she cared.

"Oh thank..." She sighs, handing me my phone. "I've taken care of everything, made excuses for the three of us."

"Kate come here." I hold my arms out, pulling her into a hug and holding her tightly. "Thank you, thank you so much."

"I'm so glad everything is ok." She says, as I let her go.

"I can't thank you enough, I really can't." Nick tells her and she smiles back at him.

"I did nothing, really." She assures him.

"No, you did everything." I cut her off, making sure she knew her importance of the last few hours.

"Yeah well, you can give me a lift home now." She shrugs and I smile at her humour, feeling Nick put his arm around my shoulders as I take Kate's hand and we head back along the winding corridors towards the exit.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:** **  
**

 _ **A/N: Just want to point out that some of the opinions written in this chapter are not necessarily my own and are expressed through a fictional basis. I mean to cause no offence, thank you xx**_

 **Carla**

"Hey." I call over to Nick as I get to the bottom of the stairs, tying my dressing gown in a loose knot around my waist. He moves his head to look at me, balancing a cup of coffee between his hands. He looks tired, thoughtful, as if he hadn't slept in days. "How come you're down here? It's early."

"Couldn't sleep." He replies and I study him for a moment. "You fell asleep on the way home last night. I dropped Kate back, carried you up to bed."

"This lack of coffee really is having a impact, isn't it?" I try to smile and he can't conceal the look of guilt on his face. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah." He agrees, extending his arm out across the top of the sofa. I walk over and sit down next to him, as he wraps it around my shoulders. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I think the question is, how are _you_ feeling this morning?" I respond and he exhales, calmly. "And don't bite my head off."

"Carla..." He trails off, looking at my perplexed expression.

"That was a joke." I prompt him, but instead of smiling he continues to look guilty. "Look, all I want is for you to be happy."

"I am happy." He assures me, moving his fingers up to my scalp and massaging it lightly. "I don't even know where to start..."

"Well why don't you make me a cup of tea and we'll go from there?" I ask him and he finally smiles, kissing me on the top of the head before getting up. "Black, no-"

"I know what to do." He calls back and I smile, pulling the cushion over my tummy and cuddling it, feeling a sudden loss of warmth now he has left my side. "And by the way, you're not going into work today. Neither of us are."

"Ooh a duvet day." I turn my head, watching him through the ajar crack in the door, every move he made; the simple flick of the switch on the kettle, the tea towel he flipped over his shoulder out of habit, even though he didn't even need it. "So what, you're gonna keep me in the manner of which I'm accustomed now that we've had a scare?"

"No." He replies, putting a mug down in front of me on the coffee table. "But you need to take care of yourself, seriously."

"Yes and so do you." I point out, poking his arm as he sits down, turning his head to look at me. "I know what you're going to do; you're going to apologise over and over to try and make yourself feel better when really it doesn't."

"How well you know me." He nods in recognition and there's a silence for a moment. "...Did you think you were gonna lose it? I mean, they say sometimes women know... Is that true?"

"I don't think you can ever know for certain, until that nurse comes in with the sympathetic look on her face, as if it's going to help ease any of the pain..." I trail off and he finds my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "But when I miscarried with Peter's baby, yeah I knew. I knew as soon as I fell to the floor..."

"And this time?" He asks, gently.

"This time there was hope, I mean... More hope." I explain. "I knew I had to fight for it, because I couldn't go through it again and I couldn't let you down... And in a way, I think clinging on to that hope helped."

"You could never let me down." He promises, his voice serious. "Not even when you got drunk at the charity auction and I had to carry you home, or when you stole my credit card, or when..."

"Nick we both know I've let you down in the past." I remind him. "I've hurt you, and it's the biggest regret of my life... And I've had a lot of regrets."

"Yes well, that's all behind us now, isn't it?" He prompts me and I nod. "So, the doctor said he or she is strong and healthy, that's all that matters."

"As long as daddy is feeling strong and healthy too." I dare to point out and I see his face momentarily light up at the word. "Because mummy can't stop stressing if he isn't nice and calm and relaxed."

"What do you want me to do?" He asks. "Do you want me to go to the doctors? Back to therapy? Take a break from work?"

"Wow you're actually giving me the option?" I raise my eyebrows, surprised at his negotiation. Usually Nick would take matters into his own hands, which often meant pretending it wasn't there..

"I told you last night, I'll do anything." He tells me and my face softens. "Because I can't stand the fact that I spoke to you the way I did and the fact I wasn't there for you when you needed me most."

"You weren't to know." I sigh.

"Yes but I should have been at that party with you." He replies, firmly. "I should have been there to drive you to the hospital and reassure you and hold your hand... I'm not going to forgive myself for doing that."

"That's exactly the problem." I place a finger under his chin, tilting his head to meet my gaze. "You're too hard on yourself, you don't forgive yourself for things, you worry about them, you run over and over them in your mind, so that eventually it wears you down and then you try to fight it but it just makes you want to lash out."

"Anyone would have thought you'd had a brain injury." He frowns, clearly impressed at my recollection.

"Well that's debatable." I shrug and he smiles briefly. "But I know you, I know what goes through that head of yours sometimes... I can't say I understand properly Nick, of course I don't. But this works both ways, remember? You've always been there for me when I've hit the self-destruct button. You've never budged when I've tried so hard to push you away. So it's the same for me; I don't care how messed up you feel, when you want to cry or rage at the world. I'm here."

"I think I'm going to go to the doctor, just to get it checked over." He tells me, absorbing all my words with a loving expression on his face. "Run some tests, I don't want to take any risks."

"Ok well then can I come with you?" I ask. "Because I don't want a re-run of last time. I don't want to have to drive the information out of your brother by cornering him in the hair salon."

"Mm." He nods, staring down at the floor momentarily. "Do you think I'm weak?"

"...Weak?" I repeat the word, my voice cracking. It takes me second to process the question, the force of illogicality circulating my head. "I think you're one of the strongest people I've ever known." I conclude and the words release from my mouth so meaningfully, he raises his head, studying me as if I might be joking. But that was so far from a joke, it was the most truthful thing I might have possibly said in our relationship to date. I place my hand on my tummy, causing his eyes to fall to where my fingers were resting upon it. "And I think you are going to be the best role model this little one could possibly have, and the most perfect dad."

"What did I do to deserve this?" He whispers, tears forming in his eyes and I smile, moving closer to him and placing a hand on the side of his face. I don't say anything, I just lean forwards, my lips softly colliding with his, sparks flying as they always did. I kiss him so gently but so meaningfully, before I sink into his shoulder, wrapping my arms around him, as his tighten around me.

 **Nick**

"Here you go." I place a plate of breakfast in front of her, before checking the clock. Eight fifty seven and still in her pyjamas, I must have an effect on her.

"See this." She points down at the plate, grabbing a knife and fork. "This is why I married you."

"What for my ability to make a full English breakfast?" I scoff. "I can't remember that being in your wedding vows."

"Where's the brown sauce?" She demands and I laugh exasperatedly, opening the fridge door and placing it down in front of her. I watch her squeeze a huge dollop of it onto her plate.

"You know cravings?" I ask and she looks at me with an amused expression, knowing she was about to answer a completely pointless question. "Is it sudden or does it like play on your mind all day long?"

"It's like when _you_ have to go to work and I know I won't see you again until you get home that evening." She tries to explain. "And then you forget your keys and have to come back to give me a kiss. That, darling, is you giving me brown sauce."

"Very descriptive." I nod, impressively. "And relatable."

"Yes well I'm a woman of many talents, me." She shrugs, cramming her fork with food. "What do you want to do for Christmas this year?"

"Christmas?" I repeat, suddenly aware that it was dawning on us faster than I anticipated.

"Yes Nicholas, it's December in a few days." She reminds me. "Speaking of which; you're not gonna drag me around the garden centre again are you?"

"Yes, because real Christmas trees are better than fake ones." I argue, knowing she was going to try to defer this.

"Real Christmas trees get pine needles all over the floor." She retorts and I couldn't believe that yet again, two years on, we were still having the same petty argument that made us both laugh at the same time. "And they die."

"Oh how festive, really spreading the Christmas spirit, you." I scoff, raising my eyebrows at her comment. "Besides, real Christmas trees smell better."

"Smell better?" She looks up, trying hard not to burst into fits of laughter. "Only you would go around smelling Christmas trees."

"Oh shush." I pull a face as she bites her lip playfully and it makes me wonder why we ever properly argue, why we ever shout and cry and storm out, because when it was like this I could never be happier.

"You shush." She continues to look at me, mischievously.. "You know I'll win."

"Well what did you have last year?" I ask her, trying to reach some sort of negotiation and her face falls, causing me to wish I'd never asked that question.

"I didn't have one last year." She tells me, deep in thought. "I didn't have anything last year."

"Well this year you've got everything." I remind her, intwining my fingers with hers on the kitchen surface. "So smile about it."

"It'd be her first Christmas." She dares to whisper and I stare back at her with a sympathetic look. Although it hurt me, I knew it hurt her a lot more. She'd felt her grow, she'd chosen the clothes, the toys, the furniture. She'd have been eight months pregnant, ready to welcome her into the world, even if she was prepared to do it on her own. I try to muster a reassuring reply, but there was nothing. There was nothing I could say to make it better, or erase the pain. "Sitting up, crawling, laughing, maybe saying her first words."

"Carla, don't..." I beg her, knowing she was torturing herself over it, knowing there were so many unanswered questions circulating her mind.

"Don't what?" She whispers, avoiding my gaze. "Don't think about it, don't imagine what it could have been like, what _she'd_ have been like? You know I'd have spoilt her rotten if that's what it'd have taken. I'd have bought her every Barbie doll in the shop for Christmas, or skateboard, whatever she was into. I wouldn't have cared, I wouldn't have cared about anything as long as she was happy, as long as I knew she was safe... I didn't even have time to prove that to her. Not once, not even one second."

"...She's up there-" I begin and she dares herself to look at me.

"No, no don't say that." She suddenly snaps. "Because this is why I don't believe in all that; because if there really was an 'up there' Nick, she would be in my arms right now." She pushes her plate away, getting up and rushing up the stairs. I sigh, watching her go before collapsing my head in my hands. Why did I always get everything wrong? Why could I never just say the right thing? If there was a right thing. Realistically, nothing I said could change anything, she knew that.

I give it at least twenty minutes; clearing the plates away, tidying the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher just to keep myself busy, just to give her time. I finally check the kitchen, knowing there was nothing more I could possibly do, before heading up the stairs, the soft patter of my footsteps on the carpet as I climbed each one.

I hesitate before pushing the door open, debating whether to knock and deciding against it. I instantly see her, a wooden box open on the bed, her curled up cuddling one of the teddy bears she had bought for Lauren, that had clearly been from inside it. I notice the scan photo, a couple of baby grows, the footprints and birth certificate we'd received a few days after I'd arrived in Devon. They were all tucked back away in the box, disorganised so I could tell they'd already been pulled out and reminisced over, one by one. My eyes move to where her eyes are red and sore, her head lowered into the comforting softness of the teddy bear. Her gaze glides from where she has been staring at the corner of the room, to me, so that without hesitation, I go over to her, sitting down gently on the side of the bed. I pause, carefully pulling the scan photo from the box and staring down at it. She was so perfect, just like Carla. I could make out every inch of her; her nose, mouth, her tiny hands, tiny feet, everything so small but so real. Black and white. Colourless.

"I'm sorry." The words emit Carla's lips, as a soft, hoarse whisper and I place the scan photo back into the box. I didn't know what she was apologising for; the events of twenty minutes ago, or the events or eleven months ago. But either way, she had done nothing wrong and there was no need for it. I slowly raise my hand, gliding my fingers through her hair and she doesn't shudder at my touch. Instead, she closes her eyes momentarily, as if grateful for the contact.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." I tell her, my voice weaker than I anticipated, but just as honest.

"...You know, Roy sent me those baby grows." She points to the two folded outfits inside the box. "Can you imagine Roy Cropper shopping for those?"

"Well he did a good job." I try to work out whether it's the right reply as the words leave my mouth, but she continues to lie there, motionless, as if she had no energy left to argue even if it wasn't. "They're nice."

"I remember the day they arrived." She continues. "I'd just got back from one of those classes, you know; those ones couples go to where they learn about breathing and things. Anyway, I'd walked out five minutes in, thinking what the hell am I doing here..."

"I can imagine." I smile slightly at the thought.

"Got home and that parcel was waiting in the porch." She explains, a distant look on her face, still holding the teddy bear close to her chest. "There was a card with it and all. Man of few words Roy, but it said..." She swallows, taking a deep breath. "'I told you once you'd make an excellent mother, now you have found the chance to prove it once more'." She shifts her position slightly to pull the card from the box, handing it to me and I read it, realising she had recited it word for word. I wonder how many times she has read the words over, going through them in her head, believing them, disbelieving them, wanting them to be true.

"I'm sure he'll say the same thing to you, when we tell him... This time..." I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to stop tears from emerging, trying so hard to stop myself from saying anything which is going to make her cry again, because I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear to see her upset.

"Third time lucky." She murmurs, taking the card from me and holding it against her chest along with the cuddly toy. "...Why is life so cruel?"

"I don't know..." I whisper, running my fingers through her hair comfortingly. "They say the hardest things happen to the strongest people, what does that tell you?"

"That I'm extremely unlucky?" She scoffs quietly, clutching the teddy bear a bit tighter. I feel like she'd cry if she wasn't all out of tears, if her eyes weren't so sore that it would pain her too much to do so. "You know if I didn't have you, I don't think I'd be here right now."

"Don't say that." I beg her, everything seeming more real all of a sudden; the silkiness of her hair, the endearing croak to her voice, the slightest shuffle of her toes against the bed sheets.

"No, I mean it." She whispers and I close my eyes, wishing for it not to be true. "I wouldn't have coped, I'd have had nothing. I'd have lost her and I'd have pushed the self-destruct button straight away, I'd have drank and drank and probably gambled my home away. Probably taken a handful of sleeping tablets again-"

"Carla please stop." I beg her, my voice merciful and she instantly stops talking, her eyes finally looking at me. "Please, I'm begging you."

"Sorry... I'm sorry." She whispers, regretting everything she had just said. She pulls herself up, carefully closing the box, but still holding the teddy bear in one hand. She picks it up, bending down to slide it back under the bed, before sitting upright next to me, her hand reaching for mine. "I didn't mean to... My mouth runs away with me sometimes, you know that."

"I know." I whisper, looking into her eyes; all the sadness, the hurt being conveyed to me. The dark circles under her eyes, despite the fact she couldn't keep herself awake. The hair that so perfectly fell to outline her face. "But you did have me. You _do_ have me. You always will. Ok? So you can stop thinking about the stuff that could have happened, the pain that I prevented, or tried to... I just want to do whatever you need, to make it all go away, to make this any easier, even if it's just a tiny bit."

"...Can you hold me?" She finally asks and I don't hesitate before holding out my arms, allowing her to shuffle into them. We fall back onto the bed, her leaning into my chest, my arms protectively tightening around her fragile frame. I can feel her heart beating against mine, her breath soft against my chest. She slowly stops shaking, relaxing. I plant a kiss into her hair, feeling her legs wrap around mine, moving closer, craving warmth, craving love. We lie there forever, not worrying about time or the outside world. Just focusing on being with each other, loving one another.

 **Carla**

I feel so safewrapped up in his arms, flicking the pages back and forth in the baby name book out of Lauren's box. We hardly talk, we hardly read, I just trace my fingers over the pastel coloured images of baby bottles and teddy bears that outline each page. Nick has his hand slipped under my pyjama top, resting on my tummy, softly grazing his finger back and forth which occasionally sends a rush of comforting butterflies through me.. Perhaps it was the baby, perhaps it knew. I didn't know what it was aware of at this stage, if it was aware of anything, if it was aware that we were both going to love it more than anything we'd ever imagined.

"We need to book the scan." I finally say, the thought popping into my head.

"We've still got two weeks before we need to, haven't we?" He asks, planting a kiss into my hair.

"Yeah but they book up fairly quickly." I tell him, closing the book and putting itdown on the bed nextto us.. "And I'd rather have it sooner rather than later... You know, just to make sure."

"You heard what the doctor said." He reminds me. "You don't need to worry."

"Yeah, but I was also told that once upon a time, and it didn't quite end that way." I murmur and I feel his hand pause on my stomach. "I just want to be sure."

"Ok." He whispers. "Can I ask you something?"

"...Depends what it is." I smile and I feel him relax at my attempt at a joke. **  
**

"Did you tell Kate before the hospital yesterday?" He questionsand I freeze, worried at what his response will be. "I won't be annoyed, I promise."

"She guessed." I answer, truthfully. "At dinner yesterday, she clocked on to me not drinking."

"I bet she was very excitable." He imagines.

"She was." I reply. "She swore notto tell anybody though." **  
**

"It's alright." He assures me. "I'm just glad she got you to the hospital safely, I really owe her one."

"She was amazing yesterday." I reminisce. "Kept her cool, kept me sane."

"You starting to see yourself in her?" He asks and I smile at the thought.

"You know yesterday she looked at me, and I really did." I tell him. "And the way I could tell she properly cared about me, cared about what I was going through. That's something that just comes naturally to her, took me a bit longer to realise."

"She looks up to you." Nick replies.

"Let's hope not. I'm hardly a great role model am I?" I scoff and I can hear him sigh, not willing to start another argument. "I hope she's alright though..."

"Why?" Nick continues, playing with my hair as he does so. "She's doing alright for herself isn't she?"

"Mm, she told me something yesterday... Got herself into a bit of a pickle." I reply, frowning at the thought. "She's having it off with Zeedan's girlfriend, wife, whatever they are."

"What? You're kidding me!" Nick practically splutters.

"No, but you can't tell anyone." I shift, sitting up and crossing my legs so I can face him properly. "I mean it Nicholas, no blabbing at the Bistro."

"I won't!" He holds his hands up. "What so her and... What's her name, Rana? No way."

"They've slept together once, Kate says. Apparently Rana's scared of facing facts." I explain.

"I was going to say, I'd have had no idea." He contemplates.

"Just shows you can't judge a book by it's cover, hey." I say, staring down at the teddy bear in my lap and poking its nose, looking at all its intricate features. Who'd have thought it; me, sat here with a teddy bear and my dressing gown still on. I really was softening in my old age...

"So what's she gonna do?" Nick questions, clearly interested in the subject at hand. "Her and Zeedan seem to get on really well at work."

"Hm, she said." I nod in response, thinking about how good Kate seemed at covering this up. I guess that was something she got from me, though I daren't say it, especially after all the self-pity of this morning. "She's properly into her though, I could tell at the party last night. As soon as she saw her, her eyes lit up. I know what that feels like, when you see someone you can't have, but you want them really badly." I think back to when Nick was with Erica, and I desperately wanted him to just lean in and kiss me, aching, craving for contact. But I knew, well I thought, at the time it could never happen. How things change.

"She'll be ok." Nick assures me. "She's made of tough stuff, just like you."

"I'm sorry for how I acted before." I apologise and he smiles at me in return, an understanding smile which makes me feel warm rather than regretful. "This was supposed to be a happy Nick day, I guess I'm just too self-indulgent."

"You're vain, not self-indulgent." He corrects me and I shoot him a look.

"Hey! I am not vain!" I shout, trying to stop the smile on my face as I go to slap him lightly on the cheek, but he grabs my hand before I can, pulling me closer, kissing me gently on the lips.

"You have every right to be though." He whispers, smiling into the kiss and I try to push him off, playfully, before climbing into his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck. "You're so beautiful."

"Careful with the compliments, Tilsley. Wouldn't want me getting any more full of myself." I sulk and he laughs, tilting my head upwards.

"That really has got to you, hasn't it?" He grins and I bite my lip, trying to be stroppy because I was in the mood and for some reason he found it endearing. I guess he liked a challenge, he liked the buzz, the rollercoaster ride. That was something I definitely did for him, I'd give credit to myself for that one. I am about to go in to kiss him again, enjoying the fact we could just lie around in bed all day, kissing, cuddling, laughing with each other. But unfortunately my body had other ideas, and a wave of nausea suddenly washes over me. "Carla, are you alright?" He suddenly looks panicked at my expression and I can only nod before getting up and racing to the bathroom. I grab the toilet seat and immediately throw up into it, sinking down and wincing at the unpleasant taste in my mouth. It isn't long before Nick is at the door and I feel slightly embarrassed despite the fact he is probably relieved. I flush the toilet, pulling my knees up to my chest and sitting against the bath, looking up at him.

"...Could you get me a glass of water?" I eventually ask and he chuckles, disappearing momentarily and returning with a glass, which he fills with water from the sink. He hands it to me, before slumping down by my side and taking my spare hand in his.

"You alright?" He asks, looking at me lovingly even though he'd just seen me throwing up into the toilet. It can't have been the most attractive look, and yet he's staring at me as if I'm the most beautiful person he's ever seen. I guess this is why I'd grown to be so 'vain'.

"Think so." I respond, bluntly, suddenly blushing and dipping my head into my knees so he couldn't see my face.

"Hey." He nudges me and I dare to look up at him, an awkward smile on my face which I can't get rid of. "I love you.."

"You do pick your moments." I murmur, avoiding his gaze and taking a sip of water, pulling a face at the taste. I spit it out into the toilet, which spurs another round of sickness, but this time I can feel Nick's hand in my back, rubbing it soothingly, the other reaching to pull my hair out of my face, holding it back for me. I groan, pausing when I was finished because I didn't want to turn around to face him. I hated being sick, I especially hated people seeing me be sick, but I guess Nick was an exception. He reaches over me, flushing the toilet and grabbing a hair bobble off the side, which he attempts to tie my hair back with. I don't dare look in the mirror, I can already feel how messy my hair is and it's enough to turn me back around, staring at the smile on his face.

"I can tell why your brother is a hairdresser and not you." I pout, and he plants a kiss on my forehead, extending his arm across the length of the bath and I slip into his side. "Thank you."

"For what?" He whispers.

"For being nice." I reply and I hear him chuckle slightly. "Because I'm telling you that if it was me watching someone being sick, I'd be out of here."

"Yeah but you're not just someone, are you?" He reminds me and his words send sparks flying down my spine. "Besides, it's the least I can do."

"You know you'll stop loving me if you keep seeing me like this." I say, matter of factly and he pulls away slightly, staring at me with that expression which indicates I couldn't have been more wrong.

"It makes me love you more." He tells me and I blush again, not knowing exactly how to react, but knowing he meant it.

"The things I do for you." I shrug, curling back into his side and he leans in to kiss me before I pull away. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Good point." He pulls a face, kissing my forehead again as an alternative and we sit there for a few minutes, in comfortable silence before I feel the ability to get up. I grab my toothbrush and catch my reflection in the mirror.

"Oh God!" I exclaim. "What have you done to me? I look like Beth Tinker." He just laughs, standing up and wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder as I finish brushing my teeth. "...Nick?" I ask when I've finished and he smiles, knowing I was going to ask for something.

"What do you want?" He responds and I spin around to face him, slipping through his arms so his hands fasten again behind my back.

"Can you go and get some popcorn?" I request, before staring off into space, thinking about what else I wanted to eat. "Ooh and some ice cream."

"Anything else?" He lets go of me, heading back into the bedroom to get dressed at my demand and I lean up against the door frame, pandering the thought.

"Yeah." I click my fingers. "What are those green things called?"

"Pickles?" He guesses, pulling his t-shirt over his head.

"No, the spicy ones..." I trail off, trying to think of the word.

"Jalapeños?" He tries again and my face lights up.

"Yes that's the one." I nod, and he shakes his head at me, amused.

"You're not gonna eat these things together, are you?" He frowns, pulling his coat on and taking his wallet off the side.

"Don't tempt me." I warn him and he kisses me briefly before walking past.

"I won't be long." He promises.

"You'd better not be." I follow him downstairs and towards the front door. "Oh and Nick?"

"Yes, what?" He groans, turning around and I have to hold back laughter, enjoying ordering him around.

"I love you." I finish and he pulls a face at me.

"I love you too." He returns, as he opens the front door. "Stick a film on I'll be back in a minute."

 **Nick**

I open the front door quietly, just in case Carla is sleeping, and see her sat cuddled up on the sofa with her back to me, blanket pulled up to her chin. I silently close the door, creeping up and throwing my hands over her eyes, causing her to jump slightly before a smile creeps across her face. I kiss her neck several times before removing my hand and her head snaps around, eyes immediately falling to the carrier bag I've lowered onto the floor.

"Did you get the stuff?" She jumps up, going over to it and putting it down on the coffee table.

"You make me sound like a drug dealer." I laugh, watching as she eagerly pulls a jar of jalapeños, two tubs of chocolate and vanilla ice cream and a family size bag of popcorn out of the bag.

"Where's the bottle of wine?" She jokes and I sit down on the other sofa that is next to the one she has just risen from. She unscrews the lid on the jalapeños and I pull a face as she pulls one out, biting into it.

"You're just gonna eat that whole?" I ask, impressed that she didn't seem to be phased by the spice of it.

"Yep." She replies, sitting back down on the sofa and I raise my eyebrows at her. "You don't understand."

"Stupid question, but you haven't told Dev have you?" I ask and she shakes her head at me, looking puzzled.

"Why would I have told Dev?" She scoffs.

"It was weird, I went to pay and he began telling me about how Sunita had cravings for yogurt, I'm assuming he meant when she was pregnant..." I trail off. "Then he went quiet afterwards."

"Oh..." A fleck of recognition shows in Carla's face and she drops the jalapeño back into the jar. "I completely forgot..."

"Forgot what?" I prompt her, as she puts the jar down on the table.

"I bought the test off Dev." She bites her lip, looking guilty as if I would be annoyed at her over it. "I was in a rush during the wedding reception and it was when I went out to get some paracetamol... I told him to pretend he never saw anything."

"That would explain it then." I nod, finally realising and I glance at Carla. "It's ok, you don't have to look guilty about it."

"I'm rubbish at keeping secrets." She pouts slightly, picking the jar back up.

"Oh be careful with how many you eat of those." I warn her and she looks at me as if I'm taking candy from a baby. "I was reading up about it, apparently they can cause heartburn if you eat too many of them."

"I'll take that risk." She shrugs and it makes me laugh. "So come on then, nutritionist; what else can I expect to crave?"

"Ice, crisps, lemon, sweets, though if you crave sweets it usually means you're having a girl." I explain.

"Oh I craved sweets last time." She exclaims and there isn't an awkward silence, instead she sits with a satisfied smile on her face, which pleases me.

"Well there you go then." I say, gently and she glances over at me.

"Ice?" She questions, bypassing the subject without further deliberation. "How can you crave ice?"

"Don't ask me! I'm not the one going through it.." I point out and she looks thoughtful for a moment, as if actually considering it. "Do you want me to put that ice cream in the freezer?"

"No." She grabs the tub, defensively like a sulky child, and she tears the top off it, dipping the jalapeño she is holding into it and taking a bite, causing me to stare at her with a disgusted look on my face.

"Ugh Carla!" I wince and she just laughs. I actually couldn't believe how happy and relaxed she seemed. A few years ago I'd never imagined it could be like this; the factory boss who struts around in designer heels, shouting her mouth off, would be sat in our living room eating ice cream from the tub, still in her pyjamas at three in the afternoon. It almost felt like an achievement, I felt like I'd cracked Carla Connor, knowing very few people, if anyone, had ever had this privilege.. She completely let her guard down for me, behind closed doors, where nobody else would know the truth. But she let me in, she loved me enough to let me see the soft side of her, the side which she'd always been scared to reveal to herself. That was something I would feel honoured about for the rest of our lives together.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks, her voice calm and I snap out of my thoughts, noticing she had stopped eating, staring at me inquisitively.

"Nothing." I lie and she shoots me a knowing look, putting the jar and tub down and coming over to me. She sits herself down, throwing her legs over my lap, immediately moving her hand to play with my fingers, as I wrap the other one around her shoulders. "You were married to Paul for how long?"

"Ooh, you're that bored we're going through the family tree?" She grins, looking up at me.

"Not bored, content." I correct her.

"So you just want to start a conversation about my ex's? How long have you got?" She teases me and I nudge her to prompt her for the answer. "Eight years, why do you ask?"

"And you never thought about having kids?" I continue.

"No." She scoffs, laughing at the thought. "I'd rather have stuck pins in my eyes. I was far too modest back then, plus he was just a scapegoat, never tell Michelle that."

"You loved him though?" I ask.

"Well, I thought I did." She explains. "But back then I didn't know what love was. I'd grown up being unloved by my own mother, abandoned, every boy I ever got with during my teens just wanted me for one thing... Back then I'd have said yes, but now I know what love really is, I find it hard to believe. He never knew who I really was... I was as fake as could be, all hair extensions and top market clothing. But do you know what? Not once did he look at me with that look... You know, the one where you look back and think wow, he really loves me. The one where it makes me feel special and like the only person on Earth. There were no butterflies, just lust, not even passion. I craved for him to look at me like that, because I'd never ever known what it would feel like, to be genuinely appreciated, genuinely loved for who I really was, despite all my flaws... I guess that's why he slept with prostitutes, never good enough for him..."

"Well you deserve to be treated like gold." I tell her, as if I was angry at a dead man for disrespecting her. "You deserve to know how that feels, you more than anybody."

"Oh, I do now." She whispers and I look into her eyes, a meaningful expression on her face. "Every single time you look at me, I know how that feels. It's the best feeling in the world."

"...Then I'm doing my job right." I conclude and she sinks into my chest. I notice she's shivering slightly and wrap my arms around her tighter.

"Are you cold?" I worry, and she nods her head. "Want me to put the fire on?"

"Mm." She mumbles appreciatively, grabbing a cushion as I get up and pulling it over her tummy, rubbing it briefly and stopping when I notice.

"Are you alright?" I stress.

"I'm fine." She assures me. "Stop worrying, just a bit of a dull ache that's all." She explains and I continue to look at her with a worried expression. "Nick I promise you, it's fine. Probably one too many of those things, like you warned me."

"You're sure?" I check, not wanting to run any risks, but she looks pretty certain on the matter and I know she didn't either.

"I promise." She returns, finding the remote control as I disappear into the kitchen, taking the tubs of ice cream with me and listening to her switching through the channels.

"I thought you were choosing a film?" I call back to her as I warm up a hot water bottle in the microwave.

"We've watched everything to death though." She replies before hesitating. "Ooh the shopping channel."

"No!" I shout, peering around the door to see her laughing at my reaction. "I love you but I have my limits."

"Ah look at these boots though." She cries and I roll my eyes as I take the hot water bottle out of the microwave. I re-enter the living room, handing it to her and she looks both surprised and appreciative. "Thank you."

"Shift." I indicate and she shuffles up the sofa, allowing me to sit down behind her, so she can lie back into my arms, placing the hot water bottle gently on her tummy. "Alright?"

"Better, thank you." She closes her eyes momentarily and I take the remote control from her, which she doesn't object to.

"Right." I change the channel, reaching for the bag of popcorn and passing it to her, as she opens it excitedly. "We are not watching any of that rubbish today."

"Oh please?" She begs me, with an innocent look on her face that I can never resist. "It'll help give you ideas for my Christmas list."

"Ugh..." I groan, before switching the channel back and giving in, watching her defiant reaction as she looks back at the television, entwining her fingers with mine over the top of the hot water bottle. I breathe in the smell of her hair, twirling it around my finger and exhaling happily at how content we both were at this moment in time. As if nothing could ever go wrong, as long as we had each other.

* * *

 _ **Please leave a review if you have the time! Thank you for reading so far!**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18:**

 **Carla**

"Ah here she is, lady of leisure." Aidan greets me as I enter the office. "Rolling in late as well, very impressive."

"Yes and if you have a problem with it, you know where the door is." I smile at him, sweetly, before flopping down in my chair.

"You alright?" Johnny frowns. "You look a bit peaky."

"Not feeling the best." I reply, which was the truth, but not in the way they anticipated. I wasn't about to tell them I'd been chucking my guts up all morning, I'd spent too long trying to convince Nick to let me go into work, I didn't want to have to convince them as well.

"You can go home, if you're not up to it." He tells me and I reject his act of sympathy by opening my emails.

"Uh, no she can't!" Aidan objects. "She wasn't the one working to get that delivery out the last few days. Not all of us can sit around on the sofa."

"Aidan!" Johnny scolds.

"Aidan don't you forget that it's daddy and me who own this business." I dare to joke and I see Johnny smile slightly at the remark, which I mentally cringe at. "You're treading on thin ice at the moment."

"Well if there's anything we can get you?" Johnny offers and I turn my gaze to him, wondering why he was being so nice.

"Yes, Aidan can get me a coffee." I demand, realising I needed my one cup of the day now if I was going to stay awake until lunchtime. "Not too strong though, please."

"Said you, never." He scoffs, getting up reluctantly as I scan an email, holding my finger up to him before he leaves.

"Hold on." I stop him. "Who's this client? Mr Eccles?"

"Never heard of him." Aidan frowns, leaning down to read the email. "I've never seen that email address before in my life."

"Yes well they've asked for a meeting at lunchtime today." I tell Johnny, as Aidan had already read it for himself. "Said they're looking to switch suppliers and are interested in placing a large order."

"Excellent." Johnny preens.

"Sounds dodgy to me." Aidan replies and my eyes dart between their two opposing expressions.

"Well, I'll deal with it." I tell them, not wanting the situation to be mucked around with. "They've asked for me anyway."

"What so you can swan off to the Bistro for a nice lunch with lover boy?" Aidan raises his eyebrows. "I don't think so."

"Oh for God's sake Aidan." I roll my eyes, typing out a reply to the email. "I'll do it at the Rovers if you're that bothered." I press send, turning back to him impatiently. "Coffee?"

"Coming right up." He groans, leaving the office.

 **Nick**

"Wow." My eyes widen as I enter the Bistro, taking in all the Christmas decor and heading over to the bar. "This is uh... Festive."

"Kate and Daniel's doing." Michelle tells me, pointing at Kate who is admiring her work.

"A bit eccentric, don't you think?" I ask her, amused. "This is a restaurant, not Santa's grotto."

"Oh don't, she's already asked if they can dress up as elves." Michelle warns me and I laugh.

"Well, it's Christmas." Kate reminds us, as if it wasn't obvious. "Everybody loves Christmas."

"I think you'd find your sister has adverse opinions on that matter." I tell her. "Whatever, it can stay. You have worked hard."

"Unpaid as well." Kate prompts me. "Just remember that when you're totting up the Christmas bonus'."

"Ugh, I'll be back in a sec." Michelle mutters, looking confused at one of the orders in the till. "Robert?" She shouts, heading into the kitchen as the door swings closed.

"Hey you." I nudge Kate, and she stops preparing the drinks she is pouring. "I haven't had chance to thank you properly, for what happened last week."

"How is she?" She lowers her voice, concerned.

"Hormonal, gobby... But none of those things relate to the pregnancy." I joke and she smiles. "No honestly she's fine, it was just a scare. She said you kept your cool though, it really calmed her down. Thank you."

"Yeah well I was terrified." She admits. "But we do what we have to for the people we love."

"Yeah." I reply, pondering the thought briefly before Michelle returns. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah one of the orders just went through wrong, my fault." She sighs, before turning to me. "Feeling better then? Sounded nasty, that sickness bug."

"Huh?" I frown as Kate elbows me in the side and I suddenly clock on. "Ah! Oh yeah that sickness bug... Nasty..."

"Yeah Kate said Carla's had it as well." Michelle explains.

"Yep, Carla's had the sickness bug alright." I reply and I hear a small laugh emit Kate's lips from behind me. "She's all better now though, we can hope."

"Good, so you can start pulling your weight in here again." She teases me, pulling a Christmas hat out of a nearby box and putting it on my head. I immediately remove it, staring at it, before pulling a face.

"I am not wearing that." I argue.

"Why not?" Kate grins. "You're Santa, we're the elves."

"Yeah and I think table four are waiting on their drinks." I indicate and she huffs before carrying the tray over.

"You know you won't get out of this." Michelle shakes her head at me and I smile. "She won't be told that one, just like her sister."

 **Carla**

I check my messages before putting my phone down and scanning through the paperwork of sample figures and designs in front of me. Ten minutes early, at least it meant getting out of the office for a bit. I suddenly look up, as a glass of red wine is put down in front of me, and Tracy sits herself down opposite, with her own in hand.

"What do you think you're doing?" I try to refrain from snapping, not wanting another drama before the client walks in.

"I just bought you a drink." She smiles, that same cocky, innocent tone to her voice which really grinds on me. "You should be thanking me."

"Thanks but I'm working, can't drink." I mutter, pushing it away and looking back down at the paperwork in the hope she'll leave. But she doesn't, she continues to sit there, staring at me.

"I'm sure one drink won't hurt." She prompts me, pushing it back and I glare at her.

"Tracy, I said I'm working." I respond. "And I wouldn't drink with you anyway, probably poisoned it. Treat yourself, have two."

"I came to apologise actually." She sighs, and I put my pen down, eyeing her up cautiously. "For how I spoke to you, a few weeks back."

"No you didn't." I scoff. "You don't apologise for anything, and even if you did, I wouldn't trust it was true for one second."

"Well aren't we a bundle of joy today?" Tracy sits back, making it evident she isn't going to leave anytime soon.

"Tracy, I'm meeting a client here in... Ooh six minutes.." I check the clock on my phone. "So why don't you scurry along and find some kittens to drown or something."

"You do realise; you ruined my life." She finally announces, leaning forwards on the table.

"No, you ruined my life, which ruined your own life." I remind her. "But luckily for me I got mine back, so who was the winner there, hey?"

"Oh yeah because coming back to have everybody laugh at and hate you is really an achievement." She scoffs.

"Well, happens to you on a daily basis." I shoot back, smugly and I can see the anger brewing in her expression. "You'd know. Now do you have a reason for being here or?"

"Do you realise how relieved everybody was when you went off to Devon?" She continues, and I try to keep calm, knowing her tactics. She was trying to push me further, trying to get me to snap yet again. Why? I didn't know, but that was just the magic that was Tracy Barlow. "I'm surprised they didn't throw a street party. Even Roy seemed glad that he didn't have to put up with your whining and your constant pool of self-pity you like to soak yourself in."

"Get lost." I snap, lowering my voice. It was enough her trying to wind me up but bringing Roy into this was pushing the barrier.

"And Nick... Ooh, the stories I could tell you. Do you remember how disappointed he looked on your wedding day? How angry, how much you disgusted him?" She smirks and I take a deep breath, knowing she was trying to get to me in any way possible. "He was forever slagging you off afterwards. It didn't take him a second to jump back into bed with Leanne, trust me. He told everyone she was the love of his life. Told everybody that when they got engaged."

"...What?" I finally murmur, the word escaping my mouth before I can stop it. I stare her dead in the face, confused, hurt, it all showed and she loved it. "...They were engaged?"

"Yeah." Tracy laughs, as if I already knew, and when she realises, a big grin creeps over her cheeks. A big, stupid, aggravating grin that makes me want to wipe it clean off her face. But I don't, I just stare back at her, keeping my cool although I was breaking inside. "Surely Nick told you... Or Michelle at least? Oh yeah, he kept telling Leanne he couldn't wait to get a divorce from you, even had a meeting with our Adam about it, because she was 'the only woman he ever wanted to marry'." I know most of these quotes are probably bullshit, but I also knew Tracy was telling the cold hard truth, and that was what shocked me the most. "Carla... He hated you... Surely you knew that?"

"...Does it ever bother you?" I finally ask, not having the energy to raise my voice or give her the satisfaction of getting angry. "That you are going to be alone, forever, and do you know why? Because you are one of the most pathetic, twisted people I think I've ever met, and trust me, I've met a lot."

"I won't be alone though, will I?" She continues to smile, as if my words haven't dented her stone heart in the slightest. "Because I have a daughter, and that's something you will never have."

"Shut up!" I suddenly shout, standing up and causing the table to wobble precariously. She looks surprised for a moment, as if she'd pushed my buttons easier than expected. Peter immediately comes over, standing in between the pair of us as if I was going to kill her right here and now. Which trust me, was tempting.

"Right, that's enough." Peter orders and I glare at him. Peter Barlow pretending he has the moral high ground? That was a joke and a half. "Tracy, out you go."

"Me?" Tracy exclaims, taken-aback by her brother's unfaithfulness.

"Yes _you_ , go on." He orders her and she snaps her head around to look at me. She hesitates, before picking up the spare glass of wine and throwing it over me. My mouth gapes open for a minute, as red wine trickles down my face and clothes. I just stand there, unable to move, watching the satisfied look on her face as Peter puts his hand on her arm, forcefully trying to turn her around. "Tracy I said get out!"

"Oh and by the way." She spits. "Mr Eccles? Well unless my dog walks in, you're going to be sitting there for a very long time. Cheers." She holds her glass up, draining it and smirking before turning on her heel and walking out.

"I am so sorry, Carla." Peter apologises on her behalf, grabbing a wad of napkins from the bar and handing them to me.

"Leave it." I snatch them off him, patting my face as if my make-up wasn't already ruined. I look down at the white blouse I was wearing which was completely soaked in wine, knowing I'd have no chance of getting that out. I realise it is spilt all over the paperwork and try to blot it clear before giving up, gathering it and shoving it in my bag. I glance at the sea of faces, staring at me before heading towards the door. "Hope you enjoyed the show. As always."

 **Nick**

A sea of heads turn to face me as I enter Underworld, excited for having anything to gossip about.

"Afternoon." I greet them, before opening the door to the office. I notice Carla isn't there and see Aidan sat on the phone, an annoyed look on his face.

"Carla, where the hell are you?" Aidan snaps down the phone and worry immediately sets in. "This isn't the time for games, we've got McKnees doing this conference call in fifteen minutes. Call me when you get this."

"What's going on?" I ask, concerned. "Where's Carla?"

"She was supposed to be back from meeting a client..." He checks his watch, angrily. "An hour and twenty minutes ago."

"Meeting a client where?" I question, heading towards the door.

"The Rovers." He says before stopping me. "Johnny's just gone over there to look for her though."

"Right well, I'm going to go and check the house, and then the hospital." I blurt out and Aidan looks confused.

"Why would she be at the hospital?" He frowns. "Is everything alright Nick?"

"Yeah just... If she isn't in the pub, here or home it's usually there isn't it." I try to shrug him off.

"Or the police station." He tuts. "Which is where I'll be when I get my hands on her."

"Ok is that really necessary?" I demand, my voice wavering with worry. "Can you call me as soon as she gets back here, if she does?"

"Yep." Aidan replies, shortly and I leave, heading out of the factory in a hurry and down the street towards our house. I unlock the door, pushing it open.

"Carla?" I shout and there's no response. I head into the kitchen and see her sat at the dinner table, hair wrapped in a towel, glass of red wine in front of her. I immediately grab it and pour it down the sink, which she doesn't even acknowledge. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I wasn't going to drink it." She mutters, avoiding eye contact and for a moment I didn't know what to do. I was angry at what I had walked in on, I was worried in case something bad had happened, I was upset that she hadn't contacted anybody. "I promise, I wasn't."

"Well why pour it then?" I snap, pulling out a chair and sitting down opposite her. "What's going on? Carla?"

"Nothing." She returns, bluntly, still staring down at the table.

"Apparently you were supposed to be back at the factory over an hour ago." I remind her, irritated at her lack of enthusiasm to contribute to the conversation.

"Yes well I am the boss." She points out, as she always did when she went awhile; trying to justify herself. "I can take time off whenever I want."

"Not without warning anybody, you can't." I try to refrain from shouting. "I was worried sick when Aidan told me he didn't know where you were. Johnny's gone looking for you. I thought you were at the hospital."

"Oh very dramatic." She mutters and it winds me up further.

"No, not dramatic Carla!" I shout. "Because last week we thought we had lost our baby." There is a silence as I finish and she continues to look down at the table, not even flinching at my uproar.

"...Why didn't you tell me you were engaged to Leanne?" She finally asks me and I try to register the question for a moment.

"What? You've always known I was engaged to Leanne?" I frown. "Married her and all, twice, did you forget that part?"

"No." She stops me. "When I left, you got engaged to her. When we were still married."

"...I completely forgot to tell you." I suddenly remember, and it was the honest truth. With everything going on and with it being such a short engagement, the topic of me and Leanne had very rarely arisen. "I... I honestly didn't mean to keep it from you, I just never thought it was relevant."

"Not relevant?" She scoffs, finally looking up at me and raising her voice. "You were engaged to another woman whilst we were still married! Whilst I was pregnant with your child, you were planning a wedding with her and a future with her, yet I didn't even know!"

"Oh, you knew about the baby and the future. I was just desperate for a child, it seemed like an ideal situation." I try to justify myself and she raises her eyebrows, causing me to immediately regret what I've said. "I didn't mean it like that."

"So is that why you came back then?" She asks, bitterness in her tone. "Is that why you travelled three hundred miles up the motorway? Hm? Because you were desperate for a child. It was nothing do with me. Only problem is, that wasn't the ideal situation was it? Far from it."

"No Carla, because if it had just been for that reason, I'd have travelled three hundred miles back down the motorway and I wouldn't have stayed with you!" I retaliate and tears immediately spring in her eyes. I sigh, knowing I kept saying the wrong thing. "I mean... Of course I would have, I would have wanted to make sure you were ok... But that doesn't matter because the reason I stayed and the reason I'm here now-"

"Oh no you don't need to try and justify yourself, not to me, not to anyone." She snaps.

"I'm not trying to justify myself!" I begin and she cuts me off again.

"When I was screaming in pain in that delivery room." She interrupts me, tears streaming down her face. "When I was crying because my heart had been broken, because I had nothing left. You were telling everybody Leanne was the love of your life. Picking out centre pieces, writing invitations, looking at solicitors to get us a divorce."

"Carla, I didn't-" I try again.

"Don't try and deny it, Tracy's told me!" She shouts and I hesitate for a second, not knowing whether I was confused or annoyed over the fact she trusted Tracy Barlow's account of events, over mine. "You had a meeting with Adam Barlow, about getting a divorce from me, so you could marry Leanne."

"I had a meeting with a solicitor on our wedding day about getting an annulment." I remind her and a look of recognition flashes across her face. "I told you that, didn't I? Can you blame me? I'd just found out that you'd been lying to my face for five months, the person I trusted more than anybody."

"You hated me that day." She lowers her voice, remembering. "Even Tracy knows it and she wasn't even at the reception."

"I didn't hate you, I'd hated what you did." I correct her. "There's a very big difference. I was hurt, it hurt so much, it was the front I put on it Carla, it's how I deal with things, you know that!"

"You looked disgusted." She practically whispers. "Like I actually disgusted you."

"Carla, why are we doing this?" I finally ask, calmly, confused as to where this had all suddenly come from. "We said we'd drawn a line under all of that. The stuff with Leanne, the wedding, the lies. I thought all of that was behind us."

"So did I." She murmurs, standing up. "But it just takes one thing, doesn't it? It just takes one gust of wind for the smoke to clear. I never even went over it in my head, as soon as I got to Devon. I tried to push it all out, because I thought I would never see you again."

"Carla." I warn, quietly. "We're married, we're having a baby. I love you, surely you know that by now!"

"Yes Nick but the bottom line is..." She hesitates, as if fitting a jigsaw together in her head. "If I had never called you to tell you about Lauren, you'd be happily married to Leanne right now. Maybe she'd be pregnant with your actual child. Gail would be over the moon, everybody would be saying they told you so, that it was 'meant to be'. You wouldn't be with somebody as dysfunctional as me, because be honest, all the pain, the torture over the years, it's messed me up. I do stupid things, I run off when I'm scared or angry, I make rash decisions, I gamble, I drink, I rage at the world... You really couldn't do much worse than me, could you? Even you know it, because you said it to my face that day. You scoffed when Roy said I had a good heart, you shook your head as if you wanted nothing to do with me ever again. So why are we here, Nick?"

"Because I love you." I insist, as she pulls the towel off her head and letting her damp hair fall against her shoulders. "Because you are pregnant with my child! A child we have waited so long to have, Carla, all the negative tests, all the tears, all the excitement. You're saying that counts for nothing?"

"No, I'm saying that counts for everything." She murmurs, reaching behind her chair and picking up an overnight bag and I finally clock on to what she is doing. "You deserve better, so much better."

"Carla, come back." I demand, standing up and following her as she heads towards the door. I slam my hand in front of it and she pauses, exhaling sharply. "You're being ridiculous. All of this because of Tracy Barlow? What's going on? None of this makes sense.."

"I just need a bit of time." She tells me, closing her eyes momentarily and wishing for me to step out of the way. "Just a few nights."

"Right so where are you going?" I interrogate, not giving up on her for a second. "Because you're not going anywhere that's going to jeopardise our baby's future."

"Oh like I would!" She snaps, meeting my gaze. "I'm not going to the casino, Nick, to shove champagne down my neck and money down the drain. I'm not stupid, I love this baby more than I could ever imagine already, why would I jeopardise that?"

"Can we just talk?" I beg her, calmly. "Please, can we just sit down and discuss this properly, without jumping to any decisions."

"No." She finalises, trying to push past me and I carefully place my hands on her waist. "Nick! Move out of my way!"

"I'm not letting you go." I tell her, so meaningfully it almost makes me cry. "Not now, not ever. Why don't you understand that? I've told you from the start; you can try to push me away all you like, but it won't work. I'm going nowhere."

"...Move out of my way!" She shouts, before looking into my eyes, her breathing ragged. I stare back at her, as if trying to show her how much I loved her, cared about her, needed her, just through a gaze. She drops the bag, moving forwards and begins to kiss me passionately. She wraps her hand around my neck and I lift her up gently, sitting her on the arm of the sofa as she continues to build the passion between us. I feel butterflies as her fingers glide through my hair, her other hand gently clawing my neck. She breaks free for air, momentarily and I move down to kiss her neck, feeling her exhale lustfully at my touch. I knew how this worked, she needed to feel something, she needed to feel love and trust and reassurance. I knew her so well, that this was the alternative to the self-destruct button, because that happened through lack of love or care, and this was the medication to remind her how special she really was.

I softly place kisses along her collar bone, feeling her grip tighten around me, her hands moving to the hem of my t-shirt, to which I release myself from her momentarily so she can pull it up over my head. I tilt my head back towards her lips, kissing her bottom lip softly before the passion begins to build again. Her tongue flickers against mine, my hands moving to her dressing down belt, easily pulling one end of it and feeling it fall away, resting on her shoulders. I trail my finger down her chest, causing another sigh to emit her lips at the contact. Her fingers scramble to undo the button on my trousers, pulling them part way down my legs, along with my boxers, and allowing them to slip down so I can kick them off behind me. I pick her up, moving so she is lying back on the sofa, our eyes finally meeting for the first time, as I position myself above her. We stare back at each other for a moment, a look of understanding and reassurance, before our lips meet again and we melt into each others embrace.

 **Carla**

The soft graze of Nick's thumb running up and down my arm gives me goosebumps, but the kind which allow me to tingle warmly inside. I am lying in his chest, curled up on the sofa, staring off into space in awe of the events of the past forty minutes.

"We need to talk." Nick whispers, gently and I move my hand so it is flat against his bare chest.

"Just a few more minutes." I murmur and he gives in, planting a kiss into my hair. We lie in a comfortable silence, weighing up the climax of the argument, my eyes drifting to the bag I had packed that still lies by the door. "...Tracy threw a glass of wine down me." I finally say, not that it has any relevance or covers the topic he wanted to discuss. "In the Rovers, it was in my hair and everything. So I couldn't go back to work after that."

"I forgot to tell Aidan I'd found you." Nick suddenly stresses, sitting himself up and grabbing his t-shirt off the floor which he slips over his head. I take the liberty of picking my dressing gown up and pulling it on, and we both continue to dress in silence, before he reaches for his phone. "Nine missed calls and three text messages."

"I'm not a lost dog." I scoff, rolling my eyes. "May as well put posters up on the lamp-posts."

"Yes well, they're probably still looking for you." Nick says, reading the text messages on his phone. "You should give him a call."

"I daren't even look at mine." I mumble, looking behind me and scanning the room. "I don't even know where I put it."

"Well here you go." He hands his to me, already dialling Aidan's number. "Use mine."

"Nick? Have you found her?" Aidan sounds panicked on the other end of the line and I sigh, knowing I was in for a lecture.

"It's Carla." I respond and he goes quiet for a minute, as if weighing up which of his unimportant questions he was going to ask first. "Sorry I had some things to sort out at home."

"Some things?" Aidan raises his voice. "You were supposed to be in a meeting, and then you were supposed to come back here for that conference call with McKnees. They are not happy, kept asking where you were and I had to lie saying you were at the dentist. Honestly, what has gotten into you at the moment? I don't think you realise just how-" I roll my eyes, putting the phone down on the coffee table and listen to the quiet hum of his voice going on down the phone. I sit back, glancing at Nick who was sat with his head in his hands. I wait until the buzz has stopped before picking the phone up again. "Well? Did you?"

"Did I what?" I groan, exasperatedly.

"Did you get the deal sorted?" He snaps, clearly referring to the apparent 'client' I was supposedly visiting earlier.

"Not quite." I reply, bluntly and I can virtually feel his anger from the other end of the phone.

"You know what Carla? Why did you even bother coming back? It's not like you give a stuff about the factory anymore anyway." He shouts before hanging up and his words don't phase me. I just throw the phone back into Nick's lap, getting up to head towards the kitchen.

"Right so can we talk now?" Nick calls to me as I pull the carton of apple juice from the fridge, pouring it into a glass as he appears in the doorway.

"What is there to talk about?" I finally sigh and I can see in his face that he knows this won't be an easy battle to fight..

"Uh, oh I don't know, maybe the fact you just threatened to walk out?" He sasses me, a hint of sarcasm in his voice and I loudly slurp my apple juice just to annoy him, because I know that's another thing that pushes his buttons. "You packed a bag and everything."

"I was just going to stay at Johnny's for a few nights." I assure him, holding my glass tightly as if it was some kind of stress ball. "Thought we could do with a bit of space?"

"Space?" He raises his voice slightly and I tilt my head to the side, causing him to lower it again. "This morning I was cooking you breakfast and we were discussing baby names. You don't just go from one extreme to the other in a matter of hours."

"Well I apparently do." I respond. "Like I told you once, that must just be the magic that is me."

"Right." He sighs, sitting down and indicating for me to do the same. I reluctantly do so, taking a seat in the chair opposite and avoiding his gaze. "What happened with Tracy? Why were you even talking to her in the first place?"

"I didn't even mean to." I tell him and he looks confused. "She made up some fake client with a fake email address and sent Underworld a message pretending to be interested in placing an order.. So I went to what I thought was a business meeting in the Rovers and she just turned up, dumping a glass of wine in front of me."

"So why didn't you just leave?" Nick asks me, as if it was obvious.

"Because I didn't realise at this point it was her who'd sent the email. I thought I was still meeting a client there." I explain. "So I asked her to politely leave me alone and said I didn't want a drink. But she just started on me out of nowhere, telling me basically that everyone hated me after I moved away to Devon. Especially Roy and especially you."

"Yes because she was trying to wind you up!" He exclaims. "She lives such a sad life that she spends it trying to get a kick out of everyone else's. Particularly yours, you know that."

"She told me all about the engagement." I continue, as if I hadn't absorbed the information he had just thrown at me. "All about how you went around telling everybody Leanne was the love of your life and you couldn't wait to divorce me."

"Ugh..." Nick puts his head in his hands, sighing exasperatedly. "Look, I was heartbroken by what happened. I felt stupid, I felt used." A wrench of guilt tugs inside me. "And I won't lie, of course you weren't my favourite person at the time, far from it. Can you blame me? Really?"

"No." I shake my head, trying to swallow the self-hatred I was feeling. "I felt exactly the same thing with Peter... Except I wasn't stupid enough to take him back." My eyes glide to his expression, which doesn't look the slightest bit angry or hurt at my remark. Instead he just gives me that look; as if anything I say won't change his mind, the same look he gave me after he told me he loved me and I tried to get him to take it back. "Wasn't forgiving enough."

"I'm not Tracy Barlow." He tells me and a small laugh escapes my lips.

"That's good to know." I mutter and he smiles slightly.

"I don't try to get revenge on people, not anymore anyway." He explains. "I don't try to twist things or wind people up. Especially not you... Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the engagement. With everything going on, I completely forgot and it slipped my mind. Yes, I did debate getting a divorce, because I couldn't have married again without one and I honestly thought I'd never see you again. I thought that was it... Then when I got that phone call, I just felt like it was fate. I felt like that was the sign I needed to give us a second chance and as soon as I saw you I knew I still loved you. I knew that never went away because what we had, was something I have never, ever felt with anybody else."

"...I looked pretty disgusting that day so you must have had low standards." I mutter and he stands up, coming over to me and kneeling down, tilting my head so I finally looked into his eyes.

"This is what I want." He promises me, taking my hand in his. "You, me, our baby, our house, our garden that we still need to get round to sorting out, our businesses, our life together. I wouldn't have forgiven you, I wouldn't have stayed and held you every single night while you cried. I wouldn't have stayed strong when you told me, shouted at me to leave, if I didn't love you. And no, you're not an easy bet. You have had a rollercoaster of a past, you're sometimes not easy to please, you don't always give in when you're wrong, well... Ever." I try to fight back the tears as a small smile creeps across my lips. "But I'm messed up too, and the fact that we both accept that in each other, that's what makes us so amazing. Despite everything you're perfect, and there'll never be a day that goes by where I don't think that."

"I love you." I whisper, a small sigh escaping my lips as I lean my head down slightly to kiss him. It's soft, it's meaningful and it's right. "I'm sorry for... Being me.. I'll work on it, I promise."

"Right, well." He nods, standing up and observing me for a moment. "Get dressed because I'm taking you to the Bistro for dinner."

"Ugh..." I groan and he raises his eyebrows.

"Wow, it's not like you're spending a night in a cell." He laughs at my reaction. "I'm buying you dinner, it's not that much for a chore, surely."

"Yeah it's just the effort of..." I yawn, automatically placing a hand on my tummy as I stand up. "Getting ready."

"You could always just throw a t-shirt on and go makeup-less with you hair all knotty like that." He suggests and I give him a look..

"Hello, have we met?" I reply, sarcastically holding my hand out, which he shakes, playfully. "Carla."

"Nick Tilsley." He returns and I narrow my eyes at him, kissing him briefly as I head past him.

"You're Gail Platt's son?" I dare to call back to him as I run up the stairs and I hear him laugh at my remark, both left in thought about how times had changed so drastically, and for the better.

 **Nick**

"Oh hello, you are still alive then." Michelle raises her eyebrows at the pair of us as we enter the Bistro, letting go of Carla's hand as we reach the bar. "Feeling better?"

"Ey?" Carla frowns, sitting herself down on the stool.

"Yeah, you know?" Michelle prompts her. "From the sickness bug?"

"Sickness bug?" Carla frowns and I cough discreetly so she turns to look at me, clocking on to the expression on her face. "Oh well can't say it's completely gone yet but... Hopefully soon hey." She subtly jokes and I nudge her playfully, which makes Michelle look confused.

"Right..." She nods, grabbing two wine glasses automatically.

"Oh uh, what did you want to drink babe?" I ask Carla, which stops Michelle before she pours the wine into the glass. This was the problem with her being so predictable, it backfired when we needed to cover something up.

"Oh Chelle you know what, I'll just have a pineapple juice." She tells her and Michelle frowns. "Oh and can I have a glass of ice as well..." She trails off and Michelle raises her eyebrows at her. "Yeah, ice..."

"Um yeah I guess so." She responds. "Nick do you want a glass of ice as well?"

"I'm alright, just a sparkling water." I assure her, putting my arm around Carla and thinking up an excuse for why she wasn't drinking. "You're still not feeling your best, are you?"

"No, can't imagine wine will really do me much good." Carla returns. "Unfortunately..."

"Well here you go then." Michelle puts our glasses down in front of us, followed by Carla's glass of ice. She waits until she has left to serve a table, before popping a cube into her mouth and wincing as she chews on it.

"I thought you couldn't understand the ice thing?" I quietly prompt her and she shrugs.

"Don't blame me." She groans slightly, swallowing and taking a sip of her drink. "Do you want to get a table?"

"Yeah." I point to the one nearby and she follows me over to it, sitting down and throwing her jacket over the back of the chair. She quickly grabs the menu, her face lighting up as she reads it. "Why do I feel like this is going to be a very expensive meal?"

"No..." She trails off, blushing a bit at my comment. "Do you think I'm greedy?"

"Thought never crossed my mind." I laugh and she pulls a face. "You've got an excuse I guess."

"Ugh..." She sighs, putting the menu down. "You know I've put on three pounds? That's just from eating."

"And also growing a baby, I'd have thought." I lower my voice.

"No, do you know how big your child is right now?" She strops, holding up her fingers to indicate and I smile at the thought. "That big. It's the size of a blueberry. I can't imagine that's what's causing me to put weight on."

"And you know this, how?" I question and she pulls her phone out of her jacket pocket.

"I looked it up, look." She checks nobody is looking before sliding her phone over to me. I glance down and see an image of what looks like pink blob, before looking back at Carla.

"Ah, it looks just like you." I tease and she gives me a death glare, grabbing the phone back off me.

"Don't even..." She warns me and I can't help but laugh as Michelle approaches our table.

"What we having then?" She gets her notepad out as Carla instantly turns her phone over. "Or haven't you decided yet?"

"Steak." Carla scans the menu and Michelle's eyes widen in awe.

"Steak?" Michelle repeats, turning her head to look at me. "Who is this and what have you done with my best mate?"

"What's this thing?" Carla points to the menu, turning it around to show us.

"Oh that's like a vegetable lasagne kind of thing." I explain. "You'd like it."

"I'll have that then." She puts the menu down.

"I'll have the steak actually Michelle." I tell her, watching Carla's expression. "Well done, with peppercorn sauce."

"Great." Michelle takes the menus away. "Oh Kate will be out in a sec, I told her you were here."

"Ah brilliant." Carla smiles as she walks away. "I should've tried to get in touch with Kate actually... I'm a selfish cow sometimes."

"I won't argue with that." I wind her up and she looks annoyed at my teasing.

"Hiya." Kate greets us with a smile and Carla squeezes her hand briefly.

"Hi, I was just saying I should've made the effort to come and see you." Carla apologises. "Sorry, I've been forced into a week of sitting on the sofa and being waited on all day long.."

"Alright for some." Kate smiles, lowering her voice. "How are you feeling?"

"Alright." Carla nods, quietly. "Apart from the cravings and sickness, everything's fine."

"It'll all be worth it, hey." Kate replies, before giving her a quick hug. "Anyway I'll leave you to it, have a nice meal."

"She's a right little gem that one." Carla ponders, watching her go. "The amount of people who said me and her were similar before the truth even came out... I wish. I guess I never knew how much of a compliment that was until I got to know her properly."

"You'd be surprised." I take her hand in mine and she looks back at me, pausing in thought for a moment.

"I am really sorry for how I acted earlier, you know?" She tells me and I nod, understandingly.

"And I'm sorry you had to hear all of that stuff off Tracy." I respond and she is clearly thinking about it, because her eyes begin to well up. "Hey, we said we were going to draw a line under it though. Please don't be upset."

"It's something Tracy said... That's all." She shrugs it off, fighting back tears and taking a deep breath. "Except she doesn't know the full story."

"Why? What happened?" I dare to ask, worrying it was all going to be raked up again.

"I told her how sad she was, and how because of it she was going to be alone forever..." She trails off.

"Well, that's true." I point out.

"She said she wouldn't be alone, because she had a daughter, and that's something I'd never have." She practically whispers and I feel slightly sick at the thought. Carla flicks her hair back off her shoulder, trying to act casual by shrugging it off.

"Why is she so cruel?" I ask myself, realising I said it out loud and Carla grips my hand tighter. "Surely there's got to be an ounce of empathy inside her, even if it is deep down."

"Well you'd have thought." Carla sighs, looking off into the corner of the room. "I mean, I don't even know whether she meant it like that, like last time. It might just have been a poor choice of wording... But then again this is Tracy we're talking about."

"You need to keep out of her way." I tell her.

"Well I've been trying that for years now, haven't I?" She reminds me, finally meeting my gaze and I see her eyes are glistening slightly. "Problem is, when you live on the same street as somebody who hates your guts, guess that's the price I pay for living here... And then she tipped the drink over me, I mean, it's a good job I can't drink wine for a while because trust me, cleaning it out of my ears and hair, it's enough to put me off for good... And my clothes were ruined."

"I'll take you shopping." I tempt her. "You can choose a new outfit."

"I'll have to be choosing a whole new wardrobe soon." She remembers. "Or at least get all my maternity clothes out of the box under the bed."

"Everything's going to be alright, you know?" I assure her and she smiles back at me, appreciatively. "I mean it, no worrying please missy. We are going to enjoy these next few months; no more big arguments, no more rash decisions. It's all about you and little one now."

* * *

"Right, enjoy." I kiss Carla on be forehead after running her a bath. "I'll be ten minutes, I've just got to pop to Dev's. Is there anything you want?"

"No thank you." She smiles contently and I kiss her again briefly before leaving. I grab my coat, heading downstairs and heading towards number one. I bang on the door loudly and it isn't long before Tracy answers, looking annoyed.

"Do you mind? Amy's just gone to sleep." Tracy snaps and I push past her, noticing Ken isn't in.

"Where's you dad?" I ask and she shuts the door, shocked at my presence.

"He's out with Roy watching chess or something." She informs me. "Not that it's any of your business, what do you want?"

"For you to stay away from Carla." I tell her and she rolls her eyes, folding her arms and leaning back against the side board, which irritates me further. "Listen to me, ok? We're happy, Carla is happy, and I know that's something that really grinds on you because you envy her so much."

"Oh yeah, I'm so jealous of a drunk, cheating, liar." Tracy scoffs and I ignore her.

"But her life, and my life have got nothing to do with you, not anymore." I cut her off. "So back off and leave her alone."

"Why should I?" She raises her eyebrows.

"Oh listen to yourself! You're pathetic!" I exclaim, almost laughing at her. "You'll use absolutely anything to wind her up, just so it makes yourself feel better. I'm telling you now, if you upset her again, you will live to regret it."

"Is that a threat?" She smiles, smugly.

"If you want to take it that way." I reply, calming down slightly. "Have a good night, let Ken know I said hi." I head towards the door, before turning around, seeing her still glaring at me from the living room. "Face it Tracy, you lost." I slam the door behind me, the cold air of the street hitting my face. I look up at the Christmas lights that cover the Bistro and smile at my achievement. Everything was working out, everything was going to be absolutely fine...

* * *

 _ **Thank you so much for all of your lovely comments so far!**_


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

 **Nick**

"Morning beautiful." I kiss the side of Carla's head as I walk into the kitchen. I was surprised she was already up, picking at a bowl of berries and flicking through a magazine.

"I don't feel so beautiful." She grimaces and I pop some toast down before going over and wrapping my arms around her from behind. "I'm already fed up and I'm only eight weeks this week."

"Oh which reminds me." I release myself from her, getting the butter out of the fridge. "I've booked the scan for next Wednesday."

"Ah, knew you were useful for something." She teases, as the toast pops and I get two plates out of the cupboard.

"So you'll be able to get the time off work?" I check, passing her a plate.

"I'm sure I can make an exception, Just this once." She replies, a small smile on her face as she gratefully accepts the toast, breaking a bit of the crust off to nibble on. "I'm dreading going into work today. Aidan's gonna give me a right earful."

"Well just tell him you own the place." I suggest, as if she needed reminding.

"Trust me I've tried that on many occasions." She assures. "He seems to think it's his name above the door, not mine."

"Well I'll be in the Bistro at lunchtime if you need a chat." I tell her and she sighs, pushing her plate away. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I just don't feel great." She shrugs, and I put my toast down, spinning her chair around and placing my hand on her tummy.

"Like Kate said; this is all going to be worth it, yeah?" I remind her, kissing her on the lips and she nuzzles into me slightly, wrapping her arms around my neck.

 **Carla**

"Good morning." I drone, not bothering to fake anything as I enter the office, putting my cup of tea from Roy's down on the table and sitting in my chair.

"Morning." Aidan responds, annoyance in his tone. "Maybe you'd like to start with where you were yesterday."

"I don't have to answer to you, Aidan." I snap, already wound up over his authoritative nature.

"Oh ok then, maybe you'd like to answer to McKnees?" He suggests, passing me a stapled pile of paperwork. "They were not happy that you weren't there for the conference call yesterday. But we managed to secure the deal, all thanks to me."

"Well whoopie for you being so modest." I flash him a sarcastic smile.

"Ok, ok." Johnny buts in, holding his hands up. "Aidan, leave it. Carla, is everything ok, love?"

"Absolutely fine." I respond through gritted teeth. "And no, I didn't get us an order yesterday, do you want to know why? Because that fake email address was actually Tracy Barlow, who proceeded to pour a glass of wine over my head and tell me just how much everybody around here hates me."

"Tracy?" Johnny frowns. "Why is she so obsessed with your life?"

"Oh I don't know, Johnny." I snap, flicking through paperwork to avoid further questions. I can see Aidan sat with his head in his hands in the corner of the office. I suddenly feel nauseous again and hesitate before pushing my chair back, desperate to avoid any eye contact with either Aidan or Johnny as I quickly exit the office and head for the toilets.

I get there just in time, throwing up into the toilet and flushing it before leaning back and sitting against the wall of the cubicle. I remember when I first started here, and I often refused to even use the staff toilets because they were below me. Now I was sat on the bathroom floor, knees pulled up to my chest, heaving into the toilet bowl. I wait until my stomach has stopped churching, before I reluctantly pull myself up and unlock the door. I immediately notice Sinead, who is stood by the sinks and staring back at me, anxiously.

"...Shouldn't you be working?" I demand, to throw her off the fact she probably just heard me being sick in the cubicle. "We've only just started, tea break doesn't begin yet."

"Yeah, sorry Mrs Connor... Tilsley." She mumbles, still looking shifty and I know she has clocked on.

"What's the matter?" I ask, predicting the answer to my question.

"Are you feeling ok?" She checks, glancing behind me at the cubicle I had just emerged from.

"Yep." I lie, washing my hands to postpone the heart to heart with one of my machinists. "Just managing to get rid of this bug."

"The bug you've had for over a week?" Sinead dares to point out and I glare at her.

"Yes, Sinead." I snap. "Why, are you a doctor now? Because if you are, you're wasted here."

"I wasn't..." She begins.

"Back to work now!" I order and she hesitates, before pulling a pregnancy test out from behind her back. I study it for a moment, before realising what she is doing.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't do it at home because somebody would find it." She explains and my face softens slightly. I sigh, jumping up and sitting down on the row of sinks.

"Have you got a result yet?" I ask, knowing the feeling all too well and she shakes her head. "I take it the news wouldn't be all too positive... No pun intended."

"I can't have a baby, not now." She stresses. "I mean, with Joseph being so emotional. The sickness, the bloated-ness, I mean I'll get really big, what if Ches doesn't love us when I grow to the size of a house... And giving birth terrifies me, I mean, the fact that something could be stretching out of-"

"Ok." I cut her off, wincing at the thought. I was already feeling fed up, I didn't need all this on my mind.

"Oh sorry." She suddenly apologises, looking guilty. "I forgot, I'm so sorry..."

"Don't worry about it." I assure her, realising she was referring to my last pregnancy which hadn't even crossed my mind.

"You know... I was pregnant at the start of this year." She explains, looking down at the floor.

"I'm sorry..." I trail off, swallowing at the thought.

"No... I." She pauses, her voice cracking. "...I had an abortion."

"Oh." I nod, understandingly and she still looks guilty.. "Sinead, there's no judgement here."

"I did it out of guilt. Everyday I just think what it could have been like if I hadn't gone through with the abortion." She opens up to me and I find myself feeling a sense of empathy, which is something I rarely experience when I'm engaging with my workforce. "I'd have been due last month... I kept thinking 'yeah, I could have been a mum'. Anyway, I'm kidding myself... It was all for the best, I should actually know who I want to have a child with first anyway."

"Are you and Chesney not alright?" I prompt her and she shrugs.

"He's perfect; loving, understanding, stable as a rock." She recites. "But Daniel, he's exciting... He's a risk."

"You sound like me." I respond, immediately hating myself for the comparison. "I mean, I've been there a fair few times."

"How did you know that Nick was... You know, the one?" She questions, quietly, finally moving her gaze so she looked at me.

"Well... I thought Liam was the one, and then Peter." I ponder. "But then when I found Nick, it's something completely different... That feeling that never goes away, where you just know it's right and it could actually work, it _will_ actually work. That's what I didn't have the last few times, you see; hope, faith. I mean I clung on to Peter because I loved him and I wanted more than anything for it to work. But it was a car crash waiting to happen, I knew that all along, though I wouldn't have admitted it. See though, Nick's a mix of the two; he's stable and loving but at the same time it's exciting... I guess that's something rare, something it took me forty odd years to find."

"Do you reckon you'll have another baby?" She suddenly asks and I snap out of my thoughts, staring at her and trying to think of a response.

"Hopefully." The word falls off my tongue and she smiles, picking the test up and studying it.

"Negative." She recalls and there is an awkward silence for a minute.

"Well... That's a good thing isn't it?" I point out, even though I knew from experience how gutting the feeling was.. "You've got time to figure out what you want now."

"Yeah." She nods, forcing a smile and grabbing some toilet roll to wrap the test in, disposing of it in the sanitary bin. I pause, before holding my arms out to offer her a hug, which she looks surprised at but gratefully accepts. "Thank you."

"Why don't you take the rest of the day off?" I offer and her eyes light up. "Go shopping, have a bath, I don't know whatever you want."

"Are you sure?" She asks.

"I wouldn't offer if I wasn't." I point out and she smiles, nodding and walking past me. I follow her out and head back into the office.

"Right, we need to talk." Aidan orders, as I sit back down in my chair. "You can't keep swanning off whenever you feel like it."

"Sinead's going home." I tell Johnny, ignoring Aidan.

"You what?" Aidan snaps. "We've got two orders to go out today and you've sent one of our best machinists home? Are you kidding me?"

"She's not feeling very well!" I argue. "Besides we'll be fine, if needed, you can go and work on the machine.."

"This isn't a time for jokes." He warns.

"Oh I wasn't joking." I retaliate, glancing at Johnny who looks fed up with our bickering.

"You know, you used to take this place so seriously." Aidan scoffs and I raise my eyebrows.

"Oh yeah? Because you know this place so well." I retort. "You know I've almost died in here, almost been raped in here, been conned, screwed over, kicked out, run it into the ground and back up again? This is _my_ factory Aidan, not yours."

"Yeah through luck." He reminds me.

"No Aidan, through hard work!" I raise my voice. "Through grafting and begging and long, late hours."

"And yet now you don't give a damn about it!" Aidan shouts. "After all those years of building it up, getting a reputation; we come along and you think you can just sit back and relax, let us get on with it. Taking time off whenever you feel like it, spending half an hour in the toilets just to procrastinate-"

"Yes because I'm pregnant!" I suddenly shout and the office falls silent. I swallow, regretfully and glance at the window to see if any of the staff outside had noticed, but they were all busily chatting and working away at their machines, as if nothing happened.

"You what?" Aidan frowns, studying me carefully as if I might be lying.

"...I'm pregnant." I admit, knowing there was no point in backtracking and Johnny looks as if he's about to cry.

"Since when?" Aidan asks, his tone now calm.

"Found out a few weeks ago." I reply, bluntly. "We weren't going to tell anybody until after the scan. Which is next week by the way, so yeah, I'm gonna need Wednesday off. Any problems with that?"

"No." Aidan shakes his head, as if remorseful for his uproar.

"Oh love..." Johnny trails off and I give him the satisfaction, rather than biting his head off. "That's brilliant news... I bet you're both over the moon."

"Just as long as everything goes smoothly." I reply and he nods, understandingly. "So yeah, you're gonna be a grandad and you're gonna be an uncle."

"Come here." Johnny gets up, holding his arms out and I reluctantly stand, letting him hug me. "Oh I am so happy for you, the both of you. Congratulations."

"Yeah, congrats." Aidan replies, as I pull away from Johnny and a smile creeps across his face. "Come on."

"Ah he does have a heart." I joke, as he wraps me in a hug, kissing my cheek before pulling away. "Anyway, nobody knows yet so keep it hush hush. Oh, apart from our Kate."

"Kate knows?" Aidan frowns. "How long for?"

"I don't know, a week, maybe two." I shrug, trying to remember when I told her. "She guessed, there's no getting anything past her."

"You can say that again." Aidan replies and I turn to where Johnny is beaming at me.

"I take it you're pleased then?" I ask him.

"I'm going to be a grandad." Johnny murmurs and I roll my eyes at Aidan. "Of course I'm pleased."

 **Nick**

"Ah, hello." I greet Carla as she enters, hesitantly coming over and sliding on to a stool opposite me. "Late lunch is it?"

"You're going to hate me..." She trails off and I frown, not anticipating that kind of greeting.

"What have you bought?" I guess and she shakes her head.. "What?"

"I've told Johnny and Aidan..." She admits and I exhale, I don't know whether it's annoyance or relief but she is looking at me so apologetically I know I can't be too mad at her.

"Carla!" I exclaim, and she buries her head in her hands.

"I know, I know I'm sorry." She pleads, taking my hand in hers. "They'd just been on my back all morning and it slipped out!"

"So that's Kate, Dev, Johnny and Aidan?" I check and she winces. "What is my mum going to say when we tell her your family knew first?"

"I think that'll be the least of your mum's worries to be fair." I point out. "She's hardly gonna be throwing me a baby shower, is she?"

"Yes well, keep it zipped now please." I give in and she nods obediently. "That reminds me actually, I've had a message from Sarah; apparently you offered to take Harry and Bethany out sometime to make up for not babysitting the other week."

"Oh... Yeah I did." She groans. "Why?"

"She's asked if we'll have them Friday." I tell her and she tries to paint an enthusiastic look on her face which I laugh at. "I can say no?"

"No that's fine." She agrees. "I said we'd take them out for dinner or something."

"Sorted then." I get my phone out, quickly sending a message to Sarah. "I'm sure Bethany is going to be just as excited as you."

"Mm..." She mumbles and I get a glass out, pouring her a pineapple juice and placing it down in front of her. "I've been sick at work this morning."

"Really?" I reply, gently placing a hand on her forehead, even though we knew why it was. "That's late."

"Well that's what I thought, but-" Carla is cut off as Michelle heads over to us, putting a tray of empty glasses down on the bar. "Do you ever take a day off?"

"I've got this afternoon off actually, but now you mention it." Michelle glances at me, eyebrows raised.

"Ooh, do you want to do something this afternoon?" Carla asks, excitedly.

"Don't you have to work?" Michelle narrows her eyes. "Then again, when do you ever, nowadays?"

"Uh excuse me, I arranged two meetings, checked an order for delivery, replied to four emails and interviewed for a new machinist this morning." She recites, running her fingers over my hand. "Amongst other things."

"Oh well in that case, what were you thinking of doing?" Michelle inquires. "We could go for drinks?"

"Uh... No I'm not really feeling up to that." Carla lies. "Could go shopping though? Or go to the cinema?"

"Is there anything good on?" Michelle asks as the door to the Bistro swings open and two police officers enter. I glance at Michelle, who looks just as confused as me and Carla turns around to look in the same direction.

 **Carla**

"Oh dear, what have you been up to?" I joke to Michelle, under my breath, scanning the restaurant for anyone who looks shady.

"Hi, can I help you?" Nick comes around the bar so he's stood by my side.

"We're looking for a Nick Tilsley?" One of the police officers informs him and I exchange a look with Nick.

"Uh, yeah that's me." Nick tells them. "I'm the owner."

"Nick Tilsley? I'm arresting you on suspicion of assault." They begin to recite, turning him around and handcuffing his hands behind his back.

"Wait what?" I splutter, practically spitting my drink out.

"Assault?" Nick looks confused, before turning to look at me. I can tell he has no clue what they are on about.

"You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned, something which you may later rely on in court." They continue, ignoring the pair of us. Michelle approaches me, looking almost as shocked as I was. "Anything you do say may be given in evidence. Do you understand?"

"Um, no." Nick replies, bluntly. "You've got the wrong person, I'm telling you now."

"Nick?" I try to reach for his arm but he's already being escorted out of the building. I immediately get up, following them out and Michelle follows behind me.

"Michelle just make sure everything is ok at the Bistro." Nick tells her and Michelle nods before he looks at me. "I love you.."

"What the hell..." I trail off as he is shoved into the police car and I watch them drive off. "Assault?" I snap my head around, looking at Michelle. "They've got to have the wrong person, Nick wouldn't, he hasn't!"

"I know darling, ok." Michelle reassures me, running a hand down my arm before gazing past me. I turn to see Tracy, standing a few metres away and staring back at us, noticing a faint bruise above her right eyebrow. "What's she doing?"

"What have you done?" I suddenly yell, storming over to her and Tracy takes a step back before Michelle grabs me, stopping me from attacking her.

"Woah careful." Tracy laughs, that same cocky, childish laugh she does when she's playing the innocent. "You don't want to be banged up for assault as well, do you?"

"What have you said? What's happened?" I shout in her face. "Tell me Tracy, now!"

"Carla, leave it." Michelle orders, grabbing my arm to stop me from slapping her.

"I haven't done anything wrong." Tracy blatantly lies and it makes me angry.

"What's that?" I point at the bruise and she touches it gently, wincing at the contact. I calm slightly, my breathing still heavy, staring at her and waiting for answers.

"I believe police interviews are supposed to be kept confidential." She replies.

"Oh yeah, because you'd know all about that." I hiss. "We all know your form for lying to the police. Nick wouldn't touch you."

"I beg to differ." She grins. "He's touched me before, one of the best I've ever had, I must say... Aren't you a lucky girl?"

"Why?" I practically spit at her and she laughs, enjoying me being riled up. "Why do you do this to me?"

"Oh it's the truth!" Tracy exclaims. "He came over to mine last night, he threatened me, Carla and then he hit me. Got himself so wound up... It's not like he hasn't done it to women before, is it?"

"He wouldn't." I shake my head, standing back from her.

"Oh yeah? Where was he yesterday at about eight thirty?" She recalls and I search my mind.

"He went to Dev's..." I begin, before wishing I hadn't said it.

"Dev's?" She smirks, glancing at Michelle. "Oh dear, I guess there's not just one liar in that relationship."

"Carla, come on." Michelle tugs on me and I let her pull me back in shock. "We'll go to the station, they'll be able to tell us what's going on."

"Yeah..." I mutter.

"Have a good time!" Tracy calls, cheerily and I have to squeeze my eyes shut to stop myself from turning around.

"Look, it'll be ok." Michelle assures me. "I'll let Robert know what's going on and I can drive us there."

"Chelle..." I pause, looking behind me to notice Tracy has gone. "...You don't think he did..."

"Of course he didn't." Michelle sighs, turning me to face her as we stop in the street. "This is Nick."

"Yeah but Tracy's right, he's hit Leanne... When he loses his temper..." I contemplate and she shakes her head, trying to reassure me. "I don't need this right now. I really don't..."

 **Nick**

"This is DC Hawthorn and DC James, we are present with Mr Nicholas Paul Tilsley and his solicitor..." DC Hawthorn hesitates, looking up.

"Jane Banks." My solicitor recites, before continuing to write on her paper.

"Mr Tilsley, we've been informed of an alleged assault on a Miss Tracy Barlow." She finally informs me and realisation finally seeps in.

"Assault meaning what, exactly?" I ask, leaning back in my chair.

"Miss Barlow claims you threatened her at her house; number one Coronation Street at around eight thirty pm last night." She recites off the paperwork in front of her. "She said you 'barged your way into the house and lost your temper'. Do you have any recollection of this?"

"I went over to her house, yes." I admit. "She's been tormenting my wife, I went over to have a chat with her. You know, ask her to stop."

"Right..." She narrows her eyes. "And how would you describe your state at the time."

"Relatively calm." I respond, which I know is not what they want to hear. "Given the circumstances."

"Was anybody else around at the time?" She questions.

"Uh she said her daughter; Amy was asleep upstairs." I recall. "But her dad was out at a chess game or something."

"So there were no other witnesses to this conversation?" She checks and I shake my head. "You said Miss Barlow had been 'tormenting your wife', your wife being... Carla Tilsley?"

"Tracy mentioned her then." I nod, trying to hold back my annoyance. "Well I'm not married to anybody else, as far as I know."

"Right so can you tell me a bit more about this supposed harassment?" She asks and I pause, trying to understand how Tracy was coming off as the victim here.

"She's always hated her, she's insanely jealous of her, to be honest." I explain. "You can ask anybody on that street, they'd agree with you."

"It's not the first time they've come to blows." She checks her files. "I'm sure you're aware of Rob Donovan's arrest back in 2014, and you were also the one who contacted the police following Miss Barlow's alleged confession after the Victoria Court Fire?"

"Yes because she let Carla believe she was responsible, for months." I tell them. "And it took her until Carla was ready to jump off a cliff, because of the guilt, for her to finally tell her."

"So why don't they just keep out of each other's way?" She asks, as if it was obvious.

"Well... That's not really a question for me, is it?" I point out, bitterly. "You'd be better off asking Tracy that question, she's the one who's obsessed. Did she tell you how she'd faked being a client at Carla's factory yesterday morning? Just so she could harass her even more?"

"She didn't mention that, no." DC Hawthorn checks the paperwork.

"No, of course not." I return, clearing my throat. "Yeah she conned her into going to the pub, and unnecessarily dropped a comment about our baby daughter... Who we lost at the end of last year."

"...I bet that made you angry." She phrases it gently. "When your wife told you."

"It did." I admit. "But I'd calmed down by the time I went over to Tracy's... Where we exchanged a few words and that was about the end of it! I'm sorry but I really don't understand why I'm here."

"Did you just exchange a few words though, Mr Tilsley?" She persists and I sigh. "Or do you recall saying the quote 'if you upset her again, you'll live to regret it'?"

"I don't know." I reply, convincingly, the words familiarly flicking through my head. "My life isn't scripted, and even if I had, I wouldn't have meant it literally. She's the one who's capable of those kind of things, not me."

"Meaning what exactly?" She interrogates me, as if trying to catch me out and I hesitate for a moment, opting not to answer the question. "What happened after that?"

"After that I left, and went home." I shrug, as if it was obvious. "What? Do you think I went off to plot some kind of revenge? My wife and I, we're expecting another baby. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that, neither would I spend more time than I had to worrying about Tracy Barlow. I went over to tell her to leave her alone and that was about it."

"Really?" She raises her eyebrows at me and it irritates me slightly.

"Yes, really." I confirm, studying her expression. "Why, what did Tracy say happened?"

"Miss Barlow claims you hit her." She finalises and it takes a moment for the words to soak in.

"What?" I practically splutter, as if I didn't know Tracy would sink that low. "Well this is Tracy for you; she will lie and lie in order to make everybody else as miserable as she is."

"She's got some bruising just above her right eyebrow." DC James finally pipes up and I turn to look at him.

"Ah you do speak then." I drone, knowing I probably shouldn't but I was bored of this a long time ago.

"Nicholas." My solicitor prompts me and I sigh, leaning forwards on the table.

"I did not hit Tracy Barlow." I conclude, firmly. "In fact I think you should check your files because I'm sure Carla mentioned her and Rob cooking up some plan when they worked at Underworld. Yeah, Tracy faked an injury and went to the police."

"The case was dropped." DC Hawthorn is quick to reply. "And if that's the case, maybe we should have a word with your wife."

"I'd prefer for you to leave her out of this." I say, calmly. "Like I said, she's pregnant, she's under enough stress as it is."

"Have you ever assaulted a woman before, Mr Tilsley?" She bypasses my comment and I sigh, of course Tracy would have mentioned this..

"...I was brain damaged, after a car accident." I explain, reluctantly. "Recently after that I accidentally hit my ex wife, Leanne. But it was the aftermath of the injury and I know how to prevent that now."

"Right..." She sounds disbelieving and I lean back in my chair, folding my arms. "Well I need to have a talk with DC James in private and then we'll let you know what's happening."

"And how long is that going to take?" I sigh, checking my watch. "I do own a business, the staff will be wondering what's going on."

"I'm sure they can manage." She responds, rudely as they both stand up. "You do have a business partner, I'm sure he'll keep on top of things. Interview suspended at four fifty two pm."

"Ok." I stop them before they leave. "But can I at least call Carla? We had a scare the other week with the baby, I just want to check everything's ok."

"We won't be long." She replies, ignoring my request and they leave. I kick the table, sharply causing my solicitor to give me a look.

"That's not going to help your case." She assures me. "Just stay calm, it's the best thing you can do."

"Calm." I scoff, scanning the room. "How long can they keep me here?"

"Well they'll probably decide what's happening, if they want to ask further questions tomorrow, they can keep you in overnight." She explains. "They'd have to release you by lunchtime tomorrow though."

"Oh great." I groan, sarcastically. "You'll be able to make a phone call if they do and I can inform your wife of any information she needs to know."

"I didn't hit her." I assure her. "I know you probably hear that all the time, but I didn't. I wouldn't do something so stupid and put everything I've got in jeopardy. I swear."

 **Carla**

"Here." Michelle passes me a coffee and I take it, feeling tempted to drink it. "What? You have it black, don't you?"

"Yeah but..." I trail off and she stares down at me.

"But what?" She narrows her eyes, sighing and sitting down next to me, rubbing my hand as I put the coffee down on the floor. "Carla, it's going to be fine, I promise."

"Is it me?" I finally ask and she sits back in her chair, watching the officers walk back and forth in front of us. "You know, if blokes get stuck with me they either end up jailed or dead... Sorry."

"Of course it's not you." She assures me.

"But Chelle... If he did do it, he'd have done it for me." I whisper, worriedly. "I mean, it's a bit of a coincidence isn't it? I tell him about what she said, he said he's popping to the shop at the exact time Tracy said it happened..."

"He wouldn't hit her though?" Michelle guesses.

"I hope not." I reply, knowing Nick could sometimes lose his temper, but also knowing he wasn't stupid. "I really hope not."

"Carla?" David's voice sounds as he appears in the doorway, approaching us with Sarah and Gail in tow. "What's going on?"

"Oh hi." I force a smile, this was the last thing I wanted; being grilled by the Platt's. "Uh, I know no more than you. He's still in custody, as far as I'm aware."

"Assault? Nick?" Gail frets, staring at us all in turn. "He wouldn't do something like that."

"You clearly don't know your son then." David drones and I look up, glaring at him. He retracts, holding his hands up defensively. "But obviously he didn't."

"Do what though?" Sarah questions, looking at me for answers. "I don't understand what he's supposed to have done and to who?"

"Something to do with Tracy." I shrug and Michelle rubs my arm, supportively. "Spreading lies and ruining lives."

"Could be her slogan, that." David scoffs and I nod in agreement. "So come on, enlighten us, what's he supposed to have done to her?"

"I only know what Tracy's told me." I sigh, glancing at Michelle and lowering my voice. "Who claims he threatened and hit her."

"No my Nicky wouldn't have done that..." Gail gasps and David rolls his eyes.

"Why would he though?" Sarah frowns, leaning up against the wall.

"Why wouldn't he?" David shrugs. "I've thought about doing it a few times."

"Yes well that's probably not the best thing to say in a police station, is it?" I point out, scanning the area to check no one had heard.

"Carla's knocked her one a few times anyway." David reminds everyone and I glare at him. "She hasn't been arrested for-"

"David that's enough." Michelle snaps, putting her arm around me. "That's really not helping the situation."

"Yeah, sorry." David apologises, sitting down in the chair next to me and Gail begins to wander around, staring at the walls. "You missed this place, mum?"

"David." Sarah warns him as two police officers appear from one of the corridors and glance at me momentarily.

"Either they know me or they've got something to do with Nick." I whisper to Michelle and her eyes drift to where they are saying something to the officer on the desk. "Suppose I have got a loyalty card here."

"This is all your fault." Gail suddenly turns to me and I dare myself to look up at her. "You ruin men, look what you've done to him."

"Mum, stop it." Sarah nudges her.

"I warned her once, she just couldn't keep away." Gail continues and I feel Michelle's grip tighten around my shoulders. "I won't be happy until you've left him alone, gone back to Devon, or further with any luck."

"I'm not going anywhere." I confirm, my voice low, as Sarah pulls her off towards the coffee machine.

"Sorry about that." David turns to me. "She can just be quite protective."

"Yeah and don't I know it." I swallow, forcing myself not to cry at the harshness of her words. I was slowly being worn down, it was a lot easier to crack my emotions now and Gail knew that.

"It's half past five, darling." Michelle checks her phone clock. "Maybe we should get going, they might end up keeping him overnight."

"...Can you stay?" I ask her, not wanting to be alone in case something happened with the baby, which I realised Michelle still didn't know about. "Stay at mine tonight, please? Just in case he isn't back."

"Of course, I'll just let Robert know." She tells me, getting up to make a phone call.

"Do you think there'll be any point in us staying?" David asks and I turn my head to look at him.

"You know the drill." I remind him. "Could be minutes, could be hours."

"The kids are with Shona, I don't want to leave them for too long." He explains and I look at the clock on the wall.

"If they phone me, I'll let you know." I offer. "But there's no use any of us hanging around here."

"I'll go and get mum." He nods, getting up and turning around to face me. "I'm sorry for what she said to you, she wouldn't have meant it, she can just be spiteful in these situations."

"I'm sure she meant every word." I force a smile. "In fact, I know she did. But there's nothing I can do to change that, so."

"Take care of yourself." He says, patting me on the shoulder before walking off, as if I we didn't live on the same street and I wouldn't bump into him in the corner shop tomorrow morning. I bite my lip, staring at the door to the corridor of rooms I knew all too well, willing for it to open and Nick to walk out.

"Ok?" Michelle snaps me out of my thoughts and I nod, hesitantly. I head over to the desk before we leave, waiting for the tired looking receptionist to acknowledge me.

"If there's any news on Nick Tilsley, can you contact me?" I ask.

"His lawyer will be in touch." She responds, before looking back at her computer and I nod, having no energy to say anything else, following Michelle out of the police station.

* * *

"Robert said everything was fine this afternoon anyway, they managed to call Daniel in to cover." Michelle calls from the kitchen, coming into the living room and handing me a glass of wine, which I put down on the coffee table. "Drink that, it'll make you feel better."

"No." I respond, bluntly, not bothering to think of an excuse.

"No coffee, no wine." She narrows her eyes at me, waiting for my witty reply, but there isn't one. "...How far gone are you?"

"About eight weeks." I don't even change my tone as I reply to her, staring off into the corner of the room.

"Congratulations." She takes my hand, squeezing it and I force myself to look at her, holding back tears. She pauses, before putting her glass down next to mine, and moving forward to wrap me in a hug. We sit there for a good few minutes, before she pulls away, running a hand through my hair. "I did have a feeling, didn't want to put the pressure on though."

"Thanks, I guess." I smile slightly. "The night of your party, I had to go to hospital. I'd had a massive row with Nick and he'd stayed at home. Kate guessed, so that's why she was making all the excuses."

"But everything's ok though?" Michelle checks and I nod.

"Somehow." I reply, glancing at the pot in the corner of the room.

"It's beautiful you know..." Michelle inserts and I look back at her, letting a tear glide down my cheek.

"Michelle I'm so scared." I admit, and the words come out as nothing but a whisper. She places her hand on my knee, grazing her thumb across it comfortingly.

"Look at me, Carla." She tilts my head up, so my eyes are level with hers. "I promise you now, I am here for you, no matter what. Everything is going to be alright, you can do this."

 **Nick**

I slam the door closed to the police car, not wasting time before opening the front door. Carla's head turns around immediately and she jumps off the sofa, running towards me and throwing her hands around my neck. I hold her for a few seconds, glancing behind to where Michelle is watching us from the sofa, a relieved smile on her face.

"What happened? What's going on?" Carla pulls away, staring at me with so many questions.

"Are you alright?" I ask, kissing her on the forehead before running my fingers through her hair.

"No, I've been worried sick." She admits and I take her hand, sitting down on the sofa and she sits back down next to Michelle, staring at me intently. "So what? Have they charged you? What's going on?"

"Ok, relax sweetheart." I calm her, thinking it appropriate to acknowledge Michelle. "Hi."

"Hi." Michelle replies and Carla switches her glance between the pair of us.

"Nick?" She begs me.

"No charges." I tell her and she exhales, relief showing in her face. "For now, they said they're going to talk to Tracy again."

"Why would she... What happened last night?" She questions me.

"Look I think I'm going to go." Michelle gets up. "I think you two have things to... Talk about."

"Chelle thank you so much for today." Carla turns to her.

"Don't mention it." Michelle smiles, kissing the top of her head and squeezing her shoulder, supportively. "You look after her."

"I will." I assure her and she smiles before heading towards the door. "Uh Michelle, I'll text you in the morning to let you know what's happening with the Bistro and things."

"Great, see you." She replies before leaving and Carla immediately turns her gaze back to me.

"Why didn't you tell me where you'd gone last night?" Carla stresses, continuing to look worried.

"I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry." I apologise, moving on to her sofa and holding her hand. "Right, just calm down though, stress isn't good."

"Nick I can't help being stressed!" She cries. "One minute we're having a drink in the Bistro and the next you're being carted off in a police car."

"Look I didn't hit her, ok? She's made that whole thing up." I explain. "I swear."

"I believe you!" She exclaims, like she never doubted it for a second. "You told me you were going to Dev's, baby, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to worry you." I swallow.. "I'm sorry ok, I should have told you. But I couldn't not say something after what you told me. I went over, to tell her to keep out of your way..."

"So did you threaten her?" She asks, and I avoid her gaze. "Nick? Tell me the truth."

"...I just told her to stay away from you, or she'd regret it." I admit and Carla's face falls. "But I didn't even lose my temper, let alone hit her. I didn't mean it like that, of course I didn't! We're not all like Tracy; we don't just whack somebody around the head and be done with them... But the bruise? She must have hit herself or something, maybe did it last night and thought she would blame it on me, I don't know."

"Well she's got form for it; she cut her own lip open when she worked at Underworld, just so her and Rob could bag that silk." She tells me. "How low can she sink?"

"Well I did mention that, but they just said the case had been dropped at the time." I tell her.

"And she knocked me out the other week." Carla reminds me. "I mean, that's assault."

"I did think about saying that but I thought you'd get dragged into it and I didn't want that." I sigh, looking into her eyes and moving the hair out of her face. "They seemed so against me though, I didn't think they'd let me go."

"Well when they've got no evidence they have to grill you." Carla recalls. "I mean, imagine what it's like in a murder investigation, I'd be asked the same question over and over again, trying to get me to crack, just so they have someone to pin the blame on."

"How long were you at the station?" I ask, gently.

"Oh I don't know, a good few hours." Carla shrugs. "Your mother turned up, kids in tow, thought it was an appropriate time to rip into me again. Actually I should text David."

"Why, what did she say?" I stop her from reaching for her phone and she looks reluctant to tell me. "Don't worry I won't barge over there and 'threaten' her as well."

"Nick that's not funny." She sighs, looking worn down. "I don't know just about how I ruin men and I've ruined you, she warned me to stay away and I should go back to Devon on my own... I was a bit preoccupied to take it all in to be honest, I guess that's a good thing."

"Oh..." I tilt my head back before looking back at her. "I'm so sorry, I'll have a word with her-"

"No please don't." She begs me, squeezing my hand tighter. "Please it'll just make things worse... From now on you don't need to fight my battles, I think we've established where that can end up... So what's going to happen from here?"

"Well they're going to talk to Tracy but it sounds like they've got nothing really to charge me with." I inform her and she nods, trying to push back relieved tears. "I'm not supposed to talk to her though, which I'm not too gutted about because I can't think of anything better."

"Well I'll talk to her." Carla says and I raise my eyebrows.

"No you won't." I tell her. "You'll stay clear of her, the evil bitch."

"Wow..." Carla looks slightly impressed at my dominant attitude, a small smile finally creeping across her lips. "Well since you're in my bad books, I'll tell you this while you can't be too mad at me; Michelle's guessed. Mainly because she was trying to shove coffee and wine down my neck all day."

"I don't care." I whisper, cutting her off. "I don't care about anything as long as you're ok.

"Made of tough stuff me." She tries to put a front on it. "I'm fine now you're here."

"Have you eaten?" I check, knowing she'd had quite a stressful afternoon.

"Not a thing since breakfast." She admits and I sigh.

"Carla, that's not good." I place a hand on her tummy. "You need to remember to eat."

"Well I had bigger things to worry about, didn't I?" She excuses herself, studying me with sunken eyes. "Starving now though."

"I don't know what we've got in." I stand up, planting a kiss on the top of her head and breathing in the comforting scent of her hair. I head into the kitchen, searching the cupboards before standing in the doorway. "Want me to pop to the chippy?"

"The chippy?" She pulls a face, a small laugh escaping her lips and I finally smile, realising how grateful I really was for this, for her.

"Hey you were eating chips the day we got together so you can't blame me for that one." I point out, going over and leaning behind he sofa with my arms folded on the top of it. I kiss the side of her head, wrapping my arms around her neck. "What do you want?"

"Surprise me." She says, kissing me. "Oh but no vinegar, ugh."

"I'll be back in a minute." I tell her, grabbing my coat and heading for the door.

"Nick?" She suddenly calls and I turn around. "You are actually going to the chip shop, aren't you?"

"I promise." I tell her, not knowing whether she was being serious or joking, but I gave her the honest answer all the same.

 **Carla**

"I thought you wouldn't be home tonight." I whisper, lying in Nick's chest on the sofa as he plays with my hair. "I asked Michelle if she'd stay so I wouldn't be alone."

"The whole time I was in that interview room I was just thinking about you." He tells me, clearly going over it in his head. "They said I got one phone call if they kept me, I just kept thinking about all the things I needed to say to you."

"Yes well, you're here now." I pat his chest, lightly and there's a sudden bang on the door that makes me jump. I sit up, looking worriedly at Nick and he kisses me reassuringly before standing up, opening the door.

"Evening Mr Tilsley." I hear the voice I really didn't want to hear and the police enter, acknowledging me.

"Look you can't just let him go and then come back again!" I defend him, standing up and going over to him. "Tracy's playing games, I'm telling you now."

"We've come to tell you that Miss Barlow has dropped the charges." She informs us and my heart stops beating for a moment as I try to process the information. "So we won't be questioning you further and that's the end of our enquiries."

"What?" Nick frowns, clearly not expecting that information. "Well why..."

"Goodnight." The police officer nods and automatically leaves, closing the door and leaving me and Nick stood in silence.

"...What is she playing at?" I murmur, daring myself to look at Nick, who is looking just as confused.

"I don't know." He exhales, holding his arms out and I walk into them. "I really don't know but it doesn't matter anymore, yeah?"

"Nick, you've spent the entire afternoon at the police station." I tell him, as if he didn't already know. "Of course it matters, you could get compensation for that, or report Tracy for lying."

"What and drag the whole thing up again? No thank you." He replies, holding me at arms length. "Look, don't rise to it. It's what she wants. Just focus on the future now, you, me and this one. Ok? That's all that matters."

* * *

 _ **I'd be interested to know what people prefer; cute fluffy stuff or the more serious dramatic stuff, so I know which direction to steer this in, even though I've got a few ideas. Let me know :) x**_


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20:**

 _ **A/N: A bit of a cute chapter this one before it goes all dramatic again, as requested. Thank you for all your feedback!**_

 **Nick**

"Wow." I observe the sight in front of me, stepping into the doorway and seeing Carla up and dressed, preparing breakfast. "What's all this?"

"Breakfast, Nicholas." She replies, smugly. "I've heard it's something people eat in the mornings, before they start the day."

"Very impressive." I smile, going over to her and wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. "How's mummy feeling this morning?"

"Mummy is feeling surprisingly good." She returns, cheerily as she sits down at the table, piling pancakes onto her plate.

"No sickness?" I check, sitting down opposite and helping myself to berries and yogurt. She shakes her head, before loading a mouthful onto her fork. "Maybe you're past that now."

"Don't tempt fate." She warns me. "Don't forget we've got this meal tonight."

"Where do you want to take them?" I ask. "Bethany likes that chicken place in town."

"Spicy chicken?" She laughs slightly. "That's been a massive no in the last two pregnancies, I don't want to risk it again."

"Ok... So what does the boss want then?" I point to her tummy and she grins. "I tell you what, you let me know later."

"Don't worry, I will." She assures me.

 **Carla**

"Uh, this isn't a cafe." Aidan teases, pointing to the tubs of snacks I have out on the table, as I nibble on a cracker. "Careful you'll get fat."

"Oh haha..." I shoot him a look, reluctantly offering him the pot of chocolate buttons I have in front of me, which he takes a handful from.

"What are you, five?" He continues to wind me up, sitting down in Johnny's chair. "It's like a school packed lunch this."

"You try growing a baby, see how you like it." I return, a small smile on my face, which soon fades when I see who's walking towards the office. Aidan follows my gaze, getting up ready to defend me.

"Get out." He orders as soon as Tracy opens the door to the factory without knocking.

"Uh... I've come to talk to Carla." She tells him. "Not her lap dog."

"I have nothing to say to you Tracy, now leave my factory else I'll be the one calling the police." I warn her and she folds her arms, indicating that she's staying put.

"Well that's not the kind of thank you I expected." She smirks and I hesitate for a second, trying to calm myself.

"Thank you?" I snap. "Oh yeah thanks Tracy, thanks for lying to the police, you really did me a favour there."

"Uh, I dropped the charges?" She sasses me.

"The charges which were all made up in the first place." I point out, bitterly.

"Oh it was only a bit of fun." She shrugs and anger brews inside of me.

"A bit of fun? Tracy, I thought my husband was going to be sent down!" I yell. "I was sick with worry all day long. What kind of twisted-"

"Ok." Aidan stops me, turning to Tracy. "Get out, now and don't come back into this factory again."

"Honestly, some people are so rude." She tuts, before reluctantly leaving. I watch her disappear through the glass before Aidan looks back at me.

"Don't rise to it." Aidan tells me and I open my mouth to object. "I mean it, it's not good for... That."

"That?" I raise my eyebrows and he glances through the window, not wanting to mention it in case anybody overheard. "Such a doting uncle aren't you?"

"Honestly you've got bigger things to focus on than Tracy Barlow." He reminds me. "...Like your little picnic lunch, give us a carrot stick."

 **Nick**

"You ready for this?" I meet her outside the factory and smiles back at me, clearly still in a good mood.

"Let's get it over and done with." She takes my hand, hesitating before knocking on the door of the Platt's. "Oh I need to talk to you-""

"Hi!" Sarah exclaims as she opens the door, standing aside so we can enter. I look at Carla, waiting for her to finish the sentence but she's already making her way inside.

"Hey." I whisper under my breath, tugging on her arm slightly and she gives me a look. "Talk about what?"

"Carla!" Max runs at her, wrapping his arms around her waist, which Lily copies.

"Oh wow, I've got a fan club and all." She nudges me, but I don't smile, I look concerned. She rolls her eyes, turning away and patting Max on the head.

"Carla?" I prompt her, quietly, worrying something was up.

"Nick it's nothing." She hisses as I hear Bethany's voice from the stairs.

"But I don't want to go for tea with-" She begins before noticing us and I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Ah cool, is Carla coming as well?" Bethany suddenly looks excited.

"Oh cheers!" I exclaim, glancing around the room at Carla's audience. "Don't forget all the the things I've ever done for you, missy."

"Can we come for tea?" Max turns to David who appears at the bottom of the stairs. "Please?"

"Uh... I really don't think Nick and Carla are gonna want more than two demanding children to look after." David tells him and Carla glances at me, as if waiting for me to say something.

"What?" I ask and I clock on to what she means. "Are you being serious? I suppose I'm the one who's paying then."

"Does that mean we can go?" Max shouts excitedly.

"No." Gail sounds from the kitchen, making herself apparent. "I'm making you and Lily a nice risotto for your tea."

"Haha, suckers." Bethany sticks her tongue out at David and he groans.

"Oww..." Lily and Max whine in turn as Sarah appears again, holding Harry in her arms.

"Ah, there's my Godson." Carla holds out her arms to him and I am surprised at her sudden maternal nature. She takes him from Sarah, propping him on her hip and I can't help but smile for a moment.

"Careful, holding him." I remind her, quietly.

"Nick, he's a baby not an iron plank." She responds, sarcastically. "I'm sure I'll manage."

"Daddy please can we go with... These." Lily points at us.

"You mean uncle Nick and auntie Carla?" He prompts and I notice Carla look slightly shocked at the title. "It's up to them."

"I don't mind." Carla shrugs, as Bethany goes over to the mirror, applying lipstick.

"I said, I'm making a risotto!" Gail approaches us, yelling at David. "She's not capable of looking after four children." She points at Carla, rudely and she suddenly looks upset.

"Mum!" I snap, causing Max and Lily to look surprised, and Bethany not phased in the slightest. "That's a horrible thing to say."

"Well it's true, she can't even look after one child, never mind four." She continues and Carla turns away, trying to busy herself as if blocking out her words.

"Right, babe take the kids outside, make a head start, I'll be out in a minute." I tell her, still staring at my mum as she opens her mouth to object.

"Nick, honestly it's fine." Carla tells me, trying to calm the situation down and I notice David is looking at her apologetically.

"No, it's not fine." I reply, still not looking at her and Carla hesitates before Sarah takes Harry, strapping him in to the pushchair.

"Max put your shoes on then." David points to a pair of trainers in the corner of the room.

"Yes!" He cheers, running over to put them on.

"Can I take my pony?" Lily holds it up to Carla.

"You can take whatever you like." Carla forces a smile and mum tuts. "Right come on then. Bethany, you coming?"

"Yep." Bethany replies, grabbing her handbag and following after Carla as she wheels the pushchair out of the house. I wait until I can't hear any more chatter and the house falls silent.

"Well... I've got to put my make-up on." Sarah excuses herself.

"You've got make-up on." David prompts and she looks at him awkwardly before going upstairs.

"This needs to stop." I warn mum, who is still scowling in the direction of the door. "Now."

"I'm just trying to protect you!" She exclaims.

"Yeah well I don't need protecting!" I shout at her and David cautiously approaches me.

"Ok calm down bro." David puts a hand on my shoulder. "Mum you do need to stop, it's getting petty now."

"Why don't you understand that I love her?" I lower my voice slightly, as if begging her. "Despite everything that's happened, I want her, nobody else. Just accept that."

"Nick she cheated on you!" She wails and I exhale, trying to release my tension.

"Yeah and I slept with Kylie behind David's back didn't I?" I remind her. "He forgave me."

"Thanks for that." David mutters. "After some deliberation, may I add."

"Deliberation?" I raise my eyebrows, referring to the accident before looking back at mum. "Nobody's an angel mum, especially not you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She looks taken-aback.

"What? Gail Potter-Tilsley-Platt-Hillman-McIntyre-Rodwell, nun of Coronation Street?" David drones and I try to hold back laughter.

"David." Mum scolds. "I just-"

"No I don't care." I stop her, before she can argue back. "This is where the line is drawn, she gets enough trouble from everybody else on this street, never mind her family."

"We're not her-" She begins.

"Yes you are. You all are." I cut her off, glancing at David and up to Sarah who was stood on the stairs, thinking she couldn't be seen. "And I'd appreciate it if you accepted that. So here's the deal, mum; you either start being nice to her, or you and me are done."

"What? You can't do that?" She exclaims as I begin to head for the door. "Nick?"

"Have a think about it and let me know." I finalise, slamming the door and taking a moment to calm myself down once I'm on the street. I turn my head and see Carla, holding hands with Lily and standing with the pushchair in the other hand. Max is running in circles around her which she's laughing at, as Bethany catches him, and Carla looks up to notice me. I head towards her, painting a smile on my face.

"What have you said?" She asks, as I reach her. "She's probably gonna hate me more now."

"I've just told her how I feel." I tell her putting an arm around her shoulders and she reluctantly begins to push the pram along. "Look at you, with the pushchair."

"Shut it." She can't help but smile, dipping her head slightly.

"Do you think you two will have a kid?" Bethany suddenly asks. "Or are you a bit old now?"

"Charmer you, aren't ya?" Carla scoffs, before glancing at me. "I don't know, we'll have to see."

"What? Are you having a baby?" Max looks up at us.

"...No." Carla splutters, quickly avoiding the topic. "Where do you want to go for your dinner anyway?"

"Roy's?" He suggests.

"Yeah Roy's!" Lily chips in.

"Roy's?" Bethany screws her nose up. "You know we could get them to take us anywhere? They'd probably take us to a proper posh restaurant if we asked."

"Oh would we now?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Hey Roy, is your café still open?" Max shouts as he emerges from the door way.

"Uh yes for another hour." Roy looks up to notice me and Carla. "I guess I could make an exception for a little longer."

"Ah an offer we couldn't refuse." Carla approaches him, kissing him on the cheek whilst still holding the pram and Lily. Roy looks slightly awkward at the embrace but smiles at her all the same.

"Ugh." Bethany groans.

"I guess you're outvoted then." I nudge Bethany.. "My wallet seems happy with this option."

"I tell you what." Carla turns to Bethany once we've all piled into the café. "To make up for it, why don't you come back to ours after and me and you can have a girlie night on the sofa?"

"And I got to approve this when?" I ask, pushing two tables together, surprised at Carla's sudden interest to spend time with my family.

"Yeah!" Bethany exclaims. "Can we have wine?"

"Uh, no." Carla crushes her hopes, bluntly. "But I've got some posh face masks we can use and I'm sure if we ask Nick really nicely he'll get us some chocolate from the shop."

"Oh will he?" I shake my head at the playful smile on her face.

"Can we come?" Max asks and I sigh, sitting down next to Lily, as Carla un-straps Harry and sits him in the high chair that Roy has provided.

"I think David's going to want you back." I tell him. "See we're supposed to be looking after Bethany and Harry until auntie Sarah gets home."

"I don't need looking after." Bethany prompts me. "I'm just here for moral support."

"What can I get you?" Roy approaches our table, speaking professionally despite the fact it was us.

"Uh... Oh." Carla pulls the notes Sarah had left out of her pocket. "I don't know what he eats."

"He eats anything." Bethany informs her.

"Really? You don't have to like mash it up or anything?" Carla checks, flipping the notes over to scan the other side.

"He's two in March, remember? Besides, mum feeds him bits of kebab when Gary has one." She tells us.

"She does what?" I grimace. "...Poor child."

"I can do a plate of some things for him, if that's what you desire?" Roy offers, trying to help her out and I watch on, warming at the sight in front of me. "Pitta bread, salad sticks, hummus?"

"Ah yeah that would be great, thank you." Carla shoves the notes into the bag on the back of the pushchair. "Max? Lily?"

"Chicken nuggets." Max tells Roy and Lily nods in unison. "Much better than gran's risotto."

"Ha, don't let her hear you say that." Carla laughs.

"Have you got any sushi?" Bethany scans the menu, disapprovingly.

"Um, no." Roy replies, awkwardly. "But I can do you a Greek salad, if that sounds any good?"

"It'll do." She shrugs, putting the menu down and Roy looks slightly offended, before awkwardly jotting it down.

"I'll have the pie Roy." I tell him, looking over to where Carla is bouncing a teddy bear along the rim of Harry's high chair, not taking any interest in food... For a change. "Car?"

"Huh?" She looks up and I tilt my head towards Roy. "Oh sorry, I'll have whatever."

"I don't think I can be held liable for these kind of assumptions." Roy hesitates and I try to understand what he even means before reading the menu.

"She'll have the vegetable pasta thing." I order for her. "With bread, no garlic on it though."

"Oh how well you know me Tilsley." She looks at me, impressed and we hold each other's gaze for a moment, before she turns back to Harry.

"I'll ensure your food is with you shortly." Roy gives a curt nod before heading behind the counter and into the kitchen.

"Do you like that?" Carla coos, rubbing the teddy's nose against Harry's as he squeals with excitement.

"Wow." The word leaves my mouth accidentally and she moves her head to look at me, realising I'd been watching her. She blushes, looking away slightly embarrassed and giving the bear back to Harry before folding her arms on the table. Bethany is sitting, hurriedly texting somebody on her phone and Max and Lily are a game together, under their breaths. We'd actually done it, we were sat here with four children and they were actually enjoying themselves... "I love you." I mouth to Carla and she smiles, resting her head on her folded arms, staring back at me. I could tell how content she was, and I felt the same.

 **Carla**

"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'B'." I recite, watching the children look around the street as we head back towards the Platt's house to drop Max and Lily off.

"Uh, bus?" Max points to the bus which is heading in the opposite direction.

"Nope." I shake my head and he groans.

"Why are you so good at this game?" He whines.

"Ah years of practice." I reply, thinking back to when me and Rob used to play the more... Mature version at the quarry with the other kids on the estate. I wasn't about to tell Max the rules of that one though, I don't think that would put me in David's good books.

"I give up." He sighs.

"Bus stop." I point to it.

"Hey! That's cheating!" He laughs, his mouth gaping open. "I said bus!"

"You didn't say bus stop though, did you?" I wind him up, playfully and I hear Bethany mutter something at her phone. "Everything alright there?"

"Yeah it's one of my friends; boyfriend trouble." She rolls her eyes. "I don't know why she's coming to me, I'm nothing to go by."

"Ah you and Craig are getting on alright, aren't ya?" I nudge her. "It's all Beth ever talks about in the factory."

"Hey." Nick catches up with me, kissing me on the cheek quickly.

"Oh gosh, I didn't even realise you were back there!" I exclaim, so lost in looking after the children. "Max don't go too far, darling, it's dark."

"I was paying the bill?" He prompts me and I smile as he places a kiss on my forehead. "Anyway, what's got in to you?"

"Huh?" I frown as Max heads back towards us, Lily holding on to Nick's hand.

" _You_ , right little mother hen tonight." He teases and it's dark, but I think he can tell I'm blushing again. "...Suits you."

"Mm." I murmur contently at his recollection. "Blame my hormones."

"Blame the fact you're gonna be an amazing mum." He whispers in my ear, despite the fact Bethany is so engrossed in her phone she wasn't registering a word we were saying.

"Ooh you've got a handful there, haven't you?" A woman suddenly stops us and I nod, not registering what she meant. "Beautiful, every single one of them. You must be very proud."

"Ey?" I suddenly frown, clocking on.

"Have a good evening." The woman smiles before walking off and I turn around to correct her before giving up.

"Awkward." Bethany mutters, looking up from her phone and Nick puts his arm around my shoulders, as I was still dazed by what had just happened.

"Right here we are." Nick announces, opening the door to the Platt's and Max and Lily run in to greet David. "Still in once piece, every last one of them."

"It's a miracle." I joke, noticing Gail appear at the bottom of the stairs and I instantly retract my comment, knowing I was in for another lecture. "Right, shall we get back then?"

"Yeah, Carla said I can stay at hers for a bit." Bethany informs them, excitedly.

"Uh, if it's alright with them... I mean..." I trail off, knowing Gail wouldn't be best pleased.

"Carla, can I have a word?" Gail suddenly pipes up and I move my gaze to look at her.

"Look, I don't want any trouble." I hold my hands up, finally letting go of the pram.

"Kids go put your pyjamas on." David orders, sending Max and Lily running up the stairs.

"No I actually wanted to uh..." Gail stammers, hesitating and glancing at Nick. "...I wanted to to say sorry."

"...What?" I almost splutter and David let's go of Shona, snapping his head around in shock.

"Did I just hear that right?" David interjects, glancing around the room. "Did she just say sorry?"

"I don't agree with what you did but... I haven't been fair on you." She admits and I feel as if a truck has just driven straight into me; I hadn't expected that for one second. "I know how much Nick adores you and... Well nothing I say is going to make any difference anyway." I feel Nick find my hand from behind me and he squeezes it reassuringly. "I just wanted you to know that I'll stop being so nasty, I don't know what comes over me sometimes.. I apologise for being so cruel to you, all I want is for Nick to be happy and it's clear that he's happiest when he's with you so... Just don't hurt him again, please."

"...I won't Gail." I swallow, still in shock at her words. "I promise."

"And for the record..." She trails off. "I actually think you're brilliant with the children. I think you'd have been... A very good mum." I process her words, not being able to think of a response as I fight back tears, happy tears, tears of acceptance and forgiveness.

"Thank you." I finalise and she smiles back at me. I grip Nick's hand hard, so that I don't cry in front of them. "Bethany, are you ready?" I turn to her and she nods, putting her phone away. "That is... If you're allowed to come?"

"Of course." Gail replies. "I'll take care of Harry, you three go and have fun."

"Thanks mum." Nick nods, before leading me out. "Well, I wasn't expecting that."

"What the hell did you say to her?" I exclaim.

"It must have been something pretty good to get Gran to apologise." Bethany points out, impressed.

"It doesn't matter." He kisses me on the forehead before going to unlock the door. "As long as it's all ok."

 **Nick**

"So you never answered my question." I sit at the top of the stairs, looking down on Bethany and Carla, who are sat cross legged on the sofa and sharing a big bag of chocolate. It's a sight I never thought I'd see, but one I was so glad existed. "You and Craig, how's it going?"

"...Weird." Bethany replies, opening up to her and taking a sip of her non-alcoholic champagne that they both had a glass of. It was actually fizzy grape juice, but she didn't need to know that. "It's mad, I mean, I'm used to the bad guys, or the older guys, I guess with Craig it's just so... Normal."

"Ah you're just like a mini me." Carla admits, nibbling on a chocolate button. "I was exactly the same at your age, had three boyfriends on the go at once at one point."

"No way!" Bethany exclaims, her mouth dropping open.

"I lived off the buzz, the excitement." She explains. "Only thing is, I was still going for the bad blokes way into my late thirties... Then I met Nick."

"So Nick's like Craig?" She checks, absorbing all of her information and Carla nods, I can't help but feel slightly offended. "...Ew?"

"See though, I thought that's what I wanted; the men who live on the edge, the ones who tear your whole life apart." Carla continues. "But then I met Nick and wow... I realised what love really was, honestly. Took me forty odd years to settle down but it's all thanks to your uncle that I did, and it's the happiest I've ever been."

"So you think me and Craig will last?" She asks, as if Carla was a fortune teller.

"Hey, that's up to you sweetheart." She replies, popping another chocolate in her mouth. "But I'll tell you something; let yourself be happy, because you can, if you have somebody who will let you. If you have faith in yourself, you'll have faith in the pair of you and if you have someone who loves you, you can learn to love yourself. Works both ways, your uncle taught me that." She finishes and I think I've forgotten how to breathe for a moment, her words replaying in my head, so beautifully.

It was amazing; how it had taken us so long to find each other, but now we had, everything just fit into place. Just before it was too late.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21:**

 **Carla**

"Right so what's the plan?" I smack my hands together as I reach the bottom of the stairs, after finishing my make-up. Nick was sat reading the newspaper on the sofa and I throw my arms around his neck, kissing his cheek from behind.

"The plan for what?" He puts the newspaper down and I go around to join him, stealing a bit of toast off his plate on the coffee table.

"The plan for the scan?" I remind him, nudging him playfully at the rhyme. "Nick? You booked it."

"Oh, yeah." He suddenly comes back to reality. "Uh I'll come and get you from the factory at twelve if you want."

"Are you ok?" I check, taking his hand in mine and he moves his gaze to look at me. "Are you nervous? About today?"

"...No." He lies, worrying it would make _me_ nervous.

"Well I am." I admit. "So you can tell me you are too."

"It'll be fine." He reassures me, even though I can tell he is equally trying to convince himself.

"Yeah it will." I try to sound confident. "So crack a smile yeah? I thought I was the one who was supposed to be moody."

"You never told me..." He trails off.

"Told you what?" I worry, suddenly stressing that I'd done something wrong.

"The other day, you said you needed to tell me something?" He reminds me. "I forgot about it until now."

"Oh..." I begin, knowing it would just dampen his mood further, but having no excuses. "It's was just that Tracy came in to my factory, a few days ago..."

"And said what?" Nick's expression grows serious.

"She was trying to get me to thank her for dropping the charges.." I admit, reluctantly. "But Aidan sorted it, so don't worry."

"She wanted you to thank her?" He repeats and I nod hesitantly.

"Yeah but I didn't and it's all sorted now, isn't it?" I check, not wanting to set him off. "She said she was just messing with us anyway."

"Messing with us?" Nick snaps, and I'm slightly taken-aback. "She got the police involved! It wasn't cheating in a game of Scrabble."

"Well that's what I said... Well not _exactly_ what I said." I register his comparison. "But I basically told her she was a devious cow and Aidan got rid of her so, we don't need to worry... Do we?" I stare at him, gently grabbing his chin and turning his head to look at me. "Do we, Nick?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm a child." He responds, like I was patronising him.

"I wasn't!" I object.

"Yes you were-" He begins before seeing my expression.

"Please." I exhale, begging him. "We've got the scan today, can we just forget about it? Please?"

"Yeah, sorry." He nods and I stand up, grabbing my leather jacket that is slung over the sofa.

"Good." I reply, as he stands up. "Right I'm going to work, remember, factory at twelve."

"Yes, yes." He nods and I sigh before kissing him on the lips and leaving the house. Honestly, I thought I was supposed to be the hormonal one.

 **Nick**

"No, Daniel!" I try to steady my voice, watching him pour the glass of wine I just told him to forget about. "I said clean that table, we've got a reservation in fifteen minutes."

"Well it's just that, she ordered it and it doesn't take long to-" He begins.

"It's either clean the table, or lose your job." I warn him and he looks slightly scared, before finding a cloth and the spray. "Good choice."

"You won't have any staff left if you talk to them like that." I hear Michelle from behind me, who I hadn't realised was there.

"Like they can afford to leave anyway." I huff and she raises her eyebrows at me. "...Sorry, I had no sleep at all last night."

"And you're worried about the scan?" She prompts me and I hesitate.

"Wow, Carla really does tell you everything, doesn't she?" I reply, a slightly irritated tone to my voice.

"Yeah because she's terrified and all." Michelle reminds me, as if I wasn't aware. "Why don't you go and buy her some flowers or something? I can cover here."

"No thanks, got to keep busy." I respond, not having any desire to go near Tracy's shop. She'd probably poison the flowers anyway.

"It'll all be fine you know" She assures me, as I lean on the bar, taking a sip from the glass of wine that Daniel had poured. I realise how good it tasted, the rich, silky liquid gliding down my throat. I hadn't had a drink in months, because I hadn't wanted to in front of Carla, but out of temptation, I take another long gulp, before Michelle takes it out of my hands. "Alright, you don't want to be half cut when you see your baby for the first time." She reminds me, and I try to think of some snide comment to come back with before realising there was no point and it wasn't necessary. "What time is the scan anyway?"

"Half twelve." I drone and she checks her watch.

"Well hadn't you better get a move on then?" She holds her watch in my face and I see it's already ten past.

"Oh!" I exclaim, remembering Carla's order to pick her up at twelve. "I've got to go."

"Yeah I think you'd better." She nods, as I rush around the bar. "Good luck!" I just wave her off as I exit the Bistro, hurrying towards the factory and pushing the doors open.

"There you are!" Carla calls over to me, and I paint a smile on my face, as all the workforce acknowledge my presence. She is stood with her bag, ready to go, her mobile held to her ear. "I was about to come and get you, I thought you'd forgotten."

"Course not." I lie, but saying it brightly all the same.

"Right I can't get hold of Aidan so Sally, you're in charge whilst I go to the dentist." She announces and Sally's face brightens up.

"Ooh and that takes two of you does it?" Sean grins, stretching a pair of knickers between his hands. "Need him to hold your hand?"

"Yes I'm having a very painful filling." She lies, a hint of sarcasm to her voice.

"Don't worry I've got it all in hand." Sally beams, approaching us with a clipboard. "Would you like me to move into the office-"

"No thanks Sal." Carla replies, bluntly before linking my arm and tugging me off.

"The dentist?" I question as we leave the factory and she opens the passenger door of my car. "Couldn't you think of anything more imaginative?"

"Nick, they can't tell red from blue." She smirks, clipping her seat belt in place. "I doubt they're going to clock on to where we're really going."

"Sally looked pleased." I try to start any conversation that didn't involve the scan as I begin to drive in the direction of Weatherfield General.

"Oh yes of course she was." Carla laughs, taking one of the mints out of the pot in the hold. "She'll act like the queen of that place for the next couple of hours."

"Where's Aidan then?" I continue and she checks her phone in case he has messaged her.

"Well he went to this meeting this morning, but I thought he'd be back by now." She tells me. "Oh well, probably copped off with her, guess it'll get us some business."

"He's taken over from you then." I reply and she flashes me a sarcastic smile as we pull into the hospital car park. It falls silent then, as I take my time parking and I can see Carla staring at the hospital warily. We sit for a moment, pretending to check my pockets so we can delay the process. My heart was beating so fast and I knew hers was as well.

"Right come on then." She tries to sound cheery, but her tone wavers as she says it. "Don't want to be late, now you've held us up."

"Hold on." I stop her before she opens the door and she turns to look at me, her false smile fading. She waits for me to say something, but instead I just lean in and place a lingering kiss on her lips. "I love you, ok? That will never change."

"Nick, everything's gonna be alright." She replies and I don't know whether she's reassuring me or herself. But reluctantly, she moves her gaze to the car door and gets out, leading the way towards the hospital.

 **Carla**

"So I'll explain to you how this works." The midwife begins, scribbling something down her the clipboard.

"No need, I know the drill." I reply, wanting to get this over as soon as possible.

"Not your first child then." She smiles and I avoid looking at Nick.

"...No." I mutter, lying back on the bed.

"I see you came into hospital a few weeks ago." She checks her notes.

"Yeah I just had some cramping." I inform her. "They gave me the all clear, just wanted to make sure though."

"It's perfectly normal in a lot of pregnancies." She reassures us. "Hot water bottles and baths are your best friend.."

"Hm, take notes." I tap Nick on the shoulder, finally looking up at him and he tries to conceal the worry in his expression. Wow, this was hitting him hard.

"Right well I'll begin the scan then if you're ready." She turns to her computer, messing around on it and leaving us in awkward silence as I roll my top up. I felt sick. This was my fourth baby scan and it definitely felt like the most nerve wrecking. I'm worried I am about to hurl into the bin beside the bed, before she turns back to us, gel in hand. "As you probably know, this might be a little cold."

Yes. I knew. I knew all too well.

I feel the scanner suddenly glide across my tummy and I have to clasp the paper sheets so hard in my fist to stop myself from throwing up. The feeling was one that couldn't be described or experienced unless you were in this moment, and it just made me feel heartbroken. I wait for a noise, I wait for something, the steady heart beat.

"...What's going on?" I demand, suddenly and I reach for Nick's hand, which he squeezes tightly.

"Hold on a second." She frowns at the screen and my heart plummets in my chest. No. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I felt so dizzy. The silence is painful.

And then I hear it. Faint but getting louder.

I want to scream, I want to cry. I feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden, my eyes immediately brimming with tears.

"Is that it?" I suddenly ask, not realising I would get this emotional. This was the worst I had ever been; I didn't even apologise for crying this time.

"That's the heart beat." She nods, smiling as I wipe away tears. I turn to look at Nick, who I was surprised to see had tears in his eyes, fixated on me. "Here you go." She turns the screen around and I'm faced, without warning, with the black and white image that is beyond imaginable. My heart hurts as I stare at it, seeing the heathy baby inside of me, or what I can make out as one. It was alive, it was there, just like my other baby girls had been.

"Sorry I uh..." I stammer, trying to breathe through tears. "...I lost my other two babies... I, it's just a weird feeling... Brings it all back, you know?"

"I'm sorry." The midwife returns, looking sympathetic and I suddenly feel Nick's warm embrace as he kisses me on the forehead, stroking the hair out of my face.

"Look, that's your baby." I look up at Nick, who looks like he can't quite believe it. I suppose it's probably more crazy to him, he's only ever been to one baby scan as far as I know and he hadn't been to any of Lauren's.

"That's our baby." He corrects me and I whimper happily at the word.

"All happy and healthy." The midwife reassures us. "So nothing to worry about."

"It took a while to find the heartbeat, I was worried." I tell her.

"Sometimes it can do, but it doesn't affect anything." She informs us. "It's just the positioning in your uterus, it's different for every pregnancy."

"I guess maybe ours is a bit lazy." I manage to laugh, still transfixed by the image on the screen. "Can't imagine why; I never sit down."

"Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if it had a little pair of stilettos on in there and all." Nick jokes.

"I think that might hurt a bit." I wince at the thought..

"I'll print you out a picture." The midwife tells us, writing some notes down on her notepad, with the other hand still holding the scanner on my tummy.

"So everything's ok?" I check, feeling calmer now I could hear and see it. "Like I mean, really ok? Because I need to know it is."

"Everything is absolutely fine." She promises me. "You just need to avoid stress, make sure you're relaxing, begin telling friends and family if you want now you've got the thumbs up."

"Oh she's already started that." Nick replies, nudging me and I let the midwife take the scanner off my stomach as she offers me a cloth.

"I'm gonna need a shower now when I get home." I pull a face as I try to wipe the sticky gel off my tummy.

"And here you go." She passes me the scan photo in a folded booklet and I open it, nearly crying again. She hands me a small folder with 'baby Tilsley' written on it and it makes me smile. "In there there's some leaflets and things, you might want to have a read through. There's stuff about cravings; what women like and don't like to eat, some positions that can help ease cramps if you do get any more. Tips to help you relax, which it sounds like you need."

"Thank you." I smile appreciatively, putting the scan photo into the folder carefully as Nick helps me up off the bed. I meet his eyes briefly, desperate for him to kiss me but the presence of the midwife is clearly putting him off.

"Come on then." Nick points to the door. "Thank you for everything."

"No problem." She waves us off. "See you at the next scan."

We walk in silence for a moment as we exit the hospital, both trying to absorb what just happened. I feel Nick's fingers brush mine and he intertwines our hands. I stop before we reach the car, causing him to do so as well and I turn to look at him.

"Happier now?" I dare to ask and he sighs, pulling me in to his chest and wrapping his arms around me. He doesn't say anything, he just holds me, I can tell how relieved he is, and shocked. It was hitting me; this was actually happening, and this time, I was going to make sure nothing went wrong. My life depended on it now, me and Nick's. This was our chance at a future and nothing was going to stand in our way...

 **Nick**

I've been focusing on the same prolonged buzz that is pounding in my head for so long, Carla appears in the doorway.

"Hey, are you making that butty or not?" She frowns at me, still with an excited smile on her face. She was so happy, so relieved, I could tell.

"Yeah, sorry babe." I snap myself out of my thoughts, putting the two slices of bread together and cutting it in half.

"You still in shock?" She guesses and I look up at her.

"...Yeah." I nod, believably. "It's just sinking in that it's actually happening."

"I know, tell me about it." She replies, watching as I scoop two pickles out and putting them on a plate, screwing my nose up at the sight of them. "Hey, I don't like them either."

"Why eat them then?" I finally crack a laugh.

"Because it's not me who's making the decisions.." She points out and I pass her the plate. "We need to get that garden sorted, and the Christmas tree... And presents... Oh."

"You actually want to get a Christmas tree?" I call after her, entering the living room and sitting down on the other sofa.

"Well I know we'll end up getting one anyway." She shrugs. "Ugh, I need to write Christmas cards. I'm so behind this year..."

"You don't write Christmas cards." I narrow my eyes.

"Yeah I do, for people I actually like." She insists. "Which will be a very short list this year, I guess that's a blessing."

"I don't want you to stress or worry about anything." I suddenly tell her and there is an element of surprise in her expression at my immediate change in tone.

"I know you don't, Nicholas." She responds, edging up her sofa so she was closer to mine. "So why don't you tell me what's up today? To save me stressing about that and all."

"Oh uh... The scan, you know." I remind her, as if she'd have forgotten. "And I didn't sleep well."

"I know you didn't." She grins. "Drove me insane, I need to get my beauty sleep while I still can."

"Ah very sympathetic." I return, sarcastically and she bites her lip happily before putting her plate down and coming over to me. She sits down, throwing her legs over my lap and cuddling into my side.

"You are alright, aren't you?" She checks, breathing in the scent of my aftershave.

"Yeah." I respond, bluntly but trying to make it sound realistic.

"And we're gonna be ok?" She looks for further reassurance. "The three of us?"

"Of course." I finalise, kissing her forehead and closing my eyes, trying to stop the buzz, trying to stop my thoughts.

 **Carla**

"Hiya." Michelle greets me as I push the door open to her flat. "This is a nice surprise."

"Not working?" I observe. "Makes a change, seems that's all you do nowadays."

"So... How was the scan?" She asks, picking up on my cheery tone.

"Happy and healthy." I inform her and her face lights up.

"Ah that's brilliant." She comes over to hug me.. "And Nick's pleased?"

"Well... I think so." I pause and she frowns at me. "I think he's still in shock, just a bit dazed, that's all."

"Well he seemed pretty het up about it at work earlier." She tells me. "Shouting at anybody he laid his eyes on."

"...Really?" I reply, my worry growing stronger.

"Yeah... But I mean, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." She tried to reassure me, realising I was now stressing about that. "You were both nervous about the scan. But it's all fine so that's good news."

"I tell you what Chelle, it took her a while to find the heartbeat." I admit to her. "My heart was in my mouth, I felt like I was going to be sick everywhere."

"Sometimes it can take a while." She says, as the midwife had and she puts the kettle on. "Do you want a brew?"

"Uh..." I debate getting back to Nick. I told him I had only popped out to tell Michelle and had dropped the Connor's a text to let them know everything was ok. But right now, I wanted to be selfish and not cater for a grumpy husband, who I had told to get some sleep anyway. "Yeah go on then, Nick will be sleeping with any luck."

 **Nick**

"You are currently second in the queue." The automated voice informs me, which had been counting down from ten for the past half an hour. I was wary Carla was going to be back soon, and I check on the lasagne that is cooking in the oven, placing the vase of flowers that she had received off a client, into the middle of the table. "Thank you for your patience, please continue to hold." This was so frustrating. Why did it take me half an hour to talk to a real person? "You are currently second in the queue." She repeats again and I take a deep breath out. "Please hold, and a consultant will be with you shortly."

"For God's sake!" I shout, slamming my fist down on the kitchen counter in anger.

"Please continue to hold... You are currently first in the queue." She recites, as if my outburst had never happened. "Your call is important to us, please continue to hold."

"Oh yeah right." I drone, trying to prevent my anger from building again.

"Weatherfield General Hospital, neurology department. Katie speaking, how can I help you?" A different voice sounds down the phone. Finally.

"Hi it's Nick Tilsley. I need to book a consultation if possible." I try to explain quickly, staring at the door as if Carla would walk through it any second. She was taking longer than expected, which I suppose was a good thing. "I've tried to ring a consultant a few times the past few days, but I think I need to come in to see them.."

"Yep, let me just find your files, can you confirm your date of birth for me Mr Tilsley?" She asks brightly.

"Uh yeah it's the thirty first of the twelfth, nineteen eighty." I reply, and there is a pause as she searches through her files.

"Brilliant, so you wanted to book a consultation?" She checks. "Are you having some trauma or is it just a check up."

"I don't know." I answer honestly. "I just want an appointment."

"Right ok, what days are convenient for you?" She questions.

"As soon as possible." I respond, knowing it's not strictly the answer to her question.

"Ok well we've got an appointment next Monday at 11am, if that suits you at all?" She informs me and I roll my eyes.

"Is that the soonest you can do?" I sigh, not wanting to wait until Monday to get this sorted.

"I'm afraid so, I can contact you if any appointments are cancelled." She explains as the door opens and my heart suddenly pounds at the sight of Carla.

"Yeah that's fine." I lower my voice, watching her through the crack in the kitchen door as she begins to approach the kitchen. "Monday's fine."

"Ok I'll get you all booked in then." She tells me as the door swings open. "Ok that's all booked, I-"

"Hey, who was that?" Carla smiles, warmly as I hang up the phone and put it down on the windowsill.

"Oh, supplier." I lie, convincingly. "Wanted to push the order forwards to Monday."

"Something smells nice." She changes the subject and I am relieved that I've clearly convinced her.

"I'm cooking a lasagne." I tell her and she turns to face me again.

"My prince." She squeezes my cheeks, placing a kiss on my lips and observing the readily laid out table. "Ah, this is very sweet of you. Candles and everything."

"Yes well you deserve it." I return, bending down to get the lasagne out of the oven. I grab it with the oven mitts, placing it on top of the grill and allowing it to cool for a moment, leaning back against the oven. "How was Michelle?"

"Really pleased for us." She nods, hesitating before saying something else. "She uh... Said you were a bit cranky in the Bistro earlier on."

"Oh... Yeah." I try to shrug off, trust Michelle to go blabbing to Carla. "I was just worried about the scan."

"And is that all?" She checks.

"Yes. For the four hundredth time today, that is all." I snap slightly and she pauses, staring back at me but not looking surprised.

"It's only because I care." She phrases it carefully, clearly wary that I'll snap again.

"Yeah, sorry." I mutter, shifting my grip on the oven and not realising my hand has collided with the lasagne dish, until I feel a sharp burning sensation in my hand. "Ahh!" I shout, tearing my hand away and Carla jumps at my outburst. "Ow!" I kick the oven, aggressively, nursing my burnt hand in the other, watching as a red, blistered mark slowly begins to rise.

"Cold water." Carla prompts me, pointing to the tap and not wanting to move from the spot she was stood in. I follow her instructions, flicking the cold tap on and bathing my hand under it, as the pain slowly dulls. She approaches me hesitantly, watching the water trickle over my hand. "Any better?" She gently takes my hand, looking at the red mark. I have to resist from tearing it away from her, I was perfectly capable of handling it myself and I didn't need her sympathy or input. "See there's no need for all the kicking and screaming-"

"Oh just shut up!" I suddenly snap, storming past her and heading upstairs. I felt awful, as soon as I'd said it, as soon as I reach the top of the stairs I want to go back down, hold her, kiss her, tell her everything was going to be alright. But the truth is, I didn't know whether it was and I can't imagine she'd want a hug off me now anyway.

I sit down on the bed, staring at the wall opposite, not even moving apart from the steady breaths in and out. There was no doubt I'd have upset her. She was probably crying, or texting Michelle to tell her how shocked she was. She was only trying to help me. That was the problem, I always pushed away the people who tried to help me the most.

We were similar, me and Carla. More similar than I had realised when we began our relationship. We both tried to keep our problems to ourselves. We both lashed out when we were hurting, particularly at the ones we loved. We had both been scarred by our pasts, and we both longed for happiness, deep down, even if we didn't want to admit it sometimes.

I sit there for ages, as the time slowly ticks away. I hardly breathe, I hardly blink. I just stare ahead of me, trying to rearrange my thoughts which were all stuck in one massive jumble, probably an explanation for why I was getting so frustrated.

But eventually I get up, knowing I can't hide away for any longer.

I'm surprised she hasn't left, run off to Michelle's or anywhere for that matter. Even gone for a walk to get away from me or clear her head, try and work out what's going on. But she knew what was going on, she'd have realised by now, and my mobile phone lying in front of her on the kitchen table was just extra proof of that.

"You told me we were going to do this together." She says, her voice low as I enter the kitchen, leaning up against the door frame. I study her, sitting in one of the chairs opposite me, worn down, tired, confused. "I thought you said you'd tell me everything?"

"...I didn't want to worry you." I reply, which is the truth but I can tell it's not the response she wanted.

"Oh right." She avoids my gaze, nodding in the same way she always does when she's annoyed that somebody hasn't been honest with her. "So I just had to find out like this? Well that's good because I'm having a ball now." She holds up the phone, sarcastically. She hesitates, staring back at me, waiting for me to try and excuse myself. "The supplier? Couldn't you think of something more imaginative?"

"Not off the top of my head, no." I return, and she unlocks my phone, scrolling through my call history. I don't stop her, I don't even approach her, I just let her do it.

"Consultant, brain department, brain department." She recites, reading the calls out from the past few days. "Weatherfield General."

"That was actually to confirm the scan." I jump in and she lowers my phone, looking at me with a look of betrayal. "I know I said I was going to tell you, but I didn't want to put you under any more stress. Not with the whole police situation and then the scan today."

"So why not tell me when I got home?" She raises her voice, standing up. "When we knew everything was ok with the scan and the charges had been dropped? Why did you lie to me, when I walked through the door just then?"

"Because I'm ashamed of myself!" I shout and she doesn't come any closer to me, just stares back at me with frustration and confusion at my words. "Do you know how embarrassing it is? To not be able to add up simple figures at work? To feel like I'm not strong enough? To feel damaged and broken and ruined, all the time?"

"The last bit yeah." She inserts, before letting me carry on.

"I'm ashamed of who I am, I'm ashamed of this." I point to my head. "I can't help myself kicking off, I can't help myself crying over Lauren, at three o'clock this morning because I'm sick with worry. What does that even make me?"

"...Human." She responds, swallowing as she does so and it shuts me up, as I dare myself to look at her. "My husband, the father of our child. A son, a brother, an uncle. The manager of a business, a friend. A person who has emotions just like me, like everybody else." She pauses, watching my face soften at my words and she doesn't look cautious or scared or worried as she steps towards me, placing a hand on my cheek. "But do you know what I am? I am the person who is going to stand by you no matter what. No matter what's going on in your head.. If you get up one morning and can't remember where you put the TV remote, or if you wake up from a nightmare at four in the morning, wanting to cry, I'll hold you. Just like you would me." She stops as we stare into each other eyes, seeing the pain of the past and the hope of the future reflected in both our gazes. "You told me once that no matter how hard I pushed, you weren't going anywhere. Well the same applies, Tilsley. So get used to it." She manages a small smile, before moving her arms to wrap around my neck, pulling me close, swaying as we stand there. A mess of nerves and fear and hope and love.

 **Carla**

"So have you booked that appointment?" I finally ask, breaking the silence as I stir the reheated lasagne around my plate. I can see he's avoiding the question. "Nick?"

"Yeah, Monday." He responds and I nod, pulling my phone out and going through the calendar.

"What time?" I persist gently, not wanting to push him too far.

"It's at eleven." He replies in the same sunken tone and I put a star by the date in my calendar.

"Ok I'm sure Aidan can cover my meeting." I say and he looks up.

"You're not cancelling your meeting just so you can come with me." He tells me and I raise my eyebrows.

"No I'm not, I'm asking Aidan to cover it." I point out.

"Ok well you're not _missing_ your meeting then." He sighs.

"Yes I am, that's exactly what I'm doing." I reply, firmly, showing him that I wasn't going to budge. "Because your health matters a damn lot more to me than a meeting with Sid Altree. In fact I'll be glad to get out of it."

"Sid Altree?" He recognises the name. "Well he'll be put out that he hasn't got you to flirt with in the meeting then."

"Tough." I take a sip of my water and we continue to sit in silence for a few minutes. "So when were you planning on telling me then? Hm? Were you going to wait until after the consultation, after the results... Or just try and end it like you did last time?"

"I don't know." He confirms, still looking tense and I decide to change the topic, to stop him from having another outburst..

"The midwife said we could start telling people." I remind him. "Although I don't think now is the best time for that, what do you think?"

"I'd rather just wait a while." He admits, pushing his plate away like a stroppy teenager.

"...You know, it's really nice this." I wave my fork between us, sarcastically indicating the situation. "This comfortable silence we can just sit in, where we can just stare into each other's eyes and enjoy one another's company."

"Don't push it." His voice is still calm, as if he's done all his shouting for today.

"...Or what?" I dare to ask and his eyes flicker towards me, shock reflected in them at my reaction. He stands up, heading towards the door of the kitchen. "Where are you going?"

"For a run." He tells me, and I can hear the hurt in his voice as the door slams. I push my plate away and lower my head to the table. Stupid. Why had I said something like that?

He had clearly already been planning to go for a run, because he had changed into a t-shirt and jogging bottoms when I arrived back from Michelle's. But he probably intended to make some excuse about not going to the gym for a few days, kissing me on the forehead, telling me he wouldn't be long.

I remembered all this happening, and I remember how it ended.

White or red.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22:**

 **Monday**

 **Carla**

We'd been living off awkward silences and blunt sentences for days now. There had been hardly any intimacy, contact, words that made butterflies pulsate through me or put a smile on my face. Everything seemed so serious, so unlike us, well, us at the best of times.

I lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling, not bothering to look at the clock to know that it was the early hours. I felt so alone, Nick felt so alone, the gap in between us felt so wrong.

I feel him stirring, but not because he was waking up, because he was having another nightmare, as he had done the last few nights. I debate whether to wake him up or leave him sleeping, because whichever I did, he probably wouldn't thank me for. I move my head to the side of the pillow, watching him shift uncomfortably before sighing, moving my arm so it lay under his head.

"Nick?" I whisper, but there's no response. I gently shake him, getting slightly more vigorous as his eyes suddenly open, his breathing rapid. He looks around the room, confused as to what is going on, before turning his head and noticing me. "It was a dream." I don't say anything else, but he allows me to move closer to him, wrapping my arms around him as he does the same to me. We lie there awake for hours, not moving, not talking, just thinking. Until the usual beam of light begins to creep in through the window and I know reality is once again setting in.

 **Nick**

"What are you doing?" Carla asks me and I turn to realise she's stood in the doorway, in nothing but a towel, her hair damp against her shoulders. A lump forms in my throat as I look at her, she made my heart race, especially now. A part of me just wants to grab her and kiss her, I want to pull the towel off and let it fall to the floor, feeling her silky skin against mine, her hot breath on my cheek. For her to pin me up against the wall, clawing at my back, teasing me, wanting me. "Nick?" She snaps me out of my thoughts and I try to regain myself, hiding the fact I hated myself for being turned on at a time like this.

"Getting dressed for work." I reply, tearing my eyes away, not because I wanted to but because I had to.

"You're not going to work, we've got the consultation this morning." She reminds me, as if I didn't already know.

"Yeah not until eleven." I stare at the wall ahead of me. "I can go in for an hour."

"What? So you can avoid having to put up with me?" She guesses and I don't reply. I see her out of the corner of my eye, entering the room and taking the towel off, I move my gaze to the mirror, where she is reflected in it. I swallow, hard, forcing myself to look away as her eyes meet mine in the reflection. She doesn't say anything, I don't say anything and she continues to dress in silence.

"You don't have to come with me." I tell her, which she knew. She knew that because I had told her over and over again the past few days. The answer would be the same, it wasn't going to change, as much as I hated it.

"I'll see you in the Bistro at ten." She finalises, trying to keep the bitterness out of her tone as she finishes dressing and leaves the room, hair still wet.

It's a couple of minutes before I hear the front door close and I guess she's gone over to Michelle's to use her hairdryer, because anything would be better than having to be here right now. I didn't blame her. However that did mean I was going to be grilled by Michelle again this morning, as I had been yesterday and the day before, and the day before that. I didn't establish how annoying it would be working with my wife's best friend. But it is, especially when you go to work to forget about your marriage troubles, only to have them all brought up again, by someone who, quite frankly, wasn't involved but wanted to be..

 **Carla**

"Oh hi, we were just about to leave for work." Michelle announces as she opens the door, frowning at my appearance.

"Yeah can I just use your hairdryer first?" I demand, noticing Robert as he emerges from the bedroom. "...Hi."

"Why, is yours not working?" She asks, letting me in.

"I'm gonna get off babe, I'll see you there in a bit." Robert smiles at her warmly, placing a prolonged kiss on her lips and I look away, awkwardly. Oh great, just what I needed; my very own live rom-com.

"See you in a bit." Michelle waves him off. "Love you."

"Love you too." He replies before closing the door.

"Hairdryer?" I prompt Michelle and she can tell something is up, pointing to where it is lying in the corner of the living room. "Thanks."

"So come on then, what's happened now?" She folds her arms, observing me as I flick the hairdryer on full blast so I can blank out the sound of her persistent questions.

"Same old." I respond, bluntly and she nods, making her way back into the bedroom and returning with her hand bag, which she fills with objects she needs from around the flat. She continues to busy herself until I am finished with the hairdryer. "...Right thanks very much, I'll be off to work."

"Hold on." She stops me and I reluctantly turn back around, waiting for another question to arise. "You've got the consultation today, haven't you?"

"Yep." I nod, glancing at the bottle of wine on her kitchen surface and wishing I could just down the contents of it.

"What time?" She continues to pester me.

"Eleven." I respond, bluntly and she rolls her eyes.

"Oh well I do apologise for trying to help you." She snaps slightly and I hesitate before dropping my bag on the floor and falling back on to the sofa. She sighs, studying me for a moment. "Have you eaten breakfast?"

"No." I answer honestly, and she goes over to the toaster, popping two slices of bread in to it. "...Does Robert know I'm pregnant?"

"No." She replies, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"...You shouldn't lie to him." I lecture her, as if I had a right to and I can see in her expression she's thinking exactly the same thing.

"It's not lying, it's just not telling him." She smartly replies. "He'll understand anyway when I do tell him."

"Lucky you." I drone, folding my arms defensively across my tummy.

"Bad night then, was it?" She guesses, her tone softening slightly.

"Every night is a bad night at the moment." I confess, trying to remember through the mixture of sleep and tears what even happened in the early hours of this morning. "I can't sleep, Nick can't sleep and keeps having nightmares. We just get in to bed and lie there, I don't even know why."

"Well this happened last time, didn't it?" She reminds me. "Except he managed to cover it better, until the hen night, when it all came crashing down... At least you found out quicker this time."

"Thank you, that really helps." I sarcastically reply as the toast pops and she relishes the opportunity to move away from me. "He did try to cover it up for a while, I think he still would be if he hadn't touched that flipping lasagne dish."

"Yes well get that down you before you stress about anything else." She puts the plate of toast down on the coffee table in front of me.

"I'm not hungry." I sigh, feeling nauseous just looking at it.

"Eat it." She orders, firmly. "Do it for the baby if you're not doing it for you. You can't grow a child on an empty stomach."

I hesitate before taking a bite of the toast, trying to swallow it before my stomach churns and I immediately get up, heading towards the bathroom. I bring up the vile contents of my insides, gagging and retching because there wasn't much to throw up, but my body seemed to want to anyway. I find it hard to breathe, squeezing my eyes shut and focusing on calming myself. I wanted Nick here to hold my hair and rub my back, to tell me it was ok. But he wasn't. Instead Michelle appears in the doorway, having heard me finish and I flush the toilet abruptly as she winces at the smell.

"It's all glamour, isn't it?" She observes, as I scoop the hair out of my face, leaning back against the wall. "The things we do for men."

"Have you got a spare toothbrush?" I beg her and she opens the bathroom cabinet, handing me one that is still in packaging. I help myself to toothpaste and she watches me whilst I freshen up, which is actually quite off putting. It doesn't quite have the same effect as when Nick does it, causing me to blush and smile as he stares at me lovingly.

I craved that right now, I craved him, I craved us.

But that was a craving that I couldn't just buy from the corner shop.

 **Nick**

"You're late." I tell Michelle as she enters, knowing fully well where she had been and why.

"So dock my wages." She responds, bluntly, heading behind the bar. Yep, they'd been bitching about me.

"How's Carla?" I ask, just to prove the fact that I knew and she doesn't look at me as she checks the stock list on the counter.

"Sick." She informs me, trying not to sound too sour, probably in case I kicked off at her and all. I can't help feeling guilty, I hated upsetting her and I didn't even know why I was doing it. It was like I couldn't stop myself, like I had no control over my emotions anymore. They just came over me like intense waves. "She told me to remind you she's meeting you here for ten."

"Yes I do remember." I restrain myself. "I might be messed up but I'm not completely incapable of remembering things... Especially when it's been drilled in to my head about fifty times this morning."

"What has happened to you?" She suddenly turns around, staring straight at me. "Do you realise how happy you make her? Because I've known her since we were six years old and trust me, she's never smiled as much as she does when she's with you. You know why? Because you actually care. Somebody actually gives a damn about her for once. Somebody actually wants a future with her, who's not just going to screw her over like all the others. So how many flaws and problems and baggage you have, it doesn't matter, not to her, because you've got something so much more special, and that, _that_ is all she cares about. Maybe think about that before you mess it all up."

She storms off and I stand there, taken-aback by her outburst. I glance at a nearby couple who are staring up at me over their coffee and flash them a smile. The door swings open and I turn my head to see Carla stood there.

We stare at each other, from opposite ends of the room. As if it was all the way back to the day when Erica miscarried and she entered the Bistro. We just stared at each other and we knew. We knew there was something so right that we were doing so wrong.

"...I thought we were meeting at ten?" I check the clock on the wall, she was only ten minutes early, but all the same, I felt the need to make yet another unnecessary dig.

"Yeah well I couldn't concentrate on my work." Her voice sounds strained and tired as she sits down at the bar, avoiding my gaze.

"Drink?" I offer her.

"Yeah, big glass of red." She replies, daring to look me in the eye. "Just a water, thanks." I turn around, getting one of the special glass bottles out of the fridge, one of the ones I only give to customers who look like they would give a big tip, or environmental health officers. Or Carla. "Nick?" She says my name gently and I hesitate before turning around, meeting her gaze again and putting the water down on the bar. "Listen to me, ok. Whatever happens today, I'm gonna help you in any way I can. Whether it's to hold you, or if you just want to scream at me..."

"...You could do a lot better." I tell her and she sighs, not removing her gaze from mine.

"No I couldn't." She practically whispers, her eyes searching mine for any pain, any confusion or anger that she can try and make disappear. "I don't want anybody else. I want you."

"And I thought _I_ was going crazy." I murmur, and she swallows, her breathing steady, my breathing steady. I can't help myself any longer, I lean forward, kissing her passionately, the bar annoyingly restricting us. She kisses me back, longing for the intimacy at last, placing a hand gently on the back of my head. I don't even care that we're at work. I don't care about the customers. I don't care about the staff. I just care about her. I care about the fact that I was so desperate to feel her close to me.

"Oh for goodness sake!" Michelle's voice sounds and I reluctantly snap away from Carla, turning to see her exasperated expression. "You know I can't keep track with you two, I really can't." She rolls her eyes, sighing as she walks back off again. I look back at Carla, who bites her lip, holding back a grin as Michelle walks away. She lowers her head into her hands, laughing to herself.

"What?" I nudge her, although I can't help but feel relieved that she was finally smiling.

"Nothing." She responds, resting her head on her folded arms. She can't stop smiling. I don't know why, but it makes me smile too, and then we're laughing, we're both laughing and it feels amazing. That nervous but infectious laughter, like the night we kissed out on the street. Michelle walks back past us, looking beyond confused before heading back into the kitchen.

 **Carla**

We say nothing following the kiss, it's silence all the way to the hospital, but at least it was a more comfortable silence than it could have been. Nick is pacing around the waiting room, back and forth, back and forth. It was getting on my nerves but I don't say anything, I just leave him to it.

"Nick Tilsley?" The consultant peers out of the room and he glances at me briefly as I stand up, grabbing my bag and following him in. I sit down uncomfortably on one of the hard chairs that lies in front of the desk, trying to stop the nerves that are fluttering inside me. "So I've reviewed the symptoms that you explained to me over the phone.." He informs us and I swallow, not knowing they had already had a conversation. Another thing Nick hadn't told me, excellent. "I'd like to give you PET scan if that's ok with you?"

"Oh... Uh, yeah." Nick responds, clearly not expecting that information as soon as he did. "Is that something to worry about?"

"It's just to have a look at what's going on." The consultant assures him. "So I can pick up if there's any trauma going on in the brain."

"Right, yeah." Nick agrees without even looking at me. "So when are we looking at having that done?"

"Well, now if it suits?" He replies and I feel Nick freeze next to me. "Or if you've got things to do, I can-"

"No that's fine." Nick cuts him off and I shift in my seat, quite annoyed that I haven't even been acknowledged by either of them. "That's very sudden."

"You may as well get it over with now." He suggests. "And then I can get the scan up and we'll discuss the outcome with you and your..."

"Wife." I fill in for him, because I wouldn't be surprised if Nick had forgotten I was even sat here.

"Right so, if you want to follow me." The consultant stands, glancing at me and I take the hint.

"I'll wait outside." I inform Nick, and he flashes me a smile, but doesn't say anything. "Good luck..." I trail off, not knowing whether it's the right thing to say, but he doesn't reply, and I take the liberty of opening the door and disappearing out into the waiting room. It's empty, it's dark, it's cold. It reminds me of last time I was here; walking in to see Nick sitting so alone.

I just stand there, wrapping my coat tighter around myself, my eyes brimming with tears. I was such a mess of emotions today, blaming it on the hormones but also the fact that everything just seemed so weird.

It all felt so wrong. We were supposed to be enjoying this the most; the first few months of pregnancy, the excitement. This was the first time since we had got back together that it seemed so distant, so difficult.

I wonder if I have pushed him to far; whether calling him from Devon was a big mistake and he'd be happier if I hadn't. If I hadn't made that phone call, everything would be completely different. It was so terrifying and overwhelming.

I can't stop myself from crumbling, sinking down against the hard wall and sitting in a ball on the floor, shaking, crying. I don't know how long I carry on for, but it's a long time, because I'm still going when I feel somebody slide down on to the floor next to me, reaching their arms around my fragile body. I smell the familiar smell, his head resting on top of mine.

I cry. I cry and I cry and I cry.

And he cries.

Luckily nobody comes past us, the place is deserted. But when my throat aches from crying and I've soaked his shirt so it clings to his skin. That's when I finally manage to tilt my head upwards.

"I uh, I need to come back for tests." He finally manages to say, his voice weak. "Overnight, they want me to come into hospital for three nights."

"...When?" I ask, when I really wanted to ask 'why', but I was too scared to let the word slip out of my mouth.

"Thursday." He swallows, finally standing up and beginning to pace up and down the corridor. I force myself upwards, placing a hand on the wall to steady myself.

"...Did something come up in the scan?" I dare to ask, my voice shaky because I can tell he's worried now. "Nick... Tell me the truth." I try to regain myself and he stops pacing, turning to look at me. "Please."

"He thinks something unusual might have cropped up." He admits, trying to stay strong and I feel my heart beating faster. "They need to keep me in for a few days so they can monitor it..." I have to force myself to breathe, my throat tight, trying to stay calm.

"Ok." I nod, gently. "It's ok." I can see how worked up he is getting, but I didn't care, I move towards him, wrapping my arms around him as he cries into me. My eyes are wide as I stare over his shoulder, my fingers grazing his back soothingly. "Everything's gonna be alright."

 **Nick**

I drop the keys down on the side table, before not knowing what to do with myself. It was dark outside, it was dark inside, until Carla turns the light on.

"Sit down sweetheart." She points to the sofa, heading into the kitchen and I can hear her turning the kettle on.

"I should be doing that." I tell her, but sitting down all the same.

"I'm ten weeks pregnant I'm sure I can boil a kettle." She tries to crack a smile as she comes back into the living room, passing me a mug and sitting down on the sofa next to mine. We sit in silence for a moment, before she puts her mug down, standing and coming to sit next to me. She takes my hand, holding it tightly, before placing a finger under my chin and turning my head to face her. "Don't be scared."

"I am." I admit and she nods understandingly.

"Look, it's just a few tests." She reminds me, her voice so soft it soothes me. "And whatever happens, we're going to be fine."

"What, even if I start losing my memory?" I dare to ask.. "Even if I can't control my emotions, if I have to go back to hospital permanently?"

"Yes." She responds, firmly.

"Carla... This isn't fair on you." I whisper, even though it's not what I want to hear. "You or the baby."

"No, don't." She begs me, squeezing my hand. "Don't try to save me again. Please."

"I can't..." I begin, choking on my own words.

"Baby, you're talking as if it's game over." She tries to smile, tilting her forehead against mine and the warmth is something I've missed over the past few days. "They just want to monitor you, it's just to check everything is as it should be, which it will be."

"And if it isn't?" I persist, negatively despite all her efforts to reassure me. I move my forehead away, trying to sort my thoughts into a string of words that would make sense. "What? Are you and the baby going to come and visit me every single day in a care home or hospital? Bringing me grapes and newspapers and teddy bears? Talking about how he or she has grown? Moving the cup to my lips so I can drink and fluffing the pillows? Not allowing yourself a life because you're stuck caring for me?"

"Yes." She concludes, without hesitation and she doesn't even sound scared. "Yes I will. But it's never going to come to that. Stop trying to get rid of me."

"I'm not trying to get rid of you, I'm trying to protect you." I assure her and her eyes close momentarily, as she exhales. She was trying to prove herself to me, which she didn't need to do.

"Look." She takes the hand she is holding and places it on her tummy, swallowing as she looks back into my eyes. "That's your baby in there. That's your son or daughter. They're not going to care if you accidentally mix the sandwiches up in their lunchbox, or you miss their school show because you have to go for a check up. They won't care if you struggle to help them with their maths homework, or forget where the first aid box is kept when they graze their knee. Not in the long run. You're their dad, they already love you and they haven't even met you yet. They're going to laugh while you push them on the swings and smile when you wipe ice-cream off their chin. They're going to cry to you when they fall out with their school friends, and you'll hug them and tell them you love them. You'll tell them the stories you've been through and the stories I've been through. You'll show them that even though times might seem so hard, even though they feel like they might be breaking, one day they'll find somebody who completes them, just like we did with each other. One day, they'll find somebody who is never going to give up on them, even when we're gone, and times are rough and scary and overwhelming. We'll tell them, 'we got through it, and do you know why? Because we had each other'."

I'm left speechless. Tears silently trickle down my cheeks as I stare back at her. How had I managed to be so horrible to somebody so loving and genuine? How had I ever walked away from something so special? I had no words in response, nothing that could follow that. I had nothing to summarise how I felt about her, how unreal this seemed that the woman I loved more than anything was sat in front of me, talking about our beautiful baby that hadn't even entered the world yet. I can see her eyes are misting over with tears of love and loyalty.

I don't waste a second. I tilt my head towards hers, kissing her so gently, weaving my hands through her silky hair as she returns the kiss.. It made me feel rejuvenated at last, we'd both been deprived of this recently and now it felt like the first time we had ever kissed. Like we needed each other more than ever. She presses her palm to my cheek, focusing on kissing me. It's so soft and so meaningful.

We don't stop. We just sit there kissing. Nothing more, nothing less. Just making the most of the best feeling in the world. The feeling that made us both feel alive, loved, sane. The feeling that we never thought we would have with anybody, especially not each other. But we did, we had, and it was something I knew I could never let go of again.

* * *

 _ **Please leave a review if you get the chance, thank you so much to people who have been, it makes my day!**_


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23:**

 **Thursday**

 **Carla**

I don't want the usual beam of light to shed itself across the room, and I don't want the alarm clock to go off. I wanted to stay here, wrapped up in Nick's arms, him playing with my hair lovingly. I didn't want him to let go because I knew I wouldn't get it back until Sunday, and although it was only three days away, it felt like a lifetime.

I try to preserve what I have, breathing in his scent, clutching the soft cotton of his top in one hand, my other linked with his, resting over my tummy. I could lie here forever, I felt so safe and so happy.

But the alarm does go off and I have never felt more reluctant to get out of bed in my life. I reach over, turning it off and sinking back into his chest, not even caring if I was going to be late. He doesn't object, he lies there with me, his fingers repeating the same motion as he guides them through my hair, absentmindedly.

"Are you ok?" I finally whisper, moving the hand that is clinging on to his t-shirt and slipping it underneath the hem, my need for skin intensifying. I roll his t-shirt up a bit, so I can lie against him, drawing in circular motions over his chest.

"No." He replies, honestly and I move my head to look up at him. "Because I don't want to get up, I don't want to move from this position. Ever."

"Neither do I." I murmur, moving so I am leaned over him, staring down into his eyes. My hair falls over my face, tickling his cheeks and chin. I can tell it does from the small smile that creeps across his face involuntarily, as he gathers it, draping it over one of my shoulders and moving to kiss the other side of my neck. He breathes into me, as if intaking my scent just like I had him. He meets my eyes again, gently running a finger along one of my cheekbones. I lean down to kiss him, pressing myself against his body, which he doesn't mind. He wraps his arms around me as we kiss, as they move up my back to my hair, massaging my scalp passionately.

It's such a romantic kiss; soft and sweet and gentle.

It's probably also the softest sex we have ever had. Which was a change from pinning each other up against the wall and tearing our clothes off. But this was gentle and caring and it was about treasuring the intimacy between us. He places kisses into my neck as he moves above me, exhaling into his skin through ripples of pleasure. He breaks away briefly, his lips brushing my ear.

"I love you." He whispers, as we both climax and eventually melt into each other's embrace, catching our breaths, chasing our thoughts. I turn my head to look at him, our noses touching accidentally which makes me smile.

"I love you too, by the way." I finally tell him, trying, and failing to keep the smile off my face.

If this was any other day, we would sack off work and cuddle up in bed. Watch films, kiss, eat junk food and hold each other all day long.

But unfortunately, this wasn't any other day.

 **Nick**

"You travel light." Carla watches as I take a small hold-all out of the boot of the car.

"No that's just in comparison to you." I reply and she pulls a face at me.

"I can carry a pillow, Nicholas." She points out, as I try to stuff it between the straps on my bag. I sigh, pulling it out and handing it to her. "I'm not going to break."

"Well that's good because I think I am." I respond, honestly and stupidly because her face suddenly falls. I feel bad, even though deep down we knew we were putting a front on the whole thing. She doesn't say anything, she just reaches for my hand and I take it as we walk towards the hospital.

It was weird; we had only been here last week for the scan, and yet now we were here for a completely different but just as nerve wrecking reason.

I sign myself in at the desk, as Carla takes a seat, her gaze on the back of my head. My faulty head. My damaged and ruined head.

"Do you want me to bring you anything tonight?" She asks me, taking my hand again and squeezing it once I am sat down next to her. I just shake my head, swallowing my nerves so I can be strong for her. "Ok well you can always text me if there's anything we've missed."

"Oh and if my family all try to come and visit, don't let them." I tell her.

"That's gonna go down well with the in-laws isn't it?" She grimaces. "'I'm off to see your son Gail but oh sorry you can't come'."

"Nobody's even supposed to visit anyway." I remember reading the notes I was given. "Only one close family member."

"Yeah well you've got lots of close family members." She reminds me and I raise my eyebrows.

"Unfortunately." I respond and she smiles, keeping her gaze on mine before leaning her head on my shoulder.

"Look I know you can't phone but if you need to talk just drop me a text, Ok?" She muffles into my shoulder. "I'll keep my phone on me all day."

"...I don't want to leave you." I admit and I can feel her sigh, moving her head away to look at me again.

"I'll be fine, I promise." She reassures me. "Look the bed might be a bit colder and emptier but, I managed seven months without you before. I'm sure I can do three nights... Hopefully."

"You phone Michelle straight away if anything happens." I prompt her and she nods obediently. "And if you're at work get Aidan to take you to the hospital. I don't care if it's just the tiniest cramp, and then get him to text me."

"Oh yeah because that's gonna do wonders for your stress levels in those tests, isn't it?" She laughs, before her face goes serious. "Nothing is going to go wrong. I promise you, ok?"

"Nick Tilsley?" A woman calls us and my heart starts to beat faster. I can tell Carla's is too because I can virtually feel it, our bodies are so close.

"Yeah." I swallow, although it comes out as more of a hoarse croak.

"Follow me." She smiles warmly and it calms my nerves slightly as we stand up.

"Baby I can't come in, but I'll be back as soon as I'm allowed to, alright?" She taps me on the shoulder and I turn to face her. "Just relax, yeah? Forget about anything that's worrying you and just focus on this."

"I love you." I kiss her and I never want it to end. I pull her closer to me, as if it was the last time I'd ever hold her. We were being stupid, we would see each other in a matter of hours. But it didn't feel like it. I force myself to pull away, tapping her tummy lightly and she smiles, her eyes misting over with tears. "You make sure you take care of yourself please."

"I love you." She whispers, holding a hand up to wave as I walk off towards the nurse. Just like the day she waved before leaving for Devon. The day it all ended.

 **Carla**

"Did Nick get settled in alright?" Aidan is surprisingly gentle with his tone as I enter the office. Everybody knew where he had gone; there would be too many questions otherwise with work, his family and my family.

"Mm." I nod in response, sitting down in my chair and laying my phone down on the table. I pick it up briefly to check I hadn't had any messages and was gutted that I hadn't.

"I doubt he'll really be able to use that." Aidan reads my mind and I'm annoyed at his know-it-all attitude. But he was trying to be nice, so I just sigh, sitting back in my chair and staring at him. "You know you don't have to be here if you want to go home?"

"I'd rather keep busy." I respond, quietly and I scan the office. "Where's Johnny?"

"Out on a cake run." He tells me and I frown.

"Johnny's done the cake run?" I force out a laugh. "Peasant."

"Well this order needs to be out at twelve." Aidan reminds me, glancing out of the window and on to the shop floor. "So we couldn't risk sending a machinist and having one less pair of knickers being stitched."

"Fair enough." I shrug, picking my phone up again.

"Carla..." Aidan prompts me, pointing at my phone.

"I'm texting Johnny!" I retort, knowing he was going to lecture me about messaging Nick again. "To get me an eclair."

"You can tell you're up the duff." He teases me and I glare at him over my phone, sending the message and putting it back down again.

"Shut up." I reply, trying not to smile back at him. "So come on then, give me something to do, keep my mind occupied."

"I thought this was _your_ factory." He reminds me, grinning and glancing out of the window. "Mind you, Kirk could do with an extra hand in packing."

"Yeah, dream on." I kick him playfully under the desk and he laughs, his face softening suddenly.

"Are you ok?" He checks, knowing full well I wasn't but still caring all the same.

"I guess." Is all I respond with, chewing my lip and forcing myself not to cry at the thought. This was why I wanted to work, because if I was sat at home going over and over it in my head, I'd just end up as one massive mess again. Without anybody to hold me this time. "...Just hope everything goes to plan."

"It will." He assures me and I feed off his hope.

"You know I got so used to being the strong one." I admit, quietly and he leans forward on the desk, listening to me. "Then Nick came along and I realised I could be weak, I could lean on somebody else... I guess now it's like I'm on crutches again. I can tell he's scared, it's not fair for me to be as well."

"Of course it is." He says, softly and I look away from him, my eyes brimming with tears. "I wish I hadn't said anything now." He sighs, standing up and coming over to me. He kisses the top of my head before spinning my chair around and kneeling in front of me. "Everything is going to be ok. You've got so many people that are here for you, I mean that."

"Thank you." I whisper, as he pulls me in to a hug. It was unlike us to show each other affection. But at the end of the day, he was my brother and I was his sister, somehow, and family always pull together in times of need. Well, that's what I hear anyway.

"What's all this?" Johnny's voice sounds and I break away from Aidan, trying to compose myself before looking up at him.

"Oh, I'm just being silly." I shrug him off, as Aidan stands up, squeezing my shoulder supportively before sitting back down again.

"One eclair." He places the box down in front of me and I smile appreciatively. I wasn't very hungry now I'd had another episode, but I open the box and take a bite all the same. "You know, they say if you're craving chocolate, you're expecting a girl."

"Oh yeah?" I raise my eyebrows, cheering up a bit. "Been doing your research have you?"

"Maybe a little bit..." He trails off, slightly embarrassed and I exchange a look with Aidan. "Roy was asking after you, checking if you're ok. He said he might pop round for a chat later on."

"Put it like that did he?" I question, not imagining Roy Cropper using such casual vocabulary. "Ah I'll go to the café after visiting Nick then, better than sitting in that house on my own."

"I can always come stay with you for a few days?" Aidan offers and we both know that's pushing it.

"You're alright." I return, screwing my nose up at the thought and he laughs at my reaction. "Never know, I might enjoy the peace and quiet. Besides, I've got these box sets to watch that Michelle keeps banging on about... And a big bag of Christmas decorations in the loft that need sorting."

"Well don't go lugging Christmas trees around or climbing ladders." Johnny warns me, protectively.

"Don't worry, I won't." I roll my eyes at all their sympathy and support, but keep the smile on my face all the same. In a way, it was nice that people cared. I had _family_ who cared, that's something I'd never been able to say. "I told Nick we'd go and get one from the garden centre when he's out anyway, call it bribery to stop him misbehaving in there... Or something to look towards."

 **Nick**

I have only been back in the hospital bed for under an hour and I am already bored. It had been an intense and exhausting day so far; answering questions and being treated like a guinea pig. I can't even get my laptop out to do work because it could cause myself 'too much stress' and there was nothing I hated more than being told what to do.

I lift my head at the sound of a familiar voice which was music to my ears.

"Just in here? Thank you." I hear her before I see her and she immediately appears in the doorway, noticing me and we lock eyes for a moment. A smile creeps over her face and she approaches me. "Hey."

"Hi." I reply as she bends down to kiss me, sitting down on the chair next to my bed.

"...This is weird." Carla glances around the room. She stands up again to draw the curtains around us, so we didn't have to be stared out by patients in the other beds. "Usually I'm in that bed."

"Hm." I mumble, and she meets my gaze again, she hasn't stopped smiling since she arrived here.

"I brought you these." Carla puts a pile of things down on the table and I shake my head at her.

"I told you not to bring anything." I reply, sitting up to identify what she had equipped me with now. "Magazines? I'm not you."

"Yeah but look." She holds one up in each hand, excitedly. "This one is baby stuff and this one is Christmas stuff. So whilst I'm slaving away at the factory, you can start jotting some ideas down."

"Baby stuff?" I prompt her, taking the magazine out of her hand. "Oh no, you're not getting out of this one that easily." I flick through the magazine briefly as she laughs. "I can't sit here reading this, then they will think I'm crazy."

"Shh!" She nudges me, glancing behind her and biting her lip as she turns back to me. "...So how's it been, today?"

"Horrible." I answer and the smile gradually fades from her face, causing me to immediately regret saying it. "I'm bored."

"I know the feeling." She nods in recognition and we sit in a comfortable silence for a moment.

"Any sickness today?" I search for her hand and she links her fingers with mine, resting them on the top of the bedsheets.

"Surprisingly no." She replies. "I guess the nerves probably scared it off."

"What date is it?" I ask out loud as I try to remember through all the tests and information that has crammed my head all day.

"12th, sweetheart." She smiles, understandingly and for once I don't mind feeling weak. "Getting close to Christmas now and I have officially sorted nothing."

"We'll do it all when I get out of here." I reassure her. "Actually I'll make a list while I'm in here of stuff we need to remember to do... I'm sure that won't be too strenuous... I can ask that hot nurse to help me make it anyway."

"Excuse me?" She raises her eyebrows at my comment and I laugh. "Where is she? I'll knock her head off." She smiles again, studying me. "I must say... The hospital down and these... Things." She points to the cords that were bandaged either side of my head. "It's a good look on you."

"Uh yeah, don't think I'll be setting any fashion statements any time soon." I reply, sarcastically and she leans forward, kissing me again. "Have you had the pleasure of having to engage with my family at all today?"

"Oh yes, actually." She lets go of my hand to rummage in her bag, producing an ugly homemade statue, which she stares at blankly before holding it up. "Gail wanted me to give you this."

"What the hell is that?" My eyes widen, taking it from her and she laughs.

"She said it was some lucky ornament that she made a few years back." She explains and I look back at her, pulling a face.

"...It's disgusting." I tell her, bluntly and she laughs again, taking it from me and putting it on the table. "Besides it can't be that lucky, it hasn't brought her much luck over the past few years."

"And she also got you these." She taps the box of shortbreads that were already on the table.

"Oh great so now I'm eighty years old as well." I glance at them. "I don't even like shortbread."

"I know I didn't want to tell her that." She takes my hand again, moving her other hand to play with my hair, lovingly. "I went into the Bistro at lunchtime today and forgot for a second that you weren't there."

"Sunday night I'm taking you for a really posh meal." I tell her and she looks tempted for a moment.

"Sunday night we're getting home and you're going straight to bed." She corrects me.

"Sorry mum." I nudge her and she raises her eyebrows, her hands pausing in my hair.

"Is that a dig, Tilsley?" She sulks slightly.

"Of course not." I shake my head and she narrows her eyes, picking one of the magazines up and leaning back in her chair.

"Top ten children's stories." Carla recites from the magazine.

"Thanks but I am still capable of reading adults books I think." I tell her and she smiles behind the magazine.

"No..." She murmurs, in the same adorable tone that I've missed. She sighs, placing the magazine open on the bed. " _For_ children."

"I can't imagine you reading a bedtime story." I reply, scanning the list in front of me. "Unless it's a goodnight recital of Vogue."

"I can read." She objects, poking my hand defensively. "I read magazines and... Emails... Granted I haven't got much experience with reading... _Owl Babies_..." She picks one from the list. "But I can learn."

"You don't need to learn, you'll be a perfect mum." The words slip out of my mouth as I am thinking them and she looks up at me, surprised at my confession.

"...You do want this baby, don't you?" She suddenly asks and I have to hesitate for a moment, wondering if she had actually said the words, or if I had just imagined them.

"More than anything." I tell her, firmly, disbelieving she ever doubted that in the first place. "That's not going to change."

"Good." She smiles, before looking at the clock on the side. "...I'm gonna have to go in a minute. I'm already two minutes over, they'll come and chuck me out otherwise."

"I don't want you to go." I tell her and she closes the magazine, sighing and staring at me intently.

"I don't want to either." She whispers, moving her chair closer and resting her head on my shoulder. "I'd sit here forever if I had to."

"You might have to one day." I respond, and I feel her stiffen slightly. It wasn't what she wanted to hear, and she takes my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"If that's what it takes." She replies, quietly and I turn my head to place a kiss into her hair, slipping my arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

 **Carla**

I curl all of the blankets around me to try and keep myself warm, licking ice cream (which probably wasn't helping) off the spoon in my hand and fixating my thoughts on the television so they didn't drift. It was quiet, it was eerie, it was lonely.

I don't know why it felt so weird, because this is what it had been like solidly whilst I had been down in Devon. Plus, then I couldn't just walk out of the house and have a chat with somebody if I did feel lonely, I'd have to phone Frankie and make the effort to travel into town and have a drink.

I debate phoning Michelle, but she was probably busy with Robert; staring into each other's eyes over a glass of wine. Something so simple. Why was my life never simple?

The doorbell suddenly rings out and I jump, turning the TV down and pulling myself up from the sofa. I open the door to a gust of cold air and Roy, stood in his usual cream coat on the doorstep.

"Oh, Roy." I throw a hand up to my mouth. "I meant to come to the café after visiting Nick, I'm so sorry."

"It's not a problem." He replies and I step aside, welcoming him in. "I was under the impression you might be visiting him. You've got a lot on your mind."

"You can say that again." I nod, pointing to the sofa. "Please, sit down. I'll put the kettle on."

"I'm not intruding?" He checks and I laugh slightly from the kitchen.

"Only a date with a tub of ice cream and the television." I call back to him, pouring out two cups of tea and adding milk in Roy's.

"I must say, it is rather unlike you to be eating ice cream from the tub." He observes and I forget he doesn't know about the pregnancy. "However I am most pleased to see that you are not drinking."

"...Clear head, you know." I lie, although it's not even a valid excuse. I pass him a mug, sitting down on the opposite sofa. "Besides, very few people know what I do behind closed doors. Feel honoured."

"So how is Nick?" He asks, phrasing it gently so I don't get upset, which I am grateful for.

"Bored." I shrug, putting my mug down on the table. "Tired, but he seemed a bit happier when I left."

"I do respect you." He tells me, and it hits me hard. Having those words come from Roy of all people, it meant a lot. "You have the ability to carry a very large burden, but still stay in a positive mindset."

"Or just crumble." I try to make it sound like a joke, but he doesn't smile, and I don't feel like smiling either. "Thank you, Roy." We sit in silence for a few minutes, as he drinks his tea and I listen to the low buzz of the television. "Have you got your tree up yet?"

"No." He responds. "It was always something Hayley enjoyed, as you well know. Since she passed away I haven't enjoyed the season as much. Subsequently, the decorations are somewhat unnecessary."

"I could help you decorate?" I offer and he glances at me. "I mean we did it a few years ago, didn't we? You can't have that café looking all dull for the next few weeks, can you?" He observes my living room and I can tell he thinks my proposition is slightly hypocritical. "I'm waiting for Nick to get out..." I answer the question on his mind, feeling bad for saying it when he had just mentioned Hayley.

"Well then, I suppose, if you insist." He awkwardly responds.

"Yes I do." I prompt him. "So... Saturday night? I know I'm not doing anything... At all."

"I will write that in my diary." He nods, curtly and I don't bother trying to dispute it, watching as he takes it from the bag he is never seen without, and flicks through the pages. It's these little things that make him so unique, but that's why I loved him.

* * *

I finish brushing my teeth, taking the bracelet off that Nick gave me months ago and placing it in my jewellery box as I enter the bedroom. I pull my top off, preparing to change into my pyjamas and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My eyes meet the faded stretch marks from my last pregnancy and I dare myself to run my finger over them.

I didn't even mind, and that was something crazy, because it had been one of my biggest fears about carrying a baby. But now I never wanted them to fade, because it was as if Lauren had left a mark. A mark where she was alive and growing and happy. The marks that proved that I managed to feed her and care for her... For as long as I could.

I feel the faint indents on my skin, before cupping my tummy with my hand and suddenly realising. My bump was starting to form already.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24:**

 _ **A/N: I've split this chapter into two because it would have been 10,000 words otherwise and I didn't know whether people prefer longer or shorter chapters. Enjoy!**_

 **Saturday**

 **Carla**

I sit cross legged on the bed, sheets strewn everywhere, waiting for the ring of the alarm clock. I stare at the wall in front of me. I had mentioned to Nick a few times that it would look good with wallpaper on. Black with gold or gold with black. Now it seemed to care a lot less than it originally did.

I jump at the sound of my phone going off and immediately grab it from the side table, my eyes adjusting to the message on the screen.

 _Text Message_

 _From: Nicky_

 _Good morning beautiful xx_

I finally smile, unlocking my phone and hurrying to text him back. I felt like a teenager; as if this was my first relationship and I was completely smitten.

 _Text Message_

 _To: Nicky_

 _Morning, how was your night?xx_

I throw the phone back on the bedsheets and fall back on to the pillows, fixating on the crack in the ceiling. Why was there a crack in the ceiling? Why was I worrying about the crack in the ceiling?

I sit up as soon as my phone beeps again.

 _Text Message:_

 _From: Nicky_

 _No sleep at all. Wanted to wait until your alarm went off so I didn't wake you. I miss you xx_

 _Text Message:_

 _To: Nicky_

 _I hardly slept, wouldn't have mattered. I miss you too, hopefully see you later. I love you xx_

I'm crying then. I felt so alone all of a sudden, I stand up, pulling one of Nick's t-shirts from his drawer and breathe in its scent. I lean up against the wardrobe, the room so silent. Moving over to the window, I pull the curtain back and see Gemma skipping along the pavement, singing along to something playing from her earphones. I look up the street to see Tracy's front door open, escorting Amy outside who is already in her school uniform and points to the pub. Naturally, she would be dropping her off at Steve's, probably so she could have another hour in bed.

If she hadn't pulled her little stunt the other week, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation now.

But I take Nick's advice, regrets are pointless and the last thing I needed to do now was start another argument with Tracy Barlow.

My phone sounds again and I turn towards the bed, still clutching his t-shirt in my hand.

 _Text Message:_

 _From: Chelle_

 _Hope you are ok sweetheart, let me know if you need anything xxx_

I pause, wishing it was Nick but appreciative of her care all the same. I drop my phone, folding the t-shirt neatly on the bed for later and quickly dress. I don't bother applying make-up, which is something I can rarely say for myself. I run a brush through my hair and head into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I don't waste time before grabbing my bag and slipping my coat over my shoulders, locking the front door behind me.

My head is lowered as I head up the street. I didn't want to bump into anybody and have a conversation about how tired I looked and how I should take care. Instead, I press the buzzer to Michelle's flat, despite knowing the code, it was mainly to check that she was even there.

"Hello?" I hear her voice.

"It's me." I reply, knowing she wouldn't need any other explanation and just as I thought, the door buzzes and I push it open. The door to the flat is open ready as I approach it, closing it behind me and noticing that Michelle is already making me a brew.

"How did you sleep?" She hands a mug to me before even saying hello.

"Wow, is it that obvious?" I respond, sitting down on the sofa and nursing the cup of tea between my hands. She collects hers and comes to sit next to me, her legs tucked up beneath her. I pull a cushion over my tummy, noticing that her eyes have already drifted towards it, and place the mug carefully on top for extra measure.

She'd already seen, so I didn't know why she was bothering. Stupid me for picking a tight fitting top, but then again, clothing choice wasn't the top of my priorities list.

"Twelve weeks?" She guesses and I avoid her gaze.

"Eleven." I inform her, bluntly, not wanting to talk about the baby or the fact I was already showing. We hadn't even told people yet, and it didn't seem like there wasn't going to be a relevant chance within the next few days.

"Maybe you're having twins." She tries to joke and I look at her, horrified.

"Don't joke about that." I warn her, and she leans back against the sofa. "Besides, I'd know. They'd have told us in the scan... I researched it last night, apparently the muscles contract faster when you've... Been pregnant before."

"Right so what have you had for breakfast?" She swiftly changes the subject and I glance at her, choosing not to opt for the verbal answer. "Dinner last night?"

"Ice cream." I reply, taking a sip of my tea.

"Lunch yesterday?" She continues and I glare at her. "So when was the last time you ate a proper meal?"

"I don't want a proper meal, the idea of food makes me want to throw up..." I trail off. "Except ice cream."

"Yes well that's not a very substantial food is it?" She points out, as if I didn't realise. "You'll be giving birth to a Cornetto at this rate."

"Eating is the least of my worries." I sigh, putting my mug down on the coffee table. "Gail wants me to go for lunch with her today."

"Gail?" She pronounces the name so intensely, as if I'd said I was having lunch with Tony Gordon or Frank Foster.

"Yeah, you know, my mother in law..." I wince at the word. "Small, annoying, has a voice that grates on you the more she witters on."

"I thought you and Gail didn't get on?" She frowns, ignoring my sarcastic comment.

"Yeah well she apologised to me the other week after Nick told her where to stick it." I roll my eyes. "And now she's acting as if she wants to adopt me again. I don't know which is worse."

"That's a drastic change." Michelle ponders and I slide my wedding ring up and down my finger, needing to fidget with something. "So you're going to have to eat then, and I suggest wearing a looser top."

"Yes, thank you Michelle." I try to refrain myself from snapping. "I'm going to Roy's tonight as well, helping him put his decorations up."

"Wow, you do like to keep busy." She says, warning in her tone.

"Yeah well it's better than the alternative." I tell her. "You know me, if I'm sitting around doing nothing I do... Stupid things. Like think... And I don't want to think, right now. I just want to sleep."

"So have a sleep then?" She suggests, as if it was obvious.

"Yeah but I can't, can I?" I sigh, closing my eyes momentarily.

"...Are you going to see Nick today?" She finally mentions the word and I exhale, finally opening my eyes.

"I don't know if I'll be allowed." I shrug. "They phoned and said I couldn't yesterday, it all depends on how the tests are going and how they need to monitor it."

"Having withdrawal symptoms?" She raises her eyebrows, not realising the extend of how much I was. I just wanted a hug, I wanted somebody to hold me for hours whilst I slept.

"I haven't slept in days Chelle." I finally tell her. "Weeks... The last time I properly slept was the night before Bethany slept over. I couldn't sleep then because she had her music on full blast and then when she eventually did go to bed, I couldn't fall asleep because we all know what happened last time I did that and a child was in the house..."

"Carla you need to calm down." She gently stops me, placing a hand on my knee.

"Why?" I pause, looking at her, we both knew why and she wasn't going to say it. So I take the liberty of doing so myself. "Because this is the exact point I miscarried the first time? Because I was stressed and tired and worn down?" She doesn't say anything, she just watches as my face crumbles and I dip my head into my chest. I was so sick of crying. I was so tired of the same emotion over and over again. I was fed up of the dull ache in the back of my throat that came back whenever I started because of how many times I'd brought myself to tears the last few days.

"Car..." She sighs, moving towards me and pulling me into her chest. I grip her jumper tightly, allowing myself to cry because it was Michelle, and Michelle had seen a lot worse. She was the only person apart from Nick and Roy who were allowed to see my full weakness.

Even when I finish crying and the tears are dried up because there's no moisture left to release, she still holds me, rocking me. It's what I needed. Not to the extent I wanted, but it was suffice for now.

Hours tick away and we still sit there. She doesn't speak, she doesn't mind. She just does whatever she can to help me, and right now, that was just being there.

* * *

"Hello Carla." Gail stands up from the table when I arrive, as if greeting the queen. I force a smile on to my face. Having changed and put some make-up on, I feel, or at least look a bit more human than I did this morning. But either way, she doesn't seem phased, so at least I had fooled Gail.

"Hello." I try to make my tone cheery and she holds her arms out for a hug. I regretfully walk into them, awkwardly hugging her for a moment before breaking away. "It's nice of you to... Invite me."

"Well you're practically my daughter now." She reminds me, as if me and Nick hadn't been married for a year and a half. _Daughter_. I'd had enough surprise parents and family for one lifetime, I didn't need anymore.

"I guess so." I respond, brightly, sitting down at the table and wondering why I ever agreed to come here.

"Can I get you both a drink?" Daniel approaches our table, notepad in hand.

"Yes, two glasses of wine please." Gail orders. "May as well make it a bottle."

"Oh uh... I can't." I try to excuse myself, as much as I wish I could. "I might need to drive to the hospital later, depending on what they say."

"Oh well just one glass then please, still a bottle." Gail turns to him and I can see Daniel looking quite surprised, before looking at me.

"Pineapple juice." I reluctantly order and he nods, walking off.

"So how is Nick?" She immediately asks, I know this is mainly the reason I am here; so she can get all the updated information.

"He's really good actually." I lie convincingly.. "I didn't go to see him yesterday because they were running some tests but he seemed really positive about the whole thing the day before."

"Oh well that's good news." Gail beams and I nod my head, falsely smiling for her benefit. "Did he like the Buddha?"

"The what?" I frown.

"The Buddha I made." She reminds me and the memory of the statue flickers through my mind.

"Oh that was a..." I trail off, finally realising myself. "Yeah he loved it. It's right next to his bed."

"Ah isn't that lovely?" She looks pleased with herself and I awkwardly look down at the menu. There was absolutely nothing that appealed to me. In fact, everything just reminded me of Nick and that wasn't helping the situation. "I think I'm going to have the pork belly."

"Mm..." I enthuse, feeling sick at the thought. "I'll probably just have a salad."

"Dieting again then? I suppose you can't let yourself lose it too much, being you." She replies, harmlessly but I can't help feeling offended. Evidently she thought I'd put on weight, well she was going to get a shock in a few months time. We probably still wouldn't have told them at this rate.

"I can't believe they won't let me see him." She looks up, leaning on her elbow. "I mean, I'm his mother, you'd have thought they'd let me pop in for one visit."

"You'd have thought." I nod, just to satisfy her, even though I knew she was the last person Nick would want in that hospital room.

"Your drinks." Daniel places a pineapple juice down in front of me, before presenting Gail with the bottle of wine and a large glass.. He gets his notepad out to take our food order and I watch as Gail sloshes the deep red liquid into the glass, filling it almost to the top.

Well this was going to be fun.

* * *

"You know, I slept in a drawer when I was younger." Gail drones, draining the last of the wine from her glass and tipping the empty bottle up, which releases nothing but a final drop.

"You've told me before." I force a smile, feeling at my wits end with this constant awkward conversation. Although Gail seemed to be enjoying it, unaware of my false enthusiasm.

"I meant to... Have the conversation with you." She slurs, leaning her elbow on the dirty plate she had just finished eating off. "I am sorry about your baby."

Oh no. Please no.

"Uh thanks, that's ok." I try to divert the subject quickly. "I'm a bit full for dessert, what about you?"

"I mean, I think my Nick would have made a lovely dad. I always have done..." She continues and I feel myself getting warmer, my cheeks flushing and my palms sweating. "What was it you called her? Laura?"

"Lauren." I correct her, taking particular care to pronounce the name. I struggled to think of a time I'd felt more uncomfortable than this moment. Gail, on the other hand, has no ability to recognise this, and instead rests her chin on her wine glass, swaying slightly.

"That's a lovely name..." She ponders, staring into space. "Both David and Sarah have got children... And yet, don't tell them this, Nick would have put them to shame as a dad. I know... What I know."

"Mm." I mumble, not taking the effort to try and decipher what she was even going on about. I glance at the door, willing for it to open and somebody, anybody to walk in and save me. Even if it's Sarah asking me to babysit, I'd be out of here in an instant.

"I think I need another bottle of wine." Gail finally sits upright, clicking her fingers.

"I think maybe you might have had enough." I try to tell her, gently. I don't want her to suddenly flip out and slap me again. I was trying to be very careful with what I said and how I said it.

"Nathaniel!" Gail calls to him and I roll my eyes.

"Daniel." I correct her and she either takes no notice of me, or doesn't hear.

"Nathaniel, could I have another bottle of wine." She asks, swaying in her chair as he walks towards our table. He glances at me, hesitantly.

"A glass of water." I pretty much mouth and he nods, heading off.

"Lovely boy." She smiles to herself. "Do you reckon he would be too young for my Sarah?"

"Sarah's married." I remind her and she hesitates, as if just processing that information.

"Are all my children married?" She frowns.

"Uh... David's not." I recall, not knowing whether he still classed himself as being married to Kylie. "Unless you've got any other children stored away somewhere."

"Oh do you know Carla, it wouldn't surprise me." She marvels.

"Me neither." I mutter, under my breath and Daniel places a glass of water down in front of Gail

"That's not red." She looks confused. "That's transparent."

"Try drinking it." I tempt her and she shrugs, taking a sip. "Can we have the bill?"

"Sure." Daniel nods, walking back towards the bar. I scan the restaurant, trying to see if Kate was around but there was no sign.

"It tastes the same." Gail informs me, peering through the glass.

"The same as what?" I ask, despite not being the slightest bit bothered.

"Wine." She decides and it makes me want a glass of water. "Wine and water taste the same."

"Cheap date." I point out.

"Probably why Michael married me." She contemplates. "He was nice, Michael... Wasn't he nice?"

"He was nice, yes." I groan, wondering how I was even going to get out of this situation because I didn't fancy carrying her home. "Can't say I really spoke to him much though."

"Why did he have to die?" She sighs, aiming the question at me and I feel out of my depth. The question had left my mouth many times throughout my life, obviously about other people. But right now I didn't feel in a position to answer it. I take my phone out of my pocket, finding David in my contacts.

 _Text Message:_

 _To: David_

 _Hi David, I don't suppose you're free to come and help me out? I'm at the Bistro with your mum and she's drunk. Thanks, Carla x_

"Is that Nick?" Gail looks over at me and I wish it was..

"No." I reply, looking over the rather blunt message before sending it. I take the bill from Daniel, taking my purse out of my bag and slapping fifty pounds down on top of the receipt, half of which was for Gail's bottles of wine. But I don't dare ask her for any contribution, and she doesn't dare offer.

"Do you think I'll get married again?" Gail asks me another question that I don't know or want to know the answer to.

"I don't know." I respond, giving up with the pleasantries. "But if you do, you'll be level with Henry the eighth, that's some achievement."

"Except more of mine ended up dead than his." She replies, bluntly and I slouch in my chair. I felt more depressed following the lunch than I had beforehand.

"Yeah well my track record isn't anything to shout about either." I drone, as the door to the Bistro flies open and David enters, groaning as he heads towards our table.

"Oh hello my beautiful son." Gail reaches up to touch his face. "What are you doing here?"

"Just passing." David drones, glancing at me. "I am so sorry."

"Really, it's fine." I assure him, as he gets Gail to stand up. "I've gotta go, I've paid the bill so there's nothing to worry about."

"Well I hope she contributed, all that wine she has been shoving down her neck." David replies.

"Yeah, yeah she did." I lie, for the sake of an easy exit. "See you soon."

"Thanks Carla." David smiles as I pass him and I can tell he is watching me walk away. I push the door open and hit the cold air, leaning up against the wall of the Bistro and staring off down the street.

* * *

It's a much less joyful reunion when I reach the ward, than it was a few days prior to now. I turn into the room to see Nick, head lolled to the side, exhausted, fed up, sick of the confined space he had a fear of since the accident. It was like replacing damage with damage, surely being back here was only making it worse. But I wasn't about to tell him that..

"Hi darling." I smile weakly, as he raises his head to look at me, his eyes lighting up slightly when he notices.

"Hey. I didn't know if they'd let you in today." He forces himself to sit up.

"Well they made an exception." I sigh. "So I can't stay long... But I needed to see you."

"Carla..." His voice is weary as he reaches for my hand.. "You look shattered babe."

"Ah well that's because I can't have my usual dosage of coffee." I reply, trying to sound bright, but he knows it's a lie. "You don't exactly look energetic either."

"Can you expect me to? Being stuck in this place?" He moves his eyes to scan the room.

"One more day." I remind him. "I'll be here to pick you up tomorrow. Then if you want, Monday we can have a duvet day?"

"Mm." He smiles at the thought, closing his eyes momentarily. What were they doing to him? He looked so much worse than when he arrived here. "So what have you been up to?"

"Well... I've just had lunch with your mother." I inform him and it's enough to make his eyes go wide, despite how tired he is.

"Oh wow, has the world turned upside down whilst I've been in here?" He asks, surprise in his tone. "Why did you have lunch?"

"Because I wanted a cosy catch up with my dearest mother in law.." I reply, sarcastically and he manages a small laugh at the thought. "She invited me, I don't even know why... She asked a few questions about you, got drunk and then started reminiscing about how many of her husbands have died."

"I think I'd rather be in here." Nick groans at the thought. "Or prison."

"I had to call David to come and collect her." I tell him. "It was painful... But hey I did it, bit of an ice breaker at least."

"How are you feeling?" He asks, reaching his hand out to run his fingers through my hair.

"Ah, great." I nod in response, making it obvious it was a lie and he gives me that look he always does when I'm being sarcastic and he wants to know the truth. "I was up sick half the night... Almost fell asleep on the bathroom floor. Not that I'm even eating much to throw up..." I know it's the wrong thing to say, because he looks so worried and I knew that wouldn't do wonders for the monitor attached by wires to his head.

"I don't like you being by yourself." He confesses, not even giving me a lecture on why I should eat and sleep, which I was grateful for. I had heard enough of it from Michelle, Johnny and Aidan.

"I've been by myself many times before, still standing though." I reassure him, squeezing his hand. "...Just."

"Why don't you stay at Michelle's tonight?" He suggests.

"Uh, because I don't want to have to lie awake listening to her and Robert having sex." I screw my nose up at the thought. "I'm going to Roy's tonight anyway. Told him we'd sort through his decorations, which reminds me, I need to do the same to ours."

"The ones in the loft?" He remembers. "You're not going up there."

"Don't worry I won't." I sigh, smiling slightly at his care. "I'll get a nice strong man to get them down. How's your hot nurse anyway?"

"Oh yeah." He nods in recollection and I know he is about to wind me up. "We've been having a steamy affair in the cleaning cupboard, a quickie here and there between scans."

"Mm." I hum, giving him the satisfaction before chewing my lip. "...Wouldn't blame you if you did, having to be stuck with me."

"Hey, where's that come from?" He frowns and I paint a smile on my face. "You've been amazing, I mean that."

"Yeah well good." I lean over to kiss him, gently. "Because you're stuck with me now you've got me up the stick, Tilsley."

* * *

"Ooh, hey, Carla?" I am tapped on the arm, despite trying not to be seen as I head towards Roy's. I raise my head, my gaze colliding with Audrey and Rita's. "How's Nick doing, lovey?"

"Oh hi Audrey." I try to sound enthusiastic. "He's good yeah, looking forward to coming out tomorrow."

"Oh I bet he is." She nods, excitedly. "Say, we should all pop over tomorrow when he's home."

"Oh well... I don't know whether he'd be up to seeing visitors." I phrase, politely.

"Of course, well we'd let you settle back in for a few hours first." She continues, as if she hasn't heard me, or didn't want to. "We won't stay long, say about five-ish when the kids are back from school?"

"Oh the kids are coming as well?" I say out loud. "Well uh..."

"Oh Ken hi!" She suddenly raises her voice, waving across the road.

"I'll go and get a head start." Rita tells her, beginning to walk towards the pub.

"Oh I'm coming now." Audrey calls after her. "So five o'clock then? Sorry lovey I've got to dash, Ken's buying us all a drink in the Rovers, did you want to come?"

"Thank you, but I'm going to see Roy." I respond, glad I had an excuse.

"Oh well have a nice evening then." She taps me on the shoulder. "Give my love to Nick."

"Yeah..." I drone as she walks past me and I scuff my shoe in the small layer of snow that lines the pavement. I'd make a terrible politician; nobody listened to me, not even at work unless I shouted at them.

I make my way towards the café my feet slowly freezing in my boots. I don't bother knocking, I just push it open, grateful for the warmth I am hit with. The smell of pastry fills my sinuses and it's surprisingly comforting. I round the corner and see Roy gazing at me from behind the counter.

"Still working?" I greet him.

"No." He responds. "I was actually making you a pie."

"Who's told you I need to eat?" I prompt him and he looks confused at the question.

"Nobody, I just thought you could do with some warm food inside you." He replies, so innocently it melts my heart. "I know that your cooking abilities aren't as advanced as others."

"...Was that a dig, Roy Cropper?" I'm impressed with his charisma, although his expression doesn't seem to imply it was a joke.

"I didn't mean to cause any offence." He quickly responds, correcting himself.

"Roy it's fine." I assure him and he relaxes slightly. "I'm not really a pie kinda girl though... Then again I was never a pasty one until I moved to Devon, it was the only thing you could eat down there."

"...If you don't want it, I can always refrigerate it for-" He starts.

"No hand it over." I hold my arms out and he passes me the plate. Surprisingly, I found I was finally feeling slightly hungry and I take the liberty of sitting down at the nearby table, grabbing the cutlery he had already laid out. He sits opposite me, watching, not eating anything himself. He cared, he really cared. More than Johnny ever had, more than most people ever had.

"So, have you got the decorations?" I break the prolonged silence and he points to a cardboard box in the corner of the room. I put my knife and fork down, having finished and head over to it. I know not to lift heavy things, but I couldn't bring myself to ask Roy to do it for me, so I pop it down on the table myself. "Right what have we got?"

"I would be careful, they may be dusty." He warns me, as if I was going to pick up some infection from Christmas decorations. "I haven't unpacked those for two years."

"Well what about last year?" I frown, turning to look at him as he washes my plate up, which I feel bad about. "Oh Roy, I could have done that darling."

"Force of habit." He replies, leaving it on the drying rack and hesitantly coming over to me. "I didn't put them up last year. Most likely because I had neither Cathy or you to convince me to do so."

"What did you do last year... For Christmas I mean?" I remember speaking to him on the phone on Christmas. But I had been ready to pop and so sat staring at the television all day long.

"I completed a jigsaw." He announces, and it makes me feel bad. I could have invited him up to visit, but I'd been so preoccupied about the birth that I hadn't even thought about it.

"That's not very festive." I reply.

"Well possibly not, but I did have the Christmas carols on in the background." He informs me, as if I was giving him a telling off. "I do enjoy indulging myself in Classic FM from time to time."

"At least you had that." I smile, pulling some tinsel out of the box. "I didn't even have a turkey."

"In comparison, I should hope this year brings you more happiness." Roy is careful with his words, watching as I pause momentarily.

"Well... You can forget your jigsaw this year, because you'll be coming to us." I tell him.

"That's very kind of you but I would never want to be a burden." He babbles, awkwardly.

"You wouldn't be, Roy." I assure him, firmly. "I'm not letting you stay here on your own, no. Besides, we've got Michelle and Robert over anyway. Nick's family are popping over in the morning and mine in the afternoon. So you'll fit right into the chaos trust me."

"...You are cooking Christmas dinner?" He sounds worried and I laugh.

"No." I scoff. "Me and Michelle have decided we're going to get Nick and Robert to do it all. Feminism and all that... Haven't told them that yet though."

"Are you sure it's not a problem?" He checks, clearly touched at my gesture.

"Of course it's not." I reply, placing a hand on his arm. "Don't be silly... So, tinsel over the counter then?" I hold it up and he just nods, watching as I arrange it, grabbing the cello-tape and fixing it at either end.

"You do realise; you're a very special person." I hear Roy, quietly and freeze, letting myself absorb the words. "And I can tell you make Nick very happy, as he does you. Hayley would be... Very pleased to see you as you are now... She used to tell me that your happiness was valuable to her, more so than most people she knew. I know that what you are going through right now with Nick, is a rollercoaster of emotion, but I do believe you are strong enough to pull yourself through it. Both of you, and then enjoy the rest of your lives together." He finishes and I turn to face him, hesitantly, trying to formulate some response to his words.

"...I'm having a baby." The words fall from my mouth and he can't conceal the surprise in his expression. We stare back at each other for a moment, both revelling in the words that had just been spoken by both of us.

"...Congratulations." He nods, his expression a mixture of happiness and shock.

"Thank you." I respond and we stand in silence for a moment.

"I think, as I always have done, any child would be most fortunate to have you as a mother... And Nick, of course, as a father." He recites and I take a deep breath, letting tears roll down my cheeks silently. "Although, I believe you already are."

"Roy, I don't think I've ever heard you say so much." Is what I come out with, and he looks awkward at my response. "...But it's a good thing."

It's silent for a moment, and I wrap my arms around my body, the dim lighting of the café shining down on us.

"We're going to be alright, aren't we?" I ask, which is a stupid question because I know it's something that nobody, especially Roy, can justify an answer to. Instead, I walk towards him, hugging him without consent and I feel him shiftily returning my affection. We were going to be alright, we had to be.

* * *

 _ **Thank you for reading so far x**_


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25:**

 **Sunday**

"Yes I'm coming!" I shout, running down the stairs despite the fact I knew whoever was pounding on the door could not hear me. I pull the door open, seeing Sally on the doorstep, fist paused in the air. "Sally? It's eight thirty in the morning on a Sunday."

"Hi Mrs Tilsley, I was just wondering you had the keys to the factory?" She questions, brightly. I notice her judge my appearance briefly, which doesn't surprise me; I'm stood in a silk nightdress and no make-up, it would be a shock for anybody at this time in the morning.

"Of course I've got the keys." I snap. "Why wouldn't I have the keys?"

"Could I borrow them?" She asks and I narrow my eyes.

"You do remember that the factory is closed on a Sunday, right?" I sigh, leaning up against the doorframe.

"Well yes but I need to pop in." She explains, and I wait for further elaboration. "I've left Sophie's Bible in my locker and she needs it for church."

"Well can't she borrow one for today?" I persist. "Why did you have a Bible at work anyway?"

"Well it's a funny story actually-" She begins.

"Actually no, don't answer that." I groan, too tired for a long story which probably wouldn't even have a conclusion.. I sigh again before turning and grabbing the Underworld keys off the side table, passing them to her. "I want them straight back, post them through the letter box."

"Carla?" David appears behind Sally and I roll my eyes. "What time is Nick coming out?"

"This isn't a drop in centre." I retort, folding my arms over my tummy securely so no questions arose. "I'm picking him up at twelve, why?"

"Oh, I was wondering if he could take a look at our boiler." He drones and I glare at him as Sally takes the hint and scurries off towards the factory.

"Your boiler?" I repeat, annoyance in my tone. "He's just undergone days of intense tests, I don't think your boiler is the top of his priorities list."

"Yeah it's just because I'll have to pay for someone to come out otherwise." He mutters, before observing my expression. "...We'll be over at five, have a good day." He quickly diverts before heading off in the opposite direction to Sally. I slam the door shut, leaning against the wood and exhaling sharply. I needed Nick back and I needed him now.

 **Nick**

"Ok, all seems fine with your bloods." The nurse informs me, scribbling on a clipboard. "Looks like you're all set to go."

"Thank God." I drone, packing everything into my hold-all having already dressed. I couldn't wait to get home, have a shower and go to bed; I'd never thought something so simple could seem so luxurious.

"Any plans for tonight?" She asks, cheerily as I cram the weird statue mum had sent me into the bag.

"Oh yeah probably go clubbing." I try to joke and she smiles. "My wife wants a duvet day. I'll be glad of the peace and quiet to be fair... As much fun as this has been."

"You don't have to bother with the pleasantries." She assures me. "I lose the will to live on a six hour shift, I couldn't spend three nights here."

"Any ideas on when the results will be?" I inquire.

"Hopefully by next week, maybe sooner." She tells me. "We'll give you a call when everything's sorted and arrange a time for you to come in. In the meantime, I suppose you've got a lot of preparation for Christmas?"

"You can say that again." I nod, knowing that as of tomorrow morning, that was our top priority.

"Ey, he survives!" I hear an excited tone from the doorway and look up to see Carla heading towards me. She practically jumps on me, pulling me into a hug and I wrap my arms around her tightly. "I've missed you."

"You saw me yesterday." I remind her, as she pulls away, staring into my eyes.

"Yeah but I haven't had a proper hug for too long." She smiles.

"Yeah well you can have one all afternoon now." I tempt her and she immediately looks guilty. "What? What have you bought and did you use my credit card?"

"I haven't bought anything!" She exclaims, slapping me on the arm playfully. I can tell she's shattered, but trying to put a front on it. It wouldn't surprise me if she hadn't slept a wink because I hadn't either. We would probably go home and just sleep for a full twenty four hours. "Your family are coming over this afternoon."

Ok, or not.

"You what?" I raise my eyebrows and she looks just as reluctant to give the news as I am to receive it.

"I didn't even invite them, Audrey invited herself and said they'd all be coming along." She explains. "She didn't even give me time to object, just told me what was happening and ran off to the pub."

"You are kidding me." I sigh, the remaining lack of energy left was slowly draining from my body at the thought.

"But we've got until five?" She tries to cheer me up and I smile back at her, softly grazing her cheek with my thumb.

"No we haven't." I decide and she frowns.

"Ey?" She replies, confused and I grab my bag, her hand and begin dragging her out of the ward.

* * *

"I still don't think you should be driving." She lectures me, although not really kicking up much of a fuss over it. I guess because she had lost all energy to battle it out, as had I.

"Well we only live once." I respond and she glances at me, as if an answer was going to be written into my expression.

"Nick, where are we going?" She asks again, looking out of the window at the surroundings.

"Here." I pull into a car park and she looks out of my side, staring at the hotel for a minute before registering what I meant.

"Are you being serious?" Her eyes widen, with both excitement and annoyance, which makes it difficult to understand whether I'll be getting a kiss or a slap.

"Yep." I reply, turning the engine off. "I'm not having my night ruined by anybody else. The only person I want to see right now is you."

"Nick, this is five stars." She points out, as if I didn't realise. "This place has a hot tub in the bathroom."

"Even better." I respond.

"It's like three hundred quid for a night." She recalls.

"Why, have you stayed here before?" I ask.

"No, but I've wanted to." She scoffs.

"Good well now you can." I open the door, climbing out of the car and she hesitantly does the same.

"Nick I've got no clothes or anything." She continues.

"You won't need them." I smirk slightly and she tries to keep the smile off her face, staring up at the building.

"No I mean, we've got nothing at all." She persists and I grab my hold all from the boot.

"Toiletries?" I hold it up.

"I've got no make-up." She reminds me.

"You look beautiful without it." I tell her and she rolls her eyes, clearly touched by the compliment. "...Are you seriously turning me down?"

"No." She heads towards me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "How could I ever do that?"

"Come on then." I take her hand, heading towards the hotel.

"They've probably got no rooms." She continues to be negative.

"Good job I phoned ahead then." I inform her and she looks impressed, stepping through the doors and admiring the reception.

"Wow." She gazes around and I laugh, before progressing towards the front desk.

"Hi Nick Tilsley, I phoned about twenty minutes ago." I greet the woman on reception.

"Mr Tilsley." She nods, politely before scanning her computer. "You're booked into room six five eight." She informs me, handing me two key cards. "Would you like a glass of complimentary champagne?"

"Yes." Carla replies, bluntly before sighing. "I wish."

"Unfortunately not." I reply and Carla elbows me harshly.

"Nick, what are you doing?" She hisses. "Take them both and drink them yourself."

"I'm not allowed to drink anyway, even if I wanted to." I tell her and she pulls a face, gutted that champagne was being wasted.

"Ok well enjoy your stay." The receptionist smiles and I take the key cards, pointing towards the lift and Carla immediately heads in that direction.

It's not long before we arrive at our room and I slip the card into the slot on the door, pushing it open and allowing Carla to walk past me..

"Oh my..." She gasps and I have to keep the amazement out of my expression. The room was huge, with a massive window at one end, overlooking a cityscape of Manchester. There was a king size bed in the middle of the room, with silver and purple pillows scattered over it. A big marble bar area lined the opposite end of the room, with a huge plasma television pinned to the wall and purple LED lights were scattered along the floor and bar. "This is incredible."

"Yeah." I nod, because it was the truth. I had done well and she knew it. I dump the bag, watching as she falls back on to the bed, closing her eyes momentarily. My eyes fall straight to her stomach, as her top flattens against her, and a smile creeps across my face. "You been stuffing your face while I've been away? Or is that my baby?" She immediately sits up, grabbing a cushion and covering her tummy with it, blushing suddenly. I'd never felt so in love; she dips her head slightly, hair falling over her face, looking slightly embarrassed at my comment. "You look beautiful."

"Really? I'm fat and ugly." She raises her eyebrows, pointing to the dark circles under her eyes. "You must have low standards."

"You..." I approach her, sitting down on the bed and taking her hand. "Are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. So never say that again, please."

"Charmer." She mutters, meeting my gaze, lovingly. "You must love me."

"I do." I reply, meaningfully and she leans in, placing a hand gently on the side of my face and softly kissing my lower lip. Damn I had missed this.

"This is crazy." She says as she pulls away, observing the room again. "I actually think this might be the nicest hotel I have ever stayed in."

"Get lost." I nudge her, playfully. "What? Even in LA?"

"I mean it!" She insists. "Nick you really didn't have to do this."

"I really did." I assure her. "Five star hotel with you or a crammed house filled with chaotic family. Hm, tough call."

"Can we just stay here all day?" She rests her head on my shoulder and I wrap an arm around her waist.

"For three hundred quid, yeah." I laugh. "Make the most of it. We'll order room service."

"I am so lucky." She whispers and I plant a kiss into her hair. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I mean that."

 **Carla**

"That shower is amazing." I announce, as I emerge from the bathroom, drying my hair with a towel. I tie one of the dressing gowns from the wardrobe around me, and see that Nick is lying on the bed, flicking through the television channels.

"I know." He replies, having already rinsed off the unpleasant feeling of hospitals that I didn't even want to think about right now. "We can go in together later."

"Mm, don't tempt me." I lie down next to him and he holds his arm out, allowing me to curl into his side. "Genuinely though, are you going to text your family and tell them we're here, or just let them turn up?"

" _Genuinely_ , I don't care." He sasses me and I smile.

"You know David came over this morning, whilst I was still in my pyjamas?" I begin to explain and he already looks concerned at the thought. "Started asking what time you were coming home because he wanted you to fix the boiler."

"You're being serious?" He responds, lowering the television remote. "...I am so glad we're here."

"I don't even want to check my phone." I mumble.. "I've probably got tonnes of texts and missed calls of concerned friends and relatives."

"Don't you ever wish you could just shut the world out for a few hours?" He asks.

"All the time." I murmur and he hesitantly places a hand on my tummy. I put my hand on top of his, linking our fingers.

"So when did this happen?" He indicates and I smile, running my fingers through his hair with my spare hand.

"What, the baby making?" I wind him up and he sighs, gently rubbing his thumb against my tummy.

"The bump, idiot." He prompts, playfully.

"I noticed on Thursday night." I tell him. "Caught myself in the mirror."

"Bet you were distraught." He guesses and I shake my head.

"You'd think, but no." I reply. "I was with Lauren, trust me. Cried for days when I noticed. But I didn't start growing last time until about seventeen or eighteen weeks, that's why I was so surprised... Michelle noticed of course... Oh and I told Roy, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all." He whispers, calmly and that relaxes me a bit. "However you've got to let me at least tell somebody before you spread it around the whole street."

"Yeah well you can tell your family." I tell him and he groans at the thought.

"Oh great, lucky me." He replies, sarcastically. "...Least we know it's actually happening. Like, we can see it."

"Amazing, isn't it?" I smile at the thought, knowing this was a lot newer to Nick than it was to me, and so I gave him the satisfaction of being excited. He had always wanted a child, I felt honoured to be the person fulfilling that for him. "Won't be able to keep it a secret much longer now."

"I'll add it to the to-do list." He sighs and I put a hand over his mouth.

"No stressing please." I warn him. "Happy Nick's only, in this room."

"Yeah well happy Nick is very tired." He sighs, and I tilt my head to look up at him.

"Go to sleep then." I suggest, despite knowing he wouldn't. "I'll wake you up when I'm hungry."

"I bet you will." He laughs, turning onto his side so we were face to face. "Thank you."

"For what?" I frown, walking my fingers down the soft cotton that covers his arm.

"For being strong the past few weeks." He replies and I pause, meeting his gaze.

"Oh no sweetheart, that's not strong, that's survival." I tell him and he gently pushes the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. "You should have seen me when I left that hospital room, I was a mess."

"...You've been amazing." He whispers and I stare back at him for a moment, feeling so relaxed and safe. "Hopefully, with any luck, I won't be back there for a very long time."

"See, that's the positive attitude we need!" I exclaim, rolling into his chest.

"I get my results next week." He informs me, quietly. "And then we can enjoy Christmas."

"Oh... About that." I sit up, cross legged on the bed and he sits up to face me, suddenly aware he wasn't going to like the end of my sentence. "Robert, Michelle and Roy are all coming over on Christmas Day."

"Ugh..." Nick groans before seeing my expression. "There's more, isn't there?"

"Yeah and uh, your family are coming over in the morning and then going home and mine in the afternoon." I explain and he waits for me to finish, a pained look on his face. "And you and Robert are cooking Christmas dinner."

"No." He shakes his head, a hint of a smile on his face..

"Oh please." I whine, grabbing the collar of his polo neck and hanging off it childishly. "You know I'm not very good at cooking... You don't want me slaving away over a hot stove whilst I'm growing your child, do you?"

"How many times are you going to use that one?" He raises his eyebrows and it makes me giggle. "Can't we just go over to mum's again for Christmas dinner?"

"No!" I retort. "Because I want Christmas Day in our own house."

"How very domestic of you." He points out and I pull a face at the thought. "You do realise how many arguments me and Robert are going to have all morning? I mean, he's a professional chef."

"Yeah, so you can chop the vegetables for him or something." I suggest.

"And what are you Michelle going to be doing whilst we're slaving away in the kitchen?" He questions, trying his best to look displeased.

"Ah, see this is the twenty first century, Nicholas." I poke him in the arm. "The roles can be reversed."

"The roles are always reversed for you." He nudges me, kissing me on the nose.

"Oh ok well I'll remember that next time we're trying for a baby then, shall I?" I tease him, without thinking and I immediately lower my head into my hands.

"Sorry, what?" He prompts me and I look up to see he is smiling.

"I didn't mean it like that!" I object and he nods, in that same way he does when he knows I'm trying to dig myself out of a hole. "I'll be too past it anyway to have another one."

"Yeah, we'll see." He narrows his eyes and I try to pull away from him before he grabs my arms, pulling me into his lap and kissing me passionately.

I never wanted this to end, it was perfect.

 **Nick**

"Eight quid?" I wince at the menu in front of me. "For a packet of nuts? Makes the Rovers seem like the pound shop."

"Well I'll pay for them if you're that tight." Carla pipes up from the bed and I throw them behind me, watching as she catches them and tears them open.

"Tight?" I raise my eyebrows, pointing around the room and she laughs. "No, no. You're worth my broken wallet."

"I know." She crunches the nuts loudly, which would usually get on my nerves but right now I didn't care.

"Is that all you're going to eat?" I take a glass bottle of orange juice out of the fridge, trying not to look at the price and placing it on the bar ready for her.

"No." She scoffs. "This is my starter, chuck me the menu."

"You are gonna be the death of me, Carla Tilsley." I sigh, standing up and passing her the menu. She was lying back against the pillows, checking her phone.

"Good." She smiles slightly, still staring at her the screen.

"Who's that?" I peer over her shoulder, putting my arm around her.

"We really should have told your family." She passes me the phone and I scroll through the messages.

"And that's just your phone, I daren't look at mine." I grimace, passing it back to her as she types something out. "What are you doing?"

"Nick, they'll be worried." She reminds me and as soon as I heard it's sent, I snatch it off her. "Hey!"

"No phones." I tell her.

"You're usually the one glued to yours." She objects as I chuck it on to the pile of clothes by the base of the bed. She picks the menu up and starts to read it. "I want pizza."

"Pizza?" I repeat, in disbelief.

"Yeah well it'll be posh pizza here, won't it?" She justifies herself. "Besides I've hardly eaten anything for days, apart from a pie at Roy's."

"What has happened to you?" I laugh at the thought and she grabs a cushion, hitting me with it lightly.

"Shut up." She grins, biting her lip before jumping out of bed and pulling the curtain back. She wraps her dressing gown around her tighter, clicking the light off so the room is just filled with a dim purple glow. She glances out of the window, across the landscape in front of us. "You see over that way?" She points and I get out of bed to join her, standing by her side and looking over to where she was pointing. "That's where my estate was, growing up."

"Bet you never thought you'd be here back then." I murmur, wrapping my arm around her waist.

"Not in a million years." She shakes her head. "...And you see those trees in the distance, near to it? That's the quarry where we used to play out."

"The place where you went with Tracy?" I remember and she pauses at the thought. I hated to think about it; her standing so lost and alone on the cliff edge, staring down, willing herself to jump.

"I remember standing on the edge when I was younger, sometimes I'd go alone when it was dark and mam was drunk, George was out doing God knows what." She reminisces. "I'd take a bottle of vodka and just look out at the lights, the traffic in the distance. I'd be freezing cold, wearing one of Rob's tatty hoodies, but I wouldn't care. In fact I was glad of it because it made me feel alive..." She pauses. I shiver, just thinking about it, wishing I could have protected her back then or at least shown her that it would get better. "All my hope was put into praying one day I'd be out there in one of those buildings, driving one of those cars, living. But deep down, I honestly thought it hit eighteen and that would be it. I had nothing going for me, I was terrified although I'd never admit it. Absolutely terrified."

"...And now?" I try to bring her back to reality, not wanting her to get too down about the past.

"Now?" She brightens her tone slightly, not tearing her eyes from the scene in front of her. "Now, it's the complete opposite. I had nothing back then and now I've got everything..."

"You mean that?" I whisper and she finally turns to look at me, studying my caring expression.

"You, me, our baby. Decent business, a family, friends, a home." She recites, checking everything off her list. "I've got everything I ever wanted, everything that once upon a time was just a pipe dream... Still terrified though."

"You've got nothing to be scared of." I promise her and her eyes stare back at me; so beautiful and meaningful and perfect.

"Really?" She whispers, allowing herself to be weak for the first time in weeks.

"Really." I conclude, gently brushing her hair back and kissing her. The lights and the traffic and the world just behind us, just me and her, in this moment.

I was never, ever going to give that up.

* * *

 _ **Thank you again for all your lovely reviews!**_


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26:**

 **Nick**

It's quite possibly the most refreshed I've ever felt waking up. I check my watch on the counter next to me and see it is already almost ten thirty. Late checkout it was then.

Carla is still fast asleep on my chest, her hand clasping the cotton of my t-shirt. I wrap my arms around her frame, planting a kiss on to the top of my head, willing to wait forever for her to wake up.

The curtain is still drawn back slightly and I can see the cityscape through the crack; the fresh, but sunny winter weather shining down on the buildings in the distance. It felt like we were on top of the world, as if nothing could ever hurt us again.

"Mm..." Carla mumbles, her eyelids fluttering open briefly as she sighs into my chest. "Time..." Is all she manages to say, tightening her grip on my t-shirt as if I was going to move away.

"Half ten." I whisper and her eyelids open suddenly.

"Half ten?" She repeats in the usual croaky, adorable tone she carried for the first fifteen minutes of every morning. "You're kidding me?"

"No." I chuckle slightly into her hair. "But at least we slept well, hey?"

"Mm... That was the best sleep..." She yawns. "I've had in ages."

"Yeah well it'd better be for the price." I reply and she smiles slightly as she closes her eyes again.

"We'll go halves." She offers.

"No we will not." I object, gently and the smile grows further along her face. "Feeling alright?"

"Yeah if you get me some crackers." She murmurs, still with her eyes closed and I laugh, pulling the menu off the side table that was dumped on there last night. Four pounds, for a packet of six, the things I did for her. I reluctantly begin to get up and she pulls me back down, curling back into me. "I don't want them that bad."

"Ready to face the world soon?" I whisper and her smile fades at the thought.

"I'd rather stay here forever." She tells me, finally opening her eyes and tilting her head upwards so I can softly kiss her on the lips. "Oh... It's a Monday, Aidan's going to be worrying where I am."

"This time next week it's Christmas." I check the date on my phone, finally seeing I had tonnes of missed calls and messages I had no desire to reply to. "We're so behind, oh God."

"No stressing, it's only Christmas." She reminds me, placing a finger to my lips and shifting herself upwards so that her head rested on the pillow next to me. "I'm sure Chelle won't mind accompanying me on a little shopping trip to get Christmas presents."

"What? Whilst me and Robert argue over who is making cranberry sauce?" I groan at the thought.

"Yeah, exactly." She laughs, tracing a finger along my cheek and resting it in the dimple on my chin. "It'll all get sorted, don't worry... At least it's not last year."

"And this year I won't let anything hurt you." I promise her and she meets my gaze, smiling into the kiss that I plant on her lips.

 **Carla**

"Back to reality, hey?" I mutter, opening the door of the car and popping the boot open.

"I can take you for dinner?" Nick offers and I raise my eyebrows at him, closing the boot once he has taken his bag out of it.

"I think you've paid for enough." I prompt him, as he comes round to me and I wrap my arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry about eating half the contents of that mini bar."

"Yeah well you can make it up to me later." I whisper and she gives me a seductive look before kissing me.

"Ey up, love's young dream returns." Michelle calls over to us and we break away, noticing she was approaching us with a bottle of milk in her hand. "Where did you two skulk off to last night?"

"Oh only one of the poshest hotels in Manchester." I tease her. "Courtesy of this one."

"Oh alright for some." She rolls her eyes. "How are you feeling Nick?"

"Better now I've slept." He replies. "It was definitely well needed."

"Well you both look a lot better." Michelle observes, pointing at me. "This one has been tearing her hair out in your absence. I'll see you later."

"I told you not to stress." Nick warns me, gently.

"Well I couldn't help it, could I?" I object and he sighs, kissing me before we are broken apart again. This time, by a less pleasing arrival.

"Oh you've got a nerve." Gail's voice sounds and I try to hide behind Nick. "Why didn't you call us Nick?"

"Because I'm a grown man?" Nick reminds her and I hold back a laugh. "And we shouldn't have to inform half of Weatherfield if we want to go off and do something spontaneous."

"We were waiting on your doorstep for fifteen minutes last night." Gail continues.

"Yeah and I'm fine by the way." Nick prompts her and Gail looks guilty for a moment. "Thanks for asking."

"Listen babe, I'm going to have to get off to the factory." I try to separate myself from the conversation. "Aidan will be going spare. I'll just pop and get changed first though."

I turn around, inserting the key into the lock, before I am drawn back by yet another voice.

"Oi!" Aidan yells and I turn around hastily, meeting his gaze. I exchange a look with Nick; it was like we were eight years old and ran away from home. "Where the hell do you think you've been?"

"Uh, none of your business." I respond, heading towards him, as Nick tries to battle his mother off.

"Well it is my business, when I've got to look after _your_ business, so you can go off galavanting around Manchester!" He snaps, and I raise my eyebrows, waiting for him to calm down. "We've got a meeting with O'Driscolls at half two."

"Yes and I will be there, don't worry." I assure him. "Give me twenty minutes to get dressed and freshen up, then I'll be back, ok?"

"Fine." He huffs, rolling his eyes and storming off. I head back towards Nick, unlocking the door as Gail says goodbye to him.

"Honestly." Nick groans.

"Least we know we're loved." I shrug, noticing David from behind us.

"Oh, Nick!" David shouts.

"Oh for crying out loud!" I exclaim and David frowns at my greeting. "Can't we at least get through the door?"

"You couldn't take a look at our boiler could you?" He asks, ignoring me and I lean back against our front door, exasperatedly.

"Still? Really?" I reply for him. "He's supposed to be resting."

"Yeah and I'm sure you two did a lot of that last night.." He drones.

"We did actually." I nod, as he pulls a face. "Amongst other things."

"...Lovely." He grimaces, turning back to Nick. "So, boiler?"

"Have you tried twisting the dial like I showed you last time?" Nick patronises him and I laugh, watching David's bemused reaction.

"Yes I have." David responds, annoyedly.

"Look I'll come over in an hour and take a look." Nick sighs. "Just let us open the front door first."

"Thank you." David mutters, heading towards the salon.

"Well he's a barrel of laughs." I say, sarcastically as Nick opens the door, turning to stare down the street.

"Anybody else before we-" He starts and I push him inside, laughing.

"Don't jinx it." I swing the door closed with my foot, watching as he dumps the bag and I push him against the wall, touching my face with his.

"How long did you tell Aidan you'd be?" Nick swallows, staring into my eyes passionately.

"Fifteen minutes." I whisper, making my lips graze his as I do so. "Why?"

"Long enough." He smiles, wrapping his arms around my back and kissing me before moving down to my neck.

"I've got to take these dirty clothes off anyway." I whisper in his ear, feeling him harden against me at the thought. "I suppose you could always help me with that." He pulls my leather jacket free from my arms, allowing it to slip down on to the the floor and I tease my fingers seductively against the crotch of his jeans. He exhales at the touch and I bite my lip, tilting my forehead against his. "Hm?"

"You're going to kill me one day." He murmurs, and I kiss him again, building the passion, flattening my hand against his jeans and pulling away so I could meet his gaze. I pull the zip of his jeans down, teasing him and watching him gulp, his eyes fixated on mine. He moves forward, pushing my hair to one side and kissing the sensitive spots on my neck, sending chills of pleasure down my spine. He tilts his head to place kisses along my jawline, his breath hot on my cheek, before meeting my lips again.

 **Nick**

"Come on then, show me the damage." I enter number eight of my own accord, slamming the door behind me.

"Oh hi Nick, I didn't realise you were out." Sarah waves from the sofa, where she is sat with Harry, who is nibbling on a breadstick and watching some children's program on the television.

"That doesn't surprise me." I reply, bluntly and she sticks her tongue out.

"Feeling alright?" She checks.

"Really good actually." I nod, as David emerges from the stairs. "I've got a good feeling about the whole thing, so.."

"You're in a good mood." David observes, but I wasn't about to tell him why that was. "You know where the boiler is."

"Ah a brew would be lovely." I remark, sarcastically, heading over to the cupboard where the boiler is kept.

"Oh are you fixing that?" Sarah's eyes light up.. "Thank God, I had to have a cold shower this morning."

"And nobody thought to call somebody out? Have a look in the manual?" I prompt them, twisting the dial to reset it. "You've got a builder and plumber right across the road."

"Yeah but we don't have to pay you, so..." David drones and I hear the boiler start to whir, the green lights flickering on..

"David, I asked if you'd turned the dial." I sigh, turning to him.

"Yeah I did." He frowns.

"Whilst it was on?" I prompt him and he glances at Sarah.

"I don't know." He shrugs and I roll my eyes.

I sigh, shaking my head at him. "It's fixed, anyway, just run that hot tap to make sure."

"Really?" David flicks the tap on, coming over and staring at the boiler, blankly. He pats me on the back before testing the water. "Yeah it's hot."

"Finally!" Sarah cheers. "Right I'm going to have a bath."

"Uh, your child is right there." David points to Harry.

"Yeah, so, you can look after him." Sarah shrugs.

"No I can't! I'm going back to work." David exclaims and Sarah looks at me, expectantly.

"As much as I'd love to look after a screaming one year old, I've got stuff to do." I hold my hands up, walking past them. "Like fix Kevin Webster's hose pipe and fit Mary's kitchen tiles."

"Really?" Sarah frowns and I raise my eyebrows at her.

"No, Sarah." I sigh, giving up. "But I have got stuff to do so I'll see you later."

"Thanks again for the... Thing." He points to the boiler and I just nod before leaving. Honestly, that family would fall apart without me.

* * *

"Hey." Carla greets and I turn my head from where I am reading the newspaper on the sofa. "Oh wow you're actually resting, well done."

"Yeah well I need it after earlier." I joke, as she throws her bag down, sitting down next to me and laying her legs over my lap. "How was your meeting?"

"Oh Aidan made a few digs but nothing I can't handle." She shrugs, reaching down and pulling a notebook from her bag. "Right we have got stuff to do."

"Very organised." I nod, impressed as she begins to write a heading at the top of the page. "You with a pen and paper rather than a laptop, didn't think I'd see the day."

"Yeah well I'm gonna stick it on the fridge." She informs me and I laugh. "So, Christmas tree?"

"We're getting a real one." I stand my ground and she sighs, jotting it down.

"You can hoover up the pine needles then." She tells me..

"I hoover anyway." I frown at the thought.

"We'll go and get that tomorrow evening." She decides. "We're not doing anything, are we?"

"Nope." I shake my head, gazing at her lovingly.

"Presents." She continues. "Right if you tell me what all your family want I'll buy them."

"What? Off the top of my head?" I scoff. "Don't think my damaged brain can cope with that."

"Hey." She nudges me, lowering the note pad and looking up at my face. "Stop that, please."

"Sorry, joke." I sigh, kissing her forehead. "Lily will want something to do with unicorns and I told Max I'd buy him a cricket set at some point so I could teach him in the garden."

"Right." She scribbles it down, trying to keep up.

"Get Sarah a sense of humour and David some maturity." I add and she gives me a look. "You'll easily find something for Sarah, just get her make-up or something, and David will be fine with a new PlayStation game or some trainers, size nine by the way, oh and don't forget he'll need a birthday present too."

"Ok, ok." She slows me, trying to keep up. "What if I get them something and they've already got it?"

"Well keep the receipt and they'll probably prefer that.." I tell her and she smiles. "Bethany..."

"Oh no don't worry I've got Bethany sorted." She informs me, circling her name. "We had a girlie chat the other day so I've got a few ideas in mind."

"You two are getting along quite well, aren't you?" I point out, surprised she actually gelled with a member of my family.

"Yeah well she's a good kid, deep down." She ponders, pausing from writing for a moment. "Reminds me a bit of a young me."

"God help her then." I chuckle and she slaps my arm lightly, kissing me briefly before going back to writing. "Your mam?"

"Oh I tell you what she needs because she kept banging on about this the other day; Max broke her favourite oven dish so she wants a new one." I explain. "And get my gran one and all, that'll do her."

"How exciting." She mutters, scanning the list. "That leaves Harry, of course. I'll find him something really sweet from the pair of us."

"You have a right soft spot for him, don't you?" I point out and she smiles at the thought, letting her hair fall across her face so I couldn't see her blushing. "Mummy."

"Don't..." She whines, meeting my gaze still with a smile on her face. "He is my Godson, I'm not gonna not buy him anything, am I?"

"I remember how much of a fuss you kicked up the day I told you Sarah wanted us to be Godparents." I elbow her gently. "You said you'd be rubbish; you proved yourself wrong there."

"Oh please, Nicholas, I'm hardly super nanny, am I?" She replies. "He's lovely though... They all are, the kids I mean..."

"It makes me love you even more, if that's even possible." I confess. "Seeing you with him, with Bethany, just reminds me what an amazing mum you're going to be."

"Speaking of which..." She trails off. "Number one on the priorities list, sweetheart, is telling your family, because as much as I'd like to put it off, I don't think I'll be able to hide it for much longer."

"Tonight?" I suggest and she freezes.

"Tonight?" She repeats, surprised at my eagerness. "...Gail's gonna be fuming."

"Of course she won't be!" I object, gently. "She's told you before she thinks you'd be a brilliant mum."

"Yeah back when she liked me." She reminds me.

"She does like you." I persist. "She wouldn't have asked you out for lunch the other day if she didn't."

"Tonight, really?" She checks and I nod. "Ok... If you're sure."

 **Carla**

"Wow, it's busy in here." I greet the usual rowdy atmosphere of the Platt household. Max was chasing Lily around with a dinosaur, Sarah was shouting at Gary in the kitchen, whilst Bethany was making out with Craig in the corner. Shona had her legs strewn across David's lap on the sofa, staring at her phone as David plays his video game on the television.

"Oh hello." Gail smiles, appearing at the bottom of the stairs. Harry starts to wail in his high chair next to me and I glance at Sarah. Realising she had no intention of going to sort him, I gently lift him out, supporting him on my hip and rocking him slightly.

"Shh..." I soothe and he immediately stops crying. Nick kisses the side of my head, wrapping his arm around my waist and I smile back at him.

"Oh thank you Carla. At least someone has the correct parenting abilities here." Gail scans the room and I glance at Nick, seeing that he was smiling at the statement.

"Uh speaking of which." Nick tries to talk over the noise. "Did you get my text? Is gran coming?"

"Yes she's just on her way now." Gail nods just as the door opens and Audrey appears behind us.

"Oh Nick, lovey!" She exclaims, kissing him on the cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Alright, yeah." He nods and she waves at me briefly before going to greet David.

"Ooh, I've brought a shepherd's pie but I don't think there's enough to go around, my goodness." She observes the chaos, placing it down on the dining table before taking a seat in the armchair next to me. "Oh and little Harry." She greets him. "You are good with him Carla, isn't she good with him, Nick?"

"She is yes." Nick nudges me before raising his voice slightly. "She's going to be good with our baby as well."

"Your what?" Audrey splutters and I notice only her and Gail have even heard. "Uh, a little bit of hush please!" She shouts and the room falls silent, everybody turning to stare at me. "What did you say, Nick darling?"

"Subtle as ever." I mutter and he puts his arm around my shoulders.

"Uh yeah, surprisingly we didn't actually come for a social call." Nick announces as I bounce Harry on my hip, feeling more nervous than I thought I would. "We came to say that well... Me and Carla are having a baby."

"You're pregnant?" Gail gasps, throwing her hand over her mouth in surprise.

"Well if they're having a baby, that would make sense." David pauses his game, turning to look at Gail. Shona lowers her phone and Max puts his dinosaur down on the floor.

"Really?" Bethany exclaims, excitedly. "Ah that's fantastic news!"

"Oh thank you, well I'm glad somebody's happy for us." Nick points at her and I smile appreciatively at Bethany.

"So is that why you weren't drinking the other day?" Gail finally clocks on and I nod. "Oh... I thought you'd put on a bit of weight. That all makes sense now."

"Cheers." I mutter and Nick tightens his grip around me..

"Congrats bro." David finally stands up, patting him on the back.

"Yeah congratulations!" Sarah finally chips in, coming towards us and hugging me, which I didn't expect. She takes Harry from me, allowing me to hug Audrey as she stands up.

"Oh I always said my Nicky would make a lovely dad." Gail coos, clapping her hands and smothering him in kisses. He fends her off, looking at me apologetically. "Oh this is so exciting!"

"Well done mate." Gary shakes Nick's hand, turning to acknowledge me. "Honestly mate, it's the best thing that ever happened to me; having Jake."

"Thank you." Nick returns, as Craig follows Bethany over. She hugs me excitedly, pulling back to observe my tummy, which I can't help feeling embarrassed about.

"Ah, now I get it." She nods and I cross my hands over my stomach, as Nick kisses the side of my head comfortingly. "You're gonna be a dad uncle Nick-nak, that's pretty crazy. Hey can I help you choose it's clothes?"

"Uh, you were never this interested when I was pregnant with Harry!" Sarah objects, as Shona congratulates us.

"Yeah but Carla will be a cool mum." Bethany responds, which finally makes me feel a bit better about the situation. Fat but cool, excellent.

"I'm a cool mum!" Sarah exclaims, glaring at her and luckily Max and Lily running at us prevents another argument from happening.

"Hey that's another cousin." David nudges Lily, who beams up at me. "Isn't that exciting?"

"Yeah!" She exclaims.

"Right, we'd better be going." Nick announces, knowing that I was hating this.

"Oh, aren't you going to stay for some shepherd's pie?" Audrey faffs, kissing me on the cheek, her eyes alight.

"Or at least a toast?" Gail compromises and I find Nick's hand, as he squeezes it reassuringly.

"No we've really got to go." Nick covers for me.. "But thank you all."

"We'll do something soon then?" Gail begs me and I force a smile, letting Nick lead me out to a chorus of voices. The cold air hits me and I pull the door to the Platt's shut.

"I'm sorry." Nick turns to me, under the light of a lamppost and I immediately crumble. "Oh Carla..." He pulls me in, hugging me tightly. I allow myself to cry into his chest, where I felt safe. The soft grazing of his fingers up and down my back was calming enough to allow me to steady my breathing. I had cried so much over the past week, it was unlike me to let my barriers down so easily. But this was what I had needed every single time, and now I finally had it.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry." I pull back and he places a hand on the side of my face, softly brushing the stray tears away. He looks at me so lovingly, so apologetically. "Probably my hormones... I didn't realise how overwhelmed I'd get then."

"I don't blame you." Nick smiles, pushing the hair out of my face and massaging my scalp slightly. "The amount of people that have left that house crying their eyes out. I know I have a few times."

"Mm..." I mumble, grabbing the collar of his coat as he kisses me on the forehead. "I think I just... Well I never did that last time, did I? It's just all so different."

"Good different?" He checks and I nod, reassuringly. "I wish I'd been there for you last time."

"You weren't to know, besides, I deserved it." I whisper and he shakes his head.

"The only thing you deserve is to be happy." He replies and I melt under his gaze, leaning up to kiss him as the snow begins to fall around us, under the dim glow of the street light.

 **Nick**

I didn't understand how I was so tired, when we hadn't woken up until mid-morning. I guess perhaps it was the intensity of the past few days catching up on me. The gentle buzz of the television and the flickering light of the fire was calming, tempting me to fall asleep. But I turn my head to where Carla is in the kitchen, scanning the cupboards.

"What are you looking for babe?" I ask her, prepared to go out buy whatever she was craving now.

"I don't even know." She sighs, sounding fed up already. "Ugh... This is so annoying!"

"Hey." I get up, heading towards the kitchen and massaging her shoulders gently. She tips her head back, so it is resting in my chest and sighs at my touch.

"It's just like ongoing nausea and I don't even know why." She groans as I kiss her on the neck affectionately. "I don't even need to be sick, I just feel like I want to eat something but I don't know what."

"Well crackers help with sickness." I remind her, pointing to the cupboard where I had kept a stash in preparation.

"I don't want crackers." She mutters, scanning the kitchen.

"Right ok..." I let go of her, jumping up and sitting on the kitchen surface. "So, carbs? Sugar? Fruit and veg?"

"Oh I am so glad you know your eat well plate Nicholas, but you really don't need to show off." She snaps grumpily, opening the bread bin and turning her nose up at it. "None of the above."

"I'm trying to help you here." I point out and she turns around, looking at me gratefully.

"I know, sorry sweetheart." She sighs, leaning up against the cupboards.

"Meat? Fish?" I add and she narrows her eyes momentarily, thinking about it.

"Ooh, chicken." She pulls the fridge open, pulling a packet of sliced chicken out of it. "When did you get this?"

"Today, did a food shop after sorting David's boiler." I tell her and she tears the packet open.

"Literally I hope you know how lucky you are." She nibbles on a slice of chicken. "This goes no further than that front door."

"Yes I know." I nod, smiling at how comfortable she felt. I slide down from the kitchen surface, kissing her on the cheek briefly. "Do you want a plate for that?"

"Will you judge me if I don't?" She pauses and I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Babe, I think that line was drawn a long time ago." I laugh and she glares at me, heading into the living room and I follow after her. I sit down in the armchair, thinking that she will lie on one of the sofas, but instead she sits down on my lap, curling up as I fasten my arms around her. "That better?"

"A bit." She shrugs, continuing to eat it as she watches the television.

"Hey, what do you want for Christmas this year?" I ask, nudging her to start a conversation.

"You, me, an easy life." She recites, looking up at my perplexed expression. "Well actually I need another birthing ball because the last one deflated, please don't ask why, but anyway I had to chuck it away-"

"No, no." I stop her, putting a finger over her lips and she goes quiet abruptly. "Nothing baby related, what do _you_ want."

"That is what I want, it's a life saver, trust me." She firmly assures me, throwing the chicken down on the coffee table.

"Well I'll buy you one of those anyway." I sigh, trying to get her to think of herself for once.

"Well you're always good at surprises Nicholas, I'm sure you'll think of something." She holds her wrist up, pointing to the bracelet that is dangling from it. "You got me this, didn't you? And I've worn it every day since."

"I must have done well." I admire it and she smiles, nodding in agreement. "How are you feeling?"

"Fat." She responds, bluntly. "According to everyone in your family. I tell you what, I'm kind of glad I've got an excuse if they all thought that."

"Just ignore them." I tell her.

"Yeah well as if I'm not insecure enough." She sighs, lifting the hem of her top up slightly and looking down with a partially disgusted look on her face. This saddens me; watching as she traces a finger over her old stretch marks that haven't fully faded.

"Carla, you're beautiful." I whisper, placing my hand over hers and meaning it more than ever.

"Maybe once upon a time." She replies, avoiding my gaze..

"I knew you once upon a time, remember?" I kiss the side of her head, watching as she grazes her thumb over her tummy. It was something she would never, ever do in front of anybody else. She had always been intent on keeping her figure, eating salad and running marathons in the treadmill. Yet she still felt comfortable enough to sit here with her top up, in front of me. "Back when we were far too cocky for each other."

"I guess we both had to soften first." Carla smiles at the thought, which soon vanishes as she continues to stare at her body. "Was I prettier back then?"

"No." I respond, and I honestly meant it. "Because the scars both physically and emotionally have made you a more beautiful person since the day we first met and I wouldn't change a single thing about you."

"Really?" She finally looks up at me, as if she believed the words I had just said. "...I was thinking the other day... It's like Lauren's footprints. You know; where she'd have been kicking, rolling around, it's the marks she's left... In a way, I hope they never fade. Nobody has to see them anyway, apart from me and you."

It's such a beautiful theory and I haven't got the words to muster a response to it. Instead I just place kisses into her hair, dipping my head and placing one on her tummy.

"I love you." I finally say and she smiles again, meeting my gaze. "And I promise you, you will always be beautiful, no matter what."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27:**

 **Nick**

I haul myself out of bed with great reluctancy. It was freezing cold when I wasn't tucked under the covers and I grab my dressing gown, pulling it on and taking Carla's from the wardrobe as well. I check the clock on the wall; three in the morning, before padding along the landing and pushing the bathroom door open.

She is sat up against the bath, knees pulled up to her chest, head lolled to the side. She looks shattered, as if halfway between consciousness and sleep, her eyes fluttering open to look at me.

"Mm..." She mumbles. "Go back to bed."

"No." I respond softly, sitting down next to her and draping the dressing gown around her shoulders so she wasn't cold. I help her slip her arms into it, pulling it tighter and she rests her head on my shoulder.

"Nick... You'll be tired." She whispers, groggily before moving her head slightly to notice my expression. I wasn't going anywhere, she knew that. "I feel so sick."

"Is there anything I can get you?" I offer and she manages to shake her head slightly. "Is it nausea or do you think you're going to be sick?"

"I just feel like hell." She admits, lowering her head into her hands and I move a hand to rub her back comfortingly. "Why me? Most woman don't have this... Do they?"

"I think they'd beg to differ there." I smile, kissing the side of her head and she groans, kneeling up and leaning over the edge of the toilet.

"This is a low point in my life." She confesses, not throwing up, just sitting there.

"Good job it's only me here to see it then." I remind her, weaving her soft hair through my fingers as I hold it out of her way.

"Yeah you do realise you can never leave me now that you've seen this?" She tells me and I laugh.

"Good because I don't want to." I kiss the back of her head and she groans, rubbing her tummy.

"Make up your mind!" She moans to the baby, moving back to sit down next to me.

"Come back to bed?" I suggest. "You look exhausted babe."

"What if I'm sick?" She sighs and I rub her tummy gently. I feel the slight bump beneath my fingers and it sends butterflies cascading through me, despite the fact it probably shouldn't for her sake right now.

"Well then I'll clean it up." I tell her, as if it was obvious and she raises her eyebrows. "Want me to get you a hot water bottle?"

"That's too much effort." She murmurs, her eyes closed again and I sigh, letting her fall asleep on me for a few minutes. I knew she couldn't sleep here, she'd do her back in leaning up against the bath and I didn't want her to hit her head on the floor if she slipped. I place an arm under her head and another under her knees, picking her up and carrying her towards the bedroom. She was heavier than usual but I wasn't about to tell her that.

"Mm." She mumbles through waves of sleep as I lower her on to the bed, wrapping the duvet around her.

"Hold on." I whisper, despite the fact she probably couldn't hear me. I head downstairs, heating a water bottle up in the microwave, thinking that even if she was asleep, the warmth would help stop any discomfort for if she did wake up again. I carry it upstairs, reaching the bedroom and climbing in to bed beside her. Brushing the hair off her face, I watch the gentle rise and fall of her chest, slipping my arm under her head and gently placing the hot water bottle so it rested over the soft cotton that covered her tummy. "Nick you're perfect."

"Is that ok?" I check, not realising she was as awake as she was. "Is it too hot?"

"You're perfect." She repeats, slipping back into sleep and I watch her for ages, staying up to make sure she didn't wake again and to be there for her if she did.

* * *

"Hey, she's up." I smile as Carla reaches the bottom of the stairs, looking slightly embarrassed. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." She replies, bluntly, meeting my gaze and blushing slightly. "Thank you so much for last night."

"Don't be silly." I stand up from the arm chair, going over to her and breathing in the scent of her shower gel. She was already dressed, with her hair brushed and minimal makeup applied. She looked beautiful, but then again, when didn't I think she looked beautiful? "Breakfast?"

"Have we got any of that chocolate spread stuff?" She asks, following me into the kitchen as I place a pot down on the counter. "Yay!"

"You can't just eat it like that though." I tell her and she laughs at my maturity, getting a spoon. I put some toast in the toaster and watch as she scoops it out of the pot, licking the utensil clean.

"How long of this to go?" She checks the calendar on the wall and I try to do the appropriate calculation, getting confused and failing. "Twelve weeks is like three months right? I'm only three months... Oh God..."

"Hey, it'll be alright." I reassure her, as the toast pops. "We're supposed to be enjoying this part."

"Yes and I am." She sighs, unconvincingly as I pass her a plate. She notices my look and puts the spoon down. "I am, I promise!"

"Listen to me, ok?" I place my hand on her shoulders and she looks up at me. "In one years time, there will be a little boy or girl sat at that table, flicking porridge on to the floor and we'll be wrapping the presents for their first Christmas."

"Is that supposed to reassure me?" She looks at me blankly and I sigh, causing her to look apologetic. "I'm sorry, you know that's all I want, I'm just being awkward."

"Yes and in ten years time." I continue. "They'll be running around in school uniform singing songs from their Christmas nativity over and over again. So enjoy the peace whilst you can."

"And in ten years time, I'll be..." She trails off, looking horrified as she works it out. "Oh God... I'll be fifty two?"

"Ok, Carla. Carla?" I try to calm her down and she covers her face with her hand. "Stop stressing over things that don't matter, please."

"Easy for you to say, you'll only be forty... Seven." She groans as the words escape her mouth. "Nick, I'm gonna pick it up from the playground and everyone will think I'm it's grandma!"

"No they won't!" I object, gently, trying not to laugh at her tantrum. "Carla? Stop."

"Yeah but you'll be normal daddy age." She says, quietly, staring down at the floor. "Most dads are the same age as you."

"It doesn't matter about anybody else, babe." I tell her, gently so she doesn't flip out again. "I don't care what ages the other mums and dads on the playground are. What matters is how you care for the child and how much you love them. You're gonna outdo everybody on that score." I place a finger under her chin, raising her head to look at me, which she tries to fight. "Carla, look at me please." She finally meets my gaze, swallowing fear. "Stop worrying about things like this, ok? Nothing else matters as long as you and this one are happy and healthy, and you're not going to help that by stressing out about tiny factors that won't affect how I, or anybody else feels about you."

"...I'm sorry..." She whispers, kissing me before placing her head into my chest. "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that." I lightly tap her on the back as she pulls away. "You're gonna be late for work."

"Oh." She checks the clock on the wall, rushing over to butter her toast and sticking a piece in her mouth. "I've got this meeting this morning, they're gonna kill me if I'm not there."

"Well it is your factory." I remind her and she kisses me on the cheek.

"I know but it won't be soon if I keep missing all these meetings." She sighs, putting the half eaten piece of toast down on the plate and sitting down to put her heels on.

"You know you shouldn't be wearing those either." I point out.

"Yeah good luck with that." She scoffs and I smile. I kiss her again, before she walks past me, grabbing her bag.

"Uh, you've hardly eaten!" I call after her.

"Well I'm not gonna resort to eating toast in the street, am I?" She objects, reaching the front door and I head towards her, leaning against the back of the sofa.

"What time does your meeting finish?" I ask, knowing I wasn't going to win this one.

"Ten." She informs me.

"Right well I'll bring something over for then." I decide and she smiles appreciatively. "Don't forget about Christmas tree shopping later on."

"Like I would." She rolls her eyes. "See you later sweetheart."

 **Carla**

"Yo." Bethany calls, joining me as I head towards the factory. "I'm sorry for last night."

"You? Sorry?" I raise my eyebrows, this was a rare occurrence, not that I minded. "Why?"

"Because my family are a bunch of idiots." She tells me and I refrain from agreeing with her. "And I know how uncomfortable they can make you feel. I'm sorry if I did too, I didn't mean what I said about you putting on weight."

"Bethany it's really ok." I assure her. "Besides, I'm pregnant, I'd prefer to know I'm putting on weight than not be."

"What do you mean?" She asks, confused and I opt not to open up about what I was referring to.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." I shake my head, reaching the steps of the factory. "Shouldn't you be at college, or the salon?"

"I've dropped out of college." She informs me. "And working at the salon is so boring, I don't get paid, I just have to talk to old women about their cats and the best butchers to get a leg of lamb for pensionable price."

"You've dropped out of college?" I prompt her, bypassing the comments which make her sound scarily like me. "Since when?"

"Since last Wednesday." Bethany confesses, hesitating. "Mum doesn't know."

"What? Bethany!" I scold and she bites her lip. "Why did you drop out?"

"Because I was put back in the year behind everybody else, wasn't I?" She complains, folding her arms. "So I just felt left out and all the guys are now one or two years younger than me."

"You're with Craig." I point out and she shrugs.. "Besides, my husband is five years younger than me."

"Yeah but that doesn't matter as much when you're old." She remarks, without thinking and I roll my eyes. "I just hate having to be around immature people all the time."

"Mm." I nod, in recollection. "And then when you work at the salon, you're surrounded by 'old' people."

"Yeah exactly." She replies and I hesitate, an idea flashing through my head.

"Right, you meet me in the Bistro at twelve thirty today." I order, glancing behind me, aware of the fact I was already late for work. "I might have something you'd be interested in."

"Ooh, what?" She sounds excited.

"But on one condition." I hold my finger up and she nods. "You tell your mum, right now." I come down the steps, steering her in the direction of her front door. "Go on, I'll be waiting at half twelve."

"But Carla!" Bethany exclaims as I turn and head towards the factory doors, flicking my head around to pull a face at her before entering the building.

"Right, listen up!" I clap my hands and the sound of chatter immediately stops.

"Remember the days she used to actually be on time?" Beth mutters to Sinead, but I still hear it.

"Remember the days you still had a job, Beth?" I prompt her and she lowers the knickers she is working on. "Right, I've got some news."

"Uh, hello, we've got the meeting with Bakers in five minutes." Aidan taps his watch, emerging from the office and surprisingly not kicking off at me about my delayed punctuality.

"Yes this won't take long." I tell him as Johnny appears behind. "Right I've got some news, as some of you might have gathered, I'm expecting a baby." The room falls silent, which is something that never ever happens.

"Oh..." Sean nods, as if it now became obvious.

"Well don't all congratulate me at once." I snap, annoyed at their lack of enthusiasm.

"Oh, yeah congratulations!" Sean stands, running over to me and hugging me. I'm soon joined by the other machinists, who are all trying to get as close to me as possible.

"Right, Ok!" I shout and they all back off instantly. "So anyway, I'm just warning you I'll be more demanding than usual but I'm not just being a cow and for your sake as well as mine, please do as you're told."

"I'm really happy for you, Mrs Tilsley." Fiz smiles, who had been at the back of the group and finally approaches me once some had gone back to their machines.

"Thank you." I squeeze her shoulder appreciatively, before she goes back to sit down.

"So, the news is out." Aidan spins his chair around to face me, once we are back in the office. "It's all official."

"Yep." I nod, turning my computer on. "And like you said, we've got this meeting with Bakers in a minute so feet off the table. Where's Sally?"

"Oh she's taken some unpaid leave." Johnny informs me.

"You what? Sally Webster?" I frown, knowing she had worked here forever and it was very unlike her.

"Said she needs to focus on her mayoral duties for a while." Johnny mutters.

"And nobody thought to inform me of this?" I glance between them both. "When did this happen?"

"We got told last night." Aidan explains. "Whilst you were clocking off an hour early to see lover boy."

"Yeah who had just come out of hospital." I remind him. "Father of my baby and all that."

"Ok, ok." Johnny shushes us. "It doesn't matter, does it?"

"So when is she back?" I continue to inquire.

"We don't know." Aidan shrugs.

"Well I hope you told her that her job isn't safe, if she thinks she can just swan off and return when she likes." I warn them.

"What, like you, you mean?" Aidan raises his eyebrows and I give him a death glare. He was getting on my wick today and now really wasn't a time to test my patience.

 **Nick**

"Congratulations!" There is a chorus of cheer as I enter Underworld, and I'm taken-aback for a moment, before clocking on.

"Oh, thank you." I nod, as Carla emerges from the office, looking annoyed at the sound of the uproar.

"Oh I'm guessing it is his." Sean points to me, worriedly.

"Yes Sean!" Carla snaps. "Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?"

"Well..." Sean starts, noticing her expression and dipping his head. Carla turns to face me, painting a smile on her face and I hold out a bag and coffee cup at arms length, just in case she had intentions of biting my head off as well.

"Is this coffee?" She takes it from me.

"Decaf." I assure her and she smiles slightly at the fact I had thought it through.

"Ah, thank you." She steps towards me, kissing me briefly before there is a sharp hammering on the office window. I turn my head to see Aidan, scowling at us through the glass. "Come on." Carla sighs, heading in to the office.

"How do you do it?" Beth pipes up and I realise they have all been staring at the pair of us. "Taming her I mean."

"With a lot of hard work and dedication." I joke, heading in to the office after Carla.

"This is a place of work, not the Moulin Rouge." Aidan tells Carla, annoyance in his tone.

"Oh and remind me who your boss is again?" She prompts him, folding her arms defensively.

"Dad?" He looks at Johnny expectantly, who looks up from his work, clearly not bothered about the situation.

"Oh leave her alone Aidan." Johnny mutters.

"Haha." Carla grins, sticking her tongue out at Aidan.

"Favouritism." Aidan tuts, sitting down in his chair sulkily.

"It's not favouritism, it's just nice to see them happy." He indicates to me and Carla. "Just because you're jealous-"

"I am not jealous!" Aidan objects and Carla laughs, winding him up.

"Ah, poor Aidie is all alone." Carla teases and I exchange a look with Johnny, sitting down in Carla's chair and she sits down on my lap, taking the bag from me which contains a ham and salad sandwich and a chocolate muffin.

"Uh!" Aidan's eyes go wide as she tucks into it..

"I'm on my break!" She retorts as I put an arm around her.

"How do you survive putting up with these two all day every day?" I ask Johnny and Carla slaps me lightly on the arm.

"Oi." She nudges me.

"I've learnt to drown it out." Johnny drones, staring down at his paperwork as there is a knock on the office door. I look up to see Roy peering through the glass and Aidan groans.

"Roy! Come in." Carla beckons him and he opens the door hesitantly. "Hi."

"I hope I'm not intruding." He peers around the office.

"Well since this is a factory and you don't work here-" Aidan begins.

"Don't you talk to Roy like that!" Carla snaps at him and I notice Roy looks extremely awkward.

"I can come back." He begins to leave.

"No Roy." Carla calls him back and he closes the door behind him. "Ignore him, he's been grumpy as sin all morning."

"Oh yeah and you've been an angel I suppose." Aidan mutters and Carla glares at him.

"I just came to check if you were alright." Roy explains, gripping his bag tightly. "I was not aware there would be such an audience, so I can come back another time."

"Roy it's fine." Carla points to the seat in the corner and he shiftily sits down. "I'm alright thank you, now I'm back to reality a bit anyway."

"I felt..." He trails off, peering around and I know what he is referring to.

"Don't worry they know." Carla assures him. "It's all out in the open at last."

"Oh, well I just wanted to apologise for the other night." Roy explains and Carla looks confused.

"Apologise?" Carla frowns. "Why?"

"I felt I was perhaps a little less supportive than I could have been." Roy continues. "I just wanted to express to you how pleased I am to hear the news, and to you, Nick."

"Thank you." I smile at him, playing with Carla's hair as I do so.

"You do realise everything you said and did the other night was one hundred percent the right thing for me to hear?" Carla tells him. "You should have a bit more faith in yourself darlin'."

"Faith is something I do seem to somewhat lack." Roy confesses. "But I will take on board your advice."

"Good." Carla nods, looking down to where she was playing with my spare hand. "You still coming to us on Christmas?"

"If the offer is still available and you are certain I will not be a burden." He agrees and Carla nods. He finally stands up, gathering his things. "I had better be going, I have left Anna in charge of the café."

"Take care of yourself, Roy." Carla smiles as he leaves, before turning back to Aidan, angrily. "What is the matter with you? You can't shout at Roy Cropper."

"I can and I did." Aidan narrows his eyes.

"Oh for goodness sake!" Johnny cries, slamming his pen down on the counter. "Aidan cut it out."

"What about her?" Aidan points at me.

"She's pregnant, she's got an excuse." Johnny points out and Carla nods in agreement. "Besides you're the one winding her up."

"I'm not winding her up!" Aidan retorts. "I'm just trying to make sure-"

"No, I've had enough of it." Johnny cuts him off. "This is a business, not a playground. The bickering ends now."

"...It's like we're five years old." Carla mutters and Johnny gives her a look, making her shut up. She leans into my chest, pouting slightly and I laugh, kissing the top of her head.

 **Carla**

"Wow, on time." I greet Bethany, sitting down at the table she had already found for us. "Impressive."

"Can I have a glass of wine?" She asks.

"Uh, no." I confirm.

"Can I have _your_ glass of wine?" She points to the one in front of me. "Since Robert automatically poured it for you and you can't drink it anyway?"

"And you didn't think to stop him?" I ask her and she shrugs. "Well no, you can't because if your mother walks in she'll kill me."

"She lets me have one of Gary's lagers at home." She tells me.

"Yes well I'm not your primary carer am I?" I remind her. "I'd be done for supplying you alcohol and I do not need that right now."

"So why am I here?" She gets to the point and I catch Daniel as he passes me.

"Oh Daniel; I can't drink this." I hold it up and he takes it hesitantly. "Could I have a sparkling water instead?"

"...You do realise this is wine?" He frowns. Why was I so predictable? Even to people I hardly ever spoke to.

"She's pregnant." Bethany replies, bluntly.

"Oh." Daniel nods, awkwardly. "Congratulations?"

"Thanks." I respond as he walks off, turning back to Bethany. "So did you tell your mum?"

"Tell her what?" Bethany looks at me innocently.

"About you dropping out of college." I remind her.

"Oh..." She trails off. "Yeah you did not make that clear."

"You're a tough one to crack, aren't you?" I narrow my eyes. "Well then my proposition has gone out of the window."

"What proposition?" She questions, clearly interested.

"Nope, I told you there was one condition." I play her at her own game, showing I didn't back down easily. "And since you didn't tell your mum, I'm not gonna tell you what I had planned."

"Is it a party?" She exclaims, excitedly. "Is there alcohol?"

"No it's not a party." I sigh and she looks disappointed as Daniel puts a glass down in front of me. "Thank you. Did you want something to eat Bethany?"

"Are you paying?" She picks the menu up. "I'll have the duck."

"The most expensive thing on the menu then?" I check and she nods, hesitantly. "Ah, I'll have the same. There's no soft cheese and, or prawns with that, is there?"

"I can't imagine so." Daniel replies, scribbling it down on his notepad. "Since it's duck."

"Just checking." I hand the menus back to him and he walks off. "Usually Nick can fill me in about these things."

"Isn't it annoying?" Bethany ponders. "Not being able to drink or eat some foods?"

"The drinking part, yes." I answer honestly. "But it's all for a good cause so."

"I'm never getting pregnant." She pulls a face at the thought. "I'm gonna wait until the day science figures out how to get guys to do it for us."

"You might be waiting a while then." I drone, although wishing myself that was true, because I knew Nick would carry the burden for me if he could. "You'll change your mind one day, trust me, I never thought I would at your age... I never thought I would five years ago.."

"Will you just tell me what you've got planned?" She diverts, clearly bored at the topic in hand. "I promise I'll tell my mum later."

"It's not a plan." I laugh, taking a sip of my drink. "It's an offer, but I'm not taking you on until your mum knows the full story. I'm not taking the blame for you dropping college."

"Taking me on?" She frowns.

"At the factory." I reveal and her face lights up.

"You're offering me a job?" She sounds excited.

"No I'm interviewing you for a job." I fold my arms. "So, wow me."

"But I can't sew." She reminds me. "I've never even used a machine, will I get training?"

"Not on a machine." I reply and her face falls.

"Ew packing?" She scrunches her nose up. "With Kirk?"

"As much satisfaction as that would give me..." I trail off at the thought. "I need a PA, someone to cover some of my admin jobs whilst I'm pregnant and on maternity."

"Woah, like in the office?" Her eyes widen. "For real? Like all posh clothes and tea being brought to me?"

"Well you'd probably be bringing me the tea." I reply. "But yeah, it's not all about posh clothes though, it's hard work. Especially working with Aidan."

"You're serious though?" She checks in disbelief.

"Well I'd need to discuss it with Johnny but to be honest this is all happened at a very convenient time." I explain. "Sally's on leave and I am gonna need to be popping out for scans and appointments so it would make sense for somebody to shadow me. But, nothing is happening until you talk to your mum."

"I'll text her now." She gets her phone out, excitedly.

"Uh, no you don't." I take it off her. "I'll come with you after we've eaten, I don't want them getting the wrong impression of me again."

"This is the coolest thing ever." She claps her hands and I can't help but feel happy that I had put that smile on her face..

* * *

"Go on." I beckon and she reluctantly opens the door to the Platt's. Luckily, the living room is still quiet and there's only Gail in the kitchen, with Sarah and Harry in the living room.

"Oh there you are!" Gail exclaims to Bethany and Sarah turns to notice us. "We've been wondering where you've been. You were supposed to be in the salon this morning."

"Bethany." I hiss, knowing I had now stopped her from doing something else she was supposed to be.

"Sorry Carla took me for lunch." She smiles, as if showing off about it. At least I had one fan in the Platt family, that stood for something. "I had this really expensive duck thing."

"Oh gosh, Carla you didn't have to do that." Sarah's eyes widen. "How much did it cost? I'll pay you back."

"Hey, don't worry about it. It was my treat." I assure them and Sarah relaxes slightly.

"Well anyway, you'd better be off to college." Sarah ushers and Bethany glances at me awkwardly. "You're in this afternoon aren't you?"

"No." Bethany responds and Gail heads into the living room, staring at her intently. "I actually dropped out, a few days ago."

"You what?" Sarah raises her voice, angrily.

"Bethany! You can't do that!" Gail exclaims and once again I wish I wasn't here.

"But it's ok because Carla has offered me a job at the factory." Bethany suddenly covers up. Oh great.

"Well hold on." I hold my hands up. "This was after I found out about the college thing and I said she had to check with you first."

"She said I could work in the office." She announces and Sarah looks at me. "As a PO."

"PA." I correct her, awkwardly.

"You can't just drop out of college." Gail persists. "How are you going to get any qualifications?"

"Well Carla hasn't got any qualifications." Bethany points out and I close my eyes momentarily. Well this was awkward. "And she's got a better job than all of you put together."

"Yes, thank you Bethany." Sarah sighs, shutting her up. "You should have told me you were thinking of dropping out."

"Mum, I hate college." Bethany pleads. "You know I hate college."

"Yes I know but you don't know whether this job at Carla's factory is even permanent." Sarah looks at me, expectantly.

"Look I said she could cover me and do some of my admin for the next year or so whilst I'm pregnant and on maternity." I confess. "After that, I don't even know whether I'll come back full time, but if I do, I'll make sure there's something for her. If that's what you want?"

"You don't know the first thing about admin." Sarah points out, looking at her daughter.

"Yes I do!" Bethany objects. "I mean how hard can it be?"

"I'll give her appropriate training." I continue, trying to soften the blow. "So that if she does at some point want to leave she'll have valuable business experience."

"You'd really do that for her?" Sarah lowers her voice, staring at me with almost admiration.

"Yeah." I nod and Bethany smiles at me. "I mean... We're family... Sort of, aren't we?" The words are shaky as they leave my mouth.

"I still think it's a silly idea." Gail shakes her head. "But I can't stop you, it's your life."

"Mum, I'd be getting money." Bethany ignores her and I laugh slightly at her priorities. "I could actually buy you a birthday present."

"Right so, when could you take her on then?" Sarah asks, clearly interested in the idea.

"After Christmas?" I suggest and Bethany's eyes light up. Sarah exchanges a look with Gail, who huffs, walking off up the stairs. "She can start before the new year if you like?"

"Then it's fine by me." Sarah finally concludes and Bethany jumps up and down, clapping her hands before hugging me. I hesitantly hug her back, not used to such sudden affection.

"Ok." I try to peel her off me, smiling at her excitement. "But you'd better be in, nine o'clock sharp on 27th December."

"I promise." Bethany nods, before getting her phone out..

"I've got to text Craig." She squeals, running up the stairs and I turn to leave.

"Carla?" Sarah calls after me and I turn to look at her.. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." I return, waving to Harry before leaving.

 **Nick**

"Hey." I greet Sarah as I enter the Rovers.

"Drink?" She offers.

"And pay? When I could get one for free up the road?" I prompt her. "No I just came in to tell you-"

"That you have the best wife in the world?" She smiles and I frown.

"Carla?" I reply, confused as to why she was singing her praises.

"You haven't got any other wives stowed away have you?" She narrows her eyes. "Though then again, I wouldn't put it past you back in the day."

"Yeah, yeah. What's Carla done?" I usher her along.

"You don't know?" She guesses and I stare at her blankly. "She's only gone and given Bethany a job at her factory."

"...What?" I laugh, wondering for a moment if she was joking. "What happened to college?"

"Oh she packed that in, without telling me." Sarah nods.. "And yet she felt like she could tell Carla first, she must be something special."

"Well I'm not disputing that." I smile and Sarah pulls a face. "So what? She's gonna be a machinist?"

"No, working in the office apparently." She tells me. "As Carla's PA."

"Yeah right." I scoff and Sarah looks annoyed at this. "Carla's gonna let a kid sit in her office and handle her work?" I notice Sarah's serious expression and realise she's not winding me up. "Wow, she must be going soft..."

"Yeah well I'm gonna have to have a chat with her later about behaving herself." Sarah sighs. "She might actually stick at this, the way she was so excited about it... Anyway, what did you come in to tell me?"

"Huh? Oh, mum's told me to tell you that we're going for a meal for David's birthday." I sigh, reluctant to even spread the news, let alone go for the meal itself.

"Ugh, do we have to?" Sarah groans. "Since when do we do anything for David's birthday anyway? It's all about Christmas."

"Yeah well she wanted to do a joint one for the pair of us but I said I was doing something with Carla." I reply.

"And are you?" She raises her eyebrows.

"No." I laugh. "Well, we probably will end up doing something; might go away for the week, covers both our birthdays then."

"Oh everything is so close together." She mutters. "I lose track."

"Yeah I know you do." I nod. "Hence why I haven't had a birthday present for about five years. Or is that the excuse?"

"Well we don't all own business like you Nick." She huffs. "I'm not made of money."

"Speaking of which, you'd better get back to work." I point out. "Those pints of cheap lager won't pour themselves."

"Snob." She shakes her head at me and I laugh as I leave.

* * *

"Oh sweetie, sorry I'm late." Carla emerges from the factory, coming down the steps and immediately linking her hand with mine. "I was on the phone for forty minutes solid, Dave Hanlon doesn't hang up easily. Honestly, he's usually grumpy and unreasonable but sixty units by next Wednesday? Absolutely ridiculous."

"...Hi." I nod, and she pauses, sighing before kissing me.

"Sorry, hi." She smiles, before opening the door to the car.

"Do you want me to drive?" I offer and she shakes her head.

"It's alright, you can have a glass of mulled wine then at the garden centre." She reminds me.

"I don't want a glass of wine." I laugh slightly. "I don't really like mulled wine anyway, it's hot, feels wrong."

"Wine is wine." She replies, pulling away. "Cold, hot, red, white, doesn't matter to me."

"You missing it?" I guess and she gives me a look.

"Yes." She emphasises. "I tell you what I'll especially miss it on Christmas day when I have to put up with your family stone cold sober."

"Speaking of which." I remember. "I hear you've offered my niece a job at your precious factory, care to explain?"

"Ah, who told you?" She bites her lip. "Yeah well, she told me this morning that she'd dropped college and hated her job at your gran's."

"And you have a soft spot for her so..." I trail off and she stares at me awkwardly for a moment.

"Maybe." She shrugs. "Besides, I'm gonna be cutting back on work soon, I'm going to need someone to do a few tasks for me."

"Woah, you're gonna be cutting back on work?" I repeat.

"Well I can't have a baby and handle fifty emails a day, can I?" She reminds me. "She's cheap labour anyway.."

"Oh yeah because that's the reason." I tease her. "You really care about her, don't you?"

"Well like I stupidly said to Gail earlier; we're sort of... Kind of family." She mumbles and I smile as she says it.

"I never thought I'd hear those words leave your mouth." I nudge her.

"Full of surprises me." She flicks her head around to smile at me and I kiss her shoulder as she pulls into the garden centre.

"I know you are." I laugh, getting out of the car and slamming the door. "In the meantime, let's choose a Christmas tree."

"Yay..." Carla sarcastically replies, despite the fact I knew secretly she didn't mind. She takes my hand again, leading me up a row of trees. "They all look the same to me, just get that one."

"Merry Christmas." A man greets us, who is sorting out one of the trees and I smile in return, leading Carla down another row.

"Seems weird, it doesn't feel like Christmas." Carla sighs, wrapping her arms around my neck and hanging off my shoulder as we walk. "Hey get that one, it's nice and big."

"I thought you wanted something small?" I prompt her.

"Nick, when have I ever wanted something small?" She asks and I raise my eyebrows, causing her to smirk slightly. "Don't answer that."

"Look you point to whatever you want and you can have it." I tell her and she stops, turning and pointing at me. "You've already got that."

"I know." She murmurs, pulling me in by the collar of my coat and kissing me. "I must have been good this year hey, Santa's rewarded me."

"You still haven't told me what you want for Christmas." I remind her as my phone goes off. I pull it out of my pocket and my happiness is immediately dulled by the words on the screen.

"What?" Carla looks at me worriedly, noticing that something is up.

"It's the consultant." I tell her and she swallows.

"Answer it then." She points to it and I press the receive button. Carla can tell I am suddenly shaking and she wraps her arms around me supportively. I was so nervous; our future relied on this phone call. It was all down to this.

 **Carla**

I knew it was bad news, but I stay clinging on to him all the same. I can tell from his face and the continuous 'yep' he was emitting from his lips as the consultant continued to talk down the phone. I wished more than anything that I could hear, but I don't have time to move closer, because he hangs up, staring down at the floor for a moment.

"...Well?" I dare to ask, feeling his breathing increasing slightly. "Nick?"

"I've got the all clear." Nick murmurs and I exhale, not knowing whether I've heard him properly. "He said they've examined all the tests and it's nothing to worry about."

"Oh my..." I swallow, turning him to face me and he finally breaks in to a smile. "You're being serious? You're not just trying to protect me again?"

"I swear." He nods, not quite believing it himself. "I promise, he said everything is going to be fine."

"Oh." I sigh with relief, throwing my arms around his neck and he tightens his grip on me, swaying slightly as tears formulate in his eyes. "I thought that was bad news then, I really did."

"Sorry, shock..." He points to his head once we've broken away from one another and I can see he wants to cry. "They said to come in after Christmas sometime to discuss maybe going back to therapy again... But apart from that."

"We're gonna be ok? Really?" I bite my lip, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "We're going to be alright?"

"Looks that way." Nick nods, placing a hand on my cheek and tilting his forehead against mine. "So now maybe we can focus on being happy? For once?"

"I guess I can give it a shot." I whisper, linking my hands behind his back and kissing him gently. "I guess now we've got a chance, yeah? Nothing's stopping us now."

* * *

 _ **Hope you're all enjoying it so far, thank you for the lovely reviews, can't express how much I love you all for being so kind xxx**_


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28:**

 **Christmas Day**

 **Carla**

"Merry Christmas." I hear a soft whisper as my eyes flutter open. I feel so cosy, wrapped up in Nick's embrace, him placing kisses into my hair. I shift around to face him, his hands linking behind my back and our faces practically touch we're so close.

"Hm." I smile, kissing him gently. "Merry Christmas. Can we just stay here forever?"

"I wish." He whispers, smoothing the hair out of my face and studying me lovingly. "How's little one this morning?"

"Well they must be feeling festive because they've given me the day off nausea." I ponder, placing a hand on my tummy. "So that's my Christmas present off them."

"Mm, good." Nick nods, kissing my forehead and I sink back into his chest, falling back to sleep.

 **Nick**

"Ok, if I fall over, this is on you." She stumbles down the stairs, one of my hands over her eyes, the other holding her up, supportively.

"I'm not gonna let you fall over." I laugh, releasing the hand from her eyes and her vision adjusts to the scene I had laid out around the Christmas tree.

"Wow Nick." She nods, impressed. "When did you manage to do this?"

"When you fell asleep and I had to carry you up to bed." I remind her and she smiles, falling back into me as I link my hands around her bump.

"You have your uses, don't you?" She taps me on the arm, before moving forwards to sit on the sofa.

"Tea?" I offer, heading into the kitchen and flicking the kettle on.

"Please." She replies, and I watch as she curls up, resting her head against the cushion. "You got me the ball then?"

"Wow was that obvious?" I laugh, as she points to the big parcel in the corner. "It was horrible to wrap up."

"You didn't need to wrap it up." She tells me, biting her lip as she scans the room. "What's the time?"

"Nine." I check the clock on the wall, before carrying a mug into her.

"Ooh a lie-in and all." She takes it from me, putting it down on the coffee table. "It must be Christmas."

"What time is everybody coming over?" I ask her.

"Half ten Michelle and Robert are getting here." She informs me. "Which means we had better her started, I guess."

"Here." I pass her a small parcel from the pile I had stacked up. She stares at me for a moment, trying not to seem excited before unwrapping it.

"Ah, sweetheart they're gorgeous." She opens a box to find a pair of earrings I had bought her. "Thank you."

"That's ok." I smile as she admires them.

"That's a pricey company." She observes the logo on the front of the box. "Bet they didn't come cheap."

"Is that what you care about?" I laugh and she shakes her head, closing the box and putting them down on the coffee table.

"You're gonna put me to shame." She grins, pulling herself up to pass me a present. I begin to unwrap it carefully, taking a book from inside the paper. No, a photo album.

"What's this?" I frown, as she comes to sit next to me, nestling her head into my shoulder as I open it.

"It's an album of our photos and... Moments together and things, kind of like a story." She explains, as I flick through the pages. "I made it whilst you were in hospital... To show you that... Even if you do forget things sometimes, it's ok... And you'll have this to, you know..."

"Carla..." I trail off, glancing across to where she is blushing slightly. "You actually made this?"

"Yes!" She scolds me and I can't help smiling as I smooth the glossy pages over. "See you must be special; I wouldn't have gone to this effort for anybody else. Ever... See I didn't know what the results would be then, did I? And I just thought, if it was bad news, this would sort of be a way of showing that I was going to stand by you, no matter what."

"...You're incredible." I whisper, turning my head back to look at her and she tugs on the neck of my pyjama top, kissing me softly for a moment.

"You like it?" She finally asks, glancing over the picture Michelle had taken at our engagement party.

"Carla this is the most special thing anyone has ever done for me." I admit and she smiles, not removing her gaze from mine for a moment.

"Apart from carrying your baby." She points out and I feel so in awe of her. She was the strongest person I knew, respect didn't even begin to explain how I felt about her.

"Yeah well it all comes down to you, doesn't it?" I tell her and she chews her lip for a moment, staring at me silently. "Thank you, so much."

 **Carla**

"Hi, merry Christmas!" Michelle beams as I open the front door, wrapping me in a hug. I had only just finished getting ready, so it was a good job they were slightly late.

"Ah merry Christmas darling." I kiss her on the cheek, forcing an awkward smile at Robert as he acknowledges me. Well this felt weird; inviting Robert Preston over for Christmas dinner. But he made Michelle happy so, sacrifices could be made.

"You look gorgeous, I love this." She points to the new red dress I was wearing, which I had bought a week ago when having to endure the pain of buying everybody else's presents. I was wearing my new earrings to match and my hair was in loose waves around my shoulders.

"Thank you." I squeeze her hand as she walks past me, Nick exiting the kitchen and shaking Robert's hand formally.

"Honestly, you two do own a business together." Michelle scoffs, watching them as she sits down on the sofa. "Anyone would have thought you'd just met."

"Yeah well men don't jump on each other like you two do." Nick points out, winking at me and I sit down next to Michelle.

"Oh, congratulations by the way guys." Robert pipes up. "This one only decided to tell me last night."

"Yeah and it's a good job I did." Michelle points to my tummy. "That's some good going for thirteen weeks."

"Hmm." I shoot her a playful glare, placing a hand on my bump protectively and glancing at Robert. "Thank you, anyway."

"Can I get you both a drink?" Nick offers. "Wine, prosecco, beer?"

"Oh, well if you've got prosecco?" Michelle smiles and I envy her for a moment, taking a reluctant sip from my glass of something fizzy Nick had picked me out in the non-alcoholic aisle. Then again, it was quite nice, so I wasn't complaining that much. "It is Christmas after all."

"Yeah, go on, I'll have a glass too." Robert nods, reaching down to squeeze Michelle's shoulder.

"Uh, in that kitchen you." Michelle points. "And don't be drinking too much, I don't want my turkey being decapitated."

"Nice image." I pull a face. "Careful you'll put me off turkey and all."

"Thank you for my makeup." She squeezes my hand, as Nick and Robert disappear into the kitchen.

"You're very welcome." I return, pointing to the heels on my feet that she had bought me. "Thank you for these, they're surprisingly comfy."

"So, what did Nick get you?" Michelle lowers her voice once we are out of earshot. "Do you like my new necklace, by the way?"

"I was just looking at that, actually." I lie, but convincingly as I gently take the pendant, admiring it. "Yeah it's beautiful, present off Robert was it?"

"You know it's nice to actually get a Christmas present off the person you love." She nods. "Rather than just a cheap blouse his mate picked out or a phone call to say he won't be home for a few more weeks..."

"Steve?" I guess.

"Of course." She rolls her eyes. "Nice to feel appreciated, isn't it?"

"Yep." I reply, still finding this situation a bit awkward as there is another knock on the door. I stand, going to answer it and see Roy on the doorstep. "Roy! Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." He replies, hastily returning my hug. "I wanted to leave you valuable time to yourselves before I made an appearance... Although I see you already have company. I hope I am not late?"

"It's Christmas, you can't be late." I remind him, pointing to the armchair. "Please, sit down."

"Thank you very much for my new tapes and jigsaw. I've got you a gift." He pulls it out of his bag, handing it to me. "Since I usually forget, I thought I would correct my actions this year."

"You didn't have to." I tell him, but taking it all the same. I unwrap it cautiously, pulling out a box, which I open up to find a silver broach in the shape of a bird.

"It was Hayley's..." He confesses and I look up, surprised. "I think she would want you to have it, as a token of her congratulations."

"Roy..." I gasp, carefully pulling it from the box as if it would break. I feel Nick's hands on my shoulders all of a sudden and he kisses the top of my head.

"That's nice." He observes, clearly not overhearing the conversation beforehand.

"Roy I can't accept this." I whisper, trying to give it him back and he holds his hands up. "It's precious."

"Like I said Hayley would have wanted you to have it." He repeats. "I know she would have been most proud of you."

I try to force back tears, not wanting to cry so early on in the day and ruin my makeup already. But I was and I can hear Nick sighing as he walks around to kneel next to me.

"I'm sorry guys." I cry, as Nick laughs, squeezing my hand. I try to fan myself to get the tears to go away and Michelle rubs my back affectionately. "Ugh, I'm such a mess... Roy, it's so beautiful."

"...Merry Christmas." He nods, curtly and I take his hand in mine.

"I never cry, why am I crying so much lately?" I sigh, placing it back in the box and staring down at it for a moment. ' _She would have been most proud of you'._ If there was one person to truly break and mend my heart at the same time, it was Roy Cropper.

"Well, do you want me to spell it out for you?" Michelle prompts me, and I forget what I have asked for a moment. "Oh I was awful with Ryan... Well, Alex. You know I used to watch the Titanic just so I could give myself a reason for being emotional?"

"You didn't have a television." I remind her.

"Yeah but they used to do reruns of it at that scuzzy cinema near the estate, that one where Liam worked for a bit." She reminisces. "I'd skip school and bunk off there on the days he was working because he could get me in for free."

"Seems like a lifetime ago, that." I pause in thought.

"Well, it was." Michelle shrugs, as Robert sits down on the arm of the sofa, putting his arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah... And now Ryan is twenty six and I'm finally pregnant." I raise my eyebrows, shocked at the thought. "Parallels, hey?"

"Well!" Nick jumps up, clapping his hands. "This is turning into a very deep Christmas already. Roy, can I get you a drink?"

"Oh... Just a water will be suffice." He smiles, appreciatively and I pull on Nick's t-shirt before he can walk away, causing him to bend down and kiss me quickly.

"Do you want anything gorgeous?" He offers and I get butterflies as he says it.

"I'm alright thank you." I smile as he walks away. I catch Michelle staring at me, a content smile on her face and nudge her, playfully.

"Mm, is this from the Bistro?" Michelle calls to him, pointing at her glass.

"It better not be." Robert responds, jokily as Nick enters again, passing Roy a glass of water.

"Don't worry I've funded the till, put money back into my own pockets." He rolls his eyes.

"And mine." Robert points out.

"And mine." Michelle adds and I turn to Roy, exasperatedly.

"Feel a bit left out, don't you?" I tease, watching as Roy tries to muster up some logical response, as the doorbell sounds.

"I'll get it." Nick sighs. "Three guesses for who that could be."

"Ugh, and two don't count." I mutter, reluctantly rising because I knew I would have to greet our guests. "Babe, do you want to get some chairs from the kitchen and put them around. There's not gonna be enough room otherwise."

"That's what I was hoping for." He drones and I laugh as he opens the door, allowing the rabble of Platt's to enter the living room.

"Hi! Merry Christmas!" Bethany immediately rushes over to me, almost knocking me over.

"Ok, baby?" I prompt her and she immediately moves away, glancing at my stomach.

"Oh, sorry." She smiles, and I run my fingers through her hair briefly.

"I love this plait did you do it yourself?" I admire and she nods, as Gail rushes over to me.

"Hello Carla, glad tidings and all that." She beams, hugging me without consent.

"Mm, sure is." I mumble, as she slowly retracts from me. They were like a tap you can't turn off; they keep flooding in uncontrollably.

"Hi." David pats me on the back and I'm grateful he doesn't try to plaster me with hugs and kisses like the rest of them. "Thanks for agreeing to put up with us."

"No problem, happy birthday by the way..." I trail off, flashing him a smile. "Where's Sarah?"

"Oh, on her way." David tells me, putting his arm around Shona. "Her and Gary were having a domestic."

"Another one?" I raise my eyebrows, as Max wraps his arms around my waist. "Hiya mate, merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas auntie Carla!" He choruses and Lily holds her hand up to high-five me, which I attempt to do with hesitation.

"Oh my goodness." Sarah finally steps through the door holding Harry's hand, accompanied by Audrey who is pushing an empty pushchair. "Have him." She pushes him gently towards me and I pick him up with difficulty, opening my mouth wide to pull a face at him. He laughs, and I sit down in the other armchair, placing him on my lap because I knew Nick would tell me off if I was holding him when he emerges from the kitchen. "What a nightmare of a day, already!"

"You what?" David drones. "You haven't done anything but eat those biscuits I bought for mum and go on about the fact Gary bought you half price flowers."

"Well they'll be dead tomorrow!" Sarah exclaims, staring at me for some kind of back-up.

"So where is he?" I ask, as Audrey closes the door, backing the pushchair against the wall. Harry grabs my finger, trying to bite down on it.

"He's coming in a bit he had to go and give Faye her present." She sighs. "Honestly, I bet she gets something really expensive as well."

"Well it's not all about that, is it Sarah lovey?" Audrey reminds her as Nick carries a stack of chairs out from the kitchen, displaying them in a circle around the room.

"Oh I'll sit on one of those." I stand, supporting Harry on my hip. "Audrey you have this chair."

"No!" She replies, abruptly and Nick raises his eyebrows at me. "You sit where you feel comfiest. Oh Sarah, you shouldn't have lumbered her with a toddler already."

"I'm sure I can cope." I tell the sea of eyes staring back at me before giving up and sitting back down.

"I need a drink." Sarah groans. "Nick I want some of that prosecco, where is it?"

"Yes your majesty." Nick huffs, glancing around the room as everybody starts to take a seat. Lily tips a bag of toys out on to the carpet and I roughly try to count how many people we had actually invited round. Honestly, we had a fairly large living room, but I was pretty sure it didn't intend to accommodate a capacity of thirteen people and a toddler.

"So, how has your Christmas been so far?" Gail sits down on the chair next to me.

"Peaceful." I reply before lowering my voice. "Until now."

"Oh hi Michelle." Audrey finally greets her, sitting down next to their sofa. "I didn't realise that was you for a second."

"Hi Audrey." Michelle smiles and gives me a look as if to wonder why I ever invited her in the first place.

"Have you got us any presents?" Bethany asks, sitting down next to Michelle on the sofa, where I was originally sat.

"I have." I nod as Harry slides off my lap, running over to play with Lily's toys and I suddenly can't believe how much he has grown. "Here you go." I slide the massive stack of presents in to the centre of the living room with great difficulty. "Find your names, they're on there somewhere."

"Uh, I don't think you need anymore presents off Carla." Sarah points out. "I think she's done enough for you these past few weeks."

"Yeah, where's my present Bethany?" I tease her and she glances at me awkwardly.

"The pleasure of my company at the factory from now on." She replies, smartly, finding her two presents and sitting back down. "Ooh, I've got two. I must be the favourite."

"Right here we are." Nick carries a tray of drinks in, placing it down on the coffee table and handing them out, before coming to sit on the arm of my chair.

"Oh cool, can I have some prosecco?" Bethany exclaims, pausing mid-unwrapping and turning to look at Sarah.

"Go on then." Sarah sighs, taking a glass for herself. Nick gets up, handing me a glass of the non-alcoholic stuff and I smile appreciatively as he sits back down and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"No way! You didn't!" Bethany exclaims, pulling the makeup palette out of the wrapping paper. "This is that one I was showing you mum, look."

"Have I got a present?" Max asks and I nod, pointing to the pile.

"Yeah it's the one with snowmen on it." I tell him and Nick kisses my forehead, affectionately.

"You're amazing." He whispers, so nobody else can hear and I smile at him, shaking my head slightly.

"Carla you don't realise how good this stuff is!" Bethany continues, snapping me out of my trance.

"Oh trust me I do." I respond. "The woman droning down my ear in the shop informed me enough."

"Ok, where's my present I'm excited now." Sarah roots through the pile and Michelle gapes at me, causing me to laugh.

"Max can you find my present?" Lily pokes him and he groans, reading the names on the packages and handing her one before tearing his open.

"Cool!" Max shouts and Audrey tries to quieten him. "A cricket set?"

"Ah well Nick said he'd teach you how to play so." I pat Nick on the arm and he looks up at him expectantly.

"Not right now." Nick prompts him. "Maybe when the weather is a bit warmer."

"Wow!" Lily exclaims, opening her present and excitedly finding the unicorn palace thing I had bought her, that I had absolutely no clue about. "Can I play with it now?"

"That was a gamble." I point to it, looking at David. "I just went to the recommended aisle in the toy shop."

"Carla I thought you had decided to steer clear of gambling." Roy prompts me, quietly and I don't know whether he's joking or not.

"Shh." I nudge him, grinning all the same. I didn't even care at this point in time, I felt so happy, despite the chaos. Everything seemed like it had slotted into place. For the first time in forever I didn't have something tragic on the horizon, or any worries hanging over me. Maybe this is what 'normal' is, perhaps after all these years I was getting a taste of what it felt like at last.

And I loved it.

 **Nick**

"Remind me why I'm cooking the dinner at your house?" Robert asks me, putting the turkey back in the oven.

"Look, I had just as much idea about this as you." I remind him. "Ask the girls, not me."

"Well that's done for now anyway." He sighs, fanning himself with a tea towel. "Full house."

"You know I don't actually realise how hellish they really are until I actually have to spend time with them." I nod, glancing through the crack in the door. My gaze moves to where Carla is holding one of Lily's unicorns for her, watching as she parades the other around the carpet. I was so in love, I couldn't believe it. "Any more drinks?" I announce, reluctantly heading into the room and gran raises her glass from where she was sitting chatting to Roy. I take it from her, topping it up with the whiskey that was on the mantelpiece; because clearly that was too much effort for her to do herself.

"More of this." Bethany gives me her glass and I observe her.

"How much have you had?" I ask and she shrugs.

"Oh lighten up Nick, it's Christmas." Sarah smiles at me, holding her glass out.

"Hey, she's your daughter, it's your call." I take it from her, heading back into the kitchen and opening another bottle from the fridge. "Babe?" I call, sticking my head out of the door and she looks up, rising from her chair and coming towards me. "You alright?"

"Fine yeah." She nods, despite already looking shattered.

"Don't overdo it." I warn her and she rolls her eyes cheerfully.

"Darling, I'm not ill." She whispers, leaning over to kiss me. "You care too much."

"And that's a bad thing?" I ask and she smiles, as I put the bottle back in the fridge, arranging a few more glasses on the tray.

"No." She murmurs, pausing as she meets my gaze. "Are you happy?"

"Do you really need to ask that question?" I chuckle, letting go of the tray and wrapping my arms around her waist. "Yes, I'm happy."

"Sure?" She checks, pressing her thumb to my chin.

"I promise." I whisper, kissing her momentarily before voices sound from the living room.

"Ugh, we can see you, you know?" Bethany raises her voice. "Where's these drinks?"

"Duty calls." Carla pokes my chest, grinning as she spins around, heading back into the living room. I grab the tray, lowering it on to the coffee table and handing Bethany her refilled glass back. The front door opens suddenly without any knock or ring of the doorbell and Gary appears.

"Don't knock then!" Sarah exclaims, although I don't think she cares about his lack of manners, and is more intent on starting another argument. "You know this is Nick and Carla's house? You can't just barge in whenever you feel like it!"

"Sarah it's alright." Carla calms her, as Bethany sits down on the arm of the armchair she is sat in.

"So which one looks better?" She points to the illustrations in the manual she's found inside her palette.

"Well why don't you try them both?" She suggests. "Alternate them between days?"

"Thanks for my top, it's dead posh." She holds it up against her. "Can I wear this for work?"

"That was the intention." Carla nods. "Have you tried it on?"

"Yeah, I took a picture in the toilet." She gets her phone out. "Look."

"Nick, have you got any more nibbles?" Gail pokes me in the arm and I stare down at her.

"Mum have you scoffed that whole bowl?" David observes, sat next to her with Shona on his lap. "Is this just so you haven't got to cook Christmas dinner? Because it's half twelve now and you haven't even started."

"Yes well I'm enjoying myself, David!" Gail moans, handing me the empty bowl and I sigh, standing up and pouring the rest of the crisps into the bowl, passing them back to her.

"Yeah well maybe share them around?" David suggests. "You haven't even offered Carla one and she bought them."

"Oh... Do you want a crisp Carla?" She holds the bowl out and Carla winces at the smell.

"Oh, no thank you." She pushes the bowl away slightly. "I wouldn't dare take them from you anyway, Gail. You enjoy them."

"I bet you feel even more nauseous having us around, don't you?" David asks and I glare at him, pushing him so he grins at me.

"Oh of course not." Carla lies, sitting back in her chair. "It's a pleasure..."

"Oh yeah, how much have you paid her to say that?" David chortles, staring up at me. Shona slaps him lightly on the chest and he ruffles her hair absentmindedly.

"David!" Gail hisses. "Don't be so rude! Nick loves having us around, don't you Nicky?"

"Yes..." I sarcastically reply, watching as Harry runs towards Carla, climbing up on to her lap and sitting facing her as he plays with her necklace.

"Craig's popping over." Bethany informs me, staring down at her phone and I glance around the room.

"Uh, this isn't a homeless shelter." I prompt her. "I really don't think this room can cope with many more people in it."

"Oh well David can go in the kitchen then." Bethany sticks her tongue out at him.

"Oh Carla, there's some snacky things in the bag by you if you want to feed him." Sarah points to it and I shake my head at her. She was just in her own little world, a prime example of how not to parent, though I suppose she could be worse. She did love Bethany and Harry, she just didn't go about it in the right way sometimes.

"Breadstick?" Carla offers him and he takes it, crunching it loudly and I smile just watching them.

"I tell you what, if Sarah ever croaks it, I know who they'll want to go to." David indicates to Bethany and Harry, pointing at Carla. She stares at me awkwardly, although it was a compliment, it still embarrassed her, I could tell.

"David!" Sarah snaps, draining her glass and reaching for another one. "That's a horrible thing to say."

"No it's not!" David objects. "It's fact, especially on this street, you've got to be prepared."

"David!" Mum glares at him. "Stop that now... Besides, they'd go to me."

"Uh, no thanks." Bethany pulls a face and mum looks offended by this. "Is that true mum? If you died, would we go to uncle Nick and Carla?"

"Bethany I am not discussing this on Christmas Day!" Sarah retorts, prodding Gary in the side. "Gary, tell her?"

"It is a bit of a morbid discussion." Gary grumbles, clearly not interested.

"Oh please?" Bethany begs and Carla tries to hold nervous laughter as she looks at me, holding a stick of cucumber for Harry to eat.

"Bethany I am still very much alive and breathing!" Sarah snaps. "Merry Christmas to you too... But yes, Harry would go to Nick and Carla."

"What?" Gail gasps and Carla looks shocked at this.

"Well mum they are his Godparents!" She points out. "That's sort of the purpose."

"Ha, good luck bro." David nudges me and I go to sit down on the arm of Carla's chair again, protectively.

"I'm gonna go and help Robert." Michelle sighs, bored with the discussion as she heads towards the kitchen.

"Well what about me? Where do I go?" Bethany demands and I groan, as gran puts her head in her hands.

"To the rubbish dump." David teases her and she glares at him. "With any luck, unless anyone is planning anything within the next year, you'll be an adult anyway... Somehow."

"Right can we change the subject now." Sarah shouts, sloshing her prosecco over the carpet and Carla suddenly stands up, placing Harry down on the floor and running up the stairs. "Look David, you've upset Carla now!"

"I haven't upset her!" David objects. "Bethany has."

"Right just shut up." I snap and the room falls silent. I get up, heading towards the stairs, the silence deafening as I reach the top, opening the bedroom door cautiously. "...You alright?"

"Yep." Carla nods, staring out of the window.

"Look, I'll tell them to go." I sigh, going over to her and tilting her eyes to face mine, which she fights.

"Nick, it's fine." She assures me. "They're just all very intense. I'm not used to having such a big and excitable family, am I?"

"Yes well I don't know why the theme of Sarah's death got brought up." I mutter, holding my arms out and she walks into them. "So we don't even need to discuss that."

"It's not that." She mumbles. "It's an honour, in a way... Never got told of that plan though."

"They'll be going soon." I tell her, grazing a finger along her cheekbone. "...You're honestly brilliant with Harry. If you'd have told me this time two years ago I'd be watching a scene like that in my living room, I'd have laughed."

"...Cheers." She mutters and I exhale.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that." I reassure her. "I just meant you've come along way."

"Yeah well I was all set to be a mum, wasn't I?" She whispers. "My body thought so, anyway, leaking breast milk for no baby to drink... I guess it's intuition, maternal instincts for the wrong child, I don't know..."

"Or you're just being a Godmother?" I suggest and she finally looks at me, sighing the same way she did the night we first slept together. "Fairy Godmother."

"Hm, wouldn't quite put it like that." She smiles slightly and I place a soft kiss on to her lips, as she wraps her arms around my neck. "I'm not wearing a tutu for anyone."

"Shut up." I grin, gently slapping her bum and she laughs, her eyes studying mine.

"You shut up." She bites her lip, happily before kissing me again.

 **Carla**

"Right we're going to get off." Audrey stands up, at last as I reach the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh are we?" Gail frowns, putting her empty bowl down.

"Yes, Gail, we are." Audrey decides, indicating to David and Shona who stand up reluctantly.

"Carla, I am really sorry." Sarah approaches me. "It's my stupid brother, he never picks the right time for anything."

"Oi!" David snaps and Audrey groans, steering him in the direction of the door.

"Really, it's ok." I assure her as Bethany comes over to me.

"Yeah I'm really sorry for what I said." Bethany apologises. "I didn't want to upset you."

"You didn't!" I persist. "Honestly, now you'd better be on time on Wednesday, yes?"

"Ten o'clock, got it." She beams and I narrow my eyes at her. "Joking, I know it's nine."

"Careful you don't want to be sacked before you even start." I tease her.

"No you don't, come on, we're going." Sarah tugs on her arm. "Before you can do even more damage."

"Oh are you going?" Nick appears behind me as he gets to the bottom of the stairs. "What a shame."

"Oh well if you want us to stay?" Gail starts.

"No, no we understand." Nick holds his hands up and I rest my head in his chest. "You've probably got loads to do."

"Well..." Gail ponders, before she is ushered off by Audrey.

"Come on." Audrey flaps, grabbing the pushchair. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." I smile back as she closes the door behind them. "Ahhh..." I moan, loudly, going over to the sofa and sinking down on to it. "We survived."

"I must say, that was a rather... Interesting gathering." Roy finally chimes in and I roll my head across the sofa cushions to face him.

"You can say that again Roy." I nod. "You can say that again."

"Right what can I get you?" Nick leans down.

"A shot of vodka." I joke and he raises his eyebrows at me. "Decaf coffee would be nice, at least I can pretend it's the real thing, hey?"

"Oh have they finally gone?" Michelle cheers, peering through the kitchen door and hastily approaching the other sofa.

"Did you not guess from the hugely decreased noise level?" I scoff as Nick goes off to get my coffee. "I'm sorry I put you all through that."

"I felt more sorry for you!" Michelle exclaims. "Talk about putting you on the spot."

"You should be resting." Roy insists, a concerned tone to his voice. "It is not good to be surrounded by such unnecessary chaos."

"Really, everybody I am ok!" I object, as Nick hands me my drink and sits down next to me. "You're all acting as if I've just survived a car accident... _When_ I survived a car accident... Multiple car accidents."

"Ok!" Nick raises a finger to my lips, using the remote control to flick some Christmas music on the television. "That's enough of that, thank you. It's Christmas Day, so we're going to enjoy it."

* * *

"That was delicious, thank you." I push my plate away, satisfied.

"You're all very welcome." Nick replies, knowing it would wind Robert up.

"You what?" Robert laughs cockily. "You weren't even in the kitchen for half of it and when you were you stood there eating the scraps of bacon."

"You wouldn't let me anywhere near the food!" Nick reminds him and I exchange a look with Michelle, causing us to laugh.

"It wouldn't have turned out as good as this if I had, would it?" He prompts and Nick rolls his eyes. "So who's doing the washing up? Michelle?"

"Uh, no!" Michelle retorts, shooting him a look.

"I'll do the washing up." Nick sighs, standing and collecting plates up. "If you turn that music up, Car."

"Yes boss." I salute him, jumping up and grabbing the TV remote. "Uh, hold on." I stop him before he goes into the kitchen. "Come here." I pull his spare arm, my hand falling against the back of his head as I kiss him momentarily. I pull away to notice Roy awkwardly staring around the room and laugh at Michelle's put-out expression. "Do you remember when we were teenagers and me and Rob would gate crash your place on Christmas Day?"

"I remember my mum moaning about it." Michelle teases, coming to sit next to me. "And we had that takeaway turkey pizza from shady Sue's."

"Ew." I scrunch my nose up at the thought. "But then we'd all sit around playing charades and Liam would do Jaws every single time but we'd never guess it."

"Yeah because his shark impression was so awful!" She reminds me and I laugh at the thought. "Darling I'm just gonna pop to the loo."

"Can I say something?" Robert suddenly sits down next to me and I look to where Roy has gone into the kitchen to offer to help Nick.

"Ey?" I frown, slightly nervous as he sits down with as much distance as possible between us on the sofa.

"I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're happy." He admits and I avoid his gaze, staring down at the carpet. "Things worked out in the end, didn't they?"

"I guess." I mumble. "Although I'd still change what happened without a seconds thought."

"I wouldn't." He responds and I force myself to look at him, shocked at his response. "Because if it hadn't, I'd still be stuck with Tracy."

"Yeah well I suppose you did have a lucky escape there." I relax slightly after gathering what he meant. "You know it was never your fault; in fact you actually did the right thing, the best thing. It was Tracy who ruined it all for me."

"Yeah well she ruined it for herself." Robert says quietly. "What happened between us was a massive mistake and I hope Nick realises that now. I mean, like I told you before, he married one of the most gorgeous women in Weatherfield-"

"Yes, he knows that now." I cut him off, not wanting to get into a conversation this uncomfortable. "The mistake part." I add, so I didn't seem too vain.

"He's lucky, you're a good person, Carla." He tells me and I hesitate, finally looking at him as Michelle appears, wrapping her arms around his neck and we snap out of the silence we were in.

"What's going on here then?" Michelle smiles, kissing his neck, affectionately. "You two are actually talking?"

"We were actually discussing your wedding." I lie, brightly and she looks excited at the thought. "And what the colour scheme is going to be."

"Oh we haven't even set a date yet." Michelle sighs, sitting down on his lap. "Never mind colour schemes."

"Well that's what he said." I nod, pointing at Robert before getting up and heading towards the bathroom. I lean up against the door once I am inside, staring back in my reflection opposite. Why would he bring that up? On Christmas of all days, when he knew it would get to me and remind me?

I take a deep breath, steadying my heart rate and composing myself. It was in the past, this was the future, time to move on.

* * *

"Mm." I sit down in Nick's lap, leaning against his chest as he pulls his arms around me. I nibble on chocolate from one of the packets that were lying around the boxes of unwrapped presents.

"You alright?" He checks and I nod slowly.

"Tired." I mumble, lowering the chocolate and closing my eyes momentarily.

 **Nick**

"Ah Michelle, you couldn't get that could you?" I look up at the sound of the door, moving my gaze from where Roy was quietly completing his jigsaw, to Michelle. She was lying in Robert's chest contently watching some Christmas show on television. "It'll be your family."

"I'll tell them to be quiet." She gets up, noticing that Carla was still asleep on me. I didn't want to wake her; sleep was valuable and she didn't get enough of it as it is. "Hey, keep your voices down."

"Why?" I hear Kate before she appears, followed by Aidan and Johnny. "Oh, Merry Christmas Nick." She whispers, before hugging Michelle. "Merry Christmas."

"Had a good day?" Michelle asks them, quietly as she embraces the other two. I hold up my spare hand to wave at them as they come to sit down.

"Yeah amazing." Johnny nods, leading Jenny in by her hand. "I see sleeping beauty has conked out already."

"Lightweight." Aidan teases her despite the fact she couldn't even hear him. He sits down in one of the chairs we still had laid out.

"I'd get you a drink but uh..." I point to Carla. "I'm too busy getting a dead leg."

"I can assist." Roy stands as Johnny and Jenny sit down on the other sofa. "What will everybody be drinking?"

"I'll have a beer if you've got one going?" Aidan asks and I nod at Roy. "Kate'll have white wine."

"I'll have a scotch, ta." Johnny adds.

"I'll have a wine and all." Jenny finishes as he nods, tallying it up and heading into the kitchen.

"So, good Christmas so far?" Kate asks.

"Yeah apart from the eventful morning." Michelle sighs, taking a sip of her drink.

"Why, what happened?" Johnny looks worried.

"Two words; my family." I roll my eyes. "A nightmare, the lot of them."

"Two glasses of wine?" Roy carries them out of the kitchen, offering them to Jenny and Kate, before disappearing again.

"Thanks Roy." I smile at him appreciatively as Carla begins to stir, mumbling as she wakes. "Afternoon."

"Mm..." She murmurs, moving her head slightly and seeing where she has drooled on my t-shirt, quickly wiping it off. "Ugh... Sorry."

"Alright for some, falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon." Aidan checks his watch and Carla sits bolt upright, realising they were there.

"Oh God, how long have you been here?" She asks, shocked. "Oh wow that's embarrassing."

"Merry Christmas to you too." Aidan reaches a hand out to nudge her. "Nice bump."

"Shut it." She glares at him and he laughs, taking his beer from Roy. "You made Roy get the drinks?"

"He offered!" I tell her. "Besides, I couldn't get up."

"You should have woken me up." She yawns, sitting up on my lap from where she had slid down slightly. "What time is it?"

"Half four." Kate informs her, checking her phone.

"Do you want anything?" I offer, linking my hand with hers.

"Nick, you sound like you're working." She smiles, patting my chest lightly. "It's all I've heard all day."

"Uh, don't be nasty!" Michelle objects. "He's sat there for hours whilst you've dribbled all over him."

"Michelle!" Carla shouts, throwing a cushion at her, childishly. Michelle grins, holding it up and threatening to throw it back to her.

"Don't even think about it." Carla glares at her and I exchange a look with Johnny.

"I remember when you two hated each other." Michelle bites her lip, her eyes twinkling at the thought. She leans forward, putting the cushion in her lap and observing us carefully. "Back when you both ran the factory based on vanity."

"Uh, we never hated each other!" Carla retorts, catching my eye and trying not to smile. "He was just difficult to work with, don't know how you guys do it."

"I never knew you two used to run the factory together?" Kate frowns.

"Oh yeah, a very long time ago." Michelle continues to wind Carla up.

"Oh it was 2010." Carla rolls her eyes. "It's only... Seven years... Wow."

"Me and Leanne used to think you'd get together." Michelle teases and Carla exhales, clearly wound up and I laugh, squeezing her hand. "I bet there was a lot of sexual tension in that office."

"I'm just going to... Get a glass of water." Roy coughs awkwardly, heading in to the kitchen and Carla shoots Michelle a look.

"Stop that now." She hisses. "Besides, he was far too cocky for me."

"You were far too cocky for each other." Michelle points out and I tilt Carla head upwards to kiss her. "Both gone soft now."

"Maybe we have." Carla shrugs, staring up at me with a hint of a smile on her face. "I'm not even complaining."

"I feel sick." Aidan groans, putting his head in his hands and Kate slaps him lightly.

"I actually do feel sick." Carla suddenly mutters, an unpleasant look casting over her face.

"Bathroom?" I point, as if she didn't know where it was and she gives me a look.

"Ugh... Yeah." She sighs, finally rising and heading towards the downstairs bathroom.

"It's your turkey." I joke to Robert once she has gone and he flashes me a sarcastic smile. Michelle shakes her head at me, a satisfied expression on her face as she leans back into his chest. "Right, I'd better go and check she's alright."

"She's like a dog." Aidan contemplates out loud. "You know one of those small yappy ones; feed it, water it, take it for a walk and it'll fall asleep on your lap."

"Yeah I really wouldn't tell her that." I tell him, knowing for his sake it wouldn't be something she would pleasingly hear.

 **Carla**

"Babe we're gonna get off." Michelle kneels down next to where I was lying on the sofa, staring at the television but not watching it. "Thank you so much for having us today."

"No it's fine, you weren't the problem, it was the other visitors." I smile, meeting her gaze and she kisses me on the cheek.

"Take care of yourself." She squeezes my hand. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." I return as she stands up. "Love you."

"...Bye." Robert waves, awkwardly as he opens the door, allowing Michelle to step out of it. He stares at me for a very brief moment, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, before he forces a smile, nodding and heading out of the door.

"Thank you very much." Roy stands, from the armchair. "It has been a wonderful day."

"Wouldn't quite put it like that." I smile at him, sitting up.

"Oh please, don't get up on my account." Roy frets and I raise my eyebrows.

"Don't be silly." I laugh slightly, holding my arms out to hug him and he comes towards me, hesitantly returning my embrace. "Thank you for everything. Helping out, the beautiful present. Roy, it's just..." I pick it up from the coffee table, admiring it. "I won't want to wear it because it's so special."

"Whatever you decide to do with it, I know Hayley would be very pleased that it is now yours." He nods and I hold his gaze, glancing at Lauren's pot in the corner.

"I know me and you don't believe in all that stuff but..." I trail off. "If, you know, there is... Somewhere... I bet Hayley's looking after her."

"I'm sure she would be honoured until one day you are reunited with her once more." Roy's voice is so genuine and I bite my lip, forcing back tears.

"You know, Roy Cropper... You deserve the world." I dare myself to look at him, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I had the world." He nods, and I can see he's hurting underneath, today of all days. I reach my hand out, squeezing it supportively and we stand there for a moment in comfortable silence.

"Merry Christmas darling." I whisper, kissing him on the cheek and hugging him again.

"Merry Christmas." Roy replies, before pulling away and picking his bag up, heading towards the door. I start to cry more, kneeling down by the flowers and resting my forehead on the marble pot, breathing in the earthy smell. I knew we needed to put it in the garden, but I liked it being in here with us, whilst we watched television or ate or just talked. I felt like she was here with us.

"Merry Christmas, angel. I love you." I whisper to the ashes, and I feel Nick next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and I allow him to hold me, protect me, love me. Just me, him, and our two children.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29:**

 **Carla**

"Morning." I dump my bag on the desk, scanning the pile of post in front of me. "Ugh, don't some people take Christmas off?"

"If you're talking about Dave Hanlon or Sid Altree of course they don't." Aidan scoffs, as I pick the post up that is from them, chucking it over to Aidan. "They've certainly not got anything to be merry about."

"Yeah well you can get Bethany to file them." I check the clock; eight fifty five. "She'll be here in a minute."

"Bethany?" He frowns, tearing the mail open. "Bethany Platt? Why?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" I grin, excited to wind him up as the door swings open and Bethany appears, dressed very professionally in the top I had bought her for Christmas. Her hair was up in a complicated plaited bun and her expression looks like mine was once upon a time, when the whole idea was new and exciting to me. "Aidan, meet my new PA."

"Hi." Bethany waves and I point to the desk that Sally used to work at, which is next to mine.

"That'll be your desk." I indicate.

"Wow, I get my own desk." Her eyes light up and she sits down, swirling her chair around excitedly.

"Ok hold on." Aidan holds his hands up, staring at us. "She's working here?"

"Yay, you're not as stupid as you look." I tease him. "Bethany, Aidan. Aidan, Bethany. Glad introductions are out of the way."

"And have you asked dad about this?" Aidan persists. "Does she have any business experience? Does she know anything about this place?"

"Oh hold on a minute, let me just check." I lean forward, checking my computer. "Yep, yes it does say I'm the boss here. Forgot that for a minute."

"You're employing a child." He points to her and Bethany looks put-out.

"Well at least she's more mature that you." I flash him a smile. "Sorry about him Bethany, you'll get used to his ugly mug sitting in the corner."

"Good morning." Johnny greets as he enters the office, putting his briefcase down on the desk. "Oh hello. Bunking off school is it?"

"It's college, and I dropped out." Bethany replies, confidently.

"Yes so now she's working here." I inform him and he glances at me.

"Well thanks for letting me know." Johnny tells me before turning back to her. "Dab hand at knicker stitching are you?"

"Oh no, not on a machine." I laugh, imagining the thought. "She's my new PA."

"What about Sally?" Johnny exclaims, a if he had ever cared for a second about Sally Webster's job security.

"Well you told me Sally was taking leave!" I point out. "Besides, I am majority share holder in this business; I can decide who I hire and fire, thank you."

"Ok, I'm not complaining!" Johnny objects, sitting down in his chair. "I was purely just asking why she was here."

"Look, I'm going to be needing to take time off more frequently now anyway, so it makes sense for me to have someone to fill in for me while I'm not here." I point to Bethany. "She can manage my emails, take calls, fill in my spreadsheets, take the load off a bit."

"Take the load off?" Aidan rolls his eyes. "You're really milking this, aren't you?"

"Well I've got to pop out this afternoon anyway so." I shrug, sitting down. "We best get started as soon as possible."

"This afternoon?" Aidan objects. "You've only been back five minutes and already you're taking more time off."

"Yes because I've got to go to hospital with Nick, to talk about the results of his tests, Aidan." I snap, noticing Bethany looking awkward in the corner. "Sorry darling, pop your computer on I'll take you through some of the things you'll be doing."

"I thought you said he got the all clear?" Aidan prompts me.

"Aidan shut up." Johnny groans, glaring at him. "It's fine, I'm sure we'll manage."

"Actually scrap that, Bethany, I'll take you for a tour of the factory, show you where everything is." I stand up and she follows me obediently.

"A tour?" Aidan scoffs, before stopping himself as Johnny gives him another look. I pull the office door open, watching the machinists immediately sit down as soon as they notice me.

"Right!" I clap my hands. "Listen up, I've got something to say."

"Oh, you're not having twins are you?" Beth grimaces and I glare at her.

"This is Bethany, she'll be joining our company from now on." I indicate to her, despite everybody knowing who she was. "She'll be in the office with me."

"Hi." Bethany waves, before following me as I head past the stairs.

"These are the toilets, and then around there is packing and the loading bay." I explain. "You might need to check the order labels or record data here sometimes but apart from that, I'll keep you out of Kirk's way."

"Cool." She nods, taking it all in. I head back towards the factory floor, going up the stairs as she follows me.

"This is basically where we keep all the materials and things." I continue. "I doubt you'll need to come up here much, mainly just if you need to do a stock take."

"Is it ok that none of this makes any sense?" She asks, hesitantly and I smile, leading her back down the staircase and towards the kitchen.

"This is where you'll have your tea break." I tell her. "We usually get somebody to do a cake run about mid-morning and then you've got all the tea and coffee here. So if you're asked to make one for a client... Or just me, you know where to come."

"Got it." She nods and I scan the factory briefly.

"That's about it." I sigh, looking at her perplexed expression. "What do you think?"

"It's nice." She replies, clearly having endured a lecture from Sarah this morning about behaving herself.

"Don't lie to me Bethany, it looks like a bomb has hit it at the moment." I reply and she follows me back towards the office. "I'll get Aidan to clean it up a bit later." I stand aside, ushering her into the office. "After you."

"Carla, I'm sorry." Aidan says as Bethany steps past me, sitting back down at her desk and I raise my eyebrows at him.

"What's Johnny said to you?" I laugh slightly at his apologetic look.

"That I need to stop winding you up." He drones. "And that apparently it's harder carrying a baby than it seems."

"Oh yeah, know that from experience do you, Johnny?" I joke and Aidan grins.

"And welcome, Bethany." Aidan stands, holding his hand out for her to shake. "I'm sorry if I was less inviting before."

"Wow, what have you put in his coffee?" My eyes widen at his compassion. "You'll get used to this Bethany, trust me."

There's a sudden knock on the door and I turn to see Beth as she pushes the door open.

"Yes, what?" I groan and she leans up against the doorframe. "If this is about time off then no you can't."

"Yeah she's taken it all up." Aidan mutters and I turn to look at him, seeing his teasing expression. "Sorry..."

"I've just come to ask, is it going to get confusing, you know, having the same name as her and all?" She points to Bethany.

"Well... You're Beth, and she's Bethany." I emphasise. "I'm sure we'll all manage just fine, thank you."

"Ok." She nods, clearly hesitant to get back to work. "Do you want a-"

"Work, Beth." I prompt her. "This Rickson's order needs to be finished by lunchtime on Friday."

"Yes Mrs Tilsley." She groans, letting the door swing shut behind her.

"There's lots of drama here, isn't there?" Bethany pipes up.

"You don't know the half." I sigh, sitting down next to her and opening Excel. "Trust me."

 **Nick**

"You look flustered." I greet Carla, as she enters the Bistro. "My niece been causing you agro already?"

"Oh well aren't you charming?" She props herself up on the bar stool. "Babe, I have a confession to make."

"What?" I put a glass of pineapple juice down on the bar and she pulls a straw out of the nearest container.

"I was checking my calendar earlier at work and I realised your birthday is on Sunday..." She trails off, looking bad. "And I don't know when I'm going to find the time to buy something, I'm literally up to my eyes with it at work."

"Ok, stop stressing." I prompt her and she stops, briefly.

"So how about I take you for a meal instead?" She suggests and I smile, as she sucks on the straw, trying her best to look innocent so I will forgive her. "Really posh restaurant?"

"You don't have to get me anything." I tell her.

"Don't be stupid." She laughs, walking her fingers forward to play with mine on the counter. "...I made that mistake once, I won't again."

"Yes well it's more what happened the day after, that was the mistake." I tell her, stupidly because her face instantly falls. "Look, don't worry. Ok?"

"No!" She retorts. "I'm asking you what your favourite restaurant is?"

"Here." I reply and she pulls a face for a moment. "Oi!" I poke her arm and she giggles slightly. "I was thinking anyway, we could get a last minute deal and go away somewhere; cover both our birthdays."

"Ooh, I like that idea." Her eyes light up. "Where?"

"I don't know, somewhere hot and sunny?" I suggest and she looks tempted for a moment.

"Ugh... But then I'd have to steer clear of sun loungers." She sighs. "I'd look like a beached whale washed up on the beach."

"Carla!" I scold her and she rolls her eyes, smiling at me. "Fine, London? Paris? Rome?"

"Not Rome." She shakes her head, awkwardly.

"Why?" I narrow my eyes and she dares herself to look at me.

"I hate Rome." She confesses, which I was surprised at. "It's where me and Frank went..."

"Oh ok." I nod, understandingly. "Not there then." I say, softly and notice she is staring down at our hands, deep in thought. "Hey, you alright?"

"Mm." She replies, forcing a smile and I immediately regret saying anything.

"Sorry, I didn't realise." I apologise.

"Sweetheart, you didn't know." She sighs, clearly touched by my concern. "You were just trying to be nice... So anyway, London?"

"Yeah?" I check. "Ok, well I'll book us a hotel then."

"Ah, do you reckon we'll get bored in London for a week?" She narrows her eyes at the thought.

"Not if we have a hotel room, we won't." I remind her and she shrugs at the thought. "And all those shops to spoil you in."

"Oh I like the sound of this." She grins, leaning forward and kissing me briefly before taking another sip of her drink. "Right we had best go, we'll be late otherwise."

"What a shame." I sigh, gathering my coat from behind the bar and heading over to Daniel. "Right, we're off, I shouldn't be long."

"Don't worry about it, we'll be fine." He nods, taking my place behind the bar and I smile at him appreciatively before taking Carla's hand.

* * *

"At least we know everything's going to be ok." Carla reminds me, as we take a seat in the waiting room. "Not like the last time we were here."

"Do you want a drink from the machine?" I offer and she shakes her head. "...Unless they've mixed it all up and given me the wrong results."

"Nick, don't." She suddenly stresses and I roll my head across the back of the chair to look at her.

"Sorry, ignore me." I smile, placing a hand on her knee.

"Nick?" The consultant appears from one of the rooms, glancing at us and I get up, following Carla inside. "Good Christmas?"

"Alright yeah, eventful." I tell him, sitting down at the desk.

"Not too stressful I hope?" He checks and I exchange a look with Carla. "Anyway, as we discussed on the phone, your test results were reviewed and there doesn't seem to be anything to worry us or you."

"That's good?" Carla checks, taking my hand in hers.

"It's good news yes." He nods, glancing between us.

"But?" I guess, from his expression.

"There was a lot of stress on the brain, and that's what was showing up in the original scan." He explains, moving his computer around to show us. "At the moment it's not inflicting any physical damage, but should this continue, it could perhaps lead to something more serious."

"Right." I nod, squeezing Carla's hand supportively.

"Well he's calmed down a lot." Carla forces a smile, nudging me. "Since coming out of hospital, I mean... We had a pregnancy scare before the last visit and we lost our baby girl last year... I think perhaps that had an impact on things... I mean, that's not for me to decide but..."

"Yeah." I nod, bravely, staring back at her and appreciating how she had opened up about things for my benefit.

"That's a big thing to cope with." The consultant acknowledges, sympathy in his tone. "That would explain the things that cropped up."

"I uh... I wanted to be strong for Carla when it... Happened." I swallow and she moves her other hand to my leg, soothingly rubbing my thigh. "I think perhaps the scare triggered that emotion that I never properly released... But now, I've come to terms with that... If that's possible." I look back at Carla warmly. "We've decided to move forwards, haven't we?"

"And the baby is ok now?" He asks, carefully.

"Oh yes." Carla smiles, placing a hand on her bump. "Greedy."

"Yeah that's her excuse." I nudge her and she laughs slightly, the consultant observing us contently.

"Good, well I know you said that things have calmed down quite a bit since, and that you feel you've come to terms with things a little better." He explains. "It's up to you but I do think therapy would perhaps be an option to consider, to help lift some of the stress you're under. Therefore, if you then feel like you're going through a period of particular difficulty it's easy to make an appointment and offload."

"Hm?" Carla looks at me, and I can't help feeling weak at the thought. Why did I need therapy? When Carla had been through more than me, and yet I was getting the sympathy. "Have you got any information on it at all? Something we can take home and look through?"

"Yes I've got some leaflets here." He hands them to her. "You don't have to talk to someone face to face, there's online methods or over the phone. Whatever suits you best. And if you have any concerns at all, just come back and see us."

"But that's it?" I finally respond, glancing across at the leaflets.

"That's it." He finishes and Carla moves my head to look at her, expectantly. "Now go and enjoy yourself, rather than stressing. I've got two little girls, honestly, you'll miss the peace and quiet as soon as it's born. This was one of the best bits."

"That's what I keep telling her." I tilt my head to the side.

"The best of luck to you both." He smiles, standing up eventually and holding his hand out as I shake it. "Take care of yourselves."

 **Carla**

"See?" I throw my arms around his neck from behind the sofa, kissing his cheek affectionately multiple times as he bats me away. I sigh, walking around and sitting on the edge of the coffee table, leaning forwards so my hands are balanced on his knees. "Oi." I persist, trying to meet his gaze and he eventually looks up at me. "Nick, this is good news! You heard the consultant."

"Yeah I know." He nods and I narrow my eyes. "It's just; therapy... Having to talk about things."

"Well you could go to one and you might find it's really useful." I point out and he raises his eyebrows at me.

"Says the person who ripped up the therapist's card that Michelle gave her." He reminds me and I don't bother asking how he even knew that. "Carla you would never ever go to therapy, even if I begged you. I _did_ beg you."

"That's not true." I mutter, and he frowns. "I went after the rape. Once, it actually really helped, but don't tell anyone, please."

"Of course I wouldn't." He sighs, and I feel bad; this was the second time today Frank has been brought up for some reason.

"And you know... I went to that alcohol support group a few times." I remember and he nods in recollection. "That's sort of like therapy, well, it _is_ group therapy... God, I remember having the courage to stand up one day and tell everybody about what... He did to me and the suicide attempt and my drinking... It was the most nerve wrecking thing ever, but it helped. Somehow, I don't know, talking to people who listened, who understood... Stopped me from feeling so alone all the time. So empty."

"I'm sorry..." He whispers, and I don't even know what he is apologising for now.

"So yeah... Sometimes I am stubborn, I'll give you that." I admit. "But I'll tell you something for nothing, Tilsley; nobody can be strong all of the time. I know you have, for me. Like you said earlier in the hospital; you had to hold yourself together for my sake, you can be sad, you know? I've eventually learnt that."

"Yes, well." He mumbles, trying to pretend he didn't care. He sighs, looking at me eventually and taking my hands in his. "You know, I never thought you were quite this amazing until I properly got to know you... And I'm sorry if you thought I was patronising you in any way about the therapy thing. I didn't realise you went after... That. You've been through so much, it's incredible how you still manage to smile, after everything."

"Well most of the smiling is down to you." I tell him. "You never gave up on me when I was hurting the most, and when you could have hated me. But you didn't, you stayed, and that's why I'm still smiling today. Because now nothing that happened in the past matters."

"...Will you help me?" He whispers, as if he was afraid of my answer. I study him for a moment, trying to work out if he actually believed that I could ever say no.

"Oh darling you know I will." I murmur, sitting down on his lap and pulling him in for a hug, kissing the top of his head. "Always."

 **Nick**

"Right, are you ready?" Carla calls from the living room and I reach the bottom of the stairs, watching her spraying perfume before putting the bottle back down on the side.

"Uh, no." I respond. "Can't we just pull a sickie?"

"No, we can't!" She exclaims, coming over to me. "This is your brother's birthday meal."

"Yeah exactly." I point out and she kisses me briefly, before grabbing her bag and heading towards the door.

"Look if it's really bad, I'll just say I was sick in the toilets and we need to go." She suggests as I lock the door, taking her hand as we walk towards the Bistro.

"Yay, see; good little excuse you." I tap her tummy, talking to the baby and she nudges me, laughing. I push the door to the Bistro open, praying we would be short staffed and I would have to work. But since Kate, Daniel and two other waitresses were on shift, I didn't think there was much chance of that this evening.

"Hi!" Kate exclaims as soon as she sees Carla, hugging her quickly. "Table for two, is it?"

"I wish." I respond, glancing over to the big table in the corner which was making more noise than the rest of the restaurant put together. "Family meal."

"Ooh, fun." Kate nods, sympathetically. "I'll leave you to it."

"Unfortunately." Carla mutters to her and I drag her towards the table.

"Oh hello!" Mum jumps up, bypassing me and immediately hugging Carla. Well at least they were getting on now, that was a blessing in itself. Then again, I did think it might have something to do with the grandchild growing inside of her.

"Nick, lovey." Audrey reaches up to stroke my arm. "I didn't realise you were coming."

"Yep." I drone, not expressing how little I wanted to be here. I wait until Gail has finished smothering Carla, before leading her over to sit next to David and Sarah. "Where's your kids?"

"At Fiz's house, Hope invited Lily over and Max wanted to go too, so." David shrugs.

"But I'm still here." Bethany raises her hand, who was sat next to Harry in a high chair.

"I thought you'd be tired out after today's work." Carla tells her.

"How did she do?" Sarah frets. "Was she ok?"

"Absolutely brilliant." Carla nods, singing her praises and Bethany beams at her. "A natural. Aidan left me good feedback for this afternoon as well."

"Oh yes how did your brain meeting go?" Mum suddenly asks

"My brain meeting?" I repeat. "I don't think it's called that."

"Ignore him, he's grumpy." Carla puts her arm around me. "It was fine, wasn't it?"

"Yes." I sigh, kissing the side of her head. "Nothing to worry about apparently."

"Oh well that's some good news!" Audrey exclaims.

"Gary can you pass me the menu?" Sarah points to it and he hands it to her. "Oh Nick, why do you make this so confusing?"

"How is it confusing?" I frown. "It's a piece of paper with lists of food on. Surely even you can understand that."

"It's got all French words." Sarah scans it and David peers over her shoulder.

"That's the wine list." David points out.

"Oh Gary, you've given me the wine list!" She snaps at him and I chuckle with David as she tears the other menu out of his hands. "You know what, you're useless sometimes."

"Ok we don't want another argument please!" Audrey warns them as Shona arrives back from the toilet.

"Nick there's no bog role in the third toilet along." She tells me.

"That's nice, but I'm not working." I point out. "So tell somebody who is."

"Alright Nick, she was only letting you know!" David tells me, aggressively and Carla's grip tightens around me.

"Hey." She whispers and I sigh, looking at her. "Cheer up, please."

"What are you having?" I try to divert the subject, handing her a menu.

"A smile from you please?" She nudges me, ruffling my hair playfully. "Hm?" I can't help but smile at her attempts, and she cheers quietly. "Yay."

"What are you having to eat?" I persist, the smile still glued to my face slightly and she releases her grip on me, looking down at the menu.

"Oh Carla, did you want a drink?" Audrey calls over, pointing to where Kate was stood with a notepad.

"Oh yeah just a sparkling water please." She smiles at Kate. "Nick?"

"Yeah I'll have the same." I reply.

"No you won't." She scoffs, turning back to Kate. "He'll have a beer, Kate."

"Carla!" I object.

"Uh, no, we're celebrating." She reminds me, following the pep talk she had recited earlier about toasting my 'good health'. "He'll have a beer."

"I don't want a beer." I tell her, as Kate walks off.

"Well tough." She replies, stubbornly, her brow furrowing slightly in the way it always does when she's fighting for the upper hand. "You've got to drink for the pair of us, so."

"I don't want to sit here drinking next to you." I say, and she laughs slightly.

"Why do you think I didn't order you wine?" She smiles and I roll my eyes at her.

"So I suppose you two have started planning all your fancy decor and things for when the baby arrives?" Audrey asks us, excitedly.

"Oh um, haven't really had much time yet." Carla responds. "I mean, we've flicked through a few magazines and things, nothing serious."

"Yeah she gave me baby magazines to read whilst I was in hospital." I drone. "Ruined my chances with all the nurses, that did."

"Oi." She slaps me lightly on the arm and David laughs. "That's why I did it."

"Your drinks." Kate places them down in front of us and I am quick to take a gulp of my beer. It's refreshing as it trickles down my throat, soothing me.

"Now don't go getting too wasted." Carla reminds me. "You've got to walk me home later."

"It's one beer, I'm sure I'll be fine." I assure her.

"Oh I don't know, you haven't had a drink in months." She reminds me. "Might go straight to your head."

"Like a lot of things." I mutter, hoping she wouldn't hear, but she does and she looks at me worriedly for a moment. I wasn't about to tell her now that I'd had a few sips of wine before the scan weeks ago, but it made me feel guilty all the same. Even though I knew she wouldn't mind in the slightest.

"Sweetheart, get through this, then we can talk, ok?" She whispers, quietly and I nod, taking another long gulp from my glass.

* * *

"I'm proud of you." Carla whispers, as we wander back up the street, linking her arm in mine. "For sticking that out."

"You know, I think it's just my family." I tell her. "Every time we have to see them, one of us is just left crying or stressed out."

"Well at least it's not both of us." She shrugs, trying to see the positive side of the situation for once. "Right little tag team, me and you."

"Yeah yeah." I smile, unlocking the door and stepping aside so she can enter.

"Tea?" She offers, heading into the kitchen.

"Uh, yeah." I reply, knowing there was no point in disallowing her to make it.

"You know, Bethany really excelled herself today." She calls from the kitchen, as I sit down on the sofa. "I was pleasantly surprised."

"She'll be after your job next." I warn her.

"Well she'll have a while to wait." She responds. "I'll be working at that factory until the day I croak it, can't imagine it not being a part of my life."

"You managed it for a year." I point out, as she appears, carrying two mugs and placing one down in front of me.

"Yeah and it was horrible." She winces at the thought. "All I did was sit around watching birthing shows, bored doesn't even cover it."

"Birthing shows?" I prompt her, imagining that actually happening.

"They literally scarred me for life." She nods, pausing in thought and looking worried. "Oh God, giving birth hurts..."

"Has that only just crossed your mind?" I ask, placing a hand on her knee because I knew it was a sensitive topic.

"Uh..." She sighs, looking back at me. "Anyway, these." She grabs the leaflets from the coffee table, handing them to me. "Thoughts?"

"I don't know..." I mutter and she pauses, taking them back from me and putting them down alongside her mug on the coffee table.

"Right ok." She claps her hands, planning something. "Role play."

"Ooh ok." I grin at the thought and she raises her eyebrows.

"No, I'm your therapist." She proposes and I groan once I know what she means. "You've never met me before."

"So who am I married to then?" I smile, trying to catch her out. "Or am I not married?"

"...You're not." She decides, thinking it safer on her behalf so I didn't start thinking of ideas for wives.

"So I'm not having a baby with my wife then?" I check. "So did you ever even exist?"

"Nick!" She slaps me on the knee, lightly. "Play along."

"Ok, ok." I nod, finding this quite entertaining.

"Nice to meet you." She holds her hand out and I have to force the smile off my face as I shake it. "So, talk me through what the problem is."

"Well... I have a brain injury." I swallow and she nods, as if she's so engrossed in this she's forgotten she already knows. "And that's about the end of it, goodbye."

"Nick." She pulls me back down.

"I never told you my name." I point out and she glares at me. "...So sometimes I flip out about things that really shouldn't matter."

"Right, what kind of things?" She continues and I look away from her, knowing I wouldn't take this seriously if I didn't.

"Like... Spilling the milk or not being able to add up the stock." I shrug, trying to recall the times I feel like this. "Or sometimes things will just play on my mind all day long and I can't get them to go away... So I'll get frustrated... And then I'll push people away because I don't want to hurt them... Particularly my wife... Even though I haven't even got one, apparently." I notice Carla smile out of the corner of my eye. "Because the last thing I'd want to do is hurt or upset her, but some days I'm too selfish to realise that... And I hope she knows how much I love and appreciate her, even on those days, because I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her."

"Ahh..." Carla murmurs, her face crumbling lovingly and I finally look back at her.

"I don't think that's what a therapist would do." I tell her, trying to destroy the fact I had just poured my heart out to her.

"You're so cute sometimes." She tells me, sitting down on my lap and kissing my forehead.

"You're not being very professional." I point out and she kisses me to shut me up.

"See, you can do it." She tells me, leaning her forehead against mine.

"Yeah, to you." I respond, poking her on the arm. "Because you're the only person who I actually open up to."

"You do realise it's all confidential." She points to a leaflet and I nod. "Look I'm not going to pressure you darling, if you don't want to go, you don't have to. I'm only trying to do what's best."

"I know you are." I smile, pushing her hair behind her ear affectionately. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." She nods, her fingers absentmindedly moving to my hair. "You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to..."

"Nick." She gazes at me.

"Everything that's happened in the past... If you ever want to talk about it, you know..." I trail off. "Like you were talking about earlier with... The rape and the suicide attempt and things... It upsets me to think of you in that sort of place and I wish I'd been there to protect you. I should have been, when Tony held you hostage in the factory, I was too selfish at the time."

"Nick that was seven years ago." She reminds me, almost amused at my apology and it makes me feel stupid.

"Ok." I reply, bluntly, trying to get up, but her weight stops me and she pins me back down.

"Nick, stop getting all touchy." She tries to calm me down but it was far from working.

"I'm not getting touchy! I was trying to be nice." I snap and she stares at me, blankly for a moment as if waiting for me to rant even more. She was prepared to take it, I hated that, but I couldn't stop myself because I was weak and too self indulged to have that kind of strength. "Forgive me for saying that you can talk to me about it, after you've just banged on for ten minutes about how I should. Double standards."

"...Are you finished?" She finally asks when he room has fallen silent, she can tell what I want to say, but she gets there first. "I'm not patronising you, Nick, I'm just asking if you've got everything off your chest?"

"No." I respond, childishly and she sits, waiting for me to continue. "Why do you put up with this?"

"Because I love you." She replies. "In sickness and in health, remember?"

"Health." I scoff at the thought and she tilts her head back. We sit in silence for a good few minutes, before I dare myself to look at her again. "...I'm sorry."

"You need to calm down." She tells me, gently and I nod in response. "What's the need to stress? Hey? I'm fine, baby's fine." She takes my hand, putting it on her bump. I suddenly feel a rippling sensation beneath my fingers, tearing my hand away and noticing Carla's shocked expression.

"What?" I stutter. "What was that? Carla? Are you ok?"

"Nick, Nick." She grabs my arm, excitedly, trying to calm me down. "It's the baby."

"What?" My breath catches in my throat, as she pulls my hand back beneath hers, feeling a very faint bubbling before it disappears momentarily. "Oh my God... Really?"

"Yeah." She nods, tears in her eyes as she smiles back at me. "Amazing?"

"But that isn't supposed to happen yet." I stress and she cups my face with her hands.

"Stop worrying." She whispers. "I'm nearly fifteen weeks, it's normal second time around."

"You're sure?" I check, feeling it start up again. It was so faint, but it was there. "That's my baby?"

"That's your baby." She nods, biting her lip as she places her hand over mine. "Come here." She pulls me in, kissing me. "See, if that's not something to look towards, I don't know what is."

"I know." I whisper, trying not to cry. This was a moment I had dreamed about for years, that I had never got to experience and now I was experiencing it with a woman I loved more than anything. I had no reason to get angry, I was one of the lucky ones, I needed to accept that. "I can't believe that."

"See, there's nothing to be afraid of." She continues, and I gaze at her, lovingly. "If anything, I should be scared because I've got to push this thing out of me."

"You'll be amazing." I reassure her, kissing her forehead. "I'll be there to hold your hand, I promise."

"You might regret saying that." She smiles through tears and I shake my head. "Come here, I love you so much." She whispers, pulling me into a hug and relaxing as she feels my arms around her.

 **Carla**

"Lifesaver." I take the hot water bottle from him, placing it on my tummy and immediately feeling it soothe me.

"Shift up." He orders and I reluctantly sit up, allowing myself to lie back in his lap after he sits down. "What are we watching then?"

"About earlier..." I begin and I hear him exhale softly.

"Is that what the film is called?" He jokes, wrapping my hair around his fingers.

"You didn't give me a chance to tell you that I was actually really grateful." I tell him. "For what you said about... Being able to talk to you about the past."

"I'm sorry for flying off the handle." He sighs, stroking his fingers through my hair comfortingly. "I just... I don't know, I felt bad all of a sudden, and I felt like it was a stupid thing to say."

"It wasn't." I assure him, sitting up and turning to look at him. "Baby, it wasn't... I just get insecure about the whole thing, you know that."

"I know and we don't need to talk about it." He tells me, gently. "I just know... Things have been brought up today and I just wanted you to know that if it did bring anything back, I'm here. That's all."

"I guess I'm just not used to somebody caring so much." I smile. "And for the record... I'm glad I didn't top myself now... Both times."

"Yes well so am I." He responds, shivering slightly at the thought.

"...It was the toughest point in my life, that." I gradually open up to him. "But you know what got me through it? Talking. You should try it."

"You can't even compare these two scenarios. You've been through hell, this is just me being a bit pathetic." He mutters and I gaze at him, shaking my head. "Ok, I'm going to try... This." He picks a leaflet up, flicking through it briefly.

"Really?" My eyes widen, surprised at his change of heart.

"Yes, because I've never had a bigger reason to fight for than I have now." He murmurs, placing a hand on my tummy. "And if it could help, what's the harm in trying?"

"See, that's what I like to hear." I smile, moving in to kiss him. "Keep positive, nothing's going to go wrong."

* * *

 _ **Thank you again to all those reading!**_


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30:**

 **Carla**

"Nick?" I shout, as soon as I wake up. I was shivering but boiling hot at the same time. The door opens at the sound of my call and he sits down on the edge of the bed, observing me. "Help."

"What? What's wrong?" He frowns, placing a hand on my forehead. "Carla you're burning up."

"I feel awful." I mumble, pulling my hand out from under the covers, to notice it is shaking. "I need to be sick... Oh..." I try to stand up, feeling so weak at the thought and I practically collapse back on to the bed. Nick disappears, momentarily before returning with a bowl which I immediately vomit in to, gagging at the vile taste. "Oh my God..."

"Ok." He rubs my back, brushing the hair out of my face and loosely tying it up in a bobble, which, with practice he was getting better at. "Carla you're boiling."

"I'm freezing." I murmur, pulling a face at the liquid in the bowl and hold it away from me, wincing at the smell. "I am so sorry."

"Don't be silly." He takes the bowl from me, trying not to grimace at it. "Finished?"

"I don't know." I groan, putting my head in my hands.

"Get back in to bed." He tells me, pulling the covers back to climb in.

"Nick I think I'm dying." I stress and he laughs slightly.

"Right hold on, let me just get rid of this." He pats my shoulder before leaving and I soon hear the toilet flush, followed by the running of the tap. How did he manage to be so perfect? I'm pretty sure there weren't many men on this planet who would be so forgiving and caring. "Here." He puts the bowl back down on the side as he returns.

"Oh..." I remember suddenly, glancing at the calendar on the wall. "London... I need to pack."

"No you don't." He shakes his head, pulling the covers back over me. "I've done it and besides, I don't think we'll be going to London if you're in this state."

"Oh please?" I beg him.

"Carla." He stops me. "You can't even get out of bed... My birthday isn't as important as your health, trust me."

"Oh no." I freeze suddenly, slamming my head down in to the pillow. "Happy birthday..."

"Thanks." He nods, smiling down at me as if he didn't care in the slightest.

"I am so sorry." I sigh. "One day I'll actually remember."

"It's an improvement on last time." He points out and I cover my face with my hand. I didn't dare look in the mirror at how disgusting I looked, I dreaded to think. My body was completely soaked with sweat and my pyjama top clung to me because of it.

"There's a..." I point to the corner of the room, too tired to even finish the sentence and he glances over to where I've put a present on the floor.

"Babe, do you think we should go to the doctors?" He suggests.

"I don't think I'd make it to the doctors." I shiver and he looks at me worriedly. "Open your present." I tell him and he sighs, reluctantly getting up and collecting it, coming back over to me.

"I thought you said you hadn't got me anything?" He reminds me, carefully opening the wrapping paper.

"Yeah well I managed to pop into the precinct yesterday." I smile as he pulls the present out of it. It was a mug with the sonogram photo and the words 'daddy's mug' on it. I giggle slightly at his expression and he smiles back at me. "I promise you I'll buy you something more expensive, take you out somewhere... I was going to take you for a meal in London tonight."

"You're not going anywhere." He tells me, putting the mug down. "Apart from this bed... And thank you, the present is really sweet."

"Mm." I mumble, pulling the duvet covers over my head and feeling bad for ruining our plans yet again. "Make me feel better, please."

"What medicines can you have?" He gets his phone out, searching online.

"I want all of the medicines." I tell him, cutely and his eyes gaze at me momentarily over his phone.

"Which of these; nausea and vomiting? Headache? Heartburn? Fever?" He recites. "Stomach ache?"

"All of the above." I stop him, because the conversation was making me feel worse. "Can't I have an aspirin?"

"No." He reads from his phone. "Can be harmful, not risking it. Besides that's not gonna do wonders for your sickness, is it?"

"Ugh..." I groan, rolling on to my back and staring at the ceiling. The bright light hurts my eyes. "I literally don't think I've ever felt this bad in my entire life. This is worse than when I woke up after having smoke inhalation. Seriously."

"Ok." He tries to calm me down, placing a hand back on my forehead. "I'm gonna go and get a thermometer, alright?"

"Oh yes because that's going to make everything better." I reply, sarcastically before rolling my head to look at him. "Sorry."

"One moment." He assures me, before getting up and leaving. I woozily reach for the glass of water on the bedside table, taking a careful sip of it and sinking back into bed. "Do you reckon I should phone the midwife and ask what the best things you can take are?" He asks, staring down at the thermometer and sitting down next to me, indicating for me to open my mouth.

"I feel like I'm five years old." I try to say, whilst my mouth is open.

"Shut your gob for two seconds." He teases me and I glare at him, hearing the thermometer beep.

"Hey, does it say I'm cured?" I raise my eyebrows, my tummy lurching suddenly and I try to fight it off. "Bowl, bowl." He passes it to me obediently and I force myself up as he winces at me.

"You've got a temperature." He puts the thermometer down.

"No, really?" I snap, but it doesn't seem to phase him, he just continues to rub my back in circular motions. "Isn't this just the best birthday you've ever had?"

"Oh will you be quiet?" Nick laughs, planting a kiss into my hair. "Mouthing off isn't going to help anything." I place a hand on my tummy as it begins to cramp and I throw my head back on to the pillow, taking care not to slosh the liquid all over the bed. "Give that here."

"You do know you deserve a medal?" I call after him.

"Yep." He replies, as I hear the toilet flush again. It was a good job I trusted him, because had this been anybody else I'd never be able to face them again.

 **Nick**

"Right." I enter the bedroom, dumping a bag on the floor and noticing the TV is on, playing some gardening show that Carla wasn't even watching. "Are you asleep?" I ask, because she was completely encased by the duvet.

"I wish I was." I hear a mumble and I move the covers back slightly, so her head comes in to view.

"Paracetamol?" I hold up the box I had just bought from Dev's.

"And you're sure this is alright to take?" She murmurs, sitting up against the pillows and holding her hand out.

"I called the midwife." I confess and she gives me a look. "Carla, I don't want to take any risks! She was lovely about it anyway, said you should keep drinking lots of water and there's no need to go to the doctor unless you feel concerned about anything, or it continues for more than two days."

"That's too much information to take in right now, so I'll just trust you." She sighs, downing the tablets with her glass of water.

"I've got some of your favourite snacks." I point to the bag on the floor and she looks at me appreciatively.

"I'm not hungry, but thank you." She smiles and I nod, understandingly.

"Make sure you eat something today though." I remind her.

"It's New Years Eve..." She trails off, disappointed. "We could have watched the fireworks, this is all my fault."

"You don't like fireworks." I remind her. "You say they're overrated."

"...Yeah but still." She shrugs, pulling back the covers on the other side of the bed. "Come here." I stand up, going round to the other side of the bed and climbing into it. I hold out an arm and she wriggles into my chest, I can feel how warm she is from beneath me.

"You're really sweating." I mention.

"Yes thank you for pointing that out." She mutters, and I gently brush the hair out of her face. "You know you can go down the pub with David or something if you want? It is your birthday, you don't have to stay here if you want to go and enjoy yourself."

"No thanks." I dread the thought. "I'd much rather be cleaning up your sick than playing darts with my family."

"You love David." She sighs, poking me in the chest weakly.

"Yeah but it doesn't mean I want to spend time with him." I reply and she smiles slightly. "It's not even an important birthday anyway."

"Enjoy it while it last." She murmurs into my chest. "I wish I was still thirty eight."

"You make it sound like you're an OAP." I nudge her and she just grunts in response, her eyes closing momentarily.

"I'm cold." She tells me and I wrap my arms around her tighter.

"You're boiling hot." I correct her. "You're not right, are you?"

"I thought we gathered that a long time ago." She mumbles, jokily and I smile, placing a kiss onto her burning forehead.

"What's this, anyway?" I indicate to the television.

"I don't know." She responds, quietly. "It just came on, couldn't be bothered to change it... Mm." She groans, putting a hand on her tummy and shifting uncomfortably. "Stop..."

"Cramps?" I guess and she nods. "I'd get you a hot water bottle but I don't think you need one sweetheart."

"Thank you for being so nice to me." She mumbles and I chuckle into her hair.

"Don't be silly." I nudge her gently, putting a hand over hers. "What am I here for? Hey?"

 **Carla**

"We've literally had that up for two weeks." I tell Nick, watching him dismantle the tree from the sofa and chewing on a piece of gum that supposedly stopped nausea. It was helping though, so that was something. I was feeling a bit better now I'd slept and taken some more medication, and had managed to get downstairs.

"Yeah well we're not gonna have much other time to do it, are we?" He points out.

"Did you manage to get a refund on the hotel?" I suddenly think and he shakes his head.

"There'd be no point in even asking babe." He tells me.

"Have we got any rice cakes?" I ponder and he laughs at my sudden subject change, going in to the kitchen and handing me a packet.

"Are you hungry now?" He guesses, glancing at the clock. I had hardly eaten anything all day and it was clearly worrying him. "I can cook something or order takeaway?"

"I'll just throw it back up again." I sigh, although the idea did seem tempting. "That's why I'm eating these because they're dry. Have you told anybody we're not in London?"

"No, I probably should have actually." He contemplates.

"How much did the hotel cost?" I continue, as he takes the last bauble off the tree.

"I'm not telling you." He smiles.

"Was it a really posh one?" I ask, wanting to imagine it as if we were there. "Let me phone them up, they'll give us a refund then."

"You're not phoning anybody up, especially while you're being a sarcy cow." He insists and I frown at him.

"Hey!" I object and he laughs, coming to sit down next to me.

"Do you want me to run you a bath?" He asks and I roll my head on to his shoulder, as he raises his hand to my forehead. "Let me check your temperature again."

"I love you." I murmur, amazed at how caring he was being. Well, I wasn't, this was Nick Tilsley, I'd learnt this by now. Not that I deserved it in the slightest.

"Open." He taps my chin, gently and I roll my eyes, opening my mouth, waiting until I hear it beep. "Hey, it's going down."

"Yeah thanks to the medication." I sigh and he wraps his arm around me. "So what are we going to do tonight? Just sit on the sofa as the clock counts down?"

"Sounds good to me." Nick shrugs.

"Can't we go out?" I ask him, leaning off his shoulder.

"Carla, you're not well." He replies.

"I feel a bit better now." I beg him. "Please? I want to go out and celebrate your birthday!"

"Is my company not good enough?" He questions and I raise my eyebrows at him.

"Your company is more than good enough but it's this house; I'm sick of the sight of it... Literally." I drone and he studies me for a moment. "Please? Come on you know you can't resist this face?"

"No, I can't." He laughs, as I turn his head to face me. "Are you absolutely sure you feel up to it?"

"Yes." I nod, confidently, despite the fact I would probably feel awful as soon as the medication wore off again. "Does that mean we can?"

"Just to the Bistro though." He sighs, giving in.

"Yay!" I cheer, straddling myself over his lap and kissing him repeatedly.

"Ok, ok." He tries to fend me off, laughing. "I don't want your germs, thank you."

"Hey." I lean back, grabbing his hands and linking our fingers so he could balance me on his knees.

"You do seem a lot better." He observes, kissing one of my hands. "Go and get dressed then."

"Mm." I smile, kissing him again and heading upstairs.

 **Nick**

"You're taking a while." I enter the bedroom, knocking for no reason, and noticing her lying in a ball on the bed, a pile of clothes on the floor. "Hey, what's up?"

"I have no clothes." She mumbles, into the bedsheets and I frown, glancing at her wardrobe.

"I beg to differ." I point to it. "I was the one that had to unpack them all when we moved from Devon."

"No, no jeans fit me." She sighs, staring past me at the wall.

"You've got your maternity ones?" I remind her and she shakes her head.

"The zip has broken." She tells me, pointing to where they lay in a heap on the floor. "Too fat even for maternity clothes. You know, I didn't have to even start wearing those until about twenty weeks last time."

"Here." I smile, getting up and opening my wardrobe, chucking a present on to the bed.

"What's this?" She sits up, reluctantly.

"Early birthday present." I sit down next to her.

"Nick, it's your birthday not mine." She sighs, unwrapping it all the same. "I'm sure it doesn't feel like it to you though."

"Like them?" I ask as she pulls the pair of jeans out of the packaging, holding them up.

"How do you even know what to buy me?" She stares at me in disbelief. "Yes I love them, thank you."

"I had to get the woman in the shop to help me out with the sizing because I didn't know what any of these numbers meant." I point to the maternity label and she smiles, appreciatively.

"They should clone you." She tells me, abruptly and I laugh. "Thank you, I love them."

"Good, now get changed if you want to go out." I check my watch. "It's half nine already."

"It's not!" She pulls my wrist towards her, her eyes widening when she sees the time. She suddenly pulls her pyjama top over her head, not caring in the slightest that I was sat here and I promptly get up, closing the door behind me. As much as I'd have liked to stay.

 **Carla**

"Aren't you two supposed to be in London?" Michelle frowns as we walk through the door of the Bistro, lowering the glass of champagne she was holding.

"This one wasn't very well." Nick nudges me and I rest my head on his shoulder, realising how good his aftershave smelt.

"She looks alright to me." Michelle observes me, handing Nick a glass of champagne and me a glass of orange juice. I can see Nick is about to put it down again, so I take it from him, raising it to his lips and he splutters slightly.

"Carla!" He grabs me, spinning me around and our gaze suddenly meets. Oh wow, I was so in love. A rush of butterflies cascades down my spine and I stare back at him.

"Ok, love birds!" Michelle calls and we snap out of our trance before we can even kiss. "Save it for the countdown."

"Hey, I thought you were away?" David tugs on his sleeve, pulling him away from me. "Happy birthday bro. Was that just the excuse?"

"No, we were going to go away." Nick tells him. "Couldn't make it."

"Blame me." I raise my hand.

"What are you doing here?" I hear Kate's excited voice and spin around.

"Ooh I feel famous." I hug her, before holding her at arms length. "Right, missy, we need a catch up. I haven't had chance in ages." I kiss Nick briefly. "Don't miss me too much."

"I'll try." He smiles as I drag Kate off towards a table.

"You two." Kate sighs, as we sit down. "You're like a couple of teenagers."

"Yeah I know." I take a slice of cake off one of the nearby platters and bite into it eagerly. "And I love it. So anyway, speaking of teenagers. What's the score?"

"I don't know, I don't follow football." She shrugs and I narrow my eyes at her.

"You know what I mean." I prompt her, taking her hand over the table. "Spill?"

"There's nothing to spill. I broke it off." She confesses. "And I'm trying to avoid her as much as possible because I'm still madly in love with her."

"Love?" I raise my eyebrows.

"I don't know..." She trails off, glancing at me.

"Have you broken it off?" I urge her, desperate for the truth so I can try to help. "Kate?"

"Well I tried to." She lowers her voice and I sigh. "This isn't fair on me, Carla. Or Zeedan. I've told her she needs to choose, I'm not playing second fiddle to someone."

"You deserve a lot better." I nod, taking another piece of cake and she watches as I start eating through it. "I haven't eaten all day, I've been ill."

"You don't look ill." She frowns.

"The wonders of medication." I tell her. "So, you said you'd tried to break it off? 'Tried' meaning what, exactly?" She looks at me awkwardly, beginning to look upset at the idea. "Kate, are you two having an affair?"

"...I." She starts. "I hate myself for it, I really do... I feel so dirty and guilty."

"I know." I whisper, squeezing her hand. "Except the thing is, you want to be with her."

"I think I'm in love with her." She says, quietly. "I don't want to be."

She suddenly looks up and I turn to see where the Bistro door has swung open, Rana and Zeedan entering. I see them making eye contact, before attracting Kate's attention again, forcing her to look away.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" I ask and she shakes her head quickly.

"It'll make it worse." She tells me.

"Kate, she can't keep messing you around." I reply, protectively. "You're my little sister; I don't want anything or anybody to hurt you. I wasn't there for you after your mum, or whilst you were growing up... Not that we were to know."

"You could slap her if you want." She pauses.

"Don't tempt me." I laugh slightly. "You say the word and I will."

"What good would that do?" She sighs, folding her arms. "I should have stuck with Caz."

"Caz was a psycho." I remind her and she nods in agreement. "No, you're not dating psycho's thank you."

"I won't be dating anybody at this rate." She points out. "I'll be stuck lusting after somebody I can't have, forever."

"Ah I've been there." I think back to Liam. "Trust me."

"Yeah?" She frowns and I forget that she hardly knows anything about my past. I glance over to where Nick is laughing with David, Dev and Steve, looking back at her.

"You must know about me and Liam?" I lower my voice.

"Liam as in, our cousin Liam?" She guesses and my stomach sickens at the thought. Oh God, that made my skin crawl.

"Yeah..." I mutter. "Except I didn't know he was my cousin, did I?" I hesitate, suddenly realising how awful it sounded. "Doesn't matter, actually."

"No, Carla." She begs me. "I know you were married to Paul."

"Yeah... Oh God..." I force myself to look at her, suddenly embarrassed. "Me and Liam had an affair."

"Oh." She replies, bluntly. "...I used a bad choice of words, didn't I?"

"That's not your fault." I mutter. "Anyway, that aside... He was married to Maria and it's basically the same story as you and Rana. Except it ended badly for him... The night he died, he asked me to run away with him. If I had, well, I wouldn't be here now let's just say that."

"And you wish you had?" She looks at me, as if this was the penultimate answer.

"If you'd have asked me that six, seven, eight years ago, the answer would have been of course." I answer her honestly. "But now? Kate I feel like the luckiest person alive, I've never, ever felt like somebody the way I feel about Nick... I'd never have found you, or Aidan or Johnny. So, everything happens for a reason, I suppose. Don't tell Michelle I said that though."

"So I should move on?" She tries to gather from my little story.

"That's not my call, sweetheart." I smile. "I wish I could make this easier for you, but that's your decision to make. But whatever you do, I promise no matter what I will back you. I promise."

* * *

"Hey." I feel Nick's hands on my shoulders, a kiss being placed on the top of my head. "Are you the one eating all my free cake?"

"No." I lie, turning to look at him as he leans down to kiss me. "I don't know who that could be."

"Yeah right." Kate scoffs, grassing me up. "It's no wonder that baby is growing so quickly."

"Shh." I hiss, winking at her.

"I can get Robert to make you something if you want?" He offers as Kate stands up, prompting me to follow suit.

"Food finished ages ago." I remind him.

"Yeah but I can make an exception for you." He tells me. "There's some sandwiches in the kitchen anyway, if you want some?"

"What sandwiches?" I narrow my eyes.

"I'll go and get them." He taps my bum lightly before walking off and I turn back to Kate.

"Hey you, I want to see you smiling." I nudge her and she forces a smile. "You've got your whole life ahead of you, it's exciting."

"And who am I gonna kiss on New Year?" She points out.

"This time last year I was kissing a teddy bear goodnight." I whisper, opening up to her. "Things don't change, but they can get better. Remember that."

"Love you." She smiles, holding her arms out and I hug her tightly. "I'm so glad you're happy now."

"I'm a bit drunk but I love you both." Michelle suddenly wraps her arms around the pair of us, sloshing champagne over my shoulder.

"Chelle!" I scold her, kissing her on the cheek. "What's the time?"

"I don't even know." She pulls her phone out, staring down at it before I sigh, taking it off her.

"Oh gosh, we've got five minutes." I hand it back to her, searching for Nick.

"I'm gonna go and find dad." Kate tells us, flashing me an appreciative smile.

"Hey you." Michelle pats my shoulder, turning to face me. "You... Are my favourite."

"Thank you." I nod, my eyes widening. "I'm not too sure what that means."

"I am so proud of you." Her face goes serious. "For picking yourself up after everything, you are amazing, honestly."

"Chelle you're gonna make me cry in a minute." I warn her, pulling her into a hug. "Come here you drunken mess... Tough year for us, isn't it?"

"Do you think they're playing together in the sky?" She points at the ceiling, tears forming in her eyes and I nod, fighting back tears.

"Yeah." I whisper, kissing her forehead. "I do."

"Michelle?" Robert calls over to her and she squeezes my hand before tottering back over. Nick appears behind me, noticing my expression and puts the tray he is holding down, wrapping his arms around me.

"I love you." He whispers. "Everything that's happened over this past year, it's made us stronger, together."

"Countdown!" Michelle shouts from over the bar, but I don't move my gaze from him, swaying in his arms.

"Like I said to Kate, this time last year I had nothing." I murmur as there is a sudden chorus of numbers around us. "How things can change, hey?"

"I promise you, nothing is going to hurt you again." He assures me. "This next year, is gonna be the best year of our lives."

"You think?" I ask, believing it as he says it.

"I know." He smiles, as everybody around us reaches number one and he pulls me in, kissing me so softly, so gently, so lovingly. "Happy new year."

* * *

 _ **I'm worried I'm uploading chapters too quickly so I've held back a few of them, let me know if you want more:) x**_


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31:**

 **Nick**

"Happy birthday." I place a tray on the bed and Carla's eyes flutter open. "Oh sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't." She mumbles, sitting herself up and adjusting her vision, staring at the tray of breakfast I had put down in front of her. "...Nick, that's so sweet."

"I didn't know what you'd want, so." I indicate to the tray. "I just made you everything."

"This is the comparison between us; you make me breakfast in bed on my birthday and I throw up into a bowl on yours." She groans, looking at me apologetically. "Thank you... This is very thoughtful."

"That's ok." I smile, sitting down on the bed as she pulls the tray towards her. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Better, thank you." She nods, breaking a piece of pancake off and popping it into her mouth. "How long have you been up?"

"An hour or so." I tell her. "So, any plans for today?"

"Michelle and Kate are desperate to go for lunch." She checks her phone, throwing it back down on the bed. "I've got the day off because we were still supposed to be in London so."

"That'll be nice?" I encourage her. "Girlie catch up."

"Never say that again." She looks confused at my language and I laugh. "It won't be about me anyway, it'll be about Michelle's wedding and Kate's love troubles."

"Oh so that's the problem; the spotlight won't be on you." I nudge her as she begins eating the berries out of the china pot on the tray.

"No." She smiles at the thought as I stand up, going over to the wardrobe and tipping a bag of presents out on to the bed. "Nick!"

"What?" I frown, as she stares at them, shocked.

"You spoil me far too much." She gapes at me. "This is why I'm so high maintenance."

"Oh no, don't you blame me for that one." I lean forward, kissing her gently. "Go on then."

"When did you even get the time to buy all these?" She sighs, clearly feeling bad as she picks a present up, pausing and looking at me. "Babe I feel awful."

"What, unwell?" I try to guess.

"No, I'm a really bad wife!" She exclaims.

"Carla, you're doing more than enough for me." I tell her, lifting her chin with my finger. "Now open your presents."

"I don't deserve you." She mutters to herself, tearing the wrapping paper off and finding the maternity top I had bought her. "Did you go clothes shopping?"

"Yes." I nod and she raises her eyebrows. "And it's an experience I have little motivation to do again."

"How do you know what I like to wear?" She narrows her eyes at me, looking pleasantly surprised at the garment.

"Uh, because I've put up with you for two and a half years." I remind her and her eyes widen at the thought.

"Two and a half years?" She questions and I can't deny I'm amazed myself at this. "Wow... And you're still sticking it out, I'm pretty sure that's a record."

"I don't know, Paul managed eight." I shrug and she pauses in thought. "Sorry."

"Don't be, I couldn't satisfy him." She replies, checking the label on the top. "Ooh expensive brand."

"Carla..." I trail off, suddenly worried about the present she picks up. "Um... About that one... Please don't shout at me."

"Why would I shout at you?" She lowers the present and I swallow.

"Don't open it actually." I try to take it out of her hands, immediately regretting my decision, but she holds on to it firmly. "This was a huge risk, and please don't be upset... I wanted to do something nice for you..."

"Nick, stop worrying." She starts to look panicked, opening the present slowly. She pulls the box out, opening it up and finding the locket inside. "That's beautiful, why are you stressing?"

"Open it." I dare to say and she looks at me, before hesitantly opening the locket up. Her eyes fall upon the picture of Lauren's footprints we had received from the hospital when I'd just arrived in Devon. She throws a hand to her mouth, bursting in to tears and my heart immediately beats faster. "I'm sorry..." I don't know how to react, she had only been awake ten minutes and already I'd made her cry.

"Nick..." She whispers, grazing her finger over the picture of the footprints I had got printed to fit inside it. "That's the most beautiful thing..."

"Really?" I suddenly ask, shocked and she looks at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry I went through your things... I just-"

"They're your things as well, you idiot." She laughs through tears and I relax slightly, as she pulls me in, kissing me so lovingly for a moment. "How did you even think about that?"

"I just thought... She'd be with you wherever you went." I mumble, terrified of upsetting her more. "If you want to wear it, I mean."

"Oh my..." She whispers, gazing down at the footprints. She kneels up, throwing her arms around my neck. "You silly beggar, don't get so panicked."

"Sorry." I reply, as she pulls away.

"That box belongs to you, not just me." She tells me.

"I got worried you'd be annoyed because I know how special it is to you and the fact I took them without asking." I babble on and she shakes her head at me, clasping it in her hand.

"You're so sweet." She tries to regain herself, holding it out. "Will you put it on for me?" I take it from her as she pulls her hair up, allowing me wrap it around her neck and clasp it at the back. "It's perfect, honestly, that's the most beautiful thing I've ever received... I can't believe you thought I'd be mad at you." She whispers, meeting my gaze. "Come here, thank you so much." She hugs me, grazing her fingers up and down my back.

* * *

"I'm closing early tonight." I announce to Kate and Michelle. "So you two make sure you have a good lunch, and don't bother coming back afterwards."

"Early being when, exactly?" Michelle narrows her eyes. "And why? Does Robert know about this?"

"Yes and he's fine about it." I nod, inputting table five's order into the till. "Don't worry, you'll be paid regardless."

"Hold on; so I'm going to be paid for sitting in a bar drinking cocktails?" Kate checks to see if I'm serious and I nod. "Well, you're a much better boss than my brother was."

"But I still don't understand." Michelle frowns.

"Uh, he's just given you the afternoon off; paid." Kate nudges her. "Don't complain."

"Yes and I've given Carla some money to spend on drinks so enjoy." I continue and Kate high fives Michelle. "Just don't let her eat too much because that's sort of what the whole early closure thing is in aid of."

"Maybe I should try men for a while." Kate ponders. "If they're all like this, rather than cause me agro all the time."

"They're not all like that." Michelle points out. "Carla had to wade through a sea of idiots to find him, trust me."

"She's feeling better then?" Kate guesses.

"Seems to be." I nod, going over to pour out some drinks. "I mean she's not too pleased about being a year older but I didn't imagine she would be dancing about it."

"It's a good job she can't drink." Michelle says. "Mind you, I'm quite put off the idea after New Years."

"You were wasted." Kate nods, taking the tray of drinks from me and heading off towards a table.

"I'm leaving you in charge of the pair of them." I tell Michelle and she laughs, rolling her eyes.

"Big responsibility then." She nods as the door swings open.

"Hi." Carla leans up against the bar, looking at me before her gaze darts to Michelle. "And hi. You ready?"

"You get yourselves off." I smile, as Kate returns, undoing her apron.

"Hold on, I just need to get changed." Kate picks her bag up from behind the bar, heading towards the toilets.

"Happy birthday." Michelle kisses Carla on the cheek.

"I like your top." I point out and Carla flashes me a sarcastic smile.

"Thanks I got it myself." She teases me and Michelle admires it. "Hasn't he got good taste?"

"You bought her that?" Michelle's eyes widen. "Wow, I am impressed."

"Weatherfield's new fashion designer, aren't ya?" Carla winks at me and I shake my head at her. "Oh come on Kate, I want one of those fake cocktail things."

"So what else did he get you?" Michelle guesses there is more.

"Too much." Carla gazes at me, before hesitantly pointing to the necklace around her neck. "This..."

"Oh that's gorgeous." She gently takes it in her fingers and Carla sighs, opening it up because Michelle knew pretty much everything anyway. "Oh... Are they?"

"Mm." Carla nods, watching as Michelle's eyes mist over.

"Nick..." Michelle sounds almost as touched as Carla did and I smile slightly as Michelle fans her face to stop herself from crying. "Oh my God... That's actually got to me. I can't imagine what you were like."

"You don't want to." Carla closes it, carefully. "I was a complete mess, way to start my birthday, hey."

"Well I hope you got serious points for that." Michelle turns to me and I smile at Carla, as Kate emerges from the toilet, observing the scene in front of her.

"Uh, what's going on here?" Kate frowns, concerned that the pair of them looked so emotional. "This is supposed to be a happy day?"

"Oh come on." Michelle runs around the bar, linking her arm with Kate's. "I need a drink."

"Wish me luck." Carla whispers and I kiss her over the bar. "See you later. Love you."

"Love you." I smile, as she turns to follow them out of the Bistro.

 **Carla**

"Nick tells us you're paying." Kate nudges me as we enter the bar, sitting down on the posh looking stools.

"More like he's paying." I get my purse out, flashing the notes he had given me much to my objection. "Even though I tried everything to stop him."

"Oh yeah right." Michelle scoffs.

"You make me sound like a right spoilt brat." I retort, handing the menus to them. "He wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Can we just skip lunch?" Kate observes the menu. "Just stick to cocktails?"

"Suits me, I'm full anyway." I shrug. "Nick made me breakfast in bed."

"Oh this just gets better." Michelle exclaims, looking at me enviously.

"Show off." Kate rolls her eyes and I tickle her as she bursts out laughing.

"Hi ladies, what can I get you?" A bar man appears and Michelle's eyes twinkle as soon as she sees him.

"Something very alcoholic." Michelle tells him and Kate nods. I sigh, knowing this 'lunch date' was going to end with me feeling too sober and having to carry them home.

"I'm sure I can knock you something up." He smiles at the pair of them, and Michelle giggles at this, before he turns to me. "And for you?"

"Something very not alcoholic." I drone, throwing the menu down. "Unfortunately."

"Car, if you don't want us to drink?" Michelle suddenly realises.

"Don't be silly!" I object. "No, you'll have as many as you want and as alcoholic as you want."

"You're sure?" Kate checks and I nod, confidently as the barman goes off to find the ingredients for these surprise recipes. "This is dead posh."

"Isn't this the place we came on your hen night?" Michelle frowns, scanning the room.

"Which one?" Kate laughs and I shoot her a look.

"No that's up the street and we will not be going there." I pull a face at the thought, not wanting to go into anymore depth about that night. Because I knew exactly what had crossed Michelle's mind and now wasn't the time to reminisce about Liam's death.

"Your drinks." The barman places two glasses down in front of Kate and Michelle, before putting mine on the bar. "And for you."

"And this has got no alcohol in it?" I double check.

"No alcohol." He confirms in a foreign accent and I take a sip, feeling refreshed by the fact it wasn't sparkling water yet again.

"That's actually really good." I approve, looking across at Kate and Michelle. "Hey maybe I'll become teetotal permanently."

"Yeah right." Kate nudges me. "See how long that lasts, you'll be having a glass of wine as soon as you pop that one out."

"Not if she's breastfeeding she won't." Michelle warns me and I groan.

"You're kidding me?" I sigh, remembering reading something about that.

"Well no, you can have like one drink a week or something." Michelle shrugs. "I mean, you can do anything it's up to you how serious you take it all."

"I'm not running any risks." I reply. "As much as I'd like to."

"Wasn't so much of a problem for me, considering I couldn't even get served for the following three years after giving birth." Michelle contemplates.

"Now that is weird." Kate points at her, chewing on her straw; something we both had in common. "You could have a baby but not drink alcohol."

"Well, we did anyway from about the age of thirteen." I point out. "All thanks to my beloved mother and her stash."

"All thanks to the fact they never ID'd you in the offie." She corrects me.

"They never ID'd me anywhere." I laugh at the thought. "They were too scared to."

"I missed out on all this fun." Kate chimes in, sipping her drink eagerly. "By the time I'd reached your age you'd both run off to start a new life elsewhere. I would have only been, what? Two, three when Ryan was born. I can't even remember."

"Well that makes me feel old." Michelle drones, staring at me and I pull a face at her. "You're about the same as as Ry then, that never even occurred to me."

"This is too deep for me even to think about right now." I reply; the family tree had already complicated me enough without having to bring more people into the equation and my forth third birthday wasn't the day I wanted to do so. "Cheers."

"Yeah cheers, happy birthday Car." Michelle holds her glass up and Kate joins in.

* * *

"So you proposed to Nick, you proposed to Peter _and_ you proposed to Tony?" Kate calculates, leaning over the table and slurring her words. "Go feminism."

"Yes, thank you." I roll my eyes and Michelle bursts out laughing again, holding her glass tightly within her grip. "Well it worked didn't it? None of them said no."

"Yeah because they wouldn't dare." Michelle teases me and I sit back in my chair, trying not to feel like the overweight, sober, boring member of the group but failing miserably. I get my phone out, noticing I have a message from Nick and open it eagerly.

 _Text Message:_

 _From: Nicky_

 _Bistro tonight at 7? Have a good time, I love you xxx_

I can't help smiling down at my phone and Kate immediately notices, kicking me gently from underneath the table

"Three guesses for who that might be." Kate rests her head on Michelle's shoulder and I shake my head at them. "Look how much she's smiling."

"Stop it!" I exclaim. "You two winding me up is what's making me smile."

"You always smile at your phone when Nick texts you." Michelle tells me. "It's obvious."

"I don't always smile." I respond, irritated. "I don't smile when we've had an argument and he texts me."

"You do." Kate mutters, coughing slightly and I glare at them both, trying to hide the smile from my face as I type a reply.

 _Text Message:_

 _To: Nicky_

 _I want to come home now, I love you too xxx_

"...Are you alright?" Michelle finally asks me and I put my phone down, looking at her.

"Yeah, why?" I lie slightly.

"You seem a bit off." She narrows her eyes. "Is it because we were talking about the past?"

"No, of course not." I shrug her off, drumming my fingers on the table. "This was honestly lovely for you two to invite me out, I'm just being grumpy, sorry."

"Ah, you're entitled to be." Kate replies. "We can get off if you want?"

"I _am_ enjoying it." I insist, suddenly feeling bad. "I'd just prefer it if I could drink."

"It'll be worth it." Michelle squeezes my hand over the table. "Won't it?"

"I tell you what; you two better be on tap to babysit." I smile slightly and Kate nods eagerly.

"It's so exciting." Kate claps her hands. "I think I'm more excited than you."

"Bless Nick." I cant help smiling at the thought. "A week ago, the baby moved for the first time."

"Already?" Michelle's eyes widen.

"Yep, it was really faint and I haven't had anything since but apparently it's normal in second pregnancies or something." I shrug. "Anyway, he was completely amazed by it; it was the loveliest thing to see him smile in awe of what was going on. The fact I could make him look so happy and excited..."

"Did he cry?" Kate guesses and I nod, hesitant to reveal Nick's true colours to them. "I can't imagine Nick crying."

"Ah he's more sensitive than you think." I tell them. "Big softy really."

"I'm so happy for you." Michelle squeezes my hand, looking as if she's about to cry and I immediately stand up and hug her. The whole thing brought back memories for her as well and sometimes I selfishly forgot that. "You're finally in such a good place and that's all I ever wanted for you."

 **Nick**

I click the music on the stereo and lean back against the bar, admiring the work laid out on the table in front of me.

"How come is says you're closed-" The door swings open and Carla enters, her eyes immediately fall on the table in front of her. She turns her head to look at me, her expression melting suddenly. "Sweetheart..."

"Good lunch?" I ask.

"We didn't eat lunch, they just drank cocktails." She tells me. "Hence why I'm starving."

"Oh well that's good then because it's your favourite." I pull out a chair for her and she scans the Bistro, smiling at my efforts.

"Oh..." She sighs, coming over to me and wrapping her arms around my neck. "Stop doing nice things for me. Have you turned all your business away for this?"

"It's only a few hours." I assure her, stroking the hair back out of her face and she fixates her eyes on mine. "Happy birthday."

"I dread to think what you'll do on my fiftieth." She laughs, kissing me again before sitting down and I take the seat opposite her, holding up a bottle and pouring it into her wine glass. "Uh..."

"It's non-alcoholic." I show her the label. "See, zero percent."

"...Oh my God I love you." She suddenly blurts out, lifting her glass up and drinking it excitedly. "Why do we never buy this?"

"You know it's actually more expensive than real wine?" I check the label, trying to understand why. "And I had to search four shops for this."

"Am I not worth it?" She teases me, taking another sip before putting it down.

"Evidently, you are." I indicate to the empty Bistro and she studies me for a moment. "Besides, this is your last birthday where you won't have a child gatecrashing it so I wanted to make it special."

"Well you have." She nods, tucking in to her food. "You've made it more than special."

"So how come you texted me saying you wanted to come home?" I ask, concerned. "Did you not enjoy it?"

"No I did, but it basically consisted of Kate and Michelle getting drunk and dragging up the past." She sighs. "Not that I didn't expect that. I just felt a bit out of place I guess. They were lovely about it though, they could tell I wasn't in the best of moods, I felt bad in the end."

"It's understandable." I sympathise with her. "Not long now though and you'll be able to do it again."

"Probably getting too old for it now." She drones and I laugh. "I'll turn in to one of those mums that never goes out and sits at home every night watching reruns of Loose Women."

"I can literally never imagine that happening." I shake my head at her, amused. "You had some nice drinks though?"

"Yes, lots of non-alcoholic cocktails." She tells me. "I said to Kate and Michelle actually, maybe I'd get used to it and stay off the drink for good... The bar man was quite nice though."

"Oh was he?" I nod, hiding the hint of jealousy even though I knew she was winding me up. "Oh well in that case, off you go."

"No thanks I think I'll stay." She smiles, moving her gaze from her food to me. "I'm not gonna lose you again, no way."

"Do you remember the first night I closed this place for you?" I ask her and she blushes slightly at the thought.

"I remember thinking you were incredibly stupid for going to that effort for somebody who stole your credit card and shouted at you for weeks." She replies, pausing in thought. "But I guess that's also why I told you I loved you, because I realised how you genuinely felt about me, sticking it out and not walking away. Like I said, anybody else would have given up on me."

"I'm pretty glad I didn't now." I lower my voice slightly and I can see tears glistening in her eyes, which she fights away. "And then the second time was when I agreed to marry you."

"You glad you did that now and all?" She prompts me and I nod.

"Never made a better decision in my life." I confess. "Not the easiest decision, but the best."

"Hey!" She laughs, poking me in the arm. She puts her fork down, studying me for a moment, before pushing her chair back and coming over to kiss me. I move mine, holding my arms out and she sits down on my lap, trailing her finger over the crevices in my face. "Do you know how much I love you?"

"You've told me enough times." I smile, kissing her gently before pulling away. "I've booked a therapy session."

"Yeah?" She suddenly looks surprised. "When?"

"Two weeks time." I say quietly, linking our hands. "I don't know what I'm going to tell Robert though about taking time off."

"You don't need to tell Robert anything." She replies, bluntly. "It's your business."

"And his." I remind her.

"But mostly yours." She argues, meeting my gaze and biting her lip slightly. She opens her locket, looking down at Lauren's footprints inside and turning them to face me. "She, would be so proud of you for this. She couldn't have had a better dad, honestly I mean that."

"Don't make me cry, please." I force back tears and she smiles at me, resting her forehead against mine.

"You've made me cry enough today." She whispers and I run my fingers through her hair.

"You've got an excuse." I point out.

"Sometimes you don't need an excuse to be emotional." She shrugs, smiling slightly.

"Where on Earth has Carla Tilsley gone?" I suddenly tickle her, and she returns it, trying to fight me off.

"She's gone soft and it's all your fault." She teases me. "I mean I'm still a cow to everyone else, it's just your privilege, Nicholas, barriers have well and truly fallen down."

"Well I'm honoured." I nod, kissing her forehead. "I'm the one who survived cracking Carla Connor."

"Yeah so far." She playfully warns me. "You don't know what I've got up my sleeve for you." She notices my worried expression. "No, you've already passed your test, ten times over. I'll let you have a quiet life now."

"I don't think it's gonna be very quiet." I chuckle. "If the baby is as gobby as you."

"Poor you." She plays with the buttons on my shirt, before sinking her head into my chest as I wrap my arms around her. "Thank you so much for such a perfect day. I love you."

* * *

 _ **Thank you for your lovely reviews, I thought people might have stopped reading! Thanks again x**_


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32:**

 **Nick**

I am awoken by the sound of Carla stirring next to me. I sit up, checking my phone and realising it was two in the morning. She was sticky with sweat, shaking, her breathing was rapid.

"Carla?" I whisper, clicking the light on. I place a hand on her back and shake her gently. "Carla, wake up." I scoop my arm under her head, supporting it as I brush the wet hair off her forehead. I call her name a few more times before her eyes snap open, looking bewildered as her hand shoots down to her tummy, relaxing slightly when she feels the bump. "Hey, it was a dream." I whisper, rubbing my hand up and down her back soothingly. She hesitantly rolls over to face me, her breathing still shallow, her eyes scared. "It's ok."

"I lost it." She murmurs and I shake my head.

"Everything's fine." I reassure her, gently massaging her scalp and feeling her calm slightly at her words. "It was just a dream, everything is alright."

"...I'm so scared." Her words are breathy as she tries to stop herself from shaking. "I'm so scared."

"You've got nothing to be scared about." I promise her and she looks at me for guidance. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"...Would you still love me, if I lost it?" She asks and I crumble at this, carefully stroking the the silky skin on her forehead.

"Carla, I'm not going anywhere." I tell her, and she clutches on to the cotton of my t-shirt. "You're not going to lose it and you're not going to lose me, ever. Ok?"

* * *

"Babe you look absolutely shattered." I sigh, as Carla enters the kitchen, arms wrapped around herself. "Go back to bed."

"No." She shakes her head, coming over to me and I hold my arms out to her, allowing her to walk in to them. "Can't sleep anyway."

"Well you need rest." I sigh and she just shrugs.

"I feel sick all the time." She mutters, leaving my embrace and going over to the cupboard, pulling a packet of crackers out. "Surely this should end soon?"

"Have you actually been sick?" I ask.

"Yes, I'm always sick. I'm fed up of being sick. I hate it." She slams the packet of crackers down on the counter. "My tummy hurts and I feel miserable."

"That might have something to do with the lack of sleep last night." I begin and she turns her head to look at me.

"Oh will you shut up about sleep?" She snaps, before exhaling sharply, trying to regain herself.

"...Do you want to talk about what happened last night?" I dare to ask.

"No!" She shouts, storming out and I close my eyes momentarily, lowering the newspaper. I opt not to go after her, knowing I'd probably just anger her further. Instead, I go up the stairs, heading in to the bathroom and begin to run her a bath. It's not long before I turn to see her standing in the doorway, an apologetic look on her face.

"Bath?" I offer and she glances at it, before looking back at me.

"Sorry." She mutters, although she didn't seem to put much enthusiasm into it.

"You're forgiven." I kiss her quickly on the side of her head as I walk past her. "Enjoy."

* * *

"I've booked the scan." I hand Carla the piece of paper with the details on. "Two weeks on Thursday."

"You've got therapy today." She remembers, her tone still grumpy. "I forgot. Do you want me to come with you?"

"No thanks." I laugh, and she doesn't smile. "They'll end up sending you in and all at this rate."

"I'm fine." She mumbles. "Thanks for the bath."

"Feel any better?" I ask, even though it was a stupid question.

"Nope." She replies. "But I did while I was in it." Her expression suddenly changes and she puts a hand on her tummy. "Baby's moving."

"That's a good sign?" I prompt her, knowing she was probably still stressing about her dream last night. I place a hand over hers feeling the soft kicks that were gradually getting more predominant. "I still can't believe how amazing it feels."

"It's gonna be one fat baby." She rolls her eyes, leaning against the door frame. "Good luck to me getting this out."

"Smile." I practically sing and she tilts her head to the side, observing me as I take my hand away from her bump. "Right I'm gonna go in to work for a few hours before I have to go to the hospital."

"Are you going to bitch about me to your therapist?" Carla asks, as I clear the breakfast plates away.

"Bitch about you?" I raise my eyebrows. "I'm not a teenage girl. No, I'm not. Why would you think that?"

"Because I'm hardly a ray of sunshine at the moment." She points out, groaning slightly as the kicking starts up again. "Can I come to work with you?"

"Yay..." I trail off sarcastically and her eyes widen, as if I was testing her limits. "It's a public place, you can do what you like."

"I don't want to be sat around here doing nothing and I have nothing to do." She moans.

"Ok well pack your colouring book and crayons then, so you've got some entertainment whilst you're there." I wind her up and she tries to stop the small smile that appears on her face. "But be a bit happier please else I will have to bar you."

"Shut up." She shakes her head at me, still trying not to look amused and I kiss her quickly before heading towards the door.

* * *

"I didn't think you'd actually bring things to do." I point at the magazine she was circling products in. "I thought you'd just sit here drinking my profits and complaining."

"Do _you_ want to be pregnant?" She raises her head.

"If it stops you from being like this then yes, I would take that burden." I nod, looking down at the magazine and noticing the different baby accessories she was circling.

"Oh, hiya." Michelle greets us as she appears from the kitchen. "How long have you been here?"

"How long have you been in there?" Carla frowns. "Been having sex on the kitchen floor?"

"Shh." I hiss, glancing at the customers on the nearby tables who luckily hadn't heard.

"I've been sorting the delivery out!" Michelle exclaims, looking at me. "Well she's a bundle of joy."

"I can hear you." Carla snaps, not looking up from the magazine and I sigh, leaning against the bar and tapping my pen on the notepad. She winces at the sound, waiting a moment before snatching it off me. "Stop it."

"Flipping heck." Michelle's eyes widen, and Carla glares at her. "Uh, don't forget everything he did for your birthday, Mrs. Before you start being so nasty."

"That was three weeks ago." She points out, giving me the pen back reluctantly. "Since when were you two on a little team against me anyway?"

"We're on your side." I assure her. "Don't you worry."

"...Sorry." She mumbles after glancing at Michelle. "Can you get me some food please?"

"Yes, my sweetness." I say with a hint of sarcasm, passing her a menu. "What would you like?"

"Oh no." Michelle groans, staring at the door as it swings open and Leanne enters, pushchair in hand. I notice Carla glance at me; Leanne had been away for months, pretty much since we had returned, and I had started to think she might not be coming back at all. "What do you want?"

"Look I don't want any trouble." Leanne announces, coming over to us and looking at me expectantly. She couldn't have picked a worse trio to walk in on; Michelle was still raging at her over the Steve incident, Carla would probably bite her head off and I certainly had no desire to talk to her.

"Maybe you should try the Rovers then." Carla points towards the door.

"I don't see why you feel you have the moral high ground." Leanne warns her and I feel the need to separate them as soon as possible, knowing this wouldn't end well otherwise. "Didn't take you long to get her up the duff, did it?"

"Yeah well at least he's not getting other people's partners up the duff." Carla replies, aggressively and Leanne narrows her eyes at her.

"I'm surprised you can show your face around here after what you did." Leanne tells her.

"Oh yeah because you're the Virgin Mary, aren't you?" Carla scoffs. "We all know that."

"Carla." I warn her and Michelle puts a hand on her shoulder as I turn to look at Leanne. "What do you want?"

"I'm moving back, permanently." Leanne announces and Carla's face falls. "I'm staying with Eva for now but I'm hoping to find a flat within the next few weeks."

"With what money?" Michelle points out.

"Well that's exactly it; I'd like my old job back please." She says, in such a bitchy tone it really grinds on me.

"Well you can't, because it's Michelle's job now." I inform her. "So you'll have to look elsewhere."

"We need somebody to clean the bogs at the factory if you're interested?" Carla paints a sarcastic smile on her face.

"Well that's a shame." Leanne looks at Michelle. "Because Robert told me before I left that my job was safe here."

"You what?" Michelle lowers her voice.

"Signed a contract and all." She nods, producing it from her bag and handing it to me. "Here you go."

"Robert?" Michelle suddenly shouts in to the kitchen. "Get out here now."

"Ooh, we should sell popcorn here." Leanne leans over the counter, looking at Carla victoriously.

"What?" Robert frowns as he leaves the kitchen, his eyes immediately falling to Leanne. "Hello, I didn't realise you were back. Nice trip?"

"Why did you give me Leanne's job, when you told her that her job was safe?" Michelle snaps and Leanne beams at them, thoroughly enjoying the entertainment.

"Uh... Well there's room for you both here." Robert replies, awkwardly.

"No there's not." I tell him. "I've got enough staff here thank you, we don't need anymore."

"You don't even like her." Michelle points to Leanne, rudely.

"I haven't got a problem with her!" Robert objects and Michelle glares at him.

"Oh how childish." Leanne sighs, picking Oliver up out of the pushchair and I notice Michelle staring at him in a trance.

"Look, why don't we all just calm down?" I suggest.

"Oh I'm very calm." Leanne assures him, poking the contract on the bar. She turns back to tend to Oliver and Carla swiftly grabs the contract from the bar top, ripping it in to four. Leanne turns, noticing and staring at her for a moment as Michelle smiles at Carla's attempts. "Jealous, are you?"

"Sorry?" Carla laughs slightly.

"Worried that now I'm back he'll come running back to me?" She points at me, putting Oliver back in the pushchair once he has calmed.

"Not in the slightest, love." Carla responds, bluntly. "And you can dream on if you think that's going to happen."

"Can we not drag this up please?" I sigh.

"It wouldn't surprise me, I mean it didn't take him long after you left to beg for me back." Leanne tells her, bitterly and I glance at Carla, who now looks upset. "Straight in to bed, no regrets."

"Oh yeah because we all know that's what you're good at." Carla retorts, weaker than before.

"Begging me not to leave he was." Leanne continues, as if Carla's words hadn't phased her. "And he told me, and these were his exact words, actually-"

"Leanne." I try to stop her.

"'I've loved you since I was sixteen'." She recites, looking at me defiantly. "'You're my best friend, the love of my life'. That's what he told me, didn't you, Nick?"

Carla turns to look at me, fighting back tears as I avoid her gaze. She gets up, slowly before heading towards the door. Allowing it to swing shut behind her. Michelle glances at me awkwardly, before following after her.

"Thanks." I nod, anger brewing inside me. "I did nothing to hurt you; you told me you loved Peter. But that woman is my absolute world, I can't imagine life without her."

"That's sweet, but she was pushing my limits and I've had a lot of time to think." She replies, cockily.

"No, you're just sour because Peter chose your sister over you." I snap. "And now because you're alone all over again, you thought you'd try and ruin my life as well. Well it's not going to work Leanne, because no matter what happens I am not losing Carla. Not again."

 **Carla**

"Carla?" I can hear Michelle calling after me as I storm up the street, finally reaching the ginnel and collapsing against the wall. "Wow you can walk fast in those heels."

"Why?" I cry, trying to wipe away the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. "Why every time something is going well for me, does somebody have to come along and ruin everything."

"It's not ruined!" Michelle exclaims, coming around to face me and trying to meet my gaze. "It's Leanne shouting her mouth off because she's got nothing else to use."

"Oh he said it, Michelle." I tell her, knowing it was the truth. "I looked at him and I could tell. You know I thought the stuff Tracy said hurt but hearing it from her..."

"So what if he said it?" She sighs, trying to calm me down as I breathe through tears. "He's more than proved he loves you. He's married you, he's having a baby with you!"

"It hurts." I gasp, looking at her. "It hurts so much."

"I know it does darling but this is what she wants!" Michelle takes my hands, feeling how cold they are. "Come on, let's go back to my flat? It's freezing out here."

"I don't want to." I muffle, trying to stop myself from crying. "I want to be cold."

"It's not good for you." She begs me, putting her arm around me as I reluctantly follow her towards the flat.

 **Nick**

"Let her cool off." Robert suggests and I roll my eyes at him. "She'll be venting at Chelle there's no point in going after her."

"Wow, you slept with her once and suddenly you know all about her." I respond, viciously and he avoids my gaze, allowing an awkward silence to build around my sentence. "I love her."

"I know you do." Robert sighs. "And she loves you, anybody can see that... Did you mean the things you said to Leanne?"

"No, my head was a mess at the time... My head's always a mess. I was struggling to get over Carla. I don't know, maybe I did mean it in the moment but I definitely don't now." I confess. "You know I never thought she was that nasty, I actually thought she was a decent person."

"She is." Robert replies. "She's just bitter over Peter and you and the fact she's come back to find everyone ganging up against her."

"Why are you singing her praises?" I frown. "Your fiancée hates her."

"She doesn't hate her." Robert tries to object and I raise my eyebrows at him.

"She slept with her husband and had his baby without telling her." I remind him. "I wouldn't blame her."

"You were all for team Leanne when it happened." Robert points out and I have to mentally battle myself not to lash out at him.

"I'm supposed to be going to this meeting." I check my watch, changing the subject.

"What meeting?" Robert questions.

"...Suppliers." I lie, even though I knew he wouldn't buy it.

"Well I spoke to the suppliers yesterday." Robert informs me.

"Therapy." I sigh, giving up. "I'm supposed to be going to this therapist soon, my consultant recommended it."

"It's fine, Daniel is starting in five anyway." He checks the clock on the wall.

"I don't care about that." I tell him. "I don't want to go whilst Carla's upset."

"Oh Michelle's with her." He reminds me for what feels like the millionth time. "She won't let her throw herself off a cliff, don't worry."

"Oh yeah, that's hilarious that." I snap, before heading towards the door, slamming my hand down on it as it forcefully swings open.

 **Carla**

"Right." Michelle sighs as I sit down on the sofa, watching her put the kettle on. "Listen, darling I know you're emotional today-"

"This has got nothing to do with my hormones." I snap at her and she pauses, keeping her distance. "...I hadn't even thought about her coming back. I've been in blissful ignorance in her absence... Well, not quite blissful but still."

"Yeah and I'm not exactly buzzing about her being back either." Michelle reminds me. "Especially if she's going to be working at the Bistro."

"She won't be." I assure her. "Nick will sort that out... Unless he wants to work with her."

"What?" She frowns, before clocking on to what I meant. "Oh, Carla you're not thinking he's gonna go back to her?"

"Well it's like a game of tennis with us isn't it?" I place my hand on my tummy as the baby begins to move. "Back and forth, back and forth. Oh... Go to sleep."

"Huh?" She looks like she has completely lost me. "What are you going on about?"

"The baby." I sigh, closing my eyes momentarily.

"It's kicking?" Her eyes light up as if she's completely forgotten the topic at hand and she sits down next to me, putting her hand next to mine without even asking. "Ah, this is so exciting."

"At least it's healthy." I smile at her, squeezing her hand supportively. "Still sticking it out."

"Yes and it's going to stay that way." She reassures me. "As long as you calm yourself down and talk to Nick."

"He's got therapy this afternoon." I tell her. "I persuaded him to go to talk about his... Head and things."

"Well I bet Leanne's set him up brilliantly there." She drones. "He'll be skipping to that therapy session."

"I've loved you since I was sixteen." I repeat, pain in my voice. "So when he was telling me he wanted to marry me and have a future in Devon with me. He was still in love with her."

"No he wasn't, Carla." Michelle objects. "Come on, you know as well as I do men say more things they don't mean than things they do... I'm sure Peter was telling Leanne that once upon a time and then he proved he loved and wanted you."

"Yeah, by sleeping with the babysitter." I nod, annoyed that this had now been dragged up.

"Right so, you're telling me you don't still love Liam?" She suddenly asks me and I force myself to look at her. "Not in love with him but, sometimes when you've loved somebody feelings don't completely die. I love Robert but I'll never forget Dean."

"Yes but Liam and Dean are dead, Leanne isn't." I stop myself, seeing her expression. "I'm sorry... Chelle. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know." She smiles, trying not to cry and I immediately feel awful.

"Oh God..." I pull her into a hug. "I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Don't be silly." She sighs, as I release her. "...Look, Nick loves you so much Carla. He is the most kind, genuine, caring man I think I've ever met."

"Careful." I smile slightly and she rolls her eyes.

"He would literally lay down his life for you." She continues. "When you were in the hospital after the Bistro raid, he was going out of his mind with worry. He said he didn't know what he'd do if he lost you, he was willing to give up anything, even himself, to make sure you pulled through."

"Really?" I whisper, my heart skipping a beat.

"Yes, he didn't move from your bedside, telling you he loved you, talking about the future you were going to have, when you weren't even conscious. Telling himself you would pull through because you were strong enough, because he couldn't bear the thought of losing you." She assures me. "Now does that sound like something somebody does, if they have any doubts about who they're in love with?"

 **Nick**

"Nick?" A friendly looking man greets me, shaking my hand as I enter the room. "I didn't know if you were coming."

"I had some loose ends to tie up." I lie. Brilliant, the first sentence I say to my new therapist was a lie, this was getting off to a great start. "Sorry."

"No worries, take a seat." He points to the sofa, and I'm pleasantly surprised that the room is a lot less medicalised than I anticipated. I hadn't expected squashy sofas and coffee machines, and the casual atmosphere puts me at ease slightly.

"Thank you." I mumble.

"Tea? Coffee?" He offers and I shake my head, although my throat was dry. "So, I won't ask you to go from the beginning because that's one of the most daunting questions I could ask you. I've received some notes from your consultant so I know the details of your condition. So, tell me a bit about you?"

"About me?" I frown. Wow, this really wasn't the way Carla made out it would be. "What is this? A job interview?"

"Well the only things I know about you is what I've seen in your notes, and that's not what defines you." He tells me. "So... Who are you?"

"Uh..." I glance around the room awkwardly. "Well I own a restaurant. I live in a house near my business. I'm married and expecting a baby."

"Wife or husband?" He checks and I stare at him blankly for a moment.

"Wife." I emphasise, bluntly.

"Seems like a good set up." He assumes. "About to become a dad, owning your own business. First baby?"

"No..." I trail off, knowing this would be brought up sooner or later.

"Ah, lovely." He smiles, although surely for a therapist he could tell from my expression that the story wasn't as 'lovely' as it seemed. "Have you got a boy or a girl?"

"A baby girl." I swallow, scared to open up about it to anybody other than Carla. "...Except I never knew her. My wife; Carla gave birth to her at the end of 2016 and she died at birth... I wasn't there to know her, or even hold Carla's hand, hold her while she cried in the delivery room. She did it all by herself. I didn't even know she was pregnant until after Lauren died. It's my fault; stupidly trying to block everything out. I could have been there for her and I wasn't. I'll never stop feeling guilty for that."

"...I'm very sorry." His words break into my thoughts and I come to realise how much I have actually relayed to him. "So, you and your wife weren't together at this point in time?"

"We got married just before she moved away. She told me... That she'd had a drunken one night stand with my chef a few months before and she admitted it to me on our wedding day." I confess. "But I still wanted to marry her so much, deep down. My injury likes to take over you see; as soon as the vows were done and the reception was in full swing, that's when it started to kick in. Battling with my head which was telling me so many mixed emotions and messages, that I just flipped out and I couldn't do it. So she moved away, and I tried so hard to convince myself I was over her. I desperately needed somebody to cling on to so I went to my ex wife, begging her to stay, not because I wanted her to but because I needed some control, I needed something to stand for and something to try and stop me from thinking about Carla every single day. It didn't work, but it helped me think it did. Until I got a phone call from her, telling me she'd had my baby girl and I could come and see her if I wanted. It was only when I got there that I found out..." I pause, taking a deep breath and wanting to continue, because if I stopped now I wouldn't start again and it felt so good to let it all out. "It was the most heartbreaking thing; walking in to see your child that you didn't even realise you had, so perfect and so real... And Carla was just... Broken, I mean, I've seen her in self-destruct mode before but this... This wasn't even anger or self-pity or guilt. It wasn't anything but emptiness. She just seemed so empty and tired, like she had just given up on everything. I felt like all of that was because of me, that if I hadn't let her go it would never have happened. I realised how much I loved her, how much she meant to me. The only thing I wanted at that point in time was to see her happy again. I needed to make her feel loved and wanted, to do everything I should have been doing whilst I was wallowing back at home, whilst she was going through hell."

I finally finish and I look at him; his sympathetic expression, so full of knowledge and understanding. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, to actually summarise it for myself, if not for anybody else.

"And now?" He finally asks, his voice calm as he studies me.

"And now..." I think. "Now she's learnt how to smile again and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever known."

"So cherish it." He tells me. "Let yourself, let both of you be happy and don't let anybody else stand in the way of that."

* * *

I hear the door slam and immediately turn around, pushing the glass of wine I had been drinking to the side and immediately locking eyes with Carla.

"Thank God you're ok." I exhale, going over to her but keeping my distance. "Is your phone broken?"

"No... I left it in the Bistro I think." She checks her bag. "Sorry, I..." She pauses before smiling at me. She was smiling, why was she smiling?

"Look about what Leanne said." I begin and she takes my hand in hers, pulling herself closer to me.

"Nick I don't care." She whispers and I have difficulty concealing the confusion in my expression. "It doesn't matter, ok?"

"No, it does matter." I argue, gently. "Look, I was in a difficult place-"

"Nick." She laughs, covering my mouth with her hand before pulling me in to kiss her. "You don't need to explain yourself, I don't want to talk about it. I trust you with my life, and neither Leanne or Tracy or anybody for that matter, is going to ruin what we have got."

"What did Michelle say to you?" I raise my eyebrows at her before my face softens again. "Can I just say something?"

"What?" She links our fingers, staring up at me.

"I love you more than anybody else that I have ever been with and that's never going to change." I say, quietly. "All those things I said to Leanne and the things that happened whilst you were in Devon, were such a mess of emotions that I was trying to come to terms with whilst trying to get over you. I don't care whether she's a thousand miles away or next door, it's not going to make any difference about how I feel about you."

"Michelle told me what you were like in the hospital." She stares down at our hands.

"The hospital?" I repeat, trying to understand what she meant.

"When I fell out of the car." She reminds me and I feel sick at the thought. "And how worried you were, saying you didn't want to lose me."

"I was terrified." I nod, wondering why she was bringing this up. "I literally wouldn't leave you, I thought if I did something might happen and I honestly couldn't bear that."

"Nobody's ever cared that much about me." She doesn't remove her gaze from mine.

"Well I do." I promise her and she exhales softly, staring into my eyes before biting her lip and playing with my hands.

"So... You're not going to run off with Leanne then?" She smiles to herself, even though she knew the answer to my question. I gently place a finger under her chin, tilting her head to look at me.

"Stop." I whisper, which I know isn't what she expected to hear but she emits a small giggle from her lips all the same. The same one which gives me butterflies, from wine tasting, to the proposal, to now. "We have got such an amazing future together, and like you said, nothing and nobody is gonna ruin that."

* * *

 _ **Honestly thank you so much for all the lovely reviews the last few chapters. You're all so kind and I am so grateful, thank you x**_


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33:**

 **Carla**

"You're quiet." Johnny finally says, after watching me scribble down figures for the past twenty minutes. His gaze was quite off putting, but I had decided that letting him stare at me was an easier option to asking him why.

"Enjoy it while it lasts." I look up at him, brushing my hair out of my face. "Did you phone Matthew Singh?"

"Yeah I spoke to him this morning." He nods. "He's got a meeting with Aidan tomorrow afternoon."

"No need for us to be there then?" I check and he shakes his head. "Ah well I suppose they do get on well, wouldn't want to cramp his style."

"Where's Bethany this morning?" He checks her desk.

"She's coming in this afternoon while I go to the scan." I tell him. "I've given her the morning off... What are you doing anyway?"

"Reading." He looks at his computer and then back to me, as if weighing something up.

"Reading what?" I dare to ask.

"Did you know your baby's sense of hearing is developing and their skeleton is turning from rubbery cartilage to hardened bone?" He recites and I put my pen down, staring at him blankly.

"This is what you're doing with your time?" I raise my eyebrows. "Googling what's going on inside my body?"

"You may be feeling dizzy and unsteady on your feet." He continues. "So avoid climbing and wear low heeled shoes." He looks under the desk at my heeled boots.

"Do not mention this to Nick." I warn him, finding the information quite interesting all the same.

"Cravings..." He recalls. "Your cravings will probably be at their strongest point."

"Yep." I nod, taking a sip of my lemonade.

"However although cravings for fizzy drinks and sweets may be tempting, try to find alternatives." He glances at me and I push the can away hesitantly. "You may be experiencing leg cramps-"

"Everywhere cramps." I correct him.

"And dreams involving stuffed animals or dreams of a sexual nature..." He trails off.

"Ok you can stop now." I nod, as he scans the computer. "Johnny really, stop."

"Try doing the squeeze and lift technique." He continues, much to my annoyance. "Which can help tighten muscles around the-"

"Johnny I said stop!" I shout and he pulls a face at the computer, closing the tab down. "Oh it's loads of fun."

"So anyway, coffee?" He stands up, awkwardly.

"Can't drink coffee." I remind him, going back to doing my paperwork.

"Tea?" He corrects himself and I nod. It's not long after he's left until there's a quiet knock on the door and I look up with dismay to see Leanne stood outside the office. She doesn't wait for me to call her, opening the door shiftily and entering, hands clasped in front of her.

"What do you want?" I try to keep my tone reasonably calm.

"Back again." She smiles, awkwardly and I throw my pen down, putting my head in my hands briefly before forcing myself to look at her.

"I got excited, thought you'd disappeared back to Janice's again." I tell her.

"Well I did, to get my stuff and now I'm back..." She informs me and I sigh, folding my arms defensively.

"So what? You've come to tell me that you're back working at the Bistro? Or have you come to recite some more of Nick's love confessions?" I guess. "Because Leanne I am really tired and I don't have the energy to argue, so whatever you want to do or say just go ahead."

"I've actually come to apologise." She replies, quietly and the surprise reflects in my expression. "For how I acted the other week, I just got very defensive from the second I walked in and I shouldn't have said the things I said to you."

"...Really?" I frown, studying her apologetic expression.

"Look it's obvious Nick loves you and to be honest it was obvious whilst he was still with me." She shrugs. "I mean, we had far too many conversations about how happy you made him once upon a time and the box of your things under his bed not to realise that."

"The box of my things under his bed?" I repeat, having no recollection of this and she pauses before diverting the subject.

"Anyway, it was selfish of me to say what I did and I completely understand if you don't want me working at the Bistro." She finishes and I discreetly pinch my arm to see if I was dreaming, despite the fact it wasn't about stuffed animals or sex.

"Wow uh..." I stammer, trying to formulate a response. "Thank you... And for the record, I'm sorry as well. For making out you were a slapper, or whatever I was saying, I don't really remember."

"Thanks." She nods and we stand in awkward silence for a moment.

"And I mean the Bistro has nothing to do with me so that's not my call." I add, still dazed at what was going on. "Have you spoken to Nick?"

"No I literally just got back." She tells me. "I wanted to come here first... I hope things can maybe be civil?"

"Leanne I have no problem with you." I admit, sighing as my tummy starts to cramp. "I mean, I'll always back Michelle, but apart from that, I don't see any reason to dislike you. I had no right to act up the way I did, I guess I just got worried that you being back was going to affect Nick in any way."

"You've got no worries on that score, trust me." She holds her hands up. "Me and Nick; it's dead, buried, finished, for good this time."

"Yes well I hope so." I force a smile and she returns it, as Johnny barges back in to the office, nearly knocking her over.

"Careful Johnny!" I prompt him, pointing to Leanne as he places a mug down in front of me.

"What are you doing here?" Johnny asks in a warning tone.

"I was just going actually." Leanne mutters, heading towards the office door. "Uh, see you around I guess." She waves and I nod before she disappears.

"What did she want?" Johnny pesters me as soon as she door swings closed. I am about to open my mouth to make up some excuse before the door opens again and I get prepared to shout at one of the machinists, before turning my head to realise it is Nick.

"Was she causing trouble?" He points towards the door, clearly referring to Leanne.

"Surprisingly not." I reply as he hands me a Cornetto and I smile appreciatively, taking it from him.

"It's February." Johnny watches as I peel the paper off the ice cream.

"She was apologising to me." I ignore Johnny, and Nick looks surprised at my news.

"Apologising?" He repeats as I lick the ice cream tentatively.

"Yeah, completely out of the blue." I shrug. "She's been to get her stuff from Janice's and now she's back for good apparently. She said she wanted to stop off here first and say sorry for what she said the other week... Oh and she mentioned something about a box of my things under your bed?"

"Well that's good?" Nick coughs, avoiding the last question and I smile slightly.

"She's probably up to something." Johnny grumbles.

"Or, she could just be sorry." Nick suggests, vying for the more positive option.

"Or she wants her job back." I point out, glancing at Nick expectantly.

"Yeah, what do you want me to do about that?" He asks.

"That, sweetheart, as I told your ex wife, has nothing to do with me." I reply, crunching the cone loudly and he winces at the noise. "So you'd be better off asking Michelle. I don't care either way."

"How's the ice cream I had to travel all the way to Freshcos to get you?" He points out and I pause, feeling bad.

"Didn't they have them at Dev's?" I question.

"Like Johnny said; it's February, nowhere sells them." He informs me. "So I got one of them multipacks from Freshco's and did a food shop whilst I was at it."

"Ooh did you get cheese and onion crisps?" I check and he nods, gazing at me lovingly for some reason. "And that cereal with the chocolate bits in?"

"Yes, don't worry." He assures me.

"And lemonade?" I add and he rolls his eyes.

"You shouldn't be drinking lemonade." Johnny reminds me and I glare at him. "You should be finding healthy alternatives." He turns to Nick. "And she's not supposed to be wearing heels, the website said."

"Johnny!" I snap. "I told you not to tell him that."

"Well he's the only person you'll actually listen to." Johnny points out as I throw the ice cream wrapper in the bin.

"I don't think so, I've been banging on about heels for weeks now." He says, looking at me with a knowing expression. "I don't want you falling."

"Nicholas I've been walking in heels since I was seven years old, I'm pretty sure I've mastered it." I respond, putting my feet on the table just to prove a point. "Besides I haven't felt dizzy at all so."

"Yes well you take care please." He narrows his eyes. "Uh, scan this afternoon; is this the one where they tell us the gender."

"There's like an eighty percent chance they can yeah." I nod, looking up at him. "Sorry, we haven't had any chance to talk about this."

"So do you want to know or?" He prompts me and I contemplate the idea.

"That's your choice sweetheart." I decide, wanting to let him have a say, considering I made all of the decisions last time.

"No, what do you want to do?" He sits down on the edge of the desk, as Johnny rises from his chair.

"I'm just gonna go and check on that order." He excuses himself, wanting to give us privacy.

"Carla?" Nick pulls gently on a strand of my hair and I look back at him.

"Well shall we just see if they can tell us first?" I sigh, I didn't even know what he wanted gender-wise. Just as long as it was healthy, that was all that mattered to both of us.

 **Nick**

"You alright?" I ask Carla, who is sat on the edge of the medical bed, staring down at the floor.

"Mm." She looks at me, managing a small smile and I reach for her hand.

"It's going to be fine." I whisper and she nods as the door opens and the midwife walks back in.

"Right then." She smiles warmly, as Carla knowingly lies back on the bed. "How's everything been going?"

"Yeah, more fast moving than I expected." Carla explains, moving her hair out of the way. "All the physical things are happening a lot quicker than last time. Like, the baby's first movements were around, what was it, Nick? Fourteen weeks?" She looks at me and I nod.

"That's perfectly normal." The midwife reassures her. "Especially in second pregnancies; you'll probably find your bump is a lot bigger by the end of it as well."

"It's already twice the size of what it was at this stage last time." Carla tries not to let her voice crack at the thought and I squeeze her hand.

"It's a good sign, all of this shows your baby is getting stronger every day." She tells us and Carla smiles at me. "Are you getting any cramping now the baby has started to move?"

"All the time." Carla sighs. "Not just stomach cramps, it's everywhere; I woke up with pins and needles in my legs this morning."

"You didn't tell me that." I nudge her.

"Ah, he's too caring you see." Carla winks at the midwife. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Well that's what you need." The midwife replies, smiling at us. "Make the most of this; he can be waiting on you hand and foot for the next few months."

"Oh and also." Carla continues. "Caffeine free fizzy drinks. Where do I stand with those?"

"They're not harmful in any way, but obviously the sugar levels and gasses don't do you any good. So try finding healthy alternatives." She informs us. "Is this the new craving?"

"Yes." I nod and Carla prods me playfully. "What sort of alternatives?"

"Here you go." She produces a leaflet and hands it to me. "It's got all about what you can switch unhealthy cravings to."

"Great, you really shouldn't have given that to him." Carla laughs.

"Shall I begin the ultrasound?" She asks and Carla nods, pulling her top up in preparation. "As you know this might be a bit cold."

"I love you." I say quietly and Carla turns her head to look at me, smiling appreciatively.

It's a lot faster than last time and we hear the heart beat within seconds; louder and stronger than before. I see relief flash over Carla's face and she squeezes my hand tighter.

"You've got a very strong baby." The midwife observes the heartbeat.

"Really?" Carla gasps, looking at me as the midwife turns the screen to face us. I stare at it in disbelief for a moment before pointing, as Carla's head rolls back in that direction. "Ah... That's so big, how is it inside me?"

"Oh shut up." I laugh, stroking her hair and trying to hold back tears. "It looks so real all of a sudden."

"Are you interested in knowing the sex?" She asks us, gently and Carla's head whips around to face me, before looking back at her. My heart was beating fast and I didn't know why; whatever the gender was, all that mattered was that it was healthy and it was.

"You know?" Carla's eyes widen.

"Pretty certain, if you want to know?" She glances at us and Carla looks at me.

"Nick?" She prompts me and I nod without thinking, giving in to temptation. "Yeah?"

"If that's what you want to do?" I check, despite the fact I knew she'd agree with me anyway.

"Go on, tell us." Carla looks at the midwife. "Otherwise I'll have to put up with him trying to guess."

"Ok..." She double checks the screen. "I'm ninety nine percent sure you're having a boy."

My heart beats faster, my hand flies over my mouth. The words sink in slowly and Carla laughs with happiness, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"That's what you wanted?" She looks up at me, clearly already having guessed. "I'm so happy, I can't..."

"You're happy?" I check and she nods excitedly. "I'm having a son?"

"Yeah." She whispers, pulling my head down to kiss her and I wipe a stray tear off my cheek. "We're having a little boy."

 **Carla**

"Why are you smiling?" I watch Nick from the doorway and he turns to look at me.

"Why do you think?" He bites his lip to try and make his happiness less visible.

"You're so excited now." I grin, moving towards him and tickling his arm. "Now you know you're going to have a little boy to do all those daddy things with."

"Stop it." He nudges me gently, knowing I could see right through him. "Are you happy?"

"Happy doesn't cover it." I reply, placing a hand on my tummy. "Hey, we can start looking for clothes and things now."

"Oh great." Nick laughs, wrapping me in a hug and swaying me for a few moments. "Thank you."

"For what?" I pull away, still smiling at his reaction.

"This is all I ever wanted." He tells me, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. "And because of you it's actually happening... I'm having a son."

"Mm." I murmur, relishing his excitement. "I hope you two don't gang up on me."

"Oh yeah, football in the garden, us versus you." He grins.

"You will not find me playing football in the garden, thank you." laugh. "At least you'll have a little friend to do it with."

"I could have played football with a girl." He points out.

"I never said you couldn't!" I object. "So... What's the deal, are we telling people? When are we telling people?"

"Well, my mum will be over the moon." Nick replies.

"That's a sentence I very rarely hear." I scoff, tapping my phone. "I've got two missed calls from Michelle, so she'll want to know... However I'm really not feeling being smothered by your family right now so can you just drop them a text?"

"Oh yeah because they'd really appreciate that." Nick nods. "Well, for now, nothing matters apart from getting you and... Him, well fed." He points to my tummy and I bite my lip excitedly. "So, I did a food shop earlier or, because you deserve it, we can order takeaway?"

"I want a kebab." I contemplate and he raises his eyebrows at me.

"You never fail to amaze me." He responds and I slap him lightly on the arm.

"The baby wants a kebab." I persist. "Your son wants a kebab."

"Ok, ok, I'll get you a kebab!" He exclaims and I smile victoriously. "What do you want to do for Valentines Day?"

"Oh yeah that's soon." I remember, realising I needed to get Nick something and this time I actually needed to. He had put me to shame on our birthday's and I couldn't help feeling embarrassed about it, even though he didn't care in the slightest.

"Do you want to go out?" He offers and I shrug.

"Not a big deal, is it?" I tell him, to make myself feel better about the whole thing. "We could go and watch a film?"

"Yeah? Whatever you want." He kisses my forehead. "Right I'll be back in a minute."

"Oh can I have sweet chilli sauce on-" I begin.

"I know." He finishes, closing the door behind him and I'm stood smiling in his absence.

 **Nick**

"Ok, I've got an idea." Carla pushes her tray away, licking her fingers. "We put all of the names in a bowl and pick one out."

"What? All of the boys names in the world?" I tease her. "We're gonna need a big bowl."

"No just the ones we like!" She elbows me.

"Yeah but then we'll just realise that the one we pick isn't the one we want." I point out and she shrugs, pausing before standing up and running up the stairs. "Carla?" I am confused for a moment, wondering if I have upset her for some reason, but then I hear her footsteps again as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, clasping a book against her chest. "What's that?"

"The baby name book from Lauren's box." She curls into my side and I stare at her with pure love and respect. "She's going to have a baby brother now." I try to stop myself from crying but my eyes have other ideas, and she looks shocked when she realises, closing the book and looking up at me apologetically. "Oh baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean... Come here." She wraps her arms around my neck. "You big softy."

"Shush." I manage a laugh, swaying her slightly as she pulls away, cupping my face in her hands. "I don't even know where that came from, sorry."

"That's ok." She smiles, her voice soft and caring.

"That was a lovely thing to say." I assure her, because I can tell she's worrying about upsetting me. "I just wasn't expecting it, sorry."

"Stop apologising." She pinches my cheeks slightly making me smile before pecking me lightly on the lips as the doorbell sounds. "Uhh... No."

"I'll get it." I tell her and she moves back as I stand up.

"Honestly you'd think this place is a drop in centre." She groans, leaning back against the sofa cushions.

"Hello." I greet Michelle, after opening the door. Her appearance didn't surprise me; in fact I was wondering why she hadn't sent out a search party after two missed calls.

"Hi." She invites herself in. "I just came to-"

"To see how we got on at the scan." Carla nods, standing up at the sound of her voice.

"Well you didn't text me back." She says, trying to excuse herself. "...You can't blame me for feeling worried."

"Well, everything's fine." Carla reassures her and Michelle looks at her expectantly. "Oh and we're having a boy by the way."

"Oh my..." She gasps, running to hug her. "Carla that's so exciting!" She exclaims, hugging her tightly before pulling away. "Oh and they're a nightmare by the way."

"Cheers Chelle." Carla rolls her eyes, as Michelle turns to me.

"I bet you're happy." She guesses.

"Yes I am." I reply. "What makes you sound so sure I wanted a boy?"

"Ah you just look like that kind of guy you see in the street with a son." Michelle observes me and Carla tilts her head to the side. "Or like those ones you see on adverts."

"Oh yeah." Carla agrees, nudging Michelle and I stare at them blankly.

"What are you on about?" I shake my head at them.

"Ah, female intuition sweetheart." Carla replies, high-fiving Michelle.

"Have you been eating kebabs?" Michelle glances at the table, before looking back at Carla.

"Ok Michelle off you go now." Carla prompts and I laugh, as Michelle rolls her eyes at me. "It's a good job I trust you."

"Well I've got to get back anyway." She holds her hands up. "Robert's cooking dinner I said I was only popping out."

"Good for Robert." I mutter sarcastically and Carla smiles at my remark.

"I'm really pleased for you both." Michelle kisses her on the cheek. "See you later."

"Bye Chelle." Carla waves her off as she leaves and I hold my arms out as she walks in to them. "She's so persistent."

"Yes because she cares about you." I kiss the top of her head. "We all do... So, heels?"

"No." She pulls away, pouting slightly. "You can't make me do that."

"I'm not making you do anything, I'm suggesting that you wear flat shoes from now on." I insist and she sighs.

"I haven't even got any flat shoes." She points out.

"Well then I'll buy you some." I tell her and she studies my expression for a moment. "I don't want you to fall, please."

"Ok." She nods, curling back in to my chest. "But only because I love you."

* * *

 _ **Thank you!x**_


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34:**

 _ **A/N: For those of you who like the drama; enjoy!**_

 **Nick**

"It's our busiest night and you're skipping off to watch a film?" Robert continues to yap on at me. "What about me and Michelle?"

"You and Michelle can do whatever you like." I reply. "Kate and Daniel are working tonight and Zeedan said Rana's not fussed."

"That's not enough staff!" He exclaims.

"Well we've got a few of the part time staff coming in and Leanne said she's happy to come back tonight if needed." I finish and he tries to work out if I'm being serious.

"So Leanne is coming back?" Robert snaps and I sigh exasperatedly.

"I thought that's what you wanted?" I remind him. "You were the one who kept her on here in the first place."

"Have you checked that's alright with Michelle?" He persists.

"Well it's not really up to Michelle, is it?" I respond. "So if you want to do something for Valentines Day, you'd best get on the case because I'm pretty sure most places will be booked."

"Fine." He finishes, storming into the kitchen in the process. I put my head in my hands, as I hear the Bistro door swing open and look up to see Carla.

"Morning." She greets me, coming over to the bar. "I can't stop but I just came to give you this." She kisses me gently. "And say happy Valentines Day."

"Happy Valentines Day." I return. "Do people even say that?"

"Well, we do now." She decides and I smile as she produces a card from her bag. "Here you go."

"Ah, thank you." I take it from her. "Did you like your present?"

"Yes thank you." She watches as I open the envelope. "Sorry I wasn't awake when you left."

"That's alright, don't worry." I assure her, pulling the card out of the envelope and reading the message inside.

 _Nicky,_

 _Thank you for everything you do for me, it doesn't go unnoticed although it may seem like it at times. Somehow you still manage to put up with me and for that I am so grateful._

 _Happy Valentines Day._

 _Lots of love,_

 _Carla xxx_

"Well aren't you sweet?" I put the card down, kissing her briefly. "I love you."

"Sorry I'm a nightmare." She smiles and I shake my head.

"You are, but I love you for it." I reply and she doesn't know whether to look put-out or not.

"Right I've got to go." She checks the clock on the wall. "I'm already late, I can see Aidan now, watching the clock, thinking up all sorts of different insults."

"Siblings, hey?" I dare to say, but she doesn't seem to react to the remark, apart from flash me a small smile. "I'll see you later."

"You will." She kisses me again before groaning slightly at our parting and I laugh as she leaves.

* * *

"Hey." I open the door to the Underworld office and Carla immediately looks pleased at my appearance.

"Hi uncle Nicky." Bethany pipes up, spinning her chair around to face me.

"Hello trouble, how are you getting on?" I ask her.

"Ah I'm already the life and soul of this office." She replies, cockily and Carla laughs slightly.

"Right, I'm going." Carla stands up, getting her things and I look down at her shoes. "Impressed?"

"Very impressed." I nod, taking her bag from her.

"Doesn't she look small now?" Aidan winds her up and Carla glares at him. "Well, in height, maybe. It's only five to."

"Oh she can go." Johnny sighs, clearly it had been another argumentative day in the office. "Class dismissed."

"Oh how kind." Carla says, sarcastically before taking my hand and pulling me out of the factory. "Quick before he changes his mind."

* * *

"What are you doing?" She studies me as I get my card out of my wallet. "I'm paying for this, it's your present. Remember?"

"Honestly, you'd have thought I'd done something horrible." I roll my eyes at the woman on the till and she laughs at us, as Carla places her card down on the sensor. "Aidan has been winding me up all day."

"Can you just remind her there's no talking in the cinema please?" I ask, teasing Carla in the process.

"Shut up." Carla taps me on the arm, smiling all the same as she is handed the tickets.

"Enjoy your film." The woman relays and Carla follows me off towards the door, slurping loudly on her drink because she knew it would annoy me.

"Uh, no." I turn around, pointing at her and she does it again. "Carla! You shouldn't even be drinking that."

"Ugh, you sound like Johnny." She groans as I hold the door open for her. "It's got no caffeine in, it's fine."

"Your teeth will fall out." I wind her up and even though it's dark I can see she's glaring at me.

" _Your_ teeth will fall out in a minute." She digs and I laugh quietly as she sits down in her seat. She automatically rests her head on my shoulder as I sit down next to her and I wrap my arm around her shoulders. "Well at least he's asleep." She points to her tummy. "So I don't have to put up with him kicking me all the way through."

"Don't jinx it." I warn her, knowing I wouldn't hear the end of it if the baby started to move now.

"I need the toilet." She announces, quietly and I raise eyebrows at her.

"You literally went when we got here." I remind her. "About ten minutes ago."

"Yeah well that's not my fault." She whispers. "Blame the baby."

"Blame all the fizzy pop." I correct her as she stands up, kissing me briefly before leaving the cinema.

 **Carla**

I don't realise until I look down. There was no pain, no sensation. Just blood, everywhere.

My heart begins to race and I stand up quickly, my eyes falling upon the blood in the toilet. I try to calm myself, feeling my breathing increase, not wanting to even move. I freeze, staring down at my underwear.

I was still bleeding. It wasn't stopping. I flush the toilet abruptly, pulling my jeans up and opening the cubicle door. Luckily the toilets were deserted, and I ram a one pound coin in to the dispenser on the wall, ripping the sanitary pad from it and heading back in to the cubicle.

I don't waste time before unlocking the door again, heading straight for the screen that Nick would be in. My head was screwed, I couldn't think straight. Six? Seven? Eight? I recognise the bin outside one of the screens and take a gamble, slamming my hand against the door and rushing towards Nick's outlined figure half-way down.

"Nick." I shake him and he suddenly looks shocked.

"Carla, shh!" He hisses, looking around to see if I had attracted anybody's attention.

"Nick, help." I continue, not caring about how many people were staring and he finally picks up on the panic in my expression, standing up and placing a hand on my back.

"What's wrong?" He asks, concern in his voice.

"I'm bleeding." I whisper, the words cracking as they leave my mouth. "And it's not stopping, help."

"Ok, come on." He tries to sound calm, but I can immediately pick up on the worry that wavers in his tone. As soon as we're outside of the screen, he takes my hand, squeezing it comfortingly. "How much?"

"A lot." I try to say without crying. But I am, and I'm terrified and he is too.

"Right, it'll be ok." He stops me as soon as we're out of the cinema, noticing my breathing is becoming hyperventilated. "Baby, try to calm down, this won't help."

"I can't... Nick." I stammer, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to focus on his words.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He reassures me. "So deep breaths, ok?"

"Nick we need to go to the hospital." I beg him and he can see the desperation in my eyes.

"I know." He nods, taking my hand again as we approach the car. He helps me in to it because I am shaking so much, before running around to his side and starting the engine. He pulls away recklessly and heads in the direction of the hospital.

"Nick..." I hesitate, not wanting to worry him anymore, but just telling myself wasn't enough. "He hasn't moved today..."

 **Nick**

The faint noise of crying babies was quite possibly the worst sound that could be filling the air right now. I can see how much it is tormenting Carla, as she sits on the edge of the medical bed, staring in to space. She's clutching her tummy, as if it would stop anything from happening.

"Do you want some water?" I break the silence that has been ongoing for what seems like forever. She shakes her head, bluntly, not looking at me. I don't say anything else, I stand from the chair I am sat in and sit down next to her, kissing her on the side of her head but she tilts it away from me.

I hated this place. I hated what it did to us.

I notice her close her eyes tightly and I grab her hand without even asking, as she exhales sharply. She was trying to be brave, I could tell she was in pain.

"Carla?" I whisper, moving the hair out of her face and she doesn't brush me off this time. "I love you." She doesn't say anything, but instead moves her head down to her chest, squeezing my hand tightly. I felt sick. This was the worst feeling in the world.

"Carla Tilsley?" A different midwife enters the room and Carla looks up. "Sorry for the delay, we were gathering some details from your examination. We'd like to proceed with a scan if that's ok?"

"And what were the details?" She asks, her voice hoarse and broken. "Please..."

"I just need to do an ultrasound." She avoids the question and I'm surprised Carla doesn't fight back. I move so she can lie down, not letting go of her hand and she stares up at the ceiling.

"You do realise we had a scan about a week ago." I inform the midwife, trying to keep the frustration from sounding in my voice. "And they said everything was absolutely fine." The midwife avoids my statement again and I am about to snap at her as the familiar sound of beating fills my ears. I look at Carla, relief washing over me. She doesn't move, she just continues to stare at the ceiling, biting her lip as tears silently stream down her cheeks.

"That's the heartbeat?" I check, looking at the midwife desperately for answers. "That's a good thing?"

"You said you had an ultrasound last week?" She aims the question at me, recognising that Carla wasn't in the right place. "Did your midwife mention anything about the placenta?"

"No." I answer, bluntly. "Look can you just tell us if it's alright?"

"It seems like your baby is fine." She finally tells us and Carla lets out a weak whimper, a hand flying to her mouth as she turns to look at me. "What I've gathered from your examination and looking at the images on here; it seems like the bleeding you've been experiencing is due to a case of placenta previa. In your case, this means the placenta is marginally bordering uterus, which is what's causing the bleeding."

"Right so..." I struggle to take the information in. "What? Is that dangerous? Is the baby going to be ok?"

"Nick." Carla whispers, stopping me.

"Marginal placenta previa can be quite common in pregnancies, and from what I can see, it doesn't seem to be blocking your cervix to the extent where we need to take action." She explains and I feel Carla's grip relax slightly. "The placenta will need to be monitored though, we'll need to keep you in overnight... I am surprised your midwife didn't notice this on your recent ultrasound, although there is a possibility it has slipped in the past few days or so."

"So... The baby is ok?" I check, desperate for her to smile at us, or give us any kind of reassurance.

"Like I said, we'd like to keep you in overnight Carla." She proposes. "In case the bleeding starts up again or there's any cause for concern. I'll send a doctor to see you later on and they can explain this in a little more detail and outline some of the things that can help. Has the bleeding completely stopped now?"

"I think so." Carla replies, weakly. "I had some cramping... I thought..."

"That's completely understandable." She smiles. "Usually the cramping is related to the dilation of the uterus, rather than the baby itself."

"There was so much blood..." Carla whispers to herself. "Just like..."

"But you're here now and they're going to take care of you." I reassure her and she finally meets my gaze, for the first time since we had left the cinema. "Hey, you're in the safest place."

"...Will you stay with me?" She murmurs and I smile, leaning over to place a kiss on her forehead.

"Of course." I promise her. "Carla, of course I will."

 **Carla**

I clutch the cup of water in my hand, I'd been holding it for so long that the liquid had gone warm, whilst just staring ahead of me, listening to the constant cry of babies.

It was exactly the same as the day I lost my first baby girl.

It was exactly the same as the day I lost Lauren.

Constant crying; showing me what I could have had. Over and over again, never ending.

"They're serving dinner now." Nick's words break in to my thoughts, but I continue to stare ahead. "They said they'll bring it to you in about five minutes."

"I'm not hungry." I respond, quietly.

"You need to eat." He continues, trying to be careful with how he says it. "Do you want me to get you something from the vending machine?"

"No." I reply, bluntly.

"Do you want me to take that water?" He offers, gently. "You've been holding it for a while now."

"No." I repeat, not removing my eyes from the wall ahead of me. "Why don't you just go home?"

"I'm not going home." He tells me, firmly. "You said you wanted me here."

"Yes well now I've changed my mind. I don't." I respond, firmly. "I want to be on my own, without you going on at me every five seconds."

"I'm only trying to look after-" He begins.

"Well you can't look after me." I snap, knowing I didn't mean the words that were coming out of my mouth. But I wanted to lash out at someone and unfortunately he was in the firing line. "Because whatever presents you buy me or stupid jokes you make to try and make me smile, it doesn't affect this baby. You've got nothing to do with it."

"I'm it's dad." He sounds so hurt.

"Yeah well he doesn't know that, does he?" I raise my voice slightly, not daring to look at him in case I cried. I didn't want to see how much I was hurting him. "I want you to go. I want to think, without you."

There is a horrible silence and I clamp my teeth together to stop any emotion overcoming me.

"Carla..." His voice sounds so broken and I squeeze my eyes shut.

"I said go, Nick!" I suddenly shout and I can see him jump out of the corner of my eye. "I don't need you here. Just go."

The silence eats away at me again, but this time he doesn't say anything to break it. It's the quiet squeak of the chair as he stands up, the rustle as he gathers his things. I force myself not to look at him. I force myself not to cave in.

"I'll be back in the morning." He manages to whisper, and I know as soon as he walks out of this room he'll cry and as soon as he walks out, I will too.

And I do.

I cry and I cry and I cry. All alone.

Nobody brings me dinner, nobody comes to check if I'm ok. Until my phone suddenly vibrates on the table and I raise a shaky hand to pick it up.

 _Text Message:_

 _From: Nicky_

 _No matter what happens, I will always love you. Goodnight x_

* * *

 _ **Thank you for reading so far, I am so grateful!**_


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35:**

 _ **A/N: Trigger warning in this chapter for sexual content; I don't want to change the overall rating because it's sort of a one off, but hope you enjoy!**_

 **Nick**

I hammer on the door until it opens, David's angry expression coming in to view as it flies open.

"Mate, what the hell?" He snaps, looking at me as if I was deranged. "It's seven in the morning!"

"Is it?" I suddenly check my watch. I had sat up all night until I'd seen light break through the window, and I hadn't even thought to check the time. "Oh... Sorry."

"The kids are asleep." He snaps. " _Were_ asleep."

"I need to talk to you." I tell him and he can see I'm desperate. "Please, I'll open the Bistro."

"Let me tell mum." He sighs. "And let me get changed out of my pyjamas. Do you want to come in?"

"No thanks." I reply, bluntly. "I think I'd rather stay here in the rain."

"Right." He looks at me weirdly before the door closes and I lean up against the wall, staring off down the street. This time yesterday, everything had been so perfect. I'd woken up to Carla sleeping in my arms and my only worry was trying to get up and ready for work without disturbing her. Now everything was a complete mess, I was hurt, I was stressed out and I constantly felt sick with worry.

"Well come on then." David's voice snaps me out of my trance and I head towards the Bistro, unlocking it and entering the code. I head straight over to the bar, picking up a bottle of whiskey before hesitantly putting it down. Instead, I flick the coffee machine on and allow it to heat up, as David sits down at a nearby table, not removing his gaze from me.

"So..." He pipes up, and I pull out a chair to sit opposite him. "What's up? You forgot to iron your suit?"

"We thought we'd lost the baby last night." I reveal and his face suddenly drops.

"Oh..." He trails off, trying to think of some sympathetic response. "But you haven't?"

"Carla's in hospital." I tell him and he shifts in his chair, clearly feeling bad about his remark. "She lost quite a bit of blood... Something to do with the placenta. So they kept her in to monitor it."

"So why aren't you there?" He asks, knowing that I wouldn't optionally leave Carla alone.

"Because she told me to go." I reply, bluntly.

"She told you to go?" He repeats, staring at me blankly. "So you went?"

"I tried to stay." I argue, annoyed at his lack of empathy. "I told her I was staying but then she started throwing everything back in my face. Basically saying I couldn't help her and everything I did was pointless. Oh and that the baby didn't even know who I was, so it didn't matter what I did."

"Well she's got a nerve." David sits back in his chair. "I tell you what, I give credit to you because I couldn't put up with that selfish cow."

"Excuse me?" I stop him.

"Well, she's ungrateful." He continues. "She didn't even deserve a second chance with you, but somehow she got one and then she just goes ahead and hurts you yet again."

"Well she did have every right to be upset." I defend her, despite the fact I was here to talk about her.

"Yeah and so did you." He points out. "So don't go buying her flowers, I know what you're like."

"Look, she thought she was losing her baby." I sigh. "Again. This is Carla; if she's hurting, she lashes out and then a few hours later she hates herself for it. She won't have meant what she said."

"Right so is that why I'm here then?" David responds. "So you can sit here trying to justify her actions to me? What's the point in that?"

"Because I needed somebody to tell me it'll all be ok." I admit, weakly. "Because I have to tell Carla that and I have nobody to say it to me."

"Look, everything's gonna be fine." He softens his tone slightly and I raise my eyebrows at him. "I'm not just saying that, Nick. If the hospital are monitoring her, it's the best place for her to be to stop anything going wrong."

"That's what I said." I reply.

"So then listen to yourself." He tells me. "You're a smart guy, you don't need me telling you what you already know."

"...Do you think she'll still be mad if I go to see her now?" I ask him, stupidly.

"Bro, I know nothing about Carla." He reminds me. "Apart from the fact she's a gobby cow, who's also kinda hot..."

"What?" I frown and he shakes his head at me.

"Go to the hospital." He nods, knowing I needed reassurance. "And sort it out. But don't apologise, for anything. She better grovel to you, you let her walk all over you sometimes."

 **Carla**

"Carla you should eat something." Michelle points to the porridge in front of me. It was grey, it was lumpy, it was quite possibly the least appetising thing I had ever set eyes on. "When did you last eat?"

"I had a mouthful of popcorn at the cinema last night." I recall. "Before it all went wrong... I was looking forward to that film as well."

"You not eating isn't going to help matters." She tells me and I finally turn to look at her. She looked shattered and yet she had jumped straight out of bed at six am this morning at the sound of my voice down the phone.

"You're my best friend." I say, weakly, although she already knew that. "Why have you put up with me all these years?"

"Eat your porridge." She pokes it with the spoon, pulling a face as it wobbles slightly and I raise my eyebrows at her. "Actually don't, it's probably a health hazard."

"I bet Nick hates me." I change the subject, because it was what had been playing on my mind constantly since he left last night.

"Well not according to his text." She points out. "You could run that man over with a lorry several times and he'd still love the bones of you."

"I said the most horrible things, Chelle." I whisper, closing my eyes momentarily as I go through it again in my head. "How can I be so cruel? He's done nothing but support and care for me. See, this is why I deserve murderers and rapists, not decent men like Nick Tilsley."

"Carla, stop it." She says, firmly. "Don't say that again. You and Nick were made for each other."

"Poor him." I scoff slightly. "I have never hated myself more for upsetting somebody than I do right now... I told him the baby didn't even know who he was... What a selfish thing to say."

"I'm not disputing that." She replies, in such a matter-of-fact tone, but I don't snap at her, it's the truth and I knew that. "But he'll also know that you didn't mean what you said. Did you?"

"Of course I didn't." I put my head in my hands. "I'm so stupid, why do I do it? You know, he won't have slept all night? He'll have sat up crying over the fact that I shouted at him to leave me on my own. He probably won't even come to visit me today."

"...Do you know if they're going to discharge you today?" She diverts the conversation, knowing it was stressing me out.

"I don't know yet I'm still waiting to see the doctor." I sigh. "It must be a good sign though? That they're not in any hurry?"

"Have you bled anymore?" She looks concerned and I shake my head.

"It took me two hours to pluck up the courage to go to the toilet this morning." I admit to her. "Oh God... Chelle I thought I'd lost it, I really did... When I saw all that blood last night my heart stopped."

"Well you haven't, have you?" She reminds me.

"Why can't I just be like those mums who have normal pregnancies; no complications what-so-ever? No, not me. Even that's screwed up just like everything else." I stop myself, glancing across at her. "Sorry. Oh... Somebody tape my mouth shut."

"I've been tempted for years." She manages a small smile before squeezing my hand. "Everything is going to be alright, Car."

 **Nick**

I'm shaking as I enter the ward. Not only because I was bricking seeing Carla and possibly being yelled at again. But also because I didn't know what could have changed overnight, and I was terrified of finding out. I round the corner, seeing Carla's fragile frame asleep in the bed. She has a monitor attached to her and she looks so worn and exhausted, despite being asleep.

I try to be as quiet as possible as I sit down, but the tiniest movement of the chair sends her eyes flying open and she fixates straight on me. We sit together in silence for a moment, before she pulls herself up, propping up against the pillows. I hold out the white paper bag I had been carrying and she takes it hesitantly.

"Breakfast muffin from Roy's." Is the first thing I say to her, and she stares down at it, looking guilty. "I figured you wouldn't have eaten the breakfast here." I add and she moves her gaze, from the bag to me, as if almost in amazement.

"...I don't think you're allowed to eat these here." She replies, quietly and I can't help smiling slightly. "I didn't think you'd come."

"Have you ever met me?" I reply. "It took me two hours to convince myself to leave the hospital last night. I just sat in the reception, waiting to you to text me telling me to come back."

"I typed that message out so many times." She admits, avoiding my gaze. "Couldn't send it though, I'd been selfish enough already."

"I'd have been here within minutes if you had." I tell her and she lets her eyes glisten over as a tear falls silently down her cheek.

"I don't deserve you." She whispers, wiping the tear away. "You're the best man in the world and somehow you ended up with me."

"Don't upset yourself." I sigh, knowing it wouldn't do her or the baby any good. I hold up the Valentines card she had given me yesterday, that was still in my coat pocket. "You're my nightmare, remember?"

"I don't want to be a nightmare." She cries and I stand up, sitting down on the edge of her bed and daring myself to link our fingers. "I said the most hurtful things... How can you even forgive me for that?"

"Because I know you." I reply. "And I know what you do best when you're scared or hurt or upset, and that's to try to pass it on to somebody else because you want to push everybody away, and you think that makes you feel better. But it doesn't, because you wake up the next morning feeling even worse than you did before."

"...You know me better than I know myself." She murmurs. "What I said... Nick, I swear to you, I didn't mean it. About the baby not knowing you and how you weren't looking after me, it was all just words. I can't express to you how much I hate myself for saying them."

"I know." I whisper, placing a finger under her chin and tilting her head to face me. "Hey, I know."

"Why can't we just be happy?" She whimpers slightly.

"We are happy." I assure her. "We just don't get it easy like everybody else."

"I wonder if I was like Tracy Barlow in my past life." She contemplates. "And that's why karma's coming back to bite me now."

"Eat your muffin." I point to it, and she looks surprised at my change of subject. "I know you want to."

"You do realise that you could do a lot better than me, don't you?" She observes me, before taking her breakfast out of the bag.

"Ah maybe." I shrug and I watch her face fall slightly. "But unfortunately I fell madly in love with you and do you know, I kind of like it."

"Well I think you're pretty stupid then." She tells me, through a mouthful of food and I smile at her in silence, as I watch her eat for a few minutes.

"So what did Michelle say?" I finally ask and she looks up at me, an element of shock in her expression.

"Michelle?" She repeats, as if she'd never heard the name in her life.

"Yes, I saw her at six thirty this morning, getting in her car." I inform her and she looks guilty again. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where she was going."

"I was worrying about you..." She trails off, scrunching the empty bag up and putting it on the side table. "I'm sorry..."

"That's ok." I shake my head, reassuringly and I hesitate. I wanted to ask her about the topic that was playing on my mind, but she seemed considerably content in comparison to yesterday and I was terrified of pushing her over the edge again.

"Baby's fine." She reads my mind and I notice she has been staring at me the whole time. "Well... I've had no more bleeding. I'm actually waiting for the doctor. Then again, I've been waiting for the doctor for ooh, about thirteen hours now."

"I'm sorry for annoying you yesterday." The words fall out of my mouth, despite the fact David had willed me not to say them.

"Sorry?" She questions, lingering on the word as if it was a foreign language. "Nick Tilsley I don't want that word for leave your mouth again. You had just as much right to be as worried as me. You were being a dad. It's completely understandable."

"A dad." I repeat, smiling slightly and her expression reflects mine.

"Mr and Mrs Tilsley?" A voice immediately invades our happiness and Carla looks up as a doctor approaches us. "I'm Dr Baker, I was wondering if I could possibly have a chat?"

"Yeah." Carla nods, indicating to the nearby chair and he sits down on it. Her grip on my hand tightens slightly as she brushes the hair out of her face, trying to compose herself.

"You've been told about placenta previa?" He guesses.

"Well, not a lot." Carla clears her throat, seeming a bit more chirpy all of a sudden. "And the stuff I was told about has completely muddled my brain."

"It's basically where the placenta is in a different position in the womb, in your case, it's not in a dangerous position as such." He explains, checking the clipboard. "The bleeding was more a cause for concern, which is due to a thinning in the uterus, but since there has been no fresh bleed since yesterday evening, it's a good sign."

"So... This thingy." She doesn't try to pronounce the word. "Does that mean the placenta is going to stay there? What if it slips further down?"

"There's eighty percent chance that as your uterus expands, the placenta will return to the correct position." He informs us.

"And if not?" I ask.

"Well we'll do another ultrasound in a few weeks to see where we're at." He tells us. "If in the less likely case, the placenta has sunk, and is more a cause for concern, we'll be prepared to take action from there. It might mean putting you on a care plan or perhaps deciding to go down the c-section route. But, for now as long as there is no more drastic bleeding, we're happy to let you go home."

"Thank God." Carla sighs and turn my head, kissing her hand briefly.

"However if you have any cause for concern at all, please come straight back to us." He adds. "That includes any heavy bleeding or particularly painful cramps. You will probably get some cramping, but that's nothing to worry about. Just make sure you have plenty of hot water bottles ready to go."

"I guess that's my job then." I nudge Carla gently.

"One more thing." He checks his clipboard. "You need to be resting all the time. That means no work, no strenuous exercise, not even doing the hoovering."

"Ah she doesn't do that anyway." I shrug and she already looks bored at the thought.

"Oh I'm gonna be climbing the walls." Carla groans. "I own my own business you see."

"Well feel free to check your emails from the sofa, but I would highly recommend complete bed rest for a few days." He aims this at me and I take it all in, much to Carla's dissatisfaction. "It's the best thing for you and the baby to completely relax. Try not to do any driving either, oh and avoid sexual intercourse at all costs."

"No sex?" Carla questions and I have to force myself to hold back a laugh. "You do realise I'm four months pregnant? Do you know what urges you get at four months pregnant?"

"I am aware." He looks at me, with an amused expression. "But again, if you want to avoid any risks, that's a massive no, no."

"Oh great." Carla mutters under her breath.

"If you need anything at all, feel free to contact us." He hands me a booklet and I shake his hand appreciatively.

"Thank you very much." I say as he stands up.

"Yeah thank you." Carla sighs, looking up at him.

"You take it easy." He smiles at her before walking off.

"Hey, that's good news?" I graze my finger along the back of her hand and she nods, tiredly. "Come on, let's get you home. You look shattered."

"I can't go yet." She suddenly says and I freeze, worrying something was wrong. "I haven't got any clean underwear."

"Oh my God you scared me then." I exhale, shaking my head at her as I stand up, producing the bag I had brought in earlier. "Spare clothes, toothbrush, deodorant."

"...You're like superman in a suit." She announces and I laugh at her, before drawing the curtain around us so she could change.

 **Carla**

"There you go." I open the door and she walks past me hastily, glancing around the room. "Up to bed please." She doesn't argue with me, she just silently walks up the stairs. I drop her bag, heading into the kitchen and making her a cup of tea. Leaning up against the kitchen counter, I stare out of the window at the unorganised garden we still hadn't got round to sorting out. I needed to mow the grass. I don't think I'd ever done that in my life.

I carry the mug up to the bedroom, opening the door and seeing Carla sat up against the pillows, turning to look at me as I enter. Putting it down on the side table, I sit down next to her, wrapping my arms around her as she clings on to me tightly. She cries quietly into my chest and I just continue to hold her, not saying anything.

"My body really wasn't made for this, was it?" She finally whispers. "Thanks mam, thanks for passing the lack of maternal genes on to me."

"The baby is fine." I remind her, gently. "And one day you will prove to yourself that you're nothing like her."

"Haven't done a very good job so far." She muffles, still clinging on to me. "I want to be like other women, why aren't I like them? Even women like Tracy Barlow and Beth Tinker can do it. I actually envy them. I want to be normal-"

"Hey, hey." I break away from her, unable to bear this any longer. I gently place my hands on her arms so I can look in to her eyes, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "You are a million times the person that you think you are Carla. You, _we_ , are going to do this."

"I can't..." She shakes her head, avoiding my gaze. "I'm not strong enough."

The words leave her mouth and I can see how much she means them. Somebody who once upon a time had so much belief in her abilities, who had power over so many people including herself. Now, everything that has happened over the years has weakened her mindset completely.

"You can't keep thinking like this sweetheart." I tell her. "We need to keep positive."

"I tried to keep positive last time." She responds, her voice so quiet I can barely hear her. "When I lay in that hospital bed on my own and they told me they had to induce me the day after. When the labour started and I was in so much pain and I could tell from their expressions she wouldn't make it. I still had a tiny bit of hope, that little voice deep down that kept thinking maybe she will cry... I literally felt my heart break, my hope was completely crushed. And then they asked if I wanted to hold her and I couldn't, I couldn't bring myself to look." She starts to shake at the thought, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Because as soon as I saw her I'd know it was all over. After months of getting to know her that was all destroyed. And when they finally passed her to me, wrapped up in this white blanket... I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even cry. I just felt so lifeless, just like her. I'd lost everything and I can't do that again, I can't because I'm not strong enough. I can't... Please."

I grab her, pulling her in to me, forcing back the urge to cry as I rock her gently, soothing her as she cries. She feels so fragile, she's shaking with fear. I would do anything to take that away from her now, to give her hope. But there was nothing I could say that could take that pain away and it hurt, it hurt both of us.

It is about half an hour before her breathing starts to steady, my t-shirt was soaked through to my skin but I didn't care. She is so quiet all of a sudden and gently, I stroke back a lock of her hair to see her eyes closed, completely exhausted from the overwhelming circuit of emotion she had experienced in the last twenty four hours. She didn't think she was strong, but I definitely did, to go through all of that and more.

I very carefully lower her body, lying down with her and pulling the covers over her sleeping body. I run my thumb up and down her arm, feeling the prickle of goosebumps coating her silky skin. I quietly wrap my arms around her, keeping her warm, protecting her. Whatever happened, I would keep her safe, even if it meant laying down my own life to save her.

 **Carla**

I am dazed when the waves of sleep ease off, and I manage to open my eyes. It was dark outside, I could tell even without turning towards the window. When did I fall asleep? How did I fall asleep?

I bury my head in the pillow, my tummy cramping and I squeeze my eyes shut. I didn't dare go to the toilet. I was tempted to never go again. Tucking my knees up so I can balance on my front, I let out a low groan before I hear the door open and there is a soft sensation on the bed next to me. A hand rubbing my back, a sudden warmth on top of it, which soothes me slightly.

I don't look up, I can feel myself sweating because the pillow is becoming damp. I was so uncomfortable, both physically and mentally. I dreaded to relive what this would be like at full term, if I made it that far.

"Nick it hurts." I finally say and his hand continues to rub the top of my back in circular motions. "Make it stop."

"If it's really bad we need to go back to the hospital." He reminds me. I knew what labour felt like. I knew what miscarrying felt like. And this wasn't it. I shake my head, too tired to even open my mouth, despite sleeping for God knows how long. "I hate seeing you in pain."

"I know." I say, quietly, as the pain begins to subside slightly and I manage to turn my head, pulling myself up with all my strength. As soon as he notices what I am doing, he helps me sit up, passing me the hot water bottle with a concerned gaze. "I'm alright, I'm just milking it."

"No you're not." He replies, because he can tell when I'm lying. Especially now he's seen it before. I hesitantly place the hot water bottle on my tummy, closing my eyes momentarily at how soothing it is. "Any better?"

"Mm." I nod, reaching out to hold his hand and I finally open my eyes again.

"I've cooked a lasagne." He tells me, completely off topic and it makes me laugh slightly.

"You're so sweet." I manage a weak smile, observing the meaningful look on his face. "Do you know that?"

"What, by cooking a lasagne?" He looks slightly embarrassed at this and I just stare back at him, appreciating everything he did, even down to blinking or breathing. "I can bring some up to you if you want?"

"That would be nice." I reply, surprising myself at how up for normality I suddenly was. "Am I allowed paracetamol?"

"Yeah, I'll get you some babe." He tells me, standing up and disappearing for about five minutes. I reach for the television remote, clicking it on and flicking through the channels disinterestedly. He finally returns, carrying a tray and places it down at the end of the bed, handing me two tablets and a glass of water. "There you are."

"Thank you." I smile at him gratefully as I wash them down, allowing him to take the water from me and place it on the side table. "Are we going to talk about the elephant?"

"The elephant?" He frowns, having no clue what I meant as he passes me a plate of food, checking if it's too hot before placing it down on my lap.

"In the room." I prompt him, watching as he avoids my gaze, passing me some cutlery. "What I said... Must have been upsetting."

"We've been over this." He sighs. "It was, but it doesn't matter because I know why you did it and you and the baby are alright so, let's just forget about it, ok?"

"I didn't mean what I said last night." I reply, putting my knife and fork down. "I meant what I said before I fell asleep. About Lauren." I can see he is reluctant to talk about it, maybe because he doesn't want me to get upset again or maybe because he was in denial about how much it had affected him. "I don't know where it came from."

"I should have been there." He swallows, staring down at the bed sheets. "I said this to my therapist; I think a lot of it is guilt, because I wasn't there for you when I should have been."

"How were you to know?" I whisper. "You had no idea. It's my fault, I should have called you sooner. But Michelle told me that you and Leanne were having a baby and I didn't want to ruin that for you. I loved you too much to ruin your happiness, even if that was with somebody else."

"Yes well now my happiness is with you." He sighs, finally looking at me. "And it's staying that way, so get used to it."

"You know we actually have a shot at happiness?" I tell him, quietly. "I've never had that before; where somebody makes me so genuinely happy. There's always agro and baggage and an inevitable break up on the horizon. We could actually work."

"We're going to work, you idiot." He laughs, nudging my knee gently. "We are working, aren't we?"

"I know." I smile at the thought. "It's just the fact that somebody actually wants to be with me. Not just for the money or the sex appeal or the status. Somebody wants to be with me because it makes them genuinely happy, because they genuinely love me despite everything."

"I hope you're still talking about me here." He points out and I giggle, watching his eyes melt as I do so.

"...Are we going to be ok?" My face goes serious and he studies me for a moment.

"Ok?" He repeats, continuing to look at me. "One day, we're going to be sat in rocking chairs, discussing the weather and knitting blankets. Then I'll turn to you, and I'll give you that look, and you'll know exactly that I'm thinking. You'll know I'm thinking back to this moment, and saying I told you so, because we'll have done it, together."

"...I don't think I'll be knitting blankets but the rest I can put my faith in." I murmur and he laughs, wrapping his arms around me comfortingly.

 **Nick**

"I need the toilet." Carla whispers quietly, but doesn't make any effort to get up.

"Ok, well do you want me to come?" I offer, realising the sentence would have sounded quite creepy in any other circumstance but this one. She hadn't been to the toilet since we had arrived home and I knew she was bricking it, yesterday had clearly scarred her.

"I'll be ok." She gets up hesitantly, wincing as she does so and I help her up. "Nick I'm ok, I've just got a dead leg."

"Careful please." I warn her as she leaves the room and I wait in horrible silence for what feels like forever. Eventually, the door opens again and she stands there staring at me. "...Everything ok?" I check and she nods, relief washing over me. "No bleeding?"

"None." She replies, and I can tell how thankful she is from her tone. "Took me a while to bring myself to look though."

"Come here." I hold my arms out to her and she sits down on the bed, curling in to me as I run my fingers through her hair. "It'll be ok."

* * *

"This is so boring." She sits cross legged on the bed, watching intently as I line up letters on the board. "I hate this game."

"You're just making all the rude words." I point down to the Scrabble board and she smiles victoriously at her efforts. "You can tell you're at the stage where you get easily turned on."

"Nick!" She slaps my leg lightly. "...How long am I not allowed to have sex for?"

"Until the next scan." I stick to the doctors word, much to my dissatisfaction as well. I watch her face fall, before she grabs a pillow, putting her head in to it. I did feel bad for her; it was one of those urges she couldn't control at this point and two weeks was a long time to go for her. "Ok, ok come here." I hold my arms out, an idea coming in to my head and she crawls in to them as I lay her down next to me. I very carefully slip my hand beneath her leggings, beginning to slowly massage her sensitive spot. "Tell me to stop if you need or want me to."

She swallows, staring up at me lovingly. She closes her eyes, exhaling as she indulges in the pleasure, as I continue to work my fingers in circular motions. I speed up the slightest bit, knowing she needed an increase, but I am still careful not to push anything. Her fingers slowly clutch the bed sheets and a low hum emits her lips as she enjoys me pleasuring her.

She opens her eyes, as I speed up a bit more, fixating her gaze on me as she swallows again. She was so beautiful, I wanted to do whatever it took to make her happy and content. She sighs lustfully, gripping the sheets a little tighter as she feels me entertaining her urges. I kiss her on the forehead as her eyes close again and she murmurs quietly before I feel her release, a warmth suddenly encasing my fingers.

I slow my movements briefly, as her grip releases on my shirt but her fingers still stay wrapped around it. Her eyes flutter open again and she gazes up at me, lovingly.

"How was that?" I whisper and she doesn't say anything. I grab one of her make-up wipes from by the bed and quickly wipe the residue from my fingers before slipping an arm under her head as she curls in to my chest. "Alright?"

"Thank you." She says, quietly and I place kisses in to her hair, letting out a quiet muffled laugh.

"You're so beautiful." I tell her and she shakes her head, burying it in my chest because I could tell she was blushing at what had just happened.

"What's the time?" She weakly points to her phone and I pick it up, unlocking it, knowing her code off by heart.

"Eight." I read the time at the top before scrolling through her messages. "News spreads fast."

"Who's messaged me?" She murmurs, her eyes closed, I'd clearly worn her out again.

"Who hasn't messaged you?" I prompt her and she smiles slightly. "Roy's left you a voicemail."

"Yeah he doesn't text." Carla tells me.

"Michelle, Michelle, Kate, Michelle, Aidan, Michelle, Sarah, Johnny, Aidan, Michelle... Michelle." I recite, scrolling through. "Michelle."

"That woman could be a detective I swear." She groans, sitting up reluctantly against the pillows and taking it from me. She lets her hair fall over her face, and I stare at her for a moment, taking in everything about her. As soon as she turns to look at me, I look away, biting my lip and proceeding to clear up the game on the bed. I can see her smiling out of the corner of my eye, knowing she had caught me out and she throws her phone down on to the sheets, crawling towards me and smothering me with kisses.

"Carla!" I laugh, trying to pull her off me. "Careful."

"Oh so kissing you is a problem as well now, is it?" She bites her lip, smiling as she sits back on the bed. "Can we have Chinese for tea?"

"We've had tea." I remind her and she frowns, trying to recall this. It had been such a strange day, of falling asleep and waking back up, eating at odd points and not having any sense of time. "But yes I can order one if that's what you want."

"If I could bottle you I'd make a fortune." She grins, as I finish tidying the game away.

 **Carla**

"You'd think I'd have learnt by now." I say after a very long but comfortable silence, putting my plate down on the side table. I was already sick of the sight of this bedroom and I'd only been on bed rest for a few hours.

"Learnt what?" Nick looks at me, putting down the paperwork he had been doing.

"Not to lash out at people, push them away, that it just makes everything worse." I mutter, playing with the tassels on my pyjama bottoms. "Can't help myself though. I never mean it."

"I know you don't." He sighs, turning to face me. "It's part of you, it's what you do. I don't think it will ever change."

"And you're willing to take that on?" I point out, already knowing the answer.

"I already am." He smiles slightly. "I stuck by you when we weren't even a couple so if you think you're getting rid of me now, you can think again."

"I don't want to get rid of you." I reply. "I just think I'm a mess and I can't fix that."

"You're not a mess. You've just been scarred many times over." He corrects me. "And what you think is a mess is what I see as strength, because I'm telling you now, there's very few people who could have been through what you have and still stand today."

I stare at him, not thinking up a response. I just dwell on his words, wondering what he saw in me, that no other man ever did.

I jump suddenly, my eyes wide and Nick's content gaze disappears as he studies me worriedly.

"Carla, is everything ok?" He checks as I put a hand on my tummy, feeling the baby finally kicking for the first time in days.

"Yeah, the baby's moving." I grab his hand, putting it on my bump and he looks so relieved, we both do. "Thank God... Oh..."

"Hey, see?" He tilts my chin to look at him. "He's happy, he's healthy."

"He's already playing flipping football." I groan and he laughs. "He'll be beating you before you've even taught him to play."

"I love you so much." He whispers and I smile at him, never understanding how he could mean those words so genuinely, but never complaining all the same.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36:**

 **Carla**

"Right, magazines, remote control, snacks, phone." Nick points to everything on the coffee table in front of me and I sigh exasperatedly. "Do you need anything else? Oh I'll grab some paracetamol from the cupboard in case." He heads in to the kitchen, returning with a box of tablets and putting them down. "Only two, remember? Water bottle is there."

"Nick, baby, please just go to work." I look up at him, grateful but irritated at the same time. I hated feeling like a lost cause. I was desperate to get up and out after three days of being sat inside. I was so fed up, I didn't know how some people could do it.

"I don't know if I should go in." He sits down on the edge of the sofa, observing me.

"Darling, you've camped out here for three days." I point out. "I'm not a china doll, I'll be fine."

"Your phone is there." He points to it, for the fifth time. "You ring me if you have any doubts about anything."

"I will." I promise him and he leans down to kiss me. "Oh but you know what you can do? You could pop back on your dinner and bring me some of that caramel cake that Robert made last week."

"You need to eat healthier." He tells me and I hate this. I was carrying his baby and he was lecturing me on what I could and couldn't eat.

"Well I always stuck to a strict diet before you got me up the stick." I try to hide the bitterness in my tone. "It's not my fault, while you're at it you can bring me a burger and all. I'm not eating salad whilst I'm trying to grow your baby."

"Ok, ok." He holds his hands up, defensively. "I didn't mean to cause offence."

"Well I'm fat now anyway, it doesn't matter what I eat." I snap, before stopping and looking at him. "Go to work."

"Carla." He prompts me, knowing I was doing it again and I hesitate, deciding to go down the less tiring route.

"I promise you, I'm alright." I soften my voice. "Sorry, I'm just so sick of this."

"Do you want me to pop in to Underworld and see if Aidan has got any paperwork or anything you could do?" He offers and I contemplate the idea.

"Yeah that would be great, thank you." I decide, smiling at him appreciatively.

"Ok, take care." He kisses my forehead from behind the sofa, ruffling my hair slightly and I shake him off as he does so. "I love you."

"Love you." I return as the door closes and I sigh, staring around the empty house.

 **Nick**

"Morning." I greet Michelle, who is leant over the bar, tapping her pen on the smooth granite. "Everything ok?"

"Nick, you look shattered love." She sighs, looking up and I can tell something is up with her as well. "Did you not sleep at all during your time off?"

"Sleep? I can't remember what that feels like." I reply, taking my coat off and hanging it up.

"How is Carla?" She asks, watching me as I approach the bar, scanning the almost empty restaurant.

"Bored out of her mind." I respond.

"I can imagine." She nods at the thought, before looking back at me. "Can't be easy for either of you though, make sure you take it easy."

"What's up with you?" I try to divert the subject, eyeing up her expression.

"Nothing." She denies, looking down at the counter.

"Michelle?" I persist, because she looks like she is about to burst in to tears.

"...Had a row with Robert, so he hasn't come in to work." She says, quietly. "And this time last year I was spreading my little boy's ashes. All adds up, doesn't it?"

"I'm sorry." I whisper, the thought hitting me hard. "Was that what the row was over?"

"He said I was being a grumpy cow." She scoffs slightly. "I did tell him last week but clearly he's forgotten. He's got bigger things on his mind than that anyway."

"Yeah well he should be looking out for you." I tell her, because I knew Carla would say the same thing. "There's not really anything much bigger than something like that."

"He doesn't understand." She sighs, shaking her head. "Not like you and Carla... I was thinking of maybe going to see Steve but if he finds out I went, he'll probably be fuming."

"Michelle you should be able to do whatever you want." I point out. "Regardless or what Robert thinks. This is an important day for you and Steve and if he doesn't get that then he's a very selfish man."

"He's just trying..." She trails off, forcing back tears. "To cope with his own stresses at the minute..."

"What stresses?" I narrow my eyes, being gentle with my words and she shakes her head. "Do you want to go over and see Carla? I can manage here."

"No, I just..." She sighs, wiping a tear away quickly. "I just want to keep busy."

I stare at her worriedly. I'd learnt exactly how to cope in these situations because she was very similar to Carla in how she handled them, except often less destructive.

"You know where I'd like to be? On a beach, sunning myself." She forces a bright tone, a fake smile appearing on her face. "Not gonna happen though, is it?" She heads in to the kitchen and I watch her go for a moment, before going over to my laptop and opening Google.

 **Carla**

I am actually excited when the door goes, knowing it will be somebody to entertain me and stop me from going insane. I was not the kind of person to be sat on the sofa watching This Morning and eating cheese sandwiches, and anything to stop that from continuing any longer was a blessing.

"Roy." I open the door, seeing him stood on the doorstep, peering around my shoulder.

"Please forgive me for not asking ahead, I do not wish to intrude." He tells me and I step aside, ushering him in. "I'm not interrupting anything?"

"Just me." I shake my head, closing the door. "However don't tell Nick I moved from that sofa, he'll have your head on a chopping block."

"I do apologise." He stands awkwardly, gripping his bag as I sit back down on the sofa.

"Roy, I was joking." I assure him. "Please, sit down."

"I intended to visit you yesterday, I didn't know whether it was too soon." He tells me, sitting down in the arm chair. "I feel the standard question may be somewhat unnecessary, but how are you doing?"

"Bored." I reply, bluntly, crossing my legs and shuffling up the sofa to look at him. "But it's doing the baby good so that's all that matters."

"I did worry terribly when Nick told me what had happened." He confesses. "He came in to purchase a breakfast muffin."

"I know it was very nice." I reply, stupidly, wondering why I even bothered to say it. "It's a little boy, did you know?"

"A little boy?" He repeats, as a smile almost flickers across his face. "How wonderful."

"Nick's dead chuffed." I smile at the thought. "As am I, obviously."

"You both must be very excited." He nods, curtly.

"Apart from when we thought we'd lost him." I dare to bring up and Roy doesn't remove his gaze from me.

"You deserve every happiness, you both do." He replies. "I believe together you will pull through any struggles you are faced with, and this baby will too."

"Oh Roy." I sigh, gazing at him adoringly. "I don't think you realise what a gem you really are."

"Possibly not." He dips his head slightly. "You really are too kind."

"No, Roy. I mean it." I assure him as the door opens and Nick enters, waving at Roy in greeting.

"Oh hi Roy." He smiles. "Have you been entertaining this one?"

"He has." I nod, as Nick comes over to me, kissing me gently.

"How've you been, beautiful?" He asks, sitting down on the back of the sofa.

"I really should be getting off." Roy stands up, clearly now feeling in the way.

"You don't have to, Roy." I tell him.

"I've left Anna in the lurch, I really ought to get back." He informs us. "Take care of yourselves."

"Thanks Roy." I wave to him as the door closes, before looking up at Nick. "Ah, I missed you."

"Really?" He raises his eyebrows, massaging my scalp gently, before holding out a tin. "Caramel whatever it's called."

"I thought you said I needed to eat healthily?" I take it from him, ripping the lid off excitedly.

"Well your happiness comes first." He says and I pull his head down to kiss me again, before he walks around the sofa, sitting down next to me. "That's not your only treat."

"Ey?" I frown at him. "I can't have sex, remember?"

"Not sex." He laughs slightly and I can't help feeling disappointed at this. "You're fed up of it here, yes?"

"Ooh are we going skiing? Or mountain climbing?" I tease him and he narrows his eyes, shaking his head at my attempts. "Come on I'm scared now, tell me."

"I've booked you and Michelle in to a spa for the afternoon." He announces and I stop eating my cake, throwing it back down in to the tin.

"When?" My eyes widen excitedly.

"Oh in about an hour." He checks his watch. "So you'd better start getting ready."

"You're being serious?" I exclaim, excitedly.

"Well it'd be a bit of a cruel joke if I wasn't." He points out and I practically jump on him, more than ready to get out of these four walls. "Ok careful, this is why you're going for a nice relaxing afternoon. A few ground rules please."

"Oh Nick." I roll my eyes, sitting back and listening all the same. "Michelle drives, you don't do anything too strenuous, you ring me if-"

"There's a problem." I finish his sentence. "Yes that is firmly lodged in my brain Nicholas. Which spa is it?"

"Royal Park." He states and I try to conceal the look of surprise in my expression.

"Flipping heck, you do like to push the boat out don't you?" I nudge him. "Do you spend everything you earn on me?"

"Well... Pretty much yeah." He frowns at the thought before returning his gaze to me. "I've yet to tell Michelle though. She's having a bad day, so just bear that in mind."

"Why?" I ask, concerned.

"It's been a year since she scattered Ruari's ashes so she's just been a bit emotional this morning." He explains. "And she's had a row with Robert so, I thought this would cheer you both up, take your minds off things and it means you can get out of here and chill out for a bit."

"Oh I love you." I pull him in, kissing him before getting up. I walk slowly up the stairs for his benefit, knowing he was watching me as I did so. I don't think I had ever felt so excited to get changed in my life, put on some clothes that actually made me look half human. I felt a whole new sense of energy and that was something that hadn't happened in days.

 **Nick**

"That was a quick lunch break." Michelle looks up as I enter the Bistro, putting her phone down.

"Any reply from Robert?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"Nope." She responds, tapping her phone as if it was going to make any difference.

"Oh ok well I'll let him know if he does come in." I shrug, playing it down and she narrows her eyes at me.

"Let him know?" She repeats, studying me. "Let him know what?"

"Oh that you and Carla have gone to a spa for the afternoon." I casually drop in and she looks completely confused.

"A spa?" She questions. "What are you going on about?"

"You're taking the afternoon off work and going to the Royal Park spa with Carla." I inform her and her mouth drops open. "It's all booked and paid for, so Carla's coming here as soon as she's dressed."

"Nick... What?" She stammers, trying to work out if I was being serious.

"Well you said you wanted to be on a beach, but I thought that might be a bit of a struggle." I shrug. "And Carla's climbing the walls at home, it all made sense really. So you've got two treatments each and you're both going to relax and enjoy yourselves."

"...She really did win the lottery with you, didn't she?" She stares at me in disbelief. "Do you realise how happy you make her?"

"Sometimes I doubt being good enough." I admit and she pauses, examining my expression in preparation for her response. "I mean she's Carla Connor. I didn't think anybody was good enough for her, didn't think she'd look twice at me."

"You have completely turned her life around, Nick." Her voice goes serious. "She loves you like crazy, and I've seen her grow up, from being kids until now. I am telling you, nobody has ever made her this happy. Nobody."

"Well then that's what I will try and continue to do then." I smile as the door swings open and I feel a pair of hands fly over my eyes. "I really hope that's who I think it is."

"Ooh why, you got another secret lover stored away?" I hear Carla's voice, as her hands release and she walks around to stand next to me. "Hey, she's not pregnant too is she?"

"Hello you." Michelle greets her. "I hope you're grateful for him."

"Oh I am." She smiles up at me, kissing me briefly before leaning against the bar. "You ready?"

"Well hardly, I only got told five minutes ago." Michelle points out. "I haven't even got anything."

"What do you need?" I frown at the pair of them. "You literally sit there being pampered, you hardly need a suitcase."

"Oh sweetheart, this is women for you." Carla wraps her arm around my neck, the other one holding the handle of her bag and I take it off her, weighing how heavy it was in my hand. "Approved?"

"Only just." I pass it back to her and her eyes sparkle with excitement. "Go on you'd better get a shift on."

"Nick, are you sure about this?" Michelle checks, walking around the bar to stand next to Carla.

"Yes, go and have fun doing whatever 'women' do." I dig at Carla and she laughs, kissing me again before dragging Michelle towards the door of the Bistro.

 **Carla**

"Do you think I should offer Nick the money back?" Michelle frets as she slams the car door.

"Uh no." I scoff slightly. "Besides he wouldn't take it."

"It's very kind of him." She continues, heading towards the automatic doors and staring in shock when she sees the reception. "It's too kind of him."

"Yeah well that's Nick Tilsley for you, isn't it?" I point out and she studies me for a moment. "I hope you aren't beginning to take him for granted."

"Michelle! Of course I'm not." I object, now worrying about it. "Why, do I seem to be?"

"No but he has already spent thousands on you this year and it's only February." She reminds me and I hesitate, adding up everything he had bought or done for me.

"I do tell him not to spoil me as much." I respond, before noticing her expression. "I do! It's because of the baby thing, he seems to just be rewarding me, as if I'm doing something heroic."

"Well, he has wanted a baby forever and you're giving him one." She points out. "To him, that probably is heroic."

"I don't want to seem ungrateful." I stress.

"Carla you don't." She insists. "I was winding you up, come on let's check in."

* * *

"So come on then; what's Robert done?" I dare to finally ask, laying back on the spa bed and closing my eyes. "Nick told me."

"Oh we just had one of those stupid rows this morning." She sighs. "And now he's gone awhile, again."

"Well last time he went awhile he proposed to you, so." I point out. "Maybe it's not all bad."

"Oh what, so this time he's gonna be pregnant?" She replies, sarcastically and I try to think of another reason that was more realistic but wasn't going to freak her out. There wasn't one. Time to divert the topic.

"I like this... Thingy." I point to the drink on the side next to me and take a sip of it. "Honestly, no alcohol, no fizzy drinks. That poor bar tender probably hated me."

"What if he's in trouble?" She continues to stress and I sigh, looking out across the candlelit room ahead of us.

"Michelle he won't be." I assure her. "We're supposed to be here to relax."

"I can't relax." She responds, looking like she wants to tell me something and I look at her, expectantly. "I..."

"Chelle?" I frown, waiting for some kind of explanation to leave her mouth. "Hey, whatever it is you can tell me, you know that."

"I promised I wouldn't say anything..." She pauses and I narrow my eyes.

"Chelle if he has upset you or hurt you in any way-" I begin.

"He hasn't." She shakes her head, beginning to get upset and I sit up, pulling my feet out of the foot spa they were in and turning to face her, taking her hand in mine. "...He might have cancer."

"What?" I try to stop myself from spluttering in response.

"Please you can't tell Nick, please." She begs me and I close my eyes momentarily. This was going to leave me stuck in a massive hole; I either help Michelle and pretend I have no idea to Nick, or betray my best friend. The second one wasn't an option, she had always been there for me every single time I had needed her. "Please Carla."

"I won't." I promise her and she relaxes slightly. "So... Why does he think this?"

"He's got a lump... Down there." She swallows. "And I'd been pestering him to go and get it checked out for weeks. He went to go and get his blood test done yesterday, so I went with him... And I stupidly went behind his back and told the doctor about the lump, trying to persuade Robert to have it checked out, which eventually he did. Anyway... They gave him an emergency scan..." She trails off, forcing back tears and I squeeze her hand gently. "...Carla I don't know what to do... He's so in denial about the whole thing."

"But he doesn't know for sure?" I clarify, trying to see the positive side of the situation but failing miserably.

"He reckons he knows." She practically whispers. "They've told him that they need to operate to remove the tissue so they can check to make sure... But it's persuading him to go. We had a massive row about it this morning. I was upset because I remembered about scattering Ruari's ashes last year and he was in an awful mood because of the conversation last night... I just didn't know what to do, neither of us did."

"Oh, here's me banging on about fizzy drinks... Chelle, you should have told me to shut up." I sigh and she manages a small laugh.

"Takes my mind off it all." She shrugs, wiping a tear away. "I just don't know whether to keep persisting with it which will just wind him up or whether to leave it, which means doing nothing about the whole thing."

"Well that's not an option." I tell her. "Because he might not thank you now but he definitely will in the long run, and if that means him disliking you initially then if you love him that's a chance you need to take."

"I know." She pauses, tears silently rolling down her cheeks before she meets my gaze. "I'm just scared."

"Come here." I whisper, pulling her in and kissing her head. "Oh sweetheart, whatever happens you've always got me. If you need to run away and hide or rage at the world."

"I've always had you." She murmurs in to my robe. "That's why you know everything, because if you haven't run already, hopefully you won't do now."

"Sounds like me talking." I let her go, laughing nervously and she smiles slightly as I brush her tears away. "You know, he's healthy, strong, clever deep down. If anyone's going to beat it, it's him. Plus he's got you, which makes him the luckiest man in the world so, he's already winning."

"Thank you." She whispers. "For everything."

"Don't mention it." I smile. "Always."

 **Nick**

"Hey, she's home." I enter the living room, watching Carla lean up against the back of the sofa, dropping her bag down on to it. "How was it?"

"It was amazing, I don't deserve you." She grins, wrapping her arms around my neck affectionately. "And I'm so grateful to have you. I really am. I hope you don't think I take you for granted because I appreciate every single day at the moment and I love you so much."

"What's brought this on?" I laugh, holding her at arms length and realising how refreshed she looked. "You haven't been drinking?"

"Hey! I can be nice without having a drink thank you." She nudges me and I place a hand on her tummy.

"And how is he doing?" I kiss her neck, breathing in a heavenly smell she had obviously brought back from the spa.

"He is absolutely fine, as far as I'm aware." She reassures me, a low hum emitting her lips as she feels my kisses on her skin. "Uh, careful."

"You smell amazing." I pull back, running my fingers through her glossy hair.

"Yeah that would be the shower gel and oils they gave me at the spa." She picks her bag up, handing me two bottles in cellophane. "For you."

"Ah, are you going to give me a massage?" I tease her and her eyes light up slightly at the thought. "Thank you, although I can imagine you'll be using these more than me."

"Well yes but what's mine is yours baby, don't forget that." She pokes me in the arm. "And vice-versa."

"And don't I know it?" I raise my eyebrows, before taking her hand in mine. "Close your eyes."

"No." She responds, sounding worried but excited. "Why?"

"Just close your eyes." I insist and she sighs, giving in and squeezing them shut. I lead her in to the kitchen and towards the back door, turning to see her looking confused, still with her eyes firmly closed.

"Nick I'm scared where are you taking me?" She laughs slightly and I place my hands on her shoulders, pushing the back door open and guiding her outside.

"Open." She immediately follows my instructions and stares at the garden in shock for a moment.

"Oh wow!" She exclaims, stepping outside and admiring the work I had been doing all afternoon. "Nick, how did you manage to do all of this in the space of six hours?"

"With great difficulty." I respond, it was true; I had challenged myself to mow the lawn, put in the patio furniture, fit a garden swing and plant a border of flowers along the back of it. She goes over to the wooden swing, running her finger along it gently. "For when he grows up a bit."

"Nick..." Her expression softens when she looks at me. "This is beautiful."

"It needed doing." I shrug. "It's getting dark now, it might be alright when you can actually see everything."

"Alright?" She repeats. "I didn't have you down as a gardener and decorator but you never fail to amaze me."

"So you like it then?" I guess and she comes over to me.

"It is perfect." She kisses me. "You really didn't need to."

"Well you weren't going to get your hands dirty were you?" I point out, before feeling her shiver in my arms. "Come on, you're cold." I tap her back, as she heads inside, closing the door before she pins me up against the wall, kissing me passionately. "Carla." I muffle in-between kisses, but giving in all the same. "Carla, we can't..."

"I can't." She points out, her eyes glimmering slightly. "Doesn't mean I can't reward you for your efforts." She flashes me a dirty smile before kissing me again, my hands moving to her hair before she tugs me upstairs and towards the bedroom.

* * *

"Yes, I am starving." Carla sits down at the dining table, and I turn to realise she is wearing my shirt that had been discarded earlier on.

"That's not a maternity shirt." I wind her up and she flashes me a sarcastic smile.

"What's for dinner?" She asks, not even bothering to get up to check.

"Chilli." I reply, hearing an excited mumble from behind me. "But don't worry I haven't made it very spicy at all."

"I like spicy food." She reminds me.

"Yes but the baby might not." I prompt her. "It says to be careful with spice on the internet."

"I'd love to see your internet history." She says as I put a bowl down in front of her, watching as she picks my phone up subtly. I raise my eyebrows at her, trying to take it from her grasp and she pulls it back playfully. "What's the matter? Afraid I'll find something out?"

"Like what?" I object, gently, leaving her to it as I tuck in to my food and she shrugs, scrolling through my phone. "Do you not trust me?"

"Don't be stupid." She shakes her head, grinning at my phone. "Boys baby names, how to fit a garden swing, drinks women crave during pregnancy, ooh."

"Ok give it back." I try to grab it from her. "Carla this isn't funny!"

"What size is my baby at twenty one weeks? Relaxation techniques for pregnancy. Can I drink fizzy drinks whilst carrying a baby?" She laughs and I get up, snatching it from her and trying to hide the embarrassment in my expression. "Ah, I was enjoying that."

"Shut up." I kiss her before returning to my seat and she laughs victoriously, staring at me over the table. "I thought you said you were starving."

"You are so cute." She pulls the bowl towards her. "Most husbands are googling dirty websites, mine is searching how to keep himself healthy whilst pregnant."

"Oh haha, it's just easier searching it from a first person perspective." I narrow my eyes at her, slightly embarrassed. "You should be pleased that I'm the latter."

"Oh I am." She smiles, eating her food gracefully. "I bet you've got an account on one of those mumsy chat websites and all, haven't you?"

"Carla, stop it." I roll my eyes, sitting back in my chair, weirdly glad that winding me up was at least making her happy. "How's your food?"

"Don't change the subject." She teases me and I study her for a second, soaking up her happiness. "What?"

"You're perfect." I reply and she looks surprised at my response, still sat with a content smile on her face.

"I think you live in a parallel universe Nick Tilsley." She shakes her head at me, touched all the same. "You know where like, it still looks like me, but the sane version."

"What have they been giving you at that spa?" I raise an eyebrow. "Did Michelle enjoy it?"

"Mm." She nods, looking away and down at her food.

"You don't sound too convinced." I tell her, as she continues to stir her fork around her plate. "Hey?" I reach over to place a finger under her chin, tilting her head up to face me. "Excuse me, I'm talking to you."

"Uh, needy." She finally smiles again and I lean back, watching her. "You know that's exactly what I needed today."

"I can tell." I nod, pushing my bowl away. "You've barely stopped smiling since you got back."

"I feel bad." She lowers her tone slightly, leaning on her elbow. "Because I've got everything, very few people can say that."

"Well you deserve a bit of happiness." I point out.

"Finally; I got lucky in the end, landing you, landing him." She places a hand on her tummy. "All of this. I'm actually one of the stable ones for a change... Wow, isn't that weird?"

"Domestic bliss." I quote her and she takes a sip of her drink, peering at me impressively over the glass. "So what's it like, to be one of 'the stable ones'?"

"Content." She tells me, patting her tummy lightly. "Just as long as this one stays tucked up and safe, you're healthy, that's all that matters to me."

* * *

 ** _Thought I'd incorporate some of the Robert/Michelle storyline, won't be touched on much but allows room for more drama. Also, a returning character appears in the next chapter so have a guess at who that could be! Thanks for reading as always x_**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37:**

 **Carla**

"What are you doing up?" I jump slightly at Nick's voice, turning my head to see him at the bottom of the stairs.

"I couldn't sleep." I reply, nursing a cup of tea between my hands and he sits down next to me, placing a hand on my knee. "You go back to bed."

"No." He smiles slightly, amused at the fact I even asked him to. "What have you been doing?"

"Staring at that wall." I respond, honestly and he laughs slightly at my answer. "Thinking."

"About the scan later?" He guesses and I meet his gaze. "It'll be fine."

"Will it though?" I look for reassurance and he puts his arm around me as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"You need to keep positive." He grazes his thumb over my knee, and my eyes fixate on his tired expression, kissing his cheek before he turns his head, meeting my kiss.

 **Nick**

"Carla?" I call before even closing the door, annoyed that she wasn't on the sofa where I had left her. Today of all days she needed to be resting. "Carla where are you?" I call as I head up the stairs, pushing the door open to the bedroom and worrying when I saw she wasn't in there either. I dash back down the stairs, grabbing my phone from the side and pressing her contact on speed dial. My head turns to where her phone starts to vibrate on the coffee table and I swallow, trying to prevent fear setting in as I run back up the stairs, checking the bathroom and spare bedrooms. Empty.

I head in to the downstairs bathroom, scanning it quickly before making my way to the kitchen, my eyes jumping straight to the window and a wave of relief pounds through me. "Oh thank God..." I immediately open the back door, quietly making my way over to where she was knelt by Lauren's pot. She jumps slightly when I sit down next to her, taking my coat off and draping it over her shoulders. "It's freezing out here, you need to be careful."

"I haven't been long." She says quietly, she had been crying, I could tell. We had put the pot outside yesterday, after much debating, but knew it was for the best. "You're back early."

"I wanted to check you were ok." I reply, moving behind her and wrapping my arms around her frame, kissing the top of her head gently. "I got worried when I got home and couldn't find you."

"Sorry..." She trails off, apologetically and I kiss her hair again, breathing in its scent.

"You should have called me if you were upset." I whisper and she rests her head in my chest, reaching out a finger to softly graze the marble pot and over the words engraved in to the plaque at the front. "I'd have come home."

"I was alright." She reassures me. "Just a bit emotional, when am I not?"

"What have you been doing?" I stroke my hand up her arm comfortingly.

"Talking to her." She swallows, hesitantly. "Does that make me mad?"

"No." I reply, almost instantly.

"Just pointless stuff really." She murmurs. "She's probably really bored of it."

"I love you." I kiss the side of her head, linking my hand with hers. "All three of you."

 **Carla**

My stomach was in knots as we sit in the waiting room. I had never felt this sick all through my pregnancy, I didn't know whether it was nerves, the baby or a mix of both.

"Nick, I need to be sick." I say, quietly, aware that there were other people in the room and he looks at me worriedly. "I'm going to be sick."

"Ok, toilet." He points to it and I hesitate, staring back at him. "Carla? It's there."

"...I don't want you to leave me." I sound so weak as I say it but his face softens, standing up and leading me towards the disabled toilet. He locks it and I immediately throw up in to the basin, his hands pulling my hair back as they always did. I grab his hand and he squeezes it gently, flushing the toilet as I sit back against the wall. I hated to think of how unhygienic this floor was, but right now it was the least of my concerns.

"Here." He holds out a packet of chewing gum and I take one, shoving it in to my mouth. He crouches down opposite me, brushing the hair out of my face. "Hey, don't be scared."

"I am scared." I insist. "I'm terrified, aren't you?"

"Yeah." He admits. "But you know, we're going to walk out of there smiling and then we'll just regret stressing ourselves out so much."

"We'd better go back out." I sigh, standing up and spitting my chewing gum into the bin. He unlocks the door and a sea of faces then to stare at us. It was like when I was forced to sing with Michelle at the school assembly.

"Mr and Mrs Tilsley?" A woman beckons us and I turn to where she is stood looking at us, clipboard in hand.

"Yeah..." I mutter, awkwardly, heading towards her and in to the room that always made me feel dizzy. I felt dizzy. I was going to faint. I grab Nick's shirt trying to hold myself upright and he places his hands on my arms, holding me up.

"Hey, are you alright?" He whispers and I shake my head, closing the door behind him. He gently turns me to face him, still holding my arm. "Ok, try to calm down."

"I can't." I try to steady my breathing as the midwife tries not to stare at us.

"I've just got to grab something." She tells us, heading next door and I pull a face as she leaves.

"Right, listen." Nick's voice calms me slightly, as he lifts me up effortlessly, sitting me on the edge of the medical bed and tilting my head so my gaze meets his. "Do you trust me?" I nod, without hesitation. "Then just breathe, it's going to be alright."

"I feel dizzy." I mumble and he gently places a hand on my forehead.

"You feel ok." He reassures me. "It's just nerves, you don't need to be scared."

"Ok, sorry about that." The door opens again and the midwife enters, smiling at the pair of us. "So how has everything been going?"

"Well getting her to rest has been a struggle." Nick nudges me and it soothes my fear slightly. "But we've had nothing worrying, have we?"

"No bleeding?" She checks, scribbling on her clipboard and I shake my head. "Has the baby been moving much?"

"Everyday I think." I manage to reply.

"You're going to have a right little energetic one on your hands." She laughs and I immediately feel a bit more reassured. That must be a good sign if she was talking long term. "Ok, lie back then I'll just do a short examination."

"Is Michelle working today?" I stupidly ask Nick as I lie back, trying to distract my mind from what was going on.

"I think so." Nick replies, taking my hand in his. "Robert's off again though."

"Really? Has he gone awhile again?" My eyes widen, now worrying for Michelle which probably wouldn't help matters. "Is Chelle Ok?"

"She's a bit distracted lately, I don't know why." He responds and I try to force away the wrench of guilt. "I wished I could tell him what Michelle had told me, Robert was his business partner after all. But I had given my word to her and I wasn't breaking her trust.

"Ok looks like everything's good here." She informs us and I turn my head to her as she sits down at the computer. "Am I alright to proceed with an ultrasound?"

"Yeah." I nod, turning my head to look at Nick again as he grazes a finger over my cheekbone.

"See, it's all looking positive?" He encourages me and I smile at him lovingly. I feel the coolness of the gel on my stomach gripping Nick's hand tighter and closing my eyes momentarily until I hear the heartbeat. This was the seventh ultrasound I'd had to endure and I still had no baby.

"Ah." She sounds cheery and I turn my head to look at her expectantly. "Well it appears that the placenta is officially back in the safe zone."

"That's good?" I check, a hand flying over my mouth.

"This is good news, yes." She nods and I exhale, releasing all the tension that had been building up. "We cant rule out the risk of it happening again, but everything is looking very healthy, that relaxation must have done you good."

"So how do I stop it from happening again?" I stress, feeling Nick place a kiss into my hair.

"Just take it easy, no stress at all, try not to argue." She tells us, and I scoff slightly. "But returning to work, your usual day to day regime is fine as long as you take extra care. No climbing, no strenuous exercise, avoid doing household chores if you can do. I'd avoid driving where possible as well."

"And sex?" I blurt out and Nick laughs, as the midwife glances between us, an amused expression on her face.

"I can see it's going to be difficult to tell you no on that score." She replies and I feel quite offended momentarily. "But try and be as gentle as you can, and not too often."

"Yay." I cheer quietly, feeling Nick's fingers gliding through my hair. "So everything's alright?"

"Here." She tilts the monitor to face us and I stare back at my little boy, rippling on the screen. "I think he looks happy."

"He is." Nick whispers, and I look up at him, meeting his kiss as he lowers his head.

 **Nick**

"I've got to get back to the Bistro, do you want to come?" I offer, as I chuck the folder and leaflets down on the coffee table, heading back towards the door. "Enjoy your last day of relaxation before it's back to work?"

"Alright you've swayed me." She smiles, heading in to the downstairs bathroom. "Let me just brush my teeth."

"Oh yeah." I remember, leaning up against the door frame as she does so. "See, what did I tell you?"

"Yes, you were right, I admit it." She mumbles, through a mouthful of toothpaste.

"Wow, can I get that in writing?" I tease her and she glares at me, spitting into the sink and looking at her reflection in the mirror for a moment. "You look beautiful, come on let's go."

"I don't." She scrunches her nose up slightly, following me as I close the front door behind us. "I've never looked so disgusting in my life."

"What was that about me being right?" I prompt her as she links her arms through mine, leaning off me as we walk towards the Bistro. "You're quiet."

"Just taking it all in." She replies, resting her head on my shoulder. "My body actually worked in my favour."

"Yes well now, maybe you can try and smile for me?" I poke her gently, opening the door to the Bistro as she lets go of me.

"Hey." Michelle immediately looks up, approaching us worriedly. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah everything's fine." Carla tells her and Michelle practically runs at her wrapping her in a hug.

"Oh thank God." She whispers. "I've been worried sick."

"Any news on your fiancé?" I check as she breaks away from Carla, knowing that Robert had yet again gone off on one last night.

"Yep." She nods, and I can already tell the reply wouldn't be a reasonable one. "He spent the night in the casino like last week, got absolutely wasted and lost a grand."

"Well it better not be a grand of our money." I say without thinking and Carla glares at me.

"Nick!" She snaps, holding Michelle's hands.

"Sorry I didn't mean it like that." I apologise, despite the fact Michelle didn't look the slightest bit bothered.

"So have you seen him?" Carla questions, gently.

"Yeah he's back at the flat." She points in the direction of the door. "Sleeping it off."

"Well I..." Carla trails off, glancing at me. "Sweetheart could you give us a minute?"

"Uh, yeah." I nod, heading behind the bar. "Michelle you can take your break."

"Thanks." She smiles, going over to the booth in the corner, as Carla heads behind the bar, helping herself to a bottle of wine and a glass. "Feel free."

"I feel smug." She kisses me, pouring out a glass of wine for Michelle. "Makes me realise how lucky I really am."

"Well it can't be that bad; he's gone off on a bender." I point out and she dips her head, getting a bottle of orange juice out of the fridge.

"Yeah well." She just mutters, kissing me again before taking the drinks over to the table.

 **Carla**

"So, Mrs." I put the glass of wine down in front of her. "What did Robert have to say for himself this time?"

"Oh I thought he'd make a load of excuses, nope. Just came out with it, blunt as anything. Idiot." She mutters, taking a long sip of her wine. "How self indulgent, running off to a casino, not even bothering to contact me."

"Yeah... I hate those kinds of people." I drone and she looks up at me, squeezing her eyes shut apologetically.

"Oh sorry." She sighs.

"Tell it like it is." I shrug, smiling at her. "I wouldn't argue with you there."

"Carla he's slipping so far down the hill." She swallows, looking at me for guidance. "He just came in, blurted it out when I asked, took a can of cheap lager from the fridge and said he was going to bed."

"And has he tried to sort anything out? Talk to the doctor?" I ask and she shakes her head. "This is men for you. Then again, I'm the same. But when I found that lump in my breast Paul was the one telling me it would be fine. I was straight down the doctors."

"Carla... He's got cancer." She whispers, seeing the fear in her eyes. "He knows he has, and he's not doing anything about it. Every day that goes by, that's what the difference could be between life and... I'm going out of my mind. I don't know what to do."

I try to muster up some kind of advice, but my attempts were poor and I was reaching the conclusion that there was very little I could say to her to help matters.

"He's got to make this decision on his own." Is what I come out with. "He's got to be brave enough to do it."

"But he won't do it." She drains her glass and I pull it away from her as she goes to pour another one. "I can't help, I can't do anything."

"Well getting drunk won't help either." I point out, gently.

"Oh yeah because you can lecture me on drinking pain away." She suddenly snaps and I'm taken aback. "That's what you do best."

"Michelle, I'm just trying to help." I reply as she gets up, abruptly, causing the table to dig in to me before she storms out. I push it away, putting a hand on my tummy as Nick approaches the table, clearly having watched everything that had gone on.

"Hey, are you ok?" He pushes the table further away, putting a hand over mine.

"Fine." I respond and he looks at me concerned.

"Did she just push the table in to you?" He asks, annoyance in his voice.

"Oh Nick it was an accident." I sigh, putting my head in my hands.

"What's going on?" He questions and I refuse to look at him. "Carla, you two hardly ever argue, something's got to have happened."

"She's just worried about Robert." I mumble, before forcing my gaze to meet his. "She's spent too much time with me, she knows how to lash out. That's all."

"Yeah well I need to talk to the pair of them." He says, staring at the doorway. "If Robert thinks he can just go out and get drunk instead of working his shift here, he can think on."

"I really don't think that's a good idea." I try to reason with him.

"Why?" He replies. "He hasn't even got a reason for it. I mean, he's hardly dying is he, a few petty rows and he's spending a grand down the casino?"

"Ok." I try to calm him, stopping myself from blurting everything out. "Look, darling. Just let them try to sort things out, alright? They're just going through a rocky patch."

"Yeah and it'll be even rockier when I sack him." Nick mumbles and I stare at him exasperatedly. "Oh I won't, don't worry."

"Why don't you have a glass of wine?" I push Michelle's glass towards him, knowing he needed it after today. "Let off some steam."

"I can't, I'm working." He points to where Daniel is stood alone behind the bar. "Especially now Michelle's clearly bailed as well. Maybe you could waitress for me again?"

"Oh no, that was a one time thing." I smile at him. "In your dreams is that ever happening again... Besides I thought I was supposed to be resting?"

"At least come and keep me company?" He points to the bar and I get up, following him over to it and propping myself up on the bar stool. "Are you sure there's nothing I need to know?"

"Huh?" I look up, chewing on my straw harshly, trying to imagine he never even asked the question.

"About Michelle? And Robert?" He prompts me and I avoid his gaze. "...Should I be worried about anything else?" I pause, staring at the wine rack for a reason other than what it usually would be. "Carla?"

"Sorry, I've got a bit of a headache." I lie, raising my hand to my head and he stares at me for a moment, feeling my cheek.

"You are a bit warm." He observes, smiling slightly when his fingers brush against mine. He pulls a box of paracetamol from his pocket and places it down on the counter.

"I need to be careful how many I take of these." I check the back of the packet before pushing it back towards him. "I'll be alright, honestly... Actually maybe I should pop in to the factory?"

"What? Now?" He checks the clock, before frowning at me. "It's four o'clock there's not much point is there?"

"Yeah well easing in slowly?" I suggest, desperate to fixate my mind on something. "I'll be an hour, tops."

"Can't tear you away from that place." He replies and I kiss him quickly before getting up. "Take care please."

"Oh don't I always?" I flash him a smile before turning around and heading towards the door. I reach Underworld within a matter of seconds, pushing the door open and hearing the usual noise of rabble that I had weirdly missed so much.

"Mrs Tilsley!" Sinead yelps excitedly and everybody turns to look at me.

"Hiya Mrs T!" Sean greets me. "What are you doing here?"

"Well it is my factory Sean." I point out. "Last time I checked. Let's see what you've got going on." I head over to his basket and pull out a pair of knickers, admiring them. "Oh very nice, is this the new range?"

"Matthew Singh loved them, placed a huge order." Beth tells me as I put them back.

"Ooh lovely, well I'm sure Johnny can tell me all about it." I cut her off, heading in to the office as Johnny, Aidan and Bethany look up at me.

"Carla? What are you doing back?" Johnny stares at me in shock.

"You know I had the scan today." I remind him. "And everything's fine, so that's me back here, ordering you all around as usual."

"That's brilliant news." Aidan gets up to hug me. "The scan part I mean, not the ordering us around."

"How have you been getting on Bethany?" I ask her.

"Oh she's a gem." Johnny informs me. "A mouthy one at that, but brilliant at everything you've left her."

"Piece of cake." She holds up a page of figures and I nod, impressed.

"Any news on when Sally is back?" I question.

"Nope." Johnny shakes his head.

"Yes well when she does, she'll be back to supervisor I think." I glance at Bethany. "No room for anybody else in this office and especially not Sally Webster."

"You're gonna have to tell her then." Aidan responds, handing me a pile of post. "Stuff that's for you."

"How kind." I flash him a smile, ripping open one envelope which was a magazine on the new fabric range from one of the suppliers. I drop it down on Bethany's desk, flicking through the rest, as one letter catches my eye. "What's this?"

"Oh... I don't know." Aidan looks at me, immediately knowing what I was referring to. I glance down at the envelope, seeing the unfortunately convenient logo on the front for Weatherfield prison, turning it over between my hands as I debate opening it.

"Must be Rob." Johnny pipes up, as if the thought hadn't crossed my mind. Of course it was Rob, who else would it be?

"He's used my old surname, clearly has no clue about my life... What does he want now?" I sigh, reluctantly opening the envelope. "Got any secrets we want to share before I read this?"

"No." Johnny mumbles, clearly not amused at my nervous joke, as I pull the letter out of the envelope.

 _Visiting Order:_

 _Name: Anne Foster_

 _Has permission to receive visits from those named here; Carla Connor._

 _The visit is to last only 30 minutes._

I don't bother reading the rest of the small print. I just stare down at the name on the top. Before throwing it down on the desk and leaving the office, heading straight for the toilets.

 **Nick**

"Hello." I push the door open to the Underworld office and everybody stares at me. "Where's Carla? She told me she was coming here."

"I think she's in the toilet." Johnny mutters, holding a piece of paper tightly in his hand.

"Oh ok well she left her bag in the Bistro." I put it down on her chair. "Thought she might need it."

"You don't know who Anne Foster is, do you?" Aidan suddenly asks and I freeze at the name, noticing Bethany looking at me expectantly.

"Aidan!" Johnny nudges him. "I told you not to say anything."

"Vaguely, yes, why?" I demand, my eyes falling to the piece of paper in Johnny's hand. "What's that?"

"It's a visiting order." He reluctantly tells me and I practically snatch it from him, scanning it. "From whoever she is. I've never heard of her in my life-"

"Has Carla seen this?" I cut him off and he nods, now looking worried. "And she's in the toilet? Right." I go to leave the office in search of her, but Johnny calls me back.

"Nick should I be worried?" He asks me and I turn hesitantly, remembering he knew absolutely nothing about the gap in Carla's life from when she left to when he returned.

"It's not my place." I respond, putting the visiting order in my jacket pocket.

"Please, she's my daughter." He begs me. "If there's anything I need to know."

"Then you need to hear it from Carla." I finalise, about to head out of the office before the door swings open and my eyes meet Carla's. They were sore and terrified, but she tries to put a brave face on it.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" She forces a smile and I glance behind me.

"Are you alright?" I ask, gently and she nods confidently in response. "Can we talk?"

"Nothing to talk about." She heads past me, sitting down in her chair and drumming her nails on the desk to act as if she was doing something, before giving in. "I take it you've seen it then."

"It doesn't make any sense." I narrow my eyes, scanning over it again as if it was going to reveal some sort of explanation. "I don't even know where the start."

"Yes well I do." She snatches it from me, ripping it in to four pieces and shoving it in the bin. "Sorted."

"Will somebody tell me what is going on?" Johnny persists and Carla glances at me, now not bothering to conceal the worry in her expression. "Carla?"

"Bethany could you get us some drinks please?" She orders and Bethany looks reluctant to get up, clearly enjoying the drama. She obediently leaves though, taking the hint and letting the door shut behind her.

"Well?" Johnny persists and I glare at him. I understood he was worried, but he had no clue how unnecessary this was right now.

"Let's guess." Aidan grins, irritatingly. "You had a scrap and she ended up in the slammer."

"Yeah I wish." Carla mutters and I put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey." I spin her chair around, crouching down so my eyes were level with hers. "Do you want to go home?"

"Yes." She responds. "But if I do they'll only hear it from Sean and that's not fair."

"Hear what?" Aidan interrogates her. "Carla?"

"Look, Anne Foster is the mother of my ex fiancé... Frank." She swallows and I stand up, sitting down in Bethany's chair and she hesitates before getting up, sitting down in my lap for reassurance. I put my arm around her shoulders, another one taking her hand and she looks at me momentarily before moving her gaze back to Johnny and Aidan.

"So why is she in prison?" Johnny pesters and Carla sighs, trying to muster a response.

"Because she killed... Him." She forces the words out, and I squeeze her hand comfortingly. "And they attempted to frame me for the murder, same with Peter."

"Peter Barlow?" Aidan checks, tutting at the name.

"Yeah." Carla quietly responds. "But eventually I found out it was Anne and so managed to convince her to go to the police."

"Why would she kill her own son?" Johnny frowns, clearly confused about the whole scenario. "Did they not get on?"

"Oh no, they got on alright. They got on like a house on fire, she was always fighting his battles." Carla recites, hesitating nervously. "Even after it all kicked off, when she knew deep down, she still stuck by him."

"Knew what?" Aidan continues, getting annoyed. "Carla will you just spit it out?"

"Give her time!" I snap at him and he immediately shuts up, as Carla places her hand on my knee to calm me down.

"He..." She hesitates and I can feel her breathing start to increase. This was the last thing she needed right now, it couldn't have happened at a worse time. Just when we had the chance to be happy again and yet another bombshell gets dropped on her. "I tried to break the marriage off, the night before the wedding and he didn't take it very well, at all." I feel rigid, the thought made me feel physically sick of somebody hurting her like that. She takes a deep breath before managing to defiantly release the words on her tongue. "He raped me."

"He what?" Johnny suddenly demands in response and Carla shifts uncomfortably.

"I had the courage to take it to court but he got off with it and basically continued to taunt me." She continues. "And then one night I came to the factory to talk to him, unbeknown to the fact his mother was listening in. He threatened to do it again, after basically conning the factory off me, saying he had already screwed me twice... Anyway I left in a state and found out the next day that he had been murdered." She finishes, glancing at their expressions before abruptly getting up and leaving.

 **Carla**

I try to stop myself from shaking as I evacuate the office, but the expressions on both Izzy, Fiz and Sean's faces said it all. Bethany had clearly asked them about the topic at hand, and all the pitying looks were almost making me more sick than the idea of seeing Anne Foster again. I storm out of the factory, leaning up against the cold bricks outside and staring off down the street. This street. I hated this street.

It's not long before the door opens and Nick takes my hand without saying anything, leading me towards home. I am grateful for the warmth when we arrive and I sit down on the sofa, staring in to space. I had to let this go, I was letting it get to me more than I needed to and that was something I didn't need right now.

Somehow, Nick knows exactly what to do. He doesn't pester me with questions, or try to work out how I'm feeling. He doesn't even say anything. Instead he just sits there holding me. I can't even cry, I just sit there, feeling his arms around me and gently swaying as the minutes tick by.

"I'm not going so, we don't really need to discuss it." I finally break away from him.

"If that's what you want." He replies, even though I knew he was aching to make it better.

"What's for tea?" I click the television on, staring at it blankly.

"Chicken pasta." He tells me, his gaze fixed on me.

"Sounds nice." I respond and we sit in silence for a while. "Can you make it soon because I'm hungry."

It was a lie, I felt sick. He felt sick. Neither of us were the slightest bit hungry and we both knew it. But he nods all the same, getting up and going into the kitchen. He knew exactly what to do. He knew to react like this because he knew if he did, I would be the one to cave.

And I do, because as soon as he is gone I feel lonely and scared and vulnerable and I didn't want to be alone even if it was just the room next door.

"...Why can't all men be like you?" I suddenly ask, leaning against the doorframe in the kitchen and he jumps slightly, turning to look at me. He doesn't know how to answer the question, but just watching him was reassurance enough. "I love you."

"I love you." He replies, leaning against the kitchen surface. "You do realise that nobody is ever going to hurt you again?"

"...Thank you." I stupidly say, closing my eyes momentarily at the response and keeping them closed to release what I had to say next. "I bet Johnny and Aidan think I'm a right tart."

"...Sorry?" Nick replies, in disbelief. "Carla of course they don't."

"I bet Johnny's sat there now going over and over it in his head." I mumble, staring at the floor. "Makes me feel disgusting, the whole thing. This is why I blank it out, try to pretend it never happened."

"He's disgusting." Nick corrects me, still keeping his distance in case I started throwing things or kicking up a fuss. But I had no intentions to. I felt surprisingly calm over the whole thing. "Not you. Never you."

"Do you think I should go and see her?" I finally ask, because the question had been playing on my mind and I needed to hear an answer from somebody else.

"Carla, I can't answer that." He sighs, finally coming over to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "That's your call."

"But I need you to tell me what to do." I beg him.

"Well I can't." He almost laughs slightly and I'm amazed it makes me smile. How does he make me smile over something like this? "Listen, he's gone and he's never coming back. So whatever she has got to say to you, it's not going to leave you in any kind of danger. I wouldn't let that happen. You're safe. Ok?"

"Why now?" I sigh, as he brushes the hair out of my face. "As soon as we overcome one problem, another one arises."

"I know, somebody doesn't like working in our favour, do they?" He smiles, kissing my forehead before pulling me in. "Whatever happens we've got each other, so it's not going to break us now. Not ever."

* * *

 _ **Surprise, you'll understand a bit more how and why this storyline is being built in next chapter, as I wanted to work on the relationship between Carla and Bethany, as I have had some lovely reviews about that so far. Thank you for reading as always x**_


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38:**

 **Nick**

"Good morning." I kiss the side of Carla's head and she smiles when she hears my voice. I snake my arms around her, resting my hands on her bump and she exhales as I place kisses on to her skin.

"You're in a good mood." She observes, nibbling the crust on a piece of toast from the stool she was sat on.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I plant a kiss on the top of her head before releasing her, going over to pour cereal into a bowl. "Aren't you?"

"Yeah, of course I am." She looks up from the magazine she is reading, resting her elbow on the kitchen counter. "Apart from my little trip to Weatherfield prison later on."

"Oh, you're definitely going then?" I lean up against the cupboards, standing whilst I eat my cereal.

"Yeah well, like you said, what's the worst that can happen?" She sighs, putting her toast down. "He's gone, the factory's mine, if I don't go I'll just be forever wondering what she wanted."

"Are you going to be alright?" I check, concerned for her, but she seemed surprisingly chilled about the situation and it was a good sign.

"Yeah, made of tough stuff me." She reminds me and I raise my eyebrows at her, being one of the only people who knew that wasn't entirely true. "Nick I'll be fine, honestly. But I'd really love it if you could come and pick me up afterwards because I'm not allowed to drive."

"Oh yeah?" I nod, an amused smile on my face. "So I'm your private taxi driver now?"

"A very sexy taxi driver." She gets up, coming over to me and wrapping her arms around my neck. "Please?"

"You know I will." I put my cereal down, joining my hands on the small of her back. "Do you want me to drop you off? I can wait in the car?"

"No, you go to work." She kisses me lightly. "I'll be ok."

 **Carla**

"Thanks." I manage to muster, passing the taxi driver a note before forcing myself out of the car. If I didn't go now, I'd back out and I knew that would be something I would regret. "Keep the change." I slam the door, pausing outside of the prison. Oh the amount of times I had stood here, never for good reasons. Not once had I walked into here with a smile on my face. Then again, I'm sure very few people did.

"Name?" A man asks me on the front desk, through a glass counter.

"Carla Connor." I swallow as he studies his list for a moment.

"Identification." He adds, bluntly and I search in my bag for my driving license. It was a good job I kept it in my purse because I'd forgotten about this element of the procedure. I slide it under the counter and he scans his eyes over it, looking up at me before passing it back. "Table eight."

"Thanks." I respond, walking past the counter. "You've really brightened my day." I mutter, sarcastically but loud enough for him to hear. I suddenly feel sick as I approach the familiar room. It was slightly different to the one I was usually in, for the male prisoners, but only in logistics. It still had that same clinical but damp smell, the one that made my stomach churn. I sit down at my allocated table, avoiding the gaze of a woman sat diagonally in front of me, who was turned around staring at me for no apparent reason. I glance at her momentarily, knowing I was in no fit state for a fight but not wanting to be gawped at either. She had a tattoo of a lizard carved into the shaven patch on the side of her head, and a plaster over her left eyebrow. Yeah, I already didn't feel comfortable here. I didn't understand how Anne Foster had managed to last this long to be honest, I thought this place would finish her off. Evidently not.

"When's your baby due?" The woman suddenly drones at me, her voice uncaring as she chews on a piece of gum and I shiftily look back at her, putting a hand on my tummy protectively. Damn I wanted Nick here right now, I hated to admit it, but I wasn't as strong as before and there was no point kidding myself.

"July." I respond, trying to avoid conversation as much as possible.

"Cool." She mutters, as a bulky man enters and sits down on a nearby table. These weren't the kind of people here to see old women who murdered their son's out of fear, I knew that for a fact. "Here to see your girlfriend?"

"No." I reply, desperate for her to stop talking to me.

"Wife?" She guesses, staring down at my hand and I glance at the man momentarily, who just stares at us blankly, taking the chewing gum out of his mouth and sticking it to the underside of the table. I knew technology was advanced nowadays, but if she really thought that was the case, surely I wouldn't be sat here, four and a half months pregnant whilst my 'wife' was in prison.

"No." I continue, moving my hand under the table because she was still staring at my engagement ring and I had fallen out of a speeding car to save that, it wasn't about to be taken from me now.

"Mum? Sister? Daughter?" She lists and I am so grateful when the buzzer sounds, releasing the doors. Well, for a second I am, until my eyes fall upon a frail old woman, kitted out in the same attire as the other inmates. It looked wrong on so many levels. Like they had tried to dress a skeleton. The other women in here looked positively terrifying and I was scared just sitting here. Never mind being inside at the same age as her.

"...Hello." She greets me, a strong lack of enthusiasm in her tone and she even struggles to pull the chair out to sit herself down in. I stare at her, partially in shock at how much she had changed, partially in shock because of how long it had been since I had seen her, and as soon as I had, all those memories had come flooding back.

"Hello." I manage to say, folding my arms over my body protectively and we just stare at each other, trying to take it in. "Do you get many visitors?"

"I haven't had one since I got sent down." She replies, the weakness showing in her voice. "The only two people who ever loved me are dead."

"...So is that why I'm here then?" I ask, having no remorse for Frank Foster and no desire to dwell in his absence. "A postcard from home?"

"Partly." She replies and I don't know why I am being so nasty. If it wasn't for her, I would probably still live in fear. I wouldn't even have the factory, I'd have moved far away and I'd never have met Nick. Everything happens for a reason I suppose. Well, for me, maybe not so much for her. "I had forgotten what it is like to talk to somebody."

"You've got your mates in here." I point out, scanning the room and knowing it was a stupid remark because she probably tried her best to stay well out of their way. I know I would.

"I talk to myself." She tells me. "That's the only company I have."

"Would've been me in here." I stupidly say, but don't go back on it. "If you hadn't have owned up. Do you regret it?"

"What's the point?" She points out, glancing at my bump. "Besides, it seems you got a lot more out of life than I would have. Peter Barlow's baby?"

"No." I respond, but crediting her all the same for making the assumption. "No he's long gone, moved on to better things now."

"I thought he was the love of your life." She says, bitterly.

"Yeah well I thought I was Frank's." I manage to say with confidence, and the words roll off my tongue with a sour taste. "Just shows how love can screw us over, hey."

"...Did he hurt you?" She questions, quietly and I struggle to realise who she is talking about initially.

"Peter? Physically, no. That's just for cowards." I reply, drumming my fingers on the table. "He cheated on me with the babysitter. I guess I should have seen it coming."

"But you're happy now?" She checks, as if she actually cared and I force myself to look at her.

"The happiest I have ever been." I admit.

"I'm glad." She nods and we sit in silence for a moment.

"Why am I here, Anne?" I finally ask the question that has been playing on my mind. "What? Is it money?"

"It's not money. I have no need for money." She informs me and I fold my arms, waiting impatiently. "I'm dying." The words don't surprise me, but I feel guilty all the same.

"...I'm sorry." I look down at the table, unable to look at her decaying figure anymore. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? Because if she wanted a sympathetic ear, she would have been better contacting Sally. "What... Uh, when?" My mumbles clearly make no sense to her. "Why aren't you in hospital?"

"Because either way I'm still isolated, the only difference being that I'd just be chained to a bed with tubes coming out of me." She replies, a fleck of fear wavering in her tone. "At least this way it'll be faster." I struggle to think of anything to say in response. "I wanted somebody to tell. So somebody knew."

"So you chose me?" I try to conceal the ignorance from showing in my voice. "The woman your son raped? Was there really nobody else on the list?"

"You're the closest thing to family I've got." She whispers and I feel sick as soon as she's said it.

"Don't you even." I stammer, holding my hand up defensively to stop her. "I am not your family, I never was and I never will be."

"Ok." She nods, understandingly and I feel physically torn between pity and hatred. "I sit in here everyday, on that metal bed, staring at the dripping tap that falls just in my eye-line. I think about you. I feel guilty every single day for what he did to you, for raising that kind of a monster and never even realising it."

"You can't blame yourself for anything he did." My voice softens slightly. "Frank made his own decisions, he made that quite clear. So don't feel guilty, if anything you've saved me, I know that's no consolation."

"No, it's not." She suddenly sounds hurt. "Because I've killed my own son, there is no consolation."

"...I know." I return. "Why didn't you send Sally the visiting order? You knew her better than you knew me."

"I knew you'd come." She replies. "Besides, I wanted to look at you. I wanted to realise why I am here. To see that it was all worth it."

"So you're saying I'm the reason you're in here?" I assume.

"No." She shakes her head. "But everything is linked in some way."

"I just wanted to ask something..." She trails off and I swallow, knowing I wouldn't like the end of this sentence already. "Will you make sure they bury me next to Frank and Sam?"

"...Anne, I..." I stammer, tilting my head back to look at the ceiling. I was struggling to decide whether she was even being unreasonable or not. "Why can't you tell them that? I don't know, write it in your will or something?"

"I have, I just need to make sure they do." She pleads with me, the desperation in her expression too much for me to deal with.

"I'm going to go." I stand up, pushing the chair out abruptly and a few people turn to look at me.

"No, please." She begs, and I dare myself to look back at her. "Just say you'll try. Please."

"You know what, I am going to go home and feel sick with guilt all night." I whisper, coming closer to her so nobody could hear me. "And for what? For visiting the woman who teamed up with her son when he raped me. For being told I am to blame for her being in here. What did I do to deserve all of this, hey?"

"You didn't deserve any of it." She murmurs, weakly, almost looking scared. "I believe you will finally be happy now, once it's all over, there's no burden remaining."

"You really know nothing about me." I hiss, under my breath. "Because I will always carry a burden. I'll carry the burden of my childhood, my mother and stepdad's deaths, my brother going to prison. I'll carry the burden of being responsible for Tony walking back in to that burning building, and killing Liam because of me. I'll carry the burden of my flat fire murdering two innocent people, even though it wasn't me who set it alight. Both my little girls who I couldn't save. I carry the burden of Frank's death, every single day. And for what? Being cheated on. Being falsely accused. Being judged. Being raped. All by people who never gave a damn about me. So if you think I deserve happiness, you're wrong. I just got lucky this time, with somebody who finally actually cares. Trust me, there are few people like that out there, and your son was the very bottom of that list."

"I'm sorry." She begins to cry, and I can tell how much she means it. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry, because I'll never get the chance again." I squeeze my eyes shut, before forcing my gaze on her.

"I hope you don't suffer, you never deserved to." I whisper, my voice soft all of a sudden. "If that's your dying wish, I'll try for you."

"Thank you." She breathes, reaching out her hand weakly and I reluctantly take it, feeling the rigid bones beneath her flesh, the fraying, peeling skin that is thin over her veins. I take in her expression one more time, the last memory I would ever have of that point in my life, before tearing my eyes away, guiding myself towards the exit and not looking back.

I am so grateful Nick's car is already outside, and I practically run to it, slamming the door and breathing heavily. He immediately turns around, panic in his expression when he sees how wound up I am.

"Hey, breathe." He holds my hand and I shake my head, pointing a shaky hand towards the road.

"Drive, Nick." I beg him and he reluctantly let's me go, putting his foot down and pulling away obediently.

I don't know where he is driving to, and I don't think he knows either. But it wasn't home.

He eventually pulls up in the middle of nowhere, near a cliff edge with the view of Manchester in front of us. I get out straight away, heading towards the edge of the cliff and he immediately follows me, probably worried I would do something stupid. But I had no intention of indulging myself in those games today.

I just stand there, the cold air freezing my hands, but barely feeling it. I felt numb, until he stands next to me, taking my hand and allowing me to stare out at the view.

"She's dying." I tell him, weakly now my panic had subsided. "She wanted to say sorry for the last time."

"Surely that's all said and done." Nick replies, turning his head to look at me as I stare off into the distance. "Why drag it up again?"

"She was literally skin and bone. Said she hadn't had a single visitor since she got sent down." I tell him. "She's just lonely." I pause, trying to force away the guilt. For once, I didn't deserve to feel guilty. "She actually had the audacity to tell me that I was the closest thing to family she'd got."

"Family?" Nick utters, almost laughing at the word. "Is she deluded?"

"Probably." I respond, letting go of his hand and sitting down on the grass.

"Carla, careful." He warns, seeing how close to the edge I was.

"I'm not a child." I snap, bitterly, before closing my eyes, feeling the cold air lapping against my face. The quiet rush of cars in the distance, the world going by. "Sorry, I know you only care."

"I do." He sits down next to me, and we sit in silence for a moment as I start to pick at the grass. "Why you?"

"That's the question that I kept repeating over and over whilst I was there." I sigh, before finally looking at him. "You know the minute I saw her, all I saw was him. I felt so unsafe, even though I know he's dead. I just needed you. I couldn't get out of there quick enough." He holds his arms out, and I fall into his chest, feeling them wrap around me protectively. He kisses the top of my head as we both watch the scene in front of us.

"It's over." He whispers and the words seem so meaningful, I look up at him, smiling as I meet his kiss. "I promise you, from now on, it's just going to be kittens and candy-floss."

"Yeah you've said that before." I point out, moving my finger to trace over his face.

"Still here aren't we?" He reminds me and I smile, nodding before sinking back in to his chest.

 **Nick**

"Here." I hand Carla a coffee, sitting down in the armchair and watching her curled up on the sofa, a hot water bottle gently placed on her bump. "Smile."

"Maybe tomorrow." She tells me and I sigh, going to sit next to her.

"No, maybe today." I tilt her chin so I can kiss her and she manages a weak smile. "Better."

"I don't know what to do." She plays with the tassels on my hoodie, which I hardly ever wore apart from circumstances like these.

"About what?" I ask gently, taking the mug out of her hand and placing it on the coffee table along with mine. I smooth the hair out of her face and she continues to avoid my gaze.

"Anne asked me to do something for her." She admits and I stop myself from cutting in. "She asked me to make sure she's buried next to Frank."

"What?" I practically splutter, trying to work out if she was being serious. "You didn't agree?"

"I said I'd try." She shrugs. "I mean she's never gonna know whether I do or not, is she? Does that sound harsh?"

"You are having nothing to do with them ever again." I assure her, gently and she chews her lip, deep in thought. "Sorry... It's your decision, not mine."

"She doesn't even know anybody so I doubt she'll even have a funeral." She continues.

"Are you going to go if she does?" I ask and she shrugs again, still staring at my hoodie, and I put my arm around her comfortingly.

"I barely even knew the woman." She scoffs slightly. "And the times I did see her, I loathed her. I don't owe her anything."

"Exactly." I point out and I knew she wanted me to tell her what to do, whether it would sway her mind or not. "If I were you, and I know it'll take time, but I'd try to just forget about the whole thing, or at least let it go. It's done, like you said, you don't owe her or her family anything. You deserve peace."

"I feel guilty. Why do I feel guilty?" She closes her eyes momentarily. "Why do I feel like I'm to blame for all of this?"

"Well stop, because you're not." I tell her, not wanting this whole situation to push her closer to the edge again. "You were the victim in that whole mess."

"Victim." She dwells on the word, her eyes suddenly springing with tears and I sigh, pulling her into me and grazing my fingers comfortingly up and down her back. "It's so overwhelming."

"It's ok." I whisper, kissing her hair. "Everything's going to be alright. I promise you."

* * *

"Good morning." Aidan greets cheerily as I enter the office, and I actually wish he was laying in to me for timekeeping rather than the false pleasantries. "How are you today?"

"Fine." I respond, bluntly, sitting down in my chair and pulling out a plastic container Nick had stupidly made me bring. I felt like a school kid, but I'd told him I wasn't hungry this morning and so he had made me bring breakfast with me.

"What's that?" Aidan observes as I take the lid off, pushing it away.

"Nick's stupid idea of breakfast." I reply, like a child, and he helps himself to the section of berries, which I don't object to.

"Wow what a horrible person, making you eat breakfast." He teases and I glare at him. "It's because he cares about your kid."

"Yes I am aware." I sigh as the door opens and Bethany flashes me an awkward smile. Ok, now I felt particularly uncomfortable, because everybody was treading on eggshells around me and I hated that. "Morning."

"Hi, I've sorted through those post it notes you left on your desk." She tells me, sitting down in her chair and I smile at her appreciatively as the office door opens again. Sean and Izzy peer at me through the gap, awaiting some kind of permission to enter despite already interrupting my discussion.

"What do you want?" I try to keep my tone calm and the door opens wider as Sean steps inside.

"Morning Mrs T." Sean puts on his usual chirpy voice. "We were just wondering if you wanted a hot drink? We've got gingerbread latte?"

"No thank you." I pull a face at the thought, waiting for them to leave but they don't.

"Ok, well, maybe something from the cake run?" He continues and I glance out of the window to see the machinists gawping in the same direction.

"Right." I stand up, ushering them out of the office and they follow obediently. "Right listen up. Yes, I have been to visit Anne Foster. Yes, I have been in hospital. No, I do not want to discuss it any further. It's done. So unfortunately you've got nothing to gossip about. Get back to work."

"Uh, Mrs Connor?" Beth raises her hand and I glare at her.

"Tilsley." I correct her, viciously and she tries to play the innocent for a moment. "What do you want Beth?"

"My needles stuck." She points to it and I sigh, turning as I hear the sound of the door and Johnny's gaze meets mine.

"Johnny will fix it for you." I walk straight past him and back in to the office, slumping down in my seat.

"So does that mean we can't discuss it either?" Aidan guesses.

"Correct." I respond, logging the computer on and I catch Bethany looking at me out of the corner of her eye. "Aidan could I have a word with Bethany in private please?"

"Why?" He asks, and I stare at him blankly, as he gets up and leaves the office reluctantly.

"Are you ok?" I dare to ask, knowing she was clearly aware of the backstory to my issue now and remembering it was something that she related to.

"Yeah." She replies, bravely.

"You do realise you can talk to me?" I trail off, it felt strange talking to Bethany about serious matters, but also sort of comforting at the same time. Never had I thought I'd be relating to a seventeen year old, but if anybody understood, it was her. "About anything."

"Really?" She looks surprised at my gesture and I nod.

"Well now you know that I might... Understand things a little better." I am gentle with my phrasing and she swallows, staring at the wall. "You don't have to put a brave face on things all the time. We're not so different you and me. Besides, I am your auntie after all."

"I like you a lot more than all the others Nick had." Bethany decides and I laugh at her comment before her face goes serious. "Can we get out of here?"

"Yeah." I whisper, smiling comfortingly and standing up as she collects her things. I pull the door open to the factory, as she follows behind me. "Aidan, Johnny, hold the fort."

"Where are you going?" Johnny worries. "I was hoping I'd have a chance to talk to you."

"Maybe another time, busy." I mutter, ushering Bethany out of the building.

* * *

I had dragged her to Roy's Rolls, because I knew if we'd have gone to The Rovers, Sarah would have been listening in, and in the Bistro I would have been too distracted by Nick. She sips her drink in silence, possibly waiting for me to say something, possibly trying to muster up something herself. I lean back in my chair, placing a hand on my tummy and willing to wait as long as it took before she was ready to tell me what was playing on her mind.

"I didn't realise you were..." She finally pipes up, unable to say the word that probably terrified her. "Until Sean told me."

"Ah you can always rely on Sean." I smile, surprisingly not bothered about the fact he had told her. "But yeah... I don't know how much he told you."

"Just the basic... Outline." She looks slightly embarrassed, avoiding my gaze and I nod. I felt so refreshingly strong about the memories all of a sudden, as if it was an achievement that I had overcome them and was able to sit here now, knowing it could help somebody else. "...This time last year I lost my virginity."

"To Nathan?" I dare to ask and she nods, blushing and chewing harshly on her straw. "Bethany you've got nothing to be ashamed of darling."

"It's just hard not to." She mumbles and I smile understandingly as she finally looks at me. "When you feel so used and dirty."

"I know." I murmur, as she lets go of her straw, relaxing slightly at my words.

"You know he staged the whole thing, blackmailed Mel into feeding me alcohol, just so he could have control..." She trails off, as if only realising it now. "I was so stupid. He was a thirty five year old man, and I had... Sex with him. How disgusting does that make me?"

"Him, you mean." I correct her. "Don't even think about blaming yourself for his actions, I've made that mistake enough times..."

"I keep up this whole childish facade a lot of the time, trying to hide the fact that actually I grew up too quickly." She keeps her voice down, and I hang off her every word. "I don't know, I think maybe because mum had me so young, sometimes it's almost like we're sisters. It makes me feel older. I think that's what the problem was, I craved maturity, and that's what he did for me; he made me feel like an adult. But now I'd give anything to be a child again. I'm never getting that back, not now." She swallows, staring down at the table. "Even when I knew I was out of my depth, when I knew that something was seriously wrong. The night Neil..." She pauses, and without thinking I reach out and squeeze the hand that is resting on the table. She looks at me, suddenly looking confident at my gesture. "The night Neil raped me." She closes her eyes, and I wait patiently for her to continue. "I knew it was wrong. But I still carried on being so naive because I actually thought I was special. I didn't realise that it wasn't how love worked, because I'd never been in love before. The fact I had so many adults telling me it was right, I felt like I had to convince myself, so I was good enough for him... You know I can't... Have sex with Craig, because every single time we try, I just feel those same three strangers pulling at my clothes, my hair, kissing my neck, grabbing at me..."

"Don't rush yourself." I whisper. "It took me months. Even with somebody I loved, the minute I was pushed up against the wall, it brought everything back. I thought I'd never do it again, honestly."

"That's how I feel." Bethany swallows. "I've been too scared to tell anybody, even Craig. He knows why, but we don't talk about it much."

"And he's patient?" I check and she nods.

"Oh yeah, he's told me he'll wait as long as I need." She tells me and I smile.

"Then you'll get there, I promise you." I reassure her. "I mean, I don't know much about him but he doesn't seem like the kind of person to push you."

"Not at all." She shakes her head. "I'm not used to it, being cared about though. I keep trying to push him away because it's new ground; somebody actually loving me."

"I know the feeling." I can't help smiling slightly, because I was beginning to realise how similar we really were. Usually, I would hate to admit it, but I respected her, more than I respected most people. Whether she was a child or not, she had been through more than most adults within the first seventeen years of her life, and that was something I could relate to so much, it gave me a sense of comfort talking to her. "Gradually, you'll begin to have more faith in yourself and one day it'll just happen, naturally. It'll be scary, but it'll seem right, and then you'll understand."

"...But it hurt." She says, so quietly I barely hear her and my face softens at her words, trying to stop the memories flashing through my head. "What if it still hurts, like it did with him?"

"Oh sweetheart." I sigh, as she forces back tears and I don't hesitate before standing up, sitting down in the chair next to her and pulling her in to a hug. "You've got forever, trust yourself and one day, it'll all fit back in to place. The memories won't disappear, but they'll fade slightly and eventually you'll understand how it feels to be loved, because that's what you deserve. And it'll happen. I promise you."


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39:**

 **Nick**

"Hey." I slam the front door, seeing Carla sat with her back to me on the sofa.

"Hey, look." She beckons me, her head turning around and I walk around the sofa, observing how she is holding a packet of crisps on her tummy, her bump acting like a table. "Hm?"

"Very inventive." I raise my eyebrows and she nods, impressed with herself before getting up.

"Ooh, ow." She winces slightly as she stands and I put a hand on her back.

"Ok?" I check and she nods, kissing me.

"Yeah, foot in rib." She tells me and I smile, kissing her again and wrapping my arms around her waist. "Mm, how was therapy?"

"Good, yeah." I reply.

"Did you talk about me?" Her eyes glint slightly.

"I always talk about you." I laugh slightly at her excitement.

"All good I hope?" She plays with my tie, wrapping it around my fingers.

"No, I talk about what a cow you are." I joke and she pouts slightly.

"Hey!" She slaps me lightly on the arm and I laugh, placing kisses along her forehead.

"Of course it's all good." I whisper. "How are you feeling?"

"Shattered." She smiles.

"Go to bed?" I offer and she shakes her head.

"No we've got loads to do today." She picks up a magazine off the coffee table, putting it in her bag.

"Why, what are we doing?" I look at her worriedly. "We're not going shopping."

"Yep." She replies, excitedly and I pull a face. "Uh, no thank you Tilsley. We've got stuff to buy, nothing is sorted."

"It's March." I sigh, my ideas of a duvet day were clearly not going ahead. "The baby isn't due until July."

"The start of July." She points out, as if that made any difference. "We've got less than four months."

"Ugh..." I groan, as she takes my hand and I grab my wallet from the side, knowing I would need it.

 **Carla**

"Have you got a list?" Nick asks me, grabbing a trolley as we enter the store.

"Have I got a list?" I laugh slightly at his question, pulling a piece of paper from my jacket pocket. "Of course I've got a list."

"Flipping heck." Nick's eyes widen as he unfolds it. "I didn't realise we needed all this stuff."

"Mm, seems more real now, doesn't it?" I point out, knowing it was probably just hitting him. He pauses, looking down at the paper and I stop, glancing at him. I knew what he was about to ask, but he was worried about asking it. "I barely did any shopping for Lauren, I just got a cot and the basic stuff, figured I'd do the rest afterwards when Michelle came up."

"Oh right." He nods and I take his hand, smiling reassuringly. "So this is all new ground for me too."

"Well, I don't even know what half this stuff looks like." He hands me the list back. "So I'm relying on you here."

"Not entirely sure I even know." I laugh, as we head towards the first aisle. "I'm paying for all of this by the way, I'm putting it on the Underworld account."

"Carla this is going to cost hundreds." He prompts me. "Take it out the joint account."

"No because that's for important things." I argue.

"This is one of the most important shopping trips we'll ever go on." I point out. "And hopefully one of the only ones."

"Ha, yeah." I scoff. "You're married to me, you're doomed to a life of shopping."

"What is that?" He stares at the object I have put in to the trolley, picking it up hesitantly.

"A breast pump." I inform him and he quickly drops it again, before staring at me with a surprised expression.

"You're going to breast feed?" He asks.

"I'm going to give it a shot." I shrug, turning to face him and I realise he is smiling at me lovingly. "What?"

"Nothing, I just didn't imagine you'd want to." He admits and I hesitate, feeling quite offended for a moment. "I didn't mean for that to sound rude."

"Well I do want to." I reply, bluntly.

"Ok, that makes me really happy." He tries to reason with me, and I can tell by his expression he didn't mean for it to come out the way it did. "Sorry."

"No it's fine baby." I sigh, going over to him and wrapping my arms around his neck. "I just want to do everything properly."

"Do you know how much I respect you right now?" He says, quietly and I frown at him. "For all of this."

"Wow." I nod, kissing him briefly before letting him go. "We should come shopping more often if I get this treatment. Right ok, we need a changing mat." I pick the most expensive one, with little navy rabbits on and Nick groans when he sees the price. "What? We're having all the top of the range stuff."

"Brilliant." Nick sighs, and I pull a face at him, trying to cheer him up.

"Grumpy." I nudge him, getting excited when I see a range of cots and Moses baskets. "Ah, ok we need to think of a colour theme for the nursery?"

"Blue?" He suggests and I roll my eyes.

"No not blue." I tut, heading towards the decor aisle, thinking it an idea to choose that before deciding on furniture. "Blue is so standard."

"So by 'think', you mean; you choose." He points out and I pretend I haven't heard him, as we reach the aisle and I scan the pots of paint on display.

"Ok so how about a light grey for two walls, which means we can leave those two as they are?" I hypothesise, thinking about the spare room we were going to use that still had a load of clutter in from moving. "And then a mint green? With wallpaper on one wall."

"You're really thinking this through, aren't you?" Nick looks impressed and I go to pick up the can of paint. "Uh, no." He lets go of the trolley, picking it up and giving me a warning look. I bite my lip guiltily and he smiles at my expression, kissing me on the nose briefly before continuing down the aisle. "Wallpaper is here."

"Have you ever done wallpaper before?" I ask, running my finger along the different baby-like patterns.

"Yes." He laughs, as if it were obvious.

"Oh good, I haven't got to pay a decorator then." I grin, watching his face fall. "Knew there was a reason why I married you. Which, you choose?"

"That one." He points to a random sheet of green paper with teddy bears on and I turn my nose up at it. "Well then why ask?"

"That's gonna clash with the other colour." I sigh, knowing I would have to make most of these decisions on my own.

"Well the baby's hardly going to care." He argues.

"Well I am." I object, pulling a mint green sheet out, that is dotted with white stars and has 'twinkle twinkle' written on it in certain points. "This one?"

"Yes that's very nice." Nick sighs, knowing he had to agree with me and I give him an expectant look. "No, genuinely that's lovely."

"Sure?" I check, putting a roll into the trolley anyway. "Ok now we can choose furniture." I head back towards the aisle we were originally in. "Grey or white for the cot?" I glance at his reluctant expression. "I swear, you can choose this one."

"Ok well how about white for the cot and grey for the basket." He points to two of them.

"Good call." I narrow my eyes, impressed with his judgement and he piles them in to the trolley.

"Oh great, flat pack furniture." He moans and I pat him on the back. "That's me sorted for the next few days."

"Oh stop complaining, I'm the one who's got to give birth to him." I remind him, knowing it would win him round. "Mobile."

"Phone?" He frowns at me.

"No, the ones you hang above the cot." I tell him, laughing at his remark. "Ooh, choose this one."

"Why do we need fourteen different musical rhymes?" He reads from the box.

"And a baby meditation system." I recite. "Yes we need that."

"Why?" He shakes his head at me. "This baby really is going to be a mini you. You'll be buying it a baby spa kit next."

"Is that a thing?" My eyes widen and he shrugs, giving in and putting the mobile in to the trolley. I clap my hands together as we enter the next aisle, which holds a range of pushchairs. I stare at them momentarily and everything seems so real. The fact that I would be pushing our baby down the street in one of these in a matter of months.

"Are you alright?" Nick asks and I notice he is staring at me. I turn to look at him, pausing.

"Nick, I'm so excited." I admit and he smiles at me. "I'm going to be a mum."

"You are." He nods, leaving the trolley and coming over to me, placing one hand on my tummy. "Has it just hit you?"

"I never thought I'd feel like this about having a baby, ever." I gasp slightly and he kisses me. "Nick... This is mad... We're going to be a family."

"Stop because you'll get me excited." He bites his lip, gazing at me adoringly and I link my hands with his, holding them up between us.

"That's the point." I giggle, smiling into the kiss he plants on my lips. "Like we're going to do the whole late night feeds and teaching him words, teaching him to walk, feeding him raisins from one of those little boxes. You'll be pushing him on the swings, we can go for picnics."

"What has happened to you?" He raises his eyebrows, but he seems to love it even more, the fact that I was so soft on the idea. "Picnics?"

"Mm." I nod, unable to wipe the smile off my face. "School runs, nativity plays. Oh, Johnny better let me have the day off for the nativity plays."

"Ok, I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself." He points out. "I don't think you need to mark it in the diary just yet."

"But it's happening." I whisper, staring up at him. "Is this actually happening?"

"Yes." He replies, quietly. "It's actually happening."

 **Nick**

"Half a grand?" I recite once again as we pull up outside the house, staring behind me at all the stuff piled up on the back seat, because it wouldn't all fit in the boot. "And that's only half the stuff."

"I'm sorry." She bites her lip, not looking the slightest bit apologetic, but I didn't care. It made her happy, and I was glad I had convinced her to put it on the joint account because it made it feel like it was ours. It was our preparation for our son and I couldn't be happier.

"Right." I kiss her briefly, before she climbs out of the car. "You go and lie down on the sofa." I pop the boot open, beginning to unload the stuff. "I'll sort all this out."

"Ooh, are you moving?" Tracy's unwelcome voice sounds and we both turn to look at where she was strutting over to us. "Back to Devon I hope, or maybe even further."

"No, we're not moving." Carla responds, unenthusiastically. "In fact quite the opposite, sorry to disappoint."

"Oh what a shame." Tracy screws her nose up at the boxes I am unloading. "Which charity shop did you get all this from then?"

"Charity shop?" Carla raises her eyebrows. "That's not even a very good joke, can you imagine me shopping at a charity shop?"

"Yeah I suppose you're not a very charitable person." Tracy shrugs. "It's all take, take, take with you."

"Oh yeah because you're mother Theresa." Carla laughs lightly and I sigh, turning to face the pair of them.

"Inside." I order to Carla and she hesitates before following in that direction.

"Ah she's like a little dog following orders." Tracy winds her up. "Well... Little could be debated. More like a bulldog, with all that excess fat-"

"Oh shut up!" Carla snaps and I glare at Tracy, who begins to laugh victoriously at her attempts.

"Will you do one, Tracy?" I snap at her and she rolls her eyes. "Go and ruin somebody else's day."

"I'm kind of enjoying ruining yours." She replies as Carla leans up against the car, watching her intently before noticing my look and heading inside.

"Keep out of our way." I mutter to Tracy. "Just enjoy your boring life, and let us get on with ours because it's got nothing to do with you."

"You could do a lot better." She stares at the doorway.

"I don't think I need to take love advice off you, thank you." I tell her and she holds her hands up, walking off.

As soon as I have finished piling the shopping in to the hall, Carla sits up from the sofa, staring at everything.

"Wow there's a lot." Her eyes widen. "Babies are demanding."

"Like you then." I point out and she pulls a face at me.

"Is Michelle working?" Carla asks.

"Oh yeah, looking for any excuse to escape now I've got to do all of this, are you?" I guess and she gets up, walking over to me.

"No." She smiles, wrapping her arms around my neck. "But I haven't spoken to her since our little argument the other week and I think I need to clear the air."

"Yes well clear it." I sigh, wrapping a piece of her hair around my finger. "I'm fed up of her being so moody at work."

"Ok." Carla replies, awkwardly and I grab her hand before she can walk away.

"Hey, hey." I stop her and she turns to face me. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah." She puts a bright smile on her face.

"Have you forgotten something before you go?" I persist and she scans the house, confused at my comment before I gently pull on her hand, guiding her in to me so I can kiss her softly for a few seconds. "Mm... Ok fine go." She reaches up to kiss me again, letting out a low sigh as she does so. "Go before I keep you here to kiss you all afternoon."

"I love you." She whispers, her eyes fixated on mine.

"I know." I smile, kissing her one last time. "I love you too."

 **Carla**

"Bottle of red." I approach the bar and Michelle turns to face me, staring at me for a moment before pouring me an orange juice. "Oh look how well you know me."

"That's one sixty five." She recites and I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Uh, and that one sixty five will be paid straight back into my joint bank account." I remind her, hesitating before pulling a fiver out of my purse. "Actually, we need it after baby shopping today."

"I was joking, keep it." Michelle sounds reluctant to talk to me and I take a straw out of the pot, sipping my drink to prolong the silence between us. "Have fun shopping?"

"Actually yeah." I nod, scanning behind the bar. "Just you on today?"

"No Kate's on her break." She tells me, before pointing to where a waitress was cleaning the table. "And Melanie's on."

"Oh excellent, so you've got time for a chat then?" I assume and she narrows her eyes.

"No, I'm working." She responds and I sigh, drumming my fingers on the counter, realising this would be more difficult than I thought. "I'm sorry about a few weeks ago."

"That's alright." I reply, studying her carefully. "I take it things aren't alright though?"

"He's agreed to have the operation." She informs me. "Next Thursday."

"Chelle that's brilliant news?" I prompt her, but she looks less enthusiastic about the idea. "Isn't it?"

"Yes of course it is." She sighs. "I keep telling him all this positive stuff, I think maybe because I'm trying to convince myself."

"But it will be positive." I reassure her. "Like you said as soon as they've removed this, there's a strong chance the cancer will have been removed with it."

"Yeah, a strong chance." She repeats. "Nothing is definite."

"Well that may be, but you need to both keep optimistic about the whole thing." I reply and she gives me a look.

"Said Carla Connor never." She scoffs slightly and I didn't care that she had used my old name. Michelle was an exception, because she had grown up with me and in a sense I think it comforted her about Paul.

"Yes well I've got a new mindset now." I try to convince her. "Partially."

"Yeah now you're a mum, you're going all soft." She teases me, with a hint of a smile on her face.

"I am not." I scold her, pausing in thought. "Ok maybe a little but I'm still a cow."

"I know." She grins and I lean myself on the bar top, looking at her intently. "Carla I'm fine."

"So, Thursday." I ignore her. "Why don't I stay over at yours? You'll be worrying all night otherwise."

"I'll be alright." She responds, pouring herself a glass of wine, despite working and I watch the liquid flow.

"Well then I'll be worrying about you." I insist and she looks up at me. "Please? We can watch films and have popcorn."

"We're not thirteen again." She laughs. "Then again, the sleepovers we had at thirteen were pretty grim. There were no films, just Paul's violent video games and the popcorn was out of date nuts from the back of the cupboard."

"So... Let's correct it now?" I prompt her and she sighs, giving in. "Yay." I cheer and she manages to smile at my reaction. "You'll be ok, you both will. I mean that."

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me?" Michelle finally asks, resting her hand on the top of the wine glass. "About Anne Foster?"

"Who told you?" I question and she raises her eyebrows at me.

"Sean." She replies and I sigh.

"Sean's been a busy bee." I drone, looking up at her. "I didn't want to worry you."

"Carla, I'm your best friend." She sounds almost hurt. "You should have told me."

"Sorry..." I trail off. "I didn't want to make a big deal."

"So what happened?" She gently asks, pushing her glass to one side. I didn't want to talk about this again, I'd only just managed to stop thinking about it.

"Basically she's dying, she just wanted a visitor." I sigh and she looks shocked, I didn't know why.

"Why you?" She frowns and I shrug. "Surely you're the last person she wanted to see."

"She wanted to apologise, I think." I tell her. "For everything, while she still could."

"Did it upset you?" She questions and I shrug again.

"I was a bit shaken up." I mumble. "But me and Nick had a chat about it and then it was all fine so."

"So you won't be seeing her again?" She checks.

"Oh no." I smile. "It's done, and I have no desire to have anything to do with her or her family again so. Here's to the future."

 **Nick**

"Oh hello." I turn as I hear the door slam. "Phone broken?"

"No." She pulls it out of her jacket pocket.

"I texted you." I tell her and she frowns at the screen.

"Oh ok then it is broken." She looks up at me and I laugh, taking it from her and examining it. "Don't try to fix it, we both know what you're like with fixing technology Nicholas."

"Haha." I flash her a sarcastic smile, pointing to the kitchen. "Dinner's ready anyway."

"Oh has it been ready long?" She takes her jacket off, chucking it on the sofa.

"About ten minutes." I try tapping on the phone, but the screen was frozen. "Yeah that's knackered, I'll get it sorted for you tomorrow."

"So I'm not gonna have a phone?" She exclaims and I laugh, putting it down on the table. "I have clients numbers on there, will I have lost them all?"

"Oh business, business, business." I wind her up, taking her hand. "Just come and eat something."

"Seriously, I have important stuff on there!" She argues, sitting down in her chair.

"Well I've said I'll try and get it fixed for you." I sigh, an amused smile on my face and she looks annoyed at my expression. "Haven't you got them backed up at the factory?"

"Well yeah but..." She trails off and I laugh. "What's so funny?"

"You, getting stressed out over a phone." I tease her and she glares at me, tucking into her food. "I've put all the furniture up by the way, whilst you've been gassing with Michelle."

"How did you find it?" She mutters, clearly now in a mood.

"Pretty self explanatory if you follow the instructions." I reply, and she pauses her chewing, staring at me.

"Well that is what they're for." She responds and I bite my lip, staring back at her as she tries not to smile.

"Are you not going to thank me?" I raise my eyebrows. "Hm?"

"I'll wait till I see it first." She replies, looking down as she continues to eat. "Might be a right mess. I'm staying over at Chelle's next Thursday."

"Why?" I frown. "Bit old for sleepovers aren't you?"

"Because Robert's..." She trails off, swallowing her food hesitantly. "Getting on her nerves and he's going to a stag do so I said I'd keep her company that night, cheer her up a bit."

"You won't be cheering her up if you're in this mood." I jibe, poking her playfully with the end of my fork and she gives me a look.

"You can get the painting done then." She suggests.

"Uh, no." I shake my head and she looks confused. "You're helping me paint."

"I am not." She retorts.

"Yes you are!" I laugh and her eyes widen.

"I'm pregnant, I am not painting anything." She argues. "Nice try."

"You're not using that excuse for everything." I wind her up.

"You know, I think I'm choosing a new birthing partner." She decides, grumpily. "I'll have Roy instead."

"Roy's gonna be your birthing partner?" I repeat, looking at her expectantly. "He'd be reciting Shakespeare whilst you're having contractions."

"Yes well at least he wouldn't be as annoying as you." She replies and I feel stupidly hurt for a second, which clearly shows in my face. "Oh baby I'm joking."

"I know!" I exclaim and she finally smiles.

"You know I'd only want you." She sighs, reaching out for my hand. "Idiot."

"Ah just when you were being sweet." I point out and she narrows her eyes, playfully. "I'll try not to be annoying."

"Of course you won't be annoying." She smiles at the thought. "You'll be amazing. Can't guarantee I won't snap at you though."

"Well I'm used to that." I remind her and she slaps my hand lightly before putting her head on the table and groaning. "What?"

"I don't want to give birth." She moans suddenly and I stare at her for a second. "It hurts and you get all sweaty."

"But it'll be worth it." I prompt her, running my fingers through her hair. "Hey, look at me." I tap the back of her head and she reluctantly looks up at me. "It'll be worth it."

"Easy for you to say, you just get to sit there and drink tea." She rolls her eyes, sitting back in her chair.

"You know if I could do it for you, I would." I tell her and she nods hesitantly.

"I know." She sighs, rubbing her tummy, closing her eyes before opening them again. "Ok, I've had worse. I've had a gun held to my head, I can do this."

"Of course you can do it." I intertwine my fingers with hers and she smiles appreciatively.

"Sorry for being a cow." She mumbles, gazing at me.

"You're entitled to be." I tease her and a low hum emits her lips as she stares back at me. "Sometimes."

"However, I am _not_ painting that nursery." She finishes and I smile in response, sighing to show I had given in. "But I will birth your child so I think that's a fair compromise."

"Ok, deal." I nod and she shakes my hand playfully before returning to her food.

 **Carla**

"Oh my God." I sit bolt upright in bed, and Nick immediately clicks the light on, looking at me worriedly as we listen to the sound from downstairs. There had been a loud crash of plates, which had managed to wake me up, and I look panicked as Nick climbs out of bed. I get up, wrapping my dressing gown around my body and Nick turns to look at me.

"Stay here please." He tells me and I shake my head. "Carla, do it. Please."

"Be careful." I whisper, staying put until he has padded out on to landing, and I emerge from the bedroom, leaning over the bannister and watching him cautiously descend the stairs.

"What the hell are you doing?" I hear him ask someone and I immediately race down after him, putting my hands on his shoulders and peering around to see Bethany stood in the kitchen, half a glass plate in her hand.

"Bethany?" I exclaim, sighing with relief. "You scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry." She says weakly and I can tell she is close to tears.

"Hey." I walk around Nick, going over to hug her.

"Never mind that, what do you think you're doing?" Nick snaps and I turn to look at him. "Have you broken in to our house?"

"No, I used mum's key." She holds it up, defensively. "But I accidentally knocked those plates off, sorry."

"Come away from there, there's smashed glass everywhere." He reaches out to tug me away and I do as he says, Bethany following after me. "You can't just let yourself into people's houses without asking! Stupid girl."

"Nick!" I exclaim, putting my arm around her. "Calm down."

"Carla, I thought we were being burgled, or worse." He tells me, angrily.

"Ok, well we're not, are we." I sigh, as his gaze moves back to Bethany.

"Explain?" He demands and she looks almost scared for a minute.

"Come here sweetheart." I guide her over to the sofa, glaring at Nick in the process. "Don't get upset, it's fine. He's just grumpy because I'm gonna make him clear it up."

"Oh for God's sake." He huffs, heading into the kitchen and I watch him go before looking back at her.

"I'm so sorry." Bethany starts to cry and my face softens as I pull her in to a hug. "I didn't mean to scare you, I didn't know what to do."

"Hey, it's ok." I reassure her, rubbing her back comfortingly. "Right, I've got some hot chocolate in the cupboard. Wait there." I smile at her and she looks a little bit more relaxed as I stand up, heading in to the kitchen.

"Carla, broken glass." He points to the floor as if I couldn't see it and I shut the door abruptly.

"Yes I do have eyes." I snap, under my breath, putting the kettle on in the process. "That was uncalled for."

"I don't care, she can't just enter our house at three in the morning." He points to the clock on the wall. "What is she doing here? Has she told you?"

"I'm working on it!" I hiss as he sweeps the broke glass into a pile. "Can't you see she's upset?"

"Wait until Sarah hears about this." He continues, as I spoon hot chocolate powder into two mugs. "She's going to be in deep trouble."

"Can we just wait and see why she's here first?" I sigh, rubbing my eyes and pouring the water into the mugs.

"If you ever get round to it." He mutters and I pick them up off the counter.

"Oh shut up." I roll my eyes, storming out of the kitchen and back in to the living room. "Here you go." I smile warmly at Bethany, passing her a cup and she accepts it gratefully. "So, come on then, spill."

"I'm so sorry for waking you up." Bethany apologises quietly and I sit down next to her, curling my legs up beneath me. "And for causing a row between you two."

"Oh don't worry about that." I reassure her. "Trust me, in comparison to other arguments, that was not a row."

"I can't stay at that house anymore." Bethany admits, quietly. "I need some space."

"Ok." I nod, understandingly. "And you realised this at three in the morning?"

"I've been sat up... I was going to do something stupid." She whispers, so Nick can't hear and I swallow, putting my mug down on the table. "Kept going over things in my head, there's nobody I can talk to. I tried phoning Craig but no answer. I don't think I'd have wanted to talk to him anyway, I wouldn't have known what to say."

"Well you're here now." I tell her, calmly.

"I remembered that mum keeps spare keys in her jewellery box." She mumbles. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Hey, don't apologise." I put a hand on her arm, squeezing it reassuringly and she winces slightly, causing me to immediately retract my hand. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." She blatantly lies, despite me already guessing.

"I thought you said you didn't do anything stupid." I sigh, my eyes darting to her sleeves.

"I meant... More stupid than that." She murmurs, avoiding my gaze and I sigh, worry building inside me.

"Right, ok." I whisper, holding my hand out and she hesitantly places her arm into it. I carefully peel back the sleeve of her black coat, my eyes falling upon the blood stained sleeve of her t-shirt underneath. I gently guide it up her arm, revealing a blistered cigarette burn and I close my eyes momentarily, getting up to grab the first aid box from under the side table in the corner. Going back over to her, I open it up and take out a bandage, carefully cutting it using the scissors. I pull an anti-sceptic wipe from the packet, as tears roll down her cheeks silently. "Make a fist." I point to her other hand and she squeezes her hand closed as I try to be as careful as possible, dabbing the wipe around the burn and she winces at the pain. "Made of strong stuff you."

"I'm not, I'm weak." She whispers, trying to keep her breathing steady and I shake my head at her. She sounded like me, she reminded me of me, in so many ways. "I'm so sorry."

"If I hear you say that word again." I smile, soothingly and she relaxes slightly as I secure the bandage in place.

"Please don't tell Nick." She begs me and I look at her.

"Bethany." I sigh, knowing there was no way I could keep this from him.

"He'll tell mum." She cries. "Please."

"He won't, I promise you." I hold my arms out to her and she falls in to them. "It's ok, you're safe."

"I don't know why." She mumbles into me. "Why? Why did I do it? Why?"

"Look, calm down." I pull away from her, meeting her gaze. "It's done, ok? So there's no point in regrets, your uncle told me that once, when I was in a similar position."

"Mum doesn't care." She says, quietly.

"Of course she cares." I sigh, running a hand through her blonde hair before grabbing a tissue from the coffee table and handing it to her. "She's your mum, and I can tell how much she loves you. She puts you before anyone."

"I know..." She finally agrees, listening to every word I say. "She doesn't understand though."

"She probably doesn't want to understand." I tell her. "I can imagine it's one of the worst things for a parent, to know your child went through that."

"What did your mum do?" She asks, looking at me inquisitively.

"I didn't have one." I reply, honestly. "I never have."

"Everybody has a mum." She frowns, cheering up a bit.

"Yeah, but not everybody's loves them." I tell her and her face falls slightly. "She was dead anyway, when it happened. She died a few months before."

"I'm sorry." She looks guilty for bringing it up.

"Don't be." I laugh slightly. "She never gave a damn about me, not like yours does."

"You've got Johnny though." She reminds me and I tilt my head to the side.

"Suppose." I ponder. "Though until a few years ago, I didn't even realise I did."

"You must be pretty indestructible." Bethany observes, deep in thought. "Everything I've heard that's happened to you, and you still manage to sit here, listening to me banging on about my stupid problems."

"Your problems are far from stupid, missy." I tap her under the chin. "So don't say that again."

"...I'm quite glad I arranged that date for you and Nick now." She decides and I frown.

"What date?" I question, trying to understand what she meant.

"The same day Erica turned back up." She screws her nose up at the thought.

"You arranged that?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah, I texted you from Nick's phone..." She trails off. "He didn't tell you this, did he?"

"No, he didn't." I laugh, amused at the thought. "But credit to you, you did well."

"Oh no." She bites her lip, rolling her sleeve down over the bandage. "I'm going to cause another row now, aren't I?"

"Stop worrying." I nudge her gently as the kitchen door opens and I look up at Nick's tired figure in the doorway.

"Carla can I have a word?" He asks gently and I glance at Bethany, winking at her before getting up and following him in to the kitchen. He closes the door leaning up against the kitchen counter. "I'm sorry for being like that, I was just in shock. I shouldn't have taken it out on you... Or her."

"Nick I'm worried about her." I whisper, pulling him further away from the door and he looks concerned at my words. "She begged me not to tell you this..."

"Tell me what?" He lowers his voice, staring at me intently.

"She's been self harming." I admit and he swallows, luckily not flying off the handle. "I told her you wouldn't tell Sarah, but she's got a cigarette burn on her arm. I've cleaned and bandaged it, so hopefully it'll heal up."

"Ok." Nick closes his eyes momentarily. "Why is she here?"

"She said she needed space... That she couldn't sleep and she didn't want to do something stupid." I explain and his eyes widen.

"Stupid?" He hisses, pointing to the door. "She's burned herself."

"Keep your voice down." I warn him, and he sighs, leaning back against the table and rubbing his face with his hand, trying to work out what to do. "I think she just needed to talk. I spoke to her the other week about everything that happened with her, and I told her about Frank. I think... I don't know, I think maybe she feels like I understand a little better. I'm worried I've opened it all back up again..."

"Hey, don't be silly." He sighs, holding his arms out and I walk in to them as he wraps them around me. "You're amazing, that's exactly what she needs."

"You think?" I check and he kisses me on the forehead, nodding. "So what are we going to do?"

"Well, we're going to sit down and talk about it." Nick tells me and I bite my lip at the thought, not wanting to break Bethany's trust when I had only just gained it. "I'll be calm, I promise."

"She doesn't want to go back to the house." I say, glancing at my broken phone in the corner of the kitchen. "But we're gonna have to tell Sarah she's with us. I don't want her waking up and finding her not there."

"Right, come here." Nick takes my hand, guiding me towards the kitchen door and opening it hesitantly. He goes to sit down in the armchair and I take my seat next to Bethany again. She stares at us intently, waiting for some kind of verdict.

"Please don't be angry." She begs Nick and his expression is suddenly sympathetic.

"Sweetheart I'm not angry." He sighs, glancing at the blood stains on her arm and she puts a hand over it defensively. "I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it. I just panicked because I thought somebody was downstairs, I didn't realise it was you."

"I know." She nods, before opening her mouth to say something else.

"Don't say it." I stop her and she smiles slightly. "We know you're sorry."

"We want to help you though." Nick tells her, gently and I smile at his words. He was going to be such a perfect dad, he was a natural at it already. "Because it shouldn't have come to this, that's what worries me."

"I did try to phone Carla." She admits and I tilt my head back, immediately feeling guilty.

"Oh darling, I'm sorry." I apologise. "My phone is broken, you should have tried Nick when I didn't answer."

"I... Didn't want him to panic." She replies, staring at the floor. "Even though I know what you're going to say; you are now."

"You're my niece." He reminds her. "The only thing I want to do is protect you."

"Yeah well..." She mutters. "I'm not very good at letting people protect me."

"So what's the deal with home then?" Nick changes the subject slightly, not wanting to upset her further.

"I hate that house." She opens up to us. "I hate how loud it is, how crammed. I hate my bedroom, it just swallows me up, it just reminds me of horrible memories." I glance at Nick, as if we were communicating by telepathy. "I just needed some space, and the first place I thought to come was here. I wasn't thinking straight, I just needed to be somewhere else."

"So." I stop her, trying to calm her down. "So, you're welcome to stay here for as long as you like, you know that. I'll find you a pair of pyjamas, it's not like I'll be needing the ones in your size anytime soon. We'll put that t-shirt in the wash, nobody will know apart from us."

"But we'll obviously need to tell your mum where you are." Nick chips in. "And soon, because if she wakes up and can't find you, she'll be worried."

"When was the last time you saw her?" I ask and Bethany thinks for a moment.

"Her and Gary went upstairs at about eight thirty." She remembers. "David and Shona were out, gran fell asleep in front of The Sound Of Music."

"Right, so." I try to work out an excuse. "I came to collect you to come over here and discuss a contract for work and afterwards I said I didn't want you to go back home because it was dark out."

"See, she has her uses." Nick points at me. "And I'll message your mum now to tell her that Carla's phone is broken so the text never sent to say where you were."

"...Thank you so much." Bethany whispers. "Both of you."

"Hey, we're the cool auntie and uncle." I tap her knee playfully. "That's our purpose; to bail you out of trouble."

"And make sure you're ok." Nick checks and Bethany nods, confidently.

"I'm a lot better now." She smiles and I squeeze her hand gently. "You're both going to be brilliant parents. I mean that."

* * *

 _ **I hope you enjoyed this. Quick question; do people enjoy the pregnancy stuff more, or the other storylines, trying to decide what people prefer reading so I can focus on that topic. I know what I am doing with the central storyline of this fic, but for the more minor scenes just wondered what people prefer!**_


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40:**

 _ **A/N: It's a bit of a mess of things in this chapter but needed to tie up some loose ends!**_

 **Carla**

I knock quietly on Bethany's door, before hearing a muffled noise from inside, hesitantly opening the door and closing it behind me.

"Morning." I greet. She is sat up in the spare bed, putting her phone down as soon as I enter. "How are you feeling?"

"Well I actually slept." She shrugs. "This bed is dead comfy."

"Good." I smile, sitting down on the edge of the bed, handing her a plate of toast and a glass of orange juice. "I didn't know if you'd be hungry."

"Thank you." She takes it from me, putting them down on the side table. "Did you sleep?"

"Not much." I answer honestly and she looks guilty so I decide to twist the truth slightly. "Baby was kicking quite a bit."

"Oh." She replies, playing with the necklace around her neck as we sit in silence. "Did my mum reply?"

"Yeah, she said it's all fine." I tell her. "However, if you're planning on staying here any longer, we might need to think of another reason."

"Am I in the way?" She worries.

"Not at all, sweetheart." I assure her. "Don't worry about coming in to work today, you can just slob out on the sofa if you want?"

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asks, quietly.

"Uh, because we're family." I point out, not even hesitating on the word which made a refreshing change. "And because I care. I never realised I could care so much, but I do."

"Where's uncle Nicky?" She glances at the closed door and I laugh. "What?"

"You know he hates it when you call him that." I smile and she nods.

"Yeah, that's why I do it." She grins before her expression goes serious again. "Thank you for last night, and letting me stay."

"Don't even mention it." I tell her, my eyes falling to her sleeve. "How's your arm feeling?"

"Sore." She shrugs. "But it's not the first time it's happened, so I'm getting used to it."

"Yes well don't get used to it." I sigh. "Next time, I want you to talk to me first, or anybody, I mean."

"Wouldn't even know what it felt like if it wasn't for him." She mumbles and my stomach sickens at the thought. "He used to burn me, when I wouldn't follow his orders or go along with his plans."

"He doesn't deserve to live." I reply, defensive over her. "Last night, you said you were weak. Do you realise how far from the truth that is?"

"Doesn't feel it." She murmurs and I study her for a moment.

"I know it doesn't." I whisper and she looks at me, understanding what I meant. If there was anything I could relate to, it was that. "This is exactly what I say to Nick. I can see where he's coming from now I've heard you say the words I tell him all the time. You, are so strong for coming out the other side. I know you won't believe it but I definitely do."

"Maybe one day." She manages a smile and I return it, nodding in recognition.

 **Nick**

"Morning." I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and a head resting on my shoulder, automatically guessing and hoping it was Carla. "Although my body clock is a bit messed up right now."

"Mm, same." She replies, her hair tickling my cheek as she places a kiss onto my skin. "Bacon, yes."

"Bethany up?" I ask, switching the grill off and turning around to look at her.

"Yeah, well she's awake." She tells me, sitting down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar and rotating it to face me. "How are you, after last night?"

"Bewildered." I answer and she nods, holding out her hand and I pass her a bit of bacon which she bites straight into. I shake my head at her, amused, before turning to put the rest into two sandwiches, squirting brown sauce on to hers.

"Thank you." She accepts it gratefully and I sit down opposite her, watching as she picks it up, taking a bite and staring back at me.

"So we have officially adopted a child." I point upstairs and she laughs quietly. "And we have another one on the way, super parents."

"Yes well." She smiles at my joke. "What are we going to do about Sarah? Scrap that, what are we going to do about the whole situation? She's not gonna want her staying here forever is she?"

"Ugh too many questions so early in the morning." I groan, putting my sandwich down and picking at the crust. "I'm sorry for snapping at you last night."

"Apology accepted." She replies. "Since you made me a bacon butty. I'll let you off."

"Do you think Bethany was upset by what I said?" I stress and she shakes her head.

"Nah, she was too preoccupied with everything else." She guesses, finishing her sandwich and pointing to mine. "Are you going to eat that?"

"Take it." I roll my eyes and she hesitates. "I'm not hungry, go ahead. I'd rather him eat it anyway."

"Ah, well he's very grateful." She pats her tummy lightly, groaning suddenly as she does so. "Oh big mistake, woken him up."

"That's karma that is, for stealing my breakfast." I tell her, getting up and she narrows her eyes at me as I put my hands on her tummy, feeling my baby wriggling beneath my fingers. "Does it feel weird?"

"It feels annoying." She replies, eating my breakfast all the same. "It really depends, sometimes it feels bubbly, sometimes it aches, sometimes he'll proper jab me in the ribs. Little terror."

"Maybe he'll learn karate?" I suggest and she pulls a face at me.

"You'll be taking him to all these places, you do realise that." She points out, as the door opens and Bethany hesitantly enters, watching as I retract my hand from her bump.

"Don't stop on my account." She smiles, glancing at Carla. "Is it kicking?"

"Yeah." Carla nods. "Want to feel?"

"Really?" Bethany's eyes light up and she goes over to her, putting a hand on her tummy. "Wow, that's so weird."

"Didn't you ever feel Harry move?" I ask, contently watching the scene in front of me.

"I didn't really care back then." She shrugs, taking her hand off Carla's stomach. "I meant what I said last night, you know; you two are going to be the best parents."

"That really means a lot." Carla smiles appreciatively. "Thank you."

"Do you want a bacon butty?" I offer and Bethany shakes her head.

"I'm not hungry." She tells us, before turning to Carla and pointing to the pyjamas she had lent her. "Are these real silk?"

"Yep." Carla nods. "Comfy?"

"The most comfortable thing I've ever worn." Bethany replies, fascinated by the material and Carla groans slightly as she holds her tummy.

"You alright?" I check, going over to her.

"I'm fine." She sighs, closing her eyes momentarily and I kiss the side of her head, before there is a loud hammering on the front door. Bethany immediately looks petrified, turning in the same direction. Carla stands up, going over to her and putting an arm around her shoulders. "Hey, it's alright."

"I'll get it." I tell them, heading in to the lounge and opening the front door to reveal Aidan on the doorstep. "Good morning."

"Is it?" He sounds frustrated and I step aside.

"Please, come in." I beckon him, a hint of sarcasm in my voice. "Fill our lives with more joy."

"Where's Carla?" He demands and I point to the kitchen, but she was already leaving at the sound of his voice. "Oi, what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm sorry?" Carla raises her voice slightly at his unwelcome presence, as Bethany appears behind her. "What do you think _you're_ doing? Storming in to our house."

"What's she doing here?" Aidan points to Bethany and Carla glares at him.

"Uh, excuse me!" Carla snaps. "That's got nothing to do with you."

"We're supposed to be on our way to Blackpool, right now." He taps his watch, staring at her unready appearance.

"Blackpool?" Carla repeats and I notice Bethany looks guilty. "Why on Earth would we need to go to Blackpool?"

"Oh no..." She pipes up and Carla turns to face her. "I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you. I was given the message and said I'd pass it on... Sorry."

"Oh that's ok." Carla laughs slightly, trying to calm her worried expression.

"Ok?" Aidan retorts. "Carla, this deal is huge, because of her amateur actions, we'll probably lose it now!"

"Oi, calm down now." Carla orders and Aidan falls quiet, obeying her. "You don't just come in to my house and start throwing your weight around. I'm the boss of that factory, thank you."

"Yes well you're not doing a very good job." He replies, bitterly and I sit down in the armchair, putting my head in my hands. Why couldn't we just have a quiet day? One day of peace without somebody stressing us out even more. "I'll go on my own then."

"Great, have fun." Carla cheers, sarcastically. "Enjoy your stick of rock, I hope it chokes you." He slams the door and Carla rolls her eyes at me.

"I am so, so sorry." Bethany apologises. "I wrote it on a post-it-note when you were off, I meant to tell you."

"Darling you've done me a favour." Carla reassures her. "The last thing I want to do is go trekking around Blackpool with my self-obsessed brother."

"I'd like to come in to work today." Bethany says, quietly. "I'd rather keep busy."

"Whatever you want." Carla tells her, pointing to the stairs. "I'll find you something to wear and then we can pop over to yours later, sort this out and pack you a bag if you are staying for a bit."

* * *

"Hello." I call to Carla, as she emerges from the factory, Bethany in tow. I hold out her phone when she reaches me and she takes it, as if she had lost an arm rather than a piece of technology. "Brand new, cheaper to buy you a new one than get the old one fixed."

"My contacts?" She asks without thanking me and I roll my eyes at Bethany.

"All synced." I point to it, as she finds them. "Everything has transferred over."

"Ah, my prince." She kisses me affectionately. "Thank you."

"Ew." I notice Bethany is pulling a face as we retract and I ruffle her hair, as she pushes me off.

"So how was a nice peaceful day in the office without Aidan?" I take Carla's hand, approaching David's house and knocking on the door.

"Very relaxing." Carla nods. "Apart from Johnny breathing down my ear every five minutes."

"Have you spoken to him about things yet?" I prompt her and she shakes her head. "You need to, he'll have questions."

"Well I don't want to." She insists, not caring in the slightest that Bethany was involved in the conversation. "Why should I?"

"Because he's your-" I am luckily cut off as the door opens and David stares blankly at the three of us.

"Come in." David drones, walking back in to the house and I usher the girls inside, following after them.

"Oh hello." Sarah greets Bethany. "Nice of you to visit."

"Heyyo!" Harry repeats, running over to Carla and holding his arms up to her. She swiftly picks him up, sighing slightly at his weight and I look at her, concerned.

"Hello sweetheart." She greets him, as he studies the grey paint on her nails inquisitively. "Is it somebody's birthday on Wednesday?"

"It is." Sarah replies, in a baby-like voice and I decide to pretend I hadn't forgotten about his birthday. I could rely on Carla to remember his, but not her own husband's, not that I minded in the slightest.

"How old are you going to be?" Carla holds up two fingers and I smile, warming as I watch her with him. "Two."

"Two." He repeats, grabbing her fingers playfully.

"Any present ideas?" Carla asks Sarah, as Harry drives a car up and down her arm. She sits down with him in the arm chair, balancing him on her knee because the weight was getting a struggle for her now.

"Oh he loves his colours at the minute." Sarah points to the programme on television. "And I want to start introducing him to numbers, so anything educational."

"Educational?" I repeat, raising my eyebrows at her. "Are you my sister?"

"Haha." Sarah flashes me a sarcastic smile, before turning to Bethany. "So Mrs, I hope you've thanked Nick and Carla, I'm sure they've had their hands full with you."

"Oh not at all." Carla glances at me awkwardly and I wait for Bethany to make some kind of excuse.

"Uh... Well I was wondering if I could stay with them for a bit?" Bethany asks her and Sarah looks at me, confused.

"Hey?" She frowns. "Bethany, Carla has to put up with you for long enough at work. They're having a baby, I don't think they want you lounging around their house as well."

"Well that's why, you see." Carla speaks up for her. "We've been talking about me maybe giving her tuition in the evenings, haven't we Bethany? And because we're so snowed under at work, it's the only time we can do it."

"Well I don't want her working too much." Sarah looks concerned.

"Mum, I enjoy it!" Bethany exclaims and Sarah looks surprised. "It's really interesting, besides, we have chocolate while we do it."

"...Yeah." Carla nods and I have to force myself from laughing at their acting.

"Ok, mum." Bethany sighs, looking at her unconvinced expression. "I need some space from here. It's chaos, it's so busy all the time. Please?"

"Well I'm not arguing with you there." Sarah shrugs. "How long?"

"A week?" Bethany glances at Carla and she nods.

"Are you absolutely sure it's not a problem?" Sarah checks. "You know you can chuck her out if she causes any trouble?"

"I'm sure we'll manage." Carla replies.

"Well you've got a lot on your plate with the baby." Sarah points out.

"It's not even born yet." Carla laughs lightly. "It's not really causing us masses of trouble. Well, apart from wriggling around all night long."

"Oh boys are a nightmare." Sarah assured her. "I swear they're so much more difficult than girls."

"Yeah, I know." Carla mutters, awkwardly and I go over to her, kissing the top of her head.

"So can I?" Bethany persists, impatiently. "Please?"

"Oh yes alright but just a week." Sarah sighs, and Bethany beams at us excitedly. What were we letting ourselves in for?

* * *

"Mm." Carla mumbles, reaching the bottom of the stairs and sighing as she puts a hand on her tummy. She sits down next to me, tucking her head into my chest and I gently rub her bump in circular motions, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"I love you." I whisper as she traces her finger up and down my arm, watching as she does so. "That any better?"

"Yeah they'll have to make a robot of you." She mumbles and I chuckle in to her hair. "Feels better when you do it."

"Have you taken any paracetamol?" I ask, gently and she shakes her head.

"I don't want to take it." She sighs, putting her legs over mine and clinging on to my t-shirt. "I'm not really supposed to."

"Do you want me to run you a bath?" I offer and she thinks about it momentarily.

"No I just want you." She murmurs, and I watch as she guides her fingers down my arm, intertwining them with mine. "Please go to sleep, please."

"Go to sleep." I talk to her tummy, slipping my hand under her top and she smiles as I do so. "How's Bethany?"

"Listening to music in her room." She tells me, quietly.

"Her room?" I repeat and Carla glances up at me.

"You know what I mean." She nudges me gently, putting her other hand on top of mine, as I guide my palm up and down her silky skin. "Ugh..."

"It's a good sign." I try to compromise with her and she closes her eyes momentarily.

"I know, I know." She whispers, lowering her head in to me. "Sarah's right you know, I never had any of this with Lauren. It was such an easy pregnancy... Until the end."

"I appreciate you so much." I kiss the side of her head and she tilts her head upwards again, meeting the kiss I place on her lips. She kisses me again, moving so I can continue, releasing my hand from hers and placing it gently on the side of her face. Everything is so soft, so meaningful. Her hand finds its way towards the back of my head, and I feel her fingers in my hair, affectionately kissing her bottom lip as she returns it.

"You are everything." She whispers, her forehead tipping against mine and I look into her eyes, still grazing my thumb against her tummy. "Everything."

* * *

 **Wednesday**

 **Carla**

"Don't you have some work I can do?" Bethany begs me, staring longingly at the factory as we stand outside the Platt's house. "Anything?"

"Uh, no." I nudge her. "If we've got to endure this, so have you. Don't tell your mum I said that."

"My lips are sealed." She sighs, drawing her finger across them in the process as the door opens.

"Hey!" Sarah exclaims, welcoming us inside and I lead Bethany and Nick behind me. "Thank you for coming, you didn't have to all take the day off. Well, you did Bethany."

"This is weird, it's like I've moved out and I'm visiting." Bethany scans the living room as Harry waves to me from the floor, where he is stacking blocks.

"Yeah well don't get used to it." Sarah warns her, before looking at me. "Carla sit down." She points to the arm chair and I laugh slightly at her fussing. Nick sits down in it and I frown at him for a moment before he pulls me in to his lap and I throw my legs over his.

"Oh hello." Gail smiles as she enters from the kitchen, followed by Audrey. "Sorry we were just sorting out the food. Oh mum, ring David, I don't know where he's got to."

"Carla would you like a drink darling?" Audrey sighs exasperatedly at Gail's orders. "First things first, poor woman."

"I can get it." I attempt to stand up and Nick seals his arms around me.

"No, no you stay there." Gail points at me and I groan quietly, causing Nick to laugh. "I've got some lovely peach iced tea."

"Sounds good." I nod, forcing a smile and she walks off.

"Uh, what about me?" Nick pipes up and I laugh, nudging him playfully as I feel a pair of hands on my feet and Harry climbs up to sit on top of us. I adjust him so he doesn't fall; sitting him in my lap but against Nick's chest.

"I think he must like your perfume." Nick points out and I roll my eyes at him.

"Happy birthday!" I cheer quietly, holding up a hand and he high fives me, a grin on his face. "Yay."

"All it's been all day is 'auntie Carla, auntie Carla'." Sarah informs us and I try not to smile at the thought as the door opens and Max and Lily run in.

"Sorry, sorry." David holds his hands up as he follows behind them, Shona in tow. "Max insisted we played football until he won."

"I was winning the whole game!" Max exclaims, kicking him in the shins lightly.

"Look." Lily tugs on my arm, pointing to her mouth and I observe the small gap where her tooth had fallen out. "I lost my first tooth."

"Oh wow!" I exclaim, excitedly for her. "Did the tooth fairy come?"

"Yeah she left me five pounds!" Lily claps her hands ecstatically and my eyes widen.

"Five pounds?" Nick chips in. "When I was your age it was fifty pence."

"When I lost my first tooth, I got a smack." I mutter, so quietly that only Nick can hear and looks sympathetic for a moment, before looking back at Lily. "Wow, aren't you a lucky girl?"

"I'm going to buy a mermaid costume with it." Lily nods and I smile at her. "Daddy says I can."

"Well you'll have to do me a fashion show when you get it then." I prompt her, before Gail enters again, passing me a glass with two straws and I smile at her appreciatively.

"Yeah, can I get a drink now?" Nick asks her, impatiently.

"Hello." David pokes Bethany in the back and she turns around to face him. "You do remember us then?"

"Oh yeah, like I could forget your ugly mug." Bethany grins and he rolls his eyes at her, slumping down on the sofa. I hand my drink to Nick and he takes a sip from it, knowing he wouldn't be receiving one any time soon.

"Ah Bethany you couldn't pass us that bag, could you?" I point to the one I had put down by the sofa and she picks it up, handing it to me, before Craig enters silently, throwing his hands over her eyes.

"Oh God." She jumps suddenly, spinning around to face him and looking relieved. "Don't do that!"

"Hey." He kisses her and I pull a face at Bethany once she has broken away from him.

"Where's Gary?" Nick asks Sarah, who was carrying a tray of sandwiches in to the living room.

"He's working." Sarah mutters and I give him a look to stop him from asking further questions. The last thing any of us needed was her ranting about Gary's whereabouts. "Stupid idiot."

"I can see what a caring and loving marriage you have." David drones from the sofa, putting his arm around Shona and loading his PlayStation.

"Uh, David." Gail scolds him, snatching the remote control from his grip. "It's Harry's second birthday party, you are not playing on that thing. Stop acting like a child."

"Oh dear." I whisper under my breath, taking a present out of the bag and placing it in my lap for Harry to open.

"Oh what do you say?" Sarah looks at him expectantly.

"Sank you." He says and I help him unwrap it, as he clearly still hasn't got the hang of it. He holds up the jigsaw excitedly, waving it at Sarah and she comes over to kneel beneath us.

"Oh wow." Sarah observes it. "Look, it's all your colours."

"Red." He points to the red jigsaw piece and I nod at him, impressed with how much he had come on over the past few months.

"Well done!" I clap, pointing to the yellow one.

"Lellow." He recites and I smile at Nick, who I notice is already staring at me with a loving gaze.

"What?" I ask, blushing slightly and he shakes his head. I knew what he was thinking, he didn't even need to say it. He brushes the hair that I have let fall over my face behind my ear, kissing my temple and ruffling Harry's hair. I brush him off, picking up another present out of the bag and Sarah looks surprised.

"Oh, you shouldn't have got more than one!" Sarah exclaims, as I pass it to him and he tears it open a little better than last time, revealing the big toy telephone I had bought.

"It recites the numbers when you press them I think." I read the box to recap my mind and Sarah looks at us appreciatively, Harry tapping his hands on the box excitedly.

"Mummy open." He tries to push it towards Sarah and she takes it from him, grabbing the scissors.

"I think it's got batteries in so it's ready to go." I tell her, as she manages to prize it from the box, pressing the on switch on the back and trialling a number.

"Ah, isn't that lovely?" Sarah gives it to Harry as it sings a song about number three and Nick exhales, tipping his head back.

"Shh." I put a hand over his mouth and he raises his eyebrows at me.

"I didn't say anything!" He objects and I kiss him briefly.

"Sank you." Harry tugs on my sleeve, causing me to turn my head back fo face him.

"Sarah have you even offered Carla sandwich?" Gail stresses as she emerges from the stairs, finally sitting down, which I was pleased about because her pacing the house with Audrey had been making me uneasy.

"I'm fine, honestly." I hold my hands up, as Harry dismounts my lap, going to play with his toy phone on the floor, repetitively pressing the numbers as the music echoes out.

"Oh what have you done?" Nick nudges me, squeezing his eyes closed at the sound of the noise and I hesitate.

"Are you alright?" I check, realising he seemed a bit on edge at all the chaos and I raise a hand to the back of his head, massaging his scalp gently.

"Mm." He nods, sighing at my touch.

"Oh here you go." Gail suddenly hands me a plate with a stack of sandwiches on and I reluctantly take it from her with my spare hand, offering it to Nick who shakes his head. "There's brie and honey roasted ham, prawn mayo and goats cheese with chilli pickle."

"I can't eat any of those things." I mutter to Nick and he takes them from me.

"Mum, she can't eat soft cheese or prawns." Nick sighs, bailing me out and I flash her an appreciative smile all the same.

"Oh..." Gail trails off.

"Why don't you just make normal cheese and ham sandwiches?" David groans, inspecting one he has picked up. "It's a kids birthday party, who wants to eat whatever chilli pickle is?"

"Oh I don't know, I think it sounds quite pleasant." Audrey replies and David shoots her a look.

"Well you eat one then." He pushes the tray towards her.

"I'm hungry." Max sighs. "Have we got any crisps?"

"We've got beetroot and lime flavoured potato thins." Gail announces, heading back in to the kitchen and I knew all of this was for my benefit, which made me feel slightly guilty.

"Mum, we've got sausage rolls in the fridge!" David shouts to her before she appears again, carrying a bowl of crisps. "Chuck them on a plate."

"We are not eating sausage rolls." Gail glances at me.

"I actually want a sausage roll." I raise my hand and Nick laughs into my hair.

"Haha." David cheers, before turning to grin at me, sticking his thumb up. "Good call."

"They're just Freshco's basics." Gail stresses.

"Gail, I really don't mind." I assure her and she hesitates before leaving the room again.

"Where's your present for your little brother?" Sarah questions Bethany. "With these wages I've seen none of since you started working."

"Uh... Joint present." She lies, pointing to the toys I had bought Harry and I wink at her.

"Oh for God's sake Bethany." Sarah huffs. "They haven't adopted you."

"Ooh, don't put ideas in my head." Bethany teases her.

"Yeah don't." Nick insists and I tap his cheek playfully. "I've already got this one to cook and clean for, I don't need another."

"Bit late to say that darling." I pat my tummy gently and he smiles, kissing me and I lay my head in his chest, for once feeling slightly content in the house that was constantly full of drama.

 **Nick**

"Right, so." I place two plates down in front of Bethany and Carla, sitting down opposite. "You're staying over at Michelle's tomorrow night."

"I am." Carla nods, tucking in to her food.

"I've got a date with Craig." Bethany informs us, stirring her couscous around her plate, before nudging Carla. "At that posh Italian place in town."

"Ooh, get you." Carla nods impressively.

"And I'll be out of the way by tomorrow morning." She announces, which is music to my ears.

"Oh you really haven't been..." Carla begins, exhaling as she puts a hand on her bump. "Mm, any trouble darling."

"Are you ok?" Bethany checks, looking at her worriedly and Carla nods, getting up and leaning forwards on the kitchen counter, lowering her head on to it. "Nick, is she ok?"

"I'm fine, don't worry." Carla mutters and I turn to look at her. "So are you coming in to work tomorrow?" She continues to muffle through the marble work surface and I get up, rubbing her back comfortingly but still facing Bethany.

"Uh, yeah." She decides. "I'll get my stuff on my lunch break... You know I can go tonight if it's easier?"

"Whatever you want to do sweetheart." Carla lifts her head slightly, sighing and I know she is subtly hinting. "Just ignore me, honestly."

"Does it hurt?" Bethany asks, inquisitively as Carla turns to face her, leaning her head on my shoulder. "I thought it only hurts when you have the baby."

"I wish." Carla mumbles and I continue to hold my hand on her back.

"It's still light out, I can go now." Bethany stands up, clearly feeling in the the way.

"Sit down and eat your dinner first." Carla points to her chair and I laugh at her strict parenting. "Sorry I didn't mean to put you off."

"You haven't!" She exclaims. "But it's not fair of me to keep hanging around here."

"You're always welcome, you know that." Carla tells her, before smiling playfully. "Just maybe next time don't break in."

* * *

 **Thursday**

 **Carla**

"Right." I slam the door to Michelle's flat and she looks surprised at my appearance. I throw my bag down on the sofa and she approaches me, staring at the door.

"How did you get in?" She frowns.

"I used to live here, didn't I?" I point out. "And I have got your spare key."

"You could have just knocked." She tells me and I glance behind her at her bedroom.

"Alright, what's with the third degree?" I laugh. "You got another man in there or something?"

"No!" She answers abruptly and I am taken-aback at her sense of urgency.

"Ok." I nod, deciding to defer the subject before she bites my head off completely. "So, a few ground rules; we don't talk about the operation, we don't talk about the baby and we can't watch anything depressing on TV."

"So what do we talk about?" She asks and I pause, trying to think of an answer.

"...Tea?" I offer even though it's her flat and she sighs, coming over and leaning back against the cupboards. "Hug?"

"I'm sorry for being so moody." She mumbles as I hold my arms out and she walks in to them. I hold her for a few seconds, before releasing her and she smiles, tapping me on the back. "Go and sit down you, I'll do the tea."

"Have a glass of wine." I tell her, pointing to the glasses on the rack and she looks hasty. "If you want one."

"Do you mind?" She asks and I shake my head.

"I'll let you off this once." I wink at her, sitting down on the sofa and clicking her television on. "...Do you want to talk about it?"

"I thought you said we weren't going to." She reminds me.

"Yeah but if you want to get it off your chest." I prompt her as she passes me a mug, sitting down on the coffee table opposite me. "I just want you to be happy. I always have, ever since we were teenagers and I used to steal those cakes you liked from the offie on Peel Street when you got upset over Dean. It made you smile, that's all that mattered."

"I wonder if they still sell those cakes... Or if that off license is still open." She ponders, staring off in to space. "Or if they'd manage to still make me smile now... Carla, I really love him."

"I know you do darling." I sigh, taking her hand in mine and she forces back tears. "So why are we here?"

"Hey?" She frowns, her eyes darting around the flat.

"Why are you here, instead of at the hospital with him?" I insist and she pauses, as if trying to work out the answer herself.

"Because I'm not really supposed to visit at this time." She excuses herself.

"But you love him." I prompt her. "So does that even matter? Because I know it wouldn't to me if it was Nick. Go to the hospital, lie beside him, hold his hand, talk about the future. Because you know, you've both got one; a future. So why waste precious time? When you could be there with him now?"

 **Nick**

I hardly hear the door fly open, before a pair of hands cover my eyes and kisses are being placed down the back of my neck, immediately giving me goosebumps. I know it's Carla, not only for obvious reasons but also because I know exactly how her lips feel against my skin. I let out a low sigh before remembering where I was and what was going on and reluctantly turn my head to face her, a glint in her eye as she bites her lip.

"What are you doing here?" I raise my eyebrows, trying to ignore the sudden rush of butterflies that was now surging through me. "You're supposed to be at Michelle's."

"I don't want to be at Michelle's." She whispers, her lips softly grazing mine as she does so, staring into my eyes. "I want to be here with you."

"You should have told me you were coming back, I'd have come to get you." I tell her.

"Why?" She murmurs, her hand moving to my hair and I close my eyes momentarily at how her fingers so effortlessly give me shivers.

"Because it's dark..." I trail off, swallowing at the heat of her breath against my skin as she evenly places kisses along my jawline. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Poor innocent Carla wasn't so innocent before she met you." She smiles, tilting her forehead against mine. "She went out in the dark by herself all the time, no strong men to look after her."

"I wouldn't exactly say you were innocent now." I return and she bites her lip excitedly at my lustful comment. "In any department."

"You want to bet?" She breathes down my neck and I feel myself harden at her words, hating myself for giving in so easily. I don't hesitate before pushing up on the sofa, immediately moving in to kiss her passionately, the back of the sofa still separating us. "Just be gentle."

"Whatever you want." I whisper, between kisses, knowing that sex had been a risky move since the scan. "You guide me."

"Ok." She mumbles, grabbing the collar of my shirt and leading me around the sofa, heading towards the stairs. "I'll guide you."

* * *

 _ **Thank you for all your lovely reviews so far!x**_


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41:**

 **April**

 **Nick**

"Hey, so I've been researching." I reach the bottom of the stairs after getting dressed and go over to where Carla is sat with her feet up on the sofa, eating toast. "Look at this."

"At what?" She studies me as I sit down next to her.

"Pull your top up." I order and she raises her eyebrows.

"Excuse me?" She responds, looking quite amused all the same.

"Pull your top up." I repeat, winding her up. "Just do it."

"...I'm scared." She stresses, playfully as she follows my orders and I click the torch on, shining it on the corner of my tummy. "Nick!" You're going to blind our baby, stop."

"No I won't." I laugh and she groans as the baby starts to move.

"Oh great you've woken him up now." She slaps me lightly. "Cheers."

"Look, look." I point to where the light is shining and the visible movements from beneath it. Her eyes widen, looking more closely.

"That is so weird." She marvels, looking at me as I move the torch to the other side, watching the baby's movements.

"Does it hurt?" I check, watching how her skin ripples and not wanting to annoy her.

"Just feels weird." She tells me, tracing her finger along as I move the light over her bump. "Stretchy. I am going to have so many stretch marks, ugh... Look."

"It doesn't matter." I reassure her and she gives me a look. "The only person who's going to see them is me."

"No, what about when we go on holiday." She reminds me. "Summer holidays as a family, I can't wear a bikini anymore."

"Yes you can." I prompt her, flicking the light off momentarily. "Of course you can."

"Nick, I'll look gross." She insists, genuinely believing every word. "I'm never going to feel comfortable on the beach again... What if I don't lose this baby weight? Oh God, what if I just stay fat forever?"

"Oh Carla." I sigh, stroking my fingers through her hair. "You're not fat now! You're exactly the same size as you were but with a bump."

"Nick, I've put on so much weight." She rolls her head to look at me, pulling her top back over her tummy defensively.

"I'd be worried if you hadn't." I reply, studying her panicked expression. "You know you'll always be beautiful to me, you'll always be beautiful anyway, everybody in Weatherfield knows that."

"But Nick-" She starts.

"No, no but's." I smile, kissing her forehead. "I don't care whether you've got stretch marks or whether you go up a clothing size. It doesn't matter. You should know that."

"I do." She sighs, tilting her head against my shoulder before picking the torch up again, pulling her top up confidently and placing the light against her skin. I just watch her, soaking it up; her playing with our son.

 **Carla**

"Oh I am telling you now, if we don't get this O'Driscoll's order out by end of play today there'll be blood on the floor." I take Nick's hand as we leave the house, heading towards our businesses.

"Yes well not yours please." He replies, holding a hand in front of me as he checks the road is clear and I bat it away before crossing, smiling at his care. "You should be on maternity leave."

"Maternity leave?" I laugh at the term. "Still got almost three months yet Nicholas, good luck with that one."

"Ok well take it easy please." He stops outside the factory, kissing me quickly on the lips. "Promise me?"

"I always take it easy." I blatantly lie, wrapping his tie around my fingers. "Hm?"

"I'll see you at lunchtime." He kisses me again, before Aidan's voice interrupts us.

"Uh, ok you'll be putting the customers off in a minute." He points to the factory, winking at me and I pat Nick's shoulder briefly before letting him go.

"I love you." I call back, turning to see him walking backwards down the street, smiling in my direction and I laugh as I turn back to Aidan. "What?"

"You." He shakes his head, a content look on his face as he holds the door open for me.

"Oh what a gent." I let myself inside and he follows behind me, letting the door swing shut. "Dad already here?"

"Dad?" He repeats, his eyebrows raised and I shrug, not giving the word much thought.

"Dad, Johnny, business partner. Whatever." I try to cover up, eyeing up the machinists who were gathered around the table drinking tea.

"Oi, chop chop." I announce, clapping my hands and they all suddenly turn to face me. "I pay you to stitch knickers, not drink tea. This O'Driscoll's order needs to be finished by three o'clock so Kirk can ship it out."

"Uh, Richie O'Driscoll is in your office, Mrs Tilsley." Sally approaches me and I study her for a moment, torn between dealing with Richie or wondering why Sally was wandering around with a clipboard.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" I ask her and she looks surprised at my reaction. "I thought you'd taken temporary leave?"

"Yes, temporary." She emphasises. "And now I'm back as your PA once more."

"Well it so happens, actually..." I begin as the door flies open and Bethany enters, looking at Sally worriedly. "I've actually got a new PA in your absence, thank you."

"Uh, I'll go and deal with Richie." Aidan points to the office and I grab his arm, leaving him rooted to the spot.

"A new PA?" Sally exclaims, as if it was an impossible job. "Who?"

"Bethany." I indicate to her and Sally starts to laugh at my apparent joke.

"You are kidding me?" Her mouth drops open when she realises I'm being serious. "You think a child can do a better job than me?"

"Look Sal, I've got a million things to do." I sigh, patting Bethany on the back and she obediently goes to make hot drinks. "Oh, make it three coffees, one decaf, we have a visitor." I call to her, before turning back to Sally. "So can we do this later please?"

"Well I don't think-" She starts, and I glare at her.

"Sally, get back to your machine." I snap. "Else you won't have a job at all."

"I'm the mayor of Weatherfield." She mutters under her breath. "I could get you doing community service for that."

"I'll be doing a lot worse than community service if you don't button it." I warn her, before dragging Aidan towards the office and opening the door, realising there was no sight of Johnny. "Richie, how lovely to see you again."

"Trouble at the mill?" He peers out of the window, clearly having overheard some of the conversation from outside the office.

"Oh, that?" I laugh it off. "No that's just the daily grind here. They work faster when they've got a cob on, you see."

"Your drinks." Bethany enters, placing them down on the table and smiling professionally at Richie.

"You're new." He observes and she stands politely, clasping her hands in front of her.

"Bethany; my new PA." I introduce her and he tries to conceal the surprise in his expression. "Bethany, this is Richie, one of our most valued clients."

"Nice to meet you." She nods, curtly before leaving and he turns back to me.

"You look like you've been a busy bee." He points to my predominant bump. "When's it due?"

"Ninth of July." I tell him and he looks surprised.

"Wow, I thought it'd be sooner." He observes and I can't help feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Big baby." I just nod, putting a hand on my tummy as I sit down, indicating for him to seat himself in Johnny's empty chair.

"Yeah it doesn't surprise me the way she's been cramming junk food down her neck." Aidan teases me and I shoot him a look.

"Junk food? I thought you were more a salad type of girl." Richie reminds himself.

"Oh I am." I assure him. "This one clearly isn't though. So anyway, to what do we owe this pleasure?"

"The order; is it going to be finished by the end of the day?" He checks and I glance at Aidan subtly.

"If we promise, we deliver." I reply, confidently and Aidan looks out of the window. "It will be with you by five."

"I'm not sure I want it to be." He informs me.

"Ey?" I frown. "Oh you can't pull the order now, no way."

"No, I'm tripling it." He corrects me, taking out a piece of paper from his briefcase. "Triple the quantity, triple the pay, with an added bonus if you can get it done within two weeks. I presented those samples you gave me, sold out within fifteen minutes. I'm confident with these designs, Carla. So if everything is peachy with you, here's a pen."

"...Wow." I try to absorb the information, taking the contract from him and scanning it. "No strings?"

"No strings." He agrees and I hand the contract to Aidan for him to look over.

"Two weeks, you say?" I turn my head to the window, where the workers have their heads down, apart from Sally who was sulking in the process. "I'm sure that's doable. This bonus you mentioned?"

"Five grand." He tells me and I try not to look shocked at this. "I mean, regarding you're up to it. I don't want to add any pressure to your... Current situation."

"Oh this?" I point to my bump, laughing lightly. "Don't even worry about that, I'm not the one doing the stitching, am I?"

"So do we have a deal?" He proposes and Aidan passes me back the contract, nodding at me.

"All looks good to me." He points to the pen and I scan it over one more time before scribbling my signature on the dotted line.

"Pleasure doing business with you." I flash him a smile, sliding the paper back over to him. "As always."

"Excellent." He files it back in to his briefcase. "Oh and one more thing. I'm going to Greece with my wife for two weeks, tonight."

"Oh alright for some." I respond, in my usual over enthusiastic tone which actually means I couldn't care less about his holiday plans. "The deal will all be sorted on our end in your absence then."

"Well I get back the day it should be shipped." He nods. "But my dad will be overseeing the contract his end, so if a Derek O'Driscoll drops in, that'll be him."

"Oh right." I try to sound positive about the situation. "So is he planning on dropping in much?"

"He shouldn't do." He replies, standing up. "Just so you know in case you do have to converse with him at all, or if there's any problems, here's his business card."

"Well thank you." I stand, shaking his hand and Aidan does the same. "Have an amazing holiday."

"I'm sure we will." He returns before leaving the office. "See you soon."

"Yes!" I cheer quietly once Richie has left and I high-five Aidan excitedly. "That was a turn up for the books, wasn't it?"

"Tell me about it." He takes a sip of his coffee, peering at me over the mug. "Do you think we should have consulted dad first?"

"I can't imagine he'll have a problem." I point out. "I mean, you read the contract, everything's in order. Plus a five grand bonus, Aidan? This turnover could carry us into Winter."

"It'll easily carry us into Winter." He corrects me and I don't hesitate before opening the office door.

"Right listen up!" I shout and the machines instantly stop whirring. "There's good news and there's bad news."

"You've realised you've been eating too many burgers." Sean points to me and I glare at him viciously. "Joke..."

"Richie O'Driscoll has just tripled his order!" I announce and they all cheer excitedly. "But it means working extra hard because we've now got to get three batches of this order out in two weeks, and there's a bonus if you do. Who's up for the challenge?"

"Yep." Izzy flicks her machine back on, followed by Fiz and Sinead.

"How much of a bonus?" Beth inquires.

"Well yours is slipping away as we speak, Beth." I reply sharply and she immediately starts to sew again, as Sean also continues to. I hear the door to the factory open and then to see Johnny heading towards us. "Oh hello, nice of you to show up. I've got some good news."

"Uh, _we_ have." Aidan prompts me and I clap my hands excitedly.

"Can I talk to you?" Johnny asks me abruptly and I hesitate, noticing his expression. Oh great, last time he said those words everything escalated from there.

"About what?" I respond, noting that the machinists were watching us intently.

"In the office." He says, seriously and I try to stop the lump that is forming in my throat. "Please?"

"Johnny what's going on?" I insist as I close the door behind us.

"We had a call earlier, Anne Foster died last night." He reveals and I almost feel relieved at the news.

"Oh." Is all I respond with. "God you scared me then."

"...You're not upset?" He gathers and I drum my fingers on the table.

"Upset?" I repeat. "I knew it was coming. Who spoke to you? Surely they should have asked to speak to me."

"They did, I told them I was your dad and I would pass the message on." He explains. "It was your solicitor, she phoned the factory."

"Well... Did I give you permission to demand information from my solicitor?" I prompt him, bitterly, annoyed he had taken matters into his own hands. "You should have told her to phone me later on."

"I'm sorry, I was worried!" He tried to justify himself.

"Johnny, she's my solicitor, it's my business. Not yours." I snap, as the office door opens and Aidan enters, looking hasty.

"She's left you thirty grand in her will." He blurts out and I freeze, trying to work out if he was being serious.

"You what?" I reply, diverting my attention momentarily to Aidan's shocked expression. "Why?"

"I don't know." He shakes his head. "She wants to meet you to discuss it, I said you'd phone to arrange."

"Yes and I could have phoned to arrange the whole thing!" I suddenly shout at him. "What gave you the right to share my personal life with my own solicitor behind my back? Hey? Never mind that, what gave her the right? It's a breach of confidentiality, she could be sacked."

"I'm your dad!" Johnny persists as if that was any consolation. "I just asked if I could pass a message on."

"What? And then she openly discussed Anne Foster's will with you?" I continue, anger brewing inside of me. "What did you say to her?"

"Ok I just asked why she was phoning." Johnny sighs, apologetically. "You don't talk to me, I feel so in the dark about everything."

"That's because it's none of your business!" I yell, standing up and storming out of the factory, heading straight for the Bistro. I practically bash the door open, hearing it collide with the wall and Nick immediately turns to face me, a confused and concerned expression on his face.

"What's going on?" He asks as I throw my bag down on the bar top, unable to sit down because I was so furious. "Hey, what's happened."

"Johnny Connor!" I shout, pointing at the door and I notice a few customers turn to look at me. "That's flaming what. Messing with my life as if he has a right to."

"Right, sit down." Nick points to the chair, calmly and I stare at him, absorbing his expression. "Sit down."

"I'm not a dog." I snap and he raises his eyebrows at me, until I reluctantly sit, following his orders.

"Drink?" He offers, gently.

"A jug of red wine." I respond, angrily and he sighs, leaning up against the edge of the bar before opening the door to the kitchen.

"Daniel, out front please, I need five minutes." He shouts, before returning to me, pouring a glass of icy water and putting it down on the bar. I pull an ice cube out, knowing that wasn't his intention and crunching on it viciously. He waits for me to finish before leaving forwards slightly. "Talk me through what's happened."

"Anne Foster's died." I announce and he doesn't even look phased by my news.

"...Well, I hate to sound unsympathetic." He begins. "But I thought we saw that coming?"

"Yeah I'm not really bothered about that." I shrug it off, before staring down at the bar top. "I'm bothered about my so called father going behind my back with my solicitor."

"Your solicitor?" He repeats, looking at me for some kind of reasoning and I finally raise my head to look at him.

"She's left me thirty grand in her will." I inform him and his mouth falls open, not knowing what to say. "According to Johnny anyway, my solicitor phoned this morning and he answered, granting himself permission for her to talk to him about the whole thing."

"Well that's not allowed, surely?" He frowns.

"Well that's what I said." I shake my head at him. "The only person my solicitor is granted permission to talk to is you."

"You don't reckon he pretended to be me, do you?" He puts ideas in my head because the thought hadn't crossed my mind.

"Either that or he's really good at twisting people around his little finger." I reply. "Then again, we know he's good at that."

"Thirty grand?" He whispers in disbelief. "Why? How?"

"I don't know I haven't even asked her yet." I close my eyes momentarily. "Can't imagine it's going to be a fun conversation when I do."

"You should ring her." He taps my phone. "Get it sorted, go on."

 **Nick**

It's a long time before the door opens to the Bistro again and she puts the phone down before leaning her head on the bar. I wait before she is willing to talk, pushing the phone away from her and staring at my expectant reaction.

"So is your solicitor losing half of her business?" I manage to joke.

"Oh haha, aren't you witty?" She flashes me a sarcastic smile, before sighing. "So it turns out Johnny told her I had said he could pass on any messages she might have for me."

"Which you hadn't?" I check and she shakes her head.

"Nope. Apparently there were security questions and he got them correct. I wouldn't even know what they were." She replies, hesitating for a moment. "And yes, Anne has left thirty grand to me."

"...Why?" I try to understand. "Where did she even get thirty grand from?"

"Oh they were pretty loaded that family." She tells me. "Apparently it was inheritance for Frank..."

"Oh this just gets better." I shake my head, feeling sick at the thought. "And she really thought you'd want that money?"

"Well she probably did it as some kind of apology." She mutters. "Is that supposed to be compensation, hey? Thirty grand for being raped? I feel sick."

"Stop." I whisper, grabbing her hand over the bar and she hangs her head, squeezing her eyes shut. "Come on let's go home." I suggest and she looks around the Bistro, before staring back down at our hands.

"You've got to work." She reminds me, finally looking up and I can see how tired she is, how secretly hard this has hit her.

"I don't have to do anything apart from look after you." I insist and she tilts her head to the side slightly, sighing as she gazes at me.

"How did I manage to land you?" She whispers, tracing her finger over my face. "Hm?"

"Let me take you out for dinner tonight?" I ask and she almost laughs at the proposition.

"You sound like it's a first date." She smiles and I love it when she smiles, especially when I know I've put it on her face, when she's hurting the most. "Are you asking me out, Tilsley?"

"Yes." I nod, and she bites her lip, swallowing contently as she sits, watching me.

"I love you." She whispers, trailing her other hand down my arm and wrapping it underneath our already intertwined fingers.

"Bit forward for a first date." I nudge her slightly. "But I'll let you off because you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever asked out."

"Ooh, you must have low standards." She pulls a face and I shake my head. "Ok, I guess I'll let you take me out, just this once."

"Are you going to be ok?" I check, not wanting to leave her when she's upset.

"...You know most people would be cheering with delight." She ponders, clearly indicating the answer to my question. "Finding out they'd gained thirty thousand pounds from someone they didn't even like... But it just makes me feel ill. To think that money was for him. She probably saved it up for him. Why would I want anything to do with that? Why?"

"Well then you tell your solicitor you don't want Anne's dirty money and she can burn it." I point out, stopping at nothing to defend her. "Or... You could do something beneficial with it?"

"Like what? Blow it down the casino? Hope I lose?" She scoffs and my grip tightens on her hand slightly, causing her to look up. "Joke."

"Yes well it's not funny." I sigh and she looks apologetic.

"I don't want it." She mumbles. "I don't want anything to do with it or him."

"That's completely understandable." I assure her. "You could always give it to somebody who would benefit from it?"

"...I was thinking..." She begins. "But it's a stupid idea."

"No, go on?" I prompt her and she shakes her head. "Carla?"

"Well you know... They have those charities don't they? That help... Women... Like they helped me." She stammers, afraid to admit it. "Counsellors and things..." She looks around awkwardly to check nobody was listening in. "There was this woman; Val. I couldn't give her the time of day at the time but she sat there, listening to me shout and cry and swear... It's a stupid idea."

"It's not a stupid idea, at all." I prompt her. "At all."

"Nick I'd be giving the inheritance for a rapist, to a rape crisis charity." She puts it blankly. "That's wrong. That's so, so wrong."

"You'd be using your own experiences to help others." I lower my voice, trying to be gentle but she suddenly stands up, looking weak at the thought.

"I'm gonna be sick, sorry." She suddenly tells me, walking off and I can hear the sound of the toilet door in the distance. I knew I couldn't go in there, and it killed me. I knew she would be sat on the floor of the cubicle, crying her eyes out, alone. Instead, I leave the bar, leaning up against the wall outside the toilets until finally the door opens and she jumps slightly as she notices me.

"Come on." I put my arm around her, guiding her towards the door of the Bistro.

* * *

"What am I going to do about Johnny?" She finally asks, pushing herself up against the corner of the sofa. I longed to hold her, but I knew now wasn't the time and I didn't want to push my luck. "...I feel so worn down. Every time... Why can't I just have a normal life with you? A normal pregnancy, a normal social life, just the normality that everybody else gets. Is that too much to ask?"

"We're happy." I remind her. "This morning everything was fine. This doesn't have to ruin it."

"I know it's not a big deal." She mutters.

"I never said that." I insert, studying her sunken expression. "...Do you want to talk about it?"

"We don't talk about it." She murmurs, still avoiding my gaze.

"I know." I reply. "Why don't we?"

"Because it's dead and buried and it's a part of my life that surprisingly I don't want to relive." She tries to refrain from snapping, putting her mug down and wringing her hands. "...And I wouldn't want you to see me differently."

"You know I wouldn't." I whisper, aching to move closer to her but forcing myself not to. "What's that even supposed to mean?"

"That it's embarrassing." She confesses. "That I don't want to be treated like a china doll... That I know you care so much about me, for some stupid reason, that it would make you angry and upset and I don't want to do that."

"Well I don't want you to be angry or upset either." I insist, as she plays with the buttons on her shirt repetitively. "I was only saying that if you wanted to, you could, because I know that seeing Anne and the whole situation with the money would have brought it back and I don't want you to have to face those memories alone, because we're in this together."

"...I'm fine." She mutters, bluntly.

"Oh ok and I'm Norris Cole." I respond and she finally looks at me with an unimpressed expression. "Don't push me away please."

"I'm not, you're sitting over there." She points, childishly. "I can't push you away."

"Well do you want me to come closer?" I stupidly ask.

"What, so I can push you away?" She argues.

"No, so I can hold you while you cry, or be your punchbag, or just show you that I'm here." I tell her and she pauses, her face softening at my words.

"I don't want to cry." She murmurs. "And I don't want to punch you much either."

"Glad to hear it." I nod, and she doesn't remove her gaze from mine.

"But I do want you here, correction, I need you here. I always do." She confesses and I get up, sitting down next to her on the sofa, hastily. "Oh Nick you're acting like Roy, give me a hug." She snaps and I pull her in without hesitation, feeling her arms wrap around me in return as she sighs into my shoulder. "Do I scare you?"

"No." I laugh, pulling back and taking her hand in mine. "I just don't want you to storm out of here. There's a difference between caution and fear."

"Caution." She repeats, resting her head on the cushion behind as she puts her legs over mine. "Should be tattooed on to my forehead that."

"Ah, I don't think it'd be a good look." I tease her and she manages a small smile, as I nudge her gently, walking my fingers up her arm in an aim to tickle her and she bats me off.

"Go away." She grins and I raise my eyebrows at her. "Stay."

"Make your mind up." I lean over to kiss her forehead and she nudges her nose against mine.

"I made my mind up a long time ago." She says, quietly. "Why didn't you walk away? When I was a complete car crash? Gambling, drinking, guilt ridden."

"Because I loved you." I reply and she shakes her head, her soft hair tickling my cheek.

"Not back then you didn't." She reminds me.

"I did." I assure her and she pauses before kissing me gently, clearly touched by my words. "And if it's any consolation, I thought you were very attractive back when we worked together as well. In fact, if it wasn't for Trevor, I reckon I'd have swallowed my pride and made a move."

"I'm glad you didn't." Carla tells me and I look offended for a minute, which makes her laugh. "Because it wouldn't have worked, and we wouldn't be here now."

"Why?" I frown, brushing the hair out of her face with my hand.

"Because we were far too cocky and immature back then." She decides, playing with my fingers absentmindedly. "And we both needed to be broken before we could fix each other."

"...Did you come up with that off the top of your head?" I look impressed and she lets out a low hum.

"Woman of many talents, me." She boasts, flicking her hair off her shoulder and I laugh.

"Now that is something I wouldn't deny." I admit and she smiles at me before it slowly fades, swallowing as her eyes fixate on mine.

"It hurt, and I was powerless." She suddenly comes out with and I struggle to understand what she is talking about for a minute. "And I kept fighting but he wouldn't stop. So I gave up, letting him bruise me and he pushed me from up against the door and on to the floor and he raped me."

My breath catches in my throat as she swallows again, not removing her gaze from mine. I felt so unsupportive, having nothing to say in response, trying to let the words soak in and hating the fact she had even said them, let alone the fact it happened.

"I'd never felt so weak in my life." She continues, quietly and I listen to her, despite the fact that every single word made me feel physically sick. "I tried screaming but nobody heard me. I thought he was going to kill me. Even more so than when Tony held the gun to my head, watching him shoot his mate, watching him set the factory alight. That seemed like a dolls house fantasy in comparison. I remember my life flashing before my eyes, I remember feeling unconscious even though I was fully functioning. His hands so tight on my arms that they physically burnt from his grip. This searing, rough pain. But by this point I'd given up. And he left me on the floor while he watched me, in shock, struggling to breathe, pretty much lifeless. Then he did up his trousers and he left, closing the door behind him and I stayed lying there. Waiting for him to come back, waiting for it to happen again because I knew that's what I deserved at that point. I thought surely I must have really messed up, to get this in return. But I just lay there. Numb. Nothing..."

She looks terrified as she finishes, but her breathing remains steady.

"So now you know." She tears her eyes away from mine and suddenly getting up. "What do you want for lunch? Did you manage to order the food shop at all? I left the list on the kitchen counter-"

"Carla." I say, quietly, being gentle as I take her hand, standing up to face her and she doesn't say anything, she just watches me, waiting for something. I guide my arms around her, a hand on the back of her head as she slowly begins to cling on to me, her hands gripping the back of my shirt. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I'll never forgive myself for it. But I promise you now, nobody is ever going to hurt you again. Ever. You've got nothing to be scared of, not anymore. I will never, ever let that or anything near to it, happen again. I promise I will look after you."

"Thank you." She whispers into my shoulder. "Thank you for saving me."

"I didn't." I murmur, still holding her tightly. "You saved yourself, with my help."

"I've never been very good at saving myself." She mumbles, and I close my eyes, kissing the side of her head. "I can't believe I nearly lost you."

"I guess that's the miracle that is our daughter." I dare to say and the words feel so warm, as her tears silently bleed into the soft cotton of my shirt, moving her head so it was in my chest. "Bringing us back together, it's what she would have wanted."

"Please don't leave me." She whispers, weakly and I wrap my arms around her tighter, swaying her softly.

"I'm not going to make that mistake again." I reassure her as she finally moves back, looking into my eyes. "You are the most incredible person."

"Good or bad?" She forces a smile, her eyes red and blotchy from both fighting tears and giving in to them.

"What do you think?" I whisper, knowing she already knew the answer and she sighs, the same way she did when we first slept together, moments before the kiss on her sofa. It was that look of pure desire to be loved, that sigh of relief that she was allowed to be weak.

"Hey, it's over." I take her hands in mine, watching the realisation on her face. "It's all about me and you now. Is that ok with you?"

"I'll have to think about it." She smiles, tears brimming in her eyes happily at the thought. "So, is our date still on for tonight?"

"Of course." I nod and she pauses, before coming towards me again and allowing herself to melt into my embrace, wanting me to hold her and wanting me to protect her.

 **Carla**

"Wow." Nick stares at me as I enter the kitchen and I stop what I am doing for a moment, looking at him worriedly.

"What?" I reply, my hands pausing on the bottle of perfume I had been spraying.

"You look gorgeous." He tells me, so meaningfully it almost makes me believe it myself.

"Ah, thank you." I smile, appreciatively, realising even the simplest words had given me such a confidence boost. My self esteem was low at the moment; the pregnancy was taking its toll on my body and Nick could clearly pick up on my worry over it. "Aren't you sweet?"

"You never wear your hair like that." He takes another bite out of the apple he is eating, leaning up against the cupboards and observing me longingly.

"Do you like it?" I check it in the mirror. I had only twisted the front two pieces of hair and clipped them back, but he was right, I never bothered to do anything with it unless it was a special occasion.

"I am so lucky." He smiles and I turn to face him, trying to conceal the happiness he was causing me to feel.

"We're having dinner in half an hour." I point to the apple and he throws the rest in the bin. "Waste."

"Mm, well I've got better things to focus on now." He wraps his arms around my waist, moving my hair to kiss my neck softly. "You smell amazing."

"Any other compliments you want to give me?" I sigh at the feel of his lips on my skin, before fending him off. "Oi, we won't make it to dinner if you carry on like that."

"Ok, come on." He reluctantly lets go of me and I peck him briefly on the lips before grabbing my phone from the side. "Uh no."

"What?" I turn to face him and he takes it from my grip.

"No phones." He puts it back down on the side next to his and I look at it for a moment, as if he had just taken a limb from me rather than a piece of technology.

"Well I need it." I persist and he laughs.

"No you don't." He shakes his head.

"I do." I argue gently. "What if something happens with the baby? We won't have a phone."

"Nothing is going to happen with the baby." He reassures me, putting his foot down on the matter. "And I'm pretty certain the restaurant will have a phone."

"What if we're in the car?" I test him.

"Well since I do hold a valid driving license, I'm sure I could get us to the hospital without needing to ring my mother." He replies, confidently.

"...What if the car breaks down?" I didn't even know why I was continuing the argument because personally, I preferred it without a phone and just his company. "You know what, actually I don't care. You're right."

"I'm sorry, I'm what?" He prompts me and I roll my eyes before taking his hand, leading him towards the door.

"Oh wait." I stop before we leave and he groans, gathering his car keys off the side table.

"What have you forgotten now?" He moans and I bite my lip as I pull him in.

"This." I kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck and feeling a rush of butterflies as he gently nibbles my bottom lip between kisses, causing me to giggle softly. "I love you."

"Good, can we go now?" He holds the door open and I raise my eyebrows at him. "I love you too."

 **Nick**

"Thanks very much." I hand my menu back to the waitress and Carla observes the restaurant impressively.

"This is nice." She murmurs, reaching for my hand across the table. "Thank you."

"Well I only bring my dates to the nicest places." I tell her and she narrows her eyes playfully.

"Oh yeah?" She smiles. "Get a lot of them do you?"

"Yeah, rubbish company though." I joke and she taps my hand lightly. "Oh sorry, except for you of course."

"Never a dull moment with me." She points out and I don't know whether she's complimenting or insulting herself. "You said that yourself before."

"Mm, and wasn't that the truth?" I remind her, as she sips her drink, not removing her gaze from me.

"...I know." She murmurs, chewing her straw as she does so. "I've made your life chaos."

"It's going to be more chaotic when we've got a screaming baby in the house." I point out and she pulls a face at the thought. "Prepare to be very tired."

"Oh yeah." She stares into space, as if the thought had only just crossed her mind. "Ah well, sleep's a wasted night anyway."

"Yeah I'll hold you to that." I laugh as she pauses on the thought. "Are you alright?"

"Mm." She nods, looking back at me. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Always." I bite my lip, worried at what it might be.

"How do you always know the right things to say and do?" She asks.

"I don't." I reply, my face relaxing as I watch her nibble on the straw. "You've yelled at me enough times for getting on your nerves."

"Yeah because I don't like to admit that you're right." She confesses. "Or that you're helping me when I want to drown myself in self-pity."

"Do you want some ice?" I point to the straw she is decapitating and she lets it go, blushing at the fact I had picked up on it. "Don't go all shy." I laugh, stopping the waitress as she walks past. "Excuse me, could we just get a glass of ice?"

"Oh wow that sounds so stupid." Carla buries her head in her hands and the waitress smiles at her, addressing her bump.

"It's more common than you might think." The waitress tells her and Carla looks up at her, slightly embarrassed. "When are you due?"

"Ninth of July." Carla informs her and she nods, giving her a warm look before heading back to the bar. "Oh dear, you'd better give them a big tip."

"You might need another straw as well." I point out and she pulls a face at me, putting her head back into her hands momentarily to try and stop her cheeks from flushing.

"It helps." She moans before looking back at me, and I swallow, taking in her beauty, the awkward drum of her nails on the table, the content but slightly nervous look she was giving me. Everything about her gave me butterflies, I didn't realise I could ever feel like this about somebody, especially after being married to them for almost two years. "You know I used to have dignity."

"Your ice." The waitress puts it down on the table, winking at Carla before walking away. She sighs, hesitating before picking a cube out and putting it into her mouth, peering around the restaurant to check nobody had noticed.

"Stop caring what anybody else thinks of you." I squeeze her hand and she smiles at me lovingly, crunching on the ice in her mouth. "You know when you give horses sugar cubes-"

"Shut up, now." She taps my hand and I grin, as she returns it, unable to refrain from laughing at my joke. She suddenly leans forward, swallowing and biting her lip as she looks at me, taking in my posture, my expression, everything in front of her. "You know nobody has ever made me this happy? Or even close."

"Not even Peter?" I point out and she laughs quietly.

"No." She admits and I can't help feeling slightly cocky about this, a sense of honour overcoming me. "Because Peter went out drinking whilst I was pregnant, you order me ice cubes and rub my back whilst I'm sick."

"It's the least I can do." I lower my voice, meaningfully.

"Therefore proving my point." She pokes my hand victoriously. "No, I have never felt like this about anyone. I mean that. I actually know that we're going to grow old together. I've never felt that confident about something before... And I'm not going to destroy what we have, I know I'd never be that stupid again... I promise you that."

"I believe you." I reply, because I did. Everything that had happened was in the past for a reason, and I knew all the lies that had been told were because she loved me, and to go to that extent for love, when I thought about it, was more of a compliment than a disaster. Everything had worked out, and it was going to stay that way.

* * *

"So David told me that she bought him this frame, but it had the wrong name engraved into it at the back." I continue to tell my story as I pull up outside the house, turning to notice that Carla was asleep. Her head was lolling against the car door, one hand rested on her bump, her breathing soft as she slept. I watch her for a moment, the content rise and fall of her chest, softly grazing back the hair that fell across her face. How anybody could ever hurt her, was beyond me. She was the most precious person, she deserved nothing but happiness and had fought so hard to get it.

I eventually open the car door, heading around to her side and trying to be as gentle as possible as I unclip her seat belt, lifting her into my arms and realising how much heavier she now was. Not that I would admit that to her. She stirs slightly but doesn't wake, as I push the car door closed with my foot and turn to see Maria, leaning up against the wall of our house, watching us.

"Maria?" I jump, my voice quiet so as not to wake Carla. "What are you doing?"

"Is she alright?" Maria checks, glancing at Carla worriedly.

"Yeah, long day." I smile, realising I had no access to the car keys I had stupidly put into my pocket. "You couldn't grab my keys, could you?"

"Uh... Yeah." She mutters, awkwardly as she fumbles in my coat pocket, producing them and taking the liberty of unlocking the door for us, pushing it open. There was still a sense of awkwardness between us, which was unnecessary but at least it wasn't unbearable. I carefully lay Carla down on the sofa, folding a blanket over her and kissing her on the forehead before standing to realise that Maria was still staring at us. "You really love her, don't you?"

"More than anything." I reply and she smiles, we stand in silence for a moment, waiting for her to explain why she was even here, but she doesn't. "Did you want something?" I try not to sound rude, because I didn't intend to be and she suddenly snaps back to reality, putting her hand back on the door she had closed behind her.

"Well, I did." She tells me, glancing at Carla. "But it's a bad time so I can come back."

"Do you want me to pass on a message?" I offer, knowing that it was Carla she came to speak to. I didn't know why, they weren't particularly close anymore, not like they used to be.

"It's alright." She shrugs, lowering the keys on to the table and turning before I hear Carla's voice.

"Maria?" She mumbles, and I look around to see she has woken up, rubbing her eyes without thinking and smudging her eye make up. "Oh... Oh no I forgot."

"Did I carry you and that baby in here for no reason?" I groan and she sits up, giving me a look and trying to remove the mascara that has smudged under her eye.

"I'm a mess, sorry Maria." She yawns, turning so her head is balanced on the back of the sofa, looking at us.

"I can come back." Maria stresses, noticing how tired she looks and Carla shakes her head. "I was just wondering... I had a call from my solicitor earlier... She told me Anne Foster had died."

"Yeah." Carla nods in recognition and I can't help feeling slightly annoyed. We'd had such an enjoyable evening and just when I thought maybe she could forget about it for a moment, it's all brought back up again. "I did hear, from mine."

"She's left me ten grand in her will." Maria swallows and Carla looks surprised at this. "I wondered... If you'd heard anything?"

"Yeah she left me money and all." Carla stands up, going over to her. "Uh, sit down."

"I'll put the kettle on." I squeeze her shoulder, heading in to the kitchen reluctantly.

 **Carla**

"When did you hear?" I ask, sitting back down on the sofa.

"When I finished work." She tells me, not seeming upset in the slightest about the situation, which I didn't blame her for.

"I'm sorry... I should have spoken to you." I reply, knowing the topic was a difficult one for the both of us. "I went to visit her a few weeks ago and she told me then, that she was dying, I mean."

"Oh." Maria nods, looking down at the floor. "Doesn't matter, I'd have only popped open the champagne... Sorry."

"Don't be." I smile and she meets my gaze. "So, ten grand."

"Why has she left us money?" She asks me, even though I knew equally as much about it as she did.

"I guess it must be an apology." I shrug.

"What and 'sorry' wouldn't have done the trick?" She scoffs, looking back at me. "Have you been alright?"

"Yeah." I lie, not to wanting to discuss it again. "...So what are you going to do with the money?"

"Well I don't want it." She pauses and I nod understandingly. "Apart from the fact that Liam needs speech therapy and it's taking us weeks to even get an appointment... But I'm refusing to use it for that."

"Are you?" I take her hand in mine, gently squeezing it. "At the end of the day... It's just money."

"What are you doing with yours?" Maria questions, as I feel Nick's hand on my shoulder, sitting down on the back of the sofa and I glance at him briefly.

"I uh..." I look back at her. "I'm giving it to a rape crisis charity... The one that helped me and you... And the other half to one which supports parents of stillborn children."

"Oh... Carla that's lovely." She swallows, immediately looking touched and I knew why. Both of those subjects were topics close to her heart, and she dips her head, staring down at the floor.

"But you use yours to help Liam." I tell her, and she looks back up at me, guilt written in to her expression. "Please. It's what his dad would have wanted."

"I don't know whether I would feel right about it." She sighs.

"He's gone, she's gone. Does it matter what it was for in the first place?" I whisper. "At the end of the day, me and you, we went through hell."

"She could give me a million pounds and it would never make up for anything he did, not even in the slightest." She replies, gritting her teeth.

"I know sweetheart." I feel Nick plant a kiss on the top of my head. "But it's done. Liam is going to benefit from that money, that's what counts... And take a holiday whilst you're at it, you look like you could do with one."

"Oh cheers." She smiles, glancing at us before standing up. "I'll leave you both to it. Thanks."

"Take care of yourself." I return, rising and quickly hugging her, which I think she is surprised at, before watching as she leaves, closing the door behind her.

"You ok?" I feel Nick's arms wrap around my waist from behind and I stand staring at the door.

"Yeah." I whisper, finally turning to face him.

"You're serious about the charity thing?" He grazes his finger over my cheek as I stare up at him, nodding in response. "Lauren would be so proud of you, both of your little girls would."

"Oh Nick." I sigh, not having the words to express how I felt about him. "...I'm sorry for falling asleep in the car."

"Don't be silly." He laughs lightly and I smile, standing there, watching him, taking in everything about him. We stand in comfortable silence for a moment, just holding our gaze, before he leans in, kissing me so gently it sends warm chills down my spine. "Thank you."

"For what?" I whisper, my forehead tilted against his.

"For everything." He finishes, and I sigh contently as he kisses me again. So carefully, so gently, not wanting to push things too far. But it meant so much, and I craved his care, his warm lips against mine. The feel of his hand in my hair. I had won, and that was something I never thought I would say. But I had, after everything that had happened, I finally knew what happiness felt like. I had won, at last and it felt so good, it felt so right.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42:**

 _ **A/N: Ok this is the longest chapter ever, I apologise I didn't even realise how much I had written!**_

 **Carla**

"Careful please." Nick pulls me back before I cross the road and I roll my eyes at him as a car goes past. "Did they never teach you to look left and right?"

"Who my parents? No, they missed out that tiny detail." I tell him, as we eventually cross, my hand intertwined with his. "They did teach me how to shoplift and to hold your nose when you down a vodka shot though. Life lessons complete."

"After you." He sighs, holding the door open to Roy's, patting my bum lightly as I head past him.

"Hey, Roy." I greet, folding my arms on top of the counter and he stops what he is doing to approach us. I feel Nick's arms around my waist from behind me and I lean back into him, enjoying the embrace.

"Hello." He nods, curtly. "May I make an observation?"

"You may." I reply, intrigued as to what it could be as soon as the words leave his mouth.

"You two look very content currently." He indicates to us and I laugh, feeling Nick place a kiss into my hair. "You seem in high spirits, it's pleasing. Very pleasing, to witness."

"Ah, well I would agree with you there." I smile, leaning my head back into Nick's chest. "You order, I'll grab a table."

"Oh right." Nick laughs, releasing me and I go to sit down opposite where Kate is observing us from the corner of the café.

"You two seem very loved up." Kate smirks slightly, nudging me.

"Can't deny the fact that we are." I reply, leaning over the table and resting on my elbow. "Doesn't seem like we're the only ones either."

"Hey?" She frowns, glancing around the café.

"You." I poke her hand gently and she looks back at me, realisation in her expression. "Yeah I saw you, kissing Rana in the street. Is there something you need to tell me?"

"...Maybe." She tries to stop herself from smiling. "It's all official."

"Yes well thank you for keeping me updated!" I exclaim and she looks so genuinely happy, it warms me. "Since when?"

"She told Zeedan a few weeks ago." She lowers her voice. "It's been a bit under-wraps for a while, but she said she's ready to go public so..."

"And how did Zeedan take it?" I chew my lip at the thought.

"Well he's not my best friend anymore but I'm willing to pay that price." She shrugs. "That's so selfish of me."

"You're allowed to be selfish." I place a finger under her chin, meeting her gaze. "You deserve to be happy."

"I am happy." She replies, confidently. "I am so happy."

"Then that's all that matters." I wink at her, as Nick slides into the seat next to me.

"You took your time." I tell him and he raises his eyebrows, pushing a glass of juice towards me.

"Oh well I am sorry." He nudges me playfully and Kate watches us contently for a moment.

"Honestly, you're like a couple of children, the pair of you." She shakes her head, grinning at us all the same before standing up. "I need to get to work, because some of us don't want to be late, in case they get in trouble with their boss."

"I'll let you off this once." Nick tells her, putting his arm around me. "Unless that was a dig."

"Of course not." She shakes her head, waving at me. "Have a good day."

"Bye sweetheart." I raise a hand, as she leaves and I turn my head to look at Nick. "She's happy."

"Yeah?" Nick responds. "Everything worked out then."

"Well for them, yeah." I nod. "Not so much for Zeedan."

"That would explain why he's been taking so much time off." He ponders, staring into space and I grab his chin, turning his head back to face me.

"Mm." I kiss him momentarily, mumbling as I do so. "So what were you talking to Roy about?"

"You." He answers, bluntly and I glance over to where he is arranging cakes on a dish.

"Well that's always worrying." I reply, before looking back at him.

"Not when I'm talking about how happy you are and how everything is set in place for the baby to arrive." He places a hand on my tummy.

"Oh I see." I smile, moving forwards to sip my drink. "Well you've still got a while to wait yet, although it doesn't feel like it."

"Yeah it doesn't look like it either." He observes and I slap him gently, my face falling at his joke. "Oh baby I'm joking, sorry."

"Yeah you will be." I narrow my eyes, leaning on my elbow again as I watch him. "It's a big baby."

"It's gonna come early." He bets and I rest a hand on my bump.

"You think?" I ask. "I hope so."

"Do you want to bet on it?" His eyes glint excitedly.

"No, I don't." I laugh, ruining his idea. "I gave up gambling a long time ago, thank you."

"Breakfast." Roy puts three plates down in front of me and I look at it blankly for a moment, watching as a plate of toast is put in front of Nick.

"Uh, I think you got the wrong table." I point out, staring at the plates of pancakes, full English breakfast and yogurt with fruit that was in front of me.

"I do believe the order is correct." Roy shows me the receipt, defensively and I raise my eyebrows at Nick.

"What are you playing at?" I try to stop myself from laughing, as he picks up a piece of toast.

"I didn't know what you wanted." He responds, and I push a plate towards him.

"You are so embarrassing." I hiss, and he laughs again, giving Roy a thumbs up as he awkwardly walks away. "Nicholas, you can't just order me the entire menu."

"I can and I did." He replies, cockily as I reluctantly pick up a fork, stabbing a piece of fruit and putting it in my mouth.

"People are going to stare at me." I whisper, glancing around the café.

"Believe it or not, Carla Connor, people aren't always looking at you." He teases me. "Sorry to rain on your parade."

"I don't know who she is because that's not my surname." I point out and he shakes his head at me, watching as I cut up a sausage. "However it will be if you carry on like this."

"Are you threatening to divorce me because I bought you breakfast?" He nudges me, and I playfully glare at him. "Of all the sins."

"This is very sweet of you, thank you." I give in and he looks victorious for a moment. "And we don't use that word, because it is never, ever going to happen."

"Good." He nods, kissing me on the side of the head. "Well for the record I think you look beautiful today."

"Well then you're going blind." I smile down at my plate, blushing slightly as his words soak in.

"I might be a bit crazy but I'm not blind." He negotiates and I dare myself to look at him. "So believe it, please."

"If it'll make you smile." I reply, kissing him before going back to eating my breakfast.

* * *

"Oh..." I suddenly groan at my computer and Aidan looks across at me, concerned.

"Everything alright?" He checks.

"I meant to call Sid Altree." I make a note of it, sticking it on the side of the computer. "About those new fabrics."

"I'll do it." Johnny offers, still trying anything possible to get back into my good books.

"Yeah you will." I pass him the post-it-note, and I accidentally meet his gaze, smiling to make him feel better.

"I'm sorry." He apologises and I glance at Aidan, leaning back in my chair.

"Yeah you've said that." I point out. "Several times."

"And I mean it." He assures me.

"Well nobody got hurt, did they?" I sigh, as I hear the door to the factory swing open in the distance. "Anne aside."

"Hiya." The office door opens and I turn my chair in the direction of Nick's voice.

"Ah, hello." I immediately feel happier in his presence, a rush of butterflies subtly arising inside me. "Have you got nothing to do with your day off?"

"I'll uh, go and call Sid." Johnny stands up, waving at Nick briefly before leaving.

"Do you want a brew?" Aidan offers, standing up.

"Haha, look at you making the drinks in Bethany's absence." I giggle at him and he rolls his eyes. "I'm alright for now thanks."

"Ok, alright Nick." He pats him on the shoulder as he leaves.

"Why aren't you doing paperwork?" I ask him, brightly as I shift mine to the side so he can sit down on the desk, uncovering another post-it-note that was buried underneath. "Ugh... Oh I forgot about this." I start scribbling something down on the notepad beside me. I feel his hands on my shoulders, gently massaging them and I stop what I am doing to sigh at his touch.

"You work too hard." He whispers, kissing the top of my head as he continues to undo the stress woven into my shoulders. "How's your morning been?"

"Eventful." I reply, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes, focusing on the gentle rhythm of his fingers. "Yours?"

"I've finished the nursery." He tells me and I finally spin my chair around to face him.

"Oh, brilliant." I nod, impressively before holding my hand up. "High five." He presses his hand against mine, sitting back on the side and watching me for a moment.

"It's lovely weather out there." He points in the direction of the doorway.

"Is this what we've resorted to? Talk about the weather?" I laugh, my hand falling to my tummy as the baby starts to kick me. "We're not that... Ow, old."

"You alright?" He checks, glancing at my tummy and I nod.

"Yeah fine." I reply, and he studies me worriedly for a moment. "He's just in such an awkward position." I notice his expression. "Sweetheart I am absolutely fine. I promise you."

"Sure?" He checks and I sit back in my chair, observing him as I feel the soft kicks from beneath my fingers.

"Well apart from pins and needles constantly." I sigh, pointing to my legs because they had started to ache a lot now I had to carry the excess weight around.

"Can you get the afternoon off?" He suddenly asks and I narrow my eyes. "Like I said, the weather is gorgeous."

"And what do you have in mind?" I quiz him and he glances around the office, as if trying to think of ideas. "Because I can't really walk very far darling."

"We don't have to walk." Nick shrugs, and I know he's got an idea that he wants to tell me.

"Come on then, spit it out." I nudge him with my foot. "Hey?"

"Could go for a picnic?" He suggests and I laugh for a moment before realising he is being serious.

"A picnic?" I repeat and he bites his lip at the thought. "Who do you think I am?"

"Ok, ok." He holds his hands up, kissing me before standing up. "It was a stupid idea, I'll leave you to it."

"Uh, no." I tug him back, not making the effort to stand up and he looks down at me, expectantly. "I never said I didn't want to."

"Yeah yeah." He laughs at me, as I link my fingers with his and he sits down on my desk. "Just thought we could get some food and go somewhere quiet... Just enjoy the short period of peace we've got left."

"Really?" I try to stop myself from smiling at the thought and he nods, contently as I gaze out of the office window. "Nobody could know, I'll tell them I've got a medical appointment."

"Oh, our secret." He holds a finger up to his lips and I bite my lip, excitedly. "So you in?"

"Yeah I'm in." I place a hand on his knee. "If you pass me that water bottle because I really can't be bothered to get up."

"Lazy." He winks at me, as he hands it over and I take a sip from it as he gazes at me lovingly.

"Mm, you love it." I smile, as the office door opens again and luckily it's Johnny who enters, who was the lesser of two evils in situations like this. "Oh, did you call Sid?"

"Yep, all sorted." He hands me the phone back and I reach over to put it in the holder. "However he did seem keen to talk to you."

"Of course he did." I roll my eyes, glancing at Nick momentarily. "Uh... I need the afternoon off."

"At this short notice?" He looks up at me.

"Yeah, sorry." I reply, trying my best to look guilty. "We've got a doctors appointment, I forgot until this one showed up."

"Is everything alright?" He ensures.

"Yeah it's just one of those routine things, blood tests and all that." I shrug, and Johnny's expression eases.

"Alright well I can't really say no can I?" He sighs. "Especially if it's to do with my grandson."

"Yay, thank you." I cheer quietly, struggling to pull myself up and going dizzy when I do.

"Ok, take your time." Nick laughs, steadying me and I meet his eyes for a moment, as he brushes the hair out of my face. We stare at each other for a few seconds, before Johnny's coughing snaps us out of our trance. "Come on."

"See you later." I wave to Johnny as I am guided out of the factory by Nick, who as soon as we are out on the steps, is kissing me in his arms, the warm spring breeze blowing through my hair.

 **Nick**

"I cannot believe you've got me doing this, Tilsley." She sits down on the blanket I had laid upon the grass, as I sit down opposite her, unpacking a bag of food we had bought on the way. "I must love you."

"You must." I nod, handing her a plastic cup of juice, which she takes whilst holding my gaze. She almost looks nervous for a moment, scanning the surroundings. "There's nobody here who's going to know you!"

"Uh, I was purely observing the beautiful weather." She argues and I laugh, as she takes a sip from her straw. I couldn't stop smiling, and neither could she, it made me feel like she was a school boy crush, crazy didn't cover it. "So what's all this in aid of?"

"Me and you." I reply and she dips her head, touched by my gesture. "You know this time two years ago, we were at Harry's christening?"

"No way." Her eyes widen, lowering her drink onto the grass. "Two years?"

"Mm, came up on my phone earlier." I nod, holding a sausage roll in front of her mouth and she opens it to allow me to drop it in, causing me to laugh. "You're not getting that lazy that I have to feed you."

"Yeah I am going to milk these next few months." She warns me. "If I've got to push him out of me, I'm gonna flaming enjoy it first."

"...Are you worried, about the birth?" I stupidly ask and I immediately regret it, because the atmosphere had been so enjoyable. "Sorry, don't answer that."

"I don't know." She sighs, biting her lip as she looks up at the tree above us. "A bit. However the difference being that this time I'll have you and that makes it a bit more reassuring. A lot more, actually... Unless you have other plans on the ninth of July?"

"You make it sound like it's a scheduled meeting." I chuckle as she helps herself to the crisps in between us. "Besides, he's gonna come before the due date anyway."

"You seem very sure of that." She points out, wincing as she looks behind her and I chuck her a cushion, which she lays back on.

"Back pain?" I guess, and she nods, shifting uncomfortably. "Come here."

"Why do I just ache everywhere?" She moans slightly as she comes towards me, sitting in my lap so that she was resting against my chest, able to prop herself up against something. I kiss the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her hair and rubbing her tummy soothingly. "It's like he's trying to out-do me."

"Not long now." I remind her, tapping her arm before grazing my fingers up and down it.

"I hope you're right and he does come early." She mutters.

"I hope for both of our sakes he does as well." I laugh and she smiles briefly, letting out a low mumble and closing her eyes. "I'm sorry it's been so difficult."

"It's not your fault." She says quietly.

"I beg to differ there." I reply, continuing to rub her bump. "I never wanted you in this much pain."

"It's not that bad." She tries to make me feel better, which I know is a lie because it had been a nightmare of a pregnancy so far. "However I would have a serious think about doing it again."

"What does that mean?" I question, because I couldn't deny the fact it had been playing on my mind but I hadn't dared ask her.

"It means I'm not ruling it out." She murmurs, as I stroke the hair off her face, watching as she picks up a breadstick and begins to nibble on it. I'm glad she can't see me smiling, because the fact she was considering doing it again made me more happy than I initially realised. "But let's just see how this one goes first... Besides the fact that I don't even know if I'll be fertile enough, so don't get excited."

"Hey." I frown, tapping her and she turns to look at me. "I'm perfectly content with how things are now, regardless of whether we do it again or not."

"You could have had a big family." She whispers, meeting my gaze. "With some thirty year old blonde woman who could still pop them out for years yet."

"I'm not really into blondes." I joke and she raises her eyebrows.

"Uh, Leanne?" She points out.

"Yeah exactly." I nudge her and she smiles. "I don't want a big family anyway, I want it exactly how it is and how it's going to be with me and you." I link my fingers with hers. "I wouldn't be sat here if I didn't."

"I love you." She bites her lip, playfully leaning in to kiss me.

"I love you too." I return and she stares at me momentarily. "What?"

"Have you thought about names at all?" She asks.

"No." I deny, and she can tell I'm lying.

"Tell me the truth." She nudges my knee. "I know you have, I've seen all your research."

"Have you been going through my phone history again?" I exclaim, not annoyed in the slightest by this, in fact I actually found it quite attractive. "Do you not trust me?"

"Of course I trust you!" She replies, slightly offended that I suggested it. "I was just bored... Noah, Benjamin, Alfie-"

"Ok, stop." I laugh and she giggles as I gently nudge her. "Do you like any of those?"

"Maybe." She smiles, looking down at our interlinked fingers. "Yes, particularly Alfie."

"Yeah?" I prompt her and she avoids my gaze, smiling at the thought as she nods. "Well that's a good start."

"Can I ask something? And you can say no." She murmurs, looking up at me again and I wait for her to continue. "...Lauren's middle name was Hayley..."

"So you want his name to include Roy?" I guess, pointing to her tummy and she looks surprised that I had clocked on.

"...Would that be a problem?" She asks quietly and I shake my head, definitively.

"Course not." I reply and she diverts her gaze to the playground at the sound of a child laughing. I turn my head in the same direction, watching as a little girl and boy push one another on the swings, parents standing nearby. I squeeze her hand supportively, noticing tears brimming in her eyes. "Hey, that'll be us one day."

"I'm scared." She looks back at me, her voice suddenly quiet and my smile fades as I stare back at her. "...I'm scared of letting you down and I'm scared of letting him down."

"Look." I place a finger under her chin, moving closer her. "You've got nothing to be scared of. No matter what happens in the future, you couldn't let me down, not ever."

"I want a baby." She suddenly cries, putting her head in her hands and I watch in confusion, putting my hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, Carla." I shake her gently. "You're having a baby, what do you think this is?" I touch her tummy. "Look at me."

"And my hair straighteners have broken." She continues and I don't quite know how to react for a moment.

"Ok well... I'll buy you some new ones." I stammer, as she looks up at me, her mascara smudged over her face and we stare at each other for a moment. "Where did that come from?" I nervously laugh, picking up her drink and holding it in front of her so she can drink from the straw.

"I'm not a baby, Nick." She suddenly snaps and I put it back down abruptly.

"Carla, calm down." I raise my eyebrows at her, waiting for her to respond with some random comment. I was so confused at where her outburst had come from and I think she was too. "Wow." I dare to laugh and luckily she does the same, burying her head in her hands again.

"Oh God, I'm sorry." She mumbles through her hair and I nudge her as she looks up at me again. I move my hand to brush away the remaining tears and running make up.

"Your make-up is all smudged." I laugh at her and she looks apologetic for a moment. "Come here." I hold my arms out and she practically crawls into them. "I didn't think hormones were that confusing."

"I'm sorry I don't know where that came from." She murmurs into my chest and I rock her gently. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying sorry." I sigh, pulling back and realising she looks both guilty and embarrassed.

"Oh... Why am I such a mess of emotions all the time?" She takes one of the napkins from the bag and starts dabbing her face with it.

"Because you're pregnant?" I suggest, pointing out the blatantly obvious.

"Ugh, do I look awful?" She drags the tissue under her eyes and I pull it away, gently.

"You look beautiful." I tell her.

"Well that's a lie." She laughs lightly, swallowing as she watches me. "...You've been an absolute rock so far, you do realise that?"

"What do you mean?" I frown, unsure of what she was referring to.

"The pregnancy, I couldn't have done it so far without you." She whispers, looking at me lovingly. "I don't think you understand how amazing and caring you've been, honestly. You've been there for me, whenever I've needed you. You've let me cry and shout and push you away. You've stayed up until the early hours when I haven't been well, or when I'm having nightmares. Gone out to the shop when you're in your pyjamas just to get me something because you know I'm craving it. There's really not many people that would do that... Especially for me. And I genuinely mean it when I say it; thank you so much, for everything you've done for me... I am the luckiest person alive, for the first time ever I actually feel like that. _You've_ made me feel like that."

"You deserve nothing less." I reply, touched by her little speech and trying to muster up a more meaningful response. "I've just wanted to show you how much I appreciate what you're going through for us..."

"Even when I do confuse you with all my hormones?" She smiles through tears, clutching the napkin in her hand.

"Even then, yes." I nod, returning her affection by leaning forward to kiss her on the forehead.

"I'm so dysfunctional." She reminds me and I smile, running my fingers through her hair.

"Amongst other things." I recall and she laughs, picking at the food laid out on the blanket.

"I'm really enjoying this." She tells me, lying back on the cushion and staring at the sky for a moment.

"Could have fooled me." I reply and she sits up again.

"I am." She assures me, before turning and laying her head in my lap, weaving two daisies together that she has plucked from the grass. "However you're turning me all soft. If someone had told me this time five years ago that I would be sat on the grass in a park with Nick Tilsley, pregnant with his baby, making daisy chains and drinking juice out of a plastic cup... I'd never in my wildest dreams have believed it."

"Well, no neither would I." I respond, stroking back her hair as she contently plays with the flowers in her hands, every so often moving her gaze to mine. "But miracles can happen."

"Clearly." She goes quiet then, just focusing on the motion of her fingers, deep in thought. "Alfie... I like it."

"Enough to be our son's name?" I place my hand on her tummy, the silky material of her top beneath my fingers.

"Alfie Royston Tilsley." She contemplates out loud, before laughing in disbelief. "Wow, that seems real."

"It is real." I remind her, and she stops playing with the flowers, her eyes fixated on mine as I bend my head forwards to look at her. She doesn't say anything, she just studies me, a mixture of emotions woven into her expression. "I can't wait... For the mornings I wake up and come downstairs, seeing you feeding him on the sofa, some rubbish daytime show on the telly that you're not even watching."

"What makes you think you'll be the one still in bed?" She scoffs playfully, before her face goes serious again. "I can't wait either... Well, I can, because I'm enjoying this, us, the excitement of it all. You know we'll never get this back? As soon as we're parents that's it... Until we're really old."

"Oh great that escalated quickly." I laugh and she hums slightly at my response. "What have you made?"

"Daisy chain." She hands it to me.

"Wow, never had you down as the type to know how to make these." I observe it, slipping it over her wrist.

"I'm full of surprises." She informs me, as if I didn't already know.

"So I am learning." I reply. "Everyday. Are you going to eat any of this food you made me buy?"

"Not in any hurry, are we?" She points out and I tickle her under the chin briefly, causing her to erupt in a fit of laughter, fending me off. She sits up, grabbing my wrists in her hands and playfully shoving me over onto the grass. I lay back, letting her pin me down, listening to her laugh as her face comes into view and her soft hair tickles my cheek. She dips her head close to mine, looking at me victoriously before leaning down to kiss me. I fold my arms around her waist, kissing her back gently as I feel the baby kick above me and she gasps. "Oh for God's sake."

"Even I felt that." I tell her, and she laughs, falling against my face and rolling into the grass. "I think he wants all the attention, he was kicking me out of the way."

"You know we're never gonna be able to have sex when he's born." She suddenly realises and I can't help dwelling on the thought as well.

"We will..." I trail off. "Just less than we already do."

"I don't want less." She suddenly sulks and I roll my head across to look at her, as she does the same. "What if I need stitches and I can't have sex?"

"What, ever?" I nudge her and she rolls her eyes.

"Oh no... It's huge I am going to need stitches as well." She gulps, suddenly looking terrified again. "No... My body is going to be completely ruined by the end of this."

"Hey, stop it." I whisper, hating when she spoke like this about herself. "It's not, the stitches heal within a few weeks anyway and besides you might not even need to have them."

"Nick have you seen the size of this baby?" She points to her bump. "I'm gonna need stitches... Especially with how much I'll freak out when I'm giving birth."

"You're not going to freak out." I reassure her, tilting her head to face me. "Are you? Carla? Because everything is going to be fine. I don't want you stressing over that, please."

"But you know I will be." She says quietly. "It's gonna bring everything back, Nick. That's why I'm terrified. It's not even the physical pain, it's emotionally. I remember feeling sick at the first scan, how am I going to feel when I've got to do it again... Not knowing."

"You can't think like this, because it's going to put ideas into your head and make you see it negatively." I sigh, softly rubbing my thumb along her cheekbone. "Believe me."

"I do believe you." She whispers and it scares me slightly because I knew she was completely depending on my reassurance. "I'm sorry in advance for breaking your hand in the delivery room."

"I don't think I'd even care." I laugh quietly and she smiles.

"Yeah you wouldn't." She returns, shifting her head towards me so our noses touch. "I tell you what, Nicky Tilsley, I couldn't live without you now."

"Well it's a good job you don't have to then." I plant a soft kiss onto her lips, before whispering into her ear. "And don't call me Nicky."

 **Carla**

"Oh hello." Michelle folds her arms over the bar, eyeing me up as I enter with Nick, my laughing cutting out. "How did your check up go?"

"Huh?" I frown, as we reach the bar and Nick nudges me. "Oh! Yes, fine."

"Good." She smiles as Nick kisses my head and I lean back into his chest. "Flipping heck you two."

"What?" My eyes widen, as I lean forwards on the bar.

"You can't let go of one another." She points out, looking content about it all the same.

"Well, we're in love." I hum and Nick releases his arms from around me, heading around the bar. "Uh, excuse me, day off? Remember?"

"Oh I do apologise for getting you a drink." Nick replies, a hint of sarcasm in his tone and I smile, watching as Michelle shakes her head at me, amused.

"So come on then, where have you really been?" Michelle suddenly asks and I stare at her blankly.

"I told you." I respond. "The doctors."

"You haven't been to the doctors." She laughs, and I glance at Nick in disbelief.

"Michelle!" I exclaim. "Yes I have."

"I know you." She grins, as Nick starts laughing at my expression, putting a drink down on the counter.

"What's so funny?" I snap, annoyed.

"You've got grass in your hair." She points to me and I immediately drag my fingers through it, watching it fall through my hands. "What have you two been doing?"

"Babe, never become an undercover detective." Nick tells me and I raise my eyebrows at him.

"Well surprisingly, Nicholas, it wasn't on my agenda." I respond, sarcastically and he comes back around to my side of the bar, working his fingers through my hair to pull the grass out of it. "We've been for a picnic, if you must know. But don't tell Johnny or Aidan."

"A picnic?" She bursts out laughing and I glare at her. "You?"

"Yes me." I snap, now annoyed at her attempts to wind me up. "How is that so difficult to grasp?"

"You actually sat on the floor?" She asks, looking impressively at Nick. "How did you manage to persuade her to do this?"

"You know, I'm not keen on the service in here." I scan the restaurant.

"Oh sorry, did you want to talk to the manager?" Michelle jokes.

"I do a lot more than talk to the manager, that's for sure." I mutter and Michelle pulls a face.

"I'm glad you're here actually." She changes the subject. "I have something to run past you."

"Go ahead." I take a sip of my drink, as Nick sits down on the stool next to me.

"How would you feel about a baby shower?" She sounds excited, and that makes me feel bad for absolutely hating the idea.

"Uh..." I mutter, trying to think of an excuse and failing. "Yeah..."

"You don't have to." She sounds disappointed at my reaction.

"Well... Baby showers are like hen do's but without the alcohol." I reply, making the idea sound even worse in my head.

"You get presents." She points out.

"Hey, it'll be good." Nick taps my hand lightly, before linking his fingers with mine on the counter.

"I won't invite anybody you don't like." She promises me.

"So most of the street then?" I remind her and she shrugs.

"Me, you, Kate..." She hesitates. "Uh, Fiz... Sally."

"Oh great this sounds fun." I groan. "Nick, Roy."

"No thanks." Nick holds his hands up. "Baby showers are girlie things. I'll be in the pub."

"Oh no way." I shake my head at him. "You are not getting out of this."

"Ok." Michelle rips a piece of receipt paper from the machine, grabbing a pen. "Me, you, Kate, Maria." She scribbles the names down before tapping the paper, trying to think of other people who actually liked me. "Sally."

"Chelle I can't stand Sally at work, I don't want to openly invite her to spend time outside of with with me as well." I mutter and she crosses the name out bluntly. "No machinists please, except Fiz. Rana, I guess."

"Oh yeah that's a point." She writes the name down. "And we need a gossip about that as well. Sarah, Bethany, Gail."

"Oh this just gets better." I sigh, realising on the other hand that I had more friends than I thought. "You'll have to invite Audrey then."

"So basically my whole family." Nick scans the list.

"Unfortunately." I dare to add and he rolls his eyes at me. "...Chelle that's loads of people."

"Oh it's only eight." She counts them up. "Actually, don't forget Jenny." She jots it down and I glance at Nick for some kind of reassurance.

"Maybe just keep it quite simple." Nick sighs, seeing my desperation. "She's shattered, Chelle."

"Yeah ok." She nods understandingly. "Sorry sweetheart. We won't do it, I just thought you might enjoy it."

"No... It's a lovely idea." I tell her, feeling bad for being so negative about it. "Look, I do want to do it." I sigh, giving in when I notice her disappointment.

"Carla, you don't have to say that." She laughs at me.

"No, I want to!" I exclaim, as Nick squeezes my hand gently. "Just don't make it too over the top."

"It'll be really chilled." She assures me, smiling excitedly. "I promise."

* * *

 **Carla**

I lie on my back, staring up at the ceiling, even though I'm not supposed to. But there was no other way of easing my pain, my legs were prickling with pins and needles and everywhere constantly ached. I turn onto my side, trying anything to get comfortable before giving up and pushing myself up on the edge of the bed. I stare into the darkness, tears forming in my eyes as I let them silently roll down my cheeks. I had never felt so tired, so worn down.

I didn't know whether part of it was anxiety, the fear of it happening all over again was increasing every day now and the birth was constantly playing on my mind. Even though Nick kept telling me everything would be alright, and I believed him completely, I couldn't get rid of the tiny ounce of doubt at the back of my head.

I push my hair back out of my face, lowering my head into my hands. My back constantly ached, the baby kept pushing against my spine and at times a sharp pain could creep up on me, which was now setting me on edge, waiting for it to happen again.

I quietly stamp my foot against the carpet, trying anything to rid myself of the prickling feeling that was descending my legs. I get up, sitting on my birthing ball and leaning back against the wardrobe, closing my eyes momentarily and staring longingly at the bed.

Never had I been so desperate for sleep, I'd taken it for granted up until this point. I'm freezing cold when I was out of the bed, but I didn't want to wake Nick and I knew my tossing and turning would soon achieve that. Exhaling sharply, I try to think of something that could entertain me. I stand up with great difficulty, my legs giving way and I fall back against the wall, my head colliding with it sharply.

"Carla?" I hear Nick's voice and I immediately hate myself for waking him up. It's dark, but I can make out his figure, sitting up and clicking the light on as I rub my head, wincing at the sudden burst of light. "What are you doing?"

"I can't sleep." I suddenly moan, bursting into tears and he sighs, getting up and coming over to me. He holds his hands out for me to grab and has to virtually pull me up with all his strength.

"Hey, it's ok, come here." He whispers, rocking me gently in his arms.

"I'm so tired." I cry into his chest, having to hold myself up so I don't fall again. "This is killing me, I can't do it anymore."

"Ok, I know." He plants a kiss on top of my head, his voice soothing me.

"Go back to bed." I whimper quietly.

"No." He laughs into my hair and it makes me smile slightly. How could he make me smile when I felt so miserable? "Why were you sat against the wall?"

"Because I fell." I admit and he pulls away so he can look at me.

"Carla you should have woken me up." He tells me, his face growing serious.

"I didn't want to." I insist. "I'm already tired, I don't want you to be as well."

"No, I don't care." He continues and I give him a weary look. "If something happens or you can't sleep, you wake me up. Ok?"

"Ok, ok. Sorry." I give in, too tired to argue. "Mm..."

"Come here." He sits me down on the bed, sitting next to me and rubbing my back for a few minutes. "Right, I'm going to go and get you a hot water bottle. Don't get up, please."

"Thank you." I whisper, feeling guilty as he climbs out of bed the other side.

"Please don't move." He begs me and I turn my head to look at him.

"I promise." I assure him and he smiles as he leaves. I hear the distant sound of him clattering about in the kitchen, before he returns to see me with my head in my hands. I feel a soothing sensation as he gently presses the hot water bottle against my back, allowing me to lean forwards as he does so. His other hand plays with my hair, which is also surprisingly comforting as I let it fall over my face, not looking up, just squeezing my eyes shut so tight that I can see a display of colours dancing before them.

"Right, sit against these." He removes his hand from my hair to prop the pillows up against the headboard and I finally look up, shifting myself to lean back against them, the hot water bottle wedged comfortably in between.

"What's the time?" I ask and he picks his phone up, trying not to look shattered as he looks down at the screen.

"Ten past four." He recites and I roll my head over to look at him.

"I am so sorry." I apologise and he smiles at me, brushing the hair out of my face and tying it up in some dodgy style with the hair bobble from the side.

"That word is banned, remember?" He kisses my nose, getting up again.

"Don't leave me." I whine like a child, not even caring that I was completely dependant on him.

"I'm not, I'm getting the TV remote." He manages to laugh, picking it up and sitting back down on the bed, staring at me momentarily before raising a hand to my forehead.

"I know." I groan, moving his hand away. "I'm all sweaty, don't rub it in. You chose to marry me, you could have said no that day in the Bistro."

"Will you stop?" He laughs again, getting out of bed for the third time and I realise his motions are making me dizzy.

"Oh Nick, choose." I moan, quietly. "Get out or stay in, you're making me nauseous."

"Ok, hold on." He holds his hands up defensively, disappearing again and I sit mumbling to myself grumpily, listening to the soft whir of the television. I don't even hear him re-enter or sit down next to me, it's the refreshing cloth that is placed to my forehead that I jump at. "Sorry."

"God, you scared me!" I exclaim, looking alarmed and noticing he looks apologetic. "I'll forgive you because you're being nice."

"Any better?" He asks and I nod, closing my eyes as he holds the cloth to my head. "What is this?" He points to the TV and I reluctantly open my eyes, staring at it for a moment.

"I don't even know." I reply. "But it's got to be rubbish if it's on at four in the morning." He flicks the television over as some birthing programme comes on and I immediately block my ears, squeezing my eyes shut like a stupid child. "Nick turn it off, please." I beg, loudly and I don't stop until he's pulled my hands away from my ears.

"Carla, Carla it's ok." He repeats over and I move my gaze to where the television has been turned off, surprised at my outburst. "Baby, just relax. It's off, ok?"

"Mm." I moan and this time I don't even know why.

"Hey." He quietly soothes, grazing his thumb along my hand. "I'm here."

"I don't deserve you." I raise my hand, putting it over his, so I can move the cloth to my cheek.

"Yeah that's banned as well." He whispers, kissing me gently on the lips and I smile, moving my head on to his shoulder and closing my eyes momentarily, finally enjoying the quiet now he was holding me and I knew I was safe.

 **Nick**

"I'm sorry." I slip down into the booth beside her in The Rovers and I place her water down, sliding it across the table.

"Sorry?" She looks confused.

"If I pushed you into that baby shower idea last week." I put my arm around her. "I know it's the last thing you want right now."

"Sweetheart it wasn't you." She assures me. "It's just the way Michelle was listing all the guests, it's a bit overwhelming that's all. I'm exhausted."

"I know you are." I kiss her forehead affectionately. "You're not sleeping well."

"Yeah because I'm never comfortable." She rubs her tummy, closing her eyes momentarily and leaning back into my shoulder. "I'm sorry for keeping you up."

"Don't worry about that." I reassure her, twirling a piece of her hair around my finger.

"I don't think I can do this for much longer." She picks her drink up, taking a long sip. "I'm so drained, it doesn't feel like I've still got ten weeks to go. Honestly, I feel a lot worse now than I did at nine months last time. My bump is bigger already as well. I look disgusting, I feel disgusting-"

"Stop." I cut her off and she abruptly finishes talking, sighing as she fiddles with the straw in her drink. "I think all our mirrors must be broken because if you think you're looking at somebody disgusting, there's something seriously wrong."

"Yeah you have to say that." She mutters and I tilt her head to face me, raising my eyebrows. "Look, you can tell me that as much as you like but it's not going to stop me from hating myself."

I swallow, trying to process the words. There was no point in trying to respond with the truth, because I knew she wouldn't believe it and that killed me. She seemed to think I was just saying it to cheer her up, but honestly I had never thought she had been so beautiful.

"I think there's something wrong with your eyesight." She continues to put herself down.

"And I think you ought to stop being so negative about yourself and not believing what I say." I respond and she looks surprised at my defensiveness. "But that's not going to happen, is it? Because you're a stubborn cow."

"...Ouch." She mumbles, staring down at the table and I immediately feel bad, noticing I had perhaps been too harsh on her, despite trying to give her tough love rather than offered her.

"Oh please don't cry." I sigh, pulling her into me as soon as I see a tear roll down her cheek. She was past the point of even caring about crying, or expressing any emotion for that matter. Her hormones were an absolute mess and I wasn't about to admit it to her, but it was a struggle of working out which mood she would be in every second of the day. "I didn't want to upset you."

"I know, I don't know why I'm crying." She mumbles into me and I glance behind me to check nobody was watching, because I knew that would just make everything a whole lot worse.

"Do you want to go home?" I offer and she sits back up.

"Why, is this embarrassing for you?" She snaps and I try to refrain from groaning exasperatedly, flicking a beer mat repetitively. I look back at her, noticing her expression has softened. She already knew that wasn't true, so there was no point in even answering the question. I'd probably say something wrong anyway, it wouldn't surprise me. "...I'm so thirsty." She takes another sip of her drink and I exhale, careful not to do it so much that she would think she's upset or angered me. It was what my therapist had been teaching me; how to release tension that builds up. I opt not to say anything else, sitting in silence and staring ahead of me. "Well this is fun."

"You know, you don't have to fill the silence." I tell her finally, making my tone brighter for her benefit. She takes my hint, leaning her head back against the wood behind her and staring at the ceiling.

"Everything alright with your... Drinks?" Toyah asks, before awkwardly picking up on the atmosphere between us.

"Yep." I respond, bluntly and she nods before walking away.

"Don't get annoyed at me." Carla sighs, and I roll my head to the side to look at her.

"I'm not annoyed at you." I reply and she gives me a withering look.

"Yes you are." She argues, getting wound up again and I try to work out what to say in response, knowing anything I said would probably infuriate her further.

"Do you want another drink?" Is what I eventually come out with, pointing to her empty glass.

"Don't change the subject." She snaps at me.

"What even is the subject?" I raise my voice slightly, but not so much so that it causes any disruption. "Because you snapping constantly for random reasons, really isn't a very interesting one."

"Oh well I am sorry." She retorts, sarcastically. "Sorry I can't sit here smiling and laughing about how miserable I am."

"I need some fresh air." I decide to remove myself from the situation.

"Oh yeah, walk away." She shouts after me and I don't look back, reaching the smoking shelter and leaning up against the cool brickwork, taking deep breaths in and out to steady my mind.

"Long day?" I jump at the sound of Peter's voice, not realising he was sat in the far corner, smoking a cigarette. Peter Barlow wasn't the top of my friends list, and I knew if Carla saw me talking to him now I would probably have my head chopped off. But he is looking at me with a comforting smile, and for some reason I sit down in the chair opposite.

"Something like that." I respond. "Then again, all the days just roll into one at the moment, because I never get the chance to sleep."

"Oh." He nods understandingly. "So Carla is the reason you're stood out here on your own."

"...Don't talk about Carla." I mutter, keeping my voice low as I look down at the table. "I'm just tired."

"She loves you, you know." He tells me, as if I didn't realise and this annoys me slightly. Why couldn't I just have peace and quiet for five minutes, without somebody telling me what to do or think?

"I am aware." I reply, bitterness in my tone and he pauses, putting his cigarette butt out and lighting a new one, offering me the packet. "No thanks, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes."

"Less painful." He points out.

"Maybe in the short term." I tell him, as he puts the box back in his jacket pocket. "But they'll kill you in the end."

"Well we've all got to go at some point." He reminds me and I roll my eyes, immediately regretting my decision to sit down because the conversation was far from cheering me up. "I know what's she's like when she's hormonal, remember."

"I told you I didn't want you to mention Carla." I repeat and he holds his hands up defensively before taking a drag on his cigarette.

"Ok, we're all grown ups here." He tries to defend himself. "I was only saying."

"Yes well don't." I snap, pausing before daring myself to look at him. "So you've got a baby on the way as well. Except you haven't got to deal with the hormones and the sick and the lack of sleep."

"I'd have paid that price though, if it meant letting Toyah carry a baby." He replies and I immediately feel guilty for saying it.

"Yeah... Sorry." I sigh, putting my head in my hands. "That was a stupid thing to say."

"...So how come you're drinking in here then?" He changes the subject, noticing my reluctancy to discuss the other one.

"Wanted a change." I shrug. "Not a problem is it?"

"Hey, you're funding our till." He points out. "It's far from a problem."

"...I'd best go." I decide, standing up in case Carla did come to find me.

"You've given her everything." He suddenly calls after me and I freeze, listening to his words. "I didn't deserve her, not in the slightest. But she absolutely idolises you and I know you're going to say you already know it; but I could never make her half as content as you do. You'll be fine, both of you will."

"Thanks." I respond, without looking at him and I force myself forward because my legs had gone rigid.

* * *

I close the front door, knowing she was in because it was already unlocked. I spot her straight away, sat on the sofa and she turns to look at me as I throw my keys down on the side table.

"I'm sorry." She stands up, looking a mixture of guilty and apologetic as she keeps her distance.

"I'm sorry." I return, holding my arms out which she looks grateful for as she walks into them. I wrap them around her, kissing the top of her head.

"That was uncalled for, you didn't deserve that." She pulls back, meeting my gaze.

"I shouldn't have been so off with you." I smile, softly grazing a finger over her cheek. "And I definitely shouldn't have walked away. That was selfish of me not to be there for you."

"Nick, you're allowed to be emotional too." She prompts me.

"There's a difference between being emotional and being extremely unpredictable babe." I manage to laugh and she chews her lip, her expression sheepish. "Don't look so guilty, please. It's hardly your fault, is it? I just hate it when you put yourself down, I think that's what triggered it."

"I know you do." She sighs, sinking her head into my chest. "I'm just so miserable at the moment. I wish I wasn't."

"Why can't you just have it easy, hey?" I whisper into her hair.

"Motto of my life that." She mutters as I release her and she stares at me for a moment. "But there's not long now, I can do this."

"Yay, there we go." I hold my hand up and she rolls her eyes, smiling as she high fives me. "Positivity."

"Oh God." She raises a hand to her head and I look at her concerned, suddenly catching her before she falls backwards. I hold her upright, before guiding her over to the sofa and sitting her down. "I'm so dizzy."

"Hey, I've got you." I kiss her forehead once I've sat her down, kneeling in front of her. I gently place my hand against her forehead, before moving it to her cheek. "Do you reckon you're coming down with something again?"

"No... I just." She exhales, trying to catch her breath. "It's normal I think, unfortunately. Ugh, why do women do this?"

"It's worth it." I remind her and she nods understandingly as I place a hand on her knee. "Can I get you anything?"

"Some water?" She suggests and I nod, getting up and going into the kitchen, emerging again with a glass of water and a straw, because she refused to drink out of anything that didn't have one in now for some reason. Probably because chewing on something seemed to help her relieve stress, so we had also got through packets and packets of chewing gum. "Thank you sweetheart."

"You're thirsty today." I point out and she nods, pushing herself up a little as she takes a sip of her drink.

"Yeah which means I need the toilet every five seconds, so that's just great." She scoffs slightly and I take the drink from her, placing it down on the coffee table. I sit down next to her and notice her turn her head to look at me out of the corner of my eye. "You're tired."

"So are you." I reply as if she needed reminding. "So that makes two of us."

"Go to bed." She begs me and I shake my head. "Nick please, I feel so bad."

"Well don't." I turn my head to look at her. "We're in this together."

"I'm so bored." She finally moans, knowing that there was no way I would give in to her request. "Please can we do something?"

"Like what?" I laugh, looking at her pouty expression. "You need to rest."

"There's got to be something we can do which won't make me keel over." She sighs, tipping her head back and groaning loudly, kicking her foot against the sofa all of a sudden. I stupidly watch her in agony, not being able to take it away from her and feeling like a complete let down because of it. "Why do you have to be in such an awkward position?" She shouts, bursting into tears, and rubbing her tummy desperately. She leans herself forwards and I automatically rub her back in circular motions. "Everything hurts all the time. I can't do this anymore, I can't. I can't."

"Shh." I try to soothe her, moving the hair out of her face which is soaking wet from her tears. "Carla maybe we should go to the doctors, because they might be able to do something and I can't bear to see you like this."

"They'll tell me to go home." She cries, trying to drag the tears off her face with her hand.

"Please, I'm actually begging you." I tell her and she looks up at me, tears frozen on her cheeks. She looks so exhausted and worn down. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair was soaked through at the front, there were dark circles under her eyes that I could easily notice now that her concealer had been cried off. "What harm is it going to do? They might be able to give you something."

"Nick I don't want to take any drugs or medicine." She starts to hyperventilate and I put a hand on her knee. "I don't want it to harm the baby."

"Right, breathe." I meet her gaze, and she looks reassured by my expression. "Focus on breathing please." I watch as she follows my orders, taking deep breaths in and out, which calms her down eventually. "Ok, just relax, all this stressing isn't going to help things, is it?"

"No." She mumbles, sighing through pain and I stand up, grabbing my keys and slipping my wallet into my pocket.

"Come on." I hold my hand out for her and but she remains seated, folding her arms sulkily, which I have to try and not look amused at. "I'll count to three."

"Oh shut up." She can't help herself from laughing and I grin at her, approaching her hesitantly, still with my hand held out. She reluctantly takes it, allowing me to pull her up. "Ugh, am I going to need anything?"

"Water bottle." I pick her bag up and she glances at me, as I throw things into it.

"You know that colour really suits you." She teases and I pull a face at her, picking up a cushion from the sofa and pointing to the door.

"Go." I escort her out and she rolls her eyes, giving in as I close the front door behind us.

 **Carla**

"You do realise I feel so much more uncomfortable being here than at home?" I inform Nick, as he holds the cushion out, sliding it behind my back so I wasn't leant against the hard back of the chair. How did he manage to think of everything? He knew how I felt better than I did. "There's people staring at me."

"There's literally nobody staring at you." I scan the room, which only had about four people milling around in it anyway. She proceeds to play with the embroidery on her top, avoiding my gaze and sighing to indicate she was bored. "Do you want anything from the vending machine?"

"No thank you." She replies, drumming her fingers against the chair loudly, which was getting on my nerves but I decide not to say anything for the sake of my health.

"Chocolate?" I try to tempt her, because she had hardly eaten all day.

"No." She shakes her head, and I put my hand over hers, stopping the repetitive noise as I link our fingers.

"You're doing amazing." I tell her and she looks at me, confused. "You do realise that."

"Nick I'm not, I'm a nightmare." She responds.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm not really proud of you." I smile and she tilts her head to the side, trying to look annoyed at my response but failing.

"Carla Tilsley?" A doctor appears from one of the rooms and Nick stands up promptly as I reluctantly join him.

"I'm telling you now they won't do anything." I mutter. "We're wasting our time."

"Hi I'm Doctor Evans." He greets, sitting down at the opposite side of the table to us. "How can I help you?"

"I don't even know, to be honest." I tell him and he looks confused for a moment before Nick sighs.

"She's been in a lot of pain." Nick explains for me. "She's not sleeping, the baby is in quite an awkward position. Carla, it's no good me trying to explain this."

"Ugh." I slump down in my chair. I hated this, why were we even here? "I've got back pain, shoulder pain, stomach pain, everywhere pain. Yeah, I'm not sleeping because I can't get comfortable, I keep going dizzy and panicking about everything. My feet ache and I keep getting this sharp pain in my back because of how the baby is kicking against me. I'm too hot all of the time which makes me sweat. I get frequent headaches and I can never quench my thirst and at the moment I'm not hungry at all which I know is worrying because I haven't stopped eating up until this point."

"...That's the basic outline of it." Nick digs at me slightly and I glare at him.

"All of these are perfectly normal symptoms in pregnancy." He assures us and I raise my eyebrows at Nick. "However, the fact you are experiencing all of them I'm sure is putting a massive strain on the both of you."

"Yeah." I sigh, looking apologetically at Nick. "I don't want to take medication for the pain because I'm worried it'll harm the baby."

"Basic ibuprofen is absolutely safe to take." He explains, making a note on his computer. "However, I understand it might not be strong enough for the pain you're experiencing."

"It's really bad." I admit to him, leaning forwards on the table. "I've been in labour before and I honestly think this might be worse, it's just non-stop. I'm so fed up."

"I can prescribe you with some Tylenol." He informs us. "It's commonly prescribed during pregnancy, but it's stronger than typical painkillers. It'll help relieve a lot of the pain you're in, if you follow the dosage instructions."

"Hey, see." Nick nudges me. "Told you there was point in coming."

"...It doesn't sound very safe." I stress.

"As long as you follow the instructions, it won't have any affect on the baby." He assures me and I glance at Nick.

"You know what I'll do anything right now, give me the drugs." I hold my hand out, taking the paper from him and I hear Nick laugh exasperatedly.

"In regards to other things you can be doing." He continues. "Hot baths, I can't stress enough, work miracles."

"Oh yeah, know that from experience do you?" I decide to input.

"I'm sure most pregnant women will tell you the same thing." He smiles at my attempted joke, before producing a leaflet. "Here you go, that's for you to read up on." He hands it to Nick and I peer over his shoulder.

"He does enough research without this." I groan and Nick rolls his eyes at me, flicking through it. "He's obsessed, honestly."

"That's a good thing." Doctor Evans tells me.

"Yeah it's a good thing." Nick repeats, looking victorious for a moment. "It's only because I care." I refrain from the urge to plaster him in kisses as a result of his statement, because I didn't think it was the time or the place.

"Shoulder and back massages." He suggests and I look at Nick excitedly.

"Yes." I point at him and he gazes at me lovingly for a moment. "Listen to the doctor."

"I am listening!" Nick exclaims, slapping my hand gently.

"Try not to argue as well." He adds and I scoff slightly at this. "Hormones are going to be flying everywhere for these last few weeks, remember to understand that whenever she's pushing your buttons."

"You don't need to tell him that." I sigh quietly, leaning my head on his shoulder. "He does that anyway."

"Well it sounds to me like you're doing everything right already." He looks at Nick, impressed. "So just carry on doing what you're doing."

* * *

"Can we talk?" I jump as Michelle's hand lands on the table in front of me and I look up from my phone in shock.

"Chelle, flaming hell!" I exclaim, under my breath and she sits down opposite me. Noticing the expression on her face, I lower my phone, waiting for her to speak.

"I don't know what to do." She sounds panicked and I reach out to take her hand, having an idea of what it was about already.

"Ok, take your time." I try to reassure her and she forces back tears. "...Have you had Robert's results?"

"Yeah." She nods and I can feel her hand shaking. "I don't-"

"Hey, slacking off work?" I hear a voice and look up at Nick, who is staring down at Michelle, before realising her expression. "Oh, are you ok?"

"I'm fine." She stands up abruptly.

"Michelle, come back." I call after her, as the door swings shut and I sigh, falling back into my seat.

"Have you two had another row?" Nick asks me, sounding exasperated and I swallow, studying him for a moment. "Right, I'm going to make get you some dinner." He squeezes my shoulder, leaning down to kiss my forehead. "And then you're going to tell me what you've fallen out over now."

 **Nick**

"There you go." I put a plate of pasta down in front of Carla, sitting down next to her and she looks at it disinterestedly. "Eat it, please."

"I need to talk to you." She says quietly, pushing the bowl away and turning to look at me. I swallow, waiting for her to speak. She had that same expression on her face and it made me feel queasy. "About two things."

"Well go on then." I force out a laugh in the hope she'll smile, but she doesn't. "...You're scaring me now, tell me."

"I haven't told you the truth about something." She mumbles, avoiding my gaze.

"Right... I don't like the sound of this." The words fall out of my mouth and I feel physically sick because I was getting flashbacks from our wedding day. I scan the Bistro, checking that nobody was nearby.

"What?" She frowns. "Oh... Nick not that."

"Yeah will you just spit it out." I refrain from snapping and she looks back at the floor. "Carla, please."

"Robert..." She pauses.

"Is this some kind of joke?" I stare at her intently. "Because it's really not funny, Carla."

"Robert's got cancer." She whispers and I feel guilty about the sense of relief that washes over me. "Michelle told me a few months ago, when we went to the spa. It's... Testicular, I think, he's had an operation."

"...An operation?" I practically splutter. "Why didn't you tell me? Is that why he's been taking all this time off?"

"Michelle begged me not to tell you." She looks desperate. "I swore I wouldn't, but just now... She's in a right state, they've had his results today and... I wanted to tell you Nick, I did."

"Carla he's my business partner." I sigh, putting my head in my hands. "So every time I asked you what was going on with Michelle, that was why? You lied to me?"

"Nick don't say that." She looks upset now and I'm torn between giving in to her and continuing the argument. "I didn't lie... I just didn't tell you the truth." She mumbles and I raise my eyebrows at her, staring at her for a moment. "...Are you going to leave me?"

"Oh Carla don't be so stupid." I sigh, putting my arms around her and she seems surprised at my gesture. "Why even ask that?"

"Because you did last time." She dares to whisper.

"This is very different to last time." I pull away, tilting her chin upwards so she meets my gaze. "Please tell me the truth though."

"I am now." She tries to reason with me, apologies written into her expression. "I am, you see."

"So, what are these results?" I question and she shrugs. "Carla, tell me please."

"Nick I honestly don't know!" She exclaims, focusing her gaze on mine. "Michelle stormed out before I could even ask her."

"So... Ugh." I groan, trying to get my head around the situation. "So would you have told me, had Michelle come over with a great big grin on her face?"

"Of course I would have." She replies.

"So why not tell me when you found out?" I persist and she swallows. I give up, knowing there was no use in arguing or being annoyed, it was only going to cause more drama and that was something we didn't need right now. "Look, it's ok. I know why you did it, don't get upset."

"But I am upset, because I should have told you." She cries and I pull her into me, stroking her hair comfortingly.

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" I reassure her. "What's done is done. But we do all need to sit down, the four of us, and discuss this. Maybe when things have calmed down in a few days, because I need to know what's going on. I don't mean for that to sound insensitive, but I'm completely in the dark here."

"Well I know no more than you now, so." She tells me.

"And that's everything?" I check and she nods.

"So how come you said there were two things?" I remind her, and she pulls back, picking up the fork from the bowl and twirling it around, trying to distract herself from the topic at hand. "Is it related to what we just talked about?" I question and she shakes her head. "Babe this isn't the X Factor results."

"Nick this is serious." She turns to face me. "I need you to take me seriously."

"Carla, trust me, I am." I say, firmly, because once again the build up was making me feel ill.

"Not here." She decides, standing up and heading towards the door. I leave the bowl of pasta and without delay, follow after her. We walk in silence until we reach the house, unlocking the front door and she heads straight over to the sofa. I stand, staring at her for a moment.

"Sit down." She pats the seat next to her and I can't help feeling terrified. I put my keys down slowly, before going over to her.

"Can you just tell me?" I finally speak. "What? Is there something else I don't know?"

"No, it's nothing like that, it's about the future." She swallows and I wait patiently as she dips her head, as if trying to think how to say the words. "I need you to promise me something, please..."

"Ok, anything." I take her hand, feeling a bit more relaxed now I knew it wasn't another big secret.

"And please don't get upset by this, I've been meaning to ask you for a while." She looks at me worriedly. "...Nick, you need to promise me, that... If it comes down to it... He comes first."

"Who?" I frown, before realising she meant the baby, but I still don't grasp what she means for a moment.

"...If it's between me and the baby, Nick. You save him." The words fall out of her mouth and I stare at her in shock for a moment, not processing the words properly. "Just... Think before you speak. Please." She begs me, squeezing my hand.

"Don't..." I whisper and she shakes her head.

"Nick please, you've got to promise me. Please." She pleads, quietly and I have to remind myself to breathe. "I've been reading up on it. It happens, and after everything that's happened before I'm not ruling anything out."

"Right, stop." I demand, harsher than I anticipated and she jumps slightly at my sudden change in attitude. "That is not going to happen, so don't even for a second think about that."

"It could happen." She swallows, not removing her gaze from mine. "Nick, they warned me last time, when I found out Lauren might not make it... I'd have saved her in a heartbeat, but I didn't get the chance. It was too late. If this happens again, and you have to make the choice... I'm begging you."

"No, Carla. Not for one second." I tell her, firmly and she dips her head, biting her lip and squeezing her hands into fists before releasing them again. "We're not discussing this." I insist and she stands up, silently going up the stairs and I sit there in shock for a few minutes, unable to move. It was the most horrible ultimatum anybody had ever given me, and it hadn't even crossed my mind until this point. I try to think straight, trying to process the question, before getting up and hesitantly going upstairs. I push the door open, my vision falling to where she was lying on the bed, her eyes shifting to me as soon as I stand before her. "...I'm sorry." I whisper and she just stares at me, watching my every move as I sit down on the bed, my gaze fixated on the wall. "But that came out of nowhere, you can't expect me to just answer a question like that."

"Listen to me." She sits up and I can hear the desperation in her voice as she clutches my hand. "Nick. It's not going to happen, ok? But I'm just... Making sure. That if it did... I've lost two children. I wouldn't be able to live with it... You are going to be the best dad, I promise you, and no matter what happens, he is going to be the luckiest little boy in the world to have you as a role model..." She hesitates, exhaling. "But, I need to know that we're on the same page... If it comes down to your decision, or if the baby needs anything from me in order to survive... Nick, you've got to... Please don't say no." She tilts her forehead against my hand. "Please." She whispers and I stare down at her, letting tears slide down my cheeks. "I know it's horrible but I need to hear you say it."

"I can't." I whisper and she squeezes her eyes shut. "I can't lose you."

"And you won't." She whispers, I can sense the pain and desperation in her voice. "You won't baby, everything's going to be fine but I just need you to know anyway. Please, I needed to tell you. Just say yes, please just say yes."

"...Yes." She word comes out as hardly a breath and I hate myself for saying it. The relief in her expression is so predominant, she lets out a long sigh, dwelling on the word as she watches me. I didn't even know whether I meant it. But I did know I wanted to do whatever it took to make her happy, and if that was promising something I knew I'd never have to revisit, that was the sacrifice I would take.

"You promise?" She gulps back alleviation, so grateful for the singular word she had craved to hear.

"I promise." The words ache to release and she blinks back tears, finally smiling at me comfortingly.

"Thank you." She whispers, wrapping her arms around my neck and holding me whilst I cry into her. "But we don't need to talk about it again, because everything is going to be ok. Everything will work out. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you."

She just repeats the same things over and over, sitting there as a mess of emotions, the pair of us, holding each other and desperately clinging on to the future.

* * *

 _ **I wasn't sure about this one, because there was a bit of everything but needed to get some things covered, so hope you enjoyed all the same. Please leave a review if you have the time x**_


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43:**

 **Nick**

"Good morning gorgeous." I slip my arms around Carla's waist and I feel her smile at my touch, nibbling on a piece of toast in the kitchen.

"Nick I really hate to be a pain." She murmurs, turning around to face me and looking apologetic.

"What do you want?" I raise my eyebrows and she leans back against the kitchen counter.

"We've run out of ice cream." She points to the freezer and I laugh, checking my watch.

"Ok two minutes." I take my coat from the side and she smiles at me appreciatively. "What's stopping you from going to get it?"

"Well..." She trails off and I kiss her on the cheek before heading towards the door.

"I'm joking." I call, turning back to check she was ok briefly before opening the door. "Love you."

* * *

"I forgot to say good morning." She sighs, ripping the lid off the ice cream and sticking a spoon into it.

"Yeah you did." I nod, watching her as I brush her hair behind her ear, sitting down on the kitchen stool. "But I'll forgive you, just this once."

"Just this once?" She scoffs at the comment and I smile in return before she lowers the spoon. "About yesterday..."

"Can we not talk about that?" I ask, gently. "It's done, let's just move on. Please?"

"Ok." She looks pleased to hear me say it, studying me contently for a moment before going back to her ice cream.

"Nutritious breakfast." I point out, getting up and kissing the side of her head before pouring a bowl of cereal.

"I know, I have had some toast." She tries to reason with me, as if I was going to tell her off.

"You seem a bit chirpier this morning." I dare to observe, leaning back against the cupboards to eat.

"Yeah I feel it." She nods and it reassures me; it was selfish of me to say, but seeing her in so much pain the past few days had caused me to really struggle. "That medication is working wonders, honestly."

"Yay, see." I wink at her. "Where's my credit for that one?"

"Yes, well done." She rolls her eyes. "You were right, you're always right, you win a prize."

"Ooh, what's my prize?" I grin and she tries not to smile at my excitement.

"Uh, a baby." She points out and I laugh, going over to the counter so I was leaning forwards opposite her. I move my fingers forwards so my hand was enclosed with hers.

"But you're feeling better?" I check, quieter now and she nods. "You slept well."

"Yeah I feel quite refreshed." She tells me, placing a hand on her tummy. "Somebody's awake."

"It's all that ice cream." I point to it and she pulls a face at me.

"It probably is." She realises. "Too cold for him, all tucked up and warm in there." She looks down at her bump. "Well, you asked for it so don't complain."

"I love you." I whisper and she looks back at me, her expression softening.

"I love you too." She returns, before staring off into space. "Ah, I'm going to need to go and see Chelle at some point... Maybe I should have gone after her."

"She'll have had a bit of time to cool down." I assure her. "Might get more sense out of her today."

"I hope so." She nods, putting the lid back on the tub. "Well I've got a million and one things to do. I've got this meeting with Richie O'Driscoll's dad at your place at lunchtime. I've got to try and make Aidan and Bethany do this training so that's going to be a chore enough. I need to talk to Chelle-"

"Carla." I stop her, a sense of warning in my tone. "Make sure you take it easy, please."

"Oh yeah I'm brilliant at that, me." She responds with a hint of sarcasm and I raise my eyebrows at her. "Ok, if it helps, I will sit down whilst I do all of those things."

"Well now you're just being lazy." I stick my bowl in the dishwasher, kissing her briefly as I head past her.

"Uh, lazy?" She laughs, following after me. "I'm going in the shower first."

"No you're not." I argue, playfully as we reach the top of the stairs.

"Yes I am!" She retaliates, and I push her up against the wall suddenly, kissing her passionately for a few moments before she breaks away. "Ok, we're going in the shower together. Come on."

 **Carla**

"Just try your best with it." I sit back down in my chair slowly, placing a hand on my bump as I do so.

"I'm not very good at tests." Bethany frowns at her computer screen.

"It's not a test." I laugh. "It's training."

"Yeah with questions at the end." She reminds me. "Do I get sacked if I fail it?"

"The only person getting sacked will be Aidan, if he doesn't get on with it." I prompt him, noticing he is staring at me. "What do you want?"

"I need my highlighters before I do this." He points to his computer.

"Well it's no use asking me, I don't know where you've put them." I hold my hands up. "And I'm not going out to get you some more so forget that."

"Are you sure you're not having twins?" He diverts the subject, staring at my tummy and I glare at him.

"Yes, Aidan. But thank you for your observation." I snap, knocking my water bottle onto the floor in the process and groaning. "Ugh, can you get that for me?"

"No, it's karma." He teases.

"Please I can't bend down." I beg him. "And now I'm thirsty."

"Yeah you would be, now you want something you can't have." He grins, reluctantly getting up and passing it back to me. "Spoilt."

"Get on with your training." I order.

"Say thank you." He waits and I pull a face at him, chewing the top of my bottle.

"Thanks." I reluctantly reply and he looks victorious as he sits down, turning his attention to the screen.

"Have you done this training?" He questions.

"Yes." I answer. "Me and Johnny had to do it the other day, remember?"

"Does it get any more interesting than this?" Bethany pipes up.

"No, it gets less interesting." I reply and she turns to face me, groaning at my response.

"Carla there's sixty eight slides." She recites.

"Yep." I nod in recognition. "Hey at least neither of you have got this meeting with O'Driscolls at lunchtime."

"Oh yes because eating free burgers at your husbands restaurant is such a chore." Aidan narrows his eyes.

"I don't like burgers." Is all I respond with.

"Could've fooled me." He winds me up and I throw a pen at him, going back to chewing the lid on my bottle.

* * *

"He turned up yet?" Nick puts a flat white down in front of me, scanning over the paperwork I had laid out on the table.

"Do you see him sat here?" I point out and he pats my head lightly at my sarcasm. "This is decaf?"

"Yeah because I'm going to get that wrong." He replies, sarcastically.

"I'm just checking." I smile taking a sip. "Ugh, I tell you what, you do this meeting and I'll waitress for you."

"If it means seeing you do that again, I'll do it." He bites his lip at the thought. "I wonder if I'd actually still understand these if I read them now." He picks up a page of figures.

"They really don't vary much." I laugh, watching as he scans over them. "Except the profits are a lot higher, and there's no outgoings for leaky ceilings or faulty underfloor plumbing."

"Haha." He recalls, smiling at the thought. "Is that figure right?"

"Hm?" I glance at the one he is pointing out, frowning for a second. "Oh..." I take it from him, hammering a few numbers out on the calculator in front of me. "No, but thank you for pointing that out. I'll be having Aidan for that one..." I scribble over it. "See, you know this business better than I do."

"Yeah and I've got a brain injury." He points to his head and I turn to look up at him.

"Well gold star to you." I tease him and he laughs. "No, thank you baby."

"Right." He kisses the top of my head. "Better get back to work."

"Carla?" An unfamiliar voice sounds and I turn in its direction, seeing a balding man holding out his hand for me to shake.

"Oh, Mr O'Driscoll, nice to meet you." I shake his hand. "Carla Tilsley."

"Please, call me Derek. My son has told me all about you." He eyes me up and I pull my jacket over my bump, feeling slightly insecure. "I'd ask when the due date is, but then I asked a woman that once and she wasn't even pregnant."

"Uh..." I trail off, sitting down awkwardly. "Well it's a good job I am then."

"Lucky man." He nods, putting his briefcase down and taking a seat opposite me and I glance at the bar, where Nick had his back to me, pouring drinks. "Or woman, whatever you're into."

"Right, so is Richie enjoying his holiday?" I try to divert the subject and he chuckles to himself.

"Yes he's back tomorrow." He informs me. "He's just asked me to run over and double check the figures for the order and that everything is in hand."

"Of course." I pass him the sheet and he scans over it. I get the feeling he has no idea what he is looking at, but don't call him out on it all the same.

"That's a lot of money." He observes, and I lean back in my chair, trying to soothe the dull cramping that my medication still failed to alleviate.

"Well that was Richie's offer." I inform him and he glances over the paper at me.

"And you didn't try to negotiate for more?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Well like you say, it's a good deal." I prompt him, trying to regain my professional manner. "It's all about equality at Underworld."

"How very big of you." He replies, and I begin to feel like he is just here because he was bored. "So the order will be with us at the time we agreed?"

"It'll be shipped to you tomorrow lunchtime with no delay." I nod confidently.

"Well I'm starving." He puts the sheet down, looking around the restaurant. Oh, the free lunch, it all made sense now. "Don't we get any service in this place, what's the matter with people?" He clicks his fingers loudly and Nick turns around, coming over.

"Everything alright?" He glances at me and I nod.

"No, it isn't actually." Derek gives me a look. "We want to order some food, and I haven't even been offered a drink yet."

"Oh I do apologise, I told your waitress to come over." He frowns, as Michelle emerges from the kitchen, clapping eyes on me. "What can I get for you?"

"I'll deal with this." Michelle approaches us.

"Yes well I told you to deal with it five minutes ago." Nick tells her and I put my head in my hands as he walks off.

"Yep." Michelle looks at Derek expectantly.

"What happened to service with a smile?" He tuts, holding up his wine glass. "Merlot."

"Coming up." She takes it from him before walking off.

"I haven't ordered food." He shakes his head, disgustedly. "Honestly, this place needs better staff."

"I bet your trip advisor profile is full of positivity." I mutter, staring down at the table and taking a sip of my drink.

"Well you've got to admit, what a moody cow." He hisses, pointing to Michelle from a distance. "It's hardly a very professional manner."

"Yes well cut her some slack." I sigh, knowing exactly why Michelle wasn't on top form.

"And him." He continues, pointing to Nick and I wait patiently to see what's coming next. "Walking around in his suit and tie."

"Uh, he hasn't done anything to offend you." I point out, quick to jump to Nick's defence.

"Poor management." He shakes his head, disapprovingly.

"You've only been here five minutes." I remind him, as Michelle puts a glass of wine down on the table.

"Ugh." He pulls a face as he takes a long sip and Michelle folds her arms. "That's not Merlot."

"Well do you want me to get you the bottle?" Michelle asks, annoyance in her tone. "So you can check the label?"

"The bottle? I don't even want the glass." He pushes it away after taking another gulp. "No, I'll have a glass of Shiraz instead I think."

"You've already drank about half of that one." She points to it and Nick appears at her side.

"Everything ok over here?" He checks and I sigh, chewing my lip.

"Absolutely fine." I tell him, turning to face Derek. "Did you want some food?"

"Well I'm not sure I do now, no." He winces at the aftertaste of the wine. "Taste that."

"No." I respond, bluntly. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh a sip doesn't hurt." He mutters, pushing it towards me. "It's very bitter."

"I said no thank you." I pick the glass up, handing it back to Nick who is staring at me worriedly.

"Ok, well I do apologise." Nick responds, professionally before indicating to Michelle. "What would you like me to exchange it for?"

"Shiraz, as I've already said." He points to Michelle, who rolls her eyes as she walks off behind the bar.

"Alright." Nick replies. "Once again, I'm very sorry."

"You've said enough." He bats his hand at him and Nick raises his eyebrows before walking away.

"You do realise they use the best Merlot you can buy?" I inform him and he shrugs.

"Hence why I drained half the glass." He replies and I lean back again, staring at him for a moment. "People like him don't understand the ways you can get around these businesses. She is very rude, that waitress."

"Like I said, she's probably having a bad day." I reply, as Nick reluctantly approaches us again, putting the fresh glass of wine in front of him and Derek eyes it up, Nick flashing me a sympathetic smile, before heading back behind the bar.

"How's that one doing you?" I ask through gritted teeth, the boredom now apparent in my tone.

"Absolutely fine." He nods, and I roll my eyes.

"Well that's good news." I respond, as he starts inspecting the glass.

"The glass has a chip in it." He points to a tiny mark on the side. "I could have cut my lip on that. How appalling."

"That's not a chip." I sigh, closing my eyes momentarily, too tired to argue but knowing I would be prepared to if it meant him moaning on any longer. "That's a small scratch."

"Well then they should get some new glasses." He takes another drink from it. "I'll be complaining to him. Then again, he doesn't seem like the type of man to do anything about it. Why did you choose to come here for lunch?"

"This is my husband's business." I finalise, forcing a sarcastic smile and he immediately looks embarrassed. "That's him that you're slagging off, along with my best friend."

"Oh." He responds, awkwardly.

"Yeah, 'oh'." I nod, pointing to the door. "So if you want to pull the deal now, go ahead, but I'm not sitting here with you any longer if you're going to do this."

"Ehem." He coughs, standing up and gathering his briefcase. "No I uh... I don't want to pull the deal." He mutters, now flustered. "I'm sure Richie will be in touch tomorrow when he gets home."

"Wonderful." I narrow my eyes, not bothering to get up and aware I probably wouldn't be able to get out of the chair very easily now anyway. "See you soon."

"Perhaps." He nods, staring at me for a moment. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh the pleasure was all mine." I shout after him, sarcastically and I turn my head to see Nick leaning on the bar, watching me with a slightly amused expression.

"Did you just jeopardise your deal for me?" He comes over to sit down opposite me and I push the glass of wine towards him. "No thanks."

"Give it to Michelle then, you're not wasting that." I point at it and he raises his eyebrows. "Well he was a total time waster, Nick. I wasn't sitting there for hours listening to him slag you off."

"I'm sure I'd have coped." He laughs, folding his arms. "I've told you before; I know when somebody is trying to fleece me."

"It was quite satisfying actually." I shrug, taking a sip of my drink.

"So what's happening with all this?" He points to the paperwork.

"Oh, me and Richie are good friends, he's not going to pull the deal." I assure him. "Besides it'll be finished tomorrow, contract states he can't anyway."

"Well he was a moody git." Michelle slumps down in the seat next to Nick and I scan the restaurant.

"Haven't you two got some work to do?" I point out.

"Haven't you?" Michelle retaliates.

"Well no, because I now have an hour to spare." I check the time on my phone. "So if you can take your break, I think we need a little chat."

"I'm busy." She mutters.

"Yeah, looks it." I nod and Nick smiles at me before getting up.

"I'll bring you some dinner." He squeezes my shoulder.

"Thanks sweetheart." I reply, gazing at him for a moment before diverting my attention to Michelle.

"How much do you reckon your tab would cost by now if you paid for it?" She ponders, completely off topic and I sigh, knowing this wouldn't be easy.

"Chelle, what's going on?" I ask, gently as my phone starts to ring and I groan, staring down at the number on the screen. "Nick?"

"Yeah?" He answers me, as I hold my phone in the air. He automatically takes it off me, answering the phone call and walking off.

"...You've got him answering your phone for you now?" Michelle raises her eyebrows. "Wow, is there anything he doesn't do?"

"It's my solicitor." I sigh, folding my arms on the table. "Are we going to discuss this, or are you going to keep putting it off?"

"Do you want another coffee?" She points to the one I have barely touched and I tilt my head to the side.

"Michelle... What has the consultant said?" I try again, keeping my voice calm. "About Robert's cancer?"

"It's been removed." She tells me and I pause for a moment, frowning at her. "It hasn't spread, everything is fine. Well, apart from his pride."

"...Well that's amazing news?" I remind her, suddenly confused as to why she wasn't in high spirits. "Isn't it? Chelle, I told you everything would be ok!"

"Yeah _that's_ all ok." She replies and I wait for her to continue, but she doesn't.

"Darling, you're gonna have to give me something here." I prompt her. "I might be capable of a lot of things but mind reading isn't one of them."

"Yeah..." She trails off, looking as if she wants to say something. "...I think I'm just a bit shaken up about it all."

"...Well it seems like more than that to me." I narrow my eyes, trying to work out her expression. "You do know you can tell me anything?"

"Of course I do." She smiles. "Look, it's all sorted now anyway. I've just been a bit all over the place because we've hardly slept and I was so worried. But everything is fine."

"Are you sure?" I persist, knowing for a fact that wasn't everything, but being aware I couldn't push her too much. "You're not lying to me about Robert's results?" I add, now stressing that Nick had told her he knew, and perhaps that was why she was going cold on the idea.

"Carla, I swear." She holds her hands up. "I'm not."

"Then why don't I believe you?" I pester her and she sighs, putting her head in her hands.

"I swear on Ryan." She swallows, staring at me intently and that's when I realise she was telling the truth. "That the results came back fine."

"Ok." I nod, as she gets up, smiling at me before walking away. I watch her go, as Nick comes back over, putting a plate down in front of me.

"Everything alright?" He checks, noticing my expression.

"I don't know." I murmur, before looking up at him.

"Well..." He begins, keeping his voice low as he sits down next to me. "What's the deal with Robert?"

"She claims everything is fine." I tell him, quietly. "...I don't know I just feel like something else is wrong. Maybe I'm just being paranoid."

"Eat." He points to the plate of lasagne in front of me and I prod it with a fork. "Carla, eat it please. You hardly ate yesterday."

"I'm not hungry." I sigh, lowering the fork.

"I'll feed it to you in a minute if you're not careful." He grins and I give him a look, my face unable to prevent a smile as I pick my knife up, eating a small mouthful.

"Better?" I check and he nods, gazing at me lovingly. "What did my solicitor want?"

"Oh, that money from Anne has credited your bank account." He informs me and I nod hesitantly. "So, are you still sticking to your original plan?"

"Do you mind if I put it into yours?" I ask, stupidly and he frowns. "In the Bistro one, I mean... I don't want it in mine."

"Why?" He laughs slightly. "It's just money."

"Yeah but it feels... Weird." I shrug and he tilts my gaze to face him, kissing me lightly.

"Whatever you want." He whispers, tapping me on the nose and I smile back at him.

* * *

"Just those." I dump a bunch of flowers down on the counter, bitter about buying them from Tracy's shop. But it was Michelle's birthday tomorrow and I hadn't got the time or effort to go to the precinct to buy anything.

"Ooh which grave are these going on then?" Tracy beams at me, in that same bitchy but over-excited tone she purposefully puts on to wind me up. "I mean you're spoilt for choice, aren't you?"

"I hope you find yourself funny, because nobody else does." I stare her straight in the face, trying not to let her comment get to me. "They're for Michelle's birthday, actually."

"You must be tired if you're resorting to coming in here." She ties a bit of ribbon around the bouquet, curling the ends.

"I am tired." I respond, not wanting to make conversation with her any more than I had to.

"Not long to go now though." She observes, peering over the ribbon.

"Ten weeks." I respond and she scoffs, which irritates me.

"Wow, have fun pushing that out of you." She mutters and I roll my eyes, feeling sick at the thought. "You look as if you're about to burst right now."

"Can I just have my flowers?" I insist, dumping my card down on the counter.

"Hold on a moment." She faffs around, picking up a card and attaching it to a piece of plastic. "We pride ourselves on perfection here at Preston's Petals."

"Bit awkward really, isn't it?" I grimace at her. "That you named this place after Robert, and now I'm in here buying flowers for his new girlfriend."

"Bit awkward how you dragged him into bed when you were engaged to another man but hey ho." She smiles at me, sarcastically and I roll my eyes at her comeback. "Do you want to put a message on this?"

"I'll put a message on your Friend Connect page in a minute." I snap, tapping my card impatiently and she finds my threats amusing. "Trust me, it won't be a good one."

"Well you are very hormonal." She dictates as I scribble a message down on the card, watching as she puts it into the bouquet. "Poor Nick, I bet he's at his wits end with you. For the second time. I wonder how long this one will last."

"Only problem is, you haven't got anything to ruin it with anymore, have you?" I point out. "What a shame."

"That's thirty two pounds seventy five." She recites, pressing some buttons on the till and I stare back at her blankly.

"You are joking?" I raise my eyebrows. "Thirty two quid for a bunch of tacky flowers?"

"Ah, is that what Michelle is worth?" She persists, holding out the card machine and I reluctantly insert it, bashing out my pin angrily. "Thats brilliant. Have a lovely day and thank you for choosing Preston's Petals."

 **Nick**

I close the front door, the distinct smell of food wafting through the house, and I pause for a moment. Somebody was cooking, in my house, and I had no idea why. I cautiously approach the kitchen, leaning up against the doorframe and staring at Carla in shock.

"Am I hallucinating?" I make her jump and she turns to face me in shock.

"Oh my God, babe you scared me." She panics, looking at where some of the food had splashed out of the pan at the impact of her dropping the wooden spoon in surprise. "You're cleaning that up."

"No no." I wave my finger at her, not moving from where I was stood. "I'm dreaming."

"What?" She frowns at me, stirring the food around the pan.

"Are you cooking?" I raise my eyebrows, heading over to her to look into the wok at a surprisingly appetising looking stir fry.

"No, I'm building a house." She rolls her eyes, leaning back against the cupboards. "Yes I'm cooking. Have you got a problem with that?"

"Why?" I stammer and she gives me a look. "Is it edible?"

"Well I don't know, but I guess we're about to find out." She dishes it out into two bowls, putting it down on the table and I hesitate before sitting down, inspecting the food worriedly. "Oh Nick it's some vegetables."

"And some chicken." I stab it with my fork. "Don't eat anything yet please, the last thing I need is you with food poisoning."

"You are so kind." She responds, sarcastically as I cut the chicken open, noticing it was cooked through. "Am I safe to proceed?"

"Well I am very impressed." I pop it into my mouth and she smiles slightly at her achievement.

"Thanks for that, it's not Masterchef." She points out, tucking into her food. "No, I just thought, I need to learn, don't I? I'm not feeding Alfie ready meals all his life."

"Alfie?" I practically splutter on my food and she stares at me as if she's poisoned me for a moment, handing me my glass of water which I take a long sip of. "This is too much information to absorb at once."

"Right well take your time, shut up for two seconds." She grins and I watch her eat for a moment.

"Alfie?" I repeat, and she puts her fork down.

"Are we starting with that?" She asks, looking amused with herself. "Right ok, well... Seems more personal, doesn't it? Using his name."

"Since when was that his name?" I point out.

"Since you told me you liked it, and I did too." She reminds me. "...The picnic a few weeks ago?"

"Yes I do remember." I nod, trying to stop the smile that was creeping over my face. "I didn't think we had actually decided on it though."

"Yeah well I'm trying it out." She shrugs. "To see if it feels right, you know?"

"Ok." I respond, staring at her in silence for a moment and she finally looks up.

"What?" She finally sighs.

"So, you're learning now to cook now?" I decide to change the subject. "This will be an interesting experience."

"I can cook." She points to my food with her fork. "See. I can, I can do it. The whole domestic mum routine."

"...I love you." I tell her, feeling warm at her words, excitement bubbling inside of me. I had visions of me coming home from work and seeing her feeding our son his tea, and the thought sent sparks flying down my spine. "And this is actually really nice, well done."

"Is it actually?" She looks surprised and I nod, observing how proud she was of herself. "Ah... That's really nice of you."

"I mean it." I laugh and she glances at the ingredients that were strewn all over the side. "I take it I'll be cleaning all that up?"

"No, I can do it." She offers and I smile at her.

"You won't, you'll sit on the sofa and chill out." I tell her and she looks touched at this, watching me for a moment before returning to her food.

 **Carla**

"Right so, Kirk." I turn to him, after calling everybody to a meeting around the table. "This order needs to be triple checked, I do not want any mistakes."

"Yes Mrs Tilsley." He salutes.

"Who's finishing off the last dozen of O'Driscoll's before lunch time, raise your hands?" I ask and Sally, Sinead and Izzy put them in the air. "And who is starting on the Mason's order?" I watch as the rest of them put their hands up, nodding approvingly. "Excellent, Johnny is there anything you want to add?"

"Just that you've all done brilliantly with this." He praises them. "I know there's been a lot of extra pressure and I value your hard work, it's really paid off."

"Ah, look at good cop over here." I pat him on the back as a knock on the door sounds and I nudge Aidan to go and get it. "Anyway, you'll all be rewarded for your efforts and drinks are on me in the Bistro tonight if you're available."

"Free drinks?" Beth sounds excited. "Available is my middle name."

"We know." Sean tuts quietly and I laugh at his comment, as Aidan let's out a loud groan, causing me to turn around to face him.

"Ooh, secret admirer?" I observe the big bunch of flowers in his hand and he flashes me a sarcastic smile, passing them to me and I take them hesitantly.

"Guess who." He rolls his eyes and I feel my heart beating faster excitedly as I check the card. The posh shop in the precinct, not like the tat I had bought for Michelle from Tracy's shop yesterday.

 _Carla,_

 _Don't forget how much I love you. Thank you for everything._

 _Nick xxx_

"Ahh..." There is a chorus from the machinists and I melt slightly, feeling a bit awkward but emotional all the same.

"Are they from Nick?" Johnny stupidly asks and I turn to face him.

"No, they're from Ken Barlow, of course they're from Nick." I dig at him, but with a bright tone because I was now automatically in a good mood. "Bless him."

"They're gorgeous." Bethany admires the red and orange flowers with bits of gold laced in. "I bet they were expensive."

"Right ok, get back to work." Aidan claps his hands. "This isn't a romantic theatre show, we've got an order to get shipped out."

"Somebody's going to be getting lucky later." Sean sings excitedly, sitting down at his machine and I give him a look, pulling my phone out of my pocket and typing out a message.

 _Text Message_

 _To: Nicky_

 _You are perfect, thank you so much for the flowers, they're so beautiful xxx_

"Uh, hello?" Aidan clicks his fingers in my face and I stop smiling at my phone. "Work?"

"Ah, give the girl a chance." I notice Johnny is contently observing my reaction and I immediately wipe the smile off my face. "She's in love."

"And don't we all know it." Aidan sighs exasperatedly.

"Jealous, Aid?" I tease him and he rolls his eyes before strutting back into the office. I follow him, putting the flowers down on my desk so they deliberately restricted my view of Aidan. My phone beeps and I get a rush of butterflies as I pick it up.

 _Text Message_

 _From: Nicky_

 _You're welcome beautiful, glad you liked them. Love you xxx_

I can't stop smiling and right now wasn't the time to do this. I notice Aidan looking at me, going out of his way to move his chair so I could still see him.

"I'm happy for you." He suddenly says and I blink multiple times to see if I was dreaming or not.

"Hey?" I frown, glancing at Johnny.

"I am." He laughs, sensing my disbelief and standing up, holding his arms out. "I know I wind you up all the time, but I do love you... Sis."

"...Thank you." I respond, hating myself for not saying the words back. Why wasn't I saying them back? Aidan was as much my brother as Kate was my sister and I told her that all the time. Of course I loved him, he might get on my nerves more times than I could count, but he was family and I knew that deep down he would sacrifice anything for me. "I love you too." I finally add and he looks slightly embarrassed for a moment, holding out his arms. I look at Johnny, the emotional expression on his face making me feel queasy with nerves, but also loved at the same time. "Yeah you'll have to pull me up if you want a hug." I hold my hands out and he does so with ease, as I fall straight into his arms, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Everything is going to be ok, you know?" He whispers. "I know I don't say it enough, but I won't let anything happen to you or this baby."

* * *

"Hey, happy birthday!" I wrap my arms around Michelle as soon as I enter the Bistro, followed by Kate who had picked me up on the way. I hand her the bunch of flowers and she kisses me on the cheek.

"Oh babe I know you're tired, you didn't have to." She smiles appreciatively, as Kate puts a hand on my back. "But thank you, they're gorgeous."

"Don't tell Tracy that." I warn her, glancing around the Bistro as Kate greets her properly.

"So did you get the deal out?" I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and a soft kiss being placed on my ear.

"Yeah, so I told them I was paying for drinks tonight." I spin around, kissing Nick briefly.

"Oh right ok." He laughs, nodding his head. "Which means I'm paying for their drinks, because you haven't paid your bill here for, ooh, three years."

"I did offer to pay the first few times." I argue, wrapping his tie around my fingers. "You told me not to, it's your fault really."

"Everything's my fault." He jokes and I pull a face at him.

"You, made me so happy today." I whisper, raising my thumb to his chin. "Thank you for those flowers I was so surprised."

"Good." He nods, running his fingers through my hair. "You look very nice."

"Hm." I just smile in response, doubting it very much but knowing there was no point in saying that. I pick his hand up, placing it on my tummy and he kisses me gently for a moment.

"Uh, Mrs Connor?" Beth tugs on my sleeve, causing me to break away from Nick with an angry expression.

"Oh how many times, Beth?" I snap. "Should I get Tilsley tattooed on my head so you can remember?"

"Please don't." Nick nudges me and I pout to stop the smile appearing on my face.

"Well uh... Sorry to interrupt." She mumbles, awkwardly. "I was just wondering when we're going to get the free drinks?"

"What can I get you Beth?" He let's go of me, heading behind the bar and I now stand alone, scanning the Bistro for somebody else to talk to.

"Oh, hello." I squeeze my eyes shut as soon as I hear Gail's voice at my side. Anybody but her, anybody at all. "Wow, you are getting big now, aren't you?"

"Yep." I respond, putting a hand on my tummy as I feel a sharp cramp. Not now of all times, I just wanted to enjoy myself. My medication was still helping with most of the pain, but from time to time there was still points where it wasn't strong enough.

"It's going to be a big baby." She nods, clapping her hands excitedly. "David was a big baby. I couldn't move for the last three weeks of my pregnancy with him. I needed thirteen stitches."

"...Brilliant." I now stress, my tummy churning and I don't even bother to reply to her before going back to the bar. I couldn't listen to this anymore, it was making me feel sick and my tummy hurt.

"Hey, you alright?" Nick asks, concern in his eyes and I shake my head, putting it down on the bar top as I feel his fingers gently massaging my scalp.

"Your mother says the worst things." I mumble, looking up at him. "And now I feel sick."

"Actually sick?" He questions.

"Oh I don't even know anymore." I sigh, forcing a smile because I didn't want to be a pain again.

"Do you want me to have a word?" He offers and I shake my head abruptly.

"Nick, everybody's saying how big I am." I groan, drumming my fingers on the bar top and he places a finger under my chin, tilting my head upwards. "And that the birth is going to be difficult and I'll need loads of stitches."

"Who's saying that?" He looks upset for me and I point to Gail.

"Exhibit A." I tell him. "And Tracy, yesterday."

"Tracy?" He repeats. "Well don't listen to her, she's just winding you up."

"I don't want to do it." I groan and I can feel Michelle's hand on my shoulder, who had clearly caught some of the conversation. "It's going to hurt so much."

"You've had a lot worse." Michelle pipes up and Nick points at her, trying to prove her point. "If you managed to escape a burning factory with a gun held to your head, you can do this."

"Ugh." I moan, as Nick places a glass of water down in front of me and I take a sip gratefully, feeling embarrassed about my outburst. "Sorry, I'm just stressing out."

"Well don't." Michelle brushes the hair out of my face. "You'll have Nick there with you, you'll enjoy it. It's supposed to be special."

"I think enjoying it is pushing it a tad, don't you?" I raise my eyebrows. "I remember seeing you in labour when we were teenagers and thinking there is no way I am ever doing that."

"You've done it before." She practically whispers and I dip my head, knowing she was only saying it to reassure me, and I just nod in response. "Sorry... What a stupid thing to say."

"Hey, it's your birthday." I take her hands in mine, changing the subject. "So where is Robert?"

"Out." She replies, bluntly and I frown.

"Out?" I repeat. "Out where?"

"I don't know." She responds, truthfully.

"Michelle, what is going on?" I lower my voice as Nick walks away and she is about to answer me before a loud bell rings out.

"Ok!" Kate calls over the noise. "Has everybody got a drink?" She scans as people hold them up. "I just want to say a massive happy birthday to my cousin over here." She points to Michelle and I glance at her to see her eyes are glazing over, running my hand through her hair briefly. "So if you all want to raise your glasses to Michelle?" She cheers and there is a chorus of 'happy birthday' which she tries to look grateful for. "And lastly, to my sister and her husband Nick." Oh great. "Who are soon to have their baby boy and I cannot wait to be an auntie. To Carla and Nick."

"Carla and Nick!" Everybody cheers and I notice Nick smiling at me from the other end of the room. I roll my eyes at him, causing him to laugh, before Kate wraps her arms around my shoulders excitedly.

 **Nick**

"I've run you a bath." I tell her, as I enter the bedroom, seeing her sat on her birthing ball whilst typing a message on her phone. "Don't fall off that again, please."

"Oh Nick." She laughs, throwing her phone on to the bed and staring at me intently. "You couldn't get me some more of those tablets?" She points to the packet by the bed and I pick them up, quickly reading the dosage on the back.

"How many have you taken today?" I check.

"Not enough by the feel of it." She rubs her tummy and I pick the glass up off the side, handing it to her along with a tablet. "Thank you."

"Aching?" I stroke her hair back and she nods, downing about half the glass of water and I place my hand on it to steady herself. "Ok, careful."

"Sorry I'm so thirsty." She finishes, passing it back to me and I study her for a moment, before kneeling in front of her.

"You're doing so well." I whisper, pushing the hair back out of my face and she watches me, hanging off my every word. "I know you're stressing about the birth, but I'll be there for you. It'll all be ok. Just think how short it'll be in comparison to the rest of our lives as parents."

"I know." She nods, confidently. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, silly." I nudge her knee with my hand and she smiles. "Do you want anything to eat?" I offer and she contemplates the idea. "Anything, even if I have to travel to Italy to get it?"

"What, right now?" She humours me, and I smile. "You're so sweet. I'm alright, thank you though."

"Bath?" I hold my hands out for her to grab and she does so, allowing me to pull her up, groaning as she places a hand on her tummy. I follow her through to the bathroom and she begins to undress without a second thought, climbing in and allowing the bubbles to cascade around her.

"Nick you're just an angel." She sighs, tilting her head as I sit down on the edge of the bath, trickling warm water over her bump because I knew that soothed it. She closes her eyes and I watch her, leaning down to kiss her forehead lovingly. "That feels so nice."

"Yeah?" I stroke my other hand through her hair and she nods, as I continue to lap the water around her. I try to think of something to talk about, but she seems to be enjoying the silence as she lolls her head to the side. So instead, I just stay quiet, willing to do this for as long as it takes in order to make her happy.

* * *

 _ **Oh wow, thank you so much for the lovely comments on the last chapter! The next one is gonna be a big one!x**_


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44:**

 **Nick**

"Hey, you slept well." I check the clock as Carla enters the Bistro, sitting down opposite me. "You were fast asleep when I left this morning."

"I know, I'm so sorry baby." She yawns, putting her hand on her tummy and shifting uncomfortably. "It's this medication, it makes me so drowsy."

"Hardly a bad thing." I point out, she had been taking it for a week now, and it seemed to be doing wonders. "You need all the sleep you can get."

"I know." She sighs, resting her head in her hands.

"So you've come to distract me from my job then?" I assume and she smiles, taking the pen and notepad that I had been doing the stock take on and beginning to doddle on it. "Uh, that's my work."

"I'm drawing you a little picture." She tells me, and I stare at her adoringly. "There you go."

"What even is that?" I tilt my head to the side, trying to work it out.

"It's me and you with a baby." She insists, trying to indicate the outline and I just nod, pretending that it was obvious.

"Don't take up art too." I tease her. "You've already attempted cooking."

"You said I was doing well at cooking." She gives me a look as I take the spare hot chocolate from the side and place it in front of her. She stares at it, awaiting an explanation.

"I made it and then a customer changed their mind." I tell her, and she pushes it away slightly. "Don't you want it?"

"It's got whipped cream on it." She screws her nose up.

"Babe, I really don't think now is the time to worry about your calorie count." I remind her and she glares at me.

"Not that." She replies. "But if I eat that, I will throw up over you."

"Ohh." I nod in realisation, before scooping it it off with a spoon and plopping it on the saucer next to it, causing her to gag. "Wow, ok, sorry sweetheart." I move the cream away instantly, noticing her reaction. "Sorry... There you go." I push it back towards her hesitantly and she inspects it, twirling a long spoon around inside before taking a sip. "So, got nothing to do then?"

"Well I thought I'd just end up sitting around dreading this baby shower later on if I was at home so." She shrugs. "I thought why not come here and annoy you instead?"

"It'll be fine." I assure her. "It's just a party."

"And I hate parties." She points out. "Where are you going to be whilst I'm merrily unwrapping maternity bras and eating soggy sandwiches?"

"In the pub probably." I reply, before hearing the usual ring and going into the kitchen, returning with a sausage muffin and putting it down in front of her.

"Since when did you do breakfast?" Her eyes widen, picking up the menu. "Oh, you actually do."

"I'm so glad you take an interest in my business." I poke her hand, playfully.

"Why do we always go to Roy's then?" She puts it back down, staring at me inquisitively.

"Because Roy is your best friend." I remind her. "And I like to support my partnering local businesses."

"How very noble of you." She teases me and I pull the plate away slightly.

"You don't want it then?" I wind her up and she grabs a knife and fork from the pot next to her.

"No, I want it. I want it, thank you." She takes it from me and I laugh as she cuts into it. "It's quiet in here today."

"Well it is only ten in the morning." I point out. "It'll get busy in a few hours."

"Oh is that when I'll have to share you with the customers?" She bites her lip, leaning forwards slightly.

"That's when you'll be getting ready for later." I insist, knowing she was going to try and put it off.

"Oh I don't want to go." She moans, lowering her head to the side of her plate, before looking back up at me. "It's just going to be loads of people celebrating how fat I am."

"Carla, no it's not." I can't help laughing at her and she looks amused at my reaction.

"I don't like this stool much." She sighs, changing the subject. "I can't lean back, I want to lean against something."

"Well do you want me to get you a high chair?" I joke with her and she rolls her eyes at my sarcasm. "Why don't you go and sit down over there?"

"Because I don't want to sit on my own." She argues. "I want to sit here, where I can talk to you... This is so uncomfortable I'm filing a complaint."

"Ok, ok." I try to calm her down, going around to her. "Why don't you sit at that table there, and then you're still close enough to irritate me?"

"Nick I have never been so uncomfortable in my entire life." She suddenly moans, lowering her head down against the bar top and I sigh, rubbing her back. "I'm thirty one weeks pregnant, I'm fed up. I can't do another nine weeks."

"Ok." I move the hair back out of her face and she sits back up again as I turn her chair to face me. She looks slightly embarrassed at her partial meltdown and I smile to reassure her.

"Do you know how big the baby is, right now?" Her eyes widen innocently. "The size of a coconut, I've got a coconut inside of me, Nick. Next week, it'll be as big as a pineapple. Do you know what that feels like?"

"I can't say I do." I shake my head, trying not to laugh at her and she sighs, sulking for a moment. "...At least it's not as spiky as a pineapple."

"Hey, why aren't you being sympathetic?" She whines and I sigh, sitting down next to her.

"You hate sympathy." I remind her and she contemplates this for a moment.

"What if I just start crying at the baby shower for no reason?" She wonders and I place a hand gently against her cheek, because they were slightly rosy. "Or start shouting at people?"

"Well then nothing will have changed." I reply. "You're quite warm babe."

"Nick I'm always warm, I'm always sweating from lugging this thing around." She points to her tummy frustratedly.

"Thing?" I repeat, raising my eyebrows.

"Alfie." She corrects herself and I smile, linking my fingers with hers.

"So how's that name working out for you?" I graze my thumb along the back of her hand.

"Well can you see me yelling it across the school playground?" She begins before her face falls. "Oh God."

"What?" I panic, putting a hand on her tummy.

"We've got to do school runs..." She trails off. "How are we going to fit that in with work?"

"Oh Carla you scared me then!" I exclaim and she looks apologetic, which melts my gaze. "That's a long way off yet, don't stress about that and all."

"No because it's happening." She swallows, staring at the wall and nodding in realisation. "Oh... Nick I don't know how to change a nappy... Oh no."

"Ok, it's ok." I put a hand on her arm. "It's pretty self explanatory, you'll learn easily."

"When have you changed nappies?" She frowns.

"I've done Harry's and Lily's before." I tell her and she groans, putting her head in her hands. "Hey, Carla, most mums don't know how to do it beforehand either."

"What if I can't do it?" She stresses.

"Babe, you've had about ten near death experiences and you're still sat here now." I remind her. "I think you'll be capable of changing a nappy. Hey, everything is ready. The nursery is done, I'll pack your hospital bag. I'll sort everything alright, you just focus on relaxing. Ok? Can you do that please? For me?"

"Maybe." She sighs, meeting my gaze and I kiss her gently. "For you."

 **Carla**

"Will you come and pick me up at five?" I ask Nick, hanging off his shoulder as we reach Victoria Court.

"That's two hours." He points out. "You're gonna be longer than that. Text me when you're done and I'll come to meet you."

"Can't I just come with you to the pub?" I beg him and he kisses me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I know I'm irresistible but I'm sure you can bear to be apart from me for a few hours." He teases me and I actually doubt the idea. "And make sure you text me please to let me know what you're doing."

"It's not even going to be dark." I tell him, but I didn't know why because I wanted him to come and meet me afterwards. "Ooh, can you bring me something to eat?"

"Carla, I'm not picking you up from the playground." He laughs and I bite my lip excitedly.

"No, but soon we'll be at the playground together." I whisper, kissing him gently. "Picking up our son, Alfie."

"Are we decided on that name then?" He smiles, gently linking a lock of hair behind my ear and I meet his gaze, nudging my nose against his.

"I think we might be." I bite my lip, our eyes fixated on one another. "I love you. I know I've been a pain... But I appreciate everything so much and I never thought I would say this, but I am so excited to be a mum. If you'd have told me, that day you turned up at my flat with my face mask on, with your stupid chocolate berry torte, that one day we would be a family..." I trail off, swallowing as he smiles at my words. "...I never thought this would happen, but it did. That's all down to you. You pulled me back when I was breaking, you showed me that I could be loved that night on the sofa... This is everything I ever wanted. When I used to cry myself to sleep on that council estate, and I could hear George hitting mam, and her screaming at him, and the wind would blow cold through the broken window panes. I'd cover my ears and I'd squeeze my eyes shut in the dark. I'd imagine this. And the whole thing was just a dream... Something to cling on to. You changed that. You made it real... This is real, and I can't wait for what's coming next." I see his eyes glisten over and I laugh slightly, brushing a stray tear off his cheek.

"I promise you. You're going to be happy." He returns and I feel like we're saying our wedding vows all over again, except this time it wasn't tainted with disaster, it was tainted with hope. "I've told you this once, and I'll tell you again; that while there's still a breath in my body, I will always love you. I won't let anything happen to you, or him. I love you both, more than I ever thought I could and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me, everything we've been through."

"Hey, look at us." I fight back tears and he laughs softly as I tilt my forehead against his. "Right big softies aren't we, ey?" I reach down to take his hand, placing it on my bump. "That's what he's done to us... And her. They've completed us."

"I love you." He kisses me, his hand in my hair, the other on my tummy. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling myself into him as we kiss so softly.

"I'll see you at five." I grin, pulling away and she shakes his head.

"You'll see me when the party is over." He warns me, playfully. "And yes, I'll bring you some food. If that's what you want. Anything you need, I'll be there."

"What would I do without you, hey?" I smile, kissing him again quickly before reluctantly breaking away, not looking back in case I fall for his gaze again, but feeling his eyes watching me as I disappear into the block of flats where it all began.

* * *

"Hey!" Michelle wraps me in a hug as soon as I open the door to the flat and everybody joins in the cheers. Well this was going to be fun.

"Hello." I try to sound cheery, scanning the flat. "Wow, this is very decorative."

"Yeah, it's taken us all afternoon so be grateful." Kate points at me, one arm around Rana and I can tell how happy she is, it makes me feel a bit more positive about the whole thing. "Except moody chops here kept leaving us to do all the hard work."

"Why?" I glance at Michelle, who has a forceful smile on her face. "Managed to kick Robert out of his flat then?"

"He was out anyway." She shrugs, avoiding my gaze before clapping her hands and I narrow my eyes at her. "Right, music!"

"Ah, there's my daughter-in-law." I am suddenly thrown into an embrace by Gail, who strokes her hand over my face. "The mother of my grandchild."

"It's three in the afternoon and you're already drunk?" I raise my eyebrows, and she lowers the champagne glass. I wasn't sure why we had champagne at a baby shower, when it defeated the object of the whole thing and taunted the guest of honour, but I let it slide.

"You've given me a grandson." She beams, putting a hand on my tummy without consent.

"You've got two grandsons already." I point out, knowing Max wasn't biologically hers but counting him all the same.

"Yes but this one is special." She coos, and I awkwardly glance at Bethany, who has just emerged from the bathroom. "This one is Nick's and Nick has always wanted a baby. I always said he'd make a lovely dad. You've made him very happy."

"Well good." I nod, as Bethany cuts in between us.

"Jesus, Gran, how much have you had to drink?" Bethany eyes up her glass before turning to me. "Is she bothering you?"

"Bothering me? No, never." I reply, with a hint of sarcasm that only Bethany picks up on.

"Oh I think I need another drink." Gail announces, heading back over to the kitchen.

"Shattered?" Bethany assumes and I nod, putting my arm around her and pulling her into my side briefly.

"How are things?" I ask her and she smiles, grateful for my caring demeanour.

"Things are good." She nods, sounding positive and it pleases me. Everybody important in my life seemed happy; Bethany, Kate, all apart from Michelle, who was leant up against the kitchen cabinets, typing a message out on her phone.

"Sorry, excuse me." I tap Bethany on the head briefly before heading over to where Michelle was stood, lost in thought. "Penny for 'em?"

"God!" She jumps, putting her phone back in her pocket and staring at me, bewildered.

"What's going on?" I ask, and she stares at me blankly.

"Hey?" She frowns, tapping her nails on the work surface for additional casual effect. "Nothing, why?"

"I'm not stupid." I respond, as there is a cheer from behind us.

"Presents!" Kate calls, beckoning us over and I sigh, present opening was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but my sister seemed to be on cloud nine and I didn't want to destroy that.

I sit down on the sofa, making eye contact with Michelle who was watching me from the kitchen, as I am handed a present in gold wrapping paper.

"Who's this from?" I tear my eyes away from Michelle, reading the label. "Oh, Sarah. Thank you."

"Yeah and uh, it's a joint present from me and all." Bethany tells me and I laugh.

"You didn't even know I'd bought a present until we got here." Sarah rolls her eyes as I carefully undo the wrapping paper, revealing two blue baby-grows with the tags off them.

"Oh, they're lovely." I inspect them, noticing they had gone a bit bobbly.

"Wait..." Bethany picks one up. "Weren't they Harry's?"

"Bethany shut up." Sarah hits her lightly on the arm and I have to hold back laughter.

"Sarah!" Gail scolds, from the other sofa and I smile, turning my head to realise Michelle had gone from where she had been stood. "That's awful."

"Oh he only wore them once." I can hear Sarah's excuses in the back of my head before pulling myself up off the sofa.

"Thank you Sarah." I cough, turning to face everyone. "Give me two minutes, blame him." I point to my bump before heading down the corridor that lead to the bathroom and knocking on the wooden door quietly. "Michelle it's me, let me in."

"I'm busy." She mutters in response and I lean back against the opposite wall, hearing laughter and chatter from the living room.

"I said let me in." I say, firmly and eventually the door unbolts and I push it open with my foot, seeing her sat down on the edge of the bath. Locking the door again, I put the toilet lid down, sitting on it and shifting uncomfortably. "Right, I'm not leaving this bathroom, until you have told me what's going on."

"Nothing!" She insists, despite the fact we both knew it was obvious she had been crying. "Just enjoy your party."

"Well that's kind of difficult when I know my best friend is upset about something." I point out. "...Is it bringing everything back?"

"No." She shakes her head, avoiding my gaze.

"Because I'd understand if it does and we can call it off." I place a hand on her knee. "I'll blame my hormones or something, nobody needs to know."

"It's not that." She forces back tears, looking up at the ceiling and I stare at her worriedly. "You've got enough on your plate without dealing with my problems."

"Chelle, I'm bored out of my skull." I raise my eyebrows. "Give me some problems to deal with, please."

"Robert cheated on me." She whispers, finally looking at me and I swallow, processing the words. "With Tracy."

"...I'm sorry he can't do that." I respond, bluntly and she looks confused at my reaction. "I mean he's got you, of all women... When? How?"

"He had a one night stand with Tracy just before his operation." She confesses. "He told me a few weeks ago, we've been so rocky since... I don't know what to do. Apparently it was Tracy, getting him drunk and seducing him. But then again, he would say that."

"Tracy." I shake my head, closing my eyes momentarily. "Oh she never fails to make everybody's life a misery, that's for sure."

"...That's not all." She whispers and I look at her, willing for her to continue. "And this is the part I didn't want to tell you..."

"What?" I try to meet her gaze and eventually she tilts her head to face me.

"Robert's gambled away thirty grand from the Bistro account." She tells me and I immediately know what she's referring to.

"As in, my thirty grand?" I prompt her and she nods hesitantly.

"He didn't realise it was yours." She tries to excuse him and I shake my head in disbelief. "And when Nick checks those accounts, it's not going to be pretty, Carla, because I'm pretty sure he's gambled away half the business too."

* * *

The evening air hits me as I allow the door of Victoria Court to swing shut behind me. I head straight up Victoria Street, leaving the guests in confusion as to where I had gone. But I needed to find Nick, I needed to tell him before he checked those accounts himself. I round the corner, the Rovers coming in to view, before the slamming of a car door sounds and I tilt my head to see Tracy, leaving the florists and hauling herself into the drivers seat of her van. I hesitate for a moment, my attention diverting to the pub and back to her, before swiftly grabbing the door handle and pulling myself into the passenger seat with great difficulty.

"Uh, what do you think you're doing?" Tracy snaps. "This isn't a taxi service, street cars is that way."

"What the hell are you playing at?" I demand and she searches my expression for answers. "Why do you do it Tracy? Why?"

"Wow, that baby really is messing with your head isn't it?" She laughs. "Spit it out, I've got somewhere to be."

"You." I reply, bitterly. "Sleeping with Robert."

"Oh." She nods, a hint of amusement in her voice and it makes me angry. "Well what can I say? We were made for each other, Carla."

"You are such a sad cow." I practically spit, and she rolls her eyes leaning against the window and checking her watch. "Why can't you just get on with your own life?"

"Well because then, there would be no excitement in anybody else's?" She smiles, bitchily and I nod, squeezing my hand shut to stop myself from slapping her. "Now excuse me, I've got a delivery to make and uh... Since you've got in, I think we've exceeded the maximum weight limit. No offence."

"I don't suppose you know anything about him gambling the Bistro's money away?" I continue and she sighs exasperatedly.

"No, I actually don't." She groans, looking at me. "How much money?"

"Thirty grand." I tell her. "The money that I put in there, that was going to charity."

"Oh well now I know you're making it up." She scoffs and I can't help raising my hand, slapping her clean across the face. She pauses, holding a hand to her cheek. "Get out."

"No." I reply, firmly and she turns the engine on, putting it into gear.

"Right then, well if you're not getting out..." She prepares to drive off. "You're coming with me."

"Where are you going?" I demand and she grins, turning her head to look at me as she presses her foot down on the accelerator, moving away from the florists.

"Well I was going to make a delivery." She informs me. "But now you've done that, I think we'll take a little detour."

"Oh right, so what?" I laugh, as she turns to face me. "You're going to stave my head in, throw me in a canal?"

"Don't give me ideas." She scans my face for any sense of fear, speeding up around the corner into Coronation Street as she does so. She was trying to scare me. It wasn't working, she was one person that would never scare me, and that would never change. "Buckle up."

"You are the most bitter and twisted person I have ever known." I shout at her, before looking out of the windscreen, my eyes growing wide. "Tracy stop the van! Stop!"

 **Nick**

"What's up with your face?" David nudges me, leaning forwards against the bar as I stare down at my phone. I try to understand the accounts in front of me, and the huge withdrawal of money. Surely Carla would have told me if she was taking her money out?

"Somebody's withdrawn thirty grand from the Bistro account." I tell him without retracting my gaze. "It's Carla's money."

"So... Carla will have taken it out then?" He presumes and I shrug.

"It's been withdrawn in separate amounts." I study it, trying to get a reference for the transactions. "One grand, three grand, five hundred pounds..."

"Well does it say where it was withdrawn from?" David asks, as the reference loads on screen and my heart sinks.

"Sunset casino." I sigh, putting my head in my hands.

"Oh not again." David drones. "Really?"

"She can't have." I shake my head, trying to think of any opportunity Carla would have had to even go to the casino. We had been literally inseparable the last few days, and these transactions had been here and there during that time. "Oh please no."

"Why didn't you just bin her off?" David rolls his eyes and I glare at him.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because I love her?" I snap, and he tilts his head to the side, once again accepting it. "She wouldn't... Not when she's pregnant. She's been happy... Well aside from the pregnancy complications, we've been the best we've ever been."

"Evidently." David nods, and I tear my phone away from him, already fed up of his sarcastic comments.

"She was talking to me an hour ago about how happy she is." I frown at the thought. "It can't be her. It's not."

"Nick?" A voice diverts my attention and I turn my head to where Liz was stood in the doorway.

"Yeah?" I reply confused as to why she was looking at me so worriedly.

"I was just coming out of the medical centre... I uh, I don't know what to do." She stresses and I immediately feel sick despite the fact I didn't know why yet. "Carla's been in an accident. Tim's phoned an ambulance."

"What?" I try to breathe, try to move my feet, but I'm staring back at her in shock, before racing forwards and smashing the door of the Rovers open. My eyes fall on the scene half way down the street, my heart stopping in my chest. I fly down the cobbles, my heart pounding viciously as I reach the group of people gathered around the van, which has smashed into the front of the Bistro. My eyes fall to Tracy, stood on the pavement with a hand over her mouth in shock. She had bruises on her face and a trickle of blood cascading from her head.

"Where is she?" I snap at her and she raises a shaky hand to the van, forcing myself to breathe as I approach it hesitantly. I dare myself to look through the broken window, Carla's unconscious frame filling my view and I force the door open.

"Nick, don't!" Tim orders, whilst on the phone to the ambulance and Anna stares at me in shock.

"They've told us not to move her." Anna tells me, but I ignore them, unplugging her seatbelt and loading her into my arms. Her head lolls to the side, her lip cut on a shard of glass and several grazes over her face. Her eyes are tightly shut, her expression lifeless. I lay her down on the cobbles, immediately checking for a pulse, my hand shaking so much I struggle. I can't breathe. I couldn't process anything.

"I can't..." I try to stammer, as I turn my head to see Kate running towards me, Rana in tow. A hand flies over her mouth when she sees the sight before her, tears springing into her eyes.

"Oh God..." Kate panics, as Rana squeezes her hand briefly before kneeling beside me. "Please no, please. What happened?"

"There's a pulse." Rana checks and I feel relief wash over me, which is quickly diminished by worry once more.

"The baby..." I stammer, putting a hand on Carla's tummy. "Oh God. Carla, you're going to be ok. You're both going to be ok."

"Have you told them she's pregnant?" Rana shouts at Tim and he nods.

"They said she's first priority, they're on their way now." Tim informs us as I use a shaky hand to brush Carla's hair off her face.

"Nick... I am so..." I hear Tracy's voice and dare myself to look up at her. "Sorry... I didn't realise."

"What happened?" I demand, aggressively, not wanting to leave Carla's side but I wanted to smash Tracy's face in so much. I knew I couldn't. I had to refrain from going near her, staying my distance as my chest rises and falls violently.

"I..." She trails off.

"Tell me what happened!" I shout, my voice echoing over the street as I hear hurried footsteps, my head turning to where Michelle and Bethany were approaching us, shock on their faces.

"I wasn't looking..." Tracy mumbles, actually scared for the first time. For herself, not for anybody else. "I heard her tell me to stop it was too late..."

"You..." I point a finger in her face, forcing myself not to lay into her. "If they are not both ok, I will..."

"Nick." Michelle tugs on my arm and the sound of her panicked cries drags me back to reality as I return to Carla's side. "Look what you have done!" Michelle shouts at Tracy, pushing her aggressively. "This is what you do! You ruin everything. Everything."

"Is she breathing?" Bethany crouches down next to me, searching her desperately as Kate stands in complete shock. "Is she going to be ok? Nick?"

"She's breathing and she's got a pulse." Rana answers for me and I stare down at Carla's fragile body, lying so lifeless on the concrete. I hear sirens in the distance, the sound of Michelle screaming at Tracy, the noise of people gathering around, who saw this as a bit of drama. Well it wasn't. This was my whole life in front of me.

"You're going to be ok." I whisper, putting my hand on her tummy and willing for Alfie to move. "You're both going to be ok." I wrap her coat around her, before my hand freezes in a pool of liquid that makes me feel sick to my stomach. I squeeze my eyes shut, pulling my hand away from the top of her thigh and daring myself to look. "She's bleeding... Oh no, oh God." I can barely make out what I'm saying, staring at the blood on my hand and noticing the pool that is building between her legs. "No, no."

"The ambulance is here." Rana tells me, as I head the sirens get louder, stopping behind me and I grab Carla's hand, squeezing it, willing for her to wake up. She was so cold, everything was so cold, so broken. I couldn't think or breathe or speak. I had never been so scared.

"Can we have some room please?" I hear a paramedic, falling back onto the pavement and feeling Bethany's arms around my shoulders, trying to reassure me as she watches them check her over. "What's her name?"

"Carla." Bethany answers for me, as Michelle retracts her gaze from Tracy, coming over to join us.

"Carla?" The paramedic shines a light over her eyelids. "Carla? Can you hear me?"

"Why did I let her go?" Michelle is crying and I raise my head to look at her, realising she is staring back at me. "She went to find you."

"She didn't find me." I whisper, still not letting go of Carla's hand and Kate finally moves, getting her phone out.

"I need to phone dad and Aidan." She panics, her hand shaking as she tries to find their names in her phone and she gives up, throwing it down on the floor as Rana pulls her into a hug.

"Nick, she's going to be ok." Bethany tries to reassure me, and I wonder how a seventeen year old is being so strong, but appreciating it all the same. I look at Michelle, desperately searching for some kind of look, which would indicate everything to me.

"She's bleeding." I murmur and her eyes fill with tears, as they roll down her cheeks silently.

"Right." The paramedics load her on to a stretcher, carrying her into the ambulance and I force myself upwards, trying to steady myself as the whole street spins around me. "Only one person in the ambulance. Are you her husband?" She checks the ring on my finger and I manage to nod, following her into the back of the ambulance without hesitation.

"I'll tell mum and gran, we'll be there soon." Bethany calls after me, but everything is flying over my head as I sit down next to Carla, grazing my thumb against her hand.

"You're going to be ok." I whisper, not caring who can hear me at the moment. The doors slam with a loud thud, but I don't divert my gaze. I am staring at her eyes, willing for them to open, her ears, hoping for them to hear me and her mouth, praying for her to smile. But she doesn't. "You're both going to be alright, everything is going to be alright..."

* * *

I sit in the waiting room, frozen to my chair, staring at the wall in front of me; the peeling paint, the soft grey marks that have scuffed the wallpaper. The quiet whir of life going on around me, and yet it felt like I was completely alone.

"Do you want a coffee?" Michelle's voice creeps into my head, but I continue to hold my gaze, unable to even move my head. "Me neither."

"Nick?" I hear my mum's voice and I can't even understand how I feel about it. Part of me wants her to hug me, and tell me it would be ok, and the other part of me wants them all to just get lost and leave me and Michelle alone. I force my head to look at the rabble approaching me. Family outing; mum, gran, Bethany, Sarah and David.

"Shona's got the kids." David tells me, as if I even cared in the slightest, because right now I didn't even know if I had a kid, or a wife.

"Have you heard any news?" Sarah frets, they were all staring at me so intently, but I had no words.

"Nothing yet." Michelle answers for me, as her phone goes off. "Kate's on her way with Aidan and Johnny."

"Well they must have told you something." Gran pipes up, watching me with a concerned gaze. "What did they tell you in the ambulance?"

"Maybe just leave him be." Bethany suggests, sitting down next to me and putting a hand on my knee. I put my hand over hers, holding it tightly as I force back tears.

"I just don't understand." Mum continues, her voice faintly intervening the ringing in my ears. "Why was she in the van with Tracy?"

"It's all my fault." Michelle whispers and I manage to turn my head to look at her. "I should have gone after her... I shouldn't have told her about Tracy and Robert."

"What?" Bethany replies, confused.

"Robert slept with Tracy." She swallows, staring into my eyes. "And has been gambling away the money in the Bistro account... It's all my fault, oh no."

"It's not your fault." I manage to say and everybody immediately stares at me, my voice hoarse. The prospect of Robert being the root cause of the financial problems had slipped my mind, and was one which I had no interest in even dwelling on now.

"Carla will be alright." Michelle tells me, her voice so meaningful.

"Will she?" I stare back at her, as if waiting for some indefinite answer. "...Will the baby?"

"Yes." Michelle nods, clearly not caring about giving me false hope now. I shake my head, moving my gaze to stare back at the wall.

"There was blood everywhere." I practically mouth and I feel her freeze next to me. "It's too early."

* * *

"Mr Tilsley?" A nurse enters the waiting room and I abruptly stand up.

"Yes?" I demand, impatient for any information.

"Carla is conscious." She informs me and I swallow the relief, my heart beating faster. "She's very dazed and groggy, she hasn't said much apart from your name. I think she would like to see you."

"Yeah." I follow after her, without even acknowledging everybody else. "The baby..."

"We will discuss that shortly." She replies, without looking me in the eye and I feel my whole body sink. I had to be strong. I couldn't show any weakness, not now, when Carla needed me. I round the corner and my eyes fall upon where she was lying, so fragile, staring up at the ceiling. Her head turns to face me and I can see how battered she looks, the tears frozen in her eyes as she reaches out a hand to me. I momentarily wonder why I am stood in the doorway, forcing myself forward to sit down next to her.

"I'm so... Sorry." She whispers weakly and I swallow back the pain. "Nick..."

"Hey, shh." I take her hand, feeling her fingers link with mine. "It's ok, you're safe." She closes her eyes, a tear silently rolling down her cheek. "Don't get upset, please."

"I'm so stupid." She murmurs and I shake my head. "...I just... Wanted to find you... I..."

"Shh." I am careful as I smooth the hair back off her face and her other hand falls to her tummy. My eyes dart to it momentarily, before looking back at her. "...So what have they said?"

"Nothing." She murmurs. "Apart from I've lost a lot of blood... They were waiting for you."

"Well I'm here now so can they hurry up?" I glance around the room at the single nurse who was noting something down from the monitor in the corner.

"Nick..." Carla's voice turns my attention back to her and I can see how scared she is in her eyes as she shakes her head. I exhale, rubbing my eyes to stop the tears from stinging in them, as the door opens and a doctor walks in, accompanied by another nurse and a midwife. This was intimidating for me, never mind Carla. They sit down opposite us and I feel my heart beating so hard in my chest, I'm worried I'll collapse.

"Mr and Mrs Tilsley." He greets us, in a serious tone. "We want to outline the main concerns we have-"

"Yeah, so get to the point." Carla snaps, forcing herself upwards and wincing in pain as she does so. "I don't care about me. I don't even care if I'm dying, just tell me how my baby is."

"...Your baby has suffered a lot of trauma during the impact of the crash." He relays to us and I clasp Carla's shaking hand tighter. "The bleeding is a result of a partial separation of the placenta from the uterus, which was most likely caused by a blow to the abdomen at the collision." He explains and I feel so cold, not daring myself to look at Carla in case I break. "We call this a case of placenta abruption, and from the results we have examined, we have reason to believe you may be in the early stages of labour."

"That's not possible." Carla shakes her head, her voice wavering. "I haven't had any contractions. I'd know."

"Like we say, it's at a very early stage and the impact of collision is what has prompted this." He continues. "We have come to the decision that the greatest chance of survival for your baby, would be to induce you further now, and instigate the labour process so you can give birth naturally, shortly."

"No." Carla cries, shaking her head and throwing a hand over her face. "I can't... Not again, it's too early."

"What about a c-section?" I suggest, knowing that Carla wasn't in the place to give birth right now, and they should understand that as much as me.

"Usually in these circumstances we would consider it." He tells me. "But due to the blood loss and the fact that labour has been triggered, a natural birth would be the recommended method." He pauses. "We have reason to believe that because of the trauma, the baby may suffer further complications. The safest option would be to deliver the baby as soon as possible, so we can increase the chance of survival."

"What sort of complications?" I force myself to speak.

"Breathing irregularities such as respiratory distress syndrome, or the possibility of sepsis." He reads off his clipboard and Carla bursts into tears, crying into her hands and I turn my head to look at her, tears silently pouring down my cheeks. I wrap my arms around her, rocking her gently.

"Why?" She shouts into my chest. "Why again? Why did I do it? I've ruined everything. I've ruined it."

"You haven't ruined anything." I try to reassure her, whispering the words into her hair. "I've got you, it's ok."

"I don't deserve to be a mother." She words are released from her mouth and I feel a sharp pain as they hit me. "I can't keep my babies safe, I can't do it. I can't protect them. I keep doing it wrong. I can't."

"Please stop, please." I beg her and she sobs loudly into me, tears staining my shirt. "We need to talk, Carla. We need to talk about this."

"We'll give you some time." The doctor tells us and I don't even acknowledge them as they leave.

"I can't talk." She continues, her nails digging in as she grabs a handful of my shirt, clinging on to me. "I can't do this, not now. This is my fault. This is all my fault. My own mother warned me, everybody warned me. Stupid me. Thinking I could do it despite all the signs. How many signs did I need? Face it Carla; you can't be a mum. Three innocent lives... I love them, I love them." She pounds my chest. "I love them."

"Listen to me, sweetheart." I pull her away, finally meeting her gaze and she breathes heavily, putting all her faith in to me. Her eyes were so sore from crying, her right cheek was grazed, she was completely dependent on me. "You come first. This is the safest option, they know what they're doing and they know what they're talking about. But, you are my first priority baby, ok? If you're too tired, if you don't feel like you can do this. You tell me now. I don't want you to be any more traumatised than you already are. You'll be exhausted, but I'll be here. Ok? Anything you need, I believe in you."

"It's the safest way?" She whispers and I nod. "I'm terrified."

"You are the strongest person I know." I remind her, and she looks at me for reassurance, soaking up my words. "But I don't want you to go through this, if you're not up to it. I'll protect you. We'll be ok, no matter what happens. Do you understand me? No matter what, you'll always have me. I promise you."

"I want to do it." She swallows and I close my eyes momentarily. "If it means there's a chance. I need to do it, for us, for him. I'll do it."

* * *

 _ **As I said; big chapter! Finally the plot I have had in mind for ages is getting underway so I really hope you all like it, I've done a lot of research for this! Let me know what you think x**_


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45:**

 **Carla**

"Do you want to try and get some rest first?" Nick suggests, seeing how tired I was and I shake my head.

"No I want to do it now." I reply, sitting up so I didn't fall asleep.

"Carla, we really would recommend holding off until tomorrow." The midwife suggests, sitting at the end of my bed. "You're extremely fatigued following the crash."

"But the sooner I deliver the baby, the more chance he'll be ok?" I prompt her and she nods hesitantly. "Then I want to do it now. Please." Nick leans forward to kiss me on the forehead, meeting my gaze and I kiss his lips, softly. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop." He whispers, running his fingers through my hair. "You never need to say that word. I'm here, you know that?" I nod, looking into his eyes as I tilt my forehead against his.

"I know." I link my fingers with his. "Nick..." I trail off, glancing at the midwife who promptly stands up, leaving the room.

"I'll go and inform them of what's happening." She tells us before leaving and I stare off after her, swallowing back the fear of the next few hours.

"Hey." Nick gently brushes the hair out of my face. "You were going to say something?"

"...Nick." I pause and he gazes at me, waiting patiently. "...I keep on messing everything up. You should have chosen somebody simple."

"Look at me." He tilts my head upwards. "It's not your fault."

"It is." She replies. "I shouldn't have got in that van. I asked her to stop... She wouldn't... I can't remember what happened. It's all such a blur. But I remember telling her to stop and then there was nothing..."

"You look so worn down, sweetheart." I try to be gentle with my words. "You've just been in an accident, I don't want you to hurt yourself more. I know you want to do this for him, but please consider yourself."

"I need to." She quickly wipes a tear away and I pull her into a hug, never wanting to let go. "I have to do it. I've got you, I can do it if I've got you."

* * *

"Right, there's a button there that you can press if you need anything at all." The midwife points to it, after my induction was underway. "Don't hesitate to ask. I'll keep checking in."

"How do you feel?" Nick asks me, despite it being a stupid question.

"Sick with worry." I reply, bluntly and he nods understandingly. "I don't want to do this again... Last time I was so alone. I remember it so clearly now."

"Well this time you're not alone." He reminds me, taking my hand in his. "You've got me, ok?"

"I want to sleep." I lie back on the pillows even though I knew it wouldn't last long. "Can't I have an epidural so I can sleep?"

"You can have whatever you want sweetheart." He strokes my hair back and I pause momentarily.

"No." I shake my head. "It slows labour down and I need this to be over as soon as possible for his sake."

"I've asked Michelle to pop back and get you some stuff." He explains. "I told her what's going on. She wishes you luck."

"Yeah I'll need it." I mutter as I feel my stomach cramp. "Oh great here it goes..." I pause, waiting for it to pass and it does so surprisingly easily. "Oh ok."

"Finished already?" Nick checks and I nod. "How was it?"

"You sound like you're asking how my day at work went." I manage a small smile and he returns it, as he pulls my hair back into a ponytail and ties it in preparation. "You do realise that's just gonna fall out?"

"I like playing with your hair." He shrugs and I find myself laughing, despite everything, I was laughing.

"Ok but now isn't the time to play hairdressers, Nicholas." I mumble and he leans down, placing a longing kiss on my lips gently.

"You're going to do amazing." He whispers, planting a kiss onto my forehead before standing up again. "I promise you."

 **Nick**

"Shh." I soothe Carla, massaging her scalp gently as she lies in my lap with her eyes closed. I pick the cloth up from the side, gently trailing it across her forehead and down her cheeks.

"You're gonna have to do something." She mumbles, so weakly and she sounds so frail that I worry she won't be able to continue this for much longer. "I am begging you. If you loved me, you'd do something. Please."

"Do what?" I rock her gently, trying to soothe her pain as she swallows back fear. This was so unfair on her, she was already shattered and bruised from the crash. It seemed inhumane to be making her go through this hours after she had been unconscious. I hated myself for going to the pub, for not being there to protect her. I had tried so hard for months to make sure everything was alright, and I had failed. Yet again, and now I might have ruined everything.

"...Please I'm desperate." She murmurs, and I softly graze my finger along her forehead. "You need to drug me up or something, I can't do this."

"You can, I believe in you." I tell her, as she buries her head in my knee and I know it is happening again. "Ok, sit up." I help her, as she exhales sharply, I stroke the hair back out of her way, allowing her to squeeze my hand as hard as she needed. Tears are streaming down her face, but I don't try to wipe them away, I knew that was the last of her worries. "I know it's probably annoying, me saying it, but remember to breathe."

"It's not annoying." She shakes her head, taking deep breaths in and out through the pain, a low moan escaping her lips as she tries to seal them shut.

"Baby just relax, you don't have to try and stay quiet." I reassure her, and I knew why she was doing it. She was trying to make it seem less painful for me, she was trying to hold it in so I wouldn't be upset.

"Ow." She cries, clutching her tummy and I place a hand on her back, rubbing it in circular motions gently. Her head is thrown back and she squeezes her eyes shut, facing the ceiling for a moment, allowing the pain to overcome her.

"You're doing so well." I repeat, because I didn't know whether it was helping or irritating her, but if there was a chance it was relaxing in any way, I wanted to ensure I did everything possible. "I'm here, ok?"

"Water, water." She points to it as the contraction ends and I pass it to her, as she takes a few small sips. I carefully wipe the sweat off her forehead, wetting the hair around her face.

"Is this cool enough?" I indicate to the cloth and she just nods, moving the hand that she is holding, to her back and I rub it gently as she tilts herself forwards.

"What did Tracy do?" She dares to ask and I swallow, not even wanting to think about the woman's name, because she made me angry beyond belief. "After it happened?"

"That doesn't matter." I reply, noticing she is shivering and offering a blanket, wrapping it around her shoulders before returning to rubbing her back.

"I feel so dizzy." She lies back on the pillows and I release her, watching as she closes her eyes, covering her face with a shaking hand, which begins to shake more as she cries. "Nick I don't feel well."

"Do you want me to get the midwife?" I ask and she shakes her head abruptly.

"I don't want to do this, I want it to stop." She bursts into tears, sitting up and falling into my arms as I rock her gently. "I want it to stop. Please."

"I know darling." I try to soothe her, knowing it was no use. There was nothing I could do and I wished more than anything that there was. "It'll be over soon."

"And then what?" The words barely come out in a breath and my hand freezes in her hair before I can stop it from doing so.

"And then, we'll deal with whatever comes next, together." I stupidly answer, not knowing what to say in response.

* * *

I sit by her bedside, taking the liberty of raising a damp cloth to her head, gently tracing it over the beads of sweat that form on her skin. She looks so exhausted, like she's given up.

She closes her eyes momentarily, before exhaling sharply and a low moan leaves her mouth as she reaches for my hand.

"No." She whispers, tilting her head down to her chin and allowing the pain to overcome her.

"I love you." I say for what feels like the millionth time, as I watch her squeeze her eyes shut in pain. "Breathe out." I whisper and she does it without fail, actually listening to me because she had given up the urge to fight. This was killing me. If this was any other situation I would instantly lay down my life to rid her of her pain. But right now it was impossible. She was terrified and it hurt me more than anything to see her in so much agony. She grasps my hand tightly, silently tipping her head back onto the pillows.

"Carla please breathe." I dare to beg her, knowing she was forgetting to do so.

"Nick it hurts, it hurts." She suddenly cries, the grip on my hand tightening further as she cries loudly through the pain.

"I know sweetheart, I'm so sorry." I whisper, moving the hair out of her face comfortingly.

"I need to push." She suddenly admits as the contraction ends, hating herself for doing so. "I need to push now."

"Ok hold on." I warn her, placing a hand on her knee as she moves her legs apart. "I'll get the midwife." I swallow, my voice was shaky and I loathed myself for it. I needed to be strong for her but I was petrified of what was going to happen within the next few hours, maybe minutes.

"No please, please." She grasps my hand, finally looking at me desperately. "Don't leave me, please."

"Ok." I nod, kissing her forehead and pressing the red button on the wall. "I'll never leave you, I promise."

"Nick..." She whispers, fear rippling through her voice. I wait for what she is going to say, before she shakes her head and I know exactly what she means.

"I promise you." I say with so much meaning, as I tilt my head closer to hers. "I promise you that no matter what I will always, always love you."

"You can't tell me he's going to be ok though, can you?" She asks me and I squeeze my eyes shut. I knew that question was coming, but I had no answer to it. I so desperately craved to say that he would be. That everything would be fine. But deep down I didn't want to kid either of us. It wasn't fair on her, to give her false hope. "You can't... Please..."

"Carla, please." I start to cry, stupidly and her face crumbles. "I love you."

"I wanted to do this for you." She murmurs, through tears, devastated at herself and that's what destroyed me; the fact that she felt like she had let me down already, before anything had even happened. "I wanted to give you a baby."

"You have." I whisper, referring to Lauren. "You will. You've given me two beautiful children no matter what, and I could never, ever be more grateful."

"Is everything alright in here?" The midwife enters and I close my eyes briefly at the sound of her voice. Brushing the tears off my cheeks and forcing back any that threatened to emerge, I turn to face her, confidently.

"Uh, she said she wants to push." I tell her, my voice wavering at the attempt to sound optimistic.

"Let me have a look." She leans down by the bed and I keep my eyes intent on her facial expressions, thinking it might give something away. "You're ten centimetres, time to get you ready for delivery."

"I don't want to." Carla tells her, abruptly. "I want him to stay in, until he's ready."

"Carla, he's ready now." She tries to be gentle as she says it.

"No, he's two months early!" Carla shouts and I try to soothe her by grazing a finger gently over her cheek. "I need to push, I don't want to."

"Look at me." I whisper, tilting her head to face me. "Do this for us."

"It's too early." She repeats, weakly.

"He's strong." I remind her and she feeds off my hope. "He's a fighter, we have been told that all the way through. Don't lose hope now, please, he needs you to believe in him now more than ever. Please?"

"Do you believe in me?" She pleads for comfort, reassurance.

"More than anything I've ever believed in." I squeeze her hand gently as I see her face fall, knowing another contraction was on its way.

"Ok Carla, when the pain peaks and you feel the urge, give a nice long push for me please." The midwife calls over to us, kneeling at the foot of the bed as tears silently roll down Carla's cheeks. "Make sure you listen to your body, when you know you need to, I want you to push down as if you're going to the toilet."

"I know how to do it." Carla snaps, and I trace my hand up and down her arm in an attempt to soothe her.

"You can do this." I whisper as she moves her head down to her chest, silently squeezing her eyes shut and keeling over in pain. "Hey, well done."

"It's exactly the same." She suddenly falls back on to the pillows, her breathing exhaustive already and I know exactly what she was referring to, my heart breaking in the process. "I can't do it, not again. I can't."

"Carla push for me." The midwife demands and I feel a sense of anger building up at her lack of empathy. Carla reluctantly pushes down, releasing a loud moan from her mouth as she does so.

"Argh..." Carla groans loudly, and I gently place a hand on her knee, holding it back for her, because I could see her urge to close them.

"Six, five, four." I hear the midwife counting down, as Carla's nails dig into my skin, but I don't even care. It didn't even compare to the extent of pain she was in now. "Three, two, one. Excellent well done."

"Well done." I repeat, softer, using the cloth to dab her forehead as she lies back on the pillows, her eyes closed and for a second I think she might fall asleep. "You're doing amazing."

"I bet you didn't see this happening when we worked in the factory all those years ago." She suddenly says, opening her eyes to look at me and I can't help smiling, feeling relieved at her change of heart.

"No." I shake my head and she swallows, managing to smile up at me slightly as I lovingly smooth the hair out of her face. "But I'm so glad it did."

"I bet I look disgusting." She exhales, trying to regulate her breathing.

"You're more beautiful than you've ever been." I run my fingers through her hair, meaning every word as Carla looks touched momentarily, before swallowing in pain again.

"Ok, another push for me now Carla." The midwife sounds and Carla pauses, as if forgetting for a moment what was going on before clasping my hand again and slowly forcing her head forwards. "Push down, hard."

"Mmm..." Carla mumbles loudly, her breathing becoming rapid as she pushes through the pain, I place a hand behind her head, supporting it as she leans it forwards. "No, this hurts. This hurts I can't."

"Carla, you can." I try to reassure her as she suddenly screams at the pain.

"Oh God!" She yells, tears suddenly erupting from her eyes and I've never seen her in so much agony, both physically and emotionally.

"Can I have some help in here please?" The midwife talks into a walkie-talkie. "Carla you're going to need to push harder for me."

"Why, why do you need help?" Carla panics, her eyes going wide and the midwife doesn't answer her question.

"Push down for me Carla." She orders.

"Not until you tell me what's going on." She begs her, making eye contact with the midwife momentarily as two other medical assistants enter the room. This was scaring her more, I felt like they were all so unsympathetic, so hard and emotionless. I hated it.

"Excuse me, she's asking you a question." I snap, jumping to Carla's defence. "At least have the decency to acknowledge her."

"It's just precaution." She replies, apologetically and Carla looks across at me, fear woven into her expression.

"It's ok." I tilt my forehead against hers. "Sweetheart they know what they're doing."

"Are you ready to push again, Carla?" The woman asks and Carla shakes her head.

"Hey, you're the strongest person I know." I remind her, lowering my voice so it was only her who could hear. "You know that. I'm here, I've got you, ok?"

"I love you." Her voice is so shaky as she traces my face with her finger, allowing it to fall away as she winces in pain again.

"I love you too." I smile reassuringly.

"Ah, no." She suddenly mumbles, gripping onto the papery sheets with her other hand. She screws her face up, trying not to make any noise and I didn't know why.

"Carla, relax." I stupidly say, but she doesn't fight back, she allows herself to release a low moan as she pushes down, head tucked into her chest, legs spread uncomfortably wide at the base of the bed.

"He's crowning." The midwife announces, looking at Carla anxiously. "Carla, remember to breathe, please. You're doing really well."

"In and out." I squeeze her hand as she screams in pain again, not daring to open her eyes, sweat lining her forehead. "A little bit more, well done sweetheart."

"Oh my God this hurts!" She yells, giving up and falling against the pillows. "Nick, I'm sorry, I can't. You need to do something... Please... Knock me out, do anything. Ah..."

"I'm not knocking you out." I nervously laugh, planting a kiss on her forehead. "You're doing amazing, keep going."

"Carla you need to push for us." The midwife tells her, trying to be gentle but I could sense her urgency; something was wrong. "Harder please."

"I'm trying my best!" Carla cries and I wrap my other hand around the hers so that both my hands were encasing it supportively. "Mm... I can't. I'm exhausted."

"You are doing absolutely brilliantly." The midwife assures her and I know she is only trying her best to do her job. "Not long now."

"I'm so scared." She wails, covering her face with her hand, groaning as she throws herself forwards, exhaling sharply through the pain.

"Keep going." I whisper, placing a kiss into her hair and she breathes heavily, staring up at me, complete fatigue being conveyed. "Almost there now."

"Ow, ow, ow!" She murmurs, squeezing my hand and letting out another desperate moan. She gasps loudly, her eyes going wide as she grabs at my arm, trying to find anything to relieve the pain. She suddenly lets out a sharp cry as she pushes down again, one final time, before there is a deafening silence. She throws her head back onto the pillows in shock, her breathing ragged, sweat dripping from her. I can't breathe. I can't hear anything. I glance at her momentarily, to where she isn't even daring to move, tears frozen on her cheeks.

"Carla." I shake her suddenly and I feel her weakly squeeze my hand to show she was still conscious, before I turn my attention to the base of the bed. I could see my baby. My breath catches in my throat as I watch them holding him. No. Oh God no. "Tell us what's going on." I demand as he is carried over to the other side of the room.

"He's not crying." Carla whispers, her voice the weakest I've ever heard it and she finally opens her eyes, pulling herself up to look.

"Carla, don't." I try to gently push her back down and she hits my hand out of the way.

"Why isn't he crying?" She shouts, and I watch in desperation as they gather around him in the corner. Tubes, numbers, hushed voices. "No..." Carla bursts into tears and I am crying too, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and cradling her gently as she cries into me. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry." I beg her, feeling my heart break as my voice cracks. "Please, please don't."

"I can't do this again." She cries into me, gripping my t-shirt in her hands. "I'm broken... Nick, it's all ruined."

"Shh." I try to soothe her and I suddenly freeze. I feel Carla stop, the sound of her crying coming to an abrupt end, and the sound of our son's beginning. "Oh my God." I suddenly turn my head to where I could hear the noise, staring in disbelief. "Is that him?"

"Take him down to NICU." I hear the midwife say, unable to move to see what's going on.

"Can somebody explain?" I shout, watching Carla's eyes go wide with disbelief, holding out her arms.

"I want to hold him." She begs her, confused as they carry him off. "Where's he going? Tell me now!"

"Ok." The midwife sits down on the chair next to us. "Congratulations."

"Congratulations?" I almost spit. "Where has he gone?"

"They've taken him down to the neonatal intensive care unit." She explains and Carla takes my hand again, hanging off her every word. "They're going to keep an eye on him there, because of his early birth and any health conditions that could arise."

"I want him." Carla whispers, quietly. "I want to see him, this isn't fair."

"You can see him really soon." She tries to reason with her.

"No, I want to see him now!" She demands and I close my eyes, trying to absorb the information. "He's my baby. Mine. Not yours."

"Carla, he's in there so we can take care of him." She tries to be gentle.

"I can take care of him." She snaps. "I'm his mum."

"I'm going to get you cleaned up, I need to run some tests." She tells her. "To check you're ok."

"Well I'm not ok!" She yells, releasing my hand and I try to quieten her. She forces herself upwards and I gently take her arm, turning her to face me before she can.

"Carla, Carla look at me. Please." I beg her and she reluctantly does so, her eyes wide with panic and worry. "He's in the best place. They're going to make sure he's ok."

"I want to hold him." She pleads with me and I bite down on my lip, releasing the taste of salty blood into my mouth.

"I know you do sweetheart, and you will." I reassure her. "Let them sort you out first, please. You've just given birth, you can't just expect to get up and run off."

"Nick, I thought he was..." She begins to shout before trailing off. "I thought it had happened again."

"He was in a critical condition." The midwife explains. "The pressure in your womb had affected his lungs, but we have got him breathing again, and we're doing our very best to take care of him. I promise you."

"Why did I get in that car?" She mutters, staring down at the bedsheets in disbelief. "Why, why did I do it?"

"Carla that's not your fault." I assure her. "I swear to God if I ever see Tracy Barlow again I will kill her."

"Can you lie back for me, please." The midwife asks Carla and she does so, too tired to argue any further. "It's not necessarily the impact of the crash that caused you to go into early labour. It could be a number of things."

"What? Like the fact I'm too past it to have a healthy baby?" Carla puts words into her mouth. "Or because I'm just too weak?"

"Carla, stop that now." I say, firmly and for the first time in what seems like forever, she meets my gaze. "You are not weak. You've just proved that."

"I hate this." She suddenly cries again, covering her face with her hands. "I hate the fact he's so far away and I can't see him. Please, you've got to do something." She looks at the midwife desperately. "Please, I've lost two daughters, I need to know he's ok. I'm begging you to let me see him. Please."

"Ok." The midwife sighs and I stop breathing for a second at the thought. "Ok, just give me two minutes."

 **Carla**

I can't stop myself from shaking as we approach the dimly lit room. Nick was closely behind me, following me through as I come to face a bright light. I wince, closing my eyes momentarily and forcing myself forwards, shadowing the midwife in front of me, who points to a singular incubator before walking off. I hesitate, freezing where I was stood, before pushing forwards, aching so much as I did so.

"Oh..." A hand flies over my mouth as I reach the cot. My heart stops beating and I forget to breathe. That was my baby, so tiny, so innocent, so real. I can hear Nick crying behind me, as his arms fasten around my waist and I can't stop myself from shaking. I just stare, unable to blink, unable to take in and process the sight in front of me. "I can't do this..." I turn around, as Nick's arms wrap around me and I cry into his chest. "This isn't happening. This isn't real."

"Hey." Nick's voice is so weak and I force myself to look up at him as he takes my hand, leading me forwards. "That's our baby... Hey, that's him."

"He's so tiny, Nick." I whimper quietly, my eyes fixated on his fragile frame. "Why didn't he feel that tiny when he was inside of me?"

"Shh." Nick manages to laugh slightly into my hair not letting me go as he holds his arms around me. "Carla, he's beautiful. Look what you've done; you've brought our baby into the world. Aren't you proud of yourself?"

"I don't want him to be alone." I reach out a hand, slipping it through the hole in the side and gasping as my fingers brush against his skin. Tears immediately burn in my eyes and I get an overwhelming sensation washing over me. It was suddenly so real. I could see him. I could feel him. I am silently sobbing as my finger guides its way to his hand, his tiny fingers, tiny everything. "I'm so sorry... I didn't keep you safe... I tried."

"Carla, he's gonna pull through this." Nick swallows, but neither of us can remove our eyes from how vulnerable he looked, wrapped up in a blanket, eyes closed. I watch the rise and fall of his chest, it was so soft, so desperate. I had never felt this much pain. It felt so similar to when I had first seen Lauren, except I had been allowed to hold her. The best I could do here was hold his hand, so desperate to wrap him in my arms and keep him warm. I should have listened to myself a long time ago. I was cruel, for doing this to Alfie, to Lauren, to my first baby girl. I loved them so much and yet it wasn't enough. He was clinging on to hope and it broke my heart. It physically ached inside of me.

"It hurts." I whisper, as Nick reaches to put his hand over mine, a quiet gasp emitting his lips as he feels the tiny fingers that rest between mine. "I hurt everywhere... That's so selfish. Why am I so selfish?" I am begging for Nick to say something, but he couldn't. He was literally lost for words, staring at his son, in pure amazement and desperation. "Why has it come to this? Why?"

"Because maybe we're the strongest parents." He finally manages to say and I close my eyes as he says it. "So maybe we face the hardest challenges."

"I don't want the hardest challenges." I cry leaning my forehead against the glass. "I just want him to be safe. I'd die, Nick. I'd die for him to be ok."

"I know, I know." He puts a hand on my back, kissing my head. "So would I... But we're here and he's here. So we've got to be strong for him. Ok?"

"I can't be strong." I turn my head to face him, seeing how sore his eyes look from crying. There were absolutely no barriers left at this point in time, nothing standing between us. We were totally and completely broken with one another and we didn't even care. "I'm so tired of being strong..."

"Come here." He pulls me into him, as I gently let go of Alfie's hand and allow myself to cry into his chest. Even though the tears were so dry and my emotion was completely drained. My throat ached, my legs were weak, my whole body was completely exhausted. I let him hold me, because he was the only person I could totally depend on. He was the only person who understood me, understood this, and I had given into that a long time ago.

 **Nick**

I stare into space, unable to even contemplate the idea of sleeping. My eyes dart to Carla's sleeping frame, head lolled slightly to the side. She was completely exhausted, as soon as we had returned to the ward hours ago, she had fallen straight to sleep, trying to resist and failing.

I raise a hand to smooth her hair back, the other one hasn't left hers for the duration of her rest. There is a soft knock at the door, and I turn my head wearily to see Michelle, hesitantly waiting in the doorway.

"Is it a bad time?" She whispers. She clearly hadn't got any sleep either, I was surprised they had let her in at seven in the morning.

"When's a good time?" I shrug and she manages a weak smile, closing the door and coming to sit down next to me.

"How's she doing?" Her eyes dart momentarily to Carla, observing the bruises on her face and arms. She looked like she had been beaten up, and yet Tracy had once again got away unscathed.

"I think she's just drained." I reply, not removing my eyes from her face. "They gave her a blood transfusion before the birth... I told her she shouldn't have done it, I don't know how she managed it Michelle. She was completely exhausted the whole way through. I thought she would give up at one point, she just had no energy left."

"...And how is he?" She dares to ask, and I swallow, just shrugging my shoulders. "Nick I'm so sorry."

"They've both got to fight to pull through this." I tell her and she nods understandingly. "They're both so weak, how do I be strong?"

"You know you've got people around you, so many people who are here for you." She reminds me, gently. "So if you want to cry, you can as well. You know?"

"I've done enough crying." I murmur. "I've got nothing left."

"When did you last sleep?" She asks and I try to remember myself.

"Before everything went wrong." I respond, moving my head to face her. "You don't look like you got much yourself."

"Well how could I?" She replies, and I can see how tired her eyes are, the look probably reflecting in mine.

"I'm sorry about Robert." I remember and she shakes her head, looking down into her lap.

"That's not important right now." She says, fiddling with her necklace. "What's important is she pulls through this... And I don't just mean the injuries... You know what's going to happen, don't you? You know what she does when she blames herself?"

"Too well." I grit my teeth, grazing my thumb over the back of Carla's hand. "I'm praying that maybe she won't."

"Have they given you any idea of what's going on?" Michelle questions. "I mean, with him."

"Alfie." I inform her, and she smiles.

"That's a lovely name." She tells me, glancing back at Carla.

"My head's mashed." I sigh. "But he's got some breathing complications... I mean it could be a result of the crash or because his lungs weren't fully developed... We uh, we're seeing somebody about it all later on. After she's slept... But I think we're looking at weeks of treatment. He was so tiny, I don't like him being alone down there but... There's nothing I can do now is there? I tried. For months I tried to do everything I could, give her anything she needed. And him. I held her while she cried, I rubbed her tummy, her back, ran her baths, bought her anything she wanted to eat, played with her hair while she fell asleep. I painted the nursery, fitted the furniture, sorted the garden. I researched every single day to make sure everything was perfect and she had the easiest pregnancy possible. So she was in the least pain she could be... And where did it end up? I can't do anything right."

"Nick... You did everything right." She reassures me. "Trust me. You've been absolutely perfect and she knows that. She is so, so grateful. Honestly, I've grown up with her, all our lives and you're the best thing that's ever happened to her."

"Except I couldn't keep her safe. Again." I swallow and she sighs, moving her head to rest on my shoulder. "...She's going to hit self-destruct. She's going to push us all away. She's going to hate herself. All over again. Well bring it on, because I'm not going anywhere. Not ever."

* * *

 _ **Sorry for the delayed update, I've been trapped because of the snow and couldn't get home! Hope this chapter was alright, a lot more drama to come x**_


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46:**

 **Nick**

"Hey." I whisper, as Carla begins to stir and her breathing suddenly becomes rapid as she adjusts to her surroundings, a hand flying down to her tummy. "Hey, Carla it's ok."

"Oh God... Where is he?" She panics, sitting bolt upright. She was clearly dazed because of the medication and gas and air she had been under early this morning.

"Hey, he's ok." I try to reassure her, tilting her head to face me. "Carla look at me please, calm down."

"I need to see him." She tries to get out of bed and I gently press a hand to her chest. "Get off me."

"Carla!" I exclaim, as she climbs out of bed, her nightdress falling around her. "Carla, just stop for a minute please. Just breathe."

"I can't... I don't." She finally looks at me, pure confusion in her expression. "What's... Please."

"Baby you're not making any sense." I gently put a hand on her arm, daring myself to try and pull her back to bed. She remains frozen, looking down at her stomach and placing a hand on it. "Do you remember what happened?"

"Yes I'm not stupid." She suddenly snaps, I knew this was just the beginning. I was going to have to grow a thick skin to withstand everything thrown at me over these next few weeks. "Where's Tracy?"

"Tracy?" I frown, and she throws her head around the room.

"I'm going to kill her." She warns me, in a scarily serious tone and I exhale, trying to gather my thoughts. "I want to kill her."

"Carla-" I begin, as she picks up the glass of water from beside her bed, throwing it sharply at the wall. I hear a loud smash, turning to where the clear liquid was splashed against the off-white paint, shards of glass falling at the foot of it. "You need to calm down."

"No!" She shouts, pulling away from me and pushing the door to the room open. I run after her, noticing Johnny, Kate and Aidan sat in the waiting room. They look up abruptly at the sound of Carla's outburst, Johnny's face filling with worry as he stands up. Carla pauses, turning to face them, her chest rising and falling violently as she clenches the fist by her side. "What are you all doing here?" She demands, attracting the attention of everybody else in the waiting room. "Staring at me. Get lost."

"Carla..." Johnny trails off, holding out a hand to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Don't touch me." She hits his hand away and I close my eyes momentarily before gently placing my hands on her shoulders and trying to guide her back to the room. "I said don't touch me!" She yells as a nurse approaches us.

"What's going on?" A nurse looks at Carla worriedly, clearly aware of the situation.

"All these babies crying." Carla covers her ears suddenly, and it's only then that I even pick up on it. "Make it stop."

"Mrs Tilsley, please could you return to your room." A nurse asks, as her hands slip away from her ears and her gaze moves to her, bewildered. She was so drugged up, she didn't realise what was going on. I could tell this now in her eyes.

"Right." I walk around her, gently placing my hands on her shoulders, her hair was bedraggled and her pupils were completely zoned out. "Back to bed. Now."

"I don't..." A flicker of realisation shows in her eyes, as if she's only just properly realised who I am. "Nick." She raises a hand to my cheek and I nod, staring back at her. "It's all blurry."

"Ok, ok come on." I take her hand, leading her back towards the room and looking back over my shoulder, meeting the gazes of her family apologetically. "Hey, right." I lift her back into the bed, as two nurses enter, clearly having been informed of the uproar. "Just take some time to think."

"Mrs Tilsley?" One nurse voices and I sigh, turning my head to look at them.

"Can you just give us five minutes?" I ask and they exchange glances with one another. "Please, a moment, and then I'll come and get you. I won't let her get up again."

"Ok." She nods, as they both leave the room and Carla watches them go, fear now in her eyes as she looks at me.

"Nick he's not ok." She shakes her head, panicking again. "What's happened?"

"He's fine." I assure her, holding her hand. "Carla, listen to me. Just listen, please. Alfie is ok."

"No." She stresses, pointing to the smashed glass on the floor and suddenly calming. "...I broke it."

"You're not thinking straight." I stupidly tell her, as if she wasn't confused enough. "Just listen, everything is ok. Alright? You were in an accident."

"I know that." She slips back into reality again momentarily. I noticed she kept zoning in and out, which was making this whole situation more difficult. "I know. I was in the van, with Tracy, and I looked out of the windscreen." She narrows her eyes in thought. "And then it all went black."

"And then you were brought here, and induced." I try to remind her, not knowing what parts she remembered. "And you gave birth at two fifty five this morning."

"Oh Nick I remember giving birth." She suddenly laughs, but I don't smile, I just stare at her. This was worse than when her hormones messed with my head, never knowing what was coming next. It was similar but on a completely different level. "Like I'd forget that."

"Ok, so do you remember seeing him?" I phrase gently and she turns her head to look at me, her face relaxing when she sees my expression and she nods, slowly.

"I didn't tell him how much I loved him." She suddenly starts to cry and my mouth opens momentarily, before I close it again. "He doesn't know."

"Carla, he does." I assure her, putting a hand around her shoulders and climbing into bed next to her as she shifts up slightly, lying in my chest. "He does, he knows."

"...I don't think you're supposed to do this in hospitals." She randomly changes the subject and I find myself blinking to check if this was real. I was in that stage of no sleep where I was beginning to lack the ability to disengage dreaming from reality and this wasn't helping in the slightest.

"I don't think they'll mind." I answer, kissing her hair and we sit in silence for a moment.

"Nick..." She finally whispers and I look at her, observing that she seemed more with it now. "I'm so sorry."

"I hate that word." I raise my eyebrows at her and she smiles slightly. "This is going to be a rollercoaster, isn't it?"

"You like rollercoasters." She reminds me, and I don't tell her that it wasn't quite the rollercoaster I wanted to ride. "...You're dreading this."

"Carla, no I'm not." I sigh, massaging her scalp briefly. I pull a brush from the bag Michelle had dropped off, beginning to gently brush through her hair, letting it fall through my fingers. "Tell me if I'm hurting you."

"You, hurting me, like that could happen." She mutters and it makes my tummy flutter slightly, brushing the hair out of her face. "I think you should go and work in your brother's salon."

"Well if it all fails with the Bistro, maybe I will." I reply and she bites her lip slightly at the thought, not dwelling on the subject.

"Do I look a mess?" She guesses, from my gesture and I tilt her chin so her eyes met mine.

"No of course not." I smile, kissing her gently. "But you have just given birth, and been in a car accident. I don't think you're up for the catwalk right now."

"I'm embarrassing." She dips her head into her hands and I continue to brush through her hair, trying to work through the knots that had formed over the course of twenty four hours. "I've just made such a show of myself."

"Well you're on tonnes of medication." I remind her, as she looks back at me, her eyes softening at my care. "Nobody is going to blame you."

"I blame myself." She swallows. "For everything."

"I know you do." I respond. "But Carla this is not your fault. No matter how many times I say that you won't believe me."

"I got in the van." She points out.

"Yes, but did you crash it?" I prompt her, running my fingers through her freshly brushed hair and putting the hairbrush back on the side.

"No." She shakes her head. "But I was arguing with Tracy... About Michelle... I need to tell you."

"I already know." I tell her, kissing the top of her head. "Michelle told me."

"It's not really a very big priority right now." She looks down into her lap.

"No, it's not." I agree, linking my fingers with hers. "The priority, is making sure you are ok, and Alfie. That's all I care about."

"When can I see him again?" She whispers, and I move a lock of hair behind her ear. "I don't like him being alone."

"He's not alone, sweetheart." I reassure her. "He's got nurses looking after him. They're doing everything possible."

"Nick what if he doesn't survive?" The words slip out of her mouth. "This is so wrong, he should be with us now. Sleeping there." She points to the corner of the room. "Where that broken glass is... But he's not, because everything is broken, isn't it?"

"No." I nudge her. "Because we've got each other, and he's going to pull through this. He's strong, remember? Every scan we've been to, he's had one of the strongest heartbeats, they've told us that."

"I can't lose him." She shakes her head and I close my eyes. "I need him."

"Hey, we've got this consultation this morning." I remind her gently. "And then afterwards, I'll ask if we can see him again. Ok?"

"We shouldn't have to ask, he's our son." She mumbles. "Ours, not theirs. Why do they think they can just take him away? I grew him inside of me, I gave birth to him. Then some random strangers just carry him off. I didn't even hold him... He doesn't even know who I am. It hurts... This is killing me."

 **Carla**

"So we've performed some examinations, on both you and your baby." Doctor Barnes informs us, as I sit cross legged on the bed. "The good news is that you had an early developing pregnancy by the looks of the results."

"What does that mean?" I frown. "That doesn't sound good."

"It means that because your baby was progressing faster than usual, you'd have probably gone into labour earlier anyway." He explains and Nick nudges me.

"Hey, I told you that." He smiles and I stare at him, hating the fact he seemed so positive.

"Yeah well you couldn't tell me about this, could you?" I snap, and he immediately looks hurt. I felt so guilty all of a sudden, but I turn my head back to face the consultant all the same. "Carry on."

"Luckily, his lungs are strong." He continues. "We thought perhaps the cause of the difficulties may be because they weren't fully developed, which ultimately could have caused lifelong issues. But it seems the cause for the respiratory problems are due to the trauma suffered in collision, and the shock as a result of that. Therefore, you did the right thing coming to be decision of having an induction."

"Oh good." I nod, sarcastically. "Do we get a medal for that?"

"Carla." Nick warns me and I refrain from shouting at him. "Stop it."

"His bilirubin levels were also measured at 4.4, which means he's in the safe zone for now." He informs us and I roll my eyes.

"Yeah you're gonna need to explain this." I demand. "I don't understand your language."

"Carla stop being so rude." Nick orders and I glare at him.

"Stop telling me what I should or shouldn't do." I return and he squeezes his eyes shut, forcing himself not to retaliate with anything.

"Sorry, a case of jaundice can often develop in premature babies." He explains, apologetically. "It's based on the levels of bilirubin in the body, but for your son, it all seems ok so far."

"Well that's all sounds positive?" I check. "...So why does he have to be in that tank thing?"

"We need to continue to monitor him." He tells us. "This stage is absolutely crucial, he hasn't developed the levels of immunity that babies born at full term would have, and therefore he could be more susceptible to infections and viruses. As a result, at this point it wouldn't be safe to take him out of his current environment, as his immune system wouldn't be capable of fighting it off. Alongside this, we need to keep an eye on his kidneys, and his breathing isn't as it should be so we need to make sure it's regulated before we can make any decisions."

"Why, what's wrong with his kidneys?" Nick stresses.

"Nothing for the moment but we need to monitor them to ensure that they are working as they should." He reassures us. "They usually develop quickly after birth but managing the balance of liquids and wastes can be a struggle, especially in premature babies."

"...When can I see him again?" I whisper and he finally looks me in the eye for the first time, noticing how broke I was.

"Whenever you like. But for now you should be resting-" He begins and I ignore him, climbing out of bed, without even a second glance at Nick and slipping my feet into a pair of slippers, I guide my way towards the door. I am faced with an audience of people when I emerge; Johnny, Kate, Aidan, Bethany, Gail, Audrey, David, Sarah... I stop to stare at them all, wondering why they had dropped work to come and sit in a waiting room to wait for a bunch of unanswered questions. I just wanted Michelle or Roy, and they were the two people who weren't even here.

"Carla..." Kate stands up and I avoid her gaze, staring at the floor. I felt as if I had let them all down, especially Gail. I didn't deserve their pity, I wanted them all to leave. But through appreciation of their consistency, I remain saying nothing. "How are you feeling?"

"Excellent." I nod, sarcastically.

"Ok, stupid question." She mumbles.

"Yeah, it was." I snap, unnecessarily and I see her face fall. She was so sweet and innocent, I had just hurt her. Like I hurt everybody else.

"Carla?" I hear a familiar voice at the door and turn to see Michelle, freezing when our gazes meet and I walk towards her, picking up my pace as she holds her arms out to me. I fall into them, allowing her to hold me, stroke her fingers through my hair. She quietly lets out a soothing noise, kissing the side of my head as I cry into her shoulder, not even caring that everybody could see me. I was enough of a mess already. Why bother? Why even pretend to be strong? "Hey, it's ok darling. Shh." I continue to let her rock me until my tears have dried, and I finally move away, glancing around to notice Nick was sat with his family, staring at me sympathetically. I hated that sympathetic look. I hated it from all of them. They were looking at me as if I was some mad child. I felt as if I should be sectioned so I didn't do the next thing I would regret because my head was completely screwed and I couldn't think straight. I couldn't even remember who I was for a moment. Something was fucking with my head and I didn't know if it was the medication, the exhaustion or the sheer overload of emotion. Probably a mix of all three.

"Stop looking at me like that." I shout at Nick and he closes his eyes, as Gail puts her arm around him.

"Carla, this is uncalled for." She warns me and that makes me freeze, stuck in a debate of whether to run away or smash the whole room up or reach out to Nick and apologise. "He has done nothing but support you-"

"Mum, shut up." Nick stops her, standing up and going to lean against the wall. I watch him, my eyes fixated so carefully, as he meets my gaze, waiting for what I would do next. He wasn't even stopping me. He was letting me make a show of myself because I couldn't contain anything. I felt drunk. The whole room was zoning in and out of focus. All day I had been skipping back to reality and sinking into some kind of hallucination and it was making me feel sick. I see a flicker of concern show in Nick's eyes as he studies me, immediately racing towards me and getting there just in time as my legs give way. My eyes flutter closed and I feel so light all of a sudden. I could hear familiar voices but couldn't pin them to names. I was dreaming. I had to be dreaming. I wasn't even aware of whether I was conscious or not. Everything was spinning despite not being able to see. My head was pounding, a sharp pain pulsating through it. My stomach felt queasy, my eyelids felt heavy. I was in the air, I begin to realise. My feet weren't on the floor. They felt cold. My slippers had fallen off. My body felt so numb, being carried forwards, I couldn't move my fingers. Maybe this was death. Except my life was stuck frozen in time instead of playing out ahead of me. Seven seconds to summarise my life, that would be a challenge.

There is a sharp pain in my hand all of a sudden and I feel myself jolt forwards, my body declining onto something familiar. The pair of arms move from beneath me, I feel my mouth open involuntarily, a long sigh escaping it as pale, icy blue lights flicker above me. I was falling. I was falling down and down and down.

My body ripples all of a sudden and a shot of fear pulsates through me as my eyes snap open. The room was a blur for a moment. White. Everything so white. I try to remind myself to breathe, despite my lungs aching. I manage a shallow breath in and out, before it becomes more regulated and the room comes back into focus. There was a crack in the ceiling. They needed to get that fixed. A long thin crack, measuring along the width of the...

"Carla?" My fingers regain feeling suddenly as a warmth encases them, the most familiar voice calling my name. My head automatically rolls over in that direction, and if it hadn't been for the positioning of my body, it would have carried me forwards to roll off the bed altogether. I stare into Nick's eyes. He looked terrified. I had scared him. What had happened? "Flaming hell, you do like to scare me."

"...What..." I swallow, unable to move my gaze from his because my head was now stuck, too tired to move it elsewhere.

"You just fainted, babe." He tells me and I blink, trying to piece together whatever the hell just happened. My gaze darts to my hand, shock written into my expression as I notice a drip that was now linked up to me. The sharp pain comes flowing back and I close my eyes as I remember, my stomach churning nostalgically at the thought. "What is this medication doing to you?"

"I... Don't know..." I stammer, weakly, opening my eyes again. "Medi... Don't think I... Nappies."

"What?" Nick frowns, completely confused at what I was wittering on about.

"Nappies..." I repeat, my grip on his hand tightening. "We need to buy nappies."

"Ok." He laughs slightly, leaning forwards to kiss me on the forehead. He raises a hand to it, before moving it down to my cheek, checking my temperature. I already knew I was hot and yet my feet were freezing cold. "I'll buy some. Ok?"

"Ok." I reply, my gaze relaxing at the thought. Nick would sort it. He always sorted it. "I'm not hungry."

"Mm." He smiles, seeming quite amused considering how concerned he was two minutes ago. "That's fine too."

"Fine." I murmur, narrowing my eyes slightly at the thought. "Feeling insecure... Numb..."

"And empty." He finishes for me and I stare back at him, letting out a low hum at his recognition. "I think that's a good phrase to sum up how we're both feeling right now."

"Kate." I remember, still too exhausted to bother saying full sentences. But luckily he knew exactly what I was referring to every time.

"Don't worry about it." He reassures me and I feel his fingers in my hair, brushing it back gently. A wave of nausea washes over me and I sit bolt upright, throwing up onto the floor beside me, as Nick swiftly moves his chair back, staring at me in disbelief. He pulls my hair back as I throw up again, suddenly crying at its impact on the solid floor beneath me. I felt like complete shit. "Ok." He says soothingly, rubbing my back and I momentarily think I'm pregnant again at the motion. "Talk about unpredictable."

"I don't like this." I cry, dragging a hand across my cheeks and he swallows worriedly as he watches me, taking a tissue from the side and offering it to me before pressing the red button on the wall. It made that horrible buzzing noise that reminded me of when he pressed it hours ago, when I told him I needed to push. It seemed like a lifetime, everything felt like a blur. A nurse enters, observing the scene in front of her and nodding without even needing an explanation. "Lie back."

"What's going on?" I allow him to reposition me, trusting him completely because there was no way I was trusting myself. I had never felt so embarrassed in my life, I was a total invalid, nothing made sense.

"It's a mixture of things." The nurse answers the question I didn't even intend to ask. "The medication you're on for the pain and the sedation from earlier this morning is all having an impact, alongside mixing with your Misoprostol, which was used to induce your labour. Plus the fatigue and lack of sleep. And you'll still be in shock from the accident, and everything else that has happened since."

"Yeah that all makes sense." I mutter, intending for it to sound sarcastic but it comes out in more of a confused mumble.

"It's normal, don't worry." She assures me. "But you walking the corridors isn't helping matters. You need to rest."

"I need my baby." I stare up at the ceiling, hearing the sound of my fluids being cleaned up from next to me, past the point of embarrassment now. "I want him."

"I don't think now is a good time." She sighs, and I roll my head to look at Nick.

"Now isn't a a good time." I repeat and he smiles, weakly, shaking his head. "...Has Michelle seen him?"

"Nobody has seen him apart from you and me." Nick reassures me, finding my hand again.

"I want to say sorry." I move my head to the door, trying to sit up and he gently pushes me back down again. "Your mum hates me."

"No she doesn't." Nick replies, soothingly. "Of course she doesn't."

"She said I was uncalled for." I remember. "Wouldn't argue with her there."

"She's just being protective." He tells me, softly rubbing his finger up and down the bridge of my nose and it calms me, my eyes fluttering shut briefly before opening again.

"My mam isn't very protective." I murmur, focusing on his touch as my eyelids feel heavy. "Rob doesn't know I have a baby, does he?"

"No sweetheart." Nick allows me to babble on, saying whatever pops into my head.

"I like you." I murmur, waves of sleep overcoming me and I can hear his soft chuckle, which plants a small smile on my lips.

"That's good." He whispers, knowing that the motion of his finger on my forehead was making me tired. He wanted me to fall asleep and I wanted to give in to him. "I like you too. A lot."

"Good." I mumble as I begin to feel sleep tug me under.

 **Nick**

I put my phone down after messaging everybody I had needed to. Distant relatives and friends of both me and Carla, or mainly me. The nurse that had been coming in and out repetitively, faffing with nothing to try and act busy, finally leaves again and I pick up the files on the side table that I had recently been given. I was so far past tired that I knew I wouldn't sleep. I was actually beginning to wonder if I would ever sleep again. But as long as Carla was resting, that was all that mattered.

I open the flap to the file, hoping Carla wouldn't mind if I got a head start on some of the paperwork. The first thing I pull out is a birth certificate. I hardly even remembered registering the birth earlier this morning, but everything was a complete mess and I couldn't quite believe that this time yesterday I had been sat in the Bistro trying to persuade Carla to drink a hot chocolate. It made me feel sick to even try and run over the events of the past twenty four hours, everything was blurry. I drain the cup of coffee and adjust my eyes to read the paper in front of me.

 _ **Birth Certificate**_

 _ **This certifies that**_

 _Alfie Royston Tilsley_

 _ **Sex**_

 _Male_

 _ **Was born to**_

 _Carla Tilsley and Nicholas Paul Tilsley_

 _ **On**_

 _29th April 2018_

 _ **At**_

 _02.55am_

 _ **Weight**_

 _3lbs 7ounces_

 _ **Location**_

 _Weatherfield General Hospital_

 _ **City**_

 _Manchester_

 _ **Signed**_

 _C. Tilsley_

 _(Mother)_

 _N. Tilsley_

 _(Father)_

I hardly even remembered signing this. It brought all the memories back of when I first looked at Lauren's certificate. I scan it over once more before laying it on the table and pulling out a red book with the words 'My Baby's Health Records' on the front. I flick through it momentarily, my eyes taking in various dotted lines and check boxes. There was so much more to this than we had even thought about, and stressing about it all was something I really didn't need to do now. I put it down, drawing out some leaflets on medical conditions and premature birth, closing my eyes momentarily before giving up and loading them all back into the file. I couldn't even read, the words just floated in front of me in a messed up jumble.

"Do you remember the first time I ever kissed you?" I suddenly jump at the sound of Carla's voice, my head turning to where she was staring at me from the bed. "In the Bistro?"

"Jesus, Carla!" I exclaim, softly, trying to steady my heartbeat. I gaze at her for a moment and see she looks apologetic at her random questioning, causing me to sigh. "How are you feeling?"

"Do you remember?" She murmurs, reaching out her hand and finding mine, watching them connect in the air and gazing at them for a moment.

"After wine tasting?" I give in to her, allowing her random thoughts to fill my head once again.

"No, that wasn't a proper kiss." She smiles; she was actually smiling, finally. "I mean... That kiss."

"Oh right ok." I nod in recognition. "The one where you went all awkward after and ran off?"

"I didn't run off..." She hums slightly, meeting my gaze again. "I felt embarrassed because I was so..."

"So what?" I whisper, my eyes fixated on hers.

"...I remember looking into your eyes, just before it happened, and you'd just made me laugh. You'd made me laugh at a point where I couldn't even smile." She tells me, staring at me so intently. "You actually cared. Despite everything, you really cared about me."

"Always have." I shrug, and she swallows.

"...And I was so desperate to kiss you, to feel a soft kiss, from somebody who actually gave a damn about me." She admits and I hesitate before leaning forwards, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "Mm..."

"Some things don't change." I smile, moving back and she gazes at me lovingly. "And for the record, I was desperate to kiss you too."

"You pulled away." She reminds me. "Because you knew it was wrong."

"No, because I didn't want to take advantage." I correct her and she sighs gently. "When you were so vulnerable, I wanted it to be special..."

"You didn't even know we'd get together then." She points out.

"I did." I respond and there is a comfortable silence as she smiles back at me, her eyes darting to where our hands were playing with each other absentmindedly.

"Well... If you think a drunken kiss in the street is special." She mutters to herself and I laugh, nudging her ever so gently.

"Yes but if you thought I could resist you a second time, you were wrong." I assure her.

"Evidently." She replies, looking back at me and trying to hold back the flirtatious laughter I knew was brewing inside of her. She actually looked happy, as if she had forgotten all the bad stuff, the family still sat outside waiting for some kind of verdict.

"Do you want to eat something?" I offer and she shakes her head. "You haven't eaten for ages Carla."

"I'm not hungry." She tells me, adjusting her position and rubbing her eyes. "...I feel so empty."

"That'll be because you haven't eaten." I prompt her.

"No it'll be because I gave birth to my son two months early." She suddenly snaps and I stare at her in amazement, wondering how she could flip between moods so quickly. "Sorry... Sorry."

I am about to reply with some standard comment about how she shouldn't apologise, before the door opens and I see Roy peer around it. Carla immediately looks pleased at his appearance, and I smile at him appreciatively.

"I do hope I am not interrupting anything." Roy glances between the pair of us and I stand up. "Only, I did suffer a rather excessive journey from Sylvia's as soon as I heard the news."

"Oh Roy, you shouldn't have come back on my account." Carla sighs and I place a hand on her head, stroking it down the back of her hair briefly before planting a kiss on top.

"I'll leave you two to it." I decide, and Carla stares at me longingly for a moment. She was clearly apologetic about her outburst, not that she needed to be, she knew that right now I would forgive absolutely anything. "I'll be outside if you need me babe."

"Ok, thank you." Carla replies, watching as I close the door behind me.

 **Carla**

"I do apologise for not making an appearance sooner." Roy finally says after a long silence and a wave of nostalgia washes over me. This had happened before, only in less fortunate circumstances. "I was most upset the hear the news... I think it could be debated that your life is somewhat of a whirlwind."

"I don't think there's much of a debate there." I smile slightly, turning my head to face him. "I've never been so scared... Roy."

"At least you can say you have got Nick. Michelle and I." He adds and I reach out to hold his hand, which he doesn't even shuffle awkwardly at. "My fear is that you will return to that unhealthy lifestyle."

"Yeah that's my fear too." I nod, hesitating. "But I've got a son now so..."

"Does he have a name?" He asks and I meet his gaze, staring at him for a moment.

"Alfie Royston Tilsley." I reply and I watch the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly, lost for words at my gesture. "It's on his birth certificate and all... I hope you don't mind."

"Mind?" He repeats, as if trying to work out if I was joking. "It is an honour. I think that without a doubt, you are one of the kindest people I know, with the kindest heart."

"I think you'd be in the minority there." The words slip out of my mouth and we both get flashbacks of my first miscarriage, I can tell in his eyes; the reflection of memories. "Nick's been amazing. I can't even explain how amazing... I keep throwing it back in his face."

"You will, it's what you do." Roy nods, knowingly and I don't know whether to feel offended or not. "But he also loves you, devotedly, and so I do believe anything you say or do, it won't destroy what you have... Not that I am encouraging it."

"Roy..." I pause, swallowing hard. "Everything was so perfect yesterday... How does that get taken away so easily?"

"Life is cruel." He responds. "I think we have both learnt that lesson the hard way. But you now have a baby boy... Hayley would be over the moon at the news. She always did say, she could see you being a mother, even if you couldn't yourself."

"I'm not doing a very good job." I try to force back tears, failing as they slide down my cheeks. He passes me a silk handkerchief from his pocket and I stare down at it. I didn't even need to ask who's it was, I just clutch it in my hand, clinging onto any memories I had of Hayley. How supportive she would have been. How she would have sat there whilst I cried, the way Roy was now. How she would have bought Alfie so many presents and I'd have told her to stop, but she wouldn't have. She would have spoilt him rotten, all three of them.

"I stand by this, and I always will do." His tone is so gentle and meaningful. I know exactly what words are about to leave his mouth and it makes me cry more, that somebody actually believed in me. "You would have made, and you will make, an excellent mother."

 **Nick**

I sit myself down in the chair next to the cot. Except it didn't seem like a cot, it seemed very mechanical and clinical and cold. I glance at the few nurses who were tending to other things around the room. They made me feel uneasy, as if I was a prisoner and couldn't be alone with my own son, having to be watched and accompanied at all times.

I bite down on my lip as I stare at him, eyes closed, the rise and fall of his chest so soft but real. I loved him more than I had ever imagined, and yet he didn't have a clue who I was.

"Hey." I nervously hold a hand out, sliding it in through the hole in the glass and wrapping my index finger around his hand. "You're so tiny... You won't be one day when we've fed you up... Although with mummy's cooking that might be difficult. She's getting better though, although I do exaggerate sometimes but that's because I love her... She grew you, she took so much care of you." I swallow, gently grazing my thumb against his hand. "She was amazing, always putting you first, even down to the last few minutes. I've never known somebody so incredible... You're very lucky, you know, to have a mum like her. We both love you so much... And we're going to make sure you pull through this." My eyes glaze over and I don't know why I'm forcing back tears. I was alone, except for the medical team who weren't even batting an eyelid at me. Now was the time I could cry, except I still felt like I needed to be strong. "You have brought so much joy into our lives, so much love. We're going to be a family, I can't give up on that now." I pause, taking in everything about him, imagining the future. "So here's the deal; you're going to keep getting stronger, Carla's going to get better, and then we've got our whole lives ahead of us. Hey, we can go to the beach, have a picnic whilst you make sandcastles. Mind you, I think it'll take some convincing to get mummy to come but she used to go to the beach in Devon all the time. I'm sure we can sway her anyway... And we can go to the park, I'll push you on the swings, feed the ducks, play football when you're a little older. I'll take you and Harry to all the matches, tell uncle David he can come and all. I tell you what though, I'm not surprised you want to stay in there if it means keeping out of your grandma's way. She's going to smother you in kisses, not to worry you or anything..." I manage a small laugh as tears start streaming down my face. "Everything's going to be ok. We're a family, and family stick together. You're going to pull through this... And then everything is going to be so perfect. I promise you."

I burst into tears and jump slightly as I feel a pair of arms around my neck, pulling me into their embrace. I smell Carla's familiar scent and immediately relax as I feel her plant a kiss into her forehead. I stupidly continue to cry into her, absolutely shattered and confused and broken. I wanted to be strong so badly but it felt good to be weak, and I was selfish enough to give into that. I feel her hand rubbing the top of my back as she stands, swaying me gently, soothing me.

"I don't want to be upset." I hate myself for releasing, as her fingers work their way through my hair.

"You have every right to be." She whispers, finally leaning down so her forehead was tilted against mine. "Stop trying to be strong for me."

"But you've been through so much." I shake my head and she smiles, linking our fingers. "I don't want to have to depend on you."

"We depend on each other." She reminds me, closing her eyes as I close mine. "That's how we work, that's what makes us so amazing."

* * *

 _ **Hope you enjoyed, editing rights go to Soph ;) x**_


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47:**

 _ **A/N: I apologise for the delayed update! I've been busy with sorting the channel out, hyping over Carla's return, and personal things. Hope you enjoy this though x**_

 **Carla**

"Small pinch." The nurse tells me, as she weaves the needle into my arm.

"Oh please." I sigh, wincing slightly as I feel the prick. "It's nothing in comparison."

"You've got a lot of family." She tries to make conversation and I tilt my head back, so it rested against the pillows. "I met a few of them yesterday."

"Surprised you lived to tell the tale." I manage a joke and she smiles.

"Bethany, I think her name was." She recalls, allowing the blood to drain from my arm. "Very sweet girl. However I thought she was older than seventeen."

"Yeah that's Nick's niece. Right diva when you get to know her." I smile, as the door opens and I look up to see Nick.

"Bad time?" He looks at the needle in my arm and I shake my head, as the nurse withdraws it, sticking a cotton wool pad in place. "How are you feeling?"

"Mm." I just mumble in response, pushing myself up once the nurse has moved out of the way. He waits for her to go, before offering me a bag. "What's this?"

"Didn't imagine you'd eaten the breakfast here." He sits down gently on the edge of the bed, gently running his finger over the new bandage in the crevice of my arm. "Done your bloods then?"

"This smells good." I pull a bacon butty out of the bag, letting out a low hum in satisfaction.

"Feeling hungrier?" He brushes the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear and watching me as I take a bite out of it. "Did you get much sleep?"

"Ok which question do you want me to answer first?" I tease him and he rolls his eyes. "Yes, no. Did you get much sleep?"

"The bed was quite cold, but I got a few hours." He replies, moving his fingers forward to link with mine. "Couldn't stop thinking about you and Alfie. Have you been to see him this morning?"

"No, but I will be. When I've eaten this." I sigh, lowering it and staring into space. "See him. I want to hold him. I want to kiss him and breastfeed him... Does that sound stupid?"

"Hey, of course it doesn't." He whispers, his voice soft. "It's natural, you're a mum."

"...I actually am." I suddenly realise. The whole thing hadn't sunk in properly yet because everything had been so confusing and up in the air. "And you're a dad... We're parents... We've got a baby. Wow."

"Feel amazing?" He guesses and I look back at him, seeing how lovingly he was staring at me.

"As long as he's ok." I shrug and his hand tightens around mine slightly. "The nurse keeps banging on about this support group. I told her to do one."

"Is that why you've got a different nurse today?" He guesses and it makes me smile slightly. "Hey, there we go."

"I'm going to actually need to socialise with my family at some point..." I sigh, staring at the door. "They're not all still out there, are they?"

"Johnny and Aidan have had to go, said the factory needs tending to." Nick explains and I nod understandingly. "I said you'd rather them be saving your business than sat here anyway. It's only Kate out there really, and my mum."

"Lucky Kate." I mutter. "Oh why is she here the daft beggar? She should be at home with Rana."

"I could invite her in?" He offers and I contemplate the idea, sitting myself up on the cushions. "I'm sure she's desperate to see you."

"Don't know why." I groan, putting the sandwich bag down on the side. "I was horrible to her the other day."

"Right." He kisses me on the forehead. "Stop worrying about everything. She's your sister, she loves you."

"Yeah ok." I admit. "Tell her to come in."

"Yes your majesty." He jokes and I narrow my eyes as he disappears out of the door, reappearing with Kate a few moments later. "I'll leave you to it."

"Hey, I've been worried about you." Kate sits down next to me, studying the bruises on my face.

"Why are you not at home with your girlfriend?" I ask her, gently. "Or making drinks at the Bistro?"

"Because you're more important." She answers and I sigh, reaching out a hand which she squeezes gently.

"I was horrible to you." I swallow. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly." She manages a small laugh. "You're allowed to be on edge, besides, you were proper out of it."

"Mm." I smile, gazing at her adoringly. "How's Johnny and Aidan?"

"Fine yeah." She replies. "Except Johnny's climbing the walls wanting to know what's going on. It's all my grandson this, my grandson that."

"I bet." I laugh lightly. "Hey, you're an auntie now."

"I know, feels weird, but a good weird." She stares off into the corner of the room. "...So what have the doctors said about him?"

"That he's got some breathing difficulties, they need to monitor his heart rate and blood pressure." I try to recite. "But he's strong, despite everything."

"Well, that doesn't surprise me." She pauses, looking back at me. "He's got you as a mum."

"Kate I'm not strong." I admit to her and she shakes her head. "No really, I'm not."

"Well I thought you were that day you beat Megan Lewis up for stealing my sandwiches on the way back from school." She remembers and I giggle, recalling the time she was referring to. "You were the strongest person I knew growing up, practically my role models after mum died; you and Michelle."

"...Well then you had a pretty rubbish role model." I try to fight off the tears in my eyes. "Still, turned out ok didn't you?"

"Do you ever think about ten years time?" She ponders and I nod without hesitation. "Shouting at Alfie to get his school uniform on in the morning, Nick cooking breakfast and tying his tie..."

"You seem to have a better recollection of my future than I do." I point out and she smiles. "That's everything I want, never thought I'd be saying it in a million years, but it is now."

"And you'll have it." She reassures me, looking down at our hands and I watch her.

"And you'll be married to Rana." I add and she shakes her head, smiling slightly. "How are things going?"

"We're here to talk about you." She reminds me, avoiding my gaze.

"Uh, no." I tilt her head upwards. "Not everything has to revolve around me, thank you."

"Oh yeah?" She raises her eyebrows and I slap her lightly on the arm. "...It's like... You know when you just can't stop thinking about someone? Everything you do reminds you of them, and you just can't stop dwelling on how lucky you are? When you'd give anything to be with them at random points in the day, such as cleaning the glasses at the Bistro or watching TV on the sofa... I'd have thought I'd have gotten over it now but clearly not."

"Well that's a good sign." I point out, happy that she was happy.

"You know I never felt this before, not with Imogen, not with Caz." She shrugs. "There weren't any butterflies, I tried to kid myself that there was but I think I knew deep down that it wasn't right. The whole time I was with Imogen there was somebody at the back of my head and I just couldn't put my finger on it until now... You know when you just don't understand, how it feels to be cared about, and respected, until you actually are? It's just... The most amazing feeling."

"I know." I smile, understandingly and she blushes slightly, dipping her head. "Don't go all shy on me, lady. That's honestly brightened my morning, knowing you feel like that about someone."

"I just don't want to push her away though." She shrugs and I hang off her every word. "I mean, I'm the first girl she's ever had feelings for... That's got to be quite scary in a way... I don't want to get my hopes up, I guess, in case... I don't know she changes her mind or something."

"She's not going to change her mind." I tell her. "She's chosen you, let yourself be happy. Enjoy it."

"Yeah." She nods, confidently. "I will, I am."

"Good, because that makes me happy." I weave my hand through her hair. "So smile, please."

 **Nick**

"Hey, how you holding up?" David's voice sounds as I pace along the pavement, completely lost in thought. "Nick?"

"Oh, sorry." I finally snap back to reality as he stares at me, leaning up against the salon wall. "Thinking... You know."

"How's he doing?" David asks.

"Same." I just shrug, reluctant to talk about it and I think he can pick up on my lack of enthusiasm. "We think Carla might be discharged today so, I've got some stuff to sort out back at the house... And work."

"Well surely you're on paternity leave?" David points out. "You can't go into work."

"What's the point of paternity leave, if I haven't got anything to do on it?" I reply and he looks awkward for a moment. "What am I going to do? Sit at the hospital all day, staring at him? How's that going to change anything?"

"Well no." He mumbles. "But maybe you just need some time, to sort your head about a bit."

"Yeah, my head's fine." I snap slightly and I can see him hesitant to reply with anything. "I've got stuff to do, see you later."

"Take care of yourself." He calls after me as I head down the street towards the Bistro. I am about to turn to unlock the house, before I see Tracy emerging from The Cabin. She was laughing something in response to whoever was inside, before turning her head to face me, her expression immediately falling. I stare back at her, trying to manage my brewing temper. She was walking towards me, why was she walking towards me?

"Nick..." She trails off, hesitantly taking another step forwards upon noticing my warning expression. "...I heard Carla's on the mend... That's good news."

"Good news?" I practically splutter, refraining from moving from where my feet were firmly planted. "My son is in intensive care, fighting for his life. Carla is in bits over it, and you think that's good news?"

"Well no..." She mumbles, shifting awkwardly.

"You mean it's good news for you." I realise and she raises her head. "Because you're not going to get into trouble for driving that van? Why weren't you watching the road?"

"Uh because your wife was shouting at me." She replies as I take a step closer to her and she lets out a nervous laugh. "She was the one distracting me, she chose to get into the van."

"You had a pregnant woman in your car, you should have been looking where you were going." I snap, raising my voice and she holds her hands up, beginning to walk away.

"Ok, I was just trying to be nice." She argues before I spin her around and she glares at me. "Oi, don't you touch me, I'll get you done."

"If anything happens to her or my son." I warn her, my voice low. "If he doesn't pull through this, it's going to break her. Completely break her, and probably us. And if that happens, I'm holding you responsible."

"Is that another threat?" She actually grins at me, and I have to force myself away from her.

"No." I reply. "It's a fact." I turn to unlock the door of the house. "Stay away from us."

 **Carla**

"Toothbrush?" Johnny checks and I roll my eyes, slouching against the chair in the hospital room. "Pyjamas?"

"Johnny I've got everything." I assure him. "And if I haven't, who cares? I'm sure I can buy another toothbrush from Dev's."

"Ok, come on then." He ushers me out of the room and I hesitate as we reach the door to reception. "What's the matter?"

"I just want to see Alfie one more time, before we go." I tell him. "Please."

"Ok." He nods, beginning to follow me as I recall the route that I unfortunately knew so well. We finally reach the NICU and I swallow, stopping in my tracks. "I'll wait here."

"...Why?" I frown, turning to look at him. "...Won't you come in with me?"

"You actually want me to?" He stares at me in disbelief, as if it was some kind of big gesture.

"Well... You're my dad." I point out, surprised at the lack of awkward tension. "He's your grandson... And I need you."

"Of course, I've been desperate to meet him." He smiles and I laugh slightly.

"I know you have." I return, about to enter before pausing again. "But... Just be warned... He's quite frail."

"Sweetheart, don't worry about me." He strokes his hand through my hair briefly and I smile, before forcing myself through the door. My eyes meet the dim lights, the clinical scenery in front of me. I pad over to Alfie's cot, knowing it without reading the label, and I sit down in the chair next to it, my eyes fixated on him. "Oh my..." Johnny breathes from behind me, hesitantly sitting down in the chair by my side, unable to remove his gaze from where he was lying. "Carla he's beautiful, he's perfect."

"He's tiny." I add and I notice him nod slightly. I lean forward, pushing my hand through the hole in the cot and holding his hand gently. "Hey, there's someone here for you to meet. This is your grandad."

"Has Michelle met him yet?" I can tell Johnny is trying not to get emotional.

"No." I shake my head, before pondering the thought. "Actually, nobody has, apart from me and Nick. You're the first one."

"Really?" The surprise shows in his tone and I nod, daring to look at his touched expression. "...That's really special."

"Well, you're going to be a big part of his life so get used to it." I reply, watching the smile creep across his face.

"I couldn't imagine anything better." He squeezes my hand and I tear my eyes away from him and back to my son. "So is he doing well?"

"His breathing is still irregular." I have to force back tears when I glance at his chest, forcing itself to rise and fall. "And his immune system is weak, in comparison to other babies. It wouldn't be safe for him to leave here for a few weeks yet... It's going to be weird, you know, going home to nothing... After being pregnant for seven months. I had planned everything out, the nursery was all ready for him. I imagined the three of us, when we brought him home for the first time... Now no bump and no baby."

"You do have a baby." He reminds me, as if I had forgotten. "You almost didn't, so it could have been worse."

"What, like last time you mean?" I snap slightly, immediately regretting it, but Johnny doesn't seem to mind.

"No, that's not what I meant." He insists, quietly and I lean my head against the glass as he places a hand on my back. "I just meant... You've still got him, and you will bring him home, you will have that moment and you'll do all those things. Just in a short while, and do you know what? It'll be more special because you'll appreciate everything a little bit more, because you'll know you waited, and that it means so much to the three of you, as a family."

"Thank you." I whisper, looking into his eyes and quickly brushing a tear off my cheek. He stares back at me, care in his eyes, something I had hardly noticed before. I sigh, before leaning my head on his shoulder as he puts his arm around me. "Dad."

 **Nick**

"I need to get home really, Carla will be back soon." I put a glass of wine down in front of Michelle and she glances around the practically empty Bistro. "It's going to be very quiet... Unless she starts shouting at me."

"How have things been between you two?" She asks, even though the question was not one I could muster an answer to, because we had been through every emotion possible in the last few days.

"Carla seems a lot more open minded today." I tell her. "And a lot more mature about the situation... That makes me sound patronising, I didn't intend for it to be."

"I know." She nods, taking a long sip of her wine.

"But tomorrow, she could be smashing things up, or crying her eyes out all day long, or drinking herself into oblivion." I dwell on the thought. "Or she could be smiling and appreciating the fact we have a little boy, who knows."

"Yeah well you never know with Carla." Michelle replies, her fingers dancing around the rim of her glass. "She's as unpredictable as they come, and yet we think we know her."

"Mm." I nod in recollection, before looking back at her. "So you and Robert?"

"Oh Nick you don't want to go into that, not now." She sighs and I study her for a moment, as she meets my gaze. "I don't know..."

"He's cheated on you with Tracy Barlow, and robbed from the business." I point out and she raises her eyebrows.

"Don't tell me not to forgive him." She smiles slightly. "You hypocrite."

"Fair enough." I nod, as I hear the door open and Michelle's face instantly drops. I already know why before I turn around, but it sickens me just to see Tracy standing there, drumming her nails against the bar top so casually. "I told you to stay away from me." I stand up, going over to her and I can feel Michelle following me defensively. "Therefore that means my business, get out."

"I didn't come to see you." She sighs, rolling her eyes at me.

"I don't care who you came to see." I persist. "You're barred. Get out."

"Barred on what grounds?" She laughs, staring at Michelle. "I've never caused any trouble in here, nothing I've done involves this business."

"You cause trouble wherever you go." Michelle chips in. "You slept with the boss, I think that involves the business."

"Oh well we didn't have sex in here did we?" She teases her, bitchily. "Yet."

"Tracy get out!" I yell, pointing to the door as the few customers turn to stare at me.

"I need to see Robert." She continues to remain stood where she is, not the slightest bit phased by my outburst.

"You need to be as far away from Robert as possible." Michelle warns her and Tracy sighs, pulling out a belt from her bag and dumping it on the counter.

"Ok then maybe you can return this to him." She smiles, sarcastically, as Michelle looks down at it. I could tell her anger was brewing, and I also knew there was nothing stopping her. "Tell him I had a great time."

I am about to tell Tracy to leave once again, before Michelle suddenly slaps her clean across the cheek. I wait in the silence, grinning slightly at Michelle's actions, as Tracy glances at me, before looking back at Michelle.

"You bitch." Michelle nods, staring at her defiantly and Tracy immediately races at her, pulling Michelle's hair childishly and trying to slap her in return.

"Wow, ok." I decide to intervene, trying to pull them apart and failing. "Ok, that's enough now."

"You ruin everything." Michelle pulls away from her, panting as Tracy falls back against the bar, leaning against it. "My life, Nick's life, Carla's life, absolutely everybody on this street, is infected by your poison. You just had to start driving that van. You just had to get your claws into Robert-"

"Or maybe I was just the best sex he ever had." Tracy shrugs. "Better than you. I'm sure Steve probably thinks the same. Nick, what do you think? Was I good?"

"Do you ever shut up?" I snap at her.

"Maybe we should all sit down and compare notes." She continues, enjoying winding us up. "I'm sure Carla's got a few on you and Robert-"

"Shut up!" Michelle shoves her harshly, before Tracy lurches at her again and the Bistro door opens, Robert's eyes falling upon the scene in front of him. I grab Michelle, pulling her off and Robert takes the liberty of doing the same to Tracy.

"Don't rise to it!" I tell Michelle, as she breathes raggedly, staring straight at Robert. "Take her and get out."

"This is my business as well." Robert points out, and Tracy looks victorious at his actions of holding her back. He releases his grip from her, his eyes darting to Michelle. "Can we talk?"

"Oh, I came to return your belt." Tracy picks it up from the side, handing it back to him sweetly and I keep my hand on Michelle's arm protectively.

"Thanks but you can throw it in the bin." Robert mutters without looking at her and Tracy's face falls. "Or keep it for your shrine, I don't care. I don't want anything that's been touched by you."

"Right..." Tracy trails off, trying not to look upset and I don't even smile at her disappointment, watching her leave reluctantly.

"Michelle, please." Robert begs her and I sigh, letting go of her.

"Look, I'm closing up in five anyway because I need to get back to Carla." I tell her. "So you may as well get yourself off and sort things out."

 **Carla**

"And you're going to be ok?" Johnny checks, as I sit down on the sofa, getting my laptop out. "Until Nick gets back."

"I'll be fine Johnny." I sigh. "I'm a big girl now."

"Maybe I should wait..." He trails off and I turn my head, giving him a look as he promptly picks his coat up. He comes forwards to kiss me on the top of the head, before pulling away and heading back to the door. "You take care of yourself please?"

"Thank you for today." I smile and we stare at each other for a moment.

"Don't even mention it." He replies, before leaving and suddenly everything feels so lonely. I hesitantly open my emails, knowing I shouldn't but having nobody to stop me all the same. Well the world definitely hadn't stopped whilst I'd been in hospital, everything was a complete mess. I open an email from Bakers, making an attempt at replying to it, before giving up and putting my head in my hands.

I look at the front door momentarily, weighing up when Nick would walk through it, before standing and picking up my keys and phone from the side.

Locking the door behind me, I proceed towards Underworld, pushing the door open and not bothering to turn the light on as I make my way towards the office.

"Does maternity leave mean nothing to you?" I suddenly jump at the sound of Aidan's voice, looking up to see him sat on the stairs, staring at me. "You've only been out of hospital five minutes."

"Yeah well I've got nothing else to do have I?" I point out, leaning back against the wall, my head turned to face him. "Besides, the emails are a mess, I thought I'd try and sort some of them."

"I think your head is full of enough problems without adding more to the mix." He tells me.

"And I think that's my decision." I sass him slightly and he raises his eyebrows at my response.

"I'll sort the emails tomorrow. I promise." He assures me. "We've just all been worrying about you, there hasn't been much chance."

"I bet all the machinists have been having a right gossip about it." I guess and he shakes his head.

"They actually all made a collection for you." He informs me and I can't help feeling touched. "Bless them."

"A collection?" I smile. "So they're just giving their wages back to me?"

"Something like that." Aidan nods. "I think Fiz is buying you something with the money they've clubbed together though, don't tell them I told you that."

"...Wow." I mumble, turning my head to stare ahead of me. "Maybe more people care than I realised."

"Yeah maybe they do." I hear him stand up, not removing my gaze from where I was staring at the wall. "And that includes me, believe it or not."

"Yeah you have to care, you're my brother." I smile weakly, forcing back tears and not daring to look at him.

"Maybe so." He replies. "But even though we may bicker all the time over stationary and your chewing gum habits... I love you, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you and this baby safe."

"Aidan don't." I swallow, feeling tears running down my cheeks. It sounded like something Rob had said to me when I had been pregnant with Peter's baby, and it was messing with my head because I had two completely separate families, living completely separate lives. I force myself to look at him, my weakness showing. He could see it, he knew, he connected with me as a sibling and this was something I had never really felt before. I suddenly burst into tears and I feel his arms around me, encasing me, protecting me. "I love you, so much." I blurt out, as I cry into his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. "Despite everything; you being that annoying kid from the ground floor back on the estate. I never thought it would end up like this, never in a million years."

"But it did hey, reputation officially ruined." Aidan laughs slightly and I smile, breathing in his comforting scent.

"My reputation was ruined enough before you came along anyway." I mumble, feeling his fingers stroking my hair. "...What if he doesn't make it?"

"He will." Aidan assures me, so confidently I feel like he knows it for definite. "He's got you as a mum. He's going to be absolutely fine."

 **Nick**

"Hey." I close the door, turning my head to where Carla was sat on the sofa and taking in her blotchy face and swollen eyes. "You've been crying."

"What's new?" She sighs, tilting her head back against the back of the sofa and I go over to join her, placing a hand on her knee. We sit in silence for a moment, my eyes fixated on her as she stares into space.

"What have you been doing?" I try to make conversation and she just shrugs. "Sorry I couldn't come and pick you up from the hospital."

"It's ok." She smiles weakly, still staring at the wall. "I took Johnny to see Alfie anyway."

"Really?" I'm surprised at her making that kind of gesture towards Johnny.

"Yeah." She replies. "Is that a problem?"

"No." I place a finger under her chin and gently turn her head to face mine. I study her face for a moment, before holding my arms out and she hesitantly falls into my chest, allowing me to wrap them around her.

"This is nice." She mumbles into me, as I brush the hair off her face. "Rather than having to try and do it over a hospital bed."

"Mm." I muse, massaging her scalp gently and placing a kiss into her hair. "You smell nice."

"I was desperate for a bath when I got back, I've never felt so gross in my life." She tells me. "Except it made me sting everywhere."

"Yeah you need to be careful." I whisper, as she brings her head up to look at me. "How are your stitches?"

"Sore." She shrugs, awkwardly and I run my fingers through her hair.

"Do you want me to check them?" I offer and she gives me a look.

"No, I don't." She pouts slightly and I laugh, kissing her forehead. "Nice try though, good luck getting anything out of me for the next few weeks."

"Hey." I shake her gently, my expression going serious. "Hey, that wasn't what I meant. I don't want anything out of you, until you're ready. Definitely not for a while yet, you need time to heal."

"I know, I'm winding you up." She sighs and I relax, watching as she closes her eyes momentarily at the motions my fingers were making against her scalp.

"Have you taken your painkillers?" I eye up the bruises that line her arm.

"Yeah." She whispers, opening her eyes again and scanning the marks on her body. "Probably too many of them."

"Honestly, you can't stay out of trouble, you." I nudge her playfully and she manages a small smile. "What's going to be next, ey?"

"I wish I could predict these things." She shrugs, dipping her head back into my chest. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whisper, continuing to soothe her.

"I don't like Alfie being all lonely." She murmurs and my hands pause in her hair momentarily. "I want him here with us, at home."

"So do I sweetheart." I reply. "But he will be soon, really soon."

"This is so unfair." She grips my shirt to stop herself from crying again. "Why can't things just be normal? What's wrong with me?"

"Carla." I gently peel her off me, holding her so I could look into her eyes. "Nothing is wrong with you, stop doubting myself."

"I'm the worst mum already." She begins to cry. "I gave birth days ago and I haven't even held my own son yet... I'm not a mum."

"You are a mum!" I exclaim, believing it more than ever. "Carla, you've got a little boy. You are a mum, you're an amazing mum already."

"What if he never attaches to me, because of how I'm not there with him now?" She frets.

"Shh..." I try to soothe her, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "Of course he will."

"You know..." She gulps, stopping herself from crying. "When my mum was pregnant with me, she drank, she had sex with random blokes, she took drugs, she smoked... She did everything you're not supposed to do. And yet here's me, practically born on the step of a pub, in freezing cold January. Healthy. And yet I did everything I possibly could to keep that baby safe. I ate the right foods, cut out the drink, rested when I needed to, kept him out of danger until the last few hours... And for what? For him to be lying in that hospital on his own, tubes and wires, unfamiliar voices, flashing lights... You tell me how that is fair..."

"It's not." I shake my head, having no other response. "But Carla, you are a million times the mother your mum was. Stop comparing yourself, please." There's a silence as she just rests her head in my chest, and I lean back so she is lying against me. "Have you eaten?"

"No." She answers honestly, as my fingers absentmindedly play with her hair.

"Well then I'm making you something." I insist and she smiles into my chest. "What do you want?"

"You to stay here." She murmurs and I plant a kiss into her hair. "Please."

"You need to eat." I make my words melodic, weaving my fingers through her hair.

"I need to drink." She corrects me. "Wine. Have we got any?"

"No." I reply, knowing this was coming sooner or later. "Not going t-total then?"

"Well I just..." She starts, before she sits bolt upright and I stare at her worriedly as she places a hand on her breast, panicked. "Oh no, no..."

"Hey, what's the matter?" I gently place my hand over hers, feeling a wetness from beneath it. I try to pull her hand away but she keeps it glued to her top, moving away from me out of embarrassment. "Carla, it's ok. It's ok."

"No." She cries, folding her arms over her chest defensively. "Stop it..." She tips her head into her hands, bursting into tears and I actually think I physically feel my heart break at the sight of it. This was one thing I was praying wouldn't happen. I knew it brought back memories and I knew she had been desperate to feed Alfie herself.

"It's ok." I soothe her, moving the hair out of her face, even though I knew my words were no use. I move towards her and she tries to push me away, her tears soaking the hair around her face. She fights me off and I let her, I let her hit me hard in the chest, I let her push and scream and cry for what seems like forever. I wait for her to give in, because I know she will and I don't go anywhere in the mean time. She finally stares back at me, pain in her eyes, letting her arms fall away and revealing the damp patches on her top. She looks so apologetic even though she knew I didn't care how much she hurt me, how much she kicked and screamed. "Sweetheart, it's alright." I whisper and she finally moves towards me, allowing me to hold her at last. I rock her gently as she cries, gripping onto my t-shirt, hating herself. "I've got you, ok? I've got you."

"I'm so sorry." She sobs into my chest, soaking my shirt through to my skin. "I am so, so sorry."

"It's what I'm here for." I tell her gently. "I'm here for you, whatever you want."

"Not to hurt you." She continues, her crying never ending. "I want to feed him... I want to know what that feels like... I want that so badly... It's so simple and yet too much to ask... My body doesn't understand."

"You will." I promise her. "You will know what that feels like."

"This hurts so much." She admits and I feel tears welling in my eyes as I continue to rock her. "This hurts..."

"I know." I whisper into her hair.

"I want to hold him!" She suddenly screams, forcing herself backwards and I try to stay strong. "Now!" I don't even try to muster a response, she stands up, grabbing the china statue mum had made me when I was in hospital and throws it at the wall, watching it shatter into pieces. She stares at it, throwing a hand over her mouth and I bite down on my lip hard, watching her, waiting for what was next. I knew this was coming and I knew this was far from over. This was the price I paid to be with Carla Connor. But I loved her. I loved her so much, and for that reason I had to let her do it. "Why? Why me? Why every single time? I can't do this anymore. I can't do it!" She runs towards the door and I immediately get up, not bothering to lock it as I race after her up the street. She was still in her pyjamas, soaked with breast milk, her hair tangled, her feet were bare, mascara was staining her cheeks. Yet she was completely sober. But not for long.

"Carla!" I yell, as she practically bashes the door in to Dev's, going over to the counter, as I approach behind her. Dev looks at us, shocked. "Come home, come on."

"Wine." Carla points to the rack behind him, her voice bitter.

"I don't think I can serve you-" Dev begins.

"I'm sober." Carla argues. "Breathalyse me."

"I'm not disputing that." Dev holds his hands up, glancing at me for some kind of back-up. I gently place my hands on Carla's arms, trying to guide her towards the doorway but she resists. "But you don't seem in the right state of mind to be drinking."

"Oh well I've got my responsible adult with me." Carla points at me, sarcastically. "Haven't I? Do you need my ID as well?"

"There's no need to get so defensive..." He trails off.

"Well unless you've got some new law instated, give me a bottle of red wine." Carla slams her hand down on the counter. "Biggest."

"Ok, ok..." Dev takes one off the shelf, putting it down and looking at me hesitantly. I close my eyes momentarily, as she takes it, storming out of the shop. I pull a ten pound note out of my pocket putting it down on the counter as Dev eyes me up worriedly. "I honestly respect you."

"Yeah well she's going through a lot." I try to defend her, despite the fact he was being nice to me. I flash him an apologetic smile before leaving the shop, noticing Carla was nowhere to be seen. I am pleased to find her back at the house, not having run off somewhere, sat on the sofa with a large glass of wine already in her hand. "So what's the plan now then?"

"I'm going to get really drunk." She takes a very long gulp from the glass and I sit down in the armchair eyeing her up.

"Why don't we change your top?" I suggest and she doesn't look at me, she leans back, staring at the wall ahead.

"Oh don't patronise me." She snaps. "Why? Embarrassing for you?"

"You know it's not." I reply, keeping my voice soft so as not to aggravate her further. "But that can't be comfortable for you-"

"Nothing is comfortable for me." She assures me.

"You're not supposed to drink on your meds." I continue, even though I know it's not what she wants to hear, because she just drains the glass and pours herself another one. "What good is this doing? Hm? How is this helping in any way?"

"It's helping me feel more sane." She responds.

"No, it's helping you feel more insane." I correct her and she scoffs, turning her head to face me.

"Why are you still here?" She demands.

"Because it's our house." I tell her, firmly, as if she didn't already realise. "I live here. With you. You're my wife."

"Oh really?" She laughs sarcastically and I lean back in the chair, weighing up how to go about even attempting to resolve this situation. "I never realised that, thanks for filling me in-"

"You can throw as many sarcy comments at me as you like, Carla." I cut her off. "But you are not pushing me away. So if I were you, I wouldn't even bother trying."

"...Do you want a drink?" She offers me an empty glass on the coffee table and I shake my head, causing her to continue to stare at me. "Come on, make the most of it... We can't drink in front of a baby." She pours me a glass of wine, holding it out for me. "Have a drink."

"I don't want a drink!" I exclaim, causing her to retract her arm. "I'm not Peter Barlow, Carla. If I say I don't want a drink, it _means_ I don't want a drink."

"Peter Barlow." She repeats, lolling back against the sofa and now drinking from the glass that would have been mine. "I remember when you used to be fun." She muses and I roll my eyes, refraining from feeling offended. "When we used to get drunk together and drown our sorrows... And get all flirtatious with one another then make out in the street."

"You talk as if that happened every week." I respond. "It happened one time."

"Yeah it was good though, wasn't it?" She smiles slightly at the recollection, her gaze meeting mine as we stare at one another. "Ever wish we could go back to then?"

"Not for a second." I frown. "What, when I'd got another woman pregnant and you were burdened with guilt? No thank you."

"So you'd rather this then?" She raises her eyebrows. "Your car crash of a life with me. Pardon the pun."

"You mean my family?" I prompt her. "The woman I love, our son, our home, our future together. Yes. This is what I've always dreamed of."

"...And I'm ruining it." She pauses, lowering the glass as if coming to her senses. "Like I ruin everything."

"Are you looking for sympathy?" I dare to tease her. "Because from what I recall, you hate it."

"I do hate sympathy." She agrees with me, staring into my eyes.

"I know." I nod. "So why are you wallowing in it?"

"Because I hate myself." She returns. "I want to punish myself."

"Or you could let me hold you?" I suggest and she looks tempted for a moment, tears brimming in her eyes. "There's nobody else here. It's just me and you. So who are you trying to prove this to? I can read you like a book, Carla. I've had enough practice at it."

"I'm not predictable." She sulks slightly.

"No, you're unpredictable." I assure her, laughing slightly. "But that doesn't mean I don't know what you've been through, and it doesn't mean I don't understand... Let me hold you, please. I've been desperate to for days."

"...I'm all... Milky." She screws her nose up and I smile through tears, as she stands up, coming towards me and sitting down in my lap. I wrap my arms around her tightly, placing kisses into her hair. "Sorry... If that's any use anymore."

"You're forgiven." I smile, kissing her gently for a moment before tilting my forehead against hers. "You're always forgiven."


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48:**

 **Carla**

"Hi darling." Michelle enters the house without even knocking and I turn my head to face her, lowering my hair brush.

"I could have been naked then!" I exclaim and she shrugs.

"Seen worse." She points out and I glare at her momentarily. "You ready to go?"

"Am I ever?" I sigh, glancing in the mirror at my worn expression. Was I sleeping? No. Was I eating? No. Was it having a severe impact on my appearance? Definitely.

"Come on then." Michelle snaps me out of my thoughts and I pick my bag up, following after her.

"I don't see why I can't drive myself to the hospital." I groan, getting into the passenger seat of my own car, which Michelle made a habit of driving whenever she needed to. It had been that way for years now, since we used to live together at Drapers Mill for a short while, and because of my driving ban she used to drive me around constantly. Now I had no driving ban, but I was, according to the doctors, a completely mess and so therefore, incapable of driving my own car.

"Because you're recovering." She states, staring out of the windscreen as she drives. I grip the edge of my seat slightly and she seems to realise, because she puts her foot on the brake gradually to make me feel more at ease. "I'm watching what I'm doing. Don't worry."

"Ok, you're not on your driving test." I decide to respond with some sarcastic comment to divert the fact I was now stressing over the memories from being in Tracy's van. "Want me to give you a shiny certificate at the end of it?"

"Just a smile will be suffice." She replies, and I manage a weak one, my fingers releasing slightly as I notice how much care she was deliberately taking to ease my mindset.

"Are you looking forwards to meeting my son?" I dare to ask, knowing it was just as much a sensitive subject for her, as it was for me. She could have been in this position, unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky.

"More than anything." She assures me, still not removing her eyes from the road ahead.

"He's uh..." I begin, feeling like I owed Michelle of all people some kind of warning. "He's tiny, and quite weak."

"And soon he'll be strong." Michelle adjusts my sentence, and I decide to give up with dragging up the past, because clearly, she didn't want to discuss it.

"How are things with you and Robert?" I try to shift the subject onto her and she just shrugs.

"...You shouldn't have got in that van for me." Michelle dares to input and I don't appease her statement with a response. Instead, I just stare out of the window, the houses and trees and people flying by. Before finally, we reach the destination I hated so much, the only blessing being that I wasn't arriving by my usual mode of transport with blue lights and sirens. "Come on then."

"I want Nick." I respond, bluntly, which I know is incredibly rude of me, because she has gone out of her way to cancel her plans and accompany me here. Plus the fact that she had been there for me from day one, and the fact I had just so bluntly told her I wanted to replace her with someone else, hurt me as well as her.

"Right ok, but Nick's busy." She reminds me, as if I'd forgotten. "So you'll have to put up with me instead. Sorry for the inconvenience."

"I don't want to go." I shrug, continuing to look out of the window and into the distance. "Drive me home."

"Oh will you stop acting like a child!" Michelle suddenly snaps and my head turns sharply at her outburst. "You're one of the lucky ones. You know I'd have done anything, anything to be able to visit my son."

"Yeah and I'd have done anything to visit my daughter!" I shout. "So forgive me if this is hard for me to deal with!" I practically kick the car door open, storming out and heading in the opposite direction to the way I should be going. I run towards the main road, tears streaming down my face. Michelle was fast, faster than me clearly, because I feel a tugging sensation on my arm and refuse to give into it just as I am about to step out in front of the busy traffic.

"Carla!" Michelle screams, pulling me back towards her and I feel an intensity of air that blows me backwards into her grasp as a lorry shoots by, beeping its horn. "Oh my God." She fastens her arms around me on the edge of the pavement, her breathing was so rapid, so terrified and yet I am so dazed at what was going on. "Sorry, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry." I cry into her as she strokes my hair, stumbling backwards slightly with me in her arms so we were further away from he road. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Shh." She soothes, and I can feel how much she is shaking. "It's ok, it's alright sweetheart."

"I can't do this." I cry and I don't even know why. But I was sleep deprived, I was completely drugged up on painkillers and yet I felt so empty.

"I shouldn't have said that." She sighs eventually, as we both begin to calm and she dares to move away, holding me at arms length so she can stare at my damaged, bruised, fatigued face. "Do you want me to call Nick?"

"No." I shake my head abruptly. "I want you. I'm sorry. I do, I'm so grateful you're here."

"Ok." She nods, managing a small smile. "Come on then." She holds her hand out and I take it, allowing her to guide me towards the hospital. Weirdly it felt like we were back twenty five years ago, when we used to travel anywhere and everywhere holding hands, and kids on the estate used to tease us about being a couple before I beat them up and they'd never dare to talk to me again.

"Do you remember when I came to visit you in hospital?" I murmur, finally gaining the ability to say a full sentence.

"Yeah because the nurses told me in advance they were wary of you being on the ward." She laughs slightly and I frown. "Turning up in your stained school uniform with your bruised knuckles. How times change."

"Hey, I skipped a history exam for you that day." I nudge her.

"Oh you'd have skipped the exam anyway." She rolls her eyes and I can't help but smile at her recollection. "I'd been so scared though, until that moment. The birth had been terrifying and painful and my mum kept banging on about my future aspirations all the way through it. She didn't waste a second. Then everyone was fussing and I felt like such an invalid. Then you turned up and remember what you said?"

"Yeah I told you that you looked awful." I reconcile.

"Exactly. In fact I think your words were 'Chelle you look worse than me after a night out and twenty shots of vodka'." She reminds me and I laugh, stopping to lean up against the wall outside the NICU. "So touched."

"You didn't even look that bad." I shrug, staring at her. "I think I just wanted to rub it in a little more."

"Yeah and then you almost dropped Ryan on the floor." She points out.

"Should have known from then, shouldn't I?" My expression grows serious and she tilts her head to the side.

"No." She responds. "Because you're an amazing mum."

"I just tried to step out in front of a lorry." I shudder at the thought. "I beg to differ."

"You flamin' scared me." She tells me, swallowing as she leans back against the wall. "Still, at least we were near a hospital hey."

"Oh I wouldn't have done it." I sigh, staring down at the floor. "I just like the buzz..."

"Yes well stop." She replies, firmly. "You've got a little boy in there who is going to depend on you for the rest of his life. So pull yourself together."

"...Oh." Is all I can respond with at her tough love. "Harsh."

"Yeah." She nods, linking her arm with mine. "Introduce me then." She points to the door and I hesitate, before bravely pushing it open and squeezing my eyes shut as I approach the cot. I hear Michelle gasp slightly, which doesn't surprise me. I knew she would crack as soon as she came to face him, as much as she tried to deny it beforehand. "Oh God." A hand flies over her mouth and she bursts into tears. I have to fight them back myself as I pull her into me, rocking her gently and comfortingly as she tries to force herself to stop. "Carla I'm sorry..."

"Hey, it's ok." I whisper, kissing the side of her head. "It doesn't quite hit you until you're in here, does it?"

"No." She shakes her head, moving away and trying to compose herself. "Oh, he's absolutely gorgeous... You're so lucky to have him. He's perfect." She runs her finger over the glass of the incubator and I bite down on my lip, hard to stop myself from crying.

"I am lucky." I agree quietly and she swallows, sitting down in the chair as I continue to hover over him, threading my hand through the gap in the side and holding his hand. He was always sleeping. I was desperate for something to happen. I felt completely alienated from him, like we wouldn't bond properly because of this. I was praying that it would all work out in the end and that when I did take him home, everything would slide into place. "I love you." I whisper, desperate for him to understand the words.

"Hi Carla." One of the nurses I recognised greets me and I give her an appreciative smile.

"How's he doing?" I dare to ask.

"He's doing well." She tells me, looking confident which gives me a boost of hope. "His breathing is becoming more regular, can you tell?"

"Not really." I respond, staring down at his chest. "...He's just always sleeping... It scares me."

"He's building his strength up." She assures me and I swallow, thinking back to when I used to go and visit Lauren, whilst I was waiting for Nick to arrive. She was always sleeping. Except that time the nurses had less hope in their words, well, none at all. "We're discussing maybe taking him off the ventilator."

"What?" I snap my head around to look at her. "Is that risky?"

"Maybe just momentarily, so he can get used to breathing on his own." She tries to calm me. "It's completely your decision."

"Yes well can we just wait until my husband is here?" I sigh, trying to steady my pounding heart. "I don't want to make any of those decisions without him."

"Yes of course, we would." She nods understandingly. "You'll have an appointment with the consultant about it anyway. In fact I should probably book you in for another one."

"Uh, yeah." I close my eyes, trying to absorb the information she was throwing at me. I feel Michelle's fingers wrap around my spare hand and I turn my head to look down at her.

"It's good news." She whispers and I nod, as the nurse takes the hint and walks away. "Hey, they said he's getting stronger."

"Mm." I mumble, finally sitting down next to her and she puts her arm around me. "...This is so hard."

"I know sweetheart." She strokes a hand through my hair and I meet her gaze, biting my lip to force back tears. "You're doing so well."

"Thank you." I whisper as she wraps her arms further around me and I lean my head on her shoulder.

 **Nick**

"Hey gorgeous." I greet Carla as she enters the Bistro with Michelle, who winks at me jokily.

"Well isn't that a nice greeting?" She teases me, walking around the bar.

"How was the hospital?" I ask and Carla gives a small nod, sitting down opposite me. "Everything alright?"

"Everything was really positive." Michelle answers for her, as Carla leans her forehead on the bar and I briefly run my fingers through her hair. "Wasn't it Carla?"

"Mm." She just mumbles and I glance across at Michelle.

"...We had a little meltdown when we arrived, but apart from that." Michelle explains and Carla immediately looks up at her.

"How old am I, Michelle? Five?" She snaps suddenly and I sigh, studying her for a moment.

"Calm down." Michelle says, gently and Carla glares at her, without responding.

"What sort of a meltdown?" I ask, meeting Carla's gaze and she shakes her head, looking away. "Excuse me?"

"Will you both stop patronising me?" She continues to aggressively remark and I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Carla!" Michelle exclaims. "We're not, at all."

"Ok well if you must know I tried to run in front of a lorry on a busy main road. Happy?" She blurts out and my eyes go wide.

"You did what?" I try to refrain from shouting and I can feel Michelle freeze next to me.

"Well it wasn't exactly like that..." Michelle trails off and I glance at her, now shrouded in worry. "I think she just got a bit freaked out."

"I know exactly how I felt. Thank you." Carla shouts, storming off towards the toilets and I tilt my head upwards, sighing exasperatedly.

"She didn't try to..." I look back at Michelle, who for some reason looks guilty.

"She said herself she wouldn't have done it." Michelle places her hand flat on the counter, staring off into the corridor Carla had disappeared down. "I don't know, Nick. She just stressed out and ran off. I caught her in time anyway."

"Oh my God." I put my head in my hands. "Really? After everything?"

"And the strangest part is that the whole way there, she was completely on edge so I had to drive really carefully." She tells me. "Then she goes and pulls a stunt like that... I don't know... She wanted you as soon as we arrived."

"Did you have a nice chat about me?" Carla re-enters, clearly no less angry than she was before. "Wine."

"No." I respond, firmly and she looks taken-aback at response.

"Nick." She snaps. "A glass of wine. Please."

"And I'm refusing to serve you." I reply and she narrows her eyes.

"Refusing to serve me?" She laughs, bitterly. "I'm not an underage drunk customer. What are you going to do? Bar me?"

"Yeah if it'll shut you up for two seconds." I tell her and she stops talking, staring at me expectantly. "Why?"

"Am I allowed to talk now?" She sasses me and I wait for her response to my question. "I just... I don't want to talk about it. Please." Her voice weakens and I can tell she's trying not to cry. "I..."

"Hey." I sigh, heading around the bar and putting my arms around her, planting a kiss onto the top of her head. "It's ok."

"No, you're angry at me." She muffles into my chest.

"I'm not angry." I pull back, dipping my head to meet her gaze. "Hey, I'm not angry, Carla. At all. Do I ever get angry with you?"

"Yes... Frequently." She mumbles and I frown. "Like that time when I got drunk on my hen night... And when I wanted to move to Devon and you didn't-"

"I was angry at my head, I wasn't angry at you." I assure her.

"And our wedding day... You were angry at me then." She continues, avoiding my gaze. "And when I stole your credit card."

"I was disappointed." I stupidly say.

"That's even worse!" She exclaims and I notice Michelle awkwardly watching us as she pours out some drinks. "...So you're disappointed in me then?"

"No, I'm concerned." I admit, and she dances her fingers along the bar top, watching them so she didn't have to look at me. "I'm worried about you doing something stupid."

"I won't." She argues.

"Well apparently, I beg to differ." I point to Michelle and she sighs, her eyes closing momentarily, and I realise how dazed and tired she looks. "How many painkillers have you taken today?"

"Not enough." She responds bluntly and I tilt her head to face me, observing the dark circles under her eyes. "Thanks for the confidence boost."

"Mm." I smile, kissing her on the forehead gently. "You look beautiful."

"Oh yeah." She scoffs, and I raise my eyebrows at her. She watches me for a moment, before sliding her bag across the bar top and pulling a box of painkillers out of them.

"Is that necessary?" I ask, as she pops two out of the packet and takes the bottle of water out of her bag to wash them down with.

"Yes, Nick." She debates taking another one and I pull the packet from her grip. "I need those."

"No you don't." I sigh, reading the back of the box. "What you need is a hot bath, and something to eat."

"I'm not hungry." She mutters.

"When did you last eat?" I check, glancing across at Michelle, who shrugs. "Have you eaten today?"

"Yes." She responds.

"Is that a lie?" I prompt her.

"Yes." She gives in and I sigh, kissing her briefly before heading back behind the bar and into the kitchen, where Zeedan was leaning up against the work surface on his phone.

"Uh, what are you doing?" I indicate and he immediately puts it away.

"Sorry... I had an email off my solicitor." He apologises. "About the divorce paperwork."

"Right..." I nod, not wanting to get into a conversation about this, which would probably end in him slagging off my sister in law. "Well when you're ready I need some picky bits making up for Carla."

"Picky bits?" He repeats. "Is that on the menu?"

"As soon as you can." I prompt him, before turning around and leaving.

* * *

"How was your bath?" I turn around as soon as she enters the kitchen, leaning up against the wall with her dressing gown wrapped around her.

"Nick..." She pauses and I observe her, concerned. "I'm really sorry, about earlier... About what happened at the hospital."

"You know, this is why I don't like leaving you." I dare to say. "And I'm sorry if that sounds patronising but I'm scared, of you spiralling out of control. The lashing out I can deal with, you can shout at me, hit me as much as you like Carla. But do you know how physically sick I felt years ago when you told me what happened at that quarry? I am begging you not to put me through that again. Our son is already in hospital I don't want you back there and all... Because I need you." I realise how weak I sound and I hate that because I wanted to be strong for her. "I need you."

"I'm here." She whispers, coming over and holding her arms out, pulling me into her embrace and I kiss her forehead briefly. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Ok? I wish I could stop... I want it to stop. I can't help myself, I can't think straight. I keep doing stupid things."

"Yes because you're taking too many of these." I pull away, tapping the box of painkillers on the table. "Are you in that much pain?"

"It's just all the bruising around my ribs." She sighs, looking so forlorn I wished more than anything there was something I could do. She watches the care in my expression, leaning in and kissing me gently. I return the kiss, massaging my tongue against hers, placing my hand on the back of her head. I eventually pull away and she looks slightly unsatisfied at my actions. "Kiss me. Please."

"I just have." I laugh and she looks slightly embarrassed, pulling me back in and continuing the kiss, a little more passionately than before. "Ok." I stop, holding her at arms length.

"Nick..." She whines slightly and I can't help finding it amusing. "Please."

"Please what?" I sigh, turning my head to watch the dinner that was cooking in the saucepan, before she grabs my chin and turns it back to face her.

"Mm." She mumbles, uncomfortably and I narrow my eyes, trying to work out what she was getting at. "I want you."

"...Oh." I respond, bluntly and I can tell it's not the reaction she wanted. "No."

"Sorry?" She frowns, as if in shock and I laugh again, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "No? Are you turning me down?"

"Yes, I am." I tease her, watching the surprise in her expression. "Because you're in pain, and we said we'd wait."

"Wait?" She scoffs slightly. "You make it sound like we're fifteen. We've waited two weeks."

"Ooh two weeks." I nudge her playfully and she looks at me with a hint of desperation. "I don't think you're ready, Carla."

"Can't I make that decision?" She refrains from snapping at me.

"You've just said yourself you're in pain." I gently graze my finger along the fading bruises on her cheek.

"Nick, you can be gentle." She begs me quietly, her gaze fixated on mine. "Please, I trust you." She gently takes my face in her hands, kissing me passionately before nibbling my lower lip. I couldn't deny the fact that I had craved this for days, and arousing me was proving easy on her behalf. But her health came before any of my desires, as tempting as her efforts may be.

"No." I gently push her away, keeping my voice soft.

"Nick!" She suddenly yells, picking up one of the plates I had laid out and throwing it at the wall. I listen to it smash, before turning to face it. The room falls silent and I raise my eyebrows at her, not even surprised at her outburst.

"...That was our best china." I point out, which was clearly the wrong thing to do, because she picks up the other one and hurls it in the same direction. "Ok, stop."

"Stop telling me what to do!" She shouts and I move backwards, turning the hob off. "Just..."

"Just what?" I snap back, knowing that otherwise I would yet again let her walk all over me.

"I hate being treated like this!" Tears begin to slide down her cheeks. "Everybody treating me like I have no clue about what's going on. Like I'm a child. I need to feel something. Yeah, I'm desperate. I don't even care."

"Carla, you're in pain!" I remind her. "You're absolutely shattered, you haven't eaten anything all day, despite my efforts at the Bistro. You're hurting, both physically and emotionally. It's not the answer."

"Oh Nick, it's sex!" She retorts, slamming her fist down on the kitchen table. "That's all it is! I know how I feel! Not you. Not Michelle. Nobody, but me."

"Are we still talking about sex here?" I ask her, loudly. "Because I think I have a pretty good idea of how to feel about everything else. And I think Michelle does as well, so you can stop treating her like dirt."

"NOBODY LISTENS TO ME!" She screams, tearing open the cupboard doors and grabbing handfuls of mugs, throwing them on the floor.

"CARLA STOP IT!" I yell, and she punches me hard in the chest. "STOP IT!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE." She tries to push past me and I stop her.

"YOU TELL PEOPLE NOT TO TREAT YOU LIKE A CHILD?" I shout. "WELL YOU'RE DOING A DAMN GOOD JOB AT ACTING LIKE ONE!"

"SHUT UP!" She covers her ears and I grab her arm, causing her to wince and I immediately back away. Oh shit. "Don't..."

"Ok, I'm sorry." I hold my hands up. "I didn't mean to grab you like that. I'm sorry. I was just trying to stop you-"

"Did you give birth to him?" She whispers, holding her wrist in her other hand and I can't tear my eyes away from it.

"Carla, let me see." I dare to hold my hand out.

"DID YOU GIVE BIRTH TO HIM?" She shouts and it actually causes me to jump at the velocity of her aggression.

"NO!" I retaliate, and she drags her hand across her face in an attempt to clear her tears. "No. But I am his dad."

"So what?" She practically spits. "I lived a childhood without a dad. Dad's mean nothing at all."

"Yeah and so did I." I remind her. "My dad was stabbed to death. And I loved him. And he was about to fight a battle for custody because he loved me. So don't tell me that, because I would have done anything, anything, to have him there for me whilst I was in my teens. And whether you think I'm important or not, I am going to love that little boy, like my dad loved me."

"Nick..." Carla's voice cracks but I've already grabbed my coat, and I'm heading towards the front door, because it was the first time in a long time I had said those words and I couldn't bear to be trapped here any longer.

* * *

I sit on the bench outside the medical centre, staring off down the street, the orange lights of the Bistro sign glinting in the distance. I can hear the muffled rowdiness of adolescence in the background, probably from the Flying Horse or some run down club on the way into town. The usual Friday night drama, seven pints down, the night still young at 10pm. I wish that was the kind of petty drama that my life held. Then again, I didn't, because I had everything I had ever wanted, it was just all swimming amongst mess, perfection screwed up into disaster.

"Chip?" Carla's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I turn my head to face her, as she puts a bag of chips down on the bench in between us. I am in completely awe for a moment and the stunned silence shows. After refusing to eat for days, now of all times, she had been out to buy a bag of chips.

"...No thanks." Is all I respond with, staring off back down the street and she leans back, looking in the same direction.

"...You never really talked about your dad before." She tells me, picking up a chip and munching on it quietly. "I shouldn't have said what I did."

"No you shouldn't." I agree, because what was the point in lying to her.

"You know I didn't mean it." She begins. "Nick I am so-"

"Sorry, yes I know." I sigh, feeling trapped in the same circle. I didn't want to feel like this. I never ever wanted us to be in this position, but everything suddenly felt so stuck. We wouldn't sleep, we wouldn't eat, we'd argue, we'd apologise, then we wouldn't sleep because we were thinking about it. It was a vicious cycle and it was slowly ruining us. I hated the fact I was thinking it, and I had no clue if she was thinking the same thing. Probably not. She probably thought we would wake up tomorrow and do it all over again and I wouldn't be expecting it. Then again, she was smart, of course she knew. Who was I kidding?

"He'd be so proud of you." Her voice is soft and I fight back tears. "Imagine what he'd have said about having a grandson?"

"He'd already have one." I point out, bluntly. "And a granddaughter. Sarah got there first. The excitement would have dulled by now."

"You said yourself he loved you." She says quietly. "If you love someone, it doesn't matter what order things happen in. It's still just as special."

"Are we still talking about my dad here?" I swallow and she goes quiet. "At least Alfie's got Johnny, hey. And Roy. He can be stand-in grandad number two."

"Your dad is just as much a grandad to Alfie as mine is." Carla dares to tell me and I bite my lip, feeling a tear trickle down my cheek.

"Yeah except he'll never know." I mutter and Carla's hand meets mine, squeezing it gently.

"He will." She whispers, tapping my chest gently and she doesn't have to say anything else for me to know what she means. I try to stop myself from crying but I can't.

"This is all damaged." I cry, and she looks slightly upset herself at seeing me like this. "I'm so damaged."

"Sweetie, we'll fix it." She promises me and I dare myself to look at her.

"Will we?" I stupidly ask and she nods. "Just like the smashed china over our kitchen floor?"

"I'll stop." She tells me.

"No you won't." I shake my head, smiling slightly. "This doesn't have to be this hard. Why are we making it so hard?" My eyes fall to her wrist and I jump straight to conclusions at the bruises that line it. "Oh my God... Oh no... No."

"What?" She panics, following my gaze as I burst into tears. "Nick-"

"Oh no." I stand up, pulling away from her and she follows me as I try to walk away. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"Nick!" She calls after me and I stop in my tracks, leaning up against the barrier and squeezing my hand tightly around it. "Sweetheart, they're from the accident!"

"No." I shake my head, looking at her and she nods, showing me her wrist again.

"They are. I promise you." She sounds so certain, tilting my head to face her. "I promise you."

"I hurt you." I whimper, my dignity well and truly demolished, and yet I didn't even care.

"You didn't." She assures me. "Nick, listen to me."

"Carla-" I begin.

"No, listen to me. Please just..." She whispers, her tone was so gentle that I stop, turning to look at her. "You could never hurt me."

"I've cut your face." I remind her, my voice low.

"We're not going back over that again." She shakes her head. "I've just punched you in the chest, I think we're even."

"How do you do it?" I mumble and she stares at me inquisitively. "One moment you're completely falling apart, crying your eyes out, the next you can be angry and raging at anyone and anything, and then half an hour later you'll be a complete pillar of strength, all mature and inspirational."

"Inspirational?" Carla smiles and it makes me do the same. "...I guess that's just the magic that is me."

"Must be having a mid-life crisis or something." I shrug and she nudges me playfully, leaning over the bar so she was stood next to me, staring off down the street. "I shouldn't have shouted at you. I know how hard this is... There's just no controlling you when you're in that state."

"I know." She replies. "Nick... You do realise you are the most important person in Alfie's life. What I said about dad's..."

"You've said similar things before." I remind her.

"I don't know why though, I really don't." She sighs, apologetically. "Because I far from mean it. You are just the most amazing role model for our child, I can't think of anybody who's a better dad than you. And that I do mean. I must just... I don't know, I never knew what that was like. I only ever had George growing up. Johnny was never really there and I had no clue did I? For all I knew my dad bailed on me before I was even born. I suppose I just got into my head that dad's were rubbish, because of my own petty experiences... But you've proved that so wrong. So, so wrong."

"It's hardly petty." I respond and I feel her gaze on the side of my head. "You had the upbringing from hell, it's scarred you, I don't blame you." I continue to study the Bistro sign intently, as if I'd never seen it before. "I'm sorry I wouldn't have sex with you."

"You could have phrased that a bit better." She mutters and I laugh slightly, finally turning my head to look at her. "And keep your voice down, else I'll have the likes of Daniel Osbourne and Kirk Sutherland thinking they're in with a chance."

"Daniel Osbourne." I scoff slightly, rolling my eyes and she grins. "Bit young for you, even by your standards."

"Oi!" She taps me lightly on the arm and I turn my body so it faces hers, pulling her in to kiss her gently.

"Still want to feel something?" I dare to ask and she swallows, studying my expression in case I was winding her up, which I still couldn't imagine would be a smart move. She nods hesitantly and I brush the hair out of her face, kissing her again.

"I thought you said no." She reminds me, quietly.

"Well I need to stop making your decisions for you, don't I?" I tell her. "I'll be gentle. If you want me to stop at any time, you say and I will."

"I know." She whispers, kissing me again, seductively trailing her fingers across my crotch.

"Not here." I grin, tugging on her hand and she chases me back towards the house, leaving the abandoned bag of chips on the bench. My fingers fumble with the lock, as she pushes me against the door and it swings open, knocking me back against the wall that she pins me up against. "Ok, careful sweetheart."

"Shh." She smiles, moving down to place kisses along my collarbone, sucking gently on my sensitive spots as I run my fingers up and down her back. I scoop her hair up with my hand and she meets my gaze momentarily, moving in to kiss me again. Her fingers begin to work their way down the buttons on my shirt, pushing it back off my shoulders easily and hearing a dull thump as it hits the floor. "Come on." She grabs my hand, pulling me up the stairs and kissing me again as soon as we reach the bedroom.

I am careful not to push her, not to make any swift movements or touch her in any way that might hurt her. Instead, I soften the kiss, grazing my thumb up and down her thigh, before toying with the hem of her top. Her fingers dance across my crotch, her palm falling flat against it and I can't help myself hardening at her touch, which she seems satisfied at. She lets out a low mumble as I slip my fingers into her jeans, trying to freely move them within the restriction of the material. I can feel the wetness building and decide not to waste any further time, retracting my hand and pulling her top up over her head. I move in to kiss her, as she tilts her head to the side slightly, offering me the opportunity to kiss her neck, my lips gliding over her silky skin. I continue to do this, before her body begins to feel limp and a lot more lifeless. A tear trickles down my cheek, and I am very aware it wasn't my own. I instantly pull away, seeing her devastated expression. Oh God. What had I done?

"Carla? Have I hurt you?" I immediately stress, abandoning any desires I had beforehand. "Hey, it's ok. You're safe. It's me."

"No." She shakes her head, bursting into tears and folding her arms defensively over her body.

"Sit down." I whisper, falling back on the bed and holding my arms out for her to join me. To my surprise, she sits herself in my lap, crying into my chest as I gently rock her, protecting her. "Hey, don't worry, you're safe. I've got you."

"It's not that." She manages to mumble and I continue to stroke my fingers through her hair comfortingly. I pull the throw off the end of the bed and wrap it around her body to keep her warm, since her top was discarded on the floor. "I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to apologise for." I whisper, as she tilts her head to look at me, completely shattered and broken. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, I promise Nick." She reassures me. "You're perfect, you do everything perfect. I just... Saw my reflection in the mirror."

"Hey?" I frown, glancing across to the mirror in the corner of the room as if it was going to show me what she saw two minutes prior to this moment. "What do you mean?"

"My body is ruined." She whimpers and I stare back at her, concerned. "Nick..."

"Hey, no it's not." I try to reassure her and she slowly removes the blanket from around her, my eyes falling to the bruises and stretch marks that coated her stomach and ribs. I hadn't even noticed until now, and it didn't phase me in the slightest. In fact, it made me love her even more, more than I could ever imagine. "Look at me." I tilt her head upwards. "Listen."

"I know what you're going to say." She murmurs, tears silently sliding down her cheeks.

"But you don't know how much I mean it, do you?" I prompt her and she shakes her head. "You are beautiful. You've always been beautiful, and you're even more beautiful now."

"I'm not... I'm disgusting." She cries and it breaks my heart. "I disgust myself. I used to be so vain... I used to actually look in the mirror and like what I saw. Everything has taken its toll on me now, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, and do you know what? That's so special." I whisper, tilting my forehead against hers. "Because you're still here, you survived all of that-"

"Just." She adds and I have to bite my lip at the word. "Somehow."

"But you are." I tell her firmly, daring myself to trace a finger over her tummy. "All of this, all of you. It's perfect to me. It really is. Honestly, it reminds me how much I love you. We've come through so much together, Carla. That's made us strong. It's an achievement."

"Why are you so nice to me?" She whispers and I laugh lightly.

"Have a guess." I kiss her softly, feeling her tears staining my cheeks. "I mean it."

"They want to take Alfie off the ventilator." She says quietly, pulling away. "The nurse told me today."

"Is that a good sign?" I question and she nods.

"Must be." She replies. "She said he's getting stronger."

"Well..." I trail off, trying to process the information. "Is that risky?"

"I don't know." She swallows. "Apparently we need an appointment with the consultant... I don't... Ugh, I can't even remember fully my head was mashed."

"Why don't you try and get some sleep?" I suggest, kissing her forehead. "I'll hold you."

"...I should listen to you, shouldn't I?" She smiles slightly. "You know me better than I know myself. You knew I wasn't ready."

"Yeah but you're a stubborn cow." I nudge her and she raises her eyebrows. "We've got all the time in the world, sweetheart."

"Mm." She nods, melting into my chest as I lie back, wrapping the blanket back around her. I play with her hair absentmindedly, watching her eyes flutter closed, her breathing soften. "I love you."

"I love you too." I return as she falls asleep in my chest.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49:**

 **Nick**

"You shouldn't be behind the bar." I smile as I feel a pair of hands clasp themselves over my eyes, immediately retracting at my words.

"How did you know that was me?" Carla exclaims as I turn around to face her.

"Well I'd be a bit worried if it was Daniel or Robert." I frown and she shrugs, leaning up against the counter and eyeing up the wine in front of her. "Uh, excuse me, you're a customer, that side please."

"Make me." She bites her lip playfully. "Customer. You'll have me giving you tips next."

"You don't even pay the bill." I grin. "Never mind tips."

"Joint bank account baby, what's yours is mine and all that." She points out and I raise my eyebrows. "That's not quite the saying, is it?"

"No but it's very true." I laugh and she slaps me lightly. "Drink? Or are you going to serve yourself?"

"Glass of that." She narrows her eyes, pointing to a bottle of red wine. "Malbec."

"Mm." I nod, taking it off the shelf and pouring her out a glass. She takes it from me, looking down at it and then back at me. "Remind you of anything?"

"Always." She smiles in recollection, before taking a sip.

"You'll put customers off being behind here." I tease her and she shoots me a look. "I'll have to get you kitted out in waitress gear again."

"I'd like to see you try." She scoffs. "Anyway, what do you mean put them off? You once told me that I was very attractive window dressing around this place."

"Yeah except now you're my window dressing." I remind her and she looks amused at my comment, chewing the edge of her glass as she watches me.

"You so wanted me that night." She whispers, a slightly seductive tone to her voice.

"Got you in the end." I respond, unable to keep the smile off my face.

"Haha, you're not denying it." She laughs, as I turn my head to see Bethany approaching the bar.

"No, you're not having any kind of alcoholic beverage." I tell her before she can even open her mouth.

"I'm eighteen in two weeks." She mutters, staring down at the counter. "You can't stop me then."

"Well aren't you in a delightful mood?" I raise my eyebrows and she looks up at me, sullenly.

"This time last year I was burned with a cigarette, then drugged and raped by three random strangers." The words fall out of her mouth, quietly and I freeze, immediately shocked by her response. "Forgive me if I'm not skipping around laughing and joking."

"Bethany-" I begin, trying to keep my tone calm at what I had just been hit with.

"Anyway, look I know you're on maternity leave." She turns to Carla, who looks equally as devastated by her words. "But we need your signature on here. It's the McKnees contract. Johnny said it's because you initially evaluated it or something-"

"Why don't me and you go and sit down over there and have a chat?" Carla suggests, her voice surprisingly gentle and reassuring.

"I'm working." Bethany responds, bluntly, holding the contract out.

"For your boss. Who's sat here." She points to herself, smiling comfortingly. "Please?"

"...I don't really want to talk in public." She mumbles and Carla nods understandingly.

"Right ok." Carla downs the wine in her hand. "Home it is then, come on."

"Carla?" I call after her, not even knowing why and she turns, waiting for my response. "...I love you."

"Love you." She blows me a kiss before linking Bethany's arm and exiting the Bistro. I lean up against the bar, trying to process the words I had heard, wishing I had been here to protect her. I was always in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hated myself for it.

 **Carla**

"Wine?" Bethany raises an eyebrow, as I sit down opposite her, handing her the glass.

"Like you say, you're eighteen in two weeks." I shrug, folding my legs beneath me. "You look like you could do with it."

"...Yeah." She lowers her head, taking a sip from her glass and I reach for her hand, which she instantly tears away from me, looking shocked.

"Oh God... Sorry." I apologise, feeling stupid for making any sort of contact. I knew exactly how that felt, when thoughts were reeling in your head and the slightest bit of contact makes you panic. "Sorry... That was stupid of me."

"No, it's not your fault." She sighs, looking embarrassed by her actions. "You were trying to be nice."

"I remember..." I pause, debating whether it would make the situation better or worse if I relayed her the story. "When I had this meeting with a client, shortly after he happened. He put his hand on his leg and I just completely freaked out. I'm sorry, I should have known."

"It was a year ago, I should be over it." She shrugs, avoiding my gaze.

"It's almost seven years ago for me." I reply. "I'm not over it. Never will be."

"...It's weird, sometimes I'll be fine... And Craig will play with my hair or stroke my arm and it won't even phase me." She tells me. "But then other times, even the slightest brush of his fingers against my skin and that's it, I panic, jump up. It upsets him, I can tell, even though he denies it."

"It's natural." I assure her and she finally meets my gaze. "...I don't want to mention it, if it's gonna make things worse. I mean, I brought you here to try and cheer you up, not upset you even more."

"...I don't usually like to talk about it." She lowers her voice, as if someone was going to overhear us. "But it's different with you... You get it."

"...Bethany, what you went through." I sigh, closing my eyes momentarily and not wanting to think about something so evil happening to somebody so sweet and innocent. "Is unimaginable... I'm just glad they're all behind bars. They can't hurt you again. They're gone. For good."

"I know." She nods, finally meeting my gaze. "It doesn't stop the memories though, or the nightmares, or the panic attacks... It doesn't stop me thinking about how this time last year, I was the most lost and terrified I had ever felt... When my head was pounding from whatever was mixed with my drink and the first time I'd felt that stinging sensation on my arm... Then the door closed... And they all just... Pounced on me. All three of them. Grown men. Like I was just a piece of meat... And I just remember thinking 'why', and wanting it to stop, wishing more than anything I was at home with mum, when she'd wrap the blanket around both of us and stick some cheesy film on the television. I kept trying to think about these things, to imagine I wasn't there, and to pretend they weren't tearing at my clothes, ripping my dress, fighting over me... But none of it worked, because I was scared and it was happening and... They all... Raped me."

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, fighting back tears because it wasn't my turn to cry. She glances at the wall, allowing tears to silently slide down her cheeks.

"...It's never going to end is it?" She looks back at me, wishing for me to say the words that I couldn't. "I'm going to remember that all of my life... Aren't I?" She drags a hand across her face, trying to clear her tears.

"They'll dull." I murmur, trying to give her some kind of reassurance, at the same time as staying truthful to her. "...You'll learn to overcome it... But it won't go away."

"I feel bad." She suddenly looks back at me, her eyes widening slightly. "I haven't even asked how Alfie is."

"You don't need to." I reply, smiling slightly. "You've got bigger, much bigger things to worry about."

"I haven't had a chance to talk to you properly about it... I didn't think you'd really be up to visitors to begin with." She worries and I put my glass down on the table, as she reaches forward to take my hand in hers. I gently graze my finger over the back of it, meeting her gaze.

"You know you and your brother are so special to me." I admit and she looks touched. "And trust me, when I first got to know the gobby teenager who ate chips in the street and wound me up about her uncle, I never thought I'd be saying that... And Alfie's going to be lucky to have you as a cousin. I mean that."

 **Nick**

I open the door hesitantly, not wanting to interrupt anything, but to my surprise Bethany is already by the door, putting her coat on. I stare at her for a moment and she gives me an awkward smile.

"I'm sorry for what I said." She mumbles, looking almost guilty.

"You don't need to apologise for anything." I assure her and she smiles, before holding her arms out to hug me. I return her embrace, kissing the side of her head and holding her protectively for a moment. "I'd kill him. But he's locked away so, you're safe. You're safe with us, ok?"

"I know." She pulls away, staring up at me. She looked a lot more stable now that she had spent some time with Carla. I didn't know how she did it, but that woman really was a miracle worker sometimes. "I'd better get back. Aidan will be moaning on."

"Well tell him from me, he can get over it." Carla calls over to her from the sofa. "Else I'll break his highlighter pens."

"I'll send him your love." Bethany grins, looking back at me. "See you uncle Nicky."

"See you kid." I hold the door open for her and she smiles appreciatively before leaving, allowing me to close it behind her. I stand, staring at the closed door for a moment, before a pair of arms wrap around my neck.

"You ok?" Carla whispers and I nod, before turning to look at her, her hands interlinked in the same position. "She's lucky to have you."

"She's lucky to have _you_." I mutter, dipping my head. "I can't do anything to help her."

"Don't beat yourself up." She tilts a hand under my chin, raising my head so our eyes meet. "You couldn't have known, sweetheart. Not even Sarah or David knew, and it was happening right under their noses."

"It makes me feel sick." I shake my head and she studies me, letting me get my feelings out. "How men can just do that... To her, to you..."

"And then there's men like you." She nudges her nose against mine, kissing me gently. "Who care, and love, and are so gentle..."

"I wouldn't be anything else." I whisper, her eyes flickering closed before looking back into mine. She swallows, our lips inches from one another.

"Come to bed with me." She murmurs, and I don't even respond with some kind of comment about how it could be too soon, or pull away, or even show any recognition of surprise at her request. "You'll be gentle... I'm ready, I promise."

"We'll go at your pace." I reply, quietly, kissing her softly and she returns it, romantically kissing my lower lip. I pick her up, carrying her upstairs to the bedroom, laying her down carefully on the bed and watching as her hair fans out beneath her, her sea green eyes searching mine. She was the most beautiful, precious human being I had ever known. I would stop at nothing to protect her. I dip my head close to hers, watching not to press my body down on top of her too much, supporting myself so I can just take in her face. I reach my hand out, gently pushing a piece of hair behind her ear, grazing my thumb over her cheekbone, a small, meaningful and appreciative smile showing on my face. "You are so perfect."

"So are you." She whispers, staring up at me before she pulls me closer to kiss her. It was such an affectionate embrace, sweet and soft. She smiles as I kiss her, holding my hand to her cheek, her hands falling into my hair, where they close and open now and again, to reassure herself. Her hands move to my shirt, effortlessly unbuttoning it without even needing to look, and she pulls it open, placing her palm flat against my chest.

Within minutes we have subtly undressed one another, and I break the kiss to look down at her once again, ensuring she was confident for me to continue. The look on her face says it all, and she traces a finger along my jawline, smiling up at me as I very carefully guide myself into her, erasing the pain and building the love.

 **Carla**

"You alright?" I feel Nick kiss my neck affectionately as his arms wrap around my waist.

"Mm." I hum, as his fingers play with the buttons on his shirt that I was wearing, from behind. He plants a kiss onto my neck, smoothing my hair back and I turn to face him, our eyes meeting. "Did you want tea or not?"

"I'm not fussed." He laughs slightly and I place my thumb against his chin as I often did when I couldn't help myself. "Was that alright for you?"

"More than." I nod, soaking up his care and attentiveness.

"It didn't hurt?" He checks and I smile, kissing him again.

"No." I murmur into his skin. "Stop worrying."

"That's hard when I've never felt like this about anybody." He whispers and I watch as his eyes meet mine, the smile spreading further across my face as I blush, dipping my head.

"I thought this faded, when we became parents." I tell him and he kisses my forehead. "Apparently not."

"I don't think this will ever fade, babe." He assures me.

"Well good." I return, my hands playing with his hair absentmindedly. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Aren't you glad I'm not?" He grins and I bite my lip gently.

"So... What is this? A lazy afternoon?" I guess, searching his expression. "You going to treat me to take-away and all?"

"Why don't you treat me to take-away?" He teases me. "You own a business and all."

"Ok then." I pout slightly as he smoothes down the collar of his shirt, around my neck. "What do you want?"

"I'm joking, baby." He runs his fingers through my hair. "Besides, you said yourself; what's yours is mine, even though you got it the wrong way around."

"Sounds better that way though." I kiss him. "So, tea?"

 **24th May**

 **Nick**

"Happy anniversary." I greet as I enter the living room, my eyes falling upon where Carla was sat in the arm chair, staring into space. I hold out a small rectangular gift and she turns to face me, frowning as if trying to process the two words I had just thrown at her.

"Huh?" She finally acknowledges me, my eyes darting to the mug of coffee in her hand, before back to her.

"Happy anniversary." I repeat, already knowing she had forgotten and not caring in the slightest. "Wedding anniversary... Two years..."

"We celebrate that?" She narrows her eyes and I have to admit, it wasn't the response I was expecting. I had my whole speech lined up about how it didn't matter and we would have plenty more to come. But it didn't seem like I'd need to use it. "Since when?"

"Well... Most married couples do." I point out. "We did last year in Devon, remember?"

"Oh yeah..." She trails off. "And then we came back here the next day, and I drank myself into oblivion out of self-loathing and guilt. As I did this time two years ago. Still, I guess some things don't change, ey?"

"I think a lot has changed since last year." I remind her, waving the present in her face which she reluctantly takes from me.

"I haven't got you anything." She responds, not seeming bothered in the slightest. "Not even a card."

"That's ok." I manage a weak smile and she studies me for a moment.

"Yeah, it's not though, is it?" She sighs, beginning to unwrap it and pulling out the black leather box, opening it up to find the earrings I had bought her. "I don't need any more jewellery."

"...Ok, sorry." I cant help feeling slightly hurt after spending about an hour in the Precinct the other day trying to find something that would make her smile. "I can take them back."

"No... They're beautiful." She closes her eyes momentarily, as if trying to drag herself out of the depressive mood she was in. "Nick, honestly they're gorgeous. Thank you."

"I've got the receipt if you want to take them back?" I offer.

"I said they're fine." She snaps slightly and I back away, staring at her worn down expression before retreating to the kitchen. I proceed to make myself a cup of coffee, before a pair of arms wrap around my waist and kisses are placed repetitively on my ear. "I'm so sorry."

"Mm." I smile, fending her off before turning around and observing her innocent expression. "Guess what?"

"I'm forgiven?" She asks cutely and I raise my eyebrows.

"You know you are." I kiss her briefly.

"Happy anniversary." She mumbles apologetically. "They're really beautiful, honestly thank you so much... I bet you spent ages picking them out and all."

"I did." I nod and she looks guilty. "I'm sorry, I know you've got a lot of jewellery."

"Don't apologise." She slaps me lightly on the arm. "I'll get you something special."

"Oh yeah." I raise my eyebrows and she sighs, briefly lowering her head into my chest before taking my hands in hers. "You've just given me a son, you don't need to get me anything else."

"Let me take you out?" She begs, looking at me longingly. "Anywhere you like?"

"Yes well right now the only place we are going to, is the hospital." I remind her. "So are you ready?"

"Yeah." She slumps back against the wall and I watch her for a moment.

"Smile." I kiss her briefly and she manages a weak one. "Come on."

* * *

"Hi." Daisy, one of the nurses looking after Alfie greets us as soon as we enter the room. "How are you both?"

"Top of the world." Carla mutters sarcastically and I put an arm around her shoulders. She pauses for a second before heading past us and over to Alfie's cot. "Oh, is he off the ventilator?"

"Has been for an hour now." She informs us, as I follow her over. "He's doing really well. We're monitoring him closely, don't worry."

"Mm." Carla just mumbles, stroking her finger across his hand and sighing, leaning her head against the glass. "Open your eyes... Do you reckon he recognises my voice?"

"Yeah." I kiss the side of her head, watching as she stares down at him, longingly.

"Do you want to hold him?" Daisy asks us and Carla's head snaps around in shock. My heart stops beating momentarily and we both try to process the words she has just said.

"What?" Carla blurts out.

"Whilst he's off the ventilator, it's the perfect opportunity." She explains. "But if you don't feel you're ready..."

"Not ready?" Carla's voice cracks. "I've been ready the second I found out I was pregnant... I... Are you being serious?"

"I'll just go and let them know." She gives us a reassuring smile before disappearing and I can feel Carla shaking next to me.

"Hey, relax." I whisper, rubbing my hand up and down her back and she stares at him, her eyes wide. "You look so shocked."

"I am." She swallows, staring at me. "I am shocked." I nod understandingly, as Daisy reappears, fiddling with a few cords and monitors before gently picking him up out of the cot. Carla practically falls back into the chair and my breath catches in my throat. Daisy passes Alfie over hesitantly, as Carla holds her shaking arms out, gasping as she holds him for the first time. She bursts into tears, which I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting me to do so as well. I sit down next to her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders, watching as she rocks him steadily, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Oh my..." She stammers, grazing her finger across his cheek and he opens his eyes momentarily, staring up at her. "Hi..." She bites her lip, and I stroke my finger across his head, feeling the softness of the little hair he had beneath my skin.

"This is the most amazing thing..." I try to stop myself from crying and she nods, unable to tear her eyes away from him.

"He's so warm." She murmurs, leaning down to kiss his forehead and I melt as she does so. "...He smells like babies..."

"Mad that." I smile through tears, doing the same and breathing in his scent. This was the most incredible thing I had ever experienced. I had never felt so many emotions wash over me at once.

"I'm holding my baby..." Carla gasps in disbelief, and I observe how she so naturally supports his head, she didn't need any sort of demonstration, she could do it automatically. She was a mum. "Weeks... Years..."

"Hey look." I point to where he is staring up at her and she continues to cry more, tears pouring down her cheeks and I smile, wiping them away and kissing the side of her head.

"Hi." She whispers to him. "You're beautiful, do you know that? We're going to look after you. No matter what, everything's going to be alright. I promise you."

"Do you want to try feeding him?" Daisy approaches us again and Carla swallows, staring back up at her, eyes wide. I watch her nod slowly, connoting her fear to only me. This was a huge thing for her and something she had longed to do with both Lauren and Alfie. I move my hand up and down her arm supportively, as Daisy helps her to unbutton her top.

"You ok?" I whisper and Carla gulps, managing another small nod. She moves his head closer to her nipple and her face falls for a minute as she tries to work out how to feed him.

"Just relax." Daisy tells her and she closes her eyes momentarily, before I notice him start to gently suck on her.

"Oh my God." Carla's eyes fly open, a look of shock and excitement overcoming her expression.

"See." I plant kisses into her hair, not removing my gaze from where he was feeding from her. I had never felt so happy in my life. The woman I loved more than anything was feeding our son and it was the bond she had longed to have for so long, the most beautiful thing in the world. "See, you're doing it. I told you."

"You did." She mumbles through tears, unable to stop smiling. "Feels weird."

"Good weird?" I trace my fingers through her hair.

"Very good weird." She manages a small laugh, looking down at him feeding from her at last. "...Look, I'm doing it."

"You're doing amazing." I reassure her, stroking my thumb over his head again and watching his eyes flutter closed contently. "Look how relaxed he is."

"Mm." She nods. "It's all tingly... And soft. Does that make sense? Do you think he knows who I am now? He automatically knew who I was... Didn't he?"

"You're his mum, he knows that." I chuckle slightly into her hair at her persistent questioning. "This is something only you and him have. How mad is that?"

"And you." She points out, as he pulls away from her, his eyes opening again and she turns her head to look at me. "Hold your son."

"What?" I stupidly release, instantly nervous beyond belief.

"Here." She lifts him slightly and I retract my arm from around her, as she lowers him into my arms. I feel a sudden warm sensation as I hold him close to my chest, unable to take my eyes away from him. This is the feeling I had longed for, for as long as I could remember. Whilst Sarah and David were having children, I'd craved to understand what that felt like to hold your baby for the first time, to be a dad. Now I knew. "Mm..." She sighs contently, nestling her head into my shoulder after doing the buttons back up on my shirt. "Cute... How does it feel?"

"...Uh." I try to think of a word to summarise it and she laughs into my shoulder, tracing her finger along my cheek. "Wow."

"This is all I've ever wanted." She whispers in my ear and I turn my head to look at her, placing a lasting kiss on her forehead. "Look at us, we're a family."

"We're a family." I repeat, quietly, rocking Alfie gently as he falls back to sleep. "A family."

 **4th June**

 **Carla**

"Do we have to go?" I sigh, reluctantly following Nick out of the front door. "No offence but the last thing I want is to be having a meal with your family. I want to be at the hospital."

"Well he's not gonna go anywhere." Nick reminds me.

"Yeah that's the problem." I mutter and he links his hand with mine as I strut along the cobbles towards the Bistro. "I want to go visit Alfie."

"Carla, it's Bethany's birthday." He stops, turning to face me.

"I want him here." I moan, even though it's not going to do any use, so I was wasting my breath.

"And so do I." He replies. "But the unit won't even be open now anyway and we promised we'd go. Look, we'll sit down, we'll eat, we'll leave. It'll be fine."

"I'm not sitting by your mum." I tell him, as we enter the Bistro and I see the typical set up of everybody crammed around one table. Nick spots Kate and leans over the bar.

"You want to swap?" He asks and she shakes her head abruptly.

"No thanks." She grins, waving at me. "I'd much rather work."

"Hi Rana." I greet her, as she sips her drink at the side of the bar. "No distracting her from her work."

"Oh yeah, like you never distract Nick." Kate scoffs and I shoot her a playful look, as Nick tugs me off towards the table.

"Hi Carla." Gail stands up to hug me and I glance across the sea of faces staring back at me. Due to camping out in the house or being at the hospital most days, I hadn't even had the chance to discuss Alfie or my well-being with any of Nick's family apart from Bethany, and I knew that unfortunately tonight would be a night to do so, despite being in the worst mood possible to do it.

"Hi." I mutter, giving her a brief hug before Bethany points to the seat next to her. I flop down in it, slumping back against the chair and Nick eyes me up. "Bottle of red, Nick."

"I'll share it with you." He suggests.

"Who said anything about sharing?" I raise my eyebrows at him, bitterly and he watches me for a moment. I was testing him again and I didn't even know why. "So, eighteen hey? What you drinking there?"

"Vodka." Bethany mutters, taking a sip from it.

"And?" I glance at it.

"And vodka." She finishes, putting it back down and I nod, noticing Sarah staring at her worriedly.

"You might be eighteen, but that doesn't mean to say you can go overboard." Sarah warns her, sitting Harry down in the chair next to her.

"Says who?" Bethany retaliates. "It's not like you can stop me anymore."

"When have I ever been able to stop you doing anything?" Sarah points out and David passes me a menu, trying to break the tension.

"No thanks." I hold my hand up. "I'm not eating."

"Yes you are." Nick puts a bottle of wine down and a single glass.

"I'm not hungry." I tell him, as the Bistro door opens and my eyes fixate straight on Toyah and Peter, holding a baby carrier and looking loved up. I stare at them, my gaze following them over to the bar. They place the carrier down on the top, as Toyah unstraps their baby girl, supporting her close to her chest. There is an awkward silence as everybody stares in the direction, and at the lack of rowdiness, Peter looks over, his eyes fixating on me.

"...Drinking with the competition, ey?" I dare myself to stand up, much to Nick's disapproval. "Then again, can't imagine an orange juice makes much difference. I imagine you're on soft drinks as well Toyah, breastfeeding and all."

"Carla sit down." Nick orders as I drain my glass, refusing to look at him.

"I'm only saying hi." I stare at Peter, before shifting my gaze to their daughter, my heart breaking as I watch Toyah rock her steadily. "...Well isn't she perfect?"

"Thanks." Peter responds, bluntly and Toyah flashes me a sympathetic smile, which angers me. I turn to grab the bottle of wine from the table, pouring myself out another glass right under Peter's nose, which he doesn't even look tempted in the slightest at. Of course he wouldn't, everything had worked out for him.

"A little girl." I nod, reaching out my finger to softly graze her cheek. "Now you've got one of each... Again."

"Carla." Nick's voice is softer as he stands up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders and I shrug him off.

"Two beautiful children, hey Peter?" I force a smile.

"Yeah." He stupidly replies because I feel my heart sink.

"...And tomorrow, it'll be four years since I lost your third." I manage to recite, my voice cracking and the table falling completely silent. "Still... At least everything worked out for you in the end, hey?"

"...Our baby girl is just as important to me as Simon and Lucy." He points to his daughter and I swallow at the name choice.

"...Oh yeah." I look back at Toyah. "Bit weird that, isn't it? Naming your kid after his ex wife."

"Simon suggested it." Peter informs me, as if he owed me any kind of explanation.

"I bet Simon's over the moon to have a little sister." I force back tears. "...Happy and healthy..."

"...How's your little boy doing?" Toyah dares to ask and I shrug, finishing my glass of wine, my eyes sunken as I stare at how she is holding their baby, in a public place, like mum's should.

"Alright I guess." I murmur. "You see, Peter, you did he right thing, cheating on me... I bet you're glad I didn't take you back now, aren't you? Congratulations."

I feel Nick's hold on me release and my eyes tear away from their daughter, as I see him storm out of the Bistro. Peter awkwardly turns away from me, ushering Toyah around the corner of the bar.

"Take care, Carla." Peter mumbles and I nod, turning around and staring at the array of disappointed expressions staring up at me.

"Sorry." I mutter, forcing back tears. "Enjoy your meal." I turn on my heel, leaving the Bistro and debating going after Nick. I head back in the direction of the house, before a voice causes me to freeze and I snap my head around to face Bethany.

"Come here." She pulls me into a hug, the one member the family that didn't want to have a go at me about being unreasonable and insensitive. I begin to cry into her shoulder and I feel stupid for it, breaking down in a teenager's arms. She finally releases me and I scrape back the tears with my hand, trying to regain myself. "Right well... We can go back in there, and bore ourselves to death. We can go and find Nick and receive a lecture. Or we could go into town?"

"...I like the third option." I respond, even though I knew it was so wrong, and it definitely would not raise my standards in the eyes of the Platt's. But Bethany was offering me a release from reality and right now I was weak enough to take it.

* * *

"So how does this work?" Bethany sets her eyes upon the bright reds and greens of the casino, the spinning golds and rowdy voices from elated or disappointed customers. "Because I literally have no clue how to play these games."

"Follow my lead, kid." I flop down into a spare seat in front of the table. "I'll teach you everything you need to know. Cheers."

"Cheers." She grins, tilting her glass of champagne against mine and taking a sip.

"Carla Connor?" A familiar face smiles back at me, surprise woven into his tone. "Long time, no see."

"Dominic. And it's Tilsley now, actually. It really has been a long time." I greet him and he glances across to Bethany. "It's her eighteenth, thought I'd introduce her to the outside world."

"That's a risky game." He raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah well I've played enough of those." Bethany mutters and I put my arm around her, taking a handful of counters and dispersing them evenly upon the board. She watches intently as the nostalgic rattle sounds, and the roulette spins before our eyes, eventually slowing.

"Black seventeen." Dominic recites and I smile victoriously as he passes me a handful of counters.

"Is that good?" Bethany checks, noticing my expression.

"Getting off to a good start." I nod.

"How much is that?" Bethany points to the pile I am now ownership of. "How much did you win?"

"Don't know exactly until I cash it in." I shrug. "Couple of hundred maybe."

"A couple of hundred?" Her eyes widen.

"That's peanuts in comparison to what I've won before, darling." I assure her. "Or lost, usually the latter."

"Well in that case, I want to play." She pulls her purse out and I look across at the notes inside it. "It's my birthday money."

"You're not gambling your birthday money." I tell her and she frowns at me.

"Why?" She asks and I sigh, as she pulls a wad from her purse, handing it to Dominic and I pull it from her grasp before he can.

"Because that's been given to you as a present from your family and friends." I reply, handing it back to her. "You need to spend it on something special, not chuck it down the drain."

"Well you're chucking yours down the drain." She points out. "Well actually, no, you're practically quadrupling it, so I want in."

"You said yourself, you don't know how to play." I remind her.

"So, I'll just copy you." She shrugs.

"Your mum would behead me if she knew you'd lost all your birthday money because you copied me in a game of roulette." I tell her.

"Mum would behead you anyway, if she knew you had brought me here." She informs me and a wrench of guilt tugs in my stomach. "Besides, why come here if I can't play?"

"Place your bets please." Dominic sounds and I sigh, getting my own purse out and handing her one hundred pounds in notes.

"Call it an additional birthday present or an advance on your wages, I don't know." I hold it out and she takes it hesitantly. "Just don't use your own money, please."

 **Nick**

"Hi, you've reached Carla Tilsley." Carla's voicemail recites yet again. "Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

"Carla. Answer your phone now." I snap, not even trying to make my voice gentle. "I'm worried." I throw it back down on the sofa, trying to go through the list of places I had already searched.

"No luck?" David checks, as if it wasn't obvious and I shake my head. "You don't reckon she's gone to Craig's with Bethany?"

"She might be drunk." I mutter. "But I don't think she's drunk enough to optionally go round to Beth Tinker's house."

"Well text me if you hear anything." David heads towards the door. "I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Yeah, cheers." I respond, sarcastically, watching him leave and trying Carla's phone again before getting up and grabbing my coat. I head over the road to number five, banging on the door loudly.

"Uh, what do you want?" Beth answers, confused as to why I was stood on her doorstep.

"Craig and Bethany in?" I ask and she glances behind her as Craig approaches.

"Well Craig is." Beth points to him. "But I don't know about Bethany."

"...She's not with you?" I stare at Craig, warily and he shakes his head.

"Did she say she was?" He asks and I toss up whether I wanted to worry more people or not.

"No, just thought I'd check here before I went around to number 8." I lie. "Any chance to avoid mum, hey?"

"Tell me about it." Craig drones and Beth hits him lightly on the arm as I flash them an awkward smile.

"Anyway, thanks." I mutter, walking away and setting off towards my next destination. Panic begins to set in. If Bethany was lying about where she was, and she wasn't with Craig or my family, I had a distinctive feeling I knew who she was with, and at this point in time, it didn't seem like a good mix.

"Tim?" I lean up against the counter in Streetcars and he turns to look at me. "My wife been in?"

"Your wife?" He narrows his eyes. "Sorry... Which one are you married to at the minute?"

"Carla." I respond, bluntly and he nods in recognition.

"Oh, yeah." He checks the system. "She was in here with that blonde girl about two hours ago."

"Bethany?" I check.

"That's the one." He snaps his fingers together.

"Well where did they go?" I persist and he glances at his computer, his face falling slightly when he sees the destination.

"Uh... Client's destinations are actually supposed to be kept confidential." He worries.

"Tim." I snap, and he turns his head to look at me. "Where did they go?"

"...Sunset Casino." He recites, awkwardly and I squeeze my eyes shut in disbelief. No way, absolutely no way was this happening. "If you need a cab, we've got-"

"No thanks." I mutter before leaving, running back to the car and jumping into it. This has pushed the boundaries far enough, Carla gambling alone was unacceptable, but taking Bethany with her. She had reached a whole new level.

 **Carla**

"Eyy." I slump against the counter, watching as Bethany pulls a pile of counters towards her, giggling excessively. "You're a natural at this."

"Don't know who I take after." She slurs, downing the final contents of yet another bottle of champagne. "Then again we've probably spent most of the money earned on this."

"Earned." I scoff, counting out the takings we had between us. "Maybe we should call it a night."

"Oh I'm having fun." She grins, leaning precariously over to one side of her stool, almost unable to remain upright. "It's my birthday."

"But I think we've had enough for one night." I didn't know why I was trying to act responsible now, because I hadn't done a very good job of it so far. "Besides, Nick will be wondering where I am."

"And what are you going to say?" Bethany questions. "Because I don't think you can exactly act sober."

"Ah I've had a lot of practice." I shrug, proudly. "Where do they think you are now?"

"Craig's." She drones, flopping down against the polished wood, her head resting on the table momentarily.

"Carla, I think she needs to go." Dominic tells me and I watch her eyes flutter closed.

"Hey you, wakey wakey." I shake her and she sits up again. "We'll get a hotel room. I'll just tell Nick we stopped at Michelle's, it'll all be fine."

"Will it?" My heart almost stops beating as I turn my head to face Nick. He looked absolutely devastated, not even angry, just pure disappointment.

"Nick-" I panic, trying to sit Bethany up and he glances at her, worriedly.

"How much as she had?" He stresses, holding her upright and glancing at the counters on the table. "...You've let her gamble."

"No..." I try to deny. "Well yes but with my money."

"And that makes it ok?" He shouts and my eyes widen as he picks her up. "Car. Now." He orders and I don't even respond with some sarcy comment, I just stand up, gathering the counters and throwing them into a bag.

"I need to cash these in." I mutter and he stares at me in disbelief. "...It's almost a grand's worth."

"I don't believe you." He shakes his head, leaving me as he carries Bethany towards the exit. I pause, swallowing regretfully and heading over to the till, throwing down the bag on the counter and waiting as the cashier counts it out, handing me a wad of carefully counted notes.

"I'd hate to see you when you lose." She studies me.

"I have lost." I mutter, before heading towards the double doors and finding our car parked on double yellows outside. I pull the passenger door open, hesitantly sitting down in the seat and turning my head to where Nick had strapped Bethany in the back, asleep as she slumps against the window. I look back at Nick, trying to formulate some kind of excuse but having nothing. "...I'm sorry."

"Don't even bother Carla." He snaps, turning the engine on and I decide to sit there in silence as he drives home. He cautiously pulls up outside the house, checking the coast is clear before chucking me the keys and unloading Bethany from the back of the car. "Quickly." He says and I fumble with the keys in the lock, trying to see straight as I force the door open. He lays her down on the sofa and I just watch from the corner of the room as he shakes her gently. "Bethany? Can you hear me?"

"Are you going to tell Sarah?" I manage to ask, even though it's the most stupid thing to say.

"Not unless you want nothing to do with either of her children again." He tells me, harshly, refusing to look up from where he is placing his hand against her forehead. The words hit me hard and I hesitantly approach him, putting the wad of notes down on the coffee table, which he acknowledges briefly before scoffing. "Bethany?"

"Mm." She mumbles, shifting uncomfortably. "Sick..."

"Get me a bucket." Nick orders and I obediently go into the kitchen, returning with a washing up bowl seconds before Bethany throws up into it.

"It's a good job you don't mind sick." I try to make casual conversation as he supports the bowl for her. "Me for seven months and now this."

"You make it sound like a hobby." Nick mutters and I watch him tie her hair back so it was out of her way. It reminded me of the butterflies I used to get when he did that with me; despite the pain and the nausea and the worry, he'd sit there with me for hours, for as long as it took, because I was carrying his baby and giving him the world. Now I was just disappointing him on a daily basis, and I had really pushed the limits this time. "Ok sweetheart, let it out."

"I'm so tired." Bethany murmurs when she has finished being sick. "Just want to go to sleep."

"Alright." Nick picks her up again, carrying her upstairs and I pick up the bowl of liquid, wincing at it as I carry it into the bathroom, pouring it down the toilet. It makes me gag, and before long I am also throwing up into the basin. When I finally finish, I flush the toilet, turning my head towards the door and seeing Nick leant up against the door frame, watching me. Just watching me, not tying my hair up or rubbing my back. I didn't deserve that, not tonight.

"...We need to clean this bowl out. I throw it into the bath, turning the taps on to rinse it out. "Hot soapy water-"

"What the hell were you thinking?" Nick demands and I hesitantly stop what I am doing, turning to face him. "You took my niece to a casino and got her drunk. She's a kid."

"She's an adult as of today." I remind him, as if it would help the situation.

"So that justifies it then?" He raises his eyebrows, sighing as he heads back into the living room. "So what triggered this then? What pushed the self destruct button this time? Was it seeing Peter and his baby?"

"Partially." I admit. "But not because it was Peter, because it was anybody. Anybody with a healthy and happy baby."

"And also the fact it was Peter." Nick corrects me and I pause, slowly nodding.

"...Because it hurt that I failed, again." My voice cracks, and I don't want to open up to him in case he thinks it's just a guilt trip, which it was far from. "I always fail... And it wasn't him, Nick. There's nothing there anymore, absolutely nothing at all. But seeing him with somebody who doesn't always fail, it hurts, because I've done the same to you... I just want to walk into the Bistro, like they did, with Alfie and show him off to the world. Pick him up out of his pram whenever I like, rock him, feed him, have old ladies come up and admire him... But I can't, because I've failed, again."

"You haven't failed though, have you?" He prompts me. "Because you have a son. You are a mum. Except instead of accepting that, you go out drinking and gambling. With my niece. What would you have done if Sarah had found out?"

"I..." I stammer. "I don't know, Nick."

"You never do." He raises his voice slightly. "You never think about what you're doing until it's too late. As soon as the red light flashes that's it, except this time you had to have somebody to tag along with you. So what? Did you introduce her to all your old friends? Demonstrate how to completely ruin her life at the age of eighteen?"

"It was just a bit of fun." I argue.

"It's not though, is it?" He shouts. "Because you've lost thousands and thousands of pounds in that place before. You're irresponsible! Did you even think about your son once?"

"I'm always thinking about him!" I retort.

"Oh yeah evidently!" He yells. "Because being a good mum is all about going out, getting bladdered and throwing your life savings down the drain." My face crumbles at his words, completely shocked at his response. I fall back against the wall, staring at him, hurt, watching his face soften as he realises what he's said. "I didn't mean it like that... Carla..."

"See... You just said it yourself." I whisper, weakly, allowing tears to slide down my cheeks. "I'm a rubbish mum... I knew it."

"No." He shakes his head, guilt woven into his expression. "I didn't mean that. Carla, come on. You know I didn't mean that."

"That hurt." I burst into tears and his eyes widen, coming towards me and pulling my shaking frame into his arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He repeats. "I didn't mean it like that, I never would. Please, you know that."

"I just want to be a good mum and I can't. I can't. It hurts." I cry, weakly clinging on to him.

"Look at me." He clasps my face in his hands. "Listen to me. You are an amazing mum. That all came out wrong. You know I didn't mean that, I didn't. I'm just so... Shocked at tonight..."

"I don't know why I did it." I tell him, looking into his eyes. "I don't know why I ever do it..."

"Right, so here's what is going to happen." Nick tells me. "She's going to sleep it off. Then in the morning we'll sober her up. And we'll say that you found her on her way to Craig's, and asked if she wanted to go shopping for her birthday present, and then brought her back here for food afterwards."

"You're not going to tell them?" I search his expression and he shakes his head. "They hate me enough... I'm not surprised Gail never approved of me in the first place, because this is what I do."

"I think we both know my family is dysfunctional anyway." He shrugs and I manage a weak smile.

"Is that what I am?" I recite. "Dysfunctional?"

"...Amongst other things." He recalls, kissing me briefly before letting me go. "Go and get some sleep, you need it."

"Nick..." I trail off as I reach the stairs, and he looks back at me. "I'll get better. I'll get help, if that's what you want. I'll stop with the drinking and the flying off the handle. I'll learn to cook, clean, change nappies and I'll go out with the local mum's for coffee dates... If that makes me a better mum."

"That's not what I want. I love you for who you are." He tells me, still looking disappointed at the events of tonight. "...I just want you to realise that this is real now."

"I will." I whisper. "I do."

* * *

 _ **Please leave a review if you get the chance!**_


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50:**

 _ **A/N: This is a really short chapter in comparison to others, but I wanted to get something up. Happy new year!**_

 **Nick**

I hear the soft patter of feet on the kitchen tiles and weigh up my estimations on who it could be, before turning my head to see Carla, guiltily leant up against the kitchen doorframe.

"Morning." I greet, bluntly and she swallows, staring at me intently as if working out what sort of a mood I was in. "How's the head?"

"...I deserve it." She mumbles and I nod, not disagreeing with her. I sigh, closing the newspaper I was pretending to read and going over to her. "Nick I need to talk to you. Please-"

"Have you got any toast?" Bethany interrupts us, rubbing her head as she enters the kitchen and walking through the middle of us. "I am feeling rough."

"Yeah well I'm not surprised." I tell her, as she helps herself to a slice of bread, not bothering to toast it. "How much did you have?"

"Oh I don't know..." She trails off, trying to remember. "It's all a mix of vodka, wine and champagne... Ugh."

"Well that's a lethal combination." I turn to look at Carla, who I can tell is feeling considerably bad about the circumstances.

"Bethany... I am so, so sorry." She apologises and Bethany just shrugs.

"Not your fault, it's me who suggested town." She points out.

"And who suggested the casino?" I raise my eyebrows and Carla shifts her feet uncomfortably.

"Oh come on, it's hardly the crime of the century." Bethany groans. "I'm eighteen, I'm legal, I wanted to go! Carla didn't even let me spend any of my money. How much did we win again?"

"I don't know, almost a grand." Carla mutters.

"And how much did you spend?" I persist.

"Couple of hundred." Carla mumbles, staring down at the floor like she was the naughty teenager. "...It could have been a lot worse."

"Yeah don't remind me." I sigh, leaning back against the table and studying them both in turn. "Why, Carla? Why not just come home and talk to me?"

"Actually that's my fault." Bethany raises her hand awkwardly. "I came after her and said we should go into town, she was actually going to look for you."

"You're not to blame for this!" Carla objects. "This is my fault, I shouldn't have been so irresponsible..."

"No you shouldn't have." I reply as she scuffs her feet on the kitchen tiles.

"So... What?" A small smile appears on her face, still avoiding my gaze. "Are you going to give me a detention?"

"You can't always just be forgiven." I tell her, even though we both knew I'd cave eventually. "You've got a lot of making up to do."

"Ooh, have I?" Carla's eyes light up slightly and I force myself not to smile, turning to look at Bethany.

"And as for you." I watch as she finishes the piece of bread she is chewing. "Coffee, water, toast, then back home."

"Are you going to tell mum where I was?" She frets.

"What? And put our lives in danger?" I manage a joke. "I don't think so."

"You two are the best." Bethany grins, helping herself to a glass of water and I roll my eyes, smiling at her comment.

 **Carla**

"Nick... We need to talk." I sit down in the armchair, staring at him intently as he sits up, clicking the telly off and looking at me expectantly. "I need to stop, don't I?"

"Yes." He agrees with me. "But you won't."

"I can, if I try." I tell him, standing up and hovering over him, so he knows my intention is to sit in his lap. He sighs, holding his arms out and pulling me onto him, kissing the side of my head.

"You know I didn't mean what I said last night?" He runs his fingers through my hair.

"Wouldn't blame you if you did." I mumble, daring myself to look at him. "I know, Nick. Doesn't stop myself from thinking it though."

"Are you alright?" His face softens. "About today I mean?"

"It's just a day." I shrug, thinking back to four years ago. "What difference does it make, really?"

"Do you want to go and see Alfie today?" He asks, playing with the locket around my neck that he had given to me for my birthday. "You can give him a cuddle."

"Mm." I nod, watching him and thinking how lucky I was. "...That stuff I was saying to Peter, I didn't mean for it to upset you. I just... I don't know I guess seeing them with a healthy baby, it just upsets me, why couldn't it be like that for us?"

"It will." Nick strokes my cheek gently. "Wait and see."

 **Nick**

"I see this place more than my own home nowadays." I mutter, as I walk along the corridors of the hospital, hand in hand with Carla. "Hey, do you reckon we can get some kind of voucher for the parking? You know like those ones they do on the back of cereal boxes, twenty percent off, that kind of thing?" She turns, raising her eyebrows at me and trying not to look amused.

"Oh, cereal." She suddenly points at me. "You need more cereal. Remember that for on the way back."

"The one with the berries?" My eyes light up and she leans back against the wall, studying me.

"Cute." She narrows her eyes. "Are you going to remember? Because I don't want world war three at breakfast tomorrow morning, Tilsley."

"Yeah I'd put it in your phone." I suggest and she whips it out, typing out a quick reminder before a nurse coughs, tapping the mobile phone sign on the wall. "Carla, honestly."

"Oi!" She grins, slapping me lightly on the arm. "That was your suggestion, idiot."

"Getting yourself into the dog house with more people now." I tease her, pressing the sanitising dispenser on the wall.

"I'm not still in the doghouse am I?" She smiles, moving forwards to kiss me playfully to win me round, before noticing the few stares we were getting from people around us. "Oh honestly, it's not that interesting. You people clearly haven't watched Fifty Shades of-"

"Carla, come on." I grab her hand, pulling her down the corridor, rolling my eyes at her as we reach the door to the NICU. "After you." I tap her bum lightly and she giggles, which warms my heart because it was so relaxing to hear that same lighthearted laugh that I missed recently.

But that doesn't last long.

 **Carla**

My heart drops in my chest as I stare into the empty cot, my eyes darting around the room, unable to speak for a moment. I feel Nick's grip on my arm before he leaves my side, practically running over to a nurse in the corner of the room. My breathing increases, panic sets in.

"Nick where is he?" I shout, which causes me to receive a disapproving look from a nearby mum. The nurse approaches us, I can see how worried Nick looks as he turns to face me and it does very little to set my mind at ease. "Where's my son?"

"Ok, calm down." The nurse tells us and my eyes widen. "This is an intensive care unit."

"I'm aware of that." I snap, as Nick's arms join around my waist.

"Your son is fine." She reassures us and I exhale, releasing all the building anxiety at the word. "In fact, it's good news."

"What is?" Nick sounds a lot calmer, which allows me to return to my regular breathing rate.

"Alfie has been moved out of intensive care." She tells us and I freeze as soon as she says it. "He's now in the special care unit."

"Well what does that mean?" I stress, even though I knew from her expression it was a step in the right direction.

"It means he's progressed really well." She informs us and my hand flies over Nick's squeezing it supportively. "He doesn't need the support of intensive care anymore. In a few days, you should be able to take him home."

"Wha..." I splutter, in complete shock at her words and I turn to look at Nick, who is trying not to cry. "Really?"

"You'll need an appointment with the consultant first, to talk over your plans, because Alfie will need additional hospital visits just to check everything is as it should be." She explains. "We're just going to monitor him for twenty four hours, to ensure his respiratory system is fully developed and then we've got some immunisations to complete. But within the next few days, he should be set for home. I hope you've got everything ready."

"You're being serious..." I whisper, trying to process the information before turning around to face Nick and throwing my arms around his neck, my face breaking in to a smile as I cry with happiness into his shoulder. "Thank you. Thank you."

"Follow me, I'll take you to him." She smiles, and Nick takes my hand, leading me along the corridors until we reach a brightly coloured room. There were no scary machines, no beeping noises that set me on edge. Instead there was a large rainbow on the back wall, casting an array of colours around the room. I remembered it. I remembered it from this time four years ago and I immediately burst into tears.

"Hey, whats the matter?" Nick places his hands on my shoulders. "This is good. Look, rainbows and sunshine. Kittens and candy floss."

"No it's all the same, it's all the same." Tears pour down my cheeks and he looks so confused, trying to comfort me as I attract the attention of nearby parents. "The crying, the colours, when I walked past with Rob."

"Oh sweetheart." Nick finally realises, brushing the tears off my cheeks, ignoring the stares from other people. He didn't care, as long as I was alright, it didn't matter how many people stared at him. I check the clock on the wall, covering my face with my hand.

"I need to get over this." I try to swallow back tears, feeling stupid. Why was I so fragile all the time? I had been strong for so long and then I had given birth and I was suddenly so weak. No, I lost Lauren. No, I lost my first baby girl.

"Why don't you step outside for a moment?" The nurse scans the room and I nod, practically pulling Nick outside. How could I go back into there now? I walk into a room and already make a show of myself.

"Stop beating yourself up." Nick whispers, sliding the hair behind my ear so he can study my face. "It's ok."

"No, I'm so embarrassed." I shake my head and she sighs, placing a prolonged kiss on my forehead.

"I'm pretty sure they have women crying in there all the time." He tries to reassure me.

"Not for the same reason though." I mumble, staring down at the floor. "Ugh, why am I such a mess?"

"It's good to get emotions out." He smiles and I drag my hand across my face. "I'm glad you've learnt that."

"Yeah it's your fault." I poke him in the arm, managing a small smile. "Because you're so soft on me."

"Can't help myself, sorry." He replies and I let out a slight hum as I look into his eyes. "Look how far you've come. Your son is in there, waiting for his mum. Hey, he's coming home in a few days. This is happening Carla, we can do all of those things you envied other people for, except better. We can go for breakfast at Roy's as a family, and have silly play-fights over who's changing his nappy, and you can sing him songs as he falls to sleep-"

"Oh God help him." I laugh slightly and he murmurs contently. "Ok... Ok this is what we've waited for, for years. I can do this, we can do this. Can't we?"

"Too late to go back now." He whispers and I try to clean my face up, shaking off the bad memories in order to make new ones. "Ok?"

"Yeah." I nod confidently, following him in and reaching for his hand. The nurse greets us again, and I look shiftily at the people in the room. But surprisingly, nobody looked annoyed, or even the slightest bit confused at my outburst.

"Hi, baby." I'm shaking as I reach the cot, glancing at the nurse before reaching in and picking him up, supporting him against my chest. "Oh..." I close my eyes, placing a kiss on his forehead, breathing in his scent. "You're ok. You did it. I'm so proud of you."

"I'm so proud of _you_." Nick smoothes his fingers through my hair and I look up at him, placing my head into his chest as he wraps his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder as he stares down at him lovingly. "You've made me so happy. Both of you. This is all I've ever wanted."

"Glad you came down to Devon now?" I smile, rocking Alfie gently as his eyelashes flutter open and closed.

"It's what Lauren wanted. She was right." He whispers, careful not to upset me again.

"She gave us this." I swallow, taking in all the intricate details of his face. He was so perfect. "I used to think babies were just screaming, ugly little things. I never knew how wrong I was. He's so perfect."

"Like his mummy." Nick kisses the side of my head, swaying with me gently and stroking a finger along his cheek. "Look, he's even got your cheekbones."

"No he hasn't, shush." I nudge him, laughing at his comment.

* * *

"What's this in aid of?" I shift the sunglasses on to the top of my head as Nick arrives back at our table, the summer sun beating down on us.

"Celebrating, aren't we?" He passes me a glass of champagne and I study it before taking a sip. "Cheers."

"Mm, cheers." I clink my glass against his and he laughs softly as I lean back in my chair, looking out across the view in front of us. "This is nice."

"Makes a change from the Bistro, I suppose." Nick shrugs, as I take another sip of my drink.

"I'm gonna make the most of this." I point to my drink. "I'll need to start cutting back again now I'll be breastfeeding permanently."

"Yeah, me too." He contemplates and I raise my eyebrows at him.

"Why?" I frown, amused. "Are you planning on doing that and all?"

"No." He laughs. "But if we're going to have a baby around I shouldn't really be drinking anyway."

"You really are a gem, aren't you?" I peer over my glass at him and he winks at me. "Uh, don't forget we need to go shopping on the way back. Look at us, procrastinating. Ooh, and we need more things now. Nappies... Oh I don't even know where to start with those. Is it pretty self-explanatory?"

"We just need to get the newborn ones." He tells me.

"Well aren't you well informed?" I grin, tickling his leg with my foot under the table. "Ever thought of becoming a midwife?"

"I'm alright as I am, thanks." He laughs lightheartedly.

"Well you'd be good at it." I reply, as he kicks my leg away playfully. "Patient, reassuring, knowledgable. Whole package there... And I don't just mean as a midwife, I mean in general."

"Good looking." He points out.

"Oh and modest too." I narrow my eyes. "I'll give you that one though." I lean forwards, biting my lip. "You are gorgeous."

"And you are in a good mood." He observes, as I push the sunglasses back down over my eyes.

"I think I need to start learning that everything works out in the end." I lower my tone slightly. "But there's struggles in between and I need to stop self-destructing over them, when in the long run, everything pieces itself together."

"Well look at you, you're learning." Nick looks impressed and I sit back again, studying him lovingly. "Fresh start?"

"Fresh start." I nod, holding out my little finger and he links it with his.

 **Nick**

"I'm probably going to snow you under with leaflets." The consultant passes me another to put into the folder I was holding. "But at least you'll have everything you need to know if you do need to check anything."

"So that's it?" Carla checks, resting her head on my shoulder.

"That's it." He nods, looking pleased for us. "Take him home and enjoy your life as a family. I wish you both the best of luck as parents."

"Thank you." I reply, touched by his words as I stand up to shake his hand.

"Don't hesitate to contact us if you have any concerns, but I'm sure you won't need to." He tells me, as Carla thanks him and I take her hand, allowing her to head past me and out into the corridor.

"You alright?" I check and she nods, hesitantly.

"Nervous." She sounds confused as to why. "This is all on us now. He's going to depend on us."

"That's what we've been waiting for." I remind her. "But yeah it is kind of scary."

"A good scary." She adds, as we reach the nursery and she pushes the door open. I notice that Daisy has already got Alfie strapped into the carrier we had provided her with beforehand.

"All set?" She greets us, as I accept the carrier from her.

"That's for you." Carla hands her the present she had suggested buying and Daisy looks touched. "Honestly, we can't thank you enough, I am so, so grateful for everything you've done for him, you and the team."

"You didn't have to, Carla." She sighs, offering her a hug all the same, which Carla accepts. "It's an honour, he's a little fighter that one. He's done absolutely brilliantly and you really are amazing parents, you're going to do a great job."

"Don't you'll set me off again." Carla groans and I laugh, wrapping my spare arm around her shoulders.

"Thank you." I decide to add, which is nothing in comparison to Carla's speech, but I couldn't really follow it.

"Anyway, go on." Daisy fusses, pointing to the door. "You're probably sick of the sight of this place."

"Yeah, how do you manage to work here?" Carla glances around the room.

"Come on then." I follow Carla out and she links her hand with mine, peering around me to look at Alfie. "He's still there, don't worry."

"I know." She smiles, blushing slightly. "It's just the best feeling ever." She kisses my cheek as we walk off towards the car park, hand in hand, with our baby boy.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51:**

 **Nick**

My eyes wearily open at the sound of Alfie's cry and I roll over to realise Carla is already up and out of bed.

"Babe, calm down." I try to reassure her, getting up and trying to adjust my eyes to the surroundings. I get a burst of head rush from sitting up so fast and Carla pulls her dressing gown around her before exiting the bedroom. I check the time on the clock, half five, great. I guess this was our lives for the next few years. "See, is he ok?" I ask, gently as I head into the nursery, my eyes fixating on where she is picking him up out of the crib, rocking him as his crying slows.

"Shh, it's ok." She says softly and I sit down in the nearby chair, picking up the baby monitor. "You're ok, aren't you?"

"Ah there you go." I smile as his crying stops and I notice how proud she looks of herself.

"Shift, he's hungry." She looks at me. "I need to sit down."

"Magic word?" I tease her, and she glares at me, too tired to argue as I stand up. "Ok, moody. Brew?"

"Ugh, Nick why isn't he doing it?" She whines, clearly exhausted and I sigh, sitting down in the beanbag next to her and holding her top up.

"Ok, relax sweetheart." I kiss the side of her head and she sighs, as he begins to suck on her. "There, see. No need to get stressed."

"Sorry." She whispers, looking at me and kissing me briefly. "I'm not a morning person."

"You don't think I know that?" I laugh, stroking a finger over his head as he feeds contently from her breast. "Does it hurt?"

"A little... It's more like a weird tingly feeling." She tells me, looking down at him. "I think it's just because I'm new to it though."

"You'll get used to it." I reassure her.

"Yeah, quickly if he's this greedy." She replies. "Slow down mate."

"Mate?" I repeat. "You can't call our son mate."

"I gave birth to him, I can call him what I like." She nudges me, smiling slightly and I gaze at her, realising I had never been happier than this moment in time. This is what everything had been leading up to. This is what we had been waiting for.

"Told you it would all work out." I tell her and she nods.

"You were right." She rolls her eyes, reluctantly.

"Starting to realise I usually am, aren't you?" I tease her.

"Wouldn't go that far." She pouts, as Alfie pulls away, coughing slightly and Carla sits him up, supporting him as she rubs his back from top to bottom. "Oh dear."

"You're so soft." I smile and she shoots me a look.

"This stays between us, Nicholas." She warns me. "I mean that."

 **Carla**

"Let's go and see what daddy's doing." I talk to Alfie, who is propped against my shoulder as I pat his back gently, approaching the kitchen. "Ah, making breakfast, that's good news because I am starving."

"Here." Nick puts a plate of salmon and scrambled eggs on toast down on the kitchen counter and I feel my tummy flip at its heavenly scent. "Come here little man."

"My prince." I sigh, passing him over to Nick, who takes him in his arms, soothing him gently. "Suits you. This whole dad routine."

"This feels like a dream." Nick tells me, trying to conceal the excitement in his voice as I tuck into my food. I take in the sight in front of me, my husband rocking our baby, tea towel over his shoulder. This was the complete parallel of my life a few years ago. I wouldn't trade it for anything. "Can you believe this is actually real?"

"Felt real at five this morning." I groan, delicately cutting up my toast despite the fact I could devour it in one. "So, how are we going to play this? What's the plan of action for today? Now you're officially on paternity leave."

"Oh, we've got to do the tour of the street, haven't we?" He pulls a face, looking down at Alfie. "Poor you. Everything seems so easy until you meet your grandma."

"Can we aim to visit your house whilst the kids are at school?" I suggest. "As much as I love them, it's added chaos."

"Mm." Nick just mumbles, clearly transfixed by his son, rather than listening to me.

"Uh, I hope this isn't going to be how it is now." I click my fingers and he snaps back to reality, looking back at me.

"Hm?" He frowns, as if he had completely blanked out anything I said.

"You, doting on him, rather than me." I point out, sulkily.

"Well you'll have to learn to share." He teases me, looking back at him and I smile, soaking it up.

"You are so smitten with him." I feel so proud of myself all of a sudden for being able to make him feel like that. I had given him the baby he had longed for so badly. I had made him a dad. This was my biggest achievement and the happiest I had ever made somebody. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel like I had failed or let anybody down.

"Yeah I am." He murmurs, watching his eyes flutter closed contently and I stand up, going over and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"You are so cute." I plant a kiss into his cheek, before nestling my head into his shoulder. "You're both so cute."

"Like father like son, hey?" He nudges me and I laugh.

"You've been dying to say that haven't you?" I bite my lip, watching the smile creep across his face.

"Yeah." He avoids my gaze, and I can't refrain from smothering him in kisses.

 **Nick**

"Right, we gonna do this then, or not?" I call and Carla appears from the bathroom.

"Unfortunately." She screws her nose up, looking at where Alfie was lying on the changing mat next to me. "I feel like I need to wear safety equipment."

"Come here." I roll my eyes and she sits down next to me, looking at the spare nappy apprehensively. "Right ok, so-"

"Wait." She stops me, tying her hair up and I laugh at her caution, which she shoves me playfully at. "Ok, go on then Mr Tilsley. Teach me something new."

"Right, have the bag ready." I point to where it was lay open on the mat. "You see these tabs here, you literally just peel these back. You do it."

"I thought you were showing me." She whines.

"Yeah nice try." I glance at her and she huffs as she checks her nails before cautiously peeling them back.

"I need some gloves or something." She looks around the room and I put my hand over hers, which causes her to look back at me.

"Right, lift his legs with one hand." I direct her and she follows obediently. "And then pull back the front of the nappy with that one."

"Ok. I can do this." Carla mutters to herself and I can't help feeling amused. "I can't believe I'm doing this. Why am I doing this?"

"Just get on with it." I laugh, pointing to where she was holding it midway. "Ok now fold it over and put it in the bag."

"This is actually disgusting." She closes her eyes momentarily, before continuing. "Right ok, there." She drops it hastily into the open bag, taking a wipe from the packet I was offering without needing instructions.

"Front to back." I tell her.

"Yes, thank you, Nick." She snaps gently and I chuckle, watching her pull a face as she tentatively wipes him down.

"Clean nappy." I hold it out to her and she takes it from me, dumping the wipes in the bag. "Wrong way." I continue and she rolls her eyes.

"Does it really matter?" She sighs, lifting his legs up and sliding it underneath. "Now what?"

"Pull these out." I show her with one tab and she copies me with the other one. "And then just fasten them at the front."

"...Like that?" Carla sits there stunned, once she has done it. "Is it done?"

"It's done." I nod and she looks at me, seeming genuinely amazed at her achievement. "You passed the test, well done."

"Ah!" She claps her hands excitedly, picking Alfie up and holding him against her chest. "It doesn't even fall off, wow."

"See, have more faith in yourself." I point out, as she grins at me and I tie the bag. "Quite fun when you get used to it, isn't it?"

"Yeah wouldn't go that far, Nick." She stops me and I laugh, kissing her quickly before standing up, leaving her knelt on the floor with our son.

 **Carla**

"Uh, you're forgetting this." Nick passes me another bag and I study it, before hooking it onto the pushchair along with my handbag and the changing bag.

"Well what the hell is in there?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Carla, watch your language." He glances at Alfie, who was tucked up under a blanket.

"Hell?" I repeat. "It could be worse, Nick."

"That's spare clothes." He tells me.

"...You do realise we're not going to a pageant?" I ask and he looks confused, clearly not so knowledgable on this subject. "Is that everything?"

"Yes." He closes the door behind him.

"Oh good." I respond and he looks at me for a moment, leaning in to kiss me.

"Oh well this is something you don't see everyday." Tracy's voice interrupts my thoughts and I pull away from Nick, turning to face her. "Wow..."

"No, let's get something straight." I pass the pushchair to Nick, approaching her. "I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear you. I don't even want to breathe the same air as you."

"Well that's a shame because we live on the same street." She shrugs, uncaringly and I struggle to understand her ability to lower her standards even more. "Oh come on, Carla. Everything worked out in the end."

"Everything worked out?" I practically spit. "Oh yeah, apart from thinking my baby didn't survive in that delivery room. Again. That's not something that plays on my mind every day. At all."

"But look he's here now." She smiles sweetly and I glare at her as she walks past me. "Let's have a look." She dips her head to look into the pushchair. "Oh right ok, I have to admit that is a cute baby."

"Oh... Thanks." I respond, surprised.

"Don't know how you managed to produce it but, miracles can happen I suppose." She winds me up and I roll my eyes.

"Get lost, Tracy." I mutter and she grins at Nick before walking off. I sigh, turning to look at Nick who is watching me expectantly. "What? Well I'm not gonna ask her to be godmother am I?"

"Godmother?" He repeats and I go back over to him, as he begins to push the pram along the cobbles. I pause, it was something that hadn't been discussed, but clearly I was assuming it would happen anyway, me, of all people. "You're not even religious."

"So, neither is Sarah." I point out. "Neither are most people who get their kids Christened. I mean, Tracy's practically Satan and it didn't stop her, did it?"

"Amy's Christened?" Nick frowns and I shrug.

"I'm sure Chelle said she was." I shrug, checking Alfie was still asleep and folding my arms as I walk alongside Nick. "Anyway, it's nice to know that if anything happens to us, there's some security there."

"We've got that anyway." He points out, as I take my bag off the pushchair, pulling my sunglasses out of them. "We'd have to filter through all the applications for Godparents."

"Ooh, hark at you, Mr Popular." I grin, passing him back my bag and slipping the sunglasses over my eyes. "Yeah well we'll discuss it another time anyway."

"I've got to push this, I'm not carrying your luggage and all." He winds me up, slipping the bag back over the strap and I watch him contently for a moment, the early summer wind blowing softly through my hair. "You've gone quiet."

"Just soaking it up." I shrug. "Everything seems so surreal all of a sudden."

"Tell me about it." He smiles, stopping the pushchair and taking one hand off it, placing it on the side of my face and leaning in to kiss me.

"Mm..." I mumble, his kiss so satisfying. "What was that for?"

"Because..." He puts an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side and he pushes the pram with one hand. "This is the happiest I have ever been."

"Yes well likewise." I nod, linking my arm around his waist as we walk. "Maybe this was meant to be, hey?"

"Maybe." He plants a kiss into my hair and I smile up at him as we reach Victoria Court. I press the buzzer, before kneeling down in front of the pushchair to adjust Alfie's blanket.

"Come up." I hear Michelle's voice. Standing up again and pushing the glass door, holding it open for Nick. I was trying to resist the urge to check on Alfie every few seconds, because I knew Nick found it endearing and I was trying to prevent myself from going completely soft. But I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. I felt like a kid with a new toy that I just wanted to play with all day long. A toy which I had been deprived of for weeks, and so sharing it seemed like a difficult task at this point in time. But Michelle was a start, at least I didn't have to begin with Gail.

"We never got the lift when we lived here." Nick scans it, taking in the dark oak interior.

"...We always got the lift, babe." I remind him. "You think I'd take the stairs?"

"Yeah because you're lazy." He teases me.

"Six inch stilettos, darling." I point to them, granted, they weren't quite that high today, but it proved my point all the same.

"Ahh!" Michelle squeals excitedly as I push the door open to her flat, and Nick backs the pushchair against the wall. "Hi." She wraps me in an eager hug, her eyes darting to the pushchair.

"Alright?" I raise my eyebrows at her excitement.

"Oh Carla..." She kneels down, studying him. "He is so perfect."

"You have met him before, remember?" I remind her.

"Yeah but this is like..." She struggles to summarise it, but I know exactly what she means. "So exciting."

"I can tell this is already going to be a blast." Nick mutters, sarcastically as he observes us.

"Oh cheer up, grumpy chops." I squeeze his cheeks and he smiles as I pop a light kiss on his lips. "Put the kettle on."

"It's Michelle's flat!" He exclaims.

"So?" I bite my lip slightly and he shakes his head at me, trying not to look amused as he heads over to the kitchen.

"You changed a nappy yet?" Michelle stands up, folding her arms as she leans back against the counter.

"Yes. It was a horrible experience." I wince at the thought. "Had a good teacher though."

"A very patient teacher." Nick adds and I stick my tongue out at him.

"Now that I would have liked to see." Michelle looks impressed, as the door opens and Robert enters. I stare at him awkwardly, and Nick refrains from looking at him at all, probably in case it triggers him to say something he'll regret.

"Oh... Hello." Robert mutters, glancing at me guiltily. I hadn't even had chance to talk to him about the money situation, because he had been in Somerset for weeks doing some business thing that Nick had only been partially informed about. "...This your baby?"

"No, that one we actually stole from the supermarket." I don't know whether it's sarcastic, or an attempt at a joke, but either way he doesn't smile. Neither does Nick. Neither does Michelle.

"Don't bother, Carla." Nick mutters and I sigh, annoyed that our happiness had lasted all of a few hours before being killed by drama once again.

"I thought you were working." Michelle looks down at the floor, insinuating that clearly, things hadn't been sorted. "I told you, I was busy."

"Well I came back for my phone." Robert mumbles, pointing to the coffee table and I notice the duvet folded up on the sofa. "I'll be out of your way in a second."

"If you're acting like this because of the money, I don't really care." I decide to input, ignoring Nick's gaze from where he is leaning on the kitchen counter.

"I wasn't really." Robert shrugs, rudely. "It's the least of my concerns."

"Oh... Well I'm glad." I roll my eyes.

"You lost my wife's thirty grand in a casino and that's the least of your concerns?" Nick suddenly snaps and I turn my head to face him.

"Well it was hardly hard earned cash, was it?" Robert responds, aggressively. "She'll get it back."

"Robert." Michelle stops him.

"Nick." I add, and they both fall silent. "Not around Alfie, please."

"Yeah sorry, I'll leave you to your cosy family catch up." Robert mutters, storming past Michelle and slamming a cooking book down on the counter, which immediately wakes Alfie up, as Robert grabs his phone.

"Oh great, now look what you've done!" Michelle snaps at him and I go over to the pushchair, unstrapping Alfie and trying to soothe him as I rock him against my chest.

"That was hardly my fault!" Robert exclaims, staring at me as if I was the one throwing the accusations around.

"Just go." Michelle tells him and he rolls his eyes.

"With pleasure." He grunts, glancing at me again before leaving. "Congratulations."

"Well... I'm glad to see things have picked up." I dare to say, as soon as the door has closed, trying to stop Alfie from crying by bouncing him gently. "Shh... It's ok."

"Oh I am so sorry." Michelle sighs, covering her face with her hand.

"Want to talk about it?" I ask, preparing myself to pass Alfie to Nick before she shakes her head.

"No, this is about you guys." She swallows, painting a smile on her face as she watches me. "I'm not letting him make it about him."

"There." Nick puts two mugs down on the edge of the counter and I raise my eyebrows at him. "What?"

"Happy daddy, please." I prompt him and he sighs, folding his arms defensively as he gives in and I divert my attention back to Alfie. "Oh darling, please stop. It's really not that bad." His crying begins to slow as I soothe him and he steadies his eyes on mine, as if taking in who I was. "There, see."

"Ah..." Michelle murmurs slightly and I look up to notice she is staring at me, tears brimming in her eyes.

"What?" I stress, propping Alfie against my shoulder and rubbing his back.

"...This is like a whole new side to you." Tears trickle down her cheeks and I glance at Nick, worriedly. "It's beautiful."

"Chelle don't, I'll cry." I warn her, my voice soft.

"You never in a million years thought you could do this, now look at you." She tells me, in awe of what she was seeing and I smile, approaching her. "How did you ever doubt yourself, hey? I told you, you're the total opposite to your mam... Do you believe me now?"

"Maybe a little." I blush slightly, turning my head to look at Alfie. "Want a cuddle with auntie Chelle? If she wants one."

"Oh yeah, like I'm gonna say no to that." She laughs, brushing her tears away before taking him from me. "Oh..."

"You alright?" I check, knowing it surely had to bring memories back for her, but she nods, bravely, staring down at him. "Ah... I'd take a piccy but your make-up is all smudged. Here." I grin, taking a tissue from my jacket pocket and wiping her cheeks.

"Came prepared, did you?" She muffles, and I hum slightly, watching how good she was with him.

"Least you know how to hold him, remember when you made me hold Ryan for the first time?" I remind her and the corners of her mouth turn up at the thought. I can tell she's too engrossed to respond so I turn to Nick. "I almost dropped him into a washing basket."

"...I'm pleased you've learnt from your mistakes." Nick approaches me, kissing my ear before whispering into it. "Sorry."

"That's ok." I turn to face him, kissing him as he puts his arm around me. "As long as you start smiling again."

* * *

"I feel like I need a checklist." Nick passes me the pushchair as we leave Victoria Court and I proceed to wheel it down the pavement, realising how strange but good it actually felt to be doing so. "Michelle, done. Who's next?"

"Well leave my family until last." I tell him. "And Roy's is on the way to yours?"

"Plus the fact you're just desperate to see Roy." He nudges me, typing something out on his phone.

"Who's that?" I ask, trying to peer over his shoulder and he raises an eyebrow.

"My girlfriend." He teases and I shoot him a look.

"Say goodbye to us two then." I pull the pushchair away playfully and he actually looks worried at the thought.

"Never." He replies and I can't help smiling as he holds the door open to Roy's Rolls for me. I struggle to get it up the step and he laughs, wheeling it inside.

"Carla?" Roy's voice is surprised as I turn to look at his shocked expression. I'd decided to keep Alfie coming out of hospital a secret from him, which evidently, he'd had no idea about. "Is this..."

"Hi Roy." I grin, pausing before picking Alfie up out of the pushchair and going over to the counter. "No need to look so shocked."

"I was lead to believe he was still in hospital." His eyes dart to him and I fixate my eyes on his loving expression. "Hello."

"Yeah well, what's life, ey? Without any surprises." I bite my lip, kissing him in the cheek, as he stares at Alfie in awe. "...I didn't realise me and a baby would shock you this much."

"No, no it doesn't." He coughs awkwardly, looking back at me. "I was just establishing the fact that you have achieved happiness and that, to me, is so precious. Alike him."

"This is grandad Roy." I tell Alfie quietly, even though he had absolutely no idea why he was being pulled in and out of his pushchair and touring the sights of Weatherfield.

"I believe Johnny is his grandad." Roy stammers, looking slightly awkward but touched at the same time.

"Yeah well, he can have two." I shrug and Roy watches me for a moment. "...If you want to be, I mean."

"It would be an honour." He replies, sincerely and I bite my lip slightly, as Nick finishes talking to Tyrone, coming over to me. "May I?"

"Oh, yes of course." I nod, not hesitating to pass him over. He adjusts his arms, awkwardly, staring down at him as he holds him against his chest. "Mm..." I murmur, slightly emotional as I watch them. "Ah, you're so good with him."

"He doesn't appear to be crying." He announces, seeming proud of himself and I laugh softly, as Nick puts an arm around me.

"He must know how special you are." I tell him and he manages a small smile, looking up at me. I watch him for a moment, before patting Nick on the back and heading behind the counter. "Mind if I get myself a coffee, Roy? Is this decaf?"

"Oh so she does this here as well, does she?" Nick points to me, as I pour two mugs of coffee out. "Making herself at home."

"Perks of knowing all the business owners." I wink at him, handing him a cup.

"Something like that." He nods, turning to look back at Roy. "He likes you, Roy."

"I am most relieved." He replies, not tearing his eyes away from him. "...I often refrain from such modesty, but I would agree that I was right on this occasion."

"Huh?" I frown, taking a sip from my mug and leaning back against the wall.

"I told you you would make an excellent mother." He looks up at me and I try not to crumble, because I know what's coming next. "You've proved that to everyone around you. The way you are with him, the love I can tell you share, it is truly beautiful."

"...Thank you." I whisper, forcing back tears as I smile at him.

 **Nick**

"Oh they're here!" Mum's shriek can be heard before she's even opened the door and Carla pulls a face at me as it swings open. "Oh my goodness." She kneels down to look into the pushchair. "Look at him. Oh mum, come and look at him."

"Ok, can we get inside first?" I suggest, trying to get the pushchair past her and she steps aside, eagerly.

"Would you like a drink, Carla?" Gail asks, as I take Carla's hand, backing the pushchair against the wall.

"Uh, I would." I insert, not prepared to endure this again.

"David make some drinks." Gail orders, crouching in front of the pushchair. "He's so precious, how exciting."

"I bet this was your most dreaded stop, wasn't it?" David guesses, peering around at me and I nod, watching Gail unstrap my son.

"Oh mum, he's just-" I begin.

"Nick you can't deprive me of this. I've waited thirty seven years for you to have a baby." She announces and I watch as Carla narrows her eyes, knowing what was about to happen. "I am going to be the first to hold my grandson."

"Well, not the first but-" Carla starts and I tap her arm lightly to shut her up, as Alfie begins to cry loudly. "Yep, there we go."

"Oh dear." Mum smiles down at him, as if it was going to make anything better. "There's no need to cry."

"He's every need." David mutters. "Poor child."

"David, drinks." Gail scolds, as Carla hesitantly approaches her.

"Gail, let me just-" She begins.

"No, I can do it!" She cuts her off, loudly and Carla looks surprised. "I've had three children. I know how to keep them happy and content."

"Debatable." Sarah chips in, painting her nails in the corner of the room.

"Mum, if Carla wants to see to him, she can." I tell her, annoyed that she had already taken over.

"He'll stop crying in a minute." She assures us, as the crying continues, for a further two minutes. Gran winces in the corner, Sarah stops painting her nails and David puts his head in his hands.

"Mum. Please just give him to Carla." David practically begs her and she glares at him.

"He might be hungry." Carla tries again. "I'll give him straight back after."

"Ooh all the better." Her eyes light up. "I can feed him."

"What?" Carla's eyes widen and I laugh at this.

"Yeah I don't think he'd like that..." I tell her and she glares at me, clearly not getting the point. "She's breastfeeding."

"You're breastfeeding?" Gail turns in surprise and Carla looks quite offended by this. "You?"

"Yes..." Carla trails off, trying not to sound hurt and I move forwards to kiss the side of her head affectionately. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well because you don't strike me as the kind of person who would." Gail shrugs and I notice Sarah exchange a look with David. "You're not really the 'do it yourself' kind of woman, are you?"

"I'm sorry?" Carla frowns and I decide to intervene.

"Right that's enough, thank you." I take Alfie from her and his crying begins to slow at my scent and voice. "He's not going anywhere, he's hardly going to run off, is he?"

"Thanks." Carla mumbles as I pass him to her and she soothes him, gently rocking him as she looks at me. "He needs feeding..."

"Oh Carla, here have this chair Sarah's in." Audrey faffs and Sarah glares at her, reluctantly getting up.

"...I don't really-" She begins.

"I can budge up?" David asks and Carla glances at me. "If you want to sit here?"

"Right can you all just lay off a bit?" I raise my voice slightly, leading Carla over into the kitchen, noticing the idea of having the breastfeed in the heart of my living room, was something which she was apprehensive about. Not that it surprised me. "Here you are." I pull out a chair for her, as gran enters the kitchen, standing by my side.

"Do you need anything, Carla?" Audrey stresses at her and I turn to look at her.

"Gran, can you just give her five minutes?" I try to keep my voice gentle and her eyes dart between us before leaving. "Sorry, sweetheart. Do you want a drink?"

"Can I just have some water?" She looks at me appreciatively, checking the coast was clear before adjusting her top.

"Of course." I run a glass under the tap, putting it down in front of her, and sitting down so the view was deliberately blocked.

"Thanks." She sighs, already looking tired as she begins to feed Alfie. "Ow."

"Alright?" I check and she nods, as I brush the hair out of her eyes, gazing at her lovingly. "Sorry about mum."

"You don't have to apologise." She smiles at me, taking a sip of her drink. "...I don't know why everyone assumes I wouldn't breastfeed. What did she mean when she said I wasn't a 'do it yourself' kind of person?"

"Just ignore her." I sigh, rubbing her arm. "She's sour because she thinks she's super nanny." She dips her head and I place a finger under her chin, tilting it up to face me. "Hey, don't get upset."

"I'm alright." She replies and I study her for a moment before standing and kissing the top of the head.

"Won't be a second." I tell her. "Take your time, ok?" I leave her in the kitchen and head back out to the living room, pulling mum to one side. "Hey, that was uncalled for."

"What was?" Mum looks confused, implying it wasn't intentional.

"Laying in to Carla like that." I keep my voice low so nobody else can hear me. "She feels insecure enough about people's judgements, she doesn't need her mother-in-law doing the same."

"I didn't mean to!" She exclaims, causing David to tear his eyes away from the television to look at us. "I just assumed she would be bottle feeding, that's all."

"Yeah, well she's not." My voice softens slightly as I take in her expression. "Look, just be patient, ok? We're not going anywhere. You'll get to spend time with him, alright?"

"I know, I'm just excited." She beams and I can't help smiling. "It's your son. I've waited so long for this. I've always known you'd make the most perfect parent."

"Oh cheers." Sarah mutters from the armchair and David looks up.

"What?" He frowns.

"Mum, saying Nick's winning the parent award over us." Sarah tells her, looking offended and David hesitates before tilting his head to the side and shrugging.

"Well..." He trails off. "She does have a point."

"Uh, I do everything for my children, thank you!" Sarah exclaims.

"Sarah, lovey, I don't think your mum meant it like that." Gran tries to calm her down.

"No, I didn't!" Mum panics. "Why is everybody taking things I say the wrong way?"

"Because you literally just said-" Sarah begins before Carla appears at the door, looking around the room shiftily.

"Right, can we all just calm down?" I sigh, glancing at Carla. I didn't want this to get too much for her, especially when we had been so happy all day. The last thing I wanted was that ruined. "Is he alright?"

"Yeah he's fine." She nods, looking at Gail. "Do you want him?"

"Yes." She answers immediately, going over to take him from her and I roll my eyes at David. "Hello." She coos, looking down at him and I go over to Carla, slipping my arm around her waist. "Do you know what Carla? You may have made a lot of mistakes in the past..."

"...Thanks." Carla glances at me awkwardly.

"And I thought I'd never like you again after what happened at the wedding." She continues and I sigh, wondering how anything I ever said got through to her. "But he is so special. You have made Nick the happiest I have ever seen him. You've given him all he's ever wanted and taken on such a strain to give him the most perfect little boy, and for that, I am eternally grateful."

 **Carla**

"Last stop." I stop the pushchair in front of the stairs to Underworld. "Ah... I didn't think this one through."

"Oh yeah?" I raise my eyebrows, grabbing the other end of the pushchair and helping her lift it up. "Had these intentions when you set up here, did you?"

"Surprisingly not." I grin, reaching the top and he holds the door open for me. "Oh... This is weird." I pause and he looks amused as he watches me. "Can we just wait a sec?"

"Uh, yeah." He frowns, closing the door and leaning back against it. "Everything ok?"

"I just never pictured this before, that's all." I close my eyes, before tilting my head to the side and looking off up the street. "Mad."

"Hey, get through this one." He places a hand on my arm. "Then we can go home and you can lie down on the sofa with Alfie. I'll cook tea and we'll watch some rubbish film on the television."

"I love you." I murmur, leaning in to kiss him. "Come on then, let's get this over with."

"Mrs Tilsley!" There is a chorus of excitement and I groan, checking the clock on the wall.

"I thought you'd all be gone!" I exclaim. "It's half five, have you all gone insane?"

"Sweetheart." Johnny appears from the office, coming over to hug me and peering into the pram. "There's my grandson."

"We're all just leaving." Sean tells me. "Overtime."

"Half an hour?" I frown.

"Order needed finishing." Beth informs me and I can't resist going over to a nearby basket, picking up a blue thong and inspecting it.

"What order?" I question, turning to see Nick has his eyebrows raised. "What?"

"Maternity leave?" He prompts.

"I know but..." I trail off, picking up the clipboard from the side.

"Carla." Nick laughs, amused at the fact I couldn't help myself.

"Can I hold him?" Johnny asks, as I scan the clipboard.

"Yeah whatever." I mutter, narrowing my eyes. "Why has there been no outgoings recorded for the Jenson's order?"

"Oh, that's my fault Mrs Tilsley." Sally pipes up. "Sorry, I can record that now for you."

"Yeah, you better had." I pass it to her, looking up at the sea of faces staring at me. "Oh come on, it's my second baby, I can't completely ignore it."

"Hello there." Johnny greets Alfie as he holds him in his arms, surprisingly good at holding him. Then again, I suppose he had lots of practice with Aidan and Kate... Not with me though. I was never given that kind of care and attention. Not like most babies. "Aren't you gorgeous?"

"Carla, you ok?" Aidan appears from the office and I see Nick glance at me out of the corner of my eye.

"Carla?" Nick adds, my gaze fixated on Johnny.

"Yeah." I mumble, as Johnny turns his head in my direction, his eyes meeting mine. I manage a weak smile and I can tell he has immediately clocked on to what I was thinking. As had Aidan. As had Nick. As had everybody else.

"Right, well." Sean claps his hands. "Cute baby, Carla. Better get myself over to the Rovers."

"Yeah I'll come with you." Beth chips in as they all begin to exit, leaving Nick, Johnny, Aidan and I.

"...He looks like you did." The words slip out of his mouth and I swallow, forcing myself not to get upset. Why did he have to say stupid things like that? "Perfect."

"You've seen him before." I remind him, and he nods knowingly.

"I know." He responds and I watch how he rocks him gently, the way Alfie was so content in his arms. I wonder if I ever looked that comfortable on the rare occasions he would hold me as a baby. I wonder if mum picked up on it. I wonder whether she even cared. "...But I thought you should know."

"Well, thanks." I nod, wrapping my arms around myself defensively. "I bet you never imagined your first grandchild would be one of mine, hey?"

"I'm glad it was." He replies, looking down at him in awe. "You're such a wonderful mum already."

"Unlike mine, you mean." I respond and he pauses, his eyes searching Alfie's face, before he looks back at me.

"That wasn't what I was implying." He says, softly. "But yeah, if you're asking, you're nothing like your mam. And Alfie's going to grow up with the best parents he could wish for."

 **Nick**

I peer through the crack in the kitchen door as I finish the washing up, my eyes fixated on where Carla was curled up in the corner of the sofa, Alfie against her chest, her eyes fluttering closed now and again as she watches some American TV programme, close to falling asleep. It didn't surprise me, today had been tiring, especially as we had been woken up at five.

I couldn't imagine looking at a more perfect scene. I finally had a family that I loved more than anything, who I would protect at all costs and continue the future with. This time two years ago, my heart had been completely broken and I never thought the tables could turn back, especially to this extent. But I was so thankful they had.

"You both look so sweet." I say, softly, placing a mug down in front of her and she looks up at me, smiling tiredly. "My two favourite people."

"Ahh." She murmurs, adjusting Alfie so she was holding him with one arm, reaching for the mug with the other. "He's been so good today."

"He has." I agree, sitting down next to her and pulling some of the blanket over my lap. We sit watching him for a moment, taking in everything and valuing it so greatly. "It's a hard life, isn't it? Sleeping, eating, sleeping."

"Sounds like heaven." Carla nods in agreement, removing her hand from the mug and tracing her finger over his tiny hands. "You enjoy it, and we'll make sure nothing happens to you."

"That's our job." I add, and Carla looks back at me, gazing into my eyes for a moment. "And nothing is going to happen to you either. This is happiness, and we're going to enjoy it. Ok?"

"I think I can manage that." She responds, biting her lip slightly. "You, me and him. That's how it's going to be from now on."

* * *

 _ **Quite a fluffy chapter there! Hope you enjoyed x**_


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52:**

 **Carla**

"There we go." I hear Nick's voice as I pad along the landing, leaning up against the door of the nursery to see him picking Alfie up off the changing mat. "All fresh and clean." He effortlessly holds him, whilst cleaning up. "That's better isn't it?" He continues and I can't help smiling as I watch him. "Oh, hello." He sounds surprised as soon as he sees me, suddenly a bit embarrassed that I had heard him. "I thought you were still in bed."

"I could be, but this is far more entertaining." I point out and he rolls his eyes, trying not to smile as I go over to them. "Good morning baby." I kiss Alfie's head before looking up at Nick. "Good morning you."

"Good morning you." He repeats, kissing me and I feel a rush of excitement as he does so. "Did you get much sleep?"

"On and off." I shrug, surprisingly not that fussed. "You?"

"Could be worse." He replies, bouncing Alfie slightly as he looks up at him, his green eyes focused on Nick's face.

"Well don't you look perky this morning?" I open my mouth wide, fussing over him. "Guess who's six weeks old today?"

"Is that today?" Nick looks surprised and I nod. "Wow, he'll be eighteen next."

"Stop growing so fast." I tell Alfie, holding my arms out as Nick passes him to me and I hold him against my shoulder, swaying gently. "You go back to bed if you want?"

"It's alright, I'm up now." He kisses me quickly, folding up the changing mat. "You're lucky you didn't have to change that."

"Oh." I screw my nose up at the thought, before looking at Nick innocently. "Love you."

"Yeah, yeah." He laughs softly, kissing me again and leaving the bedroom to dispose of the remnants I had fortunately missed out on.

* * *

"Hey, Roy." I smile, leaning up against the counter as Nick wheels the pushchair behind me. "I need a very strong coffee... Except I can't."

"Uh, hello." Roy peers around me and I feel slightly put out that his attention was immediately diverted to my son. "Is he asleep?"

"Yes finally." I roll my eyes, feeling Nick kiss me on the side of my head. "We woke up at four, went back to bed at six."

"And then slept for an hour until the alarm went off." Nick points out and I nod, tiredly.

"At least he is now content." Roy reminds us and I yawn, putting my head down on the counter.

"Go and sit down." Nick taps me on the arm and I kiss him briefly before grabbing the pushchair, positioning it at the end of the table so I could see Alfie easily. I slump down in my chair, pulling my phone out to check my messages. "There."

"...And what is that?" I raise my eyebrows at the milkshake he puts down opposite me, as he slips down into the seat by my side.

"Roy made it." Nick shrugs, putting an arm around me and I inspect it, pulling a face.

"Babe, I'm on a diet." I push it away. "That's probably got loads of calories in it."

"You don't need to go on a diet." He assures me, and I turn to face him.

"I do." I reply, despite the fact he meant it. "Still haven't lost all this baby weight."

"Carla you look exactly the same as you did before you were pregnant." He laughs and I slap him lightly on the arm.

"How observant of you, I've gained three pounds." I argue.

"And you look more beautiful than ever." He kisses my cheek, swapping my drink for his orange juice, as I blush slightly at his comment. "This is very domestic of us; having breakfast as a family."

"Mm." I smile, sinking into his chest. "Domestic, something I never thought I'd be. Sat here with Nick Tilsley and our baby, how times change."

"Yeah, I-" Nick begins before Alfie stirs and begins to cry loudly. I groan, sitting up as Nick unstraps him from the pushchair, carefully cradling him before leaning him against his shoulder and gently patting his back. "Shh..."

"Literally, five minutes." I tip my head back, holding out my arms. "Come here."

"He's hungry." Nick looks at me expectantly, passing him to me and I cradle him in my arms.

"Ha, yeah good luck." I mutter, looking down my top briefly at the thought. "Can't do that in here anyway, can I?"

"Yeah." Nick nods, scanning the café. "Why wouldn't you be able to?"

"I don't know..." I trail off, suddenly embarrassed before rocking Alfie comfortingly. "Oh shh, darling." I glance worriedly at Nick, sighing reluctantly. "Roy?"

"Yes?" He comes over obediently.

"Can I like..." I try to indicate and he looks confused.

"Just tell her she can breastfeed." Nick sighs and I glare at him.

"Oh... Uh, you are most welcome." He nods awkwardly, before walking off and Nick nudges me. I groan, my eyes darting around the room before hesitantly arranging my top, moving Alfie's head towards my nipple. I feel the tingling sensation as he begins to suck on it repetitively as his crying cuts out and I notice Nick is watching, lovingly.

"Stop that." I try to stop myself from smiling. "You're putting me off."

"Putting you off?" He laughs, kissing the side of my head. "See no one is staring."

"Feels weird." I whisper, meeting Nick's gaze and he kisses me on the nose briefly. "Least it's stopped the crying... Ugh, I am desperate for a coffee. Hey, go steady you."

"Who?" Nick frowns at me, and I point to Alfie with my spare hand.

"Flamin' greedy." I tell him and he chuckles slightly, resting his chin on my head momentarily, breathing in the scent of my shampoo.

"Well it's a good sign that he's eating well." He whispers, tracing his hand up and down my arm. "Needs to put on as much weight as he can."

"You're doing ok, aren't you?" I stroke a finger very gently across his forehead, not being able to take my eyes off him. He was so perfect, everything was so perfect. I was holding my baby boy in my arms, in the café where I never thought I would. It was so overwhelming but in the best way possible.

"I love you." Nick's voice interrupts my thoughts and I smile, not removing my eyes from my son. "So much."

"Good job I love you and all." I reply, finally looking at him and we stare at each other for a moment.

"Your breakfast." Roy lowers two plates on to the the table and I smile appreciatively.

"Thanks darling." I tell him and he nods curtly before walking off.

"Want me to feed you?" Nick offers, playfully and I roll my eyes at him, leaning back in my chair.

"Eat your own food." I tell him, supporting Alfie's head as he continues to feed. "I'll let mine go cold." I look down at him. "All thanks to you."

"Here." Nick holds a sausage up and I glare at him.

"Stop it." I hiss, looking over at where Faye Windass was sat with a group of girls. "I'm not eating out of your hands, it's not come to that."

"Alright." He stabs it with a fork, holding it near my face and I roll my eyes, taking a quick bite out of it. He laughs, putting it back down on the plate and I try to force back a smile as I chew my food.

"Ok, ok." I nudge Nick when I notice Alfie's eyes closing. "Yay..."

"Don't jinx it." He warns me, as I carefully pull him away, handing him to Nick as I sort myself out.

"I am so sore." I moan, watching as he carefully lays him back into the pram. "Is he asleep?"

"Yeah." Nick whispers, pulling the hood over the pushchair and I cheer quietly. "For another five minutes."

* * *

"Hey." I push the door open to Michelle's flat and her eyes light up as soon as she sees us.

"Hiya." She claps her hands excitedly, pulling Alfie out of the pushchair without asking, which I didn't even mind. "I made you a coffee, it's decaf." She points to it as she rocks Alfie steadily.

"Oh readily prepared." I take it off the counter, nursing it between my hands gratefully. "Robert working?"

"No clue." She just mutters, looking down at Alfie as she plays with his fingers.

"Don't you two talk?" I dare to ask, and she continues to avoid my gaze.

"Not really." She responds, bluntly and I can tell I've already killed her mood with my concern. "However, Steve's given me a big payout from the divorce settlement, so that's going straight to you. I'll get you your money back, don't worry."

"I don't want it back." I reply, firmly. "Steve?"

"Yeah he's handed over ten grand." She shrugs. "I know it's only part of it but it's a start."

"Chelle, look at me." I demand and she raises her head, hesitantly. "You owe me nothing. This wasn't your fault, and besides I don't care about the money anyway."

"It was your money." She persists.

"No it was Frank's." I stop her and she looks awkward for a moment. "If anything, Robert just disposed of it for me."

"You were going to give it to charity." She reminds me.

"I'm not taking your money." I cut her off. "So I don't know, use it to buy yourself something nice. You deserve it." I pause, as she smiles, stroking her thumb along Alfie's head affectionately, so engrossed in watching him. "...So you and Steve are getting along well then?"

"Not like that." She rolls her eyes. "Besides he's with Tracy, isn't he?"

"What?" I splutter, almost spitting my coffee out. "Tracy? Since when?"

"I don't know, a week, maybe two." She mumbles and I can tell she's slightly gutted by this.

"...Poor bloke." I respond. "Sorry, I didn't realise. I don't take much of an interest into Tracy's love life. Especially with everything that's going on."

"Don't apologise, it's nothing to do with me." She says. "I've got the bigger problem of Robert to sort out."

"Well if he doesn't pull himself together he'll be getting a slap from me." I tell her. "Nobody messes you around and gets away with it."

"Protective." She manages a small smile, meeting my gaze.

"Always have been." I point out. "Seriously, you're perfect. He's the luckiest man in the world and he's betrayed you. How can you forgive him for what he did?"

"Nick forgave you." She dares to input and I stare back at her. "It's not easy but it's possible, when you love someone."

"...And is he worth it?" I sigh, leaning back against the counter.

"Who knows." She shrugs. "Maybe I'm clinging onto something which I can never get back. Maybe I should just cut all the ties and be done with it."

"He should be here, begging you right now." I tell her. "That's the difference. I begged Nick. I did absolutely anything to keep him. What's Robert doing? Right now?"

"Probably gambling." She responds.

"No, he's still trying to mess with your head." I correct her. "And I'm not having it Chelle. If you don't sort it, I will."

"I'll sort it, ok." She sighs, shifting Alfie against her shoulder and patting his back gently. "I'll sort it."

"Promise?" I check, watching how effortlessly she held him, like a professional.

"Promise." She confirms, closing her eyes and breathing in Alfie's scent. I knew why, I knew exactly what she thought about every time she held him. I could only hope that got easier in time. "Enjoy this. Once they've grown up that's it. Off to Ibiza, not even a card on your birthday. At least I got all those things with Ryan though, hey. At least I got to watch him go, once he was ready."

"He adores you." I point to Alfie and she squeezes her eyes shut. "You're going to make me cry."

"Sorry." She whispers and I move towards her, wrapping her and Alfie in a hug. "I feel like I'm ruining it for you."

"Don't be daft." I force tears back, pulling away and wiping them from her cheeks. "I get it. Remember?"

"Yeah you always got it, from day one. You got me." She looks at me, swallowing back tears. "Now we're here."

"Now we're here." I repeat, nodding as I smile back at her, before pulling her into a hug again. "Come here you silly beggar."

 **Nick**

"Hey, gorgeous." I greet as I see Carla enter with the pushchair in hand.

"Get me some dinner." She orders, leaning fowards on the counter to kiss me. "I'm starving."

"What's the magic word?" I grin and she stares at me blankly, before I put a chicken salad through on the till. "He asleep?"

"I swear that's all he does; sleeps, cries and feeds off me." She groans and I laugh, walking my fingers forward to link with hers.

"It's usually what babies do, babe." I point out and she looks up at me. "You better not have been into work."

"No, I haven't been into work." She rolls her eyes. "I went to see Chelle actually."

"How's she doing?" I ask, moving to make her a drink. "What do you want?"

Uh..." She contemplates. "I'll just have a fizzy water. She's alright, I don't really know what's going on."

"Did she say anything about Robert?" I continue, putting her drink down in front of her.

"No, but I think you should consider sitting down and sorting things with him." She proposes, sipping on her straw and trying to look innocent. "He's the best thing that happened to this place."

"Oh cheers." I nod and she laughs.

"Apart from you, obviously." She bites her lip and we look at each other for a moment. I lean in to kiss her, before we are suddenly interrupted by a loud cry and Carla immediately grabs the pushchair, unstrapping Alfie and propping him up against her shoulder.

"Babe, he's ok." I remind her, seeing how panicked she is. "Hey, he's alright."

"Ok, ok." She soothes him, swaying gently and patting his back. "Shh, it's ok. Ugh... He's full."

"Baby changing is that way." I grin, pointing to the disabled toilet and she sighs. "I'd do it but I'm working."

"Excuses." She teases me. "Ok, hold on." She shifts him into her chest, supporting him as she grabs the changing bag from the pushchair. "Oh what have I turned into?"

"A mum." I reply and she rolls her eyes at me. "Sorry to say it."

"Right I will see you on the other side." She kisses me quickly before walking off towards the toilets.

* * *

"You don't think I'm going to turn into one of those really mumsy women do you?" Carla frets, stirring the straw around her drink. "You know those ones who meet up for coffee every Tuesday morning and go to yoga class on a Thursday night?"

"Yoga?" I scoff slightly. "I can't see that happening. But then again, three years ago I never saw this happening so."

"Look what you've done, Tilsley." She smiles, looking down at the table before glancing at the pushchair, rearranging the blanket over our sleeping child. "You've ruined me, I'm supposed to be a cow."

"Still are." I shrug and she pokes me with her straw playfully. "Just a softer cow."

"Well aren't you kind?" She flashes me a sarcastic smile. "Are we still having Bethany over for a bit tonight? She hasn't even met her cousin properly yet."

"If you're up to it." I check, noticing how tired she seemed.

"Well it shouldn't be too strenuous, should it?" She shrugs, opening a magazine and flicking absentmindedly through the pages. "As long as it's just her and not the rest of the bunch."

"Yeah I'll second that." I yawn, checking if anything needed doing now that she seemed engrossed in her magazine. "It's alright; maternity leave, isn't it? You just popping in here whenever you feel like it, to have free drinks and read your magazine."

"I did that anyway." She points out. "Besides, you're still supposed to be on paternity leave. You hypocrite, banging on about me going back to work."

"It's not my fault Daniel's ill." I remind her and she raises her eyebrows, looking back down at what was in front of her. I study it for a moment, trying to read it upside down. "Best foods for weight loss?"

"Speaking of which, where is my dinner?" She frowns and I head into the kitchen, taking the salad off the side and heading out to place it down in front of her. "See, you'd have forgotten about that. It's just not good enough Nick."

"Uh, alright!" I offer her a knife and fork. "Miss, 'I do one shift in here and suddenly I'm a pro'."

"Sarcy." She grins, tucking into her food. "And anyway, you said yourself I was good at it."

"You were." I agree with her.

"You'd employ me if you could afford my wages." She continues.

"All my money goes on you and him anyway." I laugh, pointing to Alfie. "You're the most expensive wife ever, never mind employee."

"Oh don't say that, I feel bad." She lowers her fork and I watch her, expectantly. "A little... We're married, what's mine is yours."

"Say that one more time." I raise my eyebrows at her.

"What's mine is yours. Gorgeous." She adds, biting her lip happily before going back to her dinner.

 **Carla**

"Hey, look who's home." I smile at Nick from the sofa, as he closes the front door, coming over to kiss me on the top of the head.

"Hello." He greets, warmly, before pulling a face at Alfie, who was snuggled into my chest. "And hello to you."

"How was the work you weren't supposed to be doing?" I look up at him, and he walks around to sit on the coffee table in front of me. "Leaving me in the lurch on your so called paternity leave."

"You look like you're doing alright." He points out, holding out his arms and I pass Alfie to him, as he supports him against his chest. "Hiya."

"Cute." I smile, crossing my legs as I watch them.

"How's the afternoon of nappy changing suited you?" He teases me.

"Glamorous." I reply, screwing my nose up. "We went shopping."

"Poor you." He glances at Alfie and I roll my eyes.

"Oh only to the supermarket. I bought you some more socks because you needed them." I tell him absentmindedly, realising how domestic it made me sound. "They're on the bed."

"So you got some food in then?" His eyes shift to the kitchen. "I was going to do an online order tonight."

"No need baby, you wife has sorted it and is also cooking your tea." I grin, saluting him playfully and he raises his eyebrows at me.

"Wow." He nods, impressively, looking worriedly down at Alfie. "Lucky me, hey?"

"Oi." I slap his leg lightly and he laughs.

"Really warming to this 'mum' role, aren't you?" He grins, as I pick the breast pump up off the table. "Suits you. You'll be telling me you've done the ironing next."

"Mm..." I pause, fiddling with the pump and he raises his head to look at me.

"Oh my God." He laughs. "You've actually done the ironing, haven't you?"

"No!" I object, shoving him playfully, but making sure I was careful of Alfie. "He was asleep, I was bored, ok? I'm not used to all this doing nothing business."

"Well I'm not complaining." He replies, amused at my sudden change of heart.

"It's him and you, you've both changed me!" I try to defend myself. "I can't stop it from happening."

"Oh shush, you're still the same." He reassures me. "Just a softer version that actually does the house work."

"Don't get used to it." I warn him. "I did one set of ironing, one."

"What's for tea then?" He asks, as Alfie starts to whimper in his arms and I groan, passing him the dummy that was lying on the sofa. "Want this?"

"Spaghetti bolognese." I reply, as Alfie begins to calm again, sucking contently on the dummy. "Life savers, those things."

"That's a hard dish to cook." He points out and I give him a look. "Although you are perfectly capable and beautiful and I love you." He corrects himself, scared of my reaction and I roll my eyes as he leans forwards to kiss me on the cheek.

"Right well I'd better get started then." I stand up, clapping my hands before turning back to him. "Oh and his nappy needs changing. Love you too."

 **Nick**

"Hiya." Bethany swings the front door closed and I look up from where I am sat with Alfie on the carpet.

"I'm sorry, do you live here?" I prompt her and she flashes me a sarcastic smile.

"Aw, is this him?" Her eyes fall to Alfie.

"Oh no, this is just a toy." I joke and she comes over, sitting down next to me and melting as she sees him properly.

"Oh hi love." Carla emerges from the kitchen, holding a wooden spoon and I refrain from laughing at her. "You haven't eaten have you? I'm cooking."

"Uh... Should I say I have eaten?" She hisses in my ear.

"Save yourself." I mutter.

"Yeah, I've had a toastie." She lies and I smile at her abilities. "Thanks though."

"Has he told you to say that?" She points the spoon at me and I lay Alfie in the ring on the floor, holding my hands up. "Yes well, I'm sure you can manage a small portion."

"Nice try." I whisper, as she disappears and Bethany groans, reaching her hand out and tickling Alfie's toes.

"Oh he's so cute." She claps her hands excitedly. "I can't believe I'm finally meeting him."

"You were never like this with Harry." I frown.

"I was a kid." She reminds me.

"It was two years ago." I laugh. "Still a kid now."

"I'm eighteen!" She retorts.

"Still a kid." I shrug and she looks put-out at this. "You'll always be a kid."

"Oh great." She grumbles, picking Alfie up of her own accord and holding him very professionally against her chest. "Hello."

"Oh Nick?" I hear Carla call from the kitchen. "I've bottled some breast milk for emergencies."

"Thanks." I shout back, noticing Bethany's disgusted reaction. "You could have told me that another time."

"Well I'm only saying because we shouldn't really use it unless we have to." She replies, appearing from the kitchen again. "And when you do, make sure-"

"What are you doing in there?" I frown, wondering why she was taking so long.

"Excuse me, I'm talking to you." She scolds me and I can't help laughing.

"I know it all already." I inform her and she rolls her eyes at Bethany.

"Thinks he's the baby whisperer." She points at me and Bethany smiles. "So what do we do with the bottles to heat them up?"

"Put them in a bowl of warm water." I recite, reluctantly, deliberately making my tone sound tired. "But not too hot, not to cold."

"Alright Goldilocks." She winks and I stand up, hesitating before going into the kitchen.

"Mm." I kiss the back of her head, wrapping my arms around her.

"Uh, have you left her in there with him?" She whispers.

"Oh she's alright." I kiss her shoulder, before moving to her neck and she fends me off.

"Oi." She can't help smiling. "Stop that."

"This looks nice." I observe the dinner in front of me, actually meaning it. "You've done a good job."

"See?" She turns the hob off, stirring the pan. "I'm not that rubbish."

"Oh babe, I only wind you up." I kiss her cheek, unable to take my hands off her. "I definitely don't think you're rubbish."

"You just think I'm not very good." She points out.

"No." I deny, pausing as she turns her head to look at me. "I'll try it and make my mind up then."

"No pressure then." She responds, turning her body with my hands still linked around her. "I just want to be good at this for when he grows up."

"You don't need to prove yourself." I sigh, scraping the loose hair behind her ear.

"I'm not, it's kind of fun." She shrugs and I feel so proud of her for some reason. "Until I poison you."

"I'm sure you won't." I reassure her. "I hope."

"Sorry to break up the love fest." Bethany interrupts us and we snap away from one another as she enters with Alfie. "But he's making this weird noise."

"Oh why now?" Carla moans, taking him from her and adjusting her top, sitting down in the chair as she begins to feed him. "He's the greediest baby ever."

"Oh... Ok." Bethany shifts awkwardly, clearly feeling out of place. "That's why."

"Bet you're so glad you came over now, aren't you?" Carla asks, tiredly.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Bethany observes, as I prod the dinner with the spoon, warily.

"It does now." She sighs, leaning back against the chair.

"You know, it says in that leaflet you shouldn't ignore that." I pick the one I was referring to up off the side and put it down in front of her.

"Oh it's just because I hadn't been used to it for weeks after he was born, and now he's feeding off me so much, I'm just sore, that's all." She tells me and I study her for a minute, watching her definite expression. "Honestly, I haven't got this..." She reads the page I had opened it to. "Breast engorgement."

"Right so is tea ready?" Bethany claps her hands, trying to divert the subject awkwardly. "I'm really looking forward to trying it."

"Don't lie, Bethany." Carla smiles slightly and we exchange a look.

"Do you want me to serve it up?" I ask and Carla nods, as I dish it out onto three separate plates, handing one to Bethany and placing another down in front of Carla.

"Ok, this is actually really nice." Bethany reveals, after taking a mouthful. "I didn't actually eat, by the way, Nick told me to say that."

"Uh?" Carla glares at me, as I hesitantly tuck into my food.

"This is yummy." I try to cover up and she shakes her head at me disapprovingly.

"Yeah you'll be wearing it in a minute." She rocks Alfie gently as he continues to feed off her. "So how's everything at the factory?"

"How did I know that was coming?" I wind her up, wrapping the spaghetti around my fork, as Carla attempts to eat with one hand.

"We're on top of everything so no need to worry." She informs her. "You just focus on him and I will make sure that the other part of your life is running smoothly."

"Do you know what, Bethany Platt? I like you." Carla admits, confidently and Bethany looks touched. "And I don't like many people, so feel honoured."

 **Carla**

"I tell you what, Michelle did well with this." I call to Nick, who appears from the kitchen, looking at where I'm sat on the floor, pointing to the play mat Alfie is lying on. "He's completely transfixed by these things." I play with the plastic animals dangling from the arch that hangs above it. "Oh no, he's going to be an animal lover."

"What's wrong with that?" He asks, sitting down on the sofa. "Could be worse."

"You can be whatever you want to be." I tell Alfie, affectionately, kneeling in front of him and just watching his mouth open and close as he stares up at the mobile above him. "I can't stop looking at him. I don't know whether it's because I'm still in disbelief or he's just so perfect."

"Or both." Nick inserts and I nod, unable to tear my eyes away from my son. "That's probably perfectly normal I wouldn't worry."

"Bath time." I pick him up, holding him against my shoulder. "Is daddy going to come?"

"You mean is daddy going to come and do all the hard work, whilst mummy reads the rest of her magazine in the bathroom?" Nick prompts and I shake my head, amused as he gets up. "Right ok."

"Watch this space, Tilsley." I head up the stairs, as he places his hands on my shoulders, following behind me.

 **Nick**

I swish the warm water around the baby bath, watching Alfie's eyes open and close contently at the sensation. "He loves that." I point out and she nods, sitting next to me on the floor of the bathroom, which is something I never imagined happening.

"Is that nice?" She puts on the same adorable voice she always does when she's talking to him and I turn to smile at her. "Are you going to sleep all night now? No? Didn't think so."

"I'll do all the getting up in the night, you deserve a decent nights sleep." I tell her and she looks touched for a moment.

"And if he needs feeding?" She reminds me.

"Well you've stocked us up ready." I laugh softly. "You can just get that pump thing out again tomorrow."

"I'm not a coffee machine, Nick." She tries not to look so entertained at my comment. "I can't just make a drink every time you enter a pound."

"Sarcy." I bite my lip to hold back laughter and she watches me for a moment, keeping her hold securely on Alfie as she does so. "Come here."

"Mm." She kisses me. "This is the first time in my life that I've actually been able to be happy, without waiting for something to inevitably screw it up."

"And here we are, sitting on the bathroom floor." I add. "And you're not throwing up into the toilet."

"Oh don't remind me." She winces at the thought, before looking back at Alfie. "Good job you were worth it. Although you were an absolute nightmare, what was all that kicking me for, hey?"

"Don't you think it's mad that he was inside you?" I marvel and she nods, her eyes going wide at the thought. "Like he is what caused you to crave all those weird things, and throw up every morning."

"I think daddy's trying to get us to fall out." Carla strokes his hair.

"Stop calling me that." I nudge her, watching the smile creep across her face as she bathes him attentively.

"No." She giggles, nudging me back. "You love it really. Don't try to hide it. Daddy."

"Carla!" I can't help smiling and she bites her lip, our eyes meeting again.

"You've made me so happy." She whispers, as we continue to stare contently at one another. "Like, crazy happy."

"Likewise." I respond and she blushes slightly, allowing the hair to fall over her face.

"I should still be pregnant now." She realises, staring off into space as she ponders the thought. "...Wow that's weird. Can you imagine the size I'd be? I actually think I'd have exploded."

"Everything worked out, didn't it?" I prompt her. "Just got to keep this one healthy."

"...It feels like a lifetime ago he was born." She says, looking back at him in disbelief. "And yet now we're giving him a bath, when he should still be in my tummy."

"Hey, look at him." I poke her arm gently. "He's happy. He's healthy. He's already the most spoilt baby on the planet. There's nothing to worry about. You had the pregnancy from hell-"

"So you're saying it's a blessing?" She sounds quite annoyed at my words and I study her for a moment.

"No, I'm not saying that." I sigh, knowing I had probably dug myself a hole now.

"Because we went through weeks of torture not being able to hold him." She reminds me, as if I could ever forget. "And in that delivery room, I had never been so terrified in my life-"

"I know!" I exclaim and she stops herself, closing her eyes momentarily. "Hey, come on. We were happy then."

"Still am happy." She mutters. "Just with an unhappy look on my face."

"Can I have that smile back, please?" I ask, in a way which I know always wins her round and she tilts her head to face me, smiling slightly at my attempts. "Yay." I cheer playfully, as she closes her eyes tiredly. "Babe, go to bed. I'll sort him out."

"It's alright." She shakes her head.

"Go." I order and she looks surprised at my dominant attitude. "You've done the hard work all day."

"Will you be ok?" She yawns, kissing Alfie on the head.'

"I'm his dad, I'm sure I'll manage." I reply and she kisses me briefly before getting up.

"I love you." She heads towards the door. "Don't be long."

 **Carla**

"Are you asleep?" I hear Nick's voice, pulling back the covers to answer his question. "I thought you'd be flat out."

"I wanted you." I reply, quietly and I can only just make out his figure in the dark as he climbs into bed, lying down next to me. "Is Alfie ok?"

"Yeah he's gone off." He tells me, holding his arm out so I can roll into his chest. "Dried him, changed him, fed him."

"What would I do without you?" I hum, breathing in his comforting scent. "Oh, you put the bottle in warm water didn't you?"

"Yes, don't worry." He laughs softly, stroking the hair out of my face. "Trust me."

"I do trust you." I murmur, gripping the hem of his t-shirt gently. "I'm probably going to leak in the night now, if I've missed that feed."

"Oh great." Nick teases me and I nudge him gently. "Doesn't matter."

"How did he take to the bottle?" I continue, suddenly full of questions.

"Alright, think he prefers you though." He plays with my hair, a small smile creeping across my face. "Is this it now?"

"What?" I frown, even though he couldn't see my expression.

"Are we glued to a life of talking about our child before bed every night?" He prompts me. "Or every second of the day for that matter."

"No, we can talk about something else..." I trail off, struggling to think of something unrelated to babies or breastfeeding or parenting skills, that he didn't already know. "Um..."

"What did we even used to talk about?" He questions and I ponder it, thinking back to years ago.

"Uh... Sex?" I suggest and he suddenly laughs. I push myself up so I'm lying on top of him, arms folded against his chest, returning his smile. "In the beginning. Sex and work."

"Sex and work." He repeats, looking amused and I plant a prolonged kiss on his lips. "Back when everything was so simple."

"You make it sound like you want to go back in time." I fiddle with the hem of his t-shirt.

"No." He shakes his head and I meet his gaze again. "It's the best journey I've ever been on though."

"Do you remember that day?" I ask him and he waits for me to continue. "You'd have a rough day and we'd had a row because you'd changed your mind about moving to Devon. And I came home, you'd cooked dinner, and I told you to close your eyes."

"The time you told me you wanted a baby?" He recalls, clearly and I bite my lip slightly at the thought.

"Yeah, just the two of us, maybe three of us." I repeat, blushing as my eyes dart back down to my fingers. "I think I realised that day how much I wanted a family with you. It had played on my mind, but the minute it slipped out of my mouth."

"My heart stopped." He brushes the hair behind my ear and I look back at him. "In a good way... It was the thing I'd always wanted to hear. From the person I always wanted to hear it from. I didn't think you wanted that, like I did."

"And yet it didn't stop you from wanting to be with me." I contemplate. "Even though you thought I might never want another baby, and you might never be a dad."

"It didn't matter, you were more important." He whispers and I swallow, looking into his meaningful eyes. "But when you did say it, it's like everything was just completed. Finally everything had fallen into place."

"...And I ruined it." I dare to say.

"No." He replies. "Because that's exactly what happened. Except not in Devon."

"...I was pregnant then." I realise and he looks surprised at this. "There was me banging on about possibly wanting a baby, little did I know she was already inside me... Little did I know... Oh God... I don't know, it's not like I'm replacing her, is it? Being this happy with Alfie and you... I don't want her to feel left out, is that stupid?"

"Of course it's not." He says, gently. "But we love them both just as much, that will never change."

"I miss her." I sigh, dipping my head into his chest as his arms tighten around me. "I miss feeling her inside me. I can't help it. I do. It was the only time I felt her, and she was so alive... I really miss her."

"I know." He responds, understandingly and I raise my head, looking back up at him. "She's our little girl. She'll always be our little girl."

"Yeah." I nod, managing a weak smile. "Our little girl and our little boy. Our family."

"Smile." He whispers and I do, because I was happy, and Lauren would want us to be happy.

"Sex and work." I bite my lip, repeating it again. "We can still talk about that now, you know?"

"Oh can we?" He watches me, slowly becoming aware of my intentions. "Except you haven't been to work for weeks."

"Yeah, I wasn't talking about work." My eyes scan his face, a seductive expression on mine. "Maybe I don't want to talk at all."

"Yeah?" He swallows, as I lean forwards, gently kissing him so my lips tickled his. "There's a baby next door."

"So? We've got to make the most of this." I murmur, against his skin, as I move down to kiss his jawline. "He's fast asleep."

"I thought you were tired?" He reminds me, as I continue to place kisses down his neck, feeling his hand brush the silky skin along my back, as I reach a sensitive spot.

"Anyone would think you were trying to put me off?" I mumble, moving back up to stare into his eyes and he shakes his head. "Oh, is that right?"

"Don't tease me." He warns and I dip my head, biting my lip ever so slightly and dancing my hand down his chest towards his crotch, feeling him harden as soon as I press my hand against it.

"There we go." I grin, kissing him again. "So are you going to say no, to this? Hm?" I whisper against him, trailing my fingers along his leg, before toying with the hem of his boxers. "Because you say the word, and I'll stop."

"Don't stop." He replies, and I smile victoriously, leaning in to kiss him more passionately.

"Ok, if that's what you want." I whisper, melting into his embrace, the darkness descending around us in our home where everything was happy.

* * *

 _ **Bit more happiness for you all there, I never know whether people like the happy stuff, or prefer the darker/dramatic chapters, but I've got a few ideas for what's coming up, even though this fic is getting really long now! Hope you enjoyed :)**_


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53:**

 **Nick**

"Oh please don't go back to work." Carla whines, leaning on the kitchen counter and trying to look sweet, as I flick through the newspaper. "I want a duvet day."

"No." I tell her, firmly and she sticks her bottom lip out. "Don't do that, you know I'll cave."

"Exactly." She smiles, moving towards me and tugging on my tie. "Two weeks goes too fast."

"Somebody's got to earn the money." I point out, keeping my eyes glued to my newspaper, as she tries to wedge herself between me and the counter to sit on my lap. "You're like a kitten."

"Ah, is that a good thing?" She gives up, sighing as she folds her arms, watching me intently. "I'm going to get bored without you."

"You've got Alfie." I remind her.

"Yes but he can't talk to me." She persists. "Yet." She takes a piece of toast off my plate, crunching it loudly to get my attention and I turn to face her, eyebrows raised. "You want to go back to work, don't you? Because I bore you?"

"Uh, no that's not true!" I exclaim, studying her sulky expression. "But we can't just skive off forever you know... Of course you don't bore me, don't be silly."

"Yeah, now that I'm a mum." She prompts me. "I'll go all dull and boring."

"You definitely weren't boring the other night." I mutter, looking back down at the paper and I can tell I've entertained her with this.

"Yeah see." She pokes my cheek. "We could do that over and over if you stayed at home."

"With a baby in the house?" I remind her, and she chews her lip momentarily, as if trying to figure out what to attempt to win me round with next. "Right I've got to go."

"Uhh..." She groans. "Can't I go back to work and you can stay at home with Alfie? I'm a strong feminist."

"Keep trying." I laugh slightly, pulling my jacket on and adjusting my tie as she had pulled it out of place. "Right I will see you later. Have my tea ready on the table, strong feminist."

"In your dreams." She replies, sourly and I study her for a moment, kissing her cheek. "What am I supposed to do all day?"

"Go shopping, go get your hair done." I suggest.

"With a screaming baby?" She questions.

"Take him to that baby group in town?" I point to the article in the newspaper and she shoots me a look. "Ok, who am I kidding?"

"Is Chelle working today?" She asks, coming over to straighten my collar out.

"Yep." I respond and she groans again. "Stop with the whining, beautiful." I imitate her, kissing her briefly. "You can go back to bed, it's not the end of the world."

"He'll wake up in five there's no point." She contemplates her limited options and I grab my keys from the side, posting them into my pocket.

"Love you." I kiss her, before I do give in and I head off towards the door. "See you later."

 **Carla**

"Can't you say something?" I ask Alfie, who was kicking his legs out on the play mat as he lay on his back, something he had started doing a lot recently in the past week or so. "Yeah you're good at that. I'm telling you though, it flipping hurt when you kept doing it inside me." I continue to babble on, finishing the apple I was eating as I watch him. "You better be a decent footballer, with all this practice. Earn me good retirement money." I tilt my head back, staring up at the ceiling for a moment. "Right we're going out, I'm going to drive myself crazy." I pick him up and he grabs my hair, not letting go. "Alfie, ow!" I try to prize his grip off me as the doorbell goes and I feel a rush of excitement. Somebody to entertain me, brilliant.

"Delivery for Mr Tilsley?" I open the door, my heart sinking as I take it from him, holding Alfie with one hand as I sign the electronic pad he holds out. "How old?"

"Nearly seven weeks." I respond, as Alfie finally lets go of my hair.

"Sweet, I remember when mine were that age." He observes and I look back at him, surprised. He looked about ten years younger than me, maybe more.

"Oh right, how old are they then?" I dare to ask.

"Oh, nine and eleven." He tells me. "My eldest is off to secondary in September. Time flies, trust me."

"Great." I just mutter, feeling incredibly old at his short story. "Well thanks for this."

"No problem." He waves me off, heading back down the street and I roll my eyes, glancing at Alfie who was staring at the street blankly, completely transfixed by the blurry sight before him.

"Carla?" I hear a familiar voice and turn my head to see Kate.

"Hi!" I yell, more excitedly than I intended and she comes over to me, holding her arms out to take Alfie, in which I gratefully allow her to do so. "Careful he'll probably pull your hair."

"Oh you are looking more gorgeous every day." She coos, bouncing him gently. "Must be in the genes."

"Oh haha." I nudge her. "Are you free, or going to work?"

"No I've got a few hours." She shrugs, looking back at me.

"Yes!" I cheer quietly and she frowns. "I am bored out of my skull, want a brew?"

"Go on then." She smiles, inviting herself in. "As long as you've got biscuits as well."

"Well we have because Nick likes them, but don't tempt me, I'm trying to diet." I groan, getting them out of the cupboard and flicking the kettle on as she joins me in the kitchen.

"I'm not just saying this because you're my sister." She begins, and I can already guess the end of her sentence. "But you really do not need to diet."

"I've still got excess baby weight." I reply, arranging them on a plate, which I put down on the dining table. "I need to go to the gym but I haven't had time with him."

"You look great." She reassures me, and I can tell she means it, despite my lack of self-belief. "And I bet Nick tells you that all the time."

"Oh yes he does." I sigh, pouring out the tea and putting a mug down in front of the chair she sits herself down in, still supporting Alfie. "It's all I ever hear, he's too nice for his own good."

"I didn't think somebody could be 'too nice'." She ponders. "Especially to you, that's what you need."

"How's Rana?" I try to change the subject. "Things going well?"

"We're moving in together." She informs me and my eyes light up.

"Oh Kate that's exciting!" I exclaim. "Don't you already live together?"

"Well she's in between staying at her brothers and staying with me, dad and Jenny, which isn't the kind of glamorous lifestyle we were hoping for." She replies and I nod, knowingly. "So we're moving into a flat up the street."

"That's brilliant news." I reply and I realise how happy I am for her. "You deserve this."

"Mm, so when we have the flat warming, you'll have to come." She winks at me. "How are you managing with this one, anyway?"

"Well it's different to what I'm used to." I reply, sipping my tea. "Which is kind of scary but at the same time it's like a comfortable different. I suppose I'll get used to it in time, you know, when I go back to work and things. Everything might seem a bit more normal again."

"Well he looks happy and healthy." She observes and I narrow my eyes at her.

"You've been spending too much time with Rana." I observe. "Which reminds me, I need to book his next set of jabs, so I need to sort that with her."

"Helpful isn't it?" She points out. "Living on this street and having friends in high places."

"Or enemies." I add. "Not so useful."

"Seriously though, you're doing an amazing job." She tells me, meaningfully. "You can tell he's really content. He's absolutely perfect. You've got so much fun with him ahead, enjoy it."

 **Nick**

"Hiya babe." I close the door to the house, hearing the sound of sizzling from the kitchen and heading in that direction. I notice Alfie, sleepily lying in his baby bouncer on the table, before wrapping my arms around Carla's waist, which causes her to jump slightly.

"Oh!" She exclaims, turning to face me. "Hello."

"Miss me?" I kiss her and she smiles contently at my appearance. "So you _are_ cooking my dinner then?"

"No this is for me, get your own." She jokes, going back to stirring it, and I don't release my hands, kissing her shoulder affectionately. "How was work?"

"Alright." I respond, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. "I'd have rather been here, if I'm honest."

"Well I'd have rather been at work." She replies. "He's been a nightmare most of the day, hasn't stopped crying as soon as Kate left."

"Oh you found someone to entertain you then?" I ask and she nods, a small smile on her face. I kiss the back of her head, releasing a satisfied noise as I do so, before letting go of her.

"We need to talk about the Christening." She leaves the dinner, sitting down at the table and I sit down opposite her, lifting my finger to Alfie's palm so he grabs it. "Hello?"

"You are very needy today." I grin, looking up at her and she pulls a face at me. "You're serious about the Christening thing?"

"Yes, Nick." She insists, grabbing her phone and typing something out. "Guests."

"You hate parties." I remind her.

"It's not about that, though." She sighs, looking at me exasperatedly. "It's about making sure Alfie's got support in case one of these near death experiences turns into the real deal."

"Don't joke about that." I warn her. "Besides, we don't need a piece of paper to tell us we've got support. Alfie would go to Michelle if anything happened to us."

"Would he?" She raises her head, realising we hadn't had this conversation. "Cleared this with her, have you?"

"I thought it was obvious." I reply and she nods, agreeing with me. "Not going to lumber the poor child with my mother permanently are we?"

"Ha, no." She scoffs slightly, making a note in her phone. "Michelle and Roy are godparents, you can decide on the other godfather."

"Oh how kind of you." I laugh, as Alfie grips my finger tightly. "Uh... I don't know, who else do we know?"

"Well not Robert." Carla tells me, avoiding my gaze. "Him and Chelle seem to be on the rocks anyway."

"He was the last option." I respond. "Are you watching that dinner?"

"David?" She suggests and I shrug, not really fussed by the whole thing.

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll be really excited about that." I tease her.

"Ok sarcy git." She slaps my spare hand lightly, before linking her fingers with mine and typing with her other. "Oh... Do you know what, I've gone from having no family at all, to having too much. This guest list is ridiculous."

"At least he's loved." I point out and she sighs, putting her phone down. "You alright?"

"Yeah, sorry. You've been working all day and then come back to me banging on about this." She apologises.

"I don't mind, if it's what you want." I tell her. "That dinner is going to burn."

"We'll just do something low key." She decides. "I'll ask Billy when he's got a slot and then we'll just do something at the Bistro."

"Oh will we?" I laugh at her assumptions, before looking worriedly at the saucepan that is frothing. "Dinner, babe."

"Which reminds me, actually. We need to sort this Bistro situation out." She moves on to the next topic and I stand up, deciding my prompting wasn't getting through to her. "What are you doing?"

"I told you three times, it's burning." I turn the hob off and her eyes go wide.

"Oh." She looks apologetic. "Did you?"

"What's this even supposed to be?" I stare down at the substance in the pan, looking back at her.

"I don't know... Just some stuff from the fridge." She mumbles and I can't help laughing at her. "Nick, I'm trying my best!"

"Woah, ok, I'm only winding you up." I try to calm her, as tears spring into her eyes and I immediately feel bad. "Hey, don't cry." I crouch down in front of her. "Oh sweetheart, I was only teasing you. It looks lovely."

"No, it looks disgusting." She rolls her eyes, dragging the tears off her cheeks. "I'm rubbish at it. I'm trying, I'm trying to do all this stuff so I can be good."

"Right, look at me." I place a finger under her chin, tilting her head to face me. "Hey, calm." I graze my thumb along the tears to wipe them away. "You are doing an amazing job, ok? Please don't cry." I glance across at Alfie, picking him up out of his bouncer. "Look how happy he is, hm? That's down to you." I hold him in front of her and she sighs, watching him. "Is mummy doing a good job? Yes she is."

"Stop." She can't hold back the small smile that appears on her face. "You're so cute."

"Stop doubting yourself." I keep my voice soft. "Or trying to prove yourself, you're perfect." I look back at Alfie. "Isn't she? He says yes."

"Telepathic now?" She dabs her eyes with a tissue, as Alfie grabs her hair.

"See, that's a yes." I laugh and she returns it.

"Ow, ok." She scolds Alfie gently. "You're very rough with mummy today."

"Ok, no we don't do that." I continue to talk to Alfie and she smiles, moving forwards to kiss me and I feel the remaining wet of her tears stain my cheeks. "Love you."

"Love you." She whispers. "Sorry I'm snappy. I shouldn't be."

"You're entitled to it." I smile, placing Alfie back in the bouncer and studying her for a moment. I suddenly grab her, lifting her up and she looks surprised for a moment, wrapping her legs around my waist.

"Oi! What are you doing?" She laughs, as I kiss her neck a few times, before sitting her down on the kitchen counter.

"You sit there." I order as she tilts her head to look into the saucepan.

"Oh God, that's actually so unappetising." She pulls a face and I hesitate, before taking the Chinese menu out of the takeaway folder in the cupboard and holding it up. "Sorry..."

"You're getting there, ok?" I stroke her hair. "It's a learning curve, any new mum will tell you that. There's very few women that just click into it straight away."

"Well you're remarkably well informed." She snatches the menu from my grasp, playfully. "And next time ask before you throw me around the kitchen."

"You love it." I tease her and she shoots me a look, trying to stay serious and progressively failing. "Where's the fun in life, without surprises?"

"I've started to learn I don't like surprises." She mumbles, flicking through the menu, as I push the saucepan warily to the side.

"Oh well you won't want this then." I hand her the envelope from my pocket and she stares at it, looking worried for a moment.

"What's that?" She looks up at me, hesitantly taking it and opening it up, pulling the plane tickets out of it. "Nick... What is this?"

"Thought we could do with a summer holiday." I tell her. "As a family."

"In Cyprus?" Her eyes light up, completely shocked as she reads the tickets. "Nick, what the hell?"

"Good or bad call?" I check, and she looks at Alfie, trying to contain her excitement.

"Well is he allowed to fly?" She checks, and I know she is about to list a load of precautions, which I had already searched the answers to.

"Of course he can." I laugh, and she stares at me in awe, before looking back at the tickets. "Have to try and keep him entertained on the plane though."

"I look horrible in a bikini." She continues.

"How did I know that was coming?" I roll my eyes, going over to her.

"I know what you're going to say." She stares into my eyes, lovingly.

"Yeah? Then believe it." I kiss her, and she wraps her arms around my neck. "Don't have to go, if you want to roll out the excuses."

"No I want to go! I want to go." She claps her hands excitedly. "When are we going?"

"Five weeks." I tell her. "So we can try and get the Christening done first."

"Five weeks?" She splutters. "I can't diet that fast."

"Stop banging on about your diet, you're perfect." I smile and she pauses, looking back at me. "Hm." I kiss her cheek affectionately. "Trust me on that one."

"Let's see the hotel." She bites her lip and I get my phone out of my pocket, pulling up the picture on the internet. "Oh my God, that's gorgeous. Babe, we can't afford that."

"Uh, yes we can and we have." I tell her and she flicks through the pictures excitedly. "Well, I have. So no need to worry your pretty little head about costs. We deserve a break, after everything."

"It's got a spa." She notes. "And a hot tub on the balcony."

"Wait has it actually?" I rest my head on her shoulder, watching as she flicks through the photos. "Shame he's coming with us."

"Oh shush." She nudges me, turning her head so our eyes meet. "You are so perfect, come here." She wraps her arms around me, still sat on the kitchen counter. "I feel so smug. Everything is so right. Thank you, thank you."

"Ok, so this was a good move?" I double check, pulling away from her and she looks back at the tickets, as if soaking it up.

"Now you're doubting yourself." She points out. "And don't, because this is the best news I've had since I got pregnant. I am so excited. You are the sweetest person."

"Oh well, glad I cheered you up." I murmur and she sighs.

"And I never do anything for you." She moans, looking guilty and I point to the bouncer on the table.

"Uh, look at him." I tell her, taking the liberty of tilting her head to face him. "Look." I persist. "Now don't say you never do anything for me."

"Yeah. One thing." She raises her eyebrows.

"A major thing." I add. "Which I will not stop being appreciative of until the day I die."

"Well you've made that clear." She replies, before getting up and looking into the bouncer. "Ah he's asleep, finally. I didn't have to do anything. Must be your influence."

"Come here." I hold my arms out, kissing her on the side of her head. "Mm, love you."

 **Nick**

"What do you think he dreams about?" Carla watches Alfie sleep peacefully, rocking the bouncer gently as she sits cross legged on the floor.

"Probably stuffed toys and creepy animal things drifting around his head." I respond, finishing my food and putting the plate down on the table. "Since that's all he sees all day."

"Oh." She turns to look at me. "We're going to need to get him a passport."

"It's on the to-do list." I reply, lying back on the sofa. "Along with his jabs, which need sorting."

"Oh you have no worries on that score." She points at me. "Kate's cleared it with Rana, I'm taking him to the medical centre on Wednesday."

"Good luck to you." I pull a face and she nods, unenthusiastically. "Thanks for sorting it though."

"Well it's the least I can do." She climbs into my lap, resting her head in my chest as I massage her scalp. "After you've spent the day splashing the cash on expensive holidays."

"I did that on my lunch, thank you. I have been working." I nudge her and she lets out a disbelieving hum.

"Did Robert show up today?" She asks.

"Yeah, tried to avoid him though." I mutter into her hair. "Heard him bashing the chopping board with a steak knife."

"Yeah I'd keep away." She rolls her eyes. "Poor Chelle. He's made her miserable."

"Why doesn't she just cut her ties?" I question.

"Why didn't you?" She responds and I can tell she instantly regrets it.

"You know why." I tickle her arm lightly to brighten the subject. "Besides, you're not Robert. He's showing no kind of remorse what-so-ever for what he's done. Just wallowing in his own self-pity for no reason."

"This is what I told her." She tells me. "But she says she loves him."

"And if he loved her he'd beg for her back." I continue and she tilts her head to face me.

"...Are we turning into Norris and Mary?" She weirdly asks and I frown at her. "You know, talking about other couples love lives because we've got nothing else to do."

"She's your best mate." I chuckle at her comment. "And he's my business partner. It's hardly as if we're discussing Sinead and Chesney's tiff over who left the bag of cornflakes open."

"Oh don't." She groans at the thought. "You need to sort things out with Robert though babe. Why don't the four of us sit down and talk?"

"Oh look at you, sorting everybody else's problems." I play with her fingers. "Your shampoo smells good."

"Don't try and change the subject, Tilsley." She argues.

"You do realise I can call you that too now, Tilsley." I prompt her and she shoots me a look.

"No that's my thing!" She exclaims, childishly and I laugh. "Do you want your business to go down the drain? Because that's what's going to happen if you don't talk to one another."

"Ooh tough love." I admire and she plays with my tie absentmindedly, wrapping it around her fingers. "Well then I'll just be a stay at home dad and you can earn the money for the three of us."

"Or we could work together at Underworld again." Her eyes light up, as if she's actually serious.

"That is never, ever happening again." I crush her hope and she looks put out.

"Why?" She pouts.

"Because you were a nightmare to work with, and so was I." I laugh at her expression. "And all we did was argue."

"And flirt." She adds, biting her lip.

"And a bit of that." I roll my eyes and she giggles victoriously, which sends a ripple of butterflies through my body. "Not happening, uh uh."

"Shame." She sighs, her eyes drifting upwards to meet mine. "And do you like it? It's new."

"Huh?" I frown at her, confused.

"My shampoo." She smiles, now lying flat against me, between my legs. "It's new."

"Oh." I wrap a strand around my fingers, breathing in the scent again. "Yes I do, actually."

"Oh good." She nods, satisfied with my observation. "I aim to please."

"You succeed." I return, before reluctantly trying to get up and she pushes me back down again. "I need to do the washing up, and take Alfie to bed. You sit here and watch... Whatever this is."

"Britain's Next Top Model." She looks at me as if I was mad for not knowing, and I nod, humouring her.

"Well you should go on it." I kiss her. "You'd win."

"Oh cheesy." She pulls a face, as I try to get up again. "No, no. You're staying right here. I've missed you all day."

"It's ten o'clock." I check my watch, sighing as I give in to her. "You're beautiful, do you know that?"

"Ahh..." She smiles, touched by my remark and leaning forwards to kiss me. "Oh, you had a parcel." She suddenly remembers, jumping up and going over to the side table by the door.

"I thought you said we were staying right here." I prompt her.

"Ok, clingy, I'm coming back." She comes back over to me, hair loosely falling over her shoulders. "Here."

"I don't even know what this is." I look at it, trying to remember.

"Yeah well the guy at the door looked about twelve and he had two kids who were almost teenagers, it annoyed me." She recites her story.

"Why?" I ask, opening the parcel up.

"Because it made me feel old." She lies down on top of me again. "What is it?"

"Oh." I pull out the baby top, admiring it and she takes it off me. "Yeah I remember now."

"You bought him a County top?" She raises her eyebrows at me, and I nod, impressively.

"Yeah and look." I turn it around to where Alfie's name was printed on the back. "Ey?"

"That's awful." She laughs, inspecting it. "You are not dressing him in that."

"Oh I am." I argue, gently.

"You don't even like football." She sighs, rolling her eyes at me.

"Might dress him in it for the Christening." I tease her and she slaps me lightly. "Can you imagine your face? Oh I don't want to."

"No, you don't want to." She shoots me a look and I fold it up, putting it on the coffee table. "Oh I feel left out, you're going to go to the football matches without me."

"Oh well, have a girl next." I say without thinking and I feel her freeze. Oh shit, why did I say that? "I mean... Not like that."

"Aren't you happy with the one we've got?" She suddenly snaps and it shocks me.

"Wait, Carla." I try to stop her. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Nick I went through hell!" She shouts, sitting up suddenly and Alfie starts crying at the disruption. "Both times. Sorry if that wasn't good enough for you."

"Woah, babe." I hold my hands up. "Sweetheart, of course it was. I didn't mean to cause-"

"We're not having another kid." She yells at me, and my eyes dart to Alfie, feeling the urge to tend to him but knowing it would be the wrong decision in this situation. "Not after everything I've been through. That's it. One. So get that into your head." She finishes, storming off upstairs and I swallow, trying to take in the sudden dramatic change in situation. I felt like I'd been hit in the face with a brick all of a sudden. What a stupid thing to say. Why did I have to say that and ruin everything?

"It's ok, come here." I force my words out, picking Alfie up and rocking him desperately as he continues to scream. "Hey, it's alright, shh." I find his dummy from the side, offering it to him and his crying begins to eventually slow. His long eyelashes fluttering closed at the sound of my voice. "There, see. Daddy just said something stupid. He shouldn't have said it. It's not mummy's fault, shh."

 **Carla**

I sit at the top of the stairs, trying to keep my whimpers to a minimum as I listen to Nick unburden his guilt to Alfie. He was so good with him, it came naturally, then again, everybody had always known he would be the most perfect dad. I had less fans, on the other hand.

I felt so stupid for suddenly lashing out. Everything had been so happy and lighthearted the past few days. Why did I have to go and ruin that? I knew Nick hadn't meant to put any kind of pressure on me, and I knew it was a conversation we were inevitably going to have, further down the line. But it had come so soon, I hadn't been prepared.

I feel a wrench of guilt as I think about how my sudden outburst had made Alfie cry. I bet there weren't many dysfunctional mums who managed to do that. Just me, upsetting my own child with my stupid, self-pity. I pull myself up, hearing the living room fall silent, and hesitantly pad down the stairs, seeing where Nick was sat on in the armchair, rocking Alfie against his chest. He looks up, smiling at me warmly and I return it, immediately relaxed by his persona. He was going to forgive me, like he always did, I didn't deserve that.

"Oh baby I'm sorry." I whisper, going over to Alfie and stroking his head. Nick let's me take him, as I kiss his soft hair, swaying as I hold him against my shoulder. "Mummy didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry."

"Sorry." Nick apologises, for some reason.

"Sorry." I add and he reaches out his hand, holding my spare one. "I don't know where that came from."

"My fault, completely." He assures me, and I frown, wondering how any of that could have been his wrongdoing. But it was Nick, he always carried my burdens, even if he knew he was right, if it made things easier for me.

"We need to talk." I sigh, sitting down in his lap and he kisses my forehead, watching as Alfie slowly slips off to sleep. "I didn't realise that was coming so soon, I think I was just shocked."

"Baby, you do realise that what we have now is perfect. This is all I need." He promises me. "No, this is more than what I need. This is all I've ever dreamed of. It was a stupid slip of the tongue, I'd never intend to put pressure on you like that and I completely understand why you don't want to go through it again. It was selfish of me."

"It wasn't selfish, at all." I reply, checking Alfie has gone off, before laying him back in his bouncer carefully. "I know you want another baby-"

"No, I don't." He reassures me. "Not if that's not what you want. I love Alfie and I love you. We don't need another baby. It was far too soon to be talking about that anyway."

"...It was just so hard Nick." She looks down at our interlinked fingers. "Three times, it was so hard. Such a strain, and so, so exhausting."

"I understand, I don't want to put you through that again." He says and the care in his voice melts my heart. "You come first, I know how much pain you were in last time... And the other two pregnancies I can't even imagine. You know I will protect you, and look after you, no matter what. Hey, we've got our perfect little boy, he's the most precious thing in the world, along with you. Why would I need anything else?"

"Oh." I tilt my forehead against his, closing my eyes momentarily and absorbing the contact. "I don't know, yet." She sighs. "Just let's see what happens, hey?"

"No because now you're saying this because you think it's what I want." He argues, gently, careful not to start another row.

"I'm not." I persist, nudging my nose against his as our eyes meet. "I'm not ruling it out. I'm just saying let's see what happens, Ok? We've just had Alfie, let's enjoy that. Whatever life throws at us next, we'll deal with. Alright?"

"That's what I want." He tells me. "Just to enjoy now, our family, our holiday."

"Oh and you've been so kind booking that and all." I whine slightly, remembering. "I should get an award for worst wife; screaming at you after such a big gesture."

"Stop that." He pushes my hair behind my ear. "Ok? The last fifteen minutes never happened."

"Ok, I like that idea." I agree, moving forward to rest my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me, keeping me safe.

* * *

 **Nick**

"Drink, Roy?" I offer, as he sits down opposite us and I remove my arm from around Carla, heading towards his bar.

"Oh, I could never oblige." He tries to be polite.

"Roy, what are you having to drink?" Carla persists and Roy looks awkward for a moment.

"Well... Well just an orange juice will be suffice." He nods at me appreciatively, and I glance at Michelle, who holds her empty wine glass up.

"Sarah, same again and an orange juice." I order at the bar of the Rovers and she nods, preparing the drinks as David slides in next to me. "Oh hello, what you drinking?"

"Pint." He responds, without even thanking me, before glancing at the booth with Carla, Roy and Michelle in. "What have I been summoned to? This is a weird group."

"Go and sit down." I tell him.

"I don't want to, I hardly know those people!" He keeps his voice low, as Sarah hands me the drinks and I wave a twenty pound note at her.

"Keep the change." I mutter.

"Oh, how kind." She smiles, sarcastically, glancing at David. "What's up with you, you look like someone's dragged you here."

"They have." David points at me. "Cut to the chase then."

"Sit down then." I order, and Sarah looks at us curiously.

"Where's your kid?" David asks, trying to make conversation as he glances awkwardly at Roy, indicating for him to move up.

"Oh, my apologies." Roy shifts up the seat. "I weren't aware you were joining us. Thank you, Nick, this is most kind."

"You're welcome." I reply, grateful for his gratitude as both Michelle and David begin to sip their drinks, letting it go over their head.

"He's with Kate and Rana." I tell David, although I'm pretty sure he was never interested in the question in the first place.

"Right so... Why are we here?" Michelle asks the obvious question. "You're not moving back to Devon?"

"Don't put ideas in our heads." Carla scoffs and I put my arm back around her. "We were wondering, if you want, I mean you can say no... We completely understand if you don't want to-"

"Will you be Alfie's godparents?" I cut Carla off and there is an array of mixed emotions on display in front of me. Michelle's hand flies over her mouth, almost bursting into tears with excitement. Roy looks surprised, as if trying to process the information, and David just stares at me blankly.

"Oh I'd love to." Michelle exclaims, gripping Carla's hand in hers. "Oh guys that's so sweet."

"You knew you were going to be godmother." Carla shakes her head at her and Michelle shrugs, a knowing smile on her face.

"That would be an honour." Roy clears his throat, glancing between us. "I am very humbled by the fact you considered me."

"Considered you?" Carla repeats. "You were always going to be."

"So what am I then?" David drones, taking a long gulp of his pint. "The back-up option?"

"No of course not!" Carla tries to be polite.

"Pretty much." I nod and Carla glares at me as David shrugs, accepting it.

"I feel like I've just been asked to be best man." He groans. "Worst feeling in the world."

"David." I hiss, seeing Carla's let down expression.

"I mean, yeah." He mutters, correcting himself. "As long as I haven't got to do much."

"...I'm so pleased we asked you." I respond, sarcastically and he rolls his eyes. "Right ok that's sorted, can I go back to work now?"

"Oh wait, what date is it?" Michelle asks, stopping me in my tracks. "Only I'll need to put it on the calendar and get myself a new dress."

"It's not really a fancy occasion." Carla begins.

"Oh don't fob me off with that." She replies. "I'm the only godmother, got to look the part."

"Well don't go upstaging me." Carla argues, suddenly taking an interest.

"What will I be required to wear?" Roy raises his hand awkwardly.

"I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt." David decides. "Are you allowed into a church in jeans?"

"I'm sure God doesn't have a problem with that." I respond. "Although Carla might."

"Wear what you like, I'm not fussed." Carla shrugs. "Except right now, the dress code seems very varied if you're going casual and Chelle is turning up in a prom dress."

"I will wear my best suit." Roy informs us and I check my watch.

"Ok, Chelle we need to get back." I sigh, kissing Carla on the cheek as Michelle tries to make her way out of the booth she was wedged into between people. "Thanks all, we really appreciate it."

* * *

"Hi, I couldn't find you then." I open the back door to see Carla sat on a blanket with Alfie in the garden. I could tell she had been talking to Lauren's pot, although she would never admit it. "What's this?"

"It was nice weather so thought we'd spend some time outside." She picks Alfie up out of his play ring. "Didn't we?"

"Did you enjoy your time at Auntie Kate's?" I ask Alfie and Carla smiles as I take him from her. "How long have you been out here?"

"About half an hour." She guesses. "Thought I'd spend some time with my two children..." She reaches out to graze her finger along the pot. "Daddy's here, sweetheart."

"Well now the four of us are here, do you want a barbecue for tea?" I ask and her eyes light up. "Since the weather is so nice."

"Ooh yeah, good call." She nods, watching how I play with Alfie's fingers. "We haven't used that thing yet."

"Have you been good for mummy today?" I tickle Alfie's tummy playfully and my heart almost stops when he smiles up at me. "Oh my..."

"What?" Carla looks up, sounding panicked.

"He's smiling, look." I nudge her excitedly and she moves closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder. "Has he done that yet?"

"No, he hasn't. Oh wow, hi." Carla whispers, excitedly, staring at him in awe. "He flamin' loves you."

"I have that affect on people." I tease her and she claps her hands, as he stares at us. He knew who we were, it was obvious from the way he was so content in our company. It felt so good, to know I was a dad, and that my son knew the same.

"Oh you are the cutest." Carla leans in to kiss his tummy, moving to place another on his forehead. "Happy baby."

"He is happy." I look down at him, as he grabs my finger, staring at it intently.

"Mm, I'm happy." Carla nestles further into my shoulder, kissing my cheek affectionately.

"Good." I kiss her forehead. "Well then we're all happy."

 **Carla**

"Ok, what do you think of this one?" I show Nick the picture of the pink swimsuit in the magazine I am reading and he humours me, leaving the food for a moment to peer over where I was lying on the sun lounger.

"That's nice." He nods, and I push my sunglasses on to the top of my head, raising my eyebrows at him. "I like the gold detail."

"Wow, you are observant." I bite my lip, eyeing up the t-shirt and shorts he was dressed in, having changed out of his suit. "The perks of having a husband who used to work in women's underwear, hey?"

"Never say that sentence again." He laughs, going back to the barbecue and I tilt my head to watch Alfie, kicking his legs about on his play mat. "He's very energetic."

"It's a good thing." He replies and I nod, not taking my eyes off him. "That one is nice."

"Huh?" I turn back to where he is pointing at a pale blue bikini. "Oh you just like the model."

"That's not true." He argues, in a way that makes it extremely disbelieving and I slap him lightly with the magazine. "It'd look better on you."

"Yeah except she hasn't got stretch marks." I point out and he kneels down next to me, placing a finger to my lips.

"Uh, no." He stops me and our eyes connect, as I give in. "That's enough of that."

"I only stated a fact." I sass him, biting his finger gently and he laughs at me, taking it back.

"Lovely, thanks for that." He kisses me. "You're like Alfie."

"Like mother like son." I shrug and he pulls the magazine from my grip, throwing it on the floor and picking my legs up, sitting himself down on the sun lounger so they were draped over his lap. "I was reading that."

"Well now you're not." He moves in to kiss me and I shift myself on to his lap, pushing him back so he was against the head rest, and straddling myself over him. I continue to kiss him, my hair tickling his cheek in the summer sun. "You taste good."

"Thanks." I laugh, pulling back and playing with the hem of his t-shirt. "Don't burn my dinner."

"I'm not you." He dares to wind me up.

"Oi!" I exclaim, pressing a hand against his chest. "Thin ice, Nicholas."

"I'll just kiss my way out of the doghouse." He kisses my neck a few times as I fend him off.

"No you won't." My eyes sparkle as I watch him.

"Yes I will." He pulls me in, kissing me again. "Why don't you ask Chelle if she wants to go shopping tomorrow? I can look after Alfie."

"Aren't you working?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"No I'm off tomorrow." He tells me and I can't help feeling excited at this.

"Oh, well in that case I want a duvet day." I demand. "Forget shopping with Michelle."

"Babe, we've had enough duvet days to last us a lifetime." I remind her. "That pregnancy has made you lazy."

"I am not lazy!" I exclaim. "I've been looking after our son for the past few weeks."

"Ok, touchy." He tickles me playfully and I fend him off. "If you want a duvet day then that's what you'll have."

"That's more like it." I smile, loving the fact I had won. "Now can you get on with cooking? I'm starving."

 **Nick**

"There." I throw the duvet down on top of Carla, who was lying with her feet up on the sofa, mug of coffee in hand. "You look nice and relaxed."

"Don't throw that at me." She scolds, pulling it over herself as I ensure Alfie is alright in his bouncer.

"Do you reckon he's ok?" I check. "He's very sleepy today."

"It's a blessing, babe." She assures me, sitting up momentarily. "Now come here."

"When you said duvet day, I didn't think you meant literally." I slide in behind her, as she lies back into my chest, picking her up momentarily so I can shift my legs either side of hers. "What's that?"

"Healthy stuff." She pulls a face at the bag of dried fruit she was eating. "You won't be interested, I've made you a bacon sarnie, it's in the kitchen."

"Well I'm comfy now!" I exclaim. "I'll eat it later."

"Mm, this is nice." She snuggles down into my chest and I wrap my arms around her. I jump as the door suddenly flies open, and we both sit bolt upright, staring at Aidan, who was now stood in our living room. "Aidan?" Carla snaps, suddenly furious. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I need your help." He ignores her.

"There's such thing as a doorbell!" She shouts. "You can't just go barging into people's houses!"

"...Were you having sex?" He stupidly asks.

"No we were-" Carla retorts, hushing her voice suddenly. "No we were not!" She hisses, aggressively, before pointing to Alfie. "There is a baby right there!"

"Oh yeah. Right, I need your help." He continues, and Carla stares at me exasperatedly. "I've got a meeting in an hour with Sid Altree, I need you there."

"You what?" Carla practically splutters and I put my head in my hands. "Uh, I'm busy."

"Oh yeah, looks it." He observes us. "Jam packed schedule; groping each other on the sofa."

"I have just pushed a baby out of me." She stands up, putting her hands on her hips defensively. "I am entitled to maternity leave, so I am going to use it."

"Ok, but Sid has asked for you to be there." He argues.

"Well you can tell Sid that I'm on maternity leave!" She snaps. "So I won't be attending the meeting, for that reason."

"It's a huge order." He carries on, as if everything she was saying was flying over his head. "The amount of units he's ordered is-"

"I don't care how many units he's ordered!" She replies. "I'm spending time with my family. Sid's been a client for years, he's hardly going to back out of the partnership because I can't attend one meeting."

"You can though." He points out. "You just don't want to."

"Babe, I can take care of Alfie if you want to go?" I sigh and she turns to face me, weighing up the situation. "Might do you good."

"Sid Altree peering down my top and cracking leery jokes, drinking wine that I have to pay for." She contemplates out loud. "Or lying here with you and my son, watching films all day. Hm, tough decision."

"Successful business, versus failed business." Aidan adds and she glares at him, huffing before flicking her hair back off her shoulders.

"...You owe me weeks of childcare for this." She gives in, pointing in his face as she heads upstairs. "Weeks!"

"She'll enjoy it while she's there." Aidan tells me, as soon as she's out of earshot.

"I know." I respond, smiling at him. "It'll do her good to get out for a bit, she's been completely taken over by caring for him. A bit of normality will be refreshing for her."

 **Carla**

"Well you're going to have to run over these figures with me." I scan the list, accepting the glass of wine off Daniel.

"I thought you weren't allowed to drink?" He frowns, taking a sip of his water.

"Well I'm not breastfeeding right now, am I?" I point out, still annoyed at him. "Besides, I'm going to need it to get through this meeting. So, figures?"

"Oh, don't worry." He waves his hand at them. "Just follow my lead."

"Follow your lead?" I repeat, eyebrows raised. "That's why you made me leave my husband and son when I could be enjoying myself? To follow your lead?"

"Just sit there and look pretty." He dares to wind me up. "He'll be satisfied with that."

"Well I'm not!" I snap, checking my bag for my phone. "Oh..."

"What?" He glances at me, as I pat the pockets down.

"Have you got your phone?" I ask, throwing my bag back down on to the floor. "I must have left mine at home in a rush."

"Why do you need it?" He questions.

"I just want to text Nick, check Alfie's ok." I tell him.

"Can't you bear to be away from him for one hour?" He groans. "He's his dad, they'll be fine."

"Yes but-" I begin as the Bistro door opens and Sid enters, looking pleased to see me.

"Carla!" He greets me, ignoring Aidan which was somewhat satisfying. "You had the little squirt then?"

"Oh yes." I nod, shaking his hand as he kisses me on the cheek.

"All happy and healthy?" He checks and I glance at Aidan, awkwardly.

"Is now, yeah." Is all I respond with and he sits down opposite, pulling the menu out straight away.

 **Nick**

"Oh Alfie, please stop crying." I beg, trying to rock him back to sleep. I squeeze my eyes shut, listening to him scream in my arms, trying to block out the noise as it persistently battles with my head. I didn't know what Carla managed to do with him in the day, but something she did worked, and it was something she needed to teach me. I place a hand on his forehead, noticing he was quite hot, resting him securely in his cot whilst I went to get the thermometer.

Then silence.

"Oh so that's what you needed; tough love." I groan to myself, taking the thermometer out of the bathroom cabinet, and heading back into his bedroom. "Right, are you going to start screaming again if I pick you up?" I sigh, glancing down at him. My heart stops, throwing the thermometer on the carpet and picking him up quickly. "Alfie?" I panic, noticing how he was gasping for breath.

I grab a blanket, fear pulsating through my body, wrapping it around him as I dash out of the bedroom with him in my arms.

 **Carla**

"So your wife is still causing you grief then?" I pick at my salad, discreetly checking my watch to see how much longer I would have to endure this, before I can go back to Nick.

"Oh, absolute cow." Sid tells me, waving his fork in the air. "I'm telling you son." He points at Aidan. "Women, keep clear."

"Cheers." I mutter, although I wasn't bothered in the slightest.

"Except for the gorgeous ones." He flashes me a dirty smirk and I glance across at Aidan. "My wife looks like a cows udder, I'm telling you now."

"...I've never inspected one closely enough to know what that looks like." Aidan sighs, pushing his plate away as his phone begins to ring. "However I'm sure she would be really touched."

"Kill the call." I hiss, noticing how Sid was looking disapprovingly at him.

"It's Nick." He frowns and my attention is immediately diverted at the mention of his name.

"Oh here we go." I roll my eyes, holding out my hand to take it from him. "Where's the nappy cream? How do you heat a bottle up? Usually it's me asking him these things."

"Nick, hi." Aidan answers and I slap him lightly.

"Oi, give me the phone." I snap, now ignoring Sid, as I notice Aidan's expression. "Aidan, what's the matter?"

"The hospital waiting room?" He repeats, and I feel my heart thump in my chest, suddenly panicking at the word.

"Aidan, what's going on?" I snatch the phone from him. "Nick?"

"Carla, I am so sorry." I notice how stressed he sounds and immediately stand up, jolting the table as I do so.

"Sorry? Sorry for what? Nick you're scaring me." I panic. "Where's Alfie?"

"I didn't know what to do." He stammers down the phone and I grab my bag, racing towards the exit of the Bistro. "I took him straight to hospital."

"Why? What happened?" I try to steady my breathing, finding my car keys as I feel Aidan's hand on my shoulder. "Nick, baby, talk to me. What's happened?"

"I don't know he uh... He just suddenly struggled to breathe." He swallows, as I pull the door open and Aidan steps in my way.

"Carla give me the keys." He demands and I shake my head. "I'm driving you, you've been drinking." I reluctantly hand them over to him, running around to the passenger side.

"Ok, talk me through what's happened." I try to stay calm. "Just tell me, is Alfie ok? Nick?" I hear a muffled noise, as the line cracks. "Aidan, drive now." I shout, as he pulls away.

"I've got... Go... Room." Nick's voice breaks up on the other end of the line, before the call goes dead and I look at Aidan, pure worry in my expression.

"It'll be ok." He reassures me, despite the fact he knew even less about the situation than me.

"Why did I go to that meeting?" I snap, as if this was his fault. "Why?"

"Ok, keep calm." He responds, exceeding the speed limits as he does so, which doesn't put my mind at ease.

"Keep calm?" I shout. "Aidan, Alfie's been rushed to hospital!"

"Do you know why?" He asks, as I notice we are getting closer to the hospital.

"He said something about his breathing." I stress, putting my head in my hands. "Oh God... I can't do this again. They told us his breathing was fine! They said they'd only release him when he was ready!"

"Sis, it's been weeks since he came out." He reminds me. "And he's been ok up to this point, it might just be a minor thing."

"Why would Nick panic?" I look at him, as he focuses on the road ahead. "He sounded so stressed out. Why would he? If everything was ok?" He stays quiet and it does nothing to reassure me as he pulls into the hospital car park. I push the door open before the engine has even stopped and Aidan has to practically chase after me as I head towards the hospital.

"Carla?" He shouts and I ignore him as I follow the signs to the children's ward, running through the automatic doors, my eyes immediately fixating on where Nick was pacing up and down.

 **Nick**

"Nick?" I spin around at the sound of Carla's voice, watching as she practically runs towards me, accompanied by Aidan. She throws her arms around my neck, before pulling away to look at me. "What's going on? Where is he?"

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." I stammer, finally crumbling as soon as I see her and she shakes her head. "I didn't know what to do."

"Hey, it's ok." She reassures me. "Baby, it's not your fault."

"It is, he was with me." A tear rolls down my cheek and she sighs, wrapping my arms around me and kissing my cheek as she sinks her head into my shoulder.

"It's alright." She whispers, swaying me gently, trying to keep the panic out of her voice. "Tell me what's going on?"

"Uh..." I try to gather my thoughts as she releases me. She seemed more calm and collected than expected, probably for my sake. But then again, she hadn't been there to witness it. "They've uh, they're monitoring him. He was having some breathing difficulties, that's all I know... Carla that was the scariest thing."

"Oh God." She swallows, glancing around the room, before composing herself again. "He's in the best place, ok? Just relax."

"How are you so calm?" I ask, my voice quivering.

"One of us has to be." She manages a small smile, pointing to a nearby chair and I sit down in it.

"I didn't think he was very well." I try to remember what happened, everything just a blur of panic. "He felt hot and he wouldn't stop crying. I tried everything. I just put him down in the cot and when I came back from getting the thermometer... He was just gasping for breath. Oh God, I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry."

"Hey, hey look at me." She tilts my head to face her, despite the fact I can practically feel her heart thudding in her chest. "It's not your fault. It could have happened with me. It could have happened with anyone. So stop saying sorry, ok? You did the right thing." Her words are so comforting, as she pulls me back in. "Come here."

 **Carla**

"Uh... Do either of you want a coffee or?" Aidan awkwardly asks and I turn my head to glare at him. "No? Ok."

"Right, I need to know what's going on." I finally stand up, going over to the reception desk, my palms sweating as I try to act calm for Nick's sake. I didn't realise how shaken up he would be; usually he was the strong one. "Alfie Tilsley? I'm his mum. Where is he?" I demand and the receptionist taps something out on her computer, not in any hurry to do so. "Take your time, it's not like I'm terrified for my son's health or anything."

"The doctor will be through to speak to you in a bit." She informs me, and I refrain from jumping over the counter and throttling her.

"Tell me where he is!" I raise my voice. "I'm not waiting for the doctor. I want to know now. I want to be with him."

"Ok, ok." She holds her hands up, raising the phone to her ear and typing out a number. "Alfie Tilsley? Yeah his mum's at reception... I have told her that but she says she wants to see him." I scrunch my hand into a fist, looking back at Nick who was sat staring into space. "Ok, I'll let her through." She puts the phone down. "Ward six, up the corridor."

"Thanks for your consideration." I snap, going back over to Nick. "Ok, sweetheart, do you want to come?"

"Yes." He stands up abruptly and I smile at him warmly, before urgently turning and pacing up the corridor. We round a corner and I scan the doorways for Ward 6, immediately spotting him in a cot at the far end of the room.

"Hey darling." I greet as I go over, ignoring the doctors pacing around the room. I don't even know why I'm trying to sound calm; he had no clue what was going on, but I felt relaxed as soon as I saw him.

"Uh, what's going on?" Nick stops a doctor, who approaches us.

"Mr and Mrs Tilsley?" He checks and I nod, turning to face him. "You have no need to worry. Alfie is a little unwell, but we've put it down to just a common cold. The reason for his breathing difficulties was just because he had worked himself up so much."

"So that's all it is? A cold?" I exhale, relief sweeping over me as I take Nick's hand in mine.

"It didn't seem like a cold..." Nick continues to panic. "I thought he was going to stop breathing."

"Bringing him in was the right thing to do." The doctor reassures us. "I understand how scary it might have been, not knowing what was going on. He does have a slight temperature, but nothing high enough for us to feel we need to keep him in."

"So we can take him home?" I ask and he nods. "Oh thank God." I sigh, picking Alfie up out of the cot and wrapping him up in the blanket to keep him warm. "You had us scared then sweetheart."

"Yeah you can say that again." Nick murmurs, leaving me and pacing the room, his head in his hands.

"So it's not linked to any of the breathing difficulties we were told about at birth?" I double check.

"Well the progression of his lungs could have had an impact, because they were prematurely developed, you might often notice he is short of breath. It can be scary. If at any time he stops breathing, goes blue or it continues for more than two minutes, you should call for an ambulance straight away." He informs me, as Nick was now out of earshot. "He's a healthy baby, I can see you're taking care of him really well."

"And there's nothing we can do to help with the cold? Or the shortness of breath?" I continue to question, swaying him gently.

"Here you go." He hands me a sheet with a list of tips on, which I scan briefly. "If you need anything else at all. Don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you." I sigh, kissing Alfie's forehead. "Oh he is a bit warm. Right ok, let's get you home. Thanks for everything."

"No problem at all." He assures me and I turn around to see Nick leant against the doorframe, eyes squeezed shut.

"Hey, you heard the doctor. Everything's ok." I prompt him as he slowly opens his eyes, focusing on Alfie. "Hm?" I raise my free hand to massage his scalp, knowing his head was having an impact.

"Is everything ok?" Aidan appears behind me and I turn to face him.

"He's fine, it's just a cold." I tell him and I can see how relieved he is. "Look, will you take him a second? We just need a minute."

"No, please-" Nick suddenly begs, as I pass Alfie to Aidan.

"Babe, it's ok." I whisper, as he stares at Alfie worriedly. "Ok, they're just going down the corridor."

"...Don't go too far." He tells him and Aidan nods, carrying him off.

"Look at me." I keep my voice gentle, once they've gone. "Nick?" I try to attract his attention from where he is staring after them, before taking his hand and leading him over to a set of chairs further up the corridor. "Look at me please, darling."

"I've never been so scared." He whispers. "I feel like I've messed it up."

"Messed what up?" I graze my thumb over the back of his hand to calm him.

"Being a dad. Looking after him." He swallows and I shake my head. "I just feel like I've messed up."

"You haven't, at all. You did the right thing." I promise him, moving my hand to his head. "Ok, don't overthink in here. I'm so proud of you."

"Patronising." He mutters, and I tilt his head upwards with my finger.

"No it's not." I meet his gaze, the fear being conveyed in his eyes. "He's ok, it's all ok. Alright? When's your next therapy appointment?"

"I don't need therapy because I got worried about my son, Carla." He tells me firmly and I sigh, not wanting this to happen again and especially not now.

"I was only asking." I say, my voice so soft, it calms him back down again.

"Sorry... I know." He squeezes his eyes shut. "...I haven't had one for a few months."

"Why?" I frown, concerned for him.

"Because I didn't think I needed to." He shrugs. "And we've had so much on."

"Right, well then we'll book another one when we get home." I suggest.

"I don't need one!" He argues, suddenly crumbling and looking around the corridor to check nobody was watching.

"It's ok, it's ok." I whisper, pulling him in and rubbing his back comfortingly. "Shh, it's alright. I've got you. Everything's ok."

* * *

"He's asleep." I re-enter the living room, noticing how Nick was staring at the stairs, worriedly. "He's ok, I promise."

"Don't you think we should have him in our room for tonight?" He suggests and I sit down on the sofa next to him, grabbing a cushion and pulling it into my lap.

"We don't want to get him out of the routine." I reply, knowing that if we did this now, it would continue for days, and we both needed sleep. "I've put some of this menthol stuff by his pillow, the sheet the doctor gave me said it helps to unblock his nose a bit."

"...I don't like him being alone." He frets and I place a hand on his arm, as he looks back at me.

"Ok, listen." I reply, gently. "He's going to be fine. I promise. You don't need to worry about him, darling."

"I do! I do, because I don't want that to happen again!" He argues and I watch him try to calm himself, the way he always did when he really didn't want to blow things. I know not to argue back, that would push him further.

"Why don't we watch something?" I click the TV on. "Try and distract you." I switch to a random channel, moving into him and taking the liberty of putting his arm around me myself. We stare blankly at it for a few minutes, as I notice he turns his head to stare at me.

"I'm so sorry." He apologises, yet again.

"You don't need to be, you've done nothing wrong." I tell him the same response I had about five times. "Ok? I should be thanking you for doing the right thing. You did good."

"I didn't." He murmurs, and I sigh, turning the telly off and turning to face him.

"We're not going to do this for days, are we?" I ask, watching the confusion in his expression. "The worrying and the apologies. You need to avoid stress. Hey, we've got Cyprus coming up, and the Christening."

"Oh yeah because that's not stressful at all." He mumbles and I smile slightly, tugging on the hem of his t-shirt.

"If you don't want to do it, we won't." I tell him and he studies me for a moment.

"Don't be silly." He closes his eyes momentarily. "You want to do it."

"Yeah but not if it's going to cause you additional stress." I reply. "We can put it on hold if that's what you want?"

"I just want you and Alfie to be happy." He admits, dipping his forehead against mine. "That's all I want."

"And we are, baby." I smile, kissing him gently. "We are. We all are. And it's weird me being the one to say it, but the three of us, we're going to be fine. We're going to be perfect. I promise you."

* * *

 _ **I don't know how that chapter was so long, but I guess it makes up for the delayed update! Hope you enjoyed and leave a review :) x**_


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54:**

 **Carla**

"Baby, go back to sleep." I whisper, knowing he was still lying there awake. "Hey." I fold my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder from behind, as he continues to lie facing away from me.

"You can go to sleep." He murmurs through the darkness and I sigh, grazing my thumb along his forehead to try and calm him.

"I'm not going to whilst you're upset." I tell him. "Am I?"

"I'm not upset." He argues, quietly. "I'm just not tired."

"It's four in the morning." I wince at the light on my phone as I grab it from the side table. "We only went back to sleep at half two."

"Yeah, you did." He mutters and I sit up, leaning back against the pillows, my head aching from the lack of sleep.

"You've got work in the morning." I prompt him, as if he didn't know, and he continues to lie in silence. "You'll have me covering your shift at this rate." I force a smile, nudging him playfully which he doesn't respond to. "You wouldn't want that."

"I preferred it when you were asleep." He mumbles and I roll my eyes, as Nick reaches out to take the baby monitor off the side table, checking the light on it.

"It's high tech stuff, Nick, it's not broken." I groan, as he puts it back down. "Besides, we'd hear him anyway even if it wasn't."

"It's not the crying I'm worried about." He replies, sitting up abruptly and climbing out of bed.

"Oh where are you going?" I raise my voice slightly.

"To check on him." He responds bluntly.

"Nick, you'll just wake him up." I call after him, closing my eyes as he leaves and trying to find the energy to get up and go after him. I wait thirty seconds, before I hear the familiar cry, lowering my head into my hands. "Oh for God's sake!" I shout, hoping he can hear me, before getting out of bed and wrapping my dressing gown around me. "Two hours!" I snap, as I enter the nursery. "Two hours it took us to get him off last time!"

"I didn't mean to!" He objects, his expression worried.

"He was asleep!" I shout, trying to hear myself over Alfie's cries. "If you pick him up, it wakes him up, Nick, and if he wakes up; he cries!"

"I understand how it works, Carla." He tries to rock him back to sleep.

"Oh evidently." I point my finger at him. "He's not very well, you should have let him sleep."

"I'll get him back off." He assures me, weakly and I sigh, pushing the hair out of my face, pacing the room as I listen to him scream. "I'm sorry..."

"It's fine." I finally give in, turning back to face him, softening at his apologetic expression. "It's alright, sweetheart. Do you want me to try?"

"No you can go back to bed." He replies, propping him against his shoulder and trying to calm him down. "I caused this, I'll sort it."

"I can try feeding him?" I offer, holding my arms out.

"He's fine!" He tells me, louder than he anticipated and it sets Alfie off even more. I shut my eyes, trying to figure out how to work around this, the constant screams invading my thoughts.

"Right. Give him here." I try to keep my tone gentle, noticing him squeeze his eyes shut, trying not to let it affect him. "Nick. This isn't good for you."

"What isn't? My own son?" He snaps and I bite down on my lip, before flopping into the chair, throwing my head into my hands. I sit there for what feels love forever, pressing my hands to my eyes so hard that colours start dancing before them. It's actually relatively distracting, but then again I might just be getting used to the noise. "Alfie, calm down." Nick begs him and I finally look up to see him holding a hand to his head, staring at me and looking quite panicked. "Do something." He gives in, shaking his head and handing him to me.

"Shh." I soothe, accepting him and rocking him gently, patting his back in a rhythmic pattern. His crying begins to slow, as he breathes in my scent, and I avoid looking at Nick as Alfie murmurs quietly, dribbling on my top. "Thought so." I mutter, adjusting my top and moving him towards my nipple as he begins to suck on it desperately. "Ok, calm down, you'll be sick."

"How do you do that?" Nick's voice cracks as he watches me and I look up at him.

"Well, start by having these." I point to my chest, trying to joke with him, but he just looks upset. "Babe, calm down. Ok?"

"I am." He says, gently, studying my unconvinced expression. "Carla I'm sorry."

"It's ok, I understand." I smile, and he looks guilty. "Hey, he's going back off now. It's all sorted, minus the headache."

"...Why didn't he settle for me?" He asks, as if I'd know the answer and I just shrug in response.

"He does, darling. There's times when he settles for you and not me. Isn't there?" I remind him. "He's just being picky because he's full of cold."

"I just don't want it to happen again." He tells me.

"I know, I know." I sit down in the chair, supporting Alfie as he continues to feed from me, watching his eyes flutter closed. "But look, he's ok."

"For you, yeah." He mutters, leaning against the wardrobe. I watch him for a moment, pulling myself up and rocking Alfie back to sleep as he pulls away.

"Hey." I whisper, wrapping my spare arm around his neck and gently rubbing it. "I love you. He loves you."

"I love you both too." He sighs, looking into my eyes. "Sorry." He kisses me, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "Sorry."

 **Nick**

I tap my pen on the surface repetitively, trying to distract myself from wanting to text Carla again. My eyes are fixated on table three, the empty coffee mug that still sits on it, that nobody had cleared away. I could do it, but my willingness to do anything was low today, and if I left it long enough, I knew Daniel would take the hint.

"Hello? Earth to Nick!" I am snapped out of my thoughts by Michelle waving a sheet of paper in my face.

"What?" I almost splutter, turning to face her as she studies me.

"The order!" She puts it down in front of me. "Can you check it's right before I send it off? I have asked three times."

"Oh... Yeah, sorry." I mutter, glancing down at it, as all the numbers jumble in front of my eyes. "Uh..."

"Nick, are you ok?" She sighs, leaning forwards on the counter as I begin to tap the pen again. She waits a moment before taking it from my grip, putting it down on the side.

"You can tell you and Carla are related." I divert the subject.

"Hardly related." She narrows her eyes. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." I respond, and she gives me the same unconvinced look that Carla does. They really had spent too much time together over the years. "I'm just tired, we're getting no sleep at the minute."

"Do you want to go home?" She offers and I wish she hadn't said it, because I was immediately tempted. I wanted to go back and see Alfie, check he was ok, but I knew if I did I would just annoy Carla even more. "We can manage here?"

"Oh yeah I'm sure Robert would be really pleased." I mutter, looking at the kitchen.

"Robert's not here." She tells me, and I bypass the fact I hadn't even noticed, despite the fact I had been into the kitchen about twenty times. "It's Zeedan in there."

"Well he's on the rota." I scan it, looking back at her.

"I know he is-" She begins to relay an excuse on his behalf.

"So then he should be here!" I snap, and she looks taken-aback at my response. "Where is he?"

"I don't... I don't know." She shrugs, answering me honestly.

"No, of course you don't know." I scoff, trying to ignore the fact she looks slightly hurt at this. "You never know anything about each other anymore. I tell you what, don't go on Mr and Mrs. You'd fail before they even asked you any questions."

"What has my love life got to do with you?" She raises her voice.

"Well when it affects my business, a lot." I retaliate.

"Your business?" She exclaims. "Who's been running around trying to keep this place afloat whilst you've been off playing happy families and Robert has been drinking himself into a card game? Me. I've sorted this order. I've managed the bookings. I've had to shift the rota around to cater for the fact staff just decide they're not going to pop in for their shifts every day."

"Oh well gold star to you." I return, sarcastically and she studies me for a moment, tears springing into her eyes as she storms off, the kitchen door colliding harshly with the counter as she does so. I watch her go for a moment, guilt sinking in as it always did, as I lower my head into my hands.

 **Carla**

"Thanks for meeting me." I hand Billy an orange juice, as I slip down into the booth in the Rovers, checking Alfie was still asleep in his carrier.

"That's ok." He smiles, accepting it gratefully as I sip on my water. "So Sunday is still going ahead?"

"Yep, if that's ok with you." I double check and he nods.

"Of course." He jots something down on a notepad. "Godparents and Alfie's full name?"

"Uh, Michelle, Roy and David." I recite watching as he writes down their full names. "And it's Alfie Royston Tilsley."

"Michelle's still Connor isn't she?" He checks and I nod. "Middle name?"

"Sinead." I inform him. "David's is Daniel, so Nick tells me."

"Great." He checks it over. "Are there any particular hymns you want in the service?"

"Huh?" I frown, trying to think if I could even recall one. "Uh..."

"I can pick them out for you?" He laughs at my expression.

"That would be great." I reply, as he makes a note of it, about to ask another question before Michelle storms in, slamming her bag down on the table and sitting next to me. "Chelle we're sort of in the middle of-"

"You need to have a word with your husband!" She snaps and I groan. I knew it hadn't been a sensible idea to let him go to work. "He's been hell to work with all morning! Completely out of order."

"Ok, ok what's he done?" I sigh, looking at Billy apologetically.

"Started ripping into me about my love life, making jokes about how we are an awful couple!" She gets herself more riled up. "It's not his place Carla! I'm fuming!"

"What?" I frown, rubbing her arm to try and calm her down. "Let me get you a red wine."

"I can get it." Billy stands up abruptly, clearly not wanting to be involved in this conversation.

"Ok, calm down." I sigh, knowing I was in for a rant anyway. "Start from the beginning. What has he said?"

* * *

"How come you're here?" I try to keep the anger out of my voice as I close the front door, putting Alfie down in his carrier, in the corner of the room, still fast asleep.

"Got sent home by your sister." He mutters in response, staring blankly at the television which was on mute. "Surprised she didn't give me a note. Or send somebody to collect me."

"Why? Have you had a pop at her and all?" I snap, and he turns his head to look at me. "Yeah. I saw Michelle earlier."

"Of course you did." He responds. "Bet she was straight round to you, slagging me off."

"Well by the sounds of it, it's you who's been slagging her off!" I exclaim and he doesn't say anything in response. I click the TV off, to stop him distracting himself, standing in front of him with my hands on my hips. "You can't just go around ripping into people about their private lives! Especially not my best mate."

"She's an employee." He reminds me, as if that was any consolation.

"Yes, an employee who has done everything for that business the past few months." I prompt him. "Despite everything going on in her own life!"

"Well if you've spoken to Michelle you might want to steer clear of Daniel..." He trails off and I raise my eyebrows, despite the fact he was staring at the floor.

"Why?" I ask, sharply, as there's a prolonged silence. "Nick. Why?"

"I may have sacked him for not clearing away a coffee cup..." He mutters and I put my head in my hands. "And then called him a greasy little weasel."

"Oh great." I nod, sarcastically. "Absolutely fab that!"

"Well he is greasy." He tries to justify himself, leaning his head back to finally look at my disapproving expression. "Don't look at me like that."

"You're going to have no workforce left!" I shout at him, watching his sulky expression before sighing and pulling my phone out of my bag, glancing at Alfie.

"What are you doing?" He asks, as I search for a name in my phone.

"Carla?" I hear Johnny's voice after several rings. "Everything alright love?"

"Yeah, hi Johnny." I try to sound brighter than I felt. "Listen, are you still at work?"

"No, just got home sweetheart." He informs me. "Why?"

"You and Jenny couldn't have Alfie for a couple of hours could you?" I ask, daring myself to look at Nick, who almost looks horrified at the thought.

"Carla, no!" He objects and I ignore him.

"Yeah that's fine, of course we can." He replies. "Everything ok?"

"Fine yeah." I lie, avoiding Nick's gaze so I don't cave in. "I'll bring him over now. Thank you."

"He doesn't need to go anywhere else!" Nick tells me as soon as I have hung up the call.

"Yes, Nick. He does." I pick up the carrier. "Because we need to sort this out."

"There's nothing to sort!" He argues. "What if something happens again while he's with them?"

"Nick, it's not going to." I assure him. "He's going to be absolutely fine. Ok? I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

* * *

"Hi, I'm so sorry about this." I carry Alfie in my arms, his carrier in the other hand as he had woken up on the way over. "Got a bit of a crisis back at home."

"What sort of crisis?" Johnny asks, concerned as I try to settle Alfie, rocking him in my arms.

"Oh it's just petty marriage stuff." I try to cover up. "Just needs talking through, you know."

"Ok I'm ready to go when you-" Jenny emerges from the bedroom, slipping her second earring through her ear, dressed in a long grey dress. "Oh hello. I didn't realise we had company."

"Oh..." I glance at her, before looking back at Johnny. "Are you off out?"

"No, no." He replies, unconvincingly. "Not for a while yet."

"You said we were going at six thirty." Jenny prompts him, looking at the clock.

"Well I can move the table back." Johnny takes Alfie from me, bouncing him in his arms eagerly. "If it means babysitting my grandson for a bit."

"Babysitting?" Jenny practically splutters. "You said we were going into town?"

"Look if you two have plans, I can take him elsewhere." I immediately feel guilty. "I'll ask Aidan if he can-"

"Well actually-" Jenny begins.

"No, it's fine." Johnny cuts her off. "You go and sort things out. He'll be fine with us."

"So let me get this straight." Jenny folds her arms. "You're cancelling a date with me, to look after a screaming baby?"

" _We're_ looking after a screaming baby." He corrects her and she pulls a face, staring at me as if I'd just hit her with a brick.

"Oh, brilliant." Jenny scoffs and I hastily make my way towards he flat door.

"Bottles in the bag, make sure you put them in warm water to heat them up." I direct him. "Make sure you apply the nappy cream when changing and don't make it too tight-"

"Love, I've done it all before with Aidan and Kate." He reminds me. "Remember?"

"Yeah. I do remember." I respond, and it comes out more bitterly than I anticipate. We stare at each other for a moment before I flash him a warm smile and leave, blocking out Jenny's immediate rant which can still be heard from the stairs.

 **Nick**

"Right, oh good, you're still where I left you." Carla observes as she closes the front door.

"I'm not five." I practically spit, hating myself for sounding so involuntarily aggressive and she chews her lip for a moment, sitting down in the arm chair. "You'll get me doing my homework in a minute."

"Well yes, and your first task is to make a list of people you need to apologise to." She sasses me and I roll my eyes, biting my nail harshly to stop me saying something I would regret. She watches me stare into the corner of the room for a moment, her face softening. "Babe... Right I'm going to tell you something and you're not going to like it."

"Then don't tell me." I respond bluntly, not wanting to know what was coming next.

"I've booked you a therapy appointment for tomorrow morning." She informs me and my head snaps around to face her. "I managed to get an urgent-"

"You did what?" I ask her and she closes her eyes momentarily, as if waiting for the next argument. "How do you even know the log in to my patient access?"

"It's my name." She responds bluntly. "You already told me months ago when we said you'd tell me everything in the future."

"Yes and that goes for both of us." I retort. "Like going through my medical records."

"I didn't go through your medical records!" She exclaims, holding her hands up defensively. "I didn't even see your medical records!"

"Oh yeah." I scoff slightly and she raises her eyebrows at me.

"Why, is there something I should know about?" She prompts me and I lean back against the sofa cushions again. "Nick?"

"No, there's not." I reply, staring at the photo of us on the mantel piece. One of the ones the photographer managed to get of us on our wedding day before it all went to pot. I didn't even know why we had it up, it was hardly a happy memory for either of us; her smile was full of guilt and mine full of hurt. She follows my gaze, her eyes fixating on it as she swallows, looking back at me.

"Listen, darlin', just hear me out, ok?" She asks softly and her voice calms me. "This can't carry on. I hate to sound like I'm controlling you or telling you what to do, and I know I'm hardly the best role model to be telling you to do so. But Alfie depends on you now... I understand why you're feeling like this. I get that the other day shook you up. But it's ok. He's ok. And he needs us to be strong-"

"Did you put his dummy in the bag to take to your dad's?" I immediately remember, my mind drifting. "I put one on the side earlier, did you pick it up?" I continue, looking back at her and I can see how upset she looks. "What?"

"Are you even listening to me?" She stands up, pacing around the living room in her heels. She takes a few deep breaths, covering her face with her hand before sighing and kneeling down in front of me. "Look at me." She orders, tilting my head to face her. "Look at me." I meet my eyes with hers reluctantly and I can see the desperation in her expression. "Please. Please, Nick. I am begging you now. What you did was the right thing. The right thing. That just proves what an amazing dad you are, you knew exactly what to do. So now, he's home and he's going to stay home. Isn't he?" She asks, firmly, as I try to drop my head and she pushes it back up again. "Isn't he?" I look at her weakly, my eyes brimming with tears and she swallows, watching as I crumble in front of her. "Oh please... Don't cry, sweetheart." She whispers, pulling me into her arms and I just rest my head on my shoulder, my eyes going blurry as I refuse to cry, letting my eyes get overloaded as the tears slide down my cheeks silently. "I'm not saying it to be mean. You know I'm always going to support you, and I'll always understand. I'm here for you." She pulls away, cupping my face in her hands. "We can do this, together. Ok? We can get past this."

"It's really not a big deal." I mumble, dragging the tears off my cheeks and she helps me, wiping them away gently. "I'll be over it in a few days."

"Then let me help you." She begs, moving a hand to massage my head gently. "Let me come to therapy with you tomorrow. Please?" I meet her gaze again, taking in the love and the worry. She cared so much, I wasn't used to that. I, like her, wasn't used to people refusing to give up on me. I suppose that's what made us so strong. I nod slowly, giving in to her as tears spill down my cheeks and she looks slightly relieved, nodding in response as she pulls me back into her. "It's going to be ok. I'm here. I'll always be here, no matter what."

 **Carla**

"Sorry I took so long." I apologise as I push the door closed to Johnny's flat.

"Made up and all did you?" He raises his eyebrows at me.

"Johnny!" I snap, glaring at him. "No. Not like that."

"He's asleep." He points to where his carrier is sat on the sofa and I go over, tending to him for a moment.

"Wow, I'm impressed." I turn back to Johnny, placing my hands on my hips. "Where's Jenny?"

"Oh, gone out in a huff." He tells me. "I think she's gone to the Rovers with Rita. I might go and see if I can make the peace with her now."

"You mean have a pint and a game of darts?" I guess and he smiles at me, the same way he always does when it's as if I reminded him of someone. "Anyway, I'd better get back to Nick. Thank you so much." I kiss him on the cheek before picking the carrier up and heading towards the door.

"Carla?" He stops me and I turn to face him. "Love, forgive me if it's not my place, but are you sure everything's ok?"

"Tickety-boo." I nod, despite really wanting to pour my heart out.

"Because if it's not, I can put the kettle on?" He offers and I hesitate, weighing up whether to get back to Nick, or indulge in selfishness. I put the carrier back down, giving in and heading towards him, leaning on the kitchen counter.

"No milk." I reply and he smiles warmly. "You know that, right?"

"So come on then, is it just a 'petty marriage argument'?" He asks, clicking the kettle on as I position Alfie on the sofa, glancing around the flat that used to be mine. This sofa; Nick and I kissed the night we got together. That bedroom; well, we'd kissed a lot of times in there... Amongst other things. "Carla?"

"Sorry?" I am thrown back to reality at the sound of his voice. He looks concerned as he pours me out a coffee, handing it to me as he sits in the arm chair. I hesitantly sit down onto the sofa, next to Alfie, sipping my drink as he stares at me intently. "I'm guessing Aidan told you about our scare the other day?"

"Yeah, he said it was just a cold." He looks concerned.

"Yeah it is." I reassure him and he relaxes slightly. "Except it's really shaken Nick up. I understand, I'd have been terrified, but now he's so paranoid over him... Which is causing him to lash out again."

"At you?" Johnny's eyes go wide with worry.

"No, no not like that." I reply firmly. "He just had a go at Chelle today, and sacked Daniel, and we've been arguing for days. It's not what we need when Alfie is so young."

"So do you reckon he'll move past it?" He asks, taking a sip from his mug.

"I hope so." I sigh, chewing my lip in thought. "I've booked him a therapy session, he wasn't pleased about it but we've got to do something."

"He's a very lucky man to have you." He tells me and I shake my head slowly.

"Trust me, I'm the lucky one." I assure him. "Without Nick, I don't know where I'd be now. I really don't. And that's why I'll continue to support him no matter what, because he has for me, so many times. He never gave up. I'm not about to give up on him, not now, not ever."

* * *

"Hi I'm back." I try to sound bright as I close the front door, guessing Nick was still in the bath. I carefully take Alfie out of his carrier, trying not to wake him as I carry him upstairs, checking his nappy before laying him into the cot and clicking the mobile on. "Nick?" I call, once I've headed out onto the landing, pushing the ajar bathroom door open to see it empty. I go back down the stairs, now worrying that he had gone out for a run in the state he had been in.

"I'm here." His voice is music to my ears as I open the kitchen door, seeing candles flickering on the table and a meal laid out.

"What are you..." I stare down at it, looking back at him. "What's all this?"

"An apology." He replies and I tilt my head to the side, a small smile appearing on my lips as he stares back at me guiltily. "Or a start at one."

"Oh... Sweetheart you didn't have to do all this." I sigh, touched at his gesture and I move towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "You should have been resting."

"I did, I went in the bath." He assures me. "Then I assumed you'd stayed at Johnny's for a bit, so the idea popped into my head."

"Well this is all very nice." I look back at it, staring at the candles momentarily.

"I can blow them out if you want?" He reads my mind, thinking back to the fire and I shake my head assertively.

"No, no don't be silly." I release him, sitting down at the table, as he sits opposite me. "Yes Merlot." I grab the bottle, pouring a glass. "Apology accepted."

"Is it?" He looks surprised and I put the bottle down, looking up at him.

"You never needed to say sorry in the first place." I sigh, reaching for his hand. "Well, not to me, anyway. Michelle might be less forgiving, and Daniel's getting his job back, whether you like it or not."

"Ok, ok, I'll face the music tomorrow." He watches as I attempt to eat my food with one hand, still clasping his with my other one. "Can I have my hand back?"

"No." I smile, finally releasing it and he picks his fork up. "You look tired."

"Yeah well that's my fault and all." He looks down at his plate, pushing the food around disinterestedly. "I bet you've been shattered today."

"Nothing I'm not used to with a new baby." I remind him, pouring him a glass of wine.

"No thanks, I'm not drinking." He tells me, putting his hand over the top. "Can't imagine that's going to help things up here." He taps his head, fixating his gaze on mine as I stop chewing momentarily.

"I'm so proud of you." I lower my voice, making my words more meaningful.

"Yeah." He scoffs slightly.

"I am." I assure him, knowing he probably feels patronised again. "You do know nothing's ever going to push me away, don't you? No matter what rocky patches we go through, either of us. I'll still be here."

"Kicking my feet under the table like you always do." He manages a small smile and I retract my feet instantly. "Those heels are sharp."

"Sorry." I bite my lip, leaning forwards slightly. "Can I have a kiss?"

"I suppose." He leans forward to kiss me gently, before pulling away and I gaze at him longingly, suddenly realising how much I had missed that contact over the past few days.

"Mm." I mumble contently, standing up and sitting down in his lap without consent.

"Aren't you hungry?" He points to the table.

"Yeah, but you're more important." I kiss him again, feeling the warmth of his lips against mine. "I love you."

"I love you too." He wraps his arms around me. "I'll get over this, I promise you. I'm sorry for being so stressed the past few days."

"Hey, you're owed a few stressy moments, Nicholas. You've had to put up with me stressing for three years." I poke him in the chest gently. "Three years next month."

"...Well that's a bit scary." He realises, pondering the thought.

"What is?" I watch his thoughtful expression.

"That I've managed to be with you for three years and I'm still alive." He dares to joke and I slap him on the arm lightly.

"Nick!" I scold him, as he starts to laugh and everything melts away as soon as I see him happy.

"Sorry, that was harsh." He tilts his forehead against mine.

"It's alright, didn't like any of the others anyway." I murmur into his skin, as he moves up to kiss my forehead. "Except Liam."

"Liam." He repeats, sounding quite disheartened at the word. "Do you miss Liam?"

"...Yeah." I answer honestly and I feel him pause, as he swallows. "But not like that. He was my best friend. He was family... I love you. Nobody else."

"Ever?" He checks and I bite my lip again, nudging my nose against his as our eyes connect.

"Ever." I promise him, kissing him again.

* * *

 **Nick**

"Hey." Carla drapes her arms around my neck from the back of the sofa, and I lower the newspaper I was reading.

"Where's Alfie?" I ask, trying to keep the concern out of my voice.

"Still asleep, he's fine." She reassures me, sitting down as I put an arm around her shoulders. "What you reading?"

"The news." I point out, making it sound obvious and she rolls her eyes, kissing my cheek. "You know, it's about all the things that go on in the world. Quite interesting, you should try it."

"Oh yeah, is there an article on sarcy husbands?" She tests me, resting her head on my shoulder as she scans the page. "I've been in there a few times."

"A few?" I tease her. "May as well give you a page permanently."

"Haha." She shoves me playfully. "You all set for this morning?"

"Yeah." I respond, trying not to sound too blunt about it. "You know you can look at my medical records anytime."

"Almost as interesting as the news." She raises her eyebrows and I laugh slightly.

"No I just want you to know I'm not hiding anything again." I sigh, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry for flying off the handle about it."

"I know, you've said, sixteen times." She holds another finger up, before placing a hand on my cheek. "Stop stressing, you." She taps my head gently. "We've got a few things to discuss after therapy."

"That sounds worrying." I reply and she gazes at me intently. "Like what?"

"I don't want to bog you down with it all now." She tells me, reaching up to kiss my forehead. "Life stuff."

"Like?" I persist and she sighs, weighing up whether she would do more harm than good. "You're not going to leave me?"

"Nick! How can you even say that?" She exclaims, slapping me gently. "That's why I'm sat here now, talking about going to therapy with you and spending the rest of our lives together. Yeah, makes sense."

"Ok, I didn't mean it literally." I look at her apologetically and she gives me an exasperated glance. "I was joking, sort of."

"Well, don't." She raises a finger to my lips. "Like I said last night; never ever."

"Get on with it then." I wind her up and she looks amused at my insistent attitude.

"Well firstly you need to talk to Daniel, and offer him his job back." She tells me and I feel sick at the thought. "And apologise to Michelle."

"Can't wait." I drone.

"Then we need to sort a few scenarios." She continues. "We've let a lot get on top of us the past few months. Time to start getting back to reality."

"Yeah you're still not making any sense." I try to figure her out, tapping my head. "Brain injury, more explanation would be useful."

"Don't milk it." She teases me and I tap her knee lightly. "We need to sort what's going on with Robert."

"I thought you said that was none of my business." I prompt her.

"The four of us need to sit down and have a chat." She decides. "It needs sorting, we can't all carry on avoiding each other and not knowing the score."

"Look at you; manager of the Bistro now." I insert and she folds her legs on the sofa, so she was sat facing me. "Ok, I understand that. But good luck getting Robert to show up."

"If he wants to keep his share in the business he'll turn up." Carla replies defiantly and I can't help being attracted to her dominant attitude, especially when it regarded my business, and she didn't have to care. "Second thing; the Christening is on Sunday and we've sorted nowt to do with the reception."

"I thought you'd sorted things with Billy?" I frown.

"Yeah I've sorted the service, well, attempted to before Michelle turned up." She informs me and I try to keep note of everything, which she picks up on. "Sorry baby, I'm overloading you."

"No, no you're not." I pretend and she hesitates. "So the service is sorted?"

"I'll have a word with Zeedan about knocking up some sandwiches for it." She contemplates. "Then again he's probably not my number one fan after everything Kate's put him through."

"Well I can sort that." I assure her and she looks back at me, trying to keep the disbelief out of her expression. "I can!"

"Ok, I'll give you that small bit of responsibility." She replies and it makes me annoyed for a moment before the small smile creeps over her face and I can tell she was joking. "I'm messing with you, sorry darling. I know you can sort it."

"Next?" I sigh, playing with the locket around her neck briefly as she slips her hand over mine, clasping it.

"Next we need to sort the car situation." She continues and I frown, peering out the window at where her Mercedes was parked.

"Well you have a car." I remind her, as if she had forgotten. " _We_ have a car, when you let me drive it."

"Yes but we need a new one." She persists, as if we had endless money, but then again, it wasn't as if either of us were skint.

"It's hardly old and knackered, Car." I reply, as she laughs at the end of my sentence, causing me to do the same.

"I see what you did there." She bites her lip.

"That wasn't intentional." I rub my hand up and down her leg absentmindedly.

"Well there you go then; naturally funny." She leans in slightly. "Knew there was a reason I married you."

"Shut up." I nudge her, smiling. "But anyway, you bought that last year, brand new. You really don't need to change your car."

"I never said I was going to get _rid_ of my car." She tempts me, like a spoilt kid. "Flashy cars and expensive clothes; that's what I'm all about."

"That's what you like people to think." I wind her up, knowing her better than that.

"That's what first attracted you to me." She assumes. "The designer perfume, the looks, the car."

"The car that got repossessed a few days after we got together?" I remind her and she pouts slightly. "Didn't see me dump you because of that though."

"I want a family car." She hangs off my tie slightly, staring into my eyes. "We can't get Alfie's car seat in and out of my Merc, can we?"

"And I'm guessing by family car, you don't mean some second hand truck from a local garage." I assume, as she pulls pictures up on her phone. "So how much is this gonna cost? Hm? Fifteen, twenty grand?"

"Twenty?" She scoffs, showing me a picture of a white Range Rover. "More like thirty grand, babe."

"It's very nice but it's very expensive." I nod, feeling tempted all the same.

"Well this stays between you and me but we're hardly poor are we?" She whispers, as if anyone could hear us. "We can easily afford that." She looks back at me. "You know we can, you don't even need to look at the accounts."

"How much did your car cost you?" I ask, suddenly intrigued and she chews her lip for a moment. "How much?" I grin, waiting for her response as she looks at me guiltily. "Was that thirty?"

"Double it." She winces as she awaits my response and my eyes widen.

"You spent sixty grand on a car?" I try to refrain from spluttering.

"Sixty five." She corrects me, worriedly and I shake my head at her, glancing out of the window at it. "I'm sorry I know it's unnecessary but I like luxuries."

"Yeah, I know you do." I scoff slightly, stroking my hand through her hair.

"You like driving around in it." She relaxes slightly, teasing me. "You always offer to take it to the car wash so they can eye it up."

"When you actually let me drive it." I remind her. "Except having to be your personal taxi while you were pregnant."

"Sixty five grand, Nick." She responds, bluntly. "Of well earned cash. You're lucky I let you drive it at all."

"Your well earned husband is honoured." I roll my eyes and she smiles again, leaning on me the way she always does when she's about to beg me for something. "Ok we can go and look."

"Really?" Her eyes light up.

"For the benefit of Alfie and our future." I sigh giving into her. "You know I'll always let you win anyway."

"I know." She kisses me quickly. "And I love it."

 **Carla**

"Coffee." I offer it to him and he accepts it, as I sit down opposite at the table in the window the café we had stopped at. "Hey, don't tell Roy we're here." I take a sip from my mug, trying to quench my thirst. "I tell you what, I am so thirsty all of the time. Breastfeeding is doing my head in."

"Thanks for coming with me today." His expression is soft, but also slightly ashamed, as he stares down into the paper cup he was nursing between his hands. "Listening to me go on. You could have waited outside."

"What? And missed the free biscuits and squashy sofas, no thanks." I bite my lip, trying to get him to smile. "I don't know why you don't go more often; quite relaxing I thought. Mind you, it didn't do wonders for my diet. Which I need to get together now, we've got three weeks until Cyprus." I look up at his distant gaze, staring out of the window. "If you still want to go to Cyprus?" I question, waiting for him to hear me. "Babe?"

"Yeah, course I do." He murmurs, continuing to stare out of the window and I turn to look in his direction.

"...What are you looking at?" I frown, watching the people and cars drive past.

"The world." He replies, looking back at me and I stare at him blankly, awaiting some kind of elaboration. "The different lives people live, every single one of them."

"Right well, we're living our lives as well, aren't we?" I prompt him, placing a finger under his chin. "So let's focus on that."

"Did you text Michelle? Is Alfie ok?" He frets and I reach for his hand.

"Alfie's fine." I reassure him and his expression relaxes. "You're tired."

"Yeah." He nods, studying me for a moment before tapping his cup. "This will wake me up though."

"So what do you want to do for the rest of the afternoon?" I ask, excitedly. "We've both got it off. We could do anything."

"We should be getting back to Alfie really." He frets and I sigh, leaning back in my chair and drumming my fingers on the mug. "Sorry, Carla. I can't help it."

"We could go shopping?" I suggest excitedly and he pulls a face. "We've got loads of stuff to get for holiday."

"Yeah we really better be getting back to Alfie." He smiles slightly and I roll my eyes, folding my arms on the table and resting my head on top of them. "Is this you helping me avoid stressful situations?"

"You can see me trying on bikini's?" I try to persuade him and he looks tempted for a moment.

"I can't though." He laughs. "Because unfortunately I can't go into the women's changing rooms."

"Unfortunately." I repeat, seductively. "But I could show you them when we got home."

"Don't, please." He looks around and I giggle softly. "Stop it."

"Or we could go and look for cars?" I suggest and he groans again. "Nick, you're a bloke, you're supposed to enjoy looking at cars."

"Well that's a bit stereotypical." He raises his eyebrows, studying my expression for a moment. "Ok, ok. We can go and have a look. If you insist."

"Yay." I grin, victoriously, getting up as he reluctantly follows after me.

 **Nick**

"Uh, what is this?" Michelle narrows her eyes as I open the door to our brand new car, glancing at where Carla has pulled up behind me. I scoop Alfie up out of the pushchair she was holding, greeting him excitedly. "...Is this yours."

"Yep." Carla slams the door closed to her car, proudly tapping the roof of our new Range Rover. "Like it?" She turns to me, tickling Alfie under the chin before meeting my gaze. "You better have driven carefully."

"You were literally right behind me the whole way back." I remind her, as she pushes the sunglasses into her hair. "Did you see me swerve into any lampposts?"

"Don't even joke about that." She warns me and I sigh, looking at Michelle, who is staring at us in disbelief.

"How's he been?" I ask as Alfie grabs my fingers, staring at them intently.

"Delightful as usual." She replies, glancing across to Carla. "I thought you were going to therapy? Not buying cars..." She studies the number plate. "How much did that cost you?"

"Spur of the moment purchase." Carla shrugs and Michelle raises her eyebrows at me.

"Spur of the moment?" She scoffs, shaking her head at us. "You two really are wasted here, aren't you?"

"What do you think?" Carla walks around it proudly.

"Yeah it's gorgeous." She nods, impressively. "Planning on fitting a whole hoard of kids in there are you?"

"No, Michelle." Carla scolds her bluntly and I try to ignore the remark, after our conversation a few weeks ago.

"Don't forget your first baby." I point to Alfie and she comes over, leaving the car and holding her arms out excitedly.

"As if I would." She lightens her voice, taking him from me as he grabs her hair, gurgling a random noise. "Hello baby, that's mummy's hair, thank you."

"Well I'm glad you've been splashing the cash." Michelle observes, watching Carla and Alfie distantly for a moment. "He's been laughing and everything. Every time that cow noise has gone off on his baby ring, it's really sweet."

"Oh he's obsessed with cows." Carla groans, propping him against her hip as he pulls at her hair. "Yes I know you're hungry. Wait two minutes ok?"

"I was thinking, we need to talk over everything, Nick. The business needs sorting out, I need to try and convince Robert to actually sit down and have a conversation with us." She relays.

"And me." Carla inputs, distracting her attention from Alfie for a moment. "I literally said that this morning, same minds, Chelle."

"Look I know I've already said it when we dropped him off." I begin another apology. "But I'm really sorry for everything that happened the other day, I shouldn't have lashed out at you. Today really helped and yes, I'm ready to get things back on track."

"Mm." Carla kisses my cheek appreciatively, wrapping her spare arm around my shoulders and Michelle stares at us longingly for a moment. "What?"

"You've just got everything, haven't you?" She smiles, looking so happy for Carla, despite her evident jealousy. "Each other, you're properly in love, new baby, two flashy cars, your home, your businesses..."

"I know." Carla returns, her tone warm and content at the thought.

"I'm so happy for you." She admits, as Carla leans her head on my shoulder, before Alfie starts tugging at her again, gurgling a small whimper as if threatening to cry.

"Alfie, ok." Carla sighs, bouncing him on her hip. "I'm so sorry, I'm going to need to feed him. Babe, can I have the key?"

"Well why don't you come in for a bit?" I offer to Michelle and she glances at Carla who shrugs. "I'll get the door."

"It's alright, I should probably get back to Robert." She decides.

"Well text him and tell him to come round." Carla suggests, following me through the doorway as Alfie begins to cry loudly. "Alright sweetheart, I know." She talks to him, sitting down on the sofa and adjusting her top so he could feed from her greedily. "Have you fed him today?"

"Yeah two bottles." Michelle nods, backing the pushchair against the wall as I close the door. "He's been really hungry."

"Hence why I'm so thirsty." She mutters, before looking at me. "Couldn't get me a glass of water could you?"

"Of course." I kiss the top of her head briefly before heading into the kitchen, returning with the glass that I hand to her. "Drink, Chelle?"

"I'm alright." She replies. "Look we really don't have to do this now."

"It needs sorting." Carla tells her as I sigh, putting my head in my hands as I sit down on the sofa. "...Actually, do you know what? It has been a long day." She observes me as I look back up at her, and Michelle takes the hint. "Look, why don't we sort this tomorrow in the Bistro when you close?"

"I'm not working tomorrow." I tell her and her eyes light up slightly. "But I guess we still can?"

"Sorted then." Michelle decides, as Alfie starts to cough frantically and Carla sits him up, patting his back.

"Is he ok?" I worry and she gives me a comforting look.

"Yeah you're alright aren't you?" She softens her tone as she talks to him, which warms me as he settles again, going back to feeding. "Just gone down the wrong way."

"I'm going to leave you both to it." Michelle pipes up again, waving briefly before heading towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh Chelle, thanks so much for having him." Carla calls over to her and she turns around.

"Anytime, you know I love to." She replies and I smile at her appreciatively before she leaves.

"You ok sweetheart?" I turn my head back to face Carla, before getting up.

"Yeah." I run my fingers through her hair briefly. "Are you alright if I go and try to get some work done upstairs?"

"Yeah of course." She nods, as I lean down to kiss her lips. "Don't work too hard though."

"It's just accounts and things, it's just going to stress me out more if I leave it any longer." I sigh and she looks concerned for a moment. "I'll try and process the information, along with everything else I've been hit with today."

"Sorry if I've been too full on." She suddenly apologises, looking guilty. "I'm trying to get you to relax, at the same time as banging on about cars and work and shopping... You do realise you can tell me to shut up?"

"I didn't want you to shut up." I laugh softly, tapping her nose. "It's stuff I needed to hear, and that needs sorting. You're right, we've let things slip. It's time to put everything back into place again."

"...You did want that car didn't you?" She checks.

"Now you're worrying." I smile, massaging her shoulders gently as she looks down at Alfie. "I wasn't expecting it when I woke up this morning, no, but what can I say? You're a very persuasive woman."

"It'll come in useful." She assures me.

"I know it will." I kiss her again. "Hence why we bought it. As long as you like it, that's ok. Right, I'll try not to be too long."

"Well if you need a hand with anything let me know." She tells me as I reach the stairs, looking back at her. "Even if it's to be your calculator."

"Well then you're a very pretty calculator." I pull the one out of my pocket. "Got it covered, love you."

"Love you." She smiles in return as I disappear up the stairs.

* * *

I open the back door quietly, seeing Carla sat on the wooden swinging chair, Alfie sat in her lap as he leans against her. She was reading a story to him as he pats the book gently, transfixed by the images in front of him.

"You look nice and relaxed." I smile and she looks up, stopping reading as soon as she sees me.

"Sunset." She points to it, using her other hand to hold Alfie supportively. "Thought I'd make the most of it."

"It's almost nine, isn't he tired?" I go over to her, kneeling down in front of them and widening my mouth as soon as Alfie notices me. "Aren't you tired?"

"It's quite relaxing." Carla stares at the sky, before glancing at the pot at the side of the garden.

"Listen." I tilt her head to face me and our eyes connect as Alfie gurgles, interrupting our moment. "Shh." I scold him playfully and Carla laughs. "He's gonna be as gobby as you."

"Oh cheers." Carla kicks me gently. "Is that what you wanted to tell me?"

"No." I play with her spare hand, as she dips her head to look at me. "I wanted to say thank you for the past few weeks. You've been so patient and so caring."

"Why wouldn't I be?" She muses, her eyes searching my face.

"No, I know." I tilt my head to the side slightly. "Just... Thank you."

"...You are everything to me." She leans forward slightly as she says it, and I watch her every move, her lips as they softly release the words. "I mean it."

"Well you are everything to me too." I respond, smiling contently and she bites her lip, as I look down at where Alfie is watching me. "Yes and you."

"I know you don't like me saying it." She sighs, even though I knew that anything she said to me right now wouldn't shift the grateful mood I was in. "But Nick Tilsley, I am so proud of you. I really am."

"...Thank you." I kiss her gently, trying not to squash Alfie in the process. "Do you want to go shopping tomorrow?"

"Really?" Her eyes light up excitedly and it makes me laugh. "Not if you don't feel up to it?"

"No, I want to." I assure her. "We'll take Alfie and all. I can attempt to entertain him outside the changing rooms for hours."

"Are you sure?" She checks.

"Yeah, you're right, we've got stuff to buy." I admit and she nods knowingly. "Besides, you deserve to be spoilt a bit after everything."

"I deserve nothing." She nudges me.

"You deserve the world." I tell her firmly and she lets out a soft murmur at the words.

"I've got the world." She smiles, poking me in the chest before looking back up at the sunset, and I sit down next to her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders, as she rests her head on mine, watching the sun go down.

* * *

 _ **Sorry for the slower updates. The chapters have been longer and I've been flicking through my two fics, as well as trying to sort the channel out. Hope you enjoyed, bit of a filler chapter but the next one should be more exciting hopefully!x**_


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55:**

 _ **A/N: I didn't want to write the christening too in depth, because it can get a bit repetitive and boring to read, so I've just touched upon it. Hope you enjoy :)**_

 **Carla**

"Morning." I whisper as Nick finally opens his eyes and I kiss down his jaw line affectionately. He looks surprised that I am already awake before checking the clock on the side table.

"Wow, quarter past eight?" He frowns at it and I just mumble in response, as I roll on top of him, kissing his chin briefly before lying flat against his chest.

"Thought I'd let you sleep." I weave my fingers through his messy bed hair, smiling contently. "You were tired."

"How long have you been awake?" He rests his forehead against mine as I kiss his lips gently.

"Too long." I whisper seductively, knowing exactly what I wanted from the second I woke up. "I've been very patient."

"Yeah?" He murmurs, kissing me back as he rolls me over so he was on top of me and I giggle lightly, before he places kisses down my neck. "Better reward you then."

 **Nick**

"Right, me and you we've got to stick together today." I tell Alfie, laying him into the pushchair. "Shopping; it's not fun. But we can get through this together. Got it?" I study his confused expression. "Ok good."

"I think you're going mad." Carla mutters, a displeased expression on her face as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, brushing her hair and groaning.

"You alright?" I check, as she pulls a face at the hairbrush. "I thought you'd be in a great mood after this morning."

"I'm a state." She tells me, as I go over, kissing her collarbone momentarily. "My hair is so dry and thin. If there's one thing I miss about pregnancy it's that it made my hair all shiny and thick."

"Your hair looks fine!" I assure her and she raises her eyebrows at me. "Beautiful? Perfect?"

"Yeah well I need to go and get it done before holiday." She decides. "And the christening... Ugh, sort of wishing we never did that now."

"Stop stressing." I practically sing, kissing her on the forehead. "Come on, drag me round the shops and pick out some hot outfits for you to wear on holiday and me to enjoy."

"Enjoy?" She laughs, as I go back to the pushchair. "You're in a good mood. No guesses as to why."

"That's all your fault." I point at her, as she takes a sip from a nearby water bottle. "You're really thirsty lately aren't you?"

"Yeah, it's horrible." She nods. "And my periods are all messed up after-"

"Lovely, I don't need to know that much." I wince and she rolls her eyes. "That's something you can share with Michelle."

"You've seen me give birth." She states. "There are no limits anymore."

"Do you want to go shopping or not?" I prompt her, opening the front door.

"Yes, yes I do." She lifts Alfie out of the pushchair as I fold it up to put into the boot of the car. "Are you excited to come shopping with mummy and daddy?" I hear her asking him as she fixes him in the car seat.

"Oh I bet he's ecstatic." I reply, sarcastically, closing the boot as she stands upright, resting her hand on the roof of the car. "Look at his face." I point at where he was staring at us, bewildered. "He just can't wait."

"Oh shush." She slaps me playfully, and I nudge her back, before she peers across the road to where Tracy and Beth are talking. "Ugh." She groans, checking her watch. "Oi, Beth?"

"Mrs Tilsley!" She exclaims, surprised once she's seen her.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Carla snaps, as Beth approaches us, Tracy unfortunately in tow.

"Uh... Well, I..." Beth stammers. "Johnny just..."

"Johnny just what?" She prompts her. "It's nine thirty, work starts at nine, off you go please."

"Forgive me for mentioning but it's not really your place to tell her what to do." Tracy inputs and I sigh, resting my head on the roof of the car as the sun beats down hot on my neck. "I mean, where are you swanning off to now?"

"Oh I'm going shopping." Carla smiles sarcastically. "But I'm entitled to do so, due to the legal obligation of maternity leave. That doesn't, however, mean I'm not still your boss. So if you still want your job Beth, I suggest you make a run for it."

"Yes Mrs Tilsley." Beth mutters, quickly scampering off towards the factory.

"Wow, I almost feel sorry for you." Tracy observes her. "You look awful, sleep deprivation having an impact is it?"

"We're doing fine thank you." Carla responds bluntly. "We don't need your input."

"So what's this then?" She points to our new car. "Another excuse to flash the gold card? Show off to everybody else? Weatherfield's power couple."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Carla decides, opening the door. "Excuse me, you're in the way. Wouldn't want Nick to crash into you, would you?"

"Funny, he's usually the one being crashed into." Tracy points at me and I try to understand what she means for a moment, but Carla gets there first.

"Oh shut up you stupid bitch." Carla snaps, and I hold her back.

"Carla!" I scold, pointing to Alfie and she forces herself to calm down.

"Yeah be careful, wouldn't want your son knowing your true colours already." Tracy digs at her.

"Tracy, leave us alone." I pronounce the words slowly, as if she wouldn't understand otherwise. I practically push Carla into the passenger seat, as Tracy laughs, satisfied with her efforts before walking off.

"Sad cow." Carla mutters, as I slide into the car next to her, watching Tracy through the windscreen.

"Stop it." I hiss and she looks behind her.

"Oh Nick, he can't understand what I'm saying." She reminds me as I start the engine. "You like cows don't you? What noise do they make? Moo."

"How educational." I smile slightly and she can't help returning it, passing Alfie's rattle to him. "Oh well that's a bad idea isn't it?" I point out as Alfie grasps it tightly. "He's going to drop that over and over again now."

"It's cognitive and physical development, Nick." She informs me.

"Ooh, get you." I look at her impressively. "You need to go back to work. You're way too bored."

"Right." Carla pulls a notepad out of her bag along with a pen. "I'm making note of what we need."

"Uh oh, she's making a list, Alf." I call back to him and she gives me a look.

"Nick... Carla... Alfie." She writes the names down and I can't help feeling so in love with her.

"Oh we've got columns and everything." I continue to wind her up.

"Shut up." She flashes me a playful smile, scribbling things down onto the list.

"Well your column is particularly long." I observe, keeping one eye on the road. "What a shock."

"I'm ignoring you." She hums, unable to conceal the smile on her face as she underlines my name a few times. "What do you need?"

"I thought you were ignoring me?" I tease her and she raises her head, sighing as she looks at me exasperatedly.

"You're so childish." She shakes her head. "You need sunglasses."

"No I don't." I frown.

"Yeah you do, Alfie broke your others." She winces slightly, awaiting my reaction.

"And who gave Alfie my sunglasses to break?" I raise my eyebrows at her. "Wait, how can he even break them? He's a baby."

"I didn't have anything else in my bag!" She exclaims.

"Why were my sunglasses even in your bag?" I continue.

"Uh, because you made me carry them the other week." She reminds me. "Because you said they were hurting your head." She finishes and we just stare at each other for a moment, trying not to burst out laughing. "Watch the road please."

"I am watching the road." I assure her, enjoying the flirty bickering that had arisen. "It's like you're my driving instructor."

"May as well be." She continues to write things down.

"You'd be an awful driving instructor." I have to bite my lip and she forces back a smile. "You'd just swear at them if they didn't bomb it across the zebra crossing before the old lady got there."

"No I would not!" She objects, putting her pen down abruptly to make a sulky point. "I'm a good driver!"

"You're an awful driver." I laugh, shaking my head. "You in your fast cars, zooming up and down the street."

"I don't zoom!" She argues.

"And you're really not very good at parking." I continue and she glares at me. "You reverse up the curb to park outside the Rovers, even though your factory is about thirty metres away."

"I've done that like twice." She narrows her eyes. "Maybe three times... I'm a really safe driver, Nick!"

"Stella, Cathy-" I begin.

"Ok, that's enough!" She slaps me lightly, unable to stop her giggling. "I am fuming."

"Oh yeah, seems it." I smile at her and she steadies her gaze on mine.

"You're getting no socks now." She crosses it off the list.

"The ultimate punishment." I mumble and she bites her lip to stop herself from smiling, watching me as I continue to drive. "Alfie's going to be thinking what on Earth are mummy and daddy doing?"

"To be honest babe, I think he's thinking about who's gonna change his nappy when we get there." She glances behind her. "And he's looking at you."

"Oh well he would be, wouldn't he?" I tease her and she rests her head on my shoulder, kissing my cheek before raising her hand to my hair. "I love you."

"I love you too, even if you do wind me up." She replies, as I put my hand down on the gear stick and hers falls on top of mine, linking our fingers as I change gear. "I need more perfume, actually."

"I was literally about to say that the one you've got on smells gorgeous." I reply. "How strange."

"We've been spending too much time together darlin'." She releases her hand from mine, scribbling it down and I move my hand to her knee, gradually walking my fingers up her thigh. "Will you stop that please?"

"Why?" I laugh as she bats my hand away, and I replace it on her knee again, grazing my thumb against it affectionately.

"Armbands." She decides, writing it down.

"He can't go swimming yet, can he?" I frown.

"They're for you." She jokes and I flash her a sarcastic smile. "NHS says he can go in the water. I won't let go of him anyway."

"Can I just clarify; you're actually implying you're going to go in a public swimming pool?" I check and she nods. "You?"

"I'm glad this entertains you so much." She raises her eyebrows at me, as I move my hand from her knee to change gear again, before placing it back in its original position. "Suncream. Lots of it for him. We've got to be so careful, Nick."

"Yeah I know." My voice suddenly more serious. "We will, ok?" I study her expression, deep in thought about everything we need to remember. "Hey, we're going on holiday. Smile."

* * *

"Are you even looking at these things or just throwing them in?" I observe the basket full of clothes, which is hooked on to the pushchair so Carla didn't have to carry it.

"Well I'm not going to buy them all." She tells me, flicking the list against her fingers. "Is he asleep?"

"Getting there." I reply as I watch his eyes flutter closed. "I don't know how."

"Here." She passes me another top and I check the label briefly.

"Forty five pounds?" I exclaim and she hushes me. "For a top?"

"Nick, shh!" She scolds me as I reluctantly fold it into the basket. "Ahh." She holds up a pair of baby denim dungarees as soon as we reach the baby section.

"Ok, they are cute." I agree with her and she puts them straight into the basket as I roll my eyes. "Right think." She turns around, clapping her hands, and I realise I'm partially grateful for her choice in expensive shops, as they weren't completely rammed when trying to manoeuvre the pushchair around. "What do we need?"

"Consult your list." I point out.

"I feel like we've forgotten loads of things." She bites her lip, checking it. "Is there anything we need for the christening? Yes, shoes for him."

"What's he wearing?" I ask, realising I wasn't even aware.

"Michelle's bought him something." She says absentmindedly, as she runs her finger down the aisle of baby clothes. "Saves me doing a job I guess." She inspects the stacks of baby shoes that are in front of her.

"You do realise he doesn't need shoes?" I remind her, as if she had forgotten.

"Well I'm not going to get him literal shoes." She sighs. "But he needs to wear something..." She picks up a pair of soft soled white baby shoes from in front of her. "Yes like these." She hands them to me.

"Do you actually enjoy this?" I ask and she turns to face me, hands on hips.

"Swimwear." She points at me, avoiding the question and I groan.

"Carla I've still got loads of your bikinis." I say without thinking and she stops, flicking her head around with a perplexed expression.

"What?" She frowns.

"...Well remember we put all our honeymoon shopping in that box?" I reluctantly admit to her and she narrows her eyes, trying to remember. "Well you never took it with you, did you?"

"...Hold on so you've still got some of my stuff?" She checks. "Why didn't you get rid of it?"

"Because I didn't know whether you'd want it back." I reply, trying to think of an excuse.

"Well then why didn't you send it to me?" She continues and I pause, as she lets out a slight laugh. "You actually kept my stuff? What else have you got? Wait, why haven't you even told me this?"

"Now is not the time or the place to have this conversation." I try to ignore her cocky smile. "It's under our bed! If you'd have helped me when I sorted all the stuff out from my flat when we moved, you might have noticed."

"Nick, is that where my green and white top went?" She exclaims suddenly. "That was one of my favourite tops!"

"Well it's not my fault you left it on my bedroom floor when we came back from The Rovers before the wedding." I remind her as her mouth falls open.

"I'm surprised you didn't burn it all." Her eyes widen. "Did Leanne know about this?"

"She did actually yeah, I told her." I admit. "I'm pretty sure you said she'd told you as well."

"And she didn't make you get rid of it?" She asks.

"Babe, I was calling her 'Carla' all the time." I tell her and she looks pleased as I tell her this. "She knew deep down I still loved you. She practically said it herself."

"Aw." She moves forward to wrap her arms around my neck, kissing my cheek. "I'm getting that box out when we get back."

"Can I check what's in it first?" I suddenly worry and she studies me.

"Well now you've got me worried." She links my hand with hers, as I push the pushchair along with my other, letting her lead the way. "A box of my stuff." She laughs to herself. "You're so cute."

 **Carla**

"Ok I'm done, I'm done." I hold my hands up as I leave the changing room, noticing Nick bouncing Alfie on his knee outside. "Oh hi baby, nice sleep?"

"He's been awake for twenty five minutes." He checks his watch, studying the basket. "It's gone down slightly."

"Yeah, however I can't decide between bikinis so." I sit down next to him, getting my phone out. "I've taken pictures, you need to pick four."

"Me?" He swallows, as I show him the first one, his eyes fixated on my phone before tearing his eyes away to look at me. "Here, really?"

"What do you think?" I tap the phone impatiently and he looks back at it, coughing slightly.

"Yeah it's nice." He gulps and I giggle, taking Alfie from him and passing him my phone. "Ok you flick through."

"Can't I do this at home?" He swipes to the next one, lowering the phone exasperatedly.

"Uh no!" I exclaim and he shushes me. "Nick I've got to wear these around the pool."

"Ok, ok." He mutters, flicking through the pictures. "I'm ok, I swear." He mumbles and I laugh, as Alfie pulls at my hair. "Carla you're gorgeous, do you realise that?"

"Mm, daddy's a charmer." I play with Alfie's hand as he continues to tug my hair. "Careful please."

"Right that's it, get all of them." He decides, going back through. "Especially that red one."

"Nick, I can't get all of them." I sigh, rolling my eyes as he zooms in and I snatch the phone away. "Ok, that's enough thank you."

"You're getting all of them." He tells me, standing up and taking the basket. "I'm buying them anyway. What I say goes."

"Uh, it's going on the joint account." I prop Alfie against my hip, as he pushes the empty pushchair towards the checkout. "That's going to cost a bomb, you are aware?"

"I don't care, I said I'd spoil you." He kisses my nose briefly. "I'm buying it and you're wearing them all." He looks in the basket, pulling out some lacy underwear. "Ooh what's this."

"Put that back now!" I hiss and he bursts out laughing, throwing it back in the basket. "You're set on winding me up today."

"I've got to get through this ordeal somehow." He teases me, joining the queue as he puts his arm around me. "Sorry I'll stop."

"We're nearly done anyway." I check the list with my spare hand, kissing Alfie on the head.

"He is beautiful." A voice sounds from behind me and I turn to see a woman peering at Alfie excitedly. "How old?"

"Oh thank you." I smile, realising how much I appreciated it. "He's three months, aren't you?"

"Well he's gorgeous." She smiles, before turning back to her friend and I flash Nick a proud look, as he kisses the side of my head, before approaching the till.

"Did you find everything you needed today?" The cashier greets us.

"More than." Nick drones, as she begins putting things through. "Do you want to get some lunch after this?"

"I thought you were asking her that then." I raise my eyebrows, pointing to the woman on the till and she laughs slightly. "Worked up an appetite has it?"

"That's five hundred and seventy eight pounds and forty pence." She recites, calculating it on the till and Nick pauses, turning to stare at me.

"That's actually a lot cheaper than I thought it would be." I narrow my eyes at the figure on the till as he stares at me in shock. "What? I did warn you."

"Yeah yeah." He shakes his head at me, a slightly amused smile on his face as he produces the credit card from his wallet. "You're so worth it."

"Going anywhere nice?" The cashier asks as Nick inputs his pin.

"Cyprus." I tell her, swaying Alfie gently. "All thanks to him." I point to Nick. "Making plans behind my back."

"Oh sorry for the horrible gesture." He grins and I can't help smiling, noticing how the cashier was watching us with a slightly adoring look.

"You make a lovely family." She says, passing Nick the bags, which he accepts, loading them onto the pushchair. "Have a nice day."

"Thank you." I link my hand with Nick's as he guides the pushchair out of the shop. "Getting all the compliments today."

"Get us." He nudges me playfully. "Maybe we're actually the people others want to be for a change, rather than feel sorry for."

 **Nick**

"Salad." I put it down in front of her, as she continues to feed Alfie, having perfected her skills of eating with one hand. "I hope you're not going to eat that stuff on holiday."

"Forget that, I'm going to eat like a horse." She tells me, stabbing her lettuce elegantly and slipping it into her mouth. "First time since I've been pregnant when I'm actually going to enjoy eating whatever I want again."

"And lots of cocktails." I point out.

"Ah..." She hums, thinking about it. "Can't we just skip the christening and be there now?"

"You were the one adamant to do the christening." I hold my hands up momentarily, before going back to my food. "Everything is prepared, right? I feel like we haven't sorted it all."

"Well at the end of the day, all we need to do is stand there, say a few prayers and not drop him in that water tub thingy." She shrugs.

"A font?" I correct her.

"Yeah well whatever it is." She sighs, glancing down at Alfie and taking a long sip of her drink. "As long as we get that done, that's the main thing."

"Do you want that refilling?" I offer and she smiles gratefully as I take it over to the machine, filling it back up and returning with it. "You feeling alright?" I reach over to raise a hand to her forehead.

"Yeah why?" She frowns at my concern.

"Because you've drank two glasses of water already." I point out and she indicates to Alfie.

"It's him." She groans. "I mean look at him, would you have said he was two and a half months premature?"

"Well he's a bit on the small side." I observe. "But no, why?"

"Because he's so flamin' greedy, that's why." She strokes her thumb across his forehead. "He's going to ruin me from all this."

"It's a good thing he's putting weight on." I tell her. "Look if you want to move to bottle feeding permanently, we can? We can start looking at formula if you're not enjoying it."

"I am enjoying it, I really enjoy it." She sighs, tiredly. "Plus when we do that, that's it. I just feel a bit ugh today, sorry."

"Oh baby." I tilt my head to the side, studying how beautiful she looked despite her self-confidence. I rummage in the paper bag that was nestled under the pushchair. "Present."

"What's this?" She tries to pull the box out of the bag and I help her, laughing at her attempts with one hand. "Armani?" Her eyes light up as she reads the box. "Nick!"

"You said you needed new perfume." I shrug, as she reads the back of the box. "So we went on a detour while you were trying on every item of clothing in the shop. Alfie picked it."

"Well Alfie has got good taste." She drums her fingers on the table excitedly. "This costs a bomb."

"Oh here we go again." I roll my eyes playfully.

"You're the one who just complained at the till." She argues playfully. "Thank you gorgeous, it's my favourite."

"I know." I smile at her happiness.

"We've binged out on way too many luxuries though recently." She goes serious again and I refrain from moaning. "Cars, holidays, expensive shopping trips. When we're back from Cyprus we've got to cut back a bit."

"Sorry are you Carla Tilsley?" I narrow my eyes.

"Well we've got him now haven't we?" She watches as Alfie falls back to sleep.

"We're fine." I assure her and she raises her eyebrows at me. "I promise you, we're absolutely fine. We don't need to worry about money."

"I know we don't need to worry about it." She scoffs, before covering her mouth, realising how cocky she sounded. "I bet this is so unattractive."

"I'm honestly at the point where I don't think anything you do could be unattractive." I reply, as she tends to Alfie, pulling him away from her breast and settling him.

"Well, you've seen me give birth so." She mutters. "You've seen me at my worst, officially."

"You know that's the second time today you've brought that up?" I tell her, as she lays Alfie back in the pushchair and I lean forward to take her hand across the table. "And it couldn't be more untrue. I was absolutely in awe of you. I don't feel like I said this enough at the time, but you looked beautiful. You really did."

"...You have strange standards you do." She muses, shaking her head at me. "But I'm not complaining. Come on then, let's get off. I want to recover this secret box that's been hidden from me for years."

 **Carla**

"Roy was in the Bistro earlier." Michelle tells me down the phone, as I leave Alfie's door ajar. "Asking about whether he should wear a purple or black tie."

"Oh purple, he suits a bit of colour." I bite the corner off the flapjack I am eating, heading into the bedroom as I duck down to look under the bed. "Not that it really matters in the slightest."

"Well I did say to him that it probably wouldn't be much of a concern either way." She responds. "Are you ok? You sound like you're in the middle of something."

"I am currently lying on my bedroom floor, Chelle." I reply, reaching out to pull a dusty box forward and I can almost sense her confusion. "Trying to recover some old things. I'll see you in a bit."

"Yeah that's fine." She answers. "See you."

"Love you." I hang up, sitting cross legged on the floor as I pull the lid off the box with 'Carla's stuff' written on it in black permanent marker. I come face to face with the same green and white top I hadn't seen since the day I first told Nick I wanted children with him, one of my old handbags, a few photographs of us which I inspect for a moment.

We looked so happy, as I clasp one between my fingers of us in The Rovers at Lloyd and Andrea's leaving party. I was leaning off Nick's shoulder, a content smile on my face, as he used one hand to hold mine, the other tied around a bottle of beer. I lower it, pulling the one from behind, of us the night Nick gave me the engagement ring. Bethany, Audrey, Johnny, Aidan and Michelle were stood around us, with Nick's arms fastened around my waist in the middle. I actually feel emotional, running my finger along them, realising how far we had come from that moment, the battles we had faced. I'd been so unaware. In blissful ignorance of how everything would be blown apart and pushed back together again.

Underneath is the old photo frame we used to have up in the flat; 'choose happy, enjoy today', with two pictures inside it of us in the flat, casual and relaxed. One with my arms around his neck, both looking at the camera, and another of us kissing. We looked so loved up. I couldn't believe we almost lost that. We were so close to never finding each other again.

"Anything I should be worried about?" I jump at the sound of Nick's voice, looking up at where he was stood in the doorway. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Have you looked at any of this stuff since you packed it?" I ask and he shakes his head, sitting down next to me and taking the frame from my grasp.

"Hey I remember this." He smiles, brushing his finger over it. "It was up in your kitchen."

"Bet you wanted to smash that to pieces when you put it in here." I dare to input. "Why keep it? Why not destroy it?"

"Because I didn't want to destroy us." He murmurs quietly. "And I didn't want to let you go, did I? I couldn't."

"Well we can put that up again now." I tell him, pulling a few more clothes out of the box. "Hey, this was my most expensive jacket!" I exclaim, letting the soft leather slide between my fingers. "Do you want to know how much this cost? And these heels? Nick, I've had to buy half a new wardrobe because of you."

"Well you should have called around before you zipped off down the motorway." He laughs and I turn my head to look at him.

"You'd have slammed the door in my face." I state and he doesn't deny it. "You couldn't even wave back at me in the street. Correction, you couldn't even look at me."

"I wanted to." He sighs, running his fingers through my hair. "I had to force myself to run away, rather than run over and kiss you."

"I don't blame you." I manage a weak smile, searching his face. "I didn't deserve a second chance."

"Well we're not having this conversation again, are we?" He pats my knee lightly. "We're here now."

"Yeah." I look at him warmly for a moment, before looking back into the box and picking up a letter with my name on it. "What's this?"

"I don't know." He snatches it off me abruptly and I eye him up warily for a moment.

"Then why are you tearing it out of my hands?" I question, trying to take it back off him. "Nick?" I pester, concern growing as he tosses it between his fingers.

"I didn't know that was in there." He goes to rip it but I have taken it from his grip before he can, standing up and leaning back against the wall as I open the envelope, noticing him giving up in making an effort to fight me for it.

 _Carla,_

 _I can see how beaten and broken you are at the moment (I hope that hasn't dented your pride). I also know, that you'd probably never look twice at somebody like me. But I wanted to tell you this as a friend, and somebody who cares about you so much, because I know you think there's not a lot of people around you at the moment who do. But it's not about the quantity of people, it's about the group that, however small, will help fight your battles for you no matter what._

 _I understand why you want to gamble, and drink, and punish yourself. I get that no matter what I say to you, or Roy, or Michelle, it's not going to change your mind on how you feel, or what you do. In fact it will just push you away more. I'd like to think that, after five years of knowing how stubborn you really are, I'm beginning to figure you out a bit more every day. But what I do want you to know, is that no matter how much money you throw away, or how drunk you get; if you need somebody to hold you, you know where my flat is. Even if it's one in the morning, and you're in your pyjamas, and you just can't sleep. I'm here. I'll always be here. If you want to use me as a punch bag, or for me to cook you a hot meal, or just listen to you while you cry (and yes, I know you secretly cry), you just say the word._

 _Seeing you hate and blame yourself is the most difficult thing. You're the most selfless, genuine, strong and beautiful woman I've ever known. I know that you'll pull through this, like you've pulled through so much before._

 _I'd leave Erica in an instant, if you wanted me to. But you've said before and I understand that you don't need a relationship right now. So, for now, I'll just love you in silence. I'll love you as a friend, and somebody who will never give up on you, no matter how hard you push._

 _Keep smiling,_

 _Nick x_

"Nick... What the?" I stammer, scanning back over the letter as my eyes glisten with tears. "When is this even from?"

"Uh... Before we got together." He winces slightly, as if I was about to lash out at him over it. "That summer when you hit self-destruct... It was shortly after our kiss in the street I think. It's all a bit hazy now..."

"Why did you never give it to me?" I go back over to sit down next to him, holding it delicately as if it would rip and he takes it hesitantly, reading it over.

"Oh wow, it's even worse than I thought." He cringes and I can't help smiling, shaking my head slightly. "I actually put it by your door one evening, thinking you'd read it when you came back from work." He swallows, passing it back to me. "And then I came back the next morning to see if you wanted breakfast, and it was still there. I don't know, I think you must have stayed over at the casino or something that night... So I took it back and I must have just thrown it in there, maybe thinking I'd give it to you another day. I guess I did, hey. Better late than never."

"I love you." I whisper, kissing him passionately for a moment and pushing him backwards so he falls back onto the carpet, me on top of him. "That's the sweetest thing." I stare down at him, my hair grazing his cheeks.

"It would have terrified you at the time, don't lie." He chuckles slightly.

"Maybe." I search his face, our noses almost touching. "But you loved me back then?"

"I can't pin point the time I started loving you." He murmurs, taking in my expression. "Perhaps I always have."

"You cared so much, didn't you?" I ask, the words in the letter playing over and over in my head and he nods slightly. "That's crazy."

"Yeah." He agrees, kissing me gently for a moment. "But I was crazy for you, so."

"That's so cheesy." I bite my lip, nudging my nose against his affectionately. "Can I keep that?"

"If you want, now you've exposed me." He laughs and our eyes fixate on each other for a moment. "I didn't even think we'd sleep together, never mind get married, have a baby and a home."

"Well I'm so glad we did." I whisper, kissing him as he slips his hands into my hair, the sensation of his fingers against my scalp so satisfying. "You're cute." I kiss him on the cheek, before lying in his chest on our bedroom floor.

 **Nick**

"Hi, sorry we're late." Carla apologises, not stating the exact reason why we were delayed, but it was a very valid one in my opinion. She sits down opposite where Michelle and Robert were sat as far away from each other as possible, and I take the seat next to her.

"Where's your kid?" Robert tries to make conversation and Michelle glares at him.

"Gail's, poor child." Carla forces a laugh, weighing up the situation before diving in. "Right so, basically we need to go over the plans for the business and the set up in regards to roles and responsibilities."

"You don't even work here." Robert narrows his eyes and Michelle huffs, resting her chin in her hands and staring at us apologetically.

"Maybe not but it's Nick's business, which means it's my business, and also my son's business, so." She recites, laying her hands flat on the table as I let her take charge. "First of all I want to say a massive thank you to Michelle for all her hard work the past few months."

"You make it sound like you're accepting an award." She smiles appreciatively.

"We are both very grateful." She taps me gently on the shoulder. "Aren't we, Nick?"

"Yes, genuinely." I nod in agreement. "You've kept this place afloat and I don't think I've said it enough; you've done an amazing job."

"Is this one of those 'on the other hand' lectures where I now get put on the sad cloud?" Robert interjects.

"Three questions." Carla holds her fingers up. "Do you want to work here?"

"Yes, I love this job." He replies with confidence. "Really, I value everything I've learnt here and that Nick has given back to me over the years."

"Two, do you still want your share in the business?" She continues.

"Of course I do." He answers, glancing at me.

"Three, are you going to pull your socks up and get a grip?" She asks harshly, but Robert surprisingly doesn't look annoyed at her close to patronising words. "Because if not, the other two aren't even questions."

"Yes." He swallows defiantly. "Look, I've been doing a lot of thinking and I know I've messed up. I know I've lashed out and been completely useless some days."

"Some?" Michelle scoffs slightly.

"But I know I need to move past that now." He ignores her. "For the sake of the business, for the sake of you three, and my new life and the targets I need to set for myself. I felt burdened and exhausted and I just gave up. Come on Carla, you know what that feels like."

"Uh, excuse me." I finally input defensively but Carla doesn't seem phased.

"I'm ready to start over." He decides. "Start a fresh."

"Good." Carla sounds victorious as she leans back in her chair, scanning the space between Robert and Michelle. "I'm glad we've got that sorted. So now maybe you two can sort out whatever is going on. And I know that is _not_ my business, except Chelle's happiness. I don't want you being upset anymore, lady, so talk it through. The pair of you."

"Is that you done for the day Doctor Tilsley?" I tease her and she flashes me an amused smile. "Impressive."

"I mean it." Her eyes dart around the three of us. "It ends now, all the drama. Else I'll come and turn this place into a nursery. So, cheers." She holds her glass up and I clink mine against hers, followed by Michelle and then Robert. "Here's to a fresh start."

* * *

"You look absolutely stunning." I admire as Carla enters the kitchen, her eyes falling upon where Alfie was shaking his rattle in my arms. "Doesn't mummy look beautiful?"

"Yes well mummy just wants this day to go to plan." She kisses Alfie on the head quickly. "You look so perfect, baby." She tells him excitedly, holding her arms out. "Now listen to me." She supports him on her hip, combing his soft hair through her fingers. "You absolutely love bath time, so no excuses when Billy tries to pour water on your head, ok? I want happy Alfie today."

"He slept right through so hopefully he'll be fairly bright." I watch her lovingly. "Uh, bag is all packed." I point to the door. "I've put a few extra bottles in because I don't know how long this will go on for."

"What would I do without you, hm?" She kisses me briefly, before checking Alfie's nappy. "Right all clear, come on." She heads towards the front door before turning to face me. "Oh you look good by the way."

"Oh thanks." I laugh and she winks at me, grabbing the car keys off the side with her spare hand.

 **Carla**

"Does anyone want a chocolate button?" David holds a bag out to Michelle and I glare at him. "What?"

"She's just wondering why it's not vodka." Nick tries to joke and I slap him lightly, bouncing Alfie on my knee. "Gotta get through it somehow." He shrugs, taking a handful and popping them in his mouth.

"Michelle, chocolate... Button?" He notices her expression. "No, ok then."

"Oh hello." A familiarly upbeat voice sounds from behind and I turn my head to see Gail and Audrey pacing towards us, accompanied by Bethany and Harry.

"Auntie Carla!" Harry claps his hands excitedly and I ruffle his hair, leaning out of the pew to do so.

"Hey wasn't long since we were at your christening." I tell him and he looks confused for a moment. "Jump up here, you can sit next to me." I tap the seat, helping him up.

"You'll have to get him to move when we need to get up now." Nick reminds me, as Sarah appears, Gary in tow as she passes me a battered colouring book without greeting me.

"Oh thanks, is this his christening present?" I ask sarcastically and her eyes go wide, glancing at Nick.

"We needed to get you a present?" She stresses and I hear Nick scoff slightly as I shake my head.

"I've got him a present." Gail produces a neatly wrapped gift and I accept it, passing the colouring book to Harry and stuffing the present down by our feet. "Do you want to know what it is?"

"Well usually the idea of a present is that you find out when you open it." David drones, through a mouthful of chocolate.

"It's a plate." She announces and I glance at Nick worriedly, unsure about her choice in crockery. "And it says 'happy christening Alfie, lots of love grandma Gail'."

"Lovely." I mutter, dreading the thought of opening it and having to stash it at the back of my cupboard.

"And it's got a picture on it and everything." She tells me excitedly.

"Oh it gets better." Nick groans, his hand rubbing my back soothingly because he knew I was stressed.

"What, of you?" David speculates. "If that doesn't put him off his dinner, I don't know what will."

"David!" Audrey scolds.

"It's actually the first picture Nick took of me holding him." She says proudly. "I thought it was a nice keepsake."

"Yeah I'm sure he'll really treasure that, Gail." I lie. "Thank you."

"Hi." Bethany finally manages to get a word in, bending down to hug me as Gail and Audrey take their seats behind us. "Here."

"Wow, you actually bought him something?" My eyes widen and I notice Sarah shift guilty, muttering something to Gary as she searches her handbag.

"Well you know, technically you bought it, you paying my wages and all." She beams. "But it's the thought that counts, hey?"

"That's so sweet of you, thank you darlin'." I put it down next to Gail's, as Sarah swoops in front of her, holding out a ten pound note.

"Uh, here you are." She offers as Gary rummages in his pocket, adding a fiver to it.

"Yeah, the donation pot is at the back." Nick points, as David chortles at her gesture and Bethany tugs Sarah over to the pew next to us, Gary following behind. I watch as Harry scribbles on his colouring pad for a moment, before the door opens again and I turn to see Roy, approaching us with a worried expression.

"My upmost apologies." He reaches me, looking flustered. "I will be contacting the bus service manager later today to discuss the inconsistency of the timetable. The farcical journey consisted of the untrained driver having little knowledge of the usual route I endeavour to take-"

"Roy, you're on time." I stop him, holding out a hand in greeting, which he pats, calming himself down. "I'm glad you chose the purple tie."

"Oh." He smiles with pride at my compliment. "I'm very pleased it has your approval."

"Nightmare traffic." Aidan calls over as he arrives, Kate and Rana hand in hand behind him.

"Where's dad?" I scan their party.

"Parking the car." Kate replies, sounding slightly out of breath. "There was a stupid bus in front of us, blocking our way the entire time. Honestly, who even takes buses nowadays?"

"Uh, anyway." I cut her off. "You're all perfectly on time so sit wherever and enjoy the show."

"The show." David chuckles, as Michelle gives him another look.

"Where's your kids?" She tries to make conversation.

"With Shona." He states. "She's supposed to be bringing them along." He checks his phone briefly, before scrunching up the chocolate packet and pulling a tin foil package out of his carrier bag. "Ham and cheese sandwich anyone?"

"This isn't a picnic." Nick looks at him disapprovingly, as Michelle pushes them out of her face. "I'm sure Billy won't approve of you using his workplace as a café."

"Well, the almighty God fed the five thousand so I'm sure he can feed one more." David points to the ceiling and I narrow my eyes, trying to figure out what he even meant.

"Jesus fed the five thousand." Nick replies bluntly as Michelle lowers her head into her hands.

"Oh..." David trails off, looking puzzled. "So what did-"

"Not now, David." Audrey hisses, batting his head forward slightly from behind him, as Roy sits himself down next to Gail, directly behind me.

"Right, sorry about that." Billy finally appears again, coming over to me. "One of our parishioners has been in a bit of a crisis, just had to sort something out."

"Oh, are they ok?" I check.

"Yeah, he just said he thought the wine was a bit bland at the service this morning."

"Oh..." I nod, pretending I understood even half of what he was saying. "Well then I empathise with him."

"Shall we get this underway?" He claps his hands together, approaching the front and I sigh reluctantly, looking at Nick before standing up.

 **Nick**

"Glad to see you back." I tell Robert, as he appears from the kitchen, placing a final plate of food down on the bar top.

"Well I'm turning over a new leaf." He replies, sounding confident. "Like I said, it's time to start a fresh. My wallowing and stupid mistakes are finished with."

"Good, because it almost cost you your job, and your fiancé." I glance at Michelle, who was dancing around with Alfie, watching him adoringly. "You're very lucky you got a second chance. She must love you."

"Yeah well, you'd be able to understand that, wouldn't you?" He says it softly, so I knew it wasn't implied as a dig and I study him for a moment.

"Yeah. I would." I can't help feeling a bit hacked off by his remark. "Just don't mess it up this time."

"Hey." Carla slips her arms around my shoulders, making eye contact with Robert momentarily. "This all looks good. You've done well."

"Thanks." He responds and I try to fizzle out the awkward tension by feeding a breadstick into her mouth.

"Nick!" She splutters, taking it from me and laughing.

"Listen, Carla." Robert snaps her out of her laughter, as she looks back at him. "I'm going to pay you every penny of that money back, I swear."

"It's fine." She sighs, holding her hands up. "As I've told Michelle, I don't need it."

"Well even so, it wasn't mine to spend and it belonged to you, so." He persists, as I slip my arm around her waist.

"No it wasn't." I add, unnecessarily.

"It'll cover the costs of that new motor you've got anyway." He tries to sound friendly and Carla forces a smile.

"It'll go to charity, like it was originally intended for." She assures him and I notice the guilt in his expression. "Like I said, don't feel inclined but you're a decent bloke, I know you probably will anyway..." She trails off, looking behind her at Michelle. "What I'm really concerned about, is that you take care of her. Treat her like gold. She's worth so much. Make her happy, please. She means too much to me to see her upset again."

"I will." He promises. "I swear."

"Good." She purses her lips together as he heads back into the kitchen after a short silence.

"She's good with him. Really good." I observe, putting my hands on Carla's shoulders as she turns into me.

"I know." She whispers quietly. "Secretly it's hard for her, you know? She's good at covering it up. She loves him so much though Nick. Isn't that amazing? That he's got people like her and Roy, Bethany, Kate, Aidan who are all going to give him endless love? That's something I never had growing up and wow, it feels incredible that we've managed to give it to him."

"He's the luckiest child on the planet." I run my hand through her loosely curled hair. "You are the most amazing mum, I think you're beginning to realise deep down that maybe that's true. After all the doubting, you've proved your mum wrong, haven't you?"

"Maybe." She smiles slightly and I return it, pleased she was slowly accepting it. "I can't believe the time I never wanted to be a mum. Like when I got pregnant with my first baby girl, the months were spent just thinking about my mam and how I'd follow after her, all the times she messed up, all the hatred I felt. I didn't think I could do it. I thought I'd never be able to give her love, like she couldn't... But I can't imagine my life without him. Or you. Or this. It's just exactly what I wanted, what I always wanted, without even realising it."

"See." I kiss her gently. "I told you I reckoned we'd be good for each other."

"I've never been good for anyone." She recalls, smiling in response, her eyes fixating on mine. "Until you. Until us... Until this."

* * *

 _ **It's the holiday next chapter, so wanted to clear a few things out of the way and tie up some loose ends in this one. Thank you to those still reading and leaving reviews x**_


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56:**

 _ **A/N: Ok so some notes; hi again! I'm picking this back up after a short break of writers block; I did write about a quarter of a chapter of them in Cyprus, but couldn't think of where to take the storyline from there. I've had an idea for a while for what I want to come next, but it couldn't happen immediately, so, to cure my writers block and shift the story along, I've skipped to a year later. Alfie is about 16-17 months but the setting and storyline is still the same. I'm hoping to continue uploading (probably not as frequently as I was, as I've got three fics on the go amongst other things I'm busy with) and kick off this next storyline, since people were asking for updates which shows I have still got readers. Also, I'm focusing a little on Nick and Michelle's friendship, because on screen during his time with Carla, it was something I considered underrated, and it's enjoyable writing them getting along so well. There's a bit more comedy and lightheartedness for a bit, and at the end of this chapter you'll see a bit of a plot twist to carry on the next few chapters, before the drama begins again! So, that's enough of me, I hope you enjoy this long awaited chapter and thank you to those still reading!**_

 **One Year Later**

 **Carla**

"Beth if I see that phone one more time." I swing around the cupboards, picking up a mug from the side and practically tossing it to Sean who catches it effortlessly, pouring coffee granules into it. "Uh, right. Well done on your work towards the Bakers order. I've divided you up so, listen out for your names; Sinead, Sean, Izzy and Fiz, you will be starting on the McKnees order this afternoon, here you go." I hand out the sheets in my hand. "The rest of you finish off the Bakers order before end of play today."

"And if we don't?" Beth folds her arms.

"If you _don't_ , you'll be here until you do." I flash her a sarcastic smile, accepting the cup of coffee from Sean.

"Carla? Dad's on the phone." Aidan leans out of the office, phone in hand. "Computer's on the blink."

"Who? Dad's?"

"No, ours." He huffs. "Uh, Alfie's not eating the broccoli."

"Try him with the yogurt." I roll my eyes, leaning back against the cupboards, as the machinists listen intently, whilst eating their cakes.

"Try him with the yogurt." He repeats, waiting for a response. "Yeah Dad I've got to go, there's another caller on the line."

"Tell him he's teething-"

"Hello? Yes it's a problem with the internet." He ignores me as he receives the other call, going back into the office and I groan.

"Ok, chop chop." I clap my hands, reluctantly heading back into the office.

"Oh, Mrs Connor-"

"By the end of the day, Beth!"

* * *

"Hi, sorry, hold up at work." I close the door to Johnny's flat, as Alfie waves at me from the high chair. "Hi sweetie." I kiss the top of his head.

"Mama." He reaches up to me and I scoop him up, propping him against my hip.

"Uh, I hear you haven't been eating for grandad." I tap his nose, as he pulls on a strand of my hair and I pick the pot of food up off the side. "Ugh, you like broccoli Alfie."

"He ate all his ice-cream from Roy's though." Johnny ruffles his chestnut curls.

"Oh I bet he did." I nudge my nose against Alfie's and he giggles. "Daddy's making you pasta as we speak."

"Oh yummy." Johnny lightens his tone as he addresses him.

"Say thank you to grandad." I sway Alfie gently and he reaches a hand out to pat dad's shoulder. "Thank you."

"Thank." He repeats.

"Well done." I kiss the top of his head before kissing Johnny on the cheek. "Thanks so much again."

"Anytime. You know I love to help out."

"I know." I squeeze his hand quickly before strapping Alfie into the pushchair. "Come on then, let's go home."

 **Nick**

"Hi, sorry I'm late." I hear the voice that is music to my ears, throwing the tea towel over my shoulder and leaning up against the kitchen door frame, watching as Carla enters with the pushchair.

"Daddy." Alfie points, immediately rocking in his pushchair excitedly at my appearance.

"Oh Alfie two seconds let me take my shoes off." Carla groans, and I take he liberty of going over and unstrapping him.

"Hi matey." I pick him up, balancing him against me and blowing a raspberry on his tummy as he throws his head back with laughter. Carla watches on, amused for a moment as I meet her gaze. "Hi gorgeous."

"Hi." She kisses me, stroking Alfie's hair momentarily before leaning back against the side of the staircase. "Something smells good."

"Thanks it's my new aftershave." I kiss her neck and she fends me off.

"Well he's going to be hungry because he didn't eat his broccoli and potato."

"Oh dear." I raise my eyebrows at Alfie who looks at me curiously. "Have you been playing up for grandad?"

"He's teething." Carla sighs feeling his forehead. "I did tell Johnny to give him Calpol."

"Do you want some pasta?" I lift him so he is level with my face, widening my mouth excitedly and he pokes my nose. "Pasta?"

"He needs his nappy doing." Carla screws her nose up, flopping down on the sofa.

"Long day?" I kiss the top of her head, lowering Alfie onto the floor where he sits batting a mobile.

"You can say that." She sighs as I sit down next to her, pulling her into me. "Computers were on the blink."

"You should have called me-"

"No." She raises a finger to my lips and I laugh. "You and computers do not mix, Nicholas." Her tone heightens as she watches Alfie bashing the mobile. "Alfie Tilsley, you will break it."

"He's like me with computers."

"Mm." She tilts her head to the side, before clapping her hands. "Right, Mr, nappy time."

"I'll do it." I volunteer and she pulls on my t-shirt for a moment, kissing me.

"Train. Train." Alfie interrupts us, jabbing my leg with it as I pull away, raising my eyebrows at him. "Train. Train."

"Yes Alfie, train." Carla nods as he continues to repeat it and she leans her head into my shoulder. "I blame Roy."

"And?" I hold up the toy car and he looks at me inquisitively. "Beep beep."

"Beep beep." He repeats, reaching his hand out.

"No, what is it?" I question him and he eyes it up. "Car."

"Tar." He grabs it from my grip.

"C-ar." I try to spell out, as Alfie toddles away unsteadily. He had recently started walking about two months ago, and was now making every effort to get everywhere. Therefore, much to Carla's dislike, the whole house had been equipped with baby gates and locks.

"You're clearly a boring teacher." Carla nudges me and I put my arm around her as she leans back into me. "Thank God it's Friday."

"Why don't I run you a bath?" I massage her scalp and she closes her eyes. "I'll get Alfie fed and changed and then you fed and... Unchanged."

"Stop that." She narrows her eyes, before kissing me again. "My prince, I love you."

* * *

"Alfie's shoes." I hear Carla tell him enthusiastically, as I reach the bottom of the stairs, where she is lacing his boots up. "Oh, darlin' will you pass me those wipes?"

"Yep." I pat them lightly off the top of her head before they fall into her lap and she raises her eyebrows at me, wiping Alfie's mouth. "Sarah not here yet?"

"No but-" She begins, as the doorbell sounds. "Ah, psychic."

"Yeah well I hope that's her, and not Gina trying to sell us her second hand clothes again."

"Oh don't even get me started." She groans, lowering Alfie onto the floor as I open the door to reveal Sarah, hand linked with Harry's.

"Hi, sorry I'd have sent him with David and Shona but Bethany's now insistent on coming so there's not room in their car." She greets us, as Harry comes over to Alfie. "Thanks so much for this, I've got to be in work in five minutes."

"Hold up, Bethany's coming to the zoo?" Carla asks, surprised.

"Hi." She swings around the door, as Sarah faffs in her handbag.

"Uh, here's some money, get them a burger or something."

"Oh don't worry about it, I've made a picnic." Carla assures her and I can't help feeling slightly proud.

"Is that all healthy food?" Harry screws his nose up, as Carla ruffles his hair.

"Not if you behave yourself." She tells him and he goes back to playing with Alfie's cars.

"Thank you so much." Sarah says again. "Uh, David and Shona have just left."

"Right, come on then kids." I clap my hands, as Harry jumps up, following Bethany outside, and Carla picks Alfie back up. I unlock the Range Rover, strapping Harry into his car seat, as Carla does the same with Alfie, Bethany climbing in afterwards. "Got everything?" I check as Carla takes a seat next to me, quickly scanning her bag.

"Well if we haven't, regrets are pointless." She shrugs and I smile slightly as I pull away.

 **Carla**

"Harry don't run off." I call and he roots himself to the spot obediently. "So, how's it going, working with Roy?"

"Oh, well I'm getting a full education." Shona explains, as Lily clings onto her hand. "Yesterday I learnt all about deciduous trees. Did you know there's more than six hundred species of oak trees alone?"

"Oh I'm yawning already, bless him." I fold my arms, watching at where David and Nick were deep in discussion by the porcupines, Alfie in Nick's arms.

"Auntie Carla, I'm bored." Max whines, bouncing a football as he comes up behind me.

"Yes ok, we'll have some food." I sigh, calling over to Nick. "Boys, food!"

"Boys?" Nick repeats, staring at me cockily as I stick my tongue out, eyeing up a picnic bench warily before sitting down on it. This was not my kind of place. But over the last year or so I had made a vow to make more of an effort over things I would usually never dream of doing, for the sake of my family. Alfie enjoyed it, and I knew this was all Nick ever wanted, so that equalled my happiness.

"Bethany chuck us that bag." I point to the one she had offered to carry, as she lowers her phone from her ear after hanging up the call. "Craig?"

"No, Bakers." She informs me, as I begin unpacking the picnic I had brought.

"Oh, don't tell me there's a problem with the order?" I groan, pausing momentarily over a tub of salad sticks, as the summer sun beats down on us.

"No, the opposite. They just want double as much for next time."

"Ooh, excellent." My eyes light up, as Nick pulls the tub off me.

"It's a Saturday." He reminds us, holding a carrot stick out to Alfie, who reaches for it. "Carrot."

"Nick don't torture the poor child." I whip one out, passing it to Alfie who begins to naw on it.

"Do you want him to learn his vocabulary or not?"

"It's a Saturday." I repeat and he flashes me a sarcastic smile.

"Come on David." Shona kicks him under the table and he frowns at her. "Get ours out, I'm starving."

"You've got ours." David prompts her and her eyes widen.

"No I haven't."

"Yes you have."

"Oh for God's sake." She exclaims.

"Oh for God's sake." Harry repeats, slamming his hand on the table the same way she had and she looks shocked for a moment.

"Uh, no." She points a finger at him, as he helps himself to one of the sandwiches I had laid out.

"Oh, you may as well get stuck in." I offer them around. "I brought extra in case you needed it anyway."

"Very adaptable." Nick looks impressed, opening a yogurt for Alfie as we exchange a subtle smile.

"Yog." Alfie points excitedly, as I pass a bib to Nick, who secures it around his neck.

* * *

"Who do you think would win, in a fight?" Shona tilts her head to the side, observing where Nick and David were kicking a ball around with Harry and Max. Alfie was sat in my lap, patting a texture book, as we sit on the picnic rug next to where Lily was lying against Shona, Bethany cross legged by their side.

"Nick, obviously." Bethany looks up from her phone momentarily to study them.

"Yeah but Nick's a puppy underneath." I remind them. "I mean David's got more of a... 'Fight me' kind of attitude."

"Ah it's all front." Shona shrugs. "They've had their scraps anyway."

"I was going to say, I think we already know the answer to that question." Bethany adds, as Lily passes her daisy chain to me.

"For you." She smiles proudly and I can't help feeling touched at the gesture.

"Oh sweetheart it's beautiful." I admire, sliding it over my hand so it falls lightly against my wrist. "I tell you what, you're better at it than me."

"And she doesn't admit that often." Bethany inserts and I narrow my eyes at her playfully.

"There's no more flowers." Lily scans the area around the blanket.

"Well, shall we go and find some to bring back?" Shona offers and she nods as they stand up, heading over to a tree a few metres away. I look on at the scene in front of me contently for a moment, Nick with Harry on his shoulders as he kicks the ball around, allowing Max to tackle him for the benefit of his happiness.

"All worked out, didn't it?" Bethany's voice cuts through the silence gently and I turn to face her, weaving my fingers through Alfie's hair absentmindedly.

"Yeah... It did." I muse, smiling as I do so. "Until the next drama comes along."

"You've managed a year." She prompts me, tapping something out on her phone before putting it down and laying back. "Without anything going wrong."

"Don't tempt fate." I warn her and she rolls her eyes. "What?"

"Let yourself be happy." She tells me and I go quiet for a moment, dwelling on her words.

"I am." I assure her and she looks pleased at this, before I nudge her with my foot. "Anyway, when did you turn into my counsellor? How's Craig?"

"Another thing which hasn't gone dramatically wrong."

"Well he's a good guy. Why would it go wrong?" I ask and she just shrugs, as I study her for a moment. "You're not back at the club again?"

"No, I'm not." She says with that same tone she uses when I knew she was being sincere. We had a minor rocky patch last summer, when Bethany told me she was working at a lap dance club alongside her job at Underworld. Not because she had any doubts about it, but because she was being taxed for having both jobs. After a short while, a team of us had convinced her to give it up, and she was back working with me full time again.

"Good." I just smile, as Alfie pushes himself up, going over to her as she greets him.

"Hello." Bethany cradles him in her arms for a moment, blowing raspberries on his stomach and he giggles excitedly. I lie back, closing my eyes momentarily as a warm, orange beam of light shines against them, causing the corners of my mouth to turn upwards. I was so content.

 **Nick**

"Hey!" Michelle claps excitedly, reaching her arms out to Alfie, who's eyes immediately light up at the sight of her. He adored Michelle. She was one of his favourite people and she looked after him regularly. One of the best things at this stage, was the support and family we had around us to help out with Alfie if needed. If anything, there were people queuing to do so, so we were never short of a babysitter.

"Chelle-Chelle." He bounces up and down in his pushchair as she scoops him up, holding him against her for a moment.

"So is everything under preparation for Saturday?" I flop down on her sofa, as she sticks the kettle on.

"Yeah, think so." She allows Alfie to play with her hair, balancing him against her hip. "Let's hope it goes smoothly."

"It will." I reassure her, knowing she was nervous for her long-awaited wedding to Robert. Therefore, I somehow wound up being best man, as he was very limited in his list of friends, and Carla, obviously, was maid of honour again. So we had basically been planning the structure of the wedding for them, trying to cram speech writing in, in between work, Alfie and bed.

"Any idea what Carla's doing for the hen-night?" She begins stuffing things in her handbag, still holding Alfie on one hip.

"Maybe." I hint. "But I'm not telling you."

"Well what are you doing for Robert?" She continues, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

"I'm not telling you that either." I laugh, grabbing the pushchair. "Come on, let's get out of here before it rains."

* * *

"At least you know you're destined for good cooking the rest of your life." I point out and she raises her eyebrows at me.

"You make it sound as if you're trying to scrape together positives." She continues to push Alfie in the swing. "He's your best mate, you should be bigging him up."

"I think you've learnt enough about him without my persuasion." I laugh gently, leaning back against the railings. "Alfie, do you want an ice cream?" I ask, and he looks at me inquisitively.

"Ice cream?" Michelle holds up her key ring and he claps his hands excitedly, as she lifts him out the swing.

"See, that's useful, you need a picture for everything to carry around with you." I begin to guide the pushchair towards the van.

"Ok just let me ask one thing." Michelle narrows her eyes as she carries Alfie along and I groan playfully. "You're not going to get too drunk?"

"That's not asking me, that's telling me, in the form of a question." I laugh and she shoots me a look. "Ok, ok, we'll try not to get too drunk."

"The wedding is the next day." She reminds me, as if I wasn't aware.

"If anyone's getting too drunk, it's you, with what she's planned."

"Why what's she planned?"

"Michelle!"

"Alright I'll stop." She smiles slightly, before sitting down on a patch of grass, Alfie crawling around her. He pushes himself up onto his feet, running into her arms as she cheers, hugging him for a moment.

"I'll get the ice cream then."

"Yeah get me a Mr Whippy." She says absentmindedly. "Actually don't, wedding diet and all that."

"Wedding diet." I scoff, shaking my head at her and she sticks her tongue out as I walk off.

 **Carla**

"Hi sweetheart." I hear the front door close and stir the pan on the hob, flicking my head around.

"Hi, how was the park with Auntie Chelle?" I call back, as the scent of Nick's aftershave graces my sinuses, as he passes to put Alfie into the high chair.

"Good." I feel his arms wrap around my waist, smoothing my hair away so he can kiss my neck. "And then we went to toddler time afterwards."

"Oh I bet that was great fun." I laugh sarcastically, knowing how much I hated that cheesy music group, but somehow, Michelle could bear it.

"Well he enjoyed it." He murmurs into my neck and I smile to myself, absorbing the motion of his hand gliding up my arm lovingly. "How was work?"

"Oh I hardly did anything all day." I spin around and he raises his eyebrows. "Well I tell a lie, I've been on the phone to suppliers whilst sorting decorations for Friday."

"Carla Tilsley, you mean to say that I have been slaving away all day and you have been-"

"Uh, Michelle's hen-night planning is a very difficult task, thank you." I raise a finger to his lips. "Besides, like sitting around eating ice cream is 'slaving away'."

"Looking after our son." He reminds me and I tilt my head to the side.

"He's better behaved than you." I giggle, before turning my head to see him shaking a rattle excitedly. "And I haven't said hello yet." I coo, as I hold my arms out, picking him up and spinning around before kissing his nose. "Did daddy behave today?"

"Dadda." He repeats. "Cweam."

"Ice cream?" I beam at him, flicking my head around to where Nick was staring at us adoringly. "He'll be grassing you up soon."

"Do you want some dinner Alf?" Nick asks, as I sit him back down in the high chair, taking the bowl out of the microwave and putting it down in front of him. "Oh that looks yummy."

"Yeah until he eats it." I flash him a smile, despite the fact my cooking had vastly improved over the last few months. I was finally getting a grip on recipes and techniques, much to my amazement. Nick goes over to stir the pan on the hob, as I sit down opposite Alfie, cutting up the food in the bowl as he reaches for it excitedly. "Chicken." I narrate, but he is too busy stuffing it in his mouth. "So did Chelle have anything interesting to say?"

"Just lectures on what not to do on Friday." Nick replies, sitting down next to me as I rest my head on his shoulder, watching Alfie munch on the food in front of him. My phone beeps and I reach for it, scanning the message from Michelle.

"Speak of the devil." I sigh, trying to absorb the words on the screen. "Dress fitting tomorrow."

"Haha." Nick nudges me playfully and I raise my eyebrows.

"And you have got to help Robert with his speech." I wave the phone in his face and he groans, rolling his eyes. "Haha."

"Well Michelle's already had the dress fitted." He remembers. "Twice."

"Yeah but she had those amendments done, didn't she?" I quickly type out a response, looking up at a splattering sound. "Oh Alfie, in the bowl. Daddy cleaned this floor this morning."

"Daddada." He points, before picking his cup up and drinking from it.

"You helped daddy with the cleaning this morning, didn't you?" Nick looks impressed and I put my phone down, sliding it away from me. "You were using the cloth to wipe the cupboards."

"He did what?" I laugh, as he pulls a video up on his phone, and I study it, watching Alfie with a yellow cloth in his hand, toddling around and clearly copying what Nick had been doing prior to the moment. "Oh that's amazing." I try not to well up, as I do every time he does something new. "You don't follow after mummy on that one." I look up momentarily to where Alfie is watching my reaction, as if knowing he was the reason I was getting emotional.

"You ok?" Nick kisses the side of my head and I nod, as Nick appears in the video, waving at the camera.

"Alfie say hello to mummy." I hear him say.

"Heyyo." Alfie repeats, waving the cloth excitedly.

"Are you cleaning?" He continues, as Alfie starts to clean the floor with it. "Are you making the house all nice and clean for her?" He continues and Alfie nods. "Yeah?"

"Nick we're playing this at his eighteenth." I turn my head to face him as the video ends, passing his phone back. "You're both so cute." I kiss his cheek, before ruffling Alfie's hair and lightening my voice. "You're cute." I kiss Alfie's nose. "Mummy loves you."

 **Nick**

"We've limited it to one bottle a night and one a morning." I tell mum, leaning up against the door frame in the living room of her house. "So, if he asks for more, just give him his dummy."

"Dum." Alfie picks up and I lean down as he runs towards me.

"You be good for grandma." I kiss his head, giving him a quick hug. "Daddy will be back tomorrow morning. Ok?"

"Have a good night." Mum beams, as she tips a bag of toys out for him. "I'll have him dressed for when you come round so you won't need to worry about that."

"Thank you." I nod appreciatively before leaving, pacing down the street before I reach the house. "Ok, all sorted... Wow."

"Hm?" Carla turns around from where she was looking in the mirror and I bite my lip for a moment, taking in the short blue dress she was wearing.

"Can we just skip tonight and we'll make the most of this child-free house?" I suggest, eyeing her up and she slowly struts over to me.

"Oh yeah because that would go down really well." She whispers seductively, leaning in to kiss me as an arm winds around my neck. "I feel like it's us getting married; not seeing you again until we're at the altar."

"I'm quite glad it's not." I laugh and she tilts her head to the side, agreeing with me. "Come on, we better go before... We don't go at all."

"Control yourself, Tilsley." She nudges me as she glides past and I check her out again before she raises her eyebrows, pulling me towards the front door.

 **Carla**

"Here she is!" I clap my hands as Michelle enters the champagne bar, her eyes scanning the neon lights that brightly decorate the room.

"Wow." She observes. "You don't do things by halves."

"I thought you'd have learnt that by now." I hug her, kissing her lightly on the cheek before passing her a glass of champagne. "Only the best for my best friend."

"Ah." She takes a sip, studying the guests who were milling around. "Well, I need this after what I've just found out; Steve's going to the stag do."

"Well... With all due respect, Robert hasn't really got many friends has he? I mean-"

"Carla! He's got loads of friends."

"...Name one aside from Nick?" I narrow my eyes.

"Zeedan." She inputs and I nod, waiting for further listing, as she stutters a little. "...Aidan... Me."

"Hey!" Kate comes over to us excitedly, clearly already a bit tipsy, as Maria and Rana follow. She drapes a sash around Michelle's shoulders, equipped with a large learner badge. "Here you go."

"Oh... Don't you think that's a bit tacky?" I pull a face. "For a place like this?"

"She's got to wear a learner badge on her hen night."

"I'm not really a learner though." Michelle points out, keeping it on all the same.

"I'll be your teacher." I nudge her and she pulls a face.

"I don't think I'd want you to teach me, with your track record."

"Oi you!" I snap, passing her a shot from the bar. "I'm doing ok this time around."

"Yeah you are." She admits, glancing down at the purple liquid in my hand. "What even is that?"

"Does it matter? It's your hen night?" I point out and she hesitates. "It's your last night of freedom."

"Yeah and it'll be my last night at all if I start drinking dodgy stuff like that."

"Oh it's a posh bar, they're not gonna give out 'dodgy stuff'." I push it towards her and she sighs, downing it in one and wincing. "That's my girl. Let's get this party started."

 **Nick**

"Ring of fire." Zeedan begins to explain and I give Robert a confused glance, as we all sit around a table. "Who knows how to play?"

"Is it like spin the bottle?" David observes. "Because if so you and Aidan are the only single ones here."

"Oh I don't know, me and Rosie are quite hands on at the moment." Aidan inserts and I try to prevent myself from spitting my drink out at the idea.

"Rosie Webster?" I glance at Johnny, who looks equally as shocked. "Does Carla know about this?"

"No, because she'd rip me to shreds." He snatches the phone out of my hand and I laugh, taking another sip of my beer.

"That's a risky bet, mate." Imran finishes laying the cards out. "I dated her for a few months, it's draining."

"And Gemma isn't draining?" Robert points out, and Imran shrugs for a moment.

"Well, which women aren't?" He asks and there's a few mutters.

"Shona's not." David speaks up. "It's like being in love with your best mate, you know? She 'gets' the banter."

"Yeah I suppose Carla's not-"

"Carla's the worst of the lot." Aidan laughs and I roll my eyes, smiling at the thought.

"Yeah, I mean, I don't know her all that well but she seems quite high-maintenance." Imran adds and I shrug in agreement.

"And she's expensive." Steve pipes up and I point to him.

"Look at you chiming in, you're the one with Tracy Barlow!"

"Yeah he's got a point Steve." Robert agrees. "I mean, I know we did swapsies and everything but I'd like to think I know who got the better end of that deal."

"Tracy's not _that_ bad." Steve tries to justify, followed by an array of unconvinced looks. "I mean... Yeah she can fly off the handle and... Yeah everyone sort of hates her... And yes I do have to paint her toenails every Friday-"

"And _yeah_ she has staved someone's head in." David finishes. "Amongst other things."

"Hold on, you have to paint her toenails?" I repeat, holding back laughter. "And people say Carla's high-maintenance."

"Oh I used to hate doing that." Robert screws his nose up at the thought. "Pastel pink or floral yellow?"

"Oh it's moved on to magnificent maroon now." Steve begins, noticing the expressions on our faces. "Yes, I know the names."

"But Michelle." I point my bottle towards Robert, diverting the subject from Tracy's toenails.

"Yeah, you've got yourself a cracker there." Tyrone speaks up and there's a few mumbles in agreement.

"Yeah she's pretty special." Robert nods, almost talking to himself, meeting Barry's gaze. "And I promise, I'm not going to mess up again. I'll look after her."

"You'd better." Barry winks at him, clinking his glass against his. "Anyway, I want to learn how to play whatever the hell this is."

 **Carla**

"Honestly, enjoy the younger years while you can." Maria continues to rant, swaying her glass on the surface precariously. "Because when they get a lip on them, that's it."

"You're really selling it to me." I reply, taking a sip from my glass. "He's doing ok at school though?"

"Oh I think so." Maria continues. "You can never know with these things. I mean the teachers seem lovely to your face, but you never know what they're really thinking about your child."

"Well Alfie's nursery teachers all seem nice." I reply worriedly, wondering why I was discussing parenting yet again, even at a hen-do.

"Oh yeah they do. You never know, it could be him who's screaming the place down every sleep time, who spits his food back out and they're just praying you're the first parent coming to pick him up at the end of the day." She relays and I swallow. "You know, cheering when he leaves."

"...Great." I raise my eyebrows, as she drains her glass.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that he is." She covers, noticing the look on my face. "I mean... I'm sure he's not... I'm just drunk."

"Yeah I can tell." I observe, pulling her glass away from her. "Look, I went through this whole thing with Simon, didn't I? It blows over, trust me. It's all part of being young and gobby, you think you can take on the world, when you get that smidgen of independence. I know I was there once."

"Yeah... Oh God, sorry. Sorry." She suddenly stresses, looking at me apologetically. "Ignore me, banging on and boring you."

"Don't be silly, it's important to you." I tap her arm, and she smiles appreciatively, as a pair of hands fly over my eyes.

"Guess who?" I hear Kate's voice and I pull them off me.

"My rather tipsy little sister?" I assume, spinning my chair around to face where Rana has her arms draped around her shoulders. "Where's Chelle?"

"Talking to Jenny and Helen about when dad lost the rings at her and Barry's wedding." Kate tells me and I glance over.

"Ugh, even I've heard that story about five times. She must be bored stiff."

"I might become a lesbian." Maria squints at Rana, and Kate looks slightly protective for a moment. "There's all sorts of perks."

"...Like?" Rana narrows her eyes.

"Like you both get to go to hen nights together." Maria lists. "And you can use the same bathroom."

"How is that a perk?" I frown, and Kate shrugs.

"And you'd take it in turns to change the bed sheets because no man I've ever been with changes the bed sheets."

"Nick changes the bed sheets."

"Oh Nick would." Kate scoffs and I kick her playfully.

"Well... He never did that when I was with him." Maria sounds slightly disheartened.

"Must be my super powers." I shrug, finishing off my drink. "Besides, you were practically kids, his ego was too big for laundry back then."

"I won't argue with that." Maria taps the granite surface, as the barman approaches us. "More drinks."

"...Any particular kind?" His gaze shifts between the four of us.

"Shots." Maria decides, as I shake my head and she turns to look at me. "Carla, this is one of the only nights you get off from childcare a year, make the most of it."

"...Shots it is."

 **Nick**

"I think I'm drunk." Robert practically sings as we stumble down Deansgate Locks, passing all the bars we had already made an appearance in.

"Well not too drunk I hope." Aidan manages to babble, as he drops the bottle in his hand, hearing it smash and reacting with a laugh. "You've got to get married tomorrow... Well... Today... What day is it?"

"Have I?" Robert frowns, leaning back against the wall, studying the few of us that remained; Steve, Aidan, David and me. "Nick, have I got to get married today?"

"Uh... No." I frown, glancing at David. "I think it's tomorrow... Or the day after."

"Well I dunno." Aidan just shrugs, blowing a raspberry as he slips down the railings, resting his head on them for a moment. "We need more drinks."

"We've been kicked out of everywhere along here." David points out, as a plane drifts by overhead and we all stare up at it.

"We need to go somewhere they don't know us." Steve ponders and I close my eyes, trying to steady the pounding in my head. "Any ideas? Because I've got one."

* * *

 **Carla**

"Nick. Finally." I snap, pressing receive on my phone and stepping out of Michelle's flat. "Where the hell are you? I had Gail on the phone this morning to say you hadn't picked Alfie up. Nobody has heard anything from Robert, he's getting married in a few hours."

"Uh... Yeah I don't know." I hear Nick mumble weakly on the other end of the line and I go cold for a moment.

"You don't know?" I hiss. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"Because... Uh..." He stutters and I wait for the punchline. "We're in Ireland."

* * *

 _ **A/N: Thank you so much for your patience, if you'd like to leave a review to let me know what you think, it would be much appreciated! Hannah x**_


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57:**

 _ **A/N: So, this is a bit more of a comical chapter(s), and I'm going to split it into two, because this one was getting rather long. I hope you enjoy the slight change, it's been interesting to write something more lighthearted for a while. Thanks for all your lovely reviews!**_

 **7.17am**

 **Carla**

"Ok I'm up." The door to Michelle's spare bedroom opens and a beam of light casts its way across my partially rested eyelids. "Let's get married."

"What? Me and you?" I groan sleepily as I prop myself up against the pillows, and she climbs into bed next to me.

"Hm, don't tempt me." She flashes me a smile. "That would make everything simpler."

"We wouldn't last five minutes." I smirk and she looks slightly offended at this.

"Yes we would!" She exclaims. "I'd be a brilliant wife."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't." I nudge her and she picks my phone up from the side.

"Ugh, you've had nothing from Nick either." She studies it and I take it from her grip. "They'd better not be hungover."

"They won't be." I assure her. "I put Nick in charge of that... And then I put Aidan in charge of making sure Nick sticks to it." I type out a message to him. "Trust me, everything is going to go to plan. Don't worry."

 **8.44am**

 **Nick**

A sharp pain seers through my head as I regain consciousness, taking note of the damp patch by my mouth, which I am relieved to establish is drool and not vomit. My eyes reluctantly open, hard floor boards beneath me, contributing to the dull ache that was pounding within my skull. I groan sleepily, rolling over to a burst of pins and needles prickling down my left arm. I finally adjust my vision, blurred white light dancing before me, before I see a bed, a wardrobe, a bathroom door, the faint sound of water running from behind it.

I wriggle my toes, one foot encased within a shoe, the other completely bare. I try to run over any events of last night. Empty bottles, blasting music, the very attractive waitress who's roots needed topping up. David had told her, I guess that's what got us kicked out of that bar. Stumbling down the locks, looking for somewhere else to get smashed... Where did we get smashed? I didn't know where we'd ended up, but it had influenced a dream about us getting a last minute flight to God knows where. Scanning the destinations board for-

"Shit!" I sit bolt upright, the drumming of the water getting louder as I take in my surroundings properly. There is a groan from the bed, as David sits himself up, frowning as he also scans the small, tacky bedroom we had somehow made a home in. "Where the hell are we?"

"...The flat above the kebab shop?" David guesses, before turning his head to notice Steve, snoring next to him. "What the hell?"

"Shh." Steve slaps him gently, clearly still half asleep. "Tracy it's too early."

"I'm not Tracy!" David yells and Steve eventually regains consciousness, slowly peering around to see him and moving away abruptly.

"David?" He stresses, tapping himself down to check he was wearing clothes, as David pulls a face. "I did think that was a bit of a dodgy new perfume."

"Aidan?" I kick his static, topless body and he grunts in response, wriggling away from me for a moment. "Aidan, wake up."

"What?" He moans, sitting himself up against the wardrobe, his eyes still glued shut, as my eyes fall to his chest, just above his right nipple.

"Oh my God." David bursts into laughter and Aidan turns his head in his direction, looking confused at his reaction. "When did that happen?"

"What?" Aidan glances at me, and I point to his chest, where Rosie's name was tattooed across a portrait of her face. He slowly looks down, his face a scene of horror as he absorbs it, standing up and kicking the wardrobe. "No! No!"

"Join the club." David taps the tattoo on his shoulder. "At least yours is still alive."

"When?" Aidan stresses, looking at me for some kind of explanation and I ignore him, pulling myself up with great difficulty.

"Where's Robert, more importantly?" I begin, as the bathroom door opens and he emerges, towel wrapped around his waist.

"Ugh, my head is banging." He winces, watching the array of faces staring back at him. "What's going on?"

"...Well, that's exactly what I was about to ask you." I snap. "You are aware you're supposed to be getting married today?"

"Oh, it is today then?" Aidan remembers, pausing for a moment before his eyes go wide. "Oh my God."

"What?" Robert frowns, as everyone else catches on. "...I am still getting married, aren't I? Michelle hasn't dumped me overnight?"

"Oh, well if she hasn't, she will have by the end of the day." I tell him and a look of confusion crosses his face. "Unless we can make it across the Irish sea by four pm."

"The Irish..." Robert trails off, as I throw the curtains open and everyone gathers around me, studying the view in front of them.

"...Welcome to Ireland."

 **9.01am**

 **Carla**

"Oi!" I hear an unwelcome shout, as I head towards Gail's house. I was hoping not to be stopped, because my intentions of not leaving Michelle's flat until the wedding had been flawed, when Gail had text to say Nick hadn't picked Alfie up. Therefore, I was dressed in Michelle's tracksuit, with my wedding hair half done by Maria, and no makeup on. As a result, Tracy Barlow was the last person I wanted to engage with at a time like this.

"What?" I groan, as she looks me up and down. "Yes, I look disgusting. What's your point?"

"Have you heard from Nick?" She demands, but softer than usual. We tried to avoid each other as much as possible, but bumping into each other in the street was a common occurrence and so the act of 'being civil' was one we had both tried to adhere to. "I've tried phoning Steve about twenty times."

"No, nothing." I admit. "And Michelle hasn't heard from Robert. So my bet is that they're all still sleeping their hangover off. I guess that's the good thing about being the groom, you need very little preparation time in comparison."

"Right." She just nods in response, as surprised as me at my desire to make conversation, which I was now putting down to last night's vodka shots. "Well if you do hear anything..."

"Well they're supposedly round at Steve's flat." I tell her, which clearly she hadn't been aware of. "I've checked the house and there's no sign so, either they've gone there or got a hotel in town... Look I've got to go, Nick was supposed to be picking Alfie up, so I've had her on the line for about fifteen minutes."

"Ok... Have fun." She says with lacked enthusiasm and I just force a smile as I head towards the house, opening the door without knocking.

"Hi, I'm so sorry." I enter of my own accord, Lily waving at me excitedly from where she was colouring in her book on the carpet.

"Hi Auntie Carla." Max drones, his gaze fixated on the television. Wow, he was turning into David.

"Hi sweetie." I have time to say before Gail rounds the corner and Alfie comes into view in her arms, his eyes immediately lighting up when he sees me.

"Mumma!" He shouts, holding out his arms and I take him from Gail, kissing his hair affectionately.

"Hey sweetheart, have you been a good boy?" I cuddle him close to my chest for a moment before addressing Gail. "I'm so sorry, I don't know where Nick is."

"Carla? Have you heard from Nick?" Shona comes running down the stairs, having not heard the end of my last sentence. "I can't get hold of David."

"Really? You neither?" I sigh, beginning to get slightly worried that nobody had heard anything from the stags since yesterday evening. "Tracy said Steve hasn't been in contact, and Michelle's had nothing from Robert."

"...You do think they're ok?" Gail begins to stress. "I've tried Nick and David several times."

"They'll be fine." I try to reassure myself as much as them. "One too many pints I reckon." I move my head to face Alfie, bouncing him on my hip. "Daddy's in trouble when I get my hands on him."

"Dadda." Alfie repeats and I kiss the top of his head, breathing in his scent.

"Has he been ok?"

"An angel as always." Gail beams. "I think he's my best behaved grandchild."

"Hey!" Lily shouts from the floor, before going back to her colouring.

"He's eaten well, he slept through." She lists. "He's had both his bottles of milk. Haven't you?" She tickles his chin and he laughs excitedly. "So we've just had a bath this morning and got changed into this fancy outfit."

"You look very smart." I humour her, as I study the shirt he was wearing which co-ordinated with Nick's. "Right, Auntie Chelle will be wondering where we are. I've left Maria doing her hair, trying to calm her nerves over the Robert situation."

"Well, let's hope they pull their act together in time." Shona drums her fingers against her phone and I nod in response, before heading towards the door, grabbing the bag of Alfie's stuff as I do so.

"Yeah, they'd better." I mumble under my breath.

 **9.26am**

"Hi!" The door opens and an excited Kate enters, bottle of champagne in hand. "Who wants some fizz?"

"Already?" I raise my eyebrows, continuing to hold the box that Alfie is pushing cubes into, where we are sat cross legged on the carpet. "Don't you get hangovers?"

"Ah, I wasn't that bad." Kate shrugs, before studying Michelle. "What's with your face? You look like you're about to be convicted, not married."

"We haven't heard from the boys." I explain, and Kate's gaze shifts to the clock.

"I told her it'll all be fine." Maria pipes up with her reassurance. "You're not supposed to hear from the groom on the morning of your wedding, anyway. Maybe he's keeping it traditional."

"Oh yeah? And is Nick trying to keep it traditional as well?" Michelle prompts us. "Or David? Or Steve?"

"I shouldn't have told you that part, should I?" I respond and she sighs, putting her head in her hands.

"Uh, uh, careful." Maria faffs and Michelle rolls her eyes as she sits back in place.

"Even Johnny said that when he left them they seemed pretty drunk."

"Well, Johnny says... Stupid things." I try to cover, wincing at Kate.

"I've tried contacting Aidan about five times." She continues, and I leave Alfie to play, going to kneel down in front of Michelle, taking her hands in mine.

"Listen, babe. Everything's going to be fine." I assure her, although the confidence in my words was gradually dissipating in my mind as I say it. "It's just blokes. He'll be waiting at that altar. Alright?"

"If you say so." She sighs and I nod, as my phone goes off and I practically jump up.

"Ey! There you go." I paint a smile on my face and she looks relieved for a moment, as I hesitate, glancing at Alfie. "Watch him, will you?" I ask Maria and she nods, as I try to ignore Michelle's attempts to draw me back.

"Nick. Finally." I snap, pressing receive on my phone and stepping out of Michelle's flat. "Where the hell are you? I had Gail on the phone this morning to say you hadn't picked Alfie up. Nobody has heard anything from Robert, he's getting married in a few hours."

"Uh... Yeah I don't know." I hear Nick mumble weakly on the other end of the line and I go cold for a moment.

"You don't know?" I hiss. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"Because... Uh..." He stutters and I wait for the punchline. "We're in Ireland."

"...Excuse me?" I respond after a long pause, and it goes very quiet on the other end of the line. "Please tell me you're joking."

"...No." He just replies and I try to adjust some kind of response, my eyes darting around the hallway.

"Ireland?" I hiss, trying to keep my voice hushed. "How the hell have you ended up there?"

"Well I wish I knew myself babe, I just-" He begins, before there are a few exchanged mumbles on his end. "...No, it's Carla. I don't know."

"Nick!" I snap, trying to grab his attention back.

"Well have you looked at the-" He continues and I roll my eyes, virtually pulling my hair out in frustration. "Hold on a second babe, Steve, talk to Carla."

"No, I don't want to talk to Steve!"

"Hello."

"Steve!" I exclaim angrily. "Where the hell are you?"

"Uh... Ireland." He just mutters in response.

"Where in Ireland?" I continue to pester and he goes quiet for a moment.

"I think Belgium."

"Belgium?" I try to stop myself from shouting, almost spitting the words out as the flat door opens and I freeze, before seeing Kate's anxious expression. "Belgium? Please tell me you mean Belfast?"

"Uh..." He pauses, muttering something to somebody else and I resist the urge to kick the wall.

"What's going on?" Kate whispers and I shake my head furiously, which she looks worried at.

"Yeah, Belfast, sorry." He apologises and I close my eyes momentarily before grabbing Kate's hand, dragging her further down the corridor and putting the phone on speaker.

"They're in Ireland." I tell her and Kate's eyes widen, as I turn back to the phone. "You do realise Tracy's going to kill you? She said she's tried to call you twenty times."

"I'm aware."

"So why are you ignoring her?"

"Because she's going to kill me." He responds, bluntly. "So I'm just extending my death sentence."

"Excellent." I mutter. "Can you put someone with half a brain back on the phone please?"

"Hi babe." Nick's voice becomes apparent again.

"Don't 'hi babe' me." I snap. It was very rare that Nick and I had a row where I was completely in the right, but I must say, I wasn't enjoying it, not in the slightest. "You do realise Michelle is supposed to be getting married in... Six and a half hours." I check my watch. "And her fiancé is in a completely different country, the other side of the Atlantic Ocean!"

"...It's actually the Irish Sea-"

"Nicholas!" I cut him off. "Are you going to get back in time for the wedding? Yes or no? Because if not I need to break the news as soon as possible. Michelle's getting her hair done as we speak."

"We'll try and make it back." Nick replies. "Aidan's searching for flights. They're expensive though, mind."

"I don't care how expensive they are." I assure him. "You just make sure that Robert is stood at the end of that aisle at four pm. Can you do that? As the best man?"

"...Yes." He doesn't sound too convinced, but I cling onto it anyway, hanging up the call and leaning back against the door of another flat.

"...Ireland?" Kate repeats, confusion written into her expression. "Well how on Earth?"

"I don't know Kate." I shake my head, making my way back towards the flat. "I really don't know. But Michelle isn't going to find out. Ok? As far as she's concerned, everything is going to plan."

"So?" She is stood up as soon as I enter the apartment, Alfie on Maria's hip as they both scan our faces.

"Yeah, everything's fine." I lie, convincingly as my face breaks into a smile. "Trust them, they made a 'no phones pact' last night apparently and they've just turned them on again."

"Oh so everything is ok?" Michelle looks relieved and I glance sidewards at Kate.

"Absolutely." I beam. "They're all getting dressed round at Steve's right now."

"Ah." Michelle smiles, as her phone goes off and I swallow anxiously, waiting for her to react to whoever had messaged her. "Ah, it's Robert. 'Sorry for not responding babe. See you in a few hours, love you'."

"That's sweet." Kate chips in and I nod in agreement, as Michelle turns away, looking pleased with herself. I exhale, gazing at Kate worriedly for a moment. "You see, this is why I don't do men." She mutters under her breath. "Useless."

 **9.33am**

 **Nick**

"Right, Carla is dealt with."

"Oh I'm so pleased for you." David mutters sarcastically. "We're all over the moon that you still have a chance of not being single by the end of the day."

"She said she's not going to tell Michelle." I look at Robert and he sighs in relief.

"Right I'll uh, I'll drop her a text." He pulls his phone out. "Put her mind at ease..."

"Yeah, for now." Aidan groans, applying another layer of moisturiser to his tattoo. I don't know where he'd got it, but somehow he seemed to think it would make it miraculously vanish.

"What?" I eye up Robert's expression, who was staring down at his phone.

"Uh... Who does that moisturiser belong to?" Robert looks up, staring at Aidan, and he shrugs.

"I don't know, found it by the bed."

"Well, could it possibly belong to her?" Robert holds his phone up, and I move slightly closer to observe the image on it, of Aidan kissing a blonde woman.

"Oh wow." Steve says out loud, as Robert shoots him a look. "Oh... No."

"So what? He copped off." David sighs, standing up and tilting his head against the wall. "At least you haven't got to try and explain where you've been."

"I thought you said Shona 'gets the banter'." I quote him from last night and he glares at me.

"This isn't exactly banter though, is it?" He snaps. "We're stuck in Ireland, with no recollection of how we got here, and no idea how to get back."

"At least you're not getting married today." Robert points out.

"Yeah and, no offence, don't think that's gonna happen." David finishes and I swallow, putting my head in my hands.

"...Aidan you said you'd found some flights?" I try to infuse some positivity into the scenario.

"Why am I wearing a wedding ring?" Steve suddenly panics, and we all stare at him in shock. He stresses for a moment, before I look down at my finger to notice mine was gone.

"That's mine." I suddenly realise, moving closer to observe it. "Give it back now."

"Hey, maybe you married each other." Robert tries to joke.

"Oh thank God." Steve exclaims and I give him a weird look. "I mean thank God I didn't get married, not... Here you go."

"Thanks." I snatch it from him, slipping it back onto my finger. "Tracy's going to kill you."

"Yes! I know." Steve holds his hands up.

"I mean I'd say that's a metaphor but she's got form for it, so." David adds and Steve glares at him.

"Right, well it doesn't help that we're flying back on a Saturday and at last minute..." Aidan trails off, searching his phone. "Yeah. There's no flights for today."

"Great." Robert exclaims, exasperatedly.

"There's flights for Monday."

"Well Monday's too late isn't it?" He snaps. "Because I'm not getting married on Monday, I'm getting married today... In... Six hours." He checks his watch, looking at me for help.

"Right ok, well... We managed to get a flight last night. There must be something today." I try to reason. "Aidan, phone the airport, explain the situation."

"Why do I have to?" He exclaims. "I'm the only one who hasn't got someone they need to get back for. I could stay here all day."

"Says the guy who's got Rosie Webster's face tattooed on his nipple." David points out and I force back a laugh.

"I'm going to talk to reception." I decide, beginning to approach the door. "See if they have any information about how we got here. Or how we can get back."

"Oh before you do." Steve stops me. "Chuck us those trousers, will you?"

"Oh." Aidan moves away from where he was lying in bed next to him, as I reluctantly throw Steve his trousers. He forces them on, before throwing the covers back and my eyes fall to his ankle.

"Why have you got a luggage tag on your leg?" I point out and a few gazes follow mine.

"I think that may have exceeded the 20kg weight limit." David snickers and Steve throws a pillow at him defensively.

"Well read it, what does it say?" Robert demands, as Steve peels it off.

"It says... Luggage tag." Steve announces and I roll my eyes. "MAN to BFS."

"Brilliant." Robert huffs, as an idea crawls into my head.

"Right, check your pockets, everyone." I pat mine down, before throwing some loose change onto the bed, followed by a receipt from one of the bars in Deansgate, and one of Alfie's dummies.

"I've got a boarding pass." Robert announces and everyone shifts their gazes in his direction. "We got a flight at two seventeen this morning and arrived at three twenty two."

"I've got a receipt from the hotel." Steve waves it around. "Three hundred and-" He begins. "For this dump? I've been ripped off."

"Well it was a last minute booking." I point out.

"You all owe me." Steve shakes his head at it. "Receipt was printed at five forty nine."

"So... What did we do for two and a half hours when we got here?" David contemplates.

"Well _he_ clearly visited the tattoo parlour." Robert points at Aidan. "And then pulled a stripper, whilst he was there."

"You don't _know_ she's a stripper." Aidan narrows his eyes, as Robert pulls the photo back up.

"She's dressed in nurse lingerie." He points out. "And it says... Flares Strip Club on her badge."

"Ok... Maybe she was a stripper." Aidan admits, putting his head in his hands.

"Flares Strip Club?" I repeat, a sickening feeling building in my stomach. "Oh we didn't, really?"

"Maybe don't tell your wife that detail." Aidan points out, looking slightly annoyed at me despite the fact he had evidently accompanied us there.

"I've got... A condom, half a chocolate bar and... Another condom." Aidan throws his things onto the bed and David screws his nose up for a moment, staring at them.

"I've got a receipt for a bank transaction... Made at Flares Strip Club." David announces, before wincing. "Five hundred and twenty pounds?"

"Well the good news is we know where we went." Steve points out and I glare at him.

"That's _good_ news?" I snap, as David waves the paper in the air furiously, staring at Aidan.

"You owe me this money back." He tells him. "This clearly paid for your lap dance and whatever other sides you wanted to add to your order."

"Who said that wasn't for you?" He points at the receipt and David stutters for a moment.

"Look, it's all very well arguing over who weighted the strippers' pockets... Or should I say underwear." I correct myself. "But, the most important issue here is getting home. Ok? I'm going to go and talk to reception, David, come with me. Aidan phone the airport and try to see if there is anything at all leaving today. Make sure you're ready to go for when we get back."

"Who made you boss of the operation?" Robert asks.

"You. When you asked me to be best man." I remind him. "Idiot."

"And don't call it an operation." David adds, as he skulks after me. "It's a flamin' nightmare."

 **9.52am**

 **Carla**

"I hope you've got your speech prepared." Michelle points at me, as I rock Alfie in my arms, watching him drift off to sleep. He needed a nap before the ceremony, otherwise he'd just cry through it. Although knowing my luck he'd do that anyway. Especially if his dad didn't turn up.

"Hi." Johnny slams the door and I raise a finger to my lips as he acknowledges Alfie. "Michelle your parents are downstairs, arguing over buttonholes or something. Carla, where are the-"

"Uh, dad you've got a spider on you." Kate cuts him off and he frowns at her, as I rest Alfie in the travel cot in the corner of the room. "I don't know where it's gone." She pats his suit down and his gaze drifts to me, as I catch Michelle's eye in the mirror.

"Ok but I was just asking Carla if she knows where the-"

"Let's go and look at it in the light." I announce, off the top of my head, and Maria gives me a weird look as I practically push him towards the door. "The light of the hallway."

"Where's the spider?" Johnny faffs with his suit, as I shut the door behind us.

"There isn't one." Kate stops him and he stares at us blankly for a moment.

"Ok will somebody tell me what's going on?" He demands. "Where's Robert? And Nick?"

"They're all in Ireland." I hiss and he pauses, starting to laugh before I shake my head, stopping him abruptly.

"...Ireland?" He repeats in disbelief. "What do you mean, Ireland?"

"Well it's a country, over the sea." I explain sarcastically. "You know, you... _We_ , have family there."

"Yes I know where it is." He snaps. "Why the hell are they in Ireland?"

"Oh don't ask me." I sigh, leaning back against the wall and putting my head in my hands. "They wound up there last night, drunk. You know, you shouldn't have left them."

"They're grown men!"

"Yeah, you'd have thought." I scoff, checking my phone momentarily to see no messages or calls from Nick.

"And Aidan's with them?" He clarifies and Kate nods. "Oh when I see him later."

" _If_ you see him later." Kate reminds him.

"Well, Nick's said they're gonna be back in time." I cling onto the ounce of hope I've got. "So I haven't told Michelle. I don't want to worry her. So don't go telling Helen or Barry either."

"...They're on the other side of the Irish Sea. Five hungover blokes, who can't string one sensible idea together." Johnny raises his eyebrows. "You really think they're going to make it back, suits and all, in time for this wedding to go smoothly?"

 **9.57am**

 **Nick**

"Hi." I reach the reception desk, after a long argument with David in the lift, watching as the woman raises a finger, continuing her phone conversation. I wait for a moment, glancing at David irritatedly, as she starts giggling at whoever was on the other end of the line. "Is that even a business call? Because-"

"Shh." She cuts me off and I roll my eyes, drumming my fingers on the desk impatiently. "Ok, ok darlin', I've got to go, there's some gombeen waiting for service."

"Gombeen?" I repeat, flashing David a look and he shrugs.

"Love you too. Bye bye." She puts the phone down, reluctantly returning her attention to me. "Yes, how can I help you?"

"Uh, hi." I clear my throat. "You remember us? From last night?"

"No." She narrows her eyes, speaking in a thick Irish accent. "We have more than one person on reception. It was my night off."

"Right, ok, excellent." I mutter sarcastically. "Can you find me someone who was working last night then?"

"Gloria?" She calls back, as David nudges me, looking at his phone. "Who was on shift last night?"

"A gombeen." David reads from his phone and I glare at him. "Irish slang for a shady, small-time 'wheeler-dealer' or businessman who is always looking to make a quick profit."

"...Wheeler dealer?" I frown, looking back at the receptionist who clearly isn't showing an interest.

"To be honest, it does sound like you-"

"Not it does not." I cut David off and he smirks to himself.

"I've got seventeen missed calls from Shona."

"Only seventeen?" I stare off into the distance, the drumming of my fingers getting progressively louder. "Think yourself lucky."

"What's going on?" A plump, middle-aged woman with red hair approaches us, placing her hands on her hips.

"Hello." I force a smile, picking up instantly on her displeased, no-nonsense expression. "Were you on reception early this morning?"

"I was." She studies me. "You're the guys with the flag pole."

"...The flag pole?" I repeat. "We brought the English flag with us?"

"No."

"...The Irish flag?" I wince, trying to guess.

"No." She continues. "Just a flag pole."

"Why would we-"

"I don't know." She cuts me off. "And uh, you have the attractive friend. Shaved head. Good dance moves."

"Aidan?" I clock and her face lights up slightly.

"Yeah, Aidan." She nods. "Good kisser."

" _Oh_." David pulls a face.

"Yeah and the guy with the funny hair and the beer belly." She remembers. "He threw up in my hand bag."

"Excellent, well done Steve." I mutter under my breath. "...I am really sorry about that."

"It's alright." She shrugs. "He gave me the money for a new one anyway. It was only from one of those Chinese shops, you know, when you go abroad? Didn't tell him that though."

"Right..." I trail off, trying to calculate exactly how much money we had spent between us last night. "Um, so, we have a small dilemma actually. We need to get home today."

"Yeah we're not actually supposed to be here." David adds. "Only his wife knows, we've got to get home for a wedding at four o'clock."

"Wait, you have a wife?" She stops him and my stomach churns, as she points at me.

"Yes... Why?" I grimace, suddenly stressing even though I knew, no matter how drunk I was, I wouldn't have been unfaithful in any way.

"Oh nothing." She shakes her head, before weighing up whether to say something else. "It's just, I thought you and funny hair guy were, you know..."

"...No, I don't know." I frown, waiting for the punchline.

"Well, together." She finishes and David bursts into laughter as I kick him sharply.

"Me and Steve?" I splutter.

"Well, you did give him your wedding ring." She peers down at my hand. "Which I see he's now returned. Shame, I thought you might seal the deal today."

"No! No." I reply abruptly, listening to David's continuous snickers to himself. "...We didn't..."

"No, you didn't." She rolls her eyes. "What do you think this is? Vegas?"

"Look, can we get home today or can't we?" David intervenes.

"Oh, uh, no." She shakes her head firmly and I close my eyes, gripping the counter as I try to imagine she hadn't said those words. "Well, you probably can't fly home."

"...But?" I stare at her intently.

"Well I mean, there's a boat port not far from here." She tells us, throwing a map down on the desk and circling it in red marker. "That's your best bet."

"Right, yes, this is good." I study the map, figuring out the route.

"Is it?" David raises his eyebrows and I ignore him, as I pull my phone out, briefly acknowledging the missed calls from Carla and mum.

"Can you call us a cab?" I ask and she huffs slightly.

"You've got a phone, haven't you?" She points out and I'm slightly taken-aback for a moment.

"Right... Ok." I snatch the map up. "Thanks for your help."

"Yeah cheers." David begins to head back towards the lift, as I pause, stepping backwards again.

"And uh, the stuff about me and beer belly guy." I cough quietly. "Could you not tell shaved head man because he's sort of my brother-in-law?"

"Are these nicknames going to stick?" She asks and I shrug. "Well make sure they don't. It makes you sound like some pompous boy band."

"Well you came up with them."

"Exactly." She purses her lips, before I feel a hand on my arm.

"Nick." He tugs me away. "Come on."

 **10.01am**

 **Carla**

"Ok hair is done." Maria announces and Michelle beams, posing for a moment as Helen admires the work.

"Ah, you look like a queen." Barry tells her, passing me another glass of champagne as I try to finish my current one.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I raise an eyebrow. "Chelle you look gorgeous."

"Well it's a celebration." Barry taps me on the shoulder, and I glance sideways at Johnny, who is peering at me over his glass. "My little girl is getting married... Again."

"Yeah and this time, I don't want any surprises." Michelle points at me and I freeze for a moment. "No jetting me off on honeymoon straight after the ceremony. If you've got anything up your sleeve, missy, declare it now."

"Um... No." I try to sound bright, as Kate awkwardly coughs, jumping up as the buzzer goes.

"Good." Michelle smiles. "Because I want everything to go smoothly."

"Who's at the door?" I try to divert the subject so I didn't have to blatantly lie to my best friend's face.

"Tracy." She glances worriedly at me and my eyes widen.

"Well what does Tracy want?" I stress, standing up and getting ready to get rid of her.

"Oh it's ok." Michelle stops me. "She's coming over to collect Amy's flowers."

"Amy's flowers?" I frown. "Why does Amy need flowers?"

"Because she's my flower girl." She reminds me, as if it was obvious and I hesitate for a moment.

"Your ex-husbands daughter?" I clarify.

"She's still my step-daughter." She tells me. "Just like Simon is still your step-son. What has gotten into you?"

"Nothing." I smile, trying to warm my expression, as she narrows her eyes playfully, heading past me.

"Tracy, hi." Michelle picks up a bouquet out of the cardboard box on the counter. "These are Amy's."

"Oh yeah." She takes them, as if that wasn't the reason she had come. "Any word?" She looks at me, and a few gazes follow in my direction.

"Sorry?" I mumble, as if I had no clue what she was talking about.

"Any word? From Nick?"

"Uh... Oh, yes. He said Steve's fixed the curtains."

"The curtains?" Tracy looks completely confused, as does Michelle, as I try to elaborate on my excuse. "No I meant-"

"Yes. The curtain that fell down, in Steve's flat." I continue. "Steve's fixed them, no need to worry."

"Well why have they broken the curtains?" Michelle begins, as I widen my eyes at Tracy to signal.

"Oh! Did you need to borrow those tweezers?" I hint at Tracy, grabbing her arm, which she pulls a face at, trying to remove herself from my grip as I drag her towards the bathroom. I lock the door behind us, and she wipes herself down, looking completely disgusted.

"Never touch me again." She says firmly and I roll my eyes.

"They're in Ireland." I hiss, as quietly as I can. "But Michelle doesn't know."

"Ireland?" She almost shouts and I nudge her harshly, which she raises a finger at. "I said don't touch me."

"Then shut up." I cut her off. "They woke up in Ireland, no clue of how they got there. Nobody knows except me and Kate... And Johnny... And now you."

"Oh. Steve's dead."

"Yes well, can you please deal with that between yourselves."

"Well... Where in Ireland?"

"Belfast, apparently." I sigh. "Although Steve seemed to think it was Belgium."

"Oh he's awful at Geography." She shakes her head. "He thought Canada was a state. And, he's still convinced the North Pole is at the bottom of the globe, because 'the Earth is round so there is no top or bottom'."

"Right." I nod slowly. "Well, I know we've got no loyalties to each other but if you could not go blabbing to anybody about this. They've said they'll be back by four."

"And you believe them?" She scoffs. "Steve McDonald and David Platt left to their own devices? They'll be sat in Burger King as we speak, trying to fathom whether swimming across the Irish Sea will get them eaten by sharks. I bet you now."

 **10.25am**

 **Nick**

"We really don't have time for this." I groan, leaning back against the wall in Burger King, as Steve begins picking straws out of the pot on the counter. "Robert's supposed to be getting married in... Five and a half hours."

"Well no one will be doing anything if we don't eat." Steve points out, accepting the large paper bag off the woman on the till. "There we go. You won't be wanting any of my chips then?"

"No, I won't." I assure him, as we meet David, Aidan and Robert outside the building. "Right, any luck?"

"There's a ferry leaving today." David tells me and I sigh with relief.

"Oh that's good." I say, before noticing their expressions. "But..."

"It leaves in an hour." He tells me, and I await the misery he is about to drop on me. "It's an eight hour trip."

"Oh for God's..." I lean back against the wall, the sound of Steve's munching becoming more apparent, and more irritating, as I try to figure out what to do.

"...Anybody want a chip?" He hesitantly offers and I glare at him. "No... Ok."

"If you hadn't demanded we took the detour to get your flamin' burger, we might have been able to get an earlier ship." Robert tells Steve angrily, and his mouth drops open.

"Well hang on a moment." Steve replies, defensively. "Maybe you shouldn't have had your stag night, the day before your wedding."

"Or maybe, you shouldn't have come up with the idea of jetting off to Ireland in the first place!" Robert retorts. "Then I'd be at home, getting ready for my wedding. I tell you what, if this ship needs an anchor, we're sacrificing you."

"Who said this was my idea?" Steve exclaims.

"It _was_ your idea Steve." David intervenes and I nod slowly.

"Well... He copped off." He points to Aidan. "Some... Perks came out of it."

"Yeah, and I'm sure we'll all look back on this in a few years and laugh." Aidan tries to brighten the subject, placing a hand on Steve's shoulder and David glares at them.

"That is _never_ going to happen." He assures them, beginning to walk off, scuffing his feet on the concrete.

"Where are you going?" I yell after him.

"To try and do something useful." He calls back, heading towards the boat port, and I reluctantly trail after him.

"Càite a bheil thu a 'dol air adhart?" A voice stops us, and I turn to see a short man with a long white beard watching us.

"Excuse me?" I glance sidewards at Robert, who shrugs.

"Ignore him, he's probably trying to sell something." Steve pulls on my arm and I shake him off.

"David?" I call over and he groans loudly as he comes back towards us. "This man's trying to talk to us."

"Well ignore him, he's probably trying to sell something." David mutters and Steve nods exaggeratedly.

"Aidan, you've got Irish roots." Robert nudges him. "What's he said?"

"Oh ok, so just because I'm like an eighth Irish, it means I can translate any language now?"

"Well it's Gaelic, isn't it?"

"Gaelic's Scottish, idiot."

"It's both." I sigh, leaving them to argue it out as I approach the man further and beginning to very clearly pronounce my words. "Uh... _We need to get home. Manchester. England._ "

"Yeah I do speak English as well." He replies bluntly and I can't help feeling stupid for a moment. "And I know where Manchester is. Gombeen."

"Will people stop calling me that, I-" I begin, exasperatedly. "Look, we need to get back there. Can you help us? At all?"

"How much money do you have?" He inquires and I hesitate for a moment, sighing as I check my pockets.

"...Gombeen." I mutter, as everyone gathers around me.

 **10.32am**

 **Carla**

"So we're just going to spend the whole day drinking?" I guess, as Kate produces a tray of cocktails she had made up.

"Well... If she's drunk, maybe she won't notice if he's not there." She hisses in my ear and I raise my eyebrows at her, taking a cocktail for my own sanity.

"Alfie, sweetie, no." I go over to him, taking the crayon out of his hand. I had changed him out of his wedding outfit, and into a pair of pyjamas, because I knew they wouldn't stay clean for longer than an hour, never mind all day. "You draw with them nicely look." I lean over, demonstrating by drawing a flower, as he grabs another crayon, jamming it onto the paper several times. "No... Oh, do what you want. Daddy's not here to tell us off. In fact, sweetheart, you break all the crayons, and he can buy you new ones."

"Do you remember when Ryan broke all your lipsticks?" Michelle laughs, pointing at me, before turning to Maria and Kate. "He was about five, and he went through her drawers and stubbed every single one of them out."

"Oh dear, I wouldn't have wanted to see the reaction." Maria winces and I shake my head.

"I don't think I've ever screamed so loudly." I remember. "It was everywhere as well, all over my dressing table, my mirror. I was fuming."

"Wasn't that the house our Paul and you had just moved into?" Helen points out and I nod, softening at the thought. "Oh he's a gem." She continues, gazing at Alfie. "I must say, I never saw you as a mother. But you seem to be doing a very good job of it."

"Thank you, Helen." I smile, surprised at how friendly she was being with me, considering we had never really seen eye to eye.

"Mumma." Alfie runs over to me with a crayon and I scoop him into my lap.

"Don't you come near me with that." I warn him playfully. "Mummy doesn't want crayon on her face before the wedding."

"Speaking of which, should we start makeup?" Michelle suggests, looking at Maria. "What time is Bethany coming over to do it?"

"Should be any second." Maria checks her watch.

"I still can't believe you're trusting a teenager to do your makeup." Helen tells her.

"Oh, no she's good." I vouch for her. "She's really good... But uh, Michelle we've got ages yet babe. There's no rush is there?"

"Well I don't see why not." She shrugs and I shift my gaze to Kate, as Alfie fiddles with my necklace. I was trying to postpone the getting ready process as much as possible, as nobody knew what the outcome of today would be, and I didn't want Michelle fully made up and ready to go when I had to tell her it was all about to fall apart. Which, I was praying, I wouldn't have to do.

"Alfie baby, careful of mummy's necklace." I take his hand in mine as my phone goes off and I immediately pick it up.

"Is that Nick?" Michelle asks and I nod hesitantly. "Oh it's probably something to do with Robert. Probably doesn't know which shoe goes on which foot."

"Haha." I force a laugh, balancing Alfie on my hip as I pass him to Kate. "Alfie stay with Auntie Kate." I squeeze her shoulder appreciatively, before disappearing out the flat. "What's going on?"

"Carla?" His voice is slightly strained and I wait for an elaborate story to unfold. "How are you?"

"It doesn't matter how I am." I cut him off. "Please tell me you're on a plane."

"Well... I wouldn't be able to call you if I was on a plane." He points out smartly and it was a blessing for him that he couldn't see my expression. "Uh... We couldn't get a plane."

"...Brilliant." I mutter, trying not to run my hands through my loosely curled hair, out of stress. "So what's the plan then? Hm? Shall I break the news to Michelle?"

"No, don't do that." He stops me. "We're on a boat."

"A boat?" I repeat, trying to piece together the logic of it in my mind. "...You do realise how long it takes to sail across an ocean?"

"I'm beginning to, yeah." He replies and I roll my eyes. "Uh, it's a jet boat though, so, it's faster than a ferry."

"Sounds like fun." I say sarcastically and he goes quiet for a moment, as realisation flickers in my mind. "If you're on a boat, how are you managing to phone me."

"Well uh... We're just leaving the port now."

"Oh great." I sigh exasperatedly. "So how long is this boat trip going to take then?"

"We're looking at about four and a half to five hours." He reveals. "To Liverpool."

"Five-" I begin. "Nick, five hours? That's not good enough. You're supposed to be at the church for four o'clock."

"Yes I'm aware of that." He responds bluntly, which angers me further. "It's one of the fastest methods of sea transport. We're due to get in to Liverpool at roughly three, maybe half three."

"So what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Ok, so, here's the plan." He coughs, ignoring my question. "So, this man we've met, he's dropping us at the port in Liverpool, and then Dev is meeting us there with our suits, and then we'll get the fastest transport we can to the venue."

"Right... Let me get this straight." I gather my thoughts. "You're travelling across the Irish Sea, in a speed boat, with a man you've met a couple of minutes ago?"

"...Yes." He stalls for a moment. "Well no, it's safer than a speed boat, it's a jet boat."

"Nick, you're going to die!" I exclaim.

"Well the leaflet says that jet boat trips are perfectly safe across the-"

"Nick if you say jet boat one more time." I warn him. "Why didn't you just tell me that you wouldn't be back for the wedding? This whole idea is ridiculous! I didn't think you were one of the stupid ones. I thought you had a brain in there."

"I do..." He trails off. "But it is... Damaged."

"Oh, you can never play that card again." I tell him. "So, you're not going to be at the venue for four?"

"...Well, probably not four, no." He admits. "But, you know, I was thinking maybe you could stall them for a bit, you know? Maybe just for half an hour."

"Stall them?" I snap. "What do you think this is? A comedy gig? Oh yeah I'll just whip out my long list of jokes shall I? I'm sure Michelle would love that."

"...Or you could phone the venue and-"

"You owe me." I hang up the call in anger, leaning back against the wall and trying to get my head around everything going on. My husband, on a dodgy boat, with a random stranger, probably thirsty and hungry, in the middle of the ocean.

 **Nick**

"Beer?" Steve offers and I glare at him.

"Carla?" I continue, even though I knew the line had gone dead. "This is the worst mistake of my life."

"I've told Shona." David announces. "Well, I've told her we're in Liverpool. I thought it might put her mind at rest a little more."

"Oh why didn't I think of that?" I ask sarcastically. "Yes, Steve, I want a beer."

"Why don't we have a nice lighthearted conversation?" Aidan suggests.

"About how we're all probably going to die at sea?" David points out. "For the benefit of his wedding. I tell you what, it better be the best wedding I've ever been to mate. And it better last. I don't want you dragging her down the divorce courts a year from now-"

"Ok." I cut him off. "Let's talk about Aidan getting off with a stripper."

"I prefer the term 'dancer'." Aidan corrects me and I pull a face, wondering where his morals had suddenly arisen from.

"Yeah what's Rosie going to say about that?" Robert reminds him. "Mind you, what's she going to do when she sees your tattoo?"

"Probably take a selfie with it." Steve mutters, tipping his bottle against his lips. "This is nice. Relaxing."

"Oh I'm glad you think so." David pipes up again. "This doesn't help with my sea sickness."

"You don't get sea sickness." I tell him.

"Yes I do." He replies. "It's a common side effect of epilepsy."

"You do realise you threw up in the receptionists handbag last night?" I remember, pointing at Steve. "And forked out for a new one."

"Excuse me... Uh... Sir? Captain?" Steve turns around to the man steering the boat. "Have you got any food on here?"

"Steve you've just eaten a burger." Robert reminds him.

"I wish I'd have asked Carla to put Alfie on the phone."

"Why, so he could lay into you too?" Aidan points out.

"I hope Shona's coping with Max and Lily." David bites his lip worriedly.

"Woah." I suddenly cling onto the boat as it shudders, passing a large wave and David goes pale at the impact. "Uh... How often do you drive this thing over to England?"

"Once." The man replies. "Since I've come out of hospital. They only just let me have my license back after my accident."

"Why were you in hospital?" I dare to ask, exchanging a look with Aidan.

"Because I ran out of fuel at sea." He explains and I exhale sharply, turning my head towards the land we had left, melting into the horizon. "So I tried to swim back... It wasn't a good idea."

"And... Do you have enough fuel to make the trip this time?"

"Probably." He shrugs, checking the dial and Robert closes his eyes, as David stares at me angrily.

"We're going to die." David kicks me aggressively. "This was all your stupid idea."

"Uh, you all agreed with me!" I hold my hands up.

"...If we're going to feed anyone to the sharks." Steve begins hastily and I give him a look. "Can it be Robert or Aidan because they don't have kids?"

"No one is getting fed to the sharks." I assure them, as the boat hits another wave. "We're going to get to this wedding, just a little after schedule, and it'll all be..." It hits another wave. "Absolutely fine."

 _ **A/N: Will they make it? Thank you for reading so far, look out for the next update to see how it all works out :) Han x**_


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58:**

 _ **A/N: Ok, so here's the rest of the wedding day! A bit more comedy for you in this one, before the next storyline begins to kick off. Hope you enjoy :)**_

 **Carla**

"Tighter." Michelle tells me and I tug on the ribbons weaving their way up her back a bit more.

"You sound like such a princess." I scoff and she slaps me lightly. I tie them elegantly, before she turns to face me.

"How do I look?" She asks excitedly, and I take her in.

"Gorgeous." I admit and she smiles excitedly. "But why don't we take it off for now?"

"Huh?" She frowns.

"Well... You're not getting married for..." I check the time on my phone. "An hour and a half... It might get dirty."

"Yeah exactly an hour and a half, it's not long." She raises her eyebrows. "And besides, I'm not gonna go and play football in it, am I?"

"...Chelle." I begin, stressing that I'd heard nothing from Nick for hours. She looked so excited, and every second ticking away was just going to crush her more.

"What?" She frowns, worry seeping into her expression.

"Nothing." I plaster a reassuring look onto my face. "You look beautiful."

 **2:50pm**

 **Nick**

"With what should I carry it, dear Liza, dear Liza? With what should I carry it dear Liza, with what?" Steve continues to sing, as my tired eyes dart to David's bored expression, close to blowing. "Use the bucket dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.

Use the bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, the bucket!"

"Steve-"

"But there's a hole in my bucket, my bucket, my bucket. There's a hole in my-"

"Steve!" David shouts and I close my eyes, wishing I was anywhere but here. "We don't need to hear it again. Please. For my own sanity."

"What's the time?" Robert frets and I check my watch, the continuous surge of the waves becoming increasingly sickening. "...Ten to three."

"Oh God." Robert puts his head in his hands. I glance around the group of us; Steve with yet another beer in his hand. Aidan asleep and slumped against the cabin. David resisting the urge to throw up for a third time. "We've got no chance."

"Has anyone got gum?" David groans, pulling a face mirroring the taste in his mouth and I fumble in my pockets.

"Yes... Wait, no." I pull out a business card, studying it for a moment. "Oh great. I didn't see this earlier."

"What is it?" Robert sighs, taking it from me. "Oasis Casino?"

"Check your banking." I fret, getting my phone out.

"There's no signal, idiot. We're in the middle of an ocean." David points out.

"Somebody explain to me." Robert stands up warily, pacing up and down the boat. "How, between landing our flight at three twenty two, and waking up at quarter to nine this morning, we managed to visit a strip club, get Aidan a tattoo, go gambling in this casino, check into a hotel, clearly flirt with the receptionist staff and then throw up in her handbag?"

"...Robert, I really have no idea." I respond bluntly and he slumps back down in his seat.

"If I've blown money in a casino again, Michelle will dump me at the altar." Robert stresses. "Oh God, what if she's checked my bank account? What if she's checked the Bistro account?"

"It better not have come out of the Bistro account." I warn him, even though I was fully aware it could have been any one of us.

"This is the worst stag-do." He continues, before looking at me. "Michelle gave you one task. One; not to let me get too drunk."

"I'm your best man not your babysitter!" I raise my voice. "You can take care of yourself don't pin this on me."

"Ok!" David shouts, as Aidan stirs at the heightened dynamics, rubbing his eyes and peering around the now silent boat, as he adjusts back to reality. Whatever reality was, because quite frankly, this felt like a dream. A really bad dream. We all sit in silence for a moment, holding back any anger we had to share, trying to calm ourselves down internally as the boat continues to rock.

"...She'll be coming round the mountain-"

"No!" David shouts, cutting Steve off and he folds his arms defensively.

"Liverpool!" I hear a voice from the front of the boat, heading towards it and peering out across the sea, to a nearby coastline.

"We're here?" I say in disbelief, as I am joined by everyone else. "We made it? We actually made it alive?"

"Ok Nick it's not a cheesy American movie." Aidan pats me on the back, still sleepily. My phone clicks back into range as I receive a constant array of text tones, chorusing with the sound of everyone else's.

"Oh God... Mum's tried to call me six times." I groan.

"Seven." David holds his phone up.

"Why has Gail Platt tried to call me?" Steve stares down at his screen, before groaning loudly. "No I haven't been in an accident that wasn't my fault."

"You will be in a minute." David mutters, as the boat swerves and he clings onto the side. "Oi, watch it!"

"Dev's here." I inform them all. "Waiting by the port."

"And where exactly are we supposed to change into five wedding suits and make ourselves look the slightest bit alive and sane, in the middle of Liverpool?" Aidan asks and I think for a moment, having not passed this thought.

"In the car?" Steve suggests and I pull a face.

"How is that going to work?" I point out and he shrugs. "We'll have to find a toilet somewhere, and fast. We could make this."

"I am never going on a stag-do again." David decides. "I am never doing anything with you four again. In fact why am I even going to your wedding? I don't even like you that much. I think you're cocky and arrogant-"

"And you have an awful attitude on you." Robert interrupts him, stepping slightly closer.

"Alright." I stop them from digging a hole. "Nobody needs to turn up with a black eye."

"Well, I guess this is where we part ways." The boat eventually moves to a stop, as the man, I hadn't even bothered to ask his name, turns to watch us. "We should keep in touch-"

"Yeah, no." Robert decides, shaking his hand all the same.

"Thank you for your money." He clutches the envelope of cash we had given him before the journey. "I hope you make it to your wedding."

"Yeah and if we are going to make it we need to go now so." I step onto the wooden pier that lines the dock. "Interesting meeting you."

"Thanks a lot." Steve pats his shoulder. "Stay away from that hospital."

"It's really kind of you." Aidan steps past him. "We appreciate it."

"...Cheers." David adds reluctantly as he shifts his hands into his pockets, scuffing his feet as we pace down the boardwalk.

"What on Earth is happening?" Dev greets us, looking bewildered at the whole situation. "Are you going to explain or?"

"We would." I cough slightly. "If we could remember anything. Suits?"

"Oh yeah, they're just-"

"Oi!" A loud and unwelcome voice fills our senses and Steve immediately goes pale. "Steve McDonald!"

"No, no, no." Steve hangs his head as we all turn in the direction of where Tracy was storming towards us.

"You are the stupidest, most pigheaded idiot I have ever known." She snaps as she pushes past us. "Where the hell have you been? And don't even think about lying to me!"

"Just for a boat trip sweetheart-"

"Don't call me 'sweetheart', it won't butter me up." Tracy vents and I pull a face at Aidan. "Carla's told me you wound up in Ireland. I bet it was all your idea!"

"Well yeah it was actually." We all mutter, taking the opportunity to wriggle out of the dog house as Steve gapes at our lack of loyalty.

"He went to a strip club and all." David adds proudly and Steve glares at him.

"David." I hiss.

"Oh you are so dead." Tracy shakes her head.

"Wait hold on a minute." Steve babbles. "How did you even find us? Did you two come together?"

"Ha." Dev scoffs. "Like I'd risk that one."

"I can track your phone." Tracy informs him and Steve looks at his mobile worriedly. "Yeah. I put it on when we got back together. So I know everywhere you've been-"

"You put a tracker on my phone?" Steve exclaims.

"Didn't you realise what you were signing up for?" Robert lowers his voice.

"Yes, thank you." Steve cuts him off, turning back to Tracy. "You can't track me down, that's psychotic!"

"Uh-" She begins.

"You're so caring." Steve diverts immediately and she rolls her eyes.

"Look, hate to break up the drama but we actually need to get to a wedding in... One hour." I check my watch. "It's a fifty seven minute journey back to Manchester."

"Here." Dev hands me an armful of suit bags. "Public toilets are there."

"Ok, ok." Robert says brightly. "Let's do this."

 **4.20pm**

 **Carla**

"Have you heard from Robert?" Michelle stresses, as she paces up and down the preparation room at the venue. "Is he here yet?"

"Uh... I don't know." I swallow, pulling the curtain back and checking my phone again, dropping a quick text to Johnny to check Alfie was ok. "You don't want to be on time anyway, do you? You've got to make him sweat."

"I'm marrying the bloke, I think it's past the point of playing games." She points out, before studying me. "Why do you keep checking your phone?"

"I'm not." I put it back into my bag, flashing her a warm smile, which she manages to see through.

"...Is something wrong?" She picks up a vibe and I shake my head. "Carla?" She continues, as I feel guilt tug inside me, glancing subtly at my watch. Twenty past four. I had no clue where they were. No idea what time they would make it here, and now Michelle had started to clock that everything wasn't as I had been making out. I knew Michelle wouldn't thank me, if she knew I had been covering for the stags all day.

"Carla?" The door opens and Helen enters, followed my a confused looking Barry. "Where is Robert? It's twenty past four."

"Twenty past four?" Michelle grabs my wrist, checking my watch and I bite my lip as her eyes widen. "You told me it was five past. I thought time was going slow."

"And Nick's not here either." Barry continues, as they all stare at me. "Or Aidan."

"Maybe they're just running late." I attempt to bluff.

"You told me they were on time." Michelle narrows her eyes. "Carla... What is it? Is Robert having second thoughts?"

"No, no, no babe. Of course he's not." I try to reassure her, but the worry in her expression deepens. "Robert loves you. Really loves you. You know that."

"So... Why has he not turned up to our wedding?" I can see she is holding back tears, and I close my eyes momentarily. If it was a toss up between Michelle thinking Robert didn't want to marry her, and the truth. For her sake, it was kinder to tell her the latter. She looks at me expectantly, and I sigh, my eyes darting to Helen and Barry.

"Chelle, I'm so sorry." I avoid her gaze. "...I didn't want to tell you this. I thought maybe it could still work... But-"

"But what?" She insists, stepping closer to me.

"...But Robert, Nick, all the stags, they stupidly decided to-"

"They're here." The door flies open, as Kate's panicked expression comes into view and I immediately try to think of an end to my sentence.

"Perform you a song." I blurt out, and Michelle stares at me, confused.

"A song?" Her expression relaxes. "When?"

"At the reception." I continue to bluff and to my relief, she begins to smile slightly. "Yeah they've been rehearsing it all day."

"All day." Kate backs me up.

"Well... What song?"

"You'll have to wait and find out." I paint an over-enthusiastic smile on my face.

"None of them can sing, except Aidan."

"I know but... They're really proud of it, bless them." I cough slightly. "Anyway, you've been banging on about getting married. Where's Amy?"

"Here." She does a twirl as she appears at the door. "I don't know where dad and mum were. Grandad had to bring me, said something about her finding him in-"

"Ok!" I cut her off. "We've wasted enough time, let's get this underway."

"Alright." Michelle smiles excitedly, heading off after her parents, as I discreetly shake my head at Kate. I hear the sound of the intro song, professionally following behind Amy and Kate, as Michelle graces the aisle to an array of joyous 'ahh's. My eyes collide with Nick's, his tired expression, messy hair.

"You are such an idiot." I hiss, as I reach him at the bottom of the aisle.

"I know." He swallows, whispering in my ear. "You look gorgeous."

"Yeah nice try." I snap, under my breath.

"I'll make it up to you.

"Yeah, you will." I flash Michelle a smile, before leaning closer to him. "Because now you've got to sing a song at the reception. So get your vocal chords warmed up."

"A song?" He splutters and Michelle glances at him, as I elbow him in the ribs. "A song?" He repeats, quieter and I flash him a sarcastic smile.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, to celebrate the love that Michelle Sinead Connor, and Robert Preston share, and to witness them join together, in an act of holy matrimony."

 **Nick**

"Carla?" I manage to grab her attention, as we leave the venue, ignoring the box of confetti she shakes in my face. "What do you mean, a song?"

"Oh, yeah." She shuffles the box slightly and I reluctantly take a handful. "Well you were half an hour late, I had to tell her something."

"So you came up with that?" I exclaim. "Of all things?"

"Well, you said you'd make it up to me." She shrugs, sassily. "So, all five of you, are performing a song."

"What song?" I stress and she laughs slightly, which makes me relax.

"Oh anything you like." She waves her hand, as Robert and Michelle appear from the building, looking giddy with excitement. I make a half-hearted attempt at throwing the confetti, as Carla raises an eyebrow at me, trying to conceal the smile on her face. "Ireland." She mutters, and she nudges me slightly, as I kiss the side of her head.

 **Carla**

"Michelle, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone." Robert finishes his speech. "And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Cheers."

"Cheers." I raise my glass from the top table, where I was sat between Michelle and Nick, accompanied by Kate, Aidan, Johnny, Helen and Barry.

"Oh before you sit down." Kate stands up, nudging Aidan who groans unenthusiastically, having clearly been told what was coming next. "And before dessert comes out, I think it's about time for that song."

"What?" Robert frowns, looking at Nick, who puts his head in his hands.

"Now we've got a special treat because five of the stags have been preparing a performance especially for today." Kate continues.

"Oh yeah." Michelle claps her hands excitedly, and there's a few confused mumbles from the other guests, as Liz taps Steve on the back. "I'm dying to hear this. Carla said you've been working on it all day."

"...Did she now?" Robert glares at me and I raise my eyebrows, cockily, indicating to the space on the floor as Aidan sighs, getting up as he is followed by Steve.

"David?" I hear Sarah hiss, from a nearby table, and he shakes his head aggressively. "Does that include you?"

"No it does not." He answers, abruptly, as he catches my sideways glance at Shona, pushing his chair out ever so slightly, as their tired, hungover bodies shuffle their feet over to the space on the floor.

"Ehem." I nudge Nick and he passes me Alfie, standing up and beckoning Robert, as David joins them, whispering something to each other as they do so.

"I've got your music cued up." Kate points to Johnny, who hits play on the laptop next to him, a satisfied smirk on his face.

"But, Carla said-" Nick widens his eyes at me, unable to finish the sentence as 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' begins to play, lyrics flashing up on the screen. I burst out laughing, as does Michelle, and the men all huddle in an awkward group, unsure of what to do.

"...When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly." Aidan begins to mutter, as I dance Alfie on my lap, who starts to giggle and point at Nick. He shoots me a death glare, and I return it with a smug smile as they all reluctantly start to sing, Kate whipping her phone out, followed by a swarm of other people.

"Girl look at that body. Girl look at that body." Steve points Robert's finger at Michelle and he pushes him away defensively. "I work out."

"Is it just me... Or are you kind of glad they ended up in Ireland?" Kate leans down to whisper in my ear.

"Right now?" I tilt my head to the side, as I watch them. "Definitely."

"I've got passion in my pants, and I ain't afraid to show it." Robert is pushed forward slightly and he rolls his eyes as he gives in, humouring the cameras around him. "I'm sexy and I know it." They all sing and I begin to almost cry with laughter, as I follow Michelle in standing up, balancing Alfie on my hip as I clap along.

"I'm sexy and I know it!" Michelle, Kate and I all yell, as Nick shakes his head at me, an amused smile on his face. We wait until the second chorus before Michelle goes over, hugging Robert in a fit of giggles, dancing along to the song. A couple of people follow suit, and I head over to Nick, who looks at me disapprovingly.

"You are really mean, Carla Tilsley." He mutters, as I continue to rock Alfie up and down on my hip.

"Is daddy funny?" I ask Alfie, who is still laughing.

"Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah." Nick takes Alfie, placing him on the floor and crouching down to take his hands in his, moving them backwards and forwards gently as they dance. I look down at them, unable to stay mad when I watch how adorable the pair of them are. Alfie lets out an excited squeal, looking up at me, his eyes bright, and in that moment, if possible, I fall in love with my family the tiniest bit more.

 **Nick**

"Mad day." Steve sighs, as he reaches where Robert, David, Aidan and I were sat on the balcony, Alfie asleep on my lap, lying against my chest. "All worked out in the end, you see?"

"Yeah." Aidan raises his eyebrows at him. "Except I've still got Rosie Webster's face tattooed on my chest."

"Yeah I mean, I'm glad you got spliced and everything." David points at Robert. "But I won't be in a rush to do that again. Ever."

"Yeah I'll second that." I add, narrowing my eyes slightly as I look out at the sunset that was falling behind the trees in the distance. "That's it for the idiotic adventures. Carla won't let me forget this for a very long time. Her, him." I tap Alfie's back gently. "They're the most important things to me."

"Yeah and I'm not running any risks with Michelle." Robert decides, his eyes darting between us all. "Thanks for not telling her, by the way. In fact, thanks for getting us back here on time. All of you."

"You do realise she'll find out though?" Aidan points out, and Robert looks worried for a moment. "Carla's bound to tell her."

"No she won't-"

"Yeah, she will." I back Aidan up. "They tell each other everything those two."

"Well... What was the point in keeping it from her all day then?"

"Well because then she'd have been stressed." I tell him. "And become more mad at you if she didn't think you were going to turn up."

"...You spend too much time with your wife." Robert puts, bluntly.

"I know." I raise a bottle of beer to my lips. "And you've got all that to look forward to again now."

"Ah, well, cheers." Steve holds his bottle into the middle of the circle and I raise an eyebrow, before joining everyone in clinking the glass together. "Here's to being hungover survivors of the sea."

"And to the last night I have a drink with any of you, ever again." David holds his bottle up. "Cheers."

 **Carla**

"Hey." I slip my arms around Carla's waist, whispering in her ear as Michelle and Robert slow dance on the dance floor. "I forgot to mention, you look beautiful."

"You did mention that, actually. And you smell like a brewery." Carla turns around, entwining her hands behind my neck, and staring up at me disapprovingly. "Alfie?"

"Flat out." I tell her and she looks slightly impressed. "Roy's got him."

"Very good." She narrows her eyes, as 'Make You Feel My Love' starts to play and I smile, leaning down to kiss her, now she had kicked her heels off after a long day of pacing in them.

"I am really sorry, you know?" I whisper, as she returns the kiss gently, placing one hand on my cheek, watching me, listening to the music.

"I know." She grazes her thumb against my light stubble, searching the caring gaze in my eyes. "In comparison to some of the things men have done while I've been with them, I should be thanking you really. It's not often you go off on a drunken bender, is it?"

"To Ireland."

"Are you trying to make the situation worse?" She raises her eyebrows and I laugh softly, scooping the hair behind her ear. "And the song really made up for it."

"You'll never let me forget that, will you?" I ask and she shakes her head, an amused smile on her cheeks. "So... We're even?"

"I guess so." She pulls on my tie gently. "Unless you went to a strip club?"

"Oh no, of course not." I lie and she rolls her eyes, seeing through me. "I love you."

"I love you too." She kisses me, leaning her head in my chest as we dance. "No matter what you get up to next."


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59:**

 **Nick**

"Cheers." I tip my glass against Carla's and she looks up from her phone, putting it down and pushing it away, as if making a point.

"Cheers." The word is so effortless as it glides off her tongue, as she takes a sip of her wine. "So are we getting drunk?"

"You make it sound like we're eighteen." I laugh, as she looks across at me, her eyelashes fluttering closed momentarily, the soft browns of her eye makeup shadowing them perfectly.

"Maybe we can be." She shrugs playfully. "For tonight."

"Aidan's got Alfie all night?" I check and she nods. "Then yeah, let's get drunk."

"Excellent." She takes another sip of her drink, peering over the bar. "It's quiet with Michelle and Robert on their honeymoon."

"It's quiet in general tonight." I peer around the Bistro, as Carla's phone goes off and she hesitantly picks it up, smiling at the screen. "...Someone I should be worried about?"

"Hm?" She looks up at me and I feel a twinge of jealousy.

"Who's making you smile?" I kick her leg gently and she raises her eyebrows.

"Our son." She turns the phone around for me to see the picture of him with ice cream all over his face, that Aidan had clearly sent her. "No need to get jealous." She bites her lip gently, gripping my collar and hanging off me for a moment. "You've got me."

"I wasn't." I narrow my eyes, and she releases a sweet giggle which still makes my heart flutter. She moves away, flicking her hair off her shoulder and typing out a reply to Aidan. She suddenly looks up, catching my eye as I stare at her, and blushing slightly.

"What?" She puts her phone down, folding her arms on the counter and awaiting my response.

"I fall in love with you more everyday." I answer, and her face softens ever so slightly, her gaze becoming more meaningful as she absorbs the words.

"Ah..." She smiles, leaning forward to kiss me, which I accept gratefully. I allow it to continue, not even caring that we were in my restaurant. I was completely besotted, as if this was still the honeymoon phase, and that hadn't gone away for four years.

"This time four years ago, I was sat on your sofa." I tell her, as she releases me, her eyes sparkling at the thought.

"I know you were." She says knowingly. "And you were telling me all the good things about your girlfriend at the time."

"Except one."

"Except one." She nods playfully, kissing me quickly again. "One thing."

"What's that?" I lower my tone and she eyes me up for a moment, breaking the intimacy between us by taking another drink from her glass.

"That's my line." She grins, looking away from me, and I place a hand on her cheek, turning her to face me and moving in again, colliding my lips with hers as I indulge in the warmth.

"Oh get a room." Kate's voice invades our moment and I almost feel annoyed, until I see the slight blush of Carla's cheeks as she dips her head onto my shoulder, which makes me melt internally.

"This _is_ his room." Carla points out, leaning forwards on the counter. "You can refill my glass though, waitress."

"Magic word?" Kate teases her.

"Employee." Carla continues, a smirk on her face as Kate reluctantly fills her glass up. "Thank you, little sis, you can keep your job."

"Oh thanks." Kate says brightly, as Carla laughs. "I'm going to go and clear table nine. Enjoy getting drunk."

"We will." Carla waves her off, whipping her head back around to face me. "You still owe me."

"I'm always going to owe you now." I laugh, and she nods in agreement. "I mess up once and you will never live it down."

"Mess up?" She repeats. "Do you want me to remind you what happened on the day of Michelle's wedding?"

"No, because if I hadn't lived it myself, I'd know it off by heart anyway from the amount of times you've recited it as my bedtime story." I nudge her. "I even heard you telling Alfie the other day."

"Ah, no you see. That was one of my made up stories." She points out. "Just based on a true story." Carla was so fed up of reading the dinosaur book to Alfie, that she had resorted to making up tales to tell him before bed. I'd told her she could publish them as a child's author, but somehow, she didn't think it was her career of choice.

"You look beautiful." I say without even thinking and she smiles to herself, her eyes darting down to the bar top.

"Stop with the compliments Tilsley." She almost whines, before standing up and gliding behind the bar, to which I raise my eyebrows at how impressed she looks with herself.

"And what do you think you're doing?" I ask, as she opens the fridge, getting another bottle of beer out for me, and turning to the spirit pumps at the back. I admire her figure whilst her back is turned, my eyes taking her in, appreciating everything about her, before she turns back around and places two glasses of vodka down on the bar top. "Are you going to pay for that?"

"You're the customer." She giggles, pushing it towards me, before turning to the till and trying to navigate it.

"You'll break that." I say, even though my tone was so relaxed, I didn't even care. "You're like a kid playing a game. This is what Alfie would do."

"Why are all the buttons frozen?" She frowns at it.

"Because you haven't signed in." I tell her and she looks at me expectantly. "You'll end up cashing a tab for thousands of pounds." I continue, as she leans forward on the counter, waiting for me to give in. "You're not playing with my till..." I trail off, watching her expression. "My sign in is our anniversary."

"Yay." She grins victoriously and I shake my head at her contently. "Ok, so." She starts tapping the buttons. "Vodka shot."

"What are you doing?" Kate comes up behind her and it almost makes me laugh.

"Putting our drinks through." Carla says absentmindedly and Kate looks at me with a confused expression. "Champagne..."

"You're just gonna let her do that?" Kate asks me, amused. "You're so soft on her."

"I know." I watch Carla lovingly. "I can't help it."

 **Carla**

"Ok I'm a little bit drunk." She holds up her fingers to indicate and I laugh, nodding in agreement. "Time?"

"Half eleven." I check my watch, looking around the empty Bistro. I had sent Kate home, all the customers had now left.

"Mm." She buries her head in her hands. "Happy anniversary."

"You've said that." I laugh, feeling slightly dizzy with drink and she looks back at me.

"I know but that's exactly what I am; happy." She muses and I nod in agreement.

"The happiest I've ever been." I pull her in and her hands instantly move to my shirt. "Not here."

"Why?" She smiles into the kiss. "Live life on the edge, just this once."

* * *

"Are you alright?" I study Carla's slightly pale expression as she enters the kitchen, giving a short nod in response and seating Alfie in the high chair.

"Alfie's porridge." She tries to sound bright as she places it down in front of him, dipping her little finger into it to check it was cool enough to eat, before handing him a plastic spoon.

"Carla?" I persist and she flicks her head around to face me.

"I'm fine." She sighs, as I put my bowl of cereal down, placing a hand to her forehead. "I'm just feeling a bit sick. That's all."

"You're quite warm." I stress and she raises her eyebrows at me.

"I'll manage."

"Have you been sick?" I ask and she nods slowly, avoiding my gaze. "Then you're not going into work."

"Pfft, who are you? My dad?" She scoffs and I wrap my arms around her shoulders from where she has sat down in the dining chair, popping a kiss on the top of her head.

"Love you." I whisper, before observing Alfie stirring his porridge around his bowl.

 **Carla**

"I've photocopied those invoices." A faint voice echoes, before a pile of sheets smack down on the desk in front of me. "Carla?"

"Yeah?" I snap back to reality, grabbing my coffee cup and chewing on it.

"The invoices." Bethany indicates to them and I smile appreciatively.

"Oh, thank you." I stand up to file them away, noticing her gaze following me. "I'm fine." I beat her to her question, and she sits down in her chair, grabbing her own Costa cup. "Is Aidan still at his meeting with Sonya Webb?"

"Yeah but you know what she's like, she'll have him chatting for hours." Bethany shrugs. "Especially if he turns on the charm."

"Well I hate to brag but I think she's got more of a thing for me." I wink at her, closing the filing cabinet and Bethany's eyes widen.

"She's not?"

"I don't know." I muse. "Just a vibe I get, that's all."

"You think everyone's fancies you." Bethany narrows her eyes and I throw a pen at her. "Oi!"

"Shut up." I kick her lightly and she giggles, swinging back around on her chair to face her computer.

"Have you told Nick you're pregnant yet?"

"Excuse me?" I almost spit my coffee out and she turns back around, folding her arms smartly. "I'm not!" I exclaim defensively. "Why? Have I put on weight?"

"You've been sick three mornings in a row. Decaf coffee. You keep zoning out. And you haven't had your period."

"How do you even know that?" I ask in shock.

"Because you always have an Eclair from the cake run when you are, and you haven't touched it." She prods it with the pen I previously threw at her. "Plus, you couldn't stand cream in your last pregnancy."

"Bethany Platt-"

"And I saw you checking your calendar earlier."

"Well that could be for anything."

"Counting the weeks since that dot last appeared."

"I employed you as my PA not a private investigator."

"Ok." She smiles slightly as she nods and I stare at her in disbelief. "So you're not pregnant?"

"No, I'm not pregnant!" I assure her. "And neither do I want to be. I can't think of anything worse than going through that again."

"...Really?" She tries to see through me and I put up a barrier.

"Yes." I say firmly. "I'm not very well, that's what's causing the sickness and I'm on new birth control so that's messing with my cycle. And I'm trying to go to bed earlier so I can sync with Alfie's sleeping patterns so that's why I'm drinking decaf."

"And the eclair?" She narrows her eyes and I roll my eyes, picking it up and taking a bite, holding back a wave of nausea.

"I just wasn't hungry." I finalise and she nods slowly.

"Alright." She turns back around. "Keep your hormones in the bag."

"Bethany." I warn her, even though her back is turned, and I stare at the picture of Alfie, Nick and I that was taken at Christmas, which I have positioned in a frame on my desk. "Trust me... It's the last thing that's going to happen."

* * *

"Morning." Nick looks up from where he is spoon feeding Alfie bananas and custard, smiling warmly as I glide past him, running myself a glass of water. "You didn't sleep well."

"I know." I turn around, facing him as I take small sips from the glass, and he eyes me up, preparing to ask me something which I am quick to shield. "He can feed himself. They said at nursery that spoon feeding will just discourage that."

"Well he likes it when I do the plane thing-"

"And he shouldn't be eating custard for breakfast." I add, refraining from snapping.

"...Usually I'm the strict one."

"It should be bananas and yogurt." I tap the fridge, as he eyes me up and I rinse the glass out quickly, turning my back to him.

"You've been sick again."

"How do you know?"

"I heard you." He finalises and I pause, staring out of the window onto the lawn, where Alfie's toys were scattered about.

"...That garden is a mess." I try to divert the subject. "His toys shouldn't be strewn everywhere, they go back in the shed."

"...You did that." He reminds me and I fall silent. "Yesterday." He adds, carefully and I place my hands on my hips, still staring at my tinted reflection in the glass. "Carla?"

"What?" I turn around, losing my temper slightly and Alfie stares at me in confusion. I could tell from Nick's expression that he had the same feeling as me. But I refused to talk about it now. "I've got to get to work."

"It's only ten past eight." He tries to reason with me as I storm past. "I'll drop Alfie off at Michelle's then."

"Cheers." I slam the front door.

* * *

"Hello?" Michelle frowns, opening the flat door as I enter. "You do realise Nick picked Alfie up half an hour ago?"

"Yeah I know." I sigh, putting my bag down on the side and flicking her kettle on, which doesn't seem to bother her.

"You had a row?"

"No."

"Have you done something wrong?"

"No."

"Is Alfie ok?"

"Yes he's fine." I assure her, noticing her worried expression. "Ugh... I said after giving birth to Alfie and everything we went through, I said no more children. But no, super fertile Carla who never thought she would be a mum, is now on her fourth pregnancy. Four pregnancies. One baby."

"...You're pregnant?" She sounds shocked and I study her for a moment, shrugging. "My God Carla."

"I don't know." I admit, putting my head in my hands.

"...Does Nick know?"

"Oh he knows as much as I do." I groan. "I haven't taken a test but he knows, I could tell this morning. I've been sick for about seven days straight, I haven't had my period for weeks. All the signs are there. Oh for God's sake... I didn't want to do this again."

"Ok, calm down." She puts a hand on my back and I force myself to look at her, as if she could take it all away. "Oh, why do you always tell me first?"

"Because I always have done." I remind her. "...Sorry."

"You should be talking to Nick."

"I know but... Chelle he's going to be so excited if I am and then if I take a test and I'm not then he'll be disappointed, even though he said he's fine about no more children."

"So take the test first?"

"No because I need to talk to him first." I whine, childishly. "I can't do it behind his back."

"So you need to talk to him before you take a test but you need to take a test before you talk to him?"

"...Oh what do I do." I sigh, ignoring her smart remark.

"Carla, I'm just going to tell you the same thing I told you the last three times, aren't I?" She prompts me and I shrug. "Talk to Nick. Whatever happens, you know he'll be fine with it babe. He loves you and Alfie. Nothing can change that."

* * *

"Evening." Nick looks up from the dining table, where he is stirring casserole around his plate. "Yours is in the oven."

"...Sorry I'm late back." I glance at the clock. "Very late back."

"Alfie's in bed." He looks down into his dinner and I swallow as I sit down next to him. "Do you want me to get your food?"

"No." I shake my head, reaching for his hand. "Sorry for being a... Well, a bitch, the last few days."

"You been at Chelle's?" He looks up, pushing his plate away, having hardly eaten anything and I nod slowly.

"She's been showing me all her pics from the honeymoon." I manage a small smile.

"Is that all you've been talking about?" He asks, linking his fingers with mine and I shake my head. "Have you been talking about how you've been being sick every morning?"

"Maybe." I hesitate, pulling a pregnancy test out of my bag and putting it down on the table. He stares at it for a moment, his eyes moving back up to me. "Chelle suggested taking a test before we talked but I don't want to do that." I look down as I play with his fingers. "Because I don't like hiding things from you."

"Thank you." He sounds so genuine and soft it relaxes me, and I smile slightly, my gaze holding onto his.

"Just... Don't get your hopes up or anything."

"Hey." He slips a hand through my hair and I sigh, nestling into his touch. "I just want you to be happy... I know it's not exactly what you want."

"Well whatever the outcome, there's no changing it." I sigh, lowering my head into my hands and I feel his hand on my shoulder, massaging it gently. "Ok, ok." I say softly, lifting my head and gliding my fingernails over the box before picking the test up. "I'll be back in a moment."

"Ok." He watches me reassuringly as I slowly close the door.

 **Nick**

I drum my fingers on the table to try and evaporate the silence I was sat in. The constant tick of the clock was the only other noise that accompanied it. The bathroom door clicks and Carla leans against the door frame, watching me.

"Are you alright?" I check and she nods, coming over to me and sitting back down, placing the test down on the table. "...I'm cleaning the table after this."

"Nick." She gives a small laugh and I smile, as she tilts her forehead against mine.

"I love you." I whisper, as she closes her eyes, leaning in to place a soft kiss against my lips. "And you're amazing."

"Nine months of this again." She sighs against me.

"You don't know that yet." I remind her and her eyelashes flutter upwards as her eyes meet mine again, the heat of our foreheads warming one another. "It'll be done."

"Why am I so nervous?" She swallows, pulling away, and forcing herself to look down at the test. She doesn't react in any way for a moment, picking it up and studying it closer.

"What?" I nudge her knee as she smiles slightly. "Hey, don't tease me."

"Yeah we're having another baby." She reveals, turning the test around and my mouth falls open in shock.

"Oh my..." I trail off, trying to get my head around the situation. "Carla... You're being serious?"

"Well it would be a horrible joke if I wasn't." She holds it closer to me as I take it from her, trying to absorb the symbol, before looking back at her overwhelmed expression.

"Are you okay?" I check, so many emotions fluttering through me.

"Yeah." She nods, tears springing into her eyes. "Just... Shocked."

"I..." I stammer, trying to figure out what to say and she giggles through tears for a moment. "Wow, ok."

"Ok." She nods, wiping the tears from her cheeks as I start to cry too. "You want to do this again?"

"Do you want to do this again?" I ask her seriously and she raises her eyebrows at me.

"Well I've got to now." She kicks me gently with her foot.

"It's not what you wanted."

"Not until I saw it on there, no." She taps the test and I bite my lip, as we both smile at each other for a moment.

"Come here." I finally lower the test, pulling her towards me as she rests her head in my chest, our hearts beating so quickly, in sync with one another. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Nick." She pulls back, taking both my hands in hers, searching my face with a hint of excitement in her tone, as her face falls suddenly. "I'm terrified."

"I know." I say gently and she swallows, before managing another smile.

"I don't know, a good terrified? I just... Wow." She leans her head on top of our hands before looking up again. "We're having another baby." She says to herself, which is extremely endearing. "Ok, we can do this again." She takes a deep breath, before exhaling and I laugh, wrapping a strand of her hair around my finger. "Ok."

"Ok?" I smile and she nods, biting her lip excitedly. "I love you."

"I love you." She returns, kissing me. "So much."

* * *

"Ok, shift up." I nudge Carla as I approach the sofa and she raises her eyebrows at me. I sit down, as she sighs, watching me before lying across the sofa in my chest, as I reposition myself so she was comfortable. My fingers play with her hair for a moment, watching how she contently rested, deep in thought. "I'm the one who should be worrying, I mean, you're a cow when you're pregnant."

"Nick." She slaps me gently, smiling all the same, going quiet for a moment. "...I said to Chelle earlier... This is my fourth pregnancy... And yet I never wanted to be a mum. How does that work?"

"Well, nature has it's own ideas." I say gently and her eyes dart around the wall, as she gathers her thoughts. "Everything happens for a reason and see, you've got Alfie... Lauren."

"Yeah." She whispers, her fingers tightening slightly over the cotton of my hoodie. "Lauren." She repeats, pausing, before placing her chin against my chest, so her eyes met mine. I know exactly what she is going to ask, before she does, but I let her do so anyway. "What if it goes wrong again? It hasn't been simple the last three times... Far from it."

"Carla." I try to formulate some response, something more imaginative and helpful than 'it won't'. "Look... I know it's easier said but... We can stress all we want, whatever happens... Happens and we'll get through it together. But it's all going to be fine. Alright? I'll make sure of it."

"Yeah?" She looks at me for reassurance and I nod. "I hope it's easier this time."

"Well you're a pro now." I nudge her, before realising it sounded slightly insensitive. "Sorry..."

"Stop treading on eggshells. You're my husband, father of my child, my best friend..." She trails off and I smile, as she does. "You know me better than anyone. You're the only person I'd want to do this journey with."

"Well I am really enjoying this journey." I kiss her and she hums against me for a moment. "Honestly I know I tell you everyday, and the days I don't tell you, I'm thinking it 24/7 but, you've made me the happiest person alive."

"No I haven't." She shakes her head. "Because that's me."

"You're happy?"

"Of course I'm happy. And if I didn't have you..." She trails off, debating the thought as she sighs. "But I do have you and we are the strongest we've been. And I'd do anything to see that smile on your face." She taps my lips. "Everyday for the rest of our lives... Even if it does mean... Cravings and sickness and... Oh, labour. Ugh. Is this really happening? Am I dreaming?"

"Sorry, no." I smooth her hair back and she pulls a face at me.

"You need to buy better protection."

"We haven't been using protection." I remind her. "I think that might be the problem."

"Well I thought I was too past it to get pregnant again." She debates. "The most fertile woman in Weatherfield, who didn't even like children."

"Alfie's going to have a brother or sister." I prompt her and that makes her smile, as she buries her head in her chest. "He'll be two when it's born."

"Oh God." She sits up suddenly. "How many weeks gone do you think I am?"

"I don't know, why? What's the matter?" I panic, as she turns to face me.

"Because It'll probably be due in April." She groans, and it takes me a moment to realise what she means. "That's two birthdays in April. Oh no... What if it's on the same day."

"Stop stressing about that." I laugh and it calms her slightly. "April will just be an expensive month."

"Unless it comes early again... Oh, what if it does, what if-"

"Sweetheart, Carla, please." I stop her, placing a hand on her knee and she puts her head in her hands, as I brush the hair out of her face. I gently lift her chin, turning her head to face me, seeing the cracks behind her expression. "Stop worrying. You've just found out you're pregnant. Just take this one step at a time. Ok?"

"Sorry..." She looks at me apologetically and I shake my head.

"Don't be." I reassure her and her eyes search mine. "Just relax, ok?"

"Can you hold me?" She asks almost weakly and I smile, holding my arms out as she falls back into them. I place a kiss into her hair, my hand falling to her tummy as she places her fingers over mine.

* * *

"Mummy will be so pleased you've eaten all your breakfast." I tell Alfie, as he finishes off his cereal and I clear his bowl away. "Drink your juice and I'll pack you another one for nursery."

"Daddy." Alfie slams his juice bottle down on the high chair table. "Daddy juice."

"Alfie's juice." I correct him, as I hear the quiet sound of footsteps as Carla appears in the doorway. "Oh here she is."

"Here she is, feeling disgusting." Carla glides past me, kissing me quickly.

"Not _looking_ disgusting." I reassure her and she flashes me a smile, as I put some bread in the toaster for her. "Morning baby." She kisses Alfie on the top of the head, before pouring herself a drink.

"Ok, listen to me little man." I take a seat next to Alfie and he stares at me with a perplexed expression. "Mummy might be grumpy sometimes for the next few months, because of something called hormones."

"Shut it." She whips me with a tea towel and I laugh.

"But we love her very much and we'll grin and bear it, ok?" I hold my hand up and he high-fives me, something he had recently started to do. "Ok, we've got to pull each other through."

"Nick." Carla whines and I pull a face at Alfie as she places her hands on her hips. "Do you want to swap places?"

"If I could I would." I stand up, kissing her cheek and wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. "If it made you feel better."

"Sweetie, you." She smiles, before watching Alfie drink his juice as he watches our affection. "Have we got any Nutella?"

"Oh it begins." I kiss her neck, brushing her hair out of the way and she bats me off. "Yeah we have actually because Alfie had it on pancakes the other night. You're in luck."

" _You're_ in luck." She corrects me. "Means you don't have to go to the shop."

"Mm." I breathe in the scent of her freshly washed and dried hair for a moment, before letting her go. "On your toast?"

"Yes please." She smiles at me, leaning on the counter as she watches me make it. "We've got a parent in partnership meeting tomorrow."

"Oh what?" I groan, handing her a plate, which she gratefully accepts. "We just had one a few months ago."

"Yeah but he's moving to toddler room, isn't he? At the end of September." She reminds me. "We've got to meet his new key worker, talk about transitions and all that."

"Oh yeah course, he's moving rooms." I remember as Carla puts her plate down, picking him up excitedly.

"You're growing, moving to toddler room." She kisses his nose and he giggles. "You'll be at university next."

"Mumma." He pulls gently on her hair and she gazes at him lovingly.

"Mummy loves you." She kisses his head, rocking him gently as he pats her chest. "Mummy's got to go and see Auntie Chelle today, tell her what's going on."

"Chelle." Alfie repeats excitedly.

"Oh, no you're not going to Auntie Chelle's today sweetie." Carla corrects him. "She's working with daddy. You're going to nursery."

"It's like we've got an additional wife we need to keep in the loop." I tease her and she flicks her head around to face me.

"It's not a bad idea." She muses. "Alfie would certainly like it. I'll pop in at dinner."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Well I already sort of have." She bites her lip worriedly. "I can't really lie now, can I?"

"You should have talked to me."

"I know, I know." She sighs, brushing her fingers through Alfie's hair. "It's what I do... I didn't know what I wanted."

"But you do want this?" I check and she focuses on me. "Now?"

"Yes." She kisses me, as Alfie tugs on my tie and I laugh. "This is what I want."

 **Carla**

"Yes it is a really good price." I roll my eyes, as soon as I see Nick upon entering the Bistro, struggling to end my phone call. "It's not the price that's the issue here, it's the deadline in comparison to the number of units. My employees will be working their fingers to the bone."

"So, you can't do it then?" He persists and I flop down in a seat at the bar.

"No I never said we couldn't do it." I try to refrain from snapping at my most irritating client. "I just think we should put a hold on productivity until we've had the meeting on Tuesday."

"Well if that's what you think is best." He mutters, as Nick hands me an orange juice and I screw my nose up at it, desperate for a glass of wine. "Tuesday it is."

"Ok great." I drum my fingers on the bar top. "I'll see you then. Bu-bye now Mr Hanlon." I hang the call up. "Ugh!"

"Hi." Nick raises his eyebrows and I manage to raise my head from where it had collapsed into my folded arms. "You seem stressed."

"Ooh." I humour him, taking a reluctant sip from my glass. "I hate orange juice."

"No you don't-"

"Well I do now." I almost snap and he raises his hands, withdrawing slightly. "Sorry." I moan, pulling on his tie to meet his lips. "Sorry."

"Oh hello." Michelle appears, placing her hands on her hips as she observes me, flashing a subtle look at Nick. "Uh, can we talk?"

"Yeah you can talk here." I wave my hand tiredly at the bar. "There's no secrets here."

"Oh, that's good." She turns to look at Nick. "You hadn't mentioned."

"Well, thought I'd leave it up to her." Nick pats my hand gently, as Michelle's eyes dart between us expectantly.

"So?" She waits. "Are you?"

"Yeah." I manage a smile and she tries to contain her excitement. "But Chelle, I mean it when I say, no telling anyone, alright?"

"Of course not." She mimics zipping her mouth. "Can I tell Robert?"

"Well yeah but, that's it. Ok? It's early days."

"Yeah I understand." She claps her hands slightly and I can't help smiling at Nick. "So how do you both feel?"

"Well, sick." I respond, and Nick brushes a hand through my hair supportively. "But we're happy, aren't we?"

"Yeah." He nods, not able to remove his eyes from me for a moment. "Really happy."

 **Nick**

"All sounds positive." Carla mutters, as she flicks through Alfie's learning journey, tracing her finger along a picture of him in the sandpit, holding a spade. "She seems really nice, his new key worker."

"Ah." I tap a picture of our son making biscuits, concentrating intently as he places smarties on top of one. She smiles slightly as she takes it in, and I fold my arm around her shoulders. "You ok?"

"Mm." She mumbles, glancing at me tiredly. "It's these meetings, so much to absorb."

"There you go." Alice re-enters the room, handing us some photocopies of Alfie's work. "It's been lovely to meet you both."

"Oh you too." Carla shakes her hand as she stands up, as I follow her out and down the stairs to Alfie's room.

"Mummy." Alfie looks up from a table of Lego excitedly, pointing to us as we enter.

"Look who it is." One of the nursery workers brightens her eyes at him, as he runs into Carla's arms once she has knelt down.

"Hello." She ruffles his hair slightly. "Have you been good?"

"He's been fine." The one woman approaches us with a clipboard. "You've been painting today, haven't you Alfie?"

"Have you been painting?" Carla asks him excitedly, as he hands her a picture. "Oh wow. Look how beautiful that is."

"Has he eaten ok?" I check, as Carla continues to praise Alfie.

"Brilliant as ever." The assistant beams at me. "All of his grapes and crackers for snack. Most of his cottage pie for dinner and all of his crumble for dessert. Then he's had ham and cheese sandwiches for tea."

"Well fed then." I pick his bag up from the pegs at the side, handing Alfie his juice as he holds his arms out for it. "Come on then. Thank you."

"See you next week."

"Let me carry that." I take the folder from Carla, as soon as we're out the door and she raises her eyebrows at me. "What?"

"It's a folder Nick." She giggles slightly. "It's hardly a heavy object."

"I was only trying to be polite." I nudge her, as she picks Alfie up, resting him on her hip.

"Oh can we stop at the shop on the way home?" She decides suddenly and I roll my eyes playfully. "We need vanilla ice cream."

" _We_ need vanilla ice cream? Or _you_ need vanilla ice cream?" I tease her, as she straps Alfie into the car, placing a hand on my knee as soon as we're in the front. "Yes we can stop at the shop." I kiss her forehead before putting the car into gear. "If that's what you want."

* * *

 _ **A/N: I started this not wanting it to be a typical baby fluffy fic, and that's not my intention, I know exactly where I'm taking this fic and the next storyline, just to prepare you x Thanks for reading so far!**_


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60:**

 _ **Trigger warning: content and descriptions some people may find upsetting.**_

 **Nick**

"What do you want?" I put my arm around Carla, as she leans against the counter of Roy's Rolls.

"Um..." She contemplates and I smile contently, as Roy makes his way towards us. "Hello, how's Sylvia, Roy?"

"Still alive." He states bluntly, and I watch the corners of her mouth turn up at his unintentional humour. Alfie begins to wriggle excitedly in his pushchair, waving at Roy, who smiles as he waves back. "I can do him pancakes with fruit."

"Oh wow." Carla widens her mouth, unstrapping Alfie and shifting him on to her hip. "Grandad Roy says he'll make you pancakes. Yes?" She shakes his hand gently, as he giggles. "Yeah he'd love that. Uh, babe." She pats my shoulder. "I'm going to sit down, get me a breakfast, yeah?"

"Yes, your highness." I roll my eyes playfully, watching her go before Roy diverts my attention back to him.

"He seems happy. They both do."

"Well then I'm achieving my aim in life."

"I've never witnessed her seem this content." He looks over at them, jotting down our order without even asking me. "Coffee?"

"Decaf." I cover for Carla. "We're trying to sync with Alfie's sleeping pattern."

"Is he still waking up early?" Roy inquires, as he prepares our coffee, clearly not phased by my excuse.

"We're getting there."

"I'll bring them over." He tells me and I nod, heading back over to the table.

"Did you get-"

"Yes." I kiss the side of her head, placing a hand subtly on her tummy as she smiles to herself, passing Alfie his juice bottle. "You still feeling sick?"

"Not sick just slightly... Uneasy." She shrugs, as if it was nothing, and I wrap a piece of her hair around my finger.

"Maybe you shouldn't go to the park with Chelle if you don't feel up to it."

"No, it'll do me good." She sighs, linking her hand with mine. "I'll be fine." She meets my lips, kissing me quickly. "Stop worrying."

 **Carla**

"So, how are things?" Michelle wheels the pushchair along, as we pace down the path of the Red Rec. The September sun was beating down on us, the warmest it has possibly been all summer, as I move my sunglasses down over my eyes.

"Probably... The best they've ever been." I come to the realisation, and I see her smile at the thought. "Content. The most comfortable I've felt. Minus, you know, cramps, cravings and chucking my guts up every morning."

"It's not for long." She reminds me. "You're glowing anyway."

"Ah." I tilt my head to the side, grateful for the compliment. "So, how's married life? We haven't had a proper chance to discuss it because of my dilemmas yet again."

"It's going well, nothing to mess it up so far, so that's a good omen." She tells me. "Oh and uh, good job at keeping the Ireland thing quiet."

"...He told you?" My eyes widen behind my shades and she lets out a slight laugh.

"Don't fret, it's fine." She assures me. "He told me when we were drunk on honeymoon. If I'd have known on the day though, there'd have been hell to pay."

"Yeah that's why I tried to keep quiet." I pull a face. "Trust me, I was fuming."

"Sounds like it was all Steve's idea anyway. It doesn't surprise me."

"Well yeah, that's what I heard." I pause when we get to a bench. "Can we just sit down for a moment?"

"Yeah, are you okay?" She checks and I nod confidently as I sit down. I can tell she wants to say something, but doesn't. After all, she knew as well as I did that I knew pregnancy like a professional now.

"He's got a new key worker." I try to divert, pointing to where Alfie was asleep in the pushchair. "Alice. She's very nice. We've shown her a picture of you, so they know what you look like when it's you who picks up."

"So is he moving rooms?"

"Mm." I nod, standing up again and resuming the walk. "Toddler room."

"Wow." She exclaims to herself. "Time's flown."

"I know." I gaze at Alfie for a moment. "He's not a baby anymore. He's growing up."

* * *

"Yellow." I sit cross legged on the floor as Alfie holds a block up. "Put it in the box." I tap it and he follows obediently. "Well done. Red."

"Red." He repeats and my eyes light up.

"Yes!" I exclaim excitedly, despite nobody being here. "Yes, red. Come here." I pick him up, kissing his forehead. I cuddle him for a moment, before I sharp pain causes me to withdraw. I'm careful as I place him back on the carpet, clutching my stomach as I try to prevent myself from keeling over. "Alfie pass mummy her phone." I point to where it is on the sofa. "Phone." I beg him, and he continues to stare at me inquisitively. "Mm." I exhale sharply, before crawling towards it, managing to clutch it in my fingers. The pain continues to deepen, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to show it in front of Alfie. He holds another block up, clearly not noticing my discomfort, and I force a smile.

"Red." He says again, despite it being a blue block and I just nod, scrolling through my phone to find Nick's name, before a trickling sensation makes me go cold.

"Oh God." I press Nick's contact, silently begging for him to pick up.

"Hi you've reached Nick, leave a message-"

"No." I pull myself up, leaning on the sofa as I go to my next in line contact. "Chelle." I whisper to myself, flashing Alfie a smile.

"Carla?" Michelle answers, as I stumble towards the bathroom, my head going dizzy as I fight the urge to throw up.

"Chelle. I need you." Is all I manage to say.

"I'm coming." She responds, and I continue to listen to her voice as I fall back against the bath, everything going black.

* * *

"Carla? Carla can you hear me?" My eyes hesitantly open at the sound of a familiar voice, and I adjust to my surroundings. I notice Michelle knelt before me, Alfie in her arms.

"Is he ok?" I swallow, as she reaches out to touch my forehead.

"I'm taking you to hospital." She frets and I shake my head quickly, forcing myself up as I look down at the blood on my jeans.

"Oh God. Oh God." I begin to panic, and I finally see the tears in her eyes. We both knew.

"Hospital, now."

"Chelle there's no point." I suddenly burst out crying, taking Alfie from her, who tugs on my hair gently. "Actually... Take him, please." I swallow, trying to be strong for Alfie's sake. "Take him out of here." I glance at the blood again. "Please."

"Carla, we're going to the hospital." She reinforces.

"No, Michelle!" I shout, and Alfie stares at me in bewilderment. "Please just, I'll be out in a minute." I try to calm my shaking voice.

"Ok..." She finally whispers, picking Alfie up and carrying him out of the room. I slide back down the bath, trying to silence the tears rolling down my cheeks, a hand automatically moving to my stomach.

* * *

"Can I get you anything?" Michelle asks, hesitantly, as I appear from the bottom of the stairs, hair up, make-up off, now dressed in the usual tracksuit that only came out on bad days.

"I'm alright." I fold my arms around myself, taking note of where Alfie was scooping yogurt into his mouth in front of a number programme on television. "Thanks for uh..." I weakly point at him.

"Come here." She holds her arms out to me, pulling me in, as I let her rock me gently.

"Don't make me cry." I whisper into her hair, as her hand glides up and down my back.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart." Is all she says and I keep my eyes glued to the photo of Alfie, Nick and I on the mantelpiece, when we went to the country park last year. He had ice cream on his chin, along with an excited smile.

"Oh you know what?" I regain myself, forcing a fake smile on my face. "Baby." I go over to Alfie, picking him up out of the high chair and positioning him on my hip as I place a lasting kiss into his hair. "I love you so much. So, so much."

"Do you want me to get you-" Michelle begins, before the key sounds in the door and I jump as it opens, Nick stood there with a welcoming smile on his face. Oh no. I hadn't thought this through.

"Oh, hi Michelle." Nick greets her. "Made a day of it, did we?"

"Uh, yeah." Michelle's eyes dart to me, sympathetically and I bite down on my lip. "Do you want me to go?"

"I'll be fine." I nod at her and she manages a small supportive smile before taking her coat and leaving.

"So." Nick comes over, laughing at Alfie's excited squeals. "How are my two favourite people?" He kisses my forehead, before moving his hand down to my tummy, making me freeze slightly. "Three favourite people."

"Mm." I mumble, trying to make it sound content, as he takes Alfie from me.

"Red." Alfie holds up the block in his hand, and Nick stares at me in shock.

"Oh my..." He trails off and I nod, trying to keep the smile on my face. "That's amazing. Well done Alfie. Red."

"Daddy." He pats his shoulder, as Nick buries kisses into his hair and I have to force back tears watching them.

"Daddy loves you." He tells him, holding his hand before turning back to me. "So how has your day been?"

"Well it started off good." I cough slightly, as he places Alfie back in the high chair, heading into the kitchen as I follow after him.

"What's with the tracksuit? You really are having a duvet day."

"Well... Yeah." I clench my fist, digging my nails into my palm. "Um-"

"I was making fish for tea, but then I remembered that was a no at some points in the last pregnancy." He continues, as I squeeze my eyes shut. "So, what does baby number two want?" He turns to me, moving to kiss my tummy which makes me ache. "Sorry, I haven't said hello to you." He mumbles into the cotton of my hoodie, before moving back up to face me, finally taking in the expression on my face. "What?" His eyes deepen, everything suddenly more serious. "...What?"

"I'm so sorry." I start to panic, shaking, and I don't even have to say anything else, because I can tell he's pieced everything together. "Nick, I'm so sorry."

"...The baby." He doesn't even offer it as a question and I gently shake my head, my throat aching from the tears I am holding back. "Oh." Is all he releases and it makes me feel so guilty, so sad.

"I'm sorry." I say again, and he swallows, pulling me into a hug.

"Don't say sorry." He whispers into my hair, as I hold back tears in his chest. "I love you. It's alright."

"I hate being the one to put that look on your face." I murmur into him, and he pulls back, studying me.

"Sweetheart, you make me so completely happy." He assures me, guiding me back in. "Please never apologise. This isn't your fault..." He hesitates, trying to gather his thoughts. "Are you... Okay? I mean, what did the hospital say? How did it happen? I'm sorry, oh God." He buries his head in his hands and I watch him for a moment, trying to think of the answers to the same questions I was asking myself.

"Um... Well, it just... Happened. I tried to phone you. Then I phoned Michelle and uh, she found me in the..." I point towards the downstairs bathroom. "We both knew... It was obvious Nick, the blood, the pain."

"...What do you mean, you knew?" He eyes me up. "You haven't been to the hospital?"

"Nick, I don't need to-"

"Yes, you do." He says firmly. "You might still be pregnant. Loads of women bleed throughout their pregnancies."

"Nick-"

"No, Carla, we're going. Now. We could still have our baby-"

"Nick I've taken a test, there is no baby!" I scream and the room falls silent for a moment, before the distant sounds of Alfie's cries begin to erupt and I hesitate, forcing my legs to head in the same direction. "Sorry, sweetie." I pick him up, bouncing him on my hip, as Nick appears in the doorway. I avoid his gaze, the nauseating tinkle of the kiddie theme song on the TV cutting the tension between us. I close my eyes, before grabbing the control and clicking it off. "I'm going to put him to bed." I head past Nick, padding up the stairs as he watches me go. "Then we can talk, properly."

 **Nick**

"I'm sorry." I'm up almost as soon as she appears at the base of the stairs, and she wraps her arms around herself.

"You're sorry?" She looks baffled at the thought. "Please, don't apologise, Nick. This is me. My... Inabilities."

"Don't say that." I respond, softly, as she approaches me, sitting down on the sofa, as I join her.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice... I just... I know my body, I know what... Miscarriage feels like."

"I know." I swallow, trying to defend myself from being hit so hard by the word. "I should have been here. Why was I not here?"

"Because you were at work." She reminds me, bluntly, as if I had lost my mind.

"I should have answered the phone-"

"Nick, you're going to drive yourself mad with that." Carla sighs, putting her head in her hands. "There's nothing that can be done now. No point on dwelling on 'what if's'."

"...How are you feeling?" I stupidly ask, and she moves her head to look at me, exhaling in a way which conveys all the silent pain she was encasing within her.

"Physically or mentally?"

"Both."

"Physically, alright now. The cramping has mostly stopped, I just get twinges, and there's no more bleeding so..." She pauses, squeezing her eyes shut at the thought. "Mentally... I'm upset... But, alright, considering. Maybe I'm just getting used to it now." She inserts, as a known defence mechanism, and my eyes move to the floor. "Sorry... Oh God, why did I say that?"

"Because you're hurting." I am careful as I phrase it. "I'm surprised you're not lashing out."

"I'm too tired for that." She shrugs slightly. "How can I get upset over something I barely had?"

"Easily. It's not just that, it's the prospect, the thoughts, the intentions, the dreams." I cut myself off, noticing her expression. "...It's been a mad few weeks."

"I've let you down again."

"Never."

"Disappointed you." She continues, even though she knew full well what the answer would be. "That look on your face. The pain you're feeling. You can argue against it, but I've put it there. Me and my stupid... Womb."

"It's not your fault." I say firmly and she traces her finger over the stitching on the sofa. "Have you eaten?"

"What do you think?" She mutters, before standing up and staring at her reflection in the mirror. I watch her compose herself for a moment, looking completely worn down from the strain she had undergone both physically and emotionally.

"Carla?" I ask gently and she turns to face me. "I know you've said you don't want to go, but I need to make sure you're ok. Please."

"I'm fine. I'm still standing. Just about."

"I can drop Alfie at Chelle's-"

"He's just gone to sleep-"

"It won't take long, just a few check-ups." I beg her, and she avoids my gaze. "Please, babe. Just to put my mind at rest?"

"...Ok." She shrugs, tiredly raising her head so I can see the weakness in her eyes. "If you're that insistent. Ok. But if you're hoping they'll say I'm still pregnant-"

"I just want to make sure you're alright." I assure her, trying to dissolve the tiny bit of hope I was clinging onto. "I'll phone mum, tell her to come over and watch Alfie."

"No, call Chelle." Carla decides. "Your mum will just ask questions."

"Alright." I say gently, our eyes resting over one another's for a brief silence. "Do you want a hug?"

"No, I'll cry."

"Well maybe that's good." I swallow, and she shakes her head, before walking towards the stairs.

"I'll go and get dressed."

* * *

"So we've wasted two hours of our evening." Carla checks the clock on the and wall. "When we could have had dinner. I haven't eaten since breakfast."

I wait for her to finish her lecture, patiently, before standing up and heading out into the hall, sliding a few coins into the vending machine and picking up the sandwich that falls down.

"Here." I hand it to her when I re-enter, and she hesitantly takes it. "Don't worry, it's your favourite. I know."

"...I'm not hungry." She murmurs, before looking up at me. "I'm a stubborn cow, aren't I?"

"I learnt that a long time ago." I sigh, sitting back down in the chair as she swings her legs off the edge of the hospital bed, weighing up the sandwich in her hand before opening it up. "I'm alright." I tell her, as she hands me half of it, before picking at the crust. "...We'll be alright."

"I know." She gives me a weak smile, her face softening as she puts the sandwich on the bed, reaching out to take my hand in hers. "I know that." Her eyes fixate on mine, grief and need being conveyed. "I'm alright. I mean, I'm sad. Really sad." I squeeze her hand gently. "But I'm ok. You don't have to worry about me going off and doing something stupid... Whatever happens, we've got Alfie."

"And if you want, we can carry on trying." I stupidly say without thinking, and immediately regret it once she withdraws, actually looking hurt at my words. "Carla, sorry, I didn't mean it like-"

"A few hours." She suddenly snaps. "And you're already thinking about 'trying' again."

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that." I apologise. "I was trying to be positive. You know I didn't-"

"I know I said I was alright but wow." She stands up abruptly, putting her head in her hands.

"Ok, you know I didn't intend to-"

"I'm not a vending machine." She turns to face me, her voice heightening and patients in the beds around turn to stare at us. "It's not just a case of sticking some change in and out pops a... Chicken and bacon sandwich... But no, if it doesn't work just shake the machine and eventually one will just-"

"Carla, calm down." I tell her, standing up as she peers around the room, folding her arms around herself defensively.

"Not again." She assures me, quieter this time. "I'm not doing that again. Four pregnancies. One baby. So crush your dreams of what you imagined because I'm not putting myself through this again."

"I don't want you to!" I retort firmly. "You should know this by now. You've given me everything already." I calm myself slightly. "You know me. Stop trying to make me out to be the bad guy, because you're hurting. I know you too."

The room falls silent, a few awkward coughs and glances being exchanged, before a nurse enters with a clipboard. She immediately picks up on the tension, clutching it to her chest, opening her mouth to speak and closing it again.

"Carla Tilsley?" She eventually has the courage to say, clearly intimidated by Carla's riled mood. "...I'm sorry for your loss... You seem to be in good condition so we're happy to discharge you-"

"Excellent." Carla cuts her off, grabbing her belongings, tapping me on the shoulder sarcastically. "It's a good job he brought me in, isn't it? Look at all the use it did."

"Actually, Nick you did the right thing." She dares to say. "You can never know-"

"I knew." Carla tells her firmly. "I've had the practice." She snaps before leaving and I quickly apologise to the nurse before following after her, pacing down the corridor once I catch her up.

"Oh and by the way, chicken and bacon is my second favourite." She begins to argue, diverting the topic at hand.

"Well they didn't have that avocado and spinach stuff which nobody really likes."

"Oh hitting me where it hurts Nick; my sandwich preferences." She bickers. "Mature."

"Don't start on maturity." I scoff. "What about a massive screaming match on the hospital ward?"

"That's an exaggeration." She rolls her eyes. "It takes two to have a screaming match."

"Well it takes one to start it." I retaliate and before I can absorb anything further, a sharp sting inflicts my cheek, stopping me in my tracks, as my head swings to the side as a result of the impact of her palm. I pause, sparks rushing through my mind, before I recover the shock and turn to face her. She stands before me, chest rising and falling rapidly, her own surprise and devastation written into her expression.

"Oh God..." She trails off, her eyes darting to my cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." I just respond, continuing to walk, and she stares after me for a moment.

"Nick-"

"Carla can we do this at home?" I turn to ask her, exasperatedly and she swallows, nodding sorrowfully before trailing after me.

* * *

"Hi." I forget about Michelle until we get through the door, as she stands to face us, picking up on the silence that we had endured since leaving the hospital.

"...Are you alright?"

"Yeah, Chelle cheers for coming over, you can go now." Carla dismisses her.

"Don't be so rude." I scold her, as if she was five years old, and she stares at me in surprise, as Michelle awkwardly puts her hands in her pockets. "She's fine." I tell Michelle. "...Results were as suspected."

"...I'm so sorry." Her face softens apologetically. "If you need anything at all... You know."

"Thanks." I smile at her appreciatively, as she picks her coat up.

"Uh, he did wake once, asking for you." She remembers, careful as she says it. "I gave him a bottle and he went back off, I hope you don't mind."

"...Thank you." Carla says, sincerely and Michelle flashes her a smile, rubbing her back momentarily before proceeding to leave, catching sight of my cheek.

"What happened to..." She trails off, catching on before passing us. "I'll see you later." There is a moment as the door closes, and Carla watches as I remove my shoes and jacket, collapsing on the sofa. She doesn't move, remains glued to the floor until I'm sat frozen, staring at the tiny crack in the marble fireplace.

"Nick..." She says weakly, forcing herself to come forwards, sitting down in the armchair. "I'm so sorry about... Well, everything. But, that." She points to my cheek, her hand shaking as she does so. "I'll get you some ice."

"It's alright, leave it." I sigh gently and she sits back down again. "The throbbing has almost stopped now... You've had some practice at that."

"I never wanted you to be on the receiving end." She assures me, desperation in her voice. "I'm so sorry."

"You've said."

"You can slap me, get me back." She releases and my head shoots around to face her, shock in my eyes.

"I would never do that. Ever." I tell her firmly and she nods in recognition, before groaning and putting her head in her hands.

"I know. I know, ugh, that was a stupid thing to say."

"Ok, calm down." I soothe her, kneeling before where she was panicking and peeling her hands away from her face, holding them in mine. "It's alright. You don't need to apologise or try to justify yourself. You've just had a... Miscarriage. It's natural to do and say crazy things."

"I hurt you." I can see she's trying to force back tears, and it wasn't just for that reason.

"Well, I was winding you up." I remind her. "And I've had worse. I mean, a slap on the cheek isn't the same as the impact of a lorry, is it?"

"Oh don't." She puts her hands over her ears momentarily, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Sorry." I remember back to her crash before she gave birth to Alfie. "Right we both just need to shut up."

"Yeah." She smiles slightly, and it warms me as I see the corners of her mouth turn up. "...To be honest, I don't really like it either."

"What?" I frown.

"That avocado and spinach superfood... Sandwich... Thing..." She tries to remind me and I can't help releasing a soft laugh. "I say I do because it's part of the image, isn't it?"

"Well the image isn't important to me." I remind her, and her face softens. "And what I said in the hospital, I didn't mean for it to sound like I was depreciating what happened. I'm not pushing you into anything, I never would."

"I know." She whispers, placing her hands on my cheeks as she watches me. "You're so good and kind and caring... Loving." She leans in to kiss me. "Gentle. I know." She kisses me again, before pulling back. "...I can't do it again. I can't go through that pain, and I don't mean physically, Nick. It's draining, it's heartbreaking. I feel so weak and useless. I feel like a failure. I can't put myself through that again, I'm too tired, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if you wanted more from me."

"Hey, hey." I tilt her chin to face me. "Wanted more from you? Really? You've given me everything I ever wished for. You _are_ everything I ever wished don't give yourself enough credit, at all. I don't need anymore children. I've got my son. I've got you. We're a family. All I want is for you to be happy."

"...But I'm really sad." It's possibly the most heart-wrenching phrase she's ever said, the weakness and vulnerability in her tone soaking through me. "...And it hurts so much." She suddenly bursts into tears, which, in a way is a relief, despite being the worst sound to hear, because she'd needed to cry all day.

"Come here sweetheart." I pull her into my chest, and she cries into me on the floor for what seems like hours, maybe it is, maybe it didn't matter whether it was minutes or months. I rock her gently, releasing soothing sounds, running my fingers through her tear-soaked hair. I keep telling her she's amazing, strong, perfect, all the things she needed to hear, that I could never express enough. I cry myself for a while, trying to avoid letting her see, hear. Until the whimpers have silenced, and she loosely clings onto my jumper, eyes rested, looking so peaceful as she falls asleep in my arms. I wait until I hear the soft exhales of her sleep, before carefully lifting her, supporting her in my arms and heading upstairs towards the bedroom. I gently lower her, pulling the duvet around her, managing to remove the hoodie from her arms so she wasn't too hot. I climb in next to her, I kiss her on the forehead, I turn the light out so only her silhouette can be pictured. I slip my arm under her head, and I hold her for the entire duration of the night.

* * *

 _ **Sorry to those wanting another baby storyline! There is a reason behind this, and this kicks off the next story. Hope you enjoyed x**_


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61:**

 **Nick**

"Alfie, shoes." I hear Carla calling from the kitchen, as I enter to see her kneeling on the floor, catching him as he runs over to her.

"Morning." I place a kiss on the top of her head and she looks up at me hesitantly.

"Hiya." She says quietly, and I massage her head gently for a moment before picking up the file on the kitchen table.

"Paul Stokes? That's a blast from the past." I flick through, as she stands up, taking it from my grip. "He used to be my contact."

"Oh well in that case, you can take my meeting at four." She teases me, managing a weak smile and going to turn her around, before I pull her back.

"You ok?" I ask softly and she nods, watching me for a moment before leaning in to kiss me.

"Mummy." Alfie tugs on her leg and she sighs, looking down at him.

"Come here Alf." I pick him up, almost throwing him in the air playfully as he laughs. "He eaten?"

"Two bowls of porridge." She raises her eyebrows, turning to check her reflection in the mirror.

"Why do you do that?" I randomly ask and she turns to look at me, confused.

"What?"

"Check the mirror all the time?" I point out. "When you always look beautiful."

"Oh that's smooth." She nods impressively, opening the cupboard and I notice her face fall slightly as she spots the jar of chocolate spread. "We can chuck that now."

"Well Alfie might always have it."

"No." She says more firmly than anticipated, before calming her tone. "Please can we throw it away?"

"Anything you want." I balance Alfie on my hip, dropping it in the bin with the other hand and she looks relieved at my gesture. "It's gone."

"...Very fitting." She swallows, immediately regretting it and closing her eyes. "Sorry. Sorry... Ugh, why do I do it?"

"Ok, ok." I lower Alfie into his chair, wrapping my arms around her, swaying her comfortingly. "Because it's your defence mechanism... Car, do you think going to work is a good idea?"

"Yes, Nick." She assures me, letting me go and I study her for a moment. "Please, I want to go, don't make us have an argument over this."

"Alright." I agree with her. "I'll drop him at nursery."

"Are you sure?" She checks, as she picks her bag up, heading towards the door.

"Have you eaten?" I inquire, and she pauses, wondering whether to lie or admit the truth. "Take something with you."

"I'm not hungry."

"Carla." I warn her and she leans back against the door frame exasperatedly.

"What?"

"Paul Stokes, he's a massive county fan." I inform her, as she narrows her eyes, surprised at my response. "Remind him of the result from Saturday, it'll put him in a good mood."

"Oh." She just replies, her tone pleasing. "Ok... Love you. Bye."

 **Carla**

"Four dozen." I hear Bethany explain down the phone, her words only vague in my thoughts as I stare at the clock. The big hand was stuck, I'd noticed it when I came in this morning, and had little intentions of fixing it anytime soon. "No, dozen... Twelve!" She exclaims, rolling her eyes at me as I shift to tap my pen on the desk repeatedly. " _Four_ dozen. No, four lots of twelve is forty eight." She glances at me worriedly, muttering under her breath. "It is forty eight?" She checks and I just nod, not even bothering to make the calculation. "Ok, yes, that's great thank you. Bye bye, Mr Woods."

"So just to clarify, it's four dozen?" I mumble sarcastically and she laughs for a second before noticing my expression.

"Wow. Hormones are really catching up with you." She inputs and it takes me a second to realise what she means.

"What?"

"All these pregnancy hormones." She waves her hand at me playfully and I grate my teeth together. "Does Nick know yet?"

"I'm not pregnant, Bethany." I sigh, rubbing my forehead tiredly.

"You know what? When you come and announce it in a few weeks time, don't pretend I didn't clock this first-"

"I'm not pregnant!" I shout suddenly and her eyes widen, staring at me in surprise. "I was. Yes, well done to you." I quieten my tone. "But now I'm not. Ok? I lost it."

"...Oh God..." She stammers, gazing at where I was now swinging my chair slightly, my eyes glued to my computer screen without taking in any of the information on it. "...Carla, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." I just swallow. "I'm sorry for shouting."

"No... I uh, I deserved it." She mumbles. "Me, not knowing when to shut my mouth again... I feel awful now."

"Well, don't." I manage a weak smile, before opening the drawer and pulling out the box of chocolates Dawson's had given us. "I'm opening these though." I offer her one and she smiles slightly. "...I'll just get fat instead."

 **Nick**

"How are you doing?" Michelle's voice drags me back to reality, as I notice her slip behind the bar, taking her coat off.

"Hi, thanks for coming in." I greet her, having had to call her following another waitress' sickness.

"Alright Nick, you make it sound like I'm on my trial." She flashes me a cheery smile and the smallest gesture heightens my mood drastically. "Hi babe." She briefly calls into the kitchen, before returning to my side.

"Hi sweetness." Daniel jokes, nudging her as he leaves the kitchen and she narrows her eyes at him.

"How's Carla?" She leans on the bar top, taking the pen I was repetitively tapping against the wood and I sigh, turning to face her.

"She's alright." I just shrug, as she searches my expression. "I'm fine, Michelle."

"I can manage, if you wanted to go?" She offers and I arch my brow slightly. "Which you don't want to do, because you want to work to distract yourself."

"You spend too much time with me." I prod her with my foot playfully and she gives me a proud look as the door opens, my eyes falling to where Carla is making her way towards the bar. "Hello." I lean across the bar top, as she jumps up to kiss me, before taking a seat.

"Hi." She murmurs, her eyes shifting to Michelle. "Hi."

"Feeling ok?" She grabs a glass automatically, holding up a bottle of red wine and Carla just nods. "Is that for the feeling ok, or the wine?"

"Oh, get it poured." Carla waves her hand at it. "If I can drink again I'm going to bloody well enjoy it."

"Not too much." I point a finger at her and she tilts her head, giving me an exasperated look. "How's work?"

"Apart from shouting at my niece, alright." She bites her lip worriedly.

"Bethany?" I assume.

"...No, Sean." She rolls her eyes and I pat her hand scoldingly. "Yeah, she uh, she's been convinced I'm pregnant. Started winding me up about hormones... I snapped."

"Badly?"

"No." She sighs, putting her head in her hands for a moment. "She's fine, very apologetic. I told her, though. So if you start getting sympathy texts from your mother."

"She won't tell." I squeeze her shoulder reassuringly. "You look tired."

"Ooh." She mutters sarcastically. "Well I didn't really sleep."

"I know." I reply, and Michelle leans forward, reaching for Carla's hand.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I'll get you something to eat." I remember and Carla raises her eyebrows at me. "You didn't have breakfast."

"Why are men obsessed with food?" Carla directs at Michelle, a small smile on her face.

"Don't ask me. My husband is a chef."

"I'm not obsessed with _food_." I push a menu towards her, despite the fact she knew it off by heart. "I'm obsessed with looking after you."

"I'll just have a ham sandwich." She decides. "Without the bread, I feel so bloated."

"So, just ham." Michelle nods with a hint of sarcasm, pulling away and heading into the kitchen.

"How are you?" Carla crawls her fingers forward to link with mine. "Have you been shouting at many people today?"

"No." I respond and her shoulders droop slightly. "Except the elderly man who ate all his steak and then demanded a refund. Honestly, regurgitated the fat when I said no-"

"Alright." Carla winces, holding a hand up. "You shouldn't shout at elderly people."

"Oh, the voice of goodwill for all." I tease her and she gives me a look. "Listen, a few more hours and then we can curl up on the sofa. Ok?" I lift her chin and she lets out a satisfied hum at the thought. "Ok."

* * *

"He's asleep." I rest my hand on the door frame of the bathroom, gazing at the short silk nightgown that slipped around Carla's frame, as she leans over the sink to brush her teeth.

"Thank you." She mumbles through toothpaste and I laugh softly, wrapping my arms around her waist. Pulling her hair to the side, I place a gentle kiss against her neck, swaying her in the process. "Do you want me to spit toothpaste on you?"

"You're beautiful." I whisper in her ear as she spits in the sink, allowing the water to wash it away and returning her toothbrush to the holder. She looks up, watching our reflections in the mirror, smiling as I kiss her cheek from behind.

"I look at my worst right now." She scrunches her nose up slightly at her appearance, and I shake my head, unsure as to how she could make that observation. "Honestly, birthing two babies has taken its toll on me. I look knackered, my hair is thinning, I'm probably hitting the menopause any day soon. You're lucky."

"To have you, yeah." I place another kiss against her skin and she sighs contently. "And by the way, I think you look at your best."

"Really?" She raises an eyebrow. "Not as sexy as the day you waltzed into my factory with your blonde highlights."

"I thought we were talking about you?"

"Shut up." She spins around, grinning at my expression. "I thought you were gay back then."

"You've said on numerous occasions." I groan, momentarily wondering how I could ever strut around the street looking as I did. "I'm not though."

"Oh, well that's good." She kisses me, the sweet taste of peppermint tingling on my lips as she does so. "Well, in that case, you can come to bed with me." She links her fingers with mine, guiding me out of the bathroom. "Come on."

 **Carla**

"Right, raisins." I open a small tub and place it down in front of where Alfie was sat in his chair at the Underworld desk. "Get used to this, you'll be the boss one day."

"Choc." He pushes the pot away and I raise an eyebrow.

"Raisins first, chocolate after." I tell him, as he stubbornly sticks his bottom lip out. "Wow, you're getting like me. Please be like daddy, it makes life easier sweetie."

"Daddy?" He repeats, hearing the word.

"Daddy's at work." I tell him, reorganising the files in front of me. "And so am I, so you need to be good and eat your raisins."

"No raisins." He pushes the tub and I raise an eyebrow.

"Alfie." I warn him. "That's the first time you've said that. But it doesn't allow you to have chocolate."

"Talking to yourself?" Aidan pushes the door open, before clapping eyes on Alfie. "Hey... What's he doing here?"

"Michelle's had to go into work yet again, to cover that waitress that has been off all week." I explain. "So I've got nobody to look after him."

"Can't he go to nursery?"

"No, he doesn't go to nursery on Tuesday." I bite into a celery stick. "Tuesday is Michelle's day."

"Yes well Tuesday is also our meeting with Dawson's day." He checks his watch. "In about ten minutes. So, baby's got to go, sorry."

"Uh, _baby_ is staying put." I assure him. "Don't talk about your nephew like that."

"Pete Dawson's hardly going to be pleased when he realises we've turned the factory into a crèche." He starts to stress, the vein on his head becoming more predominant as he gets riled up. Alfie swiftly tips the pot onto the floor before Aidan can open his mouth to say anything else, and I glance at the scattered raisins for a moment.

"Oh dear!" I scold Alfie, as Aidan puts his head in his hands.

"Carla, this isn't going to work." He tells me, as I get up, grabbing the brush and dustpan I rarely touched and crouching down to sweep it up.

"No choc now." I point at Alfie, as he bursts into tears.

"Oh brilliant." Aidan groans, deciding to pick Alfie up, rocking him against his hip. "Alfie, if you stop crying, you can have chocolate."

"No he can't!" I stand up, putting my hands on my hips. "That's not how we teach him."

"Well it's how you get him to be quiet." He retaliates, and I give him a look, holding out my arms and taking Alfie.

"No cuddles from uncle Aidan." I continue. "You sit there nicely and you can have chocolate if you're good."

"No." Alfie continues to cry, throwing a strop.

"You're going on my sad cloud." I kneel down to warn him.

"What is a sad cloud?" Aidan pipes up, exasperatedly.

"It's what they teach us to do at the nursery." I inform him annoyedly, looking back at Alfie and pointing to the chair. "I'll count to three. One, two, three... One, two... Ok, fine, you can have chocolate." I give up, and Alfie takes it from me proudly as I produce it, climbing back onto his chair. "Don't tell daddy."

"...Do they teach you to do that at the nursery?" Aidan chips in.

"Zip it." I tell him, sliding back down into my chair sulkily, practically mirroring Alfie's behaviour. "Right, this meeting-"

"Mr Dawson's here for you." Alya's head appears around the door and I groan quickly, before he enters.

"Hi Mr Dawson." I plaster a smile onto my face, standing and holding my hand out to shake his. "Lovely to see you again."

"Hi... Carla." His eyes drift to Alfie. "This is your son?"

"Oh! Yeah." I act as if I've only just remembered he's there. "Sorry, childcare mix up-"

"Zip." Alfie repeats my earlier statement and my eyes go wide. "Zip it." I head towards the door, pulling it open and giving Pete Dawson an apologetic glance in the process.

"Fiz?" I yell, and she appears obediently, watching as Alfie tilts his head at me innocently.

"More choc-"

"Take my child, please, take him anywhere and I'll pay you double." I beg her and she senses my urgency, going over to pick him up.

"Choc!" Alfie shouts, holding his hand out as she carries him out of the room and I close the office door behind them.

"Right... So." I clap my hands awkwardly and Aidan continues to glare at me. "Can I get you a drink Mr Dawson?"

 **Nick**

"Evening." I close the front door and Carla looks up abruptly from her laptop, closing the lid swiftly and placing it on the coffee table.

"Hardly." She raises an eyebrow. "It's not even five. You're back early."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." I acknowledge Alfie, who is building with blocks on the carpet. "I could say the same for you."

"Well he's been a nightmare all day." Carla flicks her finger in his direction. "I finished my meeting with Dawson's and had to come home. Honestly, Nick, he's been awful."

"Oh dear." I kneel down next to Alfie, who widens his eyes innocently.

"Daddy!" He claps his hands, an excited smile on his face, which makes it incredibly difficult to tell him off.

"Why have you not been good for mummy?" I scold him gently, as he holds a block up, ignoring my question. "Alfie?"

"Zip it." Alfie mutters and I glance at Carla in shock. She coughs awkwardly, drumming her hands in her lap for a moment.

"He didn't eat his raisins!" She exclaims. "Kept throwing things on the floor."

"Mummy choc." Alfie continues.

"Alfie, stop getting me into trouble!" Carla's voice increases in pitch and I have to try hard not to laugh. "He's grassing me up!"

"Daddy's not impressed." I shake my head at Alfie, giving in and taking a block from him, adding it to his tower.

"Nick I'm not doing it again, I'm not taking him to work."

"Ok, ok." I calm her, getting up and sitting down on the sofa, resting a hand on her knee. "Give me a kiss."

"No, you're not giving me enough credit!" She argues sulkily. "I only just managed to secure this order. Aidan's mad at me. When is this waitress back?"

"She's got pneumonia so probably not for a while." I sigh. "I'll get her shift covered so Michelle can look after him next week. Ok? Thank you." I nudge my nose against hers, to try and talk her around and she eventually kisses me. "Or we could look at hiring a nanny?"

"I don't want to hire a nanny." Her eyes are intent on Alfie playing. "The nursery is enough, I need him to be involved with family."

"Oh listen to you." I laugh softly. "Family, family, family. You wouldn't have been singing that song a few years ago."

"You know you've made me soft." Carla nudges me, before her eyes drift to Alfie again. "...What if he gets worse? What if he's that kid at school who always gets sent out of class and sets off those stink bomb things in the toilets?"

"What? Like you were?" I dare to joke and she glares at me. "Carla, you've had one rough day." I reassure her. "He's just got a cob on because he's teething, his routine got messed up, and he probably didn't want to sit for hours listening to his mummy discuss knicker elastic. Alright? Stop thinking worst case, he's a good child. The nursery adore him, don't they?"

"Well he is the cutest one there." She points out, and despite her opinion probably being biased, I nod in agreement. "Oh come on, Alice knows it. She knows exactly where his learning journey is on the shelf, that shows he's her favourite."

"Or just that he's had too many behaviour reports filed in there-" I begin before seeing her expression. "Babe, I'm joking. I'm joking." I kiss her again, chuckling against her skin. "Of course they love him."

"Well he needs his nappy doing." She claps her hands, snapping into action. "Alfie, potty."

"No potty." He pouts and she sighs, leaning back exasperatedly.

"I'll do it." I stand up and she pushes me back down.

"No, Nick." She argues. "It's all fun and games for you, he actually does as you say. And you're the strict parent, that's not how it's supposed to work. Alfie, potty now."

"No."

"Alfie, go with mummy." I order carefully and he looks at my expression for a moment, getting up and following Carla into the bathroom. "Car, I need to send this stock take over to Robert, can I use your laptop?" I call back and there's no response, probably due to her persistence to get him to stay on the potty, which was proving a difficult task at the moment. "Ok, I'm using it anyway." Picking it up, I open the lid, my breath catching in my throat for a moment as I take in what's on the screen.

 _Looking to adopt?_

 _Sunny Days Children's Home has many children searching for a loving family._

I scroll down, reading the information profile that Carla had evidently been researching herself, jumping when her phone goes off. I glance behind me, picking it up and absorbing the unknown number on the screen.

"Hello?" I answer it quietly, still trying to get my head around the situation.

"Hello this is Natalie from Sunny Days Children's Home." A bright voice responds, as if aware of the shock I'd just received. "We received some details earlier and this was the number stated, I take it you're interested in adopting?"

"...Apparently so." I swallow. "This is Carla's husband, Nick."

* * *

 _ **A/N: Sorry for the delayed upload, I've been working on Who I Came Back Here For while the current storylines have involved Carla and Michelle and I've needed to keep that up to date. There will probably be a break after the funeral though so I'll be updating this more. Also, this means I'll be working on adoption storylines in both fics, so if you do read both, be prepared for a bit of overlap! Let me know if you're still reading :)**_


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62:**

 _ **A/N: A nice fluffy update, I wanted to work on Carla's relationship with the Platt's and a bit of Alfie's development so enjoy and let me know what you think!**_

 **Carla**

"Ok, all done." I push the empty potty back against the wall. "Wasn't so bad was it? Wash hands." I lift him onto the stool so he can reach the sink, supporting him as the water trickles over them. "Good boy."

"Mummy." He traces his finger over my face as I turn him back around to face me, he almost looks apologetic, the blue-green orbs searching mine. "Love mummy."

"I love you." I kiss the top of his head, holding him in my arms. "Ok, come on then. Go and tell daddy that you washed your hands like a big boy." I unlock the bathroom door and he toddles out. "You'll be pleased to know we're friends again-" I begin, before my eyes fall to where Nick was sat on the sofa, my laptop in his lap. "Why are you using that?"

"Oh, just thought I'd do some research on Sunny Days Children's Home." The statement hits me hard and I battle to decide whether to follow it up with the truth or a lie.

"...What?" Is all I come out with, and he tilts the screen to face me. "...That must be a pop up or something."

"Don't lie to me." His voice is surprisingly gentle and I swallow guilt, hating the fact I'd yet again tried to deny him the truth. "You've just had a call from Natalie."

"Who's Natalie?" I'm instantly lost and he raises his eyebrows. "No, ok being serious now, I don't know who Natalie is."

"From the children's home." He explains and my stomach sinks.

"Oh." Realisation flickers inside me, as Alfie points at the screen.

"Sun." He recognises. "Sunshine. Sun."

"Well done, sweetie." I just run my fingers through his hair, biting my lip as I watch Nick close the lid. "...I'm sorry."

"How long have you been thinking about this?" He stands up, reaching out to take Alfie in his arms and popping him back down on the carpet.

"Daddy play." Alfie begs, knocking his tower over.

"In a minute Alfie." Nick replies, before taking my hand and guiding me to the side of the room, as if keeping him out of earshot. "Adoption? We haven't even discussed this."

"Yeah, I know... I just, well I was bored this afternoon, the idea has been floating around in my head. I just thought what's the harm in doing some research?"

"You want to adopt?"

"...You don't?"

"I never said I don't, I'm just... Surprised." He admits and I fiddle with the zip on my top for a moment. "I thought you said no more kids?"

"No more kids I have to... Birth." I swallow at the word and he places a hand on my arm. "I don't know Nick, I've just been thinking... How nice it might be, you know? A brother or sister for Alfie. It would sort of complete us, and give a child like I was, a home, a loving family. That's all I ever wanted when I was younger."

"You're being serious?" He checks and I nod. "Wow."

"I'm sorry... We should have had this conversation. I shouldn't have jumped in and I shouldn't have given them my details." I apologise. "...What did you say to Natalie?"

"I said I'd give her a call back when we'd discussed it further."

"So... We're going to discuss it further?"

"Well it's a big commitment, Carla." He manages a slight laugh. "And a lengthy process. It's not something I was expecting to be hit with after a long day at work. Honestly, here's you going on about what a nightmare of a day you've had and yet you want to throw another child into the mix?"

"There's just so many children that need homes..." I try to justify myself meaningfully. "We could give one that. Change their life."

"You really are going soft." He punches me gently in the arm and I pull a face. "All sentimental and domestic."

"I give up with the hard-faced cow routine." I return and Nick shrugs debatably, causing me to emit a light slap against his chest. "I'm not even afraid to admit to the person I've become anymore."

"I'm so proud of you." He kisses me for a moment. "Seriously, the journey you've come on as a person, since we first got together, the fire. It's such a beautiful thing, to see you grow like that."

"Alright Nick." I scoff playfully. "Now you're going soppy."

"Mummy play!" Alfie shouts from the mat and I leave Nick's side to kneel down next to him, tickling his tummy as he erupts in laughter. I lean down to blow a raspberry on his stomach, listening to his light-hearted giggles, as his dad kisses the top of my head, running his fingers through my hair and taking in the scene in front of him.

 **Nick**

"Alfie!" Harry squeals, running over and hugging our son.

"This is a surprise!" Gail beams, immediately rising from the kitchen table at our appearance.

"Yeah... What have you got to tell us?" David grunts, biting into a baguette as he leans back against the staircase.

"What?" I frown, resting Alfie's sunhat on Carla's head and she pulls it off, slapping me with it gently.

"Well you haven't been summoned, so surely the reason you're here is to tell us something." David points out. "You're not getting divorced?"

"No we are not." Carla scolds him, folding Alfie's hat into her bag.

"Well in that case, I'm not babysitting him."

"We haven't come to tell or ask you do to anything." I roll my eyes. "Alfie was talking about seeing Harry. Where's Sarah?"

"Work." He grunts. "So Gail's already looking after him."

"I thought you were looking after him!" Gail exclaims. "I've got to go out later on."

"Go out?" I raise an eyebrow. "Go out where?"

"Don't sound so surprised, Nicky." She scowls at me. "I'm going out with my friends."

"...What friends?" David continues to wind her up and I snigger to myself, as Carla shakes her head at the pair of us disapprovingly.

"Ignore them, Gail." Carla pats her on the shoulder, as she heads into the kitchen, producing a jar of Calpol. "Have you got a medicine spoon for this?"

"Oh make yourself at home." David teases me and she pulls a face at him, the development of her relationship with my family making me smile.

"Alfie, medicine."

"What's wrong with him?" Gail frets, peering down to inspect him closely, as if he was going to break out in some chronic disease all of a sudden.

"He's just teething, mum." I guide her away as Carla kneels down, holding the spoon out.

"Alfie magic juice." Carla calls him and he turns at the sound, sucking it off the spoon. "Good now you won't be so cranky."

"Do you want a coffee, Carla?" Gail offers as she sits back on the sofa.

"Yes please. Hey!" She diverts, as Harry jumps into her lap. "You're getting too old for this now."

"I got three teddy bear stickers this week." He informs me excitedly, as I ruffle his hair.

"No way, three?" Carla gasps enthusiastically. "High five."

"What's a teddy bear sticker?" I nudge David and he shrugs. "I guess we'll learn when we get to pre-school room."

"Oh no, wait." David hesitates. "I remember Lily getting those, you get rewarded with them if you tidy up nicely or achieve something, I don't know. When you've got a certain number you get a storybook... Kylie was always better at knowing these things."

"Ok auntie Carla's got hot coffee now, so be careful." Carla takes it from Gail and I lean over the back of the sofa to kiss her cheek, causing her to smile for a moment.

"Ew!" Harry exclaims, which makes Alfie laugh.

"Ewwww." Alfie repeats and Carla gives me a look.

"Oh yeah, I'd love a coffee mum, thanks." I look up sarcastically.

"The kettle is over there." She points and I roll my eyes as Carla giggles.

"Haha." She prods me in the chest as I swiftly remove her mug from her grip, watching her expression fall sour. "Oi!"

"Haha." I imitate her.

"Haha." Alfie repeats and we both give him a perplexed look.

"Alfie can't you learn your colours or something instead?" Carla sighs exasperatedly, holding up a green car. "What colour?"

"Car." He points, trying to take it from her and she raises it out of his grip.

"What colour?" She enforces and he sticks his bottom lip out stubbornly. "What colour is it?"

"Mine car!" He protests, threatening to burst into tears as she gives in, handing it to him.

"Ok, check this out." I click my fingers at her. "Get my sunglasses out your bag."

"Please." She prompts me, as if I was Alfie's age, handing them over.

"Ok, Alfie." I put them over my eyes, pointing to them.

"Cool daddy!" Alfie claps his hands excitedly and I hear Carla laugh as he runs into my arms.

"Is this what you do on your days off with him?" She raises her eyebrows, allowing Harry to drive a car up and down her legs.

"Amongst other things." I lift him up into the air. "What did we do the other day? We went on a monster hunt, didn't we?"

"And did you manage to find Gail?" David pipes up and she glares at him.

"Right, go wild." The door opens and Shona enters with Lily, and Max, who races towards the television, grabbing his games remote. "Oh, hi." She taps me on the shoulder and I raise a hand in greeting. "Max? Nick and Carla might not want you playing on that while they're here."

"Oh I don't care." Carla replies, before nudging him with her foot. "Hello to you too."

"Max, say hello to your auntie and uncle." David scolds them and he whips his head around quickly.

"Hi auntie Carla, hi uncle Nick." He obeys quickly. "Do you want to play Fifa?"

"I can't imagine it's my forte." Carla watches the screen distantly for a moment. "So, how's life as a teenager, kiddo?"

"You can't call me that anymore." He flashes her a playful smirk, pressing the buttons on his remote avidly.

"You'll be begging me to call you that when you're twenty one." She grins and he returns it, as she flicks her head up to face me. "Sit down. You've been on your feet cleaning all day."

"Lucky for you." I tease her, massaging her scalp for a minute once I've lowered Alfie back to the ground.

"Ooh, I haven't had a cuddle with my grandson yet." Gail claps her hands, scooping Alfie up. "I'm making boiled eggs for your cousins' tea, do you want some boiled eggs?"

"I don't think he's ever had boiled egg." I speculate.

"Yeah... I'm kind of putting that off." Carla informs us all. "I was funny with egg as a child, and Rob was allergic until he grew out of it when he was about ten... Mind you, didn't stop my mother feeding us it raw one time." She almost laughs, before seeing mine, David, and Gail's reactions. "It was an accident... I think."

"Wow, wild childhood then?" Shona manages a slight laugh.

"Yeah, could say that." Carla responds, before turning back to Gail. "If you're doing toast, he'll eat some of that, if that's ok?"

"Of course." Gail suddenly faffs, snapping into action to impress Carla, despite her being her daughter-in-law for over three years now. "What have we got? We've got jam, marmalade, honey, marmite, lemon curd, Nutella-"

"No we haven't." David scoffs, shutting her up for a moment. "We've hardly got anything in those cupboards."

"David!" Gail snaps. "There's a co-op up the road-"

"Just butter is fine." Carla stops them bickering as a ring begins to drill into our heads from the phone on the side.

"You still use landline?" I wind David up as he rolls his eyes.

"I don't." He groans. "Gail insists on using it."

"Nothing wrong with the original methods." She defends herself, still allowing the ringing to persist.

"Nothing wrong with picking it up, either." I point out, as she eventually raises it to her ear.

"You wanna go to the Rovers for one, bro?" David offers, pointing in it's direction and I smack my lips together at the thought, waiting for Carla to look around in response. I judge the expression on her face, pretending to check my watch as if I wasn't enticed by the thought.

"You don't have to look at me for permission."

"Ok, yeah." I reply to David, ruffling Carla's hair and she shoves me off.

"Great." Shona shrugs, taking a seat in the armchair. "So we're left to babysit, how modern."

"Oh you can all go to the pub." Mum reappears, putting her slippers on in the process. "That was Sally, apparently Rosie has had a meltdown over her lip filler appointment and she has to console her instead."

"This is the woman who's our mayor." Shona reminds us all and I nod, tugging on Carla's hand in a desperation to take the rare opportunity while we could.

"Hang on, you're like an excited puppy." She sighs, standing up. "Are you sure Gail?"

"Yes, go on with you all." She bats her hand in the direction of the door.

"I don't need babysitting." Max chimes in, without removing his eyes from the television.

"Oh there you go." Carla goes over to nudge mum. "He can make his own tea and all."

"I'd be able to make it better than you." He jokes with her and her mouth falls open, tossing a cushion at him.

"Oi! Cheeky." She laughs, as he finally turns his head to grin at her. "I made you macaroni cheese the other night."

"Yep." He imitates throwing up.

"Max!" Shona scolds him, although everybody seems to find it funny.

"Oh he's alright." Carla pops a kiss on his cheek as she passes the sofa and he fends her off. "Alfie, granny Gail is looking after you, ok? Mummy and daddy are just over the road."

"Can I come to the pub?" Lily tugs on Carla's leg.

"One day, yeah." She taps her head affectionately. "Even I didn't start that early. Uh, Gail? No egg and no celery."

"What's wrong with celery now?" I frown, drawing her attention back. "You are aware the nursery probably feed him these things all the time?"

"No, he's got a dietary form." She tells me and I widen my eyes. "No egg, no celery, no sugary cereals."

"You feed him sugary cereals."

"Yes because I can check the contents." She sighs exasperatedly. It wasn't that I minded her concern, I knew why she was wary of a lot of things regarding our son, because of his birth and our other devastations, she was naturally slightly cautious about his health and nutrition.

"So our child is the awkward one that they complain about at meal time?" I say it with a jokey tone but she narrows her eyes as she passes me, accompanying Shona as they head out onto the street.

"Should I tell her I feed him celery all the time?" I hiss to David, as I follow him out.

"Have you got a death wish?" He closes the door. "Nope. It never goes in your shopping trolley again."

 **Carla**

"She did what?" Nick slides into the booth next to me, his arm folding around my shoulders as I accept the drink out of his hand. "How can you mix up a can of whipped cream with hairspray?"

"I'm telling you now, Mary was not pleased. She went to the salon to have the white taken out of her hair, not smothered all over." David informs us all, taking a long sip of his pint. "Gran has officially gone crackers."

"She went crackers a long time ago." Nick receives a light slap on the arm from me at his comment.

"Ey up." I divert the topic, prodding Nick in the arm which he pulls a face at, before turning in the direction of my gaze. Maria enters with Aidan, hair curled loosely and tucked to the side, deep red lipstick co-ordinating the fitted dress that flattered her figure. He had her in hysterics, momentarily checking her out as she leans up against the bar. "This looks cosy."

"Are they on a date?" David's eyes sparkle at the prospect, a cheeky grin on his face. "Oi? Connor?"

"Connor's." I remind him, and he winks playfully as Maria spins around, catching sight of us. "Having fun?" I lean against Nick's shoulder inquisitively as they approach us.

"I had that uh, that Human Resources conference dinner." Aidan coughs, as if trying to justify himself to me. "...Only they told me I could bring someone. Free meal and all that. Thought I owed Maria for... Doing my hair."

"You haven't got any hair." I narrow my eyes and he hesitates, glaring at me. "You look very glammed up, Mrs."

"Brushes up well when she slaps enough make up on, ey, Maria?" David nudges her and it's her turn to give him the evils, before shoving him up the booth and taking the seat next to him.

"Do you have to?" Maria hisses, as Aidan heads back towards the bar, and I lean forwards, head perched in my fist as I lean my elbow on the table. "You're no help, David."

"Help at what?" I tease her and she sighs, leaning back, clearly frustrated that her previous, evidently flirtatious conversation had come to an end. "Are you dating my little brother?"

"No!"

"Hey, at least we won't fight over him at your wedding this time." I dare to joke, raising a glass as she tilts her head to the side, flashing me a withering look. I decide to tease the situation further, feeling brave as I flick my head around to Nick. "You can give him some pointers. You know, on how to make her-"

"Shut up right now." Nick warns, a small smile on his face as he whispers the words against my lips, kissing me to silence the persistence. "Stirrer."

 **Nick**

"Mm." I groan, in between waves of exhaustion, pushing my head into the pillow as she continues to toss and turn next to me. "Go to sleep."

"Don't you think I'm trying?"

"I'll go and get into Alfie's bed with him in a minute."

"Go for it, leaves more space for me." She mumbles distantly. "Means I don't have to listen to your snoring."

"I don't even snore!" I raise my head defensively, hitting her lightly with the pillow which causes her to erupt in giggles. "Shh, you'll wake him."

"Why don't we sit up and talk? We never do that anymore."

"We never did that in the first place." I frown, despite the fact she can't see my expression. Until she clicks the lamp on and a bright, blinding beam filters into the room. "Ugh." The clock on the wall attracts my attention. "It's half one."

"Come on, Nicholas." She tugs on my t-shirt childishly. "Let's chat about something really exciting."

"You know those accident pants? The ones that feel like pants but absorb like nappies? Do you think Alfie would be better in those than-"

"Ok, when I said something exciting, I didn't mean that." She mutters disinterestedly. "You make us sound like an old married couple."

"We're getting there."

"Don't say that! That makes us sound boring."

"Stable." I correct, as she sits up cross legged, fiddling with the label on the pillowcase. "Domestic. Could be worse."

"I know that." She leans down to kiss my neck, trailing her lips along my jawline and I groan loudly, causing her to huff and pull back. "What?"

"Not now." I open one eye to notice the disappointment in her expression, rolling over and forcing my orbs to face the light, waking me up slightly. "Any kids caught your eye?"

"Excuse me?"

"From the children's home." I elaborate, holding back a laugh at her expression. "Have you come across any particular profiles?"

"It's not picking from the jars of sweets in a sweet shop, Nick." She lectures me and I immediately feel guilty. "Besides, it doesn't work like that. You read up about it online, about the adoption process, the home. Decide if it's the route you want to go down and then you visit the children themselves, I guess."

"And is it the route you want to go down? You seem to be very well informed."

"I wouldn't have been looking if I wasn't interested." Carla emits a sigh, lowering the label she is fidgeting with and raising her eyes so they level with mine. "What time do you leave tomorrow?"

"You don't want to talk about it then?" I raise an eyebrow, holding my arms out as she moves forwards, laying her head in my chest. "Me and Robert are getting to the station for ten... You gonna miss me?"

"You know I will." She murmurs, as I kiss her forehead. "I always do."

 **Carla**

"Alfie, eat your sausage." I point to it, flicking through 'OK' magazine in the process, which is laid on the table of the Bistro. "No ice cream until you've eaten your dinner." I look up at his pouty expression, indicating to my plate. "Look, mummy's eaten hers. Mummy can have ice cream."

"Daddy." He persists, looking around the Bistro in his absence; he wasn't used to visiting this place without him being around.

"Daddy's on a business trip with uncle Robert."

"Auntie Chelle." Alfie points behind me to where Michelle was leant against the bar, tapping her pen on the notepad she was staring at.

"Auntie Chelle is working."

"Auntie Chelle!"

"Auntie Chelle won't be pleased if you don't eat your sausage." I say loudly and I notice her look up, flashing me a half smile at my humour. "Uh oh, she's coming over." I tease Michelle, as she leaves the order she is working on, slipping around the bar and heading towards us. "Quick." Alfie picks a piece of sausage up abruptly, pushing it into his mouth.

"Uh, are you eating your dinner, Mr?" She places a hand on her hip, picking my plate up with the other.

"Mr." Alfie repeats, partially talking to the next piece of sausage he raises to his mouth. "Mr 'sodage'."

"Sausage." I pronounce carefully to correct him.

"You know sometimes I wonder where he gets the gobbiness from." She winds me up and I stifle a sarcastic laugh, humouring her. "You doing anything tonight?"

"Ah, why? You feeling lonely?"

"Don't pretend like you're not." Her foot kicks me gently. "I finish at five, I can bring a bottle of wine over and some chocolate for him."

"Choc!" Alfie's eyes light up excitedly.

"Hey, she's inviting herself over now." I tell Alfie, as Michelle slides the chair out, leaning forwards on the table as she sits down in it. "Aren't you working?"

"You gonna tell our husbands on me?" She narrows her eyes. "So yes, or no?"

"Only because I know you'd be so bored without us." I flash her a smile, as Alfie pushes his plate away, trying to climb out of the high chair. "You can put him to bed."

"Oh why don't I just become a live-in nanny?"

"I'd actually take you up on that." I contemplate, sighing as I unstrap Alfie, loading him onto my lap and handing him his doll, which Michelle raises an eyebrow at. "He chose it."

"Hey, it's the twenty first century." She raises her hands in the air, before taking his plate. "Our Ryan used to try and insist he went to school in a pinafore when he was six."

"Brush your hair." Alfie talks to the doll and I laugh gently, planting a kiss into his chestnut curls. "Brush, brush."

"Right, ice cream or cake?" I offer Alfie, despite him being indulged in whatever make-believe game he is playing. "Tell auntie Chelle what you want?" I persist and he looks up at me. "Ice cream or cake?"

"Both?" Michelle offers and I shoot her a look, as she stands up victoriously. "Both."

"He can't have-" I begin, as Alfie claps his hands excitedly. "You're too soft on him."

"It's what I'm for." She throws her hair back, waving at him as she gathers the plates to head back to the bar.

* * *

"Oh this is a nice surprise." I tease as I open the door and Alfie runs into Michelle's arms, nearly knocking her over, as she scoops him up, handing me a bottle of wine. "You look very nice."

"You make it sound like that's a rare occurrence."

"This isn't a date, is it?"

"Shut it." She laughs, as I close the door behind her and Alfie wraps her hair between his fingers. "Hello, you. You look tired already."

"Auntie Chelle's come for a sleepover." I inform Alfie, who is already dressed in fluffy star pyjamas and yawns, resting his head against her shoulder. "Is that ok with you?"

"Choc." He suddenly perks up, seeing the bar sticking out of her bag and I widen my eyes.

"I swear he's got some built in sensor. If he's within two inches of chocolate he'll pick it up."

"My choc?" He gazes at Michelle innocently and she tickles him under the chin, causing him to emit a giggle. "Nooo, tickle."

"Love the PJ's." Michelle directs at me, once she's lowered him to the ground and he toddles over the the sofa. Pulling himself up onto it, he sits with his thumb in his mouth, gazing at whatever nauseatingly cheesy programme was running on CBeebies. "What's this Alfie?"

"Octonauts!" He removes his hand from his mouth to point at the TV, before returning it.

"I'm just going to heat his milk." I tap Michelle's shoulder once she's sat down next to him. "Want a glass of this?"

"I'll wait 'til he's in bed."

"Choc!" I hear Alfie shout, as I put the bottle on to warm, dipping my head back around the kitchen doorframe.

"Magic word?"

"Choc, please?" He gazes at Michelle and she checks with me, as I head over to pass her a plastic bowl.

"Not too much or you won't sleep." I perch on the edge of the sofa, counting four squares of chocolate into the bowl. "Are you going to show auntie Chelle your picture?"

"'Sank you." He takes it from me. "'Sank you mummy."

"Ooh, what picture?"

"Hm?" I take the painting he had made that afternoon off the shelf, checking it is dry before offering it to him. "Tell her what it is. Who's in the picture?"

"Grandad." He points to the colourful lines he has drawn. "And... Auntie Chelle. Big dinosaur balloon."

"What are me and Johnny doing with a big dinosaur balloon?" Michelle whispers to me and I can't help smiling proudly, as she turns back to him. "Wow!"

"Eccles." He taps a squiggle, naming one of the dogs he knew since he was particularly obsessed with petting them at the moment. "And auntie Chelle." He recites again, holding it out to her as he picks another piece of chocolate up. "For you."

"Ahh." Michelle beams, kissing his hair and pulling him into a hug. "That's going straight on my fridge."

"For you." He holds out a piece of chocolate to her and I can see her face melt lovingly as she gives it back to him.

"You eat it. It'll go straight to my waist."

"Will it heck." I slap her back lightly, getting up to grab the bottle from the kitchen and giving it a shake.

"Hey Duggee!"

"Oh no." I groan, re-entering the room and pulling a face at the television for a moment. "I don't like Hey Duggee."

"Does it just repeat the word 'stick' over and over again to music?"

"Stick, stick, stick!" Alfie claps his hands to the music and I nod, exhaustively. "Sticky-sticky stick-stick."

"Wow children's programmes are annoying nowadays." Michelle observes, lowering the painting onto the coffee table as Alfie crawls into her lap.

"Milk?" I hold the bottle out to Alfie and he accepts it gratefully, throwing the empty bowl on the sofa and sucking on the teat as Michelle runs her fingers through his hair. "Oh good it's finished. At least Number Blocks has a point to it."

"One!" Alfie calls out, holding a singular finger up, distracted from his milk.

"How old are you?" I kneel down in front of Alfie and he holds the finger up again as I praise him.

"One." He repeats. "One, two, three."

"He's doing so well." Michelle cuddles him. "Considering they warned his development might be delayed."

"I know honestly, we're so lucky." I smile gratefully, as he sings along to the theme song, between sips of milk. "We thought he'd need speech therapy at one point, but he's come on so much the past few months."

"One!"

"One what?" Michelle points to the screen.

"One 'twee'." He answers, acknowledging the tree on the screen. "One bird. One, one ant."

"Ok, clever clogs." He curls back into her, sucking intently on the bottle.

"Doggy."

"Oh he's obsessed with dogs and cats." I clear away the stray jigsaw pieces that are left out from earlier, organising them appropriately into the boxes. "Nick keeps hinting about getting a pet and all. Says apparently it's 'good education'. He just wants a kitten, big softie really."

"And you don't?"

"Chelle, you know me." I pull a face, closing the lid to the toy box which has Alfie's name printed on it in gold lettering. "I don't like any animals unless they're on my plate."

"Shh." She covers Alfie's ears playfully, although he has no idea what I'm talking about, lost in the world of coloured cubes dancing around the screen.

"Three apples."

"Should I be concerned he knows so many of these programmes? I only let him watch a couple of hours a day."

"Maybe he's just good at picking things up." She reassures me. "It's a gift. Maybe he'll be an accountant."

"Yes please, then he can buy me a yacht and holiday villa, it's the least I deserve."

"You could probably afford a yacht now."

"We're not that loaded, Chelle." I respond to her raised eyebrow. "We still live here, for starters."

"You could afford something elsewhere." She reminds me, as if she wanted us out the way. "Any plans to move?"

"Nah, quite content here. Close to the businesses, he's happy." I shrug, sitting cross legged on the floor. "Although if the adoption does go ahead... Oh."

"The what?" She picks up and I groan, putting my head in my hands momentarily. "What adoption?"

"...Why is it you're always the first to know everything?"

"Uh, because you're rubbish at keeping secrets from me." She looks excited at the news. "Come on, spill."

"...Well, we're just looking into it. That's all."

"Seriously? Carla, this is so exciting. You're going to adopt a child?"

"We don't know yet!" I hiss defensively. "Besides, social services might not want us to."

"Oh yeah, course, you're the perfect candidates."

"Hardly."

"You own two successful businesses, you have an eighteen month old son, a stable home life, might even get a cat-"

"We're not getting a cat."

"Nick can talk you into anything." She teases me and I roll my eyes. "You made any inquiries?"

"I've had a bit of contact with this children's home; Sunny Days." I explain. "But we said when Nick gets back we'll start looking into it properly. Keep your mouth zipped though."

"Yes goes without saying." She nods knowingly, as Alfie's eyes begin to close and he nestles into her more. "You're so content, aren't you? I knew this would happen for you. This is why I told you never to give up. This is the happiest I've ever known you to be."

"Yeah, because it is. It is the happiest I could ever be. And it's only up from here, Chelle. I actually feel like good things are around the corner. How crazy is that, ey?"


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63:**

 _ **A/N: Right, so, I have knowledge of working in a nursery, but have never visited a children's home. I've done research, so I've tried to set the scene as best as possible. I apologise if any of this chapter isn't entirely accurate (regarding the process, the setting etc), but I've really tried my best and will continue to do so along this storyline. This has been one of my favourite chapters to write, so i hope you enjoy it, as much of a risk as it is and let me know what you think!**_

 _ **Trigger warnng: brief references to childhood trauma.**_

 **Carla**

"Keep your hands to yourself." I push Michelle off me playfully as she stirs, pulling back and adjusting her vision to the light. "I'm not Robert."

"Thought he'd shrunk a bit." She mumbles, nestling her head into the pillow to stare at me. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, I-" Our phones go off in sync and she groans sleepily as she opens the group chat, with the four of us in. "You'll never guess who we've just met in the business lounge." She reads, pulling a face at me as I grab my phone. "Ooh, the business lounge."

"Norris?" I guess, typing out the name into the messages and she giggles slightly, as they beep again and a picture appears. "Get lost."

"Is that actually Phillip Schofield?"

"Oh I am so jealous." She whines out loud and I tilt my head to face her, furrowing my brow.

"Really?"

"Well... He's..." She hesitates, subtly zooming in on the picture. "Kind of handsome."

"You know if you blurred out their faces and just looked at their hair." I narrow my eyes at the picture inquisitively. "Could you tell the difference?"

"Carla!" She throws a cushion at me defensively and I start to giggle, before Alfie's usual half seven calls begin. "I'll get him."

"Oh, have fun." I lie back on the pillows. "He'll need his pull-up changing."

"Yes, love you too." She waves me off, exiting the bedroom as I press the call button on Nick's contact.

"Did you see it?" The excited voice answers almost immediately.

"Yes Nick, I saw it, congratulations." I humour him. "Has he invited you on This Morning yet? Hey, tell Robert that if he's bored of her, send him back instead and Chelle'll be equally as happy."

"Um... No." He pauses on the idea. "How did you sleep? How's my son?"

"He's fine, he's with Chelle."

"Ey?"

"Oh she slept over." I remember to tell him. "What time you back?"

"We'll be setting off soon. Just making the most of the breakfast buffet."

"Oh don't brag too much." I groan, as the door opens and Alfie runs in, using Michelle's support to hoist himself into the bed. "Do you want a word with daddy?"

"Daddy?" He looks around the room, confused at my proposition.

"He's on the phone, sweetheart. Look." I hold the phone to his ear, hearing the muffled sounds of Nick greeting him. "Say hello."

"Hello!" Alfie calls in an excited voice. "Ring ring."

"Can you hear daddy? Listen?" I hold a finger to my lips and he copies me, sitting in silence.

"Are you being good for mummy?" I hear Nick ask and I nod my head, to which Alfie responds to. "Oh well done. Daddy will have to bring you a present back."

"I don't think he quite understands the prospect." I raise the phone back to my ear, as Alfie waves at it. "Robert there? Can Michelle have a word?"

"Yeah, I'll put him on." I hear a muffle of voices, passing the phone to Michelle.

"Hello, I hope you got me an autograph." She greets and I can't help smiling as I bury Alfie in the duvet, causing him to squeal excitedly.

"Pengi!" He reaches for the penguin teddy on the side table and I grab it, pretending it's nibbling his nose which makes him laugh harder. Continuing to play, I quickly throw him behind my back, sticking my hands up. "Pengi gone?"

"Where's he gone?" I pretend to search the bed and he crawls around, practically tackling me to get to him and I lift him above me, causing him to let out another excited wail.

"No, that's Alfie." I hear Michelle continue down the phone, having zoned out most of her conversation. "Uncle Robert says hello."

"Say hello." I nudge Alfie and he waves at Michelle, causing her to laugh.

"He's waving." She continues as Alfie crawls into my chest, picking up Pengi and patting his head.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I ask him, even though he's momentarily absorbed in his own world.

"Pengi hungry." He decides, copying my earlier actions and lifting him to nibble my nose. "Breakfast."

"Breakfast?" I offer, supporting him on my hip as I stand up. "Bring Pengi then. Got him?"

"Yes ok. Daniel's sorting it babe, I promise." Michelle finalises. "I love you too. Bye bye." She hands me the phone back and I accept it with my spare hand, throwing it down on the bed. "Thanks."

"Come on then, let's show auntie Chelle what we've got for breakfast."

 **Nick**

"Ah, here they are." I push the door to the Bistro open, my eyes falling to where Michelle was sat in the booth, stirring Alfie's pasta around his bowl as Carla tilts her head to face me. "Looking busy as ever."

"Uh, it's my day off!" Michelle gets up to kiss Robert. "Have a good time?"

"Daddy!" Alfie shouts excitedly, as Nick scoops him into his arms.

"Long hard hours, listening to health hazard lectures and conversing with suppliers."

"Oh yeah, sure." Carla rises, coming over to pop a kiss on my cheek. "You mean tasting samples all weekend and casually bumping into celebrities?"

"So how have you been?" I divert, kissing her again as she raises an eyebrow and I tip my head to plant a kiss into Alfie's hair. "And how have you been?"

"He's been so well behaved, haven't you?"

"Have you been good for mummy and Auntie Chelle?" I exclaim excitedly, as he focuses on the crayon in his hand, clearly already bored of the attention. "Ok, daddy will be quiet then."

I offer him back to Carla, who reluctantly accepts him, rocking Alfie on her hip as he begins to play with her hair. "I've been looking after him all weekend, you know?"

"Yes, which is exactly why I'm giving you this." I hand her the credit card from my pocket, and she hesitantly takes it with her free hand. "And you're giving me him back." I hold my arms back out and he yawns tiredly, as if fed up of being passed back and forth. "And I'm gonna deal with him all afternoon while you go and get your hair done."

"...Why, does it need doing?" She frets, running a hand through her hair.

"Go shopping then, whatever you want." I give her a quick peck on the lips and her expression melts slightly, a soft 'ahh' emitting her lips as Michelle looks on enviously.

"Oh you lucky cow." She shakes her head, patting Robert's chest and gazing at him expectantly.

"Oh... Babe, I could really use a hand sorting this order out." He responds awkwardly, waving a hand towards the kitchen.

"It's my day off!"

"I'm kidding." Robert rolls his eyes and she beams excitedly, holding her hand out and taking his card from his grasp. Despite the fact both cards belonged to the Bistro account anyway. "Have fun."

"Be home for half six and I'll have dinner ready." I pat Carla's shoulder and she smiles contently for a second, kissing Alfie's curls and tapping my cheek. "Love you."

"Love you." She returns before pulling Michelle off. "Come on, we're getting cocktails."

"Uh, not too many-" I begin just as the door shuts behind them, diverting my attention back to Alfie, who is staring at me intently. "Yeah, no cocktails for you. Come on."

 **Carla**

"Ok, ok she's here." I hear Nick's soft whispers from the kitchen as soon as my hand has left the door handle, closing it behind me. "Go on then."

"Mummy!" Alfie squeals excitedly as he appears in front of Nick, clutching a bouquet of flowers in his hands. "For you."

"Nick..." I sigh, warmly, crumbling affectionately as I take them from Alfie and dipping my head into them as I breathe in their sweet scent. "Wow, are these for me?" I divert my attention to Alfie who nods obediently as I kneel down next to him. "Did you pick those out all by yourself?" He nods again. "And pay for them?" I give him a quick hug, before rising to greet Nick. "You're so sweet."

"Hey, he paid for them." He toys with me and I melt into his chest as he wraps an arm around me. "You're amazing. Just wanted you to know that."

"They're gorgeous. Thank you."

"Your hair looks good." He admires, pulling back to run a hand through it and I tilt my head to the side, unable to keep the smile from increasing. "Have a good time?"

"Yes it was lovely." I kiss him lovingly, so touched by all his gestures. I'd never felt so appreciated by a man; Nick went above and beyond to prove that to me, and at the minute we were so solid, possibly the most stable and secure we had been. In recent history, the idea would scare me off, send me reverting back to recklessness. But right now, and from now on, I knew I wouldn't have it any other way. "And... Here you go." I produce his card, handing it back to him as he slips it into his wallet which is on the side table, as I place the flowers down next to it.

"So, where's all the shopping bags?"

"There aren't any, shocker." I admit to him and he almost looks disappointed. "I was too busy getting this done and then we went for cocktails after."

"Mummy picture." Alfie tugs on my leg, prompting me to crouch down again as he waves the picture at me excitedly.

"Oh wow, have you been painting with daddy?" I admire the art before me, pulling him into my lap as he traces his finger over the bright colours. "What's this then?"

"Mummy, Daddy, Alfie... Baby." He recites innocently and I freeze for a moment, swallowing emotion as I hesitantly tilt my head upwards, forcing a smile at Nick, who I can tell had no knowledge of Alfie's intentions.

"I thought you said that was a dog, Alf?" Nick prompts him and he shakes his head stubbornly.

"Baby." He persists, and I pick him up, shifting him onto my hip as I glance at Nick's awkward expression.

"Sorry, I didn't know he was going to say that."

"It's fine, sweetheart." I manage a slight laugh.

"Baby Lauren." He continues and it causes us both to freeze, eyes darting to him in surprise. "Baby Lauren."

"Alfie, stop now please." Nick says sternly and I sigh, running my fingers through his curls.

"Nick, there's no need for that." I reply softly. "It's only a matter of time. We do talk about her in front of him often. He was bound to pick up on the name at some point." I'd sat outside with Alfie on a few occasions, and in the process, references to Lauren's pot had probably been made. It didn't come as a massive shock that he had picked up on it. If anything, it was a comfort that he recognised she was part of the family.

"...Sorry." Nick swallows and I pop a kiss on his cheek, slinging my spare arm around his shoulders. "Just surprised."

"Well, this is my favourite picture." I indicate to where he is holding it in his grip, as Alfie's green-blue orbs gaze up at me in awe. "In fact, I might frame it and put it in the bedroom."

"Lauren."

"Is your sister." I squeeze my eyes shut for a second, allowing a tear to trickle down my cheek, before opening the locket that Nick had given me for my birthday last year. "And these are her footprints, see?" Alfie turns his gaze to the image I am showing him, clearly now lost on the subject but it meant so much all the same. "And now you've made daddy cry too." I paint a smile on my face as I nudge Nick and he wipes the tears from our cheeks, kissing my forehead. "Well done Alfie."

"Well done Alfie." He repeats, clapping his hands as I close the locket, composing myself.

"Anyway, we're having a happy night, so." I bounce Alfie on my hip and he starts blowing raspberries as I do so, making funny gurgling noises to fit with the rhythm of my movements.

"Yes, dinner's probably done." Nick snaps back into action, turning to head into the kitchen. "Alfie's got cheesy pasta with peas and sweetcorn."

"No way, have you got your favourite dinner?" I gasp at Alfie, who's eyes light up at the the thought. "Right, you sit down here." I slot him into the high chair at the dining table, handing him the toy mobile phone which was the first distraction to hand. He starts tapping out on the glowing buttons, imitating the number songs they sing, as I slip into the kitchen. Wrapping my arms around Nick's shoulders, it makes him jump slightly, as I nestle my chin into the side of his face. "You ok?" Responding with a nod, he sticks his little finger into the plastic bowl of pasta, checking its temperature. "This Alfie's?"

"No, it's yours." He nudges me sarcastically and I narrow my eyes as I take it from the side, slipping back into the dining room.

"Right, can I have that?" I hold my hand out for the phone and he obediently hands it back to me at the sight of food. "Good boy, eat nicely then." I hand him a baby fork which he grips tightly. "How do you eat at nursery? Alice told me you're good at eating politely."

"Alice." He repeats, stabbing a piece of pasta and raising it to his mouth. "Alice read story."

"Did Alice read you a story?" I make conversation, adjusting his grip on the fork. "Which story?"

"Daddy read story."

"Daddy will read you a story later, chatterbox."

"There you go." Nick presents a bowl of food under my nose, dropping a set of cutlery down and I take a sip from the glass he has already filled for me. "Seafood linguine."

"Ooh, another of Robert's specials?" I peer over my fork, twirling the pasta around on it. "So, come on then, how was this supposed business trip of yours?"

"Uh, do I mock you when you have to go to Liverpool to chat up some clients?"

"No. But I don't go with my best mate and get an all inclusive bar thrown in."

"We didn't actually go to the bar much." Nick assures me, teasing the playful smile on my face. "Why, you jealous?" He kicks me gently under the table and I narrow my eyes. "Jealous of me spending all that time with Robert and not you?"

"Ok, Tilsley, don't rub it in."

"Tilsley!" Alfie repeats, as if talking to the pasta that was wavering on his fork and I can't help laughing.

"Hey." Nick nudges my foot again, attracting my attention as I draw my eyes back to his. "Did you miss me?"

"...Maybe." I sit a coy smile on my cheeks, fluttering my eyelashes down to my food as he groans at my wind up.

"Don't play hard to get."

"Hard to get?" I raise an eyebrow. "I flamin' got you, thanks. Three years ago... Yes, I missed you. Obviously. And you're gonna say you didn't miss me for a second because your mind was too occupied on cashew nut salesmen."

He lets out a soft chuckle at my comment, shaking his head for a second before leaning forward to take my spare hand. "I didn't stop thinking about you."

"Yeah?" An uncontrollable warmth sets inside me, as I bite my lip smoothly. "Who said romance was dead? Hey?"

 **Nick**

"Alfie's asleep." I pop a kiss on top of Carla's head, helping myself to the spare glass of wine on the coffee table and tapping her legs as she raises them for me to sit under, draping them back on my lap. "What are you looking at?" She doesn't answer, just tilts the screen on her laptop to face me, as I attempt to absorb the detailed information on adoption. "What age are you thinking of?"

"Nick, this isn't what brand of oranges we're buying from the supermarket." Carla huffs maturely, giving me a sideways glance which conveyed a twinge of humour. "This is both our decision anyway."

"But?"

"But... Well, it says here that the older children become, the harder it is for them to find adoptive parents." She relays, as I put an arm around her shoulders. "But I think it would be nice for Alfie to have someone a bit older, you know? An older sister to dote on him?"

"Sister?" I repeat and she hesitates, realising she had jumped to yet another decision.

"Well... No, I mean. That's... I mean, that's something we establish when we meet the children." Carla tries to cover up. "Just... The image I've got in my head."

"Ok, story time." I lower my glass excitedly. "What's this image? Explain."

"No." She tries to conceal the shy smile on her cheeks as I massage her scalp persuasively. "...I don't know. I just see us in bed one morning, maybe in the winter when it's still cold outside but the sheets are keeping us warm. And this little girl would walk in, maybe around six or seven years, holding Alfie's hand, helping him up onto the bed. We'd all read a story and eat chocolate for breakfast as a one off... It's stupid."

"It's not stupid." I reassure her and she swallows, resting her head on my shoulder. "How long have you had that image in your head?"

"...Well... I suppose, since I was six or seven..."

"Hey?"

"Because, that's what I dreamed of, you know? When I was neglected on the estate with no one to love me. I wished I was that little girl. Loving parents, a warm bed, a little brother who didn't look at me with disgust, cry himself to sleep every night... It's all I ever wanted... And I just feel like there's somebody out there, a little girl, dreaming of exactly the same thing. Only they wouldn't have to battle through the hurt and the loneliness and self-hatred for years to come... Because we could change all of that."

I listen to the end of her story, the scent of her hair sweet as I inhale it contently, prizing the laptop from her grip once she's finished.

"What are you doing?"

"Sending an email to Sunny Days." I inform her. "Arranging a meeting for tomorrow afternoon. So we can go and talk to them and get this underway."

"...I'm working tomorrow."

"So?" I sass her, and I can tell the soften of her expression relays how touched she is at my actions, tapping her nose briefly. "That little girl is more important than work."

* * *

"Nick and Carla Tilsley?" A woman holds her hand out to us, a warm smile plastered on her face as we rise from the bright yellow sofa in the waiting room. "Natalie, we spoke on the phone."

"Lovely to meet you." I shake her hand firmly, as Carla does the same in turn. "And this is a really lovely place." I take a second to scan the large rainbow that covers one wall, multi-coloured hand prints making it up. There were certificates bordering another one, paintings and photographs dotted around, making the overall feel of the place very friendly.

"Thank you." She actually looks touched by my observations, leading us through a corridor as I take Carla's hand. It was almost a bit like Alfie's nursery, except larger and more homely. Once we're seated, I let go of Carla's hand so she can flick through the folder she is handed, with the title 'Adopting and Fostering at Sunny Days Children's Home' written on it. "Let me start by saying welcome and thank you for considering this route and process. We've got forty four children in our accommodation at the moment, aged between four and sixteen, a lot of whom are keen to find loving homes and families like yourselves."

"Forty four?" Carla's eyes widen, as she flicks through the folder of pictures and notes.

"Some of those children aren't looking for adoptive parents right now, or we don't feel they're suitable to undergo the process. Quite a few of our children suffer from physical or mental disabilities, so we're working with them and other bases outside of the home, to help them receive the best care possible. Others, on the other hand, we feel are more than ready to move on to the next point in their journeys. And although most of the children in our care are here through traumatic or undeserving histories, we feel they'd thrive in a stable environment."

"So... I mean, I've looked at information on the internet, studied your website and googled the process." Carla hands the folder to me, pushing the hair back behind her ears as she leans forward professionally on the desk. "But how does this work? I mean, does the process vary here at all?"

"So we work quite closely with social services, we are a government funded home and also like to ensure that our children are going to be safe and loved in the environment they're to be a part of." Natalie explains. "It usually begins with a home visit, we'll send a social worker out to you, just to have a look at where you live, the sort of family life you get up to, it sounds scary but really, they're there to help you and support any questions you need to ask. Chats about financial stability. Then when all of that is cleared, we'll undergo the process of bonding with the specific child you've found a click with. That might mean popping in a few times a week, eventually they'll be invited to spend time with you. We try and make it as calm and easy for both you and the child. We understand that it can be overwhelming. And for the child especially, it's a whole new change in their life. Easing them into the setting and family is the most important task and we will have regular discussions with the child to ensure they're happy with the set-up, just as you are."

"Well we're happy to move as fast or slowly as it takes, aren't we?" Carla flicks her head around to face me as I respond with a nod. "This idea has been in our heads for a while now and I really think we'd be able to change one of your children's lives for the better... You wouldn't catch me saying that a few years ago, trust me. But now, we're happy and stable, I'm confident it'll continue to be that way. Our son; Alfie, he's eighteen months at the moment, walking, talking, really progressing in every way. I think he'd love having someone else around, you know? He gets on with his cousins so well and having a sibling to look up to, I think it's the perfect family structure for us. I think all three of us are ready for that next step."

"That's lovely." Natalie smiles warmly, phrasing the next question gently, probably through experience of past couples who had sat in this same room. "...So, the idea of having more children naturally?"

"I uh..." Carla swallows, as I place a hand on her shoulder. "We lost our daughter, Lauren, a few years ago, she died at birth. And uh, I've had a couple of other miscarriages so... I think it's too much heartache to persist down that route and, besides, we've both come to the conclusion that... When there's children that need love and care in the world already, we can better their life by completing ours."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Her tone is soft and understanding, making it clear that it was a regular response for her to have to voice. And yet, she was so genuine towards us, like she really saw potential and believed this could work. "But the thought of adoption as a route to go down and your reasons behind it are lovely. I'm not really supposed to say this so early on, but you do seem like really strong candidates."

"Thank you." I stroke my fingers through Carla's hair momentarily, waiting for the next question or piece of information to be fired at us.

"Would you like to meet some of the children?" She asks, politely and Carla shifts her gaze to mine again, surprise in her face, woven with excitement. "I can take you to one of the rooms where they'll be playing, depending on which age you're interested in perusing, most of our children are home from school by now. We have the common rooms for older children and play rooms for the younger ones, which are monitored by staff."

"Well uh, we were thinking around six, seven?" I input as Carla nods. "But we're open to all the options you have here."

"Ok, if you want to follow me." An idea clearly pops into her head as I stand, Carla following me in turn as we head down a different corridor. "Some children might be in their rooms, but we'll have a look in here."

"Can't believe I'm here." Carla whispers under her breath, once Natalie has gone to converse with another staff member.

"I know, I wouldn't have expected you to be somewhere like this a few years ago." I squeeze her hand. "I'm proud of you."

"Are you nervous?"

"Yeah, are you?"

"Terrified." She confesses, gaining comfort from my expression. "But also really excited."

"Ok, I'll show you in here." Natalie returns, pushing the door open and allowing us to enter another brightly coloured room. There is a play kitchen and home area at the one side of the room. Sofas border another, with a television blaring children's programmes accompanying them. Baskets of blocks, dolls and cars were scattered around. At one end there was a large drawing table and a shelf of books. "This is our butterfly room, most of the children in here are around six to eight years. We let them play in here when they return from school if they wish, before and after dinner time."

"It's lovely, reminds me a bit of our son's nursery." Carla tells her, as I watch a group of three boys running around playing tag. Two other children sit at the drawing table, splashing paint around, whilst a larger group of children sit cross legged in the toy area, socialising and playing together.

"I'll leave you here for a bit?" She offers and I can't help feeling anxious at the prospect. "Rhiannon, is on hand in here if you need anything at all." She gives a wave to the woman sat by the children in the toy corner. "And Lucy will be back in a minute. When you've finished just come and find me, I'll be in the office. Enjoy getting to know the children and just have fun."

"Oh God, Nick I feel like I'm on some kind of job trial." Carla wrings her hands awkwardly, gazing around the room. "What are we supposed to do? I feel like I'm gonna get sacked if I don't talk to one of them."

"Carla!" I can't help laughing. "Just relax. It's natural to be unsure."

"What's your name?" One of the boys playing tag suddenly appears by my side, peering up at me.

"Uh, Nick." I chuckle in response. "What's yours?"

"Ollie." He folds his arms proudly. "Do you want to play tag?"

"Uh, yeah go on then. Can't promise I'll be any good though." I proceed to head off with him as he takes my hand.

"Nick!" Carla hisses, and I turn to face her. "Don't leave me."

"You'll be fine, sweetie." I reassure her, and she fumbles in her pockets for a moment, looking around the room and trying to gain the courage to interact with somebody out of the possibility of them being our future child.

 **Carla**

I observe Nick for a moment, settling in so easily, high-fiving his new little mates before beginning a game of tag. He was such a natural, with Alfie, Harry, all children. He was destined to be a dad. I, on the other hand, found the prospect a lot more challenging. Despite my maternal instincts having developed a whole lot more since having Alfie, or even being pregnant the first time around, it was still something I was working on every day, and the faith I had in myself as a parent continued to grow.

Diverting my eyes away, I scan the room again, my gaze falling upon a little girl with dark hair, who is sat in the book corner. I hadn't noticed her at first, possibly because she had her head dipped, leant back against the cushions, sat on her own. I didn't know what, but something drew me to her, and I find myself cross legged on top of my own cushion within seconds.

"...Hello." I force the word out, trying to conceal my awkwardness and sound as friendly as possible. Part of me was expecting her to get up straight away and bolt it to the other side of the room. Or maybe shout at me for interrupting her quiet time. "...Sorry, I don't want to disturb you reading..." I indicate to the book, as she looks up at me, dark eyes conveying so much that I didn't even know yet. She reminded me of someone, I just couldn't decipher who.

"Charlie and The Chocolate Factory." Her voice is surprisingly confident as she lowers the book, studying me with wisdom and interest. "It's my school reading book. They put boring ones on these shelves."

"I've seen the film." I nod in recollection, surprised at how easy I was finding it to talk to an infant I'd never encountered before. "I won't ruin the ending for you."

"I know Charlie wins." She rolls her eyes with a cocky smile on her face.

"Oh... Are you one of those people who reads the ending first?"

"No." Her lips shift to the side, creeping up her cheek as she closes the book, laying it in her lap. "It's just really obvious."

"You didn't mark the page." I point out, daring to tease her and she folds her arms.

"Page twenty four."

"Well you've got a better memory than me." I point out and she releases a small laugh. "So, how old are you then?"

"Seven and five days. It was my birthday last week." She responds, proudly. "Although my teachers say I act older. And I'm clever. One of the best in my class."

"Ah, well, happy birthday for last week." I nudge her very gently. "You do seem clever for your age. I'd have never been able to read something like when I was seven and five days... I still probably couldn't, come to think of it."

"I'm on gold books now." She informs me, flicking her dark hair back off her shoulder. "...You still haven't asked what my name is? Usually people ask that before my age."

"Well I like to mix things up a bit." I tease her and she smiles again, the same way which influences a mirrored expression on my face. "So, what's your name?"

"Sophie." She holds her hand out smartly, and I play along as I shake it. "Nice to meet you."

"Well it's very nice to meet you. I'm Carla, and _that_..." I point, turning to see he is being tackled to the ground by six year olds. "Is my husband, Nick... They your friends?"

"Nah, Ollie, Fred and Jake." She screws her nose up, watching them for a moment. "I mean, they're ok when they give me their pudding because they want to go and play. But, a bit immature really."

"Immature?" I raise an eyebrow. "That's a big word."

"Not really, I know lots of words." She sasses me, competitively. "I know the words 'phoenix' and 'philosopher'."

"Oh yeah, and what do they mean then?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "I just know they're the names of Harry Potter films. You never said I needed to know what they meant."

"You like Harry Potter then?"

"It's alright." She shrugs again.

"Well... You like reading?" I assume something else and she nods in agreement. "So have you read any of the Harry Potter books."

"Ok, I'm not _that_ good." She grins subtly and I can't help smiling.

"So, do you like it here?" I continue to converse and she peers around the room, sighing slightly.

"I guess it's ok." Her voice softens at the question and I regret asking it, realising I should probably be careful what I talk about. I suppose since Sophie seemed so intelligent and confident, I'd find it easy to get carried away in conversation. But then again, that was a good thing. She was only a little older than Lily, and yet I conversed more easily with Sophie on first meeting, than I ever had with her. "They're really nice here. But then I see my friends getting picked up on the playground at school..." She pauses as I prevent tears from prickling in my eyes, already feeling so sorry for the little girl I hardly knew, and yet was so interested in knowing. "They get chocolate bars and all." I think she adds it in to lift the mood again, and it's in that moment; the defensive humour and controlled weakness, that it prompts me to realise exactly who she reminds me of; me. The chiselled cheekbones and chocolate coloured hair flowing down her back, the modest, know-it-all attitude which was partially to cover up the lack of self-confidence, even at so young. It reminded me of myself, before everything got even worse, before I became too aware of the hurt life could bring. Despite being dented by the past, intelligent, not only through knowledge, but through experiences, ones very few children had to suffer. In this moment, this revelation, I suddenly feel an urge to save her. To protect her from what I wish I'd been protected against.

"Well... Between you and me, I never got chocolate bars either." I swallow, hesitantly and I realise her expression seems a lot more serious, almost understanding. We sit in silence for a few seconds. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. It felt necessary.

"Hey, finally managed to get away." Nick's voice snaps me out of my trance and I paint a smile on my face as he sits down on the carpet next to me. "Hello, what's your name?"

"Uh, this is Sophie." I explain, as she waves sweetly. "Sophie, this is Nick."

"The one who got tackled by kids." She nods knowledgeably and he raises an eyebrow, darting his eyes towards me for a moment.

"Alright, don't rub it in, kiddo." He jokes and she smiles in a friendly manner. "So, what have you two been talking about?"

"Books. Reading." Sophie lists, before pointing at me. "How _she's_ not very good at reading."

"Uh! I never said I wasn't very good at it." I argue with her playfully and it emits a cheeky laugh from her lips. "I read bedtime stories to Alfie, don't I?" I nudge Nick and her gaze shifts between us.

"Who's Alfie?" She asks, and I realise I haven't mentioned him.

"Oh, he's our little boy." I tell her, and I notice the slightest twinge in her expression. "He's one and a half."

"Oh..." She trails off, swallowing back what almost sounds like sadness. "Well he's really lucky to have parents like you."

"Thank you, I-"

"Sophie?" Natalie's voice calls from the doorway and we all turn in response to it. "Doctor Stanfield is here, sweetheart."

"Um... I've got to go." She suddenly seems awkward, standing up and clutching the book against her chest. "It was nice to meet you."

She begins to walk off in the direction of the door, as my eyes follow her, catching her gaze as she throws her head back around briefly, flashing me a smile, before disappearing out of the door.

"She seems lovely." Nick's thoughts drag me back, as I stand up, noticing we were now sat alone in the book corner.

"Yeah she is." I nod distantly, as Natalie takes a few steps towards us.

"Are you finished in here at all?" She greets us again. "It's nearly dinner time for the children so I thought we could have a chat?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah. I think we're finished."

"Great, we'll pop back to my office then." She leads us back in the same direction, closing the door behind us as we take up our original seats. "So, how did you find that? Were there any children you particularly got along with?"

"I just ended up on the floor playing tag." Nick admits, letting out a laugh as I raise my eyes from the desk, unable to get the last half an hour out of my mind. "I think Carla made a new friend though."

"Sophie?" Natalie assumes and I just nod. I can tell the slight crease of her expression indicates there's more to the story than I'd gathered from our brief conversation. "Did you talk?"

"Yeah, we had a really good conversation." I tell her, which she looks pleased at, still with an element of concern all the same. "She was talking about school and the books she likes to read... I think we connected quite well."

"She is a lovely little girl. Chatty when she comes out of her shell."

"It didn't need much persuasion." I return, smiling at the thought. "As soon as I sat down she was talking away."

"I was going to say, usually she's quite reserved with strangers." Natalie admits. "The fact she didn't feel the need to be like that with you is a positive thing."

"So um... I know you're probably not supposed to discuss much but..." I hesitate, latching my hands together on the desk. "Is there anything you can tell us about her?"

"Like I said, she's lovely, clever, likes to sing and read. She spends quite a bit of time on her own here but at school I think she has a few friends." She explains before stopping. "...It's admirable given her past. But I'm really not supposed to disclose much information at this point."

"That's understandable." I clear my throat, knowing I had to voice the concern that was tugging in my mind. "Um... I know this is none of my business but... You said there was a doctor here to see her? Is she... Ok?" I suddenly realise how intrusive I am being, pulling back again and trying to brush off the concern I weirdly had for the little girl I barely knew. "I'm sorry, that's not allowed is it?"

"Health wise, she's fine." She surprisingly answers my question, although I can tell there is a twinge of reluctance in doing so. "Doctor Stanfield is more of a... Children's counsellor, if you will. And just carries out check ups against her... Injuries."

"Injuries?" I repeat, and she hesitates, before producing our file from the cabinet, opening it up to scan over our DBS checks that we had sent over last night. "It's ok, you don't need to tell us."

"Sophie has flesh wounds, particularly on her back, from where she was beaten before coming into care. Alongside some burn scars. She was rescued from a flat fire just before social services got involved in the case." Natalie explains quietly, and I re-run over the information, struggling to swallow the lump in my throat at the thought. "Obviously, I can't reveal much more than that at this point I'm afraid."

"No, no that's understandable." I assure her, my throat suddenly dry as a result of the information. "Wow..."

"She's got quite a past." She reinforces and I nod in realisation. "It's early days, I understand you'll want a few more visits, to meet more of the children before you make your decision. And I also get that Sophie's history might have an impact on your choice when it comes down to it. We have quite a few parents who have turned down children because of their past."

"No. Not us." I shake my head forcefully. "If anything, it makes me more determined to find her a loving home. It's not about their past. It's about their future, and how to make that the best it can be."

"So, just to clarify." Nick chips in and I allow him to take over. "Sophie is available for adoption... I don't know how to phrase that."

"We feel she's perfectly ready to undergo that process, if the right family for her comes along and she feels comfortable in their care." She assures us and it causes a wave of relief and weirdly, excitement to bubble inside me. This was a brand new beginning, and I couldn't help dwelling in awe over the encounter I had with Sophie. "If you feel this is definitely the route you want to proceed down, we can get the ball rolling with social services to start off. But it's obviously a big decision, not one to be taken lightly. Adoption is for life. I suggest you go home, discuss things, and when you've reached your agreement, give us a call and we'll take it from there."

"Ok." Nick plants a kiss against the side of my head, standing up as I follow. "Thank you so much. It was a pleasure to meet you."

"Thank you, Natalie." I shake her hand, before following Nick out.

"No, thank you. Honestly." She holds the door open for us. "It's been lovely to speak to you both. I hope to hear from you soon."

"You will." Nick tells her, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as we head towards the exit of the children's home.

 **Nick**

"Nights are drawing in." Carla peers out of the car window at the navy October sky, the light still flickering in Dev's shop, as Tyrone allows the door to swing shut, holding a shopping bag against his chest. I park up, switching the engine of the Range Rover off, and turning to respond to her comment, which had been one of the first on our mainly silent journey home. "Aidan text, Alfie's in bed."

"Halloween soon." I remember, which was something that in previous years, we hadn't batted an eyelid about. However, this year Alfie would probably be more aware, considering the nursery were throwing a Halloween party. "We'll have to get Alfie a Halloween costume."

"Don't like Halloween much." Carla admits quietly, still staring distantly out of the window, her eyes focused on Tracy as she struts down the street with Steve towards the Bistro. "Bet you're glad you're not working tonight."

"You really liked her, didn't you?" I voice the question that I knew was playing on her mind, despite the facades, and she just nods slightly, tearing her vision away from the illuminated street to face me.

"Yeah. I don't know, Nick. I just... Felt something." She admits quietly. "It sounds stupid. I mean, I met the child for about twenty minutes and usually I can't stand a lot of children. I mean, bar Alfie, Ryan when he was younger and the children on your side of the family, Simon, maybe, eventually, I've never really gelled with them. But she was different. I don't know, I felt like I knew her."

"Well that's a really positive thing." I massage her shoulder supportively. "The fact you had that click with a child straight away. I mean, the boys I were playing with were lovely, bless them. But I didn't feel any kind of connection towards them."

"I wish you'd spent more time with her. I wish I had. I... I didn't want to leave her. How crazy is that?" She looks up at me innocently, that same look in her eyes that Sophie had when she met me. "I need to stop getting ahead of myself. I mean, there's loads of other children there we need to meet. She was the first I even spoke to."

"Whether she was the first of the thirtieth, you can't fake what you feel."

"...But what if I get my hopes up?" She swallows vulnerably, looking at me for reassurance. "What if we don't qualify to adopt? What if someone else takes her first?"

"Carla, it's not a litter of puppies we're choosing to reserve one of." I laugh, nudging her which paints a small smile on her face. "Besides, Natalie said, didn't she? She's usually a lot more reserved around people. That's a sign; that she felt confident enough to talk to you. And to answer your other question. We will qualify to adopt. We're perfect candidates. Come on, you know that."

"Mm." She brushes me off as I nudge her again, smiling to herself. "...I just can't help thinking about her past. She's been through so much. It's screwed up and unfair, how somebody could treat a child like that."

"I really didn't do it enough justice, did I?"

"Hey?"

"When I told you that you'd be an amazing mum, over and over, when you were pregnant. Before you were pregnant." I tell her. "That was such an understatement. You're just... You're incredible."

"...Are you trying to make me cry?" Tears spring to her eyes and I shake my head, pulling her in. Granted, it was an awkward hug in the front of the car, the handbrake providing an uncomfortable barrier between us. But I didn't let her go for a few minutes, brushing my fingers through her hair, inhaling the scent of her lingering perfume. "I really want to do this. But I want to make sure you do too."

"I do." I whisper, before finally releasing her and brushing the stray tears from her cheeks. "Of course I do, Carla. I want us, I want our family. I'm actually so, so excited to see what's ahead of us."

"Yeah?" Her eyes widen with a mixture of emotions, reaching for my hand in the darkness and playing with my fingers for a second. "So... When do you want to start?"

"We can call Natalie tomorrow? Let her know our decision."

"Tomorrow?" She bites her lip excitedly, nodding her head. "Ok... Then tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives."


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 64:**

 ** _A/N: So a few things to say:_**

 ** _1\. The adoption process will move faster in this than it would in reality, obviously because I don't want readers to get bored and string the initial social services queries on for too long._**

 ** _2\. The misspellings in Alfie's phrases are intentional, they're not grammatical errors (I hope)!_**

 ** _3\. I'm aware that originally, before the storyline aired on the show, I referred to Suzie (Peter and Toyah's child) as Lucy, but I've reverted back to Suzie for the sake of keeping things simple, otherwise I'll just confuse myself further._**

 ** _4\. Remember this is set in 2019, So dates/ages/times all that are obviously one year ahead, again, it's not a mistake, as far as I know._**

 **Nick**

"Duck." Alfie holds out a finger to point at the lake.

"Duck." I repeat, shifting him on my hip as he watches them swim past.

"'Nother duck."

"Two ducks."

"Baby duck."

"I think that's just a small duck." I laugh softly as he traces his finger through the air. "Bit out of season for baby ducks."

"Oh I hate Wednesday's." Sarah vents to me, approaching again with Harry trudging along by her side.

"I hate Wednesday's." Harry imitates her and she stares at me exasperatedly. "Can I have an ice cream?"

"No, you can't." Sarah scolds him, folding her arms and raising an eyebrow at me. "Nick, have a word."

"What's he done?"

"Look how well Alfie is behaving, hm?" Sarah crouches down, pointing at my son. "He's half your age."

"He's half your age." Harry imitates her again in a high pitched voice and I have to bite my lip to hold the smile back.

"You carry on like this and I'll send you to work with Bethany and auntie Carla."

"I don't think my wife needs another of your kids cramming her office." I dare to joke and she narrows her eyes witheringly. "Harry, do you want an ice cream?"

"Yeah!"

"Nick!" Sarah hisses, as Alfie claps his hands at the word. "For God's sake."

"For God's sake!" Harry mimics loudly and her eyes go wide.

"God's sake." Alfie adds, innocently and I glare at Sarah, as he gazes at me like butter wouldn't melt. "Ice cream?"

"So, come on then." Sarah coughs, diverting the subject as we start to walk towards the van. "Any plans?"

"...For what? Today? Next week? Halloween?"

"For, you know? The family?" She nudges me excitedly and I pause, knowing exactly what she was implying. "Bethany said she had her suspicions about Carla."

"When?"

"A few weeks ago, maybe months." She shrugs, passing it off as nothing and I remember Carla telling me about how she'd had the argument with Bethany. "So... Come on, you can tell me. I won't tell mum."

"Sarah." I sigh, trying to calm my emotions as I turn my head to face her, shaking my head. "No, not anymore."

"Oh..." She latches on, swallowing awkwardly. "Sorry."

"It's ok. I'd have assumed Bethany would have told you."

"She doesn't tell me anything..." She hesitates, before going over our conversation. "Except... What she thought initially."

"Well, since you've asked, I don't see the harm in telling you. We're actually looking into adoption."

"Really?" She turns to stare at me, shocked. "Wow. That's huge. Like... _Adopting_ , adopting?"

"As opposed to?"

"Well, you know, they have those sponsor a child in Africa adverts?" She tries to justify her response.

"Yeah, we'll maybe try that one _next_ year." I reply sarcastically and she rolls her eyes. "We went to visit a children's home a few days ago, and we've got social services coming soon."

"Oh gosh, so it's serious then?"

"Yep. I mean, we'll probably get round to telling mum and things when we're more involved in the process." I explain. "When we know if we're successful candidates."

"Nick." She scoffs, leaning back against the ice cream van when we reach it. "As if you wouldn't be successful candidates."

"You can't be sure of that."

"Really?" She raises an eyebrow smartly. "Come on, give me one fault? You've both got thriving businesses, you've got a family home, a healthy, happy son, stable marriage, safe environment with family around you."

"Wouldn't exactly say it's 'safe'."

"You're loaded."

"We're not... _That_ loaded." I hesitate and she lets out a small laugh at my modesty. "...Look, this is something I haven't shared with Carla, because I know how set on this she is. But they could easily look into our medical histories; my brain injury. That's bound to flare up. And Carla's past isn't exactly squeaky clean. Her suicide attempt for starters."

"Is that on her medical records?" She asks, clearly not that educated on the subject and I just nod. "Oh... Well, nobody's perfect though, are they? As long as you show them that you're both in the best place now. And Alfie's happy, aren't you?" She tickles him under the chin and he giggles excitedly, my eyes shifting to where Harry has run off to play football. "...I didn't know Harry brought a ball."

"Oh... Oh, Harry!" Sarah shouts, running off after him to prize it away, handing it back to the family who were shaking their heads disapprovingly.

"You see?" I turn my head to face Alfie. "Don't copy your cousin. Stay being all cute and innocent and we'll be just fine."

 **Carla**

"So?" I raise my eyebrows at Aidan expectantly, as the door swings open and he hands me a coffee cup.

"Hang about, let me sit down first." He scoffs and I roll my eyes at Bethany, passing over another cup to her.

"It's a simple yes or no, Aidan." I prompt him, flexing my hands on the desk. "Did you get the contract or not?"

"Yes, we got the contract." He nods and I feel a swoop of relief soar through me, cheering alongside Bethany. "And, they've added another three dozen pairs to the order."

"Well you can have a gold star." I hold my hand up to high-five him, and he reluctantly returns it, despite the smile on his face. "Excellent, so, Bethany; pen." I hand her a white board marker and she stands up to scribble on the board at the head of the office. "Saunders of Sunderland, nine dozen, by the first of November."

"Will we get that done in time?" She turns to check, looking doubtful.

"Course, as long as they pull their finger out." I throw my hand in the direction of the door.

"Right, well we've still got Matthew Singh's order to finish and those samples need to be made up for Windley's." She lists off the board, tapping them with a pen as she scribbles off the order that was shipped yesterday. "That's gone right?"

"Yes they called earlier to thank me, actually." I remember, scanning through my emails to find Sandra's contact from Saunders of Sunderland. "I'll pop Sandra a quick email just to clarify everything."

"Why? Don't you believe me?" Aidan teases as I narrow my eyes, opening an email from Nick. "What are you looking at?"

"Why is Nick sending me adverts of dogs for sale to my work email?" I groan, not even bothering to open it as I pick my phone up, pressing his contact as I see Bethany and Aidan exchange a humoured look. "Hey, Tilsley. Why am I getting pictures of puppies through to Underworld?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't answer your personal one." He responds, as I hear the busy rush of the Bistro fired up in the distance.

"You're supposed to be working."

"Ok, but did you open the link?" He ignores me and I roll my eyes.

"No, I didn't, because I don't want to look at pictures of dogs, Nick."

"You're getting a dog?" Aidan hisses under his breath, purely to wind me up and I glare at him.

"Alfie's talking about how much he wants one." Nick continues to try and persuade me.

"Well Alfie can have a toy dog." I retort. "You know, one of those ones that woof and move their head. They're very advanced nowadays and at least I don't have to clean up after it."

"Well I phoned ahead and said we'd come to look at some in a few days."

"You did what?" I snap, although I couldn't help feeling the slightest bit entertained all the same. "Nick, we've got social services in a few days. Can't we just take one thing at a time?"

"So that's a maybe?"

"No, that's not a-"

"Oh, I've got to go babe, table three are calling me over." He bypasses my response and I rest my head in my hands for a moment. "Love you sweetie, bye bye."

"Nick, don't-" I begin, before hearing the line has gone dead and I stare at Aidan and Bethany in despair. "Well he's in the dog house... No pun intended."

"Social services?" Aidan picks up, my eyes shifting to Bethany's inquisitive look. "Everything ok?"

"Oh trust you to..." I begin, sliding my phone back across the desk. "Yes, everything's fine. More than fine actually..." I peer up at them both, sighing as I give in. "Right, you promise not to say anything to dad yet?"

"Scouts honour." Aidan salutes me and I narrow my eyes.

"You were never a scout."

"Then, I promise."

"And Bethany, nothing to your gran, I mean it."

"Carla, spit it out." She urges me along and I hesitate again, receiving further demanding looks.

"We're adopting." I announce and Aidan's eyes widen. "We went to Sunny Days Children's Home the other day, met some of the children. We spoke to a lovely woman there, Natalie, who is getting us started on the process. So we've got social services visiting in a few days."

"Carla! This is mega!" Bethany claps her hands excitedly. "Aw, as if you're going to give a child a home who really needs it."

"Yeah, that's pretty admirable." Aidan agrees, smiling contently.

"Well it's the most suitable conclusion for all of us, really." I shrug. "But I keep trying not to get my hopes up. Anything could happen. We might not even pass the tests yet. That's why we're keeping it under wraps."

"Yeah, like you wouldn't qualify." Bethany scoffs, and I narrow my eyes, touched all the same.

"Yeah, you've got the perfect set-up, Car." Aidan prompts me.

"Well, now yeah." I sigh, opening up to them as Bethany sits down in her chair, scooting it over so she's sat next to Aidan. "I mean, I haven't mentioned this to Nick because I don't want to upset him, but I can imagine they'll look into our background history and... It's not the best CV."

"Well it's... Alright." Bethany tries to negotiate, Aidan biting his lip at the thought.

"Bethany, he's got a brain injury, and don't even get started on me." I tilt my head to the side, causing her to shrug awkwardly. "My medical records are longer than your gran's list of ex's, it's nothing to shout home about."

"Look, ok?" Aidan reaches for my hand over the desk and I pull a face at his affection. "If social services don't agree that any child would be lucky to have you two as parents, then quite frankly, they're mad. You'll be fine, honestly."

"Stop that, you'll make me emotional." I bat his hand away playfully, leaning back in my chair. "Ok, keep your mouths zipped. We'll see how things go."

 **Nick**

"Turn it around." I show Alfie, helping him fit the jigsaw piece into the slot. "What animal is it? What is it?"

"Moo." He presses his hand against it.

"Well done, what animal?"

"Moo, moo." He repeats and I give up, sitting back against the base of the sofa as the door clicks open.

"Uh oh, mummy's home." I widen my eyes at Alfie as he raises his head, almost looking worried at my tone.

"Uh, why's that 'uh oh'?" She scolds me, patting my head before leaning down to place a kiss on top of it, proceeding to take her coat and shoes off. "Animals again, Alf?"

"Cow." He points to it and I shake my head exasperatedly.

"I've been trying to get that out of him for ten minutes!"

"Ah, see, you haven't got my charm." Carla kneels down next to us, holding her arms out as Alfie crawls into them. "Have you been a good boy?"

"Mummy, two wee-wee's." He holds his fingers up to indicate, words muffled due to his dummy and she glances at me for translation.

"Yeah, he's done two wee's on the potty haven't you?"

"Yay!" Carla praises him, excitedly. He was gradually getting used to the potty, and the temptation to move him from pull-ups to pants was looming. "High-five." She holds her hand up and he taps it with his own palm. "Have you had tea?"

"Yeah he's eaten, bathed, ready for bed. He's had milk too so should go down fairly easily." I tell her, as he goes back to attempting his wooden jigsaw. "How was your drink with Bethany?"

"Yeah, lovely." She pecks me on the lips, before returning to Alfie's attention. "Shall mummy read you a story tonight? Since daddy's looked after you all evening?" She combs her fingers through his hair. "Hm? Shall we go up to bed?"

"Bedtime." He pushes the jigsaw away, pushing himself onto his feet and throwing his arms around Carla's shoulders. "Mummy hugs."

"Alfie hugs." She wraps her arms around him and I smile contently as I watch them, eventually getting up and heading into the kitchen to finish cooking dinner. "I'll be down in fifteen." Carla calls to me and I dip my head around the door, waving at Alfie.

"Night night." Alfie blows me a raspberry and I pop over to place a kiss against his forehead. "Night night daddy."

"Goodnight." I ruffle his hair briefly, kissing Carla's cheek as she proceeds up the stairs.

 **Carla**

"In the morning Sophie and her mummy went shopping, and they bought lots more things to eat." I recite quietly, as Alfie's eyelids waver closed, tucked up in his bed as I cuddle up next to him. I'd read this story countless times before, but the name really stuck in my head now, meaning so much more whenever I pronounced it. "And they also bought a very big tin of tiger food in case the tiger should come to tea again." I turn the page, noticing that Alfie had drifted off to sleep, but finishing it for myself all the same. "...But he never did." I allow my fingers to turn the final glossy page, closing the book and laying it in my lap. I tilt my gaze to Alfie's angelic face, eyes rested closed, so peaceful and content. Memories flash through my mind in the same moment, as when I used to sit for hours by his bedside in the NICU, begging and praying for him to pull through. Now, I couldn't be more grateful. He was happy, healthy, the most gorgeous little boy. My biggest achievement. The element of my life that I truly valued most alongside Nick. Something which I never thought I'd have but now I did, I couldn't appreciate him more. He was my miracle. My little boy. I was so endlessly proud of him, and myself for getting him to where he was today, and that would never change. "I love you." I place a longing kiss against his head, tears wetting my cheeks as I brush his curls back, watching him for a moment longer before standing to place the book back on the shelf. I click his nightlight off, leaving the door ajar as I always did, and begin to tiptoe down the stairs.

"You've been crying." Is the first observation Nick makes, despite me thinking it wasn't even that obvious. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." I smile, leaning up against the door frame as he comes over to me, not wasting a second before pulling me into a hug. "I'm just so grateful for what we've got. No matter what happens with the adoption process. We've got Alfie and we've got us."

"Always." He places a kiss against my forehead, pulling back to study me. "Listen, sweetheart. You know I have every faith in us succeeding with social services..."

"Yeah, I know..." I trail off, deciding now was the best time to voice my concerns. "And so do I. But-"

"But I just want you to be aware of the chances, you know, they could look into my brain injury further."

"They could look into the troubles of my past..." I trail off, suddenly realising we were on the same wavelength, as a look of recognition flares in his eyes. "I just don't want to get our hopes up. Although, mine are pretty set on this now. I would be devastated."

"As would I, but I was going to say the same thing." He assures me, pushing a lock of hair back. "I just think we need to be ready for the questions we could be asked. Show them we'd be amazing candidates."

"Everybody keeps saying we will be." I murmur, without thinking. "'Perfect' they describe us as."

"Why? Who have you told?"

"Oh... Just... Michelle, who's told Robert. And uh, and Aidan and Bethany." I cough awkwardly and he raises an eyebrow. "And maybe Roy when I went to get my coffee the other morning."

"Well, now I don't feel so bad about telling Sarah."

"You told Sarah?" I realise how hypocritically scolding my voice is, studying his expression which conveyed exactly that. "Well, we may as well put an ad in the gazette."

"Let's focus on dinner first." He turns to take the two plates off the kitchen surface, handing one to me as I head towards the dining table. "One step at a time, hey?"

We eat in silence for a while, my fork spinning the couscous around my plate in circular motions. Before I finally voice the question that had been on my mind for the past few days. "...Do you think Sophie's thought about us at all?"

"Yeah." He replies, swallowing his mouthful and lowering his fork. An uncontrollable fizz of happiness sparks inside me at the definite tone to his answer. "Probably quite a bit, like you have her."

"Do you think she's okay?" I persist and he nods comfortingly, awaiting my next question which I don't hesitate upon firing. "Did you like her?"

"Yes, she was lovely." He laughs softly, chewing on his food as he eyes me up. "Didn't get much chance to talk to her really though."

"...When do you think I'll next get to-"

"Carla." Nick sighs, cutting me off and I put my fork down, chewing the edge of my lip. "Don't get ahead of yourself, sweetheart. Like we said, it's early days. Let time take its course."

"Right, ok." I just shift my eyes down to my plate, stirring the food around it some more. "Sorry, yeah I need to slow down. I will. I just want to get this meeting with social services out of the way now."

* * *

"Hi, I'm so sorry to disturb you like this, Shona said you'd be up here." I push the door open to Roy's flat, clapping eyes on where he is sat at the dining table doing a jigsaw. "I need to ask you something important." I lower Alfie to the ground and he runs off excitedly, heading for the living room. "Oh, sweetie don't touch anything. Grandad won't be happy if you break something precious."

"I don't document any possessions being of particular financial value up here anyway." Roy rises, clicking the kettle on as I collapse on his sofa, Alfie rolling around on the floor, full of energy. "Sentimental appraisal, on the other hand... You said you required an answer to something?"

"Have you got any bananas?" I divert and his brow furrows for a moment.

"Would that be the urgent inquiry that you came here to ask?"

"Oh, no." I laugh shortly. "Only we haven't got any at ours and he's probably hungry by now. Alfie, do you want a banana?"

"A 'nana!" He claps his hands, sitting up abruptly as Roy fetches one from the kitchen, handing it to me. I peel the skin back, pulling a face at the smell as I tentatively break a bit off, passing it to Alfie who nibbles on it like a hamster.

"So..." Roy peers at me expectantly, as I realise I've lost my trail of thought again. "Your question?"

"Oh! Yeah, would you mind having Alfie this afternoon?" I remember, noticing the worry in his expression. "Only, I'd ask Michelle but she's working, Gail's getting her hair done, Johnny and Jenny are away on holiday and Aidan's got the factory to uphold single-handedly while me and Nick have this meeting with social services. I mean, I could ask Kate, but she's probably busy with Rana. So, would you?"

"...Um, well babysitting isn't my forte."

"Oh, come on, its hardly babysitting. You're his grandad!" The word seemed so normal to me, because that's how I'd viewed it since Alfie's birth. Roy, on the other hand, I still think was trying to get his head around the word. "You've looked after him before."

"Yes but usually I am supervised." He points out and I raise an eyebrow.

"You make it sound like you're the one and half year old." I laugh it off, studying the doubt in his eyes at the thought. "You'll be fine, just stick something on the telly for him. I'll bring some toys over. If you're feeling brave you can take him to the Red Rec... Look, if you really don't want to do it, I can check with Kate. But you used to look after Hope and Ruby all the time."

"I had Hayley with me then." His eyes dart to the photo frame on the side. "...What if an unfortunate circumstance is to occur? What if h-he feels under the weather?"

"Well then you know my number, I'm literally down the road." I point out, knowing that my persistence was for the good of boosting-Roy's self-confidence. He needed to have more faith in himself, and since Alfie had been born, he'd always shied away from having him in his sole care, stressing over worst case scenarios. "You can do it, I know you can. Have some belief in yourself, Roy."

"Since you insist." He gives in, a small, proud smile on his face at the step he had taken. "I'm sure it's an opportunity I would later regret rejecting through lack of courage."

"Well... The opportunity is always there. I mean, anytime you want to have him, you're most welcome." I plug another possible go-to person for babysitting. "But thank you so much. Can you pick him up at three?"

"...Uh."

"Or I can drop him off?" I suggest, seeing his expression lighten and deciding that was the safest option away from further negotiation. "Alright, I'll drop him here at three. Thanks so much, you're a star." I kiss his cheek, holding my hand out to Alfie as he stands up. "And thanks for the banana."

 **Nick**

"You look gorgeous." I admire as Carla reaches the bottom of the stairs, smacking her hands together. She was dressed in a black pencil skirt, with a red lace blouse, matching bright red lipstick to co-ordinate. It was a colour she rarely wore on her lips, but really suited her. "...Should I make more of an effort?"

"No, shirt and tie is good." She observes, nervously. I could tell she was on edge, stresses replaying over and over in her mind of what could go right or wrong. "If you put a full suit on it'll look like we're trying too hard. Oh, does it look like I'm trying too hard?" She raises a hand to her head, quickly whipping around to glance in the mirror and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I don't know... Should I put my hair up?"

"Carla, calm down." I try to reassure her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "It's all going to be ok."

"I just really don't want to mess this up." She stresses, clutching her hair in her hand as she pulls it back, weighing up the style. "I'm going to tie it up."

"Ok, well you look beautiful whatever you do."

"Cut the sweet talk, Nick, which looks better?"

"They both-" I begin, as the doorbell rings and she glances at me worriedly, her eyes drifting to where Alfie was sat on the sofa with a kids bag of Haribo's, watching CBeebies.

"Oh God, that better not be-"

"Oh God." Alfie repeats.

"Alfie, no!" Carla let's her hair fall back around her shoulders again, a panicked look on her face as she subtly glances through the window. "She's early. I'm supposed to take him around to Roy's. Nick turn the TV off."

I follow her instructions obediently as the doorbell goes again, and Alfie stares between us, confused, which at least was a distraction from the television going off.

"And the sweets, take the sweets." She clicks her fingers, as there's a sharp knock on the door and a muffled 'hello'. "And make sure you cover them over in case she looks in the bin."

"Carla!" I exclaim, almost laughing if I had a death wish at this point in time. "It's a bag of kids sweets-"

"Nick, just do it." She hisses angrily, as Alfie slips off the sofa and she lays out an alphabet jigsaw for him. "Do that nicely, sweetie, be a good boy."

"Carla, get the door else we won't even have a social worker to impress."

"What do we say about him being here-"

"Get the door!" I pace over to it as she composes herself quickly, slipping an arm around my waist as I pull the door open. We come to face a pleasant looking woman, dark hair slicked back into a bun, hand poised ready to knock probably for a final time. "Hello." We both paint eccentric smiles onto our faces, as her hand falls back by her side. "Lovely to meet you, I'm Nick and this is my wife Carla."

"Hiya, Monica." She introduces herself, as Carla holds her hand out to shake hers professionally.

"Nice to meet you, Monica." Carla beams, as if nothing had previously phased her, stepping aside to invite her in. "Please, come on in. I do apologise, I did have plans to drop our son off to be looked after. I didn't realise the time."

"That's ok, I'm early." She smiles, placing her folder on the sofa and kneeling down next to him. "Besides, I love getting to know the children as well as the parents. Hello." She tends to Alfie and I feel Carla swallow next to me. "What's your name?"

"Alfie!" He cheers at the question, which was something we had been teaching him. Monica looks impressed, whilst Carla and I both sigh in relief.

"Oh he's adorable." She looks back up at us, tickling him under the chin briefly as I push the smile back onto my face.

"Would you like a drink?" I offer, remembering the pleasantries.

"I'm alright for now." She seats herself in the armchair, and I hesitantly move forward to sit on the sofa, Carla next to me. "So this is quite an informal visit, you really have nothing to feel nervous about. I can see you've got a lovely home here, so it's just about getting to know the pair of you, your son, and your living environment. I'll carry out a few safety checks, ask you a few questions, just see how you interact as a family."

"Right." Carla nods, taking my hand in hers and I squeeze it comfortingly. "So where do we begin?"

"I've got some of your details here." She opens her folder up, scanning the documents in front of her. "So, what has drawn you to the idea of adoption?"

My mind goes blank. I felt like I was sixteen and being interviewed for my first job again. The pressure was setting in and even the idea of summoning up a justified response which wouldn't let Carla down, was stressing me out enough.

"Well, we love our family. Our son. But I think we both agree that we'd be complete having another child in our lives." Carla luckily takes over. "Someone who we could give all our love to, a sibling for Alfie. I think we both just want to help a child to feel loved and accepted. I had a... Difficult childhood growing up, and I know how it can feel as a child to be isolated, unwanted, all I wished for was for a loving family to turn my life around. That's what I feel we can do for someone who deserves a happy life and upbringing."

"That's lovely." She scribbles something down in her notes, smiling to herself which had to be a good sign. "I apologise for asking this, it's a question we usually have to direct in these situations... You had your son naturally?"

"Yes." Carla nods, fully aware of what is to come. "With a few complications. He was born premature."

"And the idea of conceiving another child? Is that not on the cards?"

"Um, well Carla's had a couple of miscarriages." I take the liberty of explaining for her. "Obviously, like she said we had a tough pregnancy with Alfie, so it was very difficult emotionally for the pair of us, particularly Carla. We uh, we lost our baby girl, Lauren a few years ago as well, so I think we've reached a point where we've both decided that conceiving another child naturally would be too much of a strain, given our past experiences."

"And you've both accepted that?" She glances at Carla.

"Yeah. Yeah, after my last miscarriage we drew the line there." Carla pipes up, quietly. "We've both come to the conclusion that this is the best option for us to take from here."

"Ok." She brightens her tone, flicking through her notes briefly. "So, how's home life? It says here that you're both business owners? How does Alfie's care work and how would your jobs work around the adoption process?"

"Well we both own our separate businesses." I explain, feeling more comfortable as I open up. "Although we do discuss work with one another, and we've had some experiences of working in one another's company."

"Yeah, I think you had more success at Underworld than I did at the Bistro." Carla pulls a face at me and I laugh softly, as she turns to face Monica to explain. "We've concluded I'm not the best waitress. He owns the restaurant at the end of the road, with his colleague Robert. His wife, Michelle is also my best friend, so it works well. I own the underwear factory next door and have done for... Twelve?" She calculates, checking with me and I nod. "Twelve years now and my brother, Aidan, owns a small share of that at the moment. They're quite successful and we're definitely financially stable to support another child as a result of that."

"Yeah, it's also useful because, due to running the businesses ourselves, it means we can get time off whenever we need it, we're flexible around Alfie's arrangements. Carla's never working weekends, and we make a lot of time for family activities." I add. "I know it probably sounds demanding, running two businesses between us, but it's all we've ever known really and we have a lot of family around us who help out when we need. My family including my mum, sister and brother, with their children all live around the corner. Carla's dad and his wife don't live too far away, in the same block of flats as her brother and Carla's sister, Kate and her girlfriend also live on the street."

"Yeah, and Alfie's grandad Roy. We refer to him as grandad because he's sort of like a second dad to me, he owns the café around the corner as well." Carla continues, as I notice Monica trying to keep up with us. "So yeah, we've got a lot of people around who really love to help out. They're all very giving and loving. Alfie adores them all."

"That's good. I'll probably be needing to speak to a few of them for references at some point."

"Oh, that's fine." Carla smiles, knowing as well as I did that our friends and family would big us up as much as possible. "As for Alfie's routine; he attends nursery three days a week. Michelle has him on one of her days off, Nick'll be at home another of those days and then, weekends I'm always available. So it's a good system and he seems settled in the routine. We have a lot of family time in the evenings. Talking to Alfie, helping him learn, eating together... I'm sorry, you're not here to talk about him, are you?"

"No it's good. It's helping me get an idea of what life is like, and what an adoptive child could be a part of." She reassures us. "So-"

The doorbell rings out, cutting her off and I move my eyes to where Alfie is patiently driving a car around the carpet. He had been so well behaved and hadn't interrupted us once. It's as if he knew.

"I'm so sorry, I'll just grab that." Carla stands up, brushing herself down before answering the door as Roy enters.

"I do apologise if I'm intruding..." Roy trails off, his eyes falling upon Monica. "I am intruding. My upmost apologies... I-I was awaiting your arrival... I wasn't aware..."

"Oh! Sorry, Roy. I should have rang you." Carla throws a hand to her mouth. "Sorry, Monica, this is Roy."

"A pleasure to meet you." Roy waves awkwardly, before shifting in his position, unsure of the plan to follow. "So... Uh, did you want..."

"Carla, thank God you're in." Kate's voice sounds from the doorstep and her head snaps around in the direction. "You know that bikini I borrowed the other week-"

"Kate, uh, we're sort of in the middle of something." Carla hisses through gritted teeth, as Kate sticks her head around the door, looking confused at the scene in front of her. I forget she's one of the people who haven't been told about the adoption intention, but she takes the hint all the same.

"Oh, right..."

"Monica, why don't I give you a little tour of the house while this is being sorted?" I jump to my feet, deciding a diversion was necessary and Carla flashes me a grateful look. "I'll start with upstairs, you can see the spare bedroom." I coax Monica upstairs, who doesn't seem too phased about the sudden eruption of drama. I just had to stay calm. We were doing great. I believed in us.

 **Carla**

"Well everything seems stable and secure." Monica notes, taking a seat back on the sofa after checking our kitchen for 'hazards'. "You have a lovely home."

"Thank you." I reply warmly, glad that Alfie had eventually been taken off our hands by Kate and Roy, because I was constantly on edge, worrying he'd repeat something I'd said or start throwing a tantrum over chocolate or cartoons.

"So I think I'm pretty much done here for today." She checks her folder over. "Sorry to have taken up so much of your time."

"Oh, no it's not a problem." Nick's eyes guide to the clock on the wall. Despite the visit taking over two and a half hours, I knew we'd got a lot covered and exposed ourselves, hopefully, quite well.

"You do seem like a lovely family. I should hope I will meet with you again in the future." She announces, standing up and I feel a flurry of excitement, as if we'd just been given a 'yes' for the X Factor. "You really had nothing to worry about. I've enjoyed getting to know you both and I do think, if you're interested in pursuing this process further after the information I've drilled into you, that you'd stand in very good chances of success in adopting."

"Really?" My tone brightens and it takes everything not to scream with excitement and achievement. "Oh that's brilliant news."

"Obviously I can't confirm anything yet. It's early days." Monica explains, standing up. "But I will mail you over some information later, a result of whether we'll be progressing you to the next stage, and if so, details of where we'll go from here. It's been lovely to meet with you both."

"Lovely to meet you." I shake her hand, as Nick does the same in turn. "Thank you so much for coming to visit us."

"Hopefully I'll see you both soon." She finds her way to the door, leaving following an array of our goodbyes. As soon as it's closed behind her, Nick grabs me, spinning me around which causes me to laugh, pressing my lips against his before he lowers me to the ground.

"I am so proud of us." He high-fives me, the smile on my face so contagious. "You were amazing."

" _You_ were amazing." I insist. "I didn't know whether you'd crack under the pressure."

"Trust me I thought about it initially." He kisses me again, as I absorb his happiness and the refreshing scented aftershave that emanates from him. "Hey, we could actually do this, you know? After the way she seemed with us. It was all so positive."

"We could actually do this." Realisation creeps through me, my heart beating a little faster at the prospect. I pull him in again, resting my head on his shoulder, sealing my arms around him. "We could actually do this."

* * *

"Ok but why, _why_ , does Michelle decide to have a Halloween party the year we have a child?" I persist, continuing to moan as we pace the aisles of the supermarket, Alfie waving a packet of spring onions around, which appeared to be entertaining him as he rides in the child seat of the trolley.

"Because it's the year we have a child." I state bluntly. "She wants to make it exciting for Alfie. Besides, we had a child last year, remember?"

"He was a baby last year, had no idea about any of this. Before the nursery filled his head with all the commercialised rubbish."

"She just wants Alfie to enjoy Halloween."

"Well _I_ don't want to enjoy Halloween." I continue, lowering a few tins of baked beans into the trolley. "Alfie spaghetti hoops or spaghetti... Lines?" I observe the picture on the tin, trying to define it to him as Nick selects one from above me.

"Get the shape ones because it's educational." He decides, stacking it on top of our shop and I narrow my eyes witheringly.

"Peppa!" Alfie suddenly points at the shelf, noticing the pink tin of spaghetti. "Peppa Pig!"

"Alfie, that one is one pound more expensive."

"Ooh, one pound." I mock him, teasingly as I take it off the shelf, smiling at Alfie's excited reaction. "We'll go bankrupt."

"Snob." He mutters under his breath and I nudge him, before proceeding down the aisle. "What are you going to dress up as tonight?"

"Ugh, as if the idea couldn't sound more thrilling." I run my finger along the shelf, sarcasm laced thickly into my tone. "I don't know, probably a witch, something standard."

"Very fitting-"

"Nicholas, I swear." I raise the jar of curry paste in my hand threateningly, although I couldn't keep the smile off my face all the same. "Least I actually need to dress up, unlike you."

"Oh, that's such a childish remark." He pulls a face at me, turning to Alfie. "What are you going to dress up as?"

"I'll just dress him as a scary ghost or something." I decide, as Nick raises an eyebrow. "Cut a hole in a pillow case and pull it over his head. Done."

"You know, it's a shame you don't use this charm with social services."

"Alfie, do you want to go to the party as a scary ghost?" I ask him enthusiastically.

"You know, saying scary ghost, doesn't make it sound anymore appealing." Nick continues to wind me up. "And I don't think there's a physical factor to differentiate which ghosts are scary and which aren't."

"Ah, the costume aisle." I point out, trying to brighten my tone for Alfie's sake and ignoring Nick's comment.

"Alfie, what do you want to go as?" Nick tries to get an answer out of him, tapping the costumes we pass. "A vampire, a pumpkin, a... Prisoner." Nick lists off the bags, glancing at me cautiously. "Are these even suitable for children his age?"

"Look, what about this bunny costume?" I hold it up, as Nick stares at me blankly, trying to work out if I was being serious. "It's cute."

"Yeah, _cute_. Not scary." He states and I huff as I put it back onto the shelf. "Spider-Man, Batman, Iron Man-"

"None of those are scary either, they're super heroes, they're supposed to save us, not scare us."

"Alfie, which one?" Nick coaxes him, waving his finger down the aisle. "Who do you want to dress as?"

"Gwandad Johnny." Alfie mumbles, shaking the bag of spring onions and I burst out laughing.

"Grandad Johnny's not scary... Most of the time." I contemplate, placing a finger under his chin so he looks at me. "Alfie, which costume?"

"Scawy ghost." He repeats from earlier and I look at Nick victoriously. "Mm..." Alfie holds back a cheeky smile at the shake of Nick's head. "Mm... Alfie scary."

"Ok, come here sweetie." I hold my arms out, pulling him out of the trolley and fixing him on my hip. "You point to a costume and you can have any one you like."

"You're such a suck up." Nick kicks me gently and I let out a laugh, guiding him down the aisle.

"Dinosaur, 'waarr." Alfie pats his hand against it, imitating the image he sees on the packaging as I kiss the top of his head.

"Do you want the dinosaur one?" I check for his size, pulling it off the rack as he nods, spurring me to throw it into the trolley. "Ok then, at least that's settled. Bring on Halloween."

 **Nick**

"Right, how does daddy look?" I turn to face where Alfie was watching me inquisitively on the sofa, perplexed in his dinosaur costume at my vampire outfit. I had just thrown on a suit, the red waistcoat I had worn for Robert's wedding, and swapped my jacket for a cape we had purchased earlier. Dressing up wasn't my thing, but I was willing to entertain the idea for Alfie's sake.

"Waarr." Alfie holds a hand up like a claw, looking down into his lap and the bright green felt that was fashioned around him.

"R-aar." I try to emphasise, correcting him. "Right, where's mummy? We're already half an hour late." I head towards the stairs, calling up them; "Car, you ready?"

"Yep." I hear a surprisingly high-spirited response, picking Alfie up and grabbing the changing bag from the side. "How do I look?" I spin around at the sound of her voice, swallowing suddenly as my eyes fixate on her.

"Oh... Wow." Is all I manage to say, very obviously checking out the tight leather black bodysuit she was dressed in, emphasising all her best assets. It was low cut at the cleavage, a black fluffy choker around her neck, her lips a deep, bold red which was the only colour standing out in her outfit choice. Cat ears were fixed in her hair, which fell loosely around her shoulders. "You look... Insane."

"Yeah?" She raises an eyebrow, which only intensifies her sexiness, and I have to literally rip my eyes away, otherwise I knew a turn of events would happen that wouldn't be able to be tended to at this point in time. "Nick, you're practically drooling." She scoffs, the sound of her stilettos sharp on the wooden floor as she approaches to take Alfie from me. "Don't you look cute?"

"Thanks." I wink at her and she shoots me an entertained smirk, pulling the door open with her free hand. "Don't you want a jacket? It'll be cold later."

"Well I can just steal your... Cape thing then." Carla slips it through her fingers momentarily, glancing up at me as we start to walk. "...What are you?"

"A _vampire_." I roll my eyes, not understanding how it wasn't so obvious. "Shall I put the fangs in-"

"No, no, baby." She takes my hand to stop me finding them in the pocket of my waistcoat. "I think you're fine without the fangs."

"You look really hot." I voice my inner thoughts out loud, practically blurting them out.

"You've said that." She smiles to herself.

"...Maybe you were right, maybe we should ditch this Halloween party-"

"Nick, keep it in your pants and you'll get your trick or treat later." She hisses, still humoured by my mood and I bite my lip at the thought. "We'll see how you play your cards first."

 **Carla**

"Well, the kids are having a great time." I observe, leaning my elbow on the bar as Michelle proudly admires the scene in front of her. There were an array of children on the dance floor; Alfie was walking around in circles, unsure really of what was going on, while Lily coaxed him and Harry to dance. Hope and Ruby were really going for it in the centre, whilst Amy and Simon stood with their arms folded in the corner, dressed in half-hearted attempted costumes and unamused expressions. "You've done a good job."

"Thanks." She beams, as I eye up the short nurses outfit she was wearing, probably more for Robert's benefit than the supposedly scary holiday.

"You see, this is what I don't get." I glance across at Robert's doctors outfit, a stethoscope hooked around his neck, probably borrowed from Ali. "Doctors and nurses; I mean, they're not my best friends a lot of the time but I wouldn't say they scare me."

"I'm a _zombie_ nurse!" Michelle points to the blood trickling from her mouth to her chin exasperatedly, her hair tied in backcombed pigtails. "Besides, cats aren't scary either."

"I think cats are scary." I argue. "I don't like cats."

"Then why dress as one?"

"Because I wanted to dress as something which didn't make me look ludicrously stupid." I shoot back at her, scanning the Bistro for back-up. "See, I bet Steve doesn't like witches but he still dressed up as one."

"Steve's dressed as Tracy."

"Oh..." I pause, narrowing my eyes as I study the outfit. "Well then yeah, that's definitely scary."

"Monster punch?" She diverts my comment, holding a jug up excitedly.

"What exactly is 'monster punch'?" I fix an adoring smile on my face, because I knew she'd made such an effort and didn't want to crush her enthusiasm.

"Vodka, rum-"

"Get it poured." I hold my empty glass out, and she looks surprised for a minute before pouring the mixture into my glass.

"Another glass of wine." Nick appears, placing it down on the bar in front of me.

"You trying to get me drunk?" My eyes switch between them. "One of us has got to stay sober, Nick."

"I've only had one beer!" He exclaims, slipping himself behind the bar to grab another.

"Uh, you're not working!" Michelle exclaims, as he pulls a face at her.

" _Uh,_ it's my business." He flicks the hair off her shoulder and I shake my head, an amused smile on my face. If it was anybody else, I'd accuse them of flirting, but the last year or so they'd got on like a house on fire and I was far from complaining. It just made everything solidify even more.

"Mummy, mummy." I feel Alfie pull at my leg, picking him up and shifting him into my side as he waves his juice bottle in my face. "More juicey."

"Do you need the potty?" I ask him, despite the fact we'd put him in a pull up for safety. Otherwise we'd spend half the night in the Bistro toilets, changing his trousers again and again. Granted, we had started him on potty training fairly early, but there was no harm in it. He was getting the hang of it slowly and it would be one major task off our hands when he cracked it.

"Juicey." He persists, as I sigh, taking the bottle and heading behind the bar myself.

"Ok, apparently the party is behind here now." Michelle rolls her eyes and I nudge her playfully.

"We're not supposed to have children behind the bar." Robert inputs and I raise an eyebrow.

"This is a private party!" I point out. "And it's the boss's son, not some child that's wandered in from the streets." I hold the bottle out for him. "Make yourself useful and fill that up." I tease him, and Robert sticks his tongue out at me, reluctantly taking it and filling it with blackcurrant squash. "One more then that's it, because it's full of sugar."

"Mummy cat." Alfie plays with the cat ears on my head.

"Do you want some raisins?" I produce some from the changing bag, holding the tub up. "Raisins?"

"No 'waisins." He shakes his head, and I study him for a moment.

"R-aisins." I try to reinforce, turning to Nick. "He's started struggling with his r's again."

"You struggle with your r's, maybe you've passed it on." He says so sincerely, running a hand down the back of my hair and I give him a look. "What?"

"No I don't!" I retort gently.

"Yes you do, in the middle of words. Instead of 'truth', you say 'twuth'." He laughs it off, noticing the severity of my expression. "It's cute. I always found it endearing."

"I don't do that!" I shift my eyes to my best friend. "Chelle, do I do that?"

"Well, sometimes." She shrugs and I start to virtually pout, like Alfie when he throws a tantrum. "It's not really that noticeable... Only to people who spend so much time with you."

"Yeah." Nick agrees, realising he's lightly offended me and I go quiet, looking back at Alfie.

"Oh great." I mumble, as Alfie looks at me inquisitively. "So his speech problem is all down to me too."

"Carla, it's not a speech problem." Nick chuckles comfortingly, slipping his arms around my waist from behind. "Some children just take longer to develop certain letters."

"Well I clearly never did!" I start to stress and he kisses the side of my cheek.

"Well... It's got better recently." He blatantly lies to make me feel better and I glance at Michelle who is nodding persuasively.

"Oh so it's only taken me forty four years." I sass them, sighing as I give up. "Alfie go and dance." I lower him to the ground, passing him his juice bottle as he runs off.

"Hey." Nick pulls on my hand gently, leading us away from the bar and facing me, as he slips his arms around to rest on the small of my back, against the smooth leather of my costume. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"I just don't want him to have all my bad traits." I stress, for an unknown reason, because the panic had really come from nowhere. "Just when I feel like I'm getting the hang of this, another thing happens which makes me seem like a bad mum. I don't want social services to think that-"

"Carla, baby." Nick stops me, levelling his eyes with mine. "Stop that, please." His tone is almost stern with desperation for me to listen. "Alfie is growing up to be such a well educated, gorgeous, loving and polite little boy, and most of that is down to you. Look at him." I follow his indications to where he is laughing with Suzie, who is only a few weeks younger than Alfie. "Look at the incredible job you've done. Social services are going to see that. They're going to see what an amazing mum you are, I promise you that."

"...I'm sorry." I study his expression and he frowns.

"For what?"

"Because I can't take you seriously with that blood on your face." I wave my hand at his face paint, smiling as he rolls his eyes, kissing me quickly before hugging me. "And for the record." I mumble into his shoulder, as he sways me gently to the music. "You've done a pretty decent job as well."

"Pretty decent?" I hear him laugh into my hair and it makes me smile more.

"And social services would be mad not to see what a doting and loving dad you are to him, and would be to any child in our care, regardless of any medical records." I pull back, moving my fingers up to massage his scalp for a second, before placing a hand flat against his chest. "We'll be ok." I kiss him. "We'll be ok."


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 65:**

 _ **A/N: Very mixed emotions in this one! Quite a Nick orientated chapter, but it's got a lot done and out of the way. I'm starting a character list for each chapter, so people know what it's going to include!**_

 _ **Characters:**_

 _ **Carla Tilsley**_

 _ **Nick Tilsley**_

 _ **Alfie Tilsley (OC)**_

 _ **Bethany Platt**_

 _ **Aidan Connor**_

 _ **Kate Connor**_

 _ **Rana Habeeb**_

 _ **Michelle Connor**_

 _ **David Platt**_

 _ **Max Turner**_

 _ **Lily Platt**_

 _ **Steve McDonald**_

 _ **Monica (OC)**_

 _ **Doctor Willis (OC)**_

 _ **Bruiser - barman (OC)**_

* * *

 **Nick**

"Nick, phone." I hear Carla call from the dining room, finishing the washing up and drying my hands. "I'll get it. Let's just hope it's not your bit on the side." I raise my eyebrows as I lean up against the doorframe. "Hello, Nick Tilsley's phone."

"Very professional." I tease her under my breath and she pulls a face at me before freezing.

"Oh hi Monica." Her eyes widen, a panicked expression shooting my way. "Yes it's Carla..." She answers before listening to the other end of her line. I wait patiently, breath catching in my throat. We had endured another meeting with social services a few days ago, at the community centre to discuss things further and have more questions fired at us. Having been told we'd have to wait a few days for a phone call with results, it was safe to say they were keeping us on our toes at the moment. "Oh, that's brilliant news." She sticks her thumb up excitedly and a wave of relief floods through me, watching the ecstatic smile fade slightly as she listens further. "Oh... Right... And when will we need to have that done by? ...And what will that entail?"

"What?" I mouth, taking a step forwards as she bats me away.

"Um, yeah. Well we'll get that sorted as soon as possible then... Thanks so much Monica. We're really grateful. Ok... Ok, bye bye."

"So?" I eagerly anticipate, watching the phone glide from her ear to the table.

"Well the good news is they've referred us further. She's moved us onto the next stage."

"That's great!" I cheer, even though I could tell the news was tainted. "But? ...What's the next stage?"

"We've got to have a full medical examination." She announces and I feel myself go cold at the word. "It's a necessity apparently. Checking for any potential risks in our health that could affect the child's future. Height, weight, blood pressure. Cancer checks, heart rate checks. A review of our lifestyle and family health history..."

"That serious?" I swallow back nerves, the whole idea of it making me feel physically sick. I hated check-ups, I hated even visiting the medical centre or hospital because it reminded me of... Well, forgetting everything. The mess of my head. The fact it would all be dragged up again, amongst so many more observations, was terrifying.

 **Carla**

"Ok, I've got to go for this medical assessment so... You'll keep on top of things?"

"Don't I always?" Aidan shoots Bethany a cocky look, before turning back to tease me. "All the other times you go swanning off."

"Don't, Aidan, I'm nervous enough as it is." I stress, tugging on the zip of my pocket. "God, there's so much pressure and formality."

"Which you're going to handle like pro's." Bethany gives me an optimistic pep-talk, acknowledging the grateful smile I flash in her direction. "Honestly, what's the point in worrying over the inevitable. Everything will work out as it's supposed to. And we all have every faith in both of you... Well, everyone who knows."

"See, Aidan. That's a nineteen year old." I flick my finger at her, surprised at the depth of her wisdom. "Yeah... I guess that's true. Whatever's going to happen will happen."

"Exactly, and you're both in good health at the moment." Bethany points out. "There's a lot of forty five year olds in a much worse state than you."

"I'm forty four."

"Yeah that's what I... Meant." She pauses, biting her lip awkwardly as Aidan almost spits his coffee back into his cup with laughter. "Anyway... Where's it at?"

"Weatherfield general, so I best get going." I check my watch, pulling my coat over my shoulders. "Dolman order-"

"We know." Aidan bats his hand at me and I kiss him quickly on the top of the head. "In all seriousness, you'll be fine. Don't stress yourself out about it."

"Ahh, you're going soft." I pinch his cheek gently as he fends me off and I blow a kiss to Bethany. "See you both." I head out of the office to the sound of their goodbyes, momentarily checking the behaviour of the workforce, who keep their heads bowed efficiently. "I'm popping out for the afternoon. No slacking, I need this order finished. Just think about that Christmas bonus." With not much to work with in response, just a few grunts and an eye roll from Beth, I decide it best to leave it there, proceeding out the factory.

"Ooh, Carla!" Kate stops me as I barely reach the bottom of the steps, trekking over from where she had been on her phone outside the Bistro, clearly on break. "Can I have a word?"

"Not really, no." I glance at my watch again, before realising her expression has fallen. "Oh, sorry darlin', just because I'm in a rush to get... Somewhere."

"Where?" Her eyes light up inquisitively. "Is it shopping? Can I come?"

"No it's not shopping." I dismiss her. "And aren't you supposed to be working?"

"I'm sure I can sweet talk Nick, we're dead anyway." She shrugs, as my eyes dart to the Bistro doors.

"He in there?"

"Where else would he be?" She narrows her eyes. "You two had a row or something?"

"No."

"Well something's happened, you look like you're about to hurl." She observes, stepping forward to squeeze my hand comfortingly. "Hey? Is it something to do with that woman who was at yours the other week?"

"Oh... I forgot you witnessed social services."

"Social services?" A hint of panic wavers in her tone. "Why are social services involved with you? Is it something to do with Alfie? Is he ok?"

"Alfie's fine." I sigh, silencing her, as her eyes scan my expression for further information. "Come on." I link her arm, heading towards my Mercedes. "You're right, Nick won't mind if you take a little detour. I need some moral support."

"Support for what?" She continues to question. "Carla, this isn't making any sense."

"I'll explain in the car. Come on."

* * *

"I reckon me and Rana will adopt." Kate flicks through a magazine disinterestedly, head nestled into my shoulder for the extended silence that had fallen until she had presently broken it. "Although Rana says she wants to be my midwife. Do you think that would be strange though?"

"Wow, you're serious aren't you?" I wrap my arm around her shoulders, as she pulls back to look at me, nodding sincerely. "My little sister is all grown up, talking about having babies of her own."

"Not sure I want to give birth." She scrunches her nose up. "That's the perks, you see. I can pass that job to Rana to handle."

"You make it sound like it's scrubbing a stain out of the carpet." I almost laugh at her idea. "Yeah, I guess labour's hell. But then when you're handed your baby for the first time, it's all worth it... Except, I was never handed mine straight away... Neither of them."

"...It's you and Alfie that makes me realise maybe I could do it." She turns the situation into a positive one, making my cheeks flush slightly at the credit she was giving me. "I just admire everything you do for him, everything you've done. And the way he looks at you. It could make the least maternal woman melt."

"Well I was the least maternal." I point out. "I was like you once, in fact no, I was intent on never ever wanting children. The idea of giving birth, getting fat, sickness, sleepless nights... They were never even considered. It wasn't me. Or at least I thought it wasn't. I guess I never properly knew myself until my first pregnancy."

"My role model." Kate smiles contently and I weave a hand through her hair, returning her gaze. "You'll be fine, Carla. The child you adopt will be the luckiest boy or girl in the world. Seriously, I mean that."

"Thank you." I whisper meaningfully, kissing her forehead before she turns another page of the magazine, opening a double spread of wedding accessories. "...So, no weddings on the cards for you then?"

"You've just had Michelle and Robert's! Are you that bored?"

"Uh, that was like four months ago." I try to justify. "I wasn't asking for my benefit. I just want you to be happy. Know how you two are getting along."

"Well, we're good. Really good." She closes the magazine, holding it in her lap as she thinks on the question. "Honestly, I've never felt like this about someone."

"Not Caz?"

"No, not Caz." She assures me. "Not even Jade Simmonds in secondary school." She reminisces, catching the lost look on my face. "My first proper crush. Had me toppling right out the closet, she did. But this... This I didn't realise could happen. I'm so in love with her. And I think she is with me. It's just... Crazy."

"How long has it been now?"

"Two years in December-ish..." She tries to calculate. "I mean, we don't really have a set date because everything was so on and off during the affair."

"So you think she's the one?"

"Yeah." She finalises, glancing at me almost in realisation. "I do."

"Oh very apt." I tease her and she rolls her eyes, shoving me playfully as a voice overtakes the speaker.

"Carla Tilsley to room five please. Carla Tilsley to room five."

"Do you want me to come in with you, or?" Kate pipes up, after the announcement has died down.

"No, it's ok, you get yourself off." I assure her, grateful for her support. "This could take hours... Just, thank you for coming."

"You know I don't mind." She stands up with me, wrapping me in a hug. "Good luck, not that you need it." Moving back to study my expression, she pushes a strand of hair back behind my ear, returning a more casual tone to her voice to try and keep me calm. "Uh, any messages for Nick? He's got his tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. Just tell him I'll be back as soon as I can and that I love him." I respond, nerves laced into my tone. "Thanks again."

"Love ya." She calls as I walk off and I raise a hand to wave.

"Love you."

 **Nick**

"Evening." I greet from the sofa as the front door closes, clapping my eyes on Carla's worn down, exhausted expression. "How did it go?"

"Pregnancy is easier than this." Carla admits, hanging her coat up and lowering her head into her hands. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but all the same, I was here to support her.

"Ok, ok. It's over." I stand up abruptly, going over to where she has burst into tears. "Hey, it's finished now, isn't it?"

"Yeah but... Why do we have to go through all of this? It's like we're being tested."

"Well, we are."

"Yeah but, tested as parents. As if we're unfit to have another child, ugh..." She scrapes the tears from her cheeks, noticing the worry in my expression. "Sorry, baby. I shouldn't have said that, I'm overreacting."

"Don't try and conceal it for my benefit, Carla."

"I'm just exhausted from being poked and prodded all afternoon. On the scales, off the scales. Needles in and out. Questions about sleeping and eating and my mental ability." She recalls, studying me silently for a second, raising a hand to my cheek and grazing her thumb against it. "I'm sorry, I mean... It was... Fun really."

"Carla." I try to keep the fear out of my voice. "Stop apologising, I need to know the truth, don't I? I've got to do it myself tomorrow."

"You'll be fine." She exhales, as if releasing all the intensity that had fuelled her mind for the last few hours. "It's just... They brought up my overdose. If I'd done anything like it since. I daren't mentioned the quarry. My miscarriages. My misfortunes with smoke inhalation. The Bistro burglary... The counselling I had after... Frank. God it's like I was on the stand for something. It's just overwhelming when not just one event from your past, but all the things that trigger you, come and hit you like a brick in the face. Sections of my life that I thought I'd got over but I realised how raw some of them still were. I was worried they were going to bring up my old drinking habits. That's hardly gonna look good on a CV for adoption, is it?"

"Well... They don't even know about that. Do they?"

"No, no I guess not but... It just throws you. One minute you're being told by all your friends and family that you're a 'perfect candidate' and the next this long conveyor belt of baggage comes spinning around me, making me dizzy." She takes a few deep breaths. "God, I'm just a disaster."

"No, you are not." I reinforce. "You know what? Not many people could be reminded of all those traumatising things and then come home to their husband and son, successful business, family home. You know what that shows? Complete strength, Carla. Absolute incredibility that you fought through all of that and came out, as a positive, loving and achieved person who now wants to give back to a child who needs a role model like you."

"Nick, I love you." She sighs into my shoulder, allowing me to sway her gently for a few minutes in silence. "...You know, I kept wanting to walk out. I was so close at some points. But every time I wanted to give up, I just kept thinking about Sophie. Because she's still fighting. And I want to help her win that battle. So I had to pull through my own."

* * *

The dull ringing in my ears combined a state of annoyance and tranquility, ultimately leaving me confused. Or rather exhausted, from the past hour and a half of health tests and questions. Then again, it wasn't so much the needles, the bright lights in my eyes or the sincere nod of the doctor's head that was so predictable as he stared straight into my eyes. Whether it was to identify something, collate my answers or just silently relay an indication that he was listening, regardless of if he actually was or not, I didn't know. But as I lay back in the chair, eyes fixated on the fan on the ceiling, spinning around at about the same speed all the thoughts and emotions were in my mind, I finally feel a little relief from his intensive gaze and medical persistence.

"Ok Nick, you seem in good health, as far as I can tell at this point. We'll need to wait for your results to come back from your bloods and scans to clarify that though." Doctor Willis informs me as I gradually sit up, reaching for my cup of water on the side. "So you said this is because you're looking into adopting?"

"Yeah, Carla and I are pretty set on it now." I force a smile, returning to my original seat as he inputs the details. "I just didn't realise how much the process entailed."

"It needs to be done, I suppose." He finishes on his computer, hesitating before turning his chair to face me. I knew exactly what he was going to say before he could even open his mouth. "...If anything is an issue here, with what I know so far, that could possibly jeopardise any part of this process, it's any existing effects of your brain injury."

"I thought it might be." I swallow the bitter taste in my mouth. "So, what does that mean? _Is_ it going to be a problem? Is there anyway to stop it from being one?"

"I can'treally give you a definitive answer there, Nick. After all, social services are the people who will make that call. Are they aware of your history with the illness?"

"I don't know." I just shrug, suddenly feeling let down like a punctured balloon. "I guess not."

"...And how are you feeling? Mentally?"

"The best I've been." I admit, because it was the truth. Things were good at the moment. Between me and Carla, our family set-up, work, my general mood. We were in a really good place. I desperately didn't want anything to knock that back. We had fought so hard to be here. "In fact I haven't had any problems at all for a long time, over a year now. Not since I was admitted for the tests in 2017."

"Well that's always a good sign." He nods promisingly, studying my inquisitive expression for a moment. "We'll wait until the test results come back and take it from there." I knew he couldn't answer anything for me, but I was desperate for the truth. I needed to be told that my problems wouldn't let Carla down. Yet again, her shot at happiness could be ruined by me.

* * *

"Hi, sweetheart." Carla's bright tone is music to my ears as I close the front door. "Alfie's in bed."

"Have you been cleaning?" I raise an eyebrow at the hoover she has rested back against the wall and she flicks the hair back off her shoulders, scanning the room and giving a small shrug.

"How did it go?" She jumps straight to the point, perching on the edge of the sofa as I remove my jacket, taking a prolonged time to hang it up, so I can avoid the question and work on my false answer for two seconds longer.

"Uh, yeah, fine." I lie, forcing a casual tone and turning back to face her. "All really positive."

"Yeah?" Her eyes light up and I feel a pang of disappointment inside me. I so badly wished it was true and that I had as much hope as her. "So... Did they mention your brain injury?"

"Uh... Yeah it came up." I swallow back the failure I was swimming in, my eyes darting to the floor as I prepare to lie again. I didn't know why, but I couldn't take the hopeful smile off her face. "...It shouldn't be a problem."

"Really?" Her face breaks into an excited beam, clapping her hands quickly before gasping into them, covering her mouth. I felt guilty instantly. Why had I lied? Why, when it would just create more hurt in the long run? "Oh, baby, that's amazing." She gets up, hurriedly coming over to me and wrapping her arms around my neck. "I'm so proud of you. Oh... That was our biggest worry, hey? We've overcome it. You've overcome it... It's going to happen, isn't it? We're actually going to have another child. I can feel it now. It actually feels real."

"Yeah." I force a smile, having to pull her in so my face could fall over her shoulder, staring into the distance as I sway her. Dishonesty riddles in my mind, I almost felt sick with betrayal. "Yeah, it feels real."

* * *

"Michelle, that fish burger was supposed to have no tomato on it." I refrain from snapping as she returns from the kitchen, her eyes full of confusion as I hold the rejected meal in my hand. "Did Robert not read the tab?"

"I read the tab before I took it." She inspects the meal for a moment, taking it from my grip. "It said nothing about no tomato on the burger. Are you sure you wrote the note?"

"Yes, I wrote it." I respond shortly, heading over to the till and scrolling back through the orders to prove a point.

 _Cappuccino £2.70_

 _Pinot Grigio 125ml £4.25_

 _Fish burger £8.40_

 _Tuna melt salad (no tomato) £7.10_

"See, you put the tuna salad with no tomato." She points out and I stare at the screen blankly for a moment, rubbing my head to dull the ache. "Are you alright? You haven't exactly been on your game today."

"I'm fine." I sigh, glancing over at the table. "Just ask Robert to do it again and offer them some free drinks."

"It's not your head is it?"

"No, Michelle!" I raise my voice unexpectedly, which doesn't even make her flinch, to my surprise. "...I'm going to take my break." I decide after a short silence, slipping my phone into my pocket and exiting the restaurant without another word. Automatically, my eyes fall to Underworld, debating whether to pay Carla a visit, try and brighten her day. But right now, I felt the opposite of bright, and I didn't want to inflict my mood on her. Pulling my phone out, I am faced with an email and voicemail notification from Monica.

Perhaps some positive news. Maybe she wanted to organise an upcoming meeting.

"Hi Nick, it's Monica. Sorry I couldn't get hold of you. I haven't tried Carla but will assume you'll pass the message on." The voice rings out once I've held it to my ear, pressing play on the voicemail. "I've received both your medical results back and I'm really sorry to inform you that we can't take you forward to proceed with the adoption process. It's no faults to you as people, just in regards to your medical history, the effects of your incident do have an impact on you as candidates. I really hope you understand and are not too disheartened by the news. I really enjoyed getting to know you and wish you all the best in the future, Monica."

I actually feel my heart plummet in despair. My eyes fill with tears. I feel quite possibly the most gutted I have ever felt. Part of me was convinced it wasn't real. That there had been a mix up and she had phoned the wrong person. Guilt pulsates through me; it was my fault. All my fault. Thanks to me, Carla was going to be heartbroken.

Tears sting my eyes, rolling down my cheeks as I swallow the ache in my throat. I felt so sad. Just so sad. A few weeks ago we had so much hope riding on this, now all crushed, and I would be the one to give Carla the news. See the disappointment in her eyes. Her dreams of the future shattered.

I lean back against the wall, puffing out a breath of winter mist, watching the icy white illusion twist and turn before dissipating into the November air. The words run over in my mind. Rejected. It hurt so badly.

Pushing myself off the wall, I forget about the Bistro, Underworld, our home. I needed to wallow. I needed to try and get my head around the situation before I even began to figure out how to tear Carla's world apart.

 **Carla**

"Yes! The money has credited our account, we are officially quids in." I hold my hands up either side of me to high-five both Bethany and Aidan in sync. "We rock. That's the biggest order in a while. Hey, roll on Christmas."

"Well done guys." Aidan grins at us both in turn, drumming his fingers on the table. "So, we can go out to celebrate tonight?"

"I think we deserve it." I weave a hand through Bethany's hair as she claps her hands excitedly. "We'll invite the lot of them, tell them about their Christmas bonuses in the process, now we know it's all in the bag."

"Don't make it too flush." Aidan points out. "Beth'll put your card behind the bar."

"You know what? Everything is brilliant, isn't it?" I realise, looking up from my computer. "Is this what happiness feels like? Am I actually happy?"

"Welcome to the club." Bethany holds her hand out to shake mine, playfully. "I'm the most content I've been since I can remember. Craig's even talking about getting our own place together soon."

"You're getting a flat, Carla's getting another kid, and I have got Eva back in my bed again." Aidan preens, and I raise an eyebrow.

"I thought you were on it with Rosie Webster?"

"Sis, that's old news." He scoffs, shaking his head as I exchange a look with Bethany. "Besides, who would you rather have as your sister-in-law?"

"Fair point." I shrug and Bethany nods in agreement as I check my nails, preparing to continue some more blissful babble before the office door flies open.

"Uh, it's standard to make an appointment." Aidan tuts at Michelle and she narrows her eyes at him momentarily, seeming urgent and slightly out of breath. "Right, how many pairs of knickers do you want? Because if you're gonna kick up a fuss, we don't need your custom, we've just-"

"Alright." I cut him off, waving a hand at his victorious expression and shifting my gaze back to Michelle. "Babe, why do you seem all stressy and annoyed?"

"You seen Nick?" She asks, closing the door behind her and pulling out a spare chair, lowering herself onto it. "He's gone."

"Gone?" I manage a laugh. "What do you mean, 'gone'?"

"I mean he went on his break and hasn't returned to work."

"Well he's probably just lost track of time."

"It was two hours ago." She emphasises and a shot of concern seeps into me as I check my phone; no texts, no missed calls. "I've been looking everywhere. I didn't want to worry you but he hasn't been in the best of moods."

"What do you mean? He's been fine this morning at home."

"Messing up the orders, snapping at staff... I asked him if it was anything to do with his head and he just yelled at me."

"Right... Right ok." I pull myself up, grabbing my bag. "Aid', I'm sorry, do you mind if-"

"Hey, you go." He assures me as Bethany flashes me a supportive smile.

"I'll text our family, see if anybody's heard from him." She suggests and I squeeze her shoulder in appreciation. "He'll be fine though, probably just had something to do."

"Yeah, he'll be fine." I repeat, following Michelle out of the office. "I don't know what I'm stressing over."

 **Nick**

I'd never set foot in Deverson's bar, it wasn't usually a place I would associate myself with. The drinkers were rough, the floors were cracked and there was a dull lack of light; just a few bulbs scattered around as the six 'o clock sky darkened. Aside from which, I knew Kate had been here once or twice, aware she had trouble with other punters. But as I sit slumped over the bar, empty whiskey glass glued to my hand, I knew no one had the intentions of bothering me, unless I lost my temper with them.

Another perk was that nobody would come looking for me here. I couldn't face the world right now, and it wouldn't be an option of a place to search. Hopefully, Michelle had just assumed I was at the suppliers meeting I had mentioned earlier on, and it was still early for Carla to be worrying just yet.

"'Nother one in there mate?" A gruff voice sounds, and I look up through slightly blurred vision, just nodding my head reluctantly. As he grabs the bottle, he tops up my glass, taking the tenner I still have sealed down by a beer mat. "Bad day, aye it?" He eyes up the suit I was unbefittingly dressed in, on a Thursday night, when everyone else around me was kitted out in ripped jeans and band t-shirts. Daring to look up at the man in front of me, I acknowledge the skull tattoo nailed onto the side of his shaven head, neck bursting with colour, knuckles bruised. I didn't even feel scared, I still felt heartbroken. But for reasons I definitely shied away from addressing towards the man in front of me, knowing he wouldn't have any experience or real sympathy for the matter. "They call me Bruiser around here."

"How sweet." I just respond, taking a long gulp of the fiery liquid from my glass, trying to refrain from sounding intimidated.

"Girlfriend dumped yer?" He assumes and I just shake my head. "Oh well that's something I suppose. 'Less you 'aven't even got one."

"I've got a wife." I tap the ring on my finger, preventing the judgement of me being even more of a failure from going any further. "And a kid."

"Won' she be worrying about yer?" He persists and I shrug, draining my glass again and holding it out as he refills it. "Doesn't seem like the kinda place you usually escape'ta."

"No." I mutter, tempted to inform him I was a restaurant owner, but not wanting to give away any details of myself, in case he tracked me down. "This isn't usual behaviour. But I needed to get away. Just for a few hours."

 **Carla**

"David?" I pound on the front door of number eight, Alfie sat up in the pushchair, fiddling with my car keys as his only source of entertainment. "David, answer the door!"

"What? Carla?" It bolts open, almost flying off it's hinges. "You can't just break the door down!"

"Where's Nick?" I snap, staring at him intimidatingly, as his eyes dart to Alfie momentarily.

"I don't know."

"Don't spin me those lies again." I continue, trying to look past him. "Is he in there?"

"No, he's not!" He sounds believing, but I'd fallen for it once before. "You can't just barge over here, the kids are having tea!"

"David, please, I'm not doing this again." I beg him. "Please just tell me where he is. I called his consultant, he hasn't been to the clinic. What is it? Is he with his counsellor?"

"Carla, honestly, I don't know what you're talking about!" He silences me and tears spring into his eyes, making him look apologetic. "Look, come in." He steps aside and I waste no time in manoeuvring the pushchair into the house, positioning it by the stairs as Lily looks up from the table.

"Auntie Carla!" She cheers, proceeding to get up as David just holds a hand up, causing her to retract and sit back down.

"Lilz, eat your tea." He directs and she continues to scrape the peas around her plate disinterestedly. "Right, what's going on?"

"Nick's gone missing."

"Missing?" He almost laughs. "What do you mean, missing?

"I mean he walked out on his shift four hours ago and nobody has seen him since. I've checked The Rovers, the flat, Roy's, all our family except here because you were out. Chelle's even searched the Flying Horse."

"Have you checked the police station?" He suggests and I raise a withering eyebrow. "What? It's not the first time he'd have been arrested at work, is it?"

"No... I haven't... Do you think I should?" I begin to stress, taking my phone out and flicking through my messages from Kate who is helping to search for him. "He wouldn't be. He hasn't done anything wrong."

"Well you could have said that last time." He shrugs and I stare at him blankly, sighing and slipping it back into his pocket.

"He hasn't been arrested." I decide, noticing Max's confused glance as he catches on to the conversation.

"The hospital then? Maybe he had an accident?"

"Don't, please." I bury my head in my hands. The fear of the reality the location was true was creeping up on me more. It was beginning to seem like the only option left, and the most likely. "Oh God... David if you've seen him just tell me!"

"Carla, I haven't!" He exclaims. "You don't think I'd tell you if I had-"

"Well you didn't last time!" I point out erratically and Alfie's gaze shifts to me, a look of worry in his eyes. "I'm gonna have to go to the hospital." I faff around, taking my keys from Alfie who begins to cry, overwhelmed. "Listen sweetie, mummy won't be long, ok?" I unstrap him from the pushchair, rocking him against my hip to calm him. "David, can you have him?"

"Uhh."

"Please, David." I plead, lowering Alfie to the floor when he's stopped whimpering. "You know I'd do the same for you."

"Yeah, fine." He sighs, checking his watch as Alfie sits down to play Lego.

"Ok, just-" I begin, taking the Lego piece out of Alfie hand and standing him up. "Don't let him play with small pieces, I don't want you up Weatherfield General too." I scoop them into a pile, tidying them away and flicking the TV to toddler programmes instead. Just as he prepares to cry again, he fixates on the television, clapping his hands and taking a seat on the floor. "Thank you." I kiss David's cheek and he brushes me off. "Thank you so much."

"Let me know when you find him." He asks and I nod, turning before he calls me back. "Carla? He'll be ok."

 **Nick**

"You've had enough." Bruiser decides as I lower my head onto my folded arms, the room spinning as nausea surfs through me. "It's time for yer to go."

"No." I stupidly say, looking up into his menacing eyes which have intensified at my protest. "I can't go... Where am I?"

"I'll call yer a cab." He grabs the phone off the wall and I have to cling onto the bar as my stool precariously tilts backwards. Sickness was creeping up on me, my head was banging, an unpleasant taste of rotting whiskey was sour on my tongue. Harsh, solid beats of music were buzzing in my ears, collided with the pounds of snooker cues knocking against the balls. My vision was wavering, blurred, diverted. My hands were tingling, numb, detached from my body as I try to signal from my brain to my fingers to move in the direction of my pocket.

"Nick?" Shock sets in as I spin around with such force, I'd have fallen off my chair had Rana not caught me. My eyes fall to Kate's, panicked but relieved, eyeing up the row of whiskey glasses on the bar. "What the hell are you doing?"

"He's drunk." Rana states, and Kate raises her eyebrows.

"Wow... All that medical school really paid off." I slur, sarcastically. "What a difficult observation to make."

"Nick!" Kate snaps, shutting me up as Bruiser approaches, watching the scene.

"Hello again." He flashes Kate a toothy grin and she ignores his stare, trying to lift me from the stool with the help of Rana. "You know him?"

"He's my brother-in-law." Kate mutters, clearly not having any desire to converse with the staff, as I finally reach my feet, legs fizzing and weakening. "Thanks for feeding him up on alcohol, looks like he really needed it."

"Don't get smart with me." He warns, and she rolls her eyes bravely, as Rana kicks her from behind me.

"Kate, shh. You'll just make it worse." I'm gradually dragged towards the exit, cold night hair hitting me as we step outside. I slump back against the wall, bright street lamps illuminating my eyesight; blurred glowing fireflies against the black canvas.

"Can you go and get the car?"

"I'm not leaving you here!" Rana exclaims. "It's a rough area, no way am I leaving you stood around with this drunken wreck."

"Oi." I manage to object, sickness crippling through me again as I keel over, throwing up into the gutter. Rana is immediately reassuring me, with a hand on my back, as Kate whips her phone out.

"I'm calling Carla."

"No!" I shout, desperately, pausing in chucking my guts up for a moment. "No, you can't."

"Nick. She's worried about you. She's been searching for you all day! She's called your consultant, been to the hospital, the police station. Do you realise what an idiot you've been?"

"Ok, none of this is helping!" Rana interrupts. "We're on a dodgy street, trying to get us all home safe. Can we focus on the problems at hand, please?"

"Carla, it's me." I hear Kate's voice address my wife down the phone. "Yeah, we've got him. Yeah... He's ok... Uh, a bar in town... Deverson's." She pauses, before raising her voice. "No, Carla, no. I know it's the place that-" She stammers down the line. "We're coming back now, ok?"

"Rana?" A familiar voice sounds and our heads all turn in the direction of a Street Cars cab, where Steve is pulled up on the side of the road. "Nick? You look worse for wear."

"Are you on a job?" Kate hangs the phone up, taking a step towards him desperately.

"Supposed to be... But I'll send another car, get in."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm not having you three hanging out on the streets." Steve says defensively, unlocking the doors. "Especially when he's in that state. What's the matter with him?"

"Steve, my man." I clap his hand in mine through his window, as he pulls a face. "Just... Please don't take us to Ireland... Not again." I look at Kate desperately, who still looks particularly hacked off at the situation. "Is he taking us to Ireland?"

"No, Nick. He's taking us home." She piles me into the car. "Get in."

 **Carla**

"Where the hell have you been?" I pull the door open as soon as I hear a car door slam, Michelle closely behind me. Nick's drunken, bemused expression meets mine, as

Kate hauls him from the back seat of the car.

"I... Don't know." Nick answers, head hung in shame, as he drags a hand across his face.

"Steve, thanks for getting them back safe." Michelle adds for me, as I raise a hand to Nick's forehead.

"Yes, thank you Steve." I contribute, digging at Nick. "Fancy leading my sister to the roughest part of town. Anything could have happened to you!"

"Well we're here now." Rana sighs, subtly, for some reason, defending Nick.

"I... Really should get going..." Steve stammers awkwardly and I wave him off, dismissing him as Michelle thanks him again.

"Do you want us to stick around?" Kate shifts her hands into her pockets, as I take Nick from Rana, holding him upright.

"Look, thank you so much." I lean forwards to hug her with one arm, forcing an appreciative smile at the pair of them. "Get yourselves off, go on."

"Ok, take care." Kate squeezes my hand, as they walk off down the street. Michelle takes the liberty of holding the door open as Nick stumbles inside, collapsing on the sofa and letting out a pained groan, his eyes falling closed.

"Michelle, get back to Robert." I begin, before a cry sounds from upstairs and I lower my head into my hands.

"I'll go." She kisses the top of my head briefly and I flash her a smile. "I'll be upstairs if you need me."

"Thank you." I whisper, tiredly, before looking back at where Nick was now sat upright, head bent into his lap. Getting up, I run a glass of water in the kitchen, returning to pass it to him. "Our child is asleep upstairs. David's had to look after him tonight while everyone has been chasing around trying to track you down!" I lecture him, trying to keep my voice at a moderate level, so as to not disturb Alfie again. "This is the kind of thing Peter did!"

"Don't act like you're whiter than white." He dares to slur and my eyes flare, anger pulsing through me. "How many times have we been here when the tables are turned?"

"Wow." I nod, swallowing back the harshness of his words. "Not since I've become a parent. Do not throw that back in my face, not once have I done anything like that since we've had Alfie! How dare you." I slap his arm and he mutters apologetically into his water. "It's irresponsible, Nick! Irresponsible! You know, I've been down the hospital? Hey? I thought something seriously bad had happened to you! I feared the worst."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He looks up, sadness in his eyes and I almost feel a pang of guilt, tearing my eyes away to the wedding picture on the mantelpiece, before composing myself. "Sorry..."

"Why?" I finally ask, keeping my voice low. "Why? Why go out and get absolutely off your face? When you've got a wife worried sick at home with your child? Because something must have triggered it."

"I just had a very bad day." His voice cracks. "Work and stuff."

"Work and stuff?" I repeat, angrily. "When Kirk doesn't deliver the order on time at Underworld, do I go out and get bladdered?"

"You used to."

"Yes, _used to_ Nick!" I stand up abruptly, clenching my fists in frustration. "Before we have responsibilities to our child! When I had the miscarriage, I could have so easily done exactly the same thing! But I didn't, why? Because of Alfie! Nick, because of our son!"

"I texted Michelle, I texted her." He fumbles in his pocket, trying to produce his phone, which slips out of his grip. "Ah..." He sighs reluctantly, picking it back up again and I watch him furiously as he attempts to unlock his phone. "See?"

"Undelivered." I point out, sharply. "Got a suppliers meeting? That's your excuse? Why lie?"

"I've said I'm sorry!" He begs me loudly, and the room falls silent, as I pace the sitting room, clearing tears from my cheeks.

"Ireland and now this." I recall, under my breath. "And you sit there on your high horse, acting as if you're so much better than me."

"I have never done that!"

"Is it your head? Hey? Have you had a turn, or-"

"Oh will you just shut up about my head?" He shouts, and we simmer in silence as tears spring to my eyes. "Why does everyone always use that to define me? Why does that always have to get in the way of everything? I'm allowed to have bad days without it being related to how messed up I am in here!" He taps his head violently and I bite down on my lip hard, tearing my eyes away and heading over to the light switch. "Carla..."

"Night Nick." I mutter, finding my way towards the stairs in the darkness, as I hear a quiet cry from the sofa. Forcing myself to ignore it, I grab the stair rail, putting one foot in front of the other as I climb to the top.

I knew I wouldn't sleep.

I knew he wouldn't sleep.

But right now there was no other alternative.

 **Nick**

"I don't know how long it's going to take." Carla's voice creeps into my thoughts, as a shed of light illuminates my eyelids. For a brief moment, the two prospects seem quite blissful, until the sharp ache of my head kicks in, the nausea, the bitter taste in my mouth and all that I recall from last night, which quite frankly, wasn't a lot. "But thank you so much Johnny. I've told Aidan I might be in later, we'll see." I keep my eyes sealed shut, desperate not to have to face the music of my actions. It's the soft thud of the door, the whispered footsteps and soon after, the tempting waft of bacon that approaches me. Was it tempting? Or was it sickening? I was so lost in a daze of confusion I couldn't decide. "I know you're awake."

It takes me a second to realise she is addressing me, and with a great deal of effort, I allow my eyelids to open, a bleary haze fixating on her tired appearance. Dark hair tumbles down her shoulders, dressing gown pulled over her nightdress. She seems a lot calmer than what I can remember from last night, especially since her hand is holding out a bacon butty, which I accept hesitantly, immediately lowering it onto the coffee table as I sit up.

"Good morning."

"Is it?" She raises an eyebrow, muttering the words with a hint of disinterest. "From the look on your face, I'd say it's a bad one."

"...I don't deserve that." I point to the butty resting on the coffee table and her eyes dart sideways momentarily, as she emits a small shrug. "Have you poisoned it?"

"I'm angry at you, but not enough to want to kill you off." She folds her arms. "Yet."

"...I am so sorry." I genuinely mean it, and I think she can tell, but her expression remains blank. "Honestly, Carla. I'm an actual idiot. I don't know what I was thinking and you're right; it was completely irresponsible of me."

"So you do remember last night's conversation then?" She takes a sip of coffee. "If you can call it a conversation."

"I... Ugh..." I realise there's a lack of words I can come up with to summarise how much I loathed myself for how I had treated her yesterday. 'Sorry' didn't cut it, but nothing else could. "I don't even know where to start."

"Well you can start with why." She suggests, looking at me expectantly and it takes me a moment to answer the question myself, a pang of guilt and hurt hitting me when I remember the voicemail from Monica. "And don't spin me the lies about 'work and stuff' like you claimed last night. I know you, remember. Something must have seriously tipped you over the edge for you to be so reckless. It's very out of character."

"Am I that predictable?"

"To me? Yes." She nods shortly, and I try to search for another excuse to avoid the topic at hand. "So, why?"

"I feel sick." I proceed to get up, but it must be obvious because she doesn't let me go, she grabs my hand, kneeling next to the sofa and staring at me intently.

"Nick." Her voice is suddenly soft and caring, but desperate at the same time. "Please."

"I didn't want to have to do this. I hate this. That's why I went out and got so drunk. Because I was dreading this."

"Well... If you're referring to the hangover, that could have been avoided-"

"Not the hangover." The words slip off my tongue quietly and she falls silent again, searching me for answers. Her face was so full of longing, hope, understanding. How could I destroy that? How could I shatter something she was so passionate about? I'd built her hope up and now that had to be knocked down. "You should have chosen a better bloke. Somebody normal."

"Baby, you're scaring me now." She keeps her voice levelled. "...You're not divorcing me? Because I'm sorry I'm not letting you do that-"

"Carla don't be stupid." I sigh with more harshness than intended, more through my own self-hatred. "That's a daft thing to say."

"Well so is telling me that I should have picked someone else to fall in love and have a child with!" She argues gently, before adding the worst possible sentence I could have been hit with at this point in time. I knew it was coming, from her expression, from her intentions. It hurt no less. "Two children, soon. Hey? We're adopting, so you better pull yourself together, daddy, because if social services catch wind of this, we're out the game."

"Oh Carla." I whisper, taking her hand in mine and tilting my head against it's warmth, tears forming in my eyes. "...We're not."

"We're not what?"

"We're not adopting." The words leave my mouth and leave a taste more bitter than any vomit or whiskey could stain. "They've rejected us." I force myself to add, before I dare to look up, instantly regretting catching her eye because the look on her face is enough to break my heart completely. Eventually, she swallows, her eyes glistening over, shock overriding her expression.

"Um... What?" She roughly wipes the tears from her cheeks. "When?"

"Monica called me yesterday." My throat aches as I inform her, closing my eyes momentarily so I don't have to see the devastation on her face. "She left a voicemail. We've been written off as candidates."

"Well that must be a mistake." Her voice is shaky as she tries to hold hope together. "Yeah? Because she said we were doing really well. And our medical exams went smoothly! She said... She said we were perfect."

"You're perfect." I assure her, scooping a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm not. It's all my fault. That's why I ran off yesterday, because guilt was eating away at me. It's so entirely selfish but I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I am so, so sorry sweetheart."

"I don't understand... What have you done wrong? Why would they say that?"

"Because..." I take a deep breath. "Because I wasn't totally honest with you about my assessment. My injury has more of an impact than I let on, a lot more actually. Apparently it's too much of a risk for us to continue the process."

To my surprise she doesn't look angry, or frustrated, just completely gutted. Almost apologetic. Speechless.

"I've let you down." A tear rolls down my cheek. "I've broken your heart and I can't forgive myself for it."

"You haven't. You haven't." She tries to force herself to stay strong, grazing a thumb across my cheek. "You could never let me down. Don't say that, please. Please."

"I worried from the start that I'd mess this up. Me and my stupid head. I ruined this for you, and you were so excited. So hopeful. What kind of a husband does that make me?" I give in, tears trickling down my cheeks as I cry. "To deny my wife to be a mum all because I'm incapable. I'm a failure."

"Nick please." Carla starts to cry too, sobbing into our interlinked hands. "I'm begging you to stop saying that. You're not a failure. You're the most amazing and loving dad, and if social services don't appreciate that, then to hell with them. We've got Alfie. He's all we need. You're perfect. Please, please don't beat yourself up about this."

"I hate this always reminding me. I hate it having an impact on everything." I open up to her, weakening because I knew I could. "Now it's destroyed the one thing I thought I was good at. The one thing I give myself credit for is being a good dad. And now I'm told by professionals that I'm not even good or healthy enough to do that right."

"Listen to me. Listen." She cups my face in her hands firmly, her eyes latching onto mine. "You are the best man I could ever dream to father my child. I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't have _you_ any other way.I don't care what anybody else says or thinks. You're perfect. That's all that matters to us as a family." She pulls me in, wrapping her arms around me as I cry into her shoulder. "Come here. It's ok."

 **Carla**

It still hadn't sunk in. There was still a part of me that was expecting it all to be some prank. Or to receive a call from Monica stating a mix up. Gutted didn't cover it. I was genuinely heartbroken. My mind was playing overtime about thoughts of Sophie. The visions I'd had when getting carried away. The future I anticipated and thought out. I was desperate to save her, to love her. For a while, I was sure we would have, I was determined and motivated and almost certain. Then it was taken away, crushed. I'd only met her once. But I'd never meet her again. Never get to learn more about her. Never tell her how important she was, like I wish someone had me. It was over and the harsh reality was devastating.

"At least we'll save like £13,000 a year." I state, to try and make both of us feel better, as I lie in his arms, breaking the prolonged silence. "That's a lot of bottles of wine."

"We'll just spend it on Alfie instead." Nick murmurs into my hair and I push the duvet back, moving to the side to look at him. "He'll be the most spoilt child."

"Can't buy him a sibling though." I don't know why I say it, because it doesn't help the situation. But it was on my mind and I had to voice it, else it'd eat me away. "...Maybe we'll just have to try for a baby again. Maybe some miracle will happen and I'd manage to pull it through a second time. Only just... See, you talk about letting me down, I've lost two of your babies."

"Don't even start that." Nick squeezes his eyes shut and guilt fizzes through me. "Please don't go there."

"Sorry."

"I'm not letting you go through that again. I've said. You're more important and we said we'd accepted we've stopped trying to conceive."

"Yeah we have." I agree reluctantly, trying to search my mind for any other alternatives we hadn't thought of, as if it was thinking up a forgotten password for a Friend Connect account. "...I just wanted Alfie to have a brother or sister. He keeps talking about it."

"Well, he's got us."

"We could get a surrogate." I suggest, my mind drifting to Toyah and Peter's methods. "That might work better. We could ask Michelle. Do you think she'd do it?"

"Carla!" He exclaims and I chew my lip, watching him shake his head. "No."

"Or Sarah? We could pay someone?"

"Carla, please." Nick sighs weakly and I shut up, sitting in silence for a matter of minutes. Thoughts dwell on our minds, our eyes eventually meeting as we both reach the same agonising conclusion.

"...We're not going to have another child, are we?" The words leave my mouth as I realise them, and it physically pains me. I see the sadness in his eyes. He doesn't even need to respond. We both knew the answer. "...We should be grateful. How selfish do I sound? There's some couples that can't have a child at all. We've got a biological, naturally conceived, healthy, happy little boy and here I am wanting more. It's selfish."

"This isn't about anybody else, this about us." Nick points out quietly. "You can say what you like."

"Yeah?" I follow up his last offer, swallowing and hating the fact I'd hurt him in the process of coming to terms with it myself. "Well then this seriously hurts." The silence is deafening, as my eyes fill with tears again. "Because apart from Alfie, every time I've come close. Every time I imagine how things will work out, dream up a future, get my hopes up. It's snatched away from me. Just gone, like that. It's so unfair. It's screwed up. It hurts. And one day I'll have to tell Alfie about all those losses. His sisters. His sisters he never got to meet. The complete change in his childhood there could have been."

"...He's got Harry, hey? Gets on well with Suzie? He's got loads of friends at nursery." Nick tries to keep positive, despite the sorrow in his own tone. "Some children love being the only child. We'll never have to share the love. We can focus solely on him, our main priority. Love him completely."

"I know." I force a smile, reaching out a finger to trace his face. "I know. We'll be ok. I'm just upset. I'll get over it."

"If there was anything I could do, Carla. I'd do it in an instant."

"But there isn't." I accept, crawling back into his arms again. "There isn't, so we'll move on. We'll just move on."

 **Nick**

"Thank you for taking the time to meet me." I shake Monica's hand and she smiles, clearly confused as to why I was back here. "I know you're really busy."

"It's ok." She sits down at the opposite side of her desk. "So, what brings you back here?"

"My wife. My family." I admit, desperately and she pauses flicking through a file, looking up at me expectantly. "I've already failed them once. I've got to at least try."

"Try?" She narrows her eyes.

"Please reconsider our application." I begin and the sigh she emits tiredly explains that she wasn't prepared to argue. "No, please just listen. You said we seemed like perfect candidates."

"Yes that was before I found out about your medical history." She phrases it gently, not wanting to seem too harsh. "I reviewed it and I just can't take any risks."

"But we're not a risk. I promise you, we're far from a risk." I swallow my pride, opening up everything I had to her. "We're a loving, supportive family, who want to offer that to a child who needs it. We could give a child with nothing, everything. You can't deny a child that chance. After seeing all those children at Sunny Days, all who desperately need a home, and there's one on offer, one where they'd be welcomed with open arms and loved totally and completely. We've got everything, Monica. I wouldn't lie to you. But Carla and I have suffered so much heartache when it comes to children. Alfie is constantly talking about having a sibling. And look at him, hey? You said yourself he seems perfectly happy, well-developed, healthy, loved. It would complete us. It would make my wife the happiest woman, that's all I've ever wanted for her. Carla is so important to me and to take me out of the equation, when I told her the news, she was devastated. She's the most perfect mum. Once upon a time, she doubted herself completely. She was convinced she'd never have kids. Assured herself she wouldn't cope being a mother, or have a maternal bone in her body. But she has proved it to everybody who ever agreed, and proved herself wrong." I pause my speech, noticing the contemplation in Monica's eyes. "She had a rough upbringing, a difficult past. She understands it. She's taken that; all the trauma and neglect she suffered and turned it into a positive. It's shaped her as a person and she wants to use that to benefit another child who is in the same position she once was. I have no doubt in my mind that she will make you so incredibly proud."

"...Nick... I don't know."

"And as for my injury? I guarantee you, hand on heart. Alfie is my absolute world. I would never, never let anything happen to him. I will protect him and any other child of ours from harm. Yes, it might never go away, and yes, I've battled a lot since my accident. But I will not let it shape me as a person. It doesn't define me. What does, is that I am a loving, doting, caring dad who would never dream of acting any other way. That's a genuine promise. I've been so much better the last few years. Ask my consultant; since Alfie's birth I've had no problems whatsoever. I'm in good health. I know how to control it. And if anything were ever to change on that score, I know exactly where to go and what to do. Please, please don't let an accident from the past stop us from having this chance. I'm begging you, Monica. Please."

 **Carla**

"You're late back. I was prepared to send out the search party again." I dish up dinner, arranging the bowls on the table as Alfie slurps the spaghetti off his spoon. "Good timing, all the same. Work ok?"

"I haven't been to work." He admits and I look up, finally meeting his eyes which convey a look of almost shock. I exhale hesitantly, now stressing that he had gone awol again. Although this time, he wasn't stumbling through the door or crying his eyes out. "I've been to see Monica."

"Monica?" I fiddle with the zip on my skirt at the name, still bringing back bitter connotations as I try to force the pained memories of hope out of my head. "As in social worker, Monica?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I love you and I love Alfie, and I love our future." He admits and I look up, furrowing my brow in confusion. "And I made a promise when I married you that I'd try my hardest to make you happy, and so I thought, 'have I tried my hardest'? Had I gone above and beyond for you? So that's what I did."

"You're not making any sense." I try to understand what he is getting at, struggling to read his expression.

"So I went to see Monica." He continues, butterflies tickling inside me as hope starts to build, catching on to the small smile appearing on his cheeks. "And I was wondering if you still wanted another child?"

"What?" I clap a hand over my mouth, releasing a shocked squeal into them as he grins excitedly. "Nick if this is a joke-"

"It's not a joke." He assures me confidently. "She's appealed us. We're suitable to become adoptive parents. If you still want to be?"

"Oh my..." I burst into tears stupidly, throwing myself at him as I seal my arms around his neck, crying into the shoulder of his jacket. "You're not joking? You're not..." I trail off as I pull back to look at him.

"Ok, I might have been an idiot, but I'm really not that stupid." He teases me, wiping the tears from my cheeks as my smile extends, pacing the room in shock for a few seconds. "Come here." He grabs me and I let out a surprised squeal as he picks me up effortlessly, wrapping my legs around his waist as I dip my head to kiss him, hair tickling his cheek. "You really think I was going to let them say no to a mum as brilliant as you? Hm? No way. I told you once upon a time you'd make an amazing mum and you've more than proved it, Carla Tilsley. So, you'd best be prepared to do that all over again."

"I love you." I laugh against his lips, kissing him affectionately. "I love you so much."

"I love you." He repeats, putting me down and picking Alfie up out of his high chair, propping him on his hip as I drape my arms around his shoulders. "I love both of you. I love our family, our life, our future. More than anything."

* * *

 _ **A few ups and downs there! Let me know what you think!**_


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter 66:**

 ** _A/N: Quite a short chapter, but it seemed appropriate. There's quite a lot of description about Sophie's past later in the chapter. Please be warned, it is quite dark, I've gone quite deep with it and the descriptions cover some serious issues. This will probably be the main description, and I will warn if there is to be any mention in later chapters, but I wanted to get it covered. I really hope I haven't taken it too far, but I wanted to really try hard with this and work with challenging issues. I hope everybody is ok with how I've gone about it, and thank you to those who are still following, it means so much!_**

 **Characters:**

 **Carla Tilsley**

 **Nick Tilsley**

 **Alfie Tilsley (OC)**

 **Bethany Platt**

 **Craig Tinker**

 **Roy Cropper**

 **Natalie (OC)**

 **Sophie Koleano (OC)**

 **Kate Connor**

* * *

 ** _Trigger warning: This chapter contains descriptions of dark themes, including neglect, grief and drug use. Please be aware before reading._**

* * *

 **Nick**

"First day in pants and..." I close the door behind me, Alfie sitting on my shoulders and waving at Carla as she looks up expectantly. "What did we get?"

"Stickers!" Alfie cheers, as I guide him down from my shoulders, hauling him into my arms as he points to the ones stuck to his top.

"How many did we get?"

"One, two, three." He counts, missing the fourth, as he hadn't quite learnt that far yet. Carla's face breaks into a proud smile, pushing the magazine to the side as she gets up.

"No way!" Carla cheers, holding her arms out as Alfie reaches for her. "You wore big boy pants and went for wee wee's on the potty?"

"Alice said she was so impressed." I stroke a hand through her hair, dropping Alfie's rucksack onto the floor by the sofa. "Seriously, said his progression is better than most children his age. She seemed really chuffed with his training."

"Oh I am so proud, Alfie." Carla places kisses into his hair. "Well done baby."

"Oh and hi." I smile, moving in to kiss her and she lets out a soft mumble.

"Hi." She smiles into my lips, making my tummy flutter slightly. "Guess what?"

"Hm?"

"Bethany has completed her level three business NVQ today." She announces proudly. "I signed her off and everything. So looks like we're all progressing."

"Ah, that's amazing. I bet she's so pleased."

"Bless her." She kisses me again, returning to Alfie. "You're growing up too fast. Look at what you're achieving. So did he have any accidents?"

"Nope, not one." I nudge her and her eyes light up in shock.

"Oh Alfie!" She tickles him happily and he giggles. "I can't believe that. Well that settles it, we're going out for dinner."

"Why, did you forget to do the food shop?" I tease her and she rolls her eyes, unable to take the smile off her face.

"No, I told Bethany we'd take her and Craig. We'll go to Roy's." She decides, running a hand through Alfie's curls. "Grandad Roy's café for tea?"

"Grandad 'Woy's sausages." He mumbles to himself, still mis-pronouncing his 'R'. I suppose that was the next thing to work on.

"Sausages?" She laughs, planting kisses into his hair as I watch her adoringly. "Ok, whatever you want."

 **Carla**

"Ah, here she is. The Alan Sugar of her generation." Nick greets Bethany, responding to her playful nudge with a hug, as Craig rises to greet us. "Well done sweetheart."

"Thank you." She pulls back, pointing to me. "A lot of it is down to this one."

"Hey, you've been sensational the last year and a half, Mrs, all this is your doing." I assure her proudly, tapping Craig's shoulder. "You've got a clever one there."

"I know." He kisses the side of her head, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "And thank you for training her."

"As long as she doesn't open her own knicker factory to compete against me with her skills now." I tease her and she narrows her eyes, as I turn to notice Roy knelt down by Alfie, who is babbling on about nursery. "Alfie? Tell grandad how many stickers you got today?"

"One, two, three..." He counts them, pointing to the fourth one. "'Nother sticker for my wee-wee's."

"Uh..." Roy raises his head awkwardly.

"The potty, Roy." I try to elaborate, and he nods as he stands, allowing me to wrap him in a hug. "How are you?"

"Perfectly alright-" He begins, before my phone sounds loudly, producing it from my pocket to read the contact.

 _Natalie - Sunny Days_

 _Mobile_

"Nick, it's Natalie." I turn, lifting Alfie with my spare arm and handing him over. "I won't be a minute."

"Alright." He kisses me quickly on the cheek, getting Alfie seated as I head outside.

"Natalie? Hi." I answer the phone, leaning back against the café wall and staring off down the darkened street.

"Hi Carla, I just wanted to give you a call to see where you're at with things." She replies, as I check my watch 5.47pm. "I meant to phone earlier on but figured you might be in work. But I've spoken to Monica, congratulations on becoming successful applicants for adoption."

"Oh, thank you." I sigh with relief, grateful to hear the words we'd been told the opposite of the other week. It seemed she hadn't been informed of our initial decline, which made me feel more confident about the situation. "Yeah it's been a tough couple of weeks but we got there in the end."

"You've done the hard part now, it can only go upwards from here." She promises positively. "I'm just checking you're both still definite about proceeding with the adoption process?"

"Of course."

"Great." I hear her tap something out on the computer. "So, it would be good to have another meeting with you both. Talk about where we're going from here. Like I said, I've spoken to Monica, so it'll just be a few more details on what happens next. When would you be available this week?"

"Seriously, anytime." I show we're flexible and keen. "This is more important so we can both work around our jobs. Whenever is most convenient for you?"

"Well I can do tomorrow? Say, mid-afternoon time? About two o'clock? I'm assuming your factory is closed on weekends anyway."

"Yes, that's fine with me and I'm sure Nick can clear it with his business partner." I smile to myself, trying not to cheer with pride. "Uh, we'll see you there at two then?"

"That's brilliant Carla." She sounds so happy and positive, I bite my lip with excitement. I felt so achieved, so ready for this next step we were taking. "Congratulations again. I had no doubt in my mind. I'll see you both tomorrow."

"Thanks Natalie. Ok, bye bye." I hang up the phone, leaning back against the wall and holding it against my chest. This was really happening for us. We were actually capable of changing a child's life. It had been an emotional rollercoaster for weeks, months, but now, finally we were getting somewhere. This was the best early Christmas present I could ever wish for.

 **Nick**

"So, congratulations." Natalie beams at us, opening up our folder which has a vast lot more paperwork inside in comparison to last time we were sat at this desk. "I'm really pleased for you both. I bet it's a weight off your shoulders."

"Thank you." I put my arm around Carla casually. "Yeah, I'm just glad we're past it."

"It can be scary, all the initial formalities, social service visits and meetings." She sympathises. "Obviously they'll still be involved in the process. You'll still have occasional home visits and meetings but mainly to check you're happy with how things are going. So, onwards and upwards! Stage two; finding and building a connection with the child you want to adopt. You met some of the children last time, right?"

"Yeah." Carla nods in response. "I think it was quite a nervous visit, I don't think either of us were prepared."

"You met Sophie Koleano?" She clarifies and Carla nods slowly. I knew she would want to see her again, whether that was today or on another visit. There was clearly something about her that Carla related or was drawn to. "Yeah, she's been asking about you."

"Has she?" Carla's eyes light up in shock.

"A few times after your initial visit. It's surprising, she rarely attaches herself to people so easily, or takes an interest in getting to know those she's never met before." Natalie informs us. "You must be special."

"...How is she?" Carla dares to ask, trying not to seem too keen after one meeting.

"Same old Sophie." She laughs to herself slightly. "Doing well at school, she doesn't really gel with many of the children here, she's quite mature for her age."

"Can we see her again?"

"Car." I whisper, urging her not to get her hopes up, but Natalie nods hesitantly.

"Of course, you can have a chance to meet more of the children while you're here. As it's a Saturday, some are playing outside, they'll be scattered here and there until dinner time, so it'll give you a decent amount of time to settle in more." She pauses, weighing up our expressions. "...I have to warn you, and I think I may have covered it in our last meeting. But, Sophie isn't so much a straight forward child... I have to urge you not to share any of the details I give you, outside of the home for the moment. As you can gather, it's very important to keep child details confidential, and until it's all more finalised, we have to be careful what is taken away from the setting."

"No, we understand." Carla assures her, glancing at me and I nod.

"But for now, anyway, I'll set you free." She claps her hands, brightening the subject. "Go and enjoy your time here. Get to know as many of the children as you can. In the younger rooms and the garden, there'll be trained staff around if you have any questions."

"That's great." I input as we stand up, flashing her a grateful smile. "Just through here?"

"Yeah, everywhere is sign posted." Natalie explains, as Carla follows me through the door, linking our fingers as we pace the corridor.

"Do you want to go back into the same room we went in last time?" I offer, and she stops as we pass the toilet.

"Yeah, you go ahead. I'm just gonna pop to the bog." She kisses my cheek, disappearing and I'm stood alone within seconds, nerves tickling inside me as I head towards the door of the room I vaguely remembered. Opening it up, I'm met with a more lively atmosphere than before, with children racing cars around a big track on the floor. There was a circle of children with a staff member, singing songs at the one end, a few of which look up at my appearance. Two girls were arguing on the painting table, which I have no desire to break up, or try to intervene. The only person not engaging in some kind of activity, was the little girl with dark hair, sitting facing the wall in the corner of the room. Arms folded. Picking at the peeling paint on the skirting board.

I was a lot more hesitant than Carla would be; she had more time to socialise and get to know Sophie last time we had been here. I was doubting she would even remember me. But I wanted to make an effort. After all, she had clearly made an impression on Carla.

"Not interrupting, am I?" I keep my voice soft as I approach her, crouching down as her head shoots up, surprised at the sound of someone's greeting. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't." She responds almost defensively, shrugging slightly and narrowing her eyes, as if vaguely recalling my face.

"Nick... We met a while ago." I re-introduce myself, not remembering whether she even knew my name. "...What are you doing?"

"Sitting." She just folds her arms and I invisibly grate my teeth together. This was a lot harder than Carla made it out to be. Either that, or she was less inclined to talk this time. "What are you doing?"

"Uh... Well we've come to meet all of you again." I smile warmly, as she studies my expression. "Learn more about you."

"That's what the doctors say." She just mutters and I go quiet, trying to think of a way to divert the subject. "Is Carla with you?"

"Ah." I perk up at her recollection of her name, surprised she remembered. "Yeah, she's just in the toilet." I move to a sitting position, searching for something else to talk about. "So, are you planning on 'sitting' all afternoon?"

"I'm just not having a very happy day." She sighs, her shoulders dropping as she stares back at the wall, picking at the paint again. "I get told off for doing this. They say 'Sophie find something normal to do, stop ruining our walls'."

"Well... Why don't you read? You were enjoying reading last time?"

"No." She just responds, quietly, and I'm so appreciative to feel Carla's hand on my shoulder, looking up at her inviting expression.

"Hiya." Carla greets, as Sophie's head whips around to look up at her, following her gaze as she lowers herself to the ground. "How are you, Sophie?"

"She's not having a very happy day." I repeat, trying to help the conversation move along, but it seemed I didn't need to.

"Fine." She looks a lot more content at Carla's appearance, which I can't help feeling the slightest twinge of disappointment at. "How are you?"

"I'm ok darlin'." Carla crosses her legs, eyeing up the wall. "You're like me, so many things to choose from to do and instead you're doing the one thing you shouldn't be."

"Do you get into trouble for it too?" Sophie grins slightly, brightening as she shifts her body around to properly face us.

"Sometimes." Carla admits in a welcoming voice. "If I get caught for it. What happened to Charlie and his predictable chocolate factory?"

"Huh?" She looks confused at the change in title, clearly not clocking the joke Carla was making.

"Well you said you could already guess the ending." Carla explains. "That's what predictable means; it's easy to guess what's going to happen."

"Oh." Sophie nods, actually looking interested. "Well I got up to the squirrel part. That was quite funny. I was glad when she fell down the hole because she wasn't very nice."

"Very spoilt isn't she?" Carla nods, easily making conversation, despite the fact she'd probably seen the film once, years ago.

"There's a girl in my class like that." Sophie continues, opening up. "She has loads of coloured pencil crayons and she always wants to use my boring pencil. So I let her when she wants to. But then when I asked to use her pink one, she said it was hers and not mine, so I couldn't."

"Well that's mean." Carla sounds slightly defensive. "Next time she asks to use yours, say no, she can't have it both ways."

"I tried that." Sophie admits, going quiet. "But then she wouldn't let me play mum's and dad's in the playground with her and her friends. Even though I'm always the dog. I hate being the dog."

"...Did you tell the teacher?" Carla asks, concerned and Sophie shakes her head, her eyes darting to me worriedly. "Well that's not a very nice thing for them to do. You should tell someone. Have you told Natalie?" She shakes her head again, and I bite down on my tongue, knowing Carla may be getting slightly carried away. "If they do that again, will you tell someone?"

"Maybe." Sophie responds, although I could tell from her lack of enthusiasm that she seemed reluctant to. "Please don't tell Nat I told you."

"...Ok." Carla eventually agrees, and I close my eyes, shaking my head subtly.

"Carla." I warn her under my breath. "Careful, babe."

"So, how come you're not reading your book right now then?" Carla lightens the subject, taking my hint. "You won't know what happens to... Squirrel girl... If you don't keep reading it."

"I knew you didn't know her name." Sophie giggles, as Carla taps her very gently on the knee. "I left it in my bag drawer at school. So I have nothing to read."

"Well... You could read something else in the meantime?" I suggest, trying to chip into the conversation, as Sophie turns her head in the direction I am pointing to the book shelf. "What about... Captain Underpants?"

"Read it." She sasses me, smiling slightly, which makes me feel a lot more settled. Maybe it was the initial reunion which set her on edge.

"Peppa Pig's adventures?"

"That's for babies!" She laughs, her gaze switching between me and Carla.

"Stories for six year olds?" I read off the cover on the shelf.

"I'm seven now." She emphasises.

"Well I'm thirty nine and I still read the comic section in the newspaper."

"He's a nerd." Carla whispers, teasing me and I nudge her playfully as Sophie giggles at us again. We sit in a comfortable silence for a matter of seconds, before Sophie's expression falls again, returning to her original slightly defensive state.

"You know, you can go and talk to the other kids if you want?" Her eyes scatter around the room, fixating back on us. "I know why you're here."

"Ok, and why's that then?" Carla folds her arms, continuing to uphold her playful manner.

"I see loads of grown-ups here, but they don't come and talk to me." She admits, almost reluctantly as if it would put us off. "They talk to the exciting ones. You don't have to sit here because I look lonely."

"Sophie, that's not why we're sat here." Carla assures her meaningfully. "We want to."

"Does he?" Her eyes drift across to me, and my confident nod does little to rid the unconvinced look on her face. "...Are you doctors? Is that why you're sat here?"

"No, Sophie. We're not doctors." Carla gently reassures her, noticing how worried her expression looks. "Ok, I promise you. We just wanted to see how you were, after seeing you last time. Talk to you some more."

"Like... A friend?" She guesses, as a smile appears on Carla's face.

"Yeah, if you want."

"He doesn't want to be friends with me though." It takes me a second to register that she is indicating to me, her gaze held on the floor. I glance at Carla, confused at where the assumption has come from.

"Yes I do." I try to be gentle with how I say it. "As soon as I got in here I came straight over to you."

"Because you had to." She mutters, getting up suddenly, Carla looking concerned at her change of heart. "Because she told you to."

"Sophie, I didn't." She tries to call her back, as she runs off, exiting the room and we both sit in a surprised silence for a second. "...Where did that come from?"

"Carla, I think we need to stop getting carried away sweetheart." I lower my tone, levelling my eyes with hers. "We're supposed to move around, have lighthearted conversations with the children. Not attach ourselves to one and get in too deep."

"I wasn't getting in too deep!" She's suddenly defensive, and it suddenly hits me hard, how the behaviour is so mirrored in the little girl we had previously been talking to. Stubborn. Defensive. Lacking in self-confidence. "I was just talking to her, Nick. She was the one who instigated that conversation!"

"Ok, ok." I shush her, preventing her voice from raising any further in dynamics, knowing this of all settings wasn't the place to have a domestic. "Look, why don't we get to know some of the other children?" I indicate around the room and she glances around disinterestedly.

"Do you think she's ok?"

"She'll be fine."

"She didn't seem fine." She points out, distractedly. "Do you think we should go and check?"

"No, Carla." I stress, beginning to worry about her protectiveness over someone she had met twice. "She's probably gone to her room or something. Come on, let's go and talk to the girls at the drawing table."

 **Carla**

My mind was working overtime as I take a seat opposite two girls, sloshing paint around a sheet of paper in a messy fashion. I couldn't stop dwelling on Sophie, her sudden change of heart and where she could have got to. Had I said something wrong? Did I upset her in any way? The conversation replays in my mind, trying to pin-point when it might have swerved.

"Hello." Nick's introduction distracts me slightly, blinking to force my thoughts back and focus on the children in front of us. "What are you painting?"

"A dog." The red haired little girl responds, before laughing as she drizzles paint down her friends apron.

"What are your names then?" He tries to continue, but they exchange a look with each other, giggling under their breath without answering. I already wanted to move on. This is why I could never be a nursery worker; I got along with very few children, if I didn't gel with them, I found it hard to put up with them.

"I like the bow in your hair." I point to the blonde haired girl's plait, and she acknowledges me briefly, before proceeding to paint her hand blue.

"Robyn, I look like a Smurf." She holds her hand up to her friend, who laughs at her joke. I exchange a look with Nick, desperate to move away from this situation. "Do you like Smurfs?" I realise she's now looking directly at me, as if quizzing me.

"What's a Smurf?" I dare to ask and she stares at me blankly for a moment, making it obvious it wasn't the answer she wanted. Weirdly, I felt stupid. I should have just responded with some straight forward answer, but then might have been sucked in to a conversation I knew nothing about. "Tell me all about them then."

"Can I paint your hand?" She holds the paintbrush daringly near my face and I pull away, instantly hesitant.

"Uh, no sweetie. Maybe not today."

"Why?"

"Because I uh... I've got to go to work after this." I lie, and she immediately loses interest, sloshing paint around for a moment before ripping her apron off and running away, followed by her friend. "Well... This is going brilliantly."

"You're doing well. Socialising."

"With kids that don't want to talk to me." I point out, hissing under my breath. "What even is a Smurf?"

"Those blue alien things."

"Does Alfie like them?"

"Bit old for Alfie." Nick informs me, sighing as he scans the room. "Maybe we should go and check out elsewhere? We might have better luck with some of the older kids."

"Do you not like this age?" I stare at him intently, now stressing that I was taking a lead again.

"No, I do."

"...I'm going to go back and find Natalie." I decide after a short silence, standing up as he follows suit.

"Carla, we've barely been in here for twenty minutes."

"Well I want to ask her about Sophie."

"You've only met three children!" He objects quietly. "Just give it some chance."

"You don't like her, do you?"

"When did I ever say that?"

"Sorry... Sorry." I sigh, lowering my head into my hands, realising what I'm doing before it's too late. "I know why. Ok, you're right, let's try those boys over there."

"Ok." He takes my hand in his, leading me over to the boys playing with cars on the carpet. "Hiya."

"Go away." One of them shoots back at us and it shocks me for a second, exchanging a look with Nick.

"Right, so Natalie?" He suggests and I nod, smiling victoriously as I follow him out the door.

* * *

"We did try talking to a few of the other children." Nick explains, glancing at me as he lays a hand over mine, interlinking our fingers on the desk. "I think we just feel that within two meetings, we've gained some kind of connection with Sophie."

"Well I have to admit that it seems mutual from what you tell me. A few of the adoptive parents that have come and gone have tried conversing with Sophie and found it more difficult." Natalie explains, getting up to search for a file in the cabinet. "You might feel differently when I tell you a bit more about her. She's not the... Easiest child in our care, I'll say that much."

"We realised she was a little more... Reluctant today." I try to search for the right word. "We brought her out her shell after a while, but she said to Nick she wasn't having a good day."

"She enjoys school." Natalie nods, and I struggle to believe how much she actually knows about her school life, after the story Sophie had relayed to us earlier. "I think it's the normality of it, in comparison to here. She's also had group therapy this morning, maybe that has had an effect on her, although she rarely opens up during that time."

"Group therapy?"

"We invite some of the more troubled children to engage in group therapy sessions now and then. Sophie is one of the kids we encourage more-so." She explains, careful with her phrasing. "For a lot of children, their stay here is temporary, they adjust better to the surroundings or it's all they've ever known. Most enjoy being here. The majority don't have particularly traumatic pasts, it's often a case of the family set-up not being suitable, or some were given away at birth. Sophie, on the other hand, has a more intricate story. It's not the most straight forward route for you to go down. I'm not trying to put you off, just pre-warning you, before you get involved. On the flip side though, she's a lovely child. Very intelligent and confident when she's around the right people. Partly the reason why we're not holding her back, despite the problems in her life as it stands at the minute, is because we know she would benefit from stability, a loving family. It's what she's desperate for, although she is often quite secluded and reserved when it comes down to meeting the potential parents that visit here. So the fact she's been open and talkative with you, could be a really positive open door for her."

"So... If we did develop a connection with her further, you'd be open to us pursuing that route with her?"

"If we feel the set-up works, yes." Natalie smiles professionally. "And if Sophie wishes the same. It's all down to how she feels in your company, how she handles home visits further down the line."

"You highlighted a few elements of her past." Nick continues, squeezing my hand supportively. "Is there anything more you can tell us? We understand it all needs to be kept confidential but... It seems to be a big factor."

"I'll give you her case file to read. Again, I must stress that this information can't be taken out of the setting." She looks apologetic at the repetition, but I knew it was necessary as a precaution. "Like I said initially, Sophie has suffered a history of neglect. She was brought to us when she was five, following an ordeal with social services when a fire broke out in her flat. Her younger brother was in an induced coma following the incident but unfortunately didn't make it. She lived in a rather rough area, an estate on the outskirts of Manchester. Her mum died from drug overdose when she was four and her step-dad struggled to take care of her, resorting to acts of violence, despite social services trying to intervene after the loss of Sophie's parent... It's all very traumatic."

"My God." I stare down at the table, suddenly weighted down with the depth of the information. How could a girl so young have been through so much? It was terrifying to think about her suffering the stories we had been told. "...That poor girl."

"It's a lot to take in." Natalie swallows, studying our expressions, as Nick lowers his head in his hands for a second. "I'm sorry for having to tell you that."

"No, I'm grateful you have." I try to brighten my expression, hating to think of Sophie being on her own, upset right now. "It's just a shock... I think. How cruel life can be to people who don't deserve a second of it. A child... Seven years old."

"Considering everything, she's doing really well." Natalie's voice softens, flicking briefly through the file in front of her. "She's undergoing treatment from a children's counsellor; Doctor Stanfield. She's in regularly to help Sophie, talk about anything on her mind and also carry out check-ups, regarding her mental health and occasionally the injuries she has suffered... She's got scarring on her back from a few instances of neglect... And some burn scars on her chest and back, which are luckily seeming to fade more recently..."

"Ok." I swallow, trying to absorb the information and struggling emotionally. "Sorry... Just... Nick are you ok?"

"I guess." He murmurs, raising his head from his hands, looking dazed. "Uh... It's all just so horrible. I can't believe those kind of things can happen."

"Yeah." I practically whisper, memories flashing through my mind, gazing around the room as I try to shut out the images that were so vividly coming back to me. Back against the wall, the heat of George's breath on my cheek, mam crying in the corner, a handful of something she'd been selling from Rob's pram. "It's scary."

"We've told a family this before and they've decided from there that they haven't wanted to continue with Sophie for the process of adoption." Natalie outlines. "I'd completely understand if you feel the same."

"Natalie we're not those kinds of people." I assure her confidently. "Anything that happened in that child's past isn't going to affect our decisions for adoption."

"If anything it makes me want to help her more." Nick pipes up, and I'm surprised at the defiance in his tone. The information had hit him hard, but he clearly wasn't giving up. "And it's certainly not going to make me look at her differently. At all." The words mean so much. That was the kind of man Nick was; he saw the beauty in flaws and emotional strength. He knew the baggage I had, the troubles of my past and he never let it affect the way he viewed me. The way he loved me. He made me feel special, like none of that ever mattered. He made me feel normal and loved and protected.

 **Nick**

"You ok?" I ask gently as soon as we're through the door, Kate rising from the sofa at our appearance.

"Hi." She smiles enthusiastically, before noticing the looks on our faces. "Everything... Alright?"

"Yeah, fine." Carla forces a positive response. "Just a mad day."

"Alfie's in bed." Kate tells us, as Carla produces some notes from her purse, handing them to her to receive a raised eyebrow in response. "Uh, no thanks. I'm your sister, stop trying to pay me."

"But you've looked after him all day." She sighs, taking the hint and pushing them back into her purse.

"Yeah, and I've enjoyed it. I don't need paying for having fun with my nephew. I'm not sixteen handing out babysitter flyers."

"Ok, thank you." Carla kisses her on the cheek, before Kate grabs her coat, waving me off.

"Thanks Kate." I add, as the door closes and I take a moment, before tapping Carla on the back. "Hey, you alright?"

"Mm." She just nods, distantly, holding her arms out to wrap me in a hug. "Just... Shocked... How are you?"

"Honestly? Upset." I admit, not caring about having to uphold some strong exterior. I knew she felt the same, and I knew the information had hit her hard. I could tell from the silence on the way home what she had been thinking over, it would be unsurprising for the talk to trigger memories of her own. "But I know that was probably harder on you."

"Why?" She tries to pretend, before pulling back to see my expression. "...She's had it a lot worse than I did... I just want to help her. No, that sounds like I'm some kind of doctor or counsellor. I want her to realise how special she is, how she can be loved. How this isn't the end for her. That things can be so much better."

"She will realise that." I graze a thumb over her cheekbone lovingly, admiring everything about her intentions and aspirations. "When we adopt her."

"...You want to?" She looks surprised at my certainty, smiling hopefully as I nod. "You like her?"

"Yeah." I assure her quietly. "Not sure she likes me too much yet."

"She was just having a bad day I think. Wrong timing." She tries to define, thinking back. "I say that as if I know her, I've met her twice."

"But it feels like we know her?" I voice and she nods slowly, agreeing with me. "That's got to be a good sign."

"I need to see Alfie." She decides, heading towards the stairs as I follow her up them. She silently pushes his bedroom door open, kneeling by his bed and brushing a hand through his curls appreciatively. Leaning down to breathe in his scent, she places a lasting kiss on his forehead. "We love you so much." She whispers, as I sit down next to her, kissing her and him in turn. "Nothing is ever going to happen to you, sweetheart. You're always safe with us. Always."

* * *

 _ **I hope this was all ok!**_


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter 67:**

 ** _Characters:_**

 ** _Carla Tilsley_**

 ** _Nick Tilsley_**

 ** _Alfie Tilsley (OC)_**

 ** _Sophie Koleano (OC)_**

 ** _Natalie (OC)_**

* * *

 **Nick**

"You know, for the first year I've decided I'm actually going to be prepared for Christmas." Carla rises from the sofa, as I appear at the base of the stairs, yawning, pulling my dressing gown around me. "Alfie's made this Christmas list at nursery." She smiles to herself, producing it from his rucksack. "Well, obviously Alice or one of the girls have asked him what he wants and written it for him, but he's given a good attempt at a fire engine drawing at the bottom." She points to it and I lean back against the wall, tiredly taking it from her. "He's obsessed with fire engines at the minute, I blame Fireman Sam. But it's at the top of the list so, I need to track one down."

"It's half past seven and I'm hardly even awake." I yawn again, lowering it onto the coffee table as she places her hands on her hips. "It's too early for logical talk."

"Mm, and it's also the third of December." Carla nods, amused at my grumpy aura. "So, it's definitely not too early to be thinking about Christmas."

"Where is Carla Tilsley?" I scan the room playfully, feeling her nudge me with her foot as I collapse on the sofa. "Because this isn't her."

"This is her!" She ruffles my hair, causing me to smile at her good mood and positive attitude. "Going all soft and mumsy and I want our son to have a good Christmas."

"I'm working Christmas Day."

"What?" Her face suddenly falls and I almost feel guilty for winding her up.

"I'm kidding, babe. I wouldn't do that to you." I laugh it off, as she relaxes. "Imagine leaving you with my family. No, Robert and Michelle are handling it."

"We could go there on Christmas Day?" She points at me as the idea enters her head. "Don't know whether I can be bothered to cook again like last year."

"Last year you had one job!" I exclaim, challenging the small smile on her cheeks. "To wrap the pigs in blankets. And the pigs didn't even end up in the blankets! They ended up on the floor."

"Alright, the year before then."

"The year before I cooked with Robert and you lay on the sofa eating chocolate."

"Growing your son." She plays the card yet again, sassing me as she lowers herself into my lap, legs straddled over me. "You should be grateful."

"I am grateful." I brush the hair behind her ear as it tickles my cheek. "Like I've told you a million times."

"You're cute when you're all grumpy and sleepy." She giggles, kissing me and running a hand through my hair. "And your hair's all fluffy."

"Ugh." I groan, pulling a face, shoving her playfully as she tilts my chin to kiss her again. "You're too chirpy for this time in the morning."

"Well, why wouldn't I be?" She links both her hands with mine, raising and pushing against them gently, almost wrestling me. "You almost sound disappointed about it."

"No, it's nice seeing you happy. It's nice us being happy." I tap her nose. "Makes a change."

"Mummy!" A shout sounds from upstairs, signalling Alfie's awakening. "Mumma, Alfie 'wake!"

"Coming sweetie!" Carla calls, pulling herself from my lap and leaning down to kiss the top of my head once she's the other side of the sofa. "Nick be a darlin' and heat that porridge up."

"Yes boss." I salute as I haul my body up from the sofa, stretching and heading into the kitchen to follow my orders. Checking over my phone, it doesn't take long before they've appeared in the doorway, Alfie waving to me sleepily. "Morning." I practically sing, popping a kiss onto his forehead as Carla passes him to me. "Did you have sweet dreams?"

"Mm." He gazes around the kitchen in a tired daze, before pointing at the Advent calendar on the side. "Choc."

"As if he remembered." Carla laughs to herself, stirring a spoon around the bowl to cool his porridge down. "Chocolate after breakfast."

"Are you going to come swimming with daddy again today?" I sway gently, as he holds the hem of my pyjama top. "While mummy does her work? Swimming?"

"Splash." Alfie recalls. It was becoming a regular activity to go swimming together on my day off. Carla was reluctant to join in, but I was trying to persuade her over time. "Swimming with mummy?"

"No mummy's working." I remind him, proceeding to dig at Carla. "Mummy wouldn't come anyway, she's too boring."

"Mummy doesn't like public swimming baths much." She gives me a look. "Or getting chlorine in her hair."

"Auntie Chelle swim?" Alfie inquires and I knew he was about to go through his list of family.

"Auntie Chelle is working with uncle Robert."

"Uncle David swim?" He continues, counting on his fingers. "Grandad 'Woy swim?"

" _Roy_." I pronounce and he looks at me blankly. "R-oy."

"I thought you said it was too early for logical talk." Carla squeezes my shoulder, placing Alfie's porridge down on the high chair table and bundling him into the seat. "Spoon." She hands one to him, as he holds it in a fist, tucking into his porridge hungrily. "Eat it nicely."

"Harry and Lily swim?" He looks up to ask, eyes full of interest.

"Is daddy not good enough?" I raise an eyebrow, and he cocks his head to the side, licking the breakfast off his spoon. "Lily's at school. I'll ask Auntie Sarah if she wants us to take Harry. I'm sure the answer will be yes."

"Ah, we'll have a great day." Carla kisses my cheek, grabbing her bag. "Nick, remember to call Tyrone. Range Rover needs MOT'ing."

"Why are you rushing off so early?" I check the clock. "You don't open for another hour."

"I told Aidan I'd get in before the machinists so we can sort Hanlen's demanding emails out." She pats my cheek, leaning down to plant a kiss into Alfie's hair. "Be good for daddy. Love you."

"Bye then!" I shout after her, as she blows me a kiss, closing the front door, as I go back to leaning against the kitchen cupboard, watching Alfie eat for a moment.

"Choc?" He decides, patting his porridge down with the spoon and looking at me with wide eyes. "That choc?"

"Yeah, whatever." I laugh slightly, grabbing the calendar he is pointing to excitedly. "I'm supposed to be the firm one, you're too cute."

 **Carla**

"Sophie's been talking quite a bit about you."

Natalie folds her arms on the table as we take a seat. "Mainly questions. I think she also feels a bit embarrassed... Seems convinced you won't like her after last time. I don't know why, did something happen?"

"She was just a bit quiet." I admit, surprised she'd thought so much on our last visit. "She told us she wasn't having the best day... Ended up walking off. I didn't think much into it."

"She's probably worried herself over nothing." She smiles warmly, which sets me at ease. "I think she'd benefit from seeing you again."

"And can we see her again?"

"Of course. I'll give you one of the meeting rooms to use, so you can talk properly. This time I'll sit in with you, just so she's comfortable for the first proper engagement and I can see how she interacts with you. Saves children running around you while you're trying to get to know her." Rising from her chair, she files something away before heading towards the door, influencing us to follow suit. "I'll show you to the room and then find where Sophie's got to."

"Thanks Natalie." Nick inserts, following her down the corridor and entering the room she holds the door open to. It was quite cosy, equipped with two squashy sofas and a coffee table in the centre. The walls were decorated with pictures and paintings, embellishing the room in a comfortable warmth. "You think she'll be pleased to see us?" He asks once she's left again, taking a seat on the sofa as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"I hope so." I murmur, locking my fingers with his. "She had nothing to worry or be embarrassed about, bless her."

"It's probably scary and confusing." He contemplates, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "She probably doesn't know what to think. We just need to tread gently on what we talk about, hey? Set her at ease."

"Someone's come to see you." I hear Natalie talking to Sophie, as the door opens and her eyes light up ever so slightly when she notices us.

"Hi Sophie." I sit forwards in greeting, as she tries to hold back a smile, glancing around the room she clearly hadn't been in many times before.

"You came back?" She sounds surprised, jumping up onto the sofa adjacent to ours, evidently in a better mood than last time.

"Yeah, you don't scare us off that easily, missy." I assure her and she emits a soft, happy laugh, glancing across at Nick.

"I'm sorry for saying you didn't like me."

"Don't apologise." Nick keeps his voice so gentle, it even soothes me. "We all have bad days, hey?"

"Can I get either of you a tea or coffee?" Natalie offers, and I just shake my head as Nick does the same. "Soph, do you want some squash?"

"Blackcurrant." She decides in a matter of fact tone, swinging her legs as Natalie heads back towards the door.

"I won't be a minute."

"Ok." I smile as she leaves, turning back to Sophie's attention. "So, how are you?"

"I'm ok." She shrugs casually, daring to raise her eyes to meet mine. "I'm a star in my Nativity play."

"Oh, very fitting." Nick points out, which makes her grin slightly. "So do you have anything to say?"

"Yeah." She looks quite shy for a minute. "I already know my lines... Do you want to hear them?"

"Yeah!" I exclaim enthusiastically, sitting back as I relax and she blushes slightly, hesitating.

"Well I have to wear this really sparkly costume and the um... The boys with presents have to follow me..."

"The kings?" Nick prompts her and she nods, clocking the term.

"Yeah, them." She nods, which makes me laugh. "And I have to say 'I'm the star you'll follow to the baby Jesus'. And then I have to say the name of one of the presents... But it's really long and I can't remember it now."

"Frankincense?"

"Yes!" Her eyes widen, as if it was a miraculous prediction. "How did you know?"

"Because that's the longest one." I find the conversation easy and effortless, feeling Nick's arm around my shoulder as he settles more, nerves disappearing.

"Well I have to say... 'The second king gave... Frank-in-sense'." She tries to pronounce, saying the line confidently. "Is that how you say it?"

"Spot on." I nod, assuring her and she smiles proudly. "Quite a little actress, aren't you?"

"I can sing too." She adds, glancing between us. "They asked me to sing the start of Away In A Manger."

"Wow, you really will be the star of the show." Nick teases her, and she slumps back against the sofa, eyes darting around the room.

"Here you go." Natalie re-appears, handing Sophie a cup of squash which she sits up to take, glancing at her warily as she takes a seat by her side. "You alright?"

"Are you staying in here?" Sophie asks Natalie, sipping on her juice.

"Yes. Is that ok?"

"Do you have to?"

"Well I was going to make some notes, Sophie." Natalie produces a notepad and I can tell it sets her on edge. "And I want to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine." She says in a more firm voice, not removing her eyes from the notebook in her lap. I could notice the doubt in her expression; this wasn't a situation she was used to, and any other time it came close was probably when she was having a one to one with her doctor. "I don't want you to write things down about me."

"Ok, I won't." Natalie carefully lowers the notepad onto the floor, clearly used to handling this behaviour. "What were you all talking about?"

"Uh, Sophie's Nativity play." Nick pipes up again, trying to avoid the tension which has risen since Natalie's return. "She was telling us about how she's going to be a star."

"Oh yeah, are you going to be brave and say your lines to Nick and Carla?"

"Already did." Sophie responds, and the surprise flares in Natalie's face as I nod. It was made evident that we brought out an element of confidence in Sophie, a side which she clearly didn't involve with a lot of people. "And now I know how to say frank-in-sense." She pronounces slowly, flashing me a grateful smile.

"Wow." Natalie mentally notes, as she is unable to write it down physically, but she was obviously impressed with what she had been told. "Did you tell them you've got a song to sing as well?"

"Yeah. But I'm not brave enough to sing that now."

"That's ok sweetheart." I say gently and she turns her head back to face me, her eyes seeming to soften as she looks back at me. They were a deep brown, full of innocence but then full of knowledge and wisdom. So much was laced into how expressive they were; the hurt, the experiences, the desire for love and affection. The belief of feeling unwanted, worthless, but that seemed to subside as she traced my expression, her lips settling in a comforted smile.

"Can't I be with Nick and Carla on my own?" The trance is suddenly broken, as her head whips around again, dark hair falling down her back. Natalie glances between both me and Nick, contemplating the question. It was obvious we got more out of her alone, casually, than in such a staged set-up. "I'll be good."

"...Can I have a word with them first then?" Natalie asks and Sophie hesitantly nods, watching as I promptly rise, following them both towards the door. She secures it shut, keeping a hand on the handle, as she prepares some kind of proposition for us. "I'm happy to leave her with you, if that's ok? I think she's more likely to bond if I'm not in the situation. However, I'd be interested to monitor you from the control room, just so I can study the interaction, see how she is around you. This isn't a test at all, and I completely understand if you don't consent to it."

"No, that's fine." I assure her, glancing at Nick as he nods in agreement. "Honestly, anything you have to do."

"That's great guys." She smiles appreciatively. "I just didn't want to do it without your say so. Go ahead, if you have any problems, there's a phone in the room; two is main reception, or one of you feel free to come and find me. Just try not to leave her in there alone."

"Yeah that's fine." Nick responds, indicating for me to re-enter the room and hanging back. "I won't be a minute babe."

"Ok." I glance at him warily for a minute, before opening the door again, closing it behind me. My eyes meet where Sophie is still sat on the sofa, waiting patiently in our absence. "Ah, you haven't trashed the place then?"

"Was she telling you not to talk to me anymore?"

"No, the opposite." I sit back down, reassuring her. "She wants us to talk to you."

"Do _you_ want to talk to me?"

"We wouldn't be here if we didn't." She feeds off the certainty in my words, pausing for a moment, before mustering up something playing on her mind.

"I'm surprised you came back to see me." She gives a slight cough, looking back up to meet my gaze. "Most people don't. Unless they have to."

"Well I guess I'm not most people." I give a slight shrug, which was something I already knew, but I had no trouble with opening up to her. "I suppose that's something you'll learn about me too."

"...Do you love him?"

"Who?"

"Nick." She glances at the door which was still closed, diverting her eyes back to me as I give a nod. It seems to settle her, almost warm her in some way. "Like, really love him? Like in fairytales?"

"Yes." I smile slightly, completely forgetting about anyone watching or monitoring us. It felt like it was just us two, taking another step forwards into the future. "Although my life is far from a fairytale."

"Why?"

"Well..." I trail off, knowing now wasn't the time to have this discussion, and especially with a seven year old girl I'd only met a few times. "Let's not get into that now."

"My life is far from a fairytale too." She decides, and I hold back the knowledge of her statement, wishing it was, wishing she could be as happy as any little girl. Bedtime stories, princesses, laughter. "I wonder if I'll love somebody one day."

"You will." I guarantee her, cupping my hands in my lap as I intake the satisfied look on her face. "One day."

"There's this boy in my class, he's nice, maybe I'll love him." She contemplates, and I release a small laugh. "Did you go to school with Nick?"

"No, no." The door clicks open again, but I ignore Nick's presence, continuing with the conversation. "We worked in a factory together though. Years ago now."

"In a factory?" She screws her nose up, as Nick takes a seat next to me, easing an arm around my shoulders. "What? Like packing boxes? Like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?"

"Well I don't pack the boxes." I laugh it off. "I'm the boss. Kind of like Willy Wonka." I remember the research I had been doing, so I could impress her more. I didn't even mind, I wanted to, if it was something she held an interest in. "And he doesn't work with me anymore. Didn't last long."

"Yeah, she bossed me around too much." Nick teases and I give him a playful but subtle shove. "She does enough of that at home."

"Is your factory big?" Her eyes widen in amazement, suddenly excited to learn more. "Like Willy Wonka's factory? Is there lots of chocolate?"

"Well we don't actually make chocolate either." I tilt my head to the side, trying to make a different comparison. "But we do have Oompa Loompa's; Sally, Beth, Izzy, Sean-"

"I'll tell them you've said that!" Nick exclaims, laughing at my comment.

"You don't have Oompa Loompa's!" Sophie laughs at my joke, outsmarting me. "They're not actually real."

"Yeah, Oompa Loompa's are a lot more hardworking, I'll give you that."

"So if you don't make chocolate, what do you make?"

"Um..." I trail off, slightly awkward with the answer, as she stares at me inquisitively. "Pants."

"Pants?" She bursts out laughing, almost disbelieving at my response. "That's silly."

"Yeah, ok kiddo, everyone's gotta wear them." I tease her and she folds her arms stylishly, narrowing her eyes. "And Nick owns the restaurant right next door."

"Yeah, we do actually have chocolate." He adds and she looks tempted at this.

"You must have a lot of money. Owning a whole restaurant _and_ a pants factory."

"Uh... A bit." I try not to sound to presumptuous and deciding to move onto the next topic before being quizzed on our financial stability. "So are you looking forward to Christmas?"

"Not really." She shrugs, dipping her head slightly. "Because when school ends I have to be here all the time and it's so boring."

"But Santa comes to visit, right?" It was new ground for me; Alfie had been too young last year to introduce the prospect of Father Christmas, so I had to be careful with how I treaded over this subject. "That's always the best part?"

"Last year he actually came to visit." She nods, a slight sparkle to her eyes. "I didn't know who he was, so Natalie had to tell me. Santa never came to my old home. I don't know why... But last year I had Christmas here for the first time. He must have just forgotten about me before."

It makes me ache. Just listening to her story. Trying to figure out in her head how she was so forgotten about, why she was never treated the same as all the other children. I try to muster up some kind of excuse, something to aid her confusion. But nothing could help what was already in the past, nothing could ease what she had already suffered.

"Maybe he was busy the years before."

"No, because at my old school, all the children would talk about it. I didn't understand. So he visited them. Just not me." She shrugs again, as if she had accepted it long ago, as if it was normal to be left out. "And I used to have this best friend called Chrissie. She was really nice to me. She'd give me half her sandwich at lunchtime. And in reception, she brought in this skipping rope after Christmas. She told me Santa had brought it to her house and let me play with it... I didn't see her anymore when I left that school... And I didn't know what she really meant until Nat told me last year. So I hope he comes again this year. Imagine if he brought me a skipping rope like Chrissie had? Because I asked my step-dad for one and..." She swallows, realising how much she's been talking, trailing off the end of her sentence and raising her eyes back to ours. I try to conceal the pain of hearing her stories played back. All I wanted was to make them into bad dreams, fictional stories. But they were real, and they were heartbreaking. How was the seven year old girl sat in front of me, one of the strongest people I had ever come across? I genuinely admired her. It was something I couldn't say for a lot of people; Bethany and Michelle being two of the few people I really respected for pulling through what they had. But Sophie had made her way onto that very short list. And I knew no matter how much more I learnt about her, and how far that was pushed back into the past with time, that wouldn't change. She was truly special. I felt an urge to care for and protect her, like she was already a lot closer to me than just a child I'd sat down to talk about books with. She was honestly incredible and nothing was going to stop me from turning her life around. "...Sorry... I'm talking a lot." She suddenly picks up on the silence and I briefly glance at Nick, realising he was probably contemplating similar thoughts to me. Sophie blushes slightly with a hint of embarrassment, instantly falling shy. "This is why I don't talk to people... Because I don't want to... And then when I do I say too much."

"You haven't said too much, sweetheart." Nick assures her gently, and she traces the reassurance in his expression. "Never feel like you can't talk about things. You're not going to scare us off."

"...Why are you here?" She practically whispers, and I know she has an idea at the answer. She was a smart girl, who had probably been thrown off or lied to on several occasions about this whole 'meeting' process. But I was sure she had seen children come and go during her time here, and the question seems more out of awe and disbelief than anything else.

"Well... Because..." Nick hesitates, wondering how much to say at this point. "Because we are looking for the child who wants to be part of our family..." He phrases is beautifully, but I push down a wave of nerves, worrying on his admittance. "And so, we... Found you and are really enjoying getting to know you."

"...So." She frowns, trying to understand his words. "So... You chose me?"

I nod confidently, and the surprised but content look on her face fills me with warmth. I knew how it felt to be convinced you weren't good enough, especially in comparison to a lot of people. I knew that realisation of acceptance, I'd only felt it a few times in my life, but one of the main ones was with Nick; when he had accepted me regardless of my history, my flaws, my reputation. I saw so much of myself in the girl sat before me, and only excitement and determination could summarise how I felt about the future. It had her in it, I knew that now. Nothing was stopping anything from happening otherwise.

 **Nick**

"Well I'm honestly amazed." Natalie admits, once we're seated back in her office. "Since she's arrived here, I've never seen Sophie so comfortable and talkative in somebody's company. I was watching the way she opened up to you, and I think you've got something really special with her."

"Thank you." Carla takes my hand in hers, so touched by her observations. "We uh... We really see something in her too." She glances at me for approval and I nod. "Don't we?"

"Yeah, she's a lovely little girl."

"So it's really up to you where you go from here." Natalie starts rooting through files and forms. "You can either continue with getting to know more of the children. Or, if you feel you're settled, you can proceed with the adoption for Sophie? Obviously, I'll give you both some time to discuss it if you need."

I notice Carla's head tilt to study my expression, gathering answers from it despite already knowing her own. It was an easy decision. I already knew there was a special connection between us and Sophie, something I doubted would be found with any other children here. There was no point in wasting time and hanging around when the outcome would be the same. "Nick, what do you want to do?"

"I want her to be part of our family." I shrug in admittance, gazing at Carla meaningfully as her eyes glisten over, a smile gracing her cheeks.

"Yeah?" She squeezes my hand, biting her lip in excitement. "Why am I crying?" She suddenly composes herself and Natalie lets out a laugh. "Yes, I think uh, if it's all ok with you, we'd like to continue down that route with her."

"That's amazing." She looks genuinely pleased at our decision, having established we would be good parents to a child who really needed them. "Next step then, I'll need to talk to Sophie. Explain the situation properly to her and see how she feels. Although, from judging what I saw today, I think it's safe to say she'll be happy with your decision. And she's a smart girl, she's probably already got an idea. So, I'll be in contact as soon as I can to arrange further meetings."

 **Carla**

"Ok, we're gonna get the biggest tree they've got." Nick slings Alfie onto his shoulders as we hear the tinkling festive music from the garden centre. "Right Alfie?"

"No you are not." I scold them, not minding in the slightest either way. Wrapping my scarf around my neck as I lock the car, we begin to make our way towards the swarm of Christmas trees aligned outside the shop. "You've got to be able to lift him to get the star on top."

"Mumma, Alfie have this tree?" Alfie points to a partially dead, spindly, reject tree propped against the fence, and I pull a face, glancing up at him.

"Alfie, that ones dead."

"It's dead." He announces to a passing couple loudly and I throw a hand over my mouth.

"Shh, sh." I place a finger against my lips.

"Dead tree."

"Alfie!" I exclaim and he giggles, imitating me by raising his finger to his mouth. "No, let's get a nice green tree."

"That tree."

"No, that's a man dressed as a tree." I look at where he is pointing, before managing an awkward wave, realising he had heard me. "Hello."

"Merry 'quistmas!" Alfie exclaims, copying me and waving.

"Ahh, good boy." Nick lifts him down, letting him walk as he holds onto his hand.

"Mumma?" I hear Alfie ask, as me and Nick both turn down an aisle of trees. "Mumma, horsey. Look, horsey."

"Hm?" I turn to where he is staring, his finger pointed out to where two reindeers are feeding not far away.

"Oh, sweetie, that's a reindeer." I crouch down next to him, as he watches in awe. "They pull Santa's sleigh." I try to introduce, which he was sort of getting the hang of this year. Nursery had set about making Christmas lists, singing festive songs and telling stories about Santa, so he was beginning to understand the basics. "Have you sang 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' at nursery yet?"

"Maybe you should sing it to him?" Nick teases me and I flash him a scowl, not prepared to vocalise my out of tune singing voice in such a cheery environment.

"Shiny nose." Alfie taps his nose in recognition and my eyes light up.

"Yes!" I clap my hands, pulling him into a quick hug. "That's right, well done."

"Why no shiny nose?" He asks inquisitively, indicating again to the reindeers in front of us.

"Well because only Rudolph has a shiny nose... I think..." I knew very little of the detailed story, it was all so new to me. The only experience I had was when Simon was younger, and even then he tried to outsmart me, not engaging in the festivities so much.

"That's why he pulls the sleigh, because his nose lights up the sky for the other reindeers." Nick contributes and even I furrow my brow in confusion.

"What? The whole sky?" I ask, actually curious. "Well then how come we don't see it?"

"Who am I teaching about Christmas, you or him?" He nudges me playfully. "Sounds like you're starting to believe it yourself."

"Do you want to come and meet them?" I jump slightly as a friendly man greets us, rising from where I am still crouched by my son.

"Ah, that would be lovely." I pick Alfie up, realising how heavy he was getting as I shift him onto my hip. "Do you want to say hello to the reindeers?" I ask Alfie and he nods shyly at the man.

"How old?" He asks as we approach them, smiling warmly at where Alfie is wrapped in my arms.

"He's two in April."

"Thinks he's sixteen sometimes though." Nick adds and I laugh, nodding in agreement. "Look, Alf." Nick reaches out to pet one of the reindeers and I wait for Alfie to offer his own hand, not keen on showing him myself. I wasn't massively an animal lover, but Alfie seemed really interested in them at the moment. Clearly, he got his care and attentiveness from Nick.

"Soft." Alfie voices, patting the reindeer gently. "Sticks?"

"They're antlers." I muffle a laugh into his hair, as he looks up at them.

"Take one home as a doggy?" Alfie asks me and Nick bursts out laughing, ruffling his hair with his spare hand.

"Uh, not today." I shake my head, the thought even stressing me out. "I think it might be a bit big to keep in our house as a doggy. It's a reindeer. Can you say reindeer?"

"'Waindeer." He tries and I hold my hand up to high-five him. Unfortunately he slaps his animal coated hand against mine and I pull a face, wiping it down my coat as Nick raises an eyebrow at me. "Merry 'quistmas 'waindeer!"

"Ok, come on." I carry him off once we've thanked the staff member. "Let's go find a tree to make this Christmas really special."


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter 68:**

 **Characters:**

 **Carla Tilsley**

 **Nick Tilsley**

 **Alfie Tilsley (OC)**

 **Rob Donovan (Flashback)**

 **George (Flashback)**

 **Sharon Donovan (Flashback)**

 **Michelle Connor**

 **Max Turner**

 **Lily Platt**

 **Aidan Connor**

 **Bethany Platt**

 **Beth Tinker**

 **Natalie (OC)**

* * *

 **1982**

"Carla? Carla!" The name repeats over in my exhaustive mind, a child's hand roughly tugging on my clothing. Panicked but knowledgable. The scent of damp and disuse floods my senses as I'm dragged into reality, eyes opening to adjust to the dim light of my bedroom. My conscious immediately averts it's attention to time. Judging by the dulled tinge of light outlining the moth-eaten curtains, I'd guess it was around five, getting on for six perhaps. "Carla, he's got mam."

"So let 'im." My voice is thick with sleep, husky as it always was upon sudden awakening. Gripping his hand to tear it away from my clothing, I finally catch sight of his gaze. Rob looked scared. He very rarely looked fearful, even at the age of four. "Go to sleep, Rob."

"He'll hurt her. He's drunk." Sensing the desperation in his tone, I sit up reluctantly. Hard, peeling metal colliding coolly with my back as I push my body up against it, throwing back the stained sheet.

"He'll hurt us if you meddle." I remind him, rubbing my eyes roughly, stinging resounding from the soreness mounting behind them. Whether it be fatigue, infection or just as a result of an evening's worth of endless tears, I didn't know.

"I'm goin' to help her." He decides, loosening his grip from me and pulling his aching body up, dragging himself towards the door.

"Rob, no!" I hiss, trying to keep my tone quiet, else it would do more harm than good. "Rob, I'm warnin' you. Get back here now."

"Selfish cow." Is all he hits back with, door creaking tirelessly as it scuffs the splinter-ridden floor upon opening. Rob was a sucker for mam's well-being. She deserved none of it. I suppose, in a way, he clung onto her for reassurance; some kind of normality or maternalism. Maybe he thought that if he didn't give up on her, she'd never give up on him. But that ship sailed a long time ago. Neither my mam or step-dad gave a damn about their neglected 'children'. We were both products of cheap whiskey and a desperate attempt at getting a bed for the night. George, on the other hand, just caught himself unlucky. He settled for the child benefits and accommodation close to his favourite scummy casino. No matter how cold and disgusting this flat was.

As soon as my feet reluctantly hit the floorboards, it resounds another soft creak, agonising under my weight. I wasn't even heavy, in fact I was probably the lightest kid in the class. But that wasn't down to luck, quite the opposite. It was down to malnourishment and chasing after Liam and Dean, from the year above, whenever they tried to steal the scraps from my piggy bank.

"Rob?" I hiss through the darkness, following the pathway of the hall and sighing with dread as I inch the end door open, a shred of light falling upon the living room.

It wasn't an unusual sight; George sat slurping vodka straight from the bottle, mam fixed against the opposing wall, not daring to move either out of threat or unwillingness. Rob was sat cross legged, playing with the tassels on some rug we'd found in a skip about a year ago. He made no effort to move, argue, as if just observing the situation. Like a referee, ready to offer pointless objections should the probable opportunity arise.

"Carla, go get uncle Barry darlin'." Mam dares to ask me, eyes averting to my presence. "Tell 'im to come here."

"He's not my uncle." Inconvenient may the timing be to go into this discussion, but although I treasured Michelle and our friendship, the rest of the Connor's meant very little to me. I certainly refused to consider them as family, especially when they obviously looked down their noses at us, despite living only a few doors down on our estate. I was also aware that mam only chose to associate with them, because they were our 'get out of jail free' card when it came to financial stability and social services. For some reason, they rarely objected, particularly Johnny Connor. Mam seemed to have some hold over him. I'd often catch him on the doorstep, having a heated discussion, seemingly unbeknown to his wife, Lou, who spent a lot of time abroad in Spain.

"Carla, take one step outside this flat and you'll be sorry." George growls from the armchair, having no desire to move his trance from the bottle in his hand, and so refusing to even acknowledge me.

"I'm not gonna." The bravery in my tone concealed the fear of what I knew would happen if I disobeyed his orders. "I don't want 'em coming around here."

"Good girl." His tone conveys no praise, but a satisfied smile graces his cheeks as his tongue flickers upon his bottom lip, pursing them victoriously as he guides a gaze to mam. I knew he was internally jeering, proving a point to mam that I would always take his side. She would too, as would Rob, even though we hated to admit it. But we were all weak under his control, and no amount of shouting or beatings could change that for the foreseeable. "Now run along back to bed. Take yer brother with yer."

"Rob." I demand, and he shakes his head roughly, as George's menacing expression fixates on him.

"Rob listen to yer sister."

"No." He pipes up daringly, as George stands, admitting a sharp kick against his chest, causing Rob to squeal in pain.

"Rob!" I raise my voice, holding a hand out as I try to calm my tone. "Come on." An eruption of tears sends George's eyes rolling, as Rob clutches a hand to his chest, pulling himself from the floor and clutching on to my offered embrace. I pull him towards the door, trying to shield his view as I hear George's footsteps pace towards the wall where my mother was cowering. Wishing I hadn't looked back, I see him deliver a harsh smack against her cheek, a confined cry escaping her lips. I squeeze my eyes shut, ushering Rob back towards the bedroom, trying to think about something, anything to drown out the pained sounds in the living room.

"I don't like it." Rob sobs, throwing his hands over his ears once the door is closed. I pull him onto the bed, wrapping my arms around him tightly and using my hands to drown out the sounds for his benefit, giving up my sanity for his as I continue to listen in. "Tell me the story." He pulls back after a while, eyes trusting and comforted as he stares back at me. "The story about when we get away from here. Please, just once more Carla."

"Ok." I smooth his hair back, swallowing my emotions to protect him. As I always did. As I always would. "One day, not long from now, we'll be far away from here..."

* * *

 **Carla**

"You look tired." Michelle observes as I reach the bar of The Bistro, pushing a coffee towards me, having been alerted five minutes prior to my visit that I was on my way. "Alfie keeping you up?"

"Weird night." I admit, reaching forwards to take the coffee cup. "I dreamt about you."

She folds her arms excitedly, leaning forwards as an indication to know more. "Ooh, well I'm flattered."

"Well, I say you, I mean childhood in general. The estate. Mainly Rob, George, mam." I list off, prolonging the hold of my lips against the rim of the mug. "I think perhaps it's because of our meeting with Sophie a few days ago. She opened up to us a bit. Maybe dragged up the past." Michelle was the only person I had really spoken to, bar Nick, about anything to do with Sophie, as I knew I wasn't supposed to disclose much information outside the setting. But keeping things from Michelle was something I wasn't very good at. She'd always known everything first, and unfortunately for her, was regularly appointed as my second opinion. "Not that I'm complaining. I'm glad she's so comfortable with us."

"So everything's going well then?"

"Mm." I nod, placing my cup back on the saucer as my fingers dance around the handle. "Yeah, we should get a call within the next few days about proceeding. Once they've spoken to her. Probably start home visits. Nerve-wrecking."

"You'll be fine. You said yourself she seems happy with you." She reaches to squeeze my hand, flashing a reassuring smile. "Hey, I better be the first to meet her."

"You know you will." I cock my head to the side, grazing her cheek quickly with my forefinger. "And she'll adore you."

"Ahh..." She smiles contently, retracting as she starts folding napkins, busying herself in the quiet surroundings. "I still can't believe you're doing this, it's all happened so fast."

"I know neither can I." I sigh, gazing off into the distance for a moment, as I think how quickly everything has evolved. "Neither can I."

 **Nick**

A swirling brown whirlpool spins before my eyes. Ripples subsiding into one another as I stir the spoon consistently around my mug. Averting my eyes to the calendar on the wall, which Carla still hasn't got the hang of using, I locate today's date to count down the days we had left until Christmas. Monday 9th December. A date of no historical value. But Carla was surprisingly on top of things this year, whether it be social services prompting her mind to face the reality of the festive season, to prove a point to herself, or purely because she wanted to settle into domestic celebrations this year. I wasn't complaining, it was good to see her happy and motivated. A lot more than could be said for the disasters that struck in December 2015 and 2016.

"Uncle Nick? What's the other reindeer called?" Lily's voice sounds from the dining table, dragging my mug from where it had sealed itself into a milky ring at the base of the porcelain. "I've got Dasher, Comet, Vixen, Blitzen, Dancer, Donna and Prancer." She lists off the sheet, running her pencil across the names she had scrawled beneath her illustrations. "And obviously Rudolph."

"Well why aren't you doing them in order?" I take a seat next to her, ruffling Alfie's hair as he sticks his tongue out in concentration, swirling a green pencil crayon around his sheet of paper. "It's because you've jumbled them all up."

"Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donna, Blitzen." Max recites unenthusiastically from the sofa. "Even I know that Lily."

"Cupid." I recall from Max's list, clicking my fingers as she gives an attempt at spelling it beneath the final reindeer. "That's the reindeer that helped Dancer fall in love with Vixen." I try to joke and she raises her head, confused. "Never heard of cupid?"

"The reindeer?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Isn't cupid that baby thing with a bow and arrow?" Max pipes up again, rising from the sofa and gracing us with his presence as he sits down in the chair opposite me. "Doesn't it like, shoot people?"

"Yeah, then they fall in love."

"...Why would they fall in love if they were shot by an arrow?" Lily questions, and I momentarily wish I hadn't brought the subject up. "Because that would hurt."

"Well... It's a metaphorical arrow..."

"A what?"

"A pretend arrow, that doesn't hurt." I try to explain, struggling to expand on my description to aid her misunderstanding. "Like your cousin getting me and Carla together. Bethany kept trying to persuade us to go on a date a long time ago."

"Well it worked." She shrugs, going back to her drawing and I smile to myself, watching her sculpt love hearts with her pink pencil crayon. "You did fall in love."

"Yeah." I run a hand through her hair, getting up again. "Pizza won't be long."

"Finally." Max drones and I raise an eyebrow at him, heading into the kitchen as the door opens on cue.

"Evening all." I lean up against the door frame, admiring my wife as she removes her coat. "Cold out there."

"In December? No way." I flash her a sarcastic smile, responded to with a withering but slightly amused look.

She leans down to inspect Lily's drawing as she holds it up proudly. "What you all up to kids?"

"Uncle Nick helped me get all the reindeers." She announces, pointing to them in turn. Carla proceeds to praise her, moving to Alfie's scribbles and kissing the top of his head, before acknowledging Max's disgruntled greeting, barely parting with his phone.

"You texting your girlfriend?" She teases, giving him a playful shove and he can't resist letting a small smile tickle his cheeks at her comment.

"Right, pizza." I announce, after retrieving it from the oven and cutting it into slices for Lily and Max. I chop Alfie's up into smaller squares, assembling them on a plastic plate, which I swap his drawing for, on the table of his high chair. Handing out bowls of salad sticks, Lily pushes her picture to the side, beginning to crunch on a piece of celery.

"Hi you." Carla finally greets me, once the children are content, pecking me on the lips and wrapping her arms around my neck. "Good day?"

"If you call Toddler Time, followed by shopping for your Christmas presents 'fun', then yeah." I kiss her again, noticing the slight sparkle to her eyes at the prospect. "Especially when you're traipsing around the Trafford Centre clothes departments with a one year old."

"You could have done that when he's at nursery." She almost looks apologetic, imagining it herself and I just emit a shrug.

"Nah, quite enjoyed it." I admit. "He helped me pick out some of your gifts. Oh, but uh, Santa's got to deliver them first." I raise a finger to my lips and she bites down on hers, relishing the excitement of it all. "So, it all depends on whether you've been good at work." I tap her bum lightly, grabbing a piece of pizza from the centre of the table and snacking on it.

"Well its always a good time of year. They'll plough through all the orders extra quickly when they know they've got the incentive of a Christmas bonus. How was Toddler Time, Alfie?"

"What did we sing?" I prompt him, as he indulges in his pizza, tilting his head to the side at the mention of his name. "What did we sing at Toddler Time?"

"Santa up the chimney." He recites and I nod proudly.

"I don't know that one." Carla decides, licking her fingers after demolishing her own piece of pizza, something she would rarely eat but I suppose after a long day at work, it was hard to resist.

"You don't know any of them."

"Haha, I'm going for a shower." She taps my shoulder before disappearing upstairs.

* * *

A chorus of "hi Mr Tilsley" echoes as I enter Underworld, straightening my suit out and turning to address the machinists. Looking excited at my appearance, most likely because it was the slightest distraction from what they were supposed to be working on, they lower their needles for a brief moment, before kick-starting again at the arch of my brow.

"Nick's fine." I respond with a laugh, as Fiz flashes me a warm smile. "I'm not your boss and all."

"Sweetie?" Carla's voice sounds from behind me and I turn to see her glance sideways at her staff. "Beth, do you want Craig to get that speaker for Christmas that you keep wittering on about?"

"Yes Mrs Tilsley."

"Better get working for that Christmas bonus then, hadn't you?" She clicks her fingers sassily, Beth rolling her eyes in annoyance as her machine starts to whir again. "Yes, what can I do for you?"

"Uh, 'good afternoon light of my life, are you having a good day'-"

"Ok, sarcy-pants, come here." She cuts me off, an amused smile on her cheeks as she beckons me into the office.

"Wow, Sid Altree had a makeover." Aidan flicks through his diary, peering up at me cockily. "Hiya, mate, how are you?"

"Same old." I clap my hand into his, something he had started which made it seem like we were sixteen years old. My eyes drift to where Bethany is sternly directing something down the phone, swinging around in her chair to raise a hand in greeting. "Natalie wants to see us." I finally aim at Carla, tapping the phone in my pocket.

"When?"

"Now." I bite my lip, averting my eyes to Aidan for approval. "If possible."

"Now?" Her eyes widen, scanning the clock on the wall. "Well that doesn't sound good."

"She said it was nothing to worry about. She's spoken to Sophie and just wants to relay what's been said, organise what's happening next. She said if we're busy that's fine, we can reschedule for another day."

"Oh, go." Aidan sighs and I'm taken-aback at his compassion. Him and Carla often went out of their way to make things difficult for each other, as close as they were and as much as they loved one another, they fought like kids. "I'll handle Sid Altree."

Carla turns to face him, hands glued on hips in her own surprise. "You sure?"

"Yes, this is more important." Aidan throws her the keys to her Mercedes, which were for some reason on his desk. She catches them effortlessly, appreciatively smiling and thanking him as we leave.

It was never a long drive to Sunny Days. The children's home was located not far from the town centre, ironically around the corner from Sunset Casino; one of Carla's old hideouts. The same procedure is carried out upon arrival; sign in, greet Natalie, decline the offer of a hot drink as always. As lovely as the staff were, we had a sole reason to visit here, and it wasn't to partake in a coffee morning.

"Sorry for the rather demanding phone call." She clears her throat after a brief silence, scanning her notes as if she hadn't clarified everything about ten minutes prior to our meeting. "Like I said to Nick, there wasn't an urgency to meet right now. I just thought I'd check if you were available today."

"It's really ok." Carla speaks. "Like I said, we both have flexible jobs, business partners who are more than happy to take the reins if needed. They're aware of our situation."

"Well I've spoken to Sophie. She's delighted at the prospect of you pursuing her for adoption. Quite taken-aback and shocked alongside; she's not used to feeling wanted, I don't think. There are quite a few nerves as well, obviously she's now worried she'll mess up, if you'll change your mind at any point. It's important that you're certain about this. Sophie is quite a fragile little girl, she's taken a lot of rejection in life and if things were to change, I don't know how she'd handle it. I don't want to build her hopes up and retract that later on."

"We're certain." Carla enforces, glancing at me for approval and I nod confidentially in agreement. "But now everything is more solid, if there's anything we don't know, we'd rather know now than further down the line, when it might come as more of a surprise."

"That's understandable." Natalie nods, and I notice her composure is slightly colder this time around than previous visits. Perhaps she was having a bad day, or had a lot on at the moment. I hoped Carla's firmness wasn't affecting her attitude. "There is one thing we do have concerns about, after I've discussed things with Monica and a few social professionals."

My injury. She knew about my injury. I couldn't take the strain of it's involvement again. Whatever relevance it once had, I thought had been settled. If this kept flaring up along the course of the adoption, I didn't know how I'd manage to deal with the persistent questioning and discussion. Besides that, even reference to my mental state could make me feel weak, and the last thing I wanted was to be dragging Carla down.

"Your son." Natalie finally voices after a silence in the rapture of my thoughts. My brow furrows, not needing to share a look with Carla to express her probable similar confusion at the phrase. "Sophie hasn't engaged with him yet. Factoring him into the equation, it's probably the biggest and hopefully only issue that may arise when it comes to introducing Sophie to your home life. How adoptive children bond with siblings, alone, is often a big curve in the road for families. But with Sophie's history, as I once discussed with you, it may have more of an impact on how she fares with your little boy."

"She had a brother." Carla recalls, eyes narrowing in retrospection. "And you're thinking that might have a negative impact on how Sophie gets along with Alfie?"

"Not necessarily a negative impact." Natalie tilts her head to the side, weaving her pen through her fingers in thought. "Perhaps. Or maybe on the other hand, it could be very positive. What I'm saying is that it might take some time for her to gel into that sibling bond again. It could cause triggers, of which may occur during later home visits when we won't be around. Ultimately, the likelihood is that it won't be plain sailing. Have you mentioned Alfie at all during your meetings with Sophie?"

"Uh, briefly I think, the first time we met her." I rub my forehead, thinking back. "She did go quite quiet with us over the subject."

"We'll need to address it with her. Ideally when you're both present. Just see how she handles the situation a second time around, now she's more settled with you." She explains. "We're thinking worst case. With any luck, she'll take it well and bond with Alfie brilliantly."

"Could you discuss the medical side of things with us some more?" Carla flexes her hands on the table, leaning forwards to prompt discussion. It was something we had smoothed other, not really conversed about between the pair of us. But the reality of everything was creeping up now the process was properly beginning, and the facts, no matter how bitter or harsh they were to hear, had to face us at some point. "You said briefly she had injuries. Will we need to take any precautions with those at all? And in reference to counselling, how will that work if and when Sophie moves into our home?"

"In regards to psychiatric therapy, that'll continue as it is here until we transfer to a more permanent format. Then, we'll discuss depending on the situation, whether Sophie needs or wants to continue counselling either at home or in a professional setting. That's something we don't need to worry about so much for the moment." Natalie swallows, moving onto the next topic. "Her injuries aren't so much of a concern. It's mainly scarring now, it's just getting her to come to terms with how some of that might never fade. As I've told you, Sophie has experienced quite an abusive upbringing. She was in intensive care for five weeks following the flat fire she was rescued from, and does still have some burn scars on her lower back. Although many have healed well, thanks to a skin grafts and treatments at the time, some are still visible despite not being too alarming. The main issue we have is that Sophie is quite insecure about the prospect. She's aware of the injuries although she often can't see them. There's a few minor burns on the backs of her legs but they've mostly healed. She finds it very difficult to open up about it, doesn't like being touched much at all, because it can trigger memories for her or cause her to feel sensitive. She's reluctant to wear clothes which reveal any visible wounds and will be very stubborn when it comes to undressing. She won't change in the classroom for PE at school, so is taken to the toilet cubicle to do so. She also kicks up a tantrum when they try to coax her to wear gym shorts like the other children, so she now wears leggings." She pauses, realising how much she has been babbling on from the looks on our faces, trying to absorb all the information. It was obvious, from her ability to relay the knowledge so easily, that there had been numerous occasions where she had found herself in this conversation with others. Be it other interested adoptive parents, medical professionals or social services. "I tell you what, I've got a photocopied folder here of Sophie's social examinations and observations. It might be a little easier for you to absorb and understand if you read through them in your own time. I warn you, some of the notes, particularly those produced after the fire may be slightly graphic, upsetting. And I also have to stress to you, please do not share these with anybody else but yourselves. If these notes are leaked, it will jeopardise your position as candidates."

"We understand." Carla eventually manages to open her mouth to respond, sliding the folder towards herself. Very briefly, she flicks through it and as the pages blur before my eyes, I manage to make out the title at the head of multiple pages.

 _KOLEANO, SOPHIE_

 _Social services visit case file._

* * *

 ** _A/N: The next chapter will be a little different. It's going to have more of an insight to Sophie's life and involve some flashbacks so it's been covered properly. Thank you for your support!_**


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter 69:**

 _ **A/N: So parts of this chapter, as warned, are very different to usual. I have split up the case studies, with a few scenes from the present day, a bit of humour to even out the grittiness. But I really wanted to tackle this and Sophie's backstory, because obviously references will be made in the future, and I wanted to give a clearer idea of her background. This is the main brunt of it though, so I wanted to clear it in one go. It's a massive gamble, because there are some very risky topics involved and I've tried to handle them as best as I can. I really hope this is okay, and let me know what you think.**_

 _ **Trigger warnings:**_

 _ **References to child abuse.**_

 _ **Descriptions of suicide.**_

 _ **Characters:**_

 _ **Carla Tilsley**_

 _ **Nick Tilsley**_

 _ **Alfie Tilsley (Regular OC)**_

 _ **Tyler Gretchen(OC)**_

 _ **Marie Koleano (OC)**_

 _ **Rhiannon Chater (OC)**_

 _ **Steven Jameson (OC)**_

 _ **Sophie Koleano (Regular OC)**_

 _ **Moira Hughes (OC)**_

 _ **Michelle Connor**_

 _ **Kate Connor**_

 _ **Gail Platt**_

 _ **TV salesman (OC)**_

 _ **Jake Koleano (OC)**_

 _ **Victoria Grew (OC)**_

 _ **Natalie (OC)**_

* * *

 **Nick**

"Cookie?" Is the first word I hear leave Carla's mouth as I close the front door, momentarily studying the biscuit she is holding out to Alfie. "Hi darlin'."

"Mumma?"

"Yes sweetheart?" She turns back to his attention after he had taken the cookie from her grip. She lifts a hand to wave at me and I head over to them after hanging my coat up.

"Cookie?" He repeats, breaking a piece off and handing it back to her. A touched laugh emits her lips, leaning down to kiss his head.

"You eat it." She muffles into his hair, stroking her fingers through his curls before leaving him to come over to me. "Hi."

"Hi." I kiss her lips gently, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as I watch Alfie naw down on the biscuit. "You both been ok?"

"As always." Carla wraps her arms around my waist, tucking into my side and breathing in my aftershave. "How was work?"

"Uh, hen party table of seventeen." I wince at the memory, the champagne sloshed over the floor, party popper confetti littering the restaurant. "I feel sorry for mum having to clean up."

"Youngsters, hey?"

"The bride-to-be was fifty seven."

"Oh well that makes me feel better about myself." She giggles contently, pressing her thumb to my chin. "He's eaten all his tea. Ours is on." She leaves my side, kneeling down to tidy away the mess of Lego blocks on the carpet and I watch her in awe for a few minutes. Eventually, she notices my gaze, arching a brow, a small shy smile crossing her cheeks. "What?"

"You just make me happy." I shrug, not bothering to deny the fact I had been watching her so intently. "You and him."

"You want to know something?" Carla rises, taking a few hesitant steps towards me, until her fingers are wrapped around my tie. "I didn't realise it was possible to be this happy."

"Me neither." I slip my arms around her waist, meeting her gaze as her deep green hues scan my expression. "I guess we finally got there, hey?"

"I guess we did." Her arms snake around my neck, pecking affectionate kisses onto my lips. "It's crazy, but I guess we did."

 **Carla**

"Ok, are we doing this?" Nick hands me a glass of wine, which I accept gratefully as he takes up the seat next to me on the sofa. Alfie was put to bed about half an hour ago, and after lying in Nick's chest and blankly staring at the television screen, we decided it to be the best time to review the case files we had received from Natalie. "Uh... Right." I flick through, Nick's arm falling around my shoulders and I kiss his cheek briefly. "December 2016. She was four. Wow, that's crazy... At this exact point I was in Devon... Hand on my bump... Staring at Lauren's sonogram photo."

 _DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL WORK_

 _NOTE OF CASE MEETING_

 _15th December 2016, 10am._

 _Case Meeting: KOLEANO, SOPHIE (23/09/2012)_

 _Present: Steven Jameson (Children and Families Deputy, Social Work Department); Rhiannon Chater (Senior Case Worker, Social Work Department); Marie Koleano (mother); Tyler Gretcheld (step-father)._

 _The meeting took place at the home of Mr Gretcheld and Miss Koleano, who's children Sophie and Jacob, were located in the bedroom with a carer. The meeting was called forward following a concern raised by Sophie's nursery carer; Janine. Janine submitted written evidence, regarding Sophie's behaviour and concerning bruises on her chest and back._

 **December 2016**

The air hung cold in the flat, home to Tyler and Marie, a withered looking couple. Although Marie was barely into her twenties, she looked haggard and exhausted, most likely, Rhiannon thought, due to drugs or insomnia. She doubted very much that the lack of effort put into her appearance was down to her trying her hardest for her children. Verbally, she wasn't allowed to make assumptions, but mentally, she knew the depth of this case, and she had already concluded that it didn't seem like a safe environment for a four and two year old.

"Whaddya want then?" Mr Gretcheld finally speaks, voice gruff as he drags a hand across the stubble on his face. He was in his early thirties, eleven years older than Marie, arms heavily tattooed, which begged the question as to why he could afford the cost of ink, but not to put food on the table for the family he had apparently adopted. She had seen cases like this before, and Mr Gretcheld was not a man she took a liking to. Although, unconfirmed, neither of Miss Koleano's children were his, she seemed awfully young and fragile to be under the hand of such an intimidating seeming man. "'Cause we told yer, we're fine."

"Another concern has been made to the board about Sophie's well-being." Steven pipes up, reading professionally from the clipboard in front of him. "An unusual amount of bruises have been spotted on Sophie's back, when a nursery worker was changing her top following wet play."

"So?" He chews on his piece of gum disinterestedly. "Kids get bruises all the time."

"Not to this extent." Steven presses him, and Mr Gretcheld gives an uncaring shrug of his shoulders. I turn my gaze to Marie, head held low, hunched over as she shivers in the thin tattered cardigan she had pulled over her skeletal body. "She don't know anythin' either."

"Miss Koleano?" I reach out to her and she barely raises her head in response. "Do you have any idea how your daughter might have acquired these bruises?"

"...No." She just responds quietly and I let out a sigh. This wasn't going to be an easy case, there were clearly a lot of underlying issues. As interesting as it might seem, getting to the core truth would be difficult. "She does a lotta play-fightin' with her brother. Maybe they're from that."

"Play-fighting? With a two year old?" I point out and she looks up hesitantly, eyes distant and glassed over. It was as if she was completely detached from her body, like her eyes were so sunken the personality had completely left just her physical remnants behind. "...Can you elaborate on this play-fighting?"

"Well you know kids." She responds weakly, noticing her front tooth is chipped as her thin lips purse into a sour smile. "Always fallin' out."

"But I struggle to see how a child of twenty six months could inflict these kinds of marks on Sophie's skin." Rhiannon produces photographic evidence of the marks on her back, neither of the parents really acknowledging the picture. They knew. She could tell they knew. And she also predicted that neither would really mind if the threat to take the children from them was to arise. But unfortunately, that scenario couldn't be suggested as of yet. "Do you?"

"Listen, eh, the girl enjoys physical play. She's always throwing herself off the sofa, rolling around as kids do, ey?" Mr Gretchen volunteers himself to speak. "She's probably jus' prone to bruisin'. In't that right, Marie?"

"Yeah, she's just very physical."

"Ask Sophie yourself, you'll get the same answer." He clicks his fingers rudely, pointing at the door leading to where they were playing with a worker. "These nursery carers are always fishin' for sum'min. Get bored of idle gossip throughout the day, want sum'min interesting to talk about. Well, you can sit 'ere, looking down your nose at us all you want. But we've got nothin' to hide, I'm tellin' yer."

* * *

 **April 2017**

 _DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL WORK_

 _NOTE OF CASE MEETING_

 _7th April 2017, 3pm._

 _Case Meeting: KOLEANO, SOPHIE (23/09/2012)_

 _Present: Steven Jameson (Children and Families Deputy, Social Work Department); Rhiannon Chater (Senior Case Worker, Social Work Department); Marie Koleano (mother); Sophie Koleano._

 _The meeting took place at the home of Miss Koleano and Mr Gretchen, although Mr Gretchen was not present. Miss Koleano was notified of the visit one hour prior to the case meeting and was carried out for general procedure._

"So talk us through the general mealtime regime?" Rhiannon inquires, scribbling on her notepad to make the conversation less intense. Sophie was sat cross legged on the floor, scoffing a cucumber sandwich. It didn't look particularly appetising; the bread was curled up at the edges and looked rather dry, cucumber chopped into awkward, disfigured shapes. It was obvious that the 'meal' had been made up in a rush, after the short notice of the visit. Rhiannon was concerned that this idea of nutritious treatment was not supplied every evening. Miss Koleano offers nothing in response, eyes fixed on the wall ahead, as if withholding information in a police interview. "Marie? Is this usually the kind of thing Sophie will have for her dinner?"

"Sometimes." She just responds quietly, tilting her head to face Sophie. "You like your sandwiches don't yer?"

"Yes mama." Sophie nods obediently. Well spoken, well trained. Worryingly, she seems more composed than her own mother. At the age of three, despite the given circumstances, she appeared pretty well developed both socially and physically. "Cucumber is my favourite." Rhiannon makes a quick note on her pad;

 _Sophie appears well-spoken. She states 'cucumber is my favourite' when asked by mother, Miss Koleano, if she likes her dinner. Physically, Sophie shows no signs of trauma; no visible marks on face or arms._

"What're you writin' there?" Marie tries to peer over the pad and it's kept well concealed, much to her dissatisfaction. "You slaggin' me off?"

"Not at all, I'm purely stating what is going on during the meeting."

Marie's face channels a flicker of anger, but she refuses to act on it. Instead, the flat falls silent, the sound of Sophie chewing being the only noise above the quietness.

"Where is Mr Gretchen tonight?" Steven offers in conversation, noting that he wasn't around the premises.

"Out."

"Out where?" He asks softly. "Do you know?"

"Workin'." A blatant lie. It was factual knowledge that Tyler hardly worked, and the main wages he received were those that he somehow managed to salvage from the fruit machine in the local pub. Not that he chose to spend his hard earned cash on his seemingly adoptive family of course. More likely on something to top up the almost empty bottle of vodka that was just visible on the kitchen counter, out of the corner of Rhiannon's eyesight.

"Has he got a new job?" Steven tries to ask the question fairly, clearly weighing up whether Marie would continue her string of lies, or come clean. Instead, she just shrugs, avoiding eye contact with the pair of professionals. "Do you two not discuss these-"

"This ain't marriage guidance." She suddenly snaps and Sophie very discreetly jumps, trying hard to cover it up. Rhiannon keeps her eyes on her warily, before diverting them back to where Marie is shifting the cardigan further over her withering bones. "I thought you came to peck my head about Sophie and Jake?"

"Yes, and their well-being. Which involves the family income and what they're getting out of it."

"Well she's eating ain't she?" Marie points out rather aggressively. Evidently now agitated that the meeting had been steered in a blameful direction, either that, or cold turkey was kicking in. "She's got clothes on 'er? Talkin', breathin', what more d'ya want? You're fine Sophie, ain't ya? Tell the nice lady that you're happy here with mummy."

"I'm happy." Sophie obliges, her deep brown orbs burying into Rhiannon's as she turns to face her, paper plate now dropped into her lap after consuming her sandwich. Although she was clearly already a very intelligent child, something about her language seemed almost robotic, automatic. Her eyes stay fixed, hands clasped in her lap politely, mouth dropping open to confirm; "I'm happy here with mummy."

* * *

 **September 2017**

 _DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL WORK_

 _NOTE OF CASE MEETING_

 _19th September 2017, 10am._

 _Case Meeting: KOLEANO, SOPHIE (23/09/2012)_

 _Present: Steven Jameson (Children and Families Deputy, Social Work Department); Rhiannon Chater (Senior Case Worker, Social Work Department); Moira Hughes (class teacher); Sophie Koleano._

 _The meeting took place at Ashridge Primary School. Sophie Koleano was taken aside during school break time. Her new class teacher Mrs Moira Hughes was present._

"So how are you liking school?" Rhiannon's gaze is held on how Sophie grabs at a crayon, scrawling it over the piece of paper laid upon her desk.

"I enjoy it." She raises her head momentarily, studying and remembering the faces before her. She was a clever child, far too experienced in the field of punishment and misfortune. She had grown up dealing with visits, granted, they weren't usually in these circumstances, which seemed to throw her slightly. But once reading the expressions upon the faces before her, memories flickered through her mind. She knew why they were here, and with every time upon seeing them, she grew the tiniest bit more confident to tell them the truth. But words and warnings had messed with her head, and she didn't know what to do for the best. Were these people here to help her? Or just to pry into her life? Could they actually stop the shouting that resounded late into the early hours? Could they stop her little brother from crying out for the affection he was deprived of? Could they stop the stale, sour breath that blew in her face every time she was backed against a wall? She was smart enough to know what the police looked like, she had witnessed them a few times when they'd called around checking her flat for reasons beyond her knowledge. Or when her step-dad was ticked off with a warning for... What now? Either way, these two people weren't police. And from what she knew, police were the only people who could really stop bad things from happening. "I'm learning a lot here."

"Do you have many friends?" Rhiannon asks, Sophie shrugging as she shifts in her seat. "There's got to be someone you like to play with?"

"Chrissie's nice." She opts to answer with, surely it was alright to mention her name, she didn't imagine it would get her into any trouble. After all, she always felt a sense of comfort while accompanied by the two familiar and very smartly dressed individuals.

"Ah, they get on well, her and Chrissie." Mrs Hughes nods in recognition from where she is sat in the corner. "I've moved them onto the same table now, they're both very good at writing their names."

"Wow, can you write your name?" Rhiannon raises an eyebrow in interest. She was genuinely interested; a rarity in Sophie's life.

"When I follow the dots I'm better." The child lowers her head, tending to her picture for a moment. It was of nothing in particular, more a distraction and not a plausible representation of her work.

"Sophie?" Steven's voice eventually brings her head back up to look at them both. "...Your teacher tells us you don't like wearing your PE kit. Would you mind telling us why?"

Sophie glances across at her teacher, worry and deceit clouding her expression. "I just told them about your tears the other day." Mrs Hughes speaks gently. "When I suggested you changed into gym shorts?"

"I don't like changing." Sophie's voice is suddenly a lot more firm and stubborn, sparking a key fault in the facade she often put on.

"Is it because you don't like changing in front of the other children?"

"I don't want to take my tights off." She finalises, eyes glued to the sheet in front of her, scribbling more harshly with the crayon now. "Never. I said."

"Ok." Rhiannon exchanges a look with Steven, noting something down on her pad. It sparks an interest in Sophie, eyes diverting upwards to take in the scene before her.

"Stop writing about me!" The child suddenly shouts, standing up abruptly and heading for the door. Upon realising it won't open, Sophie kicks it aggressively, jamming her foot into the foot of the wood. Mrs Hughes is immediately up, trying to calm the infuriated child. "You've locked me in! You've locked me in!"

"Sophie, Sophie." A blur of voices chant her name. They weren't demanding, cruel, sharp, bitter. They were calm and friendly. But it didn't stop her hands flying over her ears, a scared scream piercing the air as she flexes her lungs. She doesn't stop screaming. She won't stop. She wanted to scream forever.

* * *

 _Review of case meeting dated 19/09/2017:_

 _Sophie begins the meeting in a friendly and relatively talkative manner. After being asked about why she refuses to change clothing for physical education, Sophie comments; "I don't like changing", followed up with; "I don't want to take my tights off". Sophie's mood changes dramatically as a result of the conversation._

 _After ten minutes, Miss Koleano is calmed down. No further questions were asked from here. Case meeting suspended._

 _After reviewing the situation, myself and Steven Jameson have highlighted a possible concern, which has been marked as a red warning case._

 _Due to child protection advice, action will be taken to monitor both Miss Sophie Koleano and Master Jacob Koleano more frequently. Request filed for potential separation from current home setting._

 _Below is a written statement submitted by Mrs Moira Ann Hughes (school teacher at Ashridge Primary School), regarding Miss Sophie Koleano's behaviour associated with clothing change for physical education:_

 _On the 11th September, I suggested the children changed clothes to the ones they had been equipped with from home, as desired on the school uniform list, for physical education. Usually, this will take place in the classroom environment. Upon finding Sophie was not equipped with her own attire, I located a spare set of gym clothing for her use. Sophie immediately refused. After offering to help her change, Sophie shouted the words "I said no", throwing herself down onto the floor in argument. I decided that from here, the decision should be taken to let Sophie watch the lesson, and not partake. Sophie was happy to do this. On the 14th September I attempted to coax Sophie into the idea again, only to be refused more abruptly. She was again, not equipped with the correct attire. I feel this is an issue which won't easily be resolved._

 _Signed,_

 _Mrs Moira Ann Hughes_

 _19/09/2017_

* * *

 **Nick**

"Carla." I place my hand over hers as she goes to turn the page. It was easy to pick up on her gradually withdrawn attitude, tears pricked in her eyes a while ago and allowed them to silently fall down her cheeks as we both read. "I think we should call it a day."

"Honestly I'm ok." She assures me, her voice wavering as she drags a hand across her cheeks. I study her worriedly, before pulling her into an embrace, planting a kiss onto the top of her head as she rests against my chest. "It's just hard to read, hard to face. She's the sweetest little girl. She never deserved this."

"...Is it triggering memories for you?" I dare to ask and there is a brief pause before she nods her head, reaching for my hand. "I think we should stop for now. Read some more tomorrow."

"Ok... Ok." She admits defeat, closing the file and placing it down on the coffee table. She sits wringing her hands in her lap for a few moments, staring down at the carpet, one of Alfie's stray Lego blocks that had escaped and not been found by her earlier on. "We're gonna make this right for her, aren't we? We're gonna make this all better?"

"Yeah, we are." I assure her confidently, but keeping my voice soft all the same. Her eyes glaze over again and I gently smooth the pad of my thumb over her cheekbone.

"I'm so lucky to have you. I'm so lucky to be here."

"Shh." I soothe as she falls into my arms again, rocking her fragile frame gently and safely. "You've got me. I've got you. You're safe. Always."

* * *

 **Carla**

"You ready?" I tap my hand on the bar of The Bistro, lifting Alfie to sit upon it. Michelle turns at the sound of my voice, her face relaxing at our appearance.

"Chelle doll." Alfie produces it from his lap, holding it up to Michelle as she leans over to kiss the top of his head. "Look, auntie Chelle. Chelle doll."

"I said I'd buy him another toy because he was good when we were Christmas shopping." I sigh, as Michelle takes it from him, inspecting the long dark hair and red checked dress. "So now he's got Annie doll and Chelle doll. I hope you're honoured."

"Oh I am." She strokes her fingers through the toy's hair, handing it back to Alfie and smiling proudly. "Looks just like me." I laugh at her comment, as she checks the clock on the wall. "Kate's supposed to be taking over at twelve. We'll be late at this rate."

"Ah, it's only Maria's flat." I shrug, nudging Alfie's knee so his eyes are drawn upwards from where he is muttering under his breath to the doll. "Sweetie, are you going to be good when auntie Maria does your hair?"

"Auntie Chelle come?" He cocks his head to the side, sea green eyes watching me inquisitively.

"Ask Auntie Chelle yourself?" I point to where she has now joined me at my side of the bar.

"Auntie Chelle come?" He asks again, but looking at Michelle this time. I sling my arm around her shoulders, as she nods adoringly at him.

"Yeah, I'm coming too." She ruffles his hair, and he reaches out a hand to grab hers. "And I'm going to watch you get your hair cut like a big boy aren't I? Then you can play with Liam afterwards, while mummy and me get ours done."

"You like playing with Liam's cars, don't you?" I ask Alfie and he brings his hands forward, placing one on either of my cheeks. "Don't ruin mummy's make-up."

"Hi sorry I'm late." Kate bustles in, throwing her coat up on the hanger behind the bar. "Got held up."

"Held up doing what exactly?"

"Rana." Michelle raises an eyebrow, answering my question for her as her cheeks flush.

"Michelle!" Kate snaps under her breath, her eyes darting to Alfie who is waving a hand in greeting. "Hiya sweetheart. Are you going to get your hair cut?"

"Yes and we're already running behind." I hold my arms out, slotting him onto my hip and waving goodbye to Kate as we follow Michelle out.

* * *

"I must say, I'm very surprised you opted to come shopping with me, Carla. I thought Nick would be the one to volunteer." Gail pipes up, after a long silenced walk from my car to the shopping centre. I resist scrunching my nose up at the thought, deciding it best not to tell her that actually, Nick had won heads and tails for who would be looking after Alfie while the other took her shopping for her Christmas presents. "But I suppose you're more of a fashion guru. You can help me choose a nice scarf for Sarah."

"Oh good." I flash a smile, aware that it was probably the last gift Sarah would desire on Christmas Day. "Well it's my pleasure, Gail. After all, we need to get you your TV, don't we?"

After a long winded argument at David's refusal, to buy another new TV for the house, Nick and I had made the decision that we would purchase Gail one as her Christmas present for her annex. Expensive though it was, she had been a massive help the past year with babysitting, so I didn't mind paying a bit more as a thank you. Unfortunately however, it was me who had to endure the process of finding one with her.

"What shops do you recommend, Carla?"

"Uh, well John Lewis is quite good for-"

"Ooh, Woollen Mill." She points out, heading towards it excitedly. I tense up, refusing to emit a groan as I follow after her. Proceeding into the store, I feel nauseated as my eyes are met with bright reds, yellows and greens. It was fair to say, that despite the many times I'd stepped foot in The Trafford Centre, I had never even realised this existed. "Don't they have some lovely garments?" She brushes her hand over a pink and yellow knitted hat, large blue pom-pom's sticking out at awkward angles.

Tilting my head to the side to observe it, I manage to produce a wave of optimism in my tone. "Yeah... It's gorgeous."

"Perhaps Alfie would like a little hat?" Her eyes light up and mine widen, plastering a reluctant smile on my face. There was no way my child was going out looking like a walking jumble sale.

"Well uh... He's got quite a few hats." I try to remember if he even had more than one, but she seems to buy it all the same. I wait patiently until she has run her finger over pretty much everything in the shop, thanking the plump saleswoman who has been watching our every move, as we finally leave with nothing. "Shall we go and look for that television you wanted?" I indicate to the electrical shop on my right and she looks at me as if it was a bizarre idea.

"Well we don't want to have to carry it around, do we?" She furrows her brow. "We may as well get it at the end."

"...They usually deliver them these days." I try to sound polite, although my tone was already withering and after hardly any convincing she follows me into the shop. "What kind of thing do you want?"

"A television." She just responds, distractedly and I very subtly roll my eyes when she's not looking.

"Yes, but... LED, LCD, OLED..." I read from the overhead signage and she follows my gaze. I wasn't too sure myself what any of it meant, but at least it was a start if she could pick one at random.

"What do they all mean?"

"It's something to do with the lighting... Or something..." I bluff, trying to direct her towards the furthest aisle.

"Oh no, these are all too small. I need something big for my annex." She decides, turning to notice a member of staff nearby. I try to distract her, but she's already started waving him down. "Hello, I wondered if you could help us. I'm looking for a television."

"Well you've come to the right place then." He grins, his square framed glasses twitching slightly as he does so. I flash an awkward smile back. He looked like the typical kind of guy to be working in an electrical shop; barely into his twenties, two years of McDonalds training under his belt, greasy hair and a watch on his wrist big enough to be a clock. If I could stereotype further, I'd presume the dark circles beneath his eyes came from a late Friday night of playing Grand Theft Auto with his mates, regretting it when he awoke for his shift today. I only knew these names from Max, but it seemed inevitable Alfie would one day be caught up in it. "What kind of television do you want? LED, LCD, OLED..."

"A big one." Gail looks put out at his recital, so similar to the same one I had given her. "None of this letter rubbish."

"...A plasma screen?" He presumes, glancing at me and I shrug, pointing back at Gail to indicate that it wasn't for me. He strolls along as we follow him, taking us down another aisle to show us an array of televisions. The bright alternated pictures on each one of them were enough to give me a headache.

"No, no." Gail waves her hand in the air disinterestedly. "Big as in chunky. Something I can put my Christmas cards on top of."

"I don't think they sell those anymore, Gail." I dare to prompt her, looking at the sales man apologetically.

"Yes they do!" She argues, getting slightly wound up about the whole scenario. "I want something with a big back to it. I can stand my ornaments on top of it then. This is all too complicated. No, I want something... Like that." She points upwards, and our heads tilt in the same direction to a shelf in the corner of the room. "That's exactly it. That's the one I want."

"...That's a microwave, madam." He tries to put it politely and I cringe into my hand. Producing my phone from my pocket, I quickly tap out a desperate message to Nick

 _Text Message:_

 _To: Nicky_

 _You so owe me._

 **Nick**

"And you're sure?"

"Nick sweetie, as much as I'd love to drag you back to bed, we need to get through these." Carla has awoken us at seven in the morning on a Sunday, something I was not doing somersaults over. But Alfie had spent the night with Sarah, having a sleepover with Harry, and wasn't due back until ten. So therefore we had decided, rather one-sidedly, that it would be a good time to try and get through some more of Sophie's case files. Although the prospect of lying curled up in our warm bed and enjoying our rare chance of a lie in, seemed a lot more appealing to me. "Do you want a coffee?" She calls from the kitchen as I open the file to flick through, locating the page we were last at.

"Uh..." I begin, my eyes falling upon the next case file, suddenly caught up in the depth of details. "...Yeah. Please, yeah."

 _Miss Marie Koleano pronounced dead at-_

"Nick?" I'm snapped from where I'm reading, desperate to shove the file away. I turn my head, fixating on where Carla is draped against the doorframe of the kitchen, clearly waiting for me to respond to something.

"I said yeah."

"And _I_ said we've got no milk. You alright to have it black?" She prompts me and I just nod shortly, her eyes drifting warily to the file on my lap. "What have you read?"

"Well you'll find out in a minute won't you?" I try to paint a smile on my face. It was too early for this. We'd spent the last two evenings trying to wade through some more of the information given, reading up on Sophie's progressively worsening behaviour at school in regards to friendships and sticker charts set in place to help her come round to the idea of changing for PE. I just knew from the words I had just read that this was a slippery slope. I'd do anything not to have to slash this seemingly good mood Carla was in. But like she said, it needed to be done. This was our future daughter. We had to gather as many details about her life as we could.

* * *

 **February 2018**

 _DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL WORK_

 _NOTE OF CASE MEETING_

 _13th February 2018, 11am._

 _Case Meeting: KOLEANO, SOPHIE (23/09/2012)_

 _Present: Steven Jameson (Children and Families Deputy, Social Work Department); Rhiannon Chater (Senior Case Worker, Social Work Department); Victoria Grew (Child Behavioural Specialist); Sophie Koleano, Jacob Koleano._

 _The meeting took place in the family room of Manchester Royal Infirmary, as a matter of urgent appeal. Present alongside social workers Rhiannon Chater and Steven Jameson, is child specialist and counsellor Victoria Grew. Miss Sophie Koleano and Master Jacob Koleano have been informed of recent events; mother, Miss Marie Koleano pronounced dead on 13/02/2018 at 8.48am. The children were escorted from the setting of Miss Marie Koleano's death; Fairfield Estate flat 209, by police officer DC Jackson and child specialist Victoria Grew, to the Manchester Royal Infirmary, at around 8.30am. Step-father Mr Tyler Gretchen was stated to have made the call of a reported suicide earlier in the morning, but was not present in the flat when paramedics and police arrived._

The clock ticks miserably, out of sync, Rhiannon's eyes averting desperately to the black marks engraved onto the clinical greying floor. Wheel skids, chair marks, a mixture of neglect; just like the children sat before her. Jake sits occupied in a nearby chair, race car toy in hand that had been retrieved from the kids corner not far up the hall. It seemed he was completely entranced by the way the plastic wheels spun as it rode up his legs and arms, clearly not used to such materialistic objects at home. He was too young to have an idea of what was going on. Perhaps it was best that way. Perhaps he would never remember life before this when he grew older. Or maybe it would eventually come back to him in time. Memories of his mother. Tainted; the weakening cripple of her body. Internally begging for help. Externally hunched over, denying any form of it.

Overdose. Her children weren't enough to save her. Not important enough for her to fight for. Twenty three years old and ready to give up. Two children; five and just turned three. No father, now no mother. Left abandoned in the early hours of the morning in a grotty flat on the outskirts of Bury. Had they seen? She didn't know. Upon arrival both children had been cowered in the corner of the bed, jumping at the smash of the door as it fell through the hallway. Maybe that's how they awoke every morning. Maybe they had to wait for permission. Maybe they never dared to sleep. It was a case like no other Rhiannon had seen before. It was gruelling, secretive, hard to define. But she was going to get to the bottom of it. This was no life for two beautiful children so full of potential. For their sake, she would do anything to see them out of such an unworthy state.

Sophie grips the seat of the plastic chair she is glued to. Her eyes haven't moved from the floor. Unlike her brother, she was smarter. Even without the two and a half year age gap. Thoughts were reeling through her mind probably similarly to most adults in the room. She never needed to be so intelligent, but she had taught herself to be, through survival.

Despite the reports of her declining behaviour, she remains relatively calm in the situation. Often, she was outgoing, friendly, chatty. Until it came to uncomfortable situations, ones where she would feel intimidated. One like this, most would assume, but supposedly the shock and sheer grief of the news so recently received was preventing her from having any kind of meltdown at the presences around her.

"Sophie? Do you want to talk about anything?" Victoria finally voices, breaking the agonising silence that had settled in the room. Jake jumps slightly at the sudden change in atmosphere, evidently engrossed in whatever game was going on in his mind, under the influence of the red and blue racing car he was infatuated with.

"...Not while Jake is here." She raises her head, attitude maintaining some kind of hidden strength she had capacitated for her brother's benefit.

"I can take Jake down to the kids corner?" Steven makes the suggestion and after a few words of approval are exchanged, he stands, holding out a hand to him. Fear flickers in Sophie's eyes momentarily, clearly worried to leave him. "I'm just taking him down the hall so you can have a chat with Victoria and Rhiannon."

"I don't want you to take him away." She tells him firmly, and he retracts his hand, obliging to her as if she was the voice of reason, the professional in this situation. "I'm not leaving him too."

"Sophie... Can I ask you something?" Rhiannon leans forward, guiding Sophie's eyes to hers. She could see the hurt displayed in them, the confusion. She was a five year old child. A five year old little girl who felt she couldn't cry for the sake of her younger brother, for the sake of the tough exterior she had forced herself to build up over the years. It tore at Rhiannon's heart sharply. "...This morning, did you leave the bedroom? Before anybody arrived at the flat?"

Sophie's eyes dart back down to the floor, hesitant to answer.

"You're not in any trouble. We just want to help you."

"...Yes." Her voice is clammy, muffled, tears pricking in her chocolate orbs as she squeezes them shut. "I saw mummy sleeping."

"...Ok." Rhiannon feels stupid for it being her only answer, desperate to wrap the mourning child in a hug, but knowing it wasn't advised. And from what she knew of the little girl, it probably wouldn't be gratefully accepted. "Where was she sleeping?"

"On the floor." It's the first time she's expressed such emotion, her breath catching as it cracks.

"And what did you do? When you saw her sleeping on the floor?" She tries to be as gentle as possible as she questions, refraining from noting anything down as it was now common knowledge from the last few visits that it was something that inflicted infuriation in her. Eyes dart sideways to where Jake is oblivious to the conversation, thankfully caught up in his game.

"...I thought she might be drunk." The word hits hard, stupidly surprised she even knew reference to intoxication. Of course she did, Rhiannon knew from multiple visits to the flat that it was never a sober environment. Why didn't her appeal go through faster? Why didn't they act sooner? This could have been prevented. "But she wasn't. And then Tyler got home and..."

She swallows suddenly, cutting herself off. Rhiannon stops herself from exchanging glances with any of the team; it was the closest they'd come to Sophie opening up, and they were desperate not to jeopardise that now.

"...He told me to go back to bed." Is what she finalises with, weakly, her eyes squeezing shut again. She had given in. But the social team weren't giving up, not now.

"Is that all he did? Just told you to go to bed?"

"He was drunk. He's always drunk." Sophie lifts her gaze, eyes burning into the woman in front of her. "He's always angry too... He told me to go to bed. Back to bed."

"What did he say when he saw mummy?"

"Rhiannon, maybe we should give it a-" Steven volunteers, raising a hand warily.

"He just told me to go to bed." She finishes, caving again, crossing her legs and clasping her hands in her lap. "So I did. I stayed there. Until I heard the bang of the door and Jake cried and that's when I knew she wasn't just drunk." Her lips purse together regrettably. She would never forget this. This horrific, terrifying day would stay with her forever. That was something that could never be erased. No matter how much counselling or happy memories tried to taint it.

* * *

 **April 2018**

 _DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL WORK_

 _RE below notes disclosed by the Greater Manchester Police Force:_

 _Statement released: 02/04/2018._

 _Saturday 31st March 2018. Police called via 999 from two call lines. Fire brigade called via 999 from five call lines._

 _Case; Fire at Fairfield Estate. Reported as arson initially rooted in flat 209._

 _Deceased: (1) Child, male, age; 3 years two months._

 _Casualties: (3) Adult, male, age; 34 years six months. Adult, female, age; 78 years eleven months. Child, female, age; 5 years seven months._

 _Mr Tyler Gretchen arrested on suspicion of arson, following release from hospital. Mr Gretchen suffered minor burn wounds to face and arms. Hospitalised for smoke inhalation. Following arrest, Mr Gretchen was interviewed regarding alleged arson and child abduction._

 _01/04/2018; Mr Gretchen admits he abducted Miss Sophie Koleano and Master Jacob Koleano on Saturday 31st March 2018._

 _01/04/2018; Mr Gretchen admits to committing arson in flat 209 of Fairfield Estate, Bury._

 _01/04/2018; Mr Gretchen admits to struggling with various mental health issues, particularly inflamed as a result of his girlfriend's death in February 2018._

 _01/04/2018; Mr Gretchen is remanded in custody, awaiting trial._

 _NOTE OF CASE MEETING_

 _2nd April 2018, 3pm_

 _Case Meeting: KOLEANO, SOPHIE (23/09/2012)_

 _Present: Rhiannon Chater (Senior Case Worker, Social Work Department); Victoria Grew (Child Behavioural Specialist); Sophie Koleano._

 _Case meeting held under urgent appeal, setting; Manchester Royal Infirmary, children's ward._

Rhiannon sits with her head in her hands, completely drained and exhausted both from the gruelling shift she had endured for the past two days and the severe emotional impact the circumstances had taken on her. It wasn't a professional manner. But after having to tell a five year old girl, who had recently woken from a coma following smoke inhalation, that she had now lost her little brother on top of her mother earlier this year, she gave herself the right to drop the facade.

"I don't know how she's going to cope with this." Rhiannon murmurs, half to herself, half to the child counsellor nearby, who quite frankly, she was debating asking for counselling from herself at this point in time. Sophie had recently been removed from the room, leaving just the two specialists remaining to draw back over the horrible circumstances they had just had to face. "Since I took up this case... I'm in shock. It's only been a year. But half of what's happened in that time is enough to screw anyone up... She's five years old. Five. Most children are going to the zoo, looking forward to the summer, having their paddling pools blown up in preparation. She's lost everything... If she can pull herself back from this. If anyone can pull her back from this, they're a miracle worker. They will be purely special people. Because this, what she's been through, it's just unimaginable."

* * *

 **Carla**

"It's cold."

"It's December." Nick slots his arm around my shoulders as we leave the car, heading towards Sunny Days, Sophie's folder of case files stored in my arms. "Christmas is in a week and a half."

"God it creeps up on us doesn't it? Especially when we've got a kid to plan for and all?" I pass Nick as he holds the glass door open for me, after we've been buzzed through, giving our names. Natalie appears almost immediately, beckoning us through and carrying out the usual procedure.

"So... You've had the ultimate test." She pats the folder I have laid down on the table, nodding confidently as she slides it back towards her. "How did you find it?"

"Honestly? Difficult." I admit, drawing myself into Nick's side. "But, more determined. We're ready to do this. Nothing in there was ever going to stop us."

A pleased beam graces Natalie's face, looking back at us admirably. "I thought you might say that. You're special, the pair of you." She clicks her fingers suddenly. "Sophie you can come out now."

"Boo!" She appears from under he desk, jumping up in a fit of giggles and my eyes widen in shock.

"Oh hello!" I exclaim, smiling suddenly at her appearance. She grins cheekily, maybe the first time I'd seen such a genuine smile on her face. Maybe the first time anyone had. "You scared me then."

"She's honestly had the most positive few weeks I've seen since she's been here." Natalie informs us, as Sophie takes a seat next to her, folding her arms and nodding cockily. "Are you going to tell them what you told me yesterday?"

"No!" She suddenly goes shy, trying to stop the smile on her face as she looks back at us.

"Ah, go on." Nick tempts her and she huffs loudly for dramatic effect.

"...I just said that I'm really happy you like me and... Want me as part of your family." She blushes, avoiding eye contact. "And also do you want to come to my Nativity play?" Her eyes sparkle excitedly and I have to force happy tears back as I feel Nick nudge me to speak.

"Well I suppose I can leave my pants factory for one day." I joke with her and she laughs as I exchange a look with Nick.

"It's on Tuesday." Natalie informs us and I nod in agreement. "I've informed the school to let them know you might be interested but she really wants you there, if you can attend?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." I whisper, leaning forwards slightly and she bounces in her seat for a second. "Oh and I've got something for you." I fumble in my bag, producing the neatly wrapped present that I had cleared to be ok with Natalie first. "Call it an early Christmas present."

"She's Santa's helper, you see." Nick teases me and I narrow my eyes at him playfully.

"You got me a present?" Sophie looks genuinely touched, eyes darting between us as if not knowing what to do.

"Well open it then!" Natalie tells her, tapping the wrapping gently. I feel a twinge of nerves as Sophie very carefully undoes the snowflake paper, pulling the wooden skipping rope from inside. I hope it doesn't bring back bad memories. It was the one thing I was scared about. She unravels it, purely taken-aback as her face breaks into a surprised smile.

"...You remembered?" She gazes at us in awe, running the skipping rope through her fingers. "You listened?"

"Of course." I try and stop myself from crying at the scene in front of me. But plans are failed in a split second, when she leaves the chair she is sat on and hesitantly comes around to me. For a moment of complete confusion, I wonder what she is thinking, studying me with wonder and amazement. And then her arms are around me, hugging me, and my mouth falls open, and so does Natalie's. Because I knew this was something that was completely unexpected of the little girl who never thought she would be loved. I very carefully seal my arms around her. Because that's all I ever wanted. When I was the same scared, scarred, tortured seven year old with the dreams of a bright future. Well the difference was, she was going to have one.

And it was going to start right now.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Quite a packed chapter there! I could have written more about the backstory, but didn't want it to be too intense for anyone. Obviously, there's going to be stuff Nick and Carla find out along the way as well when she opens up to them. I actually cried writing the last extract, blame me writing most of this chapter throughout the night. (I'm now publishing at 5:20am). I hope this was ok as it was something different! Thank you for your patience in the delay of this chapter as well, it's been a difficult chapter to write and I've had a lot of other things to focus on recently. I'm starting university next week, so I hope I can still keep on top of both my fics! Thank you all again, loads of love, Han x**_


	70. Chapter 70

**Chapter 70:**

 _ **Characters:**_

 _ **Carla Tilsley**_

 _ **Nick Tilsley**_

 _ **Alfie Tilsley (regular OC)**_

 _ **Sophie Koleano (regular OC)**_

 _ **Teacher (OC)**_

 _ **Vicky (OC)**_

 _ **School boy (OC)**_

 _ **Michelle Connor**_

 _ **Monica (OC)**_

 _ **Aidan Connor**_

 _ **Robert Preston**_

 _ **David Platt**_

* * *

 **Carla**

"Morning morning." I greet brightly as I waltz into the kitchen, securing my hair into a ponytail. I stop abruptly, eyeing up the scene before me. Nick was sat opposite Alfie's high chair, newspaper in hand, while our son flicked through a picture book. For a brief moment, I feel as if they are mirroring one another. "Wow, like father like son, ey?"

"Hm?" Nick looks up as I wave my finger between them.

"You two!" I laugh and he glances over at Alfie, chuckling slightly himself as he sees what I mean. I dip down to press a kiss against Alfie's head, ruffling his hair playfully. "Ah, you are gonna be just as handsome as your daddy, and you'll make some woman very lucky. Or man, you know, whatever floats your boat."

"Carla." Nick laughs to himself, looking back at the paper. "There's fruit in the fridge."

"Wonderful. Uh, what are we doing about today?"

"Going to the nativity." He reminds me, as if it could have slipped my mind, while I produce a bowl of fruit from the fridge.

"Yes I know but what are we doing about him?" I point to Alfie, clicking the radio on as Christmas music starts to blare quietly around the kitchen. "Ugh... Can't escape it."

"You don't want to escape it secretly. You've even put chocolates on the tree."

" _Alfie_ put chocolates on the tree!" I emphasise, noticing the subtle smile on his face.

"Yeah well you eat them off the tree."

"I do not!" I scold him, pointing the fork I was initially swirling around the bowl at him.

"Yes you do, I saw you!" He laughs to himself, and I arch an eyebrow. "Scoffing them on the sofa the other night."

"I had one!"

"Yeah, ok." He rolls his eyes, winding me up and I shoot a glare in his direction, turning to Alfie. "Sweetie, do you want to come to a nativity play? You can have daddy's seat."

"Bring him along anyway." Nick folds the newspaper up, coming over to me and pressing affectionate kisses against my neck. "Loads of people take their babies to Nativity plays."

"How many Nativity plays have you been to?" I point out, pecking his lips quickly. "Anyway, he's not a baby. And we can't rely on him to sit there all the way through. _And_ Sophie hasn't met him yet, hey? What if we see her at all? They said it was gonna be a possible challenge, that. I don't think it's best to take it on half way through her school show."

"Ah, I suppose. I'll just stick him at my mum's."

" _Stick him_ at your mum's?" I repeat, in humoured disbelief. "He's not a goldfish."

"Why would you... Stick a goldfish..." Nick begins, eyes narrowing in thought before giving up. "On the topic of pets-"

"Don't even start." I raise a finger to his lips, moving in to kiss him again. "We'll focus on our potential daughter's Nativity play first. I mean it Nick, don't you go wrapping me up a puppy on Christmas Day."

"Ooh, that's an idea. You wouldn't say no then."

"I would."

"What? When you saw a cute fluffy puppy with big brown eyes peering up at you?" He tries to sweet talk me and I just furrow my brow.

"How old are you?" I scoff playfully. "And stop, because he keeps hammering on about dogs and all now."

"Like father like son." He repeats my earlier statement, teasing me. "Two against one."

 **Nick**

"I can imagine this being the kind of situation I grow to hate, quickly." Carla's eyes cascade around the packed school hall, chairs laid out before a few big blocks; made out to be a stage, which was decorated in Christmas bunting. Children sit proudly either side, lined up on benches, an array of twinkling, glittering, colourful costumes. "Do these have numbered seats or?"

"Numbered seats." I scoff quietly, pointing to a nearby pair on the front row, which I were surprised were free. But then again, most families had grandparents, aunties, uncles, other children tagged along with them and took up a whole row themselves. "It's not the Globe Theatre."

"The what now?" Her brow furrows in confusion and I shake my head, pulling up the leaflet that lay on our chairs before sitting down. "Welcome to Brentnall Primary School's annual Nativity play." Carla reads, studying the picture of the school on the front, flipping it over to the 'many thanks' section. "She doesn't like it here much."

"Carla." I nudge her, and she looks up, eyes meeting where Sophie was waving to us from the second bench back. She had a white dress on, dotted with sequins, tinsel tying back her deep brown hair, face lit up as soon as she notices us. "She really sees something in you, you know? She adores you."

"She adores you too." She prompts me, while waving back to her with a grin on her face and I watch her for a second, content.

"Yeah but, you're special. Natalie can see it, everyone else will. It makes me incredibly happy." Pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear, she smiles back at me, soaking up my loving gaze. It wasn't the first school show we had been to; we had endured Lily's the past two years, but this one felt a lot more meaningful. I actually felt like I was proud of the little girl in the glittering costume, standing up to recite her words clearly when the lights had dimmed. She did an excellent job, and without sounding biased, she was evidently the most well-spoken and rehearsed child who performed. Sunny Days had really done her justice. The home was patient and giving and caring to all their children. They'd taken a little girl who was completely lost and broken, and helped her blossom, and that was what we would continue to do. We really had chosen the right pathway and the right setting to pursue our future.

And then she was singing, as we had been pre-informed. Sophie stands on the top step and melodically sings out Away In A Manger, the room completely silent as she does so, hanging off her every word. She truly was an inspiration, even at seven years old, and I smile proudly as she catches my eye, the corners of her mouth twitching up slightly as she sings. I turn my head to see tears pricking the corners of Carla's eyes, slipping an arm around her shoulder and smiling as whisper into her hair; "are you crying?"

"Im just so..."

"Proud?" I murmur and she nods slowly, not taking her eyes off the little girl in front of her. "Me too."

"Just when you think about the stuff we read in those files... Now she's here doing this." She keeps her voice low so as to not disturb any of the other families, who would probably have our heads off if they missed a moment their kids' spotlight. "And she's so good Nick, listen to her."

There's a loud array of applause as she finishes, the scene of a plastic baby being laid in a plastic bowl filled with some straw, playing out before us. I dare myself to let out a whistle, causing Carla to elbow me playfully, giggling as Sophie meets our gaze again. It was crazy that we'd only known her about half a year, I felt as if we'd watched her progress so much in that time alone. Maybe that was our impact, but most of it was down to her own personal strength. Having something promising to cling on to had set off a spark of motivation and positivity in her, and I knew we would do anything to help that grow.

"Wow, you never told us you were _that_ good." Carla announces as Sophie hesitantly comes over to greet us, as all the children run to their parents at the end of the show. She was clearly unsure of whether she was even allowed to, as were we, but there didn't seem to be anyone keen to stop us and alike all the other children, somebody had to praise her. "You were quite literally the star of the show."

"You were the best." I whisper and she bites her lip happily, glancing between us, suddenly shy.

"Thank you for coming." She voices, politely, crossing her arms across her chest and Carla crouches down to just below her level.

"I told you, we wouldn't have missed it for the world." Her words influence her smile to grow wider, staying in a content silence for a matter of seconds.

"I thought your mum was dead?" The words ring into my head harshly and it takes me a second to even process the situation. A boy who looked one, maybe two years older than her is watching our scene play out. My eyes switch to Carla, fearfully, noticing that the woman, most likely his mother, that he was originally with, was now stood chatting to a friend.

"Excuse me?" Carla turns on him and I have to grab her arm.

"Carla!" I hiss. "Leave it." I spot how Sophie's head has hung in slight shame, awkwardly wringing her hands. Carla usually didn't gel easily with children, those she genuinely liked were very important to her. Although she had thankfully never had the opportunity to have to defend Alfie, I could predict she'd get very defensive if anyone, particularly a child she didn't care for, upset one of the few she did in any way. "He's a child."

"Oh, are they here to take you back to the loony bin?" The boy jibes at Sophie and Carla's mouth falls open in shock as he runs off back to his mum, curling into her arm as if nothing had been said.

"Does he usually say that kind of thing to you?" Carla turns back to her, trying to compose her anger and keep her voice calm.

"It's fine." Sophie shrugs, avoiding her gaze now. She suddenly seemed embarrassed, as if we would be put off by anything said.

"No, darlin'. It's not fine." Carla settles slightly, crouching down by her again. "Is he bothering you at school?"

"I said it's fine!" She suddenly raises her voice defensively, running off out of the hall and Carla stares after her worriedly, heading in the direction before I grab her arm.

"Don't, Carla." I warn her gently, seeing that a teacher had gone after her anyway. "Don't push things."

"Nick, she's upset!"

"Yeah and we don't want to make that worse." I lower my voice, scanning the room to check no one is watching. I guide her over to a more secluded part of the hall, away from prying her ears. "We've read about her behaviour. We know she does this. Don't press her, it might make things worse."

"Well at least let me talk to her teacher-"

"Are you Mr and Mrs Tilsley?" A plump looking woman approaches us, red hair falling loosely against her shoulders. She looks hesitant to invade our conversation, but we turn to face her as brightly as possible.

"Yeah, hi." I reach my hand out to shake hers. "Is Sophie ok?"

"Ok?" Her brow furrows, clearly not having caught the scene in front of her. Typical. I'd imagine that was the usual case, she clearly hadn't heard the things some of the children were saying then. "I'd have thought so. I just came to ask if you know whether anyone from Sunny Days is on their way? Sophie won't change out of her costume at school, and we're going to take the children down to change now."

"Uh, I don't know." Carla shakes her head, pulling her phone out to check her messages, head exhausted at recent events. "We were only asked if we wanted to come and watch. I can phone-"

"Oh, no worries." She points out a member of staff from the children's home, as a familiarly uniformed woman enters the hall. "Nice to meet you both."

"Pleasure..." Carla mutters under her breath as she walks away. "Well she seemed really interested to get to know us."

"She's probably had a stressful day!" I try to lighten her mood, knowing these kind of preparations probably take its toll on the teachers. "Look, shall we get off now we know someone's here to take her home?"

"I want to know she's ok."

"She'll be fine, someone went after her." I try to talk her around, not tempted towards the idea of her snapping at any other children. Rather desperately, I wanted to remove her from the situation, before she got anymore stressed out.

"You know, when we adopt her, she's moving to Bessie Street." She references the nearby primary school in Weatherfield, screwing her nose up at the surroundings and eyeing up the boy who is gleefully watching us from where he is wrapped under his mother's arm. "I don't like it here."

"Right well that's a decision for further down the line." I sigh, running a hand through her hair. "Come on, let's go."

"Carla? Nick?" A voice draws us back as we start to leave the hall, and I turn on my heel to see where Sophie has re-appeared, heading back towards us. She had been crying, it was vaguely evident from the blotchiness of her cheeks, but I choose to disregard it. "Thank you for coming. Sorry for shouting." My eyes drift up to where the same teacher who followed her was nearby, keeping an eye on the scene. She'd clearly been asked to come and apologise, which she had no need to do. It was completely understandable. We knew that, probably better than the teachers did.

"That's ok sweetheart, you don't need to apologise." Carla smiles warmly, calming for her sake. "Just as long as you're ok?"

"I'm fine." She gives her same response, probably rehearsed, probably a lie. But now wasn't a time to press her, and thankfully Carla had picked up on that. "Hi Vicky." Her eyes move to behind us, where the uniformed woman from Sunny Days had approached.

"You ready to go?" She asks Sophie and she nods, waving us off before leaving the hall. We both watch for a minute, before remaining in silence as we head back towards the car.

 **Carla**

"So, how was it?" Michelle takes a sip of her water, slouched on the sofa opposite me in the booth of the Rovers. "You didn't steal a shepherd's sheep or anything then?"

"Very almost, I'm telling ya." I arch an eyebrow, taking a grateful gulp of my own drink and she studies me inquisitively. "It was lovely, you know? I never realised I could actually sit through the entire duration of a child's Nativity play and actually... Possibly enjoy it? Well, Sophie's parts anyway."

"Ah, everyone's there for their own kid." She waves her hand without even thinking of the terminology, gritting her teeth once she's realised what she's said. "I mean... They're there to watch someone aren't they?" She corrects herself and I can't help smiling down at the table slightly. "So come on then, how come you don't seem completely full of festive spirit?"

"I'm not keen on her being at that school." I admit, drumming my fingers on the table in thought and she waits for me to elaborate for a second, before putting her hand over mine, stopping me.

"You were just saying how much you enjoyed the play."

"Yeah, the play was great, it's just... The vibes I get from the place." I sigh, opening up to her. "Afterwards, this kid came up to us, when we were chatting to Sophie. He started commenting on how her mum's... Dead and slagging off the children's home."

"How old was this kid?" Michelle looks less than appalled, which annoys me slightly.

"I don't know, nine, maybe even ten. Maybe he was just big for his age, I don't know. Well-developed enough to taunt her about it though."

"Kids say all sorts of things at that age." Michelle reminds me and I lean back, eyes widening at her urge to defend him. "I'm not saying it's right, Car! It's just, well they're discovering new things, figuring out life. For kids that are wrapped in cotton wool, it might take them a while to develop an appropriate mindset in regards to other children's lifestyles. I'm sure he didn't mean it maliciously."

"No, I saw the way he was looking at her." I pause in thought. "Fine, whatever, don't agree with me."

"Carla!"

"No I'm sick of talking about it anyway. I've been stressing over it since yesterday." I brush her off, taking another long sip of wine to calm my mood. "So, how are things with you and Robert?"

"Did you speak to the teacher about it?" She defers my question, knowing that it was clearly important to me.

"Well I'd have tried, but she seemed quite dismissive." My shoulders shrug. "Nick said she probably had a lot on though. I can imagine it's quite difficult; herding such a large group of infant children alongside their demanding parents." My eyes meet hers and I emit a sigh, chewing my lip for a moment. "I just hate the thought of her being upset."

"Well, soon she'll be with you."

"She _might_ be."

"She will." Michelle squeezes my hand confidently. "Have faith. You're gonna do amazing."

 **Nick**

"You took your time." I pipe up from where I am helping Alfie complete a jigsaw on the carpet and she gazes at me apologetically. "You see Michelle every day of the week, how do you not run out of things to talk about?"

"It's girl's talk." Carla shrugs, amused; her mood had evidently been lifted by her best friend. "You been wrapping?" Her eyes drift to the increasing pile of presents beneath the tree.

"Thought I'd make the most of you being out, while he ate his dinner."

"Mumma, heyyo." Alfie waves at her, pushing himself to his feet and running over.

"Heyyo." She repeats in the same voice, lifting him off his feet and slotting him onto her hip. "Bath time for you."

"Oh, Natalie called." I rise from the carpet, perching on the arm of the sofa as she watches me inquisitively. "Wondered if we wanted to have a home visit before Christmas got underway, or if we wanted to wait until after."

"And what did you say?" Carla asks, surprised at the rapid movement of the process. We both thought it would be several weeks before home visits began.

"That I'd discuss it with you, but if I knew you well enough, you'd be happy to start as soon as possible."

"Oh, you do know me well."

"Yes, so, she suggested Saturday?"

"Saturday? This Saturday?"

"Well you just said you wanted to start as soon as possible!" I laugh, and Alfie imitates me, prompting me to stick my tongue out at him. "What do you think?"

"Yeah." She nods confidently, not seeming scared at the prospect, which surprises me slightly. "Sounds good."

"And they've asked if Alfie will be present." I remember to inform her. "Monica will accompany her and stay for the visit, note how she adjusts and things."

"Right." She tickles Alfie under the chin and he giggles adorably. "Looks like this is happening then."

* * *

 **Carla**

"Do I look ok?" I stress, glancing in the mirror as I enter the kitchen. Nick is sat devouring a bowl of soup, Alfie 'cleaning' the cupboards with a yellow cloth. He had clearly seen Nick doing so earlier in preparation and, like most things Nick did, decided to copy him.

"You look gorgeous, stop fretting." He laughs slightly, clearing his bowl away. "It's not an interview babe, they're not gonna change their minds because you're wearing a pair of jeans."

"Should I not wear jeans?" I panic suddenly and he turns after laying his bowl in the dishwasher.

"Carla? Stop worrying." Nick tries to soothe as his arms snake around my waist.

"But I am worried. What if this doesn't go to plan? What if she doesn't like Alfie? This could all go wrong."

"It's not going to go wrong." He reassures me gently, placing a soft kiss on my lips. "Ok? Everything's going to be fine."

* * *

"Good afternoon." Monica greets once I've opened the door, Sophie stopping short behind her. She was sucking her thumb anxiously, clutching a teddy bear at her side for comfort. "Nice to see you again, Carla."

"You too." I plaster a beam on my face, smiling down at where Sophie is shyly raising her head to return it. "Hi sweetheart, how are you?"

"She's a bit nervous." Monica answers for her, escorting her inside. Her eyes immediately drift to where Nick is sat on the carpet with Alfie, waving in greeting. Nerves tense inside me. This was the ultimate test. If Sophie didn't react to Alfie well, it could be it for us. "Sophie, this is Nick and Carla's little boy Alfie."

Alfie raises his head at the mention of his name, studying Sophie inquisitively. She hangs back, watching the scene before her, weighing up the situation.

"Alfie are you going to say hello?" Nick prompts him, waving at Sophie as Alfie copies obediently.

"Heyyo." He obliges confidently and I feel my stomach settle slightly as Sophie waves the teddy in her hand back at him in response. "Ted." Alfie points a finger at it and she just gives a small nod. "Daddy, ted?"

"Yeah, Sophie's got a teddy bear." Nick brushes a hand through his curls and I jump into action, offering Monica a seat on the sofa. Sophie stays where she is, watching everything intently. It must be such a mad and scary situation for her. The only place I could imagine she had been since moving to Sunny Days was there, school and the hospital.

"Can I get you a drink at all Monica? Tea, coffee, juice?"

"I'd love a coffee if you've got one going." She smiles appreciatively. "Milk no sugar, ta."

"Sophie? Do you want some squash or juice?" I offer gently, as she stares at me quietly. "Want to come and see?" I dare to hold my hand out, knowing physical contact was something she was really unstable over. But she takes it almost instantly, following me into the kitchen. "Right we'll put the kettle on for Monica. Let's see what we've got." I open the cupboards, which I already knew I'd stocked with various squash and cartons of juice. "She's got no allergies, has she Monica?" I suddenly remember, calling back, which is responded to with a 'no, don't worry'. "Blackcurrant? Orange?"

"Blackcurrant please." She finally takes the thumb from her mouth, as I lift it from the cupboard.

"How did I know you'd say that?" I grin and she manages a small smile. I hesitate after pouring out her drink into a plastic cup, gazing down at her. "Listen, you've got nothing to be afraid of. Ok?" I crouch down to her level, her chocolate brown orbs searching mine. "You don't need to be nervous. You're just here to have fun."

"Ok." She murmurs quietly, settling slightly as I pass her the drink.

"Who's this?" I point to the teddy in her other hand, after she's taken a sip from her squash.

"Millie." She replies, more confidently this time, looking proudly at the tattered little white teddy bear with a pink nose. "I found her when I was little."

"Found her? That's lucky."

"Somebody put her in the bin." She continues, opening her mouth to say something else and then refraining from doing so. She peers around the kitchen, eyeing up Alfie's drawings and certificates on the fridge. Along with the photo magnet Bethany had bought us last Christmas; a picture of Nick and I at Alfie's Christening. "You have a nice house. It's the nicest house I've ever seen."

"Ah, thank you." I'm genuinely touched, amazed at how a child could have such a heartwarming impact on me. "Right, let's get Monica's drink." I quickly make it up, pouring hot water into the mug and she waits patiently by my side. "Nick, do you want anything?"

"I'm alright." He responds, raising his voice from where I can hear him having a conversation with Monica.

"Ok, come on then." I point back towards the living room and she proceeds forwards, standing awkwardly at the edge of the room as I hand the coffee to Monica.

"Are you looking forward to Christmas, Sophie?" Nick asks from where he is knelt on the carpet, dressed in just a casual grey t-shirt and jeans.

"Santa came yesterday." She finally opens up slightly to us all, taking a step closer towards the scene and hesitating before sitting cross legged on the floor, holding her cup tightly.

"No way? Did he?" Nick's eyes widen excitedly.

"He came to visit when we all finished school." She nods, growing in confidence as she studies his comforting expression. "He said he was really busy but he wanted to see us."

"Wow, you must be special." Nick assures her and I feel warm at the scene before me. This is how it could be, in the very near future. I was so excited for it.

"He gave me a present as well." She nods, looking at me. "But I haven't opened it yet because I'm waiting until Christmas." Her eyes avert to the gifts under the Christmas tree. "I don't get many presents so I'm going to open it then. I like your tree." She babbles on, but it settles me more. I loved hearing her speak and tell us more about herself, her likes and dislikes, facts and opinions. She really was blossoming with us, like she apparently hadn't with anyone else, and it genuinely made me feel like I was special. "Thank you for my skipping rope. I took it to school. I let Jessica play with it too and then she let me join in her game. We played mum's and dad's and I was the big sister. I don't usually like playing those games with the other children but it was quite fun."

"Oh well that's positive." I let out a light-hearted giggle at how she was detailing everything to us. "Hey, you'll have to tell Alfie all about Santa. He's a bit too young to understand it properly yet."

Her eyes switch to where Alfie is sat playing with a race car on the carpet. Her expression twitches, smile fading from her cheeks slowly.

Shit. Nick clearly hadn't remembered.

"So, are you happy to have some time away from school for two weeks?" I try to divert her attention from where she is staring at the car, Nick completely oblivious as to why I was now mentally stressing out.

"I do like school." She says quietly, but her eyes don't move. "Just not playtime much." She lets out a heavy sigh, forcing her gaze away from the scene. "I like learning. I like spellings."

"Are you good at spellings?" I ask and she nods in response. "You're probably better than me, I'm rubbish at spelling."

"...My brother had a race car too." My body goes cold as soon as the words are said, forcing myself not to flinch. I glance across at Monica, who surprisingly looks relatively calm. _Pull yourself together Carla._ Why was I dramatising everything? She was just making conversation. "He got it from the hospital, they let him keep it. He didn't have it long... I don't know where it went."

I have no clue of what to say in response and I hate myself for it. _Say something._

"What colour was it?" I stupidly ask. I could have diverted the conversation, but no, I was just making her think on the past further.

"Red and blue." She answers, not removing her gaze from mine. She knew full well that I knew about her brother. She was clever. Cleverer than any other child her age that I'd ever come across. "What's your favourite colour?"

"Um..." I hesitate, partly because I was so shocked at the diversion of topic and partly because I didn't really want to respond with 'black' when I was trying to make a positive and lively impression on both her and the social worker. "Pink."

"My favourite colour is pink!" She exclaims excitedly, as if it was a miracle. My new favourite colour was pink, I'd decided.

"I'd never have guessed." I stifle a laugh, noting how Monica was watching us with a pleased expression.

"What's your favourite colour?" She turns to Nick, and asking Monica after he has responded. "...What's Alfie's favourite colour?"

"Alfie, what's your favourite colour?" I knew he could respond to this question, we had been practicing.

"Red!" He exclaims, clapping his hands and I praise him quietly. Monica looks on, smiling as she scribbles something down in her notebook. Momentarily, Sophie wavers, watching her do so, clearly very aware of it. It seemed note taking on her behaviour was something she had grown up around, and was still wary of. Swallowing nervously, she looks back at me for reassurance, and I offer her a warm smile, which is gratefully returned by her. I wondered what she was thinking, what she thought of us, whether she could picture herself living here as well as I could.

 **Nick**

"I'm knackered." Carla appears at the foot of the stairs, and I raise the glass of wine I have just poured from the sofa. "I'm so tired."

Holding my arms out, she lies down on the sofa next to me, head rested in my chest as she takes the glass of wine. "Go to bed if you want?" I hug her tightly for a moment, prompting her to let out a satisfied hum at the contact.

"It's half seven." Carla laughs, contentment musicalising her voice. She tilts her head up to look at me, my head dropping to meet her gaze. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"It's come into conversation, yeah." I stifle a short laugh, flicking through the channels, an array of Christmas movies and game shows lighting up before my eyes. I notice she's still watching me, despite the movement of my attention, and I drop the remote looking back down at her. "I love you too."

"Well that's good." She squeezes my chin gently, tapping her lips with her other finger and I chuckle to myself, before drawing her in, planting kisses upon hers. "We've come a long way, you and me, haven't we?"

"A very long way." I wind a strand of her hair around my finger, as she inhales the scent of my aftershave, nuzzling her face into my t-shirt slightly.

She hesitates, as if thinking on something distant, her voice merely a whisper. "Thank you for giving me a second chance."

"Thank you for giving me everything I ever wanted." I graze her cheek with the pad of my thumb and she smiles at my words, eyes fluttering closed as she falls asleep in my arms.

* * *

 **Carla**

"Somebody's taken my yellow fine liner." Aidan counts them out again, tutting under his breath in the same way that had been low-key agitating me for the past five minutes. I raise my head from where I'm reviewing an order on my desk, eyes drifting over the array he had cluttered on his side.

"Well it wasn't me." I assure him, arching an eyebrow. "You've got loads there anyway, why do you need a yellow one? It's a pointless colour."

"It's still bugging me. I want my set to be complete."

"Yes, I gathered." I emit a quiet groan of annoyance. "Maybe you can stick a 'missing' sign out on the shop floor. The reward can be one of your highlighter pens."

"I'm not giving away my highlighter pens!" He responds defensively, pulling his pot of stationary closer to him, as if I was about to take one and deliberately snap it in two. Granted, he had a rather extensive collection, it was some kind of obsession he had, but it did come in useful when he was out of the office and I could help myself if required.

"This isn't a stationary shop, Aid." I laugh it off, dipping my head again and he almost looks offended. "Oh, how old are you? Nine?"

"Well we've only got one day left and then we're shutting up shop for two weeks."

"We say we are, I'll probably be back on Boxing Day." I point out. "As soon as all the festivities have officially done my head in and I need some space. Honestly, I love my husband and son to pieces but if they do their duet of Jingle Bells one more time."

"I bet you're that parent at the nursery aren't you? That one all the staff fear when you walk through the door in case you snap at them for letting Alfie put glitter on his picture because you know it's going to coat the floor of your posh Range Rover on the way home."

"...Is that really what you think I'm like?" I can't help feeling slightly hurt, my voice weakening and he notices, looking up again. "I was only joking about the Jingle Bells thing, you know? We almost didn't have this. They can have it on repeat for the rest of my life for all I care if it means keeping them safe."

"I was kidding." He calms me, realising how much I'd taken offence to his comment. Which now, I wish I could have fought, because I looked petty getting irritated over such a throw away joke. "Don't be daft, Car. You know I think you're the best mum out there."

"And I don't mind glitter on his pictures... As long as it's securely stuck down."

"Oh, sis, don't get so defensive." He sighs, levelling his eyes with mine and I resort to chewing on the end of my pen. Something which thoroughly winds him up since he's so protective over his own. "Hey, what have you asked for from Santa?" His face creases into a cheeky smile and I roll my eyes, unable to stop my own creeping across my cheeks.

"I haven't asked for anything. I'm seeing what arrives." I hesitate, narrowing my eyes. "Although we do need a new toaster... Ugh... And we could do with some more egg cups."

"Sounds thrilling." He mutters, noticing I was now lost in a trance of mentally listing things that needed sorting as soon as Christmas was over. It was a busy time of year, because as soon as Christmas was out of the way, along came both of our birthdays. Although I'd happily opt for a quiet two weeks, I knew Gail would have some plan up her sleeve, as always. "I'm not looking forward to getting old, if that's what it entails."

"Uh, I am not old!" I snap at him, unable to keep a straight face at the victorious grin he was displaying. "Oh God... I don't want to turn forty five."

"Meanwhile, your toy boy is still in his thirties."

"Just." I emphasise, pointing a finger at him warningly, as my attention is drawn to the sound of the front door swinging open. "Oh, speaking of which." I peer through the window, slumping back in my chair as Nick opens the office door. "Here's my toy boy now."

"Uh, I thought I was a bit more than that by this point." He furrows his brow in confusion as to what we were talking about before he came along.

"What do you want?" I scribble a signature on the sheet I had been distractedly reading, holding it out to Aidan. "Read, sign, keep it safe."

"Charming." Nick interjects, and I roll my head to face him, swinging my chair around so I could give him my undivided attention. "Lunch." He drops a brown paper bag on the desk and it's only then I realise how hungry I am. "I need to talk to you about something."

"...That sounds worrying." I rip the top off the tin foil box, grabbing the plastic fork he had thrown in the bag. He was good to me.

"Well it can't be that bad, if he's still bringing you dinner." Aidan points out, looking quite sour at the scene in front of him. "Four years on."

"Mm, I'm lucky." I pull Nick's chin down to kiss me and Aidan groans, standing up. "Oh, if you're going out there can you get me a coffee? Or ask Bethany to do it?"

"Yes your highness, I'll get on that as soon as possible." He teases me, before exiting the office.

"Hi." My head tilts back to look at Nick, throwing my feet up on the desk as I twirl the noodles around my fork. "What up?"

"It's good news, I think." He takes a seat on the desk next to where my heels are kicked up onto it. "But, I said I'd need to ask you first because I know we already had plans and I don't want you all stressed out."

"I'll be stressed out if you don't elaborate. Sweetie, you're making no sense."

"Natalie's phoned me, asking if we want to have Sophie for a few hours on Christmas Day?"

"How come Natalie always phones you and not me?" Isn't the answer he is expecting me to give.

"Maybe because you never answer your mobile when you're working." He points to where it is face down on the side. "I've left you two text messages."

"Oh." I grab it, reading through them and biting back a dirty smirk at the second one. "Yes we-"

"Do you want to or not?" He snatches it from my grip, looking slightly embarrassed at what I had just read and I hasten a playful giggle.

"Well if you're referring to that then-"

"I'm referring to what Natalie asked." He huffs, putting my phone down out of reach. "She said they'd have someone drop her over and pick her up if we wanted her for a few hours?"

"Yes, of course. I'm amazed they've asked." I mature slightly as I think on the offer. "Will Monica be coming as well?"

"Nope, she'll be off work, they said she's alright on her own this time around. Natalie said she might drop her over herself."

"What? Really?" My eyes widen, pausing chewing my food for a second. "Wow, we _must_ be good baby."

"Apparently she's been on and on about how much she liked our house and can't wait to go back there."

"Bless her." I smile at the thought. "I'll have to call all the family off, don't want all of them being thrown in her face just yet. Anything to brighten her Christmas though, hey?"

"Yeah." Nick leans down to kiss me, hand sliding through my hair. "Mm, so yeah, about that other thing?"

"Answer's yes to that too." I decide, speaking in a particularly husky tone as I smoothly jot something down on the pad in front of me. My eyes drift upwards, catching the way he was looking at me and smiling to myself. "If you make me dinner first."

* * *

"I thought Christmas Eve would be one of your busiest nights." I raise an eyebrow, leaning across the bar of the Rovers once I reach it. Robert, Nick, David and Aidan were all sipping from their pints and bottles of beer, laughing at some joke before my entrance.

"Uh, where is our son?" Nick points out, glancing behind me.

"Relax, Michelle's on her way." I roll my eyes, patting his shoulder. "What d'ya think I'd done? Just left him to walk here on his own?"

"Glass of red Liz?" Nick calls back to her and she nods, jumping into action.

"How come you're closed?"

"Closed early, works do." Nick excuses himself and I glance between David and Aidan.

"But Aidan and David don't work for you."

"We've been employed for one night only." Aidan decides, raising his glass at me.

"Yeah, best shift ever." David agrees, looking smug with himself, as I'm handed my glass of wine.

"Michelle won't be pleased you chose her day off to do that. Speaking of which." I turn towards the door waving them over and she picks Alfie up as they enter, wrapped up in a warm coat, hat and gloves.

"Daddy!" He squeals excitedly, pointing at Nick.

"Uh, Liz can we get another glass of red and does Toyah still have those bottles of juice for kids?"

"She does, not for much longer though."

"Oh, actually I'll just have an orange juice." Michelle chips in, after passing Alfie to Nick. "Got a bit of a headache. I don't think I've drank enough today."

"Yeah because you've been chasing him around all day while I've been trying to wrap presents." I flash Liz a look and she laughs, putting the drinks down on the bar. "Anyway, why's Toyah doing that? They're not making this place un-family friendly again are they?"

"Oh did you not know? They're selling up." She takes the money I offer her.

"Keep the change, have one for yourself. So how come this has come about?"

"Look at her, she's turning into Norris." Aidan comments, indicating to me and I turn to glare at him.

"I'm just interested in the community!"

"That's something Norris would say." Nick adds, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and I slap him lightly on the arm.

"Oh, Nick take his coat off, he'll overheat in a minute. Come here darlin'." I take him from my husband, unzipping his coat and pulling the hat from his head. "That's better. Right, juice?" I offer the bottle and he takes it once I've popped the cap off. "Chelle your drink is here."

"Oh thanks, I've got us a booth." She announces upon approaching us again, ushering Robert towards it and I slip my bag back onto my spare arm, following them.

"Mummy? Auntie Chelle saw Santa." Alfie pipes up, once he's sat down on my lap, sipping from his juice bottle. I glance at Michelle, confused and her face lights up in recollection.

"Oh, we think we might have seen Santa flying past in the sky."

"Oh yeah?" I humour her, running my fingers through his hair. "Is that why you took so long getting here?" She sticks her tongue out at my sarcasm and I feel Nick press a kiss to the side of my head as he sits down, another drink in his hand. "How many of them have you had?"

"It's Christmas!" He points out, as if I wasn't aware after all this preparation. I flash him a look, smiling all the same. Thankfully, I was hoping the stressful part was over and we could enjoy the next few days.

"What have you and Eva got planned then?" I ask Aidan, producing a colouring book from my bag and putting it down on the table in front of Alfie, along with some crayons. "Quiet day tomorrow?"

"Well, we were. Now dad, Jenny, Kate and Rana are coming over aren't they? As soon as you blew them off apparently the ball rolls to the next in line."

"Sorry." I bite my lip. "It's just with Sophie coming now, it wouldn't have been fair on her to have everyone round. Bless her heart, she was nervous enough last time. I don't think we need Jenny and Kate singing karaoke and Gail drunk in the armchair. It'd be enough to scare the kid off for good."

"Well you can all come over once she's gone? She's over ten until four. Feel free to come in the evening-"

"Nick!" I hiss under my breath, and he stops talking abruptly, realising what he's let himself in for.

"Oh great, that'll be something to look forward to after having to tidy round after everyone." David winks at me, clearly noticing the fall of my expression and I let out a quiet groan. "I'll make sure mum is dosed up on prosecco and all before we arrive."

"Thanks you're so kind." My eyes roll at his comment.

"Anyway, why are they allowed around yours tomorrow but nobody else?" Aidan points to where Michelle was lolling her head on Robert's shoulder at the back of the booth. "It's favouritism, that is."

"Jealous, Aidie?" Michelle teases him, clinking her glass against mine.

"Well aside from the year I was in Devon, I can't remember the last time I didn't spend a Christmas with Michelle." I point out and her eyes seem to glaze over slightly at the thought. Why was she so flamin' emotional today? I didn't realise Christmas brought out so much sensitivity in her. "It'd be breaking a tradition... Will you stop crying? She started crying at one of Alfie's stories today." I tell Robert, but he just laughs, pulling her into him tighter.

"It was a traumatic book, ok?"

"It's about a mouse that can't find its blanket!" I exclaim, giggling at how soft she is.

"Did it find the blanket?"

"Yes." Me and Nick both respond to Aidan's pointless question, having read it too many times to count over the past year or so. "He decided he'd never let it out of his sight again." We both quote the last line in sync and I can't help laughing as he kisses my forehead, my head falling onto his shoulder.

"You two really are something." David drones, raising his eyebrows and pulling a face at our scene.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Debatable." He takes a long sip from his drink in thought and I throw a beer mat at him. It was mad how when I first moved to Weatherfield, all those years ago, I had no family to my recollection. None that I spoke to anyway. Now, all these years on, I have so many people surrounding me. Brothers, a sister, dads, including Roy. All Nick's family felt like my own. I had nieces and nephews, cousins, God-children, best friends, a loving husband and the most gorgeous, perfect son I could ask for, and soon, another daughter. Happiness could be found by anyone, even if it does take a while to reach it.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Can't believe I've got ANOTHER Christmas to write. I feel like this book is going on forever aha, it's a soap in itself, but if people are enjoying it I'm happy to continue :)**_


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter 71:**

 _ **A/N: I apologise for the delay in writing. University has been so busy and I've had hardly any free time to write!**_

 **Characters:**

 **Carla Tilsley**

 **Nick Tilsley**

 **Alfie Tilsley (regular OC)**

 **Sophie Koleano (regular OC)**

 **Michelle Connor**

 **Robert Preston**

 **CHRISTMAS AGAIN**

 **Carla**

"Tell me I've slept through the day and it's the twenty sixth?" I murmur as I wake, sensing Nick was watching me sleep. A kiss is pressed to my forehead and my eyes flutter open, meeting his gaze from the pillow next to me.

"Stop pretending you hate it." He pokes my cheek. "Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, that." I smile, biting my lip as he moves in to kiss me. "Merry Christmas you."

 **Nick**

"Oh wow!" Carla exclaims as she carries Alfie down the stairs, despite having seen it all the night before. The colourful array of presents causes Alfie's eyes to light up, his hair fluffy from sleep, yawning tiredly. "Look at what Santa has brought for you?"

My heart melts. She was an inspiration to all women who think they can't do it, can't be loved, can't find happiness. And she had; she'd fought to be here and she made me prouder every day.

I had to admit, the living room floor was covered in gifts. The three of us had a lot of amazing people in our lives. I couldn't feel luckier.

"Santa came down the chimney?" He asks Carla, looking at her inquisitively and she nods, pointing to the fireplace.

"Do you think Rudolph ate his carrot? And Santa drank his drink?" Kneeling down, she lowers him to see the plate by the log burner, a half-eaten carrot lying on top of it.

"Rudolph ate my cayyot! Daddy!" He squeals in excitement, clearly transfixed by the whole prospect. It was adorable. He'd been too young last year, but this time around the magic was really beginning to start for him.

"No way!" I exchange a look with Carla, unable to stop smiling. "I bet he enjoyed that... And I bet Santa liked his whiskey, I think he probably really needed it after all his hard work."

Carla shakes her head at me, laughing to herself, before dipping her chin against Alfie's hair, closing her eyes contently.

 **Carla**

"Coffee." I feel a warmth as it's passed into my hands, Nick's arm securing around me as he takes a seat on the sofa next to me. We both watch Alfie choose a present from his very large pile, looking at us as if waiting for permission. "Go on then. You know how to open presents by now."

"Pull the wrapping off." I demonstrate with one of mine and he copies.

"Is that just so you can open one?" Nick nudges me and I give him a look. I lower it back down onto the pile after Alfie's taken the hint on pulling the wrapping excitedly off his. "Who's that even from?"

"Probably should have checked the labels before we let him tear into it." I contemplate, watching him struggle slightly. "Do you want a hand sweetie?"

"Stay there." Nick squeezes my shoulder, kissing my nose before leaving me to sit down next to Alfie. "Ok, what have you got?" He helps our son to peel the paper from his present, pulling a robotic bug looking toy out of the packaging.

"...What is that?" I pull a face, holding my hand out. "Chuck me that wrapping babe."

"It says it's a 'Beat-Bot'. Wow, look at that." Nick shows Alfie, sliding it onto the floor in front of him.

"It's from Great Grandma Audrey, isn't that nice?" I ask Alfie, who already seems very interested in the product. He presses down on the big button on the toy's tummy, instantly firing it into action as it lights up and starts making different sounds. Groaning, I glance at Nick, who has an equally annoyed look on his face. "...Your gran could have bought something a bit quieter."

Alfie squeals with laughter, pressing his hand down onto it again, clearly loving it. That was all that mattered. As irritating as it could possibly be; Alfie was happy, I was happy.

 **Nick**

I tap a present off Carla's head, who jumps slightly at the contact, having been contently watching Alfie wade through his gifts. He had gradually got more of an idea, after all, he had a lot of presents to practice the art of unwrapping on. So I had returned to Carla's side, as time ticked on.

"It'll be dinner time before we've finished opening these." Carla points to the scene in front of her. We were about halfway through, which was progress and she checks the clock to see it is half eight. "Sophie's coming at ten."

"Yes so get opening." I push the present towards her again and she takes it, smiling at my eagerness.

"Who could this be off?" She raises an eyebrow, reading the label. "Oh, you didn't even bother writing on it? I expect cute, soppy messages Nick."

"You hate cute and soppy!" I laugh at her pouty expression. "Most of the time." Taking it from her, I grab the pen from the coffee table scrawling a note on the blank label out of her view. "There you go then, is that better?"

 _Merry Christmas sweetheart, you look beautiful xx_

"...Ah." She tilts her head to the side, not cringing which was a surprise.

"See, had I written that before, I wouldn't be able to write exactly what I was thinking, would I?"

"Oh you're smooth." She narrows her eyes, kicking her legs up onto my lap as she proceeds to open it. Pulling out the velvet box, she pops it open to unveil the silver bangle, four diamonds set evenly around it. "Nick that's gorgeous."

"It's got their four birthdays on the inside." I tilt it to show her the engraved dates spaced between where the diamonds are festinated into the silver.

"Four?"

"Yeah, Sophie's is there and all." I point it out to her, as she reads them in awe, looking back at me with tears in her eyes. "Oh don't cry, I do this to you every year."

"For good reasons." She wraps her arms around me, squeezing me tightly for a few seconds. "Nick... That's beautiful... Thank you so much. You're always so thoughtful with presents."

"I know I like to try and excel myself." I say proudly as she looks back at it, slipping it out of the box and clasping it onto her wrist.

"Well you've certainly done that." She rubs her finger over the detailing, smiling back at me. "It's perfect."

"You're perfect."

"Ok, maybe not _that_ cute and soppy." She giggles, pulling me in to kiss her. "Thank you. Thank you."

 **XIXIXIXIXXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXI**

"Right, fizz." Carla pops the cork, assembling glasses on the coffee table. "Chelle?"

"Oh uh, it's a bit early for champagne isn't it?" She checks her watch, and I notice Carla furrow her brow.

"It's Christmas!" She exclaims, shrugging her shoulders as she passes a glass to me. "Ok, be boring then."

"Oi!" Michelle exclaims, kicking her gently as Robert slots his arm around her. "Oh here he is!" Her eyes light up as Alfie totters out of the kitchen, a doll in each hand. Our son's face creases into an excited grin as he heads over to her. "Happy Christmas munchkin." She lifts Alfie onto her lap, planting a kiss into his hair. "Did Santa come and bring you lots of toys?"

"Santa's brought him too many toys." Carla assures her, glancing around the room at where we had attempted to clear the remnants of present unwrapping. "Uh, Nick, there's still paper on the floor."

"Yeah Nick, it's not good enough." Michelle teases me and I narrow my eyes at her. "We'll go somewhere else next year if you're going to leave it in such a state."

"Oh why don't you do that." I dare her, watching how she runs her fingers through Alfie's hair.

"It's for Sophie's benefit, not yours." Carla laughs it off, passing Robert a glass. "I don't care how scruffy my house looks to you."

"D'you know what? She makes me feel so loved sometimes." She looks down at Alfie, taking the doll he is passing her.

"What time is she coming over?" Robert asks. We had made sure there wasn't the usual large crowd of our families this year, so as not to scare Sophie. But it was becoming some kind of tradition that Michelle and Robert spent the day with us every Christmas, and if Sophie was to meet anyone first, it was them.

"Well she should have been here fifteen minutes ago." Carla checks her watch, turning to me worriedly. "Do you reckon everything's ok?"

"It'll be fine. Christmas celebrations, they'll just be running late." I smooth my hand down the back of her hair. Carla hooks her phone up the speaker, the festive hum of Christmas music filling the air. "Carla's cooking dinner today."

"What?" Michelle looks up abruptly, sheer panic in her eyes.

"What?" Carla repeats, a more severe expression on her face and I have to laugh, my eyes darting between them. "God, Tilsley, don't joke about that. Chelle looks like she's about to have a heart attack."

"I'll check on the turkey actually." Robert rises from the sofa, heading into the kitchen promptly.

"Is this why you invite us over every year?" Michelle arches her brow at the pair of us. "So you can sit drinking champagne while my husband cooks your dinner for you?"

"Uh, you're in no place to comment, lazy." Carla jibes, a humorous smirk on her face as the doorbell rings out. "Oh God, oh right, ok."

"Calm it down."

"Is that music too loud?"

"Carla, it's fine!" I place my hands firmly on her shoulders, giving her a reassuring look before steering her towards the door.

"If this is Norris carol singing." She mutters to herself, before proceeding to open the door, a joyful 'hi' leaving her lips upon answering.

"She might be shy." I warn Michelle quietly, and she nods understandingly, moving to sit down on the carpet with Alfie, as he shows her his new toys. "Hi Sophie, Merry Christmas!" I greet her with a broad smile as she appears from around the door, waving at me timidly. I can hear Carla talking in deep conversation to Natalie, so I take the liberty of introducing our potential daughter to Michelle in the process. "Uh, come in. Have you had a good morning?"

She nods, settling slightly but watching Michelle with slight confusion and awkwardness. "Hello."

"This is Michelle, our best friend, Alfie's auntie and her husband Robert is in the kitchen."

"Hiya Sophie, it's nice to meet you." Michelle smiles warmly, waving to her and Sophie hesitantly takes a seat on the carpet nearby.

"It's very nice to meet you too." She speaks clearly, careful to pronounce her words and be polite. Which she had clearly been prepared about doing on the way here. Her eyes drift to where Alfie is making noises under his breath, driving a toy car around the new play mat Aidan had bought him. I'd been careful to stow away the fire engine we had bought him to upstairs. We didn't want to take any risks, today of all days, when all I wanted was to see Sophie happy. "Hi Alfie."

"Alfie, say hello to Sophie." I kneel down next to him pointing her out. "Do you remember Sophie? She came to play last week?"

"Heyyo." He raises his palm, clearly recognising her and I pat his head to praise him. "Rudolph ate his cayyot." Repeating it from earlier, Sophie looks interested at his comment but doesn't hasten a reply. Instead, he looks up at Michelle, who is gazing at Sophie with some kind of subtle nostalgia. "Auntie Chelle? Rudolph ate his cayyot."

"Did he?" Her gaze snaps back to him, widening her eyes in amazement. "Wow, did you leave one out for him last night?" Alfie nods in response, climbing into her lap and fiddling with her necklace.

"Sophie, do you want a drink?" I offer and she turns her attention to me. "I've got some squash?"

"Yes please." She replies politely and I squeeze Michelle's shoulder as I stand up.

"You'll be ok with her?"

"Yeah, course." She waves me off and I head into the kitchen to meet the sight of Robert chopping carrots.

"I could've done that." I produce the bottle of squash from the cupboard as he looks up from his work. "We were only joking you know, that's not the only reason we invited you."

"Charmin'." He scoffs, pushing the chopping board back slightly. "Just thought I'd get some of the prep done. That's enough carrots for everyone isn't it?"

"Should be fine. How's the turkey?"

"Looking beautiful." He smiles to himself modestly. "So, you've got yourself a proper little family this Christmas." He peers through the door, indicating to where Michelle is helping Sophie with a jigsaw puzzle. "Chelle's already got herself stuck in."

"She's amazing with children isn't she?"

"Yeah." Robert gazes at her distantly for a moment, completely lost in thought. "She really is."

 **Carla**

"She's really sweet." Michelle comments, leaning up against the door frame before putting the glasses she has cleared down on the kitchen surface. "You seem like a proper little family."

"Yeah, mad isn't it?" I peer through the door, leaning back against the cupboards.

"I've never seen you so happy. You've finally nailed it, haven't you?"

"I am happy." I confirm, not even having to contemplate it. "Are you happy?"

"Completely." She nods confidently, eyes glistening over slightly. A small smile graces her cheeks as her eyes drop to the ground. "The happiest I've been in a long time, actually."

"Are you crying?" I stifle a laugh, placing a finger under her chin to bring her gaze back to mine. "Chelle?" I study how she bites her lip, unable to stop smiling suspiciously. "What's going on..." I trail off, pausing for a moment. "...You're not? You're _not_?" My eyes widen excitedly and she gives a small nod, tears filling her eyes. "You are? Oh my God Chelle." I pull her into a tight hug, crying myself now. I don't let her go for about half a minute, sealing her gratefully in my arms. "Oh my... When? What? Explain, Mrs."

"I'm only eight weeks so keep it on the quiet." She raises a finger to her lips. "We've got the scan next week."

"I had no idea you were trying!" I exclaim, noticing that she clearly didn't care if I raised my voice. She knew I'd tell Nick anyway, and it was hardly as if Sophie or Alfie would take particular notice. "Oh it all makes sense now; the hormones, the not drinking. Ahh..."

"Oh she's let the secret out of the bag then?" Robert pipes up from the living room and Michelle pulls a face, tugging on my hand as we head back in. "I knew you wouldn't keep it zipped until the scan."

"Hang on, what?" Nick stares at us in shock and I nod at him excitedly. "What? Congratulations! I had no idea."

"Well, we thought why not hey? Robert's always wanted a child of his own." Michelle tucks into my side as I wrap an arm around her. "Just fingers crossed everything will go to plan."

"It will." I assure her confidently, turning her to face me. "It'll all be fine. Ok? I'm so happy for you." Pulling her into another hug, I hear the faint clink of glasses as Nick and Robert toast one another.

"Here's to new beginnings then."

 **XIXIXIXXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIX**

"Nick bought me this bracelet and it has your birthday on it. All four of you. Not a second goes by where I don't miss you, sweetheart. And daddy too." I whisper into the quietness of the garden. I was past the point of feeling silly for talking to my baby girl. Now it just felt natural. The pot with her plaque engraved on it wasn't in blossoming season, but a few white roses still bloom, as I tended to it regularly to make sure she was well looked after all year round. It was the only gardening I really did. In the summer I'd sit out with Alfie on the sofa swing, reading stories or watching Nick mow the lawn. Or the little wooden swing that had seen it's fair bit of action the past year. Sometimes I'd just sit out here alone, with her, watching the sunset or counting the stars, wondering which of them was her, shining down on us. "I love you." I kiss my hand, pressing it to the plaque on the pot.

"You've been a while, I just came to check you were ok." Michelle's voice is so soft it doesn't make me jump, and I smile up at her, brushing the tears from my cheeks. Patting the grass next to me before she can walk away again, she weighs up the lawn, before giving in and sitting down. "You alright?"

"Yeah." I whisper, nodding to myself as I keep my eyes fixed on the pot in front of me. "Just been chatting away. She's probably fed up of me wittering on."

"I doubt that." Michelle wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling herself closer to me. "I've just been chatting away to Sophie and all."

"Yeah?" I perk up slightly, gazing across at her. "You getting along?"

"Carla, she's adorable. She was telling me all about the Christmas tree she decorated at the children's home and her favourite songs, books." She hesitates, weighing up my expression. "She's strong, courageous, inspirational... She reminds me of you. So much."

"...Really?" The word hangs off my tongue, eyes searching her expression and she nods sincerely.

"Don't tell me you haven't thought it yourself." She laughs softly and I shrug in admittance. It was true; from the second I'd noticed her sat in the corner at Sunny Days, I'd known there was a connection there. And I saw more and more of her in me as time went on. "It was my first thought, as soon as I saw her... Except she's a bit more well kept and... Well read."

"Oi." I nudge her playfully, tears spilling down my cheeks for no apparent reason. My eyes drift back to the pot in front of me, smiling softly at everything I had achieved. "And now you've got your future ahead of you and all. And he or she is going to be the luckiest child in the world, Chelle." My head tilts back to look at her. "I mean that. Ryan, Ali, Ruairi and this one, you're an amazing mum to them all."

"I'm crying and all now, cheers." She brushes her hand across her cheek, dropping it down to her tummy.

"Well, yes, cheers." I clink my glass against hers. "To the ones we love who've left our lives and the ones who are just coming into them."

 **XIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXI**

"Your new colouring pencils work then?" I speak over to Sophie, who is drawing a picture on the mat on the floor, tongue hanging out in concentration. I'd bought her a variety of presents, remembering the story she had told me about the girl with the pencil crayons she always wanted to borrow. So I'd purchased the most extensive and colourful set I could find, which she had been in awe of, and most grateful for.

"Yes. Thank you so much." She looks up, pausing before standing and bringing the picture over to me. I push myself up from where I was lay in Nick's chest, feet kicked up on the sofa, watching her contently. Robert was asleep as Michelle tucked into his lap, going through a gigantic box of chocolates and picking out the ones she liked.

"Careful, you'll get fat Chelle." Nick dares to joke with her and she narrows her eyes, throwing one at his head which he catches effortlessly.

"What's this?" I take the picture from Sophie, studying it.

"You and Nick. Alfie... Me." She says the last word quietly, as if scared that it was pushing any boundaries. I graze my finger over the drawing, tears glistening in my eyes as I look up. "...Do you like it?"

"Sweetheart I love it." I whisper, careful not to initiate any physical contact, despite wanting to hug her so badly. I knew it would take time, and although I'd been shocked at the one she had offered me a few weeks ago, I wanted her to go at her own pace. "You're very talented aren't you? I could never draw hands."

"Did you used to have a big set of colouring pencils too?" Her eyes sparkle as she jumps up onto the sofa next to me, turning against the arm to look at both of us.

"Uh... Well, no." I admit, knowing there was no point in lying about it. "I never got many presents."

"...Why?"

"Well because... I wasn't one of the lucky children." I respond, gently and I see her working it out in her expression, pausing for a second.

"I wasn't either." Is what she replies with. "Until now."

"Oh sweetheart." I whisper, smiling as it mirrors hers. "...You will be now. Listen, I promise you, whatever happens you're safe now. And if everything is finalised as we want it to be, Nick and me, we're going to make sure you're the luckiest one from now on."

"...When will I get to live here with you?"

"Soon, hopefully. Fingers crossed." I mimic it in the air and she copies me, smiling warmly. "The process might take a while but we're going nowhere kiddo."

"You're not leaving?"

"We're not leaving." I assure her, knowing full well why she was so insecure. A life of rejection and neglect, people walking in and out, confusion, indecisive opinions, outcomes. "I'm not leaving." I repeat, meeting her gaze and she swallows, staring at me intently. Shuffling forwards, she hesitantly kneels up to put her arms around my neck, prompting me to hug her back. I feel a warmth; as if a hole had been filled. Her head nestles into my shoulder and I very softly plant a kiss against the side of her head, relishing the comfort she craved so badly, that she trusted me to give to her.

"Hey, hey. Family photo." Michelle announces, causing me to pull back, glancing at Nick and I. "Come on." Alfie turns from where he is playing at the sound of her voice and Nick rises to grab him as he runs into his arms, propping him onto his hip. We both take one of Sophie's hands, positioning ourself by the Christmas tree, as Michelle beams upon snapping the photo. "Say 'happiness'."

"Happiness."


End file.
